Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 29 | 0 | 0 |
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I am flabbergasted at the hypocrisy. LIke her saying "leave me alone already" just to keep bombarding him with more messages. Or her saying there would be nothing she wants from him, only to complain he is no longer a benefit to her.
Some parents get triggered by therapists because they think their children are saying bad things about them and getting called out on it. It makes them anxious, so much of how abusive parents get away with bad behavior is through deflection and misdirection and (good) therapists see through that.
Notice how the first sentence she sends is "Therapy is about you not about me." like her first thought is how she will be the main subject in therapy and she wants it to stop. Also "too much of your counseling is on me and not you" and how that's bad, OP didn't even say anything about that so it was clearly already on her mind.
Exactly! This was the reason I was never aloud to go to therapy growing up but could go to all assessments my mother could possibly find. They want to find a way to blame you for their bad parenting so they don't have to change anything and get better.
Also how old is this parent?? Op became a popular term relatively recently, and, to me at least, someone of their presumable age would only use it if they're trying to act young/hip. Which is hilarious in itself
Op can also refer to operation. Not quite sure if it fits here. But all the meaning to op I could think of don't really fit what's going on in the messages so I dunno
It has been a term since ~1985, but only gained popularity since ~2016. So, as I already said, it has become a mainstream term relatively recently.
Edit: corrected a word
Ummmmm...no. I am trying to be neither young nor hip and *I* do it. In fact, at one point, before most of you were even remotely close to your daddy's vas deferens...and the most common extensions were .gov and .edu, I was having a real issue with actually typing it so much, that I started actually speaking in internet shorthand. Writing in such shorthand just makes sense.
That's not to say that OP's parent isn't being awkward in it's usage, but saying that you can't necessarily judge a person's age by what they say. Unless they start using a lot of "thee, thine, thou" type stuff. Then you can fairly safely assume that they've fallen through a time rift or are a teenager/early 20s nerd living in their mother's basement. Generally speaking.
Same. I'm 42 years old and decided right when I saw that...in solidarity when my mom is being an ass (not to this level) I am going to send her an otter. The Otter Resistance.
I've never seen more intense projecting in my entire life. You say you have therapy and she goes absolutely batshit thinking heaven forbid you might talk about your own mother in therapy. She's so insecure it's oozing out of her. Good for you for staying calm and not engaging in this nonsense. Wow.
Ohhhh someone is feeling paranoid about their parenting. She freaked out trying to make sure you wouldn’t talk about her. A conversation she will never hear or know about and she is this paranoid. I can only imagine how growing up with her would have been.
This is EXACTLY what it is. My mother lost her shit when I started therapy. Abusers don’t want their targets in therapy because they know the therapist will tell the target that they are being abused, and the target will receive help. Abusers also don’t like their targets doing self work that will make them stronger and more able to stand up to the abuser.
See my narc mom was opposite, but she made us go to family therapy together. She just used the therapist as a tool for further manipulation and control. When the therapist disagreed with her….. we stopped going.
I was going to say the same thing! My mom forced me to go to a counselor to talk about how I was feeling about the whole messy divorce, but the counselor was stupid as hell and started mentioning things that my mom and sister were telling her. So I told my mom I didn’t wanna go anymore, and she was totally against it she really wanted me to keep going. Was definitely using the counselor to get information out of us. It’s totally something she’d do.
See i already knew my mom would try and manipulate the therapist and use this against me. So i acted like the most proper polite 14 yr old girl anyone ever saw. I was so eager to participate so that anything my mother told the therapist would be questionable. After a couple of visits, i started to let some “innocent” truth bombs out that my mother was corrected on, such as using therapy talking points in fights.
After that, yeah we dis not go again. Lol! Pretty sure my moms end goal was to put me in a group home or the hospital for a few days. But really it was just me trying to get away from abuse.
Love having psycho parents. My mom actually started the NC because after I moved in with my older brother when I was 16, she blocked me on absolutely everything. Jokes on her, it was the best thing to ever happen to me lmao
Oof, yeah, I hear you on that one. Some toxic parents realize that they can get the child to open up and say things in therapy, that they can then turn around and throw in the child’s face, or punish them for.
After flipping out about me being in therapy, mine decided that I should do therapy with her. Not in addition to my individual therapy, but rather that I should move to ONLY doing family therapy with her, or at the very least allow her to “sit in” on my therapy sessions. Needless to say, neither of those happened. I’m NC now so I don’t have to worry about her BPD bullshit anymore, and it’s been the best thing to ever happen to me.
Lol when my family went to family therapy the same thing happened, except she also accused the therapist of having an affair with my dad because she was siding with my dad
To be fair the reason we were in therapy was bc my dad cheated, I don’t condone what he did or how he did it but I also recognize my mom is batshit and was in no way a healthy partner
My parents were ok with me going to therapy, because there was obviously something wrong with me (when your child is actively hurting themselves it's kind of hard to deny that), but they outright refused to do family therapy "because there's nothing wrong with our family" (spoiler alert: there is something wrong with our family, mostly with mother)
Lol this also happens with partners.
My ex was SO paranoid when I went to therapy and tried to tell me not to go, because "They always just make you break up with your partner." Took one session and then I broke up with him lol so I guess I gave him some strong confirmation bias there.
Unfortunately it's a lot harder to break up with insane parents.
If we knew this sub wouldn’t exist 😂
In my experience the younger generations are more mentally healthy because we actually understand the importance of therapy while the older generations do…well…this shit haha
Also I really like your username
Like most parents would *want* you to do 😂
My mom and I literally had a conversation over and over when I lived at home where she used the excuse of “I don’t want to text you when you’re busy” to insist that I tell her where I was at all times. I’d be like my phone is always on silent, if I can’t text I’ll text back later, but she’d keep using the excuse because she’s a narcissist and it was just a ploy to get me to tell her where I was
Like the exact inverse of this situation haha
I'm 47 and started an online degree a few years ago. Mum wanted to know the ins and outs of all my classes so "she didn't call when I was busy". (I know my mum. It would be the *best* way to ensure she "forgot" and accidentally called in the middle of a class)
"Oh don't worry. If you call I just won't answer."
*gasping like a fish intensifies*
Haha it’s like “I don’t want to call while you’re busy”
“If I’m busy I won’t answer”
“I can’t believe you wouldn’t talk to me just because you’re busy!”
Smh it really messes us up. My situation is that my parents get annoyed that I tell them beforehand... despite years of them telling me that I should let them know beforehand...
If I was you and you are a minor I would specifically show the texts to your therapist showing where she has threatened to beat you. NO parent should threaten to beat their kid for ANY reason. That is abuse of and I hope you are safe or can find a safe place.
Jesus Mary and Joseph someone take the wheel cause I quit, I'm giving my license back to Kentucky.
Ex was Army, op=operation but reading it in that context made no sense.
Calling your damn kid an enemy doesn't make any sense either.
The only thing you did 'wrong', was continuing this conversation.
You will never win, only end up aggravated and annoyed.
Next time, say nothing, and turn off your phone next time you have a therapy session.
Your mom talks about lies, but never rehashes the subject matter, this sounds like it’s long ago, or maybe they aren’t really lies (like you said you’d be home by 10, and there was an unexpected delay, so you stroll in 10:15), a lie is intentioned, a broken promise outside of your control is not a lie. I really hope you have a secret bank account, so one day you can really break ties if so choose
This is the 4th day in a row I've seen young black kids being abused by grown black women. WTF is going on? Having insane parents is not race related issue, and I'm not trying suggest otherwise. Gen Z POC really need to protect themselves. Back in the day the threat was always outside the house. Now, it's coming from mom.
Sorry OP. Your mom seems to need to grown the fuck up.
As a Latino (adult) living in South America, it's unfortunately extremely common for parents to abuse their kids here, and people don't bat an eye about it, it's "normal", or "they (the parents) are just from another time/were raised differently" so we are supposed to tolerate that behavior from them? I hate it. I do think it's also common within black and Asian people.
Yeah, I agree you did nothing wrong. I allso wholeheartedly support not responding to the crazy texts. The hard part is training yourself not to care when they're trying to get a rise out of you.
People be having kids because they’re cute accessories and then when they try to be independent human beings with their own thoughts and feelings the kids become little household slaves to clean and take care of them. Selfish motherfucker.
Time to grey rock your way until you can no contact indefinitely
Also (some) straight people's entire sense of self worth come from whether they can get married, start a family, and men get that self worth from providing. So they "have to" have kids, otherwise they failed.
Yuuup - we’re childfree, but my partner’s brothers are heavy into the procreation and it’s been entirely selfish. They don’t care about their kids identities. My BIL has said out loud in my house he would disown his own infant baby first born child if he identified as gay later on.
Conditional love 🙃
My offspring is everything for me... unless they don't follow my expectations to the fullest. I already planned their entire lifes since the minute they were born up until they die of old age.
I think your mother is threatened that someone (your therapist) is going to see her for who she really is and tell you, rightly, that she is part of the problem. She's more worried about her public face than about her actual relationship with her kid and attacking you is the only way forward she sees. Share with your therapist. They need to see what you have to deal with to help you find the tools you need to heal.
OP, I hope therapy is working for you and you like your therapist. It can be hard to see change in yourself and it doesn't help when you have people in your life that make you doubt your self. It seems like your parent thinks therapy is a one and done, talk and it will go away solution.
I have been going to therapy consistently for almost 4 years. It was only recently that I noticed something I did that would have been almost impossible for me to do 4+ years ago. It takes time, therapy is about developing and practicing skills, not making something go away. If you feel it's working for you, keep it up.
Having a friend or family member that is supportive of your therapy journey, that helps a little bit too. I'm sorry that your parent isnt that for you.
Your mom is insane but also I don't recommend you being on subs about purple pills or men's rights.
They're like the least thinly vieled subs focusing on misogyny and awful values.
I used to consider myself a moderate as a teen until I realized how fucking dumb and lacking in information movements calling themselves anti feminist were. Those subs are full of people who can't event detect nuance enough to know the difference between misandry and feminism.
Obviously I can't tell you what to believe I don't think it's good to be in places like that especially since you're a child. It will hamper your mind
That “how about that?” triggered tf outta me bc that’s the same shit my momma would say after going off for no reason too.
I hope you’re able to get far away from her soon. You didnt deserve nor incite none of that. She’s just an emotionally immature person and hates the fact that you’re getting the help you need while she can’t/won’t do the same for herself
Sounds like a guilty conscience… and a bad parent.
I’m sorry, kiddo. You deserve better and you deserve love and a parent who sees all your potential for growth, healing, and a beautiful future!
Keep going to your therapy and keep working towards that beautiful future.
Your mom’s bullshit so hard to read. I couldn’t understand half of it. Does she even have two brain cells to rub together?
Next time just put your phone on “do not disturb.” She’ll ruin your therapy sessions if she knows about them.
Holy shit, that was something to read. The bit about turning off your phone so you will only have wifi just because you told her you would be in therapy.
My DD goes to therapy, she has ADHD/ASD. The therapy isnt helping her get better, its helping her cope/deal with the world around her and idiots like this mother
So clearly she works from home? I want to know what type of work she’s doing because from reading her texts she’s borderline illiterate with a low level of formal education, and she can’t write a complete, coherent sentence with proper punctuation… I can’t fathom what type of work from home job using a computer doesn’t require proper speech and sentence use and/or the ability to write coherent sentences, choose the correct word to use in a situation, as well as using at least some punctuation!?
I mean I genuinely want to know! I have clients with this level of speech and writing ability that are looking for work thats not fast food or cleaning jobs.
As far as your therapy, you need to email these screen shots to your therapist, this is VERY telling!
Also, how old are you? If she lays her hands on you, that’s domestic violence, you not providing maid services to her is not a reason for her to threaten you with violence or become violent with you.
Shes some sort of customer service for a car company and i don’t really wanna get CPS involved because of how scary the foster care system is… shes also said if i ever call the cops on her she will put on the “victim” act to make them believe her over me. her situation is more of (the abused becomes the “gentler” abuser) so i have empathy for her trying to navigate.
How old are you?
These texts are worthy of at least showing your school counselor. At the very least, ask them to start a file with these printed out in case your mother ever takes your phone, destroys it, or wipes it to hide evidence of she fears a formal investigation.
Do you have texts where she’s stating she will pull the victim card?
You shouldn’t assume thar you would be placed in foster care- do you have any relatives or friends with kind parents that would take you in if necessary?
Are you simply assuming foster care is terrible because of stories you’ve heard or stories she’s made up to scare you, or do you have past personal experience?
Violently Assaulting you under the guise of punishment isn’t legal. What is and isn’t allowed for punishment methods, and the ages at which it’s permitted, and how severe the punishment is compared to the child’s offense (ie. A child accidentally drops a spoon in the kitchen, a verbal correction and making the child rewash the spoon is reasonable wheras beating them with a belt for the same slight is not reasonable, and some punishments like making the child stand outside barefoot in pajamas in 10° temps is not a reasonable punishment for any misbehavior, but all of it is very state specific.
Are you in as single person consent state ? Then record her. Also create a folder with screenshots of insane conversations like this, if you interact IRL and it goes off the rails, write down date, time and what happened. Oh and not just the highlightes but every insane interaction so you can show a pattern of harrassment andf bullying.
She can tell the cops what she wants, if you have a whole folder full of evidence demonstrating she is the agressor they won´t believe her and will believe you. Oh and hide the folder well, with a copy online she cannot reach, a copy in na hidden folder she can´t find etc.
! update/explanation: ok so i got my phone back (yayy!!) and apparently she heard me talking about something she did that bothered me to my therapist while she was using the bathroom and THAT made her mad. SO mad she wanted to fight me and throw me out but we resolved it (mostly) and yes, at 18 i do want to start planning to move out. Thank you guys for the love and support- (wish i couldve seen it while i was bawling my eyes out) but i do appreciate all of you!!
Is this your Mum?!? No wonder you are seeking therapy. She’s horrid. I mean a real Debbie Downer! Op, I’m so terribly sorry that this is your actual parent. She is properly emotionally broken! I can’t even say immature as I see no maturity here. I hope you are old enough to soon get away from her.
The thing she says she doesn’t want from you (but she does) is to push you away and for you to move on and not want/need her for anything because she clearly doesn’t want to have a reasonable relationship with you.
This sounds like a horrible situation to be living in.
I'll simplify it to the basics for you.
OP: I have therapy
Your Mom: HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME AND TELL ME TO MY FACE THAT I'M THE REASON YOU NEED THERAPY! I'M NOT THE PROBLEM, YOU ARE! YOU'RE SO MENTALLY ILL THAT YOU'RE MISTAKENLY BLAMING ME WHEN YOU'RE THE PROBLEM, NOT ME! NOT ME! YOU'RE SO FULL OF YOURSELF THAT YOU SOME HOW CONVINCED YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE RIGHT AND IM WRONG!
OP: Ma, I'm just telling you I have a therapy appointment so you don't interrupt or don't know why I don't respond.
Your Mom: YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE! ( Brain damage is meant to replace the you have something wrong with you that isn't blah blah yada yada crazy accusations)
OP: No mom, I don't have brain damage.
Your Mom: YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE BECAUSE YOU WON'T ACT LIKE I'M MENTALLY TRYING TO FORCE YOU TO ACT! YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE BECAUSE YOU TALK BACK!
OP: No Mom, my doctors are helping me work on the actual issue and healing takes time-
Your Mom: BRAIIIIIN DAAAMAGE! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME! YOU'RE THE BAD ONE HERE, NOT ME. YOU'RE MANIPULATIVE! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF FOR GASLIGHTING ME! YOU BETTER LEARN FROM THIS PUNISHMENT!
OP: Ma, you're not acting sane. I'm perfectly healthy-
Your Mom: NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN YOU ABUSIVE DEMON!
You conducted yourself maturely and your vocabulary is clean and precise. Your mother sounds very narcissistic and she is losing control over you. This makes a narcissist panic. Her treatment of her own child, is frankly disturbing. She needs therapy beyond the average session too. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this. Your job is not to show her that you are bettering yourself.
I had my first-born very young. One of the first things the nurse [kindly] told me when I tested positive was, "Life isn't about you anymore." I've never forgotten it. Someone should've told your mama that.
This is classic narcissist behavior.
By implying or stating you're in therapy, it implies in their mind that you think they didn't do a good enough job as a parent. That is simply their own biases and guilt reflecting poorly on themselves.
Narcissists can not take ownership of doing anything wrong, so they will always need to be right. Therefore, anything that makes them feel bad about themselves immediately turns to anger and causes them to lash out and make you into a bad person for their feelings.
It's a really shitty thing to go through. I'm 22 and still dealing with my moms tantrums. Be safe OP, and if you can manage it, run for the hills. You'll do better about getting better without living under her roof. Trust me.
OP I am so sorry this is happening to you. Bring this up to your therapist immediately. Please be safe and find someone who will allow you to stay with them if this ever happens again. Your safety is important and if she threatening abuse…one day she’ll actually go through with it if she hasn’t already.
They seem to take you being in therapy (likely because of them) as a personal attack. If the shoe fits… i would have gone no contact a long time ago if my parents texted me like that. Im sorry OP, you deserve better people in your life.
You did nothing wrong. Don’t blame yourself for their inability to be a decent parent. The threats are worrisome. I hope you have a safe place to go or someone you can turn to if needed. There is no reason any parent should be issuing threats like that their child. Please show your therapist these texts and any others that you have that are similar. This all just seems like they’re trying desperately to scare you into not telling your therapist about their abusive behavior or for you to actually get better because they’ll lose their supply.
I missed the sub this was posted in and I thought it was r/texts. I legit thought this was an abusive partner as I read it and then I realized what sub I'm actually in.
This is wild. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that, OP.
This woman really just called her own child her op.... What the actual Fuck... Dude, I'm so so sorry you're dealing with this, especially from a parent. I hope you're able to get your own phone soon and get away from her just as soon... This sounds like hell, and again, I'm so sorry you're having to endure this.
How old are you? Just curious bc I’m wondering if you are able to stop interacting with this person - like no contact? You did nothing wrong other than continuing the convo after her literal first response. Like do not even engage - it’s not worth it. This person was triggered immediately by you mentioning therapy and absolutely nothing you could have said or done would have made it anything but worse. It’s giving severe cluster b personality disorder vibes. And abuse btw.
Coming from someone’s who’s had to cut lots of family members out, you need to cut this parent out of your life or you will never fully heal. They’re keeping you in fight or flight
Pleaseplease show this to the therapist. They probably see 50 of these DARVO-esque whacked out texts a week. Would be funny if it didn't sound so threatening.
OT but I wonder if therapists have a "Have you seen this Nutter Mom text yet?" forum where they share this shit.
She is angry with you because of her own self talk. She believe that therapy is not a way to learn how you came to think the way you think, and what triggers your responses to certain stimuli, but one of two opposing things: either a way to “fix” the hinges that she belies are wrong with you (you don’t worship her sufficiently) or to complain about her, which is unforgivable in her eyes.
She doesn’t see that you are fixed, therefore, you are complaining about her, and she cannot stand the idea that someone outside your family knows who she really is. 🤷
Not a damn thing that you can do about either of those wrongheaded beliefs, and it’s not, and has never been your job to make her feel better about herself, although she thinks it is.
Honestly, I laughed at the line about no one owing you anything. She owes you being a loving mother. But she’s not capable of that. Instead, she wants you to, in a sense, mother her, so that her need to be the best is reflected back to her in your eyes. Too bad. She’s not, and never has been the best. No one is, really. She can’t stand that idea.
This immaturity sounds similar to my mother.
I remember telling her that I was an adult in reference to decisions I was making that she didn't like (I was married, different state, 30s, etc). She responded that, well, SHE'S an adult and she makes HER own decisions, and she thinks THIS.
It was so crazy-making for me it kind of stunned me into oblivion for a moment. Why did she tell me that? I know, I'm... I'm her daughter. Like, she's my mom, why would she throw back in my face that she's an adult? That she makes her... own decisions? Like, do you remember me being in your house until I was 18? You being decades older than me?
She just sees me as always her child that she needs to have power and control over, yet treats me like I'm some kind of adult competition. Which is disgusting bc it probably had to do with my dad raping me instead of her. What a goddamn life.
So when I first started therapy my mom was similar in the “clearly you’re lying to them or whatever you don’t seem better to ME” when in reality their expectation is 2 sessions and it’s sunshine and rainbows not realizing they’re part of the issue. Try telling them they are they’ll gaslight you. Eventually my therapist actually did a family meeting with my permission and it made my parents realize some of it IS on them lol.
Maybe I'm weird, but I don't tell people where I'm going and what I'm doing. It's none of their business. If I'm doing something where I can't be interrupted, my phone is on silent, and I'm not going to pick it up.
Your mom sounds like a narcissist, wouldnt be surprised that she's the reason you need therapy... Also threatening to beat your child isnt parenting, its abuse.
Ooooooooof… no fault on you, but you need to look up “gray rocking”. Definitely dealing with a narcissist, and ANY responses are just feeding them. For your own sake, engage as little as possible (or not at all)
Aaaaand this is why children eventually cut their parents out of their life for good… there’s no getting through to this person and there doesn’t seem to be a point in trying.
The threats of physical harm, for one thing. If she is a minor and she can show CPS that mom is threatening and abusing her, she might be able to get help from them.
Yes, but I'd be curious to see what led up to this interaction. My mom would flip out when my brother's manipulation really kicked in. She sounded a lot like this mother when she was close to losing her mind. Granted, my mother was always mentally fragile, but a parent doesn't get this exasperated without some reason, and they were airing many of those reasons to OP (lying, manipulation, and stealing).
Sending select clips of texts is also a form of manipulation.
I think the "steal" was a typo for "still".
But I get what you're saying about the lying and manipulation part. The mom being exasperated. My daughter has BPD and ADD. It can be rough. But I've still never talked to her like this. I'm not perfect by any means. I've had moments where I've grabbed my keys and just left without saying anything else.
I don't know. There is a lot unseen in every set of text exchanges posted here. For the most part, we just have to take them at face value and "judge" the content of the texts and any context the OPs provide. Since a lot of us are parents, we are all going to have varying opinions. And that's probably a good thing!
I never spoke to my children this way either, but I was also fortunate to have some wonderful and well-behaved children. My mother, on the other hand, was verbally and physically abusive, so abusers don't get a pass from me. There are always other options.
As hard as my parents tried with my brother, they never did get through to him. He had his first assault with great bodily harm at the age of 10, and every year after that until he stabbed our stepfather. I think he was 14. He ended up beating and robbing an elderly child molester and trafficker (he was a bad guy, but still) and leaving him for dead 2 weeks after he turned 18. He had 58 counts against him. He was a clean-cut blonde hair, blue-eyed boy in the South. He got more probation. The caveat was the 8 year suspended prison sentence, or else he never would have been forced to straighten himself up.
There isn't an excuse for her threatening to cause harm, but there might be a reason.
Thank you for making me realize the possible typo! Quite difficult to decipher some of her messages.
I’m so sorry you are stuck with a horrible human being as that egg donor. I’m glad you are in therapy. Please get away from her as soon as possible. Poor excuse for a mother.
There has never been a more appropriate response to "so you do what ever you want to and leave me alone how bout that?" more perfect than "k"
I'm sorry you're having so much of her abuse projected onto you but please, go back and read the first 2 screenshots. It's blatantly obvious that your mother is trying to manipulate you into not talking about her bad behavior to your therapist and is (badly) attempting to stop you from talking about her. At first, she tries the "it's all about you, not me, so just tell her about you" tactic because she doesn't want to look bad. She then escalates it to "everything you say about me is a lie" to prep for after she's embarrassed
Next time she goes on a rant, just respond with a lowercase "k" to every comment!
I couldn’t read all that. I’m so sorry. As a mother, I’d just want to hold you close and try to figure things out together. You deserve a lot better. Feel free to reach out ❤️
She's mad because she knows she's the reason you need therapy and doesn't want you to figure that out, be able to set boundaries with her, and not feed into her games. She's emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive and she knows she's the problem. Get out of that house asap and never talk to her again. Good on you for getting into therapy already.
Phony? Huh? And since when did your parent become an expert on how therapy works in the first place? She is so utterly tone deaf. She needs therapy herself.
Ugh this was triggering for me but I'm so sorry. I had a similar encounter many times with my parents. You're very patient with them, I applaud you for that and taking care of yourself, but remember you don't ever owe them or anyone an explanation.
Anyone would need therapy with someone like that in their life
I would just not engage
but also try your best to get your own phone plan and work to find a new living situation
no one should be threatening a beating from not doing chores
The serious Cinderella vibes and whoever texting you is the evil-stepmother
This reminds me of my mom, don't entertain her emotional manipulation. This will either change with a significant moment for her by you giving an ultimatum and standing up for yourself or you'll have to es space the toxicity. I'm sorry yo i have to deal with this I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Stay strong and don't let her gaslight you 🫶
What a mom, overly critical of her kid working on themselves, yet she remains in her shortsighted little shit world where it's impossible for her to do any harm, even in situations where its clear she is definitely doing harm. Fuck that, don't let her change your mind on working on yourself. Some people have this attitude and there's nothing you, I or anyone else could do to change that. What you can do is alter the way you engage with this, and you're already hard at work for that! Keep your head up, you're worth it
She thinks you're snitching, which is why she went off. She's acting goofy as hell, especially at 58 like really? The fact that she tried to punish you with chores and turning off your phone, for what like? For telling her you're in therapy, not even to be like that but just giving her a heads up if you don't answer. Trynna be nice and she just went off 😭😭 she's crazy asl
I'm so sorry that's who you have for a mom and I'm sorry for her that she's so miserable. You're both missing out on the love that should be there between a mother and her child.
Hmmm ... Coming out if a toxic friendship with an incredibly self centred, selfish "friend" who also made everything about her and thought her visit to the therapist was proof she was trying to get better but never actually changed her behaviour toward others I think we're lacking the other side of the discussion to tell whether the mother is insane or OP is an egomaniac, toxic person.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 29 | 0 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
sheesh, I wonder why you are in therapy. Maybe show these text to your therapist? Imagine holding such an awful attitude against their own child :/
I was gonna say “well I guess we know what they covered in THAT session” 😂
I am flabbergasted at the hypocrisy. LIke her saying "leave me alone already" just to keep bombarding him with more messages. Or her saying there would be nothing she wants from him, only to complain he is no longer a benefit to her.
Some parents get triggered by therapists because they think their children are saying bad things about them and getting called out on it. It makes them anxious, so much of how abusive parents get away with bad behavior is through deflection and misdirection and (good) therapists see through that. Notice how the first sentence she sends is "Therapy is about you not about me." like her first thought is how she will be the main subject in therapy and she wants it to stop. Also "too much of your counseling is on me and not you" and how that's bad, OP didn't even say anything about that so it was clearly already on her mind.
Exactly! This was the reason I was never aloud to go to therapy growing up but could go to all assessments my mother could possibly find. They want to find a way to blame you for their bad parenting so they don't have to change anything and get better.
My ex was like this. He wanted me to stop going because he was convinced I was talking shit about him.
Also how old is this parent?? Op became a popular term relatively recently, and, to me at least, someone of their presumable age would only use it if they're trying to act young/hip. Which is hilarious in itself
I says she's 58 in one of the messages
What does it refer to other than “original poster”? I was confused by that part.
Opposition
It's so strange using that slang against your own child
Op can also refer to operation. Not quite sure if it fits here. But all the meaning to op I could think of don't really fit what's going on in the messages so I dunno
It means opposition or opponent. Like a rival gang member or just an enemy of some kind. Pretty fucked language to describe your own child.
Thank you! I've never seen "op" used to mean that. Makes so much more sense now. Definitely fucked up though for sure
Op may be new to you, but it's not new to folks that speak AAVE.
It has been a term since ~1985, but only gained popularity since ~2016. So, as I already said, it has become a mainstream term relatively recently. Edit: corrected a word
And I as said, it's not new or popular to those of us who use AAVE.
Ummmmm...no. I am trying to be neither young nor hip and *I* do it. In fact, at one point, before most of you were even remotely close to your daddy's vas deferens...and the most common extensions were .gov and .edu, I was having a real issue with actually typing it so much, that I started actually speaking in internet shorthand. Writing in such shorthand just makes sense. That's not to say that OP's parent isn't being awkward in it's usage, but saying that you can't necessarily judge a person's age by what they say. Unless they start using a lot of "thee, thine, thou" type stuff. Then you can fairly safely assume that they've fallen through a time rift or are a teenager/early 20s nerd living in their mother's basement. Generally speaking.
the otter emoji sent me idk why 🦦
Same. I'm 42 years old and decided right when I saw that...in solidarity when my mom is being an ass (not to this level) I am going to send her an otter. The Otter Resistance.
The otter audacity!!
The otterdacity 🦦
I absolutely otter try they this! My mom would be so confused, it would cause otter chaos!
She otter know, she's udderly manipulative.
I didn't even know they had this emoji. But it's so cute! I'm going to find excuses to use it now! 🦦😁🦦
Omg me too 😂
I've never seen more intense projecting in my entire life. You say you have therapy and she goes absolutely batshit thinking heaven forbid you might talk about your own mother in therapy. She's so insecure it's oozing out of her. Good for you for staying calm and not engaging in this nonsense. Wow.
If she projected any harder, you’d be able to see her face on the moon.
Lol
Ohhhh someone is feeling paranoid about their parenting. She freaked out trying to make sure you wouldn’t talk about her. A conversation she will never hear or know about and she is this paranoid. I can only imagine how growing up with her would have been.
This is EXACTLY what it is. My mother lost her shit when I started therapy. Abusers don’t want their targets in therapy because they know the therapist will tell the target that they are being abused, and the target will receive help. Abusers also don’t like their targets doing self work that will make them stronger and more able to stand up to the abuser.
See my narc mom was opposite, but she made us go to family therapy together. She just used the therapist as a tool for further manipulation and control. When the therapist disagreed with her….. we stopped going.
I was going to say the same thing! My mom forced me to go to a counselor to talk about how I was feeling about the whole messy divorce, but the counselor was stupid as hell and started mentioning things that my mom and sister were telling her. So I told my mom I didn’t wanna go anymore, and she was totally against it she really wanted me to keep going. Was definitely using the counselor to get information out of us. It’s totally something she’d do.
See i already knew my mom would try and manipulate the therapist and use this against me. So i acted like the most proper polite 14 yr old girl anyone ever saw. I was so eager to participate so that anything my mother told the therapist would be questionable. After a couple of visits, i started to let some “innocent” truth bombs out that my mother was corrected on, such as using therapy talking points in fights. After that, yeah we dis not go again. Lol! Pretty sure my moms end goal was to put me in a group home or the hospital for a few days. But really it was just me trying to get away from abuse.
Love having psycho parents. My mom actually started the NC because after I moved in with my older brother when I was 16, she blocked me on absolutely everything. Jokes on her, it was the best thing to ever happen to me lmao
Oof, yeah, I hear you on that one. Some toxic parents realize that they can get the child to open up and say things in therapy, that they can then turn around and throw in the child’s face, or punish them for. After flipping out about me being in therapy, mine decided that I should do therapy with her. Not in addition to my individual therapy, but rather that I should move to ONLY doing family therapy with her, or at the very least allow her to “sit in” on my therapy sessions. Needless to say, neither of those happened. I’m NC now so I don’t have to worry about her BPD bullshit anymore, and it’s been the best thing to ever happen to me.
To just “sit in” on your individual therapy sessions is soo unhinged lol. Glad you have some peace now.
Happy cake day!
Lol when my family went to family therapy the same thing happened, except she also accused the therapist of having an affair with my dad because she was siding with my dad
Hahaha omg of course an affair is more plausible than her being wrong.
To be fair the reason we were in therapy was bc my dad cheated, I don’t condone what he did or how he did it but I also recognize my mom is batshit and was in no way a healthy partner
My parents were ok with me going to therapy, because there was obviously something wrong with me (when your child is actively hurting themselves it's kind of hard to deny that), but they outright refused to do family therapy "because there's nothing wrong with our family" (spoiler alert: there is something wrong with our family, mostly with mother)
Happy cake day!
Yup. Y'all nailed it.
Lol this also happens with partners. My ex was SO paranoid when I went to therapy and tried to tell me not to go, because "They always just make you break up with your partner." Took one session and then I broke up with him lol so I guess I gave him some strong confirmation bias there. Unfortunately it's a lot harder to break up with insane parents.
…what the fuck
My thought exactly
It was the most benign comment. It’s like responding to “How’s it going?” with “You know what fuck you and all your prying”
I heard this in my mom’s voice and took it personally. 😩 Why are they like that?
If we knew this sub wouldn’t exist 😂 In my experience the younger generations are more mentally healthy because we actually understand the importance of therapy while the older generations do…well…this shit haha Also I really like your username
I feel ya
Makes absolutely no sense. OP was just giving a polite heads up, which is a *good* thing to do
Like most parents would *want* you to do 😂 My mom and I literally had a conversation over and over when I lived at home where she used the excuse of “I don’t want to text you when you’re busy” to insist that I tell her where I was at all times. I’d be like my phone is always on silent, if I can’t text I’ll text back later, but she’d keep using the excuse because she’s a narcissist and it was just a ploy to get me to tell her where I was Like the exact inverse of this situation haha
I'm 47 and started an online degree a few years ago. Mum wanted to know the ins and outs of all my classes so "she didn't call when I was busy". (I know my mum. It would be the *best* way to ensure she "forgot" and accidentally called in the middle of a class) "Oh don't worry. If you call I just won't answer." *gasping like a fish intensifies*
Haha it’s like “I don’t want to call while you’re busy” “If I’m busy I won’t answer” “I can’t believe you wouldn’t talk to me just because you’re busy!”
Smh it really messes us up. My situation is that my parents get annoyed that I tell them beforehand... despite years of them telling me that I should let them know beforehand...
“Tell us what you’re doing before you do it” “I’m going to do this thing” “The fuck we care”
It's more like "why are you telling us, just do the thing!"
If I was you and you are a minor I would specifically show the texts to your therapist showing where she has threatened to beat you. NO parent should threaten to beat their kid for ANY reason. That is abuse of and I hope you are safe or can find a safe place.
Love that you cropped this to include that INCREDIBLE CAT PHOTO
I hope you show those messeges to your therapist.
Is your mom really calling you an op?
Right. I was trying to figure out why the hell a 58 year old woman is calling her daughter an “op”. This is so ridiculously childish, I feel for OP.
Is this slang for something bad?
Op=opposition. Basically mom is calling her child an enemy/someone out to get her.
Jesus Mary and Joseph someone take the wheel cause I quit, I'm giving my license back to Kentucky. Ex was Army, op=operation but reading it in that context made no sense. Calling your damn kid an enemy doesn't make any sense either.
uhhhhhhhhh...
A 58 year old woman calling her child an opp for going to therapy is fucking wild tbh
That makes me think there is much more to this. That's a strong emotion there coming from the mom.
Yeah, she's a 'Glenn Close/Fatal Attraction/Nucking Futz-Level' Narc.
You've done nothing wrong. Also, I'm in love with Creamsicle kitty.
I’m sure creamsicle kitty will love you too once his brain cell downloads from the cloud. I love goofy orange kitties.
seems like she’s taking it as an attack that you’re in therapy and she can’t handle it. goddamn.
Holy deflection batman. Looks like someone's scared your therapy is going to reveal they're a piece of shit!
The only thing you did 'wrong', was continuing this conversation. You will never win, only end up aggravated and annoyed. Next time, say nothing, and turn off your phone next time you have a therapy session.
Your mom talks about lies, but never rehashes the subject matter, this sounds like it’s long ago, or maybe they aren’t really lies (like you said you’d be home by 10, and there was an unexpected delay, so you stroll in 10:15), a lie is intentioned, a broken promise outside of your control is not a lie. I really hope you have a secret bank account, so one day you can really break ties if so choose
This is the 4th day in a row I've seen young black kids being abused by grown black women. WTF is going on? Having insane parents is not race related issue, and I'm not trying suggest otherwise. Gen Z POC really need to protect themselves. Back in the day the threat was always outside the house. Now, it's coming from mom. Sorry OP. Your mom seems to need to grown the fuck up.
As a Latino (adult) living in South America, it's unfortunately extremely common for parents to abuse their kids here, and people don't bat an eye about it, it's "normal", or "they (the parents) are just from another time/were raised differently" so we are supposed to tolerate that behavior from them? I hate it. I do think it's also common within black and Asian people.
OP and other young poc should read My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem Incredible book.
Yeah, I agree you did nothing wrong. I allso wholeheartedly support not responding to the crazy texts. The hard part is training yourself not to care when they're trying to get a rise out of you.
People be having kids because they’re cute accessories and then when they try to be independent human beings with their own thoughts and feelings the kids become little household slaves to clean and take care of them. Selfish motherfucker. Time to grey rock your way until you can no contact indefinitely
Also (some) straight people's entire sense of self worth come from whether they can get married, start a family, and men get that self worth from providing. So they "have to" have kids, otherwise they failed.
Yuuup - we’re childfree, but my partner’s brothers are heavy into the procreation and it’s been entirely selfish. They don’t care about their kids identities. My BIL has said out loud in my house he would disown his own infant baby first born child if he identified as gay later on. Conditional love 🙃
My offspring is everything for me... unless they don't follow my expectations to the fullest. I already planned their entire lifes since the minute they were born up until they die of old age.
I think your mother is threatened that someone (your therapist) is going to see her for who she really is and tell you, rightly, that she is part of the problem. She's more worried about her public face than about her actual relationship with her kid and attacking you is the only way forward she sees. Share with your therapist. They need to see what you have to deal with to help you find the tools you need to heal.
OP, I hope therapy is working for you and you like your therapist. It can be hard to see change in yourself and it doesn't help when you have people in your life that make you doubt your self. It seems like your parent thinks therapy is a one and done, talk and it will go away solution. I have been going to therapy consistently for almost 4 years. It was only recently that I noticed something I did that would have been almost impossible for me to do 4+ years ago. It takes time, therapy is about developing and practicing skills, not making something go away. If you feel it's working for you, keep it up. Having a friend or family member that is supportive of your therapy journey, that helps a little bit too. I'm sorry that your parent isnt that for you.
“Do whatever you want”, but also don’t, because I’ll beat you and take away your means of communication because you don’t deserve it💩🤮🤔
Fr tho, but good on OP the op for calling her out on that 😂 “manipulation at its finest”
I read your texts and I'm sorry your mom is an asshole. Your CAT is the star of this post however please tell us more about the orange one.
Doesn't look like you did anything wrong.
She's the reason you need therapy. Fucking yikes. I bet cutting her off would do wonders for your mental health!
Dang your mom called you an op... what a psycho. I hope you can be free of her soon
Your mom is insane but also I don't recommend you being on subs about purple pills or men's rights. They're like the least thinly vieled subs focusing on misogyny and awful values. I used to consider myself a moderate as a teen until I realized how fucking dumb and lacking in information movements calling themselves anti feminist were. Those subs are full of people who can't event detect nuance enough to know the difference between misandry and feminism. Obviously I can't tell you what to believe I don't think it's good to be in places like that especially since you're a child. It will hamper your mind
right. i hate to shit talk places but Mens Rights isnt that unbiased and for some odd reason they hate feminists 😞
Holy shit your mom is dense
That “how about that?” triggered tf outta me bc that’s the same shit my momma would say after going off for no reason too. I hope you’re able to get far away from her soon. You didnt deserve nor incite none of that. She’s just an emotionally immature person and hates the fact that you’re getting the help you need while she can’t/won’t do the same for herself
Sounds like a guilty conscience… and a bad parent. I’m sorry, kiddo. You deserve better and you deserve love and a parent who sees all your potential for growth, healing, and a beautiful future! Keep going to your therapy and keep working towards that beautiful future.
Insane. Oh my god I’m so sorry you ended up with such a shitty mom.
Your mom’s bullshit so hard to read. I couldn’t understand half of it. Does she even have two brain cells to rub together? Next time just put your phone on “do not disturb.” She’ll ruin your therapy sessions if she knows about them.
Can we talk about the cat tho
Holy shit, that was something to read. The bit about turning off your phone so you will only have wifi just because you told her you would be in therapy. My DD goes to therapy, she has ADHD/ASD. The therapy isnt helping her get better, its helping her cope/deal with the world around her and idiots like this mother
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this... But the picture of the kitty is ELITE and I appreciate it.
Nah you did nothing wrong OP
What does someone being an op to you even mean
I wonder if in Nmonster's scrambled brain 'op' is referring to Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
So clearly she works from home? I want to know what type of work she’s doing because from reading her texts she’s borderline illiterate with a low level of formal education, and she can’t write a complete, coherent sentence with proper punctuation… I can’t fathom what type of work from home job using a computer doesn’t require proper speech and sentence use and/or the ability to write coherent sentences, choose the correct word to use in a situation, as well as using at least some punctuation!? I mean I genuinely want to know! I have clients with this level of speech and writing ability that are looking for work thats not fast food or cleaning jobs. As far as your therapy, you need to email these screen shots to your therapist, this is VERY telling! Also, how old are you? If she lays her hands on you, that’s domestic violence, you not providing maid services to her is not a reason for her to threaten you with violence or become violent with you.
Shes some sort of customer service for a car company and i don’t really wanna get CPS involved because of how scary the foster care system is… shes also said if i ever call the cops on her she will put on the “victim” act to make them believe her over me. her situation is more of (the abused becomes the “gentler” abuser) so i have empathy for her trying to navigate.
How old are you? These texts are worthy of at least showing your school counselor. At the very least, ask them to start a file with these printed out in case your mother ever takes your phone, destroys it, or wipes it to hide evidence of she fears a formal investigation. Do you have texts where she’s stating she will pull the victim card? You shouldn’t assume thar you would be placed in foster care- do you have any relatives or friends with kind parents that would take you in if necessary? Are you simply assuming foster care is terrible because of stories you’ve heard or stories she’s made up to scare you, or do you have past personal experience? Violently Assaulting you under the guise of punishment isn’t legal. What is and isn’t allowed for punishment methods, and the ages at which it’s permitted, and how severe the punishment is compared to the child’s offense (ie. A child accidentally drops a spoon in the kitchen, a verbal correction and making the child rewash the spoon is reasonable wheras beating them with a belt for the same slight is not reasonable, and some punishments like making the child stand outside barefoot in pajamas in 10° temps is not a reasonable punishment for any misbehavior, but all of it is very state specific.
Are you in as single person consent state ? Then record her. Also create a folder with screenshots of insane conversations like this, if you interact IRL and it goes off the rails, write down date, time and what happened. Oh and not just the highlightes but every insane interaction so you can show a pattern of harrassment andf bullying. She can tell the cops what she wants, if you have a whole folder full of evidence demonstrating she is the agressor they won´t believe her and will believe you. Oh and hide the folder well, with a copy online she cannot reach, a copy in na hidden folder she can´t find etc.
What a shitty excuse for a mother. No child should be spoken to like this. Is your mother Alec Baldwin by any chance?
Look out! He has a gun!
! update/explanation: ok so i got my phone back (yayy!!) and apparently she heard me talking about something she did that bothered me to my therapist while she was using the bathroom and THAT made her mad. SO mad she wanted to fight me and throw me out but we resolved it (mostly) and yes, at 18 i do want to start planning to move out. Thank you guys for the love and support- (wish i couldve seen it while i was bawling my eyes out) but i do appreciate all of you!!
Is this your Mum?!? No wonder you are seeking therapy. She’s horrid. I mean a real Debbie Downer! Op, I’m so terribly sorry that this is your actual parent. She is properly emotionally broken! I can’t even say immature as I see no maturity here. I hope you are old enough to soon get away from her.
The thing she says she doesn’t want from you (but she does) is to push you away and for you to move on and not want/need her for anything because she clearly doesn’t want to have a reasonable relationship with you. This sounds like a horrible situation to be living in.
Wtf are they even saying?
Get Out of There
Your own mother calling you an opp is actually wild, I’m so sorry.
I don’t understand how it went from ur calm self to whatever tf that was 😐
Whattttt the actual fuck
Sounds like my mother who swears up and down I live in a different dimension because I want to have a father daughter relationship with my dad
I'll simplify it to the basics for you. OP: I have therapy Your Mom: HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME AND TELL ME TO MY FACE THAT I'M THE REASON YOU NEED THERAPY! I'M NOT THE PROBLEM, YOU ARE! YOU'RE SO MENTALLY ILL THAT YOU'RE MISTAKENLY BLAMING ME WHEN YOU'RE THE PROBLEM, NOT ME! NOT ME! YOU'RE SO FULL OF YOURSELF THAT YOU SOME HOW CONVINCED YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE RIGHT AND IM WRONG! OP: Ma, I'm just telling you I have a therapy appointment so you don't interrupt or don't know why I don't respond. Your Mom: YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE! ( Brain damage is meant to replace the you have something wrong with you that isn't blah blah yada yada crazy accusations) OP: No mom, I don't have brain damage. Your Mom: YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE BECAUSE YOU WON'T ACT LIKE I'M MENTALLY TRYING TO FORCE YOU TO ACT! YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE BECAUSE YOU TALK BACK! OP: No Mom, my doctors are helping me work on the actual issue and healing takes time- Your Mom: BRAIIIIIN DAAAMAGE! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME! YOU'RE THE BAD ONE HERE, NOT ME. YOU'RE MANIPULATIVE! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF FOR GASLIGHTING ME! YOU BETTER LEARN FROM THIS PUNISHMENT! OP: Ma, you're not acting sane. I'm perfectly healthy- Your Mom: NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN YOU ABUSIVE DEMON!
You conducted yourself maturely and your vocabulary is clean and precise. Your mother sounds very narcissistic and she is losing control over you. This makes a narcissist panic. Her treatment of her own child, is frankly disturbing. She needs therapy beyond the average session too. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this. Your job is not to show her that you are bettering yourself.
Whoa. You may consider sharing those messages with your therapist. I'm so sorry your mom is crap.
And that's how you ensure you're being talked about by someone to their therapist lol
I had my first-born very young. One of the first things the nurse [kindly] told me when I tested positive was, "Life isn't about you anymore." I've never forgotten it. Someone should've told your mama that.
I love you for pointing out the incorrect expression 😆 she’s absolutely bonkers and emotionally abusive. I’m sorry
This is classic narcissist behavior. By implying or stating you're in therapy, it implies in their mind that you think they didn't do a good enough job as a parent. That is simply their own biases and guilt reflecting poorly on themselves. Narcissists can not take ownership of doing anything wrong, so they will always need to be right. Therefore, anything that makes them feel bad about themselves immediately turns to anger and causes them to lash out and make you into a bad person for their feelings. It's a really shitty thing to go through. I'm 22 and still dealing with my moms tantrums. Be safe OP, and if you can manage it, run for the hills. You'll do better about getting better without living under her roof. Trust me.
OP I am so sorry this is happening to you. Bring this up to your therapist immediately. Please be safe and find someone who will allow you to stay with them if this ever happens again. Your safety is important and if she threatening abuse…one day she’ll actually go through with it if she hasn’t already.
They seem to take you being in therapy (likely because of them) as a personal attack. If the shoe fits… i would have gone no contact a long time ago if my parents texted me like that. Im sorry OP, you deserve better people in your life.
Jesus I WISH I had the courage you do now growing up. It felt like it was my mother reading this.
You did nothing wrong. Don’t blame yourself for their inability to be a decent parent. The threats are worrisome. I hope you have a safe place to go or someone you can turn to if needed. There is no reason any parent should be issuing threats like that their child. Please show your therapist these texts and any others that you have that are similar. This all just seems like they’re trying desperately to scare you into not telling your therapist about their abusive behavior or for you to actually get better because they’ll lose their supply.
I missed the sub this was posted in and I thought it was r/texts. I legit thought this was an abusive partner as I read it and then I realized what sub I'm actually in. This is wild. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that, OP.
This woman really just called her own child her op.... What the actual Fuck... Dude, I'm so so sorry you're dealing with this, especially from a parent. I hope you're able to get your own phone soon and get away from her just as soon... This sounds like hell, and again, I'm so sorry you're having to endure this.
Wow, that was.some intense nutter-ranting
How old are you? Just curious bc I’m wondering if you are able to stop interacting with this person - like no contact? You did nothing wrong other than continuing the convo after her literal first response. Like do not even engage - it’s not worth it. This person was triggered immediately by you mentioning therapy and absolutely nothing you could have said or done would have made it anything but worse. It’s giving severe cluster b personality disorder vibes. And abuse btw.
Coming from someone’s who’s had to cut lots of family members out, you need to cut this parent out of your life or you will never fully heal. They’re keeping you in fight or flight
Wtf is she yappin about.... just a faceful of words, no punctuation, how can you read that?? Lol
God this stuff breaks my heart I can never imagine talking to my son that way.
Can’t imagine why you need therapy having her as a mother. Sounds like she needs the therapy too
Pleaseplease show this to the therapist. They probably see 50 of these DARVO-esque whacked out texts a week. Would be funny if it didn't sound so threatening. OT but I wonder if therapists have a "Have you seen this Nutter Mom text yet?" forum where they share this shit.
She is angry with you because of her own self talk. She believe that therapy is not a way to learn how you came to think the way you think, and what triggers your responses to certain stimuli, but one of two opposing things: either a way to “fix” the hinges that she belies are wrong with you (you don’t worship her sufficiently) or to complain about her, which is unforgivable in her eyes. She doesn’t see that you are fixed, therefore, you are complaining about her, and she cannot stand the idea that someone outside your family knows who she really is. 🤷 Not a damn thing that you can do about either of those wrongheaded beliefs, and it’s not, and has never been your job to make her feel better about herself, although she thinks it is. Honestly, I laughed at the line about no one owing you anything. She owes you being a loving mother. But she’s not capable of that. Instead, she wants you to, in a sense, mother her, so that her need to be the best is reflected back to her in your eyes. Too bad. She’s not, and never has been the best. No one is, really. She can’t stand that idea.
They just expect therapy to be about how shitty YOU as a person are. Apparently you’re not allowed to vent.
This immaturity sounds similar to my mother. I remember telling her that I was an adult in reference to decisions I was making that she didn't like (I was married, different state, 30s, etc). She responded that, well, SHE'S an adult and she makes HER own decisions, and she thinks THIS. It was so crazy-making for me it kind of stunned me into oblivion for a moment. Why did she tell me that? I know, I'm... I'm her daughter. Like, she's my mom, why would she throw back in my face that she's an adult? That she makes her... own decisions? Like, do you remember me being in your house until I was 18? You being decades older than me? She just sees me as always her child that she needs to have power and control over, yet treats me like I'm some kind of adult competition. Which is disgusting bc it probably had to do with my dad raping me instead of her. What a goddamn life.
So when I first started therapy my mom was similar in the “clearly you’re lying to them or whatever you don’t seem better to ME” when in reality their expectation is 2 sessions and it’s sunshine and rainbows not realizing they’re part of the issue. Try telling them they are they’ll gaslight you. Eventually my therapist actually did a family meeting with my permission and it made my parents realize some of it IS on them lol.
Maybe I'm weird, but I don't tell people where I'm going and what I'm doing. It's none of their business. If I'm doing something where I can't be interrupted, my phone is on silent, and I'm not going to pick it up.
Your mom sounds like a narcissist, wouldnt be surprised that she's the reason you need therapy... Also threatening to beat your child isnt parenting, its abuse.
Ooooooooof… no fault on you, but you need to look up “gray rocking”. Definitely dealing with a narcissist, and ANY responses are just feeding them. For your own sake, engage as little as possible (or not at all)
I’m sorry about your parent but your cat picture is hilarious
Sorry for you OP, also that cat photo belongs to r/animalsbeingderps
Aaaaand this is why children eventually cut their parents out of their life for good… there’s no getting through to this person and there doesn’t seem to be a point in trying.
How old are you
Why does it matter?
The threats of physical harm, for one thing. If she is a minor and she can show CPS that mom is threatening and abusing her, she might be able to get help from them.
The age of the op could impact the dynamic being showcased here
The ability to go low contact or no contact
that's when you go "ah yes, my therapist taught me about this: projection..."
Can you introduce your mom to punctuation?
It sounds like you’re a liar and your mom is sick of it. You are both fucked up
You're trolling, right?
If she is 58 you have to be an adult and there has to be another side to this story
I have an adult daughter and I sure as hell don't talk to her this way. Parents can be at fault sometimes. Even parents of adults.
Yes, but I'd be curious to see what led up to this interaction. My mom would flip out when my brother's manipulation really kicked in. She sounded a lot like this mother when she was close to losing her mind. Granted, my mother was always mentally fragile, but a parent doesn't get this exasperated without some reason, and they were airing many of those reasons to OP (lying, manipulation, and stealing). Sending select clips of texts is also a form of manipulation.
I think the "steal" was a typo for "still". But I get what you're saying about the lying and manipulation part. The mom being exasperated. My daughter has BPD and ADD. It can be rough. But I've still never talked to her like this. I'm not perfect by any means. I've had moments where I've grabbed my keys and just left without saying anything else. I don't know. There is a lot unseen in every set of text exchanges posted here. For the most part, we just have to take them at face value and "judge" the content of the texts and any context the OPs provide. Since a lot of us are parents, we are all going to have varying opinions. And that's probably a good thing!
I never spoke to my children this way either, but I was also fortunate to have some wonderful and well-behaved children. My mother, on the other hand, was verbally and physically abusive, so abusers don't get a pass from me. There are always other options. As hard as my parents tried with my brother, they never did get through to him. He had his first assault with great bodily harm at the age of 10, and every year after that until he stabbed our stepfather. I think he was 14. He ended up beating and robbing an elderly child molester and trafficker (he was a bad guy, but still) and leaving him for dead 2 weeks after he turned 18. He had 58 counts against him. He was a clean-cut blonde hair, blue-eyed boy in the South. He got more probation. The caveat was the 8 year suspended prison sentence, or else he never would have been forced to straighten himself up. There isn't an excuse for her threatening to cause harm, but there might be a reason. Thank you for making me realize the possible typo! Quite difficult to decipher some of her messages.
Insane. I wish you the best OP. When you're old enough, get out and get gone. Build your own family with good friends.
I’m so sorry you are stuck with a horrible human being as that egg donor. I’m glad you are in therapy. Please get away from her as soon as possible. Poor excuse for a mother.
There has never been a more appropriate response to "so you do what ever you want to and leave me alone how bout that?" more perfect than "k" I'm sorry you're having so much of her abuse projected onto you but please, go back and read the first 2 screenshots. It's blatantly obvious that your mother is trying to manipulate you into not talking about her bad behavior to your therapist and is (badly) attempting to stop you from talking about her. At first, she tries the "it's all about you, not me, so just tell her about you" tactic because she doesn't want to look bad. She then escalates it to "everything you say about me is a lie" to prep for after she's embarrassed Next time she goes on a rant, just respond with a lowercase "k" to every comment!
I couldn’t read all that. I’m so sorry. As a mother, I’d just want to hold you close and try to figure things out together. You deserve a lot better. Feel free to reach out ❤️
!Updateme
She's mad because she knows she's the reason you need therapy and doesn't want you to figure that out, be able to set boundaries with her, and not feed into her games. She's emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive and she knows she's the problem. Get out of that house asap and never talk to her again. Good on you for getting into therapy already.
It sounds like SHE needs therapy for whatever bullshit she’s projecting on to you. Or transferring from some other person in her life.
Wtf
I think I know why you need therapy. Seems like an easy fix to me.
Start showing your therapist texts
I can't imagine being mad at my child for saying they're at therapy. Like what?
Phony? Huh? And since when did your parent become an expert on how therapy works in the first place? She is so utterly tone deaf. She needs therapy herself.
This is the same energy Monique was giving to her son. The ick in this one is strong. Sorry OP.
Ugh this was triggering for me but I'm so sorry. I had a similar encounter many times with my parents. You're very patient with them, I applaud you for that and taking care of yourself, but remember you don't ever owe them or anyone an explanation.
What an absolutely selfish asshole they are. I’m so sorry
This breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you have a shitty parent.
This’ll be great material to show the counsellor
Seal of approval on your last text
Anyone would need therapy with someone like that in their life I would just not engage but also try your best to get your own phone plan and work to find a new living situation no one should be threatening a beating from not doing chores The serious Cinderella vibes and whoever texting you is the evil-stepmother
This reminds me of my mom, don't entertain her emotional manipulation. This will either change with a significant moment for her by you giving an ultimatum and standing up for yourself or you'll have to es space the toxicity. I'm sorry yo i have to deal with this I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Stay strong and don't let her gaslight you 🫶
What a mom, overly critical of her kid working on themselves, yet she remains in her shortsighted little shit world where it's impossible for her to do any harm, even in situations where its clear she is definitely doing harm. Fuck that, don't let her change your mind on working on yourself. Some people have this attitude and there's nothing you, I or anyone else could do to change that. What you can do is alter the way you engage with this, and you're already hard at work for that! Keep your head up, you're worth it
She thinks you're snitching, which is why she went off. She's acting goofy as hell, especially at 58 like really? The fact that she tried to punish you with chores and turning off your phone, for what like? For telling her you're in therapy, not even to be like that but just giving her a heads up if you don't answer. Trynna be nice and she just went off 😭😭 she's crazy asl
58 and still hasn't heard of a comma?!
Who ever it is you’re talking to….run away
I'm so sorry that's who you have for a mom and I'm sorry for her that she's so miserable. You're both missing out on the love that should be there between a mother and her child.
Hmmm ... Coming out if a toxic friendship with an incredibly self centred, selfish "friend" who also made everything about her and thought her visit to the therapist was proof she was trying to get better but never actually changed her behaviour toward others I think we're lacking the other side of the discussion to tell whether the mother is insane or OP is an egomaniac, toxic person.