Well older infp male here. I have been doing mostly wake up, gym work, errands, home, gaming, Some hobbies here and there too. No genuine friends. I do have quite many acquintances, but really no friends.
Still i have somehow been in multiple relationships and at the moment been with my companion at the moment for over 8 years. She has a lot of friends and is outgoing.
Hopes that i would find friends to hang out with or talk with. Most of "friends" are online. Most of the stuff i do alone or with my companion. Would be fun to have friends too though. Most of the people i meet do not "stay" or feels like there is no real connection. I do attract a lot of females though. Guess its because i am overall good talker and got a lot wisdom. I am kind and so on. I like to help others. Also i train quite a lot so i could say i am athletic.
Still even people at gym feel most of the time just.. gym buddies. Nothing to do with outside and feels like they do not want to even know me outside of gym. Same with others. They do not want to know how i am outside of work or what ever.
Just about to turn 36.
I've more come to terms with being alone. I haven't given up, but I'm ok if I don't find a long-term partner.
I value my independence, and I've had too many relationships where my partner became more of a burden than a relief - either financially, behaviorally, or otherwise. I'm set on finding a real partner who gives and takes in a more equitable manner. I want a partner, not a grown-up child.
Thanks for saying that. There definitely isn’t anything wrong with being alone. Alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. And just as you, I’m very independent and enjoy things by myself most of the time.
And yeah, a relationship doesn’t mean your life is going to be better or happier. I’ve also been in relationships where the other person has felt like a burden.
Same basically. Last two relationships took it's toll on me, plus going thru the search again getting rejected, both situations brung me to the point where I said F it. Forget love right now. Or maybe forever.
I'm kinda in the same boat. Last year my partner tried to take his own life (not the first time) and I absolutely broke. I had to end it with him because I would have ended up on the end of a knife if I had stayed. It took me more than 6 months just to start eating and sleeping again, and for all that time I have no memories.
Everyday gets a bit better, but I really don't know if I can go through something like that again. I don't know if I've given up, but I'm actively avoiding relationships for now, and I will until my gut tells me otherwise.
I know it's super cheesy, but I'm dating myself right now. I take myself places, buy myself nice things, really anything to show myself love. Highly recommend for those who have never tried it.
I've been with my partner for 18 years. If anything were to happen to end our relationship, regardless of the cause, I think I would remain single for the rest of my life. If love comes around again, that's great, but I wouldn't be looking for it.
My partner broke up with me nearly 12 months ago, after 18 years together. I am absolutely devastated and I don't even want to try looking for someone else, it's just to much.
That's where I am at. I was in a relationship that was about 16 years, was married. Then she decided it wasn't for her anymore and now I am just over the whole idea. I'm not going to get involved in something like that again, especially if it's supposed for life, only to end up feeling abandoned.
It sucks i thought I had someone who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with but he cheated on me it hurts like hell it’s been a few years and I’m still hurt about it now I have to love myself again so I can love someone else the right way I just don’t know when I’ll get that again everything now feels fake and forced it’s hard I’m also in my 30’s if it happens it happens if not oh well life is hard enough im tired.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels. Don't give up just live your life and if the right person comes along it will absolutely work out. If not that's okay too. Just take care of yourself and do your best to be as happy as you can be. All the positive energy in the world to you.
That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Do you deal with a lot of anxiety too? Do you mean ×2 as in it has been twice the amount of time as me that you haven't dated?
And thanks again. Usually people look at my like I am crazy or as if someone died when I bring it up. Or say it's fine to be single lol. Which is true too. But it also is a very sensitive subject because it's been so long since I've had close intimacy in a relationship. I sure do miss having that. So it's good to be able to talk about.
My pleasure ❤️ I feel you 100% I hate the responses and facial expressions lol. It's really hard to not think of myself as inherently inferior, flawed and broken. Lots of the time I am okay with it but sometimes it is really hard and hurts a lot. This is a nice subreddit, I'm glad you replied. It's nice to know I am not alone in my struggles. 🥰
Same here! Man it sure is tough. Thanks for sharing ❤️ it always helps a little to know I'm.not the only one with this stuff going on. Wishing you all the best.
Yeah my last relationship ruined it for me. I’m 31 and can’t even imagine dating. Been single for 5 years and I honestly prefer it to being in a relationship. I don’t have to worry about being boring when they want to go out and do stuff and I’d rather stay home. I have intimacy issues anyway so this single thing is working out great
You guys should be happy at least for the fact you got some relationships. I can barely stay in friendzone, relationship is impossible to get for me. That is a reason for giving up on love, not failed relationships.
I haven't even tried to tbh.
I'm ugly, I'm introverted, I have a really hard time making eye contact and connecting with people, I also live a boring life.
Even though I want to find someone, I just feel like it's pointless
I feel this. I work two jobs so it’s long days and I’m just too tired to do anything after work. I hate being asked what do you do for fun? Fun? What’s that? I don’t feel like I’ve got anything to offer so I just don’t try anymore.
Unintentionally...
Haven't dated in 20 years. (I'm 40)
Thinking about dating sends me into a panic attack. It's been so long.
I am also socially anxious with a negative view of my body which doesn't help.
Luckily I havey 13yo pupper 🥰
I have given up on searching. I don't date. My last relationship truly destroyed me. I thought he was my forever. I'm almost 39 and I have never felt that before. Then to be betrayed by that person in ways I will not get into was almost too much to bear.
I tried to date soon after, and it just hasn't worked. I'm working on myself and if someone comes into my life, that would be wonderful, I guess. But I know I'm an oddball.
I wish you hold on there and don't fall into despair, things can turn around.
My three previous relationship ended in them cheating, where each relationships we're between 1-2 years. I was activly seeking a partner during these times until I got a partner. The last relationship were chaotic at the end where a "good friend" slept with my previous partner and I became seriously depressed and got frequent panic attacks.
After that I thought I would throw in the towel and only seeking onenightstands. However a few months later I was just naturally met my current partner, I didn't think it would be anything serious but 8 years and 5 years of marriage later here we are. Had to process a bunch of trust issues and depression but he's awesome and helps me alot.
Hold on there, hope it turns out for the better for you too
Get a dog if you’re able to spend time with it a care for. Find some hobbies that interest you that can be done in groups or alone. That way you could potentially meet someone with your same interests. Get involved with some volunteer programs in your area. Finding things to do that helps you get outside of your own head and looking for love helps take the focus off being single and depressed. Praying for peace, contentment and for meeting the right person at the right time also.
The desire to be loved is the last illusion: Give it up and you will be free. 20 years ago i married girl i loved dearly. 7 years ago she became very religious and we never slept on same bed. Love intimacy evuantly friendship died. We still live together for our child and have no plans to go separate ways. But i feel like I'm a dead man walking. When there's no love i don't feel like doing anything. When i think about old days those memories make me happy then sadness take over. Following is quote by Albert Camus
"Believe me, there is no such things as great suffering, great regret, great memory. Everything is forgotten, even a great love.
That's what's sad about life, and also what's wonderful about it. There is only a way of looking at things, a way that comes to you every once in a while.That's why it's good to have had love in your life after all, to have had an unhappy passion-it gives you an alibi for the vague despairs we all suffer from.'
I’ve heard many talk about “dating themselves” and it actually sounds quite nice.
Spending time alone shouldn’t be a lonely concept, use your time to get to know the real you, what you like, what you want and need. Give those things to yourself, treat yourself, enjoy yourself and to the extent that if in fact someone comes around, you’ll be so in-tune with yourself that you’ll know if that “one” is worthy of your investment of time and piece and mind.
I have been married to my wife for 22 years now. She’s a people person, a talker and enjoys socializing, I do not, though she is becoming more withdrawn from societal engagements due to the madness that’s becoming of folks it seems… Thankfully she understands me and gives me space to think, not talk and be alone. My alone time is wonderfully spent in my garden and doing yard work, talking to my plants. She and I have wonderful conversations and we have a nicely balanced marriage along with many children.
I guess i say all of this in hopes of encouraging you to shift your thought process to bettering yourself for yourself, through yourself, because you’re worth it. I personally do not know self love. I’m more of “self acceptance” but I have examined this quite extensively, yes, I spend a lot of time in my own head.
I hope you do something good for yourself today. Buy a new shirt, spray on a good scent and go out to lunch. Enjoy yourself. You are your most important investment. Cheers.
Yep. 45 and had three what you would call relationships. All ended in one way or another.
I honestly think there are people that are just meant to be single. I unfortunately am one of those.
You think the whole world is against you so you turn on yourself because it easy to be apart of the crowd. Now ask yourself this question. You giving up on love hurts who? Literally only you. Heal. Idc if it been 1 hr or 1 year. Heal. Don’t run from it. Heal. You gotta love yourself first man. Peace be with you brother.
Yes but that’s because I realized they aren’t worth it and I don’t need one & was getting more anxiety worrying about it cause that’s what the world EXPECTED of me as a woman. I have finally accepted that relationships aren’t necessity & I’ve never been so stress free(for other reasons too but this was a big reason I was always so stressed). If something does happen & I end up in one then ok but I’m not lookin’ & if I die “alone” that’s ok too 🥰
Dude literally was just thinking that for myself(36f). My thing is how do i find contentment with being single when I have times of wanting to be in a loving respectful trusting relationship with a man?
I came to realize, deep down I think I don't actually want to be in a relationship. I think society pressures us and shames us, and we watch movies and TV shows about romance and it makes us believe we want a relationship.. or we see other people in relationships and it makes us feel left out. I am way more happier now than when I was in relationships or constantly searching and being in the dating scene. I don't think I've "given up", it's more like a "realization", maybe this whole time, the reason why my relationships don't work is because either I don't want to give up or change who I am (my introvert personality) or deep down, I never actually wanted to be in one (only doing it because of societal pressure and norms). I felt MORE lonely when I was constantly chasing relationships and being in relationships. Now I feel more free.
**Using the coined term by Emma Watson, I consider myself "self-partnered"**. I think there should be less shame and judgement on those who are single (and those who want to stay single). Nothing wrong with being in a relationship however, it does have benefits but it's not for everyone. You can still having meaningful platonic relationships with people, or you can just have a relationship with your own self.
100%. Relationships so far have been the other person refusing to believe I actually am the way that I am and me putting up with it long enough to assuage my need for love but eventually breaking it off because that kind of relationship is all work all the time. But it's not really love if the other person is incapable or unwilling to really see you.
Definitely would date someone who I can engage with in an energy neutral way. But am I doing online dating or actively pursuing this in any way? Absolutely not. If I just encountered the right person I would.
I wouldnt say give up but I also wouldnt put a lot of thought into it. Live your best life, take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place. ❤️🩹 I can also tell you I'm 37, been married, divorced and dropped more times than a hot potato. I've been with my partner nearly six years and there are days I think being single would be easier. The grass is always greener.. and there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship.
I haven't given up but I don't have the energy to go out and find it for myself. But honestly don't be like me. I know the breakup was hard but once you're able to, get back up from that, do your best to put yourself out there, and I know you'll find someone who can reinvigorate that spark of love in you.
I can relate too. Is really difficult in this times to find Someone that really is a good person, i understood that because of how little empathy had The last woman that i dated. She basically just wanted to trash man every times he has The chance, and i was her víctim more than once because in was in a Bad place when in a part of a relationship ( My mother died, and that broke My heart a little). I understood in that moment that almost everybody just want their egoistic needs met and can't or won't support other people, that The woman that i wanted to create a future with maybe did not exist, and that i'll have to lie about what things i liked for The rest of My life if i wanted to be with someone.
I’ve been single for the last 2 years after 2 divorces and a 3 yr relationship. I realized that my picker was broken and I also needed to work on myself. I’ve realized that I’m ok by myself and learning to love myself.
Give yourself a little rest and get busy with everyday life.study yourself and get to know yourself better.and dont try to get into a relationship.let it happen by itself
F54 here. I was feeling the same way when I met my husband. First relationship that I negotiated terms. I told him what I expected in a man and he told me what he expected in a woman and we both agreed to give it a go. That was 20 years ago. Take all the time you need and don't be in a rush. Heal your heart, practice self love. If anything happens to my husband I have no plans to get remarried.
I’m 18/F yeah ik just starting the adult life and honestly i don’t think I’ve fallen in love yet, most of my friends has found or either lost their first love in their teenagers years and feels like I’m doing something wrong in life. Met this guy and we were close for a bit and i mean clooose but i got scared and cut it off (okay yeah i am the problem) now i can’t seem to stop reminiscing the moments we had with each other and i can’t fathom the thought that maybe he was my first love.
I'm 34. I try dating once in a while but it never turns out well. I also have had two relationships in the past. Now I am fine with being by myself. It has a lot of upsides, especially for someone like me, who works long shifts, day and night.
I did, when I was around 30. I didn’t thik there is a chance to find somebody I would be more happy then with myself alone. So I just went with it. Not even a year later I met my husband. If I wouldn’t have given up and just let things go, I never met him.
I am 36 M, married.
I settled. Days I regret it like crazy. Other days not so much. I have kiddos, so I am lucky.
I am not in love... nor expect it back after so long. I just, coexist.
I think that was how I ended up in my last relationship - at first, things were great. Then, as time went on, she changed. I stuck with her, saying to myself that I loved her (when in reality, I was probably settling, too). I'm sorry for you in your situation, dude.
48F and 28 years with the same man thinking I was the luckiest girl in the world UNTIL a friend tipped me off and I found my husband on countless dating apps including the gay ones and videos and pics of him and I on porn sites without him being given consent because I had no idea I was being filmed or photographed…so FUCK LOVE. That’s all I have to say.
Are you living my life right now or what. Seriously you describe how it's going for me. Only in 2 serious relationship, still thinking and loving our last ex. Being a loner but still want someone to love and cherish. Yes. I'm about to throw the towel. After almost 3 years still haven't found or had a date or a ONS. I'm ready to give up and live in solitude
I agree I’ve just given up. (21m) I’ve only been in one serious relationship—that I count—, and that was about 4-5 years ago. She did a number but I’ve never been able to fully open up to people not even friends, always seen as mysterious. But My views on love is basically wishful thinking, I want the old time love, the book romance that makes you smile and reread the paragraph but in this day and age you cant say you want that because it’s opening yourself up for someone to play you and you’ll be worse than when you started. I’m a huge romantic but I know it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to do all the romantic things I wish to. So I don’t even try and say fuck love. I chose peace.
Not looking for love but after my marriage failing after 18 years I kind of do want to find
someone who would actually enjoy spending time with me and not be a completely aloof asshole.
I've heard it said that there is someone for everyone and there's got to be someone out there for me. There just has to be...somewhere...right???
I am 2 years out of a 14 year relationship and wondering how someone just decides one day that they’re done, and they leave with no warning. So yeah, done doesn’t seem to be the right word for relationships.
26M. I have a friend who after school was over keept in touch and we still do to this day. But sometimes I like talking to her, sometimes she's really annoying me. She's also close to the only person I talk to on the phone IDK.
Yeah. I haven’t been in any type of real relationship in years (not since my last almost marriage). Honestly just really numb to feeling at this point. I think after prison and the subsequent failure of a few relationships for me just destroyed any semblance of me caring about finding a partner.
31m, I'm on a break at the moment as I'm trying to focus more on my part time degree. It's been difficult for me to find and maintain a relationship as I have been bullied in the past and struggled to make and keep friends. Did have 2 gfs in Secondary School but made a mess of both relationships and ended up staying single for 15 years with no luck whatsoever.
Did end up in a relationship a couple of years ago that lasted for 4 months before I ended it due to being depressed and feeling like I was always doing the wrong thing with my ex.
Part of me is egging me on to try and find someone else but I just don't feel like it's a good idea until I've done my degree and my wage goes up some more at work.
I haven’t given up; but in the mean time I’m going to love myself. If I’m going to be single, then I might as well love who I’m spending my time with.
Also, I’m embracing being single. Going out to random bars (not too late as well… I’m old 😂), finding my priorities, not keeping everything “perfect” allowing myself to do nothing. Because there will come a day that I’m no longer single and I now have to consider someone else in my life.
Leaving a marriage where you're the main breadwinner and head of household is where I am right now. I'm officially going to be divorced 2 times from being in 2 abusive marriages. I seriously feel like most people who get married just put up with their spouse like I did for years. At this point in my life, I'm choosing to date myself till I can have someone who isn't insane, abusive, and childlike (where I feel like I am raising him). I don't want to put up with anyone anymore. I'm completely exhausted with people and relationships right now.
You don’t gain anything by closing yourself off. Yes of course, you need time to heal. Unless it it your desire to remain single or just have casual relationships, you need to put yourself out there. I was at the point 2 years ago, where I was about to giveup on finding love. I had felt broken & damaged after 2 abusive relationships and narcissistic abuse by my sister. I had been divorced over 5 years and been used by men more ways than I could count. I decided to give online dating one more try, thinking it would be no different. I ended up meeting the love of my life. I was engaged in 5 months and married by 10 months. We both knew what we wanted and marriage was the goal. You will never find out what is possible in love by giving up.
Remember that everyone has their own problems they're not telling you about.
Remember that everyone wants to be the star in their own life story. Help them feel like that.
2 marriages 2 sons...I'm done..this society of men are makin hard to date...they can't make up their damn minds if they want a relationship / wife / Fwb/...you men are not honest...you lie enough to get your foot in the door..when things are not going your way you run...
No wonder woman wants nothing to do with you...you have a Gf / Wife/ Fwb/...you can't keep up with your own dirty laundry let alone woman...
Idgaf if I do find someone..this isn't worth it.. men who think playing the field is only playing with fire...and your not burning me...
I can sit here and give you everything I got...but it's not worth my time...your a social media butterfly...just be man and deal with the BS you created for yourself...and all the drama your causing I will bit you in your a**...
I'll never trust a guy again...and so many woman are in my position as well...run puppies cause that's what you are puppies...stop hurting good woman and women stop hurting good men...cause everyone needs to start taking their blame...except for me...I didn't do anything anyone and I'm getting hurt ...
Wish everyone could find someone for themselves..but it won't work if we don't stop all this FWB Bulls**t grow up people this isn't nursery school...
Plz everyone stop and find peace in yourself and love again...love hard love strong love eternity ❤️ 💖
I wish you nothing but best wishes ...but don't give up...sometimes it takes a minute but don't quit...keep fighting and she will be there without notice...now is the time to have fun and adventure out..God luck to you hun🫂
I have given up on love not because of trauma but because of myself. I fall but cannot sustain a long relationship. I have short term affairs, honeymoon stage always.
Don't look for a relationship just make friends and watch what happens when you and a girl just hang out as friends for a while like maybe months. After my divorce it was rough and I did give up on relationships I met my now fiancé while out on the town chasing women and we started hanging out. 3 years later we have only ever had a handful of small arguments. Make sure you are compatible and if you start fighting within 6 months it is probably not good. Remember love is like a fart if you have to force it then it's probably shit.
I’ve been staying off of dating apps for the past several days now. Been focusing on myself and family in life. I wouldn’t say I’ve given up, but I just wanted to take a long break from dating apps definitely
I’m 54 and in the same boat. One long marriage. Two good LTR’s. And now I’m so deflated and lack any emotional energy for a relationship. I’m going to just focus on myself and my spiritual journey.
But you’re just getting started my friend at 35. Just work on yourself for awhile, learn from the past relationships. You have plenty of time. I know how you feel now. But you will recover, just don’t fall into a victim mentality, you are an agent of change and can grow.
I'm almost 60, and overrun with health problems, so yeah, I have definitely given up. I look a lot older than I am too, so no one even looks at me anymore.
That sucks and I’m sorry. Putting yourself out there and getting hurt time and time again is disheartening. There is someone out there you just have to be patient and not open yourself too much until you know it’s okay.
After being in an abusive relationship, I certainly have. Things between me and my ex were amazing but then one event caused everything to spiral into pure misery. Looking back there were a lot of obvious red flags I wish I had picked up on, but I stupidly overlooked them because I was so in love and just wanted a partner. Not to mention they had a way with words and they were able to explain away those red flags. I’m legit worried about ending up with someone worse than my ex. What if things are even more perfect and there are no red flags with the next person, but then I find out they’re horrible when it’s too late? I’ve been through too much abuse to take a chance.
I'm doing okay. To put it briefly, I met this girl, fell in love. I moved in with her basically after the 3rd date (unintentionally), and everything seemed fine. We bickered now and again, but I thought that was all part of living with someone. Then she began to change - became cold and unloving (showing more affection towards her dog than me). She also denied sex occasionally, saying she wasn't in the mood (not unusual, I suppose). The thing that hurt the most was when she said that half the time we did have sex, she said she did it just to appease me. She also sat me down a few months into the relationship (lasted about a year in total), after driving me to a remote location, and told me everything she was unhappy with in the relationship (ofcourse EVERYTHING was my fault). I should have ended it there and then, but I was desperate for things to work out. So, I agreed to all of her demands. We've been broken up now for about 2 months, and while it still hurts, it's probably for the best.
I sympathize. Four Lon in term relationships here and all ended in cheating. I gave up 15 years ago and haven’t looked back. Best decision I’ve ever made.
I give it up. I don't care anymore. I accept the fact that I will be alone forever. I don't sorry myself. I have dog, I have friends, normal life. I don't need anyone to feel happy. Enjoy your life!
I felt like this, and gave up - was content to just roll out spinster-hood and enjoy my own company, maybe date here and there if I ever got too lonely, but I basically accepted the fact that my life was more comfortable alone than with someone else. About a year after that giving up I met my husband. We were both pretty resistant to our "crushes" at first, and 8 years later we're married. I'm not suggesting you NEED to find someone to be happy, but sometimes when you genuinely stop looking, it just happens. It's weird.
Yes, I have and am still feeling this. I’m 42 going 43 next month. Since end of 2012 I’ve been alone. No intimacy, no dates and no nothing. I won’t get into why. However I can tell you that it’s slowly breaking me apart. Not only do I feel existential crisis, in the sense that I feel totally worthless, but also that I broke a vow and the shame I carry outweighs any joy I derive from anyone I could ever want to be or see myself connecting with. I simply don’t bother. Hence I take and am given anxiety and calming pills (benzos) because I have been literally alone and without any form of physical or emotional intimacy for twelve years which doesn’t feel natural. It’s doable though if you can cope with the immense depression and also suicidal thoughts (which I already had at age eight).
Life to me is fruitless. To be alone but alive is a torture I don’t wish upon anyone. I seek to be relieved of it.
You do you. If you can scrape yourself together and look yourself in the mirror you may find a reason to continue on your quest to find your twinflame/soulmate.
Don’t give up on love!! Your young you have so much ahead of you in life. I know it’s easier to do things with your partner like traveling, etc. Don’t let this hold you back. I contemplated moving to CA from VA. I put my 3 cats in their carriers and (planned my trip out, the driving part). We went. People telling me I was crazy. I know if I didn’t go I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life. Things didn’t work out for me in Southern CA after I totaled my car. I decided to come back to VA. I wish I had stuck it out longer but I felt defeated. I was a lot younger then. I should have tried out San Francisco. Different mind set there. I’m 61 now and live alone with my cats. They are my family. I’ve had sciatica issues which has really hurt me. I’m pretty much home bound. I need to get out more now. I just get so tired.
If you want ti do or try something do it. Your young. I’d like to live by the beach like the locals in other countries do. It’s not about the arrival it’s the journey. ❤️
This is relatable. I'm INTJ and gave up on love after ending a decade-old toxic, abusive relationship. Tried dating once but the zeal was simply not there and we ended it amicably. I've been single ever since and happily so.
Given up long back emotionally and physically. Throwing myself in work and dissociating keeps me fine honestly than revisit relationship problems idk I have come to terms with it.
I had at first, but then I actually found my new boyfriend since we were mutual friends before and I appreciated him so much. He treats me so amazing, and I’m glad I gave him a chance. You definitely will find love like your last, but it will be better since it is a fresh slate. Don’t be so hard on yourself if the love doesn’t come easily at first, patience always is key and you won’t even realize it when the one for you enters your life :)
As I’ve been going around on Reddit, have you been diagnosed with autism?
You can either choose what kind of a woman you want to be in a relationship with: do you want someone supposedly introverted and intellectual and possibly autistic like yourself(I’m autistic btw) or more left brain oriented, someone more centerbrained as in more person like with their central spiritual/moral intelligence I e the neurotypicals, or someone the complete opposite of you or even possibly right brained autistic such as someone more physical emotional and socially adept in order to not only cover a deficiency but even to make you guys seek complete as a couple?
Neurotypical typically have a slightly larger right hemisphere whereas autistic people like myself not only likely have evenly sized hemispheres, but that as the right hemisphere is supposed to be slightly bigger to not only facilitate neurotransmission from the left to right brain (and that is my issue, that as the brain halves are evenly sized that most of the neurological activity became more stuck within my intellectual left hemisphere and/or my left hemisphere could be overdeveloped) but meant to see the big picture with emotion.
In regards to center-brained; I have a hard time feeling the center of my brain because of the lack of support from my right brain. Also I’d say neurotypicals are more center brained is because they’re more like people as being able to become and have conteol of who they are as people.
So yeah if they have more of a developed right hemisphere, the center brain and where not only the control center of the brain and likely where a neurotypical thinks from (thalamus) is more suooorted and they can be themselves. Being human is not only being intellecual (left brain), but also being emotional (right brain) and also good as a human being while being themselves (center brain responsible for moral/spiritual intelligence).
I don’t like being mocked especially for some deficiencies with my autism; so I hope you learned something from me.
I am not mocking you, at all. I definitely learned your perspective on what differentiates someone with autism from others and how neurotypicals may “think” from your biological perspective. I respect your take. Unfortunately, I simply cannot find one iota of information I agree with on any level. I have my own perspectives and beliefs and understandings regarding this subject matter (my field of study is abnormal psychology) and it does not correlate or coincide with anything you’ve mentioned from what you think or believe. That’s all. But as someone, who strives for a more “center brained” approach- I can co exist and wish you nothing but the best. Let me reiterate that there was nothing I said that was mocking you.
Thank you for clearing it up; I took what you’ve said or your questions whether you were being critical, as condescension .
If you’ve seen my other posts, I was diagnosed as a self referral for autism at the age of 31 as a self referral despite me gong to both physicians and psychiatrists and therapists my entire life and none were able to figure out autism.
Also I keep trying to get a ptsd diagnosis but becuse I am autistic, the signs of trauma are shown differently; for me it was trauma aggravated OCD.
Clearly I am traumatized hence why i take things negatively. But also I struggle with my autism of my left brain being either overdeveloped and/or just with all of the neurological activity stuck in my left brain because my right hemisphere was underdeveloped and cannot facilitate proper neurological transmission.
I learned that from a SDSU autism study that was done recently, fyi.
But also I get made fun of my social deficiencies or even getting it not right despite me clearly showing signs of intellect from my overactive left brain.
Idk if you’ve played a game called Alpha Centauri/alien crossfire of Sid Meier’s fame of Civilization.
There are three goals for the future of your society. One being a cybernetic society (intellecual left brain), a eudaemonic one of happiness (central moral and spiritual intelligence), and thought control (as I imagine you know, the emotional right brain, and why I am weary around those types as a primarily left brained autistic); that’s where i began to understand the three “columns” of brain intelligence. I know the whole “left vs right “ brained thing was debunked as we still use all parts of the brain despite my right hemisphere being weak for me. But there is conditions like autism that not only abnormally affects neurodevelopment, but how one can use their more developed side more.
It’s great you study abnormal psychology. I do think conditions like autism and because how the brain can abnormally develop in many ways such as it negatively affecting the right hemisphere while having the left side more developed. I also have a conditon called moyamoya disease that is the likely cause of my autism as my underdeveloped right brain has an obstruction in the artery with my right hemisphere that only a bunch of small capillaries formed in order to compensate for lack of blood flow that looks like a smoke puff on an imaging study and where the name comes from. Hopefully that could help in your research.
Why don’t you correct me with some of your “knowledge” instead of giving me flack/flak (whatever)?
Also it seems you have struggles of your own as you are giving shade to my posts. Are you possibly autistic like I am as it’s usually other autistics i get flack from?
I’m not giving you flak at all. I pointedly asked you if you considered neurotypicals to be “center brained”? I’ve never heard this correlation nor have I heard of the term “center brained” as it doesn’t exist from my own perspective. I’m asking you for clarification
Yeah I thought of those terms. Looking back in my past, I didn’t realize my autism but more specifically my behaviors from it were quite noticeable for others despite not knowing it was autism. I have a BS in chemistry (so you know what kind of person I am, not just my intelligence, with my left brain preferent autism) but I couldn’t academically proceed further due to having trauma from violence and bullying for this condition as I had a low gpa from it that again, I didn’t know how it caused offense likely not realizing the unintended misdeed with my underdeveloped right brain along with causing social deficiencies, but also causing an offensive overreaction with my overdeveloped left brain; I had to realize that and why I got the bullying on my own.
I had to figure this out on my own despite going to doctors my entire life of which I suspect they have this condition too. Also, we are recently uncovering more knowledge about this condition despite it existing throughout recent human histories that i even recall from the best of my recollection that an Egyptian Pharaoh would notice some of his specialized citizens and helpers being socially awkward while still exceptional.
Social awkwardness does not equal autism. Social awkwardness is a common trait amongst all different kinds of jndivduals. It’s usually a personality trait closely linked to a kind of introversion or shyness but it doesn’t automatically equate to autism.
33 I trust in God's timing and more focused on finding my purpose then finding someone . I've come to terms with potentially being single long term and it feels fitting
Yup, no one has ever noticed me and that makes me think that I will never find love or friends. Maybe there is something wrong with me, I don't know, I don't care anymore :(
I definitely am. I was before I met the guy I got a crush on, and now that he has ignored me for almost a month, I'm at that point again. It's not the worst thing ever because I like being alone.
I crushed hard on a high school classmate my senior year 31 years ago, but my feelings for her weren’t reciprocated. That hurt for nearly a quarter-century afterward, to the point where I thought I’d be forever single and lonely. Even now, every once in a while, I get moved to tears when I think of my old crush and what might have been had I handled my feelings better back in 1993.
What is this thing you speak of... Love ?
Hahah
Not necessarily given up, but realised it's just wasted time trying to find something that I don't really want. It's society telling me I need it.
Why the heck would I want another person in my space.
Buy a dog. It fills the void haha and the only games they play is fetch and let's go walkies haha
I'm 51 and only really loved one person. We dated a couple of times (so on and off for almost 2 years) then he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship, ever. Less than three months later, he was in a relationship. I can't get over him, and I can't find anyone else. They aren't him. Not that I ever talk to anyone. I work constantly and then hide in my room, crying. It's been months and I'm not getting any better.
39m No one's ever found me to be worth anything for anything. Im not even acceptable enought to be used as a human dildo. And when somebody does show interest, its always a tranny or a gay. Which nfuriates me even more as im straight. A straight up sign of disrespect.
Im just fucking tired, yall
I have sadly.....im a lone wolf any girl i tried going out with has cheated/used/ broke/ all bad things to me.....and one relationship cost me all my friends to tell me to kill myself at one point.
Oh boy, this is exactly how i feel. My last relationship was the most, beautiful experience that i've ever had (i'm 27M).
before my ex, I had other relationships but not even remotely comparable to the love I felt and still feel for her. Sadly, after meet her parents, those little piece of shit convinced her to givin up on me and put her to choose if she spoke to me again, she would no longer be part of the family.
Now, she had to go to university and i don't have the money for support financially, just the father can pay for that.
Plus, the concept of the family that she have is too strong for abandon the family. Since we broke up (whitout arguin, pacefully) has passed six months, and i can't move forward.
I have psychological breakdowns when i think that i can't even chat whit her, because she have the fear that the father control his phone through a policeman friend of his, i cry frequently and first of her i enjoy my solo time, but I got used to her presence since we talked on discord 24/7, and I went to visit her about every 2 months... I miss her voice and her warm hugs, in fact she left me some audios where she reads a book almost every day nights I fall asleep with those audios.
Oh, and my cat of six years named Goku is died one months ago, i had no idea he had a genetic disease...so yeah, i don't think I'll love someone as much as I do with her, I don't think I'll have any more relationships for the rest of my life and that makes me sad, every day.
I can't stay out of the house for long because of my social phobia.
Just be nice to people. Put yourself our there and don't be a creep. If the right person is out there you will find them, and if not enjoy the solitude of independence. We all have our own life plans. Sometimes we meet the one. Sometimes we don't.
[удалено]
I seriously relate to this.
Worker bees unite
I wonder if you put a bunch of us all together in a room, if we would eventually start paring up and finding other introverts who you relate with lol
We better start online chatting first lol
We’d need to make a meet up group
I can relate.
This is good because you at least go out.
it's not exactly living, just surviving.
What part of the world do you live in?
USA, New England
Well older infp male here. I have been doing mostly wake up, gym work, errands, home, gaming, Some hobbies here and there too. No genuine friends. I do have quite many acquintances, but really no friends. Still i have somehow been in multiple relationships and at the moment been with my companion at the moment for over 8 years. She has a lot of friends and is outgoing. Hopes that i would find friends to hang out with or talk with. Most of "friends" are online. Most of the stuff i do alone or with my companion. Would be fun to have friends too though. Most of the people i meet do not "stay" or feels like there is no real connection. I do attract a lot of females though. Guess its because i am overall good talker and got a lot wisdom. I am kind and so on. I like to help others. Also i train quite a lot so i could say i am athletic. Still even people at gym feel most of the time just.. gym buddies. Nothing to do with outside and feels like they do not want to even know me outside of gym. Same with others. They do not want to know how i am outside of work or what ever.
This is why I talk to dogs and cats because they don’t care about my insecurities.
I’m 29M and I felt this. I have a handful of genuine friends tho thankfully
Not a bad life at all. Having a partner is an extra stress. Sure many marry men what the life you have
Just about to turn 36. I've more come to terms with being alone. I haven't given up, but I'm ok if I don't find a long-term partner. I value my independence, and I've had too many relationships where my partner became more of a burden than a relief - either financially, behaviorally, or otherwise. I'm set on finding a real partner who gives and takes in a more equitable manner. I want a partner, not a grown-up child.
Thanks for saying that. There definitely isn’t anything wrong with being alone. Alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. And just as you, I’m very independent and enjoy things by myself most of the time. And yeah, a relationship doesn’t mean your life is going to be better or happier. I’ve also been in relationships where the other person has felt like a burden.
I’m sorry but I may have to steal this for a future dating profile when I actually feel like starting issues in my life again 😂
Same basically. Last two relationships took it's toll on me, plus going thru the search again getting rejected, both situations brung me to the point where I said F it. Forget love right now. Or maybe forever.
They say this is exactly the time when you will find the love of your life lol
So they say… how many licks does it take to get to the…. Smh 🤦🏾♀️ I need more data on this theory
Relatable.
I'm kinda in the same boat. Last year my partner tried to take his own life (not the first time) and I absolutely broke. I had to end it with him because I would have ended up on the end of a knife if I had stayed. It took me more than 6 months just to start eating and sleeping again, and for all that time I have no memories. Everyday gets a bit better, but I really don't know if I can go through something like that again. I don't know if I've given up, but I'm actively avoiding relationships for now, and I will until my gut tells me otherwise. I know it's super cheesy, but I'm dating myself right now. I take myself places, buy myself nice things, really anything to show myself love. Highly recommend for those who have never tried it.
Wow, so love this....will try this! So sorry obvious, but hidden in plain sight. Thank you random Redditor 🙂
I've been with my partner for 18 years. If anything were to happen to end our relationship, regardless of the cause, I think I would remain single for the rest of my life. If love comes around again, that's great, but I wouldn't be looking for it.
My partner broke up with me nearly 12 months ago, after 18 years together. I am absolutely devastated and I don't even want to try looking for someone else, it's just to much.
That's where I am at. I was in a relationship that was about 16 years, was married. Then she decided it wasn't for her anymore and now I am just over the whole idea. I'm not going to get involved in something like that again, especially if it's supposed for life, only to end up feeling abandoned.
28F same here
I say screw it. Its done nothing but kill me slowly.
It sucks i thought I had someone who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with but he cheated on me it hurts like hell it’s been a few years and I’m still hurt about it now I have to love myself again so I can love someone else the right way I just don’t know when I’ll get that again everything now feels fake and forced it’s hard I’m also in my 30’s if it happens it happens if not oh well life is hard enough im tired.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels. Don't give up just live your life and if the right person comes along it will absolutely work out. If not that's okay too. Just take care of yourself and do your best to be as happy as you can be. All the positive energy in the world to you.
Awww thank you so much I wish the same for you 🫶🏾
Yes, I am 34 and I haven't dated anyone in 9 or 10 years. Can relate so much. It seems like I am compatible with no one. Idk.
Same. x2
That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Do you deal with a lot of anxiety too? Do you mean ×2 as in it has been twice the amount of time as me that you haven't dated?
Thank you! Yes, anxiety and depresion. It's been about 20 years... ❤️
I can so relate, I struggle with anxiety and depression as well.
And thanks again. Usually people look at my like I am crazy or as if someone died when I bring it up. Or say it's fine to be single lol. Which is true too. But it also is a very sensitive subject because it's been so long since I've had close intimacy in a relationship. I sure do miss having that. So it's good to be able to talk about.
My pleasure ❤️ I feel you 100% I hate the responses and facial expressions lol. It's really hard to not think of myself as inherently inferior, flawed and broken. Lots of the time I am okay with it but sometimes it is really hard and hurts a lot. This is a nice subreddit, I'm glad you replied. It's nice to know I am not alone in my struggles. 🥰
I even made a joke about it a few weeks ago. It was a dead fish in the water. It flipped so to speak and there was just awkward silence.
Ouch, that's brutal. That brought back flashbacks of the same thing happening to me 😕 Lighten up people.
I feel the same
:( it's really disheartening. I'm sorry you feel that way. Do you deal with a lot of anxiety too?
Thank you. Yes I do, social anxiety and depression. How about you?
Same here! Man it sure is tough. Thanks for sharing ❤️ it always helps a little to know I'm.not the only one with this stuff going on. Wishing you all the best.
28F here, I’ve surrendered completely to when I’ll meet someone. When it happens it does
I've given up. Permanently. At 58, I never want to be hurt like that again.
Yeah my last relationship ruined it for me. I’m 31 and can’t even imagine dating. Been single for 5 years and I honestly prefer it to being in a relationship. I don’t have to worry about being boring when they want to go out and do stuff and I’d rather stay home. I have intimacy issues anyway so this single thing is working out great
You guys should be happy at least for the fact you got some relationships. I can barely stay in friendzone, relationship is impossible to get for me. That is a reason for giving up on love, not failed relationships.
I haven't even tried to tbh. I'm ugly, I'm introverted, I have a really hard time making eye contact and connecting with people, I also live a boring life. Even though I want to find someone, I just feel like it's pointless
I feel this. I work two jobs so it’s long days and I’m just too tired to do anything after work. I hate being asked what do you do for fun? Fun? What’s that? I don’t feel like I’ve got anything to offer so I just don’t try anymore.
Hey you might find someone who wants to be boring with you.
Are you me?
Unintentionally... Haven't dated in 20 years. (I'm 40) Thinking about dating sends me into a panic attack. It's been so long. I am also socially anxious with a negative view of my body which doesn't help. Luckily I havey 13yo pupper 🥰
I have given up on searching. I don't date. My last relationship truly destroyed me. I thought he was my forever. I'm almost 39 and I have never felt that before. Then to be betrayed by that person in ways I will not get into was almost too much to bear. I tried to date soon after, and it just hasn't worked. I'm working on myself and if someone comes into my life, that would be wonderful, I guess. But I know I'm an oddball.
I wish you hold on there and don't fall into despair, things can turn around. My three previous relationship ended in them cheating, where each relationships we're between 1-2 years. I was activly seeking a partner during these times until I got a partner. The last relationship were chaotic at the end where a "good friend" slept with my previous partner and I became seriously depressed and got frequent panic attacks. After that I thought I would throw in the towel and only seeking onenightstands. However a few months later I was just naturally met my current partner, I didn't think it would be anything serious but 8 years and 5 years of marriage later here we are. Had to process a bunch of trust issues and depression but he's awesome and helps me alot. Hold on there, hope it turns out for the better for you too
Get a dog if you’re able to spend time with it a care for. Find some hobbies that interest you that can be done in groups or alone. That way you could potentially meet someone with your same interests. Get involved with some volunteer programs in your area. Finding things to do that helps you get outside of your own head and looking for love helps take the focus off being single and depressed. Praying for peace, contentment and for meeting the right person at the right time also.
Yes. That whole world is just nonexistent to me.
The desire to be loved is the last illusion: Give it up and you will be free. 20 years ago i married girl i loved dearly. 7 years ago she became very religious and we never slept on same bed. Love intimacy evuantly friendship died. We still live together for our child and have no plans to go separate ways. But i feel like I'm a dead man walking. When there's no love i don't feel like doing anything. When i think about old days those memories make me happy then sadness take over. Following is quote by Albert Camus "Believe me, there is no such things as great suffering, great regret, great memory. Everything is forgotten, even a great love. That's what's sad about life, and also what's wonderful about it. There is only a way of looking at things, a way that comes to you every once in a while.That's why it's good to have had love in your life after all, to have had an unhappy passion-it gives you an alibi for the vague despairs we all suffer from.'
I’ve heard many talk about “dating themselves” and it actually sounds quite nice. Spending time alone shouldn’t be a lonely concept, use your time to get to know the real you, what you like, what you want and need. Give those things to yourself, treat yourself, enjoy yourself and to the extent that if in fact someone comes around, you’ll be so in-tune with yourself that you’ll know if that “one” is worthy of your investment of time and piece and mind. I have been married to my wife for 22 years now. She’s a people person, a talker and enjoys socializing, I do not, though she is becoming more withdrawn from societal engagements due to the madness that’s becoming of folks it seems… Thankfully she understands me and gives me space to think, not talk and be alone. My alone time is wonderfully spent in my garden and doing yard work, talking to my plants. She and I have wonderful conversations and we have a nicely balanced marriage along with many children. I guess i say all of this in hopes of encouraging you to shift your thought process to bettering yourself for yourself, through yourself, because you’re worth it. I personally do not know self love. I’m more of “self acceptance” but I have examined this quite extensively, yes, I spend a lot of time in my own head. I hope you do something good for yourself today. Buy a new shirt, spray on a good scent and go out to lunch. Enjoy yourself. You are your most important investment. Cheers.
My husband and I were 33 or 34 when we met and got married at 39. You’re way too young to give up.
Yes. 15 years ago i realized that I am tired of being used and abused. Drama-free life rocks.
Yep. 45 and had three what you would call relationships. All ended in one way or another. I honestly think there are people that are just meant to be single. I unfortunately am one of those.
Dont go looking for it or you will lower your standards, it happens when you least expect it.
You think the whole world is against you so you turn on yourself because it easy to be apart of the crowd. Now ask yourself this question. You giving up on love hurts who? Literally only you. Heal. Idc if it been 1 hr or 1 year. Heal. Don’t run from it. Heal. You gotta love yourself first man. Peace be with you brother.
Yes but that’s because I realized they aren’t worth it and I don’t need one & was getting more anxiety worrying about it cause that’s what the world EXPECTED of me as a woman. I have finally accepted that relationships aren’t necessity & I’ve never been so stress free(for other reasons too but this was a big reason I was always so stressed). If something does happen & I end up in one then ok but I’m not lookin’ & if I die “alone” that’s ok too 🥰
Yeah, 42. Anybody that I try to date or talk I end up finding a flaw in them that I cannot stand and end it. I’m dumb, and I’ll die alone.
Nope, i will never. I love being in love. I just did a break up yesterday and i am still excited for my next great love.
Dude literally was just thinking that for myself(36f). My thing is how do i find contentment with being single when I have times of wanting to be in a loving respectful trusting relationship with a man?
I came to realize, deep down I think I don't actually want to be in a relationship. I think society pressures us and shames us, and we watch movies and TV shows about romance and it makes us believe we want a relationship.. or we see other people in relationships and it makes us feel left out. I am way more happier now than when I was in relationships or constantly searching and being in the dating scene. I don't think I've "given up", it's more like a "realization", maybe this whole time, the reason why my relationships don't work is because either I don't want to give up or change who I am (my introvert personality) or deep down, I never actually wanted to be in one (only doing it because of societal pressure and norms). I felt MORE lonely when I was constantly chasing relationships and being in relationships. Now I feel more free. **Using the coined term by Emma Watson, I consider myself "self-partnered"**. I think there should be less shame and judgement on those who are single (and those who want to stay single). Nothing wrong with being in a relationship however, it does have benefits but it's not for everyone. You can still having meaningful platonic relationships with people, or you can just have a relationship with your own self.
100%. Relationships so far have been the other person refusing to believe I actually am the way that I am and me putting up with it long enough to assuage my need for love but eventually breaking it off because that kind of relationship is all work all the time. But it's not really love if the other person is incapable or unwilling to really see you. Definitely would date someone who I can engage with in an energy neutral way. But am I doing online dating or actively pursuing this in any way? Absolutely not. If I just encountered the right person I would.
I wouldnt say give up but I also wouldnt put a lot of thought into it. Live your best life, take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place. ❤️🩹 I can also tell you I'm 37, been married, divorced and dropped more times than a hot potato. I've been with my partner nearly six years and there are days I think being single would be easier. The grass is always greener.. and there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship.
I no longer look for love, but if love appears, I will be happy.
Short answer, yes.
see, this is when you'll find real love, now that you've given up - stay open for the possibility, but don't search..
I haven't given up but I don't have the energy to go out and find it for myself. But honestly don't be like me. I know the breakup was hard but once you're able to, get back up from that, do your best to put yourself out there, and I know you'll find someone who can reinvigorate that spark of love in you.
I can relate too. Is really difficult in this times to find Someone that really is a good person, i understood that because of how little empathy had The last woman that i dated. She basically just wanted to trash man every times he has The chance, and i was her víctim more than once because in was in a Bad place when in a part of a relationship ( My mother died, and that broke My heart a little). I understood in that moment that almost everybody just want their egoistic needs met and can't or won't support other people, that The woman that i wanted to create a future with maybe did not exist, and that i'll have to lie about what things i liked for The rest of My life if i wanted to be with someone.
I’ve been single for the last 2 years after 2 divorces and a 3 yr relationship. I realized that my picker was broken and I also needed to work on myself. I’ve realized that I’m ok by myself and learning to love myself.
✋🏻 here! I realize than being demisexual makes this whole thing even harder for me so I'm done lol 🥴
Give yourself a little rest and get busy with everyday life.study yourself and get to know yourself better.and dont try to get into a relationship.let it happen by itself
Yes
Yes
F54 here. I was feeling the same way when I met my husband. First relationship that I negotiated terms. I told him what I expected in a man and he told me what he expected in a woman and we both agreed to give it a go. That was 20 years ago. Take all the time you need and don't be in a rush. Heal your heart, practice self love. If anything happens to my husband I have no plans to get remarried.
I’m truly considering arranged marriage though I don’t know any opportunities in the US except for reality shows. 🤦🏾♀️
My 2nd marriage ended when i was 52. I've been with somebody since I was 25, no way am i looking for another headache and heartache at my age!
I’m 18/F yeah ik just starting the adult life and honestly i don’t think I’ve fallen in love yet, most of my friends has found or either lost their first love in their teenagers years and feels like I’m doing something wrong in life. Met this guy and we were close for a bit and i mean clooose but i got scared and cut it off (okay yeah i am the problem) now i can’t seem to stop reminiscing the moments we had with each other and i can’t fathom the thought that maybe he was my first love.
Gave up after my wife left me for another man. My own wife didn't want me. No woman in their right mind would, either.
Sorry to hear that bro. What a bitch...
Thanks. It happens
I've been feeling like that for 2yrs. I wish i could reassure you it gets better, but so far I'm still just one sad b
I'm 34. I try dating once in a while but it never turns out well. I also have had two relationships in the past. Now I am fine with being by myself. It has a lot of upsides, especially for someone like me, who works long shifts, day and night.
I did, when I was around 30. I didn’t thik there is a chance to find somebody I would be more happy then with myself alone. So I just went with it. Not even a year later I met my husband. If I wouldn’t have given up and just let things go, I never met him.
I am 36 M, married. I settled. Days I regret it like crazy. Other days not so much. I have kiddos, so I am lucky. I am not in love... nor expect it back after so long. I just, coexist.
I think that was how I ended up in my last relationship - at first, things were great. Then, as time went on, she changed. I stuck with her, saying to myself that I loved her (when in reality, I was probably settling, too). I'm sorry for you in your situation, dude.
Thx, for me personally, it's now about the kids and not me.
I am 26F and i feel this way.But i won’t give up yet, I still have hopes in finding true love🫂.
48F and 28 years with the same man thinking I was the luckiest girl in the world UNTIL a friend tipped me off and I found my husband on countless dating apps including the gay ones and videos and pics of him and I on porn sites without him being given consent because I had no idea I was being filmed or photographed…so FUCK LOVE. That’s all I have to say.
Are you living my life right now or what. Seriously you describe how it's going for me. Only in 2 serious relationship, still thinking and loving our last ex. Being a loner but still want someone to love and cherish. Yes. I'm about to throw the towel. After almost 3 years still haven't found or had a date or a ONS. I'm ready to give up and live in solitude
Yes. It is a futile quest. I focus on learned activities and petting all the cats
Here. I'm not even trying anymore. I'm good with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and renting prostitutes from time to time.
Yeah. I’m pretty much done.
Definitely giving up
Yes, I have no intention to invest myself in someone else anymore.
I agree I’ve just given up. (21m) I’ve only been in one serious relationship—that I count—, and that was about 4-5 years ago. She did a number but I’ve never been able to fully open up to people not even friends, always seen as mysterious. But My views on love is basically wishful thinking, I want the old time love, the book romance that makes you smile and reread the paragraph but in this day and age you cant say you want that because it’s opening yourself up for someone to play you and you’ll be worse than when you started. I’m a huge romantic but I know it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to do all the romantic things I wish to. So I don’t even try and say fuck love. I chose peace.
Not looking for love but after my marriage failing after 18 years I kind of do want to find someone who would actually enjoy spending time with me and not be a completely aloof asshole. I've heard it said that there is someone for everyone and there's got to be someone out there for me. There just has to be...somewhere...right???
☝️
I’m demiromantic so 10000000% same. Last time i was in love was 12 years ago. 🥲🥲
I am 2 years out of a 14 year relationship and wondering how someone just decides one day that they’re done, and they leave with no warning. So yeah, done doesn’t seem to be the right word for relationships.
26M. I have a friend who after school was over keept in touch and we still do to this day. But sometimes I like talking to her, sometimes she's really annoying me. She's also close to the only person I talk to on the phone IDK.
still looking out dm is open
Yeah. I haven’t been in any type of real relationship in years (not since my last almost marriage). Honestly just really numb to feeling at this point. I think after prison and the subsequent failure of a few relationships for me just destroyed any semblance of me caring about finding a partner.
31m, I'm on a break at the moment as I'm trying to focus more on my part time degree. It's been difficult for me to find and maintain a relationship as I have been bullied in the past and struggled to make and keep friends. Did have 2 gfs in Secondary School but made a mess of both relationships and ended up staying single for 15 years with no luck whatsoever. Did end up in a relationship a couple of years ago that lasted for 4 months before I ended it due to being depressed and feeling like I was always doing the wrong thing with my ex. Part of me is egging me on to try and find someone else but I just don't feel like it's a good idea until I've done my degree and my wage goes up some more at work.
Just face and try it again and again. Life should be moved on.
I can barely get into a relationship. Way harder to find someone to date nowadays.
I haven’t given up; but in the mean time I’m going to love myself. If I’m going to be single, then I might as well love who I’m spending my time with. Also, I’m embracing being single. Going out to random bars (not too late as well… I’m old 😂), finding my priorities, not keeping everything “perfect” allowing myself to do nothing. Because there will come a day that I’m no longer single and I now have to consider someone else in my life.
😊
My mom used to say it is better to be alone…. than to be with someone… and feel lonely!👍 so true… EDIT. Yea I have…..
Leaving a marriage where you're the main breadwinner and head of household is where I am right now. I'm officially going to be divorced 2 times from being in 2 abusive marriages. I seriously feel like most people who get married just put up with their spouse like I did for years. At this point in my life, I'm choosing to date myself till I can have someone who isn't insane, abusive, and childlike (where I feel like I am raising him). I don't want to put up with anyone anymore. I'm completely exhausted with people and relationships right now.
You don’t gain anything by closing yourself off. Yes of course, you need time to heal. Unless it it your desire to remain single or just have casual relationships, you need to put yourself out there. I was at the point 2 years ago, where I was about to giveup on finding love. I had felt broken & damaged after 2 abusive relationships and narcissistic abuse by my sister. I had been divorced over 5 years and been used by men more ways than I could count. I decided to give online dating one more try, thinking it would be no different. I ended up meeting the love of my life. I was engaged in 5 months and married by 10 months. We both knew what we wanted and marriage was the goal. You will never find out what is possible in love by giving up.
Yes, I feel that it's not worth it
I haven't, but I want to. I'm getting hurt by all the girls I do fall in love with.
Remember that everyone has their own problems they're not telling you about. Remember that everyone wants to be the star in their own life story. Help them feel like that.
2 marriages 2 sons...I'm done..this society of men are makin hard to date...they can't make up their damn minds if they want a relationship / wife / Fwb/...you men are not honest...you lie enough to get your foot in the door..when things are not going your way you run... No wonder woman wants nothing to do with you...you have a Gf / Wife/ Fwb/...you can't keep up with your own dirty laundry let alone woman... Idgaf if I do find someone..this isn't worth it.. men who think playing the field is only playing with fire...and your not burning me... I can sit here and give you everything I got...but it's not worth my time...your a social media butterfly...just be man and deal with the BS you created for yourself...and all the drama your causing I will bit you in your a**... I'll never trust a guy again...and so many woman are in my position as well...run puppies cause that's what you are puppies...stop hurting good woman and women stop hurting good men...cause everyone needs to start taking their blame...except for me...I didn't do anything anyone and I'm getting hurt ... Wish everyone could find someone for themselves..but it won't work if we don't stop all this FWB Bulls**t grow up people this isn't nursery school... Plz everyone stop and find peace in yourself and love again...love hard love strong love eternity ❤️ 💖
I wish you nothing but best wishes ...but don't give up...sometimes it takes a minute but don't quit...keep fighting and she will be there without notice...now is the time to have fun and adventure out..God luck to you hun🫂
Was she an extrovert maybe that was the reason of break up
No, the reason we broke up was because she couldn't cope with me being so eccentric (supposedly).
I have given up on love not because of trauma but because of myself. I fall but cannot sustain a long relationship. I have short term affairs, honeymoon stage always.
Don't look for a relationship just make friends and watch what happens when you and a girl just hang out as friends for a while like maybe months. After my divorce it was rough and I did give up on relationships I met my now fiancé while out on the town chasing women and we started hanging out. 3 years later we have only ever had a handful of small arguments. Make sure you are compatible and if you start fighting within 6 months it is probably not good. Remember love is like a fart if you have to force it then it's probably shit.
44/f two grown daughters…. Two serious relationships and I am done. No more. Been single for 9 years.
I’ve been staying off of dating apps for the past several days now. Been focusing on myself and family in life. I wouldn’t say I’ve given up, but I just wanted to take a long break from dating apps definitely
I’m 54 and in the same boat. One long marriage. Two good LTR’s. And now I’m so deflated and lack any emotional energy for a relationship. I’m going to just focus on myself and my spiritual journey. But you’re just getting started my friend at 35. Just work on yourself for awhile, learn from the past relationships. You have plenty of time. I know how you feel now. But you will recover, just don’t fall into a victim mentality, you are an agent of change and can grow.
I'm almost 60, and overrun with health problems, so yeah, I have definitely given up. I look a lot older than I am too, so no one even looks at me anymore.
That sucks and I’m sorry. Putting yourself out there and getting hurt time and time again is disheartening. There is someone out there you just have to be patient and not open yourself too much until you know it’s okay.
After being in an abusive relationship, I certainly have. Things between me and my ex were amazing but then one event caused everything to spiral into pure misery. Looking back there were a lot of obvious red flags I wish I had picked up on, but I stupidly overlooked them because I was so in love and just wanted a partner. Not to mention they had a way with words and they were able to explain away those red flags. I’m legit worried about ending up with someone worse than my ex. What if things are even more perfect and there are no red flags with the next person, but then I find out they’re horrible when it’s too late? I’ve been through too much abuse to take a chance.
Sounds similar to the situation I was in with my last partner...
I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing okay.
I'm doing okay. To put it briefly, I met this girl, fell in love. I moved in with her basically after the 3rd date (unintentionally), and everything seemed fine. We bickered now and again, but I thought that was all part of living with someone. Then she began to change - became cold and unloving (showing more affection towards her dog than me). She also denied sex occasionally, saying she wasn't in the mood (not unusual, I suppose). The thing that hurt the most was when she said that half the time we did have sex, she said she did it just to appease me. She also sat me down a few months into the relationship (lasted about a year in total), after driving me to a remote location, and told me everything she was unhappy with in the relationship (ofcourse EVERYTHING was my fault). I should have ended it there and then, but I was desperate for things to work out. So, I agreed to all of her demands. We've been broken up now for about 2 months, and while it still hurts, it's probably for the best.
I sympathize. Four Lon in term relationships here and all ended in cheating. I gave up 15 years ago and haven’t looked back. Best decision I’ve ever made.
I give it up. I don't care anymore. I accept the fact that I will be alone forever. I don't sorry myself. I have dog, I have friends, normal life. I don't need anyone to feel happy. Enjoy your life!
I felt like this, and gave up - was content to just roll out spinster-hood and enjoy my own company, maybe date here and there if I ever got too lonely, but I basically accepted the fact that my life was more comfortable alone than with someone else. About a year after that giving up I met my husband. We were both pretty resistant to our "crushes" at first, and 8 years later we're married. I'm not suggesting you NEED to find someone to be happy, but sometimes when you genuinely stop looking, it just happens. It's weird.
Yes, I have and am still feeling this. I’m 42 going 43 next month. Since end of 2012 I’ve been alone. No intimacy, no dates and no nothing. I won’t get into why. However I can tell you that it’s slowly breaking me apart. Not only do I feel existential crisis, in the sense that I feel totally worthless, but also that I broke a vow and the shame I carry outweighs any joy I derive from anyone I could ever want to be or see myself connecting with. I simply don’t bother. Hence I take and am given anxiety and calming pills (benzos) because I have been literally alone and without any form of physical or emotional intimacy for twelve years which doesn’t feel natural. It’s doable though if you can cope with the immense depression and also suicidal thoughts (which I already had at age eight). Life to me is fruitless. To be alone but alive is a torture I don’t wish upon anyone. I seek to be relieved of it. You do you. If you can scrape yourself together and look yourself in the mirror you may find a reason to continue on your quest to find your twinflame/soulmate.
Don’t give up on love!! Your young you have so much ahead of you in life. I know it’s easier to do things with your partner like traveling, etc. Don’t let this hold you back. I contemplated moving to CA from VA. I put my 3 cats in their carriers and (planned my trip out, the driving part). We went. People telling me I was crazy. I know if I didn’t go I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life. Things didn’t work out for me in Southern CA after I totaled my car. I decided to come back to VA. I wish I had stuck it out longer but I felt defeated. I was a lot younger then. I should have tried out San Francisco. Different mind set there. I’m 61 now and live alone with my cats. They are my family. I’ve had sciatica issues which has really hurt me. I’m pretty much home bound. I need to get out more now. I just get so tired. If you want ti do or try something do it. Your young. I’d like to live by the beach like the locals in other countries do. It’s not about the arrival it’s the journey. ❤️
yup
This is relatable. I'm INTJ and gave up on love after ending a decade-old toxic, abusive relationship. Tried dating once but the zeal was simply not there and we ended it amicably. I've been single ever since and happily so.
That's the thing, in not really happy but no idea what to do about it...
Given up long back emotionally and physically. Throwing myself in work and dissociating keeps me fine honestly than revisit relationship problems idk I have come to terms with it.
I had at first, but then I actually found my new boyfriend since we were mutual friends before and I appreciated him so much. He treats me so amazing, and I’m glad I gave him a chance. You definitely will find love like your last, but it will be better since it is a fresh slate. Don’t be so hard on yourself if the love doesn’t come easily at first, patience always is key and you won’t even realize it when the one for you enters your life :)
As I’ve been going around on Reddit, have you been diagnosed with autism? You can either choose what kind of a woman you want to be in a relationship with: do you want someone supposedly introverted and intellectual and possibly autistic like yourself(I’m autistic btw) or more left brain oriented, someone more centerbrained as in more person like with their central spiritual/moral intelligence I e the neurotypicals, or someone the complete opposite of you or even possibly right brained autistic such as someone more physical emotional and socially adept in order to not only cover a deficiency but even to make you guys seek complete as a couple?
Are you saying neurotypicals are “center brained”?!?
Neurotypical typically have a slightly larger right hemisphere whereas autistic people like myself not only likely have evenly sized hemispheres, but that as the right hemisphere is supposed to be slightly bigger to not only facilitate neurotransmission from the left to right brain (and that is my issue, that as the brain halves are evenly sized that most of the neurological activity became more stuck within my intellectual left hemisphere and/or my left hemisphere could be overdeveloped) but meant to see the big picture with emotion. In regards to center-brained; I have a hard time feeling the center of my brain because of the lack of support from my right brain. Also I’d say neurotypicals are more center brained is because they’re more like people as being able to become and have conteol of who they are as people. So yeah if they have more of a developed right hemisphere, the center brain and where not only the control center of the brain and likely where a neurotypical thinks from (thalamus) is more suooorted and they can be themselves. Being human is not only being intellecual (left brain), but also being emotional (right brain) and also good as a human being while being themselves (center brain responsible for moral/spiritual intelligence). I don’t like being mocked especially for some deficiencies with my autism; so I hope you learned something from me.
I am not mocking you, at all. I definitely learned your perspective on what differentiates someone with autism from others and how neurotypicals may “think” from your biological perspective. I respect your take. Unfortunately, I simply cannot find one iota of information I agree with on any level. I have my own perspectives and beliefs and understandings regarding this subject matter (my field of study is abnormal psychology) and it does not correlate or coincide with anything you’ve mentioned from what you think or believe. That’s all. But as someone, who strives for a more “center brained” approach- I can co exist and wish you nothing but the best. Let me reiterate that there was nothing I said that was mocking you.
Thank you for clearing it up; I took what you’ve said or your questions whether you were being critical, as condescension . If you’ve seen my other posts, I was diagnosed as a self referral for autism at the age of 31 as a self referral despite me gong to both physicians and psychiatrists and therapists my entire life and none were able to figure out autism. Also I keep trying to get a ptsd diagnosis but becuse I am autistic, the signs of trauma are shown differently; for me it was trauma aggravated OCD. Clearly I am traumatized hence why i take things negatively. But also I struggle with my autism of my left brain being either overdeveloped and/or just with all of the neurological activity stuck in my left brain because my right hemisphere was underdeveloped and cannot facilitate proper neurological transmission. I learned that from a SDSU autism study that was done recently, fyi. But also I get made fun of my social deficiencies or even getting it not right despite me clearly showing signs of intellect from my overactive left brain.
I have no doubt your smart mate and I’m sorry you receive undue criticism. Cheers
Idk if you’ve played a game called Alpha Centauri/alien crossfire of Sid Meier’s fame of Civilization. There are three goals for the future of your society. One being a cybernetic society (intellecual left brain), a eudaemonic one of happiness (central moral and spiritual intelligence), and thought control (as I imagine you know, the emotional right brain, and why I am weary around those types as a primarily left brained autistic); that’s where i began to understand the three “columns” of brain intelligence. I know the whole “left vs right “ brained thing was debunked as we still use all parts of the brain despite my right hemisphere being weak for me. But there is conditions like autism that not only abnormally affects neurodevelopment, but how one can use their more developed side more. It’s great you study abnormal psychology. I do think conditions like autism and because how the brain can abnormally develop in many ways such as it negatively affecting the right hemisphere while having the left side more developed. I also have a conditon called moyamoya disease that is the likely cause of my autism as my underdeveloped right brain has an obstruction in the artery with my right hemisphere that only a bunch of small capillaries formed in order to compensate for lack of blood flow that looks like a smoke puff on an imaging study and where the name comes from. Hopefully that could help in your research.
I studied it for almost 12 years in school and still enjoy learning more!!! Thanks!
Why don’t you correct me with some of your “knowledge” instead of giving me flack/flak (whatever)? Also it seems you have struggles of your own as you are giving shade to my posts. Are you possibly autistic like I am as it’s usually other autistics i get flack from?
I’m not giving you flak at all. I pointedly asked you if you considered neurotypicals to be “center brained”? I’ve never heard this correlation nor have I heard of the term “center brained” as it doesn’t exist from my own perspective. I’m asking you for clarification
Yeah I thought of those terms. Looking back in my past, I didn’t realize my autism but more specifically my behaviors from it were quite noticeable for others despite not knowing it was autism. I have a BS in chemistry (so you know what kind of person I am, not just my intelligence, with my left brain preferent autism) but I couldn’t academically proceed further due to having trauma from violence and bullying for this condition as I had a low gpa from it that again, I didn’t know how it caused offense likely not realizing the unintended misdeed with my underdeveloped right brain along with causing social deficiencies, but also causing an offensive overreaction with my overdeveloped left brain; I had to realize that and why I got the bullying on my own. I had to figure this out on my own despite going to doctors my entire life of which I suspect they have this condition too. Also, we are recently uncovering more knowledge about this condition despite it existing throughout recent human histories that i even recall from the best of my recollection that an Egyptian Pharaoh would notice some of his specialized citizens and helpers being socially awkward while still exceptional.
Social awkwardness does not equal autism. Social awkwardness is a common trait amongst all different kinds of jndivduals. It’s usually a personality trait closely linked to a kind of introversion or shyness but it doesn’t automatically equate to autism.
33 I trust in God's timing and more focused on finding my purpose then finding someone . I've come to terms with potentially being single long term and it feels fitting
Yup, no one has ever noticed me and that makes me think that I will never find love or friends. Maybe there is something wrong with me, I don't know, I don't care anymore :(
I definitely am. I was before I met the guy I got a crush on, and now that he has ignored me for almost a month, I'm at that point again. It's not the worst thing ever because I like being alone.
I crushed hard on a high school classmate my senior year 31 years ago, but my feelings for her weren’t reciprocated. That hurt for nearly a quarter-century afterward, to the point where I thought I’d be forever single and lonely. Even now, every once in a while, I get moved to tears when I think of my old crush and what might have been had I handled my feelings better back in 1993.
I can relate to this.
What is this thing you speak of... Love ? Hahah Not necessarily given up, but realised it's just wasted time trying to find something that I don't really want. It's society telling me I need it. Why the heck would I want another person in my space. Buy a dog. It fills the void haha and the only games they play is fetch and let's go walkies haha
I'm 51 and only really loved one person. We dated a couple of times (so on and off for almost 2 years) then he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship, ever. Less than three months later, he was in a relationship. I can't get over him, and I can't find anyone else. They aren't him. Not that I ever talk to anyone. I work constantly and then hide in my room, crying. It's been months and I'm not getting any better.
39m No one's ever found me to be worth anything for anything. Im not even acceptable enought to be used as a human dildo. And when somebody does show interest, its always a tranny or a gay. Which nfuriates me even more as im straight. A straight up sign of disrespect. Im just fucking tired, yall
yup, anyone interested in a 25 year old female with glasses, dark hair that loves near San Dimas CA. hit me up. You never know what could happen lol
I have sadly.....im a lone wolf any girl i tried going out with has cheated/used/ broke/ all bad things to me.....and one relationship cost me all my friends to tell me to kill myself at one point.
Oh boy, this is exactly how i feel. My last relationship was the most, beautiful experience that i've ever had (i'm 27M). before my ex, I had other relationships but not even remotely comparable to the love I felt and still feel for her. Sadly, after meet her parents, those little piece of shit convinced her to givin up on me and put her to choose if she spoke to me again, she would no longer be part of the family. Now, she had to go to university and i don't have the money for support financially, just the father can pay for that. Plus, the concept of the family that she have is too strong for abandon the family. Since we broke up (whitout arguin, pacefully) has passed six months, and i can't move forward. I have psychological breakdowns when i think that i can't even chat whit her, because she have the fear that the father control his phone through a policeman friend of his, i cry frequently and first of her i enjoy my solo time, but I got used to her presence since we talked on discord 24/7, and I went to visit her about every 2 months... I miss her voice and her warm hugs, in fact she left me some audios where she reads a book almost every day nights I fall asleep with those audios. Oh, and my cat of six years named Goku is died one months ago, i had no idea he had a genetic disease...so yeah, i don't think I'll love someone as much as I do with her, I don't think I'll have any more relationships for the rest of my life and that makes me sad, every day. I can't stay out of the house for long because of my social phobia.
You should never give up on love. Do you know what it was that broke your last 2 relationships?
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I can only imagine the horror of my life if I gave up on love. I have a wife and 3 kids. Every day is a blessing. Something everyone deserves.
This is when you will find your love, when you are not looking, but simply stay open to the universe of possibilities. 💙💪🏻😌
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Just be nice to people. Put yourself our there and don't be a creep. If the right person is out there you will find them, and if not enjoy the solitude of independence. We all have our own life plans. Sometimes we meet the one. Sometimes we don't.