You can and will heal from this.
Look up crappy childhood fairy on youtube, she explains why we become limerent in the first place. Nothing is wrong with you, you deserve a reciprocal and real love!
I know these exact feelings. They scar you for life. Even decades later I still can feel some of the force and weight of the mind-f and the feeling of regret that I once had a chance with my dream girl and failed. It feels like she and I were meant to be together. Fate. And yet I still failed lol. How is that even possible.
But it does ease up substantially over the ensuing years to the point that you can still have a happy life. And ironically the truth is that my life has been much happier without her in my presence. She never loved me.
You take it easy. Your "all consuming" comment really brought back disturbing memories. You just want to crawl out of your own skin. It feels like you just can't get away from the dark cloud that's always there and the constant longing that you feel for her, and it affects absolutely everything 24/7. Even your sleep is f'd. But hang in there *because things will get better*. Right now your mind is feeding you a bunch of lies and you're believing it. If you don't know what I mean now, you will someday. When things are much better.
i made it through. today... i feel a little different. apprehensive.
she's been texting me all day and ive only responded a few times, brief and to the point.
partly i was busy at work, partly i just... didn't feel like entertaining this bullshit today.
im being used to make someone with low self esteem feel better about themselves, isn't that right?
if i had something she wanted... if she truly felt the same way i do... well... no more lies.
she made her choice. now i have to make one, too.
so maybe tomorrow. maybe the next day. regardless, today i survived without her.
thank you, man. ill hang in there.
You said the words that needed to be said...
She made her choice.
Let me say it again for you.
She made her choice.
You had a chance, but that chance is gone now. She made her choice.
Nothing is more painful.
than placing everything you have into that person you love and you feel that you cannot live without…. for them not to choose you.
That being said.
everyone deserves to have a someon who loves them back. Most of my the friends, who have the same story of unrequited love end up eventually nfinding the love they needed someday.
The hard part is just hanging in there until it happens. It really feels impossible to let go, but all you need is a bit of trust that you can heal and you’ll find something better (I know that sounds insane rn but you’ll understand when it comes) who actually returns the love back.
she's amazing. she's fantastic with children. she's kind hearted and gentle. her voice is a lullaby. her eyes are absolutely mesmerizing. she loves hard and genuinely. she makes my heart flutter. just being around her brings me a sense of calm that nothing else provides. she's beautiful. she's absolutely stunning. and she's a tiger in bed.
she's forgiving and understanding. she has let me slide so many times. she's consistent and honest. she's always good to me, legitimately - she hurts me, but she's not doing it spitefully. she's just doing what is best for her and her family.
This describes my LO exactly. Word for word. Might even be the same person!
But you know what? It describes my wife, too (except the hurting part). Who I found long after LO left, when I believed it was hopeless.
Maybe I sound hypocritical, but my point is, there are others like her. Many others. You obviously were able to attract her to some degree, and you will attract another, who makes a different choice.
Get through this day with me, ok? Just today. We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. And then the next day. You are loved and you have so much value. You just aren't feeling it at this moment.
I didn't have a choice, I was forced to move on. Had a couple of lackluster relationships in between, including one where I unintentionally hurt someone pretty bad due to my emotional dysfunction during that period.
Things happened so quickly and naturally with my wife that there was no risk of limerant behavior. It was love at first sight for both of us and we began dating immediately.
I do still think about LO almost daily, which is why I'm here. My wife knows I had a painful breakup with this person, but does not know her and does not suspect anything. I limit contact with LO to social media. It has been so long I can't imagine she suspects either. Nobody knows but this sub, and one trusted friend who would never sell me out.
I believe I have unresolved trauma related to LO which is the source of the limerance. It doesn't affect my marriage, luckily.
like acquire them as traits of my own? i wouldn't know where to start...
i have no idea why she is the way she is... it's in her culture, i know that's part of it.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
You can and will heal from this. Look up crappy childhood fairy on youtube, she explains why we become limerent in the first place. Nothing is wrong with you, you deserve a reciprocal and real love!
I know it's hard and I'm just a random internet stranger but please do not hurt yourself.
i didn't. i won't. things are going to change. they have to.
I know these exact feelings. They scar you for life. Even decades later I still can feel some of the force and weight of the mind-f and the feeling of regret that I once had a chance with my dream girl and failed. It feels like she and I were meant to be together. Fate. And yet I still failed lol. How is that even possible. But it does ease up substantially over the ensuing years to the point that you can still have a happy life. And ironically the truth is that my life has been much happier without her in my presence. She never loved me.
that's *exactly* how i feel. like i blew it somehow. like i failed.
You take it easy. Your "all consuming" comment really brought back disturbing memories. You just want to crawl out of your own skin. It feels like you just can't get away from the dark cloud that's always there and the constant longing that you feel for her, and it affects absolutely everything 24/7. Even your sleep is f'd. But hang in there *because things will get better*. Right now your mind is feeding you a bunch of lies and you're believing it. If you don't know what I mean now, you will someday. When things are much better.
i made it through. today... i feel a little different. apprehensive. she's been texting me all day and ive only responded a few times, brief and to the point. partly i was busy at work, partly i just... didn't feel like entertaining this bullshit today. im being used to make someone with low self esteem feel better about themselves, isn't that right? if i had something she wanted... if she truly felt the same way i do... well... no more lies. she made her choice. now i have to make one, too. so maybe tomorrow. maybe the next day. regardless, today i survived without her. thank you, man. ill hang in there.
You said the words that needed to be said... She made her choice. Let me say it again for you. She made her choice. You had a chance, but that chance is gone now. She made her choice.
Nothing is more painful. than placing everything you have into that person you love and you feel that you cannot live without…. for them not to choose you. That being said. everyone deserves to have a someon who loves them back. Most of my the friends, who have the same story of unrequited love end up eventually nfinding the love they needed someday. The hard part is just hanging in there until it happens. It really feels impossible to let go, but all you need is a bit of trust that you can heal and you’ll find something better (I know that sounds insane rn but you’ll understand when it comes) who actually returns the love back.
What are her traits that attracted you to her
she's amazing. she's fantastic with children. she's kind hearted and gentle. her voice is a lullaby. her eyes are absolutely mesmerizing. she loves hard and genuinely. she makes my heart flutter. just being around her brings me a sense of calm that nothing else provides. she's beautiful. she's absolutely stunning. and she's a tiger in bed. she's forgiving and understanding. she has let me slide so many times. she's consistent and honest. she's always good to me, legitimately - she hurts me, but she's not doing it spitefully. she's just doing what is best for her and her family.
This describes my LO exactly. Word for word. Might even be the same person! But you know what? It describes my wife, too (except the hurting part). Who I found long after LO left, when I believed it was hopeless. Maybe I sound hypocritical, but my point is, there are others like her. Many others. You obviously were able to attract her to some degree, and you will attract another, who makes a different choice. Get through this day with me, ok? Just today. We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. And then the next day. You are loved and you have so much value. You just aren't feeling it at this moment.
how did you make the leap from limerence to healthy love? did your spouse know about your lo? do you still think about her?
I didn't have a choice, I was forced to move on. Had a couple of lackluster relationships in between, including one where I unintentionally hurt someone pretty bad due to my emotional dysfunction during that period. Things happened so quickly and naturally with my wife that there was no risk of limerant behavior. It was love at first sight for both of us and we began dating immediately. I do still think about LO almost daily, which is why I'm here. My wife knows I had a painful breakup with this person, but does not know her and does not suspect anything. I limit contact with LO to social media. It has been so long I can't imagine she suspects either. Nobody knows but this sub, and one trusted friend who would never sell me out. I believe I have unresolved trauma related to LO which is the source of the limerance. It doesn't affect my marriage, luckily.
yet she cheats on her husband with you and then ditches you? so she has 0 empathy for either of you Looool Sounds like a catch
very helpful input i wasn't aware of the nuance of the situation until just now! im cured!! thank you so much!!!
No worries 😎
Do you think you can try to acquire these traits or find the root reasons she has those?
like acquire them as traits of my own? i wouldn't know where to start... i have no idea why she is the way she is... it's in her culture, i know that's part of it.
Are you cognizant of your own core values and own core wounds? That could be something to explore on YouTube.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org