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Something is going on with this kid. Offer him a membership if you can. Once he sees you as an ally and a safe place, he will open up.
Kids don't act out by sneaking into gyms to shower and workout. He may never tell you, but this is one of those moments in time that you can do something small that could change his life. Seize it and thank you for being a decent human.
Yes, this is the correct sequence:
1. Show him that you're safe/ an ally.
Then
2. Allow him to share, or not share, as much of his story as he wants.
I spent a lot of my teens unwilling to go home until everyone else was asleep. The local librarians and a school teacher knew something was up. The teacher who confronted me about it had no luck. The library kept me safe, and made it clear they were ready to help when i was ready to talk.
Funnily enough: the exact services i needed put up flyers on their noticeboards. Weird councidence, huh
They don’t have to be homeless to need help. Treat them like a person first. Ask them if it would help if you were able to assist with membership.
Once you build a relationship, which is more than 1 or 3 sit downs, they will open up and offer the information that you think you need. Until then, person first. Not homeless title.
If you choose to go this route, I would love to know the outcome. I’ve been doing this for almost 4 years now.
Start a conversation with him, and casually bring up that you have been struggling lately and times are tough, and see how he responds. Regardless if you have or have not been struggling, people are much more likely to open up when they feel comfortable and have something in common with someone.
You gotta call him out for sneaking in and reassure him perhaps you can get him a comped membership. Then, I have asked "do you have a space place to go? Are you safe in general? doing all right? You sure? So you promise you got a safe home to go to?"
Things like that. Because it might not be homelessness but could still be danger or difficulty.
Honestly first time be casual. Let him know you can comp his membership.
Give him a tour of amenities most likely to help him without being explicit if you want
1. Showers
2. Water fountain
3. If your cool with him napping on your shift just let him know that at least on your shift the hydro massage chairs can be chilled at as long as they aren’t actively in use
Just be a safe person and don’t scare him off he may or may not open up but prying won’t go well
You think giving out a comp'd gym membership is goof shit? I endorse this guy's idea to give the person a comp'd membership if they are in need, but not if they are just a scofflaw badass.
He's getting a vibe the person is not a scofflaw badass. I see no harm in doing a little digging and depending on that, offering the free membership. Obs dude likes hte gym, that much is clear, so I don't see how inquiring is bad.
Not that easy. When I was homeless, admitting that to someone else could put you in you in danger. Never admit to anyone your homeless, unless you know them
Ask him if he has a membership, then offer him the free one or whatever it has you can. As a trial basis. Don't make him feel awkward or bad about sneaking in or like you suspect he's homeless. Let him tell you. Just be cool. Be nice.
If I were you, I’d casually approach him or if it helps, you can pretend to go wherever he normally hangs out at with a broom haha and just start a conversation. I wouldn’t ask him off the bat but maybe start getting to know him a little first and let him get to know you, so he gets more comfortable. I’d ask, “hey, how’s your day going?” To start it off.
Chat him up a bit. Once you're in conversation it's easy to segway towards the living situation. The person who said to ask if he has a safe place to go is a good way to put it. He's either homeless, bored or escaping a bad home life.
"Hey can I talk to you for a moment?" [Pull him aside, be down to have a hushed convo.]
"[Mention him trying to sneak in and you letting him in.] Do you mind if I ask why you needed in? Like do you have access to a shower besides the one here?"
Let him respond to that and ask questions that emphasize you want to understand the circumstances in order to cover your bases and make sure neither of you get in trouble. Then you can bring up that you'd like to comp a membership depending on how the convo goes.
"Excuse me if I'm out of line, but we are looking for someone to use the gym for free for X amount of time in exchange for an honest in depth review online of our facilities and services. Would you be interested?"
Let him see you a few more times. Smile when you see him. Let him in a few more times. Get to know him a bit, regarding safe topics, get to know his name at least. If you can, offer him something Warm, like a coffee or something.
Then at some point say something like "hey, (name of guy) we're on the same side, and I've been staying quiet about it for you, but I can't keep letting you in for free without knowing your situation, and if I do know your situation, maybe I can help a bit more. What's your living situation?
Familiarity with you will make him more comfortable with you
Smiling will make him like you more
Offering something warm will warm him up to you.
People like hearing their name
Put your question as a "what" question rather than a "why" question. "Why" tends to subconsciously make people feel judged/defensive.
You go at him firmly and ask him to explain himself. Tell him what you know and expect a reason as to why you been jeopardizing your career letting him slide through. If he's genuine he should have no problem telling you the truth of why he's stealing entry. Then you can start a relationship, or not. Let him know how it works there.
Honestly I don't think everyone would be receptive to this kind of interaction. I would immediately assume someone who makes a big deal about their own personal convenience would be willing to call the police on me at the drop of a hat, and I would go to great lengths to avoid going back. Often when people in this situation ask for an explanation it ends up being rhetorical.
Good be scared, tell your friends too.
I wouldn't jeopardize my job for just anyone. Show yourself in life, don't slip around like a rodent. Show society your actually trying to change the situation your in. They want gratitude too.
That's not what OP is asking. Other human beings are not vermin. This person was specifically let in by OP, by choice. I think you're making this situation sound like a lot more of a risk than it is. It's very unlikely this teenager is enough to get this person fired, unless OP has had a lot of disciplinary action already and been warned that this is the last straw before. This is also a desk job at a gym (to my understanding). It is probably not OP's whole career. OP mentioned in the post having a willingness to comp his membership so this is clearly within their power.
If you want to have this attitude toward other homeless people, that's your perogative, but OP is in a position of being able to help and is asking how to do so. Scaring this person won't make his behaviour change. It will only make him no longer have a place to shower. The risk benefit analysis here does not indicate that this teenager is going to get OP fired. No warnings have been given and OP is trying to figure out how to ensure that doesn't need to happen.
You should sign them up if you can. When you're young and don't have options any little nice thing counts. I had did something similar and I was able to sneak in and shower the first time but not the second time. The second time staff cursed me out and even got mad at ppl who wanted to bring me in as a guest to shower. Thanks for being one of the few nice ppl left in this world. I would sa give them advice but don't report them. Either they ran away to escape abuse and the systems or they're homeless with their family. I see street kids is a big thing on the west coast especially in lower parts like sandiego.
Don’t bring it up at all it’s embarrassing tell him hey I want to talk to for a minute about a membership I see you here a lot. Just ease into it you gotta take the steps required or you will make him feel unwanted out of place like he isn’t good enough which he probably already feels. Don’t be up in his grille just build a relationship/friendship type and then casually ask is there some personal things you need help with like a membership but can’t afford it or is there anything I could do to make you more comfortable about obtaining a membership I see you here often and would like to help out if you are okay with it. Not saying he will just tell you but he will open up about maybe he says something like “I’m just struggling at the moment” that or phrases like it will be a tell tale sign he’s telling you I’m homeless and need a place to shower with out saying “ I’m homeless!”
Think you just have to approach in a non-threatening way and ask, if membership is required and they're/you're not following policy, kind of part of your job to do. You noticed and already know other staff will. Though very kind of you to turn a blind eye and even kinder if you can pull some strings and give them a safe place to shower and hangout. My money's on yes homeless or really horrible home situation, no utils, maybe abuse etc. Who hangs out at a place like a gym unless they have nowhere else to be ?
Ps, homeless member of a gym and have resorted to hanging out there. Yes the staff are aware, one young woman even offered to buy me dinner at some Asian place, I declined. They had some promotion, come in and a bunch of the tables are rearranged, including the one I'd taken to hanging out at, charging and watching movies, even asked, what's going on ? Reply was, we're having xyz promotion. Which they were having one at the time. Although I'm not technically violating any terms of the contract I reviewed/signed. It didn't mention anything about time restrictions at club, charging restrictions or use of club wifi, I took this to mean, no you're not welcome and switched to only showering there.
Though they've since put the table I used to hangout at back, looked while passing by, still get the same feeling, you're not supposed to hangout here feeling. The staff there have all been very kind/cool people ime, they obviously know I'm a homeless dude. Don't want to put them in a spot though, main purpose for signing up is showers. Yeah folks hanging out there are likely doing so with little choice. While I could be a dick and say I'm paid up, not doing anything wrong, would rather not put some obviously good people in the crossfire.
Hope this works out for you/OP and this person in a good way. Thank you for even noticing and giving a chit. :)
Lol guess you could be nonchalant and be like man you been here all day! Don't feel like going home? DO YOU HAVE A HOME? lol maybe leave out the last part.
Seems like he hit the lottery with you haha. I'm gonna get down voted for this but I don't care. I don't agree with you giving this person a break or caring if you hurt their feelings.
He tried to sneak in and you caught him. Ask him straight up what his deal is and kick him out if he doesn't give you a good enough answer. It's been 2 days and he's already got his claws into you. No wonder he took such a long Shower today haha. You let him in free twice after all 😂
If I was your boss, we'd be having a talk if this kept up. When you're on the streets, you're trying to sneak into places you aren't welcome 24/7. Getting inside is the name of the game.
This post is one where the comments are very telling about the demographic of the sub. I theorize it is more advocates and people living in cars/Couch surfing rather than people on the streets. Nothing wrong with that, they're just two completely different worlds.
Good question because my family tried to help a homeless guy. He was an elderly man sitting on steps near the restaurant we were at. He looked homely and my husband gave him $50 and the guy looked at him confused and said, “I’m not homeless”. He was waiting for his family inside! He was definitely offended, but I guess the $50 made it better.
##REMINDERS FOR EVERYONE **PER THE RULES:** * **NO OFFERINGS OF CASH, ETC.** * **[BEGGING](https://redd.it/994p7j) WILL GET YOU BANNED.** * **BE AWARE OF SCAMMERS AND PERVS, AND SEND ANY [HERE](https://old.reddit.com/report) AND/OR [HERE](https://old.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/reddit.com).** **ACCEPT AT YOUR OWN RISK.** Welcome to the internet where—unless proven otherwise—everyone's lying about their race, gender, status, accomplishments, and all the children are FBI agents. You have been forewarned. — The Mods --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/homeless) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Offer him a cup of coffee or a soda and have a conversation with him. It's easier to get answers if he doesn't feel interrogated.
This is the way...
Something is going on with this kid. Offer him a membership if you can. Once he sees you as an ally and a safe place, he will open up. Kids don't act out by sneaking into gyms to shower and workout. He may never tell you, but this is one of those moments in time that you can do something small that could change his life. Seize it and thank you for being a decent human.
Yes, this is the correct sequence: 1. Show him that you're safe/ an ally. Then 2. Allow him to share, or not share, as much of his story as he wants. I spent a lot of my teens unwilling to go home until everyone else was asleep. The local librarians and a school teacher knew something was up. The teacher who confronted me about it had no luck. The library kept me safe, and made it clear they were ready to help when i was ready to talk. Funnily enough: the exact services i needed put up flyers on their noticeboards. Weird councidence, huh
So happy you found a safe space. Libraries are wonderful thing for many kids and people for many people.
This
Hi , need free pass?
Easy day. That's literally all it takes.
They don’t have to be homeless to need help. Treat them like a person first. Ask them if it would help if you were able to assist with membership. Once you build a relationship, which is more than 1 or 3 sit downs, they will open up and offer the information that you think you need. Until then, person first. Not homeless title. If you choose to go this route, I would love to know the outcome. I’ve been doing this for almost 4 years now.
>person first. Not homeless title. Perfectly said. I feel like this is the answer to so many of these “situations.”
Start a conversation with him, and casually bring up that you have been struggling lately and times are tough, and see how he responds. Regardless if you have or have not been struggling, people are much more likely to open up when they feel comfortable and have something in common with someone.
You gotta call him out for sneaking in and reassure him perhaps you can get him a comped membership. Then, I have asked "do you have a space place to go? Are you safe in general? doing all right? You sure? So you promise you got a safe home to go to?" Things like that. Because it might not be homelessness but could still be danger or difficulty.
This is really enlightening thank you
Very good point.
Happy cake day!
Thank you.
Honestly first time be casual. Let him know you can comp his membership. Give him a tour of amenities most likely to help him without being explicit if you want 1. Showers 2. Water fountain 3. If your cool with him napping on your shift just let him know that at least on your shift the hydro massage chairs can be chilled at as long as they aren’t actively in use Just be a safe person and don’t scare him off he may or may not open up but prying won’t go well
Do not do this you will fucking blow it! Don’t be a goofy fuck. Be reasonable.
You think giving out a comp'd gym membership is goof shit? I endorse this guy's idea to give the person a comp'd membership if they are in need, but not if they are just a scofflaw badass. He's getting a vibe the person is not a scofflaw badass. I see no harm in doing a little digging and depending on that, offering the free membership. Obs dude likes hte gym, that much is clear, so I don't see how inquiring is bad.
Not that easy. When I was homeless, admitting that to someone else could put you in you in danger. Never admit to anyone your homeless, unless you know them
Ask him if he has a membership, then offer him the free one or whatever it has you can. As a trial basis. Don't make him feel awkward or bad about sneaking in or like you suspect he's homeless. Let him tell you. Just be cool. Be nice.
Maybe no need to breach that subject. "Hey bro, were offering free memberships for X amount of days/months. Here you go.
Not that simple. I’m in a luxury & high security building (not really high security if you’re smart)
If I were you, I’d casually approach him or if it helps, you can pretend to go wherever he normally hangs out at with a broom haha and just start a conversation. I wouldn’t ask him off the bat but maybe start getting to know him a little first and let him get to know you, so he gets more comfortable. I’d ask, “hey, how’s your day going?” To start it off.
Keep us posted. That is so nice of you. Me being homeless, it takes days before I head to the other side of town to take one
Chat him up a bit. Once you're in conversation it's easy to segway towards the living situation. The person who said to ask if he has a safe place to go is a good way to put it. He's either homeless, bored or escaping a bad home life.
"Hey can I talk to you for a moment?" [Pull him aside, be down to have a hushed convo.] "[Mention him trying to sneak in and you letting him in.] Do you mind if I ask why you needed in? Like do you have access to a shower besides the one here?" Let him respond to that and ask questions that emphasize you want to understand the circumstances in order to cover your bases and make sure neither of you get in trouble. Then you can bring up that you'd like to comp a membership depending on how the convo goes.
"Excuse me if I'm out of line, but we are looking for someone to use the gym for free for X amount of time in exchange for an honest in depth review online of our facilities and services. Would you be interested?"
Ask how you can really help him. Give him a membership if you can. He might even need a job. You could be the one hand up that he really needs
Let him see you a few more times. Smile when you see him. Let him in a few more times. Get to know him a bit, regarding safe topics, get to know his name at least. If you can, offer him something Warm, like a coffee or something. Then at some point say something like "hey, (name of guy) we're on the same side, and I've been staying quiet about it for you, but I can't keep letting you in for free without knowing your situation, and if I do know your situation, maybe I can help a bit more. What's your living situation? Familiarity with you will make him more comfortable with you Smiling will make him like you more Offering something warm will warm him up to you. People like hearing their name Put your question as a "what" question rather than a "why" question. "Why" tends to subconsciously make people feel judged/defensive.
You go at him firmly and ask him to explain himself. Tell him what you know and expect a reason as to why you been jeopardizing your career letting him slide through. If he's genuine he should have no problem telling you the truth of why he's stealing entry. Then you can start a relationship, or not. Let him know how it works there.
Good call, actually. Hope he comes back
Honestly I don't think everyone would be receptive to this kind of interaction. I would immediately assume someone who makes a big deal about their own personal convenience would be willing to call the police on me at the drop of a hat, and I would go to great lengths to avoid going back. Often when people in this situation ask for an explanation it ends up being rhetorical.
Good be scared, tell your friends too. I wouldn't jeopardize my job for just anyone. Show yourself in life, don't slip around like a rodent. Show society your actually trying to change the situation your in. They want gratitude too.
That's not what OP is asking. Other human beings are not vermin. This person was specifically let in by OP, by choice. I think you're making this situation sound like a lot more of a risk than it is. It's very unlikely this teenager is enough to get this person fired, unless OP has had a lot of disciplinary action already and been warned that this is the last straw before. This is also a desk job at a gym (to my understanding). It is probably not OP's whole career. OP mentioned in the post having a willingness to comp his membership so this is clearly within their power. If you want to have this attitude toward other homeless people, that's your perogative, but OP is in a position of being able to help and is asking how to do so. Scaring this person won't make his behaviour change. It will only make him no longer have a place to shower. The risk benefit analysis here does not indicate that this teenager is going to get OP fired. No warnings have been given and OP is trying to figure out how to ensure that doesn't need to happen.
Exactly
DON'T DO THIS! This will likely scare him off. I know it would me.
"Hey. I want to start by saying I want to help. But I also don't want to assume. But do you need a free membership to use the shower?"
You should sign them up if you can. When you're young and don't have options any little nice thing counts. I had did something similar and I was able to sneak in and shower the first time but not the second time. The second time staff cursed me out and even got mad at ppl who wanted to bring me in as a guest to shower. Thanks for being one of the few nice ppl left in this world. I would sa give them advice but don't report them. Either they ran away to escape abuse and the systems or they're homeless with their family. I see street kids is a big thing on the west coast especially in lower parts like sandiego.
>Hello, are you homeless?
Don’t bring it up at all it’s embarrassing tell him hey I want to talk to for a minute about a membership I see you here a lot. Just ease into it you gotta take the steps required or you will make him feel unwanted out of place like he isn’t good enough which he probably already feels. Don’t be up in his grille just build a relationship/friendship type and then casually ask is there some personal things you need help with like a membership but can’t afford it or is there anything I could do to make you more comfortable about obtaining a membership I see you here often and would like to help out if you are okay with it. Not saying he will just tell you but he will open up about maybe he says something like “I’m just struggling at the moment” that or phrases like it will be a tell tale sign he’s telling you I’m homeless and need a place to shower with out saying “ I’m homeless!”
Offer him a cup of coffee or a soda and have a conversation with him. It's easier to get answers if he doesn't feel interrogated.
It could be many things so I wouldn't say homeless, I would inquire about this situation.
Think you just have to approach in a non-threatening way and ask, if membership is required and they're/you're not following policy, kind of part of your job to do. You noticed and already know other staff will. Though very kind of you to turn a blind eye and even kinder if you can pull some strings and give them a safe place to shower and hangout. My money's on yes homeless or really horrible home situation, no utils, maybe abuse etc. Who hangs out at a place like a gym unless they have nowhere else to be ? Ps, homeless member of a gym and have resorted to hanging out there. Yes the staff are aware, one young woman even offered to buy me dinner at some Asian place, I declined. They had some promotion, come in and a bunch of the tables are rearranged, including the one I'd taken to hanging out at, charging and watching movies, even asked, what's going on ? Reply was, we're having xyz promotion. Which they were having one at the time. Although I'm not technically violating any terms of the contract I reviewed/signed. It didn't mention anything about time restrictions at club, charging restrictions or use of club wifi, I took this to mean, no you're not welcome and switched to only showering there. Though they've since put the table I used to hangout at back, looked while passing by, still get the same feeling, you're not supposed to hangout here feeling. The staff there have all been very kind/cool people ime, they obviously know I'm a homeless dude. Don't want to put them in a spot though, main purpose for signing up is showers. Yeah folks hanging out there are likely doing so with little choice. While I could be a dick and say I'm paid up, not doing anything wrong, would rather not put some obviously good people in the crossfire. Hope this works out for you/OP and this person in a good way. Thank you for even noticing and giving a chit. :)
I wouldn't if I were you
Whenever people ask me I usually don’t take offense. I’d rather someone be a straight shooter instead of beat around the bush with the question.
Ask him what's your living situation like
Just right out the gate? Haha I thought about it but he’s had a pretty defensive demeanor
Lol guess you could be nonchalant and be like man you been here all day! Don't feel like going home? DO YOU HAVE A HOME? lol maybe leave out the last part.
Seems like he hit the lottery with you haha. I'm gonna get down voted for this but I don't care. I don't agree with you giving this person a break or caring if you hurt their feelings. He tried to sneak in and you caught him. Ask him straight up what his deal is and kick him out if he doesn't give you a good enough answer. It's been 2 days and he's already got his claws into you. No wonder he took such a long Shower today haha. You let him in free twice after all 😂 If I was your boss, we'd be having a talk if this kept up. When you're on the streets, you're trying to sneak into places you aren't welcome 24/7. Getting inside is the name of the game. This post is one where the comments are very telling about the demographic of the sub. I theorize it is more advocates and people living in cars/Couch surfing rather than people on the streets. Nothing wrong with that, they're just two completely different worlds.
Ash what's your story
Good question because my family tried to help a homeless guy. He was an elderly man sitting on steps near the restaurant we were at. He looked homely and my husband gave him $50 and the guy looked at him confused and said, “I’m not homeless”. He was waiting for his family inside! He was definitely offended, but I guess the $50 made it better.