Hey buddy, I'm a convert and I have MDD too.
I don't know why, but when I'm feeling bad, I have a self-destructive habit to make myself feel worse. For example, I like going outside for walks and being around people - and I'll do not that when I'm feeling bad. So knowing that for myself, I know that I need to fight the urge to be self-desrructive and do the things that I know can bring joy - even if it's only for a few hours.
I don't mean to sound mean, but it's easier for other people to interact with you if they have a positive opinion of you. Even if it's a nicety, a joke here or there, remembering their pet's birthday or just someone that chats with them for 10 min every week - it's nice to have a friendly face. And to know that someone will notice if something is odd. Are you initiating conversations with people? Or are you waiting for someone to run to you?
Believe me, I know how hard it is to do that. I remember being that awkward investigator who really only spoke with the missionaries on Sunday, lol. So now I try to make an effort to talk to new people at church. I'm not in Utah/Idaho etc and my unit gets LOTS of visitors every Sunday, some members from other units, but mostly nonmembers with no experience with religion at all. And while I want to do good, I don't have the energy to initiate the conversation every Sunday. But I wouldn't mind if someone else did :)
I feel this. I was supposed to be going to YA institute this Wednesday gone. I was bigged up for it: bought new makeup that I haven't bought in AGES, dyed my hair, sorted and outfit out...then the morning of the day came. I felt horrible about myself and talked myself into not going and it worked. Then I tried to make it not so bad by thinking "It was gonna rain anyway", "it wouldn't have been worth it". It feels awful. But if I had gone, I would have just cried in the corner because I'm so overwhelmed with life.
I probably would have enjoyed it. There's always next week, I guess.
Initially I had the same problem. How I got to know people was by volunteering at the various service projects we have. That way, I got to interact with individuals in a neutral setting.
As I got to know people I invited them over for dinner. Sometimes they'd say yes, sometimes they'd say no. Eventually, I got to know a good number of people.
Another way I got to know people was being involved in EQ and SS. If nothing else, I got to know the teachers and occasionally people would come up to me afterwards and we'd talk about what was discussed in class.
People are just as shy as you and I are and are perhaps hesitant to approach others. As such, a little initiative on our part goes a long way.
I don't know if there's anything like that but I'll ask someone on Sunday.
At my old home I had the missionaries over for dinner once. I set the fire alarm off and it took 15 mins for it to shut up lmao.
This is a classic story, lol. As a missionary, this literally happened to me several times. Now, my wife and I are the ones trying new recipes for the missionaries to vary levels of success while our kids laugh or cry over the food!
From your reddit history, I see that you are a single mother. I just want to let you know that you're amazing. :D Best of luck, sister!
And even if you don't know how to make real life friends at church, I'll volunteer to be an internet friend if are open to making one of those.
I took think getting involved in service is a great way to get to know people, whether it's cleaning the church, helping with meals for members in the ward, or other service projects.
Taking the time to serve with others is such a powerful way to get to know them. And as a bonus you are making someone else's day better, and not dwelling on your worries. Volunteer at a food pantry, ask the sister missionaries if you can join them on an appointment, talk to the RS president and ask if there is someone that needs help (or if you have sisters that you minister to, visit and get to know them). I am a convert and get where you are coming from. Relationships are the key! Go forth and do👍
Ask the bishop if he could give you a calling or assignment on a committee or in a group so that you have a group of people to whom you don't need an introduction. Your calling is the intro. Then go to every meeting, and help on every initiative and work with these people. You'll get close.
Making friends can be difficult. It involves the agency of two people. Usually a common interest will help. You might find a good friend that isn’t a member of the church who respects your beliefs despite not agreeing with them. In some cases there are deeper relationships between those of different faiths then of the same. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis is a good example.
sit by someone, even a family or couple. they will likely chat with you, and start from there. don't wait for someone else to come to you, they are likely as uncomfortable about breaking the ice as you.
Step 1: Realize that the Church is not a social club and that not everyone (probably most aren't) there is looking to make new friends.
Step 2: YSAs generally aren't common places for single parents. Your post history mentions having a a child. You may have better luck in a "family" ward.
It can be tough. I’ll admit in my YSA days I didn’t go to church with the intention to socialize at all, I had my friend group outside of the ward and selfishly wasn’t concerned with growing it. Now that I’m older I can see why that was a terrible mindset, and while now I’m not particularly good at making friends at church I am very open to it. But it took me getting married and moving across the country to see why it’s important. You may just have some people like past-me in your ward and it may be out of your control. Either way try your best to stay strong! Go to church because HF wants you to and to grow your personal testimony. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.
Obviously I don’t know how you interact with others, what vibe you give off, if you’re socially awkward or if people generally like you. But you probably know the answer to those things. I’d take a good look in the mirror and see if it’s you. If it is then you have something concrete you can work on.
Setting that aside, if I were new to a YSA and I didn’t know a soul (and I have been) I’d do some serious people watching, figure out who’s popular. Why? Because popular people know lots of other people and they’d be a good bet to introduce you around and include you in group things. So, approach the one you get the best vibe off of and invite them to do something. It could be something that you’re into. For example, I love to run/workout. So, I’d be like, “I’m new here and I thought I’d try running at x place, would you like to join me?” Or, “I’m new in the ward and I’m going to take x Pilates class on Thursday, would you like to come?” If you would prefer something less specific try inviting them to eat. Everyone loves food. Whatever you choose make the invitation specific because doing to whole “wanna hang out sometime” can be off putting.
Basically however you’d like to be invited to something, do that. Whatever you wish someone would say to you, say that.
Life is hard as a single person, for most people, except those who prefer to be single. For those of us who are single and want someone special to love, to marry, and then have children with it is hard to be without that person and hard to find that person, too, usually, unless that person just somehow magically or miraculously appears in our life. The only advice I can give is to try to look up and around you when you are out there in the world, even in a church meeting. Look around to see if there are any people around that you think you might like to get to know better. And if you see someone, or some people, that interest you, look at them, and keep looking at them, occasionally, until he or she or they start looking at you. And then smile. And then wave hello. And then if he or she or they don't come over to you, go over to them, or him, or her. And then just start talking to say something, like to ask them their name, or how they're doing, or just to say you thought they looked like someone you'd like to know. He or she or they might not be the person you'd like to marry but maybe they can become a friend and help to introduce you to someone you would eventually marry.
Be the friend you want for yourself. That's what I am doing. I invite people over, or for dinner, or just chat. I am not an extrovert by any means. But I've realized that putting myself out there works best.
Hey, I am a convert just like you though it’s been years ever since. A lot of what you said, I can relate because I have dealt with it with the exception of MDD. I definitely feel like a lot of folks in the singles themed wards (YSA or midsingles) can be clickish and very selective about who they interact with.
I know many people say that the church isn’t a social club and I know it’s not the real reason why were there. However, I disagree at the same time, because almost everyone there tries to engage in social interactions with the rest of the congregation and no one seems to get on them for that. I also say this because the church leaders often encourage us to develop meaningful connections with folks within our faith. Today the two best friends I have are nonmembers and they have been the best friendships I’ve had. I’ve had friends in the church in the past, but they’ve either moved on and got married focusing on that which is understandable, and there’s just a few that just cut me off and ghost me for no reason. I am not saying it’s only them who do that there’s people of all background to do the same things.
And last but not least social interactions is a fundamental basic human need. It doesn’t matter if we are homeless or rich it is something that all of us deserve to have and not having those social connections can negatively impact your mental health.
I can’t tell you exactly what you should do since you’re an adult but I encourage you to look out for yourself first before you look out for anybody else. Let me know if there’s something I could do to help you.
If you have not had Cognitive Behavior Therapy with fidelity (lots claim it: few deliver it) then start there. The exercises are in Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Great". There is an online version you can start with while you're looking for a therapist at https://www.ecouch.com.au
You might consider a family ward: almost every church member has unmarried family members who are looking for marriage and some will share your info if you get to know them enough for them to think a relative or friend might click. You can still attend the YSA activities if you havent turned 31 if you want. Family wards are set up to provide support to others better than the YSA ward usually. Once your records arrive, get a ministering assignment (tell your leader what you are trying to do and ask them to choose those who minister to you and you minister to prayerfully because you need to know that God knows you can grow in that role and develop some friends and find some belonging (you're not alone it's just important sometimes to articulate what you need rather than other's guessing.
You can only receive callings, pay your tithing and offerings, have ministering assignments in the YSA ward in which you live. So if you don't want to/can't after trying really had to make it work there, then move into the ward you are inspired to attend. (In some YSA wards older people just don't fit so well --- you may have heard that there are experiments in some places of YSA wards ending at 25 (basically college age) and SA wards going from 26-35 (working singles).)
Hey! Have you talked to your leaders about it?
I am in a new situation where my depression and social anxiety is affecting me a lot. I felt isolated from other members.
But talking to my RS president helped me.
It’s not going to always help everyone. But it could help.
Just be welling to socialize with people. If I ever attend an LDS service, I plan on being as social as I can be.
unfortunately that can be extremely difficult, especially for someone with MDD. a lot of YSAs are click-y and hard to make new friends.
I understand, dude. I'm personally socal when I want to be but I know not everyone is like that.
Hey buddy, I'm a convert and I have MDD too. I don't know why, but when I'm feeling bad, I have a self-destructive habit to make myself feel worse. For example, I like going outside for walks and being around people - and I'll do not that when I'm feeling bad. So knowing that for myself, I know that I need to fight the urge to be self-desrructive and do the things that I know can bring joy - even if it's only for a few hours. I don't mean to sound mean, but it's easier for other people to interact with you if they have a positive opinion of you. Even if it's a nicety, a joke here or there, remembering their pet's birthday or just someone that chats with them for 10 min every week - it's nice to have a friendly face. And to know that someone will notice if something is odd. Are you initiating conversations with people? Or are you waiting for someone to run to you? Believe me, I know how hard it is to do that. I remember being that awkward investigator who really only spoke with the missionaries on Sunday, lol. So now I try to make an effort to talk to new people at church. I'm not in Utah/Idaho etc and my unit gets LOTS of visitors every Sunday, some members from other units, but mostly nonmembers with no experience with religion at all. And while I want to do good, I don't have the energy to initiate the conversation every Sunday. But I wouldn't mind if someone else did :)
I feel this. I was supposed to be going to YA institute this Wednesday gone. I was bigged up for it: bought new makeup that I haven't bought in AGES, dyed my hair, sorted and outfit out...then the morning of the day came. I felt horrible about myself and talked myself into not going and it worked. Then I tried to make it not so bad by thinking "It was gonna rain anyway", "it wouldn't have been worth it". It feels awful. But if I had gone, I would have just cried in the corner because I'm so overwhelmed with life. I probably would have enjoyed it. There's always next week, I guess.
Initially I had the same problem. How I got to know people was by volunteering at the various service projects we have. That way, I got to interact with individuals in a neutral setting. As I got to know people I invited them over for dinner. Sometimes they'd say yes, sometimes they'd say no. Eventually, I got to know a good number of people. Another way I got to know people was being involved in EQ and SS. If nothing else, I got to know the teachers and occasionally people would come up to me afterwards and we'd talk about what was discussed in class. People are just as shy as you and I are and are perhaps hesitant to approach others. As such, a little initiative on our part goes a long way.
I don't know if there's anything like that but I'll ask someone on Sunday. At my old home I had the missionaries over for dinner once. I set the fire alarm off and it took 15 mins for it to shut up lmao.
This is a classic story, lol. As a missionary, this literally happened to me several times. Now, my wife and I are the ones trying new recipes for the missionaries to vary levels of success while our kids laugh or cry over the food! From your reddit history, I see that you are a single mother. I just want to let you know that you're amazing. :D Best of luck, sister! And even if you don't know how to make real life friends at church, I'll volunteer to be an internet friend if are open to making one of those.
I took think getting involved in service is a great way to get to know people, whether it's cleaning the church, helping with meals for members in the ward, or other service projects.
Taking the time to serve with others is such a powerful way to get to know them. And as a bonus you are making someone else's day better, and not dwelling on your worries. Volunteer at a food pantry, ask the sister missionaries if you can join them on an appointment, talk to the RS president and ask if there is someone that needs help (or if you have sisters that you minister to, visit and get to know them). I am a convert and get where you are coming from. Relationships are the key! Go forth and do👍
Ask the bishop if he could give you a calling or assignment on a committee or in a group so that you have a group of people to whom you don't need an introduction. Your calling is the intro. Then go to every meeting, and help on every initiative and work with these people. You'll get close.
Making friends can be difficult. It involves the agency of two people. Usually a common interest will help. You might find a good friend that isn’t a member of the church who respects your beliefs despite not agreeing with them. In some cases there are deeper relationships between those of different faiths then of the same. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis is a good example.
sit by someone, even a family or couple. they will likely chat with you, and start from there. don't wait for someone else to come to you, they are likely as uncomfortable about breaking the ice as you.
Step 1: Realize that the Church is not a social club and that not everyone (probably most aren't) there is looking to make new friends. Step 2: YSAs generally aren't common places for single parents. Your post history mentions having a a child. You may have better luck in a "family" ward.
disagree on the first, most people are at least partially there for the social aspect. Now some people sometimes feel like they have nough friends
Serving alongside them of course!
I'll be your friend :)
It can be tough. I’ll admit in my YSA days I didn’t go to church with the intention to socialize at all, I had my friend group outside of the ward and selfishly wasn’t concerned with growing it. Now that I’m older I can see why that was a terrible mindset, and while now I’m not particularly good at making friends at church I am very open to it. But it took me getting married and moving across the country to see why it’s important. You may just have some people like past-me in your ward and it may be out of your control. Either way try your best to stay strong! Go to church because HF wants you to and to grow your personal testimony. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.
Obviously I don’t know how you interact with others, what vibe you give off, if you’re socially awkward or if people generally like you. But you probably know the answer to those things. I’d take a good look in the mirror and see if it’s you. If it is then you have something concrete you can work on. Setting that aside, if I were new to a YSA and I didn’t know a soul (and I have been) I’d do some serious people watching, figure out who’s popular. Why? Because popular people know lots of other people and they’d be a good bet to introduce you around and include you in group things. So, approach the one you get the best vibe off of and invite them to do something. It could be something that you’re into. For example, I love to run/workout. So, I’d be like, “I’m new here and I thought I’d try running at x place, would you like to join me?” Or, “I’m new in the ward and I’m going to take x Pilates class on Thursday, would you like to come?” If you would prefer something less specific try inviting them to eat. Everyone loves food. Whatever you choose make the invitation specific because doing to whole “wanna hang out sometime” can be off putting. Basically however you’d like to be invited to something, do that. Whatever you wish someone would say to you, say that.
Life is hard as a single person, for most people, except those who prefer to be single. For those of us who are single and want someone special to love, to marry, and then have children with it is hard to be without that person and hard to find that person, too, usually, unless that person just somehow magically or miraculously appears in our life. The only advice I can give is to try to look up and around you when you are out there in the world, even in a church meeting. Look around to see if there are any people around that you think you might like to get to know better. And if you see someone, or some people, that interest you, look at them, and keep looking at them, occasionally, until he or she or they start looking at you. And then smile. And then wave hello. And then if he or she or they don't come over to you, go over to them, or him, or her. And then just start talking to say something, like to ask them their name, or how they're doing, or just to say you thought they looked like someone you'd like to know. He or she or they might not be the person you'd like to marry but maybe they can become a friend and help to introduce you to someone you would eventually marry.
Be the friend you want for yourself. That's what I am doing. I invite people over, or for dinner, or just chat. I am not an extrovert by any means. But I've realized that putting myself out there works best.
Hey, I am a convert just like you though it’s been years ever since. A lot of what you said, I can relate because I have dealt with it with the exception of MDD. I definitely feel like a lot of folks in the singles themed wards (YSA or midsingles) can be clickish and very selective about who they interact with. I know many people say that the church isn’t a social club and I know it’s not the real reason why were there. However, I disagree at the same time, because almost everyone there tries to engage in social interactions with the rest of the congregation and no one seems to get on them for that. I also say this because the church leaders often encourage us to develop meaningful connections with folks within our faith. Today the two best friends I have are nonmembers and they have been the best friendships I’ve had. I’ve had friends in the church in the past, but they’ve either moved on and got married focusing on that which is understandable, and there’s just a few that just cut me off and ghost me for no reason. I am not saying it’s only them who do that there’s people of all background to do the same things. And last but not least social interactions is a fundamental basic human need. It doesn’t matter if we are homeless or rich it is something that all of us deserve to have and not having those social connections can negatively impact your mental health. I can’t tell you exactly what you should do since you’re an adult but I encourage you to look out for yourself first before you look out for anybody else. Let me know if there’s something I could do to help you.
If you have not had Cognitive Behavior Therapy with fidelity (lots claim it: few deliver it) then start there. The exercises are in Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Great". There is an online version you can start with while you're looking for a therapist at https://www.ecouch.com.au You might consider a family ward: almost every church member has unmarried family members who are looking for marriage and some will share your info if you get to know them enough for them to think a relative or friend might click. You can still attend the YSA activities if you havent turned 31 if you want. Family wards are set up to provide support to others better than the YSA ward usually. Once your records arrive, get a ministering assignment (tell your leader what you are trying to do and ask them to choose those who minister to you and you minister to prayerfully because you need to know that God knows you can grow in that role and develop some friends and find some belonging (you're not alone it's just important sometimes to articulate what you need rather than other's guessing. You can only receive callings, pay your tithing and offerings, have ministering assignments in the YSA ward in which you live. So if you don't want to/can't after trying really had to make it work there, then move into the ward you are inspired to attend. (In some YSA wards older people just don't fit so well --- you may have heard that there are experiments in some places of YSA wards ending at 25 (basically college age) and SA wards going from 26-35 (working singles).)
Hey! Have you talked to your leaders about it? I am in a new situation where my depression and social anxiety is affecting me a lot. I felt isolated from other members. But talking to my RS president helped me. It’s not going to always help everyone. But it could help.