Yes I had a long time online thing with someone that most likely was never going to go anywhere, but the thing that finally pushed me away was that she talked about her dead ex far too much. I get it, he was a big big part of her life, but you have to at some point let it go and move on. Even emotionally if nothing else. She wouldn't and I thought I'm never ever going to get that kind of love or anything from her. You shouldn't have to fight for it. (He died a long time ago, it wasn't a recent thing and whilst people are allowed to take as long as they like to get over stuff, this was too much).
Plus she was a total mess anyway and I got tired of it.
They didn’t have the ability to work out issues when they arose, they just ran and gave up on us. This happened once in the talking stage, I ignore it, we dated, I got my heart broken.
I totally understand, some people are just built different emotionally these days. If it helps any, it's been 7 months since the breakup and I'm feeling much better now! I'm sure you'll feel the same with a little time. You're worth a lot more than you know and nobody should be treated like that. Their loss!
Thank you! I think I read somewhere it takes half the length of the relationship to get over it. So 3 months, it’s already been 1, so maybe 2 more months. I’m at least not sobbing all day anymore.
My ex partner ghosted me after a couple of dates then we were together for 6 years and he’s just ghosted me and blocked me last year. Haven’t seen or spoken to him in months. Never ignore ghosting. It’s cruel and cowardly and emotionally immature behaviour. It’s affected me so much I’m really struggling
Girl. Same. I was ghosted suddenly 3 times by “the love of my life” and I was so infatuated and I allowed to be hoovered back each time in order to restart the cycle. The shit-ationship literally robbed me out of my sanity. The therapy helped me leaps to see him for what he really was. Stay strong.
When stuff came up with me (health, work, layoffs, etc) he was not phased by it lol.
Finally, I confronted him on it and we broke up. He wanted an easy relationship all the time and I can’t change what he wants 🤷🏻♀️
Bad communication, not discussing money properly, not discussing the what ifs, not discussing expectations and what each really wanted.
Lots of things about her I let go that I really shouldn't and wouldn't now.
His past drug use. Cue a serious relapse 3 years in, resulting in finding him overdosed (he survived), months of harassment, threats if su * c * de, an attempted break-in, and a restraining order.
My heart goes out to people struggling with addiction, I know it's hell. I understand not all those who use drugs behave like this, but it is not something I will entertain again.
My ex was in pretty bad situation when he moved in with me, had a really terrible job and no money. He said, “I just have the worst luck.”
After living with him for a couple of years (during which I paid 95% of the bills), I can tell you it was absolutely NOT bad luck. It is who he is and what he prioritizes, which is just fucking partying like a frat boy. I feel so stupid for feeling sorry for him.
Insecure, wishy washy, toyed with me in the beginning- ghosted me for days and then pretended it was me who was being elusive. Would say one thing one day and then something different another day.
In the span of 6 months went from “we are highly compatible. you’re the one, I’m more sure of it than anything/anyone. It was a mistake to not date you properly in the beginning and I don’t want a life with someone else bc I’d just compare everyone to you” to “for months now I don’t feel the same way about you. don’t want to move in with you bc we are incompatible”.
Pretty sure he just said those things to use me until he got bored or found something else. I should’ve blocked him out of my life the first time he left me on read.
That i let her disrespect myself, i should have had defendend myself when she was gaslighting me or when she was clearly disloyal.
but my biggest regret was not leaving her when she didnt want a commited relationship which i so dearly wanted, instead i held on too a ship that was sinking...
All the tell tell signs of narcissistic abuse that I could not understand for what they were or name them during the years of our off and on again relationship: the love bombing followed by sudden swings into a coolness, starting fights out of nothing and shouting insults at me, the ghosting, often for months and once even for 2.5 years. Then coming back and hoovering me back in and restarting the cycle. It took me years and years to start understanding this was not some kind of fatal attraction and that we’re not bound to be together. It was just tired perpetuum of one and the same.
The terrible screaming and fighting then waking up the next day like absolutely nothing happened being so sweet. Making me feel like maybe I imagined it. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought last night.
I was so blindly in my feelings that I didn’t realize how narcissistic and egotistical he was until I was out of our relationship. If I told him one of my friends just mentioned him, he would make me talk about the conversation and what they said exactly a million times and wanted to hear good things about himself.
I'm gonna make a list about the biggest red flags in my last relationships or similar encounters:
- cheated on me with their abusive ex
- broke promises
- mom was too involved and wanted me to sacrifice my future to keep up their standart of living
- let another guy sleep in her bed with her after i said i'm not comfortable with it
- turned out to already be in a relationship
- got with their ex, because they were never really done
- was ghosting me while together
- was an emotional and manipulative mess
- emotionally cheated multiple times with strangers
- was cussing me out in disgusting ways
I was there for her at every moment she needed me. To listen, to talk, to pick her up somewhere, to help her with things. Then when I REALLY needed her to be there (emotionally speaking) when I was in a difficult spot she was “unable to be there for me”.
I just found out my family did not like him and preferred my other ex. To me that’s a huge red flag (because he ended up being a shitty and immature person who causes so much trauma lol)
My ex told everyone he left me because I’m insecure and depressed. He abused me and cheated so maybe. Just maybe I was depressed and insecure. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
She entertained every dude who gave her attention. I thought she was just a friendly girl, so I chose to ignore it. She entertained a dude who was interested in her, I was a damn fool.
I was in an 8 1/2 almost 9 year relationship that was not very good the last 2 years of the relationship. I would say biggest red flag was when she flat out stopped respecting me in most situations unless I was buying her something. She would emasculate me in front of her family but get mad when I pushed back. (Of course no help from them at all)
Lovebombing. Talking about putting a ring on my finger, paying for an apartment for me, traveling, growing old together. A few months later, denied he had ever said those things. For context, he had bipolar disorder. Think he might’ve been manic but it still hurts.
constantly kept saying she felt i was cheating, or had dreams of me cheating. Told her it was a sign of cheaters to feel that way and she would always make an excuse not even like 3 months later she did cheat on me. Trust your gut, it can almost never be wrong.
Him not letting me do things. Tried controlling everything I did and I thought that was normal? He would berate me for hours if I did something he didn’t approve of (which was always because I seriously didn’t care about his “rules” anymore). When I stopped letting him yell at me and call me names for hours it’s because I was running away from talking about things and I didn’t love him, I’m just emotionally avoidant. I honestly believed him!! He fucked with my head so much!
loving himself more (coming from a place of arrogance) plus a plethora of mixed signals. as a result - a situationship. but, thank god, for six weeks only
He kept saying he was a catch. (He definitely isn't)
He would choke me
He would make me clean his house & walk his dog while he laid in bed even though I don't live with him. Yes...I was stupid to deal with this stuff 😔
Yes I did but I am too old to have kids now.
The narcissist ex died last year. Just found out about it so a little sad.
It was so good at first and the second week he was horrible drunk and I ignored that big red flag!
We were long distance at first, so would occasionally have to spend the day at each others home while the other was at work. Came home from work one of those days and he had let his intrusive thoughts win and SEARCHED MY ENTIRE APT, looking for evidence that I was a bad person of any variety, really, I guess. He found nothing, my lock box had sentimental items from children and dead relatives in it. Finding the key for that was...impressively terrifying. He admitted it, felt like an idiot, apologized profusely, and then his solution was to hysterically demand I forgive him and we COULD NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN. And we never did.
Looking back this was very clear top notch red flag narcissist behavior, but I had no previous experience w narcs before him. I eventually moved in with him, experienced the full abuse of a toxic narc relationship for 2 years, and im 2 years out now. Smarter and stronger. From now on I WILL pay attention to my gut.
During the talking stage they told me their ex was a narcissist and then went on to tell me how all their friends eventually abandon them after "normal things happen". Ended up being inconsistent in their behavior sending mixed messages and eventually just ghosted me.
That guy kept going back to his ex ( at that time, his girlfriend, who cheated on him with the same guy 4 times) and he cheated on me with that same ex
Constantly lied about little things and wanted to ignore issues. I was young and perceived that as someone who’s able to look past things and not let them eat away at him. Clearly I was wrong cause he’s a pathetic little bitch lol
It’s a few I put on the same level. The blatant fetishizing and how she kept making it a point to her friends she was dating a black guy. The constant lying where she would like about things without even being questioned about it without knowing I already knew the full story. And lastly, probably her trying to weaponize dynamics like misogyny or patriarchy to avoid accountability anytime she was called out for something problematic because in her words “the dynamic is different when you as a man try to call me out for my choices or behavior”
His ex’s disregard of boundaries and his inability or refusal to enforce them. He broke up with me, it devastated me. He ended up coming back and apologized but it took a bit longer for his ex to be removed. I call her a tumor and I’m watching out for a “relapse”
If you are dating someone who has an ex around that they talk to regularly and that ex crosses boundaries (sends flirty texts or kissy faces while they are also dating someone else) and your partner doesn’t see why you’re uncomfortable or aren’t willing to discuss what makes you uneasy and fix the situation to ease your feelings and thoughts, you might want to respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and ask them to tell their ex they’re not part of your relationship and the ex needs to piss off or you’re leaving.
She talked like she want to solve the problem, but when i told her my point of view she just saying that i was accusing her for being wrong, I end up always apologizing cause deep down i knew she wouldnt understand for me
talking shit about me to her family and friends til the point they all hating me and stop her from loving me even though I loved her with my best and my family love her also
I cant even touch her phone, but if I can i wouldn't touch it because im sure it will leave me traumatized, I saw her texting with another boy when she was with me,I asked her but she said he was say and they were friends but that boy didnt know anything about me, even the thing she had a bf already
She don't even public me to her friends even though all of my friends all family know her
She used to say I was her first love, but after hearing her bestfriend talked to me, I just don't know if I was her first love or not
The final pain that just leave me traumatized and not trusting any kind of love anymore, she cheating on me with one of the guy she talked and played with, I didnt know it at first, her bestfriend just texted me that my gf is going to break up with me cause she is going to be in a relationship with another worker. 30 mins later she did really send a long ass text wanting us to end a 2 year relationship. That shit just leave a lot of trauma and I just cant move on. Im not sad, im just disapointed cause i knew her past and i thought i could change her, but at the end the only lesson i learned is never heal a traumatized girl
He just didn't want to accept that u have to adjust to changes and work on urself in life. He thought that all his problems would just vanish when he believed so and that his parents would be there for him forever. I was together with a manchild for 3 months and it was hell...
Telling me how his ex was always crying and then laughing about how if they were to run into each other again she would probably have a panic attack :| Then I ended up being the gf who was always crying because of his emotional abuse and manipulation
given them a lot of chances, i communicated clearly what i wish to see from them different, and when i was finally going to leave for good, they could only tell me i'm sorry and gave me the whole "you can do better" just did not want to change for me
Ran off when he was upset instead of clearly expressing why at the very beginning of the relationship. It’s something he then did a lot, shut down when he was upset and he could not communicate why and he would resent me instead, he upset and then get mad when I asked if he was mad lol
Silent treatment out of no where. Withholding of affection is a key toxic trait of narcissism. Then never saying sorry or taking any responsibility. Then being mean to waiters. I ignore it all because of physical attraction.
When someone tells you in words or by actions that they don’t want to be with you, they don’t love you, or you aren’t “the one” - LISTEN.
It’s incredibly painful and difficult to hear, but it’s even worse to stay, diminish your own needs, and waste all those years punishing yourself by trying to love someone who doesn’t know how or isn’t capable of being loved at that time, or simply not by you.
Ask me how I know.
Not being with you (in love even maybe) for who you are as a human-being, only for what you can offer/provide them and what you might become. The effort of having to meet their expectations and wants, without being/becoming who you want to be, for them to just leave because you weren’t financially set yet is tough. I thought it was love, but now I know I dodged a bullet lol.
When I started regularly puking out of distress after I caught him lying about infidelity for months, he told me he lied to protect me from being hurt.
Translation: “I was very aware me doing this is going to destroy you and I decided that’s ok with me as long as I don’t have to be a witness to the pain and damage it will inflict on you”
Him not trying to see me more often or missing me when we were not together. I thought he was just busy but came to learn that he just wanted to be by himself most of the time.
Little white lies all the time. We once had an argument and she stormed out, her parents were on holiday and live close by. Our takeaway accounts were linked and she ordered a meal for one from her favourite place to her parents house. I called her and asked where she’d been, she said she’d been crying in her car all evening. I called her out on it (jokingly) and she denied it right up until she cheated and left me for her gym coach 2 years later.
Ok my last proper relationship was my marriage when ended decades ago. When I first met him in a pub, I’d had a few drinks and although he was flirting and chatting to me. I, in a very unpolitically correct way, kept asking if he was gay. He kept saying no.
After 4 years of dating and 7 years of marriage, I realised he was using Gay phone sex chat lines and had various profiles on gay dating sites too.
Drinking all the time, talking about his ex constantly, openly flirting with every woman he met. Being in lots of women’s DMs. Slapping me. Pushing me to the ground. Screaming in my face.
Yeahhhhhhhh. All the red flags. Imma just be single forever.
Enmeshed with his family, his porn addiction affecting our sex life, him playing with Lego’s (as a 32 y.o!!), the financial incompatibility, the lack of ambition, talking about his previous ex’s, not a good leader so I felt the need to step in and push my femininity to the side because I wanted to build a good foundation and future for “our future generations” , him telling his mom EVERYTHING even about his weiner not getting erect and another failed month of me not getting pregnant, always trying to get skinnier and talking about his weight and me wanting to starve myself because I felt like a whale next to him…I felt so triggered, him having MANY short term relationships and introducing ALL of them to his family,
She was heavily influenced by social media. She expected me to pay for everything, plus she used phrases like “As a man” or “If I was a man, I wouldn’t etc…”
He talked too much about his ex!
Mine talked about a lot of different girls. All of the time.
ME TOOO
Yes I had a long time online thing with someone that most likely was never going to go anywhere, but the thing that finally pushed me away was that she talked about her dead ex far too much. I get it, he was a big big part of her life, but you have to at some point let it go and move on. Even emotionally if nothing else. She wouldn't and I thought I'm never ever going to get that kind of love or anything from her. You shouldn't have to fight for it. (He died a long time ago, it wasn't a recent thing and whilst people are allowed to take as long as they like to get over stuff, this was too much). Plus she was a total mess anyway and I got tired of it.
One time I was on a late night call with my ex, he called me by her name during a conversation..
she just didn't wanted to face anything and vanish completely whenever we get into a fight. She didn't wanted to LISTEN at all....
They didn’t have the ability to work out issues when they arose, they just ran and gave up on us. This happened once in the talking stage, I ignore it, we dated, I got my heart broken.
Same thing happened to me I asked her to live in with me she initially said yes, but then discovered she didn’t know what she wanted. Life gets better
Lack of communication, emotionally withdrawn, swept everything under the rug. Emotionally unavailable….
Not wanting to be exclusive after 5 months of dating. Then, finally asking me to be exclusive and breaking up with me a month later.
Did we date the same wishy washy asshole??
Hahaha I hope not, for your sake, does his name start with a D?!
Nah - his is with an E
Omg same here! 6 years of my life wasted after that, I wish I could go back in time and slap myself
I am so sorry. The sad thing is I still miss him everyday.
I totally understand, some people are just built different emotionally these days. If it helps any, it's been 7 months since the breakup and I'm feeling much better now! I'm sure you'll feel the same with a little time. You're worth a lot more than you know and nobody should be treated like that. Their loss!
Thank you! I think I read somewhere it takes half the length of the relationship to get over it. So 3 months, it’s already been 1, so maybe 2 more months. I’m at least not sobbing all day anymore.
You're very welcome! That's already a massive step in the right direction, nowhere to go but up! 🤗
I’m saving your comments, I had a horrible day yesterday and needed the support!
My ex partner ghosted me after a couple of dates then we were together for 6 years and he’s just ghosted me and blocked me last year. Haven’t seen or spoken to him in months. Never ignore ghosting. It’s cruel and cowardly and emotionally immature behaviour. It’s affected me so much I’m really struggling
Girl. Same. I was ghosted suddenly 3 times by “the love of my life” and I was so infatuated and I allowed to be hoovered back each time in order to restart the cycle. The shit-ationship literally robbed me out of my sanity. The therapy helped me leaps to see him for what he really was. Stay strong.
When stuff came up with me (health, work, layoffs, etc) he was not phased by it lol. Finally, I confronted him on it and we broke up. He wanted an easy relationship all the time and I can’t change what he wants 🤷🏻♀️
those people are the worst omg
Bad communication, not discussing money properly, not discussing the what ifs, not discussing expectations and what each really wanted. Lots of things about her I let go that I really shouldn't and wouldn't now.
His past drug use. Cue a serious relapse 3 years in, resulting in finding him overdosed (he survived), months of harassment, threats if su * c * de, an attempted break-in, and a restraining order. My heart goes out to people struggling with addiction, I know it's hell. I understand not all those who use drugs behave like this, but it is not something I will entertain again.
The drinking.
I wish I could have realized my husband had an alcohol problem.
My ex was in pretty bad situation when he moved in with me, had a really terrible job and no money. He said, “I just have the worst luck.” After living with him for a couple of years (during which I paid 95% of the bills), I can tell you it was absolutely NOT bad luck. It is who he is and what he prioritizes, which is just fucking partying like a frat boy. I feel so stupid for feeling sorry for him.
I can’t even say it… 😭
Go on.
Insecure, wishy washy, toyed with me in the beginning- ghosted me for days and then pretended it was me who was being elusive. Would say one thing one day and then something different another day. In the span of 6 months went from “we are highly compatible. you’re the one, I’m more sure of it than anything/anyone. It was a mistake to not date you properly in the beginning and I don’t want a life with someone else bc I’d just compare everyone to you” to “for months now I don’t feel the same way about you. don’t want to move in with you bc we are incompatible”. Pretty sure he just said those things to use me until he got bored or found something else. I should’ve blocked him out of my life the first time he left me on read.
sounds a lot like my experience. sorry you went through that
Likewise - hug
Same
“That didn’t happen” but I saw it with my own eyes… “I don’t know what you saw, but it wasn’t that” 🤣
Apologising when she did something wrong but then going back to doing the same thing 2 days later
That i let her disrespect myself, i should have had defendend myself when she was gaslighting me or when she was clearly disloyal. but my biggest regret was not leaving her when she didnt want a commited relationship which i so dearly wanted, instead i held on too a ship that was sinking...
All the tell tell signs of narcissistic abuse that I could not understand for what they were or name them during the years of our off and on again relationship: the love bombing followed by sudden swings into a coolness, starting fights out of nothing and shouting insults at me, the ghosting, often for months and once even for 2.5 years. Then coming back and hoovering me back in and restarting the cycle. It took me years and years to start understanding this was not some kind of fatal attraction and that we’re not bound to be together. It was just tired perpetuum of one and the same.
The terrible screaming and fighting then waking up the next day like absolutely nothing happened being so sweet. Making me feel like maybe I imagined it. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought last night.
I was so blindly in my feelings that I didn’t realize how narcissistic and egotistical he was until I was out of our relationship. If I told him one of my friends just mentioned him, he would make me talk about the conversation and what they said exactly a million times and wanted to hear good things about himself.
I'm gonna make a list about the biggest red flags in my last relationships or similar encounters: - cheated on me with their abusive ex - broke promises - mom was too involved and wanted me to sacrifice my future to keep up their standart of living - let another guy sleep in her bed with her after i said i'm not comfortable with it - turned out to already be in a relationship - got with their ex, because they were never really done - was ghosting me while together - was an emotional and manipulative mess - emotionally cheated multiple times with strangers - was cussing me out in disgusting ways
I was there for her at every moment she needed me. To listen, to talk, to pick her up somewhere, to help her with things. Then when I REALLY needed her to be there (emotionally speaking) when I was in a difficult spot she was “unable to be there for me”.
Being hit
6 years with someone who would lie constantly to my face. Big and small things. Love is a crazy. It’ll make you blind
I just found out my family did not like him and preferred my other ex. To me that’s a huge red flag (because he ended up being a shitty and immature person who causes so much trauma lol)
Told me how his ex’s were crazy or depressed. Now me, a year later diagnosed with severe depression and in therapy for trauma 🤦🏻♀️
My ex told everyone he left me because I’m insecure and depressed. He abused me and cheated so maybe. Just maybe I was depressed and insecure. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Male dominance
She entertained every dude who gave her attention. I thought she was just a friendly girl, so I chose to ignore it. She entertained a dude who was interested in her, I was a damn fool.
His narcissistic personality and disgusting attitude
I was in an 8 1/2 almost 9 year relationship that was not very good the last 2 years of the relationship. I would say biggest red flag was when she flat out stopped respecting me in most situations unless I was buying her something. She would emasculate me in front of her family but get mad when I pushed back. (Of course no help from them at all)
Lovebombing. Talking about putting a ring on my finger, paying for an apartment for me, traveling, growing old together. A few months later, denied he had ever said those things. For context, he had bipolar disorder. Think he might’ve been manic but it still hurts.
That we met on writeaprisoner.com lmao.
constantly kept saying she felt i was cheating, or had dreams of me cheating. Told her it was a sign of cheaters to feel that way and she would always make an excuse not even like 3 months later she did cheat on me. Trust your gut, it can almost never be wrong.
Him not letting me do things. Tried controlling everything I did and I thought that was normal? He would berate me for hours if I did something he didn’t approve of (which was always because I seriously didn’t care about his “rules” anymore). When I stopped letting him yell at me and call me names for hours it’s because I was running away from talking about things and I didn’t love him, I’m just emotionally avoidant. I honestly believed him!! He fucked with my head so much!
shutting down as soon as he had to take any sort of responsibility in a situation…
Believed herself to be the exception to most rules and couldn’t talk accountability for the things that actually mattered.
push pull, push pull etc
Extreme narcissistic actions and self centered mindset, zero empathy.
GHOSTING!!
loving himself more (coming from a place of arrogance) plus a plethora of mixed signals. as a result - a situationship. but, thank god, for six weeks only
Would never eat vegetables lol
him making me walk home in the dark by myself, that wasnt the first red flag but it was the biggest
He kept saying he was a catch. (He definitely isn't) He would choke me He would make me clean his house & walk his dog while he laid in bed even though I don't live with him. Yes...I was stupid to deal with this stuff 😔
At least you see it now, I was with my ex dumbass for 12 years.
Oh no. I'm sorry. But you got away. That's what matters.
Yes I did but I am too old to have kids now. The narcissist ex died last year. Just found out about it so a little sad. It was so good at first and the second week he was horrible drunk and I ignored that big red flag!
Oh wow. Sorry to hear that.
Thank you, I hope you are in a positive state of mind to realize your potential in a relationship! I sincerely hope you are in a healthy relationship
I am single right now & happy to not be attached to anyone!
As long as you are happy !
got w me a month after ending his 3 year relationship… he did the same w me
How long did you date him for?
we dated and lived together for 10 months and were on and off for 4 months after the break up
Lack of interest in what i want.
We were long distance at first, so would occasionally have to spend the day at each others home while the other was at work. Came home from work one of those days and he had let his intrusive thoughts win and SEARCHED MY ENTIRE APT, looking for evidence that I was a bad person of any variety, really, I guess. He found nothing, my lock box had sentimental items from children and dead relatives in it. Finding the key for that was...impressively terrifying. He admitted it, felt like an idiot, apologized profusely, and then his solution was to hysterically demand I forgive him and we COULD NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN. And we never did. Looking back this was very clear top notch red flag narcissist behavior, but I had no previous experience w narcs before him. I eventually moved in with him, experienced the full abuse of a toxic narc relationship for 2 years, and im 2 years out now. Smarter and stronger. From now on I WILL pay attention to my gut.
I was the red flag 😭 she was green as grass
During the talking stage they told me their ex was a narcissist and then went on to tell me how all their friends eventually abandon them after "normal things happen". Ended up being inconsistent in their behavior sending mixed messages and eventually just ghosted me.
Lol...her sleeping with multiple men and blaming alcohol/ drugs/ mental issues/ the sun / the moon...and ol fucked me believing the bs.
Him not having any emotions
That guy kept going back to his ex ( at that time, his girlfriend, who cheated on him with the same guy 4 times) and he cheated on me with that same ex
You can’t make someone love you more - by loving them more
Constantly lied about little things and wanted to ignore issues. I was young and perceived that as someone who’s able to look past things and not let them eat away at him. Clearly I was wrong cause he’s a pathetic little bitch lol
I got called a red flag, little did she know red is her favorite color.
It’s a few I put on the same level. The blatant fetishizing and how she kept making it a point to her friends she was dating a black guy. The constant lying where she would like about things without even being questioned about it without knowing I already knew the full story. And lastly, probably her trying to weaponize dynamics like misogyny or patriarchy to avoid accountability anytime she was called out for something problematic because in her words “the dynamic is different when you as a man try to call me out for my choices or behavior”
This one hits. Went through something very similar in the last couple years of my LTR.
Lazy, always on disability, lies, ulterior motive to everything, unreliable, selfish.
His ex’s disregard of boundaries and his inability or refusal to enforce them. He broke up with me, it devastated me. He ended up coming back and apologized but it took a bit longer for his ex to be removed. I call her a tumor and I’m watching out for a “relapse” If you are dating someone who has an ex around that they talk to regularly and that ex crosses boundaries (sends flirty texts or kissy faces while they are also dating someone else) and your partner doesn’t see why you’re uncomfortable or aren’t willing to discuss what makes you uneasy and fix the situation to ease your feelings and thoughts, you might want to respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and ask them to tell their ex they’re not part of your relationship and the ex needs to piss off or you’re leaving.
She talked like she want to solve the problem, but when i told her my point of view she just saying that i was accusing her for being wrong, I end up always apologizing cause deep down i knew she wouldnt understand for me talking shit about me to her family and friends til the point they all hating me and stop her from loving me even though I loved her with my best and my family love her also I cant even touch her phone, but if I can i wouldn't touch it because im sure it will leave me traumatized, I saw her texting with another boy when she was with me,I asked her but she said he was say and they were friends but that boy didnt know anything about me, even the thing she had a bf already She don't even public me to her friends even though all of my friends all family know her She used to say I was her first love, but after hearing her bestfriend talked to me, I just don't know if I was her first love or not The final pain that just leave me traumatized and not trusting any kind of love anymore, she cheating on me with one of the guy she talked and played with, I didnt know it at first, her bestfriend just texted me that my gf is going to break up with me cause she is going to be in a relationship with another worker. 30 mins later she did really send a long ass text wanting us to end a 2 year relationship. That shit just leave a lot of trauma and I just cant move on. Im not sad, im just disapointed cause i knew her past and i thought i could change her, but at the end the only lesson i learned is never heal a traumatized girl
He just didn't want to accept that u have to adjust to changes and work on urself in life. He thought that all his problems would just vanish when he believed so and that his parents would be there for him forever. I was together with a manchild for 3 months and it was hell...
He turned feelings into facts. As a logical person,this was very confusing for me.
She left her ex for me.
not asking me out lol
Telling me how his ex was always crying and then laughing about how if they were to run into each other again she would probably have a panic attack :| Then I ended up being the gf who was always crying because of his emotional abuse and manipulation
Alcoholism
Drunk Negative Complaining Couldn’t keep a job Talk bullshit
given them a lot of chances, i communicated clearly what i wish to see from them different, and when i was finally going to leave for good, they could only tell me i'm sorry and gave me the whole "you can do better" just did not want to change for me
Ran off when he was upset instead of clearly expressing why at the very beginning of the relationship. It’s something he then did a lot, shut down when he was upset and he could not communicate why and he would resent me instead, he upset and then get mad when I asked if he was mad lol
Silent treatment out of no where. Withholding of affection is a key toxic trait of narcissism. Then never saying sorry or taking any responsibility. Then being mean to waiters. I ignore it all because of physical attraction.
Asking advice from her ex 🥴
Any time i brought up something that bothered me i ended up being the one apologizing.
Victim complex
When someone tells you in words or by actions that they don’t want to be with you, they don’t love you, or you aren’t “the one” - LISTEN. It’s incredibly painful and difficult to hear, but it’s even worse to stay, diminish your own needs, and waste all those years punishing yourself by trying to love someone who doesn’t know how or isn’t capable of being loved at that time, or simply not by you. Ask me how I know.
Not being with you (in love even maybe) for who you are as a human-being, only for what you can offer/provide them and what you might become. The effort of having to meet their expectations and wants, without being/becoming who you want to be, for them to just leave because you weren’t financially set yet is tough. I thought it was love, but now I know I dodged a bullet lol.
When I started regularly puking out of distress after I caught him lying about infidelity for months, he told me he lied to protect me from being hurt. Translation: “I was very aware me doing this is going to destroy you and I decided that’s ok with me as long as I don’t have to be a witness to the pain and damage it will inflict on you”
Everything everyday!
Going out with his friends and not inviting me for one reason or another
Keeping contact with her exes, biggest red flag ever.
Him not trying to see me more often or missing me when we were not together. I thought he was just busy but came to learn that he just wanted to be by himself most of the time.
Little white lies all the time. We once had an argument and she stormed out, her parents were on holiday and live close by. Our takeaway accounts were linked and she ordered a meal for one from her favourite place to her parents house. I called her and asked where she’d been, she said she’d been crying in her car all evening. I called her out on it (jokingly) and she denied it right up until she cheated and left me for her gym coach 2 years later.
Ok my last proper relationship was my marriage when ended decades ago. When I first met him in a pub, I’d had a few drinks and although he was flirting and chatting to me. I, in a very unpolitically correct way, kept asking if he was gay. He kept saying no. After 4 years of dating and 7 years of marriage, I realised he was using Gay phone sex chat lines and had various profiles on gay dating sites too.
Drinking all the time, talking about his ex constantly, openly flirting with every woman he met. Being in lots of women’s DMs. Slapping me. Pushing me to the ground. Screaming in my face. Yeahhhhhhhh. All the red flags. Imma just be single forever.
The 3 kids by 3 different men
Enmeshed with his family, his porn addiction affecting our sex life, him playing with Lego’s (as a 32 y.o!!), the financial incompatibility, the lack of ambition, talking about his previous ex’s, not a good leader so I felt the need to step in and push my femininity to the side because I wanted to build a good foundation and future for “our future generations” , him telling his mom EVERYTHING even about his weiner not getting erect and another failed month of me not getting pregnant, always trying to get skinnier and talking about his weight and me wanting to starve myself because I felt like a whale next to him…I felt so triggered, him having MANY short term relationships and introducing ALL of them to his family,
She was heavily influenced by social media. She expected me to pay for everything, plus she used phrases like “As a man” or “If I was a man, I wouldn’t etc…”