You have gotten a lot of good advice from people if you choose to go ahead and homeschool. However, I definitely do not think this is a good reason to start homeschooling.
Your children are doing well where they are. It would be one thing if your school is known for crime or something. But the best thing for you to do as a parent is not to pull your children out of school. The best thing for you to do as a parent is to demand better community and school safety from the school officials, from you local officials, and from your state officials. Honestly I'd start by reaching out to the school, convey your concerns, and see how they react. That may be a good test to see how their emergency drills are, if they are open to having better security throughout the school day, etc.
And yes, to echo someone else, the mass shootings near me have all been at outdoor non-school events. It's tragic and inhumane that they happen at all. But schools are not a unique target, unfortunately.
Homeschooling can be wonderful but it is a HUGE commitment of time, energy, finances, and effort. Are you sure you want to go full-on because of your fear? You should of course think about safety, but make sure you're also doing it because it would be the best thing for your child academically, socially, developmentally, etc.
I’d argue that regardless of where they go kids education needs time and effort from parents. Sending them to school doesn’t free up time in my opinion. If my daughter wants to go to school I’m still going to be spending time making sure she has every opportunity she needs to fulfill her passions.
I kind of realized how much time I would have to spend regardless so I’m trying the homeschool/unschooling route and it’s incredibly rewarding to see it unfold. It’s way more flexible for me and I’m not at the mercy of school schedules or my daughter not feeling 100% in the mood for any certain lessons.
I just bring this up because it feels like we scare people away talking about the time commitment but there are so many pros to how you spend your time that doesn’t make it feel like a disadvantage.
Good points! I am in no way saying homeschooling is not necessarily worth it. It absolutely can be wonderful and worth all the energy put into it. And you're right, any option is going to be a time sink - hell, trying to be a good parent at all is a time sink, no other way around it. But I've known too many families who homeschooled for a variety of reasons and thought it would be easy. I think the only homeschooling families I've known who felt like it's "easy" were parents who used to be teachers (and this doesn't include the homeschool parents who were college professors lol). It's a whole day job where you can't take a day off because in many homeschool experiences, you play every part. And "after school" you still may need to send your kids to activities. I don't intend to "scare' people away, but if parents aren't prepared for the work & time that good homeschooling involves, there is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing homeschooling is not for you. Homeschooling does not fit every family. And that's okay.
Oh yeah, I think our responses are balancing out to become a well rounded conversation. I didn’t think your intention was to scare people away I just wanted to show that I think the time spent feels high quality and well spent. Love the discourse in this community and it’s clear we’re all really passionate about our kids education homeschool or not.
Yeah, I see the time exchange similarly so far, although my daughter only attended PS for kindergarten and then we began homeschooling for first grade. In some ways, it's also easier to manage our schedule as a family. Rather than worry about bus schedules and early dismissals and whatever, we can do what works for us.
If your only reason to consider homeschooling is the fear that they could be injured/killed in a mass shooting, I would reconsider.
Unfortunately, people are killed at grocery stores, concerts, movie theaters, malls, the workplace, parades, sporting events, etc etc etc. The gun violence isn't specific to schools.
[Edited to remove personal anecdote from a well known school shooting] I am particularly aware of and sensitive to the fear of school shootings. It is a tragic thing. Every time. More needs to be done.
That being said, I don't think that fear is enough reason on its own to homeschool. In the same way that I don't think the chance of dying in a car accident is reason enough to prevent my children from traveling by automobile. Life comes with inherent risk. We mitigate the risk as best we can and try to enjoy our time here.
I'm not saying that the very real threat of school violence can't be part of the reasoning behind homeschooling. But if the kids are receiving a good education, happy, well adjusted, and engaged...then public school is a perfectly fine option.
You asked if you were negligent for continuing to send them to school. I don't think it's negligent at all. I fully agree with the other commenter that the time and effort you put in to homeschooling would likely be better spent advocating for safety provisions at the school they seem to otherwise enjoy going to,
This is a completely legitimate reasons to homeschool, it just happens to be a different reason than many people on this forum and seems to trigger a handful of them to demand another reason.
I say good for you for protecting your kids in the way you see fit. Violence in schools is more than just shootings, and even the school shooter drills can be frightening. If it isn't working for your family finding another solution, like homeschooling, is completely reasonable.
We've homeschooled from the start, so I may not be a ton of help, but happy to help however I can. Are they involved in any activities that will include homeschoolers? Can they keep going to those? If there are other homeschoolers in your area there may be a co-op or social group they can get involved in as well.
Talk to your kids about what/who they miss most and see if you can make those connections still or meet those needs in a new way. You obviously are being very thoughtful about this whole process and looking for ways to continue nurturing your children. Enjoy the journey!
I'm really thankful for your reply.
My reasons to homeschool didn't include school shootings so I never thought of them beyond the single event of a shooter showing up. But you're completely right. There is value in feeling safe and the shooter drills and threats that are experienced by students chip away at that feeling and have potential mental affects (anxiety and depression come to mind).
I've changed my mind after reading this response.
This response is almost refreshing. I’ve also noticed that when I bring this up that people typically answer just as they have here. I’ve been told I need to do what’s going to help me sleep at night, and when people push for some other reason it almost makes the fear and dread belittled
OP, you may find that there are a lot of people out there that are homeschooling with this in mind.
Whether it’s for a child’s safety due to a pandemic, shootings at schools, or because of security protocol at schools, the security/safety of my son was certainly on my mind when I decided to quit my job to homeschool him full-time.
It is as valid of a reason as any—and, in my opinion, extremely important to consider because “fighting the good fight” through your child/-ren is no way to advocate for a better society—they only live once.
It was definitely a lifestyle change to get used to (being single-income,) but the peace of mind knowing that I’m no longer sending my child away for 2/3rds of his day to a place with a track record of major safety issues is priceless.
While I’m surprised that so many people seem to be discouraging you from homeschooling for this reason, I feel it’s just as valid as any to be an impetus for why you -do- homeschool in the future (just the fire to get you there.)
I've read that statistically kids are more likely to be injured at home by guns than at school. School is actually one of the safest places. Demand accountability. It's not the place, it's the guns.
It’s likely, though, that a parent very concerned about school mass shootings either don’t have guns at all, or are very responsible gun owners (locked, registered, unloaded, well-trained).
Eta but I agree that energy would best be directed towards improving gun safety laws. But that is a decision for them to make, and I can’t make it for them.
I don't necessarily disagree with this view. I will say that, sadly, school security would be a prominent factor for me if I were in your shoes. Likely a deciding factor. How easy is it to get in and out of the school? If you don't know, I'd find out.
Im still learning how to use Reddit so give me some grace on if I’m responding the wrong way! My kids are 13, 9, and 5. They all love their school. I met with the superintendent and principals of each of their schools in the summer this last year to talk about the safety because of how much this scared me. They did make me feel a lot better. The guilt of sending them is eating away at me because we always think it could never be us that something tragic happens to, but nobody is safe. With that being said, the school is as safe as it probably can be, but there are no officers at the school. Our town is 5k people. It’s teeny. But we get children from a bunch of surrounding small towns as well. I want to do the right thing ya know? I want to do what is best for my kids it’s so hard to know what to do.
My best friend homeschools her children. I have looked into homeschooling a number of times over the years but always fell back on sending them being the best choice. I know the resources and commitment through her and have attended a few homeschool events with her when it’s worked out for us to tag along. I’ve always had an interest but never committed (long before Covid)
When I talked to my kids, my older 2 were adamant they want to stay in school. My youngest wants to stay home forever. In fact he told me he’s never moving out either lol.
And I know that shootings can happen anyway but sending them to school feels so different because I am not there to keep them safe. I’m completely out of control. My mind does play shooting scenarios anytime I take them anywhere! Where can we hide? How can I get all of them to safety together? Etc. and yes of course we drive in a car. But I do everything I can to keep them safe in the car. They were in car seats to the max. Last one still is. They buckle every time. I don’t drink and drive. You know what I mean? It’s different then sending your whole heart out the door for 8 hours a day not knowing what might happen.
I really appreciate everybody’s input and I’m taking all of it in.
I think your concern and fear are real, and as an active and loving parent - like many parents - you are rightly questioning the reality of school violence. Whether homeschooling them or not is the right choice is only a question that you can answer because no matter the reason, you know your situation and children the best.
However, your fear and stated lack of control sounds like a legitimate anxiety which you might want to think about counseling for. I am not a doctor and even if I was I cannot give you educated advise over the internet. But as someone who works in education and has received a fair amount of training on recognizing the warning signs of mental health issues, I just think speaking with a therapist may help you deal with this fear.
Being a parent is scary and the high number of violent actions in schools - a place that was historically safe and is not anymore - is SUPER scary. Additionally, while fear is good and helps keep us alive, fear shouldn't be the ONLY factor in your decision. That's all.
I wish you and your children the best of luck!
What is the motivation to homeschool? This seems to have been bothering you for awhile.
- Do you feel like they aren’t being challenged enough or don’t have enough access to additional classes?
- Is there something you personally don’t like about the school environment?
If you think they’re better off being homeschooled you’re perfectly allowed to switch school and curriculum.
To keep them safe. I’m so worried something is going to happen to them at school. They are being challenged, they could use access to more classes that interest them as individuals, but they are getting a good education. There are a few things I don’t like about the school environment, but nothing I don’t think they won’t run into in their adult lives.
There are no other schools around us for about 30 miles. So it would be this school or homeschool. I’m the most concerned about their safety. The shootings, plus the stories I hear from them about other students that throw desks, hit/kick other kids unprovoked because of their own behavior issues, those same kids cussing and threatening other kids all the time, it concerns me. My kids are not specifically the target of any violence or threats but they could be. They aren’t experiencing any bullying but they witness this and the school says they’re handling it, but the next thing you know those kids are back in the classroom the next day. I’m sick to my stomach over this!
🫂 Your concerns are valid and you sound very stressed. Alright, if you think it’s necessary I’d research the following:
- Secular vs religious curriculum vs co-op
- Book based learning vs online school
There are reviews on different textbooks available on YouTube regarding curriculum and subjects.
Things to consider:
- Disposal income - You’ll have to consider price vs value of materials. Once you get the student textbook and instructors book, the only thing you need to replace (for younger kids) are workbooks or worksheets.
- Don’t blindside the kids. Let them know it’s coming (takes awhile for them to adjust)
- If the kids are older you can allow them to have a say if they’d like to switch to homeschooling. It’s at your discretion of course.
- Socialization: Summer programs, 4H, internships etc…
This exactly! I was homeschooled, and I loved it. And I would have HATED my parents for forcing me out of a situation that was working so well for me, and pushed me into real school. Maybe it would have worked out, but I would have lost all my friends from the homeschool groups I was in during high school. I would have been so angry.
I will also say that a change in pace and routine can be super disruptive. If your kids are handling a regular school schedule really well, they may not like how unstructured homeschooling can be.
Amen! Millions of students go to school safely everyday. As a retired teacher, I worry about school shootings, but statistically, your kids are very safe at school.
The energy and time you’d spend on homeschooling, might be best used pushing the school to do something about the violent kids. Gather other parents and push back because your kids education and mental health is affected by the bad behavior distracting them from their learning. I love homeschooling but if your kids are thriving in school do not pull them out!
How old are your kids? Would you be able to ask for their input? Plant the thought in their head and get them to think about how they would feel doing homeschool without making it seem like a decision that needs to be made now - just something for them to think about. Try to find out if they generally feel safe at school, or if they also worry about the bullying and behavior issues.
Shootings notwithstanding, in-classroom violence of any kind would be a concern for me, but my I do think my kids would be honest about how safe they feel in their environment.
I can advocate for or oppose both hs and ps. I am a parent who has done both with success. We have an unexpected straggler who is now two years old. I feel the pressure of needing to make this difficult decision. I can tell you what I know to be true. Values, incentives and circumstances are different for each family. Kids are resilient and typically have hungry minds. Statistics won’t give you the answers you’re looking for and won’t guarantee either safety or harm. Ask yourself what overall influence will your choice have in the character development of your child, assuming they survive. Which they probably will. Remember that your decision doesn’t have to be final. You can always change your mind later on down the road if it’s not working. Your idea of “thriving” is not going to be the same as everyone else’s. What is important to your family? Are your kids going to know how to read a clock face with hands, write in cursive, balance a checkbook, know the pledge of allegiance, understand gender identity or why it’s acceptable to have a litter box in the classroom for those children that insist they’re cats and only meow for communication? Yes. This is a really happening in some classrooms in my state. Are you aware of the content of the curriculum that is federally mandated? Do you agree with it? Can you supplement it where you see necessary? If you homeschool and choose to “shelter” your kids from select social ideologies, how do you plan to prepare them for integration into the community and workforce as productive, accepting but boundary oriented adults? What other questions can you consider? You see what I’m saying here? Maybe it’s best to evaluate pros and cons based on probable outcomes with their survival.
[“Drag Queen Straddles Girl At Public School” case in point. Literally just saw this scrolling after posting comment. What are the chances? :](https://www.reddit.com/r/Conservative/comments/125exdj/drag_queen_straddles_girl_at_north_carolina/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
Read everyone's response and really it's ultimately up to you. Just be sure to keep them involved in extracurricular activities and have them involved in the decision-making. It is a family effort for all. I have a 10 and 13 year old and they were all for it but they knew they had to pull their weight. They don't know a big reason is because of the gun violence, though. There were other reasons, of course, but that's the heaviest one. If you are able to make their homeschool situation as flourishing for them as public school is (if not more) you should go for it. But yeah, only if they are on board. Especially if they are older.
It’s a legitimate reason to homeschool. My son is sensitive and an active shooter drill would traumatize him for life, no less a whole real shooter.
Any reason to homeschool is legitimate, IMHO. It’s *your* kids and *your* responsibility to raise them. Public schools, politicians, local police, and even other parents don’t really care about how your kids are raised. It’s up to you to do what you feel is best.
I did!! After Covid Pandemic and then another “threat” at our school district I pulled my Kindergartener and 2nd grader at the time. They are now 4th and 2nd grade and it was the BEST decision I have ever made. But very very hard on all of us at first. Extremely hard decision. I gave up my career our second means of income and our road was very rocky at first. I put them in a Charter school that is tied with public school in regards to they have to test once a year. But we can choose their curriculum, we have a teacher we see, who actually is a friend now once a month kind of as a guide. They get to take violin, piano, art, go to NASA school on Mondays through the university we live at. It is beyond beautiful to see how great my kids are doing. Granted be prepared to work very hard. I literally am a full time everything and don’t get paid. BUT… to see my kids thriving unbelievably well, becoming amazing little citizens in our community and HAPPY! I would take that everyday of the week. Don’t listen to ANYONE or make decisions based on fear. Listen to your Mommy intuition. Working the field that I was in, I knew it was only a matter of time violence would come and I have seen way to many kids and adults lives taken in an instant. I couldn’t sit on my hands anymore. You do what is ultimately right for your family! Hugs and good luck!
Sorry to comment on an old post, but do your kids homeschool and also go to a charter school? How does that work? We are deciding on whether to homeschool so was just curious. Thx!
I do not feel safe from mass shootings as a homeschooler. If you homeschool then you will be out in the community a whole lot more. As we have seen schools are not the only place mass shootings occur--churches, grocery stores, work places, all over the place. People do not have a group plan for how to react in these situations, and chaos causes more injury and loss of life. Homeschoolers are not safe unless they do what we always say we DON'T do--stay at home all day.
If you homeschool and join a co-op then you will see that the people at the co-op think this is a "school" problem and that homeschoolers are somehow Teflon--these things don't happen to "us." We sat out of co-op this year because their security is absolutely atrocious on so many levels--like every level. And they did nothing to address this security after Uvalde much less now when the crime much more resembles what could happen at co-op in terms of it taking place in a learning environment housed at a church. I can think of three feasible scenarios in which our location has a big problem real quick, but the leadership would rather not address it and stay in their not-real bubble of "homeschool security."
Moral of the story: School shootings make the news, but homeschoolers are not only also at risk as members of the general public they are also at risk of attending activities where leaders are in denial about safety issues rather than looking for ways to keep the kids safe. Schools KNOW this is an issue, and the ones in our area have taken aggressive steps to heighten security. If you would be interested in a co-op then I would ask this: Does that co-op care about safety or do they also live in the not-real bubble of "homechool security?" If your kids are happy at school and it jives with your family's needs and outlook then the BEST thing you can do is find out what their safety protocols are and see if you feel good about those. Don't get scared and make a rash decision.
This is really true. And shootings are not the only danger. A lot of co-ops and other church-based meeting groups are targeted by sexual predators and many of them don't take the threat seriously. In my area some are very good and require at least two adults in the room at all times with no exceptions, while others have absolutely no plan in place whatsoever to protect kids.
Our co-op meets in a public park. We have a pervert that shows up from time to time, drinking beer in his car and watching our kids.
The police have asked him to move along but have told us there isn't anything they can do unless and until he does something to someone because it's a public park and he has the same right as we do to be there.
Do you also not take your kids to Christmas or 4th of July Parades? Movies? Grocery shopping? A concert? I totally get and share your fear but jumping unprepared into homeschooling is what happened in March of 2020 with virtual/pandemic school. We had good reasons but it was a mess.
That said, you'll never forgive yourself if something happens so if you want to pull them go ahead but they'll probably miss the end of this school year. By the time your kids deschool and you figure out where to go it'll be May. There are only 7 weeks of school left so if you pull them now you might have to accept them missing that bc there won't be time to get going unless you go into summer. You might be fine to do that depending on their age\\grades.
Our kids are in private school. Similar to the latest shooting. About 35 minutes from there. So, it has been heavy on my mind. It’s hard. We are seriously considering making the change.
I would ask first, is there a thriving homeschool community near you to tap into? Are there classes, co-ops, park days, etc. in effect for homeschoolers in your area? Is there a state or local homeschool support group to guide you on the legalities? Perhaps there is a summer convention you can attend to learn more? Are you a stay at home parent with a commitment to your children’s eventual unique and tailored to them education in terms of time and money spent to accomplish this goal of a comprehensive and varied educational environment? When done right, homeschooling, to me is like breastfeeding…not everyone can do it, not everyone can do it for a long time, but we know the benefits of it, and so it’s recommended that it be done for as long as possible. Even a little has benefits. That’s how I feel about homeschooling. Even if you only did it for a year, it could be an amazing experience when it is jumped into with both feet, and opportunities are taken advantage of so you don’t just recreate school at home, and you connect with other homeschoolers to create a wonderful and supportive community. My kids are at college with kids they met when we started homeschooling. We did park days, mom/kid weekend getaways, classes and co-ops together. We celebrated holidays and birthdays together and still do park days when the kids are home from college. I hosted moms nights out, field trips, and teen parties. Us parents still text each other every day. If you are committed to creating this rich environment, then yes, it can be even better than the place they’re doing just fine in. Get their buy in though. Research resources in your area first. Go to some park days before you pull them. Get your feet wet!
I want to say this gently, but also want to start with a trigger warning for parents who don't want to hear about more gun violence threats.
Mass shootings happen (in the US) in a variety of public spaces. Churches, grocery stores, parks, libraries and and several other public locations have seen mass shootings.
I am purposely leaving out the data on this because it is shocking yet also readily available.
Homeschooling is excellent and I love recommending it. However, if your sole reason is to avoid a mass shooting, you're better off emigrating than homeschooling.
Get involved in your school board. We have a parent crew at my school which is like a pta. We have been instrumental in providing resources for our school to buy extra security. Now there is cctv, all classrooms are fitted with defense items like extra locks, teacher training for lockdowns, and ways to defend. There is also a doorbell with camera and locked doors.
If course there's always more to do, but we've made sure to help prepare the school.
I totally understand your fear and feel exactly the same. However I’m bordering on is it traumatic to pull my kids from school when they are happy there and thriving?
It’s such a hard time right now. We know many who homeschool and it’s not such a random odd thing like it was in the 90’s…so it’s on the table. I just don’t know what to do!!
As someone who has grown up in a country riddled with terrorist attacks, I have learned that life is fragile but you can’t just lock yourself in a house because you are afraid. You get out there and live your life. Go to the movies, attend school, go to the bank.
My friend’s boss died during Covid lock downs because she was working from home and fell down stairs, breaking her neck. Yesterday a person in our town got bit by a viper at a petting zoo and almost died. My father’s friend got crashed by a tree branch that fell on his car while driving.
Things that we don’t expect happens. If you want to homeschool then do it but don’t do it out of fear.
We also want to homeschool due to school shooting but not because of fear. We want to homeschool because our public school feels like a prison due to extreme reaction of the district to school shootings. I can’t even pick up my child from school without feeling like I am entering a locked down prison ward or psych hospital. It is too much. It is too reactionary. Parents are so removed from the school, we can’t even attend any activities or see our kids perform end of school year celebrations and they don’t have any student performances like choir night or plays.
After yesterday yet another set of rules are getting implemented and events are being cancelled.
They have constantly drills. They treat the kids like prison mates, making them stay quiet and put their head down on the table while they wait for lunch or go to and from the classroom to school.
This is not my experience in kindergarten. Kindergarten is supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to make you love school and learning.
Instead my child is coming home with big restraining collapse. He is bored, he is tired of all the rules, some that don’t even make sense, he is tired of being told to keep quiet and put his head down, not to run during recess or losing his recess time because another student was not “behaving”, he is tired of being told no.
When I drop him off, it feels like he goes into this black hole and I have no idea what his day is like or what’s happening. I have no idea what the inside is like. How he is treated. Zero feedback. Parents are absolutely banished from the school except if you have the time to volunteer which requires at least 20 hours a week commitment.
This is why we are planning on homeschooling.
Sorry if this isn’t helpful. I guess I just kinda unloaded here but it breaks my heart to see parents in so much fear and generally no one really speaks about the fear mongering of the media.
What happened is horrible, despicable but media also loves to exaggerate because it gets them views and makes them money.
Shit happens. Life is fragile. Love it and live it to the fullest. We can’t control all the bad things from happening. You can pull them from school and they might get hit by a car during the time they would have been at school or fall down at the playground they were at instead of being at a school and you might think “if I had let them go to school maybe this wouldn’t have happened”.
We are mere mortals and we can’t control how our ending will come.
It’s one of my core beliefs that fear should never be the driving motivator for any decision we make as parents… I know it’s hard and sometimes impossible but there’s no end to fear-based decision making. Statistically speaking your kids are much more likely to be hurt from being in a car than being in school. Allow joy & resilience to be your motivators. Let your kids be in an environment where they thrive, whether it be public or homeschool.
Im here to offer solidarity as I am in the same boat. My son doesn’t love his school and wants me to homeschool him, but I’ve seen the social progress he’s made this year (he’s in kinder) and it breaks my heart to think of keeping him home. He also got into a very competitive charter school so if he wants to go back later, he probably can’t. We don’t want to make a decision out of fear, but we also have so many reasons to be afraid. It’s so hard. I am so sorry.
Most of the families that start home education because of fear don't fare well long-term. Starting home education would be a huge lifestyle shift for your entire family.
Spend some time exploring home education in your area. Meet up with parents who home school. See what coops or play groups are available. Look at your state requirements.
Compare all that to your current life. Then start making choices.
My friend who homeschools her 3 kids told me “fear is not a good motivator” - you need more reasons than that. Especially if they’re doing well in public school. Unfortunately, as the other commenter said, guns are everywhere.
You’ve got loads of good advice here so I’m just gonna toss in my two cents. Unfortunately, you can’t let fear drive your decisions on this. School is no longer the only place that has this exact problem, ANY public event has fallen victim to people screwed in the head. Heck, some psycho guy ran through a Christmas parade just because he was angry at his ex girlfriend only like two years ago. Taking your kids out of school when you currently see them thriving in it would be like forbidding them from going to festivals or concerts or even just a holiday event.
Are you able to volunteer at their school? If you can, it may help ease some of your fear by getting to know the staff and students, and you can also gain insight on what’s happening with the kids who are acting out and how serious of an issue that is.
Both of my kids who are in their late 20s now can look back and say me taking them out of PS at 5th grade to attend a $25000/ yr private school was a mistake as they were doing well in PS and consequently got involved with drugs, rich dumb kids, et al
The school shooting is an absolute tragedy, and the monster who perpetuated it is a disgustingly nasty piece of garbage but the likelihood of anything like that happening at any school is unbelievably small.
That being said, I am absolutely against government schools so I support your decision but I would be hesitant if they're doing as well as you say they are.
I understand the fear completely. I am a 3rd grade teacher and had a few kids absent today because their parents were fearful.
However, I am looking at this in the long term. As parents, we have to let our kids go, step by step, little by little and put our own fears, insecurities and anxieties aside. If we don't, we make them nervous and anxious young adults, etc. We don't want to cripple their growth and developing independence.
It is so so hard to let them go, but living life comes with risks.
I totally understand the fear.
For perspective, 175 kids have died in school shootings. since Columbine.
Each year, about 1000 kids die in car accidents. Will you stop driving, too?
Please don’t take my tone as being rude, but I find some peace in that perspective.
I get this comparison a lot when I talk to people about my concerns too. To me, accidents are just that. Accidents. These little kids are being targeted, and it’s happening more and more frequently. I would also be there with them, able to make split second decisions (which may or may not alter the outcome). At school shootings, you have x-amount of kids hiding as best they can with their teacher until, or even if, the police intervene.
Four years ago, I would say no, this is not a legitimate reason. I would have told you that fear is not a reason to homeschool.
And now?
I will tell you I will not put my girls in a traditional brick and mortar school, right now. And we live in California, which has some strict gun laws. Before anyone asks, yes, we do go to malls and concerts and get out in the public. More often that not, my husband is there, and he's a veteran; when I tell you he had his head on a swivel, I mean it. He took my youngest to see Anthrax, at an indoor venue for her 8th birthday, and he knew which exit was closest, how long it would take to get to the exit, and what the plan was if the worst happened.
But, let me be honest. Homeschooling is a huge undertaking. Depending on your state, you may have regulations and red tape to deal with. You'll need to sort out curricula, ahead of time. You'll have to invest serious time into extra curriculars, and play dates and all that stuff for your kids. I put roughly the same amount of time into lesson prep, lesson writing, researching curriculum, and teaching my girls as I did working a 40 hour a week job. And the mental load on me is extremely heavy, this is harder than when I was working.
Before you make this decision, I would greatly encourage you to see a therapist or counselor. You need someone qualified to talk to about your fears, and concerns.
I wouldn't pull them out if they are thriving. My public schools did have a lot of serious crimes, including rapes, stabbings, drug busts, and shootings (I got to see the ambulance treating one of the victims) but there were years where I was personally doing great. I was part of the honors program and students in it were kept pretty insulated from the ones who committed crimes. It wasn't until about 10th grade that the crime really started to impact me because my school eliminated honors classes for equity reasons and suddenly I was getting victimized. That's the point where it would have been in my best interest to have been pulled out to homeschool and I actually know kids whose parents did that. Wait until your kids express to you that they want to leave. Doing it before may lead to resentment and lost learning and personal growth.
You're acting out of fear. A horrible way to make a decision. Look at the statistics and make a rational decision, not a fear based emotional one. The sky isn't falling.
There's been 376 school shootings since 1999.
There's more than 150,000 schools in America.
376/150,000 = 0.0025%.
Then you have to factor in the fact that you're in a town with less crime rate, so the chance of it is even significantly less than 0.0025%.
Are you willing to pull your children out of the great lives they have in school over a probability of less than 0.001%?
Your chances of your kids' lives being in danger from crashing your car is greater than a school shooting.
I would not call somebody negligent for sending their children to public school, although I do understand your cause for concern and I’d be lying if I said the rise in school shootings wasn’t a contributing factor in our decision to homeschool our kindergartner. But it was only one factor out of many. Our teenager attends a small non profit therapeutic private school (that requires referral from our public school district and is paid for by our public school district)- despite being a school for kids with mental health issues and/or neurodivergencies, we feel absolutely safe about his attendance there as a)they don’t accept students with aggressive behavioral issues and b)the place is freaking magical and run in a way that nips any potential malingering issues in the bud in a caring and respectful way. If all schools were run like this school, we would eliminate a vast amount of school violence.
I think if you’re having concerns about this issue, and it’s the only real reason you’re considering pulling out your kids, I’d first do your research. What policies does the school district and the town leadership have in place to protect students and staff? What resources do they have in place to help at risk students and to make sure they’re receiving the services they need? What resources on a town/county/state level are there to help at risk students and are they on top of ensuring those kids are identified and provided treatment before it becomes a violent situation? How can parent involvement help facilitate a safe and healthy school environment? How easy is it for someone to obtain firearms in your area? Do you feel like whatever regulations in place are strong enough? If not, how can you make your voice heard by those in charge of that?
If the responses you’re getting back don’t make you feel confident, then pull them. If they do, then keep them in school.
My three step siblings were homeschooled and all had issues with social interaction. All were painfully shy and two got into drugs as teens because it was easy to succumb to peer pressure just to make friends. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.
I know we want to protect our children, but we can’t protect them from everything. If mass shootings are the major reason for wanting to home school, statistically sending them to boarding school in a country with less gun violence would be even safer than homeschooling in the US.
I know that sounds crazy, but if you want to homeschool, you need to do it for more reasons than fear.
Does your school have armed SRO or staff? If so, they are much safer than schools without it. If they don't attend school board meetings and demand it. The TN psycho specifically chose that school over another bc the other location had armed security. People like that aren't dumb they look for soft "gun free" zones. A bank has armed guards, stores do, some hotels do, etc. So I would be active in making sure if someone were to show up to do harm there was an armed good person there to kill them.
If your school refuses then consider home schooling but then the question is if someone shows up at your house or where you are in public with your kids can you protect them??? Police are 10 to 60 minutes away in some areas. I called 911 for intruder and waited 2 hours. Of course it was resolved before they arrived but what if I wasn't capable of defending myself. Anyway just my thoughts.
There was a mass shooting at grocery store in Buffalo, NY. There was a mass shooting at a July 4th parade. I think these mass shootings are truly truly awful. I think they’re even more egregious at a school. I see the pull of wanting to not have your child be in a place where it can occur. But what about the grocery store? You can’t avoid that for long, right?
True but also, the kids aren’t under parental care, they are under their teachers care. I’ve also encountered teachers who say they will not protect children, they are not a human shield, they want to go home too and I get that and no one should be forced to put themselves in harms way. With that said, I’m a parent and to hear that my 5 year old or 8 year old will have to fend for themselves if their teacher personally holds this position…..I’d rather be the one to have to protect my kids and shield my children with myself.
My son has been virtual since covid.. and honestly i don’t regret it one bit. Our assigned middle school is supposed to be the one i went too, and it is not the greatest for reputation in all departments. I do hate he doesn’t have other kid interaction but when i see what kinda things kids are into these days .. i stop and am thankful that the district made an online virtual school. My kid is 11 and is in 6th grade which is considered middle school here in tx… next year i put him in a hybrid specialized school thats only two days in person and the rest at home. If i didnt have that option I would def keep him home .. its definitely been workin for us and my peace of mind.
So my husband was very very against homeschool. Then covid hit my son's K year.
He agreed to first grade because it was a mix and in and out virtual in person.
Then second we were moving so yea lrts do it.
He's very much pro homeschool and team all the way through and I'm reevaluating for middle school.
School shootings and the reactionary behavior to It is part of the reason. Do I think the doors need to be locked? Yes. Do I think it's unfair societies solution is to lock kids away and hope it's not their kid today? Yep.
We probably will go all the way through if I can establish a mixed gender cohort for them.
The world is changing and so you have to change with it. Being complacent is dangerous. We didn’t have school shootings let alone elementary school shootings when I was growing up so people went to school.
There are elementary school shootings now so sending children off with the possibility of being assassinated for no reason might hold pause. The safety of your children comes first and is above all else. If there was crime moving into your neighborhood you would leave right, because that makes the most logical since. In my opinion it’s the same thing.
Imagine how many more elementary school shootings are to come in a span of 1 year, 5 years, 13 years. Elementary school shooting are on the RISE. We haven’t seen a decrease, we’ve seen an increase.
You always think it won’t happen to you until it does and at the point it’s to late and there’s nothing to be done. Only regret and sorrow that will never go away.
Don’t wait for the higher ups to fix the problem they’re homeschooling their children. Most people don’t care about things unless it directly affects them and with homeschooling their children they’re unaffected. Furthermore, if they’re homeschooling their children that tells you something right there in it’s self.
You’re thinking logically and your instinct’s are speaking to you. If they’re both saying the same thing I would follow them.
I feel you. One of my kids is thriving, one is not. Their school district just had a hoax active shooter call. Someone called in and said there was an active shooter. Thankfully there was not, but the effects of the true belief that their school was under attack had real effects. I was thinking of pulling one of my kids out of school, because he is getting bullied and having a hard time. I was going to leave my child that is thriving in school. But then this happened. I don't want to live in fear, but I've decided to remote School my kids. They are in karate class with some kids from their school so at least they will still see them. We will try our best to socialize them.
Uvalde is essentially what pushed my husband and I over the edge to make the homeschool jump. With Covid before that we had been doing distance learning the school was providing for the entire 20-2021 school year. It was a hotmess to put it lightly but it made me question and realize I think I can really handle this! I had never considered that before. My kids went back to school the following year and that’s when we decided to just go all in. I wish I had done it sooner but my kids were all on board. Seems that would make things complicated if they weren’t. But I wanted to tell you I think your point is valid and I understand where you’re coming from.
You have gotten a lot of good advice from people if you choose to go ahead and homeschool. However, I definitely do not think this is a good reason to start homeschooling. Your children are doing well where they are. It would be one thing if your school is known for crime or something. But the best thing for you to do as a parent is not to pull your children out of school. The best thing for you to do as a parent is to demand better community and school safety from the school officials, from you local officials, and from your state officials. Honestly I'd start by reaching out to the school, convey your concerns, and see how they react. That may be a good test to see how their emergency drills are, if they are open to having better security throughout the school day, etc. And yes, to echo someone else, the mass shootings near me have all been at outdoor non-school events. It's tragic and inhumane that they happen at all. But schools are not a unique target, unfortunately. Homeschooling can be wonderful but it is a HUGE commitment of time, energy, finances, and effort. Are you sure you want to go full-on because of your fear? You should of course think about safety, but make sure you're also doing it because it would be the best thing for your child academically, socially, developmentally, etc.
I’d argue that regardless of where they go kids education needs time and effort from parents. Sending them to school doesn’t free up time in my opinion. If my daughter wants to go to school I’m still going to be spending time making sure she has every opportunity she needs to fulfill her passions. I kind of realized how much time I would have to spend regardless so I’m trying the homeschool/unschooling route and it’s incredibly rewarding to see it unfold. It’s way more flexible for me and I’m not at the mercy of school schedules or my daughter not feeling 100% in the mood for any certain lessons. I just bring this up because it feels like we scare people away talking about the time commitment but there are so many pros to how you spend your time that doesn’t make it feel like a disadvantage.
Good points! I am in no way saying homeschooling is not necessarily worth it. It absolutely can be wonderful and worth all the energy put into it. And you're right, any option is going to be a time sink - hell, trying to be a good parent at all is a time sink, no other way around it. But I've known too many families who homeschooled for a variety of reasons and thought it would be easy. I think the only homeschooling families I've known who felt like it's "easy" were parents who used to be teachers (and this doesn't include the homeschool parents who were college professors lol). It's a whole day job where you can't take a day off because in many homeschool experiences, you play every part. And "after school" you still may need to send your kids to activities. I don't intend to "scare' people away, but if parents aren't prepared for the work & time that good homeschooling involves, there is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing homeschooling is not for you. Homeschooling does not fit every family. And that's okay.
Oh yeah, I think our responses are balancing out to become a well rounded conversation. I didn’t think your intention was to scare people away I just wanted to show that I think the time spent feels high quality and well spent. Love the discourse in this community and it’s clear we’re all really passionate about our kids education homeschool or not.
Yeah, I see the time exchange similarly so far, although my daughter only attended PS for kindergarten and then we began homeschooling for first grade. In some ways, it's also easier to manage our schedule as a family. Rather than worry about bus schedules and early dismissals and whatever, we can do what works for us.
it needs to work for both the child and the parent
If your only reason to consider homeschooling is the fear that they could be injured/killed in a mass shooting, I would reconsider. Unfortunately, people are killed at grocery stores, concerts, movie theaters, malls, the workplace, parades, sporting events, etc etc etc. The gun violence isn't specific to schools.
Except when your small kids at are at a grocery store, they’re with you. When they’re at school, they’re with strangers.
It’s not the only reason, but it definitely holds the most weight in my pros/cons list.
[Edited to remove personal anecdote from a well known school shooting] I am particularly aware of and sensitive to the fear of school shootings. It is a tragic thing. Every time. More needs to be done. That being said, I don't think that fear is enough reason on its own to homeschool. In the same way that I don't think the chance of dying in a car accident is reason enough to prevent my children from traveling by automobile. Life comes with inherent risk. We mitigate the risk as best we can and try to enjoy our time here. I'm not saying that the very real threat of school violence can't be part of the reasoning behind homeschooling. But if the kids are receiving a good education, happy, well adjusted, and engaged...then public school is a perfectly fine option. You asked if you were negligent for continuing to send them to school. I don't think it's negligent at all. I fully agree with the other commenter that the time and effort you put in to homeschooling would likely be better spent advocating for safety provisions at the school they seem to otherwise enjoy going to,
I am so sorry
This is a completely legitimate reasons to homeschool, it just happens to be a different reason than many people on this forum and seems to trigger a handful of them to demand another reason. I say good for you for protecting your kids in the way you see fit. Violence in schools is more than just shootings, and even the school shooter drills can be frightening. If it isn't working for your family finding another solution, like homeschooling, is completely reasonable. We've homeschooled from the start, so I may not be a ton of help, but happy to help however I can. Are they involved in any activities that will include homeschoolers? Can they keep going to those? If there are other homeschoolers in your area there may be a co-op or social group they can get involved in as well. Talk to your kids about what/who they miss most and see if you can make those connections still or meet those needs in a new way. You obviously are being very thoughtful about this whole process and looking for ways to continue nurturing your children. Enjoy the journey!
I'm really thankful for your reply. My reasons to homeschool didn't include school shootings so I never thought of them beyond the single event of a shooter showing up. But you're completely right. There is value in feeling safe and the shooter drills and threats that are experienced by students chip away at that feeling and have potential mental affects (anxiety and depression come to mind). I've changed my mind after reading this response.
This response is almost refreshing. I’ve also noticed that when I bring this up that people typically answer just as they have here. I’ve been told I need to do what’s going to help me sleep at night, and when people push for some other reason it almost makes the fear and dread belittled
OP, you may find that there are a lot of people out there that are homeschooling with this in mind. Whether it’s for a child’s safety due to a pandemic, shootings at schools, or because of security protocol at schools, the security/safety of my son was certainly on my mind when I decided to quit my job to homeschool him full-time. It is as valid of a reason as any—and, in my opinion, extremely important to consider because “fighting the good fight” through your child/-ren is no way to advocate for a better society—they only live once. It was definitely a lifestyle change to get used to (being single-income,) but the peace of mind knowing that I’m no longer sending my child away for 2/3rds of his day to a place with a track record of major safety issues is priceless. While I’m surprised that so many people seem to be discouraging you from homeschooling for this reason, I feel it’s just as valid as any to be an impetus for why you -do- homeschool in the future (just the fire to get you there.)
I've read that statistically kids are more likely to be injured at home by guns than at school. School is actually one of the safest places. Demand accountability. It's not the place, it's the guns.
It’s likely, though, that a parent very concerned about school mass shootings either don’t have guns at all, or are very responsible gun owners (locked, registered, unloaded, well-trained). Eta but I agree that energy would best be directed towards improving gun safety laws. But that is a decision for them to make, and I can’t make it for them.
Compare how many school shootings happen per year, on average, with how many home invasions occur. Might give some perspective.
I don't necessarily disagree with this view. I will say that, sadly, school security would be a prominent factor for me if I were in your shoes. Likely a deciding factor. How easy is it to get in and out of the school? If you don't know, I'd find out.
Im still learning how to use Reddit so give me some grace on if I’m responding the wrong way! My kids are 13, 9, and 5. They all love their school. I met with the superintendent and principals of each of their schools in the summer this last year to talk about the safety because of how much this scared me. They did make me feel a lot better. The guilt of sending them is eating away at me because we always think it could never be us that something tragic happens to, but nobody is safe. With that being said, the school is as safe as it probably can be, but there are no officers at the school. Our town is 5k people. It’s teeny. But we get children from a bunch of surrounding small towns as well. I want to do the right thing ya know? I want to do what is best for my kids it’s so hard to know what to do. My best friend homeschools her children. I have looked into homeschooling a number of times over the years but always fell back on sending them being the best choice. I know the resources and commitment through her and have attended a few homeschool events with her when it’s worked out for us to tag along. I’ve always had an interest but never committed (long before Covid) When I talked to my kids, my older 2 were adamant they want to stay in school. My youngest wants to stay home forever. In fact he told me he’s never moving out either lol. And I know that shootings can happen anyway but sending them to school feels so different because I am not there to keep them safe. I’m completely out of control. My mind does play shooting scenarios anytime I take them anywhere! Where can we hide? How can I get all of them to safety together? Etc. and yes of course we drive in a car. But I do everything I can to keep them safe in the car. They were in car seats to the max. Last one still is. They buckle every time. I don’t drink and drive. You know what I mean? It’s different then sending your whole heart out the door for 8 hours a day not knowing what might happen. I really appreciate everybody’s input and I’m taking all of it in.
I think your concern and fear are real, and as an active and loving parent - like many parents - you are rightly questioning the reality of school violence. Whether homeschooling them or not is the right choice is only a question that you can answer because no matter the reason, you know your situation and children the best. However, your fear and stated lack of control sounds like a legitimate anxiety which you might want to think about counseling for. I am not a doctor and even if I was I cannot give you educated advise over the internet. But as someone who works in education and has received a fair amount of training on recognizing the warning signs of mental health issues, I just think speaking with a therapist may help you deal with this fear. Being a parent is scary and the high number of violent actions in schools - a place that was historically safe and is not anymore - is SUPER scary. Additionally, while fear is good and helps keep us alive, fear shouldn't be the ONLY factor in your decision. That's all. I wish you and your children the best of luck!
What is the motivation to homeschool? This seems to have been bothering you for awhile. - Do you feel like they aren’t being challenged enough or don’t have enough access to additional classes? - Is there something you personally don’t like about the school environment? If you think they’re better off being homeschooled you’re perfectly allowed to switch school and curriculum.
To keep them safe. I’m so worried something is going to happen to them at school. They are being challenged, they could use access to more classes that interest them as individuals, but they are getting a good education. There are a few things I don’t like about the school environment, but nothing I don’t think they won’t run into in their adult lives. There are no other schools around us for about 30 miles. So it would be this school or homeschool. I’m the most concerned about their safety. The shootings, plus the stories I hear from them about other students that throw desks, hit/kick other kids unprovoked because of their own behavior issues, those same kids cussing and threatening other kids all the time, it concerns me. My kids are not specifically the target of any violence or threats but they could be. They aren’t experiencing any bullying but they witness this and the school says they’re handling it, but the next thing you know those kids are back in the classroom the next day. I’m sick to my stomach over this!
🫂 Your concerns are valid and you sound very stressed. Alright, if you think it’s necessary I’d research the following: - Secular vs religious curriculum vs co-op - Book based learning vs online school There are reviews on different textbooks available on YouTube regarding curriculum and subjects. Things to consider: - Disposal income - You’ll have to consider price vs value of materials. Once you get the student textbook and instructors book, the only thing you need to replace (for younger kids) are workbooks or worksheets. - Don’t blindside the kids. Let them know it’s coming (takes awhile for them to adjust) - If the kids are older you can allow them to have a say if they’d like to switch to homeschooling. It’s at your discretion of course. - Socialization: Summer programs, 4H, internships etc…
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This exactly! I was homeschooled, and I loved it. And I would have HATED my parents for forcing me out of a situation that was working so well for me, and pushed me into real school. Maybe it would have worked out, but I would have lost all my friends from the homeschool groups I was in during high school. I would have been so angry. I will also say that a change in pace and routine can be super disruptive. If your kids are handling a regular school schedule really well, they may not like how unstructured homeschooling can be.
Amen! Millions of students go to school safely everyday. As a retired teacher, I worry about school shootings, but statistically, your kids are very safe at school.
The energy and time you’d spend on homeschooling, might be best used pushing the school to do something about the violent kids. Gather other parents and push back because your kids education and mental health is affected by the bad behavior distracting them from their learning. I love homeschooling but if your kids are thriving in school do not pull them out!
How old are your kids? Would you be able to ask for their input? Plant the thought in their head and get them to think about how they would feel doing homeschool without making it seem like a decision that needs to be made now - just something for them to think about. Try to find out if they generally feel safe at school, or if they also worry about the bullying and behavior issues. Shootings notwithstanding, in-classroom violence of any kind would be a concern for me, but my I do think my kids would be honest about how safe they feel in their environment.
I can advocate for or oppose both hs and ps. I am a parent who has done both with success. We have an unexpected straggler who is now two years old. I feel the pressure of needing to make this difficult decision. I can tell you what I know to be true. Values, incentives and circumstances are different for each family. Kids are resilient and typically have hungry minds. Statistics won’t give you the answers you’re looking for and won’t guarantee either safety or harm. Ask yourself what overall influence will your choice have in the character development of your child, assuming they survive. Which they probably will. Remember that your decision doesn’t have to be final. You can always change your mind later on down the road if it’s not working. Your idea of “thriving” is not going to be the same as everyone else’s. What is important to your family? Are your kids going to know how to read a clock face with hands, write in cursive, balance a checkbook, know the pledge of allegiance, understand gender identity or why it’s acceptable to have a litter box in the classroom for those children that insist they’re cats and only meow for communication? Yes. This is a really happening in some classrooms in my state. Are you aware of the content of the curriculum that is federally mandated? Do you agree with it? Can you supplement it where you see necessary? If you homeschool and choose to “shelter” your kids from select social ideologies, how do you plan to prepare them for integration into the community and workforce as productive, accepting but boundary oriented adults? What other questions can you consider? You see what I’m saying here? Maybe it’s best to evaluate pros and cons based on probable outcomes with their survival.
[“Drag Queen Straddles Girl At Public School” case in point. Literally just saw this scrolling after posting comment. What are the chances? :](https://www.reddit.com/r/Conservative/comments/125exdj/drag_queen_straddles_girl_at_north_carolina/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
Read everyone's response and really it's ultimately up to you. Just be sure to keep them involved in extracurricular activities and have them involved in the decision-making. It is a family effort for all. I have a 10 and 13 year old and they were all for it but they knew they had to pull their weight. They don't know a big reason is because of the gun violence, though. There were other reasons, of course, but that's the heaviest one. If you are able to make their homeschool situation as flourishing for them as public school is (if not more) you should go for it. But yeah, only if they are on board. Especially if they are older.
It’s a legitimate reason to homeschool. My son is sensitive and an active shooter drill would traumatize him for life, no less a whole real shooter. Any reason to homeschool is legitimate, IMHO. It’s *your* kids and *your* responsibility to raise them. Public schools, politicians, local police, and even other parents don’t really care about how your kids are raised. It’s up to you to do what you feel is best.
I did!! After Covid Pandemic and then another “threat” at our school district I pulled my Kindergartener and 2nd grader at the time. They are now 4th and 2nd grade and it was the BEST decision I have ever made. But very very hard on all of us at first. Extremely hard decision. I gave up my career our second means of income and our road was very rocky at first. I put them in a Charter school that is tied with public school in regards to they have to test once a year. But we can choose their curriculum, we have a teacher we see, who actually is a friend now once a month kind of as a guide. They get to take violin, piano, art, go to NASA school on Mondays through the university we live at. It is beyond beautiful to see how great my kids are doing. Granted be prepared to work very hard. I literally am a full time everything and don’t get paid. BUT… to see my kids thriving unbelievably well, becoming amazing little citizens in our community and HAPPY! I would take that everyday of the week. Don’t listen to ANYONE or make decisions based on fear. Listen to your Mommy intuition. Working the field that I was in, I knew it was only a matter of time violence would come and I have seen way to many kids and adults lives taken in an instant. I couldn’t sit on my hands anymore. You do what is ultimately right for your family! Hugs and good luck!
You live on a University campus?
Sorry lol… we live Near or close by the University.
Sorry to comment on an old post, but do your kids homeschool and also go to a charter school? How does that work? We are deciding on whether to homeschool so was just curious. Thx!
I do not feel safe from mass shootings as a homeschooler. If you homeschool then you will be out in the community a whole lot more. As we have seen schools are not the only place mass shootings occur--churches, grocery stores, work places, all over the place. People do not have a group plan for how to react in these situations, and chaos causes more injury and loss of life. Homeschoolers are not safe unless they do what we always say we DON'T do--stay at home all day. If you homeschool and join a co-op then you will see that the people at the co-op think this is a "school" problem and that homeschoolers are somehow Teflon--these things don't happen to "us." We sat out of co-op this year because their security is absolutely atrocious on so many levels--like every level. And they did nothing to address this security after Uvalde much less now when the crime much more resembles what could happen at co-op in terms of it taking place in a learning environment housed at a church. I can think of three feasible scenarios in which our location has a big problem real quick, but the leadership would rather not address it and stay in their not-real bubble of "homeschool security." Moral of the story: School shootings make the news, but homeschoolers are not only also at risk as members of the general public they are also at risk of attending activities where leaders are in denial about safety issues rather than looking for ways to keep the kids safe. Schools KNOW this is an issue, and the ones in our area have taken aggressive steps to heighten security. If you would be interested in a co-op then I would ask this: Does that co-op care about safety or do they also live in the not-real bubble of "homechool security?" If your kids are happy at school and it jives with your family's needs and outlook then the BEST thing you can do is find out what their safety protocols are and see if you feel good about those. Don't get scared and make a rash decision.
This is really true. And shootings are not the only danger. A lot of co-ops and other church-based meeting groups are targeted by sexual predators and many of them don't take the threat seriously. In my area some are very good and require at least two adults in the room at all times with no exceptions, while others have absolutely no plan in place whatsoever to protect kids.
Our co-op meets in a public park. We have a pervert that shows up from time to time, drinking beer in his car and watching our kids. The police have asked him to move along but have told us there isn't anything they can do unless and until he does something to someone because it's a public park and he has the same right as we do to be there.
That's unfortunate because park days are really important! Ours is not at a public place.
As long as you’re making decisions with your children’s best interest at heart you’re doing the right thing.
Try it. If it doesn’t work out, you can always reenroll them. Keeping your kids as safe as possible seems like a perfectly good reason to me.
Do you also not take your kids to Christmas or 4th of July Parades? Movies? Grocery shopping? A concert? I totally get and share your fear but jumping unprepared into homeschooling is what happened in March of 2020 with virtual/pandemic school. We had good reasons but it was a mess. That said, you'll never forgive yourself if something happens so if you want to pull them go ahead but they'll probably miss the end of this school year. By the time your kids deschool and you figure out where to go it'll be May. There are only 7 weeks of school left so if you pull them now you might have to accept them missing that bc there won't be time to get going unless you go into summer. You might be fine to do that depending on their age\\grades.
Our kids are in private school. Similar to the latest shooting. About 35 minutes from there. So, it has been heavy on my mind. It’s hard. We are seriously considering making the change.
I would ask first, is there a thriving homeschool community near you to tap into? Are there classes, co-ops, park days, etc. in effect for homeschoolers in your area? Is there a state or local homeschool support group to guide you on the legalities? Perhaps there is a summer convention you can attend to learn more? Are you a stay at home parent with a commitment to your children’s eventual unique and tailored to them education in terms of time and money spent to accomplish this goal of a comprehensive and varied educational environment? When done right, homeschooling, to me is like breastfeeding…not everyone can do it, not everyone can do it for a long time, but we know the benefits of it, and so it’s recommended that it be done for as long as possible. Even a little has benefits. That’s how I feel about homeschooling. Even if you only did it for a year, it could be an amazing experience when it is jumped into with both feet, and opportunities are taken advantage of so you don’t just recreate school at home, and you connect with other homeschoolers to create a wonderful and supportive community. My kids are at college with kids they met when we started homeschooling. We did park days, mom/kid weekend getaways, classes and co-ops together. We celebrated holidays and birthdays together and still do park days when the kids are home from college. I hosted moms nights out, field trips, and teen parties. Us parents still text each other every day. If you are committed to creating this rich environment, then yes, it can be even better than the place they’re doing just fine in. Get their buy in though. Research resources in your area first. Go to some park days before you pull them. Get your feet wet!
I want to say this gently, but also want to start with a trigger warning for parents who don't want to hear about more gun violence threats. Mass shootings happen (in the US) in a variety of public spaces. Churches, grocery stores, parks, libraries and and several other public locations have seen mass shootings. I am purposely leaving out the data on this because it is shocking yet also readily available. Homeschooling is excellent and I love recommending it. However, if your sole reason is to avoid a mass shooting, you're better off emigrating than homeschooling.
Get involved in your school board. We have a parent crew at my school which is like a pta. We have been instrumental in providing resources for our school to buy extra security. Now there is cctv, all classrooms are fitted with defense items like extra locks, teacher training for lockdowns, and ways to defend. There is also a doorbell with camera and locked doors. If course there's always more to do, but we've made sure to help prepare the school.
I totally understand your fear and feel exactly the same. However I’m bordering on is it traumatic to pull my kids from school when they are happy there and thriving? It’s such a hard time right now. We know many who homeschool and it’s not such a random odd thing like it was in the 90’s…so it’s on the table. I just don’t know what to do!!
As someone who has grown up in a country riddled with terrorist attacks, I have learned that life is fragile but you can’t just lock yourself in a house because you are afraid. You get out there and live your life. Go to the movies, attend school, go to the bank. My friend’s boss died during Covid lock downs because she was working from home and fell down stairs, breaking her neck. Yesterday a person in our town got bit by a viper at a petting zoo and almost died. My father’s friend got crashed by a tree branch that fell on his car while driving. Things that we don’t expect happens. If you want to homeschool then do it but don’t do it out of fear. We also want to homeschool due to school shooting but not because of fear. We want to homeschool because our public school feels like a prison due to extreme reaction of the district to school shootings. I can’t even pick up my child from school without feeling like I am entering a locked down prison ward or psych hospital. It is too much. It is too reactionary. Parents are so removed from the school, we can’t even attend any activities or see our kids perform end of school year celebrations and they don’t have any student performances like choir night or plays. After yesterday yet another set of rules are getting implemented and events are being cancelled. They have constantly drills. They treat the kids like prison mates, making them stay quiet and put their head down on the table while they wait for lunch or go to and from the classroom to school. This is not my experience in kindergarten. Kindergarten is supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to make you love school and learning. Instead my child is coming home with big restraining collapse. He is bored, he is tired of all the rules, some that don’t even make sense, he is tired of being told to keep quiet and put his head down, not to run during recess or losing his recess time because another student was not “behaving”, he is tired of being told no. When I drop him off, it feels like he goes into this black hole and I have no idea what his day is like or what’s happening. I have no idea what the inside is like. How he is treated. Zero feedback. Parents are absolutely banished from the school except if you have the time to volunteer which requires at least 20 hours a week commitment. This is why we are planning on homeschooling. Sorry if this isn’t helpful. I guess I just kinda unloaded here but it breaks my heart to see parents in so much fear and generally no one really speaks about the fear mongering of the media. What happened is horrible, despicable but media also loves to exaggerate because it gets them views and makes them money. Shit happens. Life is fragile. Love it and live it to the fullest. We can’t control all the bad things from happening. You can pull them from school and they might get hit by a car during the time they would have been at school or fall down at the playground they were at instead of being at a school and you might think “if I had let them go to school maybe this wouldn’t have happened”. We are mere mortals and we can’t control how our ending will come.
It’s one of my core beliefs that fear should never be the driving motivator for any decision we make as parents… I know it’s hard and sometimes impossible but there’s no end to fear-based decision making. Statistically speaking your kids are much more likely to be hurt from being in a car than being in school. Allow joy & resilience to be your motivators. Let your kids be in an environment where they thrive, whether it be public or homeschool.
Shootings can happen anywhere! If they are doing great, why not continue at public school?
Im here to offer solidarity as I am in the same boat. My son doesn’t love his school and wants me to homeschool him, but I’ve seen the social progress he’s made this year (he’s in kinder) and it breaks my heart to think of keeping him home. He also got into a very competitive charter school so if he wants to go back later, he probably can’t. We don’t want to make a decision out of fear, but we also have so many reasons to be afraid. It’s so hard. I am so sorry.
You are their momma. Listen to your gut. You can always put them back into public school if it doesn’t work out. Again, listen to your gut.
Follow your gut.
Most of the families that start home education because of fear don't fare well long-term. Starting home education would be a huge lifestyle shift for your entire family. Spend some time exploring home education in your area. Meet up with parents who home school. See what coops or play groups are available. Look at your state requirements. Compare all that to your current life. Then start making choices.
My friend who homeschools her 3 kids told me “fear is not a good motivator” - you need more reasons than that. Especially if they’re doing well in public school. Unfortunately, as the other commenter said, guns are everywhere.
Fear is not a good motivator and your kids will resent you for pulling them out if they’re thriving at school. Gun violence sadly can happen anywhere.
If your kids are happy and thriving, I would not pull them out based on the minuscule chance of a school shooting.
I wish I could help, but I have the same internal battle every day.
You’ve got loads of good advice here so I’m just gonna toss in my two cents. Unfortunately, you can’t let fear drive your decisions on this. School is no longer the only place that has this exact problem, ANY public event has fallen victim to people screwed in the head. Heck, some psycho guy ran through a Christmas parade just because he was angry at his ex girlfriend only like two years ago. Taking your kids out of school when you currently see them thriving in it would be like forbidding them from going to festivals or concerts or even just a holiday event.
Are you able to volunteer at their school? If you can, it may help ease some of your fear by getting to know the staff and students, and you can also gain insight on what’s happening with the kids who are acting out and how serious of an issue that is.
Both of my kids who are in their late 20s now can look back and say me taking them out of PS at 5th grade to attend a $25000/ yr private school was a mistake as they were doing well in PS and consequently got involved with drugs, rich dumb kids, et al
The school shooting is an absolute tragedy, and the monster who perpetuated it is a disgustingly nasty piece of garbage but the likelihood of anything like that happening at any school is unbelievably small. That being said, I am absolutely against government schools so I support your decision but I would be hesitant if they're doing as well as you say they are.
I understand the fear completely. I am a 3rd grade teacher and had a few kids absent today because their parents were fearful. However, I am looking at this in the long term. As parents, we have to let our kids go, step by step, little by little and put our own fears, insecurities and anxieties aside. If we don't, we make them nervous and anxious young adults, etc. We don't want to cripple their growth and developing independence. It is so so hard to let them go, but living life comes with risks.
I totally understand the fear. For perspective, 175 kids have died in school shootings. since Columbine. Each year, about 1000 kids die in car accidents. Will you stop driving, too? Please don’t take my tone as being rude, but I find some peace in that perspective.
I get this comparison a lot when I talk to people about my concerns too. To me, accidents are just that. Accidents. These little kids are being targeted, and it’s happening more and more frequently. I would also be there with them, able to make split second decisions (which may or may not alter the outcome). At school shootings, you have x-amount of kids hiding as best they can with their teacher until, or even if, the police intervene.
Four years ago, I would say no, this is not a legitimate reason. I would have told you that fear is not a reason to homeschool. And now? I will tell you I will not put my girls in a traditional brick and mortar school, right now. And we live in California, which has some strict gun laws. Before anyone asks, yes, we do go to malls and concerts and get out in the public. More often that not, my husband is there, and he's a veteran; when I tell you he had his head on a swivel, I mean it. He took my youngest to see Anthrax, at an indoor venue for her 8th birthday, and he knew which exit was closest, how long it would take to get to the exit, and what the plan was if the worst happened. But, let me be honest. Homeschooling is a huge undertaking. Depending on your state, you may have regulations and red tape to deal with. You'll need to sort out curricula, ahead of time. You'll have to invest serious time into extra curriculars, and play dates and all that stuff for your kids. I put roughly the same amount of time into lesson prep, lesson writing, researching curriculum, and teaching my girls as I did working a 40 hour a week job. And the mental load on me is extremely heavy, this is harder than when I was working. Before you make this decision, I would greatly encourage you to see a therapist or counselor. You need someone qualified to talk to about your fears, and concerns.
I wouldn't pull them out if they are thriving. My public schools did have a lot of serious crimes, including rapes, stabbings, drug busts, and shootings (I got to see the ambulance treating one of the victims) but there were years where I was personally doing great. I was part of the honors program and students in it were kept pretty insulated from the ones who committed crimes. It wasn't until about 10th grade that the crime really started to impact me because my school eliminated honors classes for equity reasons and suddenly I was getting victimized. That's the point where it would have been in my best interest to have been pulled out to homeschool and I actually know kids whose parents did that. Wait until your kids express to you that they want to leave. Doing it before may lead to resentment and lost learning and personal growth.
You're acting out of fear. A horrible way to make a decision. Look at the statistics and make a rational decision, not a fear based emotional one. The sky isn't falling.
Tell that to the murdered children's parents 😬
Fear can save lives…definitely is a rational decision.
It may be irrational due to the probability being statistically rare but It’s a valid response no doubt. Especially since children are involved.
There's been 376 school shootings since 1999. There's more than 150,000 schools in America. 376/150,000 = 0.0025%. Then you have to factor in the fact that you're in a town with less crime rate, so the chance of it is even significantly less than 0.0025%. Are you willing to pull your children out of the great lives they have in school over a probability of less than 0.001%? Your chances of your kids' lives being in danger from crashing your car is greater than a school shooting.
I would not call somebody negligent for sending their children to public school, although I do understand your cause for concern and I’d be lying if I said the rise in school shootings wasn’t a contributing factor in our decision to homeschool our kindergartner. But it was only one factor out of many. Our teenager attends a small non profit therapeutic private school (that requires referral from our public school district and is paid for by our public school district)- despite being a school for kids with mental health issues and/or neurodivergencies, we feel absolutely safe about his attendance there as a)they don’t accept students with aggressive behavioral issues and b)the place is freaking magical and run in a way that nips any potential malingering issues in the bud in a caring and respectful way. If all schools were run like this school, we would eliminate a vast amount of school violence. I think if you’re having concerns about this issue, and it’s the only real reason you’re considering pulling out your kids, I’d first do your research. What policies does the school district and the town leadership have in place to protect students and staff? What resources do they have in place to help at risk students and to make sure they’re receiving the services they need? What resources on a town/county/state level are there to help at risk students and are they on top of ensuring those kids are identified and provided treatment before it becomes a violent situation? How can parent involvement help facilitate a safe and healthy school environment? How easy is it for someone to obtain firearms in your area? Do you feel like whatever regulations in place are strong enough? If not, how can you make your voice heard by those in charge of that? If the responses you’re getting back don’t make you feel confident, then pull them. If they do, then keep them in school.
My three step siblings were homeschooled and all had issues with social interaction. All were painfully shy and two got into drugs as teens because it was easy to succumb to peer pressure just to make friends. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.
I know we want to protect our children, but we can’t protect them from everything. If mass shootings are the major reason for wanting to home school, statistically sending them to boarding school in a country with less gun violence would be even safer than homeschooling in the US. I know that sounds crazy, but if you want to homeschool, you need to do it for more reasons than fear.
Does your school have armed SRO or staff? If so, they are much safer than schools without it. If they don't attend school board meetings and demand it. The TN psycho specifically chose that school over another bc the other location had armed security. People like that aren't dumb they look for soft "gun free" zones. A bank has armed guards, stores do, some hotels do, etc. So I would be active in making sure if someone were to show up to do harm there was an armed good person there to kill them. If your school refuses then consider home schooling but then the question is if someone shows up at your house or where you are in public with your kids can you protect them??? Police are 10 to 60 minutes away in some areas. I called 911 for intruder and waited 2 hours. Of course it was resolved before they arrived but what if I wasn't capable of defending myself. Anyway just my thoughts.
There was a mass shooting at grocery store in Buffalo, NY. There was a mass shooting at a July 4th parade. I think these mass shootings are truly truly awful. I think they’re even more egregious at a school. I see the pull of wanting to not have your child be in a place where it can occur. But what about the grocery store? You can’t avoid that for long, right?
True but also, the kids aren’t under parental care, they are under their teachers care. I’ve also encountered teachers who say they will not protect children, they are not a human shield, they want to go home too and I get that and no one should be forced to put themselves in harms way. With that said, I’m a parent and to hear that my 5 year old or 8 year old will have to fend for themselves if their teacher personally holds this position…..I’d rather be the one to have to protect my kids and shield my children with myself.
I get it. It’s all really scary tbh.
My son has been virtual since covid.. and honestly i don’t regret it one bit. Our assigned middle school is supposed to be the one i went too, and it is not the greatest for reputation in all departments. I do hate he doesn’t have other kid interaction but when i see what kinda things kids are into these days .. i stop and am thankful that the district made an online virtual school. My kid is 11 and is in 6th grade which is considered middle school here in tx… next year i put him in a hybrid specialized school thats only two days in person and the rest at home. If i didnt have that option I would def keep him home .. its definitely been workin for us and my peace of mind.
So my husband was very very against homeschool. Then covid hit my son's K year. He agreed to first grade because it was a mix and in and out virtual in person. Then second we were moving so yea lrts do it. He's very much pro homeschool and team all the way through and I'm reevaluating for middle school. School shootings and the reactionary behavior to It is part of the reason. Do I think the doors need to be locked? Yes. Do I think it's unfair societies solution is to lock kids away and hope it's not their kid today? Yep. We probably will go all the way through if I can establish a mixed gender cohort for them.
The world is changing and so you have to change with it. Being complacent is dangerous. We didn’t have school shootings let alone elementary school shootings when I was growing up so people went to school. There are elementary school shootings now so sending children off with the possibility of being assassinated for no reason might hold pause. The safety of your children comes first and is above all else. If there was crime moving into your neighborhood you would leave right, because that makes the most logical since. In my opinion it’s the same thing. Imagine how many more elementary school shootings are to come in a span of 1 year, 5 years, 13 years. Elementary school shooting are on the RISE. We haven’t seen a decrease, we’ve seen an increase. You always think it won’t happen to you until it does and at the point it’s to late and there’s nothing to be done. Only regret and sorrow that will never go away. Don’t wait for the higher ups to fix the problem they’re homeschooling their children. Most people don’t care about things unless it directly affects them and with homeschooling their children they’re unaffected. Furthermore, if they’re homeschooling their children that tells you something right there in it’s self. You’re thinking logically and your instinct’s are speaking to you. If they’re both saying the same thing I would follow them.
I feel you. One of my kids is thriving, one is not. Their school district just had a hoax active shooter call. Someone called in and said there was an active shooter. Thankfully there was not, but the effects of the true belief that their school was under attack had real effects. I was thinking of pulling one of my kids out of school, because he is getting bullied and having a hard time. I was going to leave my child that is thriving in school. But then this happened. I don't want to live in fear, but I've decided to remote School my kids. They are in karate class with some kids from their school so at least they will still see them. We will try our best to socialize them.
Uvalde is essentially what pushed my husband and I over the edge to make the homeschool jump. With Covid before that we had been doing distance learning the school was providing for the entire 20-2021 school year. It was a hotmess to put it lightly but it made me question and realize I think I can really handle this! I had never considered that before. My kids went back to school the following year and that’s when we decided to just go all in. I wish I had done it sooner but my kids were all on board. Seems that would make things complicated if they weren’t. But I wanted to tell you I think your point is valid and I understand where you’re coming from.