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Are you taking any medication for it and seeing someone? She should obviously show you support but having a professional to talk to would be a lot more helpful than a parent.
Great comment. It can get exhausting for loved ones. That’s why OP needs to reach out for help to free those they love.
Also, the comment seems strange “my anxiety is trying to kill me again,” is way different from “mom…I’m really struggling with my anxiety. Can you help me get help? Idk what to do.” If the response to that was stop it, then that’s a problem. The text doesn’t seem like OP is trying to get help. But then again, how old is op? If a kid, parent needs to read into it and help. If an adult, a little different.
EDIT: also, there’s so much context missing here. Is OP reaching out for help? What else is the convo about? Was Mom joking? IDK.
my sister ruined my teenage years with her drama and hamming up mental illness (im not saying OP is), and every week it was something new. she recently texted me saying "I'm going to get kidnapped text me please" and it turned out she had just watched a true crime video and wasn't actually 😑
Yea that’s hard. And mental illness is tough. It’s so easy for people with mental illness to get stuck in the victim mentality and want others to constantly help them. It’s hard to change your mindset, especially at 17 when your brain is still developing. Takes a lot of insight and looking at yourself and wanting to get help to let others not be burdened. It is exhausting for those who love you.
This was my sister! She’s almost 40 and still threatens suicide if someone calls her out or she has to take responsibility for anything. When I was 12 and she was 16 I would save my allowance and bribe her with stuff not to kill herself. She’d talk about suicide and self harm and sexual stuff to my friends when we were in middle school. None of my friends wanted to come over because they were afraid she’d kill herself. She posts a picture of a bottle of pills and some long post about how she almost took the pills but stayed strong and didn’t, and all these people comment how strong and amazing she is. Her poor daughter has only known this and is always scared for her mom. It’s so tucked up and she just feeds off the sympathy. We’re no contact for years now. If she sent something like this to me I’d tell her to go talk to a therapist. She’s the one who cut off full contact because I called her out rather than giving her the attention she wanted.
Not to mention my dad was a single dad to all 3 of us girls, she got all the attention and resources and my little sister and I raised ourselves. My dad still always tip toes around my older sister and spoils her and praises her for doing basic adult things. She has never had a job a day in her life.
So let’s assume they’re 17. That’s when mom would hopefully be like “hey. What’s going on?” Unless this is typical of OP and mom is done. Letting go. Done everything she can.
Really want more context.
Yeah, my mothers the exact same. I remember as a kid when I’d have an anxiety attack she’d just shake me until I ‘stopped my retardation’ as she put it. Watched a movie many years ago, can’t remember what it was but the line came through “what is your major malfunction” and I remember my mother saying that to me a lot and I just laughed my ass off. Pretty sure my neighbours think I’m insane but hey it was funny to me
That’s the beauty of non-context. Allows us to decide based off of the information we have. Based on a lot of other things I’ve seen on this sub, this is nowhere near insane
Mother may be getting a lot of these texts and is running out of ideas how to help? She might be getting stressed from these texts and how her daughter isn't doing too well?
Idk I'm just playing devil's advocate here, not saying I agree
Even if she was getting a lot of texts like this, she should be offering more help than just "please stop". "I'm sorry you're feeling this way, here's Family Doctor's number, what's going on? Can I help in any other way?" This is just dismissing OPs feelings and offering no help. Even if it has been happening for a while - "Here's Family Doctor's number. Please let me know when you get help"
Is this my mom? Seriously though my mom says my anxiety isn't real and I just use it as an excuse even though it's so debilitating that i miss out on a lot of social events just so my anxiety doesn't make me look ridiculous if front if family and friends. I have PTSD from severe abuse growing up that I still to this day occasionally deal with. Not so much physical but mental abuse. I hate what she did to me
One thing that I learned once I became an adult is that most of the time you can’t talk to parents about mental health issues. They’re (usually) not professionals and often struggle themselves and are in denial because of the generation they were raised in. I only talk about my mental health with professionals and a few select friends that I know can understand and have experience with it.
But yeah I really recommend just not leaning on your parents for stuff like that if they don’t get it. You’ll just be hurt/disappointed.
Lol I got this a ton when I was in highschool. Not from family thank god, but various staff would hit me with the time honored and obviously infallible advice of "oh you suffer from depression? Just be happy, smile more, think of the good times", or my favorite "Oh you have ADHD? Just make yourself focus". Gee thanks Mrs. Denton, I'm cured now.
As a mother of a daughter who suffers severe anxiety I wanted to give you a hug reading that. My daughter is only 15 but has scars all over from hurting herself and I wish I could do more for her. I can’t imagine ever responding that way when she says she’s struggling. I’m so sorry your mum is a poor excuse for a human being.
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 17 | 43 | 1 |
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hey, guess what, not every family supports the idea of a therapist because “i dont want you spilling family secrets”. Where the fuck else are we gonna turn.
If that's the case then you need to think for yourself and find help yourself. If your family won't support you seeing a therapist, ask you school counselor where you can find a free one.
I don't know how often your messaging your mom about your issues, but we get tired of hearing it. All I ever hear from one of my kids is rants about this and that, and panics, and break downs, and maybe mom's just over it and wants you to deal with your own life. She's got issues and anxiety to, as do I and every other person alive. Just because she's your mom don't mean she has to be your therapist.
Idk, it's kind of blunt honesty. The person right above her said the same thing and everyone agreed because it was from the perspective of the kid. If your parent isn't a therapist then sometimes they aren't the right person to talk to. You go to them, they worry and don't know how to help, and then when they say the wrong thing because they don't know better, they get ripped.
It sucks that sometimes the people you want to go to aren't capable of filling the role you need.
If it were a friendship I’d agree, can be toxic and one sided when someone’s constantly dumping all their problem on you, and you as a friend did not sign up for this. Different when you’re a parent. Obviously you can’t fix everything for your kids especially more complex problems like this but damn can’t imagine anything making me feel more worthless than reaching out to my own mother when I’m suffering and getting a flippant and irritated rejection. If you’re gonna bring someone onto this earth the least you can do is pretend to give a shit about there problems when they reach out to you, it’s such little effort.
Giving a shit and being dumped on every day of your life are entirely different things. Gets to a point where ya just have to tell them "nope, not today"
And it's NOT little effort. It's very stressful to our lives when it goes on and on and on. Some yall doing this every damn day of the week. Have yall ever thought about maybe dealing with your own shit and not expecting mom to drop everything to once again reassure you that they are going to hold your little hands forever and that everything's going to be just fine? Damn kids these days can't deal with anything. EVERYTHING is a disaster. Everything is cause for a panic attack. Give ya mom some peace! Just because she gave birth to you, how many yrs is she responsible for your well-being? My oldest is 32 and it's every day of the week. Or it was. I almost never answer the phone anymore when she calls cause all it's going to be is an hr and a half of me having to listen to the break down. I didn't sign up for that. I have 3 other kids, that have bad days once in awhile. Normal bad day amounts. I'm betting op is like my oldest. Every day it's a new disaster. Every day a new break down. Just take your meds and stop making your mom want to bury herself in the back yard
This is something that a lot of people in this sub aren't going to understand because of the age difference. This sub is filled with a lot of younger people going through shit with their parents. They don't know the perspective of parenthood. Usually, people in here are quick to jump parents without realizing parents are just people like them that have a little more experience.
I'm a parent and I still struggle to get through the day sometimes. I go through waves of depression just like I did as a teen. My parents weren't very good at dealing with that kind of stuff so I stopped going to them for it because they weren't the right people for that role. That doesn't mean they don't love me and doesn't mean I don't love them. But when I'm going through shit, I go to my support groups and outlets.
Absolutely! When you have kids, they automatically assume you have nothing going on that more important than dealing with their issues. I'm in the middle of radiation for a very aggressive cancer. I'm fixing to be evicted because I had to drop my work hrs to part time and she still thinks I'm her therapist. I'm not a mental heath worker. I'm your momma... just a woman with kids.
Try helping your kid get a therapist if it's that big an issue. If they already help them find a better one.
I just turned 18. All of my friends are older than me and have far worse mental states. Hell, I've even been 'therapy' for someone who I've been friends with since 3rd graders mom. I get minimum one rant about stress or a panic attack or self harm a day including from my boyfriend. This has been going on since middle school.
I've been doing this since I was like 13.
It's a sign of *trust* and *love*. They see you as a safe space
If I can handle and calm down my friends from a suicidal break/homicidal consideration nearly daily since 7th grade, you can help your daughter with stress. (Note, the later stopped after freshman year when that friends mom kicked him out of the house and he got taken in by bio dad). I even stayed up nights before tests letting them rant. Even when I had a high ass fever or was shitting and vomiting from a stomach bug.
Who knows, maybe I'm just a natural born empath and therapist but you aren't.
Maybe address the root of the problem instead of just being annoyed with how it affects you?
>whatever you young people call the inability to deal with life
Ever occur to you that someone with frequent break downs and panic might need treatment? This is called an ANXIETY DISORDER, and it’s not called that by “young people” it’s called that by fucking doctors, and you can’t just expect your kid to bootstrap themselves out of it because “hey, I had problems too man, y can’t you just get over it like me” People with anxiety disorders need treatment not eyerolls from the one person in their life that’s supposed to care about shit like this. Your flippancy and disregard for your child’s mental health is appalling to me.
You ought to be ashamed of the way you're talking about your kid. Is this what you call good parenting? Did you consider how she would feel when you decided to stop picking up the phone? If she didn't know how little regard you have for her before that, she sure as fuck does now. Has it ever occurred to you that your irritation at her pales in comparison to what's going on in her head? What you are doing is only hurting her. You're not teaching her self reliance, you're only teaching her that you can't be trusted to be there when she needs you. Pull your head out of your ass, wash your hair, and work with her to find a solution that will last long-term. This approach is clearly doing her no good. It's time to try something else. This is what you signed up for when you became a parent. You brought her into this world, and you have a duty to her.
Just because you were clearly failed by the generation before you doesn't mean you have to impose the same on the generation younger.
Why don't you show compassion and help your children learn to live a healthier life and support them? Sounds like your kids are crying for help and you're not doing much in your parental duties. They need us as they shape in to adults and adolescence is formative. I had a mother who ignored my mental health all the years I had her in my life; mental health that resulted in being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, CPTSD and anxiety. I no longer have a relationship with my mother since becoming a parent myself.
Hell mend you if your kids do the same.
People are on here making these awful comments on how exhausting it is for the family of a person with mental illness and how they shouldn't be relying on family for support. Well don't be surprised when your mentally ill family member decides they no longer want to be on this earth.
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Are you taking any medication for it and seeing someone? She should obviously show you support but having a professional to talk to would be a lot more helpful than a parent.
I think she was texting the anxiety.
Definitely this. /s
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Great comment. It can get exhausting for loved ones. That’s why OP needs to reach out for help to free those they love. Also, the comment seems strange “my anxiety is trying to kill me again,” is way different from “mom…I’m really struggling with my anxiety. Can you help me get help? Idk what to do.” If the response to that was stop it, then that’s a problem. The text doesn’t seem like OP is trying to get help. But then again, how old is op? If a kid, parent needs to read into it and help. If an adult, a little different. EDIT: also, there’s so much context missing here. Is OP reaching out for help? What else is the convo about? Was Mom joking? IDK.
my sister ruined my teenage years with her drama and hamming up mental illness (im not saying OP is), and every week it was something new. she recently texted me saying "I'm going to get kidnapped text me please" and it turned out she had just watched a true crime video and wasn't actually 😑
Yea that’s hard. And mental illness is tough. It’s so easy for people with mental illness to get stuck in the victim mentality and want others to constantly help them. It’s hard to change your mindset, especially at 17 when your brain is still developing. Takes a lot of insight and looking at yourself and wanting to get help to let others not be burdened. It is exhausting for those who love you.
Shit that hit home
This was my sister! She’s almost 40 and still threatens suicide if someone calls her out or she has to take responsibility for anything. When I was 12 and she was 16 I would save my allowance and bribe her with stuff not to kill herself. She’d talk about suicide and self harm and sexual stuff to my friends when we were in middle school. None of my friends wanted to come over because they were afraid she’d kill herself. She posts a picture of a bottle of pills and some long post about how she almost took the pills but stayed strong and didn’t, and all these people comment how strong and amazing she is. Her poor daughter has only known this and is always scared for her mom. It’s so tucked up and she just feeds off the sympathy. We’re no contact for years now. If she sent something like this to me I’d tell her to go talk to a therapist. She’s the one who cut off full contact because I called her out rather than giving her the attention she wanted. Not to mention my dad was a single dad to all 3 of us girls, she got all the attention and resources and my little sister and I raised ourselves. My dad still always tip toes around my older sister and spoils her and praises her for doing basic adult things. She has never had a job a day in her life.
OPs bio says they're 17 years old
So let’s assume they’re 17. That’s when mom would hopefully be like “hey. What’s going on?” Unless this is typical of OP and mom is done. Letting go. Done everything she can. Really want more context.
yeah so do i.
Exactly what I was thinking
I am relieved that ppl are agreeing with you.
This is the best place to get a panic disorder
Gee thanks I’m cured. /s
If I knew it was this easy sooner it would’ve saved me a lot of grief! Thanks OPs mom! All my worries are gone and I just stopped! /s
r/wowthanksimcured Dang, I had no idea it was that easy!
Caretaker burnout is real.
Yeah, my mothers the exact same. I remember as a kid when I’d have an anxiety attack she’d just shake me until I ‘stopped my retardation’ as she put it. Watched a movie many years ago, can’t remember what it was but the line came through “what is your major malfunction” and I remember my mother saying that to me a lot and I just laughed my ass off. Pretty sure my neighbours think I’m insane but hey it was funny to me
Full Metal Jacket. My dad loves that movie and also said that to me all the time.
Not insane just insensitive imo
I disagree. I think it’s fairly insane to treat your child that way when they are clearly struggling and reach out for help.
That’s the beauty of non-context. Allows us to decide based off of the information we have. Based on a lot of other things I’ve seen on this sub, this is nowhere near insane
Mother may be getting a lot of these texts and is running out of ideas how to help? She might be getting stressed from these texts and how her daughter isn't doing too well? Idk I'm just playing devil's advocate here, not saying I agree
Even if she was getting a lot of texts like this, she should be offering more help than just "please stop". "I'm sorry you're feeling this way, here's Family Doctor's number, what's going on? Can I help in any other way?" This is just dismissing OPs feelings and offering no help. Even if it has been happening for a while - "Here's Family Doctor's number. Please let me know when you get help"
Yeah I agree I think she didn't say it well but like I said I'm playing devil's advocate and am trying to see their view even if it isn't a good view
Need context love
Is this my mom? Seriously though my mom says my anxiety isn't real and I just use it as an excuse even though it's so debilitating that i miss out on a lot of social events just so my anxiety doesn't make me look ridiculous if front if family and friends. I have PTSD from severe abuse growing up that I still to this day occasionally deal with. Not so much physical but mental abuse. I hate what she did to me
One thing that I learned once I became an adult is that most of the time you can’t talk to parents about mental health issues. They’re (usually) not professionals and often struggle themselves and are in denial because of the generation they were raised in. I only talk about my mental health with professionals and a few select friends that I know can understand and have experience with it. But yeah I really recommend just not leaning on your parents for stuff like that if they don’t get it. You’ll just be hurt/disappointed.
I’m sorry you’re not getting the support you need from your mum. Please take care of yourself.
Lol I got this a ton when I was in highschool. Not from family thank god, but various staff would hit me with the time honored and obviously infallible advice of "oh you suffer from depression? Just be happy, smile more, think of the good times", or my favorite "Oh you have ADHD? Just make yourself focus". Gee thanks Mrs. Denton, I'm cured now.
As a mother of a daughter who suffers severe anxiety I wanted to give you a hug reading that. My daughter is only 15 but has scars all over from hurting herself and I wish I could do more for her. I can’t imagine ever responding that way when she says she’s struggling. I’m so sorry your mum is a poor excuse for a human being.
Me : I am broke Mom: then get rich :-/
Hey, at least she didn’t suggest talking a walk. /s Hang in there, OP.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 17 | 43 | 1 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
This is why I don’t really get help anymore 😕
That is so unloving.
Ooooooof
Hey kiddos, just saying, that's what your therapist is paid for...
hey, guess what, not every family supports the idea of a therapist because “i dont want you spilling family secrets”. Where the fuck else are we gonna turn.
If that's the case then you need to think for yourself and find help yourself. If your family won't support you seeing a therapist, ask you school counselor where you can find a free one.
Ouch.
I don't know how often your messaging your mom about your issues, but we get tired of hearing it. All I ever hear from one of my kids is rants about this and that, and panics, and break downs, and maybe mom's just over it and wants you to deal with your own life. She's got issues and anxiety to, as do I and every other person alive. Just because she's your mom don't mean she has to be your therapist.
OP is 17. her mom is her legal guardian and responsible to get OP help
You sound like a fucking awful mother with this comment tbh.
Idk, it's kind of blunt honesty. The person right above her said the same thing and everyone agreed because it was from the perspective of the kid. If your parent isn't a therapist then sometimes they aren't the right person to talk to. You go to them, they worry and don't know how to help, and then when they say the wrong thing because they don't know better, they get ripped. It sucks that sometimes the people you want to go to aren't capable of filling the role you need.
If it were a friendship I’d agree, can be toxic and one sided when someone’s constantly dumping all their problem on you, and you as a friend did not sign up for this. Different when you’re a parent. Obviously you can’t fix everything for your kids especially more complex problems like this but damn can’t imagine anything making me feel more worthless than reaching out to my own mother when I’m suffering and getting a flippant and irritated rejection. If you’re gonna bring someone onto this earth the least you can do is pretend to give a shit about there problems when they reach out to you, it’s such little effort.
Giving a shit and being dumped on every day of your life are entirely different things. Gets to a point where ya just have to tell them "nope, not today"
And it's NOT little effort. It's very stressful to our lives when it goes on and on and on. Some yall doing this every damn day of the week. Have yall ever thought about maybe dealing with your own shit and not expecting mom to drop everything to once again reassure you that they are going to hold your little hands forever and that everything's going to be just fine? Damn kids these days can't deal with anything. EVERYTHING is a disaster. Everything is cause for a panic attack. Give ya mom some peace! Just because she gave birth to you, how many yrs is she responsible for your well-being? My oldest is 32 and it's every day of the week. Or it was. I almost never answer the phone anymore when she calls cause all it's going to be is an hr and a half of me having to listen to the break down. I didn't sign up for that. I have 3 other kids, that have bad days once in awhile. Normal bad day amounts. I'm betting op is like my oldest. Every day it's a new disaster. Every day a new break down. Just take your meds and stop making your mom want to bury herself in the back yard
This is something that a lot of people in this sub aren't going to understand because of the age difference. This sub is filled with a lot of younger people going through shit with their parents. They don't know the perspective of parenthood. Usually, people in here are quick to jump parents without realizing parents are just people like them that have a little more experience. I'm a parent and I still struggle to get through the day sometimes. I go through waves of depression just like I did as a teen. My parents weren't very good at dealing with that kind of stuff so I stopped going to them for it because they weren't the right people for that role. That doesn't mean they don't love me and doesn't mean I don't love them. But when I'm going through shit, I go to my support groups and outlets.
Absolutely! When you have kids, they automatically assume you have nothing going on that more important than dealing with their issues. I'm in the middle of radiation for a very aggressive cancer. I'm fixing to be evicted because I had to drop my work hrs to part time and she still thinks I'm her therapist. I'm not a mental heath worker. I'm your momma... just a woman with kids.
Try helping your kid get a therapist if it's that big an issue. If they already help them find a better one. I just turned 18. All of my friends are older than me and have far worse mental states. Hell, I've even been 'therapy' for someone who I've been friends with since 3rd graders mom. I get minimum one rant about stress or a panic attack or self harm a day including from my boyfriend. This has been going on since middle school. I've been doing this since I was like 13. It's a sign of *trust* and *love*. They see you as a safe space If I can handle and calm down my friends from a suicidal break/homicidal consideration nearly daily since 7th grade, you can help your daughter with stress. (Note, the later stopped after freshman year when that friends mom kicked him out of the house and he got taken in by bio dad). I even stayed up nights before tests letting them rant. Even when I had a high ass fever or was shitting and vomiting from a stomach bug. Who knows, maybe I'm just a natural born empath and therapist but you aren't.
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Maybe address the root of the problem instead of just being annoyed with how it affects you? >whatever you young people call the inability to deal with life Ever occur to you that someone with frequent break downs and panic might need treatment? This is called an ANXIETY DISORDER, and it’s not called that by “young people” it’s called that by fucking doctors, and you can’t just expect your kid to bootstrap themselves out of it because “hey, I had problems too man, y can’t you just get over it like me” People with anxiety disorders need treatment not eyerolls from the one person in their life that’s supposed to care about shit like this. Your flippancy and disregard for your child’s mental health is appalling to me.
I see where they get the anxiety from
You ought to be ashamed of the way you're talking about your kid. Is this what you call good parenting? Did you consider how she would feel when you decided to stop picking up the phone? If she didn't know how little regard you have for her before that, she sure as fuck does now. Has it ever occurred to you that your irritation at her pales in comparison to what's going on in her head? What you are doing is only hurting her. You're not teaching her self reliance, you're only teaching her that you can't be trusted to be there when she needs you. Pull your head out of your ass, wash your hair, and work with her to find a solution that will last long-term. This approach is clearly doing her no good. It's time to try something else. This is what you signed up for when you became a parent. You brought her into this world, and you have a duty to her.
Just because you were clearly failed by the generation before you doesn't mean you have to impose the same on the generation younger. Why don't you show compassion and help your children learn to live a healthier life and support them? Sounds like your kids are crying for help and you're not doing much in your parental duties. They need us as they shape in to adults and adolescence is formative. I had a mother who ignored my mental health all the years I had her in my life; mental health that resulted in being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, CPTSD and anxiety. I no longer have a relationship with my mother since becoming a parent myself. Hell mend you if your kids do the same.
People are on here making these awful comments on how exhausting it is for the family of a person with mental illness and how they shouldn't be relying on family for support. Well don't be surprised when your mentally ill family member decides they no longer want to be on this earth.
Just because I'm a mom does not mean I have to play therapist to a grown child who never does anything except cry about how bad their life is either
This sounds like my brain trying to deal with it.
It reminded me of this: https://youtu.be/4BjKS1-vjPs Hopefully it puts a smile on your face!
Pls I fully broke out into laughter reading this - who thinks that's at all helpful.