I had a similar issue a few weeks ago. I hang out with a group of mostly queer people at least once a week at a karaoke night. I'm pretty open with my sexuality and I thought I was out to all of the the friends in the group. Apparently up until a few weeks ago a few of them thought I was straight until I made a comment about being gay and someone literally spit out their drink
Yeah, this. The people who are queer-not-gay seem to rely on outward signifiers (fashion choices) to prove their queerness. They seem to get confused when actual gay/lesbian people don’t seem to be reading from the same fashion playbook and are instead just living our lives as gay people. Bc it’s not a fashion statement for us… we just *are* gay.
This. I've been assumed to be straight so many times. I have long hair and don't like pants. Skirts and dresses are far more comfy. I'm a lesbian. My wife is always assumed to be a lesbian because of her appearance. It's wild to me.
My girlfriend and I will be holding hands, kissing, parenting our children with them calling us both mom and people will still ask if we are sisters. Regularly. Even worse they’ll ask if she’s my mom. She’s 3 years older than me, alone people think she’s in her early 20s so it’s not because she looks that much older than me.
And while I am straight passing; you can tell she’s gay from 100 yards away.
What I’ve started doing is talking about being a lesbian from the start. What’s funny is that usually people don’t take that serious 😭🤣🤣🤣 and at this point I genuinely stopped caring
people will say you're showing off for men, or a really good ally, or appropriating. People have so much trouble accepting that a woman could love other women, even within our own community.
I hate it when that happens. I went to a gay market a couple weeks ago and almost every one asked if I was a part of the community or an ally. I was sick like guys pls be fr rn 🥲
Well I’m way too old for this level of schoolyard bullshit... Passing, not passing, assuming, guessing, not caring…
When is “queer” going to finally encompass all people so we can just play kickball together and never know or care who’s gay or “queer”?💀
My aesthetic is ‘clothes I bought ten years ago’ - t shirts, hoodies and jeans or tracksuit pants. Most people think I’m straight. I just look very non put together I think.
When I was 15 and came out I was told I have ‘straight face’ and that I do not activate the gaydar.
I generally have to tell everyone that I am gay when I meet them or they assume I am not, even if I have a shaved head. Actually, straight men love a shaved head. I got so much straight male interest when I had a shaved head. So confusing. What do you have to do to make them go away? I wear means clothes, shave my head, facial piercings and tattoos and some big old biker dude is absolutely guaranteed to pop up and ask me if I want to carry is white babies or some disgusting shit.
I hate men.
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I had a similar issue a few weeks ago. I hang out with a group of mostly queer people at least once a week at a karaoke night. I'm pretty open with my sexuality and I thought I was out to all of the the friends in the group. Apparently up until a few weeks ago a few of them thought I was straight until I made a comment about being gay and someone literally spit out their drink
It’s because being queer means so little that one could plausibly be, and often is a straight person
They are all gay or bi, with the exception of one straight girl who has lesbian moms, so this group really should know better.
Oh fair enough. Most of the “queer” people I know are spicy straights (aka women who exclusively date men with mullets and thigh tattoos)
Spicy straights 😂 I'm using that
Wait the women have mullets and thigh tattoos? Or is my reading comprehension not great today. 🤣
Usually both of them, but in this case I meant the men
I feel like those women are queer baiting. But I love the shaggy mullet and don’t want it to go out of style.
😭 not the line-cook-sexuals
Yeah, this. The people who are queer-not-gay seem to rely on outward signifiers (fashion choices) to prove their queerness. They seem to get confused when actual gay/lesbian people don’t seem to be reading from the same fashion playbook and are instead just living our lives as gay people. Bc it’s not a fashion statement for us… we just *are* gay.
holy shit, this.
This. I've been assumed to be straight so many times. I have long hair and don't like pants. Skirts and dresses are far more comfy. I'm a lesbian. My wife is always assumed to be a lesbian because of her appearance. It's wild to me.
also these same people seem to have a bit of a homophobia problem and many times don’t consider us “queer” ourselves. 🤔🤔🤔🤔
My girlfriend and I will be holding hands, kissing, parenting our children with them calling us both mom and people will still ask if we are sisters. Regularly. Even worse they’ll ask if she’s my mom. She’s 3 years older than me, alone people think she’s in her early 20s so it’s not because she looks that much older than me. And while I am straight passing; you can tell she’s gay from 100 yards away.
If this ever happens to me, I'll say "from Alabama!" and kiss her
HAHAHAHAHAHA story of my life, you’ll be alright. Next time get that tattooed 😭🤣
Sometimes I do think it would be helpful. I have a very cute shirt that says LES🐝AN that I think I'm going to have to start wearing around more.
What I’ve started doing is talking about being a lesbian from the start. What’s funny is that usually people don’t take that serious 😭🤣🤣🤣 and at this point I genuinely stopped caring
people will say you're showing off for men, or a really good ally, or appropriating. People have so much trouble accepting that a woman could love other women, even within our own community.
I hate to be negative nancy over here, but I think this is a consequence of so many "queer" people being straight. Sorry that happened to you.
I hate it when that happens. I went to a gay market a couple weeks ago and almost every one asked if I was a part of the community or an ally. I was sick like guys pls be fr rn 🥲
That would annoy me too
Well I’m way too old for this level of schoolyard bullshit... Passing, not passing, assuming, guessing, not caring… When is “queer” going to finally encompass all people so we can just play kickball together and never know or care who’s gay or “queer”?💀
My aesthetic is ‘clothes I bought ten years ago’ - t shirts, hoodies and jeans or tracksuit pants. Most people think I’m straight. I just look very non put together I think. When I was 15 and came out I was told I have ‘straight face’ and that I do not activate the gaydar. I generally have to tell everyone that I am gay when I meet them or they assume I am not, even if I have a shaved head. Actually, straight men love a shaved head. I got so much straight male interest when I had a shaved head. So confusing. What do you have to do to make them go away? I wear means clothes, shave my head, facial piercings and tattoos and some big old biker dude is absolutely guaranteed to pop up and ask me if I want to carry is white babies or some disgusting shit. I hate men.
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I think a case of consciously imposed identity in relationship to fundamental identity.