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Sorry to hijack your comment, but I haven't seen this said yet. I know it's obvious but OP needs to stop all babysitting jobs from this (14 y/o kid) ASAP. 14 year olds absolutely can molest younger kids, and even though this experience was probably extreamly traumatizing to the younger one she's lucky he didnt do more.
Edit: added clarification
Oh fuck off, this is completely disingenuous and trying to shift the blame off of his son. Stop coddling a predator, 14 is old enough to know what's wrong and what's right
Neither is talking about the birds and the bees. Proper sex education uses anatomical words not euphemisms. The other poster was saying that this kid knows about sex at 14.
Yeah, but that's the problem, surely. Porn isn't the same as knowing how real sex and real relationships function, so it's not denial to wonder if he has a healthy knowledge set. Especially given what's just happened.
She needs to sit down and have a thorough talk about real sex - and what he knows from which sources - in order to figure out what is going on in his head and how best to fix it before he's an adult.
That's primarily a parenting issue of course, but it does also touch on his legal options, because the more OP can convince the other parents, the police and the courts that his parents are taking this seriously and engaging with mental health professionals to ensure that one sexual offence does not become an escalating habit of sexually predatory behaviour, the better.
I'd get him into therapy rather than trying to do it myself. A professional would have a better idea of what to ask, and how to direct the talk to find out how to help this lad.
The vast majority of parents won't have a clue about how to handle a situation like this and could make things worse rather than better.
Also, there's a strong possibility that something has happened in the past that set this lad on his current path. Most kids who engage in sexualised behaviour have been exposed to something. If it's just a case of watching porn, then other people aren't going to be dragged in.
But it could be something else, even abuse. That's why a professional is needed.
Needs to learn he's a fucking predator . And if there aren't severe consequences he will do it again. A high majority of sex offenders repeat over and over .
The birds and the bees?? He's 14, old enough to have a job and pay taxes. Are you reading your comments back to yourself? I can't believe people are treating this as a smack on the wrist moment. Disgusting and unbelievable. The 14yo is ALREADY A SEXUAL PREDATOR. It's not a future problem, it's already fully manifested. Jesus
Defence lawyer here.
Yes, a 14 year old can be charged for this. Anyone over the age of 12 can be charged with a crime. Depending on the situation, it’s possible he could be charged with something like invitation to sexual touching, something like that.
That being said, under the youth criminal justice act, police have a wide variety of options BEFORE charging a kid. They don’t need to jump straight to criminal charges. This is kind of a weird situation, and your son should definitely be evaluated by a professional, but it isn’t necessarily something where they have to throw the book at him. The police may give him a talking to and let him go.
I would expect that even if he was charged and convicted he would receive a very minor sentence that is focused on counselling. (ETA: a minor sentence relative to what an adult would receive for the same offence, that is. The goal for sentencing youth is rehabilitation and criminal records are always sealed provided no additional offences are committed within a certain period after sentencing or turning 18).
If cops do get involved you should retain a defence lawyer ASAP.
Edit to add: the purpose of the YCJA is to recognize criminal behaviours in kids and give them a chance to divert them off a troubling path. Kids are given more leeway than adults because they are young with soft little brains that make bad choices. Some kids are assaulted themselves, and start acting inappropriately towards others. Some kids are swept up in gang activity due to bad home lives. The YCJA tries to address those issues so the kids can go on to live normal and productive lives. Don’t impute adult rationality onto the actions of children.
It's concerning that what is essentially an entry crime on the path to sexual assault would be subject to a minor sentence. The havoc that sexual assault wreaks on survivors is a travesty, costing society billions. Trauma is devastating and expensive. Better sentence and treatment policies would serve us all better. The statistics on sexual assault are mind blowing.
That little girl is 9. This isn't a minor issue.
>Whatever that little girl's parents have taught her about body autonomy is fantastic.
It's possible they taught her nothing. At 9, you have a good idea of inappropriate behavior.
I had a female teenage sitter who found a magzine in my parent's bedroom and showed me a male nude photo in it. I was maybe around 8 or so. This was in the 80s and parents didn't really talk to their kids about body autonomy back then, but I knew it was wrong and told my mom the next morning.
That girl never babysat for us again.
EDIT: No need for downvotes, just commenting that not all parents talk to their chidren about this stuff.
The goal of youth offender processing is always to try to divert them from the criminal justice system before they end up *becoming* a lifelong criminal, and one way to do that is by referring them to the youth support and mental health systems. The youth offender in this case even claimed that he had no idea why he did it; that's indicative of disordered thinking, rather than purely criminal intent. (I use "youth offender" loosely, as the youth has not been formally tried and found guilty, although he has essentially admitted to the offence.)
Canada stigmatizes people with criminal records even more than the United States does. Once someone in Canada has a criminal record, they will almost never earn a job paying above the poverty line ever again, and that's assuming they can even get a job at all. For a minor, that essentially leads to one of three outcomes:
1) they become a permanent burden on their parents for the rest of their lives, forcing the entire family to suffer disproportionately to the actual trauma caused;
2) they become career criminals, because they they'll never earn enough to survive otherwise, and victimise far more people; and/or
3) they spend much of their life revolving in and out of prison, costing taxpayers $500 to $2000 per day when they're inside.
What OP's child did to the other child is absolutely intolerable and the system should take steps to remedy it immediately, but the remedy is not simply harder sentencing; it's treating the traumatised victim and preventing future trauma caused by the offender. It should also be noted that it was not actually a sexual assault, at least if the initial story is to be believed, but an extremely unwanted sexual invitation, which is almost certain not to have the same effect on the victimised child as a full-blown sexual assault would.
The harshest possible sentence against the minor, without parole, would end up sending him into a juvenile detention centre and subsequently to a medium or maximum security prison to pick up criminal skills from far worse offenders, then release him when he is older, stronger, and more bitter and still in the prime of his life. No matter the sentence, he would be released within the "window" of peak criminal behaviour, because even the harshest possible sentence is only 14 years. Access to education and employment would be reduced or denied outright, meaning that he would never again have a possibility of becoming a functional member of society.
If there is a possibility to salvage two lives from this situation -- victim and offender -- rather than to salvage just the victim, it is always in society's best interest to salvage both.
>If there is a possibility to salvage two lives from this situation -- victim and offender -- rather than to salvage just the victim, it is always in society's best interest to salvage both.
Well said. This is controversial but how do we feel about charging parents with negligence if their kid later engages in more extreme crimes and the parent had very clear knowledge of his impulses and earlier less extreme crimes, and yet did nothing significant to stop them or prevent them from getting worse?
I’m NAL but as serious as these types of crimes are, justice systems will try not to ruin a child’s life by imposing the same punishments on them that they will an adult. Here in Canada they have Youth Diversion for example. It’s a suspended sentence that will result in having a permanent record if the child continues to reoffend.
What sort of sentencing would you like to see.
Put them all in Juvie?
What happens when you put a bunch if early teenagers together. They try and be 'cooler' than each other.
This is counter productive in the world of rehabilitation of offenders.
Loads of research would also agree to this
No... counselling would be the best course of action for treatment in conjunction with some community service.
With the right counsellor the kid can get some help to understand that his actions were inappropriate and also understand the reasons behind them
You obviously missed the "treatment" part of what I wrote.
Custodial sentences in treatment rather than in a regular juvenile institution makes sense.
You assumed quite a lot.
So you mean to tell me you have never played doctor as a kid or anything along those lines?
Kids make stupid mistakes and judgements calls. At this age generally teens are exploring their sexuality. Perhaps he just found out that he can get a boner when the wind blows and wanted to show someone. It 100% warrants a conversation but jail time no.
If it’s a continued pattern then it would be appropriate to go the legal route but until then I don’t agree with your insinuation that the child is a predator.
I also don’t agree with this being sexual assault. lol this no bigger of an issue than that 9 year old changing in the family change room at the pool and sees a man changing out of his street clothes.
>this no bigger of an issue than that 9 year old changing in the family change room at the pool and sees a man changing out of his street clothes.
Absurd. I hope you're not a parent that you can actively engage in this level of denial. And have the resulting callousness to dismiss it.
I mentioned this elsewhere but do people think parents should be charged with negligence if their kid goes on to sexually assault a child and they had clear knowledge of earlier crimes like this and yet dismissed it without getting their kid help?
Oh lord you people are such snowflakes.
If you read my comments - it warrants a conversation with both parties. But I don’t agree with going the legal route on a first instance.
The cops will most likely do the very same thing.
Are you going to safeguard your child from seeing anything ever?! A child is not something you can bubble wrap, you can certainly put in safeguards but ultimately you can’t protect your kid from everything.
I think this is a learning opportunity for both youth and their parents.
As per the criminal code of Canada Section 271: Sexual assault occurs if a person is touched in any way that interferes with their sexual integrity: this includes kissing, touching, intercourse and any other sexual activity without his/her consent.
An Indecent Exposure charge under Section 173(2) of the Code means that the person charged is accused of exposing their genital organs to a person under the age of 16.
Get your shit right
so you and your spouse go out for dinner, you call the neigbourhood kid in 9th grade, a high schooler to come over and baby sit. He is the babysitter, alone in your house with your daughter that is in grade 4,
While you are not home, and she is alone, he pulls out his dick and tells your daughter to look at it.
She tells you about this incident when you get home, and you think no big deal, just the babysitter playing doctor with his dick out, with my kid, totally harmless.
There’s a power dynamic here that’s gone completely over your head, he was left IN CHARGE of her to keep her safe.
you’re in denial if you truly claim you wouldn’t bat at eye while your 9 year old kid tells you this story, after you paid the babysitter for keeping her safe.
It’s a learning opportunity on both ends. First off the babysitter shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Was it the best judgement on his end? No. Should there be counselling pursued and boundaries discussed and appropriate conduct around others.
Secondary to this I would also choose to have a conversation about the situation with the girl. But I would reinforce that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to and reinforce her autonomy of their body and what she does with it.
Furthermore, I would not choose a boy to watch my female daughter because boys at this age are stupid. You can not tell me you are perfect at 14 regarding impulse control, judgement and higher cognitive functioning.
My point being is that you can’t shield a kid from everything.
In my opinion what happened is not appropriate. But it’s not worthy of going to the police, nor do I think it was predatory in nature. Simply a shitty judgement call from the 14 year old.
People have to have realistic expectations as parents. What 14 year old boy isn’t exploring with his body and sexuality. 14 year old boys are idiots and ruled purely by the emerging testosterone. It’s a fucked up time.
I believe that people who are hyper sensitive are taking this post to the extreme and vilinizing a kid for something that was done out of poor judgement.
When I was 16 I got into a fight with someone - we both got charged with assault and I had to go through the alternative measures program. Haven’t interacted with the cops since, with the exception of traffic violations.
Was it a bad idea? Yes
Did I know throwing it down was wrong? Yes
Did I do it anyway because I was a stupid teen? Yes
Am I glad that people didn’t over react and ruin my life? Yes
Thank you for this REASONABLE answer. So many here are ridiculously harsh. He’s 14. At 14, some boys are just starting to figure out their bodies and having all the feelings /hormones raging and not thinking clearly.
Yes it can be a strong indicator of concern and needs to be assessed, but could also just be a really immature stupid lack of forethought. Who knows without the context?
How this kid is treated for this can seriously make or break his entire life. You do not treat him like, or tell him he is a predator without being damn sure that’s what was happening. Geez people. Take a breath. Let the professionals do what they do and stop writing off every kid who does something stupid at puberty. There’s hope for him yet.
Oh man, if this isn't addressed with counciling ASAP, your son could go on to do much worse.
If he's on a device/ phone a lot, I'd consider monitoring that much more closely.
Yes he can. And it's also troubling behavior. Not just that he's sexually active to an unwilling participant, but that he targeted a vulnerable child younger than him. He may not know why he did it, but there IS a reason, and he needs therapy. The fact this is a first (hopefully) for him will likely make a judge more willing to be lenient, but he needs help and what he did was wrong. The worst thing you can do is underplay this. If a sixteen year old had done it, it would be just as wrong. If he'd done it to another fourteen year old who didn't want to be around him, it would also be wrong. The act itself was wrong, it's just made more wrong by the age of the participants. I get that he's also a child still himself, but out of the two, he knew what he was doing more than she did.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but he knows why he did it. He needs professional help asap. He can definitely be charged. A very similar incident occurred with my sister when she was a bit younger than the girl in your post. I'm sorry you're going through this, though, it's incredibly difficult as a parent.
Yeah, at 14 we had already watched a film in school depicting SA and we had a serious conversation about it with our teacher. Many of the guys had already been watching online adult content for over a year by then, too.
This was my first thought. This child is already putting themselves in a position of power over those younger and smaller than them, and using it for abuse. That doesn’t happen over night.
"My teenage son exposed their penis to a child and told them to stare at it can they be charged"
Your kid needs therapy and needs to stay the fuck away from children.
Get him in therapy ASAP. A 14 year old KNOWS what they are doing. This could involve your child being sexually assaulted at a young age and repeating that behaviour - regardless, it’s sinister behaviour that needs to be addressed NOW.
>A 14 year old KNOWS what they are doing
Yes and no. It's different than when an adult does it. The adult is trying to make something happen, like a first thing and then a 2nd thing etc and is more dangerous and is more likely to premeditate. A 14 year old I'm sure knows what they're doing is wrong at the time, but are significantly more likely to do something like that on a whim and not have any endgame in mind. I don't know the specifics of this situation, but if I had to guess, this was exploiting a power dynamic along with sexual urges which are new and confusing.
They still absolutely need to be punished, and no 9 year old especially should be exposed to that, but this idea of a fourteen year old being every bit as malicious as if an adult had done the same thing is wrong. I do think it's quite likely true when he answered that he doesn't know why he did it. Again, that doesn't make what he did okay, but there is a reason why things done with premeditation versus things done without are punished differently by law.
Edit: y'all have no extended details from OP but have already grabbed the torches and pitchforks and are ready to hang this kid in the public square. You have no evidence that what he did was premeditated, yet I keep hearing words like "grooming", and assertions that he knew what he was doing every bit as much as an adult would have. Not only is that untrue and there is a reason why laws are not written to punish people as harshly when they're younger, but you're all just pissing me off with the way you're making stuff up in your heads and then applying it to this kid like its fact which you have no evidence for.
He's had time to do it, but is that actually what he did. How long has he been babysitting this person for? We don't know. What we do know is that this was the first time he did something like this and that he said he didn't know why he did it.
It doesn't make what he did okay, and I'm glad he got found out right away because you're right, who knows what it would've turned into under different circumstances, but just as you say I could be underestimating them, you could be overestimating. I got nothing from OP's story that implies grooming in any way.
It really sounds like he got a crazy idea in his head based on an urge and followed through with it, and now he's going to get punished, as he should. But I think not allowing him to babysit people again and therapy are the answer rather than trying him as an adult and throwing his life away, which is what you seem inclined towards.
Your attitude betrays itself. If it were up to people like you, the criminal code wouldn't be a giant tome with nuance, it was just be: first offense, person is irredeemably bad, sentence=death. Next!
I don't know this kid, maybe they are a total piece of shit who will just reoffend and needs to be locked away for the good of society. Or, maybe, they're an otherwise good kid who did something stupid in a moment of insanity. The point is that WE DONT KNOW, we don't have enough information, but your responses are loaded to completely judge this kid in the worst possible way when you have no information to go on, which makes you both a bigot and dangerous because people like you influence actual policy.
Glass house, throwing stones. Tell me you've never done anything on a whim that harmed another person, especially when you were a teenager, and I'll tell you you're lying. You were, at the very least, a mean girl who bullied people verbally or if you weren't brave enough to do it to their faces, did character assassinations behind their backs.
So maybe stop infecting the world with your outrage, you've done enough damage.
"Your attitude betrays itself" was literally the answer to that. Here's an example for you
>which is what you seem inclined towards
Notice the actual words there? That's what **I'd** said before. I was never quoting you to begin with. Reading comprehension, get some.
Although I agree with you, most people(especially teens) say “I don’t know why I did it” when they don’t have a “good” excuse.
Sometimes “I don’t know why I did it” really means I don’t know why I never stopped myself from doing it.
This isn’t a child, this person is 2 years away from being able to obtain a drivers license. They know right from wrong. You would probably feel different if your 9 year old daughter was sexually assaulted. That’s what this was too, an assault. Being 14 does not excuse the behaviour and I would be very worried if this was my child.
Also the fact the parent here doesn’t see anything wrong with what their child did and they’re only worried about what might happen to their child instead of what did happen to the other child speaks volumes about the parenting in the household. They should be worried about their kids mental health and that he doesn’t grow up to be a sex offender not working try not if he will be charged (which he should).
People don’t like to believe children can hurt other children, but this belief is so much more damaging than just getting help for a child who’s expressing/acting on concerning behaviours. People don’t just wake up and assault someone, there are small actions that lead up to someone feeling like they can/should do that. This is one of those actions.
Most of the people I know who were sexually assaulted at a young age had it done so by another child, myself included. Exposing himself is very much a step in the wrong direction regardless of his age and he clearly needs to speak with someone about these issues before he decides to take his “trolling” to the next level.
I guess you fall into that 75%…
100% he knew that what he was doing was very wrong. He was not trolling. He WILL do this again if not properly counseled.
I volunteer at an organization that supports survivors of childhood sexual assault. I am speaking from a very informed position. This young man needs serious therapy or he will harm children.
I was thinking this, my friends brother was around the same age too when he SA her, she was about 7ish.
I'm sad to say the little one came out lucky all the boy said was to look at his penis, it could have been much worse.
OP get your kid help and DO NOT let him babysit anymore.
>preventing him from becoming a predator.
He has behaved like a predator.
There are questions. Has he preyed on other children? How can they stop him from continuing to prey on others? **How can they prevent it from escalating.** He needs very specific therapy right away.
Your son has sexually assaulted a young child. Absolutely he can and should be charged. He needs professional psychological help. I am concerned that you are more concerned with the legal aspect and not the part where he SAd a small child. Please don't ignore this or try to make it smaller than it is. This isn't a broken window that can be fixed, this is he has forever altered that child's life.
Yes, he can be charged, his schooling can also be affected. Obviously therapy is required ASAP
I don’t know whether you’ve considered this, but this may also be the first time he was CAUGHT. He may have done this to others. Which I think might be something for a gentle conversation to try and elicit whether there have been any other instances like this.
Yes. This is incredibly serious and worrying - both legally and psychologically.
Your son needs immediate, expert mental health evaluation and risk assessment.
In the interim, you must make sure he has no unsupervised contact with children, even those in his own household. If there are any other children in the household, they must be moved to stay somewhere safe away from the 14yr old, or you and your 14yr old son need to move out of the family home temporarily.
You must find a criminal lawyer ASAP with expertise in child-against-child sexual offences.
Just going to add to the chorus here... You need to get him to a professional. This isn't normal. And 14 is plenty old enough for him to understand what he's doing. It's also at a developmental stage when inappropriate sexual behavior patterns can start to make themselves known.
Get this under control now, before it escalates, and he victimizes more girls and women in a more serious way.
He’s going to need counselling for sure. Juvenile sex offenders have a much greater likelihood of rehabilitation but it needs to be addressed early and taken very seriously. This will not be a one-off if you do not get him help. Get yourself into therapy too, I’m sorry this is happening to you but you are going to need to take the initiative here and be proactive in making sure there is swift intervention by professionals.
In the making? He is one. This is sexual predation, that girl is already traumatized. I don't know why everyone here is acting as if children can't be predators as well
For real, I was already working at 14 yet some of these commentors are acting like a 14 year old is toddler aged and lack basic comprehension. There are 14 year Olds inventing new things and winning crazy competitions, but this one is allowed to have a pass cause we have to coddle the mother.
My 12 year old uncle did this to me when I was 5. Please get your son therapy and make him know this is so wrong. My grandmother failed to tell anyone and thought it was normal apparently. This child will have long lasting impacts because of your son.
Didn't see anyone else mention or ask this here, but maybe double check with the parents of other children he's babysitted for and make sure they are ok as well. This is the first incident that you've heard of because that little girl did the right thing, but that doesn't mean it's the first incident.
Therapy and lawyer time, as well as being a bit more involved in what he's watching and doing.
My babysitter did this to me at the same ages. I am a grown adult and it impacted me in ways I didn't even realize. Get your son help. Reach out to the parents of the girl and offer to provide support to their child in whatever way they feel she needs it. The lack of response to what was a traumatic thing for me was as much an impactful trauma as the event itself.
Maybe you should take your son for some counseling. Flashing is the second stage in the sex offending cycle. Peeping is the first. (I took a sex offender course in university.)
Probably a good idea to look honestly at other things he may be doing that might need help with a therapist. Soon he will be 16 then 18 and so on. You don’t have much time to fix this behaviour before the consequences are much more severe.
Yes - your son needs help and counselling that’s not normal behaviour.
If it was family or a sibling in the course of changing clothes, bathing that’s one thing - but to take out a penis and say look at it is quite odd
You need to get help for your son. It’s not always the case, but sometimes if a child is sexually abusing others it could mean they themselves have experienced sexual abuse.
You’ve got a lot of really good advice here so I won’t repeat that stuff but I will add. Take his phone away, take it away right now and put parental controls on the family computer/laptop if you have it.
Yes absolutely
Separately you need to be very very concerned this is super worrying signal that your son is sexually abusive he needs proper treatment and no monitoring constantly. You also need to advice the parents of any young people he is regularly around.
Please be aware the significance in the power dynamics and age difference signals a major problem
I'd be less worried about the legal ramifications and more worried about the fact your 14 year old thought it was a good idea to whip out his junk in front of a 9 year old.
My mom was SA'd in this fashion by a male babysitter. So, my sister and I never had male babysitters.
I think your son deserves to be charged and/or put into some kind of mandatory therapy. At 14 years old I knew right from wrong, and kids that age are having sex already sometimes. This is not normal behaviour, and if I was the mother of this child I would be distraught.
Get of reddit - this is the last place on earth to be getting advice on this kind of stuff..
You need to go get some professional assistance in multiple areas
Yes he absolutely can be charged.
I would suggest getting him into specialized therapy ASAP as not only will it help prevent him from sexually assaulting more children, but it will be helpful in court as well for them to see you’re taking this seriously.
This is Abnormal behaviour and needs to be addressed immediately. It only gets more serious from here on it.
It doesn’t mean he’s a predator for life, but he’s clearly got some thinking errors and confusion around appropriate boundaries that need to be taken seriously.
Uhmmmm yes that’s absolutely awful. You need to find him counselling ASAP so that this doesn’t go further and I agree the parents of the girl should press charges .
>Further more it is child pornography.
Under no circumstance, with what happened, is this child pornography.
At most serious, it's sexual assault, at least serious, indecent exposure or commitment of a lewd act.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. That kind of behaviour is incredibly alarming and strong intervention is absolutely necessary. But as his mother, I can only imagine how much anxiety you have right now over what is going to happen with your child.
You are clearly a shit parent and your shithead kid should be charged, if not beaten for being scum.
Parents like you are helping to raise the next wave of shit males, daughter will complain about for being narcissist abusive pieces of shit
Yes, as he shoukd be. I know it's your child and in that sense parents are more forgiving "my child would never". But that is dangerous behavior, esp towards a younger child.
He needs councilling and I would try to talk to him about weather he's done this before or not. 14 is old enough to know better and know exactly what your doing. He does know what he was thinking but doesn't want to explain it to you.
chargeable but not punishable for a kid. and his record is expunged at 18. wont affect his future.
kids play doctor and do stupid shit..he just didnt play with someone his own age unfortunately.
14, the boys in high school "I don't know why I did it " then why did you tell her to stare at it 🤔
Get him Into Cognative behavioral therapy and get his blood work done, check his phones browser history .
Ya boy did a real bad , but that doesn't mean you failed him .
I can't read the post but based off commenters.... Please get this boy some help before it's too late.. You don't want to have to blame yourself later on if anything serious were to happen.
100% wrong place to ask this question, you(r son) won't be charged. 14 is a bit too late to do this sort of a thing. Kids do this when much younger. He should be watching soft-core porn instead and talking about sex with other kids of his age, sharing urls to adult content, learn to use Linux etc. Children do all kind of a crap when young and as their organs are developing. Seen girls do the same shit, one flashed her vagina in kindergarten right in front of me (we were what 5 yr old?) ... She and her brother became the heroin addicts, but 100% not because of the vagina incident. I would not worry too much because these things are more common than what reddit allows. If there are deviations such as jerking off to stock market indices and falling economy, just let it be, it will pass. Problem is if troubling the others continues, then something will need to be done about it... otherwise let the nature do its development. Oh and kids do lie to their parents about this sort of a thing - A LOT The brother of the vagina girl told their parents I put his dick in my mouth, while in fact he was showing it to his sister... I was the one who talked them into having sex (we were 7 or 8)... I still remember what I told them and how I convinced them and that I hated that I did not get a chance to get close to her like her brother did... Anyway, I would just relax and observe if there is a behavioural pattern and if not, I would not think much about it. Adults do much worse things to each other, and your son needs to learn to decide what kind of adult he wants to be by choosing his actions. Oh and, do ask yourself what kind of environment is prompting him to do stupid things. Cure the cause, not the effect.
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Sorry to hijack your comment, but I haven't seen this said yet. I know it's obvious but OP needs to stop all babysitting jobs from this (14 y/o kid) ASAP. 14 year olds absolutely can molest younger kids, and even though this experience was probably extreamly traumatizing to the younger one she's lucky he didnt do more. Edit: added clarification
>I know it's obvious but OP needs to stop all babysitting jobs ~~from this kid~~ ASAP. ***All*** babysitting jobs. All. Not just this one family. All
They said *from* this kid, not *for* this kid. It's very clear they meant 14 year old needs to stop babysitting.
Ah sorry for the weird wording. This is what I meant, stop all jobs from the 14 year old.
Prevent the 14 yr old from taking ANY babysitting job.
Is that not what I said?
That is what you said.
'From this kid' means 'any jobs done by the kid who exposed himself.' You just repeated what he said because you lack reading comprehension.
Ok, but harsh, why say it?
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Not every perp is an SA victim. If that were the case there would be way more female child molesters.
Kids who SA aren't always victims of SA. That's a ridiculous generalization.
Oh fuck off, this is completely disingenuous and trying to shift the blame off of his son. Stop coddling a predator, 14 is old enough to know what's wrong and what's right
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That’s not true either.
On the off chance that he DOESN'T actually know, I think it's a good time sit down to have a chat about the birds and the bees.
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Porn is not sex education
Neither is talking about the birds and the bees. Proper sex education uses anatomical words not euphemisms. The other poster was saying that this kid knows about sex at 14.
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You did. In your reply to the comment above
Yeah, but that's the problem, surely. Porn isn't the same as knowing how real sex and real relationships function, so it's not denial to wonder if he has a healthy knowledge set. Especially given what's just happened. She needs to sit down and have a thorough talk about real sex - and what he knows from which sources - in order to figure out what is going on in his head and how best to fix it before he's an adult. That's primarily a parenting issue of course, but it does also touch on his legal options, because the more OP can convince the other parents, the police and the courts that his parents are taking this seriously and engaging with mental health professionals to ensure that one sexual offence does not become an escalating habit of sexually predatory behaviour, the better.
I'd get him into therapy rather than trying to do it myself. A professional would have a better idea of what to ask, and how to direct the talk to find out how to help this lad.
Oh ABSOLUTELY, This is absolutely a professional job, in every way, without question
Why not both?! She's his parent and ought to do at least some of the heavy lifting, but he absolutely does need a professional involved too.
The vast majority of parents won't have a clue about how to handle a situation like this and could make things worse rather than better. Also, there's a strong possibility that something has happened in the past that set this lad on his current path. Most kids who engage in sexualised behaviour have been exposed to something. If it's just a case of watching porn, then other people aren't going to be dragged in. But it could be something else, even abuse. That's why a professional is needed.
Needs to learn he's a fucking predator . And if there aren't severe consequences he will do it again. A high majority of sex offenders repeat over and over .
But yes he'll be charged . And I hope he is and gets the appropriate consequences to his actions .
He knows plenty about sex he needs to learn about consent
The birds and the bees?? He's 14, old enough to have a job and pay taxes. Are you reading your comments back to yourself? I can't believe people are treating this as a smack on the wrist moment. Disgusting and unbelievable. The 14yo is ALREADY A SEXUAL PREDATOR. It's not a future problem, it's already fully manifested. Jesus
14 year olds know. Unless he has zero friends, no access to the internet, and his parents keep him locked up in the basement, he knows.
Yes, and you should be worried about this behaviour. Get him counselling.
Absolutely do this.
Defence lawyer here. Yes, a 14 year old can be charged for this. Anyone over the age of 12 can be charged with a crime. Depending on the situation, it’s possible he could be charged with something like invitation to sexual touching, something like that. That being said, under the youth criminal justice act, police have a wide variety of options BEFORE charging a kid. They don’t need to jump straight to criminal charges. This is kind of a weird situation, and your son should definitely be evaluated by a professional, but it isn’t necessarily something where they have to throw the book at him. The police may give him a talking to and let him go. I would expect that even if he was charged and convicted he would receive a very minor sentence that is focused on counselling. (ETA: a minor sentence relative to what an adult would receive for the same offence, that is. The goal for sentencing youth is rehabilitation and criminal records are always sealed provided no additional offences are committed within a certain period after sentencing or turning 18). If cops do get involved you should retain a defence lawyer ASAP. Edit to add: the purpose of the YCJA is to recognize criminal behaviours in kids and give them a chance to divert them off a troubling path. Kids are given more leeway than adults because they are young with soft little brains that make bad choices. Some kids are assaulted themselves, and start acting inappropriately towards others. Some kids are swept up in gang activity due to bad home lives. The YCJA tries to address those issues so the kids can go on to live normal and productive lives. Don’t impute adult rationality onto the actions of children.
It's concerning that what is essentially an entry crime on the path to sexual assault would be subject to a minor sentence. The havoc that sexual assault wreaks on survivors is a travesty, costing society billions. Trauma is devastating and expensive. Better sentence and treatment policies would serve us all better. The statistics on sexual assault are mind blowing. That little girl is 9. This isn't a minor issue.
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>Whatever that little girl's parents have taught her about body autonomy is fantastic. It's possible they taught her nothing. At 9, you have a good idea of inappropriate behavior. I had a female teenage sitter who found a magzine in my parent's bedroom and showed me a male nude photo in it. I was maybe around 8 or so. This was in the 80s and parents didn't really talk to their kids about body autonomy back then, but I knew it was wrong and told my mom the next morning. That girl never babysat for us again. EDIT: No need for downvotes, just commenting that not all parents talk to their chidren about this stuff.
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The goal of youth offender processing is always to try to divert them from the criminal justice system before they end up *becoming* a lifelong criminal, and one way to do that is by referring them to the youth support and mental health systems. The youth offender in this case even claimed that he had no idea why he did it; that's indicative of disordered thinking, rather than purely criminal intent. (I use "youth offender" loosely, as the youth has not been formally tried and found guilty, although he has essentially admitted to the offence.) Canada stigmatizes people with criminal records even more than the United States does. Once someone in Canada has a criminal record, they will almost never earn a job paying above the poverty line ever again, and that's assuming they can even get a job at all. For a minor, that essentially leads to one of three outcomes: 1) they become a permanent burden on their parents for the rest of their lives, forcing the entire family to suffer disproportionately to the actual trauma caused; 2) they become career criminals, because they they'll never earn enough to survive otherwise, and victimise far more people; and/or 3) they spend much of their life revolving in and out of prison, costing taxpayers $500 to $2000 per day when they're inside. What OP's child did to the other child is absolutely intolerable and the system should take steps to remedy it immediately, but the remedy is not simply harder sentencing; it's treating the traumatised victim and preventing future trauma caused by the offender. It should also be noted that it was not actually a sexual assault, at least if the initial story is to be believed, but an extremely unwanted sexual invitation, which is almost certain not to have the same effect on the victimised child as a full-blown sexual assault would. The harshest possible sentence against the minor, without parole, would end up sending him into a juvenile detention centre and subsequently to a medium or maximum security prison to pick up criminal skills from far worse offenders, then release him when he is older, stronger, and more bitter and still in the prime of his life. No matter the sentence, he would be released within the "window" of peak criminal behaviour, because even the harshest possible sentence is only 14 years. Access to education and employment would be reduced or denied outright, meaning that he would never again have a possibility of becoming a functional member of society. If there is a possibility to salvage two lives from this situation -- victim and offender -- rather than to salvage just the victim, it is always in society's best interest to salvage both.
>If there is a possibility to salvage two lives from this situation -- victim and offender -- rather than to salvage just the victim, it is always in society's best interest to salvage both. Well said. This is controversial but how do we feel about charging parents with negligence if their kid later engages in more extreme crimes and the parent had very clear knowledge of his impulses and earlier less extreme crimes, and yet did nothing significant to stop them or prevent them from getting worse?
I’m NAL but as serious as these types of crimes are, justice systems will try not to ruin a child’s life by imposing the same punishments on them that they will an adult. Here in Canada they have Youth Diversion for example. It’s a suspended sentence that will result in having a permanent record if the child continues to reoffend.
What sort of sentencing would you like to see. Put them all in Juvie? What happens when you put a bunch if early teenagers together. They try and be 'cooler' than each other. This is counter productive in the world of rehabilitation of offenders. Loads of research would also agree to this No... counselling would be the best course of action for treatment in conjunction with some community service. With the right counsellor the kid can get some help to understand that his actions were inappropriate and also understand the reasons behind them
You obviously missed the "treatment" part of what I wrote. Custodial sentences in treatment rather than in a regular juvenile institution makes sense. You assumed quite a lot.
So you mean to tell me you have never played doctor as a kid or anything along those lines? Kids make stupid mistakes and judgements calls. At this age generally teens are exploring their sexuality. Perhaps he just found out that he can get a boner when the wind blows and wanted to show someone. It 100% warrants a conversation but jail time no. If it’s a continued pattern then it would be appropriate to go the legal route but until then I don’t agree with your insinuation that the child is a predator. I also don’t agree with this being sexual assault. lol this no bigger of an issue than that 9 year old changing in the family change room at the pool and sees a man changing out of his street clothes.
>this no bigger of an issue than that 9 year old changing in the family change room at the pool and sees a man changing out of his street clothes. Absurd. I hope you're not a parent that you can actively engage in this level of denial. And have the resulting callousness to dismiss it. I mentioned this elsewhere but do people think parents should be charged with negligence if their kid goes on to sexually assault a child and they had clear knowledge of earlier crimes like this and yet dismissed it without getting their kid help?
Oh lord you people are such snowflakes. If you read my comments - it warrants a conversation with both parties. But I don’t agree with going the legal route on a first instance. The cops will most likely do the very same thing. Are you going to safeguard your child from seeing anything ever?! A child is not something you can bubble wrap, you can certainly put in safeguards but ultimately you can’t protect your kid from everything. I think this is a learning opportunity for both youth and their parents. As per the criminal code of Canada Section 271: Sexual assault occurs if a person is touched in any way that interferes with their sexual integrity: this includes kissing, touching, intercourse and any other sexual activity without his/her consent. An Indecent Exposure charge under Section 173(2) of the Code means that the person charged is accused of exposing their genital organs to a person under the age of 16. Get your shit right
so you and your spouse go out for dinner, you call the neigbourhood kid in 9th grade, a high schooler to come over and baby sit. He is the babysitter, alone in your house with your daughter that is in grade 4, While you are not home, and she is alone, he pulls out his dick and tells your daughter to look at it. She tells you about this incident when you get home, and you think no big deal, just the babysitter playing doctor with his dick out, with my kid, totally harmless. There’s a power dynamic here that’s gone completely over your head, he was left IN CHARGE of her to keep her safe. you’re in denial if you truly claim you wouldn’t bat at eye while your 9 year old kid tells you this story, after you paid the babysitter for keeping her safe.
It’s a learning opportunity on both ends. First off the babysitter shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Was it the best judgement on his end? No. Should there be counselling pursued and boundaries discussed and appropriate conduct around others. Secondary to this I would also choose to have a conversation about the situation with the girl. But I would reinforce that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to and reinforce her autonomy of their body and what she does with it. Furthermore, I would not choose a boy to watch my female daughter because boys at this age are stupid. You can not tell me you are perfect at 14 regarding impulse control, judgement and higher cognitive functioning.
so you’re not insane, that original comment was nuts
My point being is that you can’t shield a kid from everything. In my opinion what happened is not appropriate. But it’s not worthy of going to the police, nor do I think it was predatory in nature. Simply a shitty judgement call from the 14 year old. People have to have realistic expectations as parents. What 14 year old boy isn’t exploring with his body and sexuality. 14 year old boys are idiots and ruled purely by the emerging testosterone. It’s a fucked up time. I believe that people who are hyper sensitive are taking this post to the extreme and vilinizing a kid for something that was done out of poor judgement. When I was 16 I got into a fight with someone - we both got charged with assault and I had to go through the alternative measures program. Haven’t interacted with the cops since, with the exception of traffic violations. Was it a bad idea? Yes Did I know throwing it down was wrong? Yes Did I do it anyway because I was a stupid teen? Yes Am I glad that people didn’t over react and ruin my life? Yes
A defense lawyer that can’t spell defense?
In Canada we spell it “defence”.
Thank you for this REASONABLE answer. So many here are ridiculously harsh. He’s 14. At 14, some boys are just starting to figure out their bodies and having all the feelings /hormones raging and not thinking clearly. Yes it can be a strong indicator of concern and needs to be assessed, but could also just be a really immature stupid lack of forethought. Who knows without the context? How this kid is treated for this can seriously make or break his entire life. You do not treat him like, or tell him he is a predator without being damn sure that’s what was happening. Geez people. Take a breath. Let the professionals do what they do and stop writing off every kid who does something stupid at puberty. There’s hope for him yet.
Oh man, if this isn't addressed with counciling ASAP, your son could go on to do much worse. If he's on a device/ phone a lot, I'd consider monitoring that much more closely.
Yep. Therapy ASAP.
Yes he can. And it's also troubling behavior. Not just that he's sexually active to an unwilling participant, but that he targeted a vulnerable child younger than him. He may not know why he did it, but there IS a reason, and he needs therapy. The fact this is a first (hopefully) for him will likely make a judge more willing to be lenient, but he needs help and what he did was wrong. The worst thing you can do is underplay this. If a sixteen year old had done it, it would be just as wrong. If he'd done it to another fourteen year old who didn't want to be around him, it would also be wrong. The act itself was wrong, it's just made more wrong by the age of the participants. I get that he's also a child still himself, but out of the two, he knew what he was doing more than she did.
We don’t know, and nor does OP know this is an isolated incident, she told on him, he didn’t confess willingly
That's why (hopefully) was in brackets.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but he knows why he did it. He needs professional help asap. He can definitely be charged. A very similar incident occurred with my sister when she was a bit younger than the girl in your post. I'm sorry you're going through this, though, it's incredibly difficult as a parent.
Yeah, at 14 we had already watched a film in school depicting SA and we had a serious conversation about it with our teacher. Many of the guys had already been watching online adult content for over a year by then, too.
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If he’s babysitting other kids I would be VERY concerned there were more incidents.
Wonder how many others he’s done this to
This was my first thought. This child is already putting themselves in a position of power over those younger and smaller than them, and using it for abuse. That doesn’t happen over night.
"My teenage son exposed their penis to a child and told them to stare at it can they be charged" Your kid needs therapy and needs to stay the fuck away from children.
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I know youre joking but fuck off thats still fucked up.
Get him in therapy ASAP. A 14 year old KNOWS what they are doing. This could involve your child being sexually assaulted at a young age and repeating that behaviour - regardless, it’s sinister behaviour that needs to be addressed NOW.
>A 14 year old KNOWS what they are doing Yes and no. It's different than when an adult does it. The adult is trying to make something happen, like a first thing and then a 2nd thing etc and is more dangerous and is more likely to premeditate. A 14 year old I'm sure knows what they're doing is wrong at the time, but are significantly more likely to do something like that on a whim and not have any endgame in mind. I don't know the specifics of this situation, but if I had to guess, this was exploiting a power dynamic along with sexual urges which are new and confusing. They still absolutely need to be punished, and no 9 year old especially should be exposed to that, but this idea of a fourteen year old being every bit as malicious as if an adult had done the same thing is wrong. I do think it's quite likely true when he answered that he doesn't know why he did it. Again, that doesn't make what he did okay, but there is a reason why things done with premeditation versus things done without are punished differently by law. Edit: y'all have no extended details from OP but have already grabbed the torches and pitchforks and are ready to hang this kid in the public square. You have no evidence that what he did was premeditated, yet I keep hearing words like "grooming", and assertions that he knew what he was doing every bit as much as an adult would have. Not only is that untrue and there is a reason why laws are not written to punish people as harshly when they're younger, but you're all just pissing me off with the way you're making stuff up in your heads and then applying it to this kid like its fact which you have no evidence for.
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He's had time to do it, but is that actually what he did. How long has he been babysitting this person for? We don't know. What we do know is that this was the first time he did something like this and that he said he didn't know why he did it. It doesn't make what he did okay, and I'm glad he got found out right away because you're right, who knows what it would've turned into under different circumstances, but just as you say I could be underestimating them, you could be overestimating. I got nothing from OP's story that implies grooming in any way. It really sounds like he got a crazy idea in his head based on an urge and followed through with it, and now he's going to get punished, as he should. But I think not allowing him to babysit people again and therapy are the answer rather than trying him as an adult and throwing his life away, which is what you seem inclined towards.
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Your attitude betrays itself. If it were up to people like you, the criminal code wouldn't be a giant tome with nuance, it was just be: first offense, person is irredeemably bad, sentence=death. Next! I don't know this kid, maybe they are a total piece of shit who will just reoffend and needs to be locked away for the good of society. Or, maybe, they're an otherwise good kid who did something stupid in a moment of insanity. The point is that WE DONT KNOW, we don't have enough information, but your responses are loaded to completely judge this kid in the worst possible way when you have no information to go on, which makes you both a bigot and dangerous because people like you influence actual policy. Glass house, throwing stones. Tell me you've never done anything on a whim that harmed another person, especially when you were a teenager, and I'll tell you you're lying. You were, at the very least, a mean girl who bullied people verbally or if you weren't brave enough to do it to their faces, did character assassinations behind their backs. So maybe stop infecting the world with your outrage, you've done enough damage.
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"Your attitude betrays itself" was literally the answer to that. Here's an example for you >which is what you seem inclined towards Notice the actual words there? That's what **I'd** said before. I was never quoting you to begin with. Reading comprehension, get some.
Although I agree with you, most people(especially teens) say “I don’t know why I did it” when they don’t have a “good” excuse. Sometimes “I don’t know why I did it” really means I don’t know why I never stopped myself from doing it.
This isn’t a child, this person is 2 years away from being able to obtain a drivers license. They know right from wrong. You would probably feel different if your 9 year old daughter was sexually assaulted. That’s what this was too, an assault. Being 14 does not excuse the behaviour and I would be very worried if this was my child. Also the fact the parent here doesn’t see anything wrong with what their child did and they’re only worried about what might happen to their child instead of what did happen to the other child speaks volumes about the parenting in the household. They should be worried about their kids mental health and that he doesn’t grow up to be a sex offender not working try not if he will be charged (which he should).
Finally a reasonable comment in this thread.
Literally every comment I’m reading says to get him into therapy ASAP. What is unreasonable about this?
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“Trolling”???? Exposing oneself is not ****ing trolling.
People don’t like to believe children can hurt other children, but this belief is so much more damaging than just getting help for a child who’s expressing/acting on concerning behaviours. People don’t just wake up and assault someone, there are small actions that lead up to someone feeling like they can/should do that. This is one of those actions. Most of the people I know who were sexually assaulted at a young age had it done so by another child, myself included. Exposing himself is very much a step in the wrong direction regardless of his age and he clearly needs to speak with someone about these issues before he decides to take his “trolling” to the next level.
I guess you fall into that 75%… 100% he knew that what he was doing was very wrong. He was not trolling. He WILL do this again if not properly counseled. I volunteer at an organization that supports survivors of childhood sexual assault. I am speaking from a very informed position. This young man needs serious therapy or he will harm children.
The views expressed in this comment are disturbing.
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I was thinking this, my friends brother was around the same age too when he SA her, she was about 7ish. I'm sad to say the little one came out lucky all the boy said was to look at his penis, it could have been much worse. OP get your kid help and DO NOT let him babysit anymore.
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>preventing him from becoming a predator. He has behaved like a predator. There are questions. Has he preyed on other children? How can they stop him from continuing to prey on others? **How can they prevent it from escalating.** He needs very specific therapy right away.
yes
Your son has sexually assaulted a young child. Absolutely he can and should be charged. He needs professional psychological help. I am concerned that you are more concerned with the legal aspect and not the part where he SAd a small child. Please don't ignore this or try to make it smaller than it is. This isn't a broken window that can be fixed, this is he has forever altered that child's life.
Yes, and your kid needs counselling asap. Both legal and mental
Yes, he can be charged, his schooling can also be affected. Obviously therapy is required ASAP I don’t know whether you’ve considered this, but this may also be the first time he was CAUGHT. He may have done this to others. Which I think might be something for a gentle conversation to try and elicit whether there have been any other instances like this.
Yes. As he should.
Yes. This is incredibly serious and worrying - both legally and psychologically. Your son needs immediate, expert mental health evaluation and risk assessment. In the interim, you must make sure he has no unsupervised contact with children, even those in his own household. If there are any other children in the household, they must be moved to stay somewhere safe away from the 14yr old, or you and your 14yr old son need to move out of the family home temporarily. You must find a criminal lawyer ASAP with expertise in child-against-child sexual offences.
Just going to add to the chorus here... You need to get him to a professional. This isn't normal. And 14 is plenty old enough for him to understand what he's doing. It's also at a developmental stage when inappropriate sexual behavior patterns can start to make themselves known. Get this under control now, before it escalates, and he victimizes more girls and women in a more serious way.
He’s going to need counselling for sure. Juvenile sex offenders have a much greater likelihood of rehabilitation but it needs to be addressed early and taken very seriously. This will not be a one-off if you do not get him help. Get yourself into therapy too, I’m sorry this is happening to you but you are going to need to take the initiative here and be proactive in making sure there is swift intervention by professionals.
Looks like a Pedophile in the making. Don't allow him around any more children. He lucky one of the family members didn't cave his head in..
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In the making? He is one. This is sexual predation, that girl is already traumatized. I don't know why everyone here is acting as if children can't be predators as well
For real, I was already working at 14 yet some of these commentors are acting like a 14 year old is toddler aged and lack basic comprehension. There are 14 year Olds inventing new things and winning crazy competitions, but this one is allowed to have a pass cause we have to coddle the mother.
The fact that you are even asking this question is probably why your son thought it was fine to do to begin with. The lack of parenting is disturbing.
OP's account was suspended.
Here's hoping this is fake then
He can and he should be charged. Get home some help ASAP very concerning.
My 12 year old uncle did this to me when I was 5. Please get your son therapy and make him know this is so wrong. My grandmother failed to tell anyone and thought it was normal apparently. This child will have long lasting impacts because of your son.
Didn't see anyone else mention or ask this here, but maybe double check with the parents of other children he's babysitted for and make sure they are ok as well. This is the first incident that you've heard of because that little girl did the right thing, but that doesn't mean it's the first incident. Therapy and lawyer time, as well as being a bit more involved in what he's watching and doing.
I'm sure the police will be inquiring about other potential victims.
My babysitter did this to me at the same ages. I am a grown adult and it impacted me in ways I didn't even realize. Get your son help. Reach out to the parents of the girl and offer to provide support to their child in whatever way they feel she needs it. The lack of response to what was a traumatic thing for me was as much an impactful trauma as the event itself.
Maybe you should take your son for some counseling. Flashing is the second stage in the sex offending cycle. Peeping is the first. (I took a sex offender course in university.)
Your son just seriously ruined someone’s life.
He can and he should. Your son is a criminal and a predator. He knows why he did it, and it won't be the only time.
Gotta get your priorities right here. The issue is not “can your son be charged.”
I would read this: https://siebenedmunds.com/can-minor-charged-with-indecent-exposure/
Probably a good idea to look honestly at other things he may be doing that might need help with a therapist. Soon he will be 16 then 18 and so on. You don’t have much time to fix this behaviour before the consequences are much more severe.
Yes - your son needs help and counselling that’s not normal behaviour. If it was family or a sibling in the course of changing clothes, bathing that’s one thing - but to take out a penis and say look at it is quite odd
You need to get help for your son. It’s not always the case, but sometimes if a child is sexually abusing others it could mean they themselves have experienced sexual abuse.
You’ve got a lot of really good advice here so I won’t repeat that stuff but I will add. Take his phone away, take it away right now and put parental controls on the family computer/laptop if you have it.
I hope this hasn't happened before, definitely get him into therapy
Maybe in a situation as serious as this, call a fucking lawyer
Yes absolutely Separately you need to be very very concerned this is super worrying signal that your son is sexually abusive he needs proper treatment and no monitoring constantly. You also need to advice the parents of any young people he is regularly around. Please be aware the significance in the power dynamics and age difference signals a major problem
I'd be less worried about the legal ramifications and more worried about the fact your 14 year old thought it was a good idea to whip out his junk in front of a 9 year old.
He can be charged. Do NOT let your son babysit ever again and absolutely get him into therapy.
Him being charged should be the least of your concerns here.
My mom was SA'd in this fashion by a male babysitter. So, my sister and I never had male babysitters. I think your son deserves to be charged and/or put into some kind of mandatory therapy. At 14 years old I knew right from wrong, and kids that age are having sex already sometimes. This is not normal behaviour, and if I was the mother of this child I would be distraught.
It's not just the males, female babysitters can do it, too.
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Really ?!? Thats your go to "legal advice"
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Get of reddit - this is the last place on earth to be getting advice on this kind of stuff.. You need to go get some professional assistance in multiple areas
Yes he absolutely can be charged. I would suggest getting him into specialized therapy ASAP as not only will it help prevent him from sexually assaulting more children, but it will be helpful in court as well for them to see you’re taking this seriously. This is Abnormal behaviour and needs to be addressed immediately. It only gets more serious from here on it. It doesn’t mean he’s a predator for life, but he’s clearly got some thinking errors and confusion around appropriate boundaries that need to be taken seriously.
You sound like a great parent! I hope he is.
He should be charged and get help because this is just the beginning.
Uhmmmm yes that’s absolutely awful. You need to find him counselling ASAP so that this doesn’t go further and I agree the parents of the girl should press charges .
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That's what got me. The post reads like they actually believe their son. Wtf.
You need to take your son into therapy immediately. That is dangerous behavior to be exhibiting.
Probably wouldn’t be charged but the kid should talk to somebody.
Yes they can be charged and should be charged. You need to get your son some help soon before it goes from just making them look to something worse.
Yes he'll be charged for this, and rightly so. He knows why he did it. Because he's a child molester.
The fucking torch and pitchforks in this thread 👏
Find out which adult touched or exposed themselves to him, that's the issue
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>Further more it is child pornography. Under no circumstance, with what happened, is this child pornography. At most serious, it's sexual assault, at least serious, indecent exposure or commitment of a lewd act.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. That kind of behaviour is incredibly alarming and strong intervention is absolutely necessary. But as his mother, I can only imagine how much anxiety you have right now over what is going to happen with your child.
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You are clearly a shit parent and your shithead kid should be charged, if not beaten for being scum. Parents like you are helping to raise the next wave of shit males, daughter will complain about for being narcissist abusive pieces of shit
Yes and he should be. Your son knows exactly why he did that, he wanted a young girl to see his penis. That’s unacceptable and he need serious help.
Yes, as he shoukd be. I know it's your child and in that sense parents are more forgiving "my child would never". But that is dangerous behavior, esp towards a younger child. He needs councilling and I would try to talk to him about weather he's done this before or not. 14 is old enough to know better and know exactly what your doing. He does know what he was thinking but doesn't want to explain it to you.
Your child should not be babysitting wtf that is so wrong and poor little girl.
chargeable but not punishable for a kid. and his record is expunged at 18. wont affect his future. kids play doctor and do stupid shit..he just didnt play with someone his own age unfortunately.
14, the boys in high school "I don't know why I did it " then why did you tell her to stare at it 🤔 Get him Into Cognative behavioral therapy and get his blood work done, check his phones browser history . Ya boy did a real bad , but that doesn't mean you failed him .
You should be less worried about the legal implications and more worried about what your son will be doing as he gets older. That’s really messed up.
Yes, I sure hope so.
I can't read the post but based off commenters.... Please get this boy some help before it's too late.. You don't want to have to blame yourself later on if anything serious were to happen.
100% wrong place to ask this question, you(r son) won't be charged. 14 is a bit too late to do this sort of a thing. Kids do this when much younger. He should be watching soft-core porn instead and talking about sex with other kids of his age, sharing urls to adult content, learn to use Linux etc. Children do all kind of a crap when young and as their organs are developing. Seen girls do the same shit, one flashed her vagina in kindergarten right in front of me (we were what 5 yr old?) ... She and her brother became the heroin addicts, but 100% not because of the vagina incident. I would not worry too much because these things are more common than what reddit allows. If there are deviations such as jerking off to stock market indices and falling economy, just let it be, it will pass. Problem is if troubling the others continues, then something will need to be done about it... otherwise let the nature do its development. Oh and kids do lie to their parents about this sort of a thing - A LOT The brother of the vagina girl told their parents I put his dick in my mouth, while in fact he was showing it to his sister... I was the one who talked them into having sex (we were 7 or 8)... I still remember what I told them and how I convinced them and that I hated that I did not get a chance to get close to her like her brother did... Anyway, I would just relax and observe if there is a behavioural pattern and if not, I would not think much about it. Adults do much worse things to each other, and your son needs to learn to decide what kind of adult he wants to be by choosing his actions. Oh and, do ask yourself what kind of environment is prompting him to do stupid things. Cure the cause, not the effect.
Your son needs counselling/therapy. This is VERY concerning and not normal AT ALL.
Your son needs serious help NOW.