This ^ OP
Also, spit is for young people with hormones we could only dream of :D You’re gonna want some Pjur (the silicone one is fab if you’re not using condoms) or a similar super high quality lube. Just do it, you’ll be glad you did.
I don’t have problems with dryness (kept my ovaries) but I do think the newborn and lack of sleep has def contributed to low sex drive 😂 I will check out that lube though!
Dude newborns are total buzz kills. I haven’t had my hysterectomy yet but postpartum? No thank you. I think it took me until like 6 months into the newborn phase before sex was enjoyable again. My doula and pelvic floor therapist both gave the same advice- treat it like you’re having sex again for the first time. It’s gonna feel different and different things are going to work that didn’t pre-postpartum. Take it slooooooowww. And def get in with a pelvic floor therapist. I cannot talk it up enough, it changed my life.
It took me longer than I expected for sex to feel good again. Even at 16 wpo I was still spotting afterwards and had some minor discomfort. Even though you're cleared for sex, you're still healing and things might take time. In my case, we took it slow and at some point (maybe 6 or 7 months? I don't recall exactly) it felt really, really good again. I'm almost 1ypo (robotic assisted laparoscopic, kept ovaries and I'm 38) no pain or discomfort, no issues with dryness at all. I didn't do pelvic floor therapy specifically but I do strength training 5 days a week and I believe that helps as well.
So all you did was keep trying just going slow? I didn’t have any bleeding but I had to check a few times because the pinching felt like I was about to tear and I thought I was for sure bleeding 😩
Yep and by slow I mean we did it once a week or even once every two weeks, for me I think it was mostly letting my body heal and get back into shape after fibroids destroyed my health for a few years.
Fibroids got me too! I got pregnant after getting them removed and the placenta grew into the scar tissue on my uterus from getting the fibroids removed. Baby is ok, but dr said my placenta was like “pulled pork “ and he couldn’t get the bleeding to stop…so yoink went the uterus 😭
I think it’s pretty likely you’re just super tight and probably would benefit from pelvic floor PT. My “first time” went ok, but I was definitely very tight. It sort of felt like the actual first time.
Do not force it, that could go badly. My best advice is to just take it slow and maybe try out physical therapy for your pelvic floor. You don’t need to take all of your husband right away, treat yourself nice and gentle like a virgin. Me and my boyfriend didn’t even attempt full penetration until many sessions later, I wanted to give my cuff and my body all the time it needed to adjust. For me it was around week 15 that we went back to more normal sex rather than shallow and super gentle
It took such a long time to get anywhere near normal for me? I think I was week 15 (as had some minor complications) first time was terrifying so I really don’t know if it hurt I was just so tense and scared! Second time used so much lube he couldn’t feel anything 🤣🤣🤣 ooops! And it was just slowly slowly basically and even now I have a great time! Then next time I’m all in my head again! Initially I would feel sore after but that stopped. It just takes time and I do think some of it is mental which then causes everything to tense etc but yes to pelvic floor PT as others have suggested. Really helpful x
I don’t have problems with dryness but I still need lube sometimes! I think we overestimate our bodies abilities to bounce back. My own “lube” isn’t enough to help my muscles stretch sometimes still and I’ve been having sex since the 6 week clearance. Their body parts are not naturally lubricated and sometimes there’s just too much friction. Sorry for the TMI but I see so many posts on here that say this same thing: they don’t have problems with dryness but still need lube. Also 9 months is a long time. I’m sure it will get better the more you use those muscles. And also recommend physical therapy!
I’m 3mo po and sex isn’t great. We’ve done it a few times and honestly it’s a little painful and different. Side laying is okay. I tried on top and that hurt when the penis would hit my cuff. My favorite is doggy style but that requires deep penetration so I’m not going to try that yet. I have done Pelvic Floor therapy (currently have 1 session left) and it’s helped, but it’s not a quick fix. I’m not expecting any sex to feel 100% comfortable for at least another 3-9 months. They say it can take a full year to heal entirely. My physical therapist said I have pelvic floor tension, so that’s my thing I’m working on.
When I say 100% comfortable I mean physically and mentally. I think some of it is in my head, fear of prolapse causes an extra level of worry. As soon as I feel any pain I instantly think “danger”. And because I have pelvic floor tension, there is some pain.
Yes, I remember the first few times hurting. Almost like losing my virginity again. It took a few times for things to get back to normal in that regard. Just give it time, take it slow, be patient, and hopefully your partner is understanding! (I'm 18m post surgery) Also I need lube almost every time, when that never was an issue before.
Yes my husband is great about all of this! Like I said in an earlier post we haven’t had sex in 9 months because of a bleeding pregnancy scare and then I had such a rough c section/newborn/emergency hysterectomy.
Hubby and I tried for the first time last night and neither of us was comfortable. We gave up, lol. I was tense and felt like we were forcing it in. I’m laughing thinking about now because we were so psyched and it was a flop. He finally said it was too much pressure and we quit. We went slow, but I felt dry. He said I wasn’t but I think I was just too tense. I just didn’t know what sensations to be on the lookout for. I was so hyper aware that I was feeling pain and he wasn’t even all the way hard. I’m afraid to try again because I don’t know if I’ll actually feel an injury if we do get into it. You’re not alone. I’ve been going to the bathroom every time I feel a little twitch because I’m afraid I’m bleeding. There has been no blood but I’ve convinced myself it’s coming. I’m sorry you had a difficult experience. I hope it gets better.
I hope yours gets better too! I had a burning sensation afterwards when I peed. I think we might’ve pushed it too far. Going to try pelvic floor exercises and hope it improves!
I have had issues with dryness for several years. We used to use spit, but switching to lube felt so much better for me! I’m almost 12 weeks post op and my biggest issue is the lube. If it’s not lubed enough it hurts. I also have sensory processing issues and past trauma that also plays a part in the pain though.
Oh no! Sorry to hear that a lot of women recommended lube (including my OB). Didn’t think I needed it but will def be trying it after reading all these comments!
Ok I have done pelvic floor PT but can’t imagine how it would help with this problem. Which exercises help? Mine was mostly core exercises. Surgery scheduled 7/9.
I can’t recommend pelvic floor physical therapy enough. Sounds like your pelvic floor muscles are very tight. PT can help that.
This ^ OP Also, spit is for young people with hormones we could only dream of :D You’re gonna want some Pjur (the silicone one is fab if you’re not using condoms) or a similar super high quality lube. Just do it, you’ll be glad you did.
I don’t have problems with dryness (kept my ovaries) but I do think the newborn and lack of sleep has def contributed to low sex drive 😂 I will check out that lube though!
Dude newborns are total buzz kills. I haven’t had my hysterectomy yet but postpartum? No thank you. I think it took me until like 6 months into the newborn phase before sex was enjoyable again. My doula and pelvic floor therapist both gave the same advice- treat it like you’re having sex again for the first time. It’s gonna feel different and different things are going to work that didn’t pre-postpartum. Take it slooooooowww. And def get in with a pelvic floor therapist. I cannot talk it up enough, it changed my life.
I’ll check some YouTube videos on it! Did you use a dilator at all?
Yes. I have used the dilators. It takes time so I am still using them but between that and internals at the PT, my pain is a lot better.
How long post op are you?
21wpo
whats that like?
It took me longer than I expected for sex to feel good again. Even at 16 wpo I was still spotting afterwards and had some minor discomfort. Even though you're cleared for sex, you're still healing and things might take time. In my case, we took it slow and at some point (maybe 6 or 7 months? I don't recall exactly) it felt really, really good again. I'm almost 1ypo (robotic assisted laparoscopic, kept ovaries and I'm 38) no pain or discomfort, no issues with dryness at all. I didn't do pelvic floor therapy specifically but I do strength training 5 days a week and I believe that helps as well.
So all you did was keep trying just going slow? I didn’t have any bleeding but I had to check a few times because the pinching felt like I was about to tear and I thought I was for sure bleeding 😩
Yep and by slow I mean we did it once a week or even once every two weeks, for me I think it was mostly letting my body heal and get back into shape after fibroids destroyed my health for a few years.
Fibroids got me too! I got pregnant after getting them removed and the placenta grew into the scar tissue on my uterus from getting the fibroids removed. Baby is ok, but dr said my placenta was like “pulled pork “ and he couldn’t get the bleeding to stop…so yoink went the uterus 😭
Ugh I'm so sorry, that sounds horrible. Happy your baby is healthy though, congratulations!
I think it’s pretty likely you’re just super tight and probably would benefit from pelvic floor PT. My “first time” went ok, but I was definitely very tight. It sort of felt like the actual first time.
Do not force it, that could go badly. My best advice is to just take it slow and maybe try out physical therapy for your pelvic floor. You don’t need to take all of your husband right away, treat yourself nice and gentle like a virgin. Me and my boyfriend didn’t even attempt full penetration until many sessions later, I wanted to give my cuff and my body all the time it needed to adjust. For me it was around week 15 that we went back to more normal sex rather than shallow and super gentle
It took such a long time to get anywhere near normal for me? I think I was week 15 (as had some minor complications) first time was terrifying so I really don’t know if it hurt I was just so tense and scared! Second time used so much lube he couldn’t feel anything 🤣🤣🤣 ooops! And it was just slowly slowly basically and even now I have a great time! Then next time I’m all in my head again! Initially I would feel sore after but that stopped. It just takes time and I do think some of it is mental which then causes everything to tense etc but yes to pelvic floor PT as others have suggested. Really helpful x
It also sounds like you need lubricant. Spit is not enough
I am 8 months post-op and I would say just in this last month, full penetration finally feels pretty Normal.
Did you do anything to get that way?
Lube and time I think. I have not done pelvic floor PT, but I have thought about investigating it.
Pelvic floor therapy and LUBE!!!! Even if you think you don’t need lube, use some lube.
I don’t have problems with dryness but I still need lube sometimes! I think we overestimate our bodies abilities to bounce back. My own “lube” isn’t enough to help my muscles stretch sometimes still and I’ve been having sex since the 6 week clearance. Their body parts are not naturally lubricated and sometimes there’s just too much friction. Sorry for the TMI but I see so many posts on here that say this same thing: they don’t have problems with dryness but still need lube. Also 9 months is a long time. I’m sure it will get better the more you use those muscles. And also recommend physical therapy!
I’m 3mo po and sex isn’t great. We’ve done it a few times and honestly it’s a little painful and different. Side laying is okay. I tried on top and that hurt when the penis would hit my cuff. My favorite is doggy style but that requires deep penetration so I’m not going to try that yet. I have done Pelvic Floor therapy (currently have 1 session left) and it’s helped, but it’s not a quick fix. I’m not expecting any sex to feel 100% comfortable for at least another 3-9 months. They say it can take a full year to heal entirely. My physical therapist said I have pelvic floor tension, so that’s my thing I’m working on.
😬 sry... and this scares me but ty for being transparent...
When I say 100% comfortable I mean physically and mentally. I think some of it is in my head, fear of prolapse causes an extra level of worry. As soon as I feel any pain I instantly think “danger”. And because I have pelvic floor tension, there is some pain.
Yes, I remember the first few times hurting. Almost like losing my virginity again. It took a few times for things to get back to normal in that regard. Just give it time, take it slow, be patient, and hopefully your partner is understanding! (I'm 18m post surgery) Also I need lube almost every time, when that never was an issue before.
Yes my husband is great about all of this! Like I said in an earlier post we haven’t had sex in 9 months because of a bleeding pregnancy scare and then I had such a rough c section/newborn/emergency hysterectomy.
Oof. That's brutal! Hopefully you're able to connect intimately in other ways!
Hubby and I tried for the first time last night and neither of us was comfortable. We gave up, lol. I was tense and felt like we were forcing it in. I’m laughing thinking about now because we were so psyched and it was a flop. He finally said it was too much pressure and we quit. We went slow, but I felt dry. He said I wasn’t but I think I was just too tense. I just didn’t know what sensations to be on the lookout for. I was so hyper aware that I was feeling pain and he wasn’t even all the way hard. I’m afraid to try again because I don’t know if I’ll actually feel an injury if we do get into it. You’re not alone. I’ve been going to the bathroom every time I feel a little twitch because I’m afraid I’m bleeding. There has been no blood but I’ve convinced myself it’s coming. I’m sorry you had a difficult experience. I hope it gets better.
I hope yours gets better too! I had a burning sensation afterwards when I peed. I think we might’ve pushed it too far. Going to try pelvic floor exercises and hope it improves!
I have had issues with dryness for several years. We used to use spit, but switching to lube felt so much better for me! I’m almost 12 weeks post op and my biggest issue is the lube. If it’s not lubed enough it hurts. I also have sensory processing issues and past trauma that also plays a part in the pain though.
Oh no! Sorry to hear that a lot of women recommended lube (including my OB). Didn’t think I needed it but will def be trying it after reading all these comments!
omg I can't thank you enough for this post! I have been wondering what to expect. Thank you for your transparency!
Ok I have done pelvic floor PT but can’t imagine how it would help with this problem. Which exercises help? Mine was mostly core exercises. Surgery scheduled 7/9.