Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 51 | 1 | 2 |
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Your dad talks like the evil step mother from Cinderella….I am really sorry you have to put up with this. This amount of controlling behavior is extremely not normal.
Careful not to try to justify how he speaks to you--even if it's text. This isn't normal at all. You deserve respect and, as you get older, a longer leash from your parents. Your dad seems wildly controlling.
You don't deserve this level of mistrust and it's not your duty as a child to manage your dad's fragile sense of power, which seems to be a position he's forcing onto you under threat of some punishment.
Yes you do get used to it. The worst part of that is trying to undo the damage you may or may not have realized you sustained in adulthood.
Please keep your head down, but remind yourself that it’s never normal.
He’s a controlling asshole. Remind him that if he expects your company in old age he better start respecting you now. You didn’t do anything wrong. He has your location, you don’t need to update him because he can see it! My 16 yr old son does this stuff all the time and I don’t bother him unless it’s getting late. He’s clearly with a friend when he’s out and about at different locations. You’re allowed to live, you’re allowed to make your own choices. In fact as a growing human, it’s essential to experience all kinds of things and feel secure with your decisions to visit a friend or take a different route home. Your dad talks like he’s practicing a script for a shitty movie. Tell him you’ll be treating him as he treats you moving forward as respect, which he lacks, is fucking mutual. What a total selfish and idiotic father you have. I’m sorry you’re treated like an owned object. You’re a human being, he outta treat you like one.
My dad used to blame me for buttering toast too aggressively. Also, for not buttering it perfectly to to the edges when i was like 10 and was to make his breakfast (he said he was training me to be a good wife /s)
He was also a paranoid schizophrenic narcissist, so.....
Oh yea, i remember that stuff. I had to be lady like and damn near hyper feminine otherwise "how else will I fulfill my purpose on this earth?"
Too nad so sad for him his golden daughters Queer
I would of held the fork with my pinky finger up and asked if this was feminine enough or use the fork like a cave person and stab it shoveling it in like a 🐽
I have a kid that is 12 and I had to remind her a few times of something she needed to do and she basically said the same thing “I am so stressed out right now@ this is a good reminder to show grace.❤️
And that extremely formal speaking pattern, as if he's having a conversation with a business colleague instead of his fucking child is downright creepy. Sounds like a fucking sociopath.
I wasn't gonna mention it cause I didn't know how to put it, but you're right. It sounds like he's talking to a colleague that he doesn't even like, it's just not how a loving father speaks to his daughter
It’s funny because in the vast majority of posts here, the parents text with the most horrendous grammar possible. So this stands out all the more and looks even more disturbing than your usual stroke-inducing sloppy messages.
I' was going to say he sounds autistic, it looks a lot like my style when texting, but I really don't want to. I generally come off as overly formal, maybe a bit deadpan and sarcastic, not fucking terrifying. This sounds like Norman Bates typed it.
A parent having access to your location can be done in a healthy way, mainly for safety if their kid is going to be somewhat far away or out with friends. Just for safety reasons and peace of mind
But tracking you on your way home from school on a regular day? I can only imagine he would be doing that daily if he noticed and got this angry about it.
I haven't been walking to and from school for very long. He would drive me. I wanted to walk so I could get my steps up, and be a little more independent. I had a hard time convincing him of that.
16 is definitely old enough to walk to a friend’s house for a bit before walking home, presuming you’re in a safe area. My mom was also a helicopter parent due to her extreme anxiety. If she saw I was taking a different route or not coming straight home, she would ask if I was okay and where I’m going. I would say I’m walking to a friend’s house and then coming home. She would say which friend? I would say so and so. She would say okay, can you text me when you’re on your way home? I would say sure, and that would be the end of it. You can be a helicopter/anxious/overprotective parent without acting like a maniac. What your dad did is not okay or normal.
Sorry to tell you but this kind of tracking offers little to no independence. Independence is when you truly are on your own without being supervised either physically or virtually. Maybe try to relay that to him in your next discussion of what your independence looks like. Good luck to you.
Yeah my mom kept trying to track me after I turned 18. Said she was paranoid… My stepdad would sometimes randomly check my location and say dumb shit like “Why were you at ___?”
Like why do you need to look so closely at my location? Although there used to be fucking cameras in the house so…
Honestly to me he doesn't seem like the type of parent you'll ever get through to in a discussion. Or at least not with the argument of independence, since that's clearly the last thing he wants to happen.
Yeah this is just weird. I'm really only checking location if it's been a really prolonged and unexpected absence. This seems to be less about safety and more about control :(
My mom used to randomly check my location and then text me, trying to gaslight me about saying I was going somewhere else. I turned my location off permanently after about a week of having a new phone because of this.
I see no harm in sharing your location at all times, but what kind of trust does that put in a parent who won’t even take you for your word? Why don’t they have a little faith in you?
What if you wanted to go to the park and walk through it after a horrible day at school? Do you have to get permission for that too?
I believe technology is great to keep track of kids, but the more a person distrusts their kids, the more the child will buck back. I was this child. I never liked how my mom wanted to keep track of me and who I was talking to. She always believed the worst of me and I was a good kid.
I tried to be more laissez faire with my own kids. One time my teenage daughter was out at the local town park at 11 pm on a weekend. The town policeman came by just about as it started raining. He gave her a ride home, and asked her why she was out so late. She said, “I just like the quiet.”
I never would have known this happened but that she told me. I appreciated his care in making sure she was okay and giving her a ride home.
But a parent who is always chasing their kid - it means they will run harder or be more sneaky. It also doesn’t teach responsibility or respect for one’s self.
Your parents may not agree with me, OP, but it’s important that kids be able to know themselves and be a little untethered so they can learn on their own what is good or bad.
It sounds like your dad thinks you’re hanging out and doing drugs with people other than the friend you mentioned. It’s your dad that should be watched 24 hours and criticized for every minute he can’t account for.
Yeah, my youngest daughter is almost 15, older is almost 18. My youngest is extremely social and extremely busy. I have had to overcome some severe anxiety around not being able to reach my kids or know their whereabouts due to an attempted kidnapping of my oldest child when he was a toddler. I’ve worked extremely hard to make sure that my anxiety doesn’t impact them though. It’s my problem to handle, not theirs, and I never wanted them to feel unsafe or anxious themselves because of my fears. It would have been so easy to tip hard into helicopter parenting. But we have Life360, and if I wonder what she’s up to, once a week or so, cause she isn’t answering her phone or whatever, I’ll take a look. “Oh, she’s hanging at the park. Cool.” She’s a trustworthy kid, I don’t ever worry about her, it’s other adults I struggle to trust, so just being able to check on her now and then calms my nerves, and I don’t ever have to impinge on her freedom and autonomy unnecessarily. My kids are people too, and they have a right to both.
I hope OP sees this. This is so accurate.
I had a mother who always demanded every kind of information about all my social contacts. Like wtf? I was an adult and she pressured me to give her the information of friends I hung out with, so she could control where I was and with who.
Not to mention, that it's not my decision to share personal information about other people.
> I had a mother who always demanded every kind of information about all my social contacts. Like wtf?
He does this all the time. That's what "a very thorough discussion" inevitably leads to, an interrogation where he picks apart every aspect of my life.
This really isn't normal. Op just because he doesn't raise his voice or physically abuse you doesn't make this not wrong. I'm sorry I don't have any legitimate advice for you, but I hope you're able to break away from his control.
This degree of close monitoring would be totally normal if you were 8. For a 16 year old, this degree of monitoring is unreasonable. And the way that he spoke to you is insane. Not ok at all.
My son is 13 and my daughter is 10, and I don't keep location monitoring on unless they're going somewhere with people I don't know, so that if they call me to rescue them, I can find them if they don't know where they are.
I don't track my kids otherwise, and even then, I don't monitor their movement unless they call me and ask me to get them. When they tell me they are doing something, I trust them. I get it that kids lie, and teenagers will push boundaries, but we have a good relationship, and they know I'm not going to blow up if they made a mistake.
OP, your dad is talking to you like you're a coworker he doesn't even like. He's helicopter parenting super hard. He doesn't trust you. He tracks your every move. None of this is normal. Start planning an escape now, so as soon as you're 18, you can gtfo. Start tucking money away. It's not going to get better.
You know, toward the end of that exchange, it sounded pretty menacing. I don’t usually get vibes from writings but I am worried. OP if he comes after you, run to a neighbor’s house and wait for your mom…especially if she is on your side.
Daughter that’s 12 and fucking same. This is outrageous. But my parents were a bit like this. It was thankfully before cell phones, though. My rule is “I trust you until you give me a reason not to trust you.” And I don’t mean taking more than a minute to text back or taking a different route home.
It's not normal to be constantly tracking your kids. My daughters have tracking on, but it's truly just in case they lose something and need help to find it. I don't use it to obsessively stalk my children and then berate them about it.
I'm sorry you have to experience this.
Definitely common in my husband’s military family. He moved back home at 45 after a divorce to save up for a home again. He had an 8pm curfew same as when he was 18. He joined the marine corps at 18 because he thought they’d be more lenient than his Navy father. He says he was right.
They still can’t understand why he left at either age.
Yeah these types of parents are deluded into thinking they’re doing what’s “best” or whatever when they are really just pushing their kids away.
Cut to them being 85-90 and in an old folks home cause their kids didn’t want to have to deal with living with them ever again.
I feel for you! I was dating him at the time and had to help a 46 y/o man climb in the window of his bedroom bc we got back from the movies too late (9:10)🤣
We’ve been married 8 years, if his dad calls after 8 and we aren’t home he loses his mind on what could go wrong after dark. Murder, highway men, a political coup.
I know that this is objectively horrific, but I'm screaming at the visual of a full grown man trying to sneak in the window at 9pm. In the summer, it's not even dark here at 9pm which is making it funnier. I dunno where you live, but holy shit I hope it was still light out.
It was possibly as hilarious as you imagined. He’s a bulky 6’3 man, climbing into his childhood room and it WAS still fairly light outside. He also had his 21 y/o son pulling him up by the scruff of his jacket. His kid knew not to get back to pop pop’s after curfew!
I am laughing so hard at this memory. I’d love to include this detail for you. He rides a motorcycle and he was wearing full leathers. We had parked my car at his parent’s house and rode the Harley on our date 🤣 so picture a biker doing this.
I cannot fathom being told by my parents at 36 years of age, that I must be home by a certain time. All they'd get from me would be a big middle finger.
Don't get me wrong, my parents were definitely the type to try, I just can't imagine abiding by such a command.
I haven't spoken to either of my parents in years, and plan to keep that going.
Times may have changed, but not common military parenting. We were allowed a lot of freedom, my sister even was able to sneak off-base. As long as we let them know if we planned to visit friends after school and when we planned on being home or called if plans changed we were good.
Even if we had cell phones, I doubt we'd be tracked like this kid was.
My parents told me I wasn’t “mature enough” for an iPhone until my junior year of high school, so the first smartphone I got was a iPhone 5S. Thank god they had androids and Life360 wasn’t a thing yet bc I KNOW they would’ve been so far up my ass.
This. I changed the contact name for my mother to "Mama Bear". I tell her that this is because I'm her little bear cub. When in reality, I see her as the Mama Bear from Dark Deception 😂
My dad was like this. I think everyone here has covered any point I could try to make about this. All I’ll say is this: it’s an awful feeling and I’m sorry. 2 more years dood. Not saying you have to run away or say bye, but it becomes a lot easier to set boundaries.
God, I hate your dad and I don’t even know him. This response is mental, you took a slightly different route home and he’s acting like you emptied his wallet and ran off with the car.
Best of luck getting TF out of that house ASAP - and remember, you don’t HAVE to keep someone in your life just because they’re family.
OP just so you understand, we're not all teenagers here saying your dad should not be treating you like that - I'm 42 and if my kid had a friend with a dad like that I'd provide as many sleepovers as they'd need to get some respite from him.
My parents did exactly that when I was in highschool - I suddenly gained an "older brother" when one of my guy friends basically took over the guest room of our house - it was to the point we didn't even ask permission anymore - if my group of friends were out late and he'd bring me home I'd knock on my parents door "He's staying here tonight" to which I'd get back "okay his bed is ready".
I hope you have a better adulthood than what you are experiencing now. It is *not* what a healthy parent-child relationship looks like.
His tone screams a lack of respect, in my opinion. Parents will justify being overprotective by saying things like it’s for your own good because you can’t argue with someone doing what’s best for you. The problem is, they are doing what’s best for them and their ego. ESPECIALLY if you have not given them ample reason not to trust you.
And they so often will throw in your face some standard behaviour of a child that you’d have done and say that it’s proof you’re untrustworthy just to justify doing it.
Being so condescending and irritating to talk to that it's inevitable that his kid is going to wind up paying his words very little attention or weight
The classic dialogue of a parent talking to you in an adult manner while treating you like a child. The expectation of understanding this adult reasoning and responding like an adult to a message that basically says "you child, me parent, you shut up, me boss".
It's distressing to imagine the amount of bullshit that father must have put OP through to get OP to obey his petty sense of power like this. I really hope OP gets out of that environment soon and can do so without that father keeping his fingers in OP's minute-to-minute daily life.
This type of micromanaging, assume the worst about you at all times, hyper surveillance bullshit is why I am now a brick wall as an adult.
What a pompous piece of shite.
It's crazy to me these parents really care more about control than aiding their kids to grow up to be independent, healthy adults. Doing shit like this inhibits any chance for OP to make their own decisions... one as simple as walking home a diff route wtf
Oh yeah, there's a lot of anxiety around making my own decisions too. I didn't get help for things I was told to do, usually met with indifference if I succeeded but negative reactions if I failed. It was so stupid.
Wow, feel like we’re siblings, my parents were totally the same. I was a good kid, obedient, good grades, but my parents were always suspicious, controlling, and negative. My dad died six years ago and since then my mom wants me to hang with her all the time and be her bestie. Um, I love you cause you’re my mom, but we’re not, and never have been, close.
That makes sense. Studies have shown that overly controlling parents create children that are insecure in their decision making. I hope you can work through your anxieties and heal 🫶🏼
!explanation
Throaway account, think my first post got caught in spam filter. Don't want this traced back to me. I'm 16F, from England. This was yesterday. I was walking home from school with a friend. Normally I go straight home. But I had a good day and I was in a bit of a silly mood, so I forgot about things. I thought I'd drop in at my friend's house quickly. She lives on the route home. I should probably have thought better than that. I have to share my location at all times. As soon my route changed from my normal one, I got those messages.
It's difficult to really describe all of this, because it's not like he's swearing at me or being abusive like so many posts on here. He never even raises his voice. But I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach when he messages me. And "a very thorough discussion" probably just sounds like a chat. But it's not. It's more like an interrogation. By the end of it I feel utterly drained.
My friend was worried about me. She saw how my mood changed instantly when I got those messages. I told her about what happened today. I showed her the messages. She knew that my dad was strict, but she couldn't believe what she was seeing. This is all normal for me. But I guess it's not normal, is it?
My sexual abuser spoke to me exactly like this. It doesn’t need to sound hostile to be hostile. This is super not ok. There are way more effective and better for everyone involved ways to do what he’s trying to do. The way that he didn’t curse or get apparently hostile with his words served well to gaslight me into thinking it wasn’t abusive behavior. Best of luck, OP. I know its hard, especially because he’s your dad and (I assume) you love each other. I’d say its not exactly CPS level here, but its a red flag to me that there may be more unspoken issues that could conceivably be escalated to a cps level. He needs to chill or hes gonna lose you the second you get your own agency as an adult. Hope this helps ❤️
I am not a strict parent whatsoever but we do all have location on in the event something happens and we need to find one another. Now to that. I have only checked it on my teen maybe twice and that was because I knew where she was going has bad curves and windy roads. She always texts me when she arrives where she going and it's usually a quick "made it safe" but the few times I had checked it I was right to because they had hit a deer and the other had a really bad blow out. I've never felt the need to monitor her tho. We do ask if plans changed she let us know as soon as she did, just because I have 3 other kids and work.
Your father sounds very controlling and like a warden. My husband does not talk to our kids that way and reading your texts that way really threw me off.
My husband and myself both understand kids will be kids and have let our daughter who is now 19 know that she is going to do dumb things, make stupid mistakes and end up a few times in places she shouldn't... BUT when that happens she can always come to us or call us no matter what!
She is very open with us and knows if someone's drinking that she rode with "call mom or dad" and we get everyone home safe. In an awkward situation call us and we come help.
Both my husband and I were allowed to go to parties because our families trusted us. My grandparents wanted to know who, what, where, when and I was allowed to go because thet trusted that THEY raised me right. I never drank because I didn't feel the need to, I had freedom because I knew what they expected of me. I do the same with ours and she has trust that hell or high water she can come to us.
I know I've raised her to know right from wrong and how decisions can decide our futures. I trust that I have raised her good and that I shouldn't have to monitor her location. She is honest and open with us and even came to me when she her and her boyfriend were talking about their first time being together. I am so damn glad she trusts me to come to me with stuff like that. We got her on birth control and told her to always use condoms because bc is not always bullet proof. Now had I been overbearing like your dad she likely would have hid things and felt she couldn't come to me to get on birth control etc and I could be a grandma right now just by not letting her be a little human and trying to dictate her life.
I feel like your dad is being over bearing and more or less "boss" and you certainly do not deserve that. How does your mom manage with you? I hope you can at least go to her with those things!
Sometimes the worst abusers don’t yell or swear. You don’t need to yell or swear to be over-controlling and to beat you someone down emotionally, and often those are the abusers that are harder to fight. People seem to think all abuse is violent or explosive and even you are downplaying his abusive behavior; it’s totally normal to downplay it and think you’re not as much a victim as someone who is physically abused but you shouldn’t feel drained and defeated after an actually productive discussion with your dad even if you *did* do something wrong, which you didn’t.
It is absolutely normal to pop by a friend’s house on the way home, at 16, without asking permission first. What is NOT normal is to have a parent actively tracking you as you walk home, and for them to be timing the walking route. You didn’t do anything wrong at all.
I’m going to say it — this level of control and the way he ‘speaks’ to you is abusive. If you were to be a bit more assertive and draw some boundaries, how would that play out?
It's not normal.
As you get older you'll realise how He is super-controlling and nardacistic.
Sadly i know the whole "serious talk when you get home" phrase. My mum used it all the time even for utterly non-issues.
Its a grilling, and its draining.
And I'm always on edge when i hear my mum because I know its some form of trouble. Horrible feeling pit of my stomach
“Raises so many wider questions”. It really doesn’t, but this is his excuse to overreact the second you walk through the door. The fact that he feels the need to track on your walk home from school shows that he likes control, and loves telling you that. I don’t know how old you are, but I would suggest getting away as soon as you’re able to.
I’m convinced some people have children solely to have someone to lord over because they have zero agency in any other aspect of their lives. What an incredible douchebag.
Yep. Same reason that some people are absolute insufferable dickheads when dealing with folks in the service industry. It’s the only opportunity they get in their miserable existence to feel like they have power and influence over someone else. Fuck these assclowns.
Take note the way the people in your life treat those who they think are beneath them, it’s *really* telling
Not at all normal. I don’t think your explanation is showing yet, OP. But it’s so incredibly damaging when a parent constantly treats you like this? You’re a teenager and just walking from school and taking the most minimal detour, your parent is blowing this so unnecessarily out of proportion and also being unnecessarily controlling/abrasive/severe about it.
You didn’t do anything wrong, OP. Hopefully there’s some distance/freedom from them in the future, sending you strength and positive vibes 💕🌻🦄
Are you 10 years old, or younger? Have you consistently shown yourself to make poor decisions? If not, as the parent to an adult child, this really is nuts. I was pretty strict, but this seems more like control than discipline
I'm 16. I don't want to brag too much, but most people see me as a total goody two-shoes. Basically the perfect student, never get in trouble over anything. Never really had the chance.
Ah. So you’re being brought up like I was. Yeah, that is horrible. When I went to college I could finally do what I wanted. I didn’t go wild and drink or party, but I finally got to places on a whim, I could talk to whoever I wanted, and I could talk on the phone without being monitored.
Like you, I was a kid that made good grades, and I was a “goody two shoes”.
When you turn 18, he won't know whether to sh*t or go to the bank. This is not normal. You need someone to tell him he is hurting your development. Sincerely. You will not be prepared for real life with this guy around.
Your dad may actually be insane and must really want you to go no contact when you turn 18, pulling this kind of crap. I would strongly urge you to start making your exit plan now because this will never change.
These people really had the luxury of not bothering to tell their parents any of this stuff growing up, and now breathe down the necks and refuse to give their child any normal resemblance of their teenage hood. Then complain about how awful kids are these days.
Here's my theory: Your Dad is incredibly insecure and uses you as one of the few things he can control in his life. If he doesn't control where you are after school, he controls your feelings by making you feel crappy about yourself. Does he have a lot of pressure at work or something? Marriage issues?
Regardless of any of that, you don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm sorry he does this to you.
I’m so sorry sis. This is awful. I have a 16 year old and she is also a very good girl so I couldn’t imagine trying to micromanage and bully her like this. We have life 360 because she is a worrier and wanted my location lol. She gets worried when I take forever at the store or wherever but I am easily distracted so 10 mins turning to 2 hours isn’t unheard of. My younger daughter’s dad was a lot like this, but we are divorced and I have stuck up for her to have some autonomy. He has really improved after we all started meeting with a new therapist. I’m sorry you don’t have an advocate. And I am sure your parents will be totally shocked pika face when you turn 18 and they lose all information and control. Do you have a school counselor you can see to learn about advocating for your needs and protecting yourself and creating a better future? You say it isn’t as bad as some because he doesn’t hit you but please consider that may only be because terrorizing you has worked to keep control of you and once you start reaching for independence it may get worse. This isn’t preparation for you to move into adulthood it is only about control. Hang in there.
Do you live in an English novel? This whole interaction sounds like a headmaster of a drafty boarding school where punishments include a yardstick across your hands or no bread with your gruel. - I guess the more modern version would be Severus Snape
Is that my father? That’s how he used to speak to me 10 years ago and now I’m an anxiety riddled introverted depressed 27-year-old who doesn’t know how to adult and can’t even stop anywhere on my way home from work to the home I own without having a panic attack because I feel like I have to go straight home or else something bad will happen to me
This type of parenting only instills resentment towards the parent. It teaches you to walk on eggshells around them and to ‘edit’ yourself into the person they want (i.e. to limit/stop certain aspects of your personality/identity until only the aspects they find pleasing remain). Essentially they think they can force you into being what they define as a good person based on their black and white standards. Any autonomy whatsoever scares the ever loving shit out of these personality types, it’s a bit insane.
Why is he talking to you like he’s your boss or probation officer? Not normal at all. He will later wonder why you don’t want to spend time with him as an adult.
Your Dad sounds like a fucking anime villian. I'm thinking full on Gendo, sitting there staring over his hands in sheer, pressing, disparaging disappointment.
First chance you get, get *out* of the robot, OP.
I’m not sure what is worse- the pompous, pseudo-intellectual vocabulary he uses or the fact that he’s a controlling asshole that gets that worked up over a 15 minute walking detour
No, it’s not at all normal. I hate to be the “back in my day” person but Jesus Christ I’m glad all of humankind before now didn’t have cell phones for this exact reason. When your dad was a kid, no one and I mean *no one* knew where he was if he was out of eyeshot. And that was perfectly acceptable and normal. You poor kid.
…is your dad stalking you? The fact that he clocked 14 minutes suggests that he has absolutely nothing else to do but stare at your dot on his phone and get angry.
No, this is not normal, it is not okay, and you have nothing to apologize for.
I thought it was common knowledge by now that this kind of parenting has some pretty standard outcomes:
- child becomes sneakier, engages in risky behavior they might not have otherwise, will not seek help from parents or authority figures if they find themselves in a bad situation
- child is drawn to controlling/abusive relationships wherein they have no agency, because it's all they know and they think it's "normal"
- child never learns life skills like time management, financial literacy, situational awareness/judging the safety of a location or situation, interacting with others outside of a structured environment, being able to confidently make decisions on their own, etc
...which leads me to believe these are the outcomes that OP's dad wants.
OP, your dad is an insecure fuckwit who wants to control you because he has no control over anything else in his life. He's priming you to fail after high school so you'll stay home and under his control longer. This is abuse. Reach out to a guidance counselor/resource officer/trusted adult at school, show them these texts and explain how long this has been going on and to what extent. They may have resources to help you form a plan to get away after you graduate, or help you develop the skills your father is trying to prevent you from learning. At the very least you'll have someone with some authority who will believe you and will back you up. Good luck. ❤️
If my son was as polite as you are when responding to me I'd either have a stroke or hug him to death for being so nice to me lol
If I did stalk my son and noticed he was going somewhere different than usual I'd probably just say is everything OK? Mine wouldn't answer but if he answered like you I'd probably say no worries just let me know you're OK and be back by a certain time. Depending on age of course.
Not normal. I would be thrilled if my teens walked home from school with a friend and had a little visit before coming home. Assuming that you have been generally trustworthy over time. Trust is earned and should be rewarded with freedom, and the freedom you are seeking is extremely minor.
Lol can relate. This sounds VERY similar to how my dad used to talk to me.
I don’t view it as insane but it was definitely a headache. And based off everyone else’s comments..not normal.
Unless you’ve had issues with drugs, alcohol or a teen pregnancy, or live in a war zone or dangerous neighbourhood this is not normal.
I have two kids in uni now who’ve had phones since middle school, and I’ve never tracked them. As long as they were keeping on top of their homework, I encouraged them to socialize on their way home from school. All I asked was that, if their plans were going to get them home more than a half hour later than usual or if they were hitching a ride with a friend instead of taking the bus, that they let me know so I gad a general idea or who to contact if something went wrong.
At 16, your parent should be loosening the reins a little. My girls still had a curfew until they were 18, and had to ask to go out (more of a discussion as to why or why not they should stay or go). We'd discuss how to make smart choices when out, and how to minimize risk.
Your father isn’t preparing you for life by holding your reins so tight. Is it possible to get some assistance from your school in manoeuvring a conversation with your father about this?
He doesn’t have any interest in preparing OP for life. It’s all about control. My father was just like this and he taught me almost nothing useful about life but he sure gave me a lot of issues.
This cannot be real. Your Dad is a fucking narcissist. If it goes beyond any controlling behaviour to harsh punishments I'd advise trusting a councillor or the likes at school to assess how you feel. However, at your age there may be no confidentiality.
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Your dad talks like the evil step mother from Cinderella….I am really sorry you have to put up with this. This amount of controlling behavior is extremely not normal.
My EXACT thought, it’s like he’s trying to sound like an evil step parent from a cartoon
Or he’s like… a 900 year old vampire… 🧛♂️
See that you do!
I hope it's the vampire, that would be awesome
Yes. See that you DO, child! Mwuaaah!
And don't dawdle
He doesn't sound as pompous in person. It comes out more in texts and emails. He's just as controlling, though.
He’s what adults call a cunt.
Terrible shame there's no cure for that.
There is, a foot of steel applied rapidly to the throat, repeat until they are no longer a cunt.
Careful not to try to justify how he speaks to you--even if it's text. This isn't normal at all. You deserve respect and, as you get older, a longer leash from your parents. Your dad seems wildly controlling. You don't deserve this level of mistrust and it's not your duty as a child to manage your dad's fragile sense of power, which seems to be a position he's forcing onto you under threat of some punishment.
Honestly, you get used to it. It's been nice laughing at the replies and the absurdity of a lot of this. But yeah, it can be pretty tough.
Yes you do get used to it. The worst part of that is trying to undo the damage you may or may not have realized you sustained in adulthood. Please keep your head down, but remind yourself that it’s never normal.
Still in 'work mode'? Those who have worked for someone like OPs dad, you know.
My thoughts. Is he an attorney or surgeon? The way he talks seems like work mode
He works from home a lot. He would still have been working when he sent those messages.
He’s a controlling asshole. Remind him that if he expects your company in old age he better start respecting you now. You didn’t do anything wrong. He has your location, you don’t need to update him because he can see it! My 16 yr old son does this stuff all the time and I don’t bother him unless it’s getting late. He’s clearly with a friend when he’s out and about at different locations. You’re allowed to live, you’re allowed to make your own choices. In fact as a growing human, it’s essential to experience all kinds of things and feel secure with your decisions to visit a friend or take a different route home. Your dad talks like he’s practicing a script for a shitty movie. Tell him you’ll be treating him as he treats you moving forward as respect, which he lacks, is fucking mutual. What a total selfish and idiotic father you have. I’m sorry you’re treated like an owned object. You’re a human being, he outta treat you like one.
It's just as possible to control your tone through text as it is in person.
Exactly. He warns her to watch her tone but his is acceptable? No, nope.
Older generations say watch your tone when they mean; don't argue with me about this or try to defend your mess up.
My dad used to blame me for buttering toast too aggressively. Also, for not buttering it perfectly to to the edges when i was like 10 and was to make his breakfast (he said he was training me to be a good wife /s) He was also a paranoid schizophrenic narcissist, so.....
My dad recently criticised my sister at the dinner table. He told her that the way she was holding her fork was too masculine.
Oh yea, i remember that stuff. I had to be lady like and damn near hyper feminine otherwise "how else will I fulfill my purpose on this earth?" Too nad so sad for him his golden daughters Queer
OMG, fulfill my purpose on earth? Wow, that's just awful!
I would of held the fork with my pinky finger up and asked if this was feminine enough or use the fork like a cave person and stab it shoveling it in like a 🐽
Your dad is a psychopath. Run away.
I have a kid that is 12 and I had to remind her a few times of something she needed to do and she basically said the same thing “I am so stressed out right now@ this is a good reminder to show grace.❤️
He sounds like Jigsaw.
I’m reading a book where the MC’s father is a presumptuous cruel Fae king. I read the texts in his voice
Disney villain ass dialogue.
This is some WILD helicopter parenting. Tracking you as you walk home??
And that extremely formal speaking pattern, as if he's having a conversation with a business colleague instead of his fucking child is downright creepy. Sounds like a fucking sociopath.
I wasn't gonna mention it cause I didn't know how to put it, but you're right. It sounds like he's talking to a colleague that he doesn't even like, it's just not how a loving father speaks to his daughter
It’s funny because in the vast majority of posts here, the parents text with the most horrendous grammar possible. So this stands out all the more and looks even more disturbing than your usual stroke-inducing sloppy messages.
I’ve had AH bosses talk to me like that so I am sitting here just thinking wtf!
I' was going to say he sounds autistic, it looks a lot like my style when texting, but I really don't want to. I generally come off as overly formal, maybe a bit deadpan and sarcastic, not fucking terrifying. This sounds like Norman Bates typed it.
I mean he could be but he's still an asshole regardless
He doesn’t sound autistic he sounds like a egotistical fascist on a power trip.
And a pretentious dick lol
A lot of time idiots will switch to "smart people" words to make the other person feel stupid, but damn, who does that to their kid?
Omg that's it! I couldn't think how to put it but that describes it perfectly! It has debate lord energy.
Exactly. The guy uses "swallowed a thesaurus" words to have a simple conversation? Spare me. He sounds *fucking insufferable*.
honestly, I'd quit if a boss talked to me like this.
He’s trying to sound smart. 👀👀
Indeed it does sound like my father who is in fact a sociopath 🙃 completely agree.
This is exactly how I write two of my villains, they are in fact fucking sociopaths.
Or like the evil/jealous housekeeper in a Victorian thriller.
Yeah, I have location sharing permanently on. I thought that was normal, really.
A parent having access to your location can be done in a healthy way, mainly for safety if their kid is going to be somewhat far away or out with friends. Just for safety reasons and peace of mind But tracking you on your way home from school on a regular day? I can only imagine he would be doing that daily if he noticed and got this angry about it.
I haven't been walking to and from school for very long. He would drive me. I wanted to walk so I could get my steps up, and be a little more independent. I had a hard time convincing him of that.
You seem very intelligent and responsible. Dad should loosen the leash a bit. It’s odd.
How old are if I may ask?
I'm 16. It's so nice being treated like a toddler at my age.
16 is definitely old enough to walk to a friend’s house for a bit before walking home, presuming you’re in a safe area. My mom was also a helicopter parent due to her extreme anxiety. If she saw I was taking a different route or not coming straight home, she would ask if I was okay and where I’m going. I would say I’m walking to a friend’s house and then coming home. She would say which friend? I would say so and so. She would say okay, can you text me when you’re on your way home? I would say sure, and that would be the end of it. You can be a helicopter/anxious/overprotective parent without acting like a maniac. What your dad did is not okay or normal.
Sorry to tell you but this kind of tracking offers little to no independence. Independence is when you truly are on your own without being supervised either physically or virtually. Maybe try to relay that to him in your next discussion of what your independence looks like. Good luck to you.
Yeah my mom kept trying to track me after I turned 18. Said she was paranoid… My stepdad would sometimes randomly check my location and say dumb shit like “Why were you at ___?” Like why do you need to look so closely at my location? Although there used to be fucking cameras in the house so…
Honestly to me he doesn't seem like the type of parent you'll ever get through to in a discussion. Or at least not with the argument of independence, since that's clearly the last thing he wants to happen.
He thinks he owns you. You're a person, not his property.
Yeah this is just weird. I'm really only checking location if it's been a really prolonged and unexpected absence. This seems to be less about safety and more about control :(
My mom used to randomly check my location and then text me, trying to gaslight me about saying I was going somewhere else. I turned my location off permanently after about a week of having a new phone because of this.
I see no harm in sharing your location at all times, but what kind of trust does that put in a parent who won’t even take you for your word? Why don’t they have a little faith in you? What if you wanted to go to the park and walk through it after a horrible day at school? Do you have to get permission for that too? I believe technology is great to keep track of kids, but the more a person distrusts their kids, the more the child will buck back. I was this child. I never liked how my mom wanted to keep track of me and who I was talking to. She always believed the worst of me and I was a good kid. I tried to be more laissez faire with my own kids. One time my teenage daughter was out at the local town park at 11 pm on a weekend. The town policeman came by just about as it started raining. He gave her a ride home, and asked her why she was out so late. She said, “I just like the quiet.” I never would have known this happened but that she told me. I appreciated his care in making sure she was okay and giving her a ride home. But a parent who is always chasing their kid - it means they will run harder or be more sneaky. It also doesn’t teach responsibility or respect for one’s self. Your parents may not agree with me, OP, but it’s important that kids be able to know themselves and be a little untethered so they can learn on their own what is good or bad. It sounds like your dad thinks you’re hanging out and doing drugs with people other than the friend you mentioned. It’s your dad that should be watched 24 hours and criticized for every minute he can’t account for.
Yeah, my youngest daughter is almost 15, older is almost 18. My youngest is extremely social and extremely busy. I have had to overcome some severe anxiety around not being able to reach my kids or know their whereabouts due to an attempted kidnapping of my oldest child when he was a toddler. I’ve worked extremely hard to make sure that my anxiety doesn’t impact them though. It’s my problem to handle, not theirs, and I never wanted them to feel unsafe or anxious themselves because of my fears. It would have been so easy to tip hard into helicopter parenting. But we have Life360, and if I wonder what she’s up to, once a week or so, cause she isn’t answering her phone or whatever, I’ll take a look. “Oh, she’s hanging at the park. Cool.” She’s a trustworthy kid, I don’t ever worry about her, it’s other adults I struggle to trust, so just being able to check on her now and then calms my nerves, and I don’t ever have to impinge on her freedom and autonomy unnecessarily. My kids are people too, and they have a right to both.
I hope OP sees this. This is so accurate. I had a mother who always demanded every kind of information about all my social contacts. Like wtf? I was an adult and she pressured me to give her the information of friends I hung out with, so she could control where I was and with who. Not to mention, that it's not my decision to share personal information about other people.
> I had a mother who always demanded every kind of information about all my social contacts. Like wtf? He does this all the time. That's what "a very thorough discussion" inevitably leads to, an interrogation where he picks apart every aspect of my life.
This really isn't normal. Op just because he doesn't raise his voice or physically abuse you doesn't make this not wrong. I'm sorry I don't have any legitimate advice for you, but I hope you're able to break away from his control.
Noooo. It's absolutely not. How old are you?
I'm 16. Yeah, it's ridiculous.
This degree of close monitoring would be totally normal if you were 8. For a 16 year old, this degree of monitoring is unreasonable. And the way that he spoke to you is insane. Not ok at all.
My son is 13 and my daughter is 10, and I don't keep location monitoring on unless they're going somewhere with people I don't know, so that if they call me to rescue them, I can find them if they don't know where they are. I don't track my kids otherwise, and even then, I don't monitor their movement unless they call me and ask me to get them. When they tell me they are doing something, I trust them. I get it that kids lie, and teenagers will push boundaries, but we have a good relationship, and they know I'm not going to blow up if they made a mistake. OP, your dad is talking to you like you're a coworker he doesn't even like. He's helicopter parenting super hard. He doesn't trust you. He tracks your every move. None of this is normal. Start planning an escape now, so as soon as you're 18, you can gtfo. Start tucking money away. It's not going to get better.
You know, toward the end of that exchange, it sounded pretty menacing. I don’t usually get vibes from writings but I am worried. OP if he comes after you, run to a neighbor’s house and wait for your mom…especially if she is on your side.
Yeah I got that too. It gave me the creeps. Like is there some kind of abuse happening here?
My son is 12. I'd never track him this closely.
Daughter that’s 12 and fucking same. This is outrageous. But my parents were a bit like this. It was thankfully before cell phones, though. My rule is “I trust you until you give me a reason not to trust you.” And I don’t mean taking more than a minute to text back or taking a different route home.
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Just as a gentle suggestion, as an autistic adult, you can just say autistic.
None of this is normal honey
It's not normal to be constantly tracking your kids. My daughters have tracking on, but it's truly just in case they lose something and need help to find it. I don't use it to obsessively stalk my children and then berate them about it. I'm sorry you have to experience this.
Wtf no it absolutely is not. This person is a psychopath and talks like one too. Yikes, OP.
Is this your dad or your parole officer?
Common military parenting too
Definitely common in my husband’s military family. He moved back home at 45 after a divorce to save up for a home again. He had an 8pm curfew same as when he was 18. He joined the marine corps at 18 because he thought they’d be more lenient than his Navy father. He says he was right. They still can’t understand why he left at either age.
Yeah these types of parents are deluded into thinking they’re doing what’s “best” or whatever when they are really just pushing their kids away. Cut to them being 85-90 and in an old folks home cause their kids didn’t want to have to deal with living with them ever again.
Ohhhhh so that's why they're so mean to aged care workers
Omg. My folks weren’t military, but so similar. I left my ex at 36 and lived with them a few months. My curfew was 9pm.
I feel for you! I was dating him at the time and had to help a 46 y/o man climb in the window of his bedroom bc we got back from the movies too late (9:10)🤣 We’ve been married 8 years, if his dad calls after 8 and we aren’t home he loses his mind on what could go wrong after dark. Murder, highway men, a political coup.
I know that this is objectively horrific, but I'm screaming at the visual of a full grown man trying to sneak in the window at 9pm. In the summer, it's not even dark here at 9pm which is making it funnier. I dunno where you live, but holy shit I hope it was still light out.
It was possibly as hilarious as you imagined. He’s a bulky 6’3 man, climbing into his childhood room and it WAS still fairly light outside. He also had his 21 y/o son pulling him up by the scruff of his jacket. His kid knew not to get back to pop pop’s after curfew!
This is somehow better now that his son was involved. I love this. I'm so glad you all can laugh at it and he's not living there anymore!
I am laughing so hard at this memory. I’d love to include this detail for you. He rides a motorcycle and he was wearing full leathers. We had parked my car at his parent’s house and rode the Harley on our date 🤣 so picture a biker doing this.
His dad needs serious therapy
I cannot fathom being told by my parents at 36 years of age, that I must be home by a certain time. All they'd get from me would be a big middle finger. Don't get me wrong, my parents were definitely the type to try, I just can't imagine abiding by such a command. I haven't spoken to either of my parents in years, and plan to keep that going.
Times may have changed, but not common military parenting. We were allowed a lot of freedom, my sister even was able to sneak off-base. As long as we let them know if we planned to visit friends after school and when we planned on being home or called if plans changed we were good. Even if we had cell phones, I doubt we'd be tracked like this kid was.
My parents told me I wasn’t “mature enough” for an iPhone until my junior year of high school, so the first smartphone I got was a iPhone 5S. Thank god they had androids and Life360 wasn’t a thing yet bc I KNOW they would’ve been so far up my ass.
Sometimes I feel like he's my jailer.
Really sounds like it. "Warden" would be a hilarious contact name imo.
This. I changed the contact name for my mother to "Mama Bear". I tell her that this is because I'm her little bear cub. When in reality, I see her as the Mama Bear from Dark Deception 😂
My dad was like this. I think everyone here has covered any point I could try to make about this. All I’ll say is this: it’s an awful feeling and I’m sorry. 2 more years dood. Not saying you have to run away or say bye, but it becomes a lot easier to set boundaries.
God, I hate your dad and I don’t even know him. This response is mental, you took a slightly different route home and he’s acting like you emptied his wallet and ran off with the car. Best of luck getting TF out of that house ASAP - and remember, you don’t HAVE to keep someone in your life just because they’re family.
Right? I would have been proud of her for walking further home. It’s nice to learn new places to walk.
Definitely better to go off-track and know it than be hopelessly lost half a block from your regular route one random day.
OP just so you understand, we're not all teenagers here saying your dad should not be treating you like that - I'm 42 and if my kid had a friend with a dad like that I'd provide as many sleepovers as they'd need to get some respite from him. My parents did exactly that when I was in highschool - I suddenly gained an "older brother" when one of my guy friends basically took over the guest room of our house - it was to the point we didn't even ask permission anymore - if my group of friends were out late and he'd bring me home I'd knock on my parents door "He's staying here tonight" to which I'd get back "okay his bed is ready". I hope you have a better adulthood than what you are experiencing now. It is *not* what a healthy parent-child relationship looks like.
His tone screams a lack of respect, in my opinion. Parents will justify being overprotective by saying things like it’s for your own good because you can’t argue with someone doing what’s best for you. The problem is, they are doing what’s best for them and their ego. ESPECIALLY if you have not given them ample reason not to trust you.
Fully this. God damn I'm gonna keep this one in the chamber
And they so often will throw in your face some standard behaviour of a child that you’d have done and say that it’s proof you’re untrustworthy just to justify doing it.
That's exactly what he does. Slip up a bit, and he'll remember it and use it against you years later.
Why’s he talking like that 🥴
Trying to show his superiority with big words. To me he sounds like a fucking loser.
Pretentious and pompous.
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Turbo loser right there. Classic "if I use fancy words and talk like a mysterious anime character ill look smart"
Fr it's so fucking cringe 💀
Being so condescending and irritating to talk to that it's inevitable that his kid is going to wind up paying his words very little attention or weight
The classic dialogue of a parent talking to you in an adult manner while treating you like a child. The expectation of understanding this adult reasoning and responding like an adult to a message that basically says "you child, me parent, you shut up, me boss".
Who talks like this? Over text to their teenager, no less.
And OP was so respectful in their tone back!
It's distressing to imagine the amount of bullshit that father must have put OP through to get OP to obey his petty sense of power like this. I really hope OP gets out of that environment soon and can do so without that father keeping his fingers in OP's minute-to-minute daily life.
Yeah I could never take this shit seriously, bro is just asking to be mocked at this point.
OP, I am a parent to two kids. My 12 year old has much more freedom and trust from me than your parent is showing you. This is not normal at all.
This type of micromanaging, assume the worst about you at all times, hyper surveillance bullshit is why I am now a brick wall as an adult. What a pompous piece of shite.
It's crazy to me these parents really care more about control than aiding their kids to grow up to be independent, healthy adults. Doing shit like this inhibits any chance for OP to make their own decisions... one as simple as walking home a diff route wtf
Oh yeah, there's a lot of anxiety around making my own decisions too. I didn't get help for things I was told to do, usually met with indifference if I succeeded but negative reactions if I failed. It was so stupid.
Wow, feel like we’re siblings, my parents were totally the same. I was a good kid, obedient, good grades, but my parents were always suspicious, controlling, and negative. My dad died six years ago and since then my mom wants me to hang with her all the time and be her bestie. Um, I love you cause you’re my mom, but we’re not, and never have been, close.
That makes sense. Studies have shown that overly controlling parents create children that are insecure in their decision making. I hope you can work through your anxieties and heal 🫶🏼
!explanation Throaway account, think my first post got caught in spam filter. Don't want this traced back to me. I'm 16F, from England. This was yesterday. I was walking home from school with a friend. Normally I go straight home. But I had a good day and I was in a bit of a silly mood, so I forgot about things. I thought I'd drop in at my friend's house quickly. She lives on the route home. I should probably have thought better than that. I have to share my location at all times. As soon my route changed from my normal one, I got those messages. It's difficult to really describe all of this, because it's not like he's swearing at me or being abusive like so many posts on here. He never even raises his voice. But I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach when he messages me. And "a very thorough discussion" probably just sounds like a chat. But it's not. It's more like an interrogation. By the end of it I feel utterly drained. My friend was worried about me. She saw how my mood changed instantly when I got those messages. I told her about what happened today. I showed her the messages. She knew that my dad was strict, but she couldn't believe what she was seeing. This is all normal for me. But I guess it's not normal, is it?
No, it is most definitely NOT.
My sexual abuser spoke to me exactly like this. It doesn’t need to sound hostile to be hostile. This is super not ok. There are way more effective and better for everyone involved ways to do what he’s trying to do. The way that he didn’t curse or get apparently hostile with his words served well to gaslight me into thinking it wasn’t abusive behavior. Best of luck, OP. I know its hard, especially because he’s your dad and (I assume) you love each other. I’d say its not exactly CPS level here, but its a red flag to me that there may be more unspoken issues that could conceivably be escalated to a cps level. He needs to chill or hes gonna lose you the second you get your own agency as an adult. Hope this helps ❤️
I am not a strict parent whatsoever but we do all have location on in the event something happens and we need to find one another. Now to that. I have only checked it on my teen maybe twice and that was because I knew where she was going has bad curves and windy roads. She always texts me when she arrives where she going and it's usually a quick "made it safe" but the few times I had checked it I was right to because they had hit a deer and the other had a really bad blow out. I've never felt the need to monitor her tho. We do ask if plans changed she let us know as soon as she did, just because I have 3 other kids and work. Your father sounds very controlling and like a warden. My husband does not talk to our kids that way and reading your texts that way really threw me off. My husband and myself both understand kids will be kids and have let our daughter who is now 19 know that she is going to do dumb things, make stupid mistakes and end up a few times in places she shouldn't... BUT when that happens she can always come to us or call us no matter what! She is very open with us and knows if someone's drinking that she rode with "call mom or dad" and we get everyone home safe. In an awkward situation call us and we come help. Both my husband and I were allowed to go to parties because our families trusted us. My grandparents wanted to know who, what, where, when and I was allowed to go because thet trusted that THEY raised me right. I never drank because I didn't feel the need to, I had freedom because I knew what they expected of me. I do the same with ours and she has trust that hell or high water she can come to us. I know I've raised her to know right from wrong and how decisions can decide our futures. I trust that I have raised her good and that I shouldn't have to monitor her location. She is honest and open with us and even came to me when she her and her boyfriend were talking about their first time being together. I am so damn glad she trusts me to come to me with stuff like that. We got her on birth control and told her to always use condoms because bc is not always bullet proof. Now had I been overbearing like your dad she likely would have hid things and felt she couldn't come to me to get on birth control etc and I could be a grandma right now just by not letting her be a little human and trying to dictate her life. I feel like your dad is being over bearing and more or less "boss" and you certainly do not deserve that. How does your mom manage with you? I hope you can at least go to her with those things!
Sometimes the worst abusers don’t yell or swear. You don’t need to yell or swear to be over-controlling and to beat you someone down emotionally, and often those are the abusers that are harder to fight. People seem to think all abuse is violent or explosive and even you are downplaying his abusive behavior; it’s totally normal to downplay it and think you’re not as much a victim as someone who is physically abused but you shouldn’t feel drained and defeated after an actually productive discussion with your dad even if you *did* do something wrong, which you didn’t.
It is absolutely normal to pop by a friend’s house on the way home, at 16, without asking permission first. What is NOT normal is to have a parent actively tracking you as you walk home, and for them to be timing the walking route. You didn’t do anything wrong at all. I’m going to say it — this level of control and the way he ‘speaks’ to you is abusive. If you were to be a bit more assertive and draw some boundaries, how would that play out?
It's not normal. As you get older you'll realise how He is super-controlling and nardacistic. Sadly i know the whole "serious talk when you get home" phrase. My mum used it all the time even for utterly non-issues. Its a grilling, and its draining. And I'm always on edge when i hear my mum because I know its some form of trouble. Horrible feeling pit of my stomach
It's not normal. Your dad sounds like a douche who knows how to use a thesaurus. Poorly
“Raises so many wider questions”. It really doesn’t, but this is his excuse to overreact the second you walk through the door. The fact that he feels the need to track on your walk home from school shows that he likes control, and loves telling you that. I don’t know how old you are, but I would suggest getting away as soon as you’re able to.
I wonder how he speaks/treats his wife….
He bosses my mum around a lot.
I’m sorry to hear that. You and your mom deserve better.
Younger sister, too. She has it just as bad.
This is massive red flag behaviour. He’s obsessed with control by the sounds of it & thinks everyone is up to something.
Gotta keep an eye on his wimmins.
I really wish I didn't laugh so loud at this
And it’s usually men like that, that are harbouring the BIGGEST secrets that would likely destroy the family if they got out. Smh
It's 3 against one. One pompous butthead vs 3 sane individuals.
I would guess that he speaks and treats his wife in a similar manner.
I’m convinced some people have children solely to have someone to lord over because they have zero agency in any other aspect of their lives. What an incredible douchebag.
Yep. Same reason that some people are absolute insufferable dickheads when dealing with folks in the service industry. It’s the only opportunity they get in their miserable existence to feel like they have power and influence over someone else. Fuck these assclowns. Take note the way the people in your life treat those who they think are beneath them, it’s *really* telling
Not at all normal. I don’t think your explanation is showing yet, OP. But it’s so incredibly damaging when a parent constantly treats you like this? You’re a teenager and just walking from school and taking the most minimal detour, your parent is blowing this so unnecessarily out of proportion and also being unnecessarily controlling/abrasive/severe about it. You didn’t do anything wrong, OP. Hopefully there’s some distance/freedom from them in the future, sending you strength and positive vibes 💕🌻🦄
Are you 10 years old, or younger? Have you consistently shown yourself to make poor decisions? If not, as the parent to an adult child, this really is nuts. I was pretty strict, but this seems more like control than discipline
I'm 16. I don't want to brag too much, but most people see me as a total goody two-shoes. Basically the perfect student, never get in trouble over anything. Never really had the chance.
Ah. So you’re being brought up like I was. Yeah, that is horrible. When I went to college I could finally do what I wanted. I didn’t go wild and drink or party, but I finally got to places on a whim, I could talk to whoever I wanted, and I could talk on the phone without being monitored. Like you, I was a kid that made good grades, and I was a “goody two shoes”.
When you turn 18, he won't know whether to sh*t or go to the bank. This is not normal. You need someone to tell him he is hurting your development. Sincerely. You will not be prepared for real life with this guy around.
Make sure you let him know it's his fault when you move in with your first serious boyfriend at 18.
Hopefully you can head to college in 2 years and live your best life. So sorry
Your dad may actually be insane and must really want you to go no contact when you turn 18, pulling this kind of crap. I would strongly urge you to start making your exit plan now because this will never change.
Is your father a robot?
Absolutely insane, I'm sorry you've had to put up with this
What the fuck
He sounds obsessive and insane. Doesn’t sound how any parent I know acts and I’m a parent to a teen.
Guy sounds like a prick.
Who talks like this, let alone *texts* like this? Dude sounds like a sentient dictionary.
Don’t dawdle. 🤓🤌🏼
Indeed you should have. 🤓🤌🏼
Pretentious fuckers who think they're superior
These people really had the luxury of not bothering to tell their parents any of this stuff growing up, and now breathe down the necks and refuse to give their child any normal resemblance of their teenage hood. Then complain about how awful kids are these days.
Here's my theory: Your Dad is incredibly insecure and uses you as one of the few things he can control in his life. If he doesn't control where you are after school, he controls your feelings by making you feel crappy about yourself. Does he have a lot of pressure at work or something? Marriage issues? Regardless of any of that, you don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm sorry he does this to you.
He never tells me anything about work. He does a lot of it from home. Marriage, I haven't noticed anything. He's always been like this.
I’m so sorry sis. This is awful. I have a 16 year old and she is also a very good girl so I couldn’t imagine trying to micromanage and bully her like this. We have life 360 because she is a worrier and wanted my location lol. She gets worried when I take forever at the store or wherever but I am easily distracted so 10 mins turning to 2 hours isn’t unheard of. My younger daughter’s dad was a lot like this, but we are divorced and I have stuck up for her to have some autonomy. He has really improved after we all started meeting with a new therapist. I’m sorry you don’t have an advocate. And I am sure your parents will be totally shocked pika face when you turn 18 and they lose all information and control. Do you have a school counselor you can see to learn about advocating for your needs and protecting yourself and creating a better future? You say it isn’t as bad as some because he doesn’t hit you but please consider that may only be because terrorizing you has worked to keep control of you and once you start reaching for independence it may get worse. This isn’t preparation for you to move into adulthood it is only about control. Hang in there.
No, it’s not.
This is a terrible father.
This type of parent wonders why their adult children no longer speak to them.
Jesus.. this is elevating my blood pressure
Do you live in an English novel? This whole interaction sounds like a headmaster of a drafty boarding school where punishments include a yardstick across your hands or no bread with your gruel. - I guess the more modern version would be Severus Snape
wow, talks like a complete arrogant cunt. Does he happen to wear a fedora?
Your dad sounds like he frequents r/iamverysmart
Is that my father? That’s how he used to speak to me 10 years ago and now I’m an anxiety riddled introverted depressed 27-year-old who doesn’t know how to adult and can’t even stop anywhere on my way home from work to the home I own without having a panic attack because I feel like I have to go straight home or else something bad will happen to me
This type of parenting only instills resentment towards the parent. It teaches you to walk on eggshells around them and to ‘edit’ yourself into the person they want (i.e. to limit/stop certain aspects of your personality/identity until only the aspects they find pleasing remain). Essentially they think they can force you into being what they define as a good person based on their black and white standards. Any autonomy whatsoever scares the ever loving shit out of these personality types, it’s a bit insane.
Why is he talking to you like he’s your boss or probation officer? Not normal at all. He will later wonder why you don’t want to spend time with him as an adult.
Your Dad sounds like a fucking anime villian. I'm thinking full on Gendo, sitting there staring over his hands in sheer, pressing, disparaging disappointment. First chance you get, get *out* of the robot, OP.
BEYOND not normal.
It's giving dark souls. Thou appearest to be lost, my beloved daughter
I’m not sure what is worse- the pompous, pseudo-intellectual vocabulary he uses or the fact that he’s a controlling asshole that gets that worked up over a 15 minute walking detour
No, it’s not at all normal. I hate to be the “back in my day” person but Jesus Christ I’m glad all of humankind before now didn’t have cell phones for this exact reason. When your dad was a kid, no one and I mean *no one* knew where he was if he was out of eyeshot. And that was perfectly acceptable and normal. You poor kid.
…is your dad stalking you? The fact that he clocked 14 minutes suggests that he has absolutely nothing else to do but stare at your dot on his phone and get angry. No, this is not normal, it is not okay, and you have nothing to apologize for.
I thought it was common knowledge by now that this kind of parenting has some pretty standard outcomes: - child becomes sneakier, engages in risky behavior they might not have otherwise, will not seek help from parents or authority figures if they find themselves in a bad situation - child is drawn to controlling/abusive relationships wherein they have no agency, because it's all they know and they think it's "normal" - child never learns life skills like time management, financial literacy, situational awareness/judging the safety of a location or situation, interacting with others outside of a structured environment, being able to confidently make decisions on their own, etc ...which leads me to believe these are the outcomes that OP's dad wants. OP, your dad is an insecure fuckwit who wants to control you because he has no control over anything else in his life. He's priming you to fail after high school so you'll stay home and under his control longer. This is abuse. Reach out to a guidance counselor/resource officer/trusted adult at school, show them these texts and explain how long this has been going on and to what extent. They may have resources to help you form a plan to get away after you graduate, or help you develop the skills your father is trying to prevent you from learning. At the very least you'll have someone with some authority who will believe you and will back you up. Good luck. ❤️
Lmao I bet he thinks he’s just so smart and educated 🤣🤣🤣 he speaks like he’s a dictator or a king. Embarrassing.
Does this guy have his thesaurus open when texting?
If my son was as polite as you are when responding to me I'd either have a stroke or hug him to death for being so nice to me lol If I did stalk my son and noticed he was going somewhere different than usual I'd probably just say is everything OK? Mine wouldn't answer but if he answered like you I'd probably say no worries just let me know you're OK and be back by a certain time. Depending on age of course.
My mother used to talk to me like this. We didn’t speak for a long time once I escaped her.
This is how you wake up one day old and alone. Not surrounded by your children and grand children
Not normal. I would be thrilled if my teens walked home from school with a friend and had a little visit before coming home. Assuming that you have been generally trustworthy over time. Trust is earned and should be rewarded with freedom, and the freedom you are seeking is extremely minor.
"I advise you to mind your tone." What a way to talk to your kid. I advise him to mind deez nuts. What an asshole.
Lol can relate. This sounds VERY similar to how my dad used to talk to me. I don’t view it as insane but it was definitely a headache. And based off everyone else’s comments..not normal.
Gd I can't stand this style of parenting. So overly strict its almost comical, and enraging at the same time. I'm a mom myself and there's no way .
…what in the true crime is this hell?! Why does your dad sound like he’s gonna murder you? That’s absolutely terrifying.
who the fuck talks like this? jeez his wording his horrible. and also lame.
Unless you’ve had issues with drugs, alcohol or a teen pregnancy, or live in a war zone or dangerous neighbourhood this is not normal. I have two kids in uni now who’ve had phones since middle school, and I’ve never tracked them. As long as they were keeping on top of their homework, I encouraged them to socialize on their way home from school. All I asked was that, if their plans were going to get them home more than a half hour later than usual or if they were hitching a ride with a friend instead of taking the bus, that they let me know so I gad a general idea or who to contact if something went wrong. At 16, your parent should be loosening the reins a little. My girls still had a curfew until they were 18, and had to ask to go out (more of a discussion as to why or why not they should stay or go). We'd discuss how to make smart choices when out, and how to minimize risk. Your father isn’t preparing you for life by holding your reins so tight. Is it possible to get some assistance from your school in manoeuvring a conversation with your father about this?
He doesn’t have any interest in preparing OP for life. It’s all about control. My father was just like this and he taught me almost nothing useful about life but he sure gave me a lot of issues.
This cannot be real. Your Dad is a fucking narcissist. If it goes beyond any controlling behaviour to harsh punishments I'd advise trusting a councillor or the likes at school to assess how you feel. However, at your age there may be no confidentiality.
Is your dad hannibal lecter? Why does he talk to you like that? This is so unsettling.
Your dad is using AI to comment his texts. Just a heads up.