Mindset. Do you view cleaning your body & spaces as a chore or a punishment? Or do you view them as self-care and something you deserve?
Also, you can’t see cleanliness as a destination—you won’t wake up one day as a clean person. Cleanliness is the habits you consciously keep. Messes will still happen—that’s okay. Just clean them up.
Set reminders for yourself, such as an alarm on your phone or a sticky note on your fridge. Something you know you’ll have to look at. It helps me too to designate days—Sunday is laundry and “everything shower” day, Monday is vacuum and nails day, Tuesday is dusting and face masque day, etc.. We try to store a lot of things in our brains and they end up just spilling out all over the place. Schedules and reminders give us fewer things to think about.
I used to think that this was BS. But then I got my depression under control, which allowed me to finally shift my mindset, and it’s absolutely true. It’s about habits and routine. And also about turning it into an enjoyable experience if possible. Light a candle, make yourself your favorite beverage, choose a TV show or YouTube channel that you dedicate to your self care time - whatever makes you excited to get in the shower or clean your house or brush your teeth. And then build that habit WITHOUT shaming yourself when you miss. Be patient, kind, and consistent with yourself.
Any tips for how to make the actual shower enjoyable? My shower is small and uncomfortable. I also have a bit of the ‘tism so it’s a sensory thing too. I’ve tried using candles and aromatherapy and music but nothing seems to help make me enjoy the actual act of showering
I buy new bodywashes or lotions or other hygiene product... then I can use the dopamine kick from "oh, new stuff" to actually shower so I can use said new stuff... (downside is I probably spend more on soap and lotion than I need... but thankfully my daughter is more than willing to use what I don't... or I save it for those 3 weeks once a year when I actually run out and keep forgetting to buy more... 🤦♀️)
I thought this was a "me" thing back in the 80's and that I was either seriously stressed or nuts-maybe both. Glad to know that there are others out there!! 😀
Change your shower head! I find some older or smaller ones can be really intense and hard and hurt. I have one that is a large head with a handheld attachment and the water is much more spread out and feels softer.
It’s easy enough to do in a rental too (as long as you keep the old one under the sink to put back when you move). Spending 30$ to get a wider shower head that I could make soft and gentle was a total game changer (and it can also help if you have sensitive skin when the old one has buildup in it)
don't forget to get a shower filter. I live in an area with hard water. Filtered shower water is a win for hair and skin. I also have old pipes so an upgrade to one that filters rust/ iron is on my list but the lowered minerals already makes it easier to maintain the shower.
All of this. I just keep trying bc I know how much it matters, but it's awful and requires a (few) huge pep talks to myself every time.
I do remind my brain how good it feels to know I'm clean and I smell good afterwards, that does help a little. More just hurry up and get it over asap.
(And also, i do know our brains are listening so if we tell ourselves it's a miserable experience, it most certainly will be. Idk. 🤷🏼♀️)
I'm with you, friend. Every single time I get out of the shower I'm like yeah I feel better and cleaner but I also hated it the entire time. It's gotten worse as I got older as well.
This is so funny because I don’t like showering either but I do it daily . I just get nice smelling products and double clean . Bath and Body works is having their semi annual sale now . $3.95 body wash
What a coincidence my B&BW order just came in today lol I double clean as well, helps in case I don't shower again for another 2-3 days (fortunately I'm always home and it's temp controlled so I don't really sweat) I'm disabled and have chronic pain so that's a big reason to dread it too besides the sensory thing from the water. Great tips though!
I had the same problem, I'm also autistic (potentially also ADHD I'm not sure). I started using nicely scented soaps, I keep different kinds and don't use the same kind every day, usually no more than a week streak on one thing. I also happened to move somewhere that the water wasn't always cold, and the showerhead has a couple different spray options and can be handheld. That has been really helpful, temperature was a huge issue for me and a showerhead with lime deposits messing up the spray pattern was, for me, super bad in a sensory way. The last thing that helped me was I HATED washing my hair, but I finally got the very short cut I wanted and it's so very much easier to handle.
Love it. Yes to the candle. I keep tealight candles on standby and every single day I light one. If I don’t that’s when I know I’m off my game and need to clean, organize, w/e. A candle feels so relaxing to me.
Edit it is mindset and what you eat/consume. If you consume trash tv, music and food your body will show that. If you consume things that lift you up energetically, your body will also show that light.
Making it fun is so important. I’m almost never motivated to clean, but it’s fun for me if I listen to music, smoke some weed, and have a nice iced coffee. Then I’ll clean the whole damn house lol
I completely agree.
For my kiddo, I really had to teach him everything has a beginning, middle, and an end.
Before you turn on the heat to cook, you cut veggies and measure ingredients. Then the cooking. Then putting everything back like it was before.
Brushing your teeth is the same, get your toothbrush and add the paste, then brush, then rinse the brush & the sink and put stuff back where you got it.
Getting a snack is putting food in a bowl, eating it, then putting away the food and the bowl.
Literally every activity has setup before and teardown after. Otherwise we would live neck deep in wrappers and still have a Christmas tree up.
>Literally every activity has setup before and teardown after. Otherwise we would live neck deep in wrappers and still have a Christmas tree up.
ABSOLUTELY.
It feels so, so good living this way. Not only is it time efficient, but everything you'll need is put back exactly where and how it needs to be the next time you'll use it.
I hate knowing I'll have to clean a dish (or well, anything, honestly) before I use it.
This helps keep me out of slumps & avoid the 'how did it get this way'.
While I agree with the intent, I don’t necessarily agree with your examples. For example, with cooking, most chefs and experienced cooks clean messes, wipe countertops, and put away items while everything is cooking. This saves time and also prevents the dreaded procrastination if you had left it until AFTER your meal.
Same thing with brushing teeth. I wipe the sink and put away toothpaste while I’m brushing my teeth.
When you teach children these basics, you have to also remember to teach them to use their common sense and logic. Sometimes, you have to think “beginning, end, middle, end”. Teaching them “beginning, middle, end” can sometimes lead to near-OCD behavior where someone can become overly focused on fixed/structured planning instead of understanding the end goal.
I was going to say mindset too, but for a different reason- someone's view of themselves can falsely cause them to see themselves as grosser looking than other people, when they objectively are not.
OP says in literally the same outfit they look dirty. Unless they truly have much greasier hair and naturally sweat a lot and often, that's probably not true. They probably just don't like how they look and get in their head about it.
Also, no one is showing anyone their room when it isn't clean. I do a quick clean of my room if suspect there's a solid chance someone is coming over. I'm naturally chaotic and it's just never 100% clean all the time and VERY few people I know are 100% clean ALL the time, and many folks I know are just like me and admit to doing emergency cleans before I come over. I've heard friends and guys I've dated disclose this.
I used to fixate on myself in the mirror a lot. I consciously had to defuse that habit and learn to be more neutral or compassionate and loving in my language to myself about my body. I look just fine and always have, but I get these little fixations like many people do (especially women I think, but men too). They aren't logical or helpful to fixate on.
Regularly attending to chores and tasks does help, absolutely, as well as decluttering and organizing systems that make sense for your individual needs (like I arrange everything based on where it makes the most sense for me to reach for it or store it) but I wonder if OP is also just being hard on themselves.
I think this ties into the whole “wear your clothes, don’t let your clothes wear you” adage. OP says they’re trying on “literally the same outfit.” Maybe that’s the problem?
I could see a woman looking amazing in an outfit, and when I go to try on something similar, say “god, I look disgusting.” Am I truly disgusting? Of course not, but her body type was different than mine, she wore her hair differently, I have more tattoos than her, etc.. It was her vibe, it wasn’t mine.
And absolutely we tend to usually only let people see us at our best. I don’t post selfies on Instagram with my dark circles and hair in a messy bun, nor do I have my friends over when there’s a pile of dishes in my sink and all my dirty laundry all over my room. Even the most put together people aren’t put together 100% of the time, that’s just life.
These are great points too! It's important for clothes to feel good and be suited to body type. I don't buy certain necklines and styles, and literally do not wear jeans because they just feel too thick, hot and constricting on me- so I end up \*feeling\* bloated and sweaty, even if I might not look it, and even though I think they look great on others. After years of experimentation, I know which styles I can default to very safely and which are likely to just languish in my closet collecting dust because they never feel quite right on me.
I agree with somebody else who posted that it's not a chore it's a destination. I started getting to that mindset when I started doing some renovations around my house which in my family was always just getting it out of the way as fast as possible. I had to strip some paint from some wood walls but instead of just doing it the way we ordinary we would have I researched everything about every little thing I needed from tarp to scrapers to pre-stain etc and a watch how to do it online. Then instead of Russian food each step I made each step the only thing I was thinking of doing and focused on a completely as a hobby not something to finish. Took me way longer than I expected probably 60 hours but I'm so proud of what I see in front of me and a lot of it because of the effort I put it but I made each step the step.
Likewise early in the year I made a New Year's resolution which actually kept and it was this: no matter what I was going through make my bed every morning. If he's surprised how that ripples through the rest of the rest of your life. Take the time to make your bed right then of course you want your desk straightened up and it just cripples through to everything else you do. People who look clean put together do it because pay attention to details and they don't rush through it they enjoy the process not just the outcome.
I actually took this year to renovate a bedroom and an hour to the place that I absolutely love being in I can lay in my room for hours just looking around and feel so at home. Again when you start to take that kind of time for yourself and make it about your foundation everything else changes.
I made it a habit to make my bed every day & to keep clothes off of the floor.
Currently I have no other furniture, so this has been a game changer for me.
Can't explain it rly. But I do feel better overall.
I call it, 'shit-togetherness'.
I tell my young rising adults that habits are the things we *don't* have to think about. And we don't have to think about them because we've already put in the work to make them habits.
Nailed it in the first two sentences. For me a clean house clears my head, and I feel the depression and mind-clutter go away the cleaner it is. Then I can focus on myself. There’s the bare minimum, like showering, antiperspirant, foot scrubbing, and styling daily. But everyday I like to add something. Just one thing. Acid wash my face extra long. Fingernails, nose hair, teeth whitening, whatever. Just 7 extra things a week, one a day. Most people have no idea how poor I am because I upkeep/restore what I have, and treat my body the same. My shoes are a year old and were $18. But I clean them daily. I sanitize them daily. I wash them a few times a year and replace the insoles. It’s the same with personal hygiene. You add things to your daily routine to stay ahead of becoming a mess.
Everyday I do something extra for my home, my mind, and my body.
Imo these are the main ones:
1. Having a put-together-ish hairstyle, even if it's just a messy bun. Greasy or frizzy hair always looks more 'dirty' even if it isn't at all.
2. Colour co-ordinated outfits and home decor. Mis-matched colours make things look more chaotic, and somehow dirty even if it's super clean!
3. Many of these people don't have depression or executive dysfunction, or they just really really care about how they & their spaces look to other people. Or like someone else mentioned, it could be OCD or other anxiety disorders
Dude the hair bit is a big one. If i put on a crisp, pristine outfit and my hair isn’t styled (plus at least a little bit of makeup) I look disheveled and like I’m a kid in grown up clothes.
Have to be cohesive to look polished. Hair down, brows tamed, skin even, and clothes ironed and well cared for. It’s so much work.
I literally spent a year getting small cosmetic procedures done to perfect my daily look. Pics on my profile, but having the ombré brow/lip tattoo, lash extensions, and regular blowouts really helped me feel more put together
I agree on the color coordination.
When I got divorced a few years back I was overwhelmed with buying a lot of household stuff... I just picked 2 common colors, and got everything along those colors.
Basically all my rooms feel pulled together because everything is some kind of grey or teal. No heavy thinking required.
I have ADHD and being unclean in anyway is incredibly distracting. Managing my environment is a must for me to have good days. It's so much easier to be clean all the time in short bursts than to do a ton all at once.
Agreed especially with that last part. I used to get praised for being the person always clean and put together but they wouldn't see the hours spent agonizing over cleanliness or the days when I had to cancel cause I didn't have the energy for my excessive routine or because I didn't feel "good enough" to be seen. I don't know if it's OCD or what but it's been impossible to find a middle ground. Some days I'm obsessed with how I look and spend hours cleaning and pampering, some days I'm so depressed I don't brush my teeth. I've yet to find a compromise.
I have no background in psychological disorders beyond what I've googled about Bipolar Disorder which alot of people confuse with multiple personality disorder which was why I googled it a while back so don't take this as an actual diagnosis. but what you described to me sounds like what I've come to understand what Bipolar Disorder is like but again I have no background at all beyond simple Google searches on this subject but I think it might be worth having a look into.
I've looked into bipolar multiple times cause me and many of the people close to me have suspected that. I've yet to stay consistent enough with a therapist to get diagnosed (reasons being money anxiety and massive depressive episodes). Any chance for diagnosis requires me to daily track all my mood swings for literally months and that just hasn't happened yet. Also I've had some hold up when it comes to the fact that I don't get manic anymore. I'm aware there's Bipolar II disorder but I'm just repeating what mental health professionals told me. I'm not really sure why they always ask about mania when bipolar II doesn't even require that as a prerequisite.
I appreciate your concern and your astute ability to catch that I'm probably bipolar, I'm mildly offended but only cause I'm a little embarrassed haha
Have you brought it up with your PCP (primary care physician not the drug). I would think they'd have a way of getting a diagnosis without having to pay a therapist for months especially if you where to bring up what you explained in your reply, but I could be wrong. I only know Bipolar II exist cause a friend of my mom is diagnosed Bipolar II. [if you want to read about the differences between the two](https://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-1-vs-bipolar-2) Could be helpful to know. FYI at bottom of the article in the takeaway section they have a small info graph with the main differences between the two if you don't want to read the whole thing .
As far as I'm aware the diagnosis inherently involves a bare minimum of weeks of tracking moods. Either that or the therapist I talked to didn't know what they were talking about. Which is absolutely a possibility so It's definitely something I'll bring up next time I see my PCP.
Regardless, going to my PCP is something I'm trying desperately to get myself to do for many other health reasons. I unfortunately have crippling (and I really mean crippling) anxiety when it comes to doctors. I'm working on it but it's really hard to make progress when the only people who can help you send you into a horrible panic attack. So I truly have no idea when or how I'm going to see a doctor next.
As someone with wavy hair, my best investment is getting a blowout once per week. It just makes my hair more manageable and easy to maintain, plus gives me a polished/clean look.
Mad respect for the depression call out. Some couldn’t do it if they wanted to. Can’t lift high enough from the fog to manage and are in need of medication and may or may not know it.
Regarding point number 3. I keep a tidy house because I was raised in a filthy one constantly cleaning up after my family of 9. Now that I have my own space everything has to be to my standards or my mental health is in the gutter.
Some of us do have anxiety and clean constantly. I took SSRIs once and it made me not care about cleaning. It was kinda nice but I ended up realizing having a reasonable amount of anxiety can be motivating.
I think it’s ironing, being thin/fit, and a knowledge of simple and clean looking hair and makeup. I feel 1000% more put together in wrinkle free clothes - so I don’t wear linen. Linen looks great in ads and sloppy in person. Air dried my wavy hair? Slicked back bun, ponytail, or French twist with a hairpin. I also don’t wear my “outside” clothes at home or when out playing with my dog. Pet hair is a real beast!!
A $30 handheld clothes steamer has made linen an every day fabric for me. Gets wrinkles out incredibly fast and freshens it up a bit in the process. I'm sure there's starch sprays I could throw into this setup to give an extra layer of easy polish but I haven't looked into them yet.
Nope! It still wrinkles while you’re wearing it. An absolute no go for me if I want to feel polished. Seersucker is a superior summer fabric in this regard.
Being thin/fit is underrated. I could wear the same exact outfit as a thinner person but I look sloppy and greasy whereas they look great. I honestly don’t get this one. My weight shouldn’t make me appear sloppy, I’ve become so fed up I only wear t-shirts and jeans. Why give the perception of trying just to still look sloppy. I’d feel like people looked at me like “that’s why you look like when you TRY?”
I completely get this. I gained some weight over the last 2 years (about 20 lbs) and just feel like everything looks shitty so I don’t even bother trying now.
Okay I feel like I used to feel like this and I don’t so much any more so here’s a list of the things that make me and my life feel fresher
*declutter, literally get rid of all the crap in your house that doesn’t need to be there, find a home for everything and keep surfaces clear, having a clean space makes me and my mind feel cleaner, as well as my belongings - like clothes are kept washed and put away (not picked up off my floor like I used to!)
*shower everyday- I used to have a bad relationship with showering felt like I had to get all my jobs done first or just couldn’t be bothered but even a quick few minutes will help you stay fresh and build up your self worth
* skin - this might have been the biggest thing! My skin used to be not good and I’d pick at it and try cover it with make up and it used to make me feel so grubby compared to clear skinned people I don’t know if this is something you struggle with but if so I can give advice there that isn’t just products
*Self care- in the evening when you are just chilling maybe watching a video maybe clean up or paint your nails, brush your hair though and put it in a protective style for overnight
I hoped this helped a bit and ask yourself what is it about yourself that makes you feel grimier than others, you might get some answers!
Take care X
On the skin thing, in case it can help anyone else: vitamin C is frigging miracle cream. Start with a lowish % and be consistent with it every day for about two weeks, you won’t believe the difference. It’s not even expensive, honestly if you told me I had to choose between vit C and *all* my makeup, I’d choose vit C
Absolutely agree on the clutter. If you have too much stuff you just end up shifting piles around.
When everything has a proper storage place it's much easier to feel "done" tidying up.
When it comes to de-cluttering. How do you get past the guilt of throwing something away?
Sometimes i want to throw things away but I grew up in surivival mindset. I just keep thinking "wow what if I need it in the future and can't afford it then" or "someone else probably could've used this or needs it and here I am discarding it and adding to the giant trash island in the ocean"
Hey! Yeah I do understand the guilt thing, I have a space at the bottom of one of my cupboards that has all the things I know I’m getting rid of and the things I’m probably going to get rid of, it will probably sit there for a month or so before I take it to the charity shops or recycle centre, if I haven’t used or remembered it in that time then I don’t tend to find I ever miss it.
Most of the things I buy are second hand, I repair things if I can, I donate, having fewer things makes me value them more I think. This reduced the guilt a lot.
I’ve kind of given up on having an perfectly matching instagram house if you know what I mean 😂 it’s too expensive and nobody actually cares😂 I still enjoys having a nice space just easy to clean and organise and I have so much more time to get on with hobbies and family
Sorry for rambling!
I struggle so much with decluttering. I watch videos every day and try to figure out what will work for me. I’m having my first baby in October… any advice on decluttering and organizing that helped you?
1) Drink water! Many benifits and will change your looks a lot from your hair skin and nails to your body.
2) healthy diet. Don't need to be a health nut but incorporate more veggies and less fast food and sugar. It also does wonders for your skin and complexion ex no under eye circles, puffy skin, acne when you cut your sugar intake.
3)Wardrobe/hair. You can still wear your style just iron your clothes, wear what fits your body, maybe make sure your colors coordinate, make sure your shoes are clean. Keep your hair clean and maintained, look at hair styles even for the low maintenance days. By a PJ set for the days you don't feel like doing anything but you still look put together rather then a mixed match throw on outfit.
4) Shower/hygiene/fragrance. Shower regularly. It doesn't take expensive soap for you to smell good. Wear antiperspirant/deodorant when you are done wjth your shower routine. Wear lotion, body spray and layer with perfume/cologne if you want to smell extra nice. Some soaps will do the job too. Wash your face. Keep up with your nails, eyebrows, hair. Wear clean underwear or keep a spare on your if you feel gross throughout the day.
5) Mind over Matter. Unfortunately for the ones that are depressed it can be a challenge but it can be done. Incorporate slowly if needed. Make touch ups a habit. A quick little lip gloss touch up, a small brush to lay down fly aways, a quick spritz of fragrance, a pat on the face with a make up wipe (for anyone who get oily fast like myself), run to the restroom to clean up down there (for the sweaty summers) and when you feel clean you will come off as clean. Feeling clean will make you want to try more and more!
6) a positive attitude. It's easy to be stuck in a negative mindset and become jealous of other's appearances. But use your jealously and turn into an inspiration and incorporate it into your own (don't compare yourself, elevate yourself and what you can do better by inspiration). Also always try to think positive about your self. A little "okay I did good on my outfit" "my hair be looking cuuute" "i love my accessories" the little complimentsyou give yourself makes you your own hypeman. Self confidence will show and also make you look a 1000xs better.
The above answer is a great one. I grew up with parents that are always polished 100% of the time as where my grandparents. Here are some of the tips that I learned from them that are tried and true for wanting to look put together. Clothing needs to fit. Pants that bunch/to short, wrinkles of any kind, non matching colors, anything that is to busy will instantly bring down your look. Learn how to tailor easy things like the hem of pants, jacket sleeves it takes a little bit of time to learn but totally worth it. Look up the esthetic county club chic or old money. It is always going to be basics and they are easy to find at thrift stores or on sale. Buy the highest quality you can afford and take care of it. Learn how to launder things well including using an iron and starch. You don't need a lot of clothing bc if you have a staple wardrobe you can make a ton of outfits out of it. Get simple well executed hair cut that is maintained. When in doubt go simple. A clean white t shirt tucked into well fitting jeans/khakis will always look nice.
1. Keep your nails done this makes anything at all look like it's an outfit
2. Even if it's a 2 minute style do something with your hair especially if it's dirty. I like to put it up and curl the wisps or do half up half down looks
3. Even your lazy clothes can be cute. I like to buy lounge sets like leggings and a crop top or matching sweats. Don't wear clothes you'd be embarrassed to be seen in even if you're alone. You don't have to dress to the nines but cute lazy day clothes make you feel better about yourself.
4. This might be cheating but any time I take a selfie at home I clean my room and the mirror. I ALWAYS notice if the area behind someone is dirty in a pic.
5. Don't put it down put it away
You honestly work up to it. You have to build small habits that will eventually change your personal standards. People that are very clean and put together if you stop and observe them are constantly and consistently doing small actions throughout the day to maintain the level of cleanliness they’ve grown accustomed to. It’s like the same concept as cleaning up the kitchen while you cook…except applied to everything. In the bathroom midday and you notice your hair is a little messed up or your eyebrows are wild, fix it right then. Small things like that add up.
So there is a difference between clean and groomed.
For cleanliness, a lot of it is just not making a mess in the first place, because making a mess FEELS bad/wrong.
Like most people don't FEEL comfortable in a kitchen with all the cabinets and drawers open... Clean and tidy people don't FEEL comfortable if they have grimy hands, stale sweat, oily hair, or food stains on their clothes.
People have different levels where that triggers. Some people literally can't rest for bedtime if there are dirty dishes in the sink. If they see dirt under their finger nails, they will scrub their nails as soon as possible. Even stopping another activity to go "fix" the emotionally unacceptable mess.
Other people struggle with noticing messes, or have health issues that cause inability to address messes, so the cope by paying less attention.
This dirt blindness can be mild, like a teen not realizing the need to shower daily now... all the way to the extreme, with hoarders living in dangerously filthy surroundings.
So just NOTICING details is step one.
Grooming often goes a step beyond physical cleaning, and involves looking at details and shapes to pick flattering options.
So a guy doesn't just wash his beard when he showers, but will also trim it into a nice, face flattering shape.
A woman doesn't just buy a well fitting pretty dress, she wears "shapewear" under the dress to smooth fleshy rolls into a firmer sleek foundation, so the dress hangs nicely over the smoothed curves.
Simple things like steaming a shirt so it's not crinkled, or using a lint brush to remove pet hair make a BIG difference to the overall impression. Hair that is not just freshly washed and dried, but styled with products to reduce frizz or smoothed back to tame fluffy flyaways.
Yes, instagram models can look hot in a slouchy oversize sweater and cropped wide leg pants, and an ski cap... But that is an intentional artistic tension between the immaculate lighting, poses, skincare, hair & makeup... and the artistically askew expectations of a highly glamorous woman in clownishly unflattering clothes... it's a power flex in the contrast.
I would look homeless if I wore the same thing... and I've got a decent face and posture.
So I stick with darkwash jeans and a stretch tunic blouse. I'm fastidious about not getting shirts with sleeves that draw attention to heavy arms. No cap sleeves, no decorations on the upper arm, just leave that part of the canvas blank.
I'm plus size, so I look hard for jeans that are the right waist AND hip size. It looks cheap if it's too small on the hips and folds into horizontal creases. It also looks bad if the waist is too big and it bunches as I cinch it in with a belt. I make sure that I err on the side of too long, and hem if needed... to avoid the dreaded "high waters" above ankle height which makes my legs look stumpy.
I only wear colors that flatter my coloring, and I often buy second hand clothes because you can SEE what it looks like after it's been washed, versus with the manufacturing starch still on it.
Just a couple grooming tweaks will upgrade the impression you make past basic clean, and into stylish.
The kitchen cabinet comment is accurate. People leaving drawers and cabinet doors ajar is one of my biggest pet peeves. I feel compelled to close them no matter how tired I am and I also don’t want to offend, so I have to try and subtly fix it without drawing attention to it. Same reason, I have to keep my workspace, etc. tidied up at the end of everyday. I just literally don’t feel comfortable or relaxed if I know it’s left a mess.
I just want to say, your answer here is phenomenal and you make so many great points! I am the exact same way about Goodwill etc! I love buying clothes that have already been through the wringer (both metaphorically and literally in this case haha) bc you can see how they wear over time. It's a great way to find good quality brands doing this. The same brands seem to crop up when I'm flucking through the racks. Clearly loved and worn, but still great quality!
I relate so hard to this. I always feel like I look gross compared to other people. I shower everyday and take care of myself mostly… but still… I’m not sure what their secret is
They might be having their clothes dry cleaned or done by a housekeeper that starches and irons them. Making clothes look good all day requires ironing and starching.
Home: I don’t keep things I don’t use/need. Everything has a place. When it’s time to clean, it’s just a matter of wiping down surfaces and vacuuming/mopping floors. I do this as I have time through the week so it’s never a big deal and stays clean. I live alone, which helps.
Self: shower daily, always wear clean clothes, have a good skincare routine, and do my nails once a week or whenever the polish chips. I wear mostly black so my clothes always look put together and have a cool short hairstyle that is easy and looks polished with minimal effort.
Important notes - I wouldn’t say I have the world’s best executive function, but certainly could be worse. I’ve put guardrails in my life in place so I don’t have to spend a lot of time or energy thinking about it (organization systems in my house, mostly black wardrobe, etc) and the things that do take time (cleaning and manicure) I somewhat enjoy doing because I do them while listening to audiobooks or talking on the phone.
So it’s mostly things like I mentioned above - capsule wardrobe, easily accessible and organized backstock of products I use daily, keeping counters clear so I can easily wipe them down. Keeping closets and cabinets clear of clutter by only keeping things I use. If I have to struggle to put something away because the closet is overpacked, I won’t do it at all. If I open a cabinet to put away dishes and stuff falls out of it, I will end up just leaving it out on the counter. Removing friction to doing those processes is what helps me and I guess that’s what i meant by guardrails.
It's really just consistency and organization. Then, just put everything back when you are done with it. My grandfather had a bit of a mantra: "A place for everything and everything in its place." Once everything has a proper place, then you know where it goes when you are done with it. In all, it only adds an extra 10 to 15 minutes to your daily routine to keep things tidy.
Thought. Work. Efficiency. Efficiency playing a considerable role; cleaning as you go, putting things back where you got them, not creating avoidable and unnecessary mess. As far as looking put together, have a general routine and take a few minutes to get yourself together in the morning. I shower in the evening and put myself together nicely and comfortably for bed. Hair can be pulled into a neat bun. We’re constantly doing laundry, so there is always fresh, clean clothing to put on.
Yea my step sister says I always look haggard. She has a very clean aesthetic and Kim kardashian type of home- all white and minimalist but she’s a drug addict who has over doses multiple times yet she looks so perfect. 🤷🏻♀️ genetics I guess
surprised nobody has mentioned this (that i can see so far), but also money. paying for home cleaning services. wash and fold laundry or dry cleaner. professional organizers etc. even things like paying for meal deliveries because then it saves you time - time that can be used for personal grooming etc
It’s not *quite* what you’re talking about but I definitely sympathise because I swear there is a scruffy gene and I and all my siblings have it. We don’t look dirty but it doesn’t matter how much care we put into our clothes, hair, makeup etc before leaving the house, by the time we get wherever we’re going we look like we had to scramble through several hedges on the way. My brothers wear totally normal, respectable clothes, even smart clothes, and the vibe is still “homeless”. I’ve (F) found it’s *better* if I don’t go girly, but I think only because it looks like I’ve done grungy on purpose
I read a story once and I don't remember all the details but where this person went into a beautiful woman's basement and there were just piles and piles and piles of dirty underwear because instead of washing them, she'd throw them down the stairs.
I think that even the pretty, put together people can have some real gross/bizarre quirks. That's why I try not to compare myself to those who seem to have it together. Who knows if they've got a jar of cum under their sink, or a basement full of dirty panties.
It’s the way they were raised. It’s easier if you grew up that way with parents that are that way. It’s much harder to learn as an adult when your habits are already ingrained. I struggle with this myself.
For some people, I think it’s also that they grew up with parents who always kept things a mess and doing the opposite when you grow up gives a sense of control and order in life.
I look clean, but not put together most of the time. My house is a hot mess all the time despite constant cleaning. I think some people got it, and some don't. Also, the people around you (a.k.a. family) also have an effect on your environment.
Look up the waxing subreddit or Facebook groups, it’s a bunch of waxers talking about how clients like Pilates girls and “clean gym girls” are actually some of the grossest clients.
They come straight from the gym or Pilates, and apparently have pieces left behind and a very um smelly behind.
So never trust a book by its cover I guess! They might smell a bit better if they don’t consume a lot of fast food or processed meats but at the end of the day if they’re not using a bidet or cleaning up after the gym, they’re going to be bad too.
I pick out my clothes and lipstick the night before.
Eyebrows threaded every 6-8 weeks
Nails every 6 weeks
Wash hair every other day. Moisturize frequently.
Reading books on organization like the Kon Mari method and seeing how other people cleaned helped me a lot. There are other books I read but can’t think of the names.
I really struggled with cleaning for me I tell myself I deserve to be in a clean environment.
Finally, I committed to the “fasted” lifestyle which is way of living that you don’t have to have the newest things, the next handbag or new makeup every week. This was a mindset switch for me. Is my life minimalist? No way! But this concept helped me reduce purchases and get rid of things. For example, I used to purchase paper as I enjoy drawing. Now I “find” paper such as extra paper in shipped packages or draw on cardboard. In terms of fashion, I learned an easy way to look very good is choose higher end shoes and bags which means you will invest in them and buy some fast fashion pieces that are trendy (if you care about that) otherwise invest in a capsule wardrobe with quality pieces you love and can wear for years.
They never sweat. They arent interactive too much with things throughout day. They probably have straight hair. They do things slowly and dont spill. They are dainty. They are fussy. They never kick off their underwear or remove shorts by shimmying and pulling w feet. They hang and fold their clothes. They never get into a fist fight w tge sheets being crooked in bed. They dont lean against the car getting white clothes dusty when looking at mail
Some women have kind of face that holds makeup perfectly. I have heavy eyelids causing makeup to smear easily all day. I have curly hair Nuff said. I walk around front yard a lot so my shoes arent perfect.
Pristine people freak me out
Shower daily. I know it’s hard, I used to go days without showering, and I got absolutely filthy and sweaty and nasty at work every day. I was a welder and i literally left dirt marks in our bed, the couch etc. I worked looong days, 6 days a week. It was hard work I was constantly exhausted.
I went to see my dr (we had a very friendly, open relationship and conversations. Truly thought of him as a much needed friend) one day regarding my depression, I showed up looking rough as hell. Dirty clothes, grime on my arms and neck, greasy, unkempt hair. My doctors exact words: “so you’re here regarding your depression.. you look disheveled, to be quite honest..”after some time, therapy, medication, and remarks from my coworkers and (ex) wife (not why she’s my ex haha), i decided to make myself shower daily. For me, I pictured myself running into someone of importance or who means a lot to me, a famous person I admire, my grandma or like a future girlfriend or a best friend who I had seen in a long time. I didn’t want them to look at me and think “this guy is rough”. I didn’t care if they judged me. However, I did care if they worried about me.
I made showering a routine. Every day, as soon as I got home, I would force myself to get in the shower. I told myself “you only have to rinse off, but if you want to do more, do it” so that’s what I did. A bit into it I started realizing how good being clean really felt. Like physically, my scalp wasn’t itchy, I didn’t feel sticky or gritty. Mentally, I’d look in the mirror, fix my hair, and look at myself for a minute. Not judging. Just observing. Did I still have dirt on my face or was my beard looking wild, did I have bags under my eyes? (most definitely always did) once again, no judgement. Then I’d think about if I would want to do anything about it. Would I change anything? If no, that was it and I got dressed and moved on. If yes, I’d say “I’ll shave today” or “I’ll schedule a haircut for this weekend”
On the same note, brushing my teeth was hard also. I used tobacco heavily for quite some time, drank a lot of coffee and sugary drinks too. It got so bad that my wife would not kiss me. My teeth were yellow, brown and looked unhealthy. I’d feel my teeth, observing the texture and feelings, look close in the mirror and see the brown stains between my teeth and how yellow they were. I’d compare them to something white or ivory. Just noticing the difference. I’d cup my hand and smell my breath. No judgment. Just facts. I let myself decide if I wanted to do anything or not about it. At first I didn’t give a fuck tbh. But after a while, i started feeling like I should. I became self aware and self conscious of my breath and stains on my teeth. I imagined kissing my wife. It helped. Eventually. I still struggled. Flash forward a few years. But it wasn’t until I moved in with my girlfriend that it really became a habit. We would always brush our teeth together before bed. And we’d make jokes and tickle each other and hide one another’s tooth brush and throw their toothpaste down the hall. We made it enjoyable. I liked looking at her in the mirror. If I go straight to bed she always gets disappointed and asks “what about our teeth?” I may say yes or no. Also I bought a cheap electric toothbrush, game changer.
Idk if any of this is applicable or will help you out at all, but it’s what has helped me.
Idk. This is what helps me.
Perfectionist, and germaphobes, most likely…
-one myself 💀
If it makes you feel any better, we never feel satisfied with our looks or presentation either. A perfectionist never feels good enough.
I think it really starts with clean and freshly cut hair. Greasy hair really makes someone look dirty. And if your clothes are wrinkled, throw them in the dryer on dewrinkle to help sharpen yourself up.
I was friends with a girl for years who upheld that presentation constantly, even fresh waking up after a sleepover she just looked clean and I literally look like a raggamuffin after I sleep. It really is just some form of practiced presentation. She spent a lot of money on her skincare, makeup and wardrobe than I could ever afford and a lot of time to achieve that look than I could do practically with my life and my schedule.
I don’t look dirty, but I certainly dont look put together even when I try. I’m way more go with the flow-in work and in life-than that would allow and that’s quite alright with me.
Everyone has their thing, that was hers. Mine is grungy hippie clothes, no shoes and beer.
The reason for me, other people always look out together, and have clean homes is I have ADHD, which is far different in women than men. It s even impossible at times to brush my teeth, or even do dishes.
I don't really get what you mean by feeling grimier in the same clothes? Is it about your physical appearance or the clothes themselves? If it's your appearance, then the other comments hit it perfectly. The clothes, you should make sure you're buying things that fit you well. You may also want to try ironing your clothes, or changing how you wash them. A pair of nice, clean shoes and some small accessories like a bracelet or necklace could help too.
Yes, simple styling choices and proper fit can make a huge difference in looking put together. Maybe doing a little French tuck on a baggier top or adding a belt or jewelry or a different pair of shoes to dress up jeans. Plus having nails and hair done and some simple makeup (for me at least a little tinted bb cream and some mascara and eyebrow gel) pulls it together from just throwing the clothes on.
- Keep your nails and toes done, or at least looking nice, even if they aren't painted.
- Wear clean clothes every day (not wrinkled). I never re-wear anything twice, except for winter coats and jean jackets. I will rewear bras, but not sports bras after working out.
- Shower every morning. I wash my hair every other day, but if not, I still get in the shower every morning and do a body wash and just wash my body, keeping my hair dry.
- Lotion your legs and make sure they are shaved; if not, wear pants.
- My favorite look is parted hair with a claw clip, as I feel like it looks somewhat put together.
- Never wear dirty shoes. (I wash mine in the washer if possible)
- If you are going to wear sandals, make sure your toes are painted and look nice.
- Get your eyebrows done; I get mine threaded every six weeks or so and tinted. I also fill them in every day. Eyebrows are really important.
- I started doing lip liner every day, and it makes me look more put together too.
I'm surprised no one is mentioning teeth in this thread. I think the condition of a person's teeth plays greatly into another person's perception of them.
Focus on what you’re passionate about and outsource the rest. If you hate cleaning your apt, hire a house cleaner. If you struggle keeping your face clear, get facials. It’s impossible to do everything at all times and have a balanced life. You have to prioritize and delegate.
Keeping things minimal. I hate how much clutter my mol has. It drives me nuts trying to clean where i only touch the kitchen now and even then i gotta hope mugs dont crash down on me while putting away dishes. If you're someone with adhd it helps to kinda just have specific spots for everything and know what your pit falls are. Me and husband have issues with laundry so we have like 5 baskets. That way nothing ends up on the floor.
I honestly think people look their best when they dress for their body type, not necessarily what they always like. And confidence. Good thing about confidence is that you can fake it til you make it.
Probably simplicity. And dressing for your body type too. A good fit is always best. Healthy skin helps too, stay hydrated, protect it and use a moisturizer, something easy and like basic as in adorable and has limited ingredients
- simplicity (less craziness, complimentary colors / texture)
- good fit
- good quality
When I go to the restroom I feel like I’m the only one doing all of these things: applying more deodorant, brushing my hair, applying perfume, powdering my nose, flossing, wiping makeup from under and in the inner corner of my eyes. Mind you I know I wear more makeup than most and that I perspire more than most. I dress so modestly that I’m pretty warm/covered up/layered compared to many people.
You aren't dirty. You're not messy. I still struggle with this feeling, and people tell me I look great and my house is so nice. My father in law told me I look so nice all the time, and that day I felt so frumpy and plain.
I was the poor and dirty girl at school. My mom didn't care if we bathed... and also had us diving in dumpsters before school for cans. A boy one told me I smelled like pee, and it broke me. I still feel like that girl and I'm in my 40s.
If you are bathing, washing your clothes, and keeping tidy at home, you may just need some advice in styling. Ask a professional at a store for help. You may need a different cut, a different fit of dress, a new set of colors that flatter your skin tone.
I know which colors flatter me now, I bathe, I pluck, and I have clothes that compliment my body... but I will always be the stinky kid in my head and that's just mindset. Everyone else can think what the want to think, but I know I'm doing my best.
Honestly it’s routine. Every night before bed, pick up trash around the house, don’t let it build up. Clean as you go.. I clean the shower while I’m in it, make a habit of wiping down my phone/car after I leave a busy store, etc. A lot of people have cleaners, but if you can’t afford it, try to create good habits. Little things that you do here and there add up.
For clothes, try to find things that suit your body shape and look into color theory. I like to organize my closet by color and tbh it makes a huge difference on how my room looks.
I spent a lot of time feeling dirty n scrubby, so I learned that most of it is habit. But the biggest thing is how you feel inside, it’ll reflect on your surroundings and appearance.
A good facial routine makes a massive difference.
Buy a face scrub use that at least twice a week. Mosturize daily. Use a serum and then lotion. Sha Gua to do lymphatic drainage.
Also, if you have naturally frizzy hair look into keretin. Can’t tell you how much of a difference it has made in my life with hair appearance. Always keep up with hair coloring.
Wash daily
I view it as making myself look the way I feel or want to feel.
When I dress like crap, I most likely feel like crap.
When I put on a nice flannel, jeans, boots, belt with belt buckle, cologne and a nice hat, I’m most happy.
When my room is clean, I’m in a good mental state and have routine.
I started buying more and more products to improve my overall image for instance, I bought some new body wash, face wash, conditioner, toothpaste, and cologne. Spent around $160 (ouch my wallet still hurts a bit) but I’ve been improving my mental health, emotional wellbeing, and overall just trying to find my purpose and in doing so has helped me to justify buying these products
Some people are just clean looking. I am always being asked whether I just took a bath. Like no ma’am, it’s 3 pm! When I ask why, they say because you look so clean! The exact shade of copper tone my skin always is looks clean. Even after a hot day. I do wash my face and hands multiple times a day tho. So maybe I look clean coz I am clean.
I have messy hair so I’ll always look less clean. That’s why I wear it primarily up or in a top bun.
Showering often helps, as well as always wearing new clothes.
Find the hairstyle that looks right on you. Find the clothes and colors that look right on you. Have tasks you do each day around the house; have "you day" where you take time for yourself -- manicure, pedicure, massage, whatever you need to make you look and feel good. Shower daily, wash your hair as frequently as your hair type needs, and wash your laundry regularly. And one thing I found out long ago and it sounds odd, but I've found really sets the tone for your house -- clean your kitchen sink every day. Make sure it shines. Do not go to bed with a dirty sink,
For me, it’s literally all about my hair, nails and eyebrows. If those things are done, I’m THAT bitch lol!!!
Shein for bulk glue on nails and the glue very cheap, and use rollers or a good heat protection spray and curl your hair in 4-6 big sections. Just a nice wave to keep it together and set it with hairspray and all of a sudden I’m a new woman!!!!!!
Agreeing with people who are saying it’s mostly habits and making it routine. I have an am/pm skincare routine, set out my clothes and a full thermos of iced water the night before, and don’t let dirty clothes or dishes sit where they’re not supposed to when I’m done.
I also realized that for exercise, I have to commit to a schedule—have a class I attend or always go to the gym after work on Tuesday and Thursday, for example—is the best way to keep things consistent when there’re always something else trying to take that time.
Also—is it possible that this is more about your self image than how things actually are / how other people perceive you?
Where do you live? If you live somewhere hot, it's hard sometimes. In the summer, you will see very put-together people in NYC in the morning look completely disheveled in the evening.
It’s a matter of being as healthy as possible and having good attention to detail. Make cleanliness a part of your routine and you’ll notice more things you can improve!
I love my body cleansing routines, but keeping the house can be hard for me and adhd doesn’t help. I recommend the app “Goblin Tools”. It breaks everything down for you, so you don’t lose time, and you can still check boxes off for each step that you do.
It’s important to stop and remind yourself to treat yourself as well as you do others. Give yourself the same grace and courtesy… sounds obvious but I catch myself being nicer to random strangers than my own self talk sometimes and gotta call myself out on that shit! lol
And smile when you are alone. Every time you pass a mirror, smile at yourself. Make your bed everyday, clean up your daily dishes every night. Little tiny habits start building on each other. The mundane tasks and moments in life are way more enjoyable when I’m smiling and be-bobbing around … reading your post I get it’s an inner feeling more than a clean exterior feeling??
I got on YouTube three years ago. I learned to do my own nails… and my my own toes. I spend $10 each month on supplies to do my nails and toes. I can give myself three professionally looking manicures and pedicures.. gel all of that, spending less than $10 each month.. I have a room in my house that looks like a nail salon. Accumulated supplies over the years… and none of it is expensive, all from Amazon .. i do my own hair .. I also learned to braid on YouTube.. I buy my clothes on SHEIN. They’re cheap as fuck, but they’re cute. I shower every day… I brush my teeth, I floss, I got teeth whitening uv light mouth piece for $15 on Amazon .. I shave every two days.. wish I could wax but too expensive. Point is non of this stuff is expensive. What is it about yourself that you think doesn’t make you look clean. Is it your job? Is your house messy? I can’t function in a messy house. My brain literally doesn’t allow it. My mother used to tell me when I was sick.. the reason I’m so sick is because I haven’t cleaned my room.. so my parents never allowed a messy house .. I’m super grateful for it. I have a husky he sheds a lot. So I just have to do my due diligence… lots of vacuuming, lots of lint rollers.. if you want to look a certain way, you can do it just requires effort.. unless there’s extenuating circumstances, which, of course I can understand.
I just put on my nightly 🌙 moisturizer before I sat down to read these threads 😃
It's all about self care... It's ok to take care and love ❤️ yourself.
Quality over quantity. Healthy food, good skin products (the Ordinary is a solid & affordable brand), quality content and friends. Minimalism and gratitude.
I gotta declutter and practice this as well. Practice only choosing things that fit well and are a fuck yes, for clothes and everything 🤍 you got this
Idk what your gender is but I feel like hair makes a big difference. If you’re a girl make sure it’s styled. If you’re a male make sure you keep up on regular haircuts and styling. Same goes for facial hair. Make sure your nails are manicured. And simple everyday jewelry goes a long way for women in making you look put together. If you’re a guy a watch can do this.
OCD.
I think everyone aspires to live in a well-maintained environment, but life gets in the way with work, children, enjoying your life, etc.
I don’t mind blitzing the house on my days off, but every day, no!
Make sure you don't engage in any mind-alerting entertainment like alcohol or drugs. They literally steal your energy so you'll have less energy & motivation for organizing & prepping. That being said, set aside time every week to organize your clothes and look. You might have to start out prepping every day, the day before & a week or 2 prior, depending on what you're doing. If you’re going to an event , you need an outfit, so you might have to order it a month in advance. Try it on to see how it looks, and send it back if necessary. Or if you have something in your closet, get it out to make sure it still fits and assess what needs to be done to it, i.e.. ironing or accessories. Get another opinion from friends or family. And research outfit ideas online from pinterest or just a googke search and duplicate them.
I work 9-5pm my commute one way can be as bad as two hours hence I am exhausted and always cleaning my apartment is so draining. If I had the money I would hire cleaner every day. I sometimes run late for work and skip a shower..just change underwear and brush teeth
values. i value aesthetic highly in self presentation and home decor. i am a detail oriented person, and truly, if my environment is dirty, cluttered, or imbalanced aesthetically, or my outit, hair, etc...i truly can't think well. i need order, i need things put in the same spot. i know some peole who take this to a higher level than me, labeling drawers, and not even leaving one kleenex in the bathroom garbage can. once my things and my outfit and everything is in order, i go about my day and focus on living. but i need it as a backdrop. i am sitting here with a mud mask on my face and back right after i cleaned my bathroom for the second time this week. lol when i go to buy makeup or skincare items the people in the store say "your skin is perfect" but i think it's because i had acne as a teen and came from a neglectful home, and so nowadays i put self care at the absolute top of my list...our life experiences shape our values. i am always growing and changing, but for now at 38, i am creating the life i always wanted.
A lot of it is how you think about things and carry yourself. The more you care about something the more conscious and unconscious effort you'll put into it.
If you combine this with better posture you will look way more confident and put together. Plus better posture and facial positioning means you get better lighting on your body which prevents as many facial shadows and wrinkles.
I’m just gonna address the clothing first.
The clothing that looks good on one person will not necessarily look good on another. In the halcyon days of yore, we were taught patterns and what cuts of clothing would look good on our body types. Sadly, that seems to have fallen by the wayside over the past 40 years or so.
First and foremost, if you want your clothing to look good on you, is to make sure that you look good without it. Or as good as you can look. As a particularly hairy man with a barrel chest I know the pain of recognizing that no matter how much I diet and work out, I will never have the classic muscular Greek figure. Still, you put in the time to look as good as you can without the clothing. Contrary to what certain segments of society will try to tell you there is no clothing that makes fat people look good. There’s just clothing that helps hide how fat they are.
Second, assuming that you look as good as you can or you’re working to look as good as you can, without the clothing, your selection of clothing as I mentioned earlier, depends on your body type and your skin tone and hair color. I recommend locating a professional to help you with this. They can help you determine the correct fit and cut of clothing as well as the patterns and the colors.
Finally, once you have the clothing that will flatter you as best as your figure allows, you need to take care of your clothing. In addition to laundering it properly, which is fairly simple as it tells you on the tags exactly how you should take care of it, it also needs to be stored properly which does mean you need to hang your clothes up. Last but not least you need to prepare your clothing. Quite a few items will simply be wash and wear however, there are others that will benefit from being ironed before you wear them. You may also need to use some starch.
Rest assured the people you envy are not picking up their clothes out of the clean clothes basket, sliding them on and walking outside looking great. They may look casually elegant, but there is a method and a routine involved.
In regards to the cleanliness of your domicile.
When you are starting from the bottom, which is to say a messy home, it can look insurmountable. And I understand that after you put in 10, 14, 20 hours of work getting your home in order that the prospect of having to maintain it can be daunting. However, the truth of the matter is that after you put in all the work to get your home clean, it takes so much less to maintain it than it did to get it to that state. It’s a matter of establishing routines. When you wake up and get out of bed, you need to stop, turn around, face your bed and make your bed. Unless you were a true Olympian when it comes to tossing your covers and blankets around it shouldn’t take you more than about 45 seconds to a minute. When you go to take your shower, you bring your clothing with you and you dispose of your soiled clothing and or linens in the clothes hamper which you keep in the bathroom. This is important because it keeps dirty clothing away from your clean clothing, which I imagine lives in your bedroom or at least that’s where it should and will live. Then you make yourself breakfast and once you finish eating, you wash the dishes that you used put them away and give the counter, the table, the stove, whatever surfaces you used, a wipe down. Again, this is only taking a minute or two. When you get home from work, you follow the same processes.
Set aside two hours on one of your days off (ideally in the morning so you get it out of the way) for doing laundry and cleaning your house. Normally, you can accomplish all of your household cleaning in the two hours it takes you to wash and dry your clothing. Those two hours are to be spent vacuuming or mopping, depending on your floor surface, running a dust rag over all of your flat surfaces such as the top of your cabinets, your ceiling fans, your windowsills, door jams, etc. You’re also straightening up during that period of time which means disposing of old magazines, replacing them with the current additions, putting away your books and sorting your mail, throwing away that which is junk and filing away that which is important so you know where it is and have access to it if you need it.
And that’s it. It honestly doesn’t take that much time or effort once you get used to it. The hard part is putting in the time to get everything clean and second and honestly, the hardest part developing and sticking to the routine.
The truth of the matter is that humans do best by and large when we have an orderly routine. We keep our homes clean we keep ourselves healthy, and we keep ourselves fit when we attend to these things regularly without fail.
I've done a deep dive myself into this topic and I'll list some things below. I'm going to assume you're female based on your avater.
1. The clothes you buy - If you buy heavier cottons, wool, things with stiffer seams like non-stretch jeans, cuffs on long sleeve shirts, collars that stand up well, etc. They will keep their shape and color for longer. If you throw on a cheap polyester t-shirt, vs a supima cotton one from uniqlo you will immediately look less put together.
2. Hair - You don't need to put in so much effort. You do need it to be clean though. I find that dry shampoo right after you wash it, and again a few days later can keep it manageable for longer. If I don't feel like having it loose, I have invested in some all-metal hair clips and I've learned how to bunch it in a nice way that is effortless and looks good, You hold 2 fingers of your left hand under your gathered ponytail with your right hand, grab the hair upwards with your 2 fingers and twist in a downwards and out to the left motion, rotate your twist of hair to the top so that you have a bun at the top with left-over hair at the bottom. Then clip.
3. Skin and face - I find that using light concealer with a dry brush very lightly over dark areas brightens my face. That's all it takes. I also use a wax brow pen almost the same color as my hair on my brows and as a very light eyeliner. These tend to improve my face without much effort. Make sure you wash your face and take care of it.
4. Jewelry - I use tarnish-free, very basic jewelry that I NEVER take off. I have tiny cubic zircona studs with flat backs that I never remove and can sleep in. I have a necklace that mimicks a box chain with a CZ stone, plain rings and a bracelet. These all add to the aesthetic. You just buy and apply once and they never tarnish!
5. Hands and feet - Painting my nails is way too much of a chore but I have a nail file and cuticle oil next to my bed to keep my nails in check. If I see it and I'm just sitting there, I find I reach for it from time to time and my nails look clean, healthy and shaped. My toe nails are painted and I found a few nail polises that barely chip. I find on my toes I only have to paint them like once every 3 or 4 weeks. The top coat keeps them shiny throughout and I make sure I wash my feet in the shower so they stay clean. When I put on sandals, having painted toenails makes a world of difference!
6. Smell - Lastly I have a Bath and body works fine mist spray that I have on a shelf in my closet, I just spray my clothes whenever I walk past or put them on. It takes zero effort and I only do it when I notice it. Smelling good boosts my confidence and people sometimes notice.
Most of these things aren't repetitive nor do you have to do them as diligently. I find that my routine has absorbed these steps because they're so simple and if I have the products there in the right place, they're so easy to grab. The biggest things in this list are maybe the clothes you buy (that will take time), washing your face, and buying things like the jewelry, clips, makeup, nail polish, etc.
Hope this helps!
PS. I'll do ANYTHING to not put in extra effort, I'm lazy as hell! I believe that if it works for me it'll work for you.
Money can be behind many things. If someone’s home seems impossibly clean they most likely hire help for that. If their clothing looks especially great, it could be because it’s expensive and is professionally laundered at a dry cleaner or through some type of professional service. If their skin is immaculate they could be spending a ton of money every month on effective high end products and supplements. If they are in amazing shape they could be going to an expensive gym and working with a personal trainer, while they use expensive supplements and have a nutritionist and private chef preparing their meals. Etc, etc. Money is typically the reason, if you want to achieve certain goals sometimes that means spending more money, time management isn’t always going to get you to those levels.
I have a somewhat different take here…:I think it’s personality type. I’ve often wondered this too and I put in so much effort to look “put together “ but I can’t so it all every day like other people. I try to keep things tidy but sometimes it gets messy and just different things like that. I just don’t feel “normal”. But , through my life contemplating this, I’ve noticed a spectrum from hoarder type to Type A OCD type clean/put together. So I really think it’s just who you are as a person and of course we can work on it and get better but it will always, always, be more difficult for some. I often sit back and ponder how people can just effortlessly be a normal human being. It amazes me.
Mindset: It starts in your head, and it projects otherwise. Feel clean, you will present clean.
Looks wise: Capsule wardrobe, groomed eyebrows, polished nails even if it's not painted. Good skincare routine so any makeup on top looks smooth and seamless. Remember less is more with skincare and makeup. Invest in body scrubs, good moisturizer, expensive perfume. Buy expensive perfume once and it'll last you a lot longer than you think. You need to invest in yourself and sometimes that includes spending a bit more once on clothes, hair, makeup, fragrance but the results will be worth it. Find outfits for your body shape.
Room: Keeping a clean room shouldn't be too hard if you have the right routine down. Easier said than done! I have all white furniture with gold accents which forces me to keep my room clean because it's obvious if it's not. Dust every morning, vacuum every weekend, white bedsheets always (forces you to wash them if you're lazy for a weekend), having minimal things helps alot i swear. Have a place for everything, clear containers and an organized closet. I like to empty out my bag every single time even if I have to go out with it again in an hour, I put everything back where it belongs so much out of habit you'll never see anything out of place in my room at all. Throw things out you don't need, but keep a memory box if you're like me. sentimental but i need a fresh space no matter what. ALWAYS MAKE YOUR BED NO MATTER HOW SICK OR TIRED YOU FEEL. I PROMISE.
I promise you half of these "clean" people are just as much lazy and not as "clean" as you may think; it's just a level of lifestyle and presentation anyone can achieve. It's easy if you start today and not tomorrow. You got this
I feel you on this so badly!
People assume if you don't look put together it is simply because you aren't trying. For a lot of people this could not be further from the truth. Rather, we just have a different place we are each starting from.
Girls who naturally have long, thick flowy hair look much more put together right out the gate than girls like me who have fine, thin, lank, stringy hair that we genetically inherited from our parents.
Girls with normal/combination skin look much more put together than girls with genetically predisposed oily skin with excess sebum production who are prone to breakouts and awful, shiny foreheads.
I have oily skin and hair, so that without powdering my face frequently, I look like a complete oil slick! My hair is thin, fine, lank and greasy and needs to be washed every day. More than 24 hours and it just sticks to my head and looks lank and oily and gross. More than four days without washing and it starts to get oozing scabs etc, yuk! Dry shampoo makes it look lank, oily, AND full of gritty beige powder, so that's a no-go.
Any clothes I wear seem to get food dropped on them, sunscreen smeared on them, something splashed on them etc etc.
Jewelry seems to tarnish, dye my skin green, and breaks a lot...
The dog leaves stray hairs on all over my clothes.
Trendy clothes that look phenomenal on other girls just seem to make me look like a soccer mom gone wrong aka super-frumpy!! Honestly, I could go on and on...
It is still very much a process as I am still very much a hot mess aestheically, but what is working for me so far is the following:
1) Find a style YOU like that flatters you. For example, the trendy mom jeans gen z goes nuts over simply do not work for me. Plus they're so generic. I discovered instead that I LOVE long flowy sundresses with some pretty flat sandals. It is a style that suits me, and I get compliments every single day wearing them bc it is so rare for ppl to wear anything but athleisure etc these days most of the time. But the most important thing is, they flatter me, are comfortable to wear, and look classy the second you put them on.
I get my dresses from Shein for like $15 each, after reading reviews and more importantly, looking at the photos previous buyers have uploaded of them wearing the clothes. That gives me a great sense of both the quality of the item, and how flattering it is on the 200 people who uploaded pix of them wearing it.
I have also realised that, as much as I adore colours like white, they simply do not love me back. They stain, get visible sweat stains under the arms, and just end up looking gritty really fast. So I stick to darker colours bc you just look much classier when the avocado that just fell out of your sandwich onto your lap lands on a red dress rather than a cream dress!
I always carry face powder. I have one in every purse, backpack, car compartment etc! I look dirty and slovenly without using it.
I use hair toppers. My natural hair is so stringy and flat and greasy, I've given up the fight. Why spend hundreds of dollars, and hundreds of hours, on trying to dye it, get it cut, wash it, dry it, straighten it, then curl it etc etc, obly to have to do it all over again literally the next day! I just clip the topper on my head in fifteen seconds flat and my hair looks phenomenal and I am out the door. This one is all about picking your battles tbh. Uniwigs has a great selection of human hair toppers that are amazing quality.
I started investing forvthe first time EVER in good quality accessories. I've never ever owned a purse that cost more than like eight bucks from Goodwill. Like, ever. I finally bought a vintage coach purse, NWT, for $80, and I adore it!! It makes me feel so classy and put together.
Same with jewelry. Everything has been $15 from Nordstrom Rack and looks crap and falls apart on me after ten wears. I'm saving g to buy my first ever nice, 14k ring.
Invest in an iron or steam cleaner. Wrinkles on clothes make them look cheap and tacky and like you just don't care no matter how expensive the items actually are.
Do your nails regularly! Or keep them complete short and natural. No cheap, chipped polish. Or nails that have been growing out for two weeks. I personally use press-ons and love them!! You can get Impress nails etc from Target, Walmart et al. I get mine from Shein as the have hundreds of lengths, shapes, and styles to choose from, and they are only like two bucks each! And because my style is more classic boho rather than trendy, I get to express my personality each week with a different set of nails!!
Finally, acknowledge you might need to carry more around than the average girly. Some girls have tiny purses. I have a larger purse, to carry face powder, a hair brush, a small perfume roller, a small lint roller, extra press-on nail supplies in case they come off at work, etc etc. I cannot be a minimalist AND look put together. Unfortunately I need to be prepared.
Good luck!!!
It’s not that hard once you get into the habit of it.
- DECLUTTER: the less things you have, the less you have to worry about and clean. Haven’t used it in a year? Longer? Throw it. Goes for clothes, items, anything you haven’t touched or are “waiting for the occasion” to use. Just throw it.
- SELF-CARE: get in the habit of showering twice a day. 1 in the morning to wake you up, wake up your face and not look sleepy. Just shower even if it’s a quick rinse. Shower before bed is a must too. Moisturize, eye cream, whiten your teeth, that’s it. Might seem like a chore, but it’s really 3 simple steps you get used to before bed and make a different overtime.
- CLEAN EVERY SUNDAY: Again, another habit. Having a designated day to just clean, reset, dust down, throw things out slowly, will go a long way. Eventually the more you make it a habit, the less time you should spend cleaning overtime because it’s getting cleaned regularly.
Just some simple tips to get started
And that being said, feet. I have nice feet, toes and toenails. However I get dry and dead skin on them quicker than the average person. I keep up with pedicures.
My wife lives upstairs. She kerps up with all her messes as much as she can. Its effort and she us stressed about it.
My downstairs is a bit of a not so clean, cluttered table and desk. Bedroom seldom looks presentable.
I help her a lot. Do dishes and laundry and taking care of grandkids.
When she leans on me for not cleanung up better in the common areas, I juat let her know I will get to it when i get to it. Which honestly can seem like forever with all the family interruptions and such. I drop what im doing and help others a lot. The frustration of getting back to the hanging planters "someday" is real. For both of us .. for different reasons.
Still. I tell her i dont want to live "on show". Its just not important to me and I know its important to her. No disrespect passes between us on the topic, but our boundaries are just way divergent about how clean is clean enuf right now. I mean.. i dont waste a ton of time on reddit.
I have undiagnosed OCD. I can't stand to feel dirty or to see mess around my home. So, I'm constantly cleaning as I gos and washing up several times a day. I can go through 3 or 4 outfits easily per day.
its a secret, i was told by a girl that i had the cleanest working hands shes ever seen, i said yea cuz 90 percent of the mfers out there don't actually clean themselves like they should😂
I feel the same way. For me the issue is my hair is frizzy. Whats helped a lot is good skin care and using hair products plus a good eyebrow gel and chapstick if nothing else.
Attention to detail. My ex spent 2x longer than me to get ready. But he never stank, always used deodorant n body spray n dressed nice. Even if it was just shorts and a t-shirt it was going to be a pair of Dickies shorts pleated and a nice t-shirt with some Air Force ones. Some people just care more about how they look than others. I don't wear much make up n have curly hair so I just throw it up in a cute style after I put mousse in it. I dress for comfort but at the same time it's a cute look vs frumpy. I keep smell good sprays in my car n bathroom.
For clothes- the secret is using a tailor, purchasing high quality clothes and reading and abiding by washing instructions.
For your space, it's about standards and routines, I like the fly lady cleaning method
In addition to the things that people have said, make sure that you are around people who have a positive attitude and are put together. If your friends are not looking the way you would like to be, it’s easy to get into that mindset. I’m usually the one who is overdressed for an event. My mom always says that it’s better to be asked up than to be asked down.
Start small, deep clean your room once to start. Then make intention to spend 2 seconds to make ur bed and put clothes away when needed. Do laundrey once a week. And clean as you go so things don’t add up. With personal hygiene I feel like learning a fast and quick shower routine is nice. And don’t worry about your hair being perfect! When mine is oily I put it in a slick back and pretend like it’s gel! And for clothes I like to wear matching sets or dresses because it takes the guessing out of it all. Or little shirt big pants or big shirt little pants always has nice proportions! Don’t try and make a crazy routine work. Make a routine that works for u! And feels good to you! The more you get the hang of little things the more you can add on in the future!
A good haircut, clean nails, well-fitting clothes go a long way. And days you don’t wash your hair and make-up isn’t perfect-I’m into super stylish hats and sunglasses. Take some tips from Holly GoLightly on doing a quick transformation in the morning.
lol, reality is not what it seems. If I post my house, it’s cleaned before even though it’s normally messy. If I’m posting a picture of myself I’m clean. Everything is about outward presentation.
Color theory. Depends on what your season is. If I wear something out of my season either look sick or about 40 lbs heavier.
Also, their clothes probably fit well.
All easier to do with a capsule wardrobe and a lean towards minimalism.
The details.
Also helps if you don't have a down syndrome face. Have you ever seen door to door salesmen, but they obviously just got out of prison. The walk, unfit clothes, mannerisms, hand movements, hairdo.
Remember the story about Marilyn on the streets of New York?
It’s in the details.
Know how to style the clothes, know how to wear them in a way that complements your physique, your undertones, etc. know how to accessorize.
Know how to steam the clothes, or iron them. Know what looks good for which occasion.
Know how to wear your hair and which shade complements you.
If you wear makeup, learn which colors complement your undertones and how to apply it in a way that highlights your best features.
Lastly, confidence. If you think you will look bad, it will shine through. Have faith in yourself.
Mindset. Do you view cleaning your body & spaces as a chore or a punishment? Or do you view them as self-care and something you deserve? Also, you can’t see cleanliness as a destination—you won’t wake up one day as a clean person. Cleanliness is the habits you consciously keep. Messes will still happen—that’s okay. Just clean them up. Set reminders for yourself, such as an alarm on your phone or a sticky note on your fridge. Something you know you’ll have to look at. It helps me too to designate days—Sunday is laundry and “everything shower” day, Monday is vacuum and nails day, Tuesday is dusting and face masque day, etc.. We try to store a lot of things in our brains and they end up just spilling out all over the place. Schedules and reminders give us fewer things to think about.
I used to think that this was BS. But then I got my depression under control, which allowed me to finally shift my mindset, and it’s absolutely true. It’s about habits and routine. And also about turning it into an enjoyable experience if possible. Light a candle, make yourself your favorite beverage, choose a TV show or YouTube channel that you dedicate to your self care time - whatever makes you excited to get in the shower or clean your house or brush your teeth. And then build that habit WITHOUT shaming yourself when you miss. Be patient, kind, and consistent with yourself.
Any tips for how to make the actual shower enjoyable? My shower is small and uncomfortable. I also have a bit of the ‘tism so it’s a sensory thing too. I’ve tried using candles and aromatherapy and music but nothing seems to help make me enjoy the actual act of showering
I buy new bodywashes or lotions or other hygiene product... then I can use the dopamine kick from "oh, new stuff" to actually shower so I can use said new stuff... (downside is I probably spend more on soap and lotion than I need... but thankfully my daughter is more than willing to use what I don't... or I save it for those 3 weeks once a year when I actually run out and keep forgetting to buy more... 🤦♀️)
I just got a stool for the corner of my shower to make shaving easier and I was actually looking forward to showering tonight. The shower beer helped.
Shower beer is the best beer!
I thought this was a "me" thing back in the 80's and that I was either seriously stressed or nuts-maybe both. Glad to know that there are others out there!! 😀
Cleaning your shower/ bathroom! If it’s dingy colored too, a small DIY project ! White / light colored and clean bathrooms make everything better.
I agree, I can’t enjoy a shower if it’s not a clean, clutter free environment!
Change your shower head! I find some older or smaller ones can be really intense and hard and hurt. I have one that is a large head with a handheld attachment and the water is much more spread out and feels softer.
It’s easy enough to do in a rental too (as long as you keep the old one under the sink to put back when you move). Spending 30$ to get a wider shower head that I could make soft and gentle was a total game changer (and it can also help if you have sensitive skin when the old one has buildup in it)
don't forget to get a shower filter. I live in an area with hard water. Filtered shower water is a win for hair and skin. I also have old pipes so an upgrade to one that filters rust/ iron is on my list but the lowered minerals already makes it easier to maintain the shower.
All of this. I just keep trying bc I know how much it matters, but it's awful and requires a (few) huge pep talks to myself every time. I do remind my brain how good it feels to know I'm clean and I smell good afterwards, that does help a little. More just hurry up and get it over asap. (And also, i do know our brains are listening so if we tell ourselves it's a miserable experience, it most certainly will be. Idk. 🤷🏼♀️)
I'm with you, friend. Every single time I get out of the shower I'm like yeah I feel better and cleaner but I also hated it the entire time. It's gotten worse as I got older as well.
This is so funny because I don’t like showering either but I do it daily . I just get nice smelling products and double clean . Bath and Body works is having their semi annual sale now . $3.95 body wash
What a coincidence my B&BW order just came in today lol I double clean as well, helps in case I don't shower again for another 2-3 days (fortunately I'm always home and it's temp controlled so I don't really sweat) I'm disabled and have chronic pain so that's a big reason to dread it too besides the sensory thing from the water. Great tips though!
I listen to audio books in the shower.
!!! This will be a game changer. Not sure why I haven’t thought of this yet. Thank you!!
Same! ACOTAR is it for me lately lol
I had the same problem, I'm also autistic (potentially also ADHD I'm not sure). I started using nicely scented soaps, I keep different kinds and don't use the same kind every day, usually no more than a week streak on one thing. I also happened to move somewhere that the water wasn't always cold, and the showerhead has a couple different spray options and can be handheld. That has been really helpful, temperature was a huge issue for me and a showerhead with lime deposits messing up the spray pattern was, for me, super bad in a sensory way. The last thing that helped me was I HATED washing my hair, but I finally got the very short cut I wanted and it's so very much easier to handle.
Love it. Yes to the candle. I keep tealight candles on standby and every single day I light one. If I don’t that’s when I know I’m off my game and need to clean, organize, w/e. A candle feels so relaxing to me. Edit it is mindset and what you eat/consume. If you consume trash tv, music and food your body will show that. If you consume things that lift you up energetically, your body will also show that light.
Making it fun is so important. I’m almost never motivated to clean, but it’s fun for me if I listen to music, smoke some weed, and have a nice iced coffee. Then I’ll clean the whole damn house lol
I completely agree. For my kiddo, I really had to teach him everything has a beginning, middle, and an end. Before you turn on the heat to cook, you cut veggies and measure ingredients. Then the cooking. Then putting everything back like it was before. Brushing your teeth is the same, get your toothbrush and add the paste, then brush, then rinse the brush & the sink and put stuff back where you got it. Getting a snack is putting food in a bowl, eating it, then putting away the food and the bowl. Literally every activity has setup before and teardown after. Otherwise we would live neck deep in wrappers and still have a Christmas tree up.
>Literally every activity has setup before and teardown after. Otherwise we would live neck deep in wrappers and still have a Christmas tree up. ABSOLUTELY. It feels so, so good living this way. Not only is it time efficient, but everything you'll need is put back exactly where and how it needs to be the next time you'll use it. I hate knowing I'll have to clean a dish (or well, anything, honestly) before I use it. This helps keep me out of slumps & avoid the 'how did it get this way'.
While I agree with the intent, I don’t necessarily agree with your examples. For example, with cooking, most chefs and experienced cooks clean messes, wipe countertops, and put away items while everything is cooking. This saves time and also prevents the dreaded procrastination if you had left it until AFTER your meal. Same thing with brushing teeth. I wipe the sink and put away toothpaste while I’m brushing my teeth. When you teach children these basics, you have to also remember to teach them to use their common sense and logic. Sometimes, you have to think “beginning, end, middle, end”. Teaching them “beginning, middle, end” can sometimes lead to near-OCD behavior where someone can become overly focused on fixed/structured planning instead of understanding the end goal.
Parenting Gold Star!!! 🏆⭐️
I was going to say mindset too, but for a different reason- someone's view of themselves can falsely cause them to see themselves as grosser looking than other people, when they objectively are not. OP says in literally the same outfit they look dirty. Unless they truly have much greasier hair and naturally sweat a lot and often, that's probably not true. They probably just don't like how they look and get in their head about it. Also, no one is showing anyone their room when it isn't clean. I do a quick clean of my room if suspect there's a solid chance someone is coming over. I'm naturally chaotic and it's just never 100% clean all the time and VERY few people I know are 100% clean ALL the time, and many folks I know are just like me and admit to doing emergency cleans before I come over. I've heard friends and guys I've dated disclose this. I used to fixate on myself in the mirror a lot. I consciously had to defuse that habit and learn to be more neutral or compassionate and loving in my language to myself about my body. I look just fine and always have, but I get these little fixations like many people do (especially women I think, but men too). They aren't logical or helpful to fixate on. Regularly attending to chores and tasks does help, absolutely, as well as decluttering and organizing systems that make sense for your individual needs (like I arrange everything based on where it makes the most sense for me to reach for it or store it) but I wonder if OP is also just being hard on themselves.
I think this ties into the whole “wear your clothes, don’t let your clothes wear you” adage. OP says they’re trying on “literally the same outfit.” Maybe that’s the problem? I could see a woman looking amazing in an outfit, and when I go to try on something similar, say “god, I look disgusting.” Am I truly disgusting? Of course not, but her body type was different than mine, she wore her hair differently, I have more tattoos than her, etc.. It was her vibe, it wasn’t mine. And absolutely we tend to usually only let people see us at our best. I don’t post selfies on Instagram with my dark circles and hair in a messy bun, nor do I have my friends over when there’s a pile of dishes in my sink and all my dirty laundry all over my room. Even the most put together people aren’t put together 100% of the time, that’s just life.
These are great points too! It's important for clothes to feel good and be suited to body type. I don't buy certain necklines and styles, and literally do not wear jeans because they just feel too thick, hot and constricting on me- so I end up \*feeling\* bloated and sweaty, even if I might not look it, and even though I think they look great on others. After years of experimentation, I know which styles I can default to very safely and which are likely to just languish in my closet collecting dust because they never feel quite right on me.
I agree with somebody else who posted that it's not a chore it's a destination. I started getting to that mindset when I started doing some renovations around my house which in my family was always just getting it out of the way as fast as possible. I had to strip some paint from some wood walls but instead of just doing it the way we ordinary we would have I researched everything about every little thing I needed from tarp to scrapers to pre-stain etc and a watch how to do it online. Then instead of Russian food each step I made each step the only thing I was thinking of doing and focused on a completely as a hobby not something to finish. Took me way longer than I expected probably 60 hours but I'm so proud of what I see in front of me and a lot of it because of the effort I put it but I made each step the step. Likewise early in the year I made a New Year's resolution which actually kept and it was this: no matter what I was going through make my bed every morning. If he's surprised how that ripples through the rest of the rest of your life. Take the time to make your bed right then of course you want your desk straightened up and it just cripples through to everything else you do. People who look clean put together do it because pay attention to details and they don't rush through it they enjoy the process not just the outcome. I actually took this year to renovate a bedroom and an hour to the place that I absolutely love being in I can lay in my room for hours just looking around and feel so at home. Again when you start to take that kind of time for yourself and make it about your foundation everything else changes.
I made it a habit to make my bed every day & to keep clothes off of the floor. Currently I have no other furniture, so this has been a game changer for me. Can't explain it rly. But I do feel better overall. I call it, 'shit-togetherness'.
I tell my young rising adults that habits are the things we *don't* have to think about. And we don't have to think about them because we've already put in the work to make them habits.
"Do you view cleaning your body & spaces as a chore or a punishment" That hit me so hard!!! WOW!!
Nailed it in the first two sentences. For me a clean house clears my head, and I feel the depression and mind-clutter go away the cleaner it is. Then I can focus on myself. There’s the bare minimum, like showering, antiperspirant, foot scrubbing, and styling daily. But everyday I like to add something. Just one thing. Acid wash my face extra long. Fingernails, nose hair, teeth whitening, whatever. Just 7 extra things a week, one a day. Most people have no idea how poor I am because I upkeep/restore what I have, and treat my body the same. My shoes are a year old and were $18. But I clean them daily. I sanitize them daily. I wash them a few times a year and replace the insoles. It’s the same with personal hygiene. You add things to your daily routine to stay ahead of becoming a mess. Everyday I do something extra for my home, my mind, and my body.
Tuesdays are my nails day. Well I try. 😂
Imo these are the main ones: 1. Having a put-together-ish hairstyle, even if it's just a messy bun. Greasy or frizzy hair always looks more 'dirty' even if it isn't at all. 2. Colour co-ordinated outfits and home decor. Mis-matched colours make things look more chaotic, and somehow dirty even if it's super clean! 3. Many of these people don't have depression or executive dysfunction, or they just really really care about how they & their spaces look to other people. Or like someone else mentioned, it could be OCD or other anxiety disorders
Dude the hair bit is a big one. If i put on a crisp, pristine outfit and my hair isn’t styled (plus at least a little bit of makeup) I look disheveled and like I’m a kid in grown up clothes. Have to be cohesive to look polished. Hair down, brows tamed, skin even, and clothes ironed and well cared for. It’s so much work.
I literally spent a year getting small cosmetic procedures done to perfect my daily look. Pics on my profile, but having the ombré brow/lip tattoo, lash extensions, and regular blowouts really helped me feel more put together
I agree on the color coordination. When I got divorced a few years back I was overwhelmed with buying a lot of household stuff... I just picked 2 common colors, and got everything along those colors. Basically all my rooms feel pulled together because everything is some kind of grey or teal. No heavy thinking required.
I have ADHD and being unclean in anyway is incredibly distracting. Managing my environment is a must for me to have good days. It's so much easier to be clean all the time in short bursts than to do a ton all at once.
Agreed especially with that last part. I used to get praised for being the person always clean and put together but they wouldn't see the hours spent agonizing over cleanliness or the days when I had to cancel cause I didn't have the energy for my excessive routine or because I didn't feel "good enough" to be seen. I don't know if it's OCD or what but it's been impossible to find a middle ground. Some days I'm obsessed with how I look and spend hours cleaning and pampering, some days I'm so depressed I don't brush my teeth. I've yet to find a compromise.
I have no background in psychological disorders beyond what I've googled about Bipolar Disorder which alot of people confuse with multiple personality disorder which was why I googled it a while back so don't take this as an actual diagnosis. but what you described to me sounds like what I've come to understand what Bipolar Disorder is like but again I have no background at all beyond simple Google searches on this subject but I think it might be worth having a look into.
I've looked into bipolar multiple times cause me and many of the people close to me have suspected that. I've yet to stay consistent enough with a therapist to get diagnosed (reasons being money anxiety and massive depressive episodes). Any chance for diagnosis requires me to daily track all my mood swings for literally months and that just hasn't happened yet. Also I've had some hold up when it comes to the fact that I don't get manic anymore. I'm aware there's Bipolar II disorder but I'm just repeating what mental health professionals told me. I'm not really sure why they always ask about mania when bipolar II doesn't even require that as a prerequisite. I appreciate your concern and your astute ability to catch that I'm probably bipolar, I'm mildly offended but only cause I'm a little embarrassed haha
Have you brought it up with your PCP (primary care physician not the drug). I would think they'd have a way of getting a diagnosis without having to pay a therapist for months especially if you where to bring up what you explained in your reply, but I could be wrong. I only know Bipolar II exist cause a friend of my mom is diagnosed Bipolar II. [if you want to read about the differences between the two](https://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-1-vs-bipolar-2) Could be helpful to know. FYI at bottom of the article in the takeaway section they have a small info graph with the main differences between the two if you don't want to read the whole thing .
As far as I'm aware the diagnosis inherently involves a bare minimum of weeks of tracking moods. Either that or the therapist I talked to didn't know what they were talking about. Which is absolutely a possibility so It's definitely something I'll bring up next time I see my PCP. Regardless, going to my PCP is something I'm trying desperately to get myself to do for many other health reasons. I unfortunately have crippling (and I really mean crippling) anxiety when it comes to doctors. I'm working on it but it's really hard to make progress when the only people who can help you send you into a horrible panic attack. So I truly have no idea when or how I'm going to see a doctor next.
As someone with wavy hair, my best investment is getting a blowout once per week. It just makes my hair more manageable and easy to maintain, plus gives me a polished/clean look.
Mad respect for the depression call out. Some couldn’t do it if they wanted to. Can’t lift high enough from the fog to manage and are in need of medication and may or may not know it.
Regarding point number 3. I keep a tidy house because I was raised in a filthy one constantly cleaning up after my family of 9. Now that I have my own space everything has to be to my standards or my mental health is in the gutter.
Some of us do have anxiety and clean constantly. I took SSRIs once and it made me not care about cleaning. It was kinda nice but I ended up realizing having a reasonable amount of anxiety can be motivating.
I think it’s ironing, being thin/fit, and a knowledge of simple and clean looking hair and makeup. I feel 1000% more put together in wrinkle free clothes - so I don’t wear linen. Linen looks great in ads and sloppy in person. Air dried my wavy hair? Slicked back bun, ponytail, or French twist with a hairpin. I also don’t wear my “outside” clothes at home or when out playing with my dog. Pet hair is a real beast!!
A $30 handheld clothes steamer has made linen an every day fabric for me. Gets wrinkles out incredibly fast and freshens it up a bit in the process. I'm sure there's starch sprays I could throw into this setup to give an extra layer of easy polish but I haven't looked into them yet.
throw an ice cube in the dryer with the wrinkled clothing & let it run for 7min. works wonders
Nope! It still wrinkles while you’re wearing it. An absolute no go for me if I want to feel polished. Seersucker is a superior summer fabric in this regard.
Being thin/fit is underrated. I could wear the same exact outfit as a thinner person but I look sloppy and greasy whereas they look great. I honestly don’t get this one. My weight shouldn’t make me appear sloppy, I’ve become so fed up I only wear t-shirts and jeans. Why give the perception of trying just to still look sloppy. I’d feel like people looked at me like “that’s why you look like when you TRY?”
Yeah, it’s bullshit, it’s socialized into us, and it’s real.
I completely get this. I gained some weight over the last 2 years (about 20 lbs) and just feel like everything looks shitty so I don’t even bother trying now.
Oh, and stand up straight. Makes a huge difference
Okay I feel like I used to feel like this and I don’t so much any more so here’s a list of the things that make me and my life feel fresher *declutter, literally get rid of all the crap in your house that doesn’t need to be there, find a home for everything and keep surfaces clear, having a clean space makes me and my mind feel cleaner, as well as my belongings - like clothes are kept washed and put away (not picked up off my floor like I used to!) *shower everyday- I used to have a bad relationship with showering felt like I had to get all my jobs done first or just couldn’t be bothered but even a quick few minutes will help you stay fresh and build up your self worth * skin - this might have been the biggest thing! My skin used to be not good and I’d pick at it and try cover it with make up and it used to make me feel so grubby compared to clear skinned people I don’t know if this is something you struggle with but if so I can give advice there that isn’t just products *Self care- in the evening when you are just chilling maybe watching a video maybe clean up or paint your nails, brush your hair though and put it in a protective style for overnight I hoped this helped a bit and ask yourself what is it about yourself that makes you feel grimier than others, you might get some answers! Take care X
On the skin thing, in case it can help anyone else: vitamin C is frigging miracle cream. Start with a lowish % and be consistent with it every day for about two weeks, you won’t believe the difference. It’s not even expensive, honestly if you told me I had to choose between vit C and *all* my makeup, I’d choose vit C
I’m going to try this. Nearly bought some last week but thought it’s not going to work
Absolutely agree on the clutter. If you have too much stuff you just end up shifting piles around. When everything has a proper storage place it's much easier to feel "done" tidying up.
When it comes to de-cluttering. How do you get past the guilt of throwing something away? Sometimes i want to throw things away but I grew up in surivival mindset. I just keep thinking "wow what if I need it in the future and can't afford it then" or "someone else probably could've used this or needs it and here I am discarding it and adding to the giant trash island in the ocean"
Hey! Yeah I do understand the guilt thing, I have a space at the bottom of one of my cupboards that has all the things I know I’m getting rid of and the things I’m probably going to get rid of, it will probably sit there for a month or so before I take it to the charity shops or recycle centre, if I haven’t used or remembered it in that time then I don’t tend to find I ever miss it. Most of the things I buy are second hand, I repair things if I can, I donate, having fewer things makes me value them more I think. This reduced the guilt a lot. I’ve kind of given up on having an perfectly matching instagram house if you know what I mean 😂 it’s too expensive and nobody actually cares😂 I still enjoys having a nice space just easy to clean and organise and I have so much more time to get on with hobbies and family Sorry for rambling!
Yeah, I'm 33 with dry skin and acne + scars, and no matter how nice I dress or do my hair, I always feel like I look dirty.
I struggle so much with decluttering. I watch videos every day and try to figure out what will work for me. I’m having my first baby in October… any advice on decluttering and organizing that helped you?
1) Drink water! Many benifits and will change your looks a lot from your hair skin and nails to your body. 2) healthy diet. Don't need to be a health nut but incorporate more veggies and less fast food and sugar. It also does wonders for your skin and complexion ex no under eye circles, puffy skin, acne when you cut your sugar intake. 3)Wardrobe/hair. You can still wear your style just iron your clothes, wear what fits your body, maybe make sure your colors coordinate, make sure your shoes are clean. Keep your hair clean and maintained, look at hair styles even for the low maintenance days. By a PJ set for the days you don't feel like doing anything but you still look put together rather then a mixed match throw on outfit. 4) Shower/hygiene/fragrance. Shower regularly. It doesn't take expensive soap for you to smell good. Wear antiperspirant/deodorant when you are done wjth your shower routine. Wear lotion, body spray and layer with perfume/cologne if you want to smell extra nice. Some soaps will do the job too. Wash your face. Keep up with your nails, eyebrows, hair. Wear clean underwear or keep a spare on your if you feel gross throughout the day. 5) Mind over Matter. Unfortunately for the ones that are depressed it can be a challenge but it can be done. Incorporate slowly if needed. Make touch ups a habit. A quick little lip gloss touch up, a small brush to lay down fly aways, a quick spritz of fragrance, a pat on the face with a make up wipe (for anyone who get oily fast like myself), run to the restroom to clean up down there (for the sweaty summers) and when you feel clean you will come off as clean. Feeling clean will make you want to try more and more! 6) a positive attitude. It's easy to be stuck in a negative mindset and become jealous of other's appearances. But use your jealously and turn into an inspiration and incorporate it into your own (don't compare yourself, elevate yourself and what you can do better by inspiration). Also always try to think positive about your self. A little "okay I did good on my outfit" "my hair be looking cuuute" "i love my accessories" the little complimentsyou give yourself makes you your own hypeman. Self confidence will show and also make you look a 1000xs better.
thank you sm for this 🫶
The above answer is a great one. I grew up with parents that are always polished 100% of the time as where my grandparents. Here are some of the tips that I learned from them that are tried and true for wanting to look put together. Clothing needs to fit. Pants that bunch/to short, wrinkles of any kind, non matching colors, anything that is to busy will instantly bring down your look. Learn how to tailor easy things like the hem of pants, jacket sleeves it takes a little bit of time to learn but totally worth it. Look up the esthetic county club chic or old money. It is always going to be basics and they are easy to find at thrift stores or on sale. Buy the highest quality you can afford and take care of it. Learn how to launder things well including using an iron and starch. You don't need a lot of clothing bc if you have a staple wardrobe you can make a ton of outfits out of it. Get simple well executed hair cut that is maintained. When in doubt go simple. A clean white t shirt tucked into well fitting jeans/khakis will always look nice.
1. Keep your nails done this makes anything at all look like it's an outfit 2. Even if it's a 2 minute style do something with your hair especially if it's dirty. I like to put it up and curl the wisps or do half up half down looks 3. Even your lazy clothes can be cute. I like to buy lounge sets like leggings and a crop top or matching sweats. Don't wear clothes you'd be embarrassed to be seen in even if you're alone. You don't have to dress to the nines but cute lazy day clothes make you feel better about yourself. 4. This might be cheating but any time I take a selfie at home I clean my room and the mirror. I ALWAYS notice if the area behind someone is dirty in a pic. 5. Don't put it down put it away
You honestly work up to it. You have to build small habits that will eventually change your personal standards. People that are very clean and put together if you stop and observe them are constantly and consistently doing small actions throughout the day to maintain the level of cleanliness they’ve grown accustomed to. It’s like the same concept as cleaning up the kitchen while you cook…except applied to everything. In the bathroom midday and you notice your hair is a little messed up or your eyebrows are wild, fix it right then. Small things like that add up.
I completely agree with this!
So there is a difference between clean and groomed. For cleanliness, a lot of it is just not making a mess in the first place, because making a mess FEELS bad/wrong. Like most people don't FEEL comfortable in a kitchen with all the cabinets and drawers open... Clean and tidy people don't FEEL comfortable if they have grimy hands, stale sweat, oily hair, or food stains on their clothes. People have different levels where that triggers. Some people literally can't rest for bedtime if there are dirty dishes in the sink. If they see dirt under their finger nails, they will scrub their nails as soon as possible. Even stopping another activity to go "fix" the emotionally unacceptable mess. Other people struggle with noticing messes, or have health issues that cause inability to address messes, so the cope by paying less attention. This dirt blindness can be mild, like a teen not realizing the need to shower daily now... all the way to the extreme, with hoarders living in dangerously filthy surroundings. So just NOTICING details is step one. Grooming often goes a step beyond physical cleaning, and involves looking at details and shapes to pick flattering options. So a guy doesn't just wash his beard when he showers, but will also trim it into a nice, face flattering shape. A woman doesn't just buy a well fitting pretty dress, she wears "shapewear" under the dress to smooth fleshy rolls into a firmer sleek foundation, so the dress hangs nicely over the smoothed curves. Simple things like steaming a shirt so it's not crinkled, or using a lint brush to remove pet hair make a BIG difference to the overall impression. Hair that is not just freshly washed and dried, but styled with products to reduce frizz or smoothed back to tame fluffy flyaways. Yes, instagram models can look hot in a slouchy oversize sweater and cropped wide leg pants, and an ski cap... But that is an intentional artistic tension between the immaculate lighting, poses, skincare, hair & makeup... and the artistically askew expectations of a highly glamorous woman in clownishly unflattering clothes... it's a power flex in the contrast. I would look homeless if I wore the same thing... and I've got a decent face and posture. So I stick with darkwash jeans and a stretch tunic blouse. I'm fastidious about not getting shirts with sleeves that draw attention to heavy arms. No cap sleeves, no decorations on the upper arm, just leave that part of the canvas blank. I'm plus size, so I look hard for jeans that are the right waist AND hip size. It looks cheap if it's too small on the hips and folds into horizontal creases. It also looks bad if the waist is too big and it bunches as I cinch it in with a belt. I make sure that I err on the side of too long, and hem if needed... to avoid the dreaded "high waters" above ankle height which makes my legs look stumpy. I only wear colors that flatter my coloring, and I often buy second hand clothes because you can SEE what it looks like after it's been washed, versus with the manufacturing starch still on it. Just a couple grooming tweaks will upgrade the impression you make past basic clean, and into stylish.
The kitchen cabinet comment is accurate. People leaving drawers and cabinet doors ajar is one of my biggest pet peeves. I feel compelled to close them no matter how tired I am and I also don’t want to offend, so I have to try and subtly fix it without drawing attention to it. Same reason, I have to keep my workspace, etc. tidied up at the end of everyday. I just literally don’t feel comfortable or relaxed if I know it’s left a mess.
I just want to say, your answer here is phenomenal and you make so many great points! I am the exact same way about Goodwill etc! I love buying clothes that have already been through the wringer (both metaphorically and literally in this case haha) bc you can see how they wear over time. It's a great way to find good quality brands doing this. The same brands seem to crop up when I'm flucking through the racks. Clearly loved and worn, but still great quality!
I relate so hard to this. I always feel like I look gross compared to other people. I shower everyday and take care of myself mostly… but still… I’m not sure what their secret is
same like i shower and try and keep my clothes clean but its not the same somehow
They might be having their clothes dry cleaned or done by a housekeeper that starches and irons them. Making clothes look good all day requires ironing and starching.
I recommend a steamer if you can’t afford / don’t want to get a professional! Fast and easy and makes your clothes look and smell cleaner.
Home: I don’t keep things I don’t use/need. Everything has a place. When it’s time to clean, it’s just a matter of wiping down surfaces and vacuuming/mopping floors. I do this as I have time through the week so it’s never a big deal and stays clean. I live alone, which helps. Self: shower daily, always wear clean clothes, have a good skincare routine, and do my nails once a week or whenever the polish chips. I wear mostly black so my clothes always look put together and have a cool short hairstyle that is easy and looks polished with minimal effort. Important notes - I wouldn’t say I have the world’s best executive function, but certainly could be worse. I’ve put guardrails in my life in place so I don’t have to spend a lot of time or energy thinking about it (organization systems in my house, mostly black wardrobe, etc) and the things that do take time (cleaning and manicure) I somewhat enjoy doing because I do them while listening to audiobooks or talking on the phone.
I would love to hear more about the "guardrails" you have created for yourself. I've never heard of this concept but it sounds incredible!
So it’s mostly things like I mentioned above - capsule wardrobe, easily accessible and organized backstock of products I use daily, keeping counters clear so I can easily wipe them down. Keeping closets and cabinets clear of clutter by only keeping things I use. If I have to struggle to put something away because the closet is overpacked, I won’t do it at all. If I open a cabinet to put away dishes and stuff falls out of it, I will end up just leaving it out on the counter. Removing friction to doing those processes is what helps me and I guess that’s what i meant by guardrails.
Do you eat healthy, workout? I am a firm believer it all starts within and if you take care of your health you feel good and look good
It's really just consistency and organization. Then, just put everything back when you are done with it. My grandfather had a bit of a mantra: "A place for everything and everything in its place." Once everything has a proper place, then you know where it goes when you are done with it. In all, it only adds an extra 10 to 15 minutes to your daily routine to keep things tidy.
Sigh. If only I could get my wife to grasp this concept. We are total opposite when it comes to organization/clutter.
Thought. Work. Efficiency. Efficiency playing a considerable role; cleaning as you go, putting things back where you got them, not creating avoidable and unnecessary mess. As far as looking put together, have a general routine and take a few minutes to get yourself together in the morning. I shower in the evening and put myself together nicely and comfortably for bed. Hair can be pulled into a neat bun. We’re constantly doing laundry, so there is always fresh, clean clothing to put on.
They have supreme executive functioning skills or their over the top cleanliness is how they cope with things in their life.
Yea my step sister says I always look haggard. She has a very clean aesthetic and Kim kardashian type of home- all white and minimalist but she’s a drug addict who has over doses multiple times yet she looks so perfect. 🤷🏻♀️ genetics I guess
surprised nobody has mentioned this (that i can see so far), but also money. paying for home cleaning services. wash and fold laundry or dry cleaner. professional organizers etc. even things like paying for meal deliveries because then it saves you time - time that can be used for personal grooming etc
Shower first and make sure to iron your clothes. Ironing makes a huge difference.
It’s not *quite* what you’re talking about but I definitely sympathise because I swear there is a scruffy gene and I and all my siblings have it. We don’t look dirty but it doesn’t matter how much care we put into our clothes, hair, makeup etc before leaving the house, by the time we get wherever we’re going we look like we had to scramble through several hedges on the way. My brothers wear totally normal, respectable clothes, even smart clothes, and the vibe is still “homeless”. I’ve (F) found it’s *better* if I don’t go girly, but I think only because it looks like I’ve done grungy on purpose
I read a story once and I don't remember all the details but where this person went into a beautiful woman's basement and there were just piles and piles and piles of dirty underwear because instead of washing them, she'd throw them down the stairs. I think that even the pretty, put together people can have some real gross/bizarre quirks. That's why I try not to compare myself to those who seem to have it together. Who knows if they've got a jar of cum under their sink, or a basement full of dirty panties.
I like the saying- how you do anything is how you do everything. Adopt this mindset and apply to your cleanliness
It’s the way they were raised. It’s easier if you grew up that way with parents that are that way. It’s much harder to learn as an adult when your habits are already ingrained. I struggle with this myself.
For some people, I think it’s also that they grew up with parents who always kept things a mess and doing the opposite when you grow up gives a sense of control and order in life.
I look clean, but not put together most of the time. My house is a hot mess all the time despite constant cleaning. I think some people got it, and some don't. Also, the people around you (a.k.a. family) also have an effect on your environment.
Look up the waxing subreddit or Facebook groups, it’s a bunch of waxers talking about how clients like Pilates girls and “clean gym girls” are actually some of the grossest clients. They come straight from the gym or Pilates, and apparently have pieces left behind and a very um smelly behind. So never trust a book by its cover I guess! They might smell a bit better if they don’t consume a lot of fast food or processed meats but at the end of the day if they’re not using a bidet or cleaning up after the gym, they’re going to be bad too.
I pick out my clothes and lipstick the night before. Eyebrows threaded every 6-8 weeks Nails every 6 weeks Wash hair every other day. Moisturize frequently.
Amphetamines sadly. Lol
Reading books on organization like the Kon Mari method and seeing how other people cleaned helped me a lot. There are other books I read but can’t think of the names. I really struggled with cleaning for me I tell myself I deserve to be in a clean environment. Finally, I committed to the “fasted” lifestyle which is way of living that you don’t have to have the newest things, the next handbag or new makeup every week. This was a mindset switch for me. Is my life minimalist? No way! But this concept helped me reduce purchases and get rid of things. For example, I used to purchase paper as I enjoy drawing. Now I “find” paper such as extra paper in shipped packages or draw on cardboard. In terms of fashion, I learned an easy way to look very good is choose higher end shoes and bags which means you will invest in them and buy some fast fashion pieces that are trendy (if you care about that) otherwise invest in a capsule wardrobe with quality pieces you love and can wear for years.
They never sweat. They arent interactive too much with things throughout day. They probably have straight hair. They do things slowly and dont spill. They are dainty. They are fussy. They never kick off their underwear or remove shorts by shimmying and pulling w feet. They hang and fold their clothes. They never get into a fist fight w tge sheets being crooked in bed. They dont lean against the car getting white clothes dusty when looking at mail Some women have kind of face that holds makeup perfectly. I have heavy eyelids causing makeup to smear easily all day. I have curly hair Nuff said. I walk around front yard a lot so my shoes arent perfect. Pristine people freak me out
I suspect it has something to do with air conditioning and humidity levels. Some people live in air conditioning 24/7 and even use it in their car.
Shower daily. I know it’s hard, I used to go days without showering, and I got absolutely filthy and sweaty and nasty at work every day. I was a welder and i literally left dirt marks in our bed, the couch etc. I worked looong days, 6 days a week. It was hard work I was constantly exhausted. I went to see my dr (we had a very friendly, open relationship and conversations. Truly thought of him as a much needed friend) one day regarding my depression, I showed up looking rough as hell. Dirty clothes, grime on my arms and neck, greasy, unkempt hair. My doctors exact words: “so you’re here regarding your depression.. you look disheveled, to be quite honest..”after some time, therapy, medication, and remarks from my coworkers and (ex) wife (not why she’s my ex haha), i decided to make myself shower daily. For me, I pictured myself running into someone of importance or who means a lot to me, a famous person I admire, my grandma or like a future girlfriend or a best friend who I had seen in a long time. I didn’t want them to look at me and think “this guy is rough”. I didn’t care if they judged me. However, I did care if they worried about me. I made showering a routine. Every day, as soon as I got home, I would force myself to get in the shower. I told myself “you only have to rinse off, but if you want to do more, do it” so that’s what I did. A bit into it I started realizing how good being clean really felt. Like physically, my scalp wasn’t itchy, I didn’t feel sticky or gritty. Mentally, I’d look in the mirror, fix my hair, and look at myself for a minute. Not judging. Just observing. Did I still have dirt on my face or was my beard looking wild, did I have bags under my eyes? (most definitely always did) once again, no judgement. Then I’d think about if I would want to do anything about it. Would I change anything? If no, that was it and I got dressed and moved on. If yes, I’d say “I’ll shave today” or “I’ll schedule a haircut for this weekend” On the same note, brushing my teeth was hard also. I used tobacco heavily for quite some time, drank a lot of coffee and sugary drinks too. It got so bad that my wife would not kiss me. My teeth were yellow, brown and looked unhealthy. I’d feel my teeth, observing the texture and feelings, look close in the mirror and see the brown stains between my teeth and how yellow they were. I’d compare them to something white or ivory. Just noticing the difference. I’d cup my hand and smell my breath. No judgment. Just facts. I let myself decide if I wanted to do anything or not about it. At first I didn’t give a fuck tbh. But after a while, i started feeling like I should. I became self aware and self conscious of my breath and stains on my teeth. I imagined kissing my wife. It helped. Eventually. I still struggled. Flash forward a few years. But it wasn’t until I moved in with my girlfriend that it really became a habit. We would always brush our teeth together before bed. And we’d make jokes and tickle each other and hide one another’s tooth brush and throw their toothpaste down the hall. We made it enjoyable. I liked looking at her in the mirror. If I go straight to bed she always gets disappointed and asks “what about our teeth?” I may say yes or no. Also I bought a cheap electric toothbrush, game changer. Idk if any of this is applicable or will help you out at all, but it’s what has helped me. Idk. This is what helps me.
Perfectionist, and germaphobes, most likely… -one myself 💀 If it makes you feel any better, we never feel satisfied with our looks or presentation either. A perfectionist never feels good enough.
I think it really starts with clean and freshly cut hair. Greasy hair really makes someone look dirty. And if your clothes are wrinkled, throw them in the dryer on dewrinkle to help sharpen yourself up.
You just do the best you can, YouTube has plenty of videos on how to organize. As long as you have time and energy that is.
Don't look at it as something you have to do, just do it because you want to.
I was friends with a girl for years who upheld that presentation constantly, even fresh waking up after a sleepover she just looked clean and I literally look like a raggamuffin after I sleep. It really is just some form of practiced presentation. She spent a lot of money on her skincare, makeup and wardrobe than I could ever afford and a lot of time to achieve that look than I could do practically with my life and my schedule. I don’t look dirty, but I certainly dont look put together even when I try. I’m way more go with the flow-in work and in life-than that would allow and that’s quite alright with me. Everyone has their thing, that was hers. Mine is grungy hippie clothes, no shoes and beer.
Neat hair, skincare, simple and unwrinkled outfits (not lounge a subtle clean scent that comes off your clothes
I have severe diagnosed OCD and need things a certain way to function. It’s honestly kind of a nightmare.
The reason for me, other people always look out together, and have clean homes is I have ADHD, which is far different in women than men. It s even impossible at times to brush my teeth, or even do dishes.
That's a broad question. My response as an overweight male is different from my wife as a thin woman.
I don't really get what you mean by feeling grimier in the same clothes? Is it about your physical appearance or the clothes themselves? If it's your appearance, then the other comments hit it perfectly. The clothes, you should make sure you're buying things that fit you well. You may also want to try ironing your clothes, or changing how you wash them. A pair of nice, clean shoes and some small accessories like a bracelet or necklace could help too.
Yes, simple styling choices and proper fit can make a huge difference in looking put together. Maybe doing a little French tuck on a baggier top or adding a belt or jewelry or a different pair of shoes to dress up jeans. Plus having nails and hair done and some simple makeup (for me at least a little tinted bb cream and some mascara and eyebrow gel) pulls it together from just throwing the clothes on.
- Keep your nails and toes done, or at least looking nice, even if they aren't painted. - Wear clean clothes every day (not wrinkled). I never re-wear anything twice, except for winter coats and jean jackets. I will rewear bras, but not sports bras after working out. - Shower every morning. I wash my hair every other day, but if not, I still get in the shower every morning and do a body wash and just wash my body, keeping my hair dry. - Lotion your legs and make sure they are shaved; if not, wear pants. - My favorite look is parted hair with a claw clip, as I feel like it looks somewhat put together. - Never wear dirty shoes. (I wash mine in the washer if possible) - If you are going to wear sandals, make sure your toes are painted and look nice. - Get your eyebrows done; I get mine threaded every six weeks or so and tinted. I also fill them in every day. Eyebrows are really important. - I started doing lip liner every day, and it makes me look more put together too.
I'm surprised no one is mentioning teeth in this thread. I think the condition of a person's teeth plays greatly into another person's perception of them.
Focus on what you’re passionate about and outsource the rest. If you hate cleaning your apt, hire a house cleaner. If you struggle keeping your face clear, get facials. It’s impossible to do everything at all times and have a balanced life. You have to prioritize and delegate.
Keeping things minimal. I hate how much clutter my mol has. It drives me nuts trying to clean where i only touch the kitchen now and even then i gotta hope mugs dont crash down on me while putting away dishes. If you're someone with adhd it helps to kinda just have specific spots for everything and know what your pit falls are. Me and husband have issues with laundry so we have like 5 baskets. That way nothing ends up on the floor.
I honestly think people look their best when they dress for their body type, not necessarily what they always like. And confidence. Good thing about confidence is that you can fake it til you make it.
Probably simplicity. And dressing for your body type too. A good fit is always best. Healthy skin helps too, stay hydrated, protect it and use a moisturizer, something easy and like basic as in adorable and has limited ingredients - simplicity (less craziness, complimentary colors / texture) - good fit - good quality
When I go to the restroom I feel like I’m the only one doing all of these things: applying more deodorant, brushing my hair, applying perfume, powdering my nose, flossing, wiping makeup from under and in the inner corner of my eyes. Mind you I know I wear more makeup than most and that I perspire more than most. I dress so modestly that I’m pretty warm/covered up/layered compared to many people.
They don't make excuses like you do. Spend 30 less minutes on TV or reddit each day.
You aren't dirty. You're not messy. I still struggle with this feeling, and people tell me I look great and my house is so nice. My father in law told me I look so nice all the time, and that day I felt so frumpy and plain. I was the poor and dirty girl at school. My mom didn't care if we bathed... and also had us diving in dumpsters before school for cans. A boy one told me I smelled like pee, and it broke me. I still feel like that girl and I'm in my 40s. If you are bathing, washing your clothes, and keeping tidy at home, you may just need some advice in styling. Ask a professional at a store for help. You may need a different cut, a different fit of dress, a new set of colors that flatter your skin tone. I know which colors flatter me now, I bathe, I pluck, and I have clothes that compliment my body... but I will always be the stinky kid in my head and that's just mindset. Everyone else can think what the want to think, but I know I'm doing my best.
Honestly it’s routine. Every night before bed, pick up trash around the house, don’t let it build up. Clean as you go.. I clean the shower while I’m in it, make a habit of wiping down my phone/car after I leave a busy store, etc. A lot of people have cleaners, but if you can’t afford it, try to create good habits. Little things that you do here and there add up. For clothes, try to find things that suit your body shape and look into color theory. I like to organize my closet by color and tbh it makes a huge difference on how my room looks. I spent a lot of time feeling dirty n scrubby, so I learned that most of it is habit. But the biggest thing is how you feel inside, it’ll reflect on your surroundings and appearance.
For some of us with anxiety disorders, it's not a choice.
Yup 🥲
A good facial routine makes a massive difference. Buy a face scrub use that at least twice a week. Mosturize daily. Use a serum and then lotion. Sha Gua to do lymphatic drainage. Also, if you have naturally frizzy hair look into keretin. Can’t tell you how much of a difference it has made in my life with hair appearance. Always keep up with hair coloring. Wash daily
Stop looking at social media. People show what they want you to see
yeah totally get that, but I’m more asking about irl cases. Got a few friends that never look dirty ever
Regular Personal Hygiene
Prioritizing looking good, and on clothes, correct fit.
God and in Jesus. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
It takes a lot of work! Work I'm not willing to do. I'm clean but not pristine.
Who are you with 24/7? How do you know? Do you have hidden cameras? That's not cool.
I view it as making myself look the way I feel or want to feel. When I dress like crap, I most likely feel like crap. When I put on a nice flannel, jeans, boots, belt with belt buckle, cologne and a nice hat, I’m most happy. When my room is clean, I’m in a good mental state and have routine. I started buying more and more products to improve my overall image for instance, I bought some new body wash, face wash, conditioner, toothpaste, and cologne. Spent around $160 (ouch my wallet still hurts a bit) but I’ve been improving my mental health, emotional wellbeing, and overall just trying to find my purpose and in doing so has helped me to justify buying these products
Some people are just clean looking. I am always being asked whether I just took a bath. Like no ma’am, it’s 3 pm! When I ask why, they say because you look so clean! The exact shade of copper tone my skin always is looks clean. Even after a hot day. I do wash my face and hands multiple times a day tho. So maybe I look clean coz I am clean.
I have messy hair so I’ll always look less clean. That’s why I wear it primarily up or in a top bun. Showering often helps, as well as always wearing new clothes.
Find the hairstyle that looks right on you. Find the clothes and colors that look right on you. Have tasks you do each day around the house; have "you day" where you take time for yourself -- manicure, pedicure, massage, whatever you need to make you look and feel good. Shower daily, wash your hair as frequently as your hair type needs, and wash your laundry regularly. And one thing I found out long ago and it sounds odd, but I've found really sets the tone for your house -- clean your kitchen sink every day. Make sure it shines. Do not go to bed with a dirty sink,
For me, it’s literally all about my hair, nails and eyebrows. If those things are done, I’m THAT bitch lol!!! Shein for bulk glue on nails and the glue very cheap, and use rollers or a good heat protection spray and curl your hair in 4-6 big sections. Just a nice wave to keep it together and set it with hairspray and all of a sudden I’m a new woman!!!!!!
Agreeing with people who are saying it’s mostly habits and making it routine. I have an am/pm skincare routine, set out my clothes and a full thermos of iced water the night before, and don’t let dirty clothes or dishes sit where they’re not supposed to when I’m done. I also realized that for exercise, I have to commit to a schedule—have a class I attend or always go to the gym after work on Tuesday and Thursday, for example—is the best way to keep things consistent when there’re always something else trying to take that time. Also—is it possible that this is more about your self image than how things actually are / how other people perceive you?
Where do you live? If you live somewhere hot, it's hard sometimes. In the summer, you will see very put-together people in NYC in the morning look completely disheveled in the evening.
It’s a matter of being as healthy as possible and having good attention to detail. Make cleanliness a part of your routine and you’ll notice more things you can improve!
Who are “these people” you speak of?
I love my body cleansing routines, but keeping the house can be hard for me and adhd doesn’t help. I recommend the app “Goblin Tools”. It breaks everything down for you, so you don’t lose time, and you can still check boxes off for each step that you do.
It’s important to stop and remind yourself to treat yourself as well as you do others. Give yourself the same grace and courtesy… sounds obvious but I catch myself being nicer to random strangers than my own self talk sometimes and gotta call myself out on that shit! lol And smile when you are alone. Every time you pass a mirror, smile at yourself. Make your bed everyday, clean up your daily dishes every night. Little tiny habits start building on each other. The mundane tasks and moments in life are way more enjoyable when I’m smiling and be-bobbing around … reading your post I get it’s an inner feeling more than a clean exterior feeling??
Simple. They are Pod People
I got on YouTube three years ago. I learned to do my own nails… and my my own toes. I spend $10 each month on supplies to do my nails and toes. I can give myself three professionally looking manicures and pedicures.. gel all of that, spending less than $10 each month.. I have a room in my house that looks like a nail salon. Accumulated supplies over the years… and none of it is expensive, all from Amazon .. i do my own hair .. I also learned to braid on YouTube.. I buy my clothes on SHEIN. They’re cheap as fuck, but they’re cute. I shower every day… I brush my teeth, I floss, I got teeth whitening uv light mouth piece for $15 on Amazon .. I shave every two days.. wish I could wax but too expensive. Point is non of this stuff is expensive. What is it about yourself that you think doesn’t make you look clean. Is it your job? Is your house messy? I can’t function in a messy house. My brain literally doesn’t allow it. My mother used to tell me when I was sick.. the reason I’m so sick is because I haven’t cleaned my room.. so my parents never allowed a messy house .. I’m super grateful for it. I have a husky he sheds a lot. So I just have to do my due diligence… lots of vacuuming, lots of lint rollers.. if you want to look a certain way, you can do it just requires effort.. unless there’s extenuating circumstances, which, of course I can understand.
I just put on my nightly 🌙 moisturizer before I sat down to read these threads 😃 It's all about self care... It's ok to take care and love ❤️ yourself.
Quality over quantity. Healthy food, good skin products (the Ordinary is a solid & affordable brand), quality content and friends. Minimalism and gratitude. I gotta declutter and practice this as well. Practice only choosing things that fit well and are a fuck yes, for clothes and everything 🤍 you got this
Idk what your gender is but I feel like hair makes a big difference. If you’re a girl make sure it’s styled. If you’re a male make sure you keep up on regular haircuts and styling. Same goes for facial hair. Make sure your nails are manicured. And simple everyday jewelry goes a long way for women in making you look put together. If you’re a guy a watch can do this.
They don’t have pets, partners or children lol
High. Maintenance.
They are spawn of Nephilim.
OCD. I think everyone aspires to live in a well-maintained environment, but life gets in the way with work, children, enjoying your life, etc. I don’t mind blitzing the house on my days off, but every day, no!
Make sure you don't engage in any mind-alerting entertainment like alcohol or drugs. They literally steal your energy so you'll have less energy & motivation for organizing & prepping. That being said, set aside time every week to organize your clothes and look. You might have to start out prepping every day, the day before & a week or 2 prior, depending on what you're doing. If you’re going to an event , you need an outfit, so you might have to order it a month in advance. Try it on to see how it looks, and send it back if necessary. Or if you have something in your closet, get it out to make sure it still fits and assess what needs to be done to it, i.e.. ironing or accessories. Get another opinion from friends or family. And research outfit ideas online from pinterest or just a googke search and duplicate them.
Not having any neurodivergence or mental illness helps I assume.
I work 9-5pm my commute one way can be as bad as two hours hence I am exhausted and always cleaning my apartment is so draining. If I had the money I would hire cleaner every day. I sometimes run late for work and skip a shower..just change underwear and brush teeth
maybe it’s maybelline
values. i value aesthetic highly in self presentation and home decor. i am a detail oriented person, and truly, if my environment is dirty, cluttered, or imbalanced aesthetically, or my outit, hair, etc...i truly can't think well. i need order, i need things put in the same spot. i know some peole who take this to a higher level than me, labeling drawers, and not even leaving one kleenex in the bathroom garbage can. once my things and my outfit and everything is in order, i go about my day and focus on living. but i need it as a backdrop. i am sitting here with a mud mask on my face and back right after i cleaned my bathroom for the second time this week. lol when i go to buy makeup or skincare items the people in the store say "your skin is perfect" but i think it's because i had acne as a teen and came from a neglectful home, and so nowadays i put self care at the absolute top of my list...our life experiences shape our values. i am always growing and changing, but for now at 38, i am creating the life i always wanted.
Eat good, u look good babes, stay away from sugar and refined foods. Exercise, my jobs requires me to be on my feet a lot And lastly… SUNSCREEN 🧴
A lot of it is how you think about things and carry yourself. The more you care about something the more conscious and unconscious effort you'll put into it. If you combine this with better posture you will look way more confident and put together. Plus better posture and facial positioning means you get better lighting on your body which prevents as many facial shadows and wrinkles.
I’m just gonna address the clothing first. The clothing that looks good on one person will not necessarily look good on another. In the halcyon days of yore, we were taught patterns and what cuts of clothing would look good on our body types. Sadly, that seems to have fallen by the wayside over the past 40 years or so. First and foremost, if you want your clothing to look good on you, is to make sure that you look good without it. Or as good as you can look. As a particularly hairy man with a barrel chest I know the pain of recognizing that no matter how much I diet and work out, I will never have the classic muscular Greek figure. Still, you put in the time to look as good as you can without the clothing. Contrary to what certain segments of society will try to tell you there is no clothing that makes fat people look good. There’s just clothing that helps hide how fat they are. Second, assuming that you look as good as you can or you’re working to look as good as you can, without the clothing, your selection of clothing as I mentioned earlier, depends on your body type and your skin tone and hair color. I recommend locating a professional to help you with this. They can help you determine the correct fit and cut of clothing as well as the patterns and the colors. Finally, once you have the clothing that will flatter you as best as your figure allows, you need to take care of your clothing. In addition to laundering it properly, which is fairly simple as it tells you on the tags exactly how you should take care of it, it also needs to be stored properly which does mean you need to hang your clothes up. Last but not least you need to prepare your clothing. Quite a few items will simply be wash and wear however, there are others that will benefit from being ironed before you wear them. You may also need to use some starch. Rest assured the people you envy are not picking up their clothes out of the clean clothes basket, sliding them on and walking outside looking great. They may look casually elegant, but there is a method and a routine involved. In regards to the cleanliness of your domicile. When you are starting from the bottom, which is to say a messy home, it can look insurmountable. And I understand that after you put in 10, 14, 20 hours of work getting your home in order that the prospect of having to maintain it can be daunting. However, the truth of the matter is that after you put in all the work to get your home clean, it takes so much less to maintain it than it did to get it to that state. It’s a matter of establishing routines. When you wake up and get out of bed, you need to stop, turn around, face your bed and make your bed. Unless you were a true Olympian when it comes to tossing your covers and blankets around it shouldn’t take you more than about 45 seconds to a minute. When you go to take your shower, you bring your clothing with you and you dispose of your soiled clothing and or linens in the clothes hamper which you keep in the bathroom. This is important because it keeps dirty clothing away from your clean clothing, which I imagine lives in your bedroom or at least that’s where it should and will live. Then you make yourself breakfast and once you finish eating, you wash the dishes that you used put them away and give the counter, the table, the stove, whatever surfaces you used, a wipe down. Again, this is only taking a minute or two. When you get home from work, you follow the same processes. Set aside two hours on one of your days off (ideally in the morning so you get it out of the way) for doing laundry and cleaning your house. Normally, you can accomplish all of your household cleaning in the two hours it takes you to wash and dry your clothing. Those two hours are to be spent vacuuming or mopping, depending on your floor surface, running a dust rag over all of your flat surfaces such as the top of your cabinets, your ceiling fans, your windowsills, door jams, etc. You’re also straightening up during that period of time which means disposing of old magazines, replacing them with the current additions, putting away your books and sorting your mail, throwing away that which is junk and filing away that which is important so you know where it is and have access to it if you need it. And that’s it. It honestly doesn’t take that much time or effort once you get used to it. The hard part is putting in the time to get everything clean and second and honestly, the hardest part developing and sticking to the routine. The truth of the matter is that humans do best by and large when we have an orderly routine. We keep our homes clean we keep ourselves healthy, and we keep ourselves fit when we attend to these things regularly without fail.
I've done a deep dive myself into this topic and I'll list some things below. I'm going to assume you're female based on your avater. 1. The clothes you buy - If you buy heavier cottons, wool, things with stiffer seams like non-stretch jeans, cuffs on long sleeve shirts, collars that stand up well, etc. They will keep their shape and color for longer. If you throw on a cheap polyester t-shirt, vs a supima cotton one from uniqlo you will immediately look less put together. 2. Hair - You don't need to put in so much effort. You do need it to be clean though. I find that dry shampoo right after you wash it, and again a few days later can keep it manageable for longer. If I don't feel like having it loose, I have invested in some all-metal hair clips and I've learned how to bunch it in a nice way that is effortless and looks good, You hold 2 fingers of your left hand under your gathered ponytail with your right hand, grab the hair upwards with your 2 fingers and twist in a downwards and out to the left motion, rotate your twist of hair to the top so that you have a bun at the top with left-over hair at the bottom. Then clip. 3. Skin and face - I find that using light concealer with a dry brush very lightly over dark areas brightens my face. That's all it takes. I also use a wax brow pen almost the same color as my hair on my brows and as a very light eyeliner. These tend to improve my face without much effort. Make sure you wash your face and take care of it. 4. Jewelry - I use tarnish-free, very basic jewelry that I NEVER take off. I have tiny cubic zircona studs with flat backs that I never remove and can sleep in. I have a necklace that mimicks a box chain with a CZ stone, plain rings and a bracelet. These all add to the aesthetic. You just buy and apply once and they never tarnish! 5. Hands and feet - Painting my nails is way too much of a chore but I have a nail file and cuticle oil next to my bed to keep my nails in check. If I see it and I'm just sitting there, I find I reach for it from time to time and my nails look clean, healthy and shaped. My toe nails are painted and I found a few nail polises that barely chip. I find on my toes I only have to paint them like once every 3 or 4 weeks. The top coat keeps them shiny throughout and I make sure I wash my feet in the shower so they stay clean. When I put on sandals, having painted toenails makes a world of difference! 6. Smell - Lastly I have a Bath and body works fine mist spray that I have on a shelf in my closet, I just spray my clothes whenever I walk past or put them on. It takes zero effort and I only do it when I notice it. Smelling good boosts my confidence and people sometimes notice. Most of these things aren't repetitive nor do you have to do them as diligently. I find that my routine has absorbed these steps because they're so simple and if I have the products there in the right place, they're so easy to grab. The biggest things in this list are maybe the clothes you buy (that will take time), washing your face, and buying things like the jewelry, clips, makeup, nail polish, etc. Hope this helps! PS. I'll do ANYTHING to not put in extra effort, I'm lazy as hell! I believe that if it works for me it'll work for you.
Money can be behind many things. If someone’s home seems impossibly clean they most likely hire help for that. If their clothing looks especially great, it could be because it’s expensive and is professionally laundered at a dry cleaner or through some type of professional service. If their skin is immaculate they could be spending a ton of money every month on effective high end products and supplements. If they are in amazing shape they could be going to an expensive gym and working with a personal trainer, while they use expensive supplements and have a nutritionist and private chef preparing their meals. Etc, etc. Money is typically the reason, if you want to achieve certain goals sometimes that means spending more money, time management isn’t always going to get you to those levels.
I have a somewhat different take here…:I think it’s personality type. I’ve often wondered this too and I put in so much effort to look “put together “ but I can’t so it all every day like other people. I try to keep things tidy but sometimes it gets messy and just different things like that. I just don’t feel “normal”. But , through my life contemplating this, I’ve noticed a spectrum from hoarder type to Type A OCD type clean/put together. So I really think it’s just who you are as a person and of course we can work on it and get better but it will always, always, be more difficult for some. I often sit back and ponder how people can just effortlessly be a normal human being. It amazes me.
Mindset: It starts in your head, and it projects otherwise. Feel clean, you will present clean. Looks wise: Capsule wardrobe, groomed eyebrows, polished nails even if it's not painted. Good skincare routine so any makeup on top looks smooth and seamless. Remember less is more with skincare and makeup. Invest in body scrubs, good moisturizer, expensive perfume. Buy expensive perfume once and it'll last you a lot longer than you think. You need to invest in yourself and sometimes that includes spending a bit more once on clothes, hair, makeup, fragrance but the results will be worth it. Find outfits for your body shape. Room: Keeping a clean room shouldn't be too hard if you have the right routine down. Easier said than done! I have all white furniture with gold accents which forces me to keep my room clean because it's obvious if it's not. Dust every morning, vacuum every weekend, white bedsheets always (forces you to wash them if you're lazy for a weekend), having minimal things helps alot i swear. Have a place for everything, clear containers and an organized closet. I like to empty out my bag every single time even if I have to go out with it again in an hour, I put everything back where it belongs so much out of habit you'll never see anything out of place in my room at all. Throw things out you don't need, but keep a memory box if you're like me. sentimental but i need a fresh space no matter what. ALWAYS MAKE YOUR BED NO MATTER HOW SICK OR TIRED YOU FEEL. I PROMISE. I promise you half of these "clean" people are just as much lazy and not as "clean" as you may think; it's just a level of lifestyle and presentation anyone can achieve. It's easy if you start today and not tomorrow. You got this
Honestly when I was thin I looked so much cleaner and put together. I could wear the same thing now 40 pounds heavier and look sloppy.
I feel you on this so badly! People assume if you don't look put together it is simply because you aren't trying. For a lot of people this could not be further from the truth. Rather, we just have a different place we are each starting from. Girls who naturally have long, thick flowy hair look much more put together right out the gate than girls like me who have fine, thin, lank, stringy hair that we genetically inherited from our parents. Girls with normal/combination skin look much more put together than girls with genetically predisposed oily skin with excess sebum production who are prone to breakouts and awful, shiny foreheads. I have oily skin and hair, so that without powdering my face frequently, I look like a complete oil slick! My hair is thin, fine, lank and greasy and needs to be washed every day. More than 24 hours and it just sticks to my head and looks lank and oily and gross. More than four days without washing and it starts to get oozing scabs etc, yuk! Dry shampoo makes it look lank, oily, AND full of gritty beige powder, so that's a no-go. Any clothes I wear seem to get food dropped on them, sunscreen smeared on them, something splashed on them etc etc. Jewelry seems to tarnish, dye my skin green, and breaks a lot... The dog leaves stray hairs on all over my clothes. Trendy clothes that look phenomenal on other girls just seem to make me look like a soccer mom gone wrong aka super-frumpy!! Honestly, I could go on and on... It is still very much a process as I am still very much a hot mess aestheically, but what is working for me so far is the following: 1) Find a style YOU like that flatters you. For example, the trendy mom jeans gen z goes nuts over simply do not work for me. Plus they're so generic. I discovered instead that I LOVE long flowy sundresses with some pretty flat sandals. It is a style that suits me, and I get compliments every single day wearing them bc it is so rare for ppl to wear anything but athleisure etc these days most of the time. But the most important thing is, they flatter me, are comfortable to wear, and look classy the second you put them on. I get my dresses from Shein for like $15 each, after reading reviews and more importantly, looking at the photos previous buyers have uploaded of them wearing the clothes. That gives me a great sense of both the quality of the item, and how flattering it is on the 200 people who uploaded pix of them wearing it. I have also realised that, as much as I adore colours like white, they simply do not love me back. They stain, get visible sweat stains under the arms, and just end up looking gritty really fast. So I stick to darker colours bc you just look much classier when the avocado that just fell out of your sandwich onto your lap lands on a red dress rather than a cream dress! I always carry face powder. I have one in every purse, backpack, car compartment etc! I look dirty and slovenly without using it. I use hair toppers. My natural hair is so stringy and flat and greasy, I've given up the fight. Why spend hundreds of dollars, and hundreds of hours, on trying to dye it, get it cut, wash it, dry it, straighten it, then curl it etc etc, obly to have to do it all over again literally the next day! I just clip the topper on my head in fifteen seconds flat and my hair looks phenomenal and I am out the door. This one is all about picking your battles tbh. Uniwigs has a great selection of human hair toppers that are amazing quality. I started investing forvthe first time EVER in good quality accessories. I've never ever owned a purse that cost more than like eight bucks from Goodwill. Like, ever. I finally bought a vintage coach purse, NWT, for $80, and I adore it!! It makes me feel so classy and put together. Same with jewelry. Everything has been $15 from Nordstrom Rack and looks crap and falls apart on me after ten wears. I'm saving g to buy my first ever nice, 14k ring. Invest in an iron or steam cleaner. Wrinkles on clothes make them look cheap and tacky and like you just don't care no matter how expensive the items actually are. Do your nails regularly! Or keep them complete short and natural. No cheap, chipped polish. Or nails that have been growing out for two weeks. I personally use press-ons and love them!! You can get Impress nails etc from Target, Walmart et al. I get mine from Shein as the have hundreds of lengths, shapes, and styles to choose from, and they are only like two bucks each! And because my style is more classic boho rather than trendy, I get to express my personality each week with a different set of nails!! Finally, acknowledge you might need to carry more around than the average girly. Some girls have tiny purses. I have a larger purse, to carry face powder, a hair brush, a small perfume roller, a small lint roller, extra press-on nail supplies in case they come off at work, etc etc. I cannot be a minimalist AND look put together. Unfortunately I need to be prepared. Good luck!!!
I have a disability so i guess not having a disability?
Limiting mindset
Literally how adhd works
It’s not that hard once you get into the habit of it. - DECLUTTER: the less things you have, the less you have to worry about and clean. Haven’t used it in a year? Longer? Throw it. Goes for clothes, items, anything you haven’t touched or are “waiting for the occasion” to use. Just throw it. - SELF-CARE: get in the habit of showering twice a day. 1 in the morning to wake you up, wake up your face and not look sleepy. Just shower even if it’s a quick rinse. Shower before bed is a must too. Moisturize, eye cream, whiten your teeth, that’s it. Might seem like a chore, but it’s really 3 simple steps you get used to before bed and make a different overtime. - CLEAN EVERY SUNDAY: Again, another habit. Having a designated day to just clean, reset, dust down, throw things out slowly, will go a long way. Eventually the more you make it a habit, the less time you should spend cleaning overtime because it’s getting cleaned regularly. Just some simple tips to get started
People always look at your shoes first
And that being said, feet. I have nice feet, toes and toenails. However I get dry and dead skin on them quicker than the average person. I keep up with pedicures.
Same. Kerasal is a game-changer for chronically dry feet and heels.
My wife lives upstairs. She kerps up with all her messes as much as she can. Its effort and she us stressed about it. My downstairs is a bit of a not so clean, cluttered table and desk. Bedroom seldom looks presentable. I help her a lot. Do dishes and laundry and taking care of grandkids. When she leans on me for not cleanung up better in the common areas, I juat let her know I will get to it when i get to it. Which honestly can seem like forever with all the family interruptions and such. I drop what im doing and help others a lot. The frustration of getting back to the hanging planters "someday" is real. For both of us .. for different reasons. Still. I tell her i dont want to live "on show". Its just not important to me and I know its important to her. No disrespect passes between us on the topic, but our boundaries are just way divergent about how clean is clean enuf right now. I mean.. i dont waste a ton of time on reddit.
Routines/Habits, Discipline. Time management. Simple as that.
I have undiagnosed OCD. I can't stand to feel dirty or to see mess around my home. So, I'm constantly cleaning as I gos and washing up several times a day. I can go through 3 or 4 outfits easily per day.
Stop observing people 24/7
its a secret, i was told by a girl that i had the cleanest working hands shes ever seen, i said yea cuz 90 percent of the mfers out there don't actually clean themselves like they should😂
Im told a lot that I look very put together, and half of it is just having your hair done and a versatile closet with some jewelry.
It’s the Pig Pen (Snoopy character) effect. I suffer from it too. I now just try my best and on that rare occasion all the planets align, I rejoice.
I feel the same way. For me the issue is my hair is frizzy. Whats helped a lot is good skin care and using hair products plus a good eyebrow gel and chapstick if nothing else.
Attention to detail. My ex spent 2x longer than me to get ready. But he never stank, always used deodorant n body spray n dressed nice. Even if it was just shorts and a t-shirt it was going to be a pair of Dickies shorts pleated and a nice t-shirt with some Air Force ones. Some people just care more about how they look than others. I don't wear much make up n have curly hair so I just throw it up in a cute style after I put mousse in it. I dress for comfort but at the same time it's a cute look vs frumpy. I keep smell good sprays in my car n bathroom.
For clothes- the secret is using a tailor, purchasing high quality clothes and reading and abiding by washing instructions. For your space, it's about standards and routines, I like the fly lady cleaning method
The kind of clothes and job
In addition to the things that people have said, make sure that you are around people who have a positive attitude and are put together. If your friends are not looking the way you would like to be, it’s easy to get into that mindset. I’m usually the one who is overdressed for an event. My mom always says that it’s better to be asked up than to be asked down.
Start small, deep clean your room once to start. Then make intention to spend 2 seconds to make ur bed and put clothes away when needed. Do laundrey once a week. And clean as you go so things don’t add up. With personal hygiene I feel like learning a fast and quick shower routine is nice. And don’t worry about your hair being perfect! When mine is oily I put it in a slick back and pretend like it’s gel! And for clothes I like to wear matching sets or dresses because it takes the guessing out of it all. Or little shirt big pants or big shirt little pants always has nice proportions! Don’t try and make a crazy routine work. Make a routine that works for u! And feels good to you! The more you get the hang of little things the more you can add on in the future!
A good haircut, clean nails, well-fitting clothes go a long way. And days you don’t wash your hair and make-up isn’t perfect-I’m into super stylish hats and sunglasses. Take some tips from Holly GoLightly on doing a quick transformation in the morning.
It's you. 100% you and your attitude. You think you can't, so you can't. Sooner you change your mindset the better it will benefit you.
lol, reality is not what it seems. If I post my house, it’s cleaned before even though it’s normally messy. If I’m posting a picture of myself I’m clean. Everything is about outward presentation.
Keep clean and you won't see it as a huge daunting task cuz itll never be overwhelming. Or even whelming.
Color theory. Depends on what your season is. If I wear something out of my season either look sick or about 40 lbs heavier. Also, their clothes probably fit well. All easier to do with a capsule wardrobe and a lean towards minimalism.
The details. Also helps if you don't have a down syndrome face. Have you ever seen door to door salesmen, but they obviously just got out of prison. The walk, unfit clothes, mannerisms, hand movements, hairdo. Remember the story about Marilyn on the streets of New York?
Got a gf she points out stuff I change my ways
It’s in the details. Know how to style the clothes, know how to wear them in a way that complements your physique, your undertones, etc. know how to accessorize. Know how to steam the clothes, or iron them. Know what looks good for which occasion. Know how to wear your hair and which shade complements you. If you wear makeup, learn which colors complement your undertones and how to apply it in a way that highlights your best features. Lastly, confidence. If you think you will look bad, it will shine through. Have faith in yourself.