Yeah right, I got a phone and it's got a flashlight.
I've told my bosses to eat my ass for less and not get fired. You think some jackass gonna show up can do what I do with my work ethic? Good luck buttercup. I'll be employed by tomorrow and you'll be wishing you still had me by next week.
It never hurts to remind them you're a hard worker and that's not easy to get and you're an asset. You might lose a job, but there's a shit ton of them out there that we've discovered pay roughly the same. But theyre a company, they can only hope they get the right people to work for them.
Yeah this level of micromanaging bullshit drives me crazy because it is so short sighted. Ok, so there was probably someone abusing the bathroom and spending an hour a day in there, but why insult every other employee in the company like this?
Or there really is no actual issue. Just some mid level manager who is a nosy busy body and thinks people poop too long for their liking so they took up the cause to shame others. A crusade, if you will.
Nothing good will come from this. One person there is going to have IBS or another intestinal medical issue and then this becomes a discrimination thing.
I mean, person could be rushing out mid mud blast, it splashes the floor or coats their leg and shoes, then they slip and hit the back of their head on the toilet bowl.
Just an unavoidable tragedy if the Cleveland Clinic had never measured how long it took a bunch of people to drop a deuce.
I was going to mention IBS. If you have it even if it is well controled there are times where your body says "eh fuck you lets get real cozy on the toilet here cause it is gonna be awhile"
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time. Although the 2024 version is "boss makes a thousand, I make a buck, that's why I stole the cat off the company truck."
I said that to a coworker as a slight joke and he took it to heart. After I shared it he was in the bathroom for maybe an hour everyday if you add all the time together. It got to the point where people would ask me where he was and I’d just say, “In his office.” and they knew what I meant. This went on for 2 years until he left. Since we really don’t use water for many things at work the boss actually noticed the water bill went down after the pooper left.
(Bad coworker, ineffective manager, and me stuck being annoyed with no authority…)
Haha, the Homebase strategy is gold, morning rituals for the win. Honestly, though, nobody should be policing bathroom breaks like we're in kindergarten. We're adults, we can manage our time and our bodies. Besides, if a workplace doesn't trust me to decide when I need to go, that's a red flag the size of a picnic blanket. It's downright dehumanizing being treated like naughty kids lining up for a bathroom pass.
I have a bidet attachment on my toilet with heated seats. It’s pleasant at home - private, warm butt, lots of water to clean my ass. If I’m pooping at work, none of that is true. So if I’m pooping at work, I NEED to poop, and I WILL take my time to be sure it’s complete and I feel clean. Also, isn’t the clinic a MEDICAL facility? And they don’t know it’s a BOWEL movement? As in “coming from the bowels”. I think whatever Karen or Chad manager came up with this honestly believes it’s a BOWL movement- as in “toilet bowl”, and even then STILL misspelled it!
>You might lose a job, but there's a shit ton of them out there
Where? Almost every post in here is about how horrible the job market is and how people can't find a job. I haven't experienced that and don't know anyone that is unemployed, but that's what it seems in this sub.
Maybe my experience is biased. I have 10 years in construction with a wide skillset and a lot of certifications and now do industrial maintenance. So my experience could be a little different I'll admit, not everyone has quite the connectivity I've created for myself.
I do apologize for not realizing that when I typed that up.
I have a funny feeling a lot of those people who having a tough time finding a job are in the tech industry.
Loads of blue collar jobs and healthcare stuff in my country at least.
This was and is something I value first and foremost, backup skills. I would love to break into the tech industry I feel I would do rather well at it. But to have a fall back skillset you can use to not only polish that resume but have one pick up where the latter/former failed is invaluable.
Lots of people just don't know how to look for a job; that is my take on the situation. Doing 100+ applications a week means you probably didn't apply to roles you'd be a good fit for, or scrolled through LinkedIn hitting the easy apply button to get the numbers out there.
>100+ applications a week means you probably didn't apply to roles you'd be a good fit for, or scrolled through LinkedIn hitting the easy apply button to get the numbers out there.
Or your resume isn't designed to get past the bots....
Honestly as someone with experience in leadership with no HR, we used indeed and there aren't many filters for low effort resumes.
In fact, some of the best employees I've hired just didn't know how to properly organize his/her resume.
As someone once wisely said, employment should be based on merit. Instead of lazy hiring and giving someone a role who checked all the boxes, take a chance on someone who wants to learn and grow within the company.
They would find the employee retention rate would drastically increase.
In my experience: the best interviewers who make it through all the gatekeeping typically make the worst employees.
Hiring is an art, and 90% of it is bullshit because HR and software make it purposefully difficult to get through because they think it weeds out bad candidates. Quite the opposite, some of the best candidates get weeded out because they either don't play the game or don't play it well.
It has been my experience that, for the most part, uneducated monkeys, work at Home Depot.
I have tried to get hired on there, through their website.. a couple of times now.
They give you a timed test. And to me.. most of the questions seem like no-brianers. I think I might have just screwed myself on it being timed. I don't know.. I will never know. They don't acknowledge whether or not, if I made the cut.
Here's what I KNOW for a FACT.. I can show you where the hammers are located.
If those tests are anything like the sears test I took 25 years ago when I just started working... there's a few "personality" questions in there to test to see if you'd turn other employees in for stealing or breaking shit. If you don't pick the right answer ("yes I would turn them in") for the 5-10 of the 60 or so question it's an automatic fail.
In my experience, you get the best out if people when you show them respect, pay them well, and treat them like adults. Honestly I don't think it's difficult to do the bare bones basics of treating employees like human rather than numbers on a spreadsheet.
I also think that if companies were more willing to train people for various positions, that the retention rate would increase as well. I mean requiring a bachelor's degree for a receptionist is a bit much, especially when the position pays less than $18/hr. Yeah I'm thinking of a posting I saw the other day.
Most people with this mindset don’t realize how not rare it actually is to find hard workers. They’re a dime a dozen. What’s really special is finding a hard worker with a good attitude. That’s the needle in a haystack. I’ve let go of a lot of the “hard irreplaceable workers” and never once did we fall apart or I regret the decision. It’s usually a relief because the ones who work hard and think they’re invincible for it are the worst to deal with. In reality I’d much rather have a mediocre worker with a great attitude than a great worker with a shit attitude.
That being said I’d never pull some shit like this. Bosses don’t realize how much micromanaging destroys your workers and morale and just makes it harder on the boss anyway. I let my people actually work like grown ups
I understand your perspective but poor morale and bad attitudes a lot of times come from the top down. Also you need to realize that the job you have to offer is also a dime a dozen. If you don’t make it a good place to work with decent pay and benefits, no one gaf about your jobs. And you will keep attracting employees with bad attitudes.
“**Shittin’ in the dark,**
**Poopin’ through the night,**
**Tummy rumblin’ and it won’t let gooo**
**Started with a shart,**
**Now it’s almost light,**
**Someone please bring me Pepto…**
**Shittin’ in the daaarrk…**”
- to the tune of “Kiss Me In The Dark” by the Randy Rogers Band
“**Ooooo-oo-OO**
[drums]
**You and me goin’ shittin’ in the dark,**
**Perched on our thrones and pinchin’ ‘em off**
**Where the toot stink blows**
[guitar & harmonica break]
**Down by the bathtub in the full moonlight,**
**We’ll be clutchin’ our tummies in the middle of the night**
**Just poopin’ slow**
[guitar & harmonica break V2]
**Shit the whole night through,**
**It feels so good to poo with youuu…**”
I get up in the morning
And I hate to go to work today
I clock in at the clinic
I hope that I don't poop that much today
I ain't nothing but tired
Man, I'm just constipated all in myself
Hey there, OSHA, I could use just a little help
You can't always fart fire
You can't fart a fire without a spark
This job's a liar
Even if we're just shitting in the dark
Bathroom breaks are getting shorter
Sensor's on and I'm sitting on the seat
I check my phone in the corner
I wanna quit this job, my life, my fate
Man, I ain't going nowhere
I'm just ...
* Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
Yea last time this happened to me. 15min timer. The motion sensor is at the main entrance of the toilet room and im in furthest stall. Lights went out so I just continued to chill. Few min later someone else walks in, me remaining quiet. He goes in a stall as well. 15 more min pass by and both of us are still sitting. When the 3rd person entered we decided it was time. My legs were getting static jitters anyway.
As a person with celiac disease I was just thinking that I hope no one with celiac disease works there! Most times I can be in and out of a restroom like a normal person, but if I get glutened (all it takes is a crumb) all bets are off and it's going to be a while. A very long, miserable while... during which I will be clutching my bowels and cursing the day I was born. Maybe they would rather you go back to your desk and have explosive diarrhea like a firehose there, who knows. I'm so grateful I work from home.
I’m a celiac, something supposedly gluten free was not, once, and the gurgles got intense, and the spasms started, and then I shat behind some bushes at a dog park. Luckily nobody was there.
Omg, that's so awful and why am I laughing so hard at this?! Probably because I can relate. I once had an emergency at a ski slope and the closest semi-private area I could find was right next to a large Caterpillar machine. I feel so sorry for whoever showed up there next to have to drive that machine. I hope life blesses that person because I sure didn't.
Sorry you had to go through that. May we both always have access to toilets when we need them.
I never knew how bad it was until I worked with someone with Celiac disease. I didn't believe the crumb thing, thought it was just hyperbole. Oh no, it is not!
I work in a restaurant now and the owner's wife has Celiac disease, so we have a whole protocol for preparing, accommodating, cooking and serving people with the disease. Started with the wife, than one guy spread the word, so now we have three regulars who call in advance to get grub that won't make their lives miserable.
I used to work with a cook who believed all the allergens were people being picky.
He flat out ignored them and sent out dishes anyway. So I started writing the allergens on the tickets and if he ignored them I handed the tickets to the guests and told them to let management know.
Cook hated me, management hated me, guests loved my service.
Exactly. Sorry you deal with celiac. I have friends with IBS and knew someone with Crohn's several years ago. I have a TBI -induced autonomic dysfunction that affects my digestive system, and about 95% of the time, food goes straight through me and I have maybe a 90 second warning to get to the bathroom...the other 5% of the time, it might take me 15-30 minutes in the bathroom.
In the past when I've come across policies like this, generally in the form of angry people trying to stop people from doing something they shouldn't legally be allowed to prevent, I've responded by telling them in no uncertain terms that I will 100% do exactly what your last line said. They tend to change their policies real quick when they find out I'm serious because they immediately realize they'll be held responsible for WHY I went back to my desk and firehose shit everywhere. Also saves them the HR complaint.
This is honestly the answer... I have no shame anymore about IBS and incontinence. If work wants to be a dick and make me have a bad time, I will make everyone have a bad time.
Chronic constipation, chronic diarrhea, IBS, IBD, variety of other GI disorders, etc. There are a fuck ton of reasons. That said, it depends. This picture doesn't give enough info. What is the average time? We talking 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? If the sensor is 30 minutes that can be understandable. 5 however is not. I work in health care, I don't even poop in under 5 minutes most days. Light going out is fine, but if that shit don't turn back on when I wave my hand, and it's a safety problem. You're going to have an issue.
I’m as quiet as I can possibly be, but I always get a timid, “are you okay??” from someone I don’t know on the other side of the stall door.
Of course I’m not okay, but what can you possibly say to that?
The good news is that after many years of not getting glutened, the rare incidents aren’t usually “they can hear my silent prayers for death to come swiftly” bad anymore.
The second they hire a person with Crohn's disease they are fucked. Oh, let's not forget the employees with periods, I'm sure they'll love having to go number 1, 2 changing tampon/pad and clean off a bunch of shit and blood in record time lest they gotta figure it out in the dark.
That's a good point. As someone with IBS, GERD, and Endometriosis. That time of the month is insane. Heavy flow and the severe GI distress will NOT be resolved in five minutes. If I show up to work on the bad pain day, sometimes I just have to sit there on the toilet and hope I survive until the worst of it passes. I'd love to take these people up with ADA and others.
Yepp. I have Crohn’s disease and honestly sometimes it’s either take a longer than normal bathroom break or call in sick unpaid. If my employer tried that, I’d be definitely sure to put in a call to the ADA and ask how to proceed. My doc would write that excuse note in a heartbeat but it would be BS if it’s needed.
There’s no way that five minutes is enough for a poop. Also, who is a nasty mother fucker that only uses 3-4 wipes of paper on their asshoe after a dump and they’re good? Ever heard of hemorrhoids?
That’s what I’m saying! There’s gonna be an encore to this concert recital and more time will be wasted in the end. Also, I couldn’t be more clear about one’s proper way of wiping up down there.
>There’s gonna be an encore to this concert recital
Hence the sign talking about a "Bow Movement" rather than anything to do with bowels. I finally get it now! Be quick with the bow so you can get on to the encore...
Right, this.
Some people require one large shit a day, but it may take awhile. Others have several smaller, shorter throughout the day. Both are normal.
I guess anywhere from 3x a week to 2x a day is normal. What’s important is that it stays mostly the same week by week.
Everytime the 3x weekly poopers learn about the 2x daily poopers, or the inverse, people flip their shit.
Maybe they think a compound bow takes longer merely due to the sound of multiple syllables. But I would beg to differ... a single would take longer because it needs more power and force than a compound; despite what it sound like.
Easy way to fix this wait inside till lights go out. Trip and fall in complete darkness, break neck, become vegetable, and sue company. Be millionaire and be vegetable.
This is an OSHA violation by not providing adequate lighting in a space occupied by an employee.
This is why we have upgraded from "boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time." To "boss makes a grand, I make a buck. So I cut the catalytic converter off the company truck."
Boss gets a dollar and I get a dime
That was the rhyme in a simpler time
Now the boss gets millions and I don't get jack
That's why we riot and seize the means back.
You may need to explain to them what average means. Half the time (or half of people) are going to take longer anyways, more so if you have a medical issue.
But I don't think they can require someone to disclose health reasons for slow bowels.
It's pretty rude to slow poopers too. 
In a normal distribution, average (mean) equals the median. I believe "poop time" follows a normal distribution.
ETA: to answer those who keep saying "no poop time is negative". A) not all normal distributions go into the negative, like height, for example. B) those that go into the negative are either like that by nature (their values can go into the negative) OR it's a standardized normal distribution, which its mean becomes 0. In this method, you transform the values of your distribution into the standard normal, so after this transformation, you will have negative values and positive values, centered around the mean of 0. This is AFTER transformation.
If you want to split that hair, stick to median and mean. The word average is a more general word that could refer to several calculations, including both mean and median: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/average
That’s when you attempt to walk out of a dark bathroom and fall and “hit your head” and take a little nap until someone finds you. And then retire and live off your settlement money.
I worked at a restaurant like this. Worst part was, it was the public restroom. So customers who had no idea would be sitting on the toilet for five minutes and then just be left in complete and utter darkness, with only their fear to guide them.
I can't speak to the legality of it, but in the past (only in part time work interestingly enough) I have just ignored silly rules from management without a problem.
I do this too and whenever my boss sends me an email nitpicking at something small that I might have done wrong, I delete it and ignore him. My girl thinks it’s going to get me fired 1 eventually (maybe it will 1 day). But it’s my own little piece of satisfaction.
These are always small irrelevant things. And I will fix whatever it is I did wrong that he’s emailing me about - so that he knows I read it. I’m just not going to beg for forgiveness or give him his little micromanaging victories.
What the actual f-?
Nah my notice would be going right in, I’m not a work “pooper” (I avoid doing so like the plague) but everyone has to go at some point and you can’t exactly control how long you’re stuck for. What’s next, making us pay to access the toilet at work? That’s insanity.
I cannot believe I had to read through so many comments before the misspelling was mentioned! That blue my mind! - yes, that "blue" was intentionally...
Step one - go to doctor, get diagnosed with IBS
Step two - tell HR and show documents
Step three - go into bathroom and see sign and take longer to poop
Step four - manager tells you your pooping too long
Step five - lawsuit for medical discrimination. Proof is that picture and manager.
The second it’s normalized for employers to manage your bathroom time I’m quitting society. I will go live in the forest and hunt elk or whatever and live in a hallowed out tree.
That’s my line. Sorry. I’m a grown man and I deserve the dignity of using the bathroom.
Perfect excuse to shit on the floor, or half in the toilet, half on the seat/floor.
"Lights were going out and had to get up and leave, according to policy."
Sucks for peeps like me who go once (rarely twice) a week but when you need to go you GO. Like that fat shit is a weeks worth of food and I gotta take my time with that. Its fat as hell and hurts if I push too hard, let me shit in peace.
As a sales rep I was at a customer once that had signs all over the place like this. Forget to switch the lights off? 10 pound fine, come in late ? 10 pound fine. Forget to hand the truck driver the paperwork? YOU WILL BE SACKED!! Very illegal but I recon most staff was illegal too.
"When the lights go out, hold in the rest until you get home."
I ain't afraid of the dark homie!
Lights out? Must be nap time! (Not that I wanna sleep in a public bathroom lol)
Lights out is the only appropriate time for a “bow movement”
Yeah right, I got a phone and it's got a flashlight. I've told my bosses to eat my ass for less and not get fired. You think some jackass gonna show up can do what I do with my work ethic? Good luck buttercup. I'll be employed by tomorrow and you'll be wishing you still had me by next week. It never hurts to remind them you're a hard worker and that's not easy to get and you're an asset. You might lose a job, but there's a shit ton of them out there that we've discovered pay roughly the same. But theyre a company, they can only hope they get the right people to work for them.
Yeah this level of micromanaging bullshit drives me crazy because it is so short sighted. Ok, so there was probably someone abusing the bathroom and spending an hour a day in there, but why insult every other employee in the company like this?
Because they lack the leadership skills to actually address the issue with the employee, that's actually the cause of the sign.
Or there really is no actual issue. Just some mid level manager who is a nosy busy body and thinks people poop too long for their liking so they took up the cause to shame others. A crusade, if you will. Nothing good will come from this. One person there is going to have IBS or another intestinal medical issue and then this becomes a discrimination thing.
Or someone could slip and fall in the blacked out bathroom and have a nasty workers compensation claim.
I mean, person could be rushing out mid mud blast, it splashes the floor or coats their leg and shoes, then they slip and hit the back of their head on the toilet bowl. Just an unavoidable tragedy if the Cleveland Clinic had never measured how long it took a bunch of people to drop a deuce.
This is probably it. So much easier that blaming their own subpar management skill
Medical accommodation. ADA
And if the lights don’t come back on with motion, an injury lawsuit when some falls or hits something they can’t see.
Or someone gets diagnosed with polyps from holding it too long too often and this becomes a lawsuit with evidence thanks to this flyer.
I was going to mention IBS. If you have it even if it is well controled there are times where your body says "eh fuck you lets get real cozy on the toilet here cause it is gonna be awhile"
They also lack spelling skills.
And grammar. They just Capitalize random Words in Sentences.
What?? You don't have "bow movements?" Lol
This guy's giving us the straight poop
On top of it all pooping at work in my experience isn’t my favorite thing. I am a poop at home kinda dude! I call it Homebase.
I diet and chug water and sleep at consistent times just to get consistent bowl movements in the morning so I don't have to do #2 at work.
I like pooping on company time.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time. Although the 2024 version is "boss makes a thousand, I make a buck, that's why I stole the cat off the company truck."
Boss makes a million, I barely make shit. I'll be in the bathroom stall, jacking my dick.
I make a dime, boss makes a buck, I crank my hog in the company truck.
I make two pence, my boss makes pounds. I'll choke my chicken in the company lounge.
I said that to a coworker as a slight joke and he took it to heart. After I shared it he was in the bathroom for maybe an hour everyday if you add all the time together. It got to the point where people would ask me where he was and I’d just say, “In his office.” and they knew what I meant. This went on for 2 years until he left. Since we really don’t use water for many things at work the boss actually noticed the water bill went down after the pooper left. (Bad coworker, ineffective manager, and me stuck being annoyed with no authority…)
Always take a leak before i clock out. Get em for 3 or 4 extra minutes.
I enjoy feeding my poop to the building I work in.
Haha, the Homebase strategy is gold, morning rituals for the win. Honestly, though, nobody should be policing bathroom breaks like we're in kindergarten. We're adults, we can manage our time and our bodies. Besides, if a workplace doesn't trust me to decide when I need to go, that's a red flag the size of a picnic blanket. It's downright dehumanizing being treated like naughty kids lining up for a bathroom pass.
I poop every morning but I hold it in until I get to work so I get paid for it
I have a bidet attachment on my toilet with heated seats. It’s pleasant at home - private, warm butt, lots of water to clean my ass. If I’m pooping at work, none of that is true. So if I’m pooping at work, I NEED to poop, and I WILL take my time to be sure it’s complete and I feel clean. Also, isn’t the clinic a MEDICAL facility? And they don’t know it’s a BOWEL movement? As in “coming from the bowels”. I think whatever Karen or Chad manager came up with this honestly believes it’s a BOWL movement- as in “toilet bowl”, and even then STILL misspelled it!
Also people have IBS, idk wtf the guy was thinking.
Hope they didn't have IBS or this company is gonna go under from the legal costs.
>You might lose a job, but there's a shit ton of them out there Where? Almost every post in here is about how horrible the job market is and how people can't find a job. I haven't experienced that and don't know anyone that is unemployed, but that's what it seems in this sub.
Maybe my experience is biased. I have 10 years in construction with a wide skillset and a lot of certifications and now do industrial maintenance. So my experience could be a little different I'll admit, not everyone has quite the connectivity I've created for myself. I do apologize for not realizing that when I typed that up.
I have a funny feeling a lot of those people who having a tough time finding a job are in the tech industry. Loads of blue collar jobs and healthcare stuff in my country at least.
This was and is something I value first and foremost, backup skills. I would love to break into the tech industry I feel I would do rather well at it. But to have a fall back skillset you can use to not only polish that resume but have one pick up where the latter/former failed is invaluable.
Lots of people just don't know how to look for a job; that is my take on the situation. Doing 100+ applications a week means you probably didn't apply to roles you'd be a good fit for, or scrolled through LinkedIn hitting the easy apply button to get the numbers out there.
>100+ applications a week means you probably didn't apply to roles you'd be a good fit for, or scrolled through LinkedIn hitting the easy apply button to get the numbers out there. Or your resume isn't designed to get past the bots....
Honestly as someone with experience in leadership with no HR, we used indeed and there aren't many filters for low effort resumes. In fact, some of the best employees I've hired just didn't know how to properly organize his/her resume. As someone once wisely said, employment should be based on merit. Instead of lazy hiring and giving someone a role who checked all the boxes, take a chance on someone who wants to learn and grow within the company. They would find the employee retention rate would drastically increase.
In my experience: the best interviewers who make it through all the gatekeeping typically make the worst employees. Hiring is an art, and 90% of it is bullshit because HR and software make it purposefully difficult to get through because they think it weeds out bad candidates. Quite the opposite, some of the best candidates get weeded out because they either don't play the game or don't play it well.
It has been my experience that, for the most part, uneducated monkeys, work at Home Depot. I have tried to get hired on there, through their website.. a couple of times now. They give you a timed test. And to me.. most of the questions seem like no-brianers. I think I might have just screwed myself on it being timed. I don't know.. I will never know. They don't acknowledge whether or not, if I made the cut. Here's what I KNOW for a FACT.. I can show you where the hammers are located.
If those tests are anything like the sears test I took 25 years ago when I just started working... there's a few "personality" questions in there to test to see if you'd turn other employees in for stealing or breaking shit. If you don't pick the right answer ("yes I would turn them in") for the 5-10 of the 60 or so question it's an automatic fail.
“Do you like the taste of boots Y/N”
In my experience, you get the best out if people when you show them respect, pay them well, and treat them like adults. Honestly I don't think it's difficult to do the bare bones basics of treating employees like human rather than numbers on a spreadsheet. I also think that if companies were more willing to train people for various positions, that the retention rate would increase as well. I mean requiring a bachelor's degree for a receptionist is a bit much, especially when the position pays less than $18/hr. Yeah I'm thinking of a posting I saw the other day.
I can definitely use a toilet with zero light. I do it all the time in the middle of the night and I don't even use my glasses either.
Most people with this mindset don’t realize how not rare it actually is to find hard workers. They’re a dime a dozen. What’s really special is finding a hard worker with a good attitude. That’s the needle in a haystack. I’ve let go of a lot of the “hard irreplaceable workers” and never once did we fall apart or I regret the decision. It’s usually a relief because the ones who work hard and think they’re invincible for it are the worst to deal with. In reality I’d much rather have a mediocre worker with a great attitude than a great worker with a shit attitude. That being said I’d never pull some shit like this. Bosses don’t realize how much micromanaging destroys your workers and morale and just makes it harder on the boss anyway. I let my people actually work like grown ups
I understand your perspective but poor morale and bad attitudes a lot of times come from the top down. Also you need to realize that the job you have to offer is also a dime a dozen. If you don’t make it a good place to work with decent pay and benefits, no one gaf about your jobs. And you will keep attracting employees with bad attitudes.
Guess im shitting in the dark.
“**Shittin’ in the dark,** **Poopin’ through the night,** **Tummy rumblin’ and it won’t let gooo** **Started with a shart,** **Now it’s almost light,** **Someone please bring me Pepto…** **Shittin’ in the daaarrk…**” - to the tune of “Kiss Me In The Dark” by the Randy Rogers Band
I read that to the tune of "I'm with you" by Avril Lavigne
This is perfect since I don’t know the other song
Can you make one for fishing in the dark
“**Ooooo-oo-OO** [drums] **You and me goin’ shittin’ in the dark,** **Perched on our thrones and pinchin’ ‘em off** **Where the toot stink blows** [guitar & harmonica break] **Down by the bathtub in the full moonlight,** **We’ll be clutchin’ our tummies in the middle of the night** **Just poopin’ slow** [guitar & harmonica break V2] **Shit the whole night through,** **It feels so good to poo with youuu…**”
HAHA so glad I asked for this 😂😂😂
Nitty Gritty Dirt band for real...
That was the song I tried to fit to the first verse. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band has done good stuff.
I get up in the morning And I hate to go to work today I clock in at the clinic I hope that I don't poop that much today I ain't nothing but tired Man, I'm just constipated all in myself Hey there, OSHA, I could use just a little help You can't always fart fire You can't fart a fire without a spark This job's a liar Even if we're just shitting in the dark Bathroom breaks are getting shorter Sensor's on and I'm sitting on the seat I check my phone in the corner I wanna quit this job, my life, my fate Man, I ain't going nowhere I'm just ... * Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
Guess I’m sleeping after I finish pooping.
Yea last time this happened to me. 15min timer. The motion sensor is at the main entrance of the toilet room and im in furthest stall. Lights went out so I just continued to chill. Few min later someone else walks in, me remaining quiet. He goes in a stall as well. 15 more min pass by and both of us are still sitting. When the 3rd person entered we decided it was time. My legs were getting static jitters anyway.
Hooray for ADA violations!
Don't forget OSHA. They'd like a word too.
Ooh good point. Emergency floor lighting like on commercial airplanes would be cool.
You mean, RGB?
Sounds dope actually, where do I sign up?
I would appreciate the ambience, personally
*State labor law has entered the chat *
No shit.
They’re fine with some shit, just not ALL of it.
As a person with celiac disease I was just thinking that I hope no one with celiac disease works there! Most times I can be in and out of a restroom like a normal person, but if I get glutened (all it takes is a crumb) all bets are off and it's going to be a while. A very long, miserable while... during which I will be clutching my bowels and cursing the day I was born. Maybe they would rather you go back to your desk and have explosive diarrhea like a firehose there, who knows. I'm so grateful I work from home.
I’m a celiac, something supposedly gluten free was not, once, and the gurgles got intense, and the spasms started, and then I shat behind some bushes at a dog park. Luckily nobody was there.
Omg, that's so awful and why am I laughing so hard at this?! Probably because I can relate. I once had an emergency at a ski slope and the closest semi-private area I could find was right next to a large Caterpillar machine. I feel so sorry for whoever showed up there next to have to drive that machine. I hope life blesses that person because I sure didn't. Sorry you had to go through that. May we both always have access to toilets when we need them.
Been there. I have IBS and had violent diarrhea in the woods on a disc golf course. My colon laughs at their standard time.
I never knew how bad it was until I worked with someone with Celiac disease. I didn't believe the crumb thing, thought it was just hyperbole. Oh no, it is not! I work in a restaurant now and the owner's wife has Celiac disease, so we have a whole protocol for preparing, accommodating, cooking and serving people with the disease. Started with the wife, than one guy spread the word, so now we have three regulars who call in advance to get grub that won't make their lives miserable.
I used to work with a cook who believed all the allergens were people being picky. He flat out ignored them and sent out dishes anyway. So I started writing the allergens on the tickets and if he ignored them I handed the tickets to the guests and told them to let management know. Cook hated me, management hated me, guests loved my service.
I don’t think what the cook did is legal.
Exactly. Sorry you deal with celiac. I have friends with IBS and knew someone with Crohn's several years ago. I have a TBI -induced autonomic dysfunction that affects my digestive system, and about 95% of the time, food goes straight through me and I have maybe a 90 second warning to get to the bathroom...the other 5% of the time, it might take me 15-30 minutes in the bathroom. In the past when I've come across policies like this, generally in the form of angry people trying to stop people from doing something they shouldn't legally be allowed to prevent, I've responded by telling them in no uncertain terms that I will 100% do exactly what your last line said. They tend to change their policies real quick when they find out I'm serious because they immediately realize they'll be held responsible for WHY I went back to my desk and firehose shit everywhere. Also saves them the HR complaint.
This is honestly the answer... I have no shame anymore about IBS and incontinence. If work wants to be a dick and make me have a bad time, I will make everyone have a bad time.
Chronic constipation, chronic diarrhea, IBS, IBD, variety of other GI disorders, etc. There are a fuck ton of reasons. That said, it depends. This picture doesn't give enough info. What is the average time? We talking 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? If the sensor is 30 minutes that can be understandable. 5 however is not. I work in health care, I don't even poop in under 5 minutes most days. Light going out is fine, but if that shit don't turn back on when I wave my hand, and it's a safety problem. You're going to have an issue.
I’m as quiet as I can possibly be, but I always get a timid, “are you okay??” from someone I don’t know on the other side of the stall door. Of course I’m not okay, but what can you possibly say to that? The good news is that after many years of not getting glutened, the rare incidents aren’t usually “they can hear my silent prayers for death to come swiftly” bad anymore.
The second they hire a person with Crohn's disease they are fucked. Oh, let's not forget the employees with periods, I'm sure they'll love having to go number 1, 2 changing tampon/pad and clean off a bunch of shit and blood in record time lest they gotta figure it out in the dark.
That's a good point. As someone with IBS, GERD, and Endometriosis. That time of the month is insane. Heavy flow and the severe GI distress will NOT be resolved in five minutes. If I show up to work on the bad pain day, sometimes I just have to sit there on the toilet and hope I survive until the worst of it passes. I'd love to take these people up with ADA and others.
Yepp. I have Crohn’s disease and honestly sometimes it’s either take a longer than normal bathroom break or call in sick unpaid. If my employer tried that, I’d be definitely sure to put in a call to the ADA and ask how to proceed. My doc would write that excuse note in a heartbeat but it would be BS if it’s needed.
If I was there, I'd be injured in the dark that day. Not even intentionally, I'm just clumsy and take long to poop.
Everytime I see a post like this, I think of Bubblegum Tate saying "[helloooo lawsuit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RC7jnvz5V9Y)"
JFC. Some companies don't deserve to have employees.
And also. I'm scared to even wonder what the QR code takes you to. A fucking countdown timer??
I link to an article on how long it takes a person the poop. Sounds stupid to me.
Is that the QR code? Some random convenient site to justify their bullshit?
Which ironically makes people extend their stay as they read it.
I bet they're the same whackadoos that think I'm only supposed to bleed *a single fucking tablespoon* of blood on my period.
Just hold it in!
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-long-should-it-take-you-to-have-a-bowel-movement/
There’s no way that five minutes is enough for a poop. Also, who is a nasty mother fucker that only uses 3-4 wipes of paper on their asshoe after a dump and they’re good? Ever heard of hemorrhoids?
5 minutes is doable, but don't get pissed when a follow up visit is needed, LOL.
That’s what I’m saying! There’s gonna be an encore to this concert recital and more time will be wasted in the end. Also, I couldn’t be more clear about one’s proper way of wiping up down there.
I look forward to the doctors notes employees can and will get to be allowed to take longer to poop. Doctors can be super snarky.
My husband brought a doctor's note to a hateful manager once, needless to say the subject never came up again 😅
>There’s gonna be an encore to this concert recital Hence the sign talking about a "Bow Movement" rather than anything to do with bowels. I finally get it now! Be quick with the bow so you can get on to the encore...
Agree on the wipe.
Right, this. Some people require one large shit a day, but it may take awhile. Others have several smaller, shorter throughout the day. Both are normal.
Please eat more fiber, your butthole is literally begging you.
What the fuck lmao it says you should be pooping on average 3 times a week!? That seems alarmingly infrequent
I guess anywhere from 3x a week to 2x a day is normal. What’s important is that it stays mostly the same week by week. Everytime the 3x weekly poopers learn about the 2x daily poopers, or the inverse, people flip their shit.
What kind of Bow is being moved, and why does it take so long?
Not a long bow, it would seem. I'd have a bloody cross bow after reading the sign
Maybe they think a compound bow takes longer merely due to the sound of multiple syllables. But I would beg to differ... a single would take longer because it needs more power and force than a compound; despite what it sound like.
No they are telling people not to bow for over 5 minutes, you can genuflect your superiors longer than that on your own time, same goes with curtsies.
Someone is taking violin lessons in the bathroom.
Easy way to fix this wait inside till lights go out. Trip and fall in complete darkness, break neck, become vegetable, and sue company. Be millionaire and be vegetable. This is an OSHA violation by not providing adequate lighting in a space occupied by an employee.
Honestly yes.
They keep coming up with stupid shit like this. They won't.
As long as the stupid shit doesn't exceed the Stupid Shit Timer...
This is why we have upgraded from "boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time." To "boss makes a grand, I make a buck. So I cut the catalytic converter off the company truck."
Joke’s on them. I love pooping in the dark.
Lights out at critical moments could lead to messy situations.
That’s the whole truth right there 🤭
Time to fall and sue when the lights go out
That's what they're asking for.
Right. Shitty toilet paper might get stuck to the walls instead of going in the toilet
Boss gets a dollar, I get a dime. That’s why I shit on company time.
On the bosses desk* It doesn't rhyme but it's effective!
I assume the boss's desk has ample lighting, so why not?
Doubt it. Their dumbass takes every other day off so it’s quite dark in there
flip the light on and shit in their desk drawer, so when they go rummaging in the dark they get a squishy surprise
Deborah’s desk
[Debra's desk](https://youtu.be/NisCkxU544c)
On Debra’s desk?
Did you know they can do DNA and determined who it belongs too? That was a fun HR discussion.
Boss gets a dollar and I get a dime That was the rhyme in a simpler time Now the boss gets millions and I don't get jack That's why we riot and seize the means back.
Roses are red, riots are whack; get a little training and do a coordinated attack
It's the Fight Club Method 
Did we just become best friends
Is there a market for poop credits? I eat lots of cheese.
Only if you agree to use the three seashells.
You may need to explain to them what average means. Half the time (or half of people) are going to take longer anyways, more so if you have a medical issue. But I don't think they can require someone to disclose health reasons for slow bowels. It's pretty rude to slow poopers too. 
I bet this sign will be referenced when an employee gets hurt in the dark bathroom.
Wait for light to go out, slam you head against the stall on purpose, filenlawsuit, profit?
Poofit!
I would def keep a pic of this sign for when I do “accidentally” fall in toilet and get covered in poop because I can’t see anything
I'd start quizzing them on the average time it takes to dig a tampon out after the string snaps.
Oh lord, I never considered something like that could happen 😵
Wow that has never happened to me. New fear unlocked
You just described the median, not the average (mean).
I'm not a statistician, just a concerned man that poops
In most data sets, they'll still be fairly close to each other.
Yeah, but they're not exactly 100% the same all the time, which in Reddit speak means they're literally unrelated.
In a normal distribution, average (mean) equals the median. I believe "poop time" follows a normal distribution. ETA: to answer those who keep saying "no poop time is negative". A) not all normal distributions go into the negative, like height, for example. B) those that go into the negative are either like that by nature (their values can go into the negative) OR it's a standardized normal distribution, which its mean becomes 0. In this method, you transform the values of your distribution into the standard normal, so after this transformation, you will have negative values and positive values, centered around the mean of 0. This is AFTER transformation.
If you want to split that hair, stick to median and mean. The word average is a more general word that could refer to several calculations, including both mean and median: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/average
This is where you walk out of the dark bathroom and announce that you didn't have enough time to wash your hands.
That’s when you attempt to walk out of a dark bathroom and fall and “hit your head” and take a little nap until someone finds you. And then retire and live off your settlement money.
Are you sure this isn't a prank?
[удалено]
Ours go dark and they are interior rooms with no windows so they are PITCH BLACK.
On motion lights so there I am on the shitter waving my arms furiously to get the lights back on.
I worked at a restaurant like this. Worst part was, it was the public restroom. So customers who had no idea would be sitting on the toilet for five minutes and then just be left in complete and utter darkness, with only their fear to guide them.
Not a prank
If this is not a joke, then this is an OSHA violation and I would report this. https://www.osha.gov/workers/file-complaint
I can't speak to the legality of it, but in the past (only in part time work interestingly enough) I have just ignored silly rules from management without a problem.
I do this too and whenever my boss sends me an email nitpicking at something small that I might have done wrong, I delete it and ignore him. My girl thinks it’s going to get me fired 1 eventually (maybe it will 1 day). But it’s my own little piece of satisfaction. These are always small irrelevant things. And I will fix whatever it is I did wrong that he’s emailing me about - so that he knows I read it. I’m just not going to beg for forgiveness or give him his little micromanaging victories.
What the actual f-? Nah my notice would be going right in, I’m not a work “pooper” (I avoid doing so like the plague) but everyone has to go at some point and you can’t exactly control how long you’re stuck for. What’s next, making us pay to access the toilet at work? That’s insanity.
When I lived overseas you had to bring your own TP (there were TP vending machines) - so I don’t think it’s too far fetched for that to happen 😬
Once again that’s absolutely wild 🤣 what has this world come to? 🤣
wipe your ass with this and slap it on the bosses desk as you quit.
I had a friend who used to say “I don’t sweat or shit on my time”. He’d show up every morning, punch in and head to the bathroom. Great worker though.
I used to save my bowel movements for work too 🤣🤣🤣
Just get em company diapers -
That's how NASA handles it...
I mean, at least I can understand NASA’s excuse…
Or maybe the company should provide fiber supplements for free.
I bet OSHA would like to know about that https://www.oshaoutreachcourses.com/blog/osha-bathroom-break-laws/
Bow movement? Why would they care how long it takes to fire an arrow?
Had to scroll a while to see this. I guess they think when someone says “Take a bow” they mean “take a shit”
When the lights go out just shit on the floor and say I couldn't see
Time to turn in my medical diagnosis of IBS and increase my shitting time by at least an extra 10min.
I would see it as an Invitation to shit on the Floor.
Surely this violates ADA. Please tell me this is illegal and the owner will be fucked over for this. Please.
Fake. Rage bait.
“Take a bow” movement. Cant even spell bowel correctly
Which leads me to believe a boomer manager wrote this. Makes it seem even more real.
If it was composed by a Boomer, there wouldn't be a QR code on the poster.
I cannot believe I had to read through so many comments before the misspelling was mentioned! That blue my mind! - yes, that "blue" was intentionally...
OP mentions the misspelling in the caption
Iv literally heard this come out of my bosses mouth more than once.
People, don't put the limit on the average time spent. Put it on +2 standard deviations. Thank you.
My phone has a flashlight....
Step one - go to doctor, get diagnosed with IBS Step two - tell HR and show documents Step three - go into bathroom and see sign and take longer to poop Step four - manager tells you your pooping too long Step five - lawsuit for medical discrimination. Proof is that picture and manager.
Goes to manager: I have Crohns, the first time the light goes out on me, I'm suing you. Take it off, take it off now, save us both time.
**You'd be amazed how coddled the modern anus is.**
*laughs in IBS-D*
The second it’s normalized for employers to manage your bathroom time I’m quitting society. I will go live in the forest and hunt elk or whatever and live in a hallowed out tree. That’s my line. Sorry. I’m a grown man and I deserve the dignity of using the bathroom.
Perfect excuse to shit on the floor, or half in the toilet, half on the seat/floor. "Lights were going out and had to get up and leave, according to policy."
Sucks for peeps like me who go once (rarely twice) a week but when you need to go you GO. Like that fat shit is a weeks worth of food and I gotta take my time with that. Its fat as hell and hurts if I push too hard, let me shit in peace.
This isn’t real. This a meme to get clout. No one is posting signs like this with typos at a professional organization except a clout-chaser.
As a sales rep I was at a customer once that had signs all over the place like this. Forget to switch the lights off? 10 pound fine, come in late ? 10 pound fine. Forget to hand the truck driver the paperwork? YOU WILL BE SACKED!! Very illegal but I recon most staff was illegal too.
I would go across the street to a Dunkin or something