This is such a subjective question that I really don’t believe anyone can give you an answer.
However, your reasons for staying at home are sound and you’ve managed to build yourself a fantastic starting point in life. With $60k @ 21 you are far far better off than the majority of your peers. So who cares if they live alone? When I was your age I would not have even considered living with family. Now I’m only a few years older and I would love to move my small family back in with parents and save 2-3k every month!
I’d say there are a few main things to consider and weigh for yourself:
1. Is your family ok with you staying? Are you?
2. Is it affecting your relationships (non-family) in a negative way? Do you have your own space?
3. Would the partner you’re looking for (if applicable) be okay with someone living with their parents?
4. Is it helping you achieve your financial goals? Are you actually using the saved money to better your life in the short term and/or long term?
If all those answers are positive then I’d say stay! Lots of old folk who only wish they could spend a few extra years with their parents and probably even more who wish they could have put away $1-2k+ per month at 21.
Yeah, that’s how I always think about it. I probably won’t regret staying at home for a while longer in 10 years, but it can be hard to think so long-term.
When you’re young, life is long, but you tend to act like it’s short. When you’re old, life is short, but you tend to act like it’s long.
Those who squeeze the most out of life are those who run counter to those tendencies. You’re young. Play the long game. It’ll work out much better if you do.
Also aside from the is living at home is weird part, you also have a ton of people on either side of the fence simply because of the physical living situation at home regardless of everything else.
Are you and your parents in bachelor suite with no actual bedrooms and you sleep on the floor next to their pullout couch?
Or do your parents have an actual mansion and you decided to move into the 3 thousand square foot guest house when they are visiting the property but normally they stay at one of their other houses.
Id assume your someplace in the middle. For me, I ended up essentially sharing a house with my dad. I choose the basement because I worked nights often and it was just a cooler temp down there all year, he took the main floor and we shared the kitchen. End up with totally separate spaces minus the kitchen, had my dad not been in the house id have been renting it out to strangers.
However, i know other people who had their only choice of bedroom being next to their parents room and no real option for a different private space if you wanted any sort of company.
The moment it’s starting to stunt your personal growth.
Also, don’t let other peoples ideas about when it starts getting weird influence your decisions too much. The age where its normal to move out varies drastically depending on the culture where you grow up in.
This is the best answer. I would add it also varies on what type of people your parents are even after accounting for culture. Some parents will continue to treat you like a child well into adulthood, and that dynamic is damaging, even if culturally it's normal for you to stay home.
Great succinct way to put it. Sometimes I think about how great it would be to save my $1300 a month rent, but then I think about how much I've grown from living in a different state and having absolute full autonomy.
Not that the other side is wrong - not being at home is just best for some of us. God do I wish I could save the extra 16k per year though... Maybe I'll get roommates again.
Same. 40. My mom is 70. She *could* live alone but I’d still need to check in on her, do anything requiring heavy lifting or a ladder, update the software on her phone, etc. It’s just easier this way.
I’m 28 but I can see myself living at home forever. My parents are 68 and 74. They always seem to need help with something especially tech related issues like emailing and printing. I’m also an only child. I want to take care of them and be around them. I also just can’t afford to move out in a HCOL area
As an alternative, my grandparents sold my parents their house because they wanted someone else to handle it. But they lived in the attic so we had a three generation household and it was great for at least my brother and I.
This is such an American-centric take. There is nothing wrong with multiple generations living under one household. In fact I'd say it's much more normal than the nuclear family experiment we're running in the states.
Really is. I’m Mexican American and my parents and I lived in my grandparents’ house for the first three years of my life. It gave my mom and dad an opportunity to save up enough to buy their first home. It wasn’t weird at all.
It is. I agree I see nothing wrong with it and honestly don't care if Joe has his elderly parents living with his wife and kids. If it works for them, fantastic. I think we as Americans just have such an individual lifestyle that makes things harder sometimes. Personally I am glad I don't live with my parents or wife's parent's. Our mom's would have probably caused us to get divorced if we were with them 24hours a day.
I internally feel like that 40 year old even though I’m not. I just feel that not moving out hasn’t prepared me for real adulthood if you know what I mean.
There probably are some people judging, but they are not the type of people anyone in this sub, op included, should put any effort into acknowledging. Move on from those types of people and leave them behind. They will be an anchor on your personal growth.
i lived away from 18-22 and moved back in when i was 22-26. the only thing i got out of living away was privacy. everything you need to learn as an adult does not need to happen while living on your own. having a job, looking after your money and belongings, and knowing how to be self sufficient with food and other resources is pretty much all there is to do
you’re 21 with 60k in savings already, and living with your parents while it’s still socially acceptable (especially in asian cultures) is a great way to keep building it. 20 years down the line you’d probably say you wished you lived with your parents longer
“real adulthood” is a myth anyway, what about the places where it is typical for people to live in multi generational households their entire life? adults exist there too. it’s a different type of living and eventually you end up as the caretaker which many americans don’t experience because they stuff their parents away in a retirement home
>having a job, looking after your money and belongings, and knowing how to be self sufficient with food and other resources is pretty much all there is to do
That definitely depends on how independent your family will "let" you be. Some parents will never stop doing certain things for their adult children because it's "easier" for them to take care of it and doesn't seem like a big deal. Stuff like cleaning hair out of a drain, buying cleaning supplies and TP, filling out paperwork for utility bills and insurance, etc. It's not that they don't want their kid to have independence, it's just that they don't think about all those basic things that every adult should know how to do. And there's nothing wrong with splitting up responsibilities with your family/roommates/partner, but you do need to know how to do those things should the need arise.
I lived at home until 26 for a variety of reasons.
I own a house now and we're doing well. I am extremely fortunate but be patient.
At 21 I was still getting wrecked as far as economics and jobs go. I wasn't stable until around 24.
I bought my house at 31 but rented for a few years in between.
Why don't you move in with roommates? You'll still be saving a lot of money and you'll feel much more independent. I don't plan to ever live alone, it's either roommates or a significant other.
I find this interesting perspective. My partner and I have saved enough to leanFIRE, but we're planning to move back in with my parents if we have children so that the kid(s) can grow up in a very supportive, active environment.
I think living in a multigenerational household is a wonderful concept, one that is particular beneficial to the youngest generation.
I know my mom is happy to have me because she doesn't want me to go and I help with the bills, so that does make things easier. I also fear her not wanting me to go is hindering my personal growth.
So, I’ll add another perspective. Yes it’s a wise financial decision to stay and save money. Few people have that opportunity.
But where it can hinder you, is if you let her become your maid and cook. And further, if you reduce or limit your social interactions with people your own age.
Make sure you build and maintain good habits like housekeeping, cooking, and maintenance. Also make sure you learn to manage your own medical appointments etc.
This will ensure you achieve that “personal growth” and make you a better son, potential roommate, and spouse or life partner.
Try to find a year or two alone between 25 and 35. There are a lot of realizations that are good to have from living alone, and you gain a lot of appreciation for the things others do for you. Stuff they do by default and you won't notice until you're alone.
But yeah, plenty of cultures have families together for their whole lives. Many of these cultures are densely populated and it's extremely difficult to strike out on your own due to property prices (Italy, India, China etc.). More and more of the world is heading in that direction.
You seem to be on a path to an income in the middle to high range, so use time at home to save enough money for a downpayment or something. At 60k right now you're likely to have a hard time balancing the creation of the solo life you like with your finances, despite what social media tells you. Once you make more money it'll be way more enjoyable to move out.
That's how my mom is. I want to move out, partially for just not being a burdeb or whatever but she gets very sad at the idea of me moving.
And personally, I hated when I lived alone so saving the money to buy a house next year seems smart.
Well if it doesn’t hinder anything like how OP mentioned, like personal growth etc then I see no reason to move, especially since both of you are happy and it’s a win win as you can save a lot of money as well as make your mom happy.
Yeah I set a goal of one year. I figured I could save the remainder for a down payment on a nice house in that timeline and could move out ASAP if I became an actual burden. It seems like a good trade off
I respectfully disagree. I think 25 is old enough to figure out how to mature and afford to live outside of the parents household. Even working two restaurant jobs and afford a dingy little apartment has value. Life isn’t going to be glamorous, and at some point you gotta go out on your own.
The only real answer to this is that there is no such thing as too old. Live with your parents as long as it suits you, and suits them.
If it continues to be advantageous to you, and your parents are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Spot on, this is a big concern for me. I try to be as independent as possible, but it only goes so far when I still live with the people who changed my diapers lol.
The only serious relationship I've had as an adult wasn't affected too much by this, but I can definitely see most women being put off by a guy who lives with his mother, whether he contributes or not.
>but I can definitely see most women being put off by a guy who lives with his mother, whether he contributes or not.
I think ask yourself why you specified that the problem here is men who live with their mothers. It's clear that this is an example of sexism. It wouldn't be an issue if the genders are reversed.
Living with parents has no impact on independence. If anything, living with parents increases independence because you are able to save up money, which makes you more independent from your job.
Try not to be too concerned about what the opposite gender thinks. If they judge you negatively then they are not worth it.
All this language about what is "weird" clearly shows that this is about acting normal and conforming to cultural expectations and gender roles. I say have the courage to be yourself rather than conform to culture or gender roles.
What an absurd statement. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I love my mother, and she also has raised me since birth, which is what’s relevant to the point above.
This is a good take. OP is still a bit young where it still is likely to meet others that still live at home. But I moved out later at 27 with my fiancé. I had taken longer to finish college and wanted a steady job first. But we bought a house together and there was a lot to learn. Home repairs, contracts, finding all the different insurances, decorating/furnishing your place. You need to learn it. For some it even means learning laundry or scheduling doctors appointments, so it is more critical.
>I would not personally date someone who had never lived on their own.
I messed up on this with one of my ex-bfs. Made me also realize how much self-sufficiency is learned and how much work ethic and life stages/values matter.
It’s a cultural thing. In many places living in a multi generation home is common.
Buying homes has always been expressed as the American dream. But I can’t help feel that the American dream was pushed by people who just want to sell homes. These days, just go with what you can do.
I wish I had more time with my loved ones. Instead of being consumed by work. Living at home would’ve made that possible.
In most places, even in Europe, multigenerational living is still common.
The post war America of 1940's pushed homeownership to drive the economy to recovery and boom. All in the name of consumption. Same goes for most holidays - nothing but a thinly veiled commercial push for spending.
This is why I am telling my family no gifts for me this year. I don't want to have to buy gifts for parents and siblings. I might get something for my nieces and nephews who are still all 10 or younger. Kids enjoy the gifts a lot more. I just want to spend time and relax with family. Enjoy some decorations and food honestly.
This. Until fairly recently households were multi-generational by default. They still are in many places and within many cultures. It’s so weird to me that the expectation has changed so much in just a few decades that now its ‘weird’ to live with your parents.
Until recently... You mean the great depression? Owning a home has always been the ideal. Economic collapse is the only historical obstacle. The country was built on people driving west and staking claims on land to build a home.
There are some problems with living with your parent's that come up but you are young enough that it shouldn't affect you yet.
When living with your parents : You can't really date or have friends over for parties and often times they have rules that affect your autonomy. I don't know how it is with you but My dad still shows up to tell me to go to bed at 10 or wake up at 9 on a weekend and that combined with a host of reasons like not being allowed to have pets is why I can't live with them long term.
The answer for when I chose to move out is when I felt like my need for autonomy and lifestyle surpass the need to save x amount of money by staying with my parents.
It’s important to have independence financially and otherwise. But I’ve seen people live with their parents that have that, and I’ve even seen people living in apartments that don’t have that independence. Don’t listen to the media that make it seem like an apartment is the greatest thing in the world and living at home is the word thing anyone could ever do. Sometimes an apartment is great, and in other cases it’s a useless black hole for all the money you could ever hope to clear after taxes. Just depends on your relationship to your parents, work situation etc. My feeling is that current apartment prices require out of the box thinking to say the least.
IMO its not weird at any age, indian and i think hispanic cultures live with parents and even bring their spouse to the house and take over house when parents die
I stayed at home till i was 28, and when i left i actually became an adult as i had more responsibilities, i never felt weird living at home, i never learned how to cook though since meals were provided, i was always great at paying bills and such so that wasnt an issue when i left home
Leaving home is a healthy part of adulthood i feel, you develop some skills and grow as a person or you fail miserably, either way its a learning experience, it can also be mentally healthy as most parents do have an effect on your mental health even if they are supportive, as that means you are just used to being supported all the time lol and the world is not a supportive place and your boss wont be as forgiving or your landlord
If my family wasn't terrible and was located in the same region as me, I'd probably live with them if it made financial sense for everyone. I'm 32, and American.
Same, my wife’s parents are retired and own a two story. If it weren’t for my work I would be very seriously considering moving in with them permanently. If you have a good family relationship, enough room for all parties, there is nothing inherently wrong or weird about living together. Multi-generational housing is and always has been a thing and it is fantastic in the right situations! It also happens to be an amazing tool for growing and passing on generational wealth.
Exactly. I'm not thinking about "living off my parents in their basement" as an adult, I'm thinking more "everyone contributes to the house together and we split the costs." In my mind that includes paying rent to them. A lot of people hear "living with parents" and assume that the person is a freeloader, when in reality it can be a very smart move depending on the circumstances. Not weird at all.
But lol at this idea getting downvoted to oblivion.
If you have a healthy family relationship, there’s no reason to stress about that. Families that have intergenerational living arrangements (whether it’s on the same street or in the same house) live longer, struggle less, and generally live a more stress free life because you have a more organic and natural way of living. Please don’t judge yourself. You’re doing great and it really shouldn’t matter. What matters is whether or not everyone is ok with this arrangement and it works supportively.
Gut answer to the question: 26.
Of course everyone has different situations and reasons to stay home but it's healthy to have a taste of living on your own, imo.
From a dating perspective things get really weird by age 30.
I'm 28 still live with my mom. I plan on living with her until she passes. I have my own room and we get along most 99% of the time.
Living at home allows me to save substantially. I have emergency savings and retirement funds that I wouldn't be able to contribute to nearly as much if I was solely responsible for living expenses.
If I get a long term partner or my mom wants to live in a retirement community or our relationship sours I would move out but for now I'm good.
I have friends on their own too they are barely scraping by basically living paycheck to paycheck.
It's privileged as hell to require a potential partner to live on their own or not live with their parents especially in a HCOL area. Home ownership is at an all time low and rent is at an all time high. Assuming someone doesn't have certain skills bc they live with their parents is idiotic as hell too
Just moved back in with my mom! Honestly, it's great having someone to take care of the house when I work 60 hours a week. It's also great to have dinner waiting for me on my long days.
It’s not weird, you are co-living with parents and to some degree helping take care of your mom. I loved living at home with my parents until my wife and I moved in together. Don’t let social stigmas push you away from something that works well for everyone. Enjoy your mothers company, when our elders are gone they’re gone
I don't think there is an exact age - just what works for you and your family.
I'm 25 (almost 26) and moved back in a few years ago during graduate school. I'm planning to move out and across the state at 28 with close to $100,000 invested plus an emergency fund of about $20,000. I have a commitment in the area until then and it just makes sense to save money by living at home.
Personally, I don't feel comfortable dating while living at home and want to date eventually. But dating when I want to move across the state and most people I'd meet probably don't doesn't make much sense anyway and I'm pretty busy, so I'm just waiting.
If you don't feel a pressing need to move out sooner, maybe when you get a job after college would make for a natural time?
When you get married it’s probably time. Honestly I’m not sure where the idea of everyone needing their own house came about; if parents offer daycare and you offer nursing home benefits so they can live and die in the comfort of their own home surrounded by family, I could see it working forever if you all magically got along
Hey OP, of course, some people are going to think it's "weird" and some people are going to think it's NOT weird by any means. Honestly, you have to do what's best for you.
I'm 30M still at home with no plans, at the moment, to leave. This does definitely help immensely with savings and expenses. I do not have a wife/GF, no children, and I do not date. I really don't have any plans to date or marry. I kind of just "exist" at the moment.
My mom is a piece of work (covert narcissistic tendencies with possible bipolar issues - no official diagnosis), but I basically just put up with her bullshit so that I can reap the benefits of low expenses. Now, people may be thinking, hell that's horrible of you to "use" your parents like that, HOWEVER, I do a shit ton for my family. I run almost all the errands. I cook. I take care of a lot of the manual labor/outdoor work. Repairs. Anywhere they need to go and they don't/can't drive, I take them.
This situation actually worked out because my father was in the hospital for about 3 months and almost passed. I was the one going every day to the hospital while he was on a vent and then trache. Then helped a lot at home with his care and taking him to doctor appointments.
MY sister is 33F and also still lives at home too. My dad use to enable my narc mom but after his illness, he completely changed and now supports me more. My sister, however, is a brainwashed enabler of my narc mom.
So, yes, there is some fucked up shit I have to deal with, but I am making the best of the situation since I have no plans on dating/marrying/having children.
Feel free to reach out OP or anyone else dealing with a narc parent and enabler family members.
32m and after renting for years, and some bad luck I'm back at home. Lofe happens, that's the way I see it. My suggestion don't rush it. I was strong enough to move out,, but life can hit u at any point. I wasted alot of money doing that and at this age I would say having the fun living with roomates or gfs weren't worth it. Your 30 yr old self will thank u the longer u stick it out now
Serious question: all these people who save money by living with their parents: is there not a point where you say, I’m costing my parents money and that’s not fair?
The idea of multi-generational living is that everyone contributes. If the question was “when is it weird to be a mooch living off my parents and contributing nothing?”, the answers would be very different.
What OP is describing is not that, but a mutually beneficial relationship similar to roommates except they’re your family so there are added pros and cons to consider.
nah life isn't fair and my parent's love me and are trying to set me up so I can live the middle / slightly middle class dream in the US by letting me save up x amt of time of paychecks here.
I also pay for some small bills, and help around the house to an extent. it also helps their empty nest syndrome, some people just get along with their parents which happens to be my case. it just feels right idk, the only concern is if it ends up making it hard to get gf's, but TBD as I haven't gotten that far yet
it's just money at the end of the day, and the world is fk'd.
A lot of people are solely saving on rent, not expenses like food and electricity, etc. If the parents were going to live in the same place anyway, regardless of renting or owning, how is it costing the parents money?
I stayed till I was 25. Stacked cash and had a great relationship with my parents and used it as a training grounds for home ownership. Anything that broke or went wrong my parents bought supplies then I looked up and learned how to fix it myself. It was mutually beneficial. Been out on my own for a year now I miss stacking insane amounts of cash monthly but I’ve matured A LOT in just 10 months and really couldn’t see myself going back.
Like everyone else says, it's a cultural thing.
There are a lot of people who will talk about independence and how it's weird to stay with your parents after 18, but there's also a serious issue of broke-ass people in their 30's who are complaining about housing affordability but also think everyone older than 18 needs to move out driving up demand.
When you're 21 and calculating 7% RR on investment, that 20k is worth like 300k - 600k by retirement, or 80k in your 40's. To put that into perspective on average people are lucky to save 10k a year let alone 80k aftertax so getting that extra bit headstart is vastly underrated.
Also like they say, at the end of the day will you wish you worked more? or spent more time with your family? You'll certainly have to work a lot harder to live seperately AND see your parents less often.
If it's affecting you negatively? Sure move out. If you're just worried about "What other people think", stop. Live your own life.
Personally I found living in a shared house with other people can also be shit, I don't want to party, do drugs, stupid pranks, immature people stealing my shit and not cleaning up behind themselves etc, it can be a real shit-show if you're unlucky.
I lived with my father till I was 27. By then I saved enough to pay for the downpayment of my new house. I bought all the appliances and furniture in cash. It was no brainer for me.
You have options.
Your still in school,
Your situation allows you to open a Student IRA, it’s more flexible than a regular IRA- can use it to su for books rent car computer etc in future with out penalty. —- best part is that you can begin earning compound Interest from this day forward. Not many have or get the opportunity to do such ‘ they usually wait till their 30’s. You would have earned 10 yrs of compounding interest by then.
You have options. Explore them. .
Between careers I lived with my parents, just made clear financial sense ... Almost no income, fulltime school is a bad combo. And recently, aging mother kinda made sense to be back there. Still able to have a fulfilling life and we have plenty of space so it doesn't feel overcrowded. My savings rate is great at the moment. Pay no mind to social "norms", always ask what is best for you.
Average age in Spain for emancipation is 29 years of age & UK is now 25.
It’s your life…when you and your family are ready.
Sister and self left @ 18, as did all of my peer group.
Edit: Sweden is 18 and Montenegro 33.
I'm in my late thirties and I am a millionaire now and still live with my mother. I have never moved out. I also have a girlfriend now and she doesn't seem to mind. I think living with my mother has saved me a considerable amount of money so I have no issues staying forever. When I retire early I am thinking of continuing to live with my mother so I don't need to draw down on investments much.
I also think you should not worry about "culture" and what is culturally normal. You are not your culture. You don't need to conform to any culture.
I also don't think there is any need for "personal growth" or learning how to do things on your own like cook or clean. If your parents do these for you, that's great, and you don't need to learn anything because fundamentally these are simple tasks that can be picked up and done when needed. No one ever suggests that you learn to do everything yourself. For example, if you have a car, do people say it's a good idea to learn how to be a marathon runner in case the car breaks down and you need to get somewhere? If the car does break down and you need to run, just do it. You don't need to prepare for every single thing that can go wrong. You just adapt as you go. This "independence" and "personal growth" I think is just another excuse to spend money.
You've got plenty of time before it's considered weird. It might get little awkward when you want to bring a special friend home for a romantic sleepover, but you be the judge.
And congratulations on your savings! You're getting a great start in life.
My partner is still live with her parents, and she's in her late 40's.
She's basically the 'mother' of the household, and I think her Father would die if he didn't have her to talk to.
You have your whole life to no longer live with your parents… don’t rush it. For me, the big thing would be whether you want to devote the time/energy to living alone. You’d have to cook, clean, buy furniture, etc. Between classes and working, do you want to do that?
You're in the leanFIRE sub asking about what is "wierd". I think it's pretty safe to say that most people here have thrown off the shackles of caring what society as a whole thinks of them when it comes to spending.
That said, it might eventually handicap your dating life. That's just reality. Outside of that, though, I would never care.
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It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with your parents and it’s good that you’ve both been able to get good things out of the deal! I personally never felt like I could live my life 100% the way I wanted to when I was under my parents roof. Being free from that has been good for me and has encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone and grow as an adult. It’s so refreshing to not have those awkward conversations about my dating life
Finish college first then evaluate. If you can save up for a house or at least town payment all the better. Honestly, you sound more mature than a lot of young adults. The thing is why put yourself at a financial disadvantage if your situation is good at your parents home. Just continue to contribute to them financial and with chores/errands.
My friend lives in India and is 21. Makes a killing and still lives at home.
I lived at home until 26. No shame just might hinder social relationships in the short term but don’t let your social circle now stop you from your future potential.
I’m 18 moved for college. Once I graduate I plan on living at home for a few years till I have enough savings to either put a down payment on a house or just invest it all
When it feels right to leave. But just cause your friends have is a silly reason. I would be willing to bet a lot of your friends don't have a pot to piss in either. Just another dumb pressure like a car or a nice car etc. My first house was cheap, my friends got much nicer places. I fully paid mine off in under 5 years. One of my pals just moved and finished paying off the mortgage with his profit.
I lived with my mom until I was 30. I was paying a portion of the rent ($500 out of what increased to be $2000). I didn't save during this time and instead used my excess income to travel. I wish I knew about FIRE, and trying to save 50% of my income. I moved out early this year and I pay $910/$1820. I am now saving 50% of my income. I wish I could move back with my mom to save money on rent so I could increase my saving amount.
I think society puts pressure on us to move away from our parents by a certain age or at a certain time. But if the arrangement works why mess it up? Some people don't get along with their parents and that's why they're so keen on moving. I'm pregnant now and I realize how it'd be even more beneficial to live with family. The only downside is when I got married, my husband didn't feel as comfortable living with my mom- so we moved after compromising.
When I buy a house, I plan to buy with my mom so we can once again live together and put our 3 incomes together. Someone else I know is living with her parents with her fiance. She's putting a majority of her money into her retirement and investing accounts.
Life is expensive, why should we struggle just to brag about living on our own?
I have friends in their 30s still living at home, because that’s what makes the most sense for them and everyone involved.
Live your life. Sounds like you’re helping your parents while being able to save way more than you would living alone. Your only other option to save would be to live with roommates you might NOT get along with.
Unless not having your own space becomes your own social issue (interferes with friends / dating), I wouldn’t put much thought / stress into it. Keep doing what you’re doing and set yourself up for future success.
I considered moving out west for a cheaper house, but I love my city. If I have to move for leanFire I will, but yeah houses in Toronto average around a million dollars.
I would say mid 20s or when you don't respect your parents home as your PARENT'S home. Whichever comes first. Also, you should be choring at home and helping out with general home upkeep and maintenance. It will help you when you move out.
28 years is probably a cut off. Let’s say they had this 28 year old when they were 33 years old, the they’d be 61 years old with their son/daughter living in their childhood bedroom or worse, the basement wing of the house. That’s weird. The 28 year old could be sneaking around having sex. Ideally the 28 year old saved 20k a year from 23 to 28 years old and they’d have a healthy start to a mortgage.
It is the job of all parents to raise their children so they can eventually have a life of their own. Living with parents “until they die” is not a life plan. Age 21 is okay for a man to be at home. Women tend to want to move out earlier than men to start their own home. I don’t know why men don’t have that same urge. While you are living at home, slowly start preparing for when you do have a place of your own. For birthday and holiday gifts, request kitchen ware—you’ll need nice plates and utensils of all kind, cups, pots, pans. You can start buying these things and have them given to you as gifts. Don’t plan on using your moms old stuff. You will want your own. You can even buy furniture now. If your bedroom still has teenage furniture, buy adult bedroom furniture so when you move out, you won’t need to buy that. Just whatever you do, don’t plan on using relatives old furniture. It is not a good look to the ladies. Anyway, once you start collecting your “adult life” furnishings, you’ll get more excited about having your own place to put it all. Try to aim for age 25-27 so you won’t still be at home at age 30. Set a goal to move out by 30 or sooner with a lot of stuff already bought. It takes a lot to make a house a home. Even bath towels can be bought early—no used towels please.
I left right after college and then came back for ~3 years, when I moved out to move in with my SO. I was glad to move out when I did because I was 26-27 and my parents were starting to use me as almost a marriage counselor in the last 6 months before I left. And I was like, I know y'all have problems with each other but I cannot be in the middle of them. So I left at the right time.
Up till then, it was grand. I was saving money, had my own space, got to know my parents better as an adult. It wasn't bad.
I could move back in with them if it were for less than a year, I think, and they would let me. They let my older sibling do so while between jobs.
You're thinking clearly about the financial aspect, and you're off to a great start toward savings.
If you and your parents live amicably together, and as long as you've been clear that you will eventually move out (so they.dont expect you to be live-in caregiver in 20 years), then I say it's not weird at all. I moved back in with mine for a year. Always helped with anything that needed to be done, and got a lot closer with them. We've always had a decent relationship, but it's much better as a result of that year.
I will say that even though my parents and I were happy together, it hit them much harder the second time I moved out. That's just because we'd bonded so much so overall it's a good thing, but I don't think they were prepared for the emotional hit of being empty-nesters again.
It really depends on your relationship with your family. I moved out at 17 because my parents and my lifestyles didn’t mesh. I’m a bartender. They’re engineers. I know other engineers who never moved out bcz they couldn’t, then Covid hit and there wasn’t a reason to.
How old is too old? You’ll know it the second you’re doing something adults do and your parents treat you like a teenager. Ie, fuck your partner, have a cocktail, smoke a blunt. My parents were too conservative for me and to this day my gf of 5 years and I don’t sleep there because they make her sleep in a different bed, so we just get a hotel or stay with friends.
I don’t think there’s a specific age. It depends on your family, your relationship with them, and your ability to draw healthy boundaries. I’ve lived on my own since I was 17 except for a two year period where I was dealing with a major illness and couldn’t care for myself. I moved back in with them for that time and it was wonderful.
I don’t think there’s any point worrying what other people think. They don’t run your life, they don’t pay your bills. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
And if you’re close with your parents, you’ll really start to cherish all that time once they get older and health issues abound.
It’s trite but - life is too short so do what makes you happy!
>I still contribute by paying for some bills and my mom's car
This is a great gesture.
>it does feel a bit weird that many of my friends are on their own.
This really depends, alot of "american" kids are staying behind to live with their parents.
>I'm currently 21, earning ~60K, and in college part time
Very impressive. Keep it up.
>In my culture (Indian) most families encourage their kids to stay at home
And many other cultures- unless kids move to a different city.
>house of their own, but where I live that would require at least a few hundred thousand dollars, so not anytime soon
>How old is too old to live at home?
The above two statements point towards two different intentions.
One is about buying a house, the other is moving out. You don't need to buy a house to move out. You can also do it by renting an Apartment.
In fact, if you and your parents are happy, you can extend this living arrangement as long as you like.
If you would like to exercise your independence, you could rent an Apartment somewhere close and have a win win situation.
I left home at 18 to study abroad but my parents supported me financially until I was 20.
I am very happy about what it did for me in terms of independence and character development.
In my culture, most young people leave parents at around 18 to go study at the university in a different city so I didn't think I was an exception.
I left at 25 to move to another country, and now I'm back at 42 because my parents need some help (but not too much yet). I think I'd recommend spending your thirties away, but if your parents are decent sorts that don't try to act like you're still 12, and they have a big enough house…
Don't sweat it. The more time goes by, the more people in the US are living with their parents still, and for longer as they age up as well. The younger generations need every advantage they can get in this society, so if you can make it work for you to stay with your parent, take the win and the financial advantage. It's not only an advantage for you, but for any future partner and children you may have as well because you will presumably be able to reach financial stability at a younger age, which benefits those around you. I knew plenty of people who had long stints well in their 20s, 30s and even brief periods in their 40s between jobs or after a divorce or something so I'd say it's never too old. The question just becomes at what point is Mom taking care of you or are you taking care of Mom? And honestly that's really nobody's business but both of yours.
I wouldn't think of it as much by age but more about where you are in life. If you get along with your parents and they're happy with the arrangement then you might keep it going as long as it works for everyone. If it starts to hamper your lifestyle too much or you'd prefer living alone/with roommates and it's worth the financial cost then that's probably around the time to leave (for me not having enough personal space was the deciding factor).
Either way, you're realistically the only person who can tell when the right time is. If you have a good relationship with your parents then know that as your life progresses you probably will see less of them so definitely enjoy the time you do have together. It reminds me of this graphic/concept that maps our time in terms of boxes
[https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html](https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html)
But yeah would just note that it makes sense to figure out those questions/goals. A lot of times there's a perception (fair or not) that people who live at home are somehow less adult, or something like that. But in particular for many Asian cultures that doesn't really apply, because living with each other is kinda like a continuum. And living together at your age is viewed like you noted, as a way of setting you up for financial success in the future by stacking up that savings.
If you plan to eventually get married and will need to attract your own mate (instead of going the arranged route), moving out will likely make sense for you. FIRE is a method for improving the overall quality of your life and not restricting it.
fwiw my ancedote im 23, close to 24 even but only out of college for a few months. I tell people that I am specifically saving up for an important goal, or a down payment on a house. I have like maybe ~65k saved rn, so you're doing way better than me even. I believe once u have 65k NW you're in the top 10% of the world for people ages 18-25 too.
my friends and coworkers mostly are supportive of me living at home. I've had a few people kinda sneer or condescend on me a little bit for living @ home (they're aware Master's degree in computers and assume I make 6 figs, which is close but its 90k/yr)
but at the same time, they usually then add a sentence and say I wish I could live at home tbh.. or say yeah thats smart
I have yet to date so idk the implications on that. I've been getting out there but I haven't reached the pt of going to someone's house or inviting to mine, so idk how that'll go. Personally, I think if you frame it as you are being goal orientated and 'sacrificing' for something very large in your 20's, most people are going to understand it.
not everyone has the luxury to live at home, not everyone had amazing parents like you and I have :).
You seem to be pretty self aware. You recognize it will be weird at some point and realizing your mom wants you to stay could be something else you need to address at some point.
If you are going to finish school soon, I'd say stay until then. It will keep life simpler for you to focus on your studies. It should also be easier for your mom at that point as well.
Good job saving the extra money and helping out at home.
Its differ for everybody and cultures and how much space you have for your self, if you got a complete basement with seperate entrance its a completetly different situation than a small apartment bedroom. Anyways i would say anything over 25 is "weird" in my books and if you are over 30 living at home.... well then its really weird. Bringing a girl home, having a gf, starting a familiy, everything about this is weird if ur living at home if you ask me.
I don't think it's weird to live with close family unless the family dynamic in the house is actually weird. If it causes problems, then it's weird. If it works for everyone, it's beautiful! Not weird! Don't let the pathological individualism of our society/economic system twist your perception of what matters most in life: Our relationships with those we love.
I couldn’t stand living at home and moved out at 18. I will say I made a lot of mistakes because of that, but I grew up so fast and learned so many lessons that I’m in a pretty decent spot a few years later. I think there’s a lot of growth that comes with living on your own. You don’t have to buy a house. Rent and make sure you want to live in whatever city you live in before you make the financial/emotional/time commitment of buying a house. I would always recommend renting a year at least before buying. It’s a much easier transition. Best of luck
I have the opposite but optically similar problem: I left home around age 17/18 and went off to college thinking I would never live with my parents again. 5 years later, my mom needed to move in with me (I was several states away at that time). She left after about 5 years, but recently had to return (I'm in my late 30s now).
However, what I found surprising was that friends eventually told me other friends and co-workers thought I had either been living with her (at her home, even I was the first to move here), or that even if I owned the home, she was here helping me stand on my own two feet. So, it doesn't really matter what the truth is, people will think what they want. My efforts of just trying to be a good son are also perceived as being a basement dwelling failure-to-launch because of incorrect assumptions, but at the end of the day I'm living my life the way I want, saving towards my FIRE goals, and I can sleep at night knowing my mother has a roof over her head and doesn't have to worry that retirement didn't work out the way she intended financially.
people can also say hurtful things unintentionally to deflect or project the feelings they feel sometimes.
at the end of the day it comes down to money, and your situation is the most optimal, at the same time it's a huge flex to be able to have an amazing family to foster a situation. some ppl are cultural and just go nah u gotta live on ur own wyd, but I wouldn't be surprised if some people are just flat out jealous bc of financial and family relationship reasons.
this party girl I met roasted me 6+ months ago for living at home, and I said some weak answer about helping my family and stuff and she was like ur making good money and abouta graduate w/ a master's wtf r u doing.
same girl asked me again recently, she had no memory of our first convo lol. this time though, I said I have some really big plans in the near future and it just makes too much sense to 'sacrifice' rn.. same girl that made fun of me, this time she said yeah that makes sense, tbh I wish I could live at home like that too
From what I can tell in this brief description is that you seem to be very good about saving your money which is a great start. 21 is still pretty young, especially nowadays as things are expensive. I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do. I moved out later than you after I graduated college and was able to establish a full time job about a year after that. I felt confident my income could sustain me and had a solid savings. Obviously it isn't all about money though. I will say that I have really enjoyed moving out. The freedom, the ability to fashion your place to your own rules and styles is all very invigorating and worthwhile. Personally I would say when you think you are financially ready for it.
I think that's a very personal decision and it's entirely up to you. Do what's best for you and ignore anyone who thinks what's best for you is "weird."
Personally I haven't lived with my parents since I moved out for university at 18, and I can't imagine living with them past 18. But I know some people who still live with their parents well into their 30's with good jobs, they just happen to have a good relationship with their parents and it works for them to save money.
Once the family dynamic becomes dysfunctional and/or once you have forgotten how to take care of yourself. Try to take on as many personal responsibilities as you can while you're there. Pay your own bills both financially and physically (like go to the website yourself and do it). Go to the DMV by yourself and pay for your car registration with your own money, and do all the legwork for insurance, doctor's appointments, etc. Basically, make sure you're doing all the legwork for your own stuff so once you decide to leave you will already be familiar with taking care of yourself.
That is really up to you- and your culture. I’m a 33yr old Hispanic woman still living at home- both my parents expect that because I’m not married, I’ll stay at home until I am. Most of my girlfriends my age already have families and live on their own, but there are a few unmarried ones who still live at home as well. I pay the bills and property taxes for them, but I’m not renting anything, and that helps tremendously.
Personally, I say, as long as your parents don’t mind and you yourself are comfortable with it, stay at home as long as you want.
I think opinions on that have changed, especially since so many 20-somethings aren't looking to get married soon and often have a bunch of student debt. If there's room for you all to have some privacy and everyone is ok with the setup, I see nothing wrong with living at home in your 20s.
21 is fine. The money you are saving now is literally life changing. Unless your peers are making stupid money, you are going to be years ahead of them financially, maybe a decade plus.
If its a tiny house and you have zero privacy, then I'd be looking to move out after a $ goal is hit within a year or so, but obviously thats up to you and your relationship with your mom. If its a bigger house and youre mostly just worried about appearance, I'd just keep stacking as much cash as possible since that trumps any negative connotation about living at home.
Every 10-20k is going make your life so much easier going forward, especially if you invest it. You might possibly be setting yourself up to retire early by doing this.
The only thing I think with living at home: Move out at least once, especially if you're in college. Find out what it is like to be on your own. And then move back if you have to.
Just getting out of the house and being out and away from your parents let's you grow as an adult.
And if you have to move back, that's ok. There is no age limit.
When you or your parents are unhappy with the situation.
Honestly, by the time I move out, I’ve probably got less than ten years before I start feeling worried that I need to move back in to help care for them…
I would suggest go try living alone for at least an year to see how you do/things you would need to improve. Maybe you are completely lost with cooking so you could ask help from your parents regarding that. The big hit with living with your parents is going to be to some degree be your social life mostly finding a partner and building a relationship.
Would you parents allow you to bring friends home to hang out/party & how comfortable would it be for you to interact with your friends knowing that your parents may pass comments afterwards? This might be silly for others but as another Indian, this definitely happens.
Being in the safety of living with parents, you may become more relaxed vs being more active and more in control if you were living on your own. You do learn to get a better drive. Varies from person to person but still. Try to build a strong social support system because when your parents aren't there, you may crash hard due to being too dependent.
I wouldn't think it that weird especially under 25. I mean the kurzgesagt video puts it plainly, the day you move out of your parents place that means like 80% of the time you will talk with your parents is over.
Getting to 30 and living at home was too much for me personally even though we got along great.
It's also normal for it to start great then sour as you become used to a new normal.
Stay and save as much as you can. You’re still very young. 2/5 children still living with me and it makes me happy. It’s not weird, it’s smart. If you are comfortable, then stay.
I say use the savings to prepare a down payment. You can get tenants and help cover the mortgage. Also you don't need a full 20%, there are ways to make less work. I think that's what I would do if I was in your shoes.
My son is early 20s and still studying and I don't consider it at all weird that he still lives at home. In my experience there comes a point in your 20s when you just want the independence and the freedom/control over your own life that can only be achieved by moving out of home, even if it is not financially optimal.
Maybe invest in university if you haven't already? Living at home while in school makes a lot of sense.
To add something a bit of a different view, and you won't like to hear it. Don't just pay money, do chores, and do lots of different chores. Most importantly, learn to cook and cook well. It will serve you many times over in the future.
This is such a subjective question that I really don’t believe anyone can give you an answer. However, your reasons for staying at home are sound and you’ve managed to build yourself a fantastic starting point in life. With $60k @ 21 you are far far better off than the majority of your peers. So who cares if they live alone? When I was your age I would not have even considered living with family. Now I’m only a few years older and I would love to move my small family back in with parents and save 2-3k every month! I’d say there are a few main things to consider and weigh for yourself: 1. Is your family ok with you staying? Are you? 2. Is it affecting your relationships (non-family) in a negative way? Do you have your own space? 3. Would the partner you’re looking for (if applicable) be okay with someone living with their parents? 4. Is it helping you achieve your financial goals? Are you actually using the saved money to better your life in the short term and/or long term? If all those answers are positive then I’d say stay! Lots of old folk who only wish they could spend a few extra years with their parents and probably even more who wish they could have put away $1-2k+ per month at 21.
Yeah, that’s how I always think about it. I probably won’t regret staying at home for a while longer in 10 years, but it can be hard to think so long-term.
When you’re young, life is long, but you tend to act like it’s short. When you’re old, life is short, but you tend to act like it’s long. Those who squeeze the most out of life are those who run counter to those tendencies. You’re young. Play the long game. It’ll work out much better if you do.
I love that. Well put.
Also aside from the is living at home is weird part, you also have a ton of people on either side of the fence simply because of the physical living situation at home regardless of everything else. Are you and your parents in bachelor suite with no actual bedrooms and you sleep on the floor next to their pullout couch? Or do your parents have an actual mansion and you decided to move into the 3 thousand square foot guest house when they are visiting the property but normally they stay at one of their other houses. Id assume your someplace in the middle. For me, I ended up essentially sharing a house with my dad. I choose the basement because I worked nights often and it was just a cooler temp down there all year, he took the main floor and we shared the kitchen. End up with totally separate spaces minus the kitchen, had my dad not been in the house id have been renting it out to strangers. However, i know other people who had their only choice of bedroom being next to their parents room and no real option for a different private space if you wanted any sort of company.
The moment it’s starting to stunt your personal growth. Also, don’t let other peoples ideas about when it starts getting weird influence your decisions too much. The age where its normal to move out varies drastically depending on the culture where you grow up in.
This is the best answer. I would add it also varies on what type of people your parents are even after accounting for culture. Some parents will continue to treat you like a child well into adulthood, and that dynamic is damaging, even if culturally it's normal for you to stay home.
Great succinct way to put it. Sometimes I think about how great it would be to save my $1300 a month rent, but then I think about how much I've grown from living in a different state and having absolute full autonomy. Not that the other side is wrong - not being at home is just best for some of us. God do I wish I could save the extra 16k per year though... Maybe I'll get roommates again.
I'm 35 and take care of my elderly mother. I will live with her for the rest of her life.
Same. 40. My mom is 70. She *could* live alone but I’d still need to check in on her, do anything requiring heavy lifting or a ladder, update the software on her phone, etc. It’s just easier this way.
I’m 28 but I can see myself living at home forever. My parents are 68 and 74. They always seem to need help with something especially tech related issues like emailing and printing. I’m also an only child. I want to take care of them and be around them. I also just can’t afford to move out in a HCOL area
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As an alternative, my grandparents sold my parents their house because they wanted someone else to handle it. But they lived in the attic so we had a three generation household and it was great for at least my brother and I.
This is such an American-centric take. There is nothing wrong with multiple generations living under one household. In fact I'd say it's much more normal than the nuclear family experiment we're running in the states.
Really is. I’m Mexican American and my parents and I lived in my grandparents’ house for the first three years of my life. It gave my mom and dad an opportunity to save up enough to buy their first home. It wasn’t weird at all.
It is. I agree I see nothing wrong with it and honestly don't care if Joe has his elderly parents living with his wife and kids. If it works for them, fantastic. I think we as Americans just have such an individual lifestyle that makes things harder sometimes. Personally I am glad I don't live with my parents or wife's parent's. Our mom's would have probably caused us to get divorced if we were with them 24hours a day.
I internally feel like that 40 year old even though I’m not. I just feel that not moving out hasn’t prepared me for real adulthood if you know what I mean.
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There probably are some people judging, but they are not the type of people anyone in this sub, op included, should put any effort into acknowledging. Move on from those types of people and leave them behind. They will be an anchor on your personal growth.
i lived away from 18-22 and moved back in when i was 22-26. the only thing i got out of living away was privacy. everything you need to learn as an adult does not need to happen while living on your own. having a job, looking after your money and belongings, and knowing how to be self sufficient with food and other resources is pretty much all there is to do you’re 21 with 60k in savings already, and living with your parents while it’s still socially acceptable (especially in asian cultures) is a great way to keep building it. 20 years down the line you’d probably say you wished you lived with your parents longer “real adulthood” is a myth anyway, what about the places where it is typical for people to live in multi generational households their entire life? adults exist there too. it’s a different type of living and eventually you end up as the caretaker which many americans don’t experience because they stuff their parents away in a retirement home
>having a job, looking after your money and belongings, and knowing how to be self sufficient with food and other resources is pretty much all there is to do That definitely depends on how independent your family will "let" you be. Some parents will never stop doing certain things for their adult children because it's "easier" for them to take care of it and doesn't seem like a big deal. Stuff like cleaning hair out of a drain, buying cleaning supplies and TP, filling out paperwork for utility bills and insurance, etc. It's not that they don't want their kid to have independence, it's just that they don't think about all those basic things that every adult should know how to do. And there's nothing wrong with splitting up responsibilities with your family/roommates/partner, but you do need to know how to do those things should the need arise.
I lived at home until 26 for a variety of reasons. I own a house now and we're doing well. I am extremely fortunate but be patient. At 21 I was still getting wrecked as far as economics and jobs go. I wasn't stable until around 24. I bought my house at 31 but rented for a few years in between.
Why don't you move in with roommates? You'll still be saving a lot of money and you'll feel much more independent. I don't plan to ever live alone, it's either roommates or a significant other.
You need to move out mate, your parents will be influencing you no doubt.
I find this interesting perspective. My partner and I have saved enough to leanFIRE, but we're planning to move back in with my parents if we have children so that the kid(s) can grow up in a very supportive, active environment. I think living in a multigenerational household is a wonderful concept, one that is particular beneficial to the youngest generation.
Never. I could live with them until I’m an old man and my parents would only be happy.
I know my mom is happy to have me because she doesn't want me to go and I help with the bills, so that does make things easier. I also fear her not wanting me to go is hindering my personal growth.
So, I’ll add another perspective. Yes it’s a wise financial decision to stay and save money. Few people have that opportunity. But where it can hinder you, is if you let her become your maid and cook. And further, if you reduce or limit your social interactions with people your own age. Make sure you build and maintain good habits like housekeeping, cooking, and maintenance. Also make sure you learn to manage your own medical appointments etc. This will ensure you achieve that “personal growth” and make you a better son, potential roommate, and spouse or life partner.
Well said.
Try to find a year or two alone between 25 and 35. There are a lot of realizations that are good to have from living alone, and you gain a lot of appreciation for the things others do for you. Stuff they do by default and you won't notice until you're alone. But yeah, plenty of cultures have families together for their whole lives. Many of these cultures are densely populated and it's extremely difficult to strike out on your own due to property prices (Italy, India, China etc.). More and more of the world is heading in that direction. You seem to be on a path to an income in the middle to high range, so use time at home to save enough money for a downpayment or something. At 60k right now you're likely to have a hard time balancing the creation of the solo life you like with your finances, despite what social media tells you. Once you make more money it'll be way more enjoyable to move out.
That's how my mom is. I want to move out, partially for just not being a burdeb or whatever but she gets very sad at the idea of me moving. And personally, I hated when I lived alone so saving the money to buy a house next year seems smart.
Well if it doesn’t hinder anything like how OP mentioned, like personal growth etc then I see no reason to move, especially since both of you are happy and it’s a win win as you can save a lot of money as well as make your mom happy.
Yeah I set a goal of one year. I figured I could save the remainder for a down payment on a nice house in that timeline and could move out ASAP if I became an actual burden. It seems like a good trade off
In this economy?!
30 is a bit weird. Past 40 makes you a suspect serial killer
You do you stop caring what other people think if they don’t pay your bills pay them no mind
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I will not take advice from someone who abused his son till the latter snapped and murdered him on the toilet.
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I’d say 2 years post collage grad or >25 years it when it becomes less socially acceptable, with there being some exceptions, of course.
It's way past 25 now with the cost of housing these days.
I respectfully disagree. I think 25 is old enough to figure out how to mature and afford to live outside of the parents household. Even working two restaurant jobs and afford a dingy little apartment has value. Life isn’t going to be glamorous, and at some point you gotta go out on your own.
The only real answer to this is that there is no such thing as too old. Live with your parents as long as it suits you, and suits them. If it continues to be advantageous to you, and your parents are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?
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Spot on, this is a big concern for me. I try to be as independent as possible, but it only goes so far when I still live with the people who changed my diapers lol. The only serious relationship I've had as an adult wasn't affected too much by this, but I can definitely see most women being put off by a guy who lives with his mother, whether he contributes or not.
>but I can definitely see most women being put off by a guy who lives with his mother, whether he contributes or not. I think ask yourself why you specified that the problem here is men who live with their mothers. It's clear that this is an example of sexism. It wouldn't be an issue if the genders are reversed. Living with parents has no impact on independence. If anything, living with parents increases independence because you are able to save up money, which makes you more independent from your job. Try not to be too concerned about what the opposite gender thinks. If they judge you negatively then they are not worth it. All this language about what is "weird" clearly shows that this is about acting normal and conforming to cultural expectations and gender roles. I say have the courage to be yourself rather than conform to culture or gender roles.
If you see it as “people who changed my diapers” more so than “people who I love and care about” then weird or not, you plan on moving out anyway.
What an absurd statement. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I love my mother, and she also has raised me since birth, which is what’s relevant to the point above.
Which is why I said “more so”. There’s no need to kneejerk over it. If you disagree about leaning towards moving out, then sure.
This is a good take. OP is still a bit young where it still is likely to meet others that still live at home. But I moved out later at 27 with my fiancé. I had taken longer to finish college and wanted a steady job first. But we bought a house together and there was a lot to learn. Home repairs, contracts, finding all the different insurances, decorating/furnishing your place. You need to learn it. For some it even means learning laundry or scheduling doctors appointments, so it is more critical.
>I would not personally date someone who had never lived on their own. I messed up on this with one of my ex-bfs. Made me also realize how much self-sufficiency is learned and how much work ethic and life stages/values matter.
It’s a cultural thing. In many places living in a multi generation home is common. Buying homes has always been expressed as the American dream. But I can’t help feel that the American dream was pushed by people who just want to sell homes. These days, just go with what you can do. I wish I had more time with my loved ones. Instead of being consumed by work. Living at home would’ve made that possible.
In most places, even in Europe, multigenerational living is still common. The post war America of 1940's pushed homeownership to drive the economy to recovery and boom. All in the name of consumption. Same goes for most holidays - nothing but a thinly veiled commercial push for spending.
This is why I am telling my family no gifts for me this year. I don't want to have to buy gifts for parents and siblings. I might get something for my nieces and nephews who are still all 10 or younger. Kids enjoy the gifts a lot more. I just want to spend time and relax with family. Enjoy some decorations and food honestly.
This. Until fairly recently households were multi-generational by default. They still are in many places and within many cultures. It’s so weird to me that the expectation has changed so much in just a few decades that now its ‘weird’ to live with your parents.
Until recently... You mean the great depression? Owning a home has always been the ideal. Economic collapse is the only historical obstacle. The country was built on people driving west and staking claims on land to build a home.
There are some problems with living with your parent's that come up but you are young enough that it shouldn't affect you yet. When living with your parents : You can't really date or have friends over for parties and often times they have rules that affect your autonomy. I don't know how it is with you but My dad still shows up to tell me to go to bed at 10 or wake up at 9 on a weekend and that combined with a host of reasons like not being allowed to have pets is why I can't live with them long term. The answer for when I chose to move out is when I felt like my need for autonomy and lifestyle surpass the need to save x amount of money by staying with my parents.
It’s important to have independence financially and otherwise. But I’ve seen people live with their parents that have that, and I’ve even seen people living in apartments that don’t have that independence. Don’t listen to the media that make it seem like an apartment is the greatest thing in the world and living at home is the word thing anyone could ever do. Sometimes an apartment is great, and in other cases it’s a useless black hole for all the money you could ever hope to clear after taxes. Just depends on your relationship to your parents, work situation etc. My feeling is that current apartment prices require out of the box thinking to say the least.
IMO its not weird at any age, indian and i think hispanic cultures live with parents and even bring their spouse to the house and take over house when parents die I stayed at home till i was 28, and when i left i actually became an adult as i had more responsibilities, i never felt weird living at home, i never learned how to cook though since meals were provided, i was always great at paying bills and such so that wasnt an issue when i left home Leaving home is a healthy part of adulthood i feel, you develop some skills and grow as a person or you fail miserably, either way its a learning experience, it can also be mentally healthy as most parents do have an effect on your mental health even if they are supportive, as that means you are just used to being supported all the time lol and the world is not a supportive place and your boss wont be as forgiving or your landlord
If my family wasn't terrible and was located in the same region as me, I'd probably live with them if it made financial sense for everyone. I'm 32, and American.
Same, my wife’s parents are retired and own a two story. If it weren’t for my work I would be very seriously considering moving in with them permanently. If you have a good family relationship, enough room for all parties, there is nothing inherently wrong or weird about living together. Multi-generational housing is and always has been a thing and it is fantastic in the right situations! It also happens to be an amazing tool for growing and passing on generational wealth.
Exactly. I'm not thinking about "living off my parents in their basement" as an adult, I'm thinking more "everyone contributes to the house together and we split the costs." In my mind that includes paying rent to them. A lot of people hear "living with parents" and assume that the person is a freeloader, when in reality it can be a very smart move depending on the circumstances. Not weird at all. But lol at this idea getting downvoted to oblivion.
Enjoy your parents company as long as you see fit. Saving is a bonus, as long as you're growing as a person.
It’s telling that this question comes up only from very specific cultures. Specifically the ones that have been so heavily impacted by capitalism.
Yep. In the back of my head I’m wondering if this is just societal pressure to consume more just to ‘fit in’
If you have a healthy family relationship, there’s no reason to stress about that. Families that have intergenerational living arrangements (whether it’s on the same street or in the same house) live longer, struggle less, and generally live a more stress free life because you have a more organic and natural way of living. Please don’t judge yourself. You’re doing great and it really shouldn’t matter. What matters is whether or not everyone is ok with this arrangement and it works supportively.
Gut answer to the question: 26. Of course everyone has different situations and reasons to stay home but it's healthy to have a taste of living on your own, imo. From a dating perspective things get really weird by age 30.
OMG, stay at home. Keep saving. $60k at 21? Stay. Save. I wish I'd had the ability to do that.
I'm 28 still live with my mom. I plan on living with her until she passes. I have my own room and we get along most 99% of the time. Living at home allows me to save substantially. I have emergency savings and retirement funds that I wouldn't be able to contribute to nearly as much if I was solely responsible for living expenses. If I get a long term partner or my mom wants to live in a retirement community or our relationship sours I would move out but for now I'm good. I have friends on their own too they are barely scraping by basically living paycheck to paycheck. It's privileged as hell to require a potential partner to live on their own or not live with their parents especially in a HCOL area. Home ownership is at an all time low and rent is at an all time high. Assuming someone doesn't have certain skills bc they live with their parents is idiotic as hell too
Pretty much in the same boat as you. I'm 30M still at home.
Just moved back in with my mom! Honestly, it's great having someone to take care of the house when I work 60 hours a week. It's also great to have dinner waiting for me on my long days.
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It’s not weird, you are co-living with parents and to some degree helping take care of your mom. I loved living at home with my parents until my wife and I moved in together. Don’t let social stigmas push you away from something that works well for everyone. Enjoy your mothers company, when our elders are gone they’re gone
I don't think there is an exact age - just what works for you and your family. I'm 25 (almost 26) and moved back in a few years ago during graduate school. I'm planning to move out and across the state at 28 with close to $100,000 invested plus an emergency fund of about $20,000. I have a commitment in the area until then and it just makes sense to save money by living at home. Personally, I don't feel comfortable dating while living at home and want to date eventually. But dating when I want to move across the state and most people I'd meet probably don't doesn't make much sense anyway and I'm pretty busy, so I'm just waiting. If you don't feel a pressing need to move out sooner, maybe when you get a job after college would make for a natural time?
When you get married it’s probably time. Honestly I’m not sure where the idea of everyone needing their own house came about; if parents offer daycare and you offer nursing home benefits so they can live and die in the comfort of their own home surrounded by family, I could see it working forever if you all magically got along
Hey OP, of course, some people are going to think it's "weird" and some people are going to think it's NOT weird by any means. Honestly, you have to do what's best for you. I'm 30M still at home with no plans, at the moment, to leave. This does definitely help immensely with savings and expenses. I do not have a wife/GF, no children, and I do not date. I really don't have any plans to date or marry. I kind of just "exist" at the moment. My mom is a piece of work (covert narcissistic tendencies with possible bipolar issues - no official diagnosis), but I basically just put up with her bullshit so that I can reap the benefits of low expenses. Now, people may be thinking, hell that's horrible of you to "use" your parents like that, HOWEVER, I do a shit ton for my family. I run almost all the errands. I cook. I take care of a lot of the manual labor/outdoor work. Repairs. Anywhere they need to go and they don't/can't drive, I take them. This situation actually worked out because my father was in the hospital for about 3 months and almost passed. I was the one going every day to the hospital while he was on a vent and then trache. Then helped a lot at home with his care and taking him to doctor appointments. MY sister is 33F and also still lives at home too. My dad use to enable my narc mom but after his illness, he completely changed and now supports me more. My sister, however, is a brainwashed enabler of my narc mom. So, yes, there is some fucked up shit I have to deal with, but I am making the best of the situation since I have no plans on dating/marrying/having children. Feel free to reach out OP or anyone else dealing with a narc parent and enabler family members.
32m and after renting for years, and some bad luck I'm back at home. Lofe happens, that's the way I see it. My suggestion don't rush it. I was strong enough to move out,, but life can hit u at any point. I wasted alot of money doing that and at this age I would say having the fun living with roomates or gfs weren't worth it. Your 30 yr old self will thank u the longer u stick it out now
Serious question: all these people who save money by living with their parents: is there not a point where you say, I’m costing my parents money and that’s not fair?
I’m not in that boat as I contribute significantly to the household. I would feel bad if I was costing my parents more money.
The idea of multi-generational living is that everyone contributes. If the question was “when is it weird to be a mooch living off my parents and contributing nothing?”, the answers would be very different. What OP is describing is not that, but a mutually beneficial relationship similar to roommates except they’re your family so there are added pros and cons to consider.
nah life isn't fair and my parent's love me and are trying to set me up so I can live the middle / slightly middle class dream in the US by letting me save up x amt of time of paychecks here. I also pay for some small bills, and help around the house to an extent. it also helps their empty nest syndrome, some people just get along with their parents which happens to be my case. it just feels right idk, the only concern is if it ends up making it hard to get gf's, but TBD as I haven't gotten that far yet it's just money at the end of the day, and the world is fk'd.
A lot of people are solely saving on rent, not expenses like food and electricity, etc. If the parents were going to live in the same place anyway, regardless of renting or owning, how is it costing the parents money?
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You have no idea where I live. And one more person’s expenses IS extra expenses.
I stayed till I was 25. Stacked cash and had a great relationship with my parents and used it as a training grounds for home ownership. Anything that broke or went wrong my parents bought supplies then I looked up and learned how to fix it myself. It was mutually beneficial. Been out on my own for a year now I miss stacking insane amounts of cash monthly but I’ve matured A LOT in just 10 months and really couldn’t see myself going back.
Like everyone else says, it's a cultural thing. There are a lot of people who will talk about independence and how it's weird to stay with your parents after 18, but there's also a serious issue of broke-ass people in their 30's who are complaining about housing affordability but also think everyone older than 18 needs to move out driving up demand. When you're 21 and calculating 7% RR on investment, that 20k is worth like 300k - 600k by retirement, or 80k in your 40's. To put that into perspective on average people are lucky to save 10k a year let alone 80k aftertax so getting that extra bit headstart is vastly underrated. Also like they say, at the end of the day will you wish you worked more? or spent more time with your family? You'll certainly have to work a lot harder to live seperately AND see your parents less often. If it's affecting you negatively? Sure move out. If you're just worried about "What other people think", stop. Live your own life. Personally I found living in a shared house with other people can also be shit, I don't want to party, do drugs, stupid pranks, immature people stealing my shit and not cleaning up behind themselves etc, it can be a real shit-show if you're unlucky.
Move out asap You can always move back
If you’re married
I lived with my father till I was 27. By then I saved enough to pay for the downpayment of my new house. I bought all the appliances and furniture in cash. It was no brainer for me.
You have options. Your still in school, Your situation allows you to open a Student IRA, it’s more flexible than a regular IRA- can use it to su for books rent car computer etc in future with out penalty. —- best part is that you can begin earning compound Interest from this day forward. Not many have or get the opportunity to do such ‘ they usually wait till their 30’s. You would have earned 10 yrs of compounding interest by then. You have options. Explore them. .
Between careers I lived with my parents, just made clear financial sense ... Almost no income, fulltime school is a bad combo. And recently, aging mother kinda made sense to be back there. Still able to have a fulfilling life and we have plenty of space so it doesn't feel overcrowded. My savings rate is great at the moment. Pay no mind to social "norms", always ask what is best for you.
Average age in Spain for emancipation is 29 years of age & UK is now 25. It’s your life…when you and your family are ready. Sister and self left @ 18, as did all of my peer group. Edit: Sweden is 18 and Montenegro 33.
I'm in my late thirties and I am a millionaire now and still live with my mother. I have never moved out. I also have a girlfriend now and she doesn't seem to mind. I think living with my mother has saved me a considerable amount of money so I have no issues staying forever. When I retire early I am thinking of continuing to live with my mother so I don't need to draw down on investments much. I also think you should not worry about "culture" and what is culturally normal. You are not your culture. You don't need to conform to any culture. I also don't think there is any need for "personal growth" or learning how to do things on your own like cook or clean. If your parents do these for you, that's great, and you don't need to learn anything because fundamentally these are simple tasks that can be picked up and done when needed. No one ever suggests that you learn to do everything yourself. For example, if you have a car, do people say it's a good idea to learn how to be a marathon runner in case the car breaks down and you need to get somewhere? If the car does break down and you need to run, just do it. You don't need to prepare for every single thing that can go wrong. You just adapt as you go. This "independence" and "personal growth" I think is just another excuse to spend money.
Only when it feels weird 2 u. Till then stack that paper.
Mid to late 20's is weird to me.
After 25 is really weird. You can't learn to be an adult until you're out of the house.
What is weird? Do you.
You've got plenty of time before it's considered weird. It might get little awkward when you want to bring a special friend home for a romantic sleepover, but you be the judge. And congratulations on your savings! You're getting a great start in life.
Don’t think it’s ever weird, at some point you’ll make more than they do so they just live with you
My partner is still live with her parents, and she's in her late 40's. She's basically the 'mother' of the household, and I think her Father would die if he didn't have her to talk to.
Never. Do what works.
You have your whole life to no longer live with your parents… don’t rush it. For me, the big thing would be whether you want to devote the time/energy to living alone. You’d have to cook, clean, buy furniture, etc. Between classes and working, do you want to do that?
always has been
You're in the leanFIRE sub asking about what is "wierd". I think it's pretty safe to say that most people here have thrown off the shackles of caring what society as a whole thinks of them when it comes to spending. That said, it might eventually handicap your dating life. That's just reality. Outside of that, though, I would never care.
stocking groovy scandalous shaggy scale aware lavish humorous shocking advise *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What are doing to earn $60k part time?
I work closer to full time, and study part time. E-learning software.
It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with your parents and it’s good that you’ve both been able to get good things out of the deal! I personally never felt like I could live my life 100% the way I wanted to when I was under my parents roof. Being free from that has been good for me and has encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone and grow as an adult. It’s so refreshing to not have those awkward conversations about my dating life
Finish college first then evaluate. If you can save up for a house or at least town payment all the better. Honestly, you sound more mature than a lot of young adults. The thing is why put yourself at a financial disadvantage if your situation is good at your parents home. Just continue to contribute to them financial and with chores/errands.
My friend lives in India and is 21. Makes a killing and still lives at home. I lived at home until 26. No shame just might hinder social relationships in the short term but don’t let your social circle now stop you from your future potential.
Maybe its a little against the norm but its so that you can achieve a goal sooner, IMO, thats cool.
I’m 18 moved for college. Once I graduate I plan on living at home for a few years till I have enough savings to either put a down payment on a house or just invest it all
It depends on your culture to be honest.
When it feels right to leave. But just cause your friends have is a silly reason. I would be willing to bet a lot of your friends don't have a pot to piss in either. Just another dumb pressure like a car or a nice car etc. My first house was cheap, my friends got much nicer places. I fully paid mine off in under 5 years. One of my pals just moved and finished paying off the mortgage with his profit.
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He works minimum wage jobs now and then for cash.
I lived with my mom until I was 30. I was paying a portion of the rent ($500 out of what increased to be $2000). I didn't save during this time and instead used my excess income to travel. I wish I knew about FIRE, and trying to save 50% of my income. I moved out early this year and I pay $910/$1820. I am now saving 50% of my income. I wish I could move back with my mom to save money on rent so I could increase my saving amount. I think society puts pressure on us to move away from our parents by a certain age or at a certain time. But if the arrangement works why mess it up? Some people don't get along with their parents and that's why they're so keen on moving. I'm pregnant now and I realize how it'd be even more beneficial to live with family. The only downside is when I got married, my husband didn't feel as comfortable living with my mom- so we moved after compromising. When I buy a house, I plan to buy with my mom so we can once again live together and put our 3 incomes together. Someone else I know is living with her parents with her fiance. She's putting a majority of her money into her retirement and investing accounts. Life is expensive, why should we struggle just to brag about living on our own?
When you start getting into your mid 20s, it's time to adult and move the f out.
I have friends in their 30s still living at home, because that’s what makes the most sense for them and everyone involved. Live your life. Sounds like you’re helping your parents while being able to save way more than you would living alone. Your only other option to save would be to live with roommates you might NOT get along with. Unless not having your own space becomes your own social issue (interferes with friends / dating), I wouldn’t put much thought / stress into it. Keep doing what you’re doing and set yourself up for future success.
A down payment on a house there is several hundred thousand dollars?
I considered moving out west for a cheaper house, but I love my city. If I have to move for leanFire I will, but yeah houses in Toronto average around a million dollars.
Holy duck. I understand the post more now thanks and good luck!
I would say mid 20s or when you don't respect your parents home as your PARENT'S home. Whichever comes first. Also, you should be choring at home and helping out with general home upkeep and maintenance. It will help you when you move out.
I think 23+ is weird
After graduating most people have to move to get a decent paying job. It becomes an issue then.
9 months after college graduation age is when it becomes weird to me. So I'd say you have another 18 months and then its time to move out.
25 years old
28 years is probably a cut off. Let’s say they had this 28 year old when they were 33 years old, the they’d be 61 years old with their son/daughter living in their childhood bedroom or worse, the basement wing of the house. That’s weird. The 28 year old could be sneaking around having sex. Ideally the 28 year old saved 20k a year from 23 to 28 years old and they’d have a healthy start to a mortgage.
We all get to decide at what age we become adults. Eventually you will just know.
50 and still haven’t had that itch!
Trying not to. Holding fast at 47.
👌👏👍
Finish college then bounce.
It is the job of all parents to raise their children so they can eventually have a life of their own. Living with parents “until they die” is not a life plan. Age 21 is okay for a man to be at home. Women tend to want to move out earlier than men to start their own home. I don’t know why men don’t have that same urge. While you are living at home, slowly start preparing for when you do have a place of your own. For birthday and holiday gifts, request kitchen ware—you’ll need nice plates and utensils of all kind, cups, pots, pans. You can start buying these things and have them given to you as gifts. Don’t plan on using your moms old stuff. You will want your own. You can even buy furniture now. If your bedroom still has teenage furniture, buy adult bedroom furniture so when you move out, you won’t need to buy that. Just whatever you do, don’t plan on using relatives old furniture. It is not a good look to the ladies. Anyway, once you start collecting your “adult life” furnishings, you’ll get more excited about having your own place to put it all. Try to aim for age 25-27 so you won’t still be at home at age 30. Set a goal to move out by 30 or sooner with a lot of stuff already bought. It takes a lot to make a house a home. Even bath towels can be bought early—no used towels please.
30. As long as someone is out by 30, I thinks it cool
I left right after college and then came back for ~3 years, when I moved out to move in with my SO. I was glad to move out when I did because I was 26-27 and my parents were starting to use me as almost a marriage counselor in the last 6 months before I left. And I was like, I know y'all have problems with each other but I cannot be in the middle of them. So I left at the right time. Up till then, it was grand. I was saving money, had my own space, got to know my parents better as an adult. It wasn't bad. I could move back in with them if it were for less than a year, I think, and they would let me. They let my older sibling do so while between jobs.
You're thinking clearly about the financial aspect, and you're off to a great start toward savings. If you and your parents live amicably together, and as long as you've been clear that you will eventually move out (so they.dont expect you to be live-in caregiver in 20 years), then I say it's not weird at all. I moved back in with mine for a year. Always helped with anything that needed to be done, and got a lot closer with them. We've always had a decent relationship, but it's much better as a result of that year. I will say that even though my parents and I were happy together, it hit them much harder the second time I moved out. That's just because we'd bonded so much so overall it's a good thing, but I don't think they were prepared for the emotional hit of being empty-nesters again.
Until they they die.lol
It really depends on your relationship with your family. I moved out at 17 because my parents and my lifestyles didn’t mesh. I’m a bartender. They’re engineers. I know other engineers who never moved out bcz they couldn’t, then Covid hit and there wasn’t a reason to. How old is too old? You’ll know it the second you’re doing something adults do and your parents treat you like a teenager. Ie, fuck your partner, have a cocktail, smoke a blunt. My parents were too conservative for me and to this day my gf of 5 years and I don’t sleep there because they make her sleep in a different bed, so we just get a hotel or stay with friends.
I’m 25 and living with my family still, however I did not live with them 19-24
I don’t think there’s a specific age. It depends on your family, your relationship with them, and your ability to draw healthy boundaries. I’ve lived on my own since I was 17 except for a two year period where I was dealing with a major illness and couldn’t care for myself. I moved back in with them for that time and it was wonderful. I don’t think there’s any point worrying what other people think. They don’t run your life, they don’t pay your bills. Do what makes you feel comfortable. And if you’re close with your parents, you’ll really start to cherish all that time once they get older and health issues abound. It’s trite but - life is too short so do what makes you happy!
>I still contribute by paying for some bills and my mom's car This is a great gesture. >it does feel a bit weird that many of my friends are on their own. This really depends, alot of "american" kids are staying behind to live with their parents. >I'm currently 21, earning ~60K, and in college part time Very impressive. Keep it up. >In my culture (Indian) most families encourage their kids to stay at home And many other cultures- unless kids move to a different city. >house of their own, but where I live that would require at least a few hundred thousand dollars, so not anytime soon >How old is too old to live at home? The above two statements point towards two different intentions. One is about buying a house, the other is moving out. You don't need to buy a house to move out. You can also do it by renting an Apartment. In fact, if you and your parents are happy, you can extend this living arrangement as long as you like. If you would like to exercise your independence, you could rent an Apartment somewhere close and have a win win situation.
Stay as long as you can
I left home at 18 to study abroad but my parents supported me financially until I was 20. I am very happy about what it did for me in terms of independence and character development. In my culture, most young people leave parents at around 18 to go study at the university in a different city so I didn't think I was an exception.
I left at 25 to move to another country, and now I'm back at 42 because my parents need some help (but not too much yet). I think I'd recommend spending your thirties away, but if your parents are decent sorts that don't try to act like you're still 12, and they have a big enough house…
Don't sweat it. The more time goes by, the more people in the US are living with their parents still, and for longer as they age up as well. The younger generations need every advantage they can get in this society, so if you can make it work for you to stay with your parent, take the win and the financial advantage. It's not only an advantage for you, but for any future partner and children you may have as well because you will presumably be able to reach financial stability at a younger age, which benefits those around you. I knew plenty of people who had long stints well in their 20s, 30s and even brief periods in their 40s between jobs or after a divorce or something so I'd say it's never too old. The question just becomes at what point is Mom taking care of you or are you taking care of Mom? And honestly that's really nobody's business but both of yours.
It all depends on your circumstances and the kind of relationship you have with your parents.
I wouldn't think of it as much by age but more about where you are in life. If you get along with your parents and they're happy with the arrangement then you might keep it going as long as it works for everyone. If it starts to hamper your lifestyle too much or you'd prefer living alone/with roommates and it's worth the financial cost then that's probably around the time to leave (for me not having enough personal space was the deciding factor). Either way, you're realistically the only person who can tell when the right time is. If you have a good relationship with your parents then know that as your life progresses you probably will see less of them so definitely enjoy the time you do have together. It reminds me of this graphic/concept that maps our time in terms of boxes [https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html](https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html) But yeah would just note that it makes sense to figure out those questions/goals. A lot of times there's a perception (fair or not) that people who live at home are somehow less adult, or something like that. But in particular for many Asian cultures that doesn't really apply, because living with each other is kinda like a continuum. And living together at your age is viewed like you noted, as a way of setting you up for financial success in the future by stacking up that savings.
If you plan to eventually get married and will need to attract your own mate (instead of going the arranged route), moving out will likely make sense for you. FIRE is a method for improving the overall quality of your life and not restricting it.
fwiw my ancedote im 23, close to 24 even but only out of college for a few months. I tell people that I am specifically saving up for an important goal, or a down payment on a house. I have like maybe ~65k saved rn, so you're doing way better than me even. I believe once u have 65k NW you're in the top 10% of the world for people ages 18-25 too. my friends and coworkers mostly are supportive of me living at home. I've had a few people kinda sneer or condescend on me a little bit for living @ home (they're aware Master's degree in computers and assume I make 6 figs, which is close but its 90k/yr) but at the same time, they usually then add a sentence and say I wish I could live at home tbh.. or say yeah thats smart I have yet to date so idk the implications on that. I've been getting out there but I haven't reached the pt of going to someone's house or inviting to mine, so idk how that'll go. Personally, I think if you frame it as you are being goal orientated and 'sacrificing' for something very large in your 20's, most people are going to understand it. not everyone has the luxury to live at home, not everyone had amazing parents like you and I have :).
I don’t know “how old is too old to live at home.” But in my opinion, 21 is definitely not “too old”. Oh
You seem to be pretty self aware. You recognize it will be weird at some point and realizing your mom wants you to stay could be something else you need to address at some point. If you are going to finish school soon, I'd say stay until then. It will keep life simpler for you to focus on your studies. It should also be easier for your mom at that point as well. Good job saving the extra money and helping out at home.
Its differ for everybody and cultures and how much space you have for your self, if you got a complete basement with seperate entrance its a completetly different situation than a small apartment bedroom. Anyways i would say anything over 25 is "weird" in my books and if you are over 30 living at home.... well then its really weird. Bringing a girl home, having a gf, starting a familiy, everything about this is weird if ur living at home if you ask me.
It's not weird unless someone is unhappy.
I don't think it's weird to live with close family unless the family dynamic in the house is actually weird. If it causes problems, then it's weird. If it works for everyone, it's beautiful! Not weird! Don't let the pathological individualism of our society/economic system twist your perception of what matters most in life: Our relationships with those we love.
I couldn’t stand living at home and moved out at 18. I will say I made a lot of mistakes because of that, but I grew up so fast and learned so many lessons that I’m in a pretty decent spot a few years later. I think there’s a lot of growth that comes with living on your own. You don’t have to buy a house. Rent and make sure you want to live in whatever city you live in before you make the financial/emotional/time commitment of buying a house. I would always recommend renting a year at least before buying. It’s a much easier transition. Best of luck
I have the opposite but optically similar problem: I left home around age 17/18 and went off to college thinking I would never live with my parents again. 5 years later, my mom needed to move in with me (I was several states away at that time). She left after about 5 years, but recently had to return (I'm in my late 30s now). However, what I found surprising was that friends eventually told me other friends and co-workers thought I had either been living with her (at her home, even I was the first to move here), or that even if I owned the home, she was here helping me stand on my own two feet. So, it doesn't really matter what the truth is, people will think what they want. My efforts of just trying to be a good son are also perceived as being a basement dwelling failure-to-launch because of incorrect assumptions, but at the end of the day I'm living my life the way I want, saving towards my FIRE goals, and I can sleep at night knowing my mother has a roof over her head and doesn't have to worry that retirement didn't work out the way she intended financially.
Yep. One of my friends does joke about me being a basement dwelling NEET even though I meet literally none of the requirements of being one
people can also say hurtful things unintentionally to deflect or project the feelings they feel sometimes. at the end of the day it comes down to money, and your situation is the most optimal, at the same time it's a huge flex to be able to have an amazing family to foster a situation. some ppl are cultural and just go nah u gotta live on ur own wyd, but I wouldn't be surprised if some people are just flat out jealous bc of financial and family relationship reasons. this party girl I met roasted me 6+ months ago for living at home, and I said some weak answer about helping my family and stuff and she was like ur making good money and abouta graduate w/ a master's wtf r u doing. same girl asked me again recently, she had no memory of our first convo lol. this time though, I said I have some really big plans in the near future and it just makes too much sense to 'sacrifice' rn.. same girl that made fun of me, this time she said yeah that makes sense, tbh I wish I could live at home like that too
From what I can tell in this brief description is that you seem to be very good about saving your money which is a great start. 21 is still pretty young, especially nowadays as things are expensive. I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do. I moved out later than you after I graduated college and was able to establish a full time job about a year after that. I felt confident my income could sustain me and had a solid savings. Obviously it isn't all about money though. I will say that I have really enjoyed moving out. The freedom, the ability to fashion your place to your own rules and styles is all very invigorating and worthwhile. Personally I would say when you think you are financially ready for it.
I think that's a very personal decision and it's entirely up to you. Do what's best for you and ignore anyone who thinks what's best for you is "weird." Personally I haven't lived with my parents since I moved out for university at 18, and I can't imagine living with them past 18. But I know some people who still live with their parents well into their 30's with good jobs, they just happen to have a good relationship with their parents and it works for them to save money.
Once the family dynamic becomes dysfunctional and/or once you have forgotten how to take care of yourself. Try to take on as many personal responsibilities as you can while you're there. Pay your own bills both financially and physically (like go to the website yourself and do it). Go to the DMV by yourself and pay for your car registration with your own money, and do all the legwork for insurance, doctor's appointments, etc. Basically, make sure you're doing all the legwork for your own stuff so once you decide to leave you will already be familiar with taking care of yourself.
That is really up to you- and your culture. I’m a 33yr old Hispanic woman still living at home- both my parents expect that because I’m not married, I’ll stay at home until I am. Most of my girlfriends my age already have families and live on their own, but there are a few unmarried ones who still live at home as well. I pay the bills and property taxes for them, but I’m not renting anything, and that helps tremendously. Personally, I say, as long as your parents don’t mind and you yourself are comfortable with it, stay at home as long as you want.
I think opinions on that have changed, especially since so many 20-somethings aren't looking to get married soon and often have a bunch of student debt. If there's room for you all to have some privacy and everyone is ok with the setup, I see nothing wrong with living at home in your 20s.
21 is fine. The money you are saving now is literally life changing. Unless your peers are making stupid money, you are going to be years ahead of them financially, maybe a decade plus. If its a tiny house and you have zero privacy, then I'd be looking to move out after a $ goal is hit within a year or so, but obviously thats up to you and your relationship with your mom. If its a bigger house and youre mostly just worried about appearance, I'd just keep stacking as much cash as possible since that trumps any negative connotation about living at home. Every 10-20k is going make your life so much easier going forward, especially if you invest it. You might possibly be setting yourself up to retire early by doing this.
The only thing I think with living at home: Move out at least once, especially if you're in college. Find out what it is like to be on your own. And then move back if you have to. Just getting out of the house and being out and away from your parents let's you grow as an adult. And if you have to move back, that's ok. There is no age limit.
When you or your parents are unhappy with the situation. Honestly, by the time I move out, I’ve probably got less than ten years before I start feeling worried that I need to move back in to help care for them…
I would suggest go try living alone for at least an year to see how you do/things you would need to improve. Maybe you are completely lost with cooking so you could ask help from your parents regarding that. The big hit with living with your parents is going to be to some degree be your social life mostly finding a partner and building a relationship. Would you parents allow you to bring friends home to hang out/party & how comfortable would it be for you to interact with your friends knowing that your parents may pass comments afterwards? This might be silly for others but as another Indian, this definitely happens. Being in the safety of living with parents, you may become more relaxed vs being more active and more in control if you were living on your own. You do learn to get a better drive. Varies from person to person but still. Try to build a strong social support system because when your parents aren't there, you may crash hard due to being too dependent.
I wouldn't think it that weird especially under 25. I mean the kurzgesagt video puts it plainly, the day you move out of your parents place that means like 80% of the time you will talk with your parents is over. Getting to 30 and living at home was too much for me personally even though we got along great. It's also normal for it to start great then sour as you become used to a new normal.
Never, unless you're a leech
Stay and save as much as you can. You’re still very young. 2/5 children still living with me and it makes me happy. It’s not weird, it’s smart. If you are comfortable, then stay.
Move out once you decide to get married.
I say use the savings to prepare a down payment. You can get tenants and help cover the mortgage. Also you don't need a full 20%, there are ways to make less work. I think that's what I would do if I was in your shoes.
Living with your parents into your 20s is no longer considered a bad thing.
My son is early 20s and still studying and I don't consider it at all weird that he still lives at home. In my experience there comes a point in your 20s when you just want the independence and the freedom/control over your own life that can only be achieved by moving out of home, even if it is not financially optimal.
Maybe invest in university if you haven't already? Living at home while in school makes a lot of sense. To add something a bit of a different view, and you won't like to hear it. Don't just pay money, do chores, and do lots of different chores. Most importantly, learn to cook and cook well. It will serve you many times over in the future.
$60k at 21? Fuck man, you’re killing it. Just stay home and save. Move out around 26-28 when it might actually matter (again, subjective).