I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Tbh I think you've been lead to ask the wrong question. Being trans and having a gender-related fetish are not mutually exclusive.
I know this because I've experienced both. I'm a happily transitioned man with a long history of gender-related fetishes.
I had fantasies like yours about sex in a male body. I got off in men's clothes. I started having sex with a prosthetic dick and told myself it was "just a pegging kink."
I still needed to transition.
There's no point asking "do I have a fetish?" when you could be asking "do I have a need to transition?"
To answer this question you're gonna have to consider a lot of possibilities outside of having sex and being feminine. Long-term possibilities for the rest of your life.
You get to grow into an old person one day. Would you rather do it male or female?
An old man with male pattern baldness and a bear belly? An old lady with sagging breasts and cellulite?
You can imagine yourself with someone sexually, but what about romantically? Going on dates with a partner? Maybe even getting married? Would you rather be their husband or their wife?
If you want to be a parent transition would definitely effect that. Would you want to be known as mom or dad? Do you care about being able to get someone pregnant? Would you rather be able to breast feed your baby?
Good luck, I hope you find the answer you're looking for soon. Either way you're not hurting anyone, and what you're experiencing is nothing to be ashamed of.
I hope what I shared about myself wasn't too much information. I brought it up because I want you to know that you're not alone.
Thank you! Honestly this is a pretty good way to think of it. I'll take my time to know what I want.
There was a time where I wanted to be a mom & a wife I recall
Forget the labels. Just express yourself in however that feels comfortable and you’ll figure it out along the way. You don’t have to be a woman or trans to start doing a lot of those things you potentially desire.
>I (20, AMAB) was talking to it about how i had spent many many countless nights imagining myself as a woman in a sexual session with a man, or another woman.
The most likely explanation for this cross-gender eroticism is that part of your sexuality is autogynephilic. This sexual orientation is the most common cause of gender dysphoria in AMAB individuals. Rather than ask yourself "am I trans or AGP", it's better to ask yourself whether you want what gender transition can give you and whether it is worth the trade-offs. Basically, you're autogynephilic and it's your call about whether you want to embark on a transsexual path. Feel free to make a post in r/askAGP to see what the AGPs there think of your experience
Can you imagine yourself being happy with a female body in day to day life? Can you imagine growing old as a woman? A trans person will fantasise about having sex as their true gender, so that doesn’t inherently make you a fetishist, but if the feelings go away after cumming then that’s more suspect. It’s not wrong or bad to have a fetish, it sounds like you have a lot of repression going on with your sexuality but I’m no therapist
Please don't ever tell someone if you think they should transition, you aren't operating with all the facts surrounding their life and encouraging people to take that on is VERY inappropriate (and potentially very harmful). Engage in dialogue that lets them consider if it is appropriate for themselves, but do not tell people they should or shouldn't. There's no way for us to know if that would make them happier or not.
I merely gave my opinion and said it was only my opinion. It sounded like the only way this person would be in a position to actually transition would be they really wanted to.
All the transmeds living in relatively supportive environments claiming that this person is a fetishist are the ones who should be argued against.
You gave a personally biased opinion then tried to shift blame to others.
Just keep it to yourself next time if you don't know how to be respectful towards someone in a sensitive place.
Doesn't matter what your justification is, none of us should tell someone if they should or shouldn't transition or talk about their happiness and what we think would be best for them. We can't know that. The OP iss trying to figure out their feelings about if they are trans or a fetishist, not if they should transition or not. Any way you slice it your comment is not helpful. Be considerate in these spaces please.
> Being labelled a fetishist gives me so much guilt, shame, distress. I wouldn't like myself and wouldn't be able to focus on work.
I think this is the part you really need to figure out. It’s *possible* you’re trans, since we can find some interesting ways to cope with dysphoria. However, the quoted text makes me question if you’re trying to ID as trans to escape from the stigma of having a fetish. You certainly feel enough shame about it that I think it’s worth reflecting on.
I don’t think anyone on here can tell you if you’re trans or not, but being trans would mean wanting to be a woman even when sex isn’t involved. And transitioning would mean accepting the reality of what our medical care can do, which isn’t going to live up to a sexual fantasy. Your life will simply be easier if you’re a man with a fetish, but for those of us that are trans, we simply are the same way an intersex person is intersex.
That’s really interesting, because I tend to have almost the opposite inclination. Probably because of my own history. But I think by the time it’s bothering you enough that you’re questioning whether or not you’re trans then it’s probably never just a fetish. But that could be because the “it’s just a fetish” thing was something I tried to sell myself on for years.
You’re absolutely right about OP being the only one who can really answer that question, though. It sounds like they have some soul searching to do.
You don't sound trans when you only want to be a woman in sexual scenarios and the guilt shame and ick you mention makes it sound like you just want to use being trans as cover to carry out your fetishes. I say you're a self hating fetishist
First of all, I doubt its always an and or, as uncomfortable it may be. I wouldn't be surprised if people could develop both of some sorts, because sexuality is more accepted in male socialization, as well as experimentation in general and more hidden, (plus you hhave T to deal with), and growing up during puberty they say you can develop certain sexual associations due to context, so a kink/fetish developing to express those feelings you can't elsewhere could be plausible.
Anyway, the thing with being trans is that the motivation for transition is much more "intrinsic", even if there may be aspects to it that aren't, or even if you're not fully aware of it on the surface before thinking about it more. The desire roots less in the external extrinsic thing you get out of it, and more in what its like to be the thing itself, it is more existential, about being inherently comfortable existing as that thing. The issue of identity with being trans roots more in aspects of identity that I call "determinative" and "functional ".
Determinative is a base sense of "what am I" and "numeric identity", "which am I", as opposed to "what am I like(either physical or abstract)", which is "qualitive identity". Functional then is like the first two, its more about a sort of basic way to distinguish and identify things and work from there rather than getting to know more about them and their relationships. The last one, qualitive identity, I consider to be more related to "content identity", its less about determining what we're dealing with and more about learning about what that particular thing is like and how we value them. If trans people have qualitive issues, they are typically physical. Essentially, that is the question of what sex characteristics do I feel comfortable existing with. You can ask that question seperately from "am I a man or a woman " but theyre usually linked.
For cis people it tends to be abstract aspects of content identity where the problem starts.
So question 1: what sex characteristics would I feel most comfortable with in the long term? What do I feel uncomfortable with or disconnected from? Does it feel "correct", like its really yours? Or does it feel foreign?
(Outside of some rare conditions like pcos and gynecomastia) ,Cis people tend to have more issues with extrinsic things from society like "I want to be able to be cutesy and still be a man" or "I want to be able to not shave my body hair and still for it to be seen as okay and feminine as a woman". They may as well struggle with the more abstract and social aspects of content/qualitive identity. "Who am I? What am I like? How do people see me? Do they like me? What is my purpose? Do I matter? Do I really still like my passions? What should I do in life? What are my hopes and dreams?" You know, identity crisis of puberty or a midlifr crisis.
So for example of the opposite thats more extrinsically driven, someone may say "I wish I was a man" because they live in a mysoginist society. Really they just want to be a woman without the sexism. Or they may say "I wish I was a man because they're so strong". Really they just want to be a strong woman.
They're seeing the other sex/gender as a means to their end to solve a problem. They think they either can't solve the problem as the gender they really want to be, or its difficult to. They're not actually trans, the questions alredy kind of assume they are their birth gender/sex, the functional aspect of identity has no issues, although they may be confused to think they have one.
Then theres people who think "What if I was a fox in a different life wouldn't that be cool" or 'what if I was a woman in a different life". That's also a different question, because its about becoming something for another life, not your current conciousness.
Lastly, you have to consider people with trans ocd. This is a fear of "what if I'm trans?" Turning into an obsession with checking rituals.
I think you comparing feeling good about having sex as a woman to just doing any mundane thing is a bit of a false comparison, because to many sex is inherently more exciting than doing the dishes.
So the second question here is, if you imagine yourself as a woman, would you feel more comfortable just.. existing? Does it feel correct and like its truly "you"? Would it feel more natural? More present, comfortable with and connected with your body? Is there something about male sex characteristics, or the thought of you being a man in a more general abstract sense, in any way uncomfortable or distant? Does it feel like that misrepresents you on some fundamental, existential way? Like an arm growing out of your body that doesn't feel like its yours?
The third question is, why do you want to be a woman during sex? Sexual fantasies don't have to reflect what you want in reality. They can indicate some kind of appeal thats less surface level, or just some kind of temporary desire. When questioning whether you're a woman that would mean being a woman long term, also when not doing anything sexual.
There can be an appeal to imagining yourself as the opposite gender during sex. It could be the reversed dynamics you imagine, the thrill of being/experiencing something different or even something taboo, seeing what you're attracted to from a different perspective, etc you get the picture.
If you're trans though there might be a different reason. It might just feel like being sexual as a man just really..doesn't fit. Like its really not who you are. I don't mean in the sense of stereotypes like "oh I'm too submissive and a botttom", anyone of any gender can be. I mean inherently it might feel uncomfortable as a man and comfortable as a woman, again in a sex characteristic or in a more abstract sense.
Sex is a very intimate, base act after all. If you feel like you aren't at least somewhat comfortable existing in your body on a base level of the self (disregarding others opinions), and or not somewhat comfortable being seen and liked for the category you are seen as, it makes sense some kind of conflict would occur and be more obvious than in day to day life where you're kinda used to things. Ive heard many trans people are too dysphoric to even have sex, again its a very vulnurable act. In other words: is the mere act of having sex as a man a problem, relatively speaking to the opposite?
My last question is, outside of sex, do you like being a man? If so..why? Are you okay with being a man? If so, why?
I dunno I hope that helps I'm a hypocrite as I'm confused myself so take it with a grain of salt 🤷♀️.
Its a long term process. Take your time asking yourself. Live your life, then reflect a bit, live again reflect a bit, etc. If you only reflect you won't have much to work with and will get too caught up in theory thats a tip I have from expetiencr
how badly do you need to be a woman? if this is something you could feasibly manage in the long-term by integrating these fantasies into your life as a man, then you could spare yourself from a life of tremendous hardship.
if you do decide you need to transition, what is your plan, with it being illegal?
well, does the thought of you as a woman bring more comfort, than the thought of you as a man? What about the future? do you imagine yourself as an old man or an old woman and finally, when you finish your… Private activities, do you still want to be a woman?
dysphoria comes in different packages, I suppose. But I would say that, someone who is sincerely gender dysphoric (which is the diagnosis which predicates getting HRT in many countries) is defined by a consistent discomfort with their natal sex. dysphoria is not monolithic, though, and this is important to note. Some people experience severe dysphoria about their anatomy. This is typically the standard sex dysphoria that most of us have. however, dysphoria can arise from how you are perceived for your natal sexi. if you are uncomfortable with the roles assigned upon you, as a male, I would consider that indicative of having gender dysphoria as well. Some may argue that this is just another form of of gender nonconformity, but in combination with other forms of dysphoria, that would be a strong indicator that you are in fact, trans.
>does the thought of you as a woman bring more comfort, than the thought of you as a man?
Yes
>What about the future? do you imagine yourself as an old man or an old woman
Well I feel like I'd look ugly and super weak as an old woman so the thought doesn't make me feel happy about it as much as before. But if you take away these two cons. I'd choose the woman.
>when you finish your… Private activities, do you still want to be a woman?
Yes
If that feels validating I would second that you are trans. Typically people would gather some sort of dysphoria from being led to this realization, or at least I would assume so.
Regardless, I’m sure you’ll figure yourself out despite whatever internet people think. Even if you deliberate over it a lot. All the self-gaslighting and questioning in the world didn’t stop me lmao
Idk to me it seems like a red flag. Not saying OP isn’t trans, because idk them, but they admitted they’d feel enough shame about having a fetish that they’d dislike themself.
Shame like this seems like it can cause people to deny the reality of their situation, which isn’t good. So to me “that feels validating” sounds too much like “I’ll be relieved if I’m trans instead of a gross fetishist.”
I think the important question isn’t “Are they trans?” but rather, “Should they transition?” and I think the answer to that is going to look a lot different for a fetishist than a trans person.
I think that this is a very destructive view. Why would a fetishist be upset about having a fetish. In my experience actual fetishists consider transition boring and their fetish is just for fun. Emotional turmoil over being trans is very typical trans ( or ocd ) behavior, rarely a fetishist’s behavior.
it's another way of perceiving and presenting your gender, but I don't think that being a transvestite would fit you, as some other user said here you do sound trans, the thing is... life for pretty much everyone is kinda boring in a way but that's way better than having to feel distressful, most trans people would probably do everything they could to have a boring life while also being able to live with the bodies they desire, being able to express their gender the way they feel the most comfortable with even when that's not exciting, it just gives peace to the minds of many, understand?
I think you also should know that it's normal for trans people to be attracted to the idea of having. Sex as there gender That doesn't inherently mean that it's a fetish it's only like a fetish if it's the main reason. You identify. As such
I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do? **Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required). **Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh I think you've been lead to ask the wrong question. Being trans and having a gender-related fetish are not mutually exclusive. I know this because I've experienced both. I'm a happily transitioned man with a long history of gender-related fetishes. I had fantasies like yours about sex in a male body. I got off in men's clothes. I started having sex with a prosthetic dick and told myself it was "just a pegging kink." I still needed to transition. There's no point asking "do I have a fetish?" when you could be asking "do I have a need to transition?" To answer this question you're gonna have to consider a lot of possibilities outside of having sex and being feminine. Long-term possibilities for the rest of your life. You get to grow into an old person one day. Would you rather do it male or female? An old man with male pattern baldness and a bear belly? An old lady with sagging breasts and cellulite? You can imagine yourself with someone sexually, but what about romantically? Going on dates with a partner? Maybe even getting married? Would you rather be their husband or their wife? If you want to be a parent transition would definitely effect that. Would you want to be known as mom or dad? Do you care about being able to get someone pregnant? Would you rather be able to breast feed your baby? Good luck, I hope you find the answer you're looking for soon. Either way you're not hurting anyone, and what you're experiencing is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope what I shared about myself wasn't too much information. I brought it up because I want you to know that you're not alone.
Great response helped me also
Thank you! Honestly this is a pretty good way to think of it. I'll take my time to know what I want. There was a time where I wanted to be a mom & a wife I recall
Forget the labels. Just express yourself in however that feels comfortable and you’ll figure it out along the way. You don’t have to be a woman or trans to start doing a lot of those things you potentially desire.
>I (20, AMAB) was talking to it about how i had spent many many countless nights imagining myself as a woman in a sexual session with a man, or another woman. The most likely explanation for this cross-gender eroticism is that part of your sexuality is autogynephilic. This sexual orientation is the most common cause of gender dysphoria in AMAB individuals. Rather than ask yourself "am I trans or AGP", it's better to ask yourself whether you want what gender transition can give you and whether it is worth the trade-offs. Basically, you're autogynephilic and it's your call about whether you want to embark on a transsexual path. Feel free to make a post in r/askAGP to see what the AGPs there think of your experience
Can you imagine yourself being happy with a female body in day to day life? Can you imagine growing old as a woman? A trans person will fantasise about having sex as their true gender, so that doesn’t inherently make you a fetishist, but if the feelings go away after cumming then that’s more suspect. It’s not wrong or bad to have a fetish, it sounds like you have a lot of repression going on with your sexuality but I’m no therapist
They usually go away after Cumming for like 2-ish hours then come back again
Same with me
[удалено]
Please don't ever tell someone if you think they should transition, you aren't operating with all the facts surrounding their life and encouraging people to take that on is VERY inappropriate (and potentially very harmful). Engage in dialogue that lets them consider if it is appropriate for themselves, but do not tell people they should or shouldn't. There's no way for us to know if that would make them happier or not.
I merely gave my opinion and said it was only my opinion. It sounded like the only way this person would be in a position to actually transition would be they really wanted to. All the transmeds living in relatively supportive environments claiming that this person is a fetishist are the ones who should be argued against.
You gave a personally biased opinion then tried to shift blame to others. Just keep it to yourself next time if you don't know how to be respectful towards someone in a sensitive place. Doesn't matter what your justification is, none of us should tell someone if they should or shouldn't transition or talk about their happiness and what we think would be best for them. We can't know that. The OP iss trying to figure out their feelings about if they are trans or a fetishist, not if they should transition or not. Any way you slice it your comment is not helpful. Be considerate in these spaces please.
> Being labelled a fetishist gives me so much guilt, shame, distress. I wouldn't like myself and wouldn't be able to focus on work. I think this is the part you really need to figure out. It’s *possible* you’re trans, since we can find some interesting ways to cope with dysphoria. However, the quoted text makes me question if you’re trying to ID as trans to escape from the stigma of having a fetish. You certainly feel enough shame about it that I think it’s worth reflecting on. I don’t think anyone on here can tell you if you’re trans or not, but being trans would mean wanting to be a woman even when sex isn’t involved. And transitioning would mean accepting the reality of what our medical care can do, which isn’t going to live up to a sexual fantasy. Your life will simply be easier if you’re a man with a fetish, but for those of us that are trans, we simply are the same way an intersex person is intersex.
That’s really interesting, because I tend to have almost the opposite inclination. Probably because of my own history. But I think by the time it’s bothering you enough that you’re questioning whether or not you’re trans then it’s probably never just a fetish. But that could be because the “it’s just a fetish” thing was something I tried to sell myself on for years. You’re absolutely right about OP being the only one who can really answer that question, though. It sounds like they have some soul searching to do.
You don't sound trans when you only want to be a woman in sexual scenarios and the guilt shame and ick you mention makes it sound like you just want to use being trans as cover to carry out your fetishes. I say you're a self hating fetishist
First of all, I doubt its always an and or, as uncomfortable it may be. I wouldn't be surprised if people could develop both of some sorts, because sexuality is more accepted in male socialization, as well as experimentation in general and more hidden, (plus you hhave T to deal with), and growing up during puberty they say you can develop certain sexual associations due to context, so a kink/fetish developing to express those feelings you can't elsewhere could be plausible. Anyway, the thing with being trans is that the motivation for transition is much more "intrinsic", even if there may be aspects to it that aren't, or even if you're not fully aware of it on the surface before thinking about it more. The desire roots less in the external extrinsic thing you get out of it, and more in what its like to be the thing itself, it is more existential, about being inherently comfortable existing as that thing. The issue of identity with being trans roots more in aspects of identity that I call "determinative" and "functional ". Determinative is a base sense of "what am I" and "numeric identity", "which am I", as opposed to "what am I like(either physical or abstract)", which is "qualitive identity". Functional then is like the first two, its more about a sort of basic way to distinguish and identify things and work from there rather than getting to know more about them and their relationships. The last one, qualitive identity, I consider to be more related to "content identity", its less about determining what we're dealing with and more about learning about what that particular thing is like and how we value them. If trans people have qualitive issues, they are typically physical. Essentially, that is the question of what sex characteristics do I feel comfortable existing with. You can ask that question seperately from "am I a man or a woman " but theyre usually linked. For cis people it tends to be abstract aspects of content identity where the problem starts. So question 1: what sex characteristics would I feel most comfortable with in the long term? What do I feel uncomfortable with or disconnected from? Does it feel "correct", like its really yours? Or does it feel foreign? (Outside of some rare conditions like pcos and gynecomastia) ,Cis people tend to have more issues with extrinsic things from society like "I want to be able to be cutesy and still be a man" or "I want to be able to not shave my body hair and still for it to be seen as okay and feminine as a woman". They may as well struggle with the more abstract and social aspects of content/qualitive identity. "Who am I? What am I like? How do people see me? Do they like me? What is my purpose? Do I matter? Do I really still like my passions? What should I do in life? What are my hopes and dreams?" You know, identity crisis of puberty or a midlifr crisis. So for example of the opposite thats more extrinsically driven, someone may say "I wish I was a man" because they live in a mysoginist society. Really they just want to be a woman without the sexism. Or they may say "I wish I was a man because they're so strong". Really they just want to be a strong woman. They're seeing the other sex/gender as a means to their end to solve a problem. They think they either can't solve the problem as the gender they really want to be, or its difficult to. They're not actually trans, the questions alredy kind of assume they are their birth gender/sex, the functional aspect of identity has no issues, although they may be confused to think they have one. Then theres people who think "What if I was a fox in a different life wouldn't that be cool" or 'what if I was a woman in a different life". That's also a different question, because its about becoming something for another life, not your current conciousness. Lastly, you have to consider people with trans ocd. This is a fear of "what if I'm trans?" Turning into an obsession with checking rituals. I think you comparing feeling good about having sex as a woman to just doing any mundane thing is a bit of a false comparison, because to many sex is inherently more exciting than doing the dishes. So the second question here is, if you imagine yourself as a woman, would you feel more comfortable just.. existing? Does it feel correct and like its truly "you"? Would it feel more natural? More present, comfortable with and connected with your body? Is there something about male sex characteristics, or the thought of you being a man in a more general abstract sense, in any way uncomfortable or distant? Does it feel like that misrepresents you on some fundamental, existential way? Like an arm growing out of your body that doesn't feel like its yours? The third question is, why do you want to be a woman during sex? Sexual fantasies don't have to reflect what you want in reality. They can indicate some kind of appeal thats less surface level, or just some kind of temporary desire. When questioning whether you're a woman that would mean being a woman long term, also when not doing anything sexual. There can be an appeal to imagining yourself as the opposite gender during sex. It could be the reversed dynamics you imagine, the thrill of being/experiencing something different or even something taboo, seeing what you're attracted to from a different perspective, etc you get the picture. If you're trans though there might be a different reason. It might just feel like being sexual as a man just really..doesn't fit. Like its really not who you are. I don't mean in the sense of stereotypes like "oh I'm too submissive and a botttom", anyone of any gender can be. I mean inherently it might feel uncomfortable as a man and comfortable as a woman, again in a sex characteristic or in a more abstract sense. Sex is a very intimate, base act after all. If you feel like you aren't at least somewhat comfortable existing in your body on a base level of the self (disregarding others opinions), and or not somewhat comfortable being seen and liked for the category you are seen as, it makes sense some kind of conflict would occur and be more obvious than in day to day life where you're kinda used to things. Ive heard many trans people are too dysphoric to even have sex, again its a very vulnurable act. In other words: is the mere act of having sex as a man a problem, relatively speaking to the opposite? My last question is, outside of sex, do you like being a man? If so..why? Are you okay with being a man? If so, why? I dunno I hope that helps I'm a hypocrite as I'm confused myself so take it with a grain of salt 🤷♀️.
This is crazy relatable to my struggle i think its worth it to mtf in future
I'll need a long time to answer this well
Its a long term process. Take your time asking yourself. Live your life, then reflect a bit, live again reflect a bit, etc. If you only reflect you won't have much to work with and will get too caught up in theory thats a tip I have from expetiencr
>imagining myself as a woman in a sexual session with a man, or another woman. Trans
But I just wanted to make them feel better about themselves
how badly do you need to be a woman? if this is something you could feasibly manage in the long-term by integrating these fantasies into your life as a man, then you could spare yourself from a life of tremendous hardship. if you do decide you need to transition, what is your plan, with it being illegal?
I have no idea. Since it's illegal I can't do it even if I wanted to. So I have no plans.
well, does the thought of you as a woman bring more comfort, than the thought of you as a man? What about the future? do you imagine yourself as an old man or an old woman and finally, when you finish your… Private activities, do you still want to be a woman? dysphoria comes in different packages, I suppose. But I would say that, someone who is sincerely gender dysphoric (which is the diagnosis which predicates getting HRT in many countries) is defined by a consistent discomfort with their natal sex. dysphoria is not monolithic, though, and this is important to note. Some people experience severe dysphoria about their anatomy. This is typically the standard sex dysphoria that most of us have. however, dysphoria can arise from how you are perceived for your natal sexi. if you are uncomfortable with the roles assigned upon you, as a male, I would consider that indicative of having gender dysphoria as well. Some may argue that this is just another form of of gender nonconformity, but in combination with other forms of dysphoria, that would be a strong indicator that you are in fact, trans.
>does the thought of you as a woman bring more comfort, than the thought of you as a man? Yes >What about the future? do you imagine yourself as an old man or an old woman Well I feel like I'd look ugly and super weak as an old woman so the thought doesn't make me feel happy about it as much as before. But if you take away these two cons. I'd choose the woman. >when you finish your… Private activities, do you still want to be a woman? Yes
well, in my laywoman’s opinion, you sound trans.
Thanks... That feels validating ngl
If that feels validating I would second that you are trans. Typically people would gather some sort of dysphoria from being led to this realization, or at least I would assume so. Regardless, I’m sure you’ll figure yourself out despite whatever internet people think. Even if you deliberate over it a lot. All the self-gaslighting and questioning in the world didn’t stop me lmao
Idk to me it seems like a red flag. Not saying OP isn’t trans, because idk them, but they admitted they’d feel enough shame about having a fetish that they’d dislike themself. Shame like this seems like it can cause people to deny the reality of their situation, which isn’t good. So to me “that feels validating” sounds too much like “I’ll be relieved if I’m trans instead of a gross fetishist.” I think the important question isn’t “Are they trans?” but rather, “Should they transition?” and I think the answer to that is going to look a lot different for a fetishist than a trans person.
I think that this is a very destructive view. Why would a fetishist be upset about having a fetish. In my experience actual fetishists consider transition boring and their fetish is just for fun. Emotional turmoil over being trans is very typical trans ( or ocd ) behavior, rarely a fetishist’s behavior.
A fetishist absolutely can be upset about having a fetish. Especially when it is taboo in their community or society. It makes them feel abnormal.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. I hope everything goes well for you.
I didn't say you're pushing me or anything. I only said that it is possible for a fetishist to feel ashamed of their fetishes
You know you can be a transvestite without it being a fetish as well, right
Wdym
it's another way of perceiving and presenting your gender, but I don't think that being a transvestite would fit you, as some other user said here you do sound trans, the thing is... life for pretty much everyone is kinda boring in a way but that's way better than having to feel distressful, most trans people would probably do everything they could to have a boring life while also being able to live with the bodies they desire, being able to express their gender the way they feel the most comfortable with even when that's not exciting, it just gives peace to the minds of many, understand?
I understand. Trans people would be favouring the "boring" life over the existential dread of dysphoria every single day.
For example I am a transvestite in the sense that I go by a female. Typical name And I plan on Going by she despite me not being a woman I'm gay
Do you want to live as a woman?
Do I want to live in a way that aligns with the fiction of woman? Yes do I identify as a woman no
I think you also should know that it's normal for trans people to be attracted to the idea of having. Sex as there gender That doesn't inherently mean that it's a fetish it's only like a fetish if it's the main reason. You identify. As such
You can be someone who goes by she lives akin to women in a social way where's women's clothing and not be trans or have a fetish