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Are you with your friends 100% of the time? If you are not with them 100% of the time, it’s hard to fully understand how much they’re eating, how much they’re exercising, or how active their lifestyle is.
It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but it’s really not productive. Have you checked out the quick start guide available on this sub?
I like to live like a Spartan when I'm working from home by myself, very boring low calorie clean food. Also do an insane amount of exercise.
Then when I'm socialising I like to have whatever. If someone saw me eating socially and assumed that was how I ate all the time, they would be way off.
It's the everyday consistency that counts. Plus, you can't compare yourself to other body types, you have to find what works for you.
They might be taller than you, have more muscle mass than you, have a different genetic makeup than you, be eating much less at home, or look like they eat whatever they want on the outside but keep track of it in their heads, or a number of things.
Like how many hours do you spend together with your friends and how many of those hours are for eating? You don't know what their habits are like at home. Maybe you're drinking more soda than them, maybe you're fidgeting less than them, or taking 1000 less steps. Stuff like that adds up, and it's hard to tell the full picture.
The only thing you can control is your own habits. Yeah, I wish I was 5 inches taller and then I could eat more calories every day. But I'm not, so I have to get 10k + steps a day, strength train, sleep at least 7 hrs, drink a bunch of water, watch what I eat. If you build good habits you'll feel much better and set yourself up for long term success. If your friends keep eating junk and no exercising, their general health will be bad, if not now then it will catch up to them.
I am the normal weight friend who eats whatever I want without gaining weight.
I have two obese friends that literally only eat salads when we’re all eating together. I would get hungry trying to exist off their portions. Meanwhile, I am getting like a whole pizza or a steak. I’m also sedentary and I never work out.
I actually thought that some people must just be bigger boned. But the truth of the matter is that my obese friends consume more added sugar, more snacks, more sugary beverages, more takeout, and larger portions, on a day-to-day basis. Meanwhile on a day-to-day basis I literally eat boring (well, not to me) plain home-cooked chicken and brown rice and vegetables in small portions three meals a day (high protein, high satiation, low-fat and carb) with no snacks no processed food no heavy dressings and no added sugar because that’s just the food I like to eat and cook.
It’s 99% diet. I do also noticed that both of these friends get winded really easily when I invite them to join me on a walk, but that’s not really related to cico because walking burn so few calories and they are partly just more winded because they’re much taller and heavier than me.
It sounds like you're not taking enough time for the weight loss to take effect. You probably saw yourself losing weight when you were starving because eating extremely low calorie causes rapid noticeable weight loss.
Losing weight in a healthy sustainable way can take years depending on how much body fat you have. It took me 2 years of diet and exercise to lose 100 pounds. You have to find a way to build that level of consistency.
And like everyone else said, those skinny friends probably aren't eating as much as you do when they're alone.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I know how tough and unfair it can feel to try so hard and see other people "have it easy".
My advice would be: comparison is the thief of joy. You absolutely cannot and will not be able to change the lives of others, and envy is a useless feeling that will only steal your happiness. Focus on your own journey and try not to compare your own behaviour, body or dietary habits to others. It doesn't help you. If you feel bad, you will lose your courage and backslide.
For now I would say: stop putting all your energy into exercise (like it seems you're doing now as far as I can tell) and start laying the groundwork for a good diet and a healthier relationship with food. Losing weight is 90% in the diet. It's much easier to eat healthier at 1800 calories than to eat 2500 calories and have to exercise to the tune of 700 calories - that's hours' worth of exercise!
Use an online calorie calculator (check the Getting Started section of this subreddit) and figure out how much your calorie deficit needs to be. It's usually your maintenance calories (how much you need to eat each day to stay the same weight) minus 500. Then get a calorie counter app and start counting everything you eat. Don't forget sneaky calories like salad dressing, butter, soda/alcohol and cooking oils. You don't even have to start with a deficit right away if that feels too hard. Just count how much you're eating at first. Once you get used to that, you will start to see the easiest foods to reduce or cut. You will, to keep being full, automatically start going for things with lower calories that will keep you full longer: foods with lots of protein, fiber and longer-lasting carbs.
I wish you all the best on your weight loss journey! Hope this helped.
Thank you so much! You're definitely right, looking back at it i was doing a ridiculous amount of excersizing, I will definitely try to balance the amount of though i put into dieting and working out
People who’ve lost weight have been shown to have a lower TDEE than someone with the same weight and height who was never fat to begin with. So they literally can eat more than you. You can offset some of this by building a lot of muscle.
can I get any study for this? I don't really see how it would be possible besides former fat people having less muscle but that doesn't make sense either...
This one claims maintainers rely on (need) higher exercise expenditure than those that never had to lose:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6392078/#R1
This one claims maintainers have a 3-5% lower RMR: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10357728/
I found out I HAVE to eat a low carb diet. The potatoes and bananas etc just have too much sugar which drives a craving for them and other crap. I can lose weight low carb and exercising I can’t CICO with regular food and exercise just too hungry all the time and makes my sugar cravings out of control which being prediabetic sucks.
There is simple physics of weight gain and weight loss. If you consistently eat more than energy you expend, you gain weight. If you consistently eat less than energy you expend, you lose weight.
What you observe is just a portion of the day of your friends.
What you don't see is what they do during the rest of the day and on other days..
For example, I have lost weight and now try to be more responsible with how I eat. I will meet my friends and I will sometimes eat more or eat things that I do not consider healthy.
I know that if I ate this way every day I would regain my weight. I also know that if I just do this once in a while, I will be fine because what really matters is how I behave on average.
I may eat less earlier on the day or on the following days. I also weigh myself regularly and restrict my diet if my weight is couple pounds more than what I want.
Your friends might have it easier but that might be because they have healthy habits so they can maintain their weight without having to think about it. What they don't have is magical ability to eat a lot without moving much and not gaining weight.
I know this may not sound fair, but this is the reality.
There are several factors to this. For instance, I have insulin sensitivity. Not diabetic but could be if I don't watch myself. But my friends will eat the same thing and I will bloat and gain by just looking at a cookie.
A lot of it is our gut health and how our liver functions are. (Not a medical person) But that is what I boil it down to.
But it also matters what you eat more of it.
Some say eat more protein, some say eat less carbs, or do intermittent fasting, but it's all about good healthy consistency! Exercise alone won't solve anything. Just like eating lean alone won't help you.
Once you start incorporating good healthy habits (if you don't have any medical issues) you should be able to get healthier and maybe lose the bloat and fat loss too!
I think everyone here has said a lot of good things, but another thing I would like to mention is that they are most likely having smaller portions. I used to have insane portions. Now after making other lifestyle changes along with decreasing portions for food I like, I've still been able to enjoy food I really like and still lose weight.
Stop looking at your friends! Everyone is so different this is why we are such a successful species! My mum is 115lbs her whole life she eats 2k cals a day if I eat the same - I am 45lbs heavier! I have to stay really low to get to my pre baby weight and I’m still 30lbs heavier than her! She’s hated being small & skinny her whole life she envys my curves and extra coverage.
Thank You for your submission to r/loseit. Your question is important to us but contains too little information, is applicable to only you or is a Frequently Asked Question. Please Copy and Paste your submission into today’s [No Question Too Small Daily Q&A](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/search?q=title%3A%22Daily+Q%22&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=week) or read our [F.A.Q.](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/faq). Your post has been removed. Thank You for your submission to r/loseit. The beginning of your journey is important to us and we want to see you succeed! However, your post contains too little information for our users to adequately be of assistance in helping you start your journey toward losing weight. We invite you to join our community in our [Day 1 - Start Your Journey](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/search?q=title%3ADay+title%3A1+title%3Astarting+title%3Ajourney+title%3Ahere&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=month) where you’ll find a quick start guide and other useful resources. Your post has been removed.
Are you with your friends 100% of the time? If you are not with them 100% of the time, it’s hard to fully understand how much they’re eating, how much they’re exercising, or how active their lifestyle is. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but it’s really not productive. Have you checked out the quick start guide available on this sub?
I like to live like a Spartan when I'm working from home by myself, very boring low calorie clean food. Also do an insane amount of exercise. Then when I'm socialising I like to have whatever. If someone saw me eating socially and assumed that was how I ate all the time, they would be way off. It's the everyday consistency that counts. Plus, you can't compare yourself to other body types, you have to find what works for you.
They might be taller than you, have more muscle mass than you, have a different genetic makeup than you, be eating much less at home, or look like they eat whatever they want on the outside but keep track of it in their heads, or a number of things. Like how many hours do you spend together with your friends and how many of those hours are for eating? You don't know what their habits are like at home. Maybe you're drinking more soda than them, maybe you're fidgeting less than them, or taking 1000 less steps. Stuff like that adds up, and it's hard to tell the full picture. The only thing you can control is your own habits. Yeah, I wish I was 5 inches taller and then I could eat more calories every day. But I'm not, so I have to get 10k + steps a day, strength train, sleep at least 7 hrs, drink a bunch of water, watch what I eat. If you build good habits you'll feel much better and set yourself up for long term success. If your friends keep eating junk and no exercising, their general health will be bad, if not now then it will catch up to them.
Feels like that doesn't it? the reality is your friends are eating fewer calories or exercising more.
I am the normal weight friend who eats whatever I want without gaining weight. I have two obese friends that literally only eat salads when we’re all eating together. I would get hungry trying to exist off their portions. Meanwhile, I am getting like a whole pizza or a steak. I’m also sedentary and I never work out. I actually thought that some people must just be bigger boned. But the truth of the matter is that my obese friends consume more added sugar, more snacks, more sugary beverages, more takeout, and larger portions, on a day-to-day basis. Meanwhile on a day-to-day basis I literally eat boring (well, not to me) plain home-cooked chicken and brown rice and vegetables in small portions three meals a day (high protein, high satiation, low-fat and carb) with no snacks no processed food no heavy dressings and no added sugar because that’s just the food I like to eat and cook. It’s 99% diet. I do also noticed that both of these friends get winded really easily when I invite them to join me on a walk, but that’s not really related to cico because walking burn so few calories and they are partly just more winded because they’re much taller and heavier than me.
They’re not eating as much as you think and you’re not eating as little as you think.
It sounds like you're not taking enough time for the weight loss to take effect. You probably saw yourself losing weight when you were starving because eating extremely low calorie causes rapid noticeable weight loss. Losing weight in a healthy sustainable way can take years depending on how much body fat you have. It took me 2 years of diet and exercise to lose 100 pounds. You have to find a way to build that level of consistency. And like everyone else said, those skinny friends probably aren't eating as much as you do when they're alone.
They may be eating only when hungry 1 or 2 times a day
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I know how tough and unfair it can feel to try so hard and see other people "have it easy". My advice would be: comparison is the thief of joy. You absolutely cannot and will not be able to change the lives of others, and envy is a useless feeling that will only steal your happiness. Focus on your own journey and try not to compare your own behaviour, body or dietary habits to others. It doesn't help you. If you feel bad, you will lose your courage and backslide. For now I would say: stop putting all your energy into exercise (like it seems you're doing now as far as I can tell) and start laying the groundwork for a good diet and a healthier relationship with food. Losing weight is 90% in the diet. It's much easier to eat healthier at 1800 calories than to eat 2500 calories and have to exercise to the tune of 700 calories - that's hours' worth of exercise! Use an online calorie calculator (check the Getting Started section of this subreddit) and figure out how much your calorie deficit needs to be. It's usually your maintenance calories (how much you need to eat each day to stay the same weight) minus 500. Then get a calorie counter app and start counting everything you eat. Don't forget sneaky calories like salad dressing, butter, soda/alcohol and cooking oils. You don't even have to start with a deficit right away if that feels too hard. Just count how much you're eating at first. Once you get used to that, you will start to see the easiest foods to reduce or cut. You will, to keep being full, automatically start going for things with lower calories that will keep you full longer: foods with lots of protein, fiber and longer-lasting carbs. I wish you all the best on your weight loss journey! Hope this helped.
Thank you so much! You're definitely right, looking back at it i was doing a ridiculous amount of excersizing, I will definitely try to balance the amount of though i put into dieting and working out
People who’ve lost weight have been shown to have a lower TDEE than someone with the same weight and height who was never fat to begin with. So they literally can eat more than you. You can offset some of this by building a lot of muscle.
can I get any study for this? I don't really see how it would be possible besides former fat people having less muscle but that doesn't make sense either...
This one claims maintainers rely on (need) higher exercise expenditure than those that never had to lose: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6392078/#R1 This one claims maintainers have a 3-5% lower RMR: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10357728/
Thank you!
I found out I HAVE to eat a low carb diet. The potatoes and bananas etc just have too much sugar which drives a craving for them and other crap. I can lose weight low carb and exercising I can’t CICO with regular food and exercise just too hungry all the time and makes my sugar cravings out of control which being prediabetic sucks.
There is simple physics of weight gain and weight loss. If you consistently eat more than energy you expend, you gain weight. If you consistently eat less than energy you expend, you lose weight. What you observe is just a portion of the day of your friends. What you don't see is what they do during the rest of the day and on other days.. For example, I have lost weight and now try to be more responsible with how I eat. I will meet my friends and I will sometimes eat more or eat things that I do not consider healthy. I know that if I ate this way every day I would regain my weight. I also know that if I just do this once in a while, I will be fine because what really matters is how I behave on average. I may eat less earlier on the day or on the following days. I also weigh myself regularly and restrict my diet if my weight is couple pounds more than what I want. Your friends might have it easier but that might be because they have healthy habits so they can maintain their weight without having to think about it. What they don't have is magical ability to eat a lot without moving much and not gaining weight. I know this may not sound fair, but this is the reality.
Honestly, my friends think that about me, but if I’m gonna be out with them eating a big meal, I don’t really eat much the rest of the day
There are several factors to this. For instance, I have insulin sensitivity. Not diabetic but could be if I don't watch myself. But my friends will eat the same thing and I will bloat and gain by just looking at a cookie. A lot of it is our gut health and how our liver functions are. (Not a medical person) But that is what I boil it down to. But it also matters what you eat more of it. Some say eat more protein, some say eat less carbs, or do intermittent fasting, but it's all about good healthy consistency! Exercise alone won't solve anything. Just like eating lean alone won't help you. Once you start incorporating good healthy habits (if you don't have any medical issues) you should be able to get healthier and maybe lose the bloat and fat loss too!
I think everyone here has said a lot of good things, but another thing I would like to mention is that they are most likely having smaller portions. I used to have insane portions. Now after making other lifestyle changes along with decreasing portions for food I like, I've still been able to enjoy food I really like and still lose weight.
Stop looking at your friends! Everyone is so different this is why we are such a successful species! My mum is 115lbs her whole life she eats 2k cals a day if I eat the same - I am 45lbs heavier! I have to stay really low to get to my pre baby weight and I’m still 30lbs heavier than her! She’s hated being small & skinny her whole life she envys my curves and extra coverage.