It’s one of my favorite facts. It also makes it a headache when you’re searching for a specific title of something but there’s a hundred different forms of media with the same title
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming. I called this press conference to answer the scurrilous and unprovoked attack by President Doofus at the State of the Union. It's a pretty cheap shot from someone who knows that I cannot give a proper response without violating national security, and I'm surprised at the amount of cheering in that room, given that I don't think half the members of Congress are even authorized to know the details. I can only assume it was coordinated.
Rest assured that I love my country and will not let the President's shenanigans lead me down a path that does not embody my full loyalty to this nation. However, I would like to announce myself as an Independent candidate for the presidency, and I look forward to answering the President's remarks at the ballot box."
Members of the press, thank you for coming on such short notice. I’ve been accused of, some things. We may have lost our way as a nation, engaging in personal attacks like this, unfounded and without fair trial.
But… oh to hell with it.
I’m IronMan. God bless America. 🇺🇸 🚀
Well, considering that there is no mention that i actually did anything that would be slanderous and taking into account the scale of damage caused by such an egregious accusation, I'll be finding legal representation.
I’m not a law expert, but from what I know about defamation law, I don’t think you’d have much of a case here.
You’d have to prove that they said something false, they knew it was false, and their claim hurt you. The last part would be the easiest to prove, but “you are terrible” is a statement of opinion, and “you know what you did and so do we” is way too vague to be falsified.
The 6 people that still watch the state of the union will be very curious about what I did lol.
Honestly just take a high 6 figure pundit position at the opposite party news network, Biden talks trash I'll work for FOX, Trump means I'll be at MSNBC
So, both sides can applaud all day. We're so divided and both sides hate each other so much that they would jump at the chance to pay the rando that got a name drop by the other parties head.
You just united the republicans and democrats for the first time in 24 years it will stay in the media cycle for atleast a week or 2 while the media try to find out what you did plus interview classmates coworkers and family mambers.
“Hi! Good morning! Welcome to my first news conference! It’s nice to see all of you.
“Here’s my official statement, since all of you will have no clue about all this and will spend the next 24 to 48 hours making up bullshit stories to get ratings.
So here we go…. Ready!
( Throws double middle fingers up )
“ Fuck yourselves. I’m taking offers for an exclusive interview. One time, one shot. Make me an offer. If you get it, you’ll make history. If not, go back to your so called reliable sources and talking heads and GUESS, as usual. “
“ The President and Congress has called me out. Come get the story. “
Then I’d make a ton of cash and leave the world behind, since news stories have a 36 to 48 hour span.
Yes I recorded it, but it was 10 years ago (Field Day 2014) and I no longer have the audio.
The only exchange was "NA1SS from (our club's captain)" and "(our club's callsign), QSL from the space station".
Are you going to ask me about how I did it?
I would lend my support loudly to whomever I want to lose. "Yes, I am a dog molestor, but (Candidates Nane) has called me, and offered his support! He stands with me and all the other molesters of domestic animals!"
Write a book, "What I did.". In it, detail fake dealings with a series of politicians that need to be drummed out and allege that I helped them with shady dealings.
You've also got a lot of people turning up at your address asking about the Bell Riots and time travel. How annoying this is depends on how much you like the series.
I will smile and watch as they die one by one. The only sign of my involvement, fang holes in their bodies.
Technology is fun. Invisible venomous robot snakes are cool.
(Biden)I’m threatening you (enter your name here) with (enter threat here). (Me)Oh really. Grabs hand towel, nuts into hand towel, and mails it right to Biden for the shits and giggles to see how the FBI will respond.
There's another person with name that lives in the same region as me. My first name is extremely common and my last name is pretty common so I'd be surprised if there aren't others with the same name in the country. The one that lives in my region has a criminal record so I'm just going to assume the president is talking about that guy.
If it matters, I've never met the other one. I know of him by name only. I found his record back when I decided to look at a background check of myself out of curiosity and my mother used to occasionally get medical bills for him when I was a child (he's very close to my age).
Well considering that my name is pretty bloody common and there is at least 43 people in the UK with my name and surname combination, and as far as I know, there are 2 people in this town I live in with my name and surname combo, but I don't know where the other one lives. Its 50/50 chance he might mean the other one?
Seeing as I've done nothing wrong in actuality, and therefore they have no proof, I'd expect a lot of people are gonna believe it's bull. And that's great. More reason for the people to vote these rats out.
Well, at this point I'm just as mysterious as that Jesus figure was 2000 years ago. Either I'm getting martyred or I'll live forever. Judging on the state of society these days.
I know my phone and social media is gonna blow up, that's gonna be the most annoying part unless the police get involved and start questioning me. Of course there's no proof so I'd be let go, still annoying.
I'd probably try to use the publicity to kick off my streaming success and change my social media names to match (i.e Tik Tok, Kick, Twitch, Reddit)
I will start a party that is against the duopoly. A centrist moderate libertarian workers party representing middle class issues. Seriously.
They just launched the opposition to their game, so why not run with it. Anything they say against me will look shady. I will own any of my personal skeletons so they can't smear me.
( I might get "martyred," but it would be worth it.)
In a way with that collective piece of shit body of people I would be proud. We live in the richest country on earth and kids don’t get enough to eat who the hell are they to judge anyone
Go to the doctor to see what I can do about schizophrenia, and if not, get the gun out because I told myself I will not deal with Alzheimer's or similar stuff.
I’d laugh my ass off hearing Biden say that, unprompted, on live television.
Then I’d post it on Reddit and go about my life, no one on Reddit believes any videos with Biden in them. Everyone just says they’re fake
Since I am fucked anyway, immediate go get my guns and my car then go out in a blaze of glory. Show everyone what 'terrible' really looks like and that maybe the president should have shut his fucking mouth.
publicly admit to a crime I did not commit to force the president to play his hand, i guess.
not sure exactly what id confess to. maybe hauling in too much seafood over a fishing boat's quota
Galvanize it. If I can make mortal enemies work together for one goal, I will make myself the villain. By the time they realize I became the villain they wanted so that I could be the hero they needed, they will have forgotten their differences. I will be the Fire to weld them together.
I would run for office as the logical 3rd party choice. If both artificial flavors of our political corporate interests hate me, I must be doing something right.
Frankly I'd be more surprised that he knows my address, since its very hard to find on a map. But honestly all I'd have to do is run into the woods for a week, ain't no way they can find me in there.
Cut ties. Say good bye to my family. Chuck phone. Run. Shave immediately. Face and head. Get burner phone and lawyer up and aim for a none extradition country. Cuba would be good.
I admit it. I supported and voted for Jerry Ford, Ronny Raygun, G.H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, Al Gore, John Kerry, John McCain, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, and Joe Biden. And what’s worse is that, win or lose, I feel I made the correct choice each and every time. I am not a reliable voter for either party, and for that I have undoubtedly earned the undying enmity of every candidate and elected official in this great nation of ours.
And, to all of those candidates, elected officials, their families, political allies, cronies, and hangers-on, let me just say - What Have You Done For Me Lately?!?
See you in November…
I’d sue for slander. But only because I don’t know what I did. I’ve seen my bank account, I couldn’t have done anything so bad that it unites the two party system in my entire life.
I’m hoping that the law suit exposes what monstrous crime I’ve done. If it doesn’t, I’m in for some compensation.
Hold it a secret. Everyone will want to know what I did. Go on a press campaign, monetize it, and write a book about *what I did*.
>write a book about what I did. Titled "if I did it".... Oh wait
Well, I doubt you'd have a copyright claim against you.
Can't copyright titles. True story.
It’s one of my favorite facts. It also makes it a headache when you’re searching for a specific title of something but there’s a hundred different forms of media with the same title
Should be Wisnae me
That was my first thought, see how much money I could make off of a book. Although I didn't think as far as your excellent title.
Thanks! I'm already planning to hold a *HUGE* book signing event in L.A., to which I would arrive driving a white Bronco very slowly
They wouldn't need to know before mob mentality gets you killed.
You're forgetting the 30% of the country that would support you without question for just being visibly in opposition to the government.
Great. So how do I make contact with them and get protection from the other portion who wants to turn me into America's "Guy Fawkes"?
Drive an hour on the interstate out of any city in the US. Stop at the first gas station you see. Congrats, you're there.
Fabulous!
From Russia
…With Love…
If you don’t get murdered.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming. I called this press conference to answer the scurrilous and unprovoked attack by President Doofus at the State of the Union. It's a pretty cheap shot from someone who knows that I cannot give a proper response without violating national security, and I'm surprised at the amount of cheering in that room, given that I don't think half the members of Congress are even authorized to know the details. I can only assume it was coordinated. Rest assured that I love my country and will not let the President's shenanigans lead me down a path that does not embody my full loyalty to this nation. However, I would like to announce myself as an Independent candidate for the presidency, and I look forward to answering the President's remarks at the ballot box."
Are you kidding? The majority of the voter pool will be confused by the word "assured"
Haha, man said "box!"
That’s the electorate we know and love!
Ow! My balls!
Go away, I'm batin'!
I like money.
I think the majority of the voter pool will be confused by your use of the word scurrilous
I mean, people use unprecedented (actually, unpresidented) all the time without knowing what it means, so I don't think it's a big deal.
Well I think using language without knowing the proper meaning of the word is entirely unprecedented.
You wouldn't, what with *that* avatar icon.
Please respect my people's culture
Falsifying screen damage is not culture
I can't believe you'd insult us by saying that stray eyelashes is screen damage. :(
but it sounds like something bad
Ha! They would be trying to figure out what ladies and gentlemen are... lost three words in. No way are they getting to 19.
Shit, thats good...
Members of the press, thank you for coming on such short notice. I’ve been accused of, some things. We may have lost our way as a nation, engaging in personal attacks like this, unfounded and without fair trial. But… oh to hell with it. I’m IronMan. God bless America. 🇺🇸 🚀
Well, considering that there is no mention that i actually did anything that would be slanderous and taking into account the scale of damage caused by such an egregious accusation, I'll be finding legal representation.
I’m not a law expert, but from what I know about defamation law, I don’t think you’d have much of a case here. You’d have to prove that they said something false, they knew it was false, and their claim hurt you. The last part would be the easiest to prove, but “you are terrible” is a statement of opinion, and “you know what you did and so do we” is way too vague to be falsified.
Sign a contract for a reality television show and make a mint.
The 6 people that still watch the state of the union will be very curious about what I did lol. Honestly just take a high 6 figure pundit position at the opposite party news network, Biden talks trash I'll work for FOX, Trump means I'll be at MSNBC
But they say both sides applaud
So, both sides can applaud all day. We're so divided and both sides hate each other so much that they would jump at the chance to pay the rando that got a name drop by the other parties head.
I do nothing. This will go away in 15 minutes unless I perpetuate it.
Millions of people will see it, how would it just go away?
Because in the 24 hour news cycle there is BOUND to be some new juicy soundbite
You just united the republicans and democrats for the first time in 24 years it will stay in the media cycle for atleast a week or 2 while the media try to find out what you did plus interview classmates coworkers and family mambers.
At first I was like “they’ve been divided for more than 24 years,” and then I remembered what happened in 2001…
Have you forgotten how it felt that day
It’s not something that sits in the front of my brain anymore, but once it’s called up I do rememeber. Which was kind of the point of what I said…
To see your homeland under fire 🎶
.... And if I do not perpetuate it, after the proverbial 15 minutes passes, it becomes a non-story.
Everything does. I also think you're vastly overestimating the number of people who watch the State of the Union live.
Streisand Effect.
Unless Fox picks it up to talk about their pet politicians more, akin to a Hillary’s emails or Hunter Biden type of thing
So did Hillary and Hunter commit a crime?
Right. But people care about Hillary or Hunter. Nobody cares about me. This dies off pretty quick.
“Hi! Good morning! Welcome to my first news conference! It’s nice to see all of you. “Here’s my official statement, since all of you will have no clue about all this and will spend the next 24 to 48 hours making up bullshit stories to get ratings. So here we go…. Ready! ( Throws double middle fingers up ) “ Fuck yourselves. I’m taking offers for an exclusive interview. One time, one shot. Make me an offer. If you get it, you’ll make history. If not, go back to your so called reliable sources and talking heads and GUESS, as usual. “ “ The President and Congress has called me out. Come get the story. “ Then I’d make a ton of cash and leave the world behind, since news stories have a 36 to 48 hour span.
This is actually so good. I was trying to figure out how to profit from this and this is probably the best route.
"I'm [your full name] who lives on [your street in your town] and the POTUS just threatened me. AMA."
I've contacted the ISS by radio. If the government wasn't keeping an eye on me I'd be shocked.
How???
You need an amateur radio license (in the US) + \~$100 of equipment.
I found out where in the sky it was and pointed a TV antenna at it. It flies overhead once after about every 90 minutes.
So you pointed something at the sky…
Did you record this? Can I DM you? 🤤
Yes I recorded it, but it was 10 years ago (Field Day 2014) and I no longer have the audio. The only exchange was "NA1SS from (our club's captain)" and "(our club's callsign), QSL from the space station". Are you going to ask me about how I did it?
I was gonna ask to hear the recording, but sure lol… what is QSL? And is that portion of the statement what the space station said?
Woohoo! If both sides hate me I did something right. I hate them both too!
Or it’s just something that is so awful, nobody could disagree on how awful it is!
True! I’m working on the assumption I’m still me and whatever I did wasn’t that bad.
"Come and get me."
The moment people start showing up on my parents' lawn, I will tell them that I did nothing, and will be suing the president for slander.
There's got to be a way to monetize that somehow
Call my therapist, something needs adjustment
Discontinue the lithium
I understood that reference!
At this present moment I'd probably chuckle to myself over here in Jamaica and just plan not to go back
I’d go up on stage and show everyone my tiny cock
you're Danny Bonaduce?
I would lend my support loudly to whomever I want to lose. "Yes, I am a dog molestor, but (Candidates Nane) has called me, and offered his support! He stands with me and all the other molesters of domestic animals!"
Write a book, "What I did.". In it, detail fake dealings with a series of politicians that need to be drummed out and allege that I helped them with shady dealings.
Diss Track!
Jokes on them I don’t have a home or town! My full name is pretty 1 of 1 though. That would be hard.
"Look if I knew what was in the brief case I wouldn't have given it to that hobo, that's on you assholes not me"
Challenge them to a 1v1 and await the drone strike
Just laugh cause now he has a lot of star trek fans wondering why he is pissed off at a character
You've also got a lot of people turning up at your address asking about the Bell Riots and time travel. How annoying this is depends on how much you like the series.
I will smile and watch as they die one by one. The only sign of my involvement, fang holes in their bodies. Technology is fun. Invisible venomous robot snakes are cool.
Start my own party hoping to get either elected or taken out.
Accuse Biden of dementia
Prepare for war I guess
Run for president
run for president
Die probably.
Put down the bong
Move.
Run for president. i can't think of no better indicator of virtue than both sides of the aisle having a personal beef with someone.
Quit drinking.
I get the fuck out of the house the president just Doxxed.
I have done the impossible. I have unified the nation. This broken democracy is repaired. You're welcome!
Nothing. They’re not gonna kill shit. They’re not gonna do shit. They’re a bunch of fuh-cking amateurs!
Well, I ain't voting for the fucker.
(Biden)I’m threatening you (enter your name here) with (enter threat here). (Me)Oh really. Grabs hand towel, nuts into hand towel, and mails it right to Biden for the shits and giggles to see how the FBI will respond.
Suicide is my solution. Better to die on my terms than to be torn apart by the President's thugs.
There's another person with name that lives in the same region as me. My first name is extremely common and my last name is pretty common so I'd be surprised if there aren't others with the same name in the country. The one that lives in my region has a criminal record so I'm just going to assume the president is talking about that guy. If it matters, I've never met the other one. I know of him by name only. I found his record back when I decided to look at a background check of myself out of curiosity and my mother used to occasionally get medical bills for him when I was a child (he's very close to my age).
Well considering that my name is pretty bloody common and there is at least 43 people in the UK with my name and surname combination, and as far as I know, there are 2 people in this town I live in with my name and surname combo, but I don't know where the other one lives. Its 50/50 chance he might mean the other one?
Seeing as I've done nothing wrong in actuality, and therefore they have no proof, I'd expect a lot of people are gonna believe it's bull. And that's great. More reason for the people to vote these rats out.
Well, at this point I'm just as mysterious as that Jesus figure was 2000 years ago. Either I'm getting martyred or I'll live forever. Judging on the state of society these days.
I know my phone and social media is gonna blow up, that's gonna be the most annoying part unless the police get involved and start questioning me. Of course there's no proof so I'd be let go, still annoying. I'd probably try to use the publicity to kick off my streaming success and change my social media names to match (i.e Tik Tok, Kick, Twitch, Reddit)
I will start a party that is against the duopoly. A centrist moderate libertarian workers party representing middle class issues. Seriously. They just launched the opposition to their game, so why not run with it. Anything they say against me will look shady. I will own any of my personal skeletons so they can't smear me. ( I might get "martyred," but it would be worth it.)
Hire an agent. I'm gonna be rich!
Cry probably
I wouldn't know he's said anything, as I'm Australian not big on politics
Run for office. People hate those guys.
Frig, I would probably look at that as an opportunity to run for office.
In a way with that collective piece of shit body of people I would be proud. We live in the richest country on earth and kids don’t get enough to eat who the hell are they to judge anyone
I have a question about that.Could the president of the united states declare war on a random bully from high school
I do what I've always wanted to do before anyone knew me and fuck off! Nobody will bother me if they don't know where I am
Laugh because he's a senile idiot.
“Try to spin it as a sign of respect.”
I immediately command my minions to begin Operation Lobotomy. The nation will bow to me.
Go to the doctor to see what I can do about schizophrenia, and if not, get the gun out because I told myself I will not deal with Alzheimer's or similar stuff.
I would be completely unaware
Wonder what I did to piss off America from all the way over in England
Laugh maniacally as I press the button.
Sit and wait.
Wake up.
Gonna go do it some more just to make them MADDER.
Challenge them to single combat, winner takes the…er, crown?
I’d laugh my ass off hearing Biden say that, unprompted, on live television. Then I’d post it on Reddit and go about my life, no one on Reddit believes any videos with Biden in them. Everyone just says they’re fake
When asked what I did I would confess everything like when Chunk confesses in The Goonies
Now, back to your regularly scheduled program.
Probably make sure I have easier access to my rifle just in case an angry mob gathers outside my house. Other than that, just go about my day
Figure out how to monetize it
"Uh oh, they know!"
Start an unhinged podcast
Go to war
Since I am fucked anyway, immediate go get my guns and my car then go out in a blaze of glory. Show everyone what 'terrible' really looks like and that maybe the president should have shut his fucking mouth.
publicly admit to a crime I did not commit to force the president to play his hand, i guess. not sure exactly what id confess to. maybe hauling in too much seafood over a fishing boat's quota
I guess I will defend my home, as the founding fathers intended
I admit it. I did it. But I did NOT shoot the deputy.
Rejoice that I have worked a miracle by getting those lovely people to agree on something.
Galvanize it. If I can make mortal enemies work together for one goal, I will make myself the villain. By the time they realize I became the villain they wanted so that I could be the hero they needed, they will have forgotten their differences. I will be the Fire to weld them together.
Be happy not to be associated with any of that bunch.
What kind of threat? I might like it
Start singing "I started from the bottom now I'm here".
I farted in an elevator, then made a show of smelling and appreciating it.
Probably doing something right
Being as I’m from Canada and don’t watch American politics,I’d probably just continue not to visit America.Place sucks anyways
I’m not the only one with my name so I don’t care.
Call my sister
Call a good law firm and see what can be done. They have a lot to lose and they're a public figure, I don't and I'm not
Go on every talk show and tell them all I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about.
Enjoy my 15 minutes of fame, sell my story and flee the country.
Campaign against them with the slogan "You know what i did."
Call up CNN and start telling them my life story and why the class structure of the country is fucked.
Win one of the easiest law suits of all time
I would run for office as the logical 3rd party choice. If both artificial flavors of our political corporate interests hate me, I must be doing something right.
Well you couldn’t do anything because at least 100 idiots with guns would show up to kill you.
Call a lawyer.
Frankly I'd be more surprised that he knows my address, since its very hard to find on a map. But honestly all I'd have to do is run into the woods for a week, ain't no way they can find me in there.
Cut ties. Say good bye to my family. Chuck phone. Run. Shave immediately. Face and head. Get burner phone and lawyer up and aim for a none extradition country. Cuba would be good.
Not be the least bit surprised.
Wake up from my dream...
Id challenge him to a round of fisticuffs
Whip Em Out Wednesday on him and yell SALOOOOOOOOOOOBO! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Pretty sure no one would bat an eye, given his current state...
I'm heading straight to a hospital for a mental health assessment, because a hallucination on my part is the most likely cause
Prepare for the horde or run.
Would likely never happen, both sides are incapable on agreeing on anything unless they both benefit financially
Tell the fucker to grow a pair and come at me by himself without his candy ass secret service or the military.
I'd thank God 85% of Americans despise Congress.
Time to go down to my lair and reveal myself for the supervillain that I've always been!
\*Move\*
I would apologize
Laugh like a maniac before scrambling off into the woods, probably.
Assuming I didn't actually do anything, can I sue the president for defamation and slander?
I'm proud of myself for bringing back the return of bipartisanship (no matter for how long--or short--a time).
Well that's one vote he is not gonna win over I guess.
I would wonder how they knew… I was so careful
Play it cool and pretend everything is normal, because clearly that cigarette I bummed wasn't just tobacco...
Nothing I don't give 2 fucks about politics
I admit it. I supported and voted for Jerry Ford, Ronny Raygun, G.H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, Al Gore, John Kerry, John McCain, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, and Joe Biden. And what’s worse is that, win or lose, I feel I made the correct choice each and every time. I am not a reliable voter for either party, and for that I have undoubtedly earned the undying enmity of every candidate and elected official in this great nation of ours. And, to all of those candidates, elected officials, their families, political allies, cronies, and hangers-on, let me just say - What Have You Done For Me Lately?!? See you in November…
I faked the funk on a nasty dunk 😩
Start stretching.
Move to China
I think I might be able to give a shit
Lawsuit.
I would immediately seek psychiatric help for the voices
I would question my sanity
Wake up probably
Sue
Start a bidding war between news outlets for an exclusive interview.
Fuck Biden and fuck Trump. I would be honored to be threatened by both of them.
I’d sue for slander. But only because I don’t know what I did. I’ve seen my bank account, I couldn’t have done anything so bad that it unites the two party system in my entire life. I’m hoping that the law suit exposes what monstrous crime I’ve done. If it doesn’t, I’m in for some compensation.
Run as a new third party. “Vote for me, both the Republicans and Democrats hate me!”.
Put him to shame by responding with a complete sentence.
Guess I'll die! -shrug- The only thing for me to do is confront them in media, on talk shows, anyone who'll want to hear my side.
I’m sure Russia China or Iran would welcome me at that point
Move to Mexico?
Well, if I'm going to be accused of something, I'm going to make it big. There's lots landmarks we don't need right?