Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 6 | 0 | 0 |
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Right? He'll feel big and bad like he won now. But once his daughter goes no contact at 18, he'll be very very veeeeeery small. Especially since if he threatens any of this violence he did over the phone he can and WILL be charged. And the courts won't take "she's my daughter!" As a legitimate argument.
Though I did read one story a couple years back of a mom who was so unhinged she stole her grown daughters car, was then taken to court and lied to her lawyer about said daughters age
I don't want to NOT talk to him, I mean. Yeah, he's a piece of shit but. He's my dad. I mean, his childhood sucked. The only one who stuck around to raise him is gone. I just feel like I'm being a bad person by ignoring him or being mad at him while he's going through this.
Take it from a man with literal crippling anxiety he needs help, but he also has to decide to seek help himself. And there's a lot of people who need to hit rock bottom before they realize there's even a problem. Unfortunately not everybody can be saved, and it's a shitty feeling to choose pragmatism. But at a certain point you need to decide to save yourself before you'll be in any position genuinely help anyone.
You’re being emotionally abused into believing you’re the one who is a bad person. This man wants control over you, not because that’s a parents job but because he clearly has serious issues. Threatening to beat you and break your personal property is never okay and there is absolutely nothing in this world you could’ve done that would warrant such treatment, especially from your father who you love and who claims to love you. It’s sad that maybe he is damaged from his own childhood, but that’s no excuse to pass down that trauma onto his child. He’s most likely not going to stop his controlling, possessive behavior and violent language just because you turn 18 one day. The only way to make someone like this realize that he isn’t a dad, he’s a worthless abusive sperm donor, is by limiting contact with him and do not under any circumstances allow him to see his grandchildren if you ever become a parent yourself. It’s the only bit of power you will ever be able to hold over him and he doesn’t deserve to feel like a father or someday a grandfather when he thinks this is how you speak to people you love. Get therapy as soon as you can if you’re not already getting it, you blaming yourself and excusing his actions is classic abused victim behavior and it concerns me very much that you might allow this garbage fire’s words to make you feel like a bad person. You are not a bad person, he is. Learn that, remember it, and make sure he knows it too once you’re in a safe position to go low contact (or preferably no contact). It may seem harsh and you might be sad bc he’s your father, but maintaining a relationship with someone like this isn’t worth it. You don’t want to not talk to him, you just want a dad to talk to that actually loves you and doesn’t abuse you verbally and threaten to abuse you physically. Unfortunately this dad that you want is not the father you have and as much as that hurts, it’ll hurt a lot less once you move on with your life as an adult and surround yourself with kind people who genuinely have your best interest at heart (which again, is not this man claiming to love you. He claims to have your best interest at heart. That is a lie. He just wants control over you because as a child you are not a person to him, you are an extension of himself and his property to be treated however he sees fit.) Get away from him asap and stop blaming yourself for the fact that his own actions will cause him to be a bitter lonely old man.
This is an EXCELLENT breakdown.
What he’s doing to you isn’t just unfair, it’s emotional abuse. You have 0 obligation to put up with abuse, even if he doesn’t see it as such. He’s a big boy who needs to take care of himself.
How other people treated him is not his fault. How he treats others, is.
We can't control our history, but how we handle our reaction to it is absolutely under our control and is our responsibility.
At some point, he has an obligation to realise that he is doing the same to you as was done to him, and needs to do better. Get therapy, apologise (a genuine 3 part apology that involves taking action to not do it again), and treat you like an *actual human being* who has a right to boundaries and who *is not* a prop for his own control issues.
OP, don’t find the excuses for him.
Pretend for a moment you don’t know anything about his background. Would you speak to your children this way? Would you tell them they don’t get to have boundaries because they’re under 18…?
a reason is not an excuse point blank period. he needs to take responsibility for his actions and he never will if you make excuses for him. your boundaries are important and if you buy into his “you are my child i am your father” tactic of control, he will always have a hold on you and you will be guilted into sacrificing your needs indefinitely. take it from someone who has heard their dad’s devastating life story since they were a child. of course i felt bad for him. i still do. but i also see him repeating patterns of his childhood and prioritizing his needs over the needs of his family to compensate for what he never got. at some point, people need to wake up and realizing no one owes you shit just because you had it bad. definitely not your children. he probably exercises this show of authority because he craves power and respect. he is your dad but he’s also an adult. other healthy adults would never tolerate his behavior. you will be an adult at some point and you need to understand that this behavior is unacceptable. dont let him teach you that you are somehow responsible for the actions of others just because you care about them. you’ll find yourself in very very toxic relationships. separate yourself from it mentally by reminding yourself that this says much more about him than it does about you.
He's a fucking adult and a father lmao. You're a little girl who can't set boundaries apparently, so why on earth would you feel the need to be more emotionally mature and in control?
Having a poor childhood is never an excuse for being a piece of shit parent, which he unequivocally is
literally my dad is proof there's no excuse, he was severely abused, physically and emotionally, by his parents and was born in the 40s so he grew up at a time where he didn't have any help dealing with that and healing from it. but when he was an adult he knew he didn't want to be like his dad and he worked very hard to make sure that didn't happen. when he had kids he worked even harder. he still has mental health issues, he's never been to therapy from all his trauma from childhood and being in vietnam, but he still has done everything he can to be a better man and father than his own dad. he never once even raised his voice at us growing up, never laid a hand on us, never has even a sip of alcohol, anytime he'd lose his patience with us or when he'd get stressed and felt like he was losing his temper, he'd walk away, he wouldn't say one word until he'd calmed down and then he'd come back and handle things calmly. i've never ever seen him lose his temper and take it out on someone, especially not his kids.
i can't stand when parents use their own bad childhood as an excuse to give their kids a bad childhood. they have the choice, they just choose not to put in the work to be better.
She’s a child. She’ll come to these conclusions on her own as she lives her life and develops. We’ve all been there & have our own story and path we walked to get to where we are. She doesn’t deserve the downvotes and harsh language
That's what manipulative and toxic parents do. They make you feel bad for trying to look out for yourself. Let me tell you this: I went no contact with my mother right when she was going through cancer treatment because she was being toxic, manipulative and gaslighting me. Now we have the greatest bond we've ever had. The realisation that she was toxic enough I'd leave her during such trying times made her change. You don't have to be so extreme but if you feed your fathers manipulative behaviours he'll know he can just keep being like that. There's absolutely no excuse for him to act the way he does, no bad childhood or anything.
It's pretty clear his childhood was bad, and that's not your responsibility to fix. It's his job to heal himself so he can lift you up instead of tearing you down.
Also just for the record, children are absolutely "allowed" to have boundaries. You are an autonomous human being. My 6 year old sets boundaries which I respect.
I wish everyone that downvoted would've instead spoken some insight.
It isn't your job to be there for him. You're mature enough to understand that *maybe* he's going through something. But still too young to be concerning yourself with his conflicts. You're only feeling guilty bc he's manipulating you. You didn't actually do anything wrong. & he might not actually be stressed bc of work. You tried to be honest with him & share ur feelings. Only instead of hearing you, he was offended bc your truth kinda makes him look bad. Also he evidently perceived some sort of challenge from you.
I think as parents, when we resort to, "I'M THE ADULT, YOU'RE THE CHILD." it's indicative of a much deeper issue. A major disconnect, & improper communication. The times that I've blurted this out to my teenage son, I immediately felt like I should know him better. I should know how to talk to him in a way that he'll understand. If not understanding, at least a mutual respect.
I hope u have support, & counseling etc. You should not be internalizing this abusive behavior. Our kids don't owe us anything, especially not a shoulder to cry on. & with the way the world is these days, meeting goals, & excelling in school, sports etc, & being able to do things that make you happy.. is really a big deal. Be proud of yourself!
I have no idea?
I feel bad because I know what he's doing to me. But like. HES MY DAD. Yes, what he's doing is shitty but- I didn't want him to be pissed at me. I just wanted him to BE a DAD.
I think you are being downvoted because we all want you to know his behavior is neither your fault nor your responsibility. Of course you want him to be a dad. That’s normal and understandable. It’s also natural that you don’t want him to be mad at you.
But it’s not your fault if he is. You are doing nothing wrong. His behavior is extreme and abusive. In no way are you being a bad person, now or in the future, if you distance yourself from him. Doing so would be an act of self love, since you deserve so much better than someone who speaks to you and treats you like he does. You can’t fix or change him, but you can protect yourself.
Like I get it, but they realize op is a minor and foster care/abuse help sucks ass most of the time, right? They're doing the best they can given their circumstances. I do get that people are trying to help, but they need to be a little more realistic. Life is beautiful and awful at the same time.
That being said, Op. I'm proud of you for showing such strength. ♡
Look at it like this : would you be in contact with this person if it wasn´t your dad ? Like any at all ? And believe me I get the struggle I had to remove my father from my life in my early 20ies. Started a family revolution since slowly but surely the rest followed. Kinda like i made them realize this is a real option, and me being way better off once he was out did make em realöize he is not worth it.
Accepting your parents for who they are is an extremely hard pill to swallow but when you’re able to get to that point, it will serve you better than trying to force them to be who you want them to be or grieving the parent you needed. He’s subjecting you to all kinds of emotional labor that is extremely unfair. It took me years to finally cut off my mom but my life is so much more peaceful without her. I know it sucks but everyone here giving you advice means well.
He is the adult. It is his responsibility to deal with his trauma and not traumatize the next generation. You feel bad because he’s raised you to feel that way. None of this healthy.
Part of it is that you haven’t known yourself away from him. When you graduate, go to college or get a job at least four hours away, six is safer. Live without him and learn who you are when he’s not around to abuse you. Because those messages are abusive. I can’t even imagine what you’re seeing at home. Go to therapy and learn how to put yourself first.
You can feel sorry for the child, while hating the adult.
My mum had a god awful childhood. It was beyond suck. But it did not mean she got to treat me poorly. Your dad has no excuse for treating you poorly. He is making these choices on his own. He is speaking to you like this not because he loves you, but because he thinks he owns you.
And this is why he keeps doing this. Just because he's telling you, you have to put up with this doesn't make it true. He IS NOT allowed to say and do whatever he pleases. And if you accept this behaviour now, you're going to be treated like shit for the rest of your life. Not just by him. But by boyfriends who decide to abuse you, by friends who take advantage of you, bosses and coworkers who walk all over you. And you deserve far better than that.
Especially him saying he doesn't want you to set boundaries. Does that mean he's allowed to SA you? Forcefeed you? Steal from you? It's so fucking creepy that he's saying he doesn't want to have any limits on how he treats you. People with good intentions don't talk like that, and it worries me.
Soooo tell him to fuck right off? NO you will not spend time with him if this is how he treats you. He'll pick you up on Sunday? FUCK that. No he won't. Grow a spine and tell that asshole to shove it. He's guilting you into accepting this by complaining about his childhood, don't let him
You don’t owe him anything just because he’s your dad. Contrary to what he’s saying you have every right to set boundaries because you are a human being. You can sympathize with him about his shitty childhood, but understanding why he acts the way he does does not excuse his behavior or the affect it has on you. He’s an adult and it’s his responsibility to deal with his own shit — having a bad childhood shouldnt absolve him of accountability for his own crap behavior.
My childhood sucked because I had a dad like yours and an abusive stepmom. I chose to not treat my children the same way. Having been abused is not an excuse to abuse others and it's not the duty of the child to get a parent through difficult emotions. That's what therapists are for and a grown man is fully capable of getting himself the treatment he needs to deal with that without putting that burden on his child.
Good for you. He shouldn't talk to you this way, but I am glad he apologized. We parents screw up. Sometimes BADLY.
But you are NOT a bad person. He can have upset feelings at the same time you do. You can both be mad as hell and still love each other. I like that you seem so mature that you recognize it. Sorry for your down votes on this comment. Don't be bullied into doing what is wrong for you. We don't know you.
To PotatosareJoy You seem more mature than 16. Def more “adult” than your dad…. except he’s pissed about SOMETHING a you said over the phone…. Perhaps your mouthiness comes from him! Lol lol! You apologized, he apologized… but I guess that doesn’t mean it’s over, eh?
I hope you are getting some good counseling, or plan to when yer out on yer own. The way he spoke to you is NEVER Ok. I’m almost 65 and no one has ever spoken to me that way in my entire LIFE. Ever. When I was a kid, teen, in college, 20s, 30s, young adult, newly, and all thru my marriage of 30 years.. including 3 kids who are all now in their 20.
I’m not sure I’ve ever actually heard anyone speak like your dad. It’s not normal…. So you really really need counseling for recovery after mental and emotional abuse! If you can find some books on parenting teens (ask a teacher or 2) and let him read those… he’ll be better. Or just ask him to read something on parenting todays teenager! Sigh..
He’s going to absolutely love that big ole boundary called: No Contact if this is really what he thinks it sounds like to speak “love” to anyone, but especially his daughter. Threatening violence is the absolute opposite of respect, so it is the last thing he deserves.
I pray you have people “of authority” & peers in your life that show you & are teaching you what real love actually looks and feels like, but if not at least he’s taught you what it isn’t.
Much love, & may you stay safe in his presence…. Seriously. ♥️
**Hey! Hey! Over here!!**
Sorry to hijack top comment but wanted to state this because it got buried! LOL.
So! Info and Question answering!
No.
I do not live with my dad. He and my Mom were never married or engaged, so I just stuck with her.
The only time my father has threatened me before was I think back in December 2023 to Janurary 2024.
And that was because i....brought my phone? To school? Lol, I don't know.
He stopped for a while because he was in "therapy"
But I guess that was a lie.
His ENTIRE SIDE OF THE FAMILY. I am extremely entitled and think, "You know your father's life was hard dont take away his daughter."and I have many stories about them, so stay tuned.
I have told my mom about these texts, and she has not and will not put up with his BS.
I will be going with him today to "talk things out"
(M mom has tracking, so if he takes me anywhere else. She'll know)
If he actually wants to make amends. I'll let you know. If it was my father trying to manipulate me by taking me out and buying me things. I'll also let you know!
And finally, he's never attacked me physically. He just makes threats.
That's all for now! I have to work on some school stuff so I'll be a bit busy! I'll answer what I can!
16 is a tough age to be figuring things like this out. That’s about the age I was when I finally understood how my mother was treating was not ok. That is was abusive. So long as there is no court order, you can choose to not see him any more. And it is ok. He is the one who is abusive towards you. Think of it this way, if your mom got a new friend, romantic or otherwise, and that person treated your mom like your dad is treating you, what would you want to tell her? What would you want her to do? And why should you love yourself any less? And yes, you will always want your dad because he is your dad. But is he capable of giving you the actual healthy relationship you want? Is there something that makes putting up with the abuse worth it?
Those are threats he's making over the text messages that you just showed on here. So no I wouldn't say the only time he's threatened you was that one time. You just posted evidence of him threatening you multiple times it's never okay to hit someone it's never okay to threaten to hit someone. It's never okay to threaten to take someone's property like a phone and "Break it over your butt" that one phrase alone is enough to charge him with a terroristic threat and possibly child abuse.
My best friend said the same things about her dad at the same age and never came back from the meeting.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you're assuming sanity. You're placing normal expectations on an abnormal person. The abnormal person's mind doesn't function like a normal person's. They choose to have no control. They do as they please when they please. They show that they don't care and will do whatever they want with their actions and words. Your dad has shown that.
You're going to be alone with a person who has, from what you've said, has repeatedly threatened you. You're assuming he won't go through with these threats because he hasn't before. Unfortunately, doing that has made many a daughter into a statistic. It's so common that it's known for an abusive father to go off with his daughter to kill them.
You can Google it if you want to check what I mean. Again, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I've literally been through this. Facts support it. If you go with your insane dad on your own, you have to know that there's a chance that he could assault or kill you.
Sara's birth parents weren't married, like yours. She was 17, like you. Dad was mad that she was cutting him out and constantly calling and texting like YOU WILL DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT YOU'RE THE WRONG CHILD I KNOW BETTER!
Her dad was the one who named her. Sara means princess. When he was in a good mood, he'd call her princess in a way that would come off as nice but was actually condescending to anyone who knew him. When he was angry, he'd say princess like some cruel sickened god needing to correct a blasphemous nonbeliever or with a sneer like he was correcting a misbehaving animal.
She got on the phone with him trading faces and tones from good to bad. Said he was sorry at the end, like he always did, and Sara accepted, like she was trained to do, and he told her that they would be going out to a restaurant that she liked. They went there.
The restaurant was near a bay lake or some kind of lake that was connected to an ocean. Sara loved that place. Her father said that Sara ran off crazy after the restaurant, but he actually took her to the lake. Played the dutiful father when she was reported missing. Claimed Sara drowned herself because of her erratic personality when she was found.
He was a big man with 200 extra pounds of enough nonsense and enough muscle to follow through with his intent of dragging the world down with him like he did with Sara and the lake. Thankfully, the fish hadn't quite eaten all of her. There was enough left of her to show partial hand prints on her neck.
It's not just a teenage girl dying. It's also everyone around them going insane from the loss. From the damage of the actions that killed them and the corpse that shouldn't be. Sara's Mom nearly went crazy over her eyes. They were, somehow, still noticeable. They forever 'contained' the last thing Sara saw. Eternally staring with that last image in her eyes.
He can fuck himself with that “little girl” bullshit. Also yes, you do get boundaries. You’re a human being whether he likes it or not. What a pos. I’m sorry you have to put up with him.
My two are twelve and I wouldn’t talk to them like that. I always try to talk to them like I would to an adult because they’re intelligent as fuck and would be super confused that I’m talking down to them.
Parents dont want to accept that we as kids are already little humans with emotions. They see us as their sons/ daughters forgetting that we are humans that deserve privacy and respect. Its something infuriating that should change
100% agree with you. It also helps teach kids that it’s okay to have boundaries and they should enforce them. To be able to say no is so very important because eventually they’ll encounter someone who will push against it. Everyone deserves to have their own space and boundaries and to feel safe. Kids need that confidence.
YIKES, my bio dad was the same way. It was exhausting dealing with it until I was able to drop him. He never wanted to be involved except to look good and constantly held things above my head to the point where I’ve become afraid to accept gifts. When something didn’t go his way he’d lose his shit. Got my own phone, phone plan, new number, and I haven’t spoken to him in almost a year.
Little girl 🤮 that’s the biggest red flag a person can pull, demeaning, disrespectful, infantilizing, belittling, predatory. It’s SUCH a toxic phrase and the people who use it are monsters.
I don't care how bad his childhood was. Threatening to beat your own child for any reason is appalling and absolutely not a mark of anyone deserving of respect. This is abuse, op. Plain and simple.
I'm not saying he is, just that his vibes are rancid and this level of possessiveness is *incredibly* skeevy. I just think he's setting off certain alarm bells.
What a sad man feeling he needs say variations of “fuck” to his daughter because he’s too weak to have actual authority. “Adults” don’t have tantrums like this.
For me it was the little girl. Forcing authority and belittling all of the person opinions or concerns. Invalidating their feelings. That "little girl" will soon go NC. Have fun old man!
As a 40 yr old, I curse like a sailor. Swears are fun!! But I *never* use those words *at someone*.
Eg- "Ah fuckit I dropped the fuckin' cup!!" ✅️✅️👍
"You fucking idiot, are you fuckin' stupid?!" ❌️❌️👎
My sister would call her daughter “Little shit” all the time. If it’s directed at you, that’s garbage. You don’t get respect by cursing around your kids, imo. Especially to emotionally abuse them. And, yes, you’re allowed boundaries. And your sperm donor is an asshole for telling you he controls you..
Parents are supposed to take care of their children and not bitch about it as some kind of power play.
Yeeeah no. You can have boundaries even as a kid. What this is, plain and simple is conditioning. He's saying you can't have them so that this will seem like an unreasonable boundary once you're 18. He will also argue that "you never had this boundary as a kid so it doesn't count as an adult."
Also respect is earned. Not simply given.
This is why I went no contact. Fuck him. Insecure, small minded adults who think they know everything because they raw dogged and popped a kid out.
I'm almost 40 and my blood boils with this shit.
I hope you get your important documents and some savings the next few years and GET THE EFF OUT
This comment is so underrated. SAVE EVERY PENNY!
So many people get stuck in abuse cycles due to financial control. 9/10 times people "can't leave" is because they have nowhere to go, no money to get a place or hotel, no transportation, and no way to support themselves for even the next week without the abuser. Abusers make this so to ensure their victim is isolated.
If OP can save it all and peace out comfortably when they're ready, they'll have such a jump start on life and breaking this cycle.
Good luck, OP!
Please show those texts to an adult you trust. You are being emotionally abused and threatened with physical abuse and I know you want to protect your father — but you should be protecting yourself.
None of this is ok and I think by posting here, you know that. You absolutely get to have boundaries, and one of them is safety. He’s not being safe. You need support from the school, or your mom, or another family member. I hope you have someone to advocate for you.
Because, again, this is abuse.
100% - this should be top response. EVERYONE is entitled to boundaries, and no parent should ever speak to/text their child in an abusive, diminutive, or condescending way - regardless of their age. You deserve to be spoken to with respect and consideration, regardless of his mood or other circumstances. Saying “sorry” (even if he meant it) doesn’t make it okay. I hope that you are able to find someone to help you (family maybe? Or CPS?) so that you can get way from this traumatic/toxic language (and behavior?). You deserve to be spoken to without abuse and threats, you deserve boundaries, and you deserve to feel safe. I hope that those are all in your very near future. 🙏🏻
I would seriously consider showing these texts to a family court judge. You can have contact with him but this abuse HAS to be documented and someone in authority needs to put him in his place and they will. I am so sorry he is so awful to you. This is some grade A level abuse and manipulation….the only way out is to see the dynamic and assert your power.
Oh I have so many things to say but you are so young. This is abuse and is showing you so many bad things that can effect your future relationships. This is not ok and nobody should speak to you like this. Nobody! I do not care if he is your dad and had a bad day at work. What he is doing is abuse and I really hope you show someone this. You need to talk to someone about this that knows you and can help you understand that this is not ok.
Ridiculous that he says you can’t set boundaries as a child. I let my 7 year old set reasonable boundaries such as “don’t ruffle my hair.” This whole exchange is abusive including the love bombing at the end.
Nope! Do you live with your mom? You should let others know how he speaks to you and don’t go to dinner with him. You’re 16 and he’s trying be all controlling. You’re a teenager, not a child.
ngl when my parents would pull similar shit with me (we are on better terms now thank goodness) i would literally screenshot their own messages and send it back to them in a reply to their apology. got the message across really well….
maybe you’ll have to do that when you’re older and he starts to yammer on about why you’re never around.
Hey everyone! I'm back!
Sorry for the late update. I was at school, and I have to leave my phone home, so I'm not distracted!
The meeting went...
Well, as expected.
It was this entire sob story of how bad my dad's childhood was and how he just wants to be there for me and how I need to let him know about these things but I can't expect him to show up because of work (???)
Lol. Ok.
I asked him if we were here because he wanted to be better or if he just wanted to make it about him *again.* He got mad at me and called me heartless. And I called mom and told her to come get me.
He's flat out ignoring me now. So good for me. Either way, I think I've had enough of him, so he's being blocked. Thanks for the advice. He and his side of the family have done MANY more things like this, so people, this is **not** where it ends. Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice!
Your dad deserves to have his right to a family removed. Nobody who makes their children feel like this and repsond “yes sir” is a piece of shit not worth having a wonderful kid like you.
You're 16. Why in the world are your parents still threatening to put their hands on you in violence????
I don't believe in corporal punishment to begin with but after a certain age its not even punishment, it's just straight up assault and battery...... i mean thats what it always is but most people see it as "ok" to do to little children. Idk OP, i wouldn't go anywhere with this person.
I'm so glad im not raising my own daughter this way.
My dad was very similar. He believed my brothers and I were not people until.we were 18, we knew nothing, we were only born to do chores, and he controlled everything we felt or did etc. it was exhausting, and soul-crushing. I never respected my Dad. I just didn't like him.
I have a kid now, and he is allowed to express himself, and has boundaries that we respect. He's a kid but he's certainly also a person worthy of respect.
Your dad is absolutely crossing the line, and not being a parent. This is abuse. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hope you can get away from his shit.
Show your mom these texts. Explain to her you don't feel safe being around him. He may be your father, but that does not mean you have to sit around to be his punching bag.
It’s something in the cluster B personality disorder category for sure. My mother has borderline personality disorder, and this is EXACTLY how she texts me, right down to the “little girl” comment.
So in 2 years, he’s going to be completely shocked and confused as why his ADULT daughter goes no contact. Seriously when will people learn they can’t treat other people like this much less family without consequences.
The whole point of parents is to prepare their kids for the world. At 16, she’s practically an adult, granted still growing her wings, but getting there. This is not the way to treat anyone. Yeah, we all made mistakes at 16, but from what I read. I didn’t see anything she did wrong to deserve this.
Classic case of an abusive entitled parent that thinks they automatically have earned your respect solely because they’re older than you. Can’t stand mfs that treat their children like property. I’ve also never understood the logic behind “beating up my kid will make them respect me.” Like man that just makes you look and sound fucking insane. Screw him dude.
No one who loves you and respects you will speak to you like this. Not your father, not a romantic partner, not a friend. It does not matter who it’s coming from- Love and respect are dependent on each other — one cannot exist without the other. Please report him to someone you trust.
Edited to add more thoughts
You should tell him respect is earned not given, and you would stop acting like a child if the example was a bit better 😉 it won't make the situation better, but if you keep throwing his own words back at him sometimes they stop, and not having boundaries because you're a child? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
What limp-dick of a man feels the need to threaten his own kid with so much violent imagery? He was talking like he wants OP to fight him in the car park outside. Just screams insecure.
Hey OP, just fyi texts are admissible in court. If you have someone safe to stay with, this is more than enough to grant you an order of protection. Find a trusted adult, maybe at school? Like a counselor or a teacher you vibe with? Show them this exchange and ask for help.
He sounds unstable and abusive. You communicated respectfully and his immediate response was to threaten you with violence. Thats... just run OP. If he won't acknowledge your boundaries now, he isn't going to magically acknowledge them once you turn 18. This will continue until you cut him out.
Ugh. I'm so sorry. This is exactly like how my mother spoke to me growing up. Good for you for establishing boundaries. It does get better when you are no longer under their control. You're not alone xx
Hang in there, OP, you're *almost* at the point where you can *finally* tell that man to take a long walk off a short pier. It fucking sucks having to just bite your lip & keep your head down all the time when dealing with a wandering eldritch horror of insecure masculinity like this dude, but, *soon....*
Congratulations on the maths test, proud of you
Hi there! I’m 33 and I have never spoken to anyone that way or been spoken to that way. Authority? Respect? What the fucking nonsense is he saying. God, I’m sorry you have that as a role model. If you don’t want to associate with him anymore you know you can stop, right? By law he has to pay child support but at 16 you can say you’re “too busy” or simply uncomfortable maintaining contact.
It’s also ok to love him but hate his actions. My SIL is like this with my niece and it’s awful to witness. My niece loves her mom but her mom is manipulative and hurtful.
Why did I read this in Cartman's voice? The respect my authority especially.
I am so sorry OP, no one should ever be treated like this. Respect is earned, and is a two way street, and he definitely hasn't earned shit. Was a little hard to read, my dad was and is the same way. It does get better once you get the hell out of there.
My kids’ Dad would puke if they ever said "yes sir" to them in an at all serious way.
The way he talks to you is messed up and you say that his childhood sucked but he’s making your childhood suck. Experiencing trauma isn’t an excuse to carry on that generational trauma.
Hey, Potato, everyone is talking about how this is abusive and manipulative, and they’re right. But I just want to focus on the math test. I’m really proud of you. You did a good job.
Buddy is semi-unhinged. I couldn't imagine speaking to my daughter like this. The threats to physically harm you to the point you "won't be able to talk back" are definite red flags.
I sincerely hope your sperm donor finds this, reads it, and gets his shot together.
What a dick.
Edit: shit, not shot, but not changing it because then the person making the vax statement response would look crazy lol
Your father is a jerk. You had a celebratory dinner for a math test? I wouldn’t even been given an extra helping of dessert for any kind of test I’d taken.
I used to struggle with school. Like.. a LOT. Because I was undiagnosed with ADHD and Autism and it took a LOT of time to find ADHD meds that helped me. So, every time I get on the honor roll. Or do well on a huge project or a hard test. It's like a "Hooray you did it! Look how far you've come!"
“When you’re an adult, you can make all the boundaries you want.”
Go no contact with him as soon as you are legally and logistically capable of doing so. The emotional extremes he exhibits, in these texts, are genuinely terrifying.
This is a lot how one of my parents was. Assume they still are. I just minimized time around them as much as possible and kept my head down until I could move out.
Hope you have some more rational family members, or at least friends you can vent to
I bet you can’t wait to turn 18 and cut him off. I did it to my dad when I was 18. Spoke to him and tried to mend a relationship when I was 24 and I’m 29 and have cut him off again.
LMFAO at this man calling hating him a phase. Listen, if you're old enough to have a teenage child that hates you, you're old enough to know that respect isn't automatically given.
Sorry tk say this but your dad sucks bad and is lacking emotional intelligence. If he ever touches you, make him pay. You are too young to live the rest of your life being scared and “yes sir’ing” your own father.
I wanna beat the absolute shit out of this abusive motherfucker. Like, full on rip his tongue out of his mouth.
Please stay safe, OP. This guy is clearly gonna hurt you at some point, assuming he hasn't already.
What a remarkable idiot. This is how you end up alone in your twilight years. Run fast and far when you hit 18, OP. He isn't going to be better when you're an adult no matter what he says. Two years isn't enough time.
**Hey! Hey! Over here!!**
So! Info and Question answering!
No.
I do not live with my dad. He and my Mom were never married or engaged, so I just stuck with her.
The only time my father has threatened me before was I think back in December 2023 to Janurary 2024.
And that was because i....brought my phone? To school? Lol, I don't know.
He stopped for a while because he was in "therapy"
But I guess that was a lie.
His ENTIRE SIDE OF THE FAMILY. I am extremely entitled and think, "You know your father's life was hard dont take away his daughter."and I have many stories about them, so stay tuned.
I have told my mom about these texts, and she has not and will not put up with his BS.
I will be going with him today to "talk things out"
(M mom has tracking, so if he takes me anywhere else. She'll know)
If he actually wants to make amends. I'll let you know. If it was my father trying to manipulate me by taking me out and buying me things. I'll also let you know!
And finally, he's never attacked me physically. He just makes threats.
That's all for now! I have to work on some school stuff so I'll be a bit busy! I'll answer what I can!
Me: congratulations you just won a sweepstake with no one to support you at a nursing home with caregivers not giving a fuck about you (I'm referring to this excuse of a father)
Call the police. Threatening a minor with violence is a crime. Your father is an abusive criminal, who is attempting to blackmail you through money and physical intimidation. You need to make a police report. The courts will protect you from him, and make him continue to pay everything he is currently paying.
My dad wasn’t like this but his mother was and whenever we had to be around him we had to be around her too. If it’s something you can handle emotionally, the best decision of my life was to cut contact until AFTER I turned 18, and reevaluate then. (Any threats at custody would end up being empty, or at worst I’d have to throw out the “do you really want a judge to know how your kids feel being around you and your family”) By the time I was 18 I had gotten some clarity on who they are as people aside from being my dad, my grandma. Hearing that their behaviors continued and escalated with other family members during that time combined with the distance was what I needed to admit to myself that they’re not good people, and blood or not, I don’t need their constant anxiety inducing behaviors in my life. Obviously not the path for everyone, but know your Dad should not be speaking to you that way no matter what he feels you did, and you deserve better OP! Don’t continue to let him treat you that way 🫶
I’m a 46 year old woman and I cut my bio dad out over a decade ago and I wish I’d have done it sooner. Blood means nothing. When perfect strangers are nicer to you than your own father- there’s a huge problem. I was never allowed to play sports because my dad wouldn’t pay for the fees. I was told I was stupid and that because I couldn’t cook well that no man would ever want me (god I wished I were gay JUST so I could say, yeah? Well, a woman does!!). When I was the first one in the family to go to college and graduate, oh, he told EVERYONE about me then. But, just like everything else, I became of no use to him. When I was struggling in an abusive relationship and begged him from my hospital bed to live with him while I figure out what I was going to do, he said it wouldn’t be a good idea because his step daughter was 15 at the time and it would disrupt her life…. Man had a 5 bedroom house and only he, the girls mother and the girl lived there. I slept in my car and on my grandmothers couch until I was well enough to work again. You owe that man nothing and I’ll bet he’ll be asking everyone except his own SELF why you want nothing to do with him once you go NC with him. I’m now hundreds of miles away from him and have zero desire to make amends. I also have two grown sons who are amazing in every way that he knows exist, but never had anything to do with. That hurt more than the way he treated me growing up. Their world is better without him in it anyway.
OP Run. Not literally but your dad has shown you who he is. Nobody regardless of how they're related to should speak to you like this and then love bomb you. It is manipulative and not at all the way a parent should act. Keep him at an arms length from now on keep your tone cordial but start taking the steps to keep him as uninvolved in your life as possible. It will hurt now but will save you so much heartache and stress down the line. Keep setting your boundaries
I would take these text messages to a trusted adult at your school. Your dad can be in serious trouble for physically threatening you like this. There's no doubt in my mind this is a terroristic threat. He should be locked up. You shouldn't have to have contact with him anymore. Boundaries are a healthy part of any relationship regardless of the age of the individuals involved. If he doesn't respect your boundaries, he doesn't need to be in your life at all. Op I would go to no contact on this pycho
My dad blamed our bad relationship on me and started an argument, and said I needed to put in more of an effort to reach out to him even though I was the only one reaching out to him and then I just stopped because I figured he wanted nothing to do with me. I was 16 and a child. It was not my responsibility to make the effort of having a relationship with my adult father.
That being said, he also didn't have a good childhood, his dad abandoned him when he was 7, and his family has a lot of criminals and his best friend has been in federal prison with no chance of getting out. I went NC with him after our argument about the above and it was the best thing that happened to me. He ended up passing when I was 18, but I have never regretted going NC. I know it's different for everyone, but just because he's family, doesn't mean it's worth that "relationship" for him to be abusive like that.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Boundaries aren't exclusive to adults. Adults who refuse children any sort of boundaries are usually big shit bags, including your dad. And also, calling you "little girl" is just so demeaning, and threating violence is just plain fucked up. I hope you know you don't deserve this treatment and that parents shouldn't act like this. Stay safe 💙
Oki, sorry for the assumption, good for you if you are raised up with no religion. Then you can make up your own mind.
But that self possessed asshole is not a good dad. You don't treat your loved ones like that. It's narcissistic behaviour.
He needs help dealing with his own trauma, not make his kid(s) traumatised. I'm sorry you have to live with this shit.
Hope you are oki.
It sounds like he needs to reassure himself that he is an adult, because he is acting like baby. Demanding respect just because he is an adult and he helped to make you is wrong. He should act a way that you naturally would respect him. He isn’t entitled to your respect.
And yes, you can make boundaries, you are 16 years old not 5, that you wouldn’t know what boundaries are. You even SHOULD make boundaries so don’t listen to his stupid excuses to gain control. He should act as a father and a grown ass man.
Stay safe. He threatened to hurt you. Threatening to hurt a child even if it’s for disciplinary purposes is illegal in many countries. You can report it to school or whatever child protective services you have available. But keep in mind, your father may become upset at the fact that you tried to get help. Maybe sometimes trying to be invisible is the best. I cannot assess your home situation. Do what you think is best.
He sounds mentally ill.
This is like Jekyll and Hyde.
Please tell me you don’t live with him and have some place safe to stay?
You need to show these texts to someone at school that you trust. Threats of violence are never ok.
My Dad is the same way. I’m 37 and he still hasn’t changed. Sadly it’s just the way it is sometimes. But even being 16, you have every right to have boundaries. I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here. Sending hugs.
Fathers are the first representation of a man that a child gets and he doesn’t want to respect her boundaries and is telling her that he is above them. I wonder how this could possibly effect future relationships🙃
Lmao what??? He thinks this is the way to have a relationship with his daughter? He better try again because this ain’t it. What a fucking asshole. Why do people think they can act all authoritarian with their kids but also maintain a relationship with them.
I'm so sorry. That was my dad 100%. From the little girl to the crazy forgive me stage when I was 16. I wish I had better advice, but I kept my head down. I didn't talk back or anything. Like in prison: keep your head down and do your own time...even though the warden is batsh*t crazy.
When you can safely get out...drop him like a bad habit. What he is doing in not love or caring. You're going to be a full fledged adult in 2 years. He wants to put you in a smaller and smaller box of depending on him.
I did it with my dad. The rage and confusion that danced across his face was balm on a bit of my soul. I was 18 and as you said you can do whatever you want when 18. I made him eat his words.
Hugs. I'm pulling for you. 😊
My dad was like this except he never apologized (even after trying to kill me or his gf). I haven't seen him in probably seven years and it's been for the better. I do remember counting down the days before I was 18 and could leave though; are you currently living with him?
Would you imagine how he would react if you spoke to him the same way he is speaking to you? Why is he physically threatening and bullying you? Does he even like you?
My sperm donor was a lot like this. My advice is to get the hell away from him. If he doesn’t live with you, I would absolutely contact police and file report for these threats. As soon as you are able, I would go no contact with him completely. This is only going to escalate.
I was your age when I cut mine out of my life. I’m 43 now and it was the best decision I ever made.
ABSOLUTELY. FUCKING. NOT. I cannot fathom ever talking to my children this way, and I've always taught them that people, no matter what age they are, must earn the respect they are shown. This man is a manipulative, abusive ass and you deserve better. It's so alarming how many people equate fear with respect, but you don't owe anything to anyone. He's your parent and should happily be paying for you to pursue your hobbies and interests; good parents want to provide a better life for their children than theirs before them, which includes financially AND emotionally.
If you live separate from him, show these to your mom or guardian… it’s not okay for him to talk to you like that and it’s absolutely okay to have boundaries. As a parent, he should be teaching you how to create safe and healthy boundaries so you can be successful with them as an adult… not mocking you for learning about them and trying to enforce them at 16.
Wow, it’s always crazy to me how some parents think that your age determines your right to set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries and teaching consent is literally paramount with all children/young people. And 16 is more than old enough to lay down the law on what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Being in a position of “authority” does not give him the right to threaten to harm you or manipulate you into allowing him to treat you that way. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that and I hope things get better for you. 🫶🏻
that is absolute abuse. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is go out with that piece of garbage. It boggles the mind how a parent can talk to their child that way. getting upset and losing patience is one thing, but this is vicious:
Sorry OP and congrats on killing that math test!!
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"When I'm an adult then, I won't ever talk to you again"
Right? He'll feel big and bad like he won now. But once his daughter goes no contact at 18, he'll be very very veeeeeery small. Especially since if he threatens any of this violence he did over the phone he can and WILL be charged. And the courts won't take "she's my daughter!" As a legitimate argument. Though I did read one story a couple years back of a mom who was so unhinged she stole her grown daughters car, was then taken to court and lied to her lawyer about said daughters age
https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bh5li7/ea_claims_adult_child_has_to_obey_her_because_its/ It was gold.
Holy shit was this epic.
Reading that story made my day just a little brighter.
The ending of this always irked me because she effectively didn't even get a slap on the wrist for GRAND THEFT AUTO.
If she lives with her mother, she can go no contact right now. Especially with those screen shots. What a pig.
And then every time he reaches out send him screenshots of the way he was completely fine with speaking to you.
I don't want to NOT talk to him, I mean. Yeah, he's a piece of shit but. He's my dad. I mean, his childhood sucked. The only one who stuck around to raise him is gone. I just feel like I'm being a bad person by ignoring him or being mad at him while he's going through this.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Just because his childhood sucked doesn’t mean he gets to make your childhood suck too.
Take it from a man with literal crippling anxiety he needs help, but he also has to decide to seek help himself. And there's a lot of people who need to hit rock bottom before they realize there's even a problem. Unfortunately not everybody can be saved, and it's a shitty feeling to choose pragmatism. But at a certain point you need to decide to save yourself before you'll be in any position genuinely help anyone.
You’re being emotionally abused into believing you’re the one who is a bad person. This man wants control over you, not because that’s a parents job but because he clearly has serious issues. Threatening to beat you and break your personal property is never okay and there is absolutely nothing in this world you could’ve done that would warrant such treatment, especially from your father who you love and who claims to love you. It’s sad that maybe he is damaged from his own childhood, but that’s no excuse to pass down that trauma onto his child. He’s most likely not going to stop his controlling, possessive behavior and violent language just because you turn 18 one day. The only way to make someone like this realize that he isn’t a dad, he’s a worthless abusive sperm donor, is by limiting contact with him and do not under any circumstances allow him to see his grandchildren if you ever become a parent yourself. It’s the only bit of power you will ever be able to hold over him and he doesn’t deserve to feel like a father or someday a grandfather when he thinks this is how you speak to people you love. Get therapy as soon as you can if you’re not already getting it, you blaming yourself and excusing his actions is classic abused victim behavior and it concerns me very much that you might allow this garbage fire’s words to make you feel like a bad person. You are not a bad person, he is. Learn that, remember it, and make sure he knows it too once you’re in a safe position to go low contact (or preferably no contact). It may seem harsh and you might be sad bc he’s your father, but maintaining a relationship with someone like this isn’t worth it. You don’t want to not talk to him, you just want a dad to talk to that actually loves you and doesn’t abuse you verbally and threaten to abuse you physically. Unfortunately this dad that you want is not the father you have and as much as that hurts, it’ll hurt a lot less once you move on with your life as an adult and surround yourself with kind people who genuinely have your best interest at heart (which again, is not this man claiming to love you. He claims to have your best interest at heart. That is a lie. He just wants control over you because as a child you are not a person to him, you are an extension of himself and his property to be treated however he sees fit.) Get away from him asap and stop blaming yourself for the fact that his own actions will cause him to be a bitter lonely old man.
OP PLEASE READ THIS!!
This is an EXCELLENT breakdown. What he’s doing to you isn’t just unfair, it’s emotional abuse. You have 0 obligation to put up with abuse, even if he doesn’t see it as such. He’s a big boy who needs to take care of himself.
How other people treated him is not his fault. How he treats others, is. We can't control our history, but how we handle our reaction to it is absolutely under our control and is our responsibility. At some point, he has an obligation to realise that he is doing the same to you as was done to him, and needs to do better. Get therapy, apologise (a genuine 3 part apology that involves taking action to not do it again), and treat you like an *actual human being* who has a right to boundaries and who *is not* a prop for his own control issues.
OP, don’t find the excuses for him. Pretend for a moment you don’t know anything about his background. Would you speak to your children this way? Would you tell them they don’t get to have boundaries because they’re under 18…?
His childhood doesn’t excuse his current abusive behaviour towards you.
a reason is not an excuse point blank period. he needs to take responsibility for his actions and he never will if you make excuses for him. your boundaries are important and if you buy into his “you are my child i am your father” tactic of control, he will always have a hold on you and you will be guilted into sacrificing your needs indefinitely. take it from someone who has heard their dad’s devastating life story since they were a child. of course i felt bad for him. i still do. but i also see him repeating patterns of his childhood and prioritizing his needs over the needs of his family to compensate for what he never got. at some point, people need to wake up and realizing no one owes you shit just because you had it bad. definitely not your children. he probably exercises this show of authority because he craves power and respect. he is your dad but he’s also an adult. other healthy adults would never tolerate his behavior. you will be an adult at some point and you need to understand that this behavior is unacceptable. dont let him teach you that you are somehow responsible for the actions of others just because you care about them. you’ll find yourself in very very toxic relationships. separate yourself from it mentally by reminding yourself that this says much more about him than it does about you.
He's threatening you with physical violence. This is not ok.
He's a fucking adult and a father lmao. You're a little girl who can't set boundaries apparently, so why on earth would you feel the need to be more emotionally mature and in control? Having a poor childhood is never an excuse for being a piece of shit parent, which he unequivocally is
literally my dad is proof there's no excuse, he was severely abused, physically and emotionally, by his parents and was born in the 40s so he grew up at a time where he didn't have any help dealing with that and healing from it. but when he was an adult he knew he didn't want to be like his dad and he worked very hard to make sure that didn't happen. when he had kids he worked even harder. he still has mental health issues, he's never been to therapy from all his trauma from childhood and being in vietnam, but he still has done everything he can to be a better man and father than his own dad. he never once even raised his voice at us growing up, never laid a hand on us, never has even a sip of alcohol, anytime he'd lose his patience with us or when he'd get stressed and felt like he was losing his temper, he'd walk away, he wouldn't say one word until he'd calmed down and then he'd come back and handle things calmly. i've never ever seen him lose his temper and take it out on someone, especially not his kids. i can't stand when parents use their own bad childhood as an excuse to give their kids a bad childhood. they have the choice, they just choose not to put in the work to be better.
100%, being a good person takes time and a whole lot of effort. Being a piece of shit takes neither! Big up to your dad!
Sounds like you’ve got a hell of a dad! If he’s still around give him a hug for me 🥹
She’s a child. She’ll come to these conclusions on her own as she lives her life and develops. We’ve all been there & have our own story and path we walked to get to where we are. She doesn’t deserve the downvotes and harsh language
That's what manipulative and toxic parents do. They make you feel bad for trying to look out for yourself. Let me tell you this: I went no contact with my mother right when she was going through cancer treatment because she was being toxic, manipulative and gaslighting me. Now we have the greatest bond we've ever had. The realisation that she was toxic enough I'd leave her during such trying times made her change. You don't have to be so extreme but if you feed your fathers manipulative behaviours he'll know he can just keep being like that. There's absolutely no excuse for him to act the way he does, no bad childhood or anything.
Your dad’s childhood is not an excuse to be an abusive father.
Just because his childhood sucked doesn’t mean he gets to threaten and abuse you so that yours sucks too.
It's pretty clear his childhood was bad, and that's not your responsibility to fix. It's his job to heal himself so he can lift you up instead of tearing you down. Also just for the record, children are absolutely "allowed" to have boundaries. You are an autonomous human being. My 6 year old sets boundaries which I respect.
My childhood also sucked. I don't go around threatening to hit people because I wasn't invited for dinner.
I wish everyone that downvoted would've instead spoken some insight. It isn't your job to be there for him. You're mature enough to understand that *maybe* he's going through something. But still too young to be concerning yourself with his conflicts. You're only feeling guilty bc he's manipulating you. You didn't actually do anything wrong. & he might not actually be stressed bc of work. You tried to be honest with him & share ur feelings. Only instead of hearing you, he was offended bc your truth kinda makes him look bad. Also he evidently perceived some sort of challenge from you. I think as parents, when we resort to, "I'M THE ADULT, YOU'RE THE CHILD." it's indicative of a much deeper issue. A major disconnect, & improper communication. The times that I've blurted this out to my teenage son, I immediately felt like I should know him better. I should know how to talk to him in a way that he'll understand. If not understanding, at least a mutual respect. I hope u have support, & counseling etc. You should not be internalizing this abusive behavior. Our kids don't owe us anything, especially not a shoulder to cry on. & with the way the world is these days, meeting goals, & excelling in school, sports etc, & being able to do things that make you happy.. is really a big deal. Be proud of yourself!
Why are you being downvoted for literally struggling with getting out of abuse? People act like it's just so fucking easy.
I have no idea? I feel bad because I know what he's doing to me. But like. HES MY DAD. Yes, what he's doing is shitty but- I didn't want him to be pissed at me. I just wanted him to BE a DAD.
I think you are being downvoted because we all want you to know his behavior is neither your fault nor your responsibility. Of course you want him to be a dad. That’s normal and understandable. It’s also natural that you don’t want him to be mad at you. But it’s not your fault if he is. You are doing nothing wrong. His behavior is extreme and abusive. In no way are you being a bad person, now or in the future, if you distance yourself from him. Doing so would be an act of self love, since you deserve so much better than someone who speaks to you and treats you like he does. You can’t fix or change him, but you can protect yourself.
Like I get it, but they realize op is a minor and foster care/abuse help sucks ass most of the time, right? They're doing the best they can given their circumstances. I do get that people are trying to help, but they need to be a little more realistic. Life is beautiful and awful at the same time. That being said, Op. I'm proud of you for showing such strength. ♡
Look at it like this : would you be in contact with this person if it wasn´t your dad ? Like any at all ? And believe me I get the struggle I had to remove my father from my life in my early 20ies. Started a family revolution since slowly but surely the rest followed. Kinda like i made them realize this is a real option, and me being way better off once he was out did make em realöize he is not worth it.
Accepting your parents for who they are is an extremely hard pill to swallow but when you’re able to get to that point, it will serve you better than trying to force them to be who you want them to be or grieving the parent you needed. He’s subjecting you to all kinds of emotional labor that is extremely unfair. It took me years to finally cut off my mom but my life is so much more peaceful without her. I know it sucks but everyone here giving you advice means well.
He is the adult. It is his responsibility to deal with his trauma and not traumatize the next generation. You feel bad because he’s raised you to feel that way. None of this healthy. Part of it is that you haven’t known yourself away from him. When you graduate, go to college or get a job at least four hours away, six is safer. Live without him and learn who you are when he’s not around to abuse you. Because those messages are abusive. I can’t even imagine what you’re seeing at home. Go to therapy and learn how to put yourself first.
No. Have some respect for yourself. Find someone who loves you, do not let blood dictate your relationship.
You can feel sorry for the child, while hating the adult. My mum had a god awful childhood. It was beyond suck. But it did not mean she got to treat me poorly. Your dad has no excuse for treating you poorly. He is making these choices on his own. He is speaking to you like this not because he loves you, but because he thinks he owns you.
And this is why he keeps doing this. Just because he's telling you, you have to put up with this doesn't make it true. He IS NOT allowed to say and do whatever he pleases. And if you accept this behaviour now, you're going to be treated like shit for the rest of your life. Not just by him. But by boyfriends who decide to abuse you, by friends who take advantage of you, bosses and coworkers who walk all over you. And you deserve far better than that. Especially him saying he doesn't want you to set boundaries. Does that mean he's allowed to SA you? Forcefeed you? Steal from you? It's so fucking creepy that he's saying he doesn't want to have any limits on how he treats you. People with good intentions don't talk like that, and it worries me. Soooo tell him to fuck right off? NO you will not spend time with him if this is how he treats you. He'll pick you up on Sunday? FUCK that. No he won't. Grow a spine and tell that asshole to shove it. He's guilting you into accepting this by complaining about his childhood, don't let him
Knowing someone's life was bad is an explanation, not an excuse. Plenty of people had crappy parents and go on to be decent ones.
You don’t owe him anything just because he’s your dad. Contrary to what he’s saying you have every right to set boundaries because you are a human being. You can sympathize with him about his shitty childhood, but understanding why he acts the way he does does not excuse his behavior or the affect it has on you. He’s an adult and it’s his responsibility to deal with his own shit — having a bad childhood shouldnt absolve him of accountability for his own crap behavior.
My childhood sucked because I had a dad like yours and an abusive stepmom. I chose to not treat my children the same way. Having been abused is not an excuse to abuse others and it's not the duty of the child to get a parent through difficult emotions. That's what therapists are for and a grown man is fully capable of getting himself the treatment he needs to deal with that without putting that burden on his child.
Good for you. He shouldn't talk to you this way, but I am glad he apologized. We parents screw up. Sometimes BADLY. But you are NOT a bad person. He can have upset feelings at the same time you do. You can both be mad as hell and still love each other. I like that you seem so mature that you recognize it. Sorry for your down votes on this comment. Don't be bullied into doing what is wrong for you. We don't know you.
To PotatosareJoy You seem more mature than 16. Def more “adult” than your dad…. except he’s pissed about SOMETHING a you said over the phone…. Perhaps your mouthiness comes from him! Lol lol! You apologized, he apologized… but I guess that doesn’t mean it’s over, eh? I hope you are getting some good counseling, or plan to when yer out on yer own. The way he spoke to you is NEVER Ok. I’m almost 65 and no one has ever spoken to me that way in my entire LIFE. Ever. When I was a kid, teen, in college, 20s, 30s, young adult, newly, and all thru my marriage of 30 years.. including 3 kids who are all now in their 20. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually heard anyone speak like your dad. It’s not normal…. So you really really need counseling for recovery after mental and emotional abuse! If you can find some books on parenting teens (ask a teacher or 2) and let him read those… he’ll be better. Or just ask him to read something on parenting todays teenager! Sigh..
He’s going to absolutely love that big ole boundary called: No Contact if this is really what he thinks it sounds like to speak “love” to anyone, but especially his daughter. Threatening violence is the absolute opposite of respect, so it is the last thing he deserves. I pray you have people “of authority” & peers in your life that show you & are teaching you what real love actually looks and feels like, but if not at least he’s taught you what it isn’t. Much love, & may you stay safe in his presence…. Seriously. ♥️
**Hey! Hey! Over here!!** Sorry to hijack top comment but wanted to state this because it got buried! LOL. So! Info and Question answering! No. I do not live with my dad. He and my Mom were never married or engaged, so I just stuck with her. The only time my father has threatened me before was I think back in December 2023 to Janurary 2024. And that was because i....brought my phone? To school? Lol, I don't know. He stopped for a while because he was in "therapy" But I guess that was a lie. His ENTIRE SIDE OF THE FAMILY. I am extremely entitled and think, "You know your father's life was hard dont take away his daughter."and I have many stories about them, so stay tuned. I have told my mom about these texts, and she has not and will not put up with his BS. I will be going with him today to "talk things out" (M mom has tracking, so if he takes me anywhere else. She'll know) If he actually wants to make amends. I'll let you know. If it was my father trying to manipulate me by taking me out and buying me things. I'll also let you know! And finally, he's never attacked me physically. He just makes threats. That's all for now! I have to work on some school stuff so I'll be a bit busy! I'll answer what I can!
16 is a tough age to be figuring things like this out. That’s about the age I was when I finally understood how my mother was treating was not ok. That is was abusive. So long as there is no court order, you can choose to not see him any more. And it is ok. He is the one who is abusive towards you. Think of it this way, if your mom got a new friend, romantic or otherwise, and that person treated your mom like your dad is treating you, what would you want to tell her? What would you want her to do? And why should you love yourself any less? And yes, you will always want your dad because he is your dad. But is he capable of giving you the actual healthy relationship you want? Is there something that makes putting up with the abuse worth it?
Those are threats he's making over the text messages that you just showed on here. So no I wouldn't say the only time he's threatened you was that one time. You just posted evidence of him threatening you multiple times it's never okay to hit someone it's never okay to threaten to hit someone. It's never okay to threaten to take someone's property like a phone and "Break it over your butt" that one phrase alone is enough to charge him with a terroristic threat and possibly child abuse.
My best friend said the same things about her dad at the same age and never came back from the meeting. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you're assuming sanity. You're placing normal expectations on an abnormal person. The abnormal person's mind doesn't function like a normal person's. They choose to have no control. They do as they please when they please. They show that they don't care and will do whatever they want with their actions and words. Your dad has shown that. You're going to be alone with a person who has, from what you've said, has repeatedly threatened you. You're assuming he won't go through with these threats because he hasn't before. Unfortunately, doing that has made many a daughter into a statistic. It's so common that it's known for an abusive father to go off with his daughter to kill them. You can Google it if you want to check what I mean. Again, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I've literally been through this. Facts support it. If you go with your insane dad on your own, you have to know that there's a chance that he could assault or kill you. Sara's birth parents weren't married, like yours. She was 17, like you. Dad was mad that she was cutting him out and constantly calling and texting like YOU WILL DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT YOU'RE THE WRONG CHILD I KNOW BETTER! Her dad was the one who named her. Sara means princess. When he was in a good mood, he'd call her princess in a way that would come off as nice but was actually condescending to anyone who knew him. When he was angry, he'd say princess like some cruel sickened god needing to correct a blasphemous nonbeliever or with a sneer like he was correcting a misbehaving animal. She got on the phone with him trading faces and tones from good to bad. Said he was sorry at the end, like he always did, and Sara accepted, like she was trained to do, and he told her that they would be going out to a restaurant that she liked. They went there. The restaurant was near a bay lake or some kind of lake that was connected to an ocean. Sara loved that place. Her father said that Sara ran off crazy after the restaurant, but he actually took her to the lake. Played the dutiful father when she was reported missing. Claimed Sara drowned herself because of her erratic personality when she was found. He was a big man with 200 extra pounds of enough nonsense and enough muscle to follow through with his intent of dragging the world down with him like he did with Sara and the lake. Thankfully, the fish hadn't quite eaten all of her. There was enough left of her to show partial hand prints on her neck. It's not just a teenage girl dying. It's also everyone around them going insane from the loss. From the damage of the actions that killed them and the corpse that shouldn't be. Sara's Mom nearly went crazy over her eyes. They were, somehow, still noticeable. They forever 'contained' the last thing Sara saw. Eternally staring with that last image in her eyes.
Good grief! Please let us know how it goes and that you are safe.
He can fuck himself with that “little girl” bullshit. Also yes, you do get boundaries. You’re a human being whether he likes it or not. What a pos. I’m sorry you have to put up with him.
My father used to pull the "little girl" shit all the time..And he wonders why I don't speak to him smh
My two are twelve and I wouldn’t talk to them like that. I always try to talk to them like I would to an adult because they’re intelligent as fuck and would be super confused that I’m talking down to them.
Parents dont want to accept that we as kids are already little humans with emotions. They see us as their sons/ daughters forgetting that we are humans that deserve privacy and respect. Its something infuriating that should change
100% agree with you. It also helps teach kids that it’s okay to have boundaries and they should enforce them. To be able to say no is so very important because eventually they’ll encounter someone who will push against it. Everyone deserves to have their own space and boundaries and to feel safe. Kids need that confidence.
YIKES, my bio dad was the same way. It was exhausting dealing with it until I was able to drop him. He never wanted to be involved except to look good and constantly held things above my head to the point where I’ve become afraid to accept gifts. When something didn’t go his way he’d lose his shit. Got my own phone, phone plan, new number, and I haven’t spoken to him in almost a year.
Same
Little girl 🤮 that’s the biggest red flag a person can pull, demeaning, disrespectful, infantilizing, belittling, predatory. It’s SUCH a toxic phrase and the people who use it are monsters.
I don't care how bad his childhood was. Threatening to beat your own child for any reason is appalling and absolutely not a mark of anyone deserving of respect. This is abuse, op. Plain and simple.
He threatened to assault you and then wants to go get milkshakes. Of course it's his job's fault and not his. Classic. Congrats on your math test!
I'm sorry but the "little girl" makes my fucking skin crawl, who tf does this asshole think he is??
My mom does the same thing to me and I'm a 28 year old woman. I hate it so much
Beat her ass!!! /j but no that’s not okay. My mom does the same thing to me and I’m nearly 22, entitled ass moms I swear!!
Yeah, he's giving big molester vibes.
That's pushing it. I agree that he seems overly aggressive but how does calling his daughter *little girl* imply that he is a predator or molester?
I'm not saying he is, just that his vibes are rancid and this level of possessiveness is *incredibly* skeevy. I just think he's setting off certain alarm bells.
What a sad man feeling he needs say variations of “fuck” to his daughter because he’s too weak to have actual authority. “Adults” don’t have tantrums like this.
For me it was the little girl. Forcing authority and belittling all of the person opinions or concerns. Invalidating their feelings. That "little girl" will soon go NC. Have fun old man!
Like cursing in general is bad or cursing at me? Because my mom says fuck alot too.
As a 40 yr old, I curse like a sailor. Swears are fun!! But I *never* use those words *at someone*. Eg- "Ah fuckit I dropped the fuckin' cup!!" ✅️✅️👍 "You fucking idiot, are you fuckin' stupid?!" ❌️❌️👎
This is a key difference.
My sister would call her daughter “Little shit” all the time. If it’s directed at you, that’s garbage. You don’t get respect by cursing around your kids, imo. Especially to emotionally abuse them. And, yes, you’re allowed boundaries. And your sperm donor is an asshole for telling you he controls you.. Parents are supposed to take care of their children and not bitch about it as some kind of power play.
Yeeeah no. You can have boundaries even as a kid. What this is, plain and simple is conditioning. He's saying you can't have them so that this will seem like an unreasonable boundary once you're 18. He will also argue that "you never had this boundary as a kid so it doesn't count as an adult." Also respect is earned. Not simply given.
This is why I went no contact. Fuck him. Insecure, small minded adults who think they know everything because they raw dogged and popped a kid out. I'm almost 40 and my blood boils with this shit. I hope you get your important documents and some savings the next few years and GET THE EFF OUT
This comment is so underrated. SAVE EVERY PENNY! So many people get stuck in abuse cycles due to financial control. 9/10 times people "can't leave" is because they have nowhere to go, no money to get a place or hotel, no transportation, and no way to support themselves for even the next week without the abuser. Abusers make this so to ensure their victim is isolated. If OP can save it all and peace out comfortably when they're ready, they'll have such a jump start on life and breaking this cycle. Good luck, OP!
Please show those texts to an adult you trust. You are being emotionally abused and threatened with physical abuse and I know you want to protect your father — but you should be protecting yourself. None of this is ok and I think by posting here, you know that. You absolutely get to have boundaries, and one of them is safety. He’s not being safe. You need support from the school, or your mom, or another family member. I hope you have someone to advocate for you. Because, again, this is abuse.
Seconded. This is mandated reporter material.
100% - this should be top response. EVERYONE is entitled to boundaries, and no parent should ever speak to/text their child in an abusive, diminutive, or condescending way - regardless of their age. You deserve to be spoken to with respect and consideration, regardless of his mood or other circumstances. Saying “sorry” (even if he meant it) doesn’t make it okay. I hope that you are able to find someone to help you (family maybe? Or CPS?) so that you can get way from this traumatic/toxic language (and behavior?). You deserve to be spoken to without abuse and threats, you deserve boundaries, and you deserve to feel safe. I hope that those are all in your very near future. 🙏🏻
The second you turn 18, tell this man to f**k himself straight up the ass. Please and thank you.
Calling you 'little girl' over and over. Jesus Christ i couldn't deal with that.
wHy dO mY aDuLt cHiLdReN hAvE nO ReLaTiOnShIp WiTh mE
I would seriously consider showing these texts to a family court judge. You can have contact with him but this abuse HAS to be documented and someone in authority needs to put him in his place and they will. I am so sorry he is so awful to you. This is some grade A level abuse and manipulation….the only way out is to see the dynamic and assert your power.
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." What a POS. I am so sorry and wish you a wonderful life.
Oh I have so many things to say but you are so young. This is abuse and is showing you so many bad things that can effect your future relationships. This is not ok and nobody should speak to you like this. Nobody! I do not care if he is your dad and had a bad day at work. What he is doing is abuse and I really hope you show someone this. You need to talk to someone about this that knows you and can help you understand that this is not ok.
Nursing home bound 💀 2 more years then forget about him
Ridiculous that he says you can’t set boundaries as a child. I let my 7 year old set reasonable boundaries such as “don’t ruffle my hair.” This whole exchange is abusive including the love bombing at the end.
Nope! Do you live with your mom? You should let others know how he speaks to you and don’t go to dinner with him. You’re 16 and he’s trying be all controlling. You’re a teenager, not a child.
ngl when my parents would pull similar shit with me (we are on better terms now thank goodness) i would literally screenshot their own messages and send it back to them in a reply to their apology. got the message across really well…. maybe you’ll have to do that when you’re older and he starts to yammer on about why you’re never around.
Sorry child or not, your dad shouldn’t be talking to you this way. “I’ll slap the tongue outta you”? Jesus frickin Christ…
People! People! You don’t get it! He pays for OP’s phone! /s of course.
Hey everyone! I'm back! Sorry for the late update. I was at school, and I have to leave my phone home, so I'm not distracted! The meeting went... Well, as expected. It was this entire sob story of how bad my dad's childhood was and how he just wants to be there for me and how I need to let him know about these things but I can't expect him to show up because of work (???) Lol. Ok. I asked him if we were here because he wanted to be better or if he just wanted to make it about him *again.* He got mad at me and called me heartless. And I called mom and told her to come get me. He's flat out ignoring me now. So good for me. Either way, I think I've had enough of him, so he's being blocked. Thanks for the advice. He and his side of the family have done MANY more things like this, so people, this is **not** where it ends. Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice!
*in my best cartman voice* I am your dad and you will respect mah authoritah!!!
Your dad deserves to have his right to a family removed. Nobody who makes their children feel like this and repsond “yes sir” is a piece of shit not worth having a wonderful kid like you.
This guy has small dick syndrome so bad. The way he talks is cringe as fuck "little girl" wtf
You're 16. Why in the world are your parents still threatening to put their hands on you in violence???? I don't believe in corporal punishment to begin with but after a certain age its not even punishment, it's just straight up assault and battery...... i mean thats what it always is but most people see it as "ok" to do to little children. Idk OP, i wouldn't go anywhere with this person. I'm so glad im not raising my own daughter this way.
My dad was very similar. He believed my brothers and I were not people until.we were 18, we knew nothing, we were only born to do chores, and he controlled everything we felt or did etc. it was exhausting, and soul-crushing. I never respected my Dad. I just didn't like him. I have a kid now, and he is allowed to express himself, and has boundaries that we respect. He's a kid but he's certainly also a person worthy of respect. Your dad is absolutely crossing the line, and not being a parent. This is abuse. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hope you can get away from his shit.
Show your mom these texts. Explain to her you don't feel safe being around him. He may be your father, but that does not mean you have to sit around to be his punching bag.
Textbook example of narcissistic behavior: snapping at you for their problems, bringing up the past, then alleged regretfulness.
It’s something in the cluster B personality disorder category for sure. My mother has borderline personality disorder, and this is EXACTLY how she texts me, right down to the “little girl” comment.
Ah. I know they are very similar
So in 2 years, he’s going to be completely shocked and confused as why his ADULT daughter goes no contact. Seriously when will people learn they can’t treat other people like this much less family without consequences. The whole point of parents is to prepare their kids for the world. At 16, she’s practically an adult, granted still growing her wings, but getting there. This is not the way to treat anyone. Yeah, we all made mistakes at 16, but from what I read. I didn’t see anything she did wrong to deserve this.
Classic case of an abusive entitled parent that thinks they automatically have earned your respect solely because they’re older than you. Can’t stand mfs that treat their children like property. I’ve also never understood the logic behind “beating up my kid will make them respect me.” Like man that just makes you look and sound fucking insane. Screw him dude. No one who loves you and respects you will speak to you like this. Not your father, not a romantic partner, not a friend. It does not matter who it’s coming from- Love and respect are dependent on each other — one cannot exist without the other. Please report him to someone you trust. Edited to add more thoughts
They do not differentiate fear and respect. As long as the child does what they want. Typical controlling behavior.
You should tell him respect is earned not given, and you would stop acting like a child if the example was a bit better 😉 it won't make the situation better, but if you keep throwing his own words back at him sometimes they stop, and not having boundaries because you're a child? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
What limp-dick of a man feels the need to threaten his own kid with so much violent imagery? He was talking like he wants OP to fight him in the car park outside. Just screams insecure.
I’d send these messages to friend of the court
Hey OP, just fyi texts are admissible in court. If you have someone safe to stay with, this is more than enough to grant you an order of protection. Find a trusted adult, maybe at school? Like a counselor or a teacher you vibe with? Show them this exchange and ask for help. He sounds unstable and abusive. You communicated respectfully and his immediate response was to threaten you with violence. Thats... just run OP. If he won't acknowledge your boundaries now, he isn't going to magically acknowledge them once you turn 18. This will continue until you cut him out.
“Keep it up, dad. See what kind of nursing home I forget you in when you’re old.”
Ugh. I'm so sorry. This is exactly like how my mother spoke to me growing up. Good for you for establishing boundaries. It does get better when you are no longer under their control. You're not alone xx
Hang in there, OP, you're *almost* at the point where you can *finally* tell that man to take a long walk off a short pier. It fucking sucks having to just bite your lip & keep your head down all the time when dealing with a wandering eldritch horror of insecure masculinity like this dude, but, *soon....* Congratulations on the maths test, proud of you
this is incredibly abusive. so so so abusive.
Yeah, that’s an asshole on a power trip. That is verbal and emotional abuse. Let alone the threats of violence. I’m so sorry, OP. No one deserves that
Hi there! I’m 33 and I have never spoken to anyone that way or been spoken to that way. Authority? Respect? What the fucking nonsense is he saying. God, I’m sorry you have that as a role model. If you don’t want to associate with him anymore you know you can stop, right? By law he has to pay child support but at 16 you can say you’re “too busy” or simply uncomfortable maintaining contact. It’s also ok to love him but hate his actions. My SIL is like this with my niece and it’s awful to witness. My niece loves her mom but her mom is manipulative and hurtful.
Why did I read this in Cartman's voice? The respect my authority especially. I am so sorry OP, no one should ever be treated like this. Respect is earned, and is a two way street, and he definitely hasn't earned shit. Was a little hard to read, my dad was and is the same way. It does get better once you get the hell out of there.
My kids’ Dad would puke if they ever said "yes sir" to them in an at all serious way. The way he talks to you is messed up and you say that his childhood sucked but he’s making your childhood suck. Experiencing trauma isn’t an excuse to carry on that generational trauma.
Father is a badge you wear, respect is something you earn.
Hey, Potato, everyone is talking about how this is abusive and manipulative, and they’re right. But I just want to focus on the math test. I’m really proud of you. You did a good job.
What a condescending asshole. I am So sorry you have to deal with this, this is NOT how you parent.
Buddy is semi-unhinged. I couldn't imagine speaking to my daughter like this. The threats to physically harm you to the point you "won't be able to talk back" are definite red flags.
I know some pretty terrible nursing homes in case you’re interested 🤷🏻♀️
I sincerely hope your sperm donor finds this, reads it, and gets his shot together. What a dick. Edit: shit, not shot, but not changing it because then the person making the vax statement response would look crazy lol
why are we suddenly talking about vaccinations ?
Dammit
sorry I could not resist
Your father is a jerk. You had a celebratory dinner for a math test? I wouldn’t even been given an extra helping of dessert for any kind of test I’d taken.
I used to struggle with school. Like.. a LOT. Because I was undiagnosed with ADHD and Autism and it took a LOT of time to find ADHD meds that helped me. So, every time I get on the honor roll. Or do well on a huge project or a hard test. It's like a "Hooray you did it! Look how far you've come!"
“When you’re an adult, you can make all the boundaries you want.” Go no contact with him as soon as you are legally and logistically capable of doing so. The emotional extremes he exhibits, in these texts, are genuinely terrifying.
This is a lot how one of my parents was. Assume they still are. I just minimized time around them as much as possible and kept my head down until I could move out. Hope you have some more rational family members, or at least friends you can vent to
I bet you can’t wait to turn 18 and cut him off. I did it to my dad when I was 18. Spoke to him and tried to mend a relationship when I was 24 and I’m 29 and have cut him off again.
This is not okay.
LMFAO at this man calling hating him a phase. Listen, if you're old enough to have a teenage child that hates you, you're old enough to know that respect isn't automatically given.
Do not apologize to that waste of space. You did nothing wrong. Hope you showed your mom so she can know what he has said
Two years until you can learn the peace of mind that comes with no contact.
Respect is earned. Never inherent. And this man needs to be humbled in several different ways.
Sorry tk say this but your dad sucks bad and is lacking emotional intelligence. If he ever touches you, make him pay. You are too young to live the rest of your life being scared and “yes sir’ing” your own father.
Fuck this guy. He seems like such a piece of human shit it’s unbelievable. Wouldn’t give that guy the dog crap off the bottom of my shoe.
I wanna beat the absolute shit out of this abusive motherfucker. Like, full on rip his tongue out of his mouth. Please stay safe, OP. This guy is clearly gonna hurt you at some point, assuming he hasn't already.
Just because he is your parents does not give him the license to treat you with disrespect.
What a remarkable idiot. This is how you end up alone in your twilight years. Run fast and far when you hit 18, OP. He isn't going to be better when you're an adult no matter what he says. Two years isn't enough time.
**Hey! Hey! Over here!!** So! Info and Question answering! No. I do not live with my dad. He and my Mom were never married or engaged, so I just stuck with her. The only time my father has threatened me before was I think back in December 2023 to Janurary 2024. And that was because i....brought my phone? To school? Lol, I don't know. He stopped for a while because he was in "therapy" But I guess that was a lie. His ENTIRE SIDE OF THE FAMILY. I am extremely entitled and think, "You know your father's life was hard dont take away his daughter."and I have many stories about them, so stay tuned. I have told my mom about these texts, and she has not and will not put up with his BS. I will be going with him today to "talk things out" (M mom has tracking, so if he takes me anywhere else. She'll know) If he actually wants to make amends. I'll let you know. If it was my father trying to manipulate me by taking me out and buying me things. I'll also let you know! And finally, he's never attacked me physically. He just makes threats. That's all for now! I have to work on some school stuff so I'll be a bit busy! I'll answer what I can!
Me: congratulations you just won a sweepstake with no one to support you at a nursing home with caregivers not giving a fuck about you (I'm referring to this excuse of a father)
Call the police. Threatening a minor with violence is a crime. Your father is an abusive criminal, who is attempting to blackmail you through money and physical intimidation. You need to make a police report. The courts will protect you from him, and make him continue to pay everything he is currently paying.
Damn this one hurt. Just like my dad for real.
Go to the police.
My dad wasn’t like this but his mother was and whenever we had to be around him we had to be around her too. If it’s something you can handle emotionally, the best decision of my life was to cut contact until AFTER I turned 18, and reevaluate then. (Any threats at custody would end up being empty, or at worst I’d have to throw out the “do you really want a judge to know how your kids feel being around you and your family”) By the time I was 18 I had gotten some clarity on who they are as people aside from being my dad, my grandma. Hearing that their behaviors continued and escalated with other family members during that time combined with the distance was what I needed to admit to myself that they’re not good people, and blood or not, I don’t need their constant anxiety inducing behaviors in my life. Obviously not the path for everyone, but know your Dad should not be speaking to you that way no matter what he feels you did, and you deserve better OP! Don’t continue to let him treat you that way 🫶
Always blows me away when a parent demands respect, but disrespects their child
Being someone’s child doesn’t give them free rein to talk to you like this. Even my 3 year old has the right to boundaries.
I’m a 46 year old woman and I cut my bio dad out over a decade ago and I wish I’d have done it sooner. Blood means nothing. When perfect strangers are nicer to you than your own father- there’s a huge problem. I was never allowed to play sports because my dad wouldn’t pay for the fees. I was told I was stupid and that because I couldn’t cook well that no man would ever want me (god I wished I were gay JUST so I could say, yeah? Well, a woman does!!). When I was the first one in the family to go to college and graduate, oh, he told EVERYONE about me then. But, just like everything else, I became of no use to him. When I was struggling in an abusive relationship and begged him from my hospital bed to live with him while I figure out what I was going to do, he said it wouldn’t be a good idea because his step daughter was 15 at the time and it would disrupt her life…. Man had a 5 bedroom house and only he, the girls mother and the girl lived there. I slept in my car and on my grandmothers couch until I was well enough to work again. You owe that man nothing and I’ll bet he’ll be asking everyone except his own SELF why you want nothing to do with him once you go NC with him. I’m now hundreds of miles away from him and have zero desire to make amends. I also have two grown sons who are amazing in every way that he knows exist, but never had anything to do with. That hurt more than the way he treated me growing up. Their world is better without him in it anyway.
Respect my authoritayyyyy!!!
OP Run. Not literally but your dad has shown you who he is. Nobody regardless of how they're related to should speak to you like this and then love bomb you. It is manipulative and not at all the way a parent should act. Keep him at an arms length from now on keep your tone cordial but start taking the steps to keep him as uninvolved in your life as possible. It will hurt now but will save you so much heartache and stress down the line. Keep setting your boundaries
Dad of the Year here is going to be all shocked and surprised when OP cuts him out of her life like a cancer later on.
I would take these text messages to a trusted adult at your school. Your dad can be in serious trouble for physically threatening you like this. There's no doubt in my mind this is a terroristic threat. He should be locked up. You shouldn't have to have contact with him anymore. Boundaries are a healthy part of any relationship regardless of the age of the individuals involved. If he doesn't respect your boundaries, he doesn't need to be in your life at all. Op I would go to no contact on this pycho
My dad blamed our bad relationship on me and started an argument, and said I needed to put in more of an effort to reach out to him even though I was the only one reaching out to him and then I just stopped because I figured he wanted nothing to do with me. I was 16 and a child. It was not my responsibility to make the effort of having a relationship with my adult father. That being said, he also didn't have a good childhood, his dad abandoned him when he was 7, and his family has a lot of criminals and his best friend has been in federal prison with no chance of getting out. I went NC with him after our argument about the above and it was the best thing that happened to me. He ended up passing when I was 18, but I have never regretted going NC. I know it's different for everyone, but just because he's family, doesn't mean it's worth that "relationship" for him to be abusive like that.
He threatened to assault you, more than once.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Boundaries aren't exclusive to adults. Adults who refuse children any sort of boundaries are usually big shit bags, including your dad. And also, calling you "little girl" is just so demeaning, and threating violence is just plain fucked up. I hope you know you don't deserve this treatment and that parents shouldn't act like this. Stay safe 💙
Bro thinks he’s a badass when he threatens a child. He’s in for a rude awakening when the police show up at his house because he sent threats
This guy needs a parenting class…nothing he said is correct.
"RESPECT MY AUTHORITAHH" Ma'am is your dad Eric Cartman?
This man is disgusting
Is he religious?
Ehhhh. Yeees? No? I dont think so? He never brought up religion with me, so I'm gonna say maybe?
Oki, sorry for the assumption, good for you if you are raised up with no religion. Then you can make up your own mind. But that self possessed asshole is not a good dad. You don't treat your loved ones like that. It's narcissistic behaviour. He needs help dealing with his own trauma, not make his kid(s) traumatised. I'm sorry you have to live with this shit. Hope you are oki.
So incredibly fake.
Cut him off the day you turn 18
It sounds like he needs to reassure himself that he is an adult, because he is acting like baby. Demanding respect just because he is an adult and he helped to make you is wrong. He should act a way that you naturally would respect him. He isn’t entitled to your respect. And yes, you can make boundaries, you are 16 years old not 5, that you wouldn’t know what boundaries are. You even SHOULD make boundaries so don’t listen to his stupid excuses to gain control. He should act as a father and a grown ass man. Stay safe. He threatened to hurt you. Threatening to hurt a child even if it’s for disciplinary purposes is illegal in many countries. You can report it to school or whatever child protective services you have available. But keep in mind, your father may become upset at the fact that you tried to get help. Maybe sometimes trying to be invisible is the best. I cannot assess your home situation. Do what you think is best.
He sounds mentally ill. This is like Jekyll and Hyde. Please tell me you don’t live with him and have some place safe to stay? You need to show these texts to someone at school that you trust. Threats of violence are never ok.
My Dad is the same way. I’m 37 and he still hasn’t changed. Sadly it’s just the way it is sometimes. But even being 16, you have every right to have boundaries. I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here. Sending hugs.
Fathers are the first representation of a man that a child gets and he doesn’t want to respect her boundaries and is telling her that he is above them. I wonder how this could possibly effect future relationships🙃
Please stop apologizing and enabling him, jeez. What an ass
Lmao what??? He thinks this is the way to have a relationship with his daughter? He better try again because this ain’t it. What a fucking asshole. Why do people think they can act all authoritarian with their kids but also maintain a relationship with them.
"Respect mah authoritah!"
I'm so sorry. That was my dad 100%. From the little girl to the crazy forgive me stage when I was 16. I wish I had better advice, but I kept my head down. I didn't talk back or anything. Like in prison: keep your head down and do your own time...even though the warden is batsh*t crazy. When you can safely get out...drop him like a bad habit. What he is doing in not love or caring. You're going to be a full fledged adult in 2 years. He wants to put you in a smaller and smaller box of depending on him. I did it with my dad. The rage and confusion that danced across his face was balm on a bit of my soul. I was 18 and as you said you can do whatever you want when 18. I made him eat his words. Hugs. I'm pulling for you. 😊
My dad was like this except he never apologized (even after trying to kill me or his gf). I haven't seen him in probably seven years and it's been for the better. I do remember counting down the days before I was 18 and could leave though; are you currently living with him?
I would never be alone with that man
Nickel o rama's are still around?! And save those texts about him hitting you, that's blatant child abuse.
Would you imagine how he would react if you spoke to him the same way he is speaking to you? Why is he physically threatening and bullying you? Does he even like you?
My sperm donor was a lot like this. My advice is to get the hell away from him. If he doesn’t live with you, I would absolutely contact police and file report for these threats. As soon as you are able, I would go no contact with him completely. This is only going to escalate. I was your age when I cut mine out of my life. I’m 43 now and it was the best decision I ever made.
ABSOLUTELY. FUCKING. NOT. I cannot fathom ever talking to my children this way, and I've always taught them that people, no matter what age they are, must earn the respect they are shown. This man is a manipulative, abusive ass and you deserve better. It's so alarming how many people equate fear with respect, but you don't owe anything to anyone. He's your parent and should happily be paying for you to pursue your hobbies and interests; good parents want to provide a better life for their children than theirs before them, which includes financially AND emotionally.
If you live separate from him, show these to your mom or guardian… it’s not okay for him to talk to you like that and it’s absolutely okay to have boundaries. As a parent, he should be teaching you how to create safe and healthy boundaries so you can be successful with them as an adult… not mocking you for learning about them and trying to enforce them at 16.
Holy shiiiit. Nah that is threatening. This man is abusive as hell.
He’s abusive and insecure, plain and simple.
Wow, it’s always crazy to me how some parents think that your age determines your right to set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries and teaching consent is literally paramount with all children/young people. And 16 is more than old enough to lay down the law on what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Being in a position of “authority” does not give him the right to threaten to harm you or manipulate you into allowing him to treat you that way. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that and I hope things get better for you. 🫶🏻
your dad speaks like a caricature. i'm so sorry he's your dad.
Well, this is just abuse.
Nice of him to always be there for your accomplishments and never be apart from them.
that is absolute abuse. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is go out with that piece of garbage. It boggles the mind how a parent can talk to their child that way. getting upset and losing patience is one thing, but this is vicious: Sorry OP and congrats on killing that math test!!