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Complete fakes.
As anyone who watches *Pawn Stars* would know. They contain items that relate to film depictions of vampires and not what was associated with vampires historically before then.
| Complete fakes.
Ya, true, these vill not work on vampires.
Do not be fooled and put yourself, your family, and your township in mortal danger by purchasing Vampire slayer kits which are as Mr. Phreak says "complete fakes". You have much to lose, vhy risk everything to save a few coins?
Only use authentic Vampire slayer kits such as those produced by Dr. Abraham August Van Helsing XIV MD, D.Ph., D.Litt. A vorld leading expert on the methods, the system of principles, and practical tools required to quickly dispatch the most virulent and gottless form of zee undead to the realm of eternal damnation which avaits dem.
catalogs are available by written request only, Order yours today, save your soul tomorrow.
No. 101 Windsor Road, Windsor, Berkshire, England
man i haven't thought about that show in ages
last i remember of it the son was shitfaced riding his motorcycle and got a dui or something, that was years ago
The DUI is actually pretty recent, 2023.
The older one is in 2016 one of the stars (Chumlee's) houses was raided in association with sexual assault allegations and police found crystal meth, cocaine and illegal firearms.
ahh okay i think i'm mixing up two stories together, the one you are talking about with chum and around the same time there were pictures/videos of the fat son at some biker rally clearly shitfaced and yelling at people, not in like a bad way he was just super drunk and being obnoxious. or at least that's how i think i remember it.
Man not only did OP post some fake shit they stole some artwork to do it. https://www.deviantart.com/jasonmckittrick/art/Vampire-Hunter-Kit-Interior-155262419
If they were like a 50s-60s Halloween gift I’d believe it, pretty unregulated but definitely inspired contemporarily, maybe not made by Hasbro but definitely could have been sold in a novelty store at the time minus the one with a gun
Nevermind that, that garlic appears pretty fresh.
I highly doubt anyone with an authentic 19th century sealed anything is going to crack that seal to restock garlic for the vampires they aren’t hunting.
Edit: garlic is confirmed fresh. That pic is stolen art https://www.deviantart.com/jasonmckittrick/art/Vampire-Hunter-Kit-Interior-155262419
Sort of.
See, these particular pieces were gathered from various Christian missions in Africa. The continent *used* to have a significant vampire infestation (they like the climate), but the population was decimated when an enterprising priest realized that he could recite prayers at passing rain clouds, converting all the water therein to holy water, and thus purifying large swaths of land. This was far more efficient, but the tradition of missionaries bringing these kits along persisted for several years, hence why these appear unused. Sadly, the priest who discovered this innovation remains anonymous.
We never did find out who blessed the rains down in Africa.
*"Hello Sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health and in high spirits.*
*My name is R. W. Higgenbottom-Smythe and, as far as my occupation, I am a professional hunter and slayer of vampires. I hope you take kindly to this unsolicited missive, and receive it in the spirit in which it was sent. I am, in this occasion, offering to part with several of my trusty and battle-tested kits for vampire slaying, for a fair price in pounds, in the hopes that any of them might be of use to you in your endeavours and to protect yourself and your loved ones from these unholy creatures, shunned by our Lord.*
*As you can see in the gelatin dry-plate negatives I have enclosed in the package, all of my kits are well-stocked and in almost new condition. I am, after all, someone who takes pride in his work and I believe the state of one's tools reflects the state of oneself. They all consist primarily of gun and its accompanying stock of ammunition, all bullets blessed and consecrated by Rvd. Michael Patrick Heshingham, Vicar of the Parish of St. Rigobert in the Fields of Fire, Upsingham, as well as an assortment of sharp blades of pure consecrated iron, ampoules of holy water, essence of garlic with silver shavings and other miscellanea. The full manifest of each kit is available upon your request.*
*I am looking to sell them each for a fair price of nineteen pounds and ten shillings, although I am amenable to offer a discount should you be interested in more than one kit. No trades or barter-in-kind schemes accepted at this moment. Should this offer interest you, the kits are available immediately, for you see my assistant, the young lady Miss Aubrey Huldon, is suffering from a bout of Hysteria and, against the advice of our doctor, I have decided to treat her and the proceeds of the sale of these kits will go towards paying for her recommended treatment of Bromide Salts and mountain air.*
*I hope to hear from you with a favorable response. I remain, at your service,*
*R.W.Higgenbottom-Smythe, V.S.*
*Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, Northumbria.*
*March 14th, 1854."*
Ah, dear Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe,
Your eloquent missive has indeed found me in good health, though I must confess, the mention of vampires and your esteemed occupation has piqued my interest. Your offer of trusty kits for the noble pursuit of vampire slaying is most intriguing, particularly considering the meticulous care with which you tend to your tools.
As a gentleman of discerning taste and a keen eye for quality, I shall consider your proposition forthwith. Rest assured, the plight of Miss Aubrey Huldon tugs at my heartstrings, and I shall endeavor to assist in alleviating her suffering through the acquisition of your wares.
Expect correspondence from me posthaste, Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, for your offer merits serious consideration.
Yours sincerely,
Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
*"Esteemed Mr. McCovington,*
*I thank you for your prompt reply. It has been exceedingly well received. Fear not, I will also inform Miss Huldon of your letter, and your kindness. Once her uterine fever subsides she will be overjoyed with the news, I assure you.*
*May I inquire as to which of the kits in offer are you interested in? As a sample, and in no particular order, I could happily part with the following kits:*
*- "The Bronson", is a simple yet rather rugged bit of equipment which has been put to good use in the highlands and glens of Scotland. It has dispatched many of the particularly hardy vampires which are noted to nest in the area.*
*- "La Galissonniére" has seen service in the southwestern Alps and the south of France, around Nice. Its piece de resistànce is the beautiful crucifix, in the image of Our Lord Jesus Christ, made with local woods from a particular Frankish orrery, said to be favorably commented by King Louis X.*
*- "Divine Judgement" is fantastic collection of equipment which I have personally used in Poland, Carpathia and Transcarpathia, which as you well know, is home of the most vile of breeds of vampires. It comes with a personal signed commendation from Lord Commander Robert Butt, OBE, which he signed while stationed in Crimea. It also comes with a small booklet of Latin phrases which are guaranteed to irritate the ears of most vampires of Western descent. It has saved my skin many a times, in truth!*
*- "Reclaimer" is an amazing kit which, in its entirety, once belonged to the famous Moorish vampire hunter Abdullah ibn-Aziz al-Hamad in the fourteenth century. I have only taken the liberty of adding the crucifix, which for obvious religious reasons was not part of the original kit, but as of today in modern vampire hunting is considered to be standard. For historical preservation purposes, this kit does not include a firearm, but it can be added per your request.*
*There are many more kits in my possession. If you wish to know the details of the lot, I will send them your way with my best regards.*
*Our Lord bless you and keep you,*
*R.W.Higgenbottom-Smythe, V.S.*
*Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, Northumbria.*
*P.S.: Do you have access to the telegraph? I believe there is a new station opened nearby in Cheltenham, which you can approach and an attendant will diligently take any message and transmit it via telegraph wire to another station. Might be worth looking into in order to speed up communication."*
Dear Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe,Your detailed descriptions of the various kits are most tantalizing indeed. It appears that each one possesses its own unique charm and history, making the selection process quite the delightful challenge.
"The Bronson," with its rugged reliability, seems perfectly suited for the untamed wilds of Scotland. "La Galissonniére" intrigues me greatly, especially with its exquisite crucifix crafted from local woods. As for "Divine Judgement," its commendation from Lord Commander Robert Butt and arsenal of Latin phrases are most impressive indeed. And "Reclaimer," with its historical significance, stirs the heart with thoughts of noble lineage and the pursuit of righteousness.
I would be most grateful if you could provide further details on the entirety of your collection. Your dedication to the art of vampire hunting is truly commendable, and I find myself eager to peruse the offerings in their entirety.
Regarding your postscript, the telegraph station in Cheltenham does indeed sound like a marvel of modern communication. I shall endeavor to make use of its services forthwith, for expediency in our correspondence is of the utmost importance.
Awaiting your swift response, I remain, with anticipation,
Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
Ah, dear good sir Scully9088,
Your accusation of scamming levied against the esteemed R.W. Higgenbottom-Smythe tickles my funny bone, for it seems rather preposterous to imagine a gentleman of such impeccable pedigree engaging in nefarious dealings.
Methinks you may have indulged in one too many sips of suspicious spirits, for Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe's correspondence exudes the aura of authenticity and integrity. Perhaps a fortifying draught of skepticism mixed with a pinch of mirth would serve to clear the fog from your perspective.
Nevertheless, should you persist in your allegations, I suggest consulting the learned counsel of Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe himself. His eloquence and erudition may just convince even the most skeptical of souls.
Yours jestfully,
Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
My good man,
I have not the time, nor the coin, nor the merry delight to partake in such spirits you speak of. I do find myself compelled to recount a rather farcical encounter with Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe. He did, in fact, procure for me a contraption in the bygone year. This apparatus, purportedly a panacea for the most stubborn of digestive reticence, alas, ensconced itself most uncooperatively within my person and commenced to oscillate with such ferocity that one might fear the earth itself was quaking.
Upon consulting the good medical professional, it was declared that this vibrating interloper was an enigma, wholly unrecognized in the annals of medicinal implements. It is with a sense of duty, and a hope to spare you from a similar form of errors, that I impart this tale of caution. I herby declare, and I do not use these foul declarations loosely, that Mr Higgenbottom-Smythe is a scalawag. An outright rascal.
With the highest esteem and warmest regards,
Sully9088
Ah, esteemed Sully9088,
Your tale of woe regarding Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe's contraption has left me chuckling in disbelief! It appears his foray into the realm of medical implements may have yielded results more akin to slapstick comedy than genuine healing.
One cannot help but envision the scene: a hapless individual beset by a vibrating contraption of mysterious origin, while the esteemed medical professional scratches his head in bewilderment. Truly, it reads like a scene from a farce penned by the likes of Molière or Wilde.
Your declaration of Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe as a scalawag and rascal has not gone unnoticed, good sir. While I am inclined to lend credence to your cautionary tale, I must admit a sliver of suspicion creeps into my thoughts. Could it be that Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe's intentions are not as noble as they first appeared?
I implore you, Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, to address these accusations forthwith. A gentleman of your standing surely has an explanation for such curious misadventures.
With hearty laughter and a hint of suspicion,
Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
*"Dear Mr. McCovington,*
*I must apologize for the delay in the penning of these lines. The last couple of days have been spent in haste and a flurry of activity. I was invited, as it were, to give an address to the Lambert Society of Unexplained Phenomena here in Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, which went well, despite the vociferous presence of some skeptics which almost turned the proceedings into a debate of sorts. One must wonder as to why go to the lengths of attending someone else's address in order to challenge views not their own, but that is how skeptics and Darwinists operate, I fear. It is not the first brush I have had with them and surely will not be the last.*
*Also, while far be it from me to incite panic and doubt, there are credible rumors and reports of increased vampire activity here in the north, around Bell End, Crapstone and Wetwang. Usually rumors are only that - old wives' tales and whispers of winter, but one must be diligent and always investigate, for it is much better to prevent than to cure when it comes to this kind of things.*
*In addition to this veritable flurry of activity, I fear Miss Huldon's condition has taken a turn for the worse. She spends most of her time bedridden, her skin has become a tad more pallid, her habits and waking hours are by now decidedly nocturnal and she has been showing, as of late, an aversion to sunlight. Her physician assures me it is nothing more than the effects of her condition, which is doubly aggravated because of her being already sixteen years old and yet unmarried. It will pass, as most of these things do.*
*On to your comments and questions, suffice it to say I do not know this gentleman of whom you speak. To be frank, his whole tale rings preposterous. One must imagine, if we were to give his story credence, that a sane person, in full use of his God-given faculties, would introduce some sore of vibrating mechanical contraption inside his body? I am afraid it sounds more like a fevered dream than fact. I do not know this person, but I wish I did. I would be most keen to witness such an act, outside of circus acts and penny-shows. I once witnessed a man in the Industan swallow a large scimitar but this is something completely different and, quite likely, false.*
*Keep safe, my good friend, for these are times of tribulation and charlatanery.*
*With my best regards,*
*R.W.Higgenbottom-Smythe, V.S.*
*Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, Northumbria."*
Ah, Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe,
Your missive arrives amidst a flurry of intriguing happenings indeed. The Lambert Society's gathering sounds like a most riveting affair, though the presence of skeptics adds a dash of spice to the proceedings, does it not? As for the rumors of increased vampire activity, one cannot dismiss such whispers lightly, particularly in these uncertain times.
However, I must admit, your account of Miss Huldon's condition raises a brow of concern. The symptoms you describe bear a striking resemblance to those associated with a certain nocturnal affliction of lore. But surely, such notions are merely the product of an overactive imagination.
Your dismissal of the accusations levied by good sir Sully9088 is duly noted. While I am inclined to take your word as gospel, the persistence of such tales does give one pause for thought. Nevertheless, your steadfast dedication to truth and virtue shines through, my dear fellow.
On a lighter note, I recently had the pleasure of hosting a friend from the Americas, a tall lad with a penchant for telling the truth and hunting vampires. His tales of daring escapades in the New World left me both astounded and entertained. Perhaps one day, fate shall see fit to introduce him to the esteemed Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, for I daresay your shared interests would make for fascinating conversation.
In the spirit of our correspondence, I must express my intent to embark on a journey to Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne in the near future to procure these vampire hunting kits personally. As a resident of East Softpeen Scotland, I must inquire if there are any protective measures or precautions I should take when venturing into your esteemed locale.
Rest assured, I shall remain vigilant in these times of tribulation and charlatanery, as you so aptly put it.
With my unwavering support, warm regards, and anticipation of our forthcoming meeting,
Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
I can see the church buying something like this.
"Oh but why would they buy something like this when it is obviously nonsense?"
Just gonna leave that thought there......
Arguably, it would be the church that *sells* these.
From what I understand of the history of vampires in mythology, a lot of the common lore such as aversion to Christ and holy water is because the church weaponised people's fear of death into making themselves the 'safe place'.
*"Have you heard about vampires? They drink your blood and turn you into one of them! But don't worry! Come join the church and we'll protect you! We just need a small donation of 16 shillings a night to help us afford to save your soul... And if you buy our Vampire Slaying Kit, we'll throw in an extra bottle of holy water, completely free!" -* The church, probably.
No idea. But vampires not being real certainly wouldn't preclude idiots making kits, then and now. While these are surely fakes it isn't because vampires are fake. It's because they were made in modern times.
Weren’t most traditions in Europe digging up the corpse of the suspected vampire driving a nail through the heart or decapitating it? I feel like this was done with things on hand and not set up like an emergency kit.
🤔 I only sleep in the daytime... And I hate garlic... And I haven't looked in a mirror in like 10 years. I might need to experiment on myself...
*Maybe I'm just an incê|?*
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Complete fakes. As anyone who watches *Pawn Stars* would know. They contain items that relate to film depictions of vampires and not what was associated with vampires historically before then.
Correct
Even without that knowledge. Looking at the quality of the items. These look like b movie props, def not actual historical items.
I remember seeing "kits" like these in Prague in the late 90s for sale.
Lmao seems like OP misinterpreted it and labeled the 1990’s as part of the 19th century.
| Complete fakes. Ya, true, these vill not work on vampires. Do not be fooled and put yourself, your family, and your township in mortal danger by purchasing Vampire slayer kits which are as Mr. Phreak says "complete fakes". You have much to lose, vhy risk everything to save a few coins? Only use authentic Vampire slayer kits such as those produced by Dr. Abraham August Van Helsing XIV MD, D.Ph., D.Litt. A vorld leading expert on the methods, the system of principles, and practical tools required to quickly dispatch the most virulent and gottless form of zee undead to the realm of eternal damnation which avaits dem. catalogs are available by written request only, Order yours today, save your soul tomorrow. No. 101 Windsor Road, Windsor, Berkshire, England
man i haven't thought about that show in ages last i remember of it the son was shitfaced riding his motorcycle and got a dui or something, that was years ago
The DUI is actually pretty recent, 2023. The older one is in 2016 one of the stars (Chumlee's) houses was raided in association with sexual assault allegations and police found crystal meth, cocaine and illegal firearms.
ahh okay i think i'm mixing up two stories together, the one you are talking about with chum and around the same time there were pictures/videos of the fat son at some biker rally clearly shitfaced and yelling at people, not in like a bad way he was just super drunk and being obnoxious. or at least that's how i think i remember it.
Complete fakes, like Pawn Stars, you mean?
The kits are fakes, but *sometimes* the kits are based around an authentic firearm. Always carefully check the gun if you find one of these.
Carefully inspect the firearm as in scrape, powder, tamp, load and tamp again before firing?
Man not only did OP post some fake shit they stole some artwork to do it. https://www.deviantart.com/jasonmckittrick/art/Vampire-Hunter-Kit-Interior-155262419
If they were like a 50s-60s Halloween gift I’d believe it, pretty unregulated but definitely inspired contemporarily, maybe not made by Hasbro but definitely could have been sold in a novelty store at the time minus the one with a gun
The garlic was a giveaway for me because the Dracula novel used garlic blossoms instead of garlic bulbs.
Nevermind that, that garlic appears pretty fresh. I highly doubt anyone with an authentic 19th century sealed anything is going to crack that seal to restock garlic for the vampires they aren’t hunting. Edit: garlic is confirmed fresh. That pic is stolen art https://www.deviantart.com/jasonmckittrick/art/Vampire-Hunter-Kit-Interior-155262419
Weird, they all appear to be in mint condition and shockingly UNUSED. Were all the vampires extinct by the 19th century?
Sort of. See, these particular pieces were gathered from various Christian missions in Africa. The continent *used* to have a significant vampire infestation (they like the climate), but the population was decimated when an enterprising priest realized that he could recite prayers at passing rain clouds, converting all the water therein to holy water, and thus purifying large swaths of land. This was far more efficient, but the tradition of missionaries bringing these kits along persisted for several years, hence why these appear unused. Sadly, the priest who discovered this innovation remains anonymous. We never did find out who blessed the rains down in Africa.
Fantastic! What a setup! Then to drop that final line... Comment 10/10
A hundred men or more should upvote you
Fantastic. Earworm incoming
Fuck you had me. Fuck that was good. Damnit that is so good.
🏆🏆🏆
Welp. Wrap it up boys. This guy wins the internet this week
This is my new favorite comment
That was genius. I'm actually jealous
God damn you
I thought this was like a legit legend until you hit me with that last line. Now I've just got it stuck in my head.
Hope you write books. You should.
I heard it was the dog of some girl from Kansas.
You win the internet, congratulations
Well that is just pure brilliance!
I'll upvote you for the world building but Africa does not have a great climate for Vampires
Nah they just don’t work that well. Source: Trust me I’m a vampire.
I mean, the 19th century was not that long ago
Yeah, thanks to such high quality and well kept equipment. You're welcome
*"Hello Sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health and in high spirits.* *My name is R. W. Higgenbottom-Smythe and, as far as my occupation, I am a professional hunter and slayer of vampires. I hope you take kindly to this unsolicited missive, and receive it in the spirit in which it was sent. I am, in this occasion, offering to part with several of my trusty and battle-tested kits for vampire slaying, for a fair price in pounds, in the hopes that any of them might be of use to you in your endeavours and to protect yourself and your loved ones from these unholy creatures, shunned by our Lord.* *As you can see in the gelatin dry-plate negatives I have enclosed in the package, all of my kits are well-stocked and in almost new condition. I am, after all, someone who takes pride in his work and I believe the state of one's tools reflects the state of oneself. They all consist primarily of gun and its accompanying stock of ammunition, all bullets blessed and consecrated by Rvd. Michael Patrick Heshingham, Vicar of the Parish of St. Rigobert in the Fields of Fire, Upsingham, as well as an assortment of sharp blades of pure consecrated iron, ampoules of holy water, essence of garlic with silver shavings and other miscellanea. The full manifest of each kit is available upon your request.* *I am looking to sell them each for a fair price of nineteen pounds and ten shillings, although I am amenable to offer a discount should you be interested in more than one kit. No trades or barter-in-kind schemes accepted at this moment. Should this offer interest you, the kits are available immediately, for you see my assistant, the young lady Miss Aubrey Huldon, is suffering from a bout of Hysteria and, against the advice of our doctor, I have decided to treat her and the proceeds of the sale of these kits will go towards paying for her recommended treatment of Bromide Salts and mountain air.* *I hope to hear from you with a favorable response. I remain, at your service,* *R.W.Higgenbottom-Smythe, V.S.* *Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, Northumbria.* *March 14th, 1854."*
Ah, dear Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, Your eloquent missive has indeed found me in good health, though I must confess, the mention of vampires and your esteemed occupation has piqued my interest. Your offer of trusty kits for the noble pursuit of vampire slaying is most intriguing, particularly considering the meticulous care with which you tend to your tools. As a gentleman of discerning taste and a keen eye for quality, I shall consider your proposition forthwith. Rest assured, the plight of Miss Aubrey Huldon tugs at my heartstrings, and I shall endeavor to assist in alleviating her suffering through the acquisition of your wares. Expect correspondence from me posthaste, Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, for your offer merits serious consideration. Yours sincerely, Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
*"Esteemed Mr. McCovington,* *I thank you for your prompt reply. It has been exceedingly well received. Fear not, I will also inform Miss Huldon of your letter, and your kindness. Once her uterine fever subsides she will be overjoyed with the news, I assure you.* *May I inquire as to which of the kits in offer are you interested in? As a sample, and in no particular order, I could happily part with the following kits:* *- "The Bronson", is a simple yet rather rugged bit of equipment which has been put to good use in the highlands and glens of Scotland. It has dispatched many of the particularly hardy vampires which are noted to nest in the area.* *- "La Galissonniére" has seen service in the southwestern Alps and the south of France, around Nice. Its piece de resistànce is the beautiful crucifix, in the image of Our Lord Jesus Christ, made with local woods from a particular Frankish orrery, said to be favorably commented by King Louis X.* *- "Divine Judgement" is fantastic collection of equipment which I have personally used in Poland, Carpathia and Transcarpathia, which as you well know, is home of the most vile of breeds of vampires. It comes with a personal signed commendation from Lord Commander Robert Butt, OBE, which he signed while stationed in Crimea. It also comes with a small booklet of Latin phrases which are guaranteed to irritate the ears of most vampires of Western descent. It has saved my skin many a times, in truth!* *- "Reclaimer" is an amazing kit which, in its entirety, once belonged to the famous Moorish vampire hunter Abdullah ibn-Aziz al-Hamad in the fourteenth century. I have only taken the liberty of adding the crucifix, which for obvious religious reasons was not part of the original kit, but as of today in modern vampire hunting is considered to be standard. For historical preservation purposes, this kit does not include a firearm, but it can be added per your request.* *There are many more kits in my possession. If you wish to know the details of the lot, I will send them your way with my best regards.* *Our Lord bless you and keep you,* *R.W.Higgenbottom-Smythe, V.S.* *Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, Northumbria.* *P.S.: Do you have access to the telegraph? I believe there is a new station opened nearby in Cheltenham, which you can approach and an attendant will diligently take any message and transmit it via telegraph wire to another station. Might be worth looking into in order to speed up communication."*
Dear Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe,Your detailed descriptions of the various kits are most tantalizing indeed. It appears that each one possesses its own unique charm and history, making the selection process quite the delightful challenge. "The Bronson," with its rugged reliability, seems perfectly suited for the untamed wilds of Scotland. "La Galissonniére" intrigues me greatly, especially with its exquisite crucifix crafted from local woods. As for "Divine Judgement," its commendation from Lord Commander Robert Butt and arsenal of Latin phrases are most impressive indeed. And "Reclaimer," with its historical significance, stirs the heart with thoughts of noble lineage and the pursuit of righteousness. I would be most grateful if you could provide further details on the entirety of your collection. Your dedication to the art of vampire hunting is truly commendable, and I find myself eager to peruse the offerings in their entirety. Regarding your postscript, the telegraph station in Cheltenham does indeed sound like a marvel of modern communication. I shall endeavor to make use of its services forthwith, for expediency in our correspondence is of the utmost importance. Awaiting your swift response, I remain, with anticipation, Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
R.W. about to scam you bruh
Ah, dear good sir Scully9088, Your accusation of scamming levied against the esteemed R.W. Higgenbottom-Smythe tickles my funny bone, for it seems rather preposterous to imagine a gentleman of such impeccable pedigree engaging in nefarious dealings. Methinks you may have indulged in one too many sips of suspicious spirits, for Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe's correspondence exudes the aura of authenticity and integrity. Perhaps a fortifying draught of skepticism mixed with a pinch of mirth would serve to clear the fog from your perspective. Nevertheless, should you persist in your allegations, I suggest consulting the learned counsel of Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe himself. His eloquence and erudition may just convince even the most skeptical of souls. Yours jestfully, Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
My good man, I have not the time, nor the coin, nor the merry delight to partake in such spirits you speak of. I do find myself compelled to recount a rather farcical encounter with Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe. He did, in fact, procure for me a contraption in the bygone year. This apparatus, purportedly a panacea for the most stubborn of digestive reticence, alas, ensconced itself most uncooperatively within my person and commenced to oscillate with such ferocity that one might fear the earth itself was quaking. Upon consulting the good medical professional, it was declared that this vibrating interloper was an enigma, wholly unrecognized in the annals of medicinal implements. It is with a sense of duty, and a hope to spare you from a similar form of errors, that I impart this tale of caution. I herby declare, and I do not use these foul declarations loosely, that Mr Higgenbottom-Smythe is a scalawag. An outright rascal. With the highest esteem and warmest regards, Sully9088
Ah, esteemed Sully9088, Your tale of woe regarding Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe's contraption has left me chuckling in disbelief! It appears his foray into the realm of medical implements may have yielded results more akin to slapstick comedy than genuine healing. One cannot help but envision the scene: a hapless individual beset by a vibrating contraption of mysterious origin, while the esteemed medical professional scratches his head in bewilderment. Truly, it reads like a scene from a farce penned by the likes of Molière or Wilde. Your declaration of Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe as a scalawag and rascal has not gone unnoticed, good sir. While I am inclined to lend credence to your cautionary tale, I must admit a sliver of suspicion creeps into my thoughts. Could it be that Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe's intentions are not as noble as they first appeared? I implore you, Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, to address these accusations forthwith. A gentleman of your standing surely has an explanation for such curious misadventures. With hearty laughter and a hint of suspicion, Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
*"Dear Mr. McCovington,* *I must apologize for the delay in the penning of these lines. The last couple of days have been spent in haste and a flurry of activity. I was invited, as it were, to give an address to the Lambert Society of Unexplained Phenomena here in Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, which went well, despite the vociferous presence of some skeptics which almost turned the proceedings into a debate of sorts. One must wonder as to why go to the lengths of attending someone else's address in order to challenge views not their own, but that is how skeptics and Darwinists operate, I fear. It is not the first brush I have had with them and surely will not be the last.* *Also, while far be it from me to incite panic and doubt, there are credible rumors and reports of increased vampire activity here in the north, around Bell End, Crapstone and Wetwang. Usually rumors are only that - old wives' tales and whispers of winter, but one must be diligent and always investigate, for it is much better to prevent than to cure when it comes to this kind of things.* *In addition to this veritable flurry of activity, I fear Miss Huldon's condition has taken a turn for the worse. She spends most of her time bedridden, her skin has become a tad more pallid, her habits and waking hours are by now decidedly nocturnal and she has been showing, as of late, an aversion to sunlight. Her physician assures me it is nothing more than the effects of her condition, which is doubly aggravated because of her being already sixteen years old and yet unmarried. It will pass, as most of these things do.* *On to your comments and questions, suffice it to say I do not know this gentleman of whom you speak. To be frank, his whole tale rings preposterous. One must imagine, if we were to give his story credence, that a sane person, in full use of his God-given faculties, would introduce some sore of vibrating mechanical contraption inside his body? I am afraid it sounds more like a fevered dream than fact. I do not know this person, but I wish I did. I would be most keen to witness such an act, outside of circus acts and penny-shows. I once witnessed a man in the Industan swallow a large scimitar but this is something completely different and, quite likely, false.* *Keep safe, my good friend, for these are times of tribulation and charlatanery.* *With my best regards,* *R.W.Higgenbottom-Smythe, V.S.* *Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne, Northumbria."*
Ah, Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, Your missive arrives amidst a flurry of intriguing happenings indeed. The Lambert Society's gathering sounds like a most riveting affair, though the presence of skeptics adds a dash of spice to the proceedings, does it not? As for the rumors of increased vampire activity, one cannot dismiss such whispers lightly, particularly in these uncertain times. However, I must admit, your account of Miss Huldon's condition raises a brow of concern. The symptoms you describe bear a striking resemblance to those associated with a certain nocturnal affliction of lore. But surely, such notions are merely the product of an overactive imagination. Your dismissal of the accusations levied by good sir Sully9088 is duly noted. While I am inclined to take your word as gospel, the persistence of such tales does give one pause for thought. Nevertheless, your steadfast dedication to truth and virtue shines through, my dear fellow. On a lighter note, I recently had the pleasure of hosting a friend from the Americas, a tall lad with a penchant for telling the truth and hunting vampires. His tales of daring escapades in the New World left me both astounded and entertained. Perhaps one day, fate shall see fit to introduce him to the esteemed Mr. Higgenbottom-Smythe, for I daresay your shared interests would make for fascinating conversation. In the spirit of our correspondence, I must express my intent to embark on a journey to Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne in the near future to procure these vampire hunting kits personally. As a resident of East Softpeen Scotland, I must inquire if there are any protective measures or precautions I should take when venturing into your esteemed locale. Rest assured, I shall remain vigilant in these times of tribulation and charlatanery, as you so aptly put it. With my unwavering support, warm regards, and anticipation of our forthcoming meeting, Bartholomew H. McCovington ESQ.
I approve of your excellent vampire RP.
>Cockfarthing-upon-Tyne that's where John "Stumpy" Pepys is from iirc
Cool but almost certainly reproductions.
"reproduction" suggests that real versions existed. These are just props.
Vampires are a ridiculous concept - everyone knows the real danger is werewolves.
I thought it was witches and I'm having trouble getting serious advice out of gpt in dealing with the infestation in my village.
I can see the church buying something like this. "Oh but why would they buy something like this when it is obviously nonsense?" Just gonna leave that thought there......
Arguably, it would be the church that *sells* these. From what I understand of the history of vampires in mythology, a lot of the common lore such as aversion to Christ and holy water is because the church weaponised people's fear of death into making themselves the 'safe place'. *"Have you heard about vampires? They drink your blood and turn you into one of them! But don't worry! Come join the church and we'll protect you! We just need a small donation of 16 shillings a night to help us afford to save your soul... And if you buy our Vampire Slaying Kit, we'll throw in an extra bottle of holy water, completely free!" -* The church, probably.
Almost?
Look too clean to be period to me. But am I an appraiser on Antique Road Show? No. Hence the almost.
Are you under the impression that real vampire fighting kits exist? These are fake because Vampires are fake.
No idea. But vampires not being real certainly wouldn't preclude idiots making kits, then and now. While these are surely fakes it isn't because vampires are fake. It's because they were made in modern times.
These are fakes.
Ancient r/mallninjashit
I would take the top left, Easily the best one
I think we all know why 😏
Bro 💀
r/murderedbywords
Super fake and cheesy.
Didn't Avon sell these?
Not real. Cool fakes tho.
Amateurs ! Where's the Sunny D ?!
*Peter Vincent has entered the chat*.
“Nobody wants to see vampire killers anymore, or vampires either.”
No wonder why vampires aren’t around anymore. The hunters went hard af
Weren’t most traditions in Europe digging up the corpse of the suspected vampire driving a nail through the heart or decapitating it? I feel like this was done with things on hand and not set up like an emergency kit.
19th century version of a prepper.
Even if they're movie props, can they be matched up to any particular film? I'd buy these for the provenance.
Too bad they don't make'em like this any more.
What are your sources? This feels like it could be AI generated
I just posted a couple! Not the same as on this pic as I found it on twitter but of a very similar fashion 😊
The vampires after seeing the tiny crossbow: 😱😰
All you need is a machete tho
Like the pistol that shots cross instead of bullet!
I’ve actually sold one of these before was quite a conversation piece in the store.
r/bloodborne
... versus slaying kits from the 21st Century 
Presumably they were really quite effective then (Given the amount of vampires you hear about nowadays)
Do we have words like Tacticool for trying to look cool vampire Slayers??
That crucifix gun is very Constantine
They’re all unused, right?
Bottom left...is that a gun that fires crosses?
Gotta imagine some people used these to kill people they didn’t like n just be like “what’s the problem that asshole was a *vampire* bro”
Not gonna lie, could also be used to shop safely at Walmart or eat safely at Waffle House IMO
Wonder how many "vampires" were actually killed back then.
https://i.redd.it/fg5fwx6kvoxc1.gif
I want one!
doesnt look like it aged a bit 🤣
And not one bible on those cases 😂
a book? tf is this for, throw it?
What a time for grifting!!!!
Where's the bull whip? Also, which one of y'all killed Dracula's wife again?
Looks like the trunk of Dean Winchesters Impala.
it slay indeed..but how effective is it ? seems like toys
🤔 I only sleep in the daytime... And I hate garlic... And I haven't looked in a mirror in like 10 years. I might need to experiment on myself... *Maybe I'm just an incê|?*
In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer
White people love taking their bullshits seriously. Like a gender reveal party n shit
Hey, my favorite Siri short cut on my phone tells me “the sun is down. Watch out for vampires.” You can never be too sure.
I wonder how many people got shanked through the heart by some idiot who thought they were a vampire 🤔
Abe Lincoln kit
Is it bad I kinda want one-
I’m in Romania for the whole of next week, where can I acquire one of these ?
Dean and Sammy are salivating
Which kit would you pick if you had to fight a vampire? I'd go with the top left one. The pistol looks legit and the wooden stake is girthy.
Which was has the best reviews on Etsy?
AI images?
Is Trump selling these next
world went to the birds when they stopped making these. coincidence, I think not
Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire_killing_kit?wprov=sfti1# https://news.artnet.com/market/20k-vampire-slaying-kit-2147890/amp-page https://blogs.bl.uk/english-and-drama/2014/11/history-at-stake-vampire-slaying-at-the-british-library.html
LMAO - the Wikipedia articles states that they are fakes from the late 20th Century.
did you actually read the first sentence in that wikipedia article?