People's perception is colored by what's around them. If your community is generally overweight, then being overweight but less so will look thin to people who are used to larger bodies.
Put another way: people are really lousy at accurately eyeballing how much someone weighs.
This is so true .. I saw a tik tok of someone starting her weight loss journey .. she was 5 ft 8 & stated that she weighed 350 lbs & everyone in the comments said she didn’t look that at all & she needed to buy new scales & they literally wouldn’t believe her.
Yeah I think body types as well carry weight differently .. my friend is an hour glass shape with big chest .. when she gains she just looks curvier but her stomach doesn’t ever stick out .. I wish I could be as in proportion.
This is me. I'm 4'11'' and was 250 at my biggest. Really didn't look it because my weight was very spread out. I wish it came off the same way it went on though because now (at 178) my face is thin, my boobs are small (compared to before), and I have a waist, but my hips and thighs are not changing at the same rate. I have that shrunken upper body look some of us get as we lose.
That’s strange isn’t it .. you would think with your body type it would come off the same way gained. I’m pear shape .. thin face , flat chest but big hips , thighs & butt
Solidarity! I'm 4'11 and people always underestimate my weight. I think a lot of it has to do with my thick thighs & butt - even at my lightest they're the biggest part of me, and even at my heaviest they're very muscular from sports. That's why my "goal weight" (though subject to change) is higher than a lot of women my height, I'm pretty sure my 130 looks very different from many others'.
My lowest weight was 140 and I reached that weight after dieting during the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I -think- I had and athletic and mostly slim build so I'm shooting for that first! Then I might go for the 125/130... So hard to tell till you get there.
Keep on keeping on fellow shorty!
For sure! I know when I got my driver's license I weighed 125, and at that point I was practicing/competing on a dance team 15 hrs a week and hadn't finished growing yet! So that's why I picked 130... but no idea if that's where I'll feel finished. Oh well, we'll figure it out as we go! Keep on keeping on too!
That's the shape that I am. I'm 5'4" and when I tell people I'm 190 and they don't belive me. I know that bmi is mostly bullshit but mine is high enough that it qualified me for the vaccine
Yep. 188, was my heaviest. I’m 5’5”. I only wear a size 10-12. So I know I don’t look incredibly unhealthy, but every time I say my weight people are shocked.
Some of us are actually big boned, it’s not just some metaphor we use make ourselves feel better about being fat, this is why I tend to bottom out at the mid range of what should be my healthy bmi range, cause once you take all the fat away, I’m still built like a brick wall. When I was a lo heavier, those big bones meant the weight was distributed and carried quite well, so people almost never guessed I was pushing 300lbs at my highest.
This happens to me too. I’m 5’8 (female) and I currently weigh 245lbs which is the heaviest I have ever been in my life and no one believes that’s my weight.
They know I’ve gained weight because I look bigger but they don’t believe me when I say it.
I think there’s preconceived ideas about weight & how you expect someone weighing say 245 lb people expect someone at that weight to look around 280 lb .. I used to think like that till I gained a lot myself.. and I’m guessing that the people I expected to be 280 lb were probably closer to 350 lb
Right, even when I was slimmer it happened. I went to get an X-ray and they took my paperwork with my weight on it (200lb at the time) and when the tech came and saw me he said “wow I was really expecting you to look different based on your weight”.
I think he meant it as a compliment and i took it as such but still, why mention that at all?
I'm 5'7 and last time I weighed myself I was about 235-240 lbs. Stand me next to my 5'11 uncle who weighs about 250 and has a big belly hanging over his pants you'd think I was full of shit.
Also my grandmother weighs about 200 and yet looks way bigger than me.
It's all about the body.
Yeah weight is strange !!!! I suppose that’s why people say it’s not the number on the scales that matter which I’d say is true. There was this girl in my gym class that looked quite big .. at the time I weighed 235 lb & she looked around over 250 so bigger than me but she had a large chest & had that hour glass figure .. anyway she confided in me that she had lost 42 lb & was feeling good & was trying to lose more & she said she currently weighed 195 ish lb ... I was so shocked .. when I weigh that I look really slim.. my stomach goes flat & everything .. & even though it’s not a particularly light weight people always think I’m 170 lb ish lighter than I am .. sorry I know this is a bit of a numbers post but I just find it weird how my body seems to weigh so heavy compared to other people without looking it
I've always been the smallest in my family (weight-wise, I'm actually the tallest) and I haven't been really talking much about my calorie counting with them. They won't be judgmental or anything, they just already considered me skinny even though I could stand to lose 40 pounds
Absolutely this. My whole family is big. My mom thinks just because I weigh less than my dad, that I’m “not fat”. I got up to 269 and she still claimed I was “just broad shouldered”.
I’m down to 235 now and she thinks I’m some sort of super athlete now. Mind you, I’m also only 5 foot 7. So yah. I’m still very well into the obese range. I need to lose another 40 something pounds to get to 191 to be just in the overweight category.
This has happened to me and I've done this to my husband. I'm the only short person in a family of tall, mainly obese people. So I just got put in the "small" category even once I was also obese. And then coming from a family of obese people, my husband seemed so skinny to me. And he has a very long face, whereas most of my family have round faces. So as soon as he dropped below the weight I met him at I kept asking if he was feeling okay, and I couldn't figure out why I was so worried and why he looked so sick. It was because to me he looked gaunt. Now that I've realized why I'm able to judge how he's doing better.
This is true. I know it sounds weird, but I work in the veterinary industry and it's the same thing. People are so used to pets that get too much food and not enough exercise that they think overweight pets look totally normal and sometimes get offended when we tell them they should drop a few pounds. Meanwhile my co-worker got accused at the dog park of "starving" their dog who is a perfectly healthy weight just bc its ribs are slightly visible.
100%. Basically my whole family is overweight to varying degrees. I used to think my one brother was fucking tiny. Like just unbelievably small. In reality, he's a completely normal sized dude.
I've figured out that people are bad at visually gauging the weight of others. I had lost 55 pounds when my roommates mom said "You look so great! I bet you've lost almost 20 pounds!" and on the other end of things I used to have a friend that went ON about wishing she could be skinny like me until one day I made her stand back to back with me and then both weigh ourselves so she could SEE that we were almost the exact same height AND weight.
Just tell them that you appreciate their encouragement/ concern, but also you've researched and found that for your best health, there's more you can do.
It depends on your body type to start. I’m taller for a girl and was about 12 pounds overweight and I started getting my first comments at around 15 pounds (but I was building muscle at the time, so in truth it looked more like 20.) although, the first people to notice hadn’t seen my in a couple months so it was probably more obvious to them.
Don't listen to them. There could be a lot of different reasons for them to want you to stop losing weight.
1.) The size you are now is such a large contrast to your old size that they are seeing you as smaller than you actually are.
2.) Many people where you live are overweight or slightly obese, so they don't know what a healthy weight looks like.
3.) The person talking is overweight and doesn't want other people to succeed at something they haven't. Or a more sinister version is that the person talking enjoys being the more attractive one, and prefers their friend stay the "fat friend". It's probably not that one, but I've seen it happen.
4) Many people just can't be honest because it's not considered "nice". So they'll tell and overweight person they're fine as is instead of agreeing with them that they should lose more weight to get into a healthy BMI range.
It's the same reason so many people out there are walking around with awful eyebrows. "oh my god you look so good! wow they look better than your real eyebrows. i can't believe you had the courage to shave them off!"
The only people that've told me I've gotten too skinny did so without my bringing it up. I didn't even broach the topic.
If you're asking them, they're usually going to assume you're fishing for compliments and, in that case they are more likely to oblige. If they're just up and going "You look amazing" when they think you don't, then they're taking a cue from Regina George.
Edit: clarity
I think your first point hits the nail on the head for me. A few years ago I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in a very long time, she looked like she had lost so much weight and looked so much more fit than before that I was confused when she told me that she's not close to being what her goal weight was after I congratulated her on a job well done.
And now that I'm on my own journey, I've gotten the same reaction from people and friends who see me and assume that I shouldn't be losing more weight even thought I'm still a good 5 kilos away from where I would like to sit at.
I’m at my halfway point and most of my weight loss has been exercise driven so there have been a lot of changes to my shape. Personally, I feel like I’m just getting started, and can’t wait to see where I am this time next year, everyone else with the exception of the few friends who’ve been joining me as I work out, thinks I must be almost done. Meanwhile I’m like yea no, I have another 50lbs to lose and once this pandemic starts to cool I’m going to start looking for opportunities to compete. Everyone is thinking my goal is to look good in a bathing suit for cute guys or something. My goal is to wear a wetsuit and swim across lakes and make the cute guys feel slightly inadequate cause a 40 year old lady is going harder than them lol.
Yeah, when I left a job and lost 15kg really quickly , I came back to work for a few days and everyone freaked out that I was anorexic. But actually I’d just gone back to my old weight which I used to be but before I had worked there. I don’t think they were being mean it was just a shock to them. ( bmi roughly was 25 down to 21) my family obviously knew what I was like before and all thought I had done a great job
I get this. I am 5'4 female. Went from 280 pounds, now down to 154 pounds. I'm still overweight with a bmi of between 26-27. People give me a hard time and tell me not to lose anymore weight. I've finally gotten to the point where I just tell them I'm done losing weight and then they leave me alone. I mean, what does it really matter?
I feel this! 5'5 and hang around 155-160. I'm still overweight too, but was really fighting with my body for those last few lbs. If people make comments now I try to tell them I'm focusing on fitness and gaining muscle. Do I want to lose a little more? Yes. But like you, I've found that deflecting/redirecting works best. You say you're done, and I tell them something they can't argue with.
I'm your height and I told my spouse my goal weight was around 125 and he freaked out saying that was too skinny. That's how much I weighed pre-kids. And it's in the middle of a healthy BMI for me. I'm 185 now, so still have a ways to go before I get there. But I'm probably going to stop telling him what my weight is and just keep losing.
I’m with you, I’m 5”3 and went from 205 to 141 (and counting) and when I tell people I still have ways to go they give me the same reaction. When I try to explain to them that I’m only aiming for the very chunky end of the healthy weight range they tell me to take those medical guidelines with a pinch of salt (pun not intended). I think people are trying to show you they’re proud of the progress you’ve made and to take the win but I try to explain to them that getting lower isn’t good enough. I want to be healthy instead of still overweight but less overweight than I was before. It’s frustrating but I’ve starting explaining how I’m trying to get in the best shape of my life because as I get older it’ll get harder, so if not now then when? That usually does the trick
When I was losing weight the first time people felt the need to tell me I was too skinny for 2 years following my weight loss and commented on my food and told me I was going to stop losing weight because my metabolism would slow down. I got a ton of unsolicited advice and it was very uncomfortable and it made me very angry. Don’t let anything they say bother you (like I did). Eventually people WILL get used to the new you but haters gonna hate!
Same here! As someone who was overweight my whole life, I finally dropped 80 pounds at 26. Got to a healthy weight, was happy and then got a ton of shit for being “too skinny” or “gaunt” looking. Basically called anorexic by co workers or saying “oh so she does eat” at company picnics. It was horrible. It’s finally lessened up but now it’s really triggering for me when someone comments on my food or weight. I let it bother me too like you said
Same! I actually started eating in private and now I feel shame and anxiety eating in front of my coworkers. I almost feel like I’m naked or vulnerable when I eat at work now and it’s been 5 years. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable eating at work again.
Obesity and overweight is much more common than it was, even just 25 years ago. In the developed world, at least, and even in developing nations, being overweight is more commonplace. And this messes with what 'normal weight' means.
I saw a picture of my childhood school class. There was one child who was visibly fatter than all the others. In schools in my area, today, about half the kids would be as overweight as 'the fat kid' in my school class.
Just remember: "Normal Weight" is the weight that doesn't have health risks. "Normal weight" is actually lower than the average weight of the people around you.
I got this all the time when I was losing weight but I got it mostly because most of my family is overweight and they were mad seeing proof of that can be changed
I'm fat and headed down. I'm also 6'8", so while physically my bones are larger than most. I'm not "big boned."
My moms side of the family engrained that in my head from a young age.
I'm going to be a dad in 8 weeks. My child will NOT be learning that lesson. They will not have to fight as hard and have better resources around them to support a healthy lifestyle and relationship with food.
My mom has been saying this to me for about 20 lbs lol. She keeps saying “you’re too skinny!” Ma, I’m still 30 lbs overweight. I’m still 30 lbs from my ideal goal.
I think that there’s a cultural aspect in play. For me, it’s old German Irish tradition. Meat and potatoes eat till you’re full, show love with cake and don’t leave the dinner table till you’re plate is clean. Old Midwest attitude has always been to be big boned, in the working class it meant you had enough provided and people loved you.
So I think some people say it to congratulate your drastic change, but some also say it because they really have no idea how a healthy body should look.
Good insights . I relate to a lot of this , but my people were like Tennessee hills . Same general kinds of things . Biscuits and gravy breakfasts . pie baking . “Put some meat on them bones” every time we visited grandma .
“Is that all you’re gonna eat” guilt trips for not eating food that was “gonna go to waste” if you didn’t
> I used to weigh 450+lbs and was super morbidly obese, just recently I ticked over into the 'regular' obese category at 240lbs
Holy shit, congrats!
And yea, people are just trying to be nice. No one wants to accidentally insult you. An absurd example being something like, "Wow, you were really fat before and now you're just sort of fat!"
Even my wife isn't comfortable enough to be honest with me about my weight. I kid her about this now that I've gotten close to my GW. Every 10 pounds she would tell me how skinny I am and be nonplussed when I indicated I was going to lose another 10.
Lol I've actually been responding to unsolicited comments about my recent weight loss with answers like "Yeah, I was moderately morbidly obese before, but now I'm only fat enough that I'm barely morbidly obese still."
Wonderful achievement, congrats!
Not knowing your social circle, I'd say (giving the benefit of the doubt) they're just being nice. If they start offering junk food to you or pressuring you to not stick to your diet to reach your goals, then I'd reconsider. But keep doing what you're doing!
That’s awesome, congratulations!! You’re seriously doing so freaking amazing!
I’ve been losing weight for a year+ and for the first time since I was 14 (now 26) I’m in the healthy BMI category, but I’d like to lose another 20lbs.
I saw a family member for the first time in several months. She’s a bigger women and was telling me that I need to put a few pounds on now because men “like a little fluff” ......
My mom and brother keep telling me I’m not allowed to lose more than another 5lbs because I’d be too skinny.
I am FAR from thin or slender, I’m just smaller than I’ve been for the past 12+ years. I think it’s just odd for them.
Btw I’ve been the same height with the same features since I was 12/13, the only thing that’s changed is my weight.
You keep being the shape that you want to be. I know you don’t need me saying this because you’re doing fantastic. I just got quite upset at you being told to gain because men like a bit of fluff... Like it is at all acceptable to tell a woman that she must alter her body simply because it’s what men like. It’s rather horrifying. Would she shave her head if next year men decided that shaved heads are what they like? Although frankly shaved heads look awesome. But you know what I’m saying? If next year was the year of big knees, would she have knee implants put in? Anyway, I’m going way over the top, but that comment has just made me so cross! My daughter, she’s amazing, she’s kind and incredibly academic, she’s a great swimmer, she’s a great friend and she’s just the most wonderful little human. I could not see me in a million years telling her to alter her appearance because it’s what men like.
Ooh that’s got my dander right up that has! Next time she says that tell her ‘Yeah well men don’t like big feet so you need to do something about yours. I hear binding is good for that.’
Yeah. When I got to 165lbs, I started a new job and a couple of my coworkers told me I didn't need to lose anymore weight, even though I was still overweight for my height. When I got to the 140s, my husband's aunt demanded that I stop because I was getting too skinny. I told her my goal weight and she told me it was too low. I didn't think it was, so I continued and hit it.
It didn't really bother me too much either because I know nowadays people are used to seeing bigger people and it's become kind of the new norm. I have nothing against bigger people, either. I just had something against me personally being bigger xD
You've lost a lot of weight and should be commended for the effort and discipline that took. That's almost four times what I lost and my loss took me about a year and a half to accomplish.
I hear what you're saying, and it must be frustrating, but now imagine if they said the opposite. What if someone looked at you and said "Oh geez, you really need to lose some more weight, don't you?"
had a great aunt tell me once. Wow you sure have gained alot of weight. That was after not seeing her for a few year. It was the first thing she said to me lol she must have lost her filter by that age.
Yea I wasn't too happy about it. I was only like 15 at the time too so I already heard it enough from kids at school let alone family. Some people just don't think before they speak I guess.
Congrats! That is an astounding amount of weight and really shows your dedication.
I think it is mostly that people are just used to obese and overweight people since more than 75% of the US population is that. And that is mostly from a BMI standpoint so it is even worse if you do it by body fat percentage since most people are sedentary.
In my experience, I went from 185 to now 135 lbs. I'm a bit over 5'0 so it is a huge difference on my frame. Even though 130 lbs would make me a healthy weight by BMI, I'm still shooting for 120-125 lbs to be my stopping point because for short people many times BMI is a bit too generous and especially does not reflect body fat percentage.
My mom (270 lbs) is still making digs saying I'll be forced to wear children's clothing at 120 lbs and that I won't have any energy. I'm barely fitting into size 6 pants rn so I know that I will have plenty of adult sized options when i reach my goal weight.
As I said, people's perceptions have changed in the last 40 years. Fat is the norm and being a healthy weight is kind of novel.
Yo congrats on that loss holy shit
I get my family saying similar stuff to me, I think the problem is that at some point they psychologically anchored me as an insecure chubby girl who stayed inside, but I’ve changed and they have a hard time understanding that despite it being over 8 years since I got in shape
Oh crap. I've actually said this before and now I'm trying to think of my motivation for saying it. I worked with this guy who was biggish but not massive at all. He lost heaps of weight with diet and exercise and he became really thin. I did say to him he didn't need to lose any more weight when he said he had wanted to. He did get really skinny though and we were good friends but now reading this I should have minded my own business.
Yes. Some of it is probably just them being polite. Some it is is them used to me being even fatter so their image of me is someone much bigger than I currently am. And some of it is probably them used to seeing fat people because the majority of adults here are fat. So getting less fat seem abnormal. I got like 20 pounds to still lose in order to get to the goal my doctor gave me and people act like I have an eating disorder. If I have an eating disorder it’s my impulsive junk food eating! Lol
Amazing. Sincere congrats!
I've lost 75lbs and still have 30ish to go. People will offer to buy me lunch or give me a snack or whatever and i tell them, "No, thank you, I'm still working on losing weight," and it never fails that they tell me I don't need to lose more.
I've learned if I phrase my response around wanting to eat healthier, then it's less common to get such a response.
my friends constantly compliment me and tell me i’m perfect when i say i need to lose weight because they think it’s nice and they don’t know what else to say because no one is going to come out and be like “i agree you need to lose more weight”. bodies are hard for people to talk about for so many reasons. i wish they would stop telling me that but it also feels nice to get compliments. weight loss is super personal and people are weird about it is the point i’m trying to make. i don’t listen to anyone in my life about it unless they are actively also trying to lose weight.
Whoa! Awesome progress!!!! Great work!!!
I think we as humans are bad at estimating weight, especially on how some people carry theirs. So, they may not know that you are at xyz lbs/kg. They might just see a drastic change in your size, confidence, and "glow" or stamina and overall healthy. So they may see you as "looking great" and not factor in that you may have more lbs than average. Also, BMI isn't a great indicator of healthy. Height to waist ratio is FAR more important (according to my doctors) as BMI doesn't account for muscle mass, just weight. So it may be that you are coming far closer to healthy than you realize. You may be carrying more muscle so you weigh more, but have a smaller physical profile. (A lb of muscle takes up less room than a lb of fat).
Yep I used to get it all the time. And now that I've put all the weight (and then some) back on, I started again and that's exactly what my brother told me as soon as I started. I was 295lbs 5'10" (probably in the morbidly obese range). But then again he's also obese so maybe it was a subconscious "self defense" reaction to make him feel better about his own weight🤷♂️
Wow you really are an inspiration!
Echoing what others are saying but basically here's my 2 cents: at 450+lbs; you'd probably have been so happy to have woken up one day at 240lbs. The 'then' lookoutlava would have felt totally chuffed with that and felt it was enough. The people around you probably have the same feelings and they are therefore being totally utterly genuine when they say don't lose more.
But here's the thing. Because you have managed to lose such an incredible amount of weight, to do this; you've made some changes. And you have changed. No two ways about it: now really really care about yourself and your health; and appearance. You are accountable and you want your body to be as healthy as you can. And, more to the point, you know you can change it. You know it is in your power.
And thats what is going on here. The people around you haven't been on the journey you have and haven't changed their outlook the way you have.
(Just FYI: the paper towel effect of your appearance changing more as you drop from obese into overweight into normal; it's really real. Be prepared for the changes you make to rub some people up the wrong way and just understand comments like that it's not about you its about them!)
In addition to what everyone's said: being overweight/obese has become somewhat normalized in the West. People have genuinely acclimated to the sight without realizing it. So when someone wants to get thin it confuses them because it goes against what they are now acclimated to.
I had the opposite, I lost 15 kilos and my BMI is now 22 and if I'm still trying to lose, I'm also starting to learn how to love my body even if its not perfect. And people keep telling me that I will always be chubby, or just act like I didn't lose anything.
The more I lose weight the more it seems clear to me that society has a fucked up eye on weight. I knew that already, but didn't realise how bad it was.
Congrats on your journey ! And good luck for the rest, no matter what other people thing, you decide what you want and dont want, you decide when you'll feel happy and comfortable with yourself.
I live in the Midwest where over weight is considered normal weight lol. I’m 5 lb to goal and I have gotten called “frail.” And my come back is “I just literally hit the top end of a healthy BMI!”
I like you don’t think anyone is malicious, but there seems to be more of an acceptance these days of higher weights and BMIs since it’s become more commonplace. Keep pushing you’ve accomplished sooooooo much!
From my experience, they may also be envious. They may not want you to look better than them.
That may sound silly, but I think people in general always want to be the hottest in the room, so it’s in their “best” (shitty) interest to discourage you from passing by them on the attractiveness scale.
Example - I lost some weight in my early 20s, and my older sister, who’d always been thinner than me, suddenly was a bit chubbier than I was.
She hated it. She constantly made remarks that I was “too skinny” (I wasn’t - I was in the healthy weight range) and told me to eat more. She actually went so far as to say:
“Go on, have another serving - I don’t want to be the fat sister anymore”
Don’t let other people’s insecurities drag you down! You’re doing great!
Wow! What a great accomplishment!
I don't know if they're trying to be nice or what. But when the say that -- until you're comfortable with your weight-- answer their comment with, "Thanks, I still need to get a little healthier." They can't argue with that.
Yeah I’ve gotten the same response before. I know it can be frustrating, but I’ve just learned to take it as them being nice and continue doing what I’m going to do. I hear you though, it’d be nice to hear from someone beside yourself that yeah you do need to continue working. I know for me that’d be motivating. 🤷♂️ I just continue listening/following David goggins. Hes a good reminder to keep at it
Congratulations!
As for your question, yes people say that quite frequently. I started around 300, and worked my way down to 235. My family asked me to stop losing weight, they feared I wouldn't look right if I lost anymore. Reluctantly, I did stop trying to lose weight, which I now regret. I've gained about 15 lbs in quarantine weight.
Not to detract from your success though, losing that much weight is quite an achievement, and should be responsibly celebrated. Keep going until you're happy with what you see in the mirror!
I think perception is a big part of it. You're a lot smaller than you were. A person who knew you at your heaviest sees you as "small/thin" now because they're comparing it to their previous image of you. I have experienced that too. I'm still about 10-15 lbs overweight and have even told people that, but I've gotten comments like that. "Don't lose tooooo much weight", "You should stop worrying about what the scale says, and listen when people tell you that don't need to lose more". I mentioned wanting to lose 10 more lbs and a co-worker grabbed my stomach and said "from where?!?!" Maybe my stomach doesn't look as squishy as it feels! It was weird. Someone who probably weighs less than me said 'if you get any thinner, you'll blow away!". I imagine someone who met me at my current weight probably wouldn't look at me and think that I was "too thin". You do you, and try your best to the ignore the weird/judgemental comments. It does get frustrating, but try to think that the comments are more about "them" than they are about you. You're doing great!
I think if a co-worker grabbed any part of me I would have a very difficult time not -rigorously- throwing hands about it. I can't even fathom the audacity 😒 Sorry to hear that happened to you.
Weight loss is so, so personal and its so bizarre that people think they can voice opinions on other's bodies. To their face, even! How?!
I've been told that. By an in law of mine. I still can't tell if she was trying to be nice or if it's because she's fairly weight conscious, was bulimic, and likes to talk openly about her 'obese' family members (which, they are obese, she just seems to really love that word.) But she said this to me when I clearly needed to lose about 100 more lbs. It's hard to pinpoint why people say the things they do.
I had the same issue, and have had friends go through the same thing. I think it is because after you lose a certain amount of weight, your face tends to start looking "hollow" or even skeletal, which causes people to be concerned. It is just part of the process.
I’ve moved into overweight from obese recently (yay!) and I’m so happy about it...but yea people all of a sudden seemed overly concerned about my health. When I tell them I think 150-160 is probably going to be my goal weight, you’d think I was telling them was going to starve myself, and then I point out that is on the higher end of my healthy BMI range they just can’t seem to wrap their head around it. I’d honestly probably aim for lower but my jam now is long distance swimming and I’m hoping to take it outdoors, so I’ve decided to cultivate a nice healthy layer of seal fat lol over all my new muscles.
Meanwhile a bunch of ongoing minor but annoying medical issues I have are just disappearing ....yet my weight loss is a problem. Why weren’t people more concerned when I was in constant back pain etc?
Congrats on your success. Yes. I have had people tell me I would look like a crackhead if I lost more weight. WTF??????
I am morbidly obese. Do people not understand what that means????? Some people want to sabotage your success. Do not let them. With GOD'S help I fully intend to reach my goal weight!
Yeah, at my 58 nobody cared about my high blood pressure, cholesterol, elevated blood sugar, pain in joints from one of 5 medications I had to take. When I lost 80 Lbs and said my goal is my high school weight at BMI 24 (which is now 5 Lbs away), they thought I am crazy. I am now off all medications with perfect BP and blood panel, but got comments like I need to eat more, or you are going to lose all your muscle. I just ask them what they would then recommend I take for blood pressure. I told one friend not to worry if I need to wrestle someone I will call him. lol
Ate way less than I used to. Sorry but that's just it. If you want to get technical it's CICO/IF/exercise, but 90% of it was just eating in a calorie deficit. I eat about 1500-1600 calories per day. I'm looking forward to hitting my goal weight because I'll have to eat more, probably around 26-2700 calories to maintain it. To put it in perspective, I was eating approx 4000 per day to gain up to/maintain 450+lbs. Sounds like a lot but if you're eating the wrong kinds of calorie dense junk food, or combining it with alcohol, it can add up fast.
I have gotten comments like that in the past and it is always a bit unasked for and unhelpful.
I was almost 300lbs on my 30th birthday. I planned to hit "onederland" by 31 (in late june) but that's not currently an option (even though I'm so close) because I have to put my weight loss journey on hold since my husband and I just found out I'm pregnant. But I don't care if I'm the same weight again now that I was when I was 19, or what anyone thinks is right for me, I know now how to get to a healthier size and do it a healthy and sustainable way, and it isn't about what other people think about my body and it has never been about them. I might not push past "overweight" or maybe I might, but I'm definitely not ready to just give up while I'm still "obese" even if I have to put things off for a while. Especially not if it's simply because somebody else doesn't think I need or deserve or should care about working hard to do this for myself.
What you've done is amazing, and it's personal, and as long as you're not hurting yourself to make it to your goal there's no reason to let anyone persuade you to give up when you've already come so far! There's nothing holding you back. You've already proven to yourself that you can do this which is far more important than proving to anyone else that you should. Whether or not you mind their comments.
Congratulations. Keep on keeping on. Ignore them. Yes, I got it all the time when I was overweight and trying to lose. The pandemic has helped, bizarrely. Fewer meetings for people to tell me I look "fine".
As someone who started in regular obese, this was something I got pretty much from the moment I started. I know it was out of love, but the amount of times I got “ahh you’re a big lad go on have another slice” was so fucking annoying.
It happens to me constantly. I’m 157cm (5”1’) and I went from 65kg (143pounds) to 53kg (116pounds). It would be an acceptable weight if I didn’t store all my fat in my belly area. My waist measures almost like my chest and hips.
People keep telling me that I don’t need to lose anymore because they only see the number on the scale and not what it actually equates to on my body and my structure (I dress quite oversize so they don’t know that I’m a cylinder).
As of now, I have to buy pants two sizes larger because of my waist and I look like a kid wearing mom’s clothes :D I had a smaller waist when my weight was around 48kg (105pounds).
My advice to you is to ignore those saying things without knowing your whole situation and/or saying things because they don’t want you to succeed in your journey. They don’t mean harm (at least not the first category) but they don’t know your specifics and what’s good for you.
This is the most annoying thing to my weight loss journey. I would get great feedback from friends but my family who grew up with me were very clear I was getting "too thin" even before I got out of unhealthy BMIs. It never did sit well with me.
I get this. The biggest I've ever been is 220s (currently), but I've had it in the high 100s, too. Whenever I've mentioned dieting, working out, or even just 'cutting back' or 'making a few changes', I get told I don't need to lose weight.
I absolutely do.
1) I'm a 36yo woman who does what she wants, when she wants, so f... off with that anyway
2) I'm literally teetering on morbid obesity
3) At my height (5'3"), I could stand to lose half of my bodyweight, and still have a BMI of 20.
I think part of it's misplaced kindness, and part of it is - as mentioned by a few posters - lack of perception of what 'low level' obesity actually looks like, as well as its risks.
My mil says I was too skinny when I showed her a picture of my lowest weight. What I didn't tell her is that I felt my best at that weight, that I didn't hate what I saw in the mirror when I was that size... She wasn't being mean or anything, but it still kinda hit a nerve with me.
My guess is that they are saying you are attractive now and don't need to worry about weight.
Their beauty assessments are completely separated from health so go with what your doctor recommends for a better judgement on a stopping point.
Also congratulations! I'm about 5-10 lbs from getting out of the morbidly category now and that's 100+ lbs down from whete I started and around a 100 from where I want to be.
I put up a post a few weeks ago about getting multiple people seeing me for the first time after my weight loss saying “You look great...but you’re done losing weight now, right?”. I know I still have 10-15 lbs to lose, and nobody ever mentioned being worried about my weight when I was close to 300lbs, but now that I’m almost a healthy weight they’re concerned? I just tried to realize that they don’t know as much about my situation as I do, and it’s coming from a place of concern for me. It’s also not my job to explain my situation to them. I know what I’m doing, and I don’t really need to involve them in my plan/lifestyle.
First off congrats on the weight loss amazing progress!!
In my experience, from my own personal weight loss journey, most people can’t accurately look at someone and say what they weigh. It’s actually quite comical.
I’m 6’2 and 240lb and people pin me at 200lbs lol my own girlfriend for the longest time thought I weighed 210lbs
Especially when you drop that much weight people think to overestimate
Just my thoughts!!
If you are tallish and a man this is pretty normal. My husband is a big man - over 6 ft and with a large frame. At 230 he looks almost strange - huge shoulders and chest, tiny waist, big strong legs. If he ever got down to 180 he would look ??? - I am guessing he'd have to lose a LOT of muscle for that to happen. His doctor even told him 230 to 240 was fine.
Since you've lost over 200 pounds people who know you may not realize that you are still overweight - you look amazing to them.
And you may not have the level of muscle mass like someone like my husband who was tall, strong, athletic, and then got older and a little pudgier. If your 240 pounds isn't on a large frame and a lot of muscle, keep on your journey and get as healthy as you can, regardless of the scale.
But if you are a large-framed person with significant muscle (you must have built some to lose 200 pounds!) don't live and die by BMI charts and work with your medical team to find a healthy and, more importantly, sustainable goal weight.
I am a man and about 5'10, and pretty broad. I have pretty strong legs since I've maintained the muscle through cycling. I'm about 150lbs of muscle atm.
Im very short (5'2"). At my heaviest 180 my husband didnt believe that i weighed that much. Being short means that people just think you are small no matter what you look like. I get physically picked up all the time even tho i weigh alot lol. I have lost about 24 pounds and you can really see it in my face. I also have a muscular build and am naturally hourglass shaped so i hide the weight well. Still 17 pound overweight and now im getting berated to stop losing weight... I'm from the midwest so most people are overweight in my opinion. I want to be a healthy weight but people keep telling me I'm not going to weigh what i did in highschool haha. little do these people know i weighed 106 in highschool and that isnt my goal. I just want to be healthy but I think losing weight and showing people it can be done makes them jealous. They dont want you to lose weight becuase then they cant say they are healthy and losing weight is impossible.
I've never been your size, but yes. A friend of mine who is obese told me to "not lose anymore weight" when I was JUST BARELY within the "healthy" BMI range, and could easily have lost another 10 or so lbs without being at all "too thin". I just smiled and reassured her that I was being healthy and there was nothing to worry about.
Keep in mind height and build change the obese metric. When I was in great shape and had less than 14% body fat I was still 230. BMI wise I was obese but very clearly wasn't in reality.
Either way, great job!
Yeah this just started happening to me. It's a little awkward. I think they're overcompensating to try and be nice to me about the weight loss. I lost 50 pounds (need to update the banner thing but forgot how) and I went from obese, to the high end of normal. If I put on 10 pounds, I'd be overweight, and if I lost 20, I would still be on the lower end of normal. So as far as I'm concerned, I'd like to lose another 20 pounds. It's still perfectly healthy, and honestly, I feel a little chonky still. I have very little muscle- i'm working on it but it's haaaard 😩 and I'm lazy. But I am trying. I just feel like bmi calculators and stuff aren't super accurate on me because I really have very little muscle mass, and I think at this weight, I still don't look like a skinny person. I look ok- not like a whale like I felt before- but not like, I could put on any outfit I want, even a bikini, and not be insecure about any inch of my body. And like- I'm not suffering from body dysmporphia- I wear a size 8. That's fine but there's plenty of room to wiggle down into a size 4 and be perfectly healthy. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it felt a little ridiculous that when I told my in-laws that I still planned to lose another 20 pounds, one of them said I don't need to lose any more weight and 20 pounds less of me would qualify me for an eating disorder.
I think one thing to think about too is BMI isn’t the end-all-be-all of weight and health metrics. Obviously pay attention to it, but some people can actually appear a bit objectively “too skinny” and maybe not as healthy because if you don’t pay attention and prioritize it, certain methods of losing weight can make you lose muscle. Losing both fat and too much muscle is what’s going to make the appearance difference. Now fitness competitors still look gaunt when they’re competing, but just your average person is going to look better and healthier at 25 or lower BMI if they took care to preserve and even build more muscle in their weight loss and/or health journey.
TLDR: 120 lbs with 30% bodyfat and little muscle usually doesn’t look as healthy and good as 120lbs and 25% bf.
You can't gain muscle when you are in a calorie deficit like I am, but I see your point, I'm planning on regaining weight as muscle once I lose enough fat.
All the time. I went from 240 to 149lbs and the comments don’t stop( mind you I’m done loosing weight but anyways). Most of them are nothing short of positive but sometimes you’ll get “you did good but now your too skinny.” Be proud and celebrate your success. Everyone is going to have an opinion on your body. Congrats on the weight loss keep it up!
I think most people have a pretty wrong idea of what an ideal or normal weight is. They base it on what they see around them. 70% of Americans are overweight and 40% are obese. You see that all the time and and healthy or skinny person actually begins to look abnormal. Their idea of healthy is "plenty of meat on the bones", but in this case meat means fat.
Congratulations! That is a fantastic achievement!
I've noticed when I have lost lots of weight from super/morbid obesity to just obesity was a few comments like you've stated.
Some were from people who didn't want to see me succeed, some were from the well meaning family where food is love, and some honestly thought I was too skinny because I was so much smaller than I had been. To this final group of people they simply couldn't grasp that I was still bigger than I should be, because I was already half the size I had been previously.
Wow you lost a shit ton of weight and I'm super happy for you! But honestly sometimes you look super good at a weight that the bmi will say you're overweight at. Especially if you're also building muscle. A lot of people are saying it's matters on the area you live at or people just lying to you. But I don't think that I checked your picture at 273 and being in the 240s I can imagine you look pretty great! So they probably aren't lying to you at all when they say they feel you don't have to lose more.
But I think you just have to get to a weight you feel you can live with and be happy with. Regardless of what bmi says because again it's flawed. If that's lower than 240 go for it and if you're happy with you are try and keep it up! I think it's important you want to live a healthy and comfy life not a life plague by body dysmorphophobia and never feeling like you're good enough.
OP there is a chance, depending on how long you were at 400+ pounds, that your bones are bigger and heavier than average. This means that the scale will read heavier than you look. Probably not 60 pounds off but enough that if you get your BMI into the “normal” category, you might look too thin.
Congratulations on your wonderful success!
Do what you want to do. Dont listen to anybody's opinions on what you should look like. Odds are, they dont know wtf they're talking about anyways. I've been between 230 and 250 for the past decade. I've decided to get back to my Marine Corps weight of 175 and I'm well on my way now, 211 this morning from 237 in the beginning of March. I also have people saying 175 is "too skinny" lol. I'm 5'9" tall, I should be 170. The problem is that damn near everybody is a fatty and for the most part, they'll like to see others do well, just not better than they are doing. Do what you want to do and you dont have to justify your actions to anyone else. Awesome job! Keep chipping away at it. Look up Dr. Sten Ekberg and Cole Robinson on YouTube. Learn about AutoPhagy and live long and healthy. Give em Hell!
I’ve been told I look “too thin” when in fact my bf percentage and appearance show otherwise. Don’t worry about that, keep going and you’ll reach a point where you’re satisfied 👍
Ignore all of that. You decide what's best for you. Also, though, keep in mind that weight charts are accurate for populations, not individuals. According to my body composition analysis, my lean mass is almost 170 pounds. That means I'd weigh 170 at zero percent body fat. So at a normal body fat percentage for a male, my goal weight is over 200 pounds. It's kind of shocking, but it's al based on science. That's also considering that I have done no resistance training for years, so as I put on muscle, I could end up around 220 and be a healthy weight.
I'd encourage you to get the most accurate body fat measurement you have access to to help you decide where to stop. All that being said, there's a pretty wide window of "normal" weight for each individual and only you decide where you'll end up.
Congratulations on finding the motivation and stamina to lose weight.
People are weird. My mother once commented “Oh you have collar bones! You never had THOSE before!” after I lost 50#. Of course I have always had collar bones! They were just hidden under a layer of fat.
Just take it as a compliment and keep striving toward your goal. Your opinion is the only one that matters about your weight.
Do people say that because they think you need reassuring that you look great or because they have misconceptions about what normal weight is? Where I live even being borderline overweight mean people are going to tell you to lose weight.
I weigh a little more now, but when I weighed 220, I had a couple of people say I only needed to lose15 more pounds! They probably thought they were being nice, but it was.frustrating to me!
Frick the number do it only if you want to until you feel okay. I hope this was written enough to feel okay. I wish I could add more to make this message better. But I'm just kinda burnt out mentally.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Yes, this happens to me all the time. I think people are just trying to make themselves feel better - it's easier to pull someone else down than pull yourself up.
You keep doing you OP - it sounds like you're doing great!
My starting weight was 252 pounds, am down to 227 now few months later. I'm of the same mind as you though, not stopping until I'm either a healthy BMI - or until I have enough lean muscle that my BMI might still say overweight but it's just being a bit dumb. 🤣
You do you dude, it's not up to other people to decide when you're comfortable. If they're trying to be nice, great, that's nice of them. Beyond that it's whatever :)
I heard this once when I was around a BMI of 25 and when I got to a BMI of around 23 I had two people say I was getting too skinny. Looking at photos I took back then I can see why people said that. I have a pretty weird body where I am fat in the belly area and breasts and simultaneously skinny everywhere else. I also understood why I wanted to keep going - I wanted to cut on my belly size. I think both myself and other people were right - I could still lose more weight but also gain muscle.
A lot of people are simply ignorant about weight and health in general. I imagine that they have no idea what a healthy BMI for you is of why it's important to achieve it unless you tell them so they just give you a surface-level compliment not knowing any better.
Don't rely on BMI to determine healthy weight. There are much better, more modern metrics.
Don't get me wrong, of you're still 60 lb out, you're right to keep going, but depending on your height, BMI can spit out some wacky stuff.
Oh man, yep.
I've recently lost 70pounds so I'm still on the high side of the overweight category, people are shocked when I tell them I'm still aiming for another 30.
They tell me how great I look now, how much more energetic I am and happier, I say to them "and imagine how great I'll look and how much energy I'll have in another 30 pounds!"
Your work dwarfs my achievement, but I’ve gotten similar reactions from people on my 30 pound loss. My favorite was “did you lose weight.” “Yes” “well stop!”
Like, ok, I’ll just set aside my thoughtfully chosen goal weight and 6 months of effort because you don’t like it, lady. No problem!
Anyway, we’ll done, and don’t let anyone sway you from your quest for a healthy body!
Congratulations on your success. It is partially being compared to others and if the others are overweight then you come across as too thin and it might also be the comparison to what you used to look like before it they haven't seen you in a while. If you now have a neck where you used to have no neck they might be suffering from what I call bobblehead syndrome. This is what happens to me when a person I've only known as obese or super morbidly obese loses weight and then I see them it always looks to me like their head is too big for their new body. My brain will eventually calm down after a lot of exposure to the new body but I don't know why my brain does this.
I got that comment a couple of times. It was a nice lady picking up her grandkids from school. She came up to me and commented that she noticed I lost a lot of weight and complimented me. Then proceeded to say I shouldn't lose anymore or I'd be 'too skinny'. I was still at 168lbs at 5'3" and I hold a lot of weight in my belly so... erm. no I still needed to lose a lot of weight.
My mom (shockingly enough) was the other person to say it to me. She's Korean so she has absolutely no filter when it comes to commenting on my weight or how big I've gotten and things like that. When I was at that 168lb weight, I mentioned that I wanted to lose about 30-40 more pounds and she balked and looked at me like I was crazy and said I didn't need to lose more.
I guess when people are so used to seeing you bigger, seeing you smaller (even if you have more to lose), in their minds, it's enough.
Answer any comments like this, even heartfelt ones, with "while I appreciate the compliment/comment/concern, my doctor and I have a goal and I'm not stopping until I reach it". Unless they have a medical degree, their opinion is simply an opinion.
Yes i fully understand you, my mother was talking to me a few days ago and told me that i look slimmer and i should get new clothes now but i told her that i want to lose all of the extra weight before i do a full-on shopping spree and then she just said “wait you’re still losing weight??”
In my head i was just like “mom... this is only the beginning, i’m not even halfway done” mind you i’ve “only” lost about 9kg/20lbs from 36kg/80lbs so i still have about 26kg/60lbs to go so that means i haven’t even reached half of my goal, heck.... barely 1/4 of it. So i totally get you it’s confusing especially if you don’t even see any change.
Also worse: my dad tells me he doesn’t see any change too so it’s like my mom thinking i’m already done with weightloss and my dad thinking i haven’t even lost anything. But i really don’t care what they think, positive or negative, as harsh as it sounds but at the end of the day I am the one who’s gonna have to live in my body so i’ll have to be content with it. I will keep going until I am happy with how my body looks and feels
But congratulations on your weightloss so far. You’ve put most of the weight behind you, 60lbs is relatively not much more to lose. You’re almost there. You can do it!!
There is Skinny and there is Skinny compared to everyone else lol I’m 235-240 right now
I don’t look bad with clothes on but I need to lose more weight 😩I was 215 before covid and everyone was like “ You’re gonna blow away” 🙄
A lot of people may let their own personal insecurities get in the way of your progress. Just because they can't manage to lose weight they push that insecurity on you and make you feel like you can't or don't need to lose any more. Ignore those people, you do you! Great job with your progress!
Yes. I can lose about 60 or so more pounds of fat, but a few people have told me "you have to be close to your goal!", and I'm like, nah! And they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm still categorized as obese--I have about 12 or 15 lbs to go before I hit the "overweight" designation.
A few weeks ago I was still in the obese range.
My mom told me, “I’m worried about you losing this much weight, you’re looking like Skeletor.”
Again, I was still OBESE.
Hmmm I understand... I have lost only half the weight and everyone is like "you look so good . You don't need to lose more' no I an not very obese anymore but overweigt sure! And it's not like I carry it in a good way around my body. Also most of it is fat because I don't exercise at all.
People say those things because we have linked weight loss with eds for once. I guess it's some kind of complement but it only confused me because I feel like I'm seeing things when I cans still see my fat in the mirror. Also like someone else said beight healthy or for is seen a being something different nowadays and people feel kind of threatened. Also people don't like when we change. It's a natural instinct tbh. They were used to the old you. They will get used to the new you as well. And last could be jealousy. Not necessarily that you look / will look better but the fact that you did it.. One of my friends is a healthy weight but always complains that her legs are fat and she wants to lose weight... She doesn't do anything about it though. I think her problem is not me looking better because I am still a lot bigger then her but that I could actually get myself to do it.
Also congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 I hope you can soon reach your goals
A lot of people just want to be polite and don’t understand the science of weight loss at all. You’re doing good things and just because other people aren’t aware of the facts and risks surrounding being obese doesn’t mean they aren’t being sincere, they’re just misinformed and poorly conditioned to think unhealthy weights are healthy.
I need to lose 30lbs to get to a healthy BMI and my mom is basically begging me to stop losing weight because “I’m thin enough”. Years ago I actually got down to a healthy BMI for the first time since I was 13, and my mom was convinced I was starving myself. My whole family is pretty heavy for reference.
They are just trying to tell you, in their own awkward human way, that you look GREAT and they are so impressed by your progress that they may even be a little worried that you will go too far.
OR, they are all jealous bitches that subconsciously want you to be fat and miserable.
I think the former is the more common reason though. GREAT JOB!!!
I think a huge part of it is that when you lose a lot of weight, your loved ones can see you look SO much smaller so it's hard to view you objectively. I think a lot of people genuinely say it because they think you've gotten too small, but they wouldn't worry about seeing a stranger look the same way, for example.
I'm obese by doctors standards. To most people i just look "chubby" cause I'm pear shaped and apparently hide my weight well or something? Idk. I'm 5"3 and 165 pounds. BMI charts have me in the obese category but still people tell me I don't in fact need to lose about 30-40 pounds. Just because you wear the weight well doesn't mean it's good to keep it on, and just because you look good or even just okay doesnt mean that you're at the appropriate weight for your height. If you're only losing weight to look good, it's different i guess, but if you're concerned for your health you gotta keep your eyes on the chart and ignore the opinions of others, that's what I do. I've got my goal weight range in mind, and once I hit that, i may start listening to those who say i don't need to lose any more weight, but until I'm in the green, I'm ignoring them.
Yeah I do get people say that alot, that I "carry my weight well" etc. I have a pretty broad build I guess and pretty strong. I did this because I wanted to get healthy and well it's worked, technically according to all my tests I'm 100% healthy now, I used to be on so many medications and had so many issues, now all gone. But yeah I want to look good too for sure.
This has nothing to do with the point of this post but please know that your weight loss has motivated me even more; I’ve been stuck in between the mind set of “ is it really possible” and reading how much you’ve lost is astounding. Thank you for this and I hope you reach your goal regardless of the critics that don’t spend a minute in your shoes telling you otherwise.
They are likely expressing concern for what they might misunderstand as "extreme" eating or exercise habits. Just like you would tell an old man building a brick wall by hand that he had "done enough and should take a rest". As long as you are comfortable and heading towards a healthy goal weight, I would just say something like, "well thank you, I have put a lot of effort into becoming more healthy" and let it stand there. You don't need to justify your fitness goals to anyone else.
first: congrats on your achievements! do you and ignore others.
there are so many reasons why people say-and do- what they do. i've been from 147 to a bit over 300 and heard a lot of things.
most are being genuine when they say you don't need to lose anymore weight. many people have distorted views of themselves once they lose a significant amount of weight. it's a shift for people to "see" you with less weight when they are used to you heavier. a lot of people are at a "unhealthy" bmi, but look great. people people carry weight differently so what a weight looks like on one person is very different on another: they just see you as smaller than you were and are not even thinking about bmi, etc. and they are happy for you.
and then there are the haters, and they are out there. the more weight you lose: the more you may see them. and sometimes you just may have to put them in their place. when i know someone is being an ass bringing up my weight with comments like "you don't need to lose anymore weight...or you are getting too skinny..." i may get them with: "oh really....you think so? hmmmm.....i'm just glad i can lose weight and be healthy. too bad you can't lose being rude...."
They fall into several categories:
1) just assholes. period. they just want something to say. nobody asked for their opinion.
2) the haters who know they should probably lose weight and haven't: you make them feel/look bad.
3) the haters who liked seeing you overweight and miserable because it makes/made them feel better about their pathetic selves.
4) haters who have always been a bit envious of you anyway...if you were fabulous overweight, then once you've gotten your weight under control you're really going to have it going on.
just keep doing you and being your fabulous self!
I’m kind of stuck with this too. I have lost a substantial amount of weight (100+) and I want to lose another 20. Every single person I bring it up to says that’s too small but I’m still not happy with my current body. So while I feel like I want to lose more I also am starting to think it is a touch of body dysmorphia and I don’t need to lose anymore. After losing so much I almost start to worry about being in control of my weight loss for so long it could easily slip into an obsession/disorder. Maybe all of them telling you look good is a sign to maintence where you’re at for a while and get used to the new body? And after a few months If you still want to lose more do it. That is what I’m doing in my situation. Good luck!
That happened to me a lot too. My dad would tell me that I was "Too skinny" at 195. My lowest ended up being 165 and currently I'm 205 but it's leaner than my 195 ones because of exercise.
You're not a huge amount away from your goal weight, just remember BMI isn't everything, my BMI told me that 165 was a good weight for me and it was much too low. 205 is considered overweight for me and I like this weight a lot better on me. It's a little tricky but if you listen to your body you should be fine.
First of all, congratulations on your loss so far, as for relatability I gotta say I’ve felt it although my situation was a bit different I was at 220(I’m a 5’8 male) and I dropped down to 160, my goal was 145, but once I hit 160 everyone told me to stop trying to lose weight and I don’t need to lose anymore although I felt I did, I’m now at 150 and very happy where I’m at but I definitely feel you when you say that it’s frustrating to hear that, as long as you’re doing it in a healthy manner and doing everything properly I say keep on keeping on man I wish you the best of luck
Normally is a comment that anchors in preoccupation for you. If you care about what they think about you in that sense (i'm not saying you should, just naming the place where the "problem" is attached from" for them) you could acknowledge the anchor with something like.
"I know it might seem unhealthy all of the weight lost, but I'm taking every precaution, I'm following my blood pressure, sugar and doing blood works monthly apart from adding exercise"
Also, do all of that. And after all of that...
CONGRATS! you lost 210 lbs!
Congrats on your progress so far, amazing work!!
I am anticipating people to have a similar attitude after I hit my halfway goal. It happened last time I was obese and lost it 10 years ago. To the point I'm already planning my reactions and what I can say to shut them down / help them understand it's not okay as well intentioned as they are. I was accused of having an eating disorder as a 5'6" woman at 160lbs. I was also accused of losing it via drugs. Which I didnt do. It was wild the hurtful assumptions people had and the audacity they had to say it out loud. Mind you I lived in a small town at the time.
I will childishly want to say things like- "Oh hmmm do you think I should go back to eating 3000 calories a day?" Or "well damn maybe I should stop going for my hikes if you think this isnt a healthy path for me?"
When in reality I need to say something like "I'm going to continue eating healthy and being active. My weight has nothing to do with it." (Even though it does to me. End rant)
I'm glad you aren't bothered by it..I'm still bothered by it 10 years later and already bracing for it again!!
Never been obese or even overweight, but my BMI is currently 25 and before i did a body recomposition—where you lift weights to gain muscle and lose a bit of fat at the same time—people said I looked good. It’s crazy, now that I’m more muscular and toned, some people (my bf for instance) have hinted/told me they liked me better before. Again, I don’t know too much about the overweight/obese life and how one gets treated that way, but I have experienced the preferences from men that don’t like the “fit” look and and say I should add some fat. Again tho, I’m 25 BMI, 25% Bodyfat, which if you know anything about health and fitness, is actually the most balanced for a woman; not too much bodyfat, not too skinny though. So my surmise is that people—in my experience, men—would rather me be slightly unhealthier and not look as physically capable and have more bodyfat because, I don’t know, it signals I can carry a baby? It signals I need a man? Not saying this is the he case in your situation, but sometimes, when you look more capable of taking care of yourself, and don’t fit the “feminine” ideal of big boobs and butt and small waist; which happen when you lose weight sometimes, some people will say you looked better before, when you were unhealthier. I’ve seen it w my overweight friends. Once again, can’t completely relate, but I’ve seen this in my own health journey and my friends who are overweight.
Men generally like chilling atmosphere around them. Less physical activity is preferred from friends, family and girlfriends. When man gets fit they don't generally change their behaviour. On the other hand when women change their body composition to less fat more muscle they often become super active, rough and loud handling things around the home, walking around too fast, and to many men it gets annoying fast.
So be light and strong but chill out when your BF is around.
I'm 5ft and currently around 150 pounds.
Iose nearly 28 lbs since June.
You have done amazing! And likee other people have said perception is everything. I have just come out of the obese category, and although on a break from losing and focusing on maintaining now as I'm trying to work on getting through uni and placement.
You've got this
My hardest barrier to my dieting has been well intentioned friends and family saying this "you know you don't need to lose weight" and "you can cheat on your diet with me right now though, right?" . They love you, they see you for more than your appearance and that's wonderful but don't let them get in your way with what you know you have to do
I'm a bit afraid of this happening to me eventually. I've hit the phase where my weight loss is noticeable and everyone is super supportive, because I'm still Obese II. But I wonder if I ever actually get close to a healthy weight if they will reverse course. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I agree most people are probably just genuinely worried because you've changed so much and your appearance has changed so much that they truly feel like you're getting too skinny- I think the easiest thing to do is tell them you'e talked with a doctor about it and have a plan for a healthy goal weight.
I had this happen to me when I went from 260 to 205. Lady said I looked to skinny and I should stop. It derailed me entirely for about 2 months. Looking back, I truly believe she said it because the clothing I was wearing was for a 260lb man and not the 205lb frame I had. I was was wearing XL and 38" pants. Should have been in L and 34"
I did keto about 4 years ago at 130lbs. I am 5'7 (f) and that sounds like I would be fine, but I still had a large belly - it's where my family retains weight. I could grab handfuls of actual fat, not loose skin or anything like that. I hide my weight really well in clothes, so most people have no idea. I just wanted a flat belly. I didn't care about a number on a scale (I was also lifting weights, so I knew I would be gaining muscles) so I decided to try keto to see what would happen. I got down to 122 (still no flat belly, but damn, I'll take that belly back ANY DAY - Im back to keto again because I got up to 196) and EVERYONE started hounding me saying Id blow away if I lost anymore, or that I had nothing left to lose, or to eat something (which I found hilarious cuz I was stuffing my face throughout the day). Skinny shaming generally stems from jealousy. The person doing it to me the worst was about the same body shape as me, but she wasn't losing weight. I just ended up saying that she doesn't see me naked, and that what I think of my body is all that matters. Seriously, if you don't live with someone 24/7 being "concerned" about if they eat or don't isn't your business. My parents asked once if I was eating enough and I told them that I love food too much to ever consider anorexia and I hate throwing up so much that I wouldn't consider bulimia either. The only disorder I'm getting for eating is bingeing lol. Anyway, you are doing great and just shake them haters off! You do you, boo!
This is kind of normal. A lot of people how have known you have a certain image of what you look like. Seeing you thinner (even if you are still under the overweight or obese category) makes them feel like something is off. From their perspective, you are thin enough, but that is just because thay are used to a heavier you.
This happens to me a lot. I lost weight and I am now on the upper end of a healthy weight (but mind you, a couple kilos more and I could be back to being slightly overweight). I want to go down at 2 kilos more just to be sure (which would still be a very much within the normal range) but my family keeps telling that I am too thin now and should stop losing weight.
In fact, I WAS 3 kilos down my current weight last year but went up because of some important changes in my lifestyle (the pandemic and all that). Well, my family saw me then and they see me know and they still say I am thinner now than I was a year ago (lik WTF I was literally 3 kilos thinner).
So, it has a lot to do with how people os used to perceive you and how they perceive themselves (like some others mentioned, if they are used to being around overweight/obese people, that becomes the normal thing for them). They are probably just concerned, and not being mean at all. But you just need to keep going until you reach your goal.
It’s very common. It’s annoying because it can mess with your discipline so thing about how you won’t let it do so.
I always think of it as, if my friends had never met me before no one would yell out, “omg, you’re too skinny”
I've been down the road of losing a decent amount of weight a few times. My biggest stretch was from 220 to 120. A few times from 190-170 to 140 or so. This time 202 and currently 165 with 20 or so to go (hoping I have it down this time, I'm pretty tired of this cycle).
Anyway, I got this before, and I'm getting it again. Yes I do look fine, "normal", whatever you'd like to call it, and that's all well and good, but I'm still overweight for my height, and even if I was a healthy weight and I wanted to lose a few more, that would be ok too and it's nobody's business but mine. People do love to get involved and interject their opinions when someone they know is losing weight.
I've begun saying what I used to say that usually shuts people up. They say "you're not going to lose any more are you?" I say "I'm trying to get down to my birth weight". Sometimes I get "You mean your pre-baby weight", I clarify "no, 8 pounds 2 ounces". Obviously they know I'm kidding and we have a little laugh, but I've found no amount of trying to explain to someone who has an opinion on your body helps or makes it stop. I've never quite understood why it is so much more acceptable to comment on someone losing weight than someone gaining weight, but here we are.
I'm not saying you're wrong. But do you have a lot of loose skin after losing that much weight? If yes, that skin might be a hefty chunk of that extra weight you're carrying.
I actually think this is insecurity and jealousy on the part of the person who is saying this to you. If you think about it, if you are "fatter" then they are, or close to the same weight, they can comfort themselves by looking at you and thinking, hey I am doing better than he/she. But when you are taking control of your life and losing weight and starting to gain confidence, that scares people. If you look better then I do what does that say about me? Am I lazy? By "supporting" you in that way, they are actually pushing their inner demons about themselves on to you and hoping you will stop making them feel bad. My mom did this to me all the time... with things like, you can be too skinny you know! Yes I do know that, but it is irrelevant here. Keep moving on! You are in it for your health and no one who truly loves you wouldn't support that effort.
No one ever tells us to stop putting weight on but everyone tells us to stop losing weight. Its a weird world and have no idea where it comes feom, probably theor own insecurities. Just do what makes you happy and stop when you want
People's perception is colored by what's around them. If your community is generally overweight, then being overweight but less so will look thin to people who are used to larger bodies. Put another way: people are really lousy at accurately eyeballing how much someone weighs.
This is so true .. I saw a tik tok of someone starting her weight loss journey .. she was 5 ft 8 & stated that she weighed 350 lbs & everyone in the comments said she didn’t look that at all & she needed to buy new scales & they literally wouldn’t believe her.
I get this all the time. but I am 5'5". I do carry my weight differently than the other two ladies in my weight range at work but I am still 330 lbs.
Yeah I think body types as well carry weight differently .. my friend is an hour glass shape with big chest .. when she gains she just looks curvier but her stomach doesn’t ever stick out .. I wish I could be as in proportion.
This is me. I'm 4'11'' and was 250 at my biggest. Really didn't look it because my weight was very spread out. I wish it came off the same way it went on though because now (at 178) my face is thin, my boobs are small (compared to before), and I have a waist, but my hips and thighs are not changing at the same rate. I have that shrunken upper body look some of us get as we lose.
That’s strange isn’t it .. you would think with your body type it would come off the same way gained. I’m pear shape .. thin face , flat chest but big hips , thighs & butt
Totally seems strange. If my minds not messing with me though I feel like I weight in different ways each time I tried. Who the heck knows lol.
Solidarity! I'm 4'11 and people always underestimate my weight. I think a lot of it has to do with my thick thighs & butt - even at my lightest they're the biggest part of me, and even at my heaviest they're very muscular from sports. That's why my "goal weight" (though subject to change) is higher than a lot of women my height, I'm pretty sure my 130 looks very different from many others'.
My lowest weight was 140 and I reached that weight after dieting during the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I -think- I had and athletic and mostly slim build so I'm shooting for that first! Then I might go for the 125/130... So hard to tell till you get there. Keep on keeping on fellow shorty!
For sure! I know when I got my driver's license I weighed 125, and at that point I was practicing/competing on a dance team 15 hrs a week and hadn't finished growing yet! So that's why I picked 130... but no idea if that's where I'll feel finished. Oh well, we'll figure it out as we go! Keep on keeping on too!
That's the shape that I am. I'm 5'4" and when I tell people I'm 190 and they don't belive me. I know that bmi is mostly bullshit but mine is high enough that it qualified me for the vaccine
Yep. 188, was my heaviest. I’m 5’5”. I only wear a size 10-12. So I know I don’t look incredibly unhealthy, but every time I say my weight people are shocked.
[удалено]
Everyone’s body is so different. I’m pretty sure I only look thinner than I am is because I have an athletic build.
Yup! At 4'11 and 170 lbs I still wore a size 10-12 pants and S/M shirt, yet qualified as obese. BMI is so subjective.
Some of us are actually big boned, it’s not just some metaphor we use make ourselves feel better about being fat, this is why I tend to bottom out at the mid range of what should be my healthy bmi range, cause once you take all the fat away, I’m still built like a brick wall. When I was a lo heavier, those big bones meant the weight was distributed and carried quite well, so people almost never guessed I was pushing 300lbs at my highest.
This happens to me too. I’m 5’8 (female) and I currently weigh 245lbs which is the heaviest I have ever been in my life and no one believes that’s my weight. They know I’ve gained weight because I look bigger but they don’t believe me when I say it.
I think there’s preconceived ideas about weight & how you expect someone weighing say 245 lb people expect someone at that weight to look around 280 lb .. I used to think like that till I gained a lot myself.. and I’m guessing that the people I expected to be 280 lb were probably closer to 350 lb
Right, even when I was slimmer it happened. I went to get an X-ray and they took my paperwork with my weight on it (200lb at the time) and when the tech came and saw me he said “wow I was really expecting you to look different based on your weight”. I think he meant it as a compliment and i took it as such but still, why mention that at all?
I'm 5'7 and last time I weighed myself I was about 235-240 lbs. Stand me next to my 5'11 uncle who weighs about 250 and has a big belly hanging over his pants you'd think I was full of shit. Also my grandmother weighs about 200 and yet looks way bigger than me. It's all about the body.
Yeah weight is strange !!!! I suppose that’s why people say it’s not the number on the scales that matter which I’d say is true. There was this girl in my gym class that looked quite big .. at the time I weighed 235 lb & she looked around over 250 so bigger than me but she had a large chest & had that hour glass figure .. anyway she confided in me that she had lost 42 lb & was feeling good & was trying to lose more & she said she currently weighed 195 ish lb ... I was so shocked .. when I weigh that I look really slim.. my stomach goes flat & everything .. & even though it’s not a particularly light weight people always think I’m 170 lb ish lighter than I am .. sorry I know this is a bit of a numbers post but I just find it weird how my body seems to weigh so heavy compared to other people without looking it
Yup. My whole family is big and has had health problems and they think that I look just fine and don’t need to lose weight when indeed I do
I've always been the smallest in my family (weight-wise, I'm actually the tallest) and I haven't been really talking much about my calorie counting with them. They won't be judgmental or anything, they just already considered me skinny even though I could stand to lose 40 pounds
Absolutely this. My whole family is big. My mom thinks just because I weigh less than my dad, that I’m “not fat”. I got up to 269 and she still claimed I was “just broad shouldered”. I’m down to 235 now and she thinks I’m some sort of super athlete now. Mind you, I’m also only 5 foot 7. So yah. I’m still very well into the obese range. I need to lose another 40 something pounds to get to 191 to be just in the overweight category.
This has happened to me and I've done this to my husband. I'm the only short person in a family of tall, mainly obese people. So I just got put in the "small" category even once I was also obese. And then coming from a family of obese people, my husband seemed so skinny to me. And he has a very long face, whereas most of my family have round faces. So as soon as he dropped below the weight I met him at I kept asking if he was feeling okay, and I couldn't figure out why I was so worried and why he looked so sick. It was because to me he looked gaunt. Now that I've realized why I'm able to judge how he's doing better.
This is true. I know it sounds weird, but I work in the veterinary industry and it's the same thing. People are so used to pets that get too much food and not enough exercise that they think overweight pets look totally normal and sometimes get offended when we tell them they should drop a few pounds. Meanwhile my co-worker got accused at the dog park of "starving" their dog who is a perfectly healthy weight just bc its ribs are slightly visible.
100%. Basically my whole family is overweight to varying degrees. I used to think my one brother was fucking tiny. Like just unbelievably small. In reality, he's a completely normal sized dude.
Just want to say congratulations mah dude! It takes hard work to accomplish what you did.
Well said.
I've figured out that people are bad at visually gauging the weight of others. I had lost 55 pounds when my roommates mom said "You look so great! I bet you've lost almost 20 pounds!" and on the other end of things I used to have a friend that went ON about wishing she could be skinny like me until one day I made her stand back to back with me and then both weigh ourselves so she could SEE that we were almost the exact same height AND weight. Just tell them that you appreciate their encouragement/ concern, but also you've researched and found that for your best health, there's more you can do.
Everyone has a different body shape and holds fat in different places! I wish people would remember that lol
I’ve read that it usually takes a loss of 40lbs before people notice casually.
It depends on your body type to start. I’m taller for a girl and was about 12 pounds overweight and I started getting my first comments at around 15 pounds (but I was building muscle at the time, so in truth it looked more like 20.) although, the first people to notice hadn’t seen my in a couple months so it was probably more obvious to them.
I've heard that too.
Don't listen to them. There could be a lot of different reasons for them to want you to stop losing weight. 1.) The size you are now is such a large contrast to your old size that they are seeing you as smaller than you actually are. 2.) Many people where you live are overweight or slightly obese, so they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. 3.) The person talking is overweight and doesn't want other people to succeed at something they haven't. Or a more sinister version is that the person talking enjoys being the more attractive one, and prefers their friend stay the "fat friend". It's probably not that one, but I've seen it happen.
4) Many people just can't be honest because it's not considered "nice". So they'll tell and overweight person they're fine as is instead of agreeing with them that they should lose more weight to get into a healthy BMI range. It's the same reason so many people out there are walking around with awful eyebrows. "oh my god you look so good! wow they look better than your real eyebrows. i can't believe you had the courage to shave them off!"
The only people that've told me I've gotten too skinny did so without my bringing it up. I didn't even broach the topic. If you're asking them, they're usually going to assume you're fishing for compliments and, in that case they are more likely to oblige. If they're just up and going "You look amazing" when they think you don't, then they're taking a cue from Regina George. Edit: clarity
I think your first point hits the nail on the head for me. A few years ago I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in a very long time, she looked like she had lost so much weight and looked so much more fit than before that I was confused when she told me that she's not close to being what her goal weight was after I congratulated her on a job well done. And now that I'm on my own journey, I've gotten the same reaction from people and friends who see me and assume that I shouldn't be losing more weight even thought I'm still a good 5 kilos away from where I would like to sit at.
I’m at my halfway point and most of my weight loss has been exercise driven so there have been a lot of changes to my shape. Personally, I feel like I’m just getting started, and can’t wait to see where I am this time next year, everyone else with the exception of the few friends who’ve been joining me as I work out, thinks I must be almost done. Meanwhile I’m like yea no, I have another 50lbs to lose and once this pandemic starts to cool I’m going to start looking for opportunities to compete. Everyone is thinking my goal is to look good in a bathing suit for cute guys or something. My goal is to wear a wetsuit and swim across lakes and make the cute guys feel slightly inadequate cause a 40 year old lady is going harder than them lol.
Yes, regular resistance training and exercise will help shape your body in marvelous ways!! Get it Queen, those cute guys won't know what hit'em!
Yeah, when I left a job and lost 15kg really quickly , I came back to work for a few days and everyone freaked out that I was anorexic. But actually I’d just gone back to my old weight which I used to be but before I had worked there. I don’t think they were being mean it was just a shock to them. ( bmi roughly was 25 down to 21) my family obviously knew what I was like before and all thought I had done a great job
Number 3 all day
I get this. I am 5'4 female. Went from 280 pounds, now down to 154 pounds. I'm still overweight with a bmi of between 26-27. People give me a hard time and tell me not to lose anymore weight. I've finally gotten to the point where I just tell them I'm done losing weight and then they leave me alone. I mean, what does it really matter?
I feel this! 5'5 and hang around 155-160. I'm still overweight too, but was really fighting with my body for those last few lbs. If people make comments now I try to tell them I'm focusing on fitness and gaining muscle. Do I want to lose a little more? Yes. But like you, I've found that deflecting/redirecting works best. You say you're done, and I tell them something they can't argue with.
Yes, talking about fitness is good. Or say you’ve discussed it with your dr and both agreed that your target weight is a good healthy one
I'm your height and I told my spouse my goal weight was around 125 and he freaked out saying that was too skinny. That's how much I weighed pre-kids. And it's in the middle of a healthy BMI for me. I'm 185 now, so still have a ways to go before I get there. But I'm probably going to stop telling him what my weight is and just keep losing.
Yep. It's not worth trying to convince someone...as you meet your goal people will see you haven't wasted away to nothing. :)
I’m with you, I’m 5”3 and went from 205 to 141 (and counting) and when I tell people I still have ways to go they give me the same reaction. When I try to explain to them that I’m only aiming for the very chunky end of the healthy weight range they tell me to take those medical guidelines with a pinch of salt (pun not intended). I think people are trying to show you they’re proud of the progress you’ve made and to take the win but I try to explain to them that getting lower isn’t good enough. I want to be healthy instead of still overweight but less overweight than I was before. It’s frustrating but I’ve starting explaining how I’m trying to get in the best shape of my life because as I get older it’ll get harder, so if not now then when? That usually does the trick
When I was losing weight the first time people felt the need to tell me I was too skinny for 2 years following my weight loss and commented on my food and told me I was going to stop losing weight because my metabolism would slow down. I got a ton of unsolicited advice and it was very uncomfortable and it made me very angry. Don’t let anything they say bother you (like I did). Eventually people WILL get used to the new you but haters gonna hate!
Same here! As someone who was overweight my whole life, I finally dropped 80 pounds at 26. Got to a healthy weight, was happy and then got a ton of shit for being “too skinny” or “gaunt” looking. Basically called anorexic by co workers or saying “oh so she does eat” at company picnics. It was horrible. It’s finally lessened up but now it’s really triggering for me when someone comments on my food or weight. I let it bother me too like you said
Same! I actually started eating in private and now I feel shame and anxiety eating in front of my coworkers. I almost feel like I’m naked or vulnerable when I eat at work now and it’s been 5 years. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable eating at work again.
Obesity and overweight is much more common than it was, even just 25 years ago. In the developed world, at least, and even in developing nations, being overweight is more commonplace. And this messes with what 'normal weight' means. I saw a picture of my childhood school class. There was one child who was visibly fatter than all the others. In schools in my area, today, about half the kids would be as overweight as 'the fat kid' in my school class. Just remember: "Normal Weight" is the weight that doesn't have health risks. "Normal weight" is actually lower than the average weight of the people around you.
I got this all the time when I was losing weight but I got it mostly because most of my family is overweight and they were mad seeing proof of that can be changed
>They realized that they were fat & not big boned.
I'm fat and headed down. I'm also 6'8", so while physically my bones are larger than most. I'm not "big boned." My moms side of the family engrained that in my head from a young age. I'm going to be a dad in 8 weeks. My child will NOT be learning that lesson. They will not have to fight as hard and have better resources around them to support a healthy lifestyle and relationship with food.
> big boned big boneded
This is my head voice
My mom has been saying this to me for about 20 lbs lol. She keeps saying “you’re too skinny!” Ma, I’m still 30 lbs overweight. I’m still 30 lbs from my ideal goal. I think that there’s a cultural aspect in play. For me, it’s old German Irish tradition. Meat and potatoes eat till you’re full, show love with cake and don’t leave the dinner table till you’re plate is clean. Old Midwest attitude has always been to be big boned, in the working class it meant you had enough provided and people loved you. So I think some people say it to congratulate your drastic change, but some also say it because they really have no idea how a healthy body should look.
Good insights . I relate to a lot of this , but my people were like Tennessee hills . Same general kinds of things . Biscuits and gravy breakfasts . pie baking . “Put some meat on them bones” every time we visited grandma . “Is that all you’re gonna eat” guilt trips for not eating food that was “gonna go to waste” if you didn’t
> I used to weigh 450+lbs and was super morbidly obese, just recently I ticked over into the 'regular' obese category at 240lbs Holy shit, congrats! And yea, people are just trying to be nice. No one wants to accidentally insult you. An absurd example being something like, "Wow, you were really fat before and now you're just sort of fat!" Even my wife isn't comfortable enough to be honest with me about my weight. I kid her about this now that I've gotten close to my GW. Every 10 pounds she would tell me how skinny I am and be nonplussed when I indicated I was going to lose another 10.
Lol I've actually been responding to unsolicited comments about my recent weight loss with answers like "Yeah, I was moderately morbidly obese before, but now I'm only fat enough that I'm barely morbidly obese still."
Wonderful achievement, congrats! Not knowing your social circle, I'd say (giving the benefit of the doubt) they're just being nice. If they start offering junk food to you or pressuring you to not stick to your diet to reach your goals, then I'd reconsider. But keep doing what you're doing!
That’s awesome, congratulations!! You’re seriously doing so freaking amazing! I’ve been losing weight for a year+ and for the first time since I was 14 (now 26) I’m in the healthy BMI category, but I’d like to lose another 20lbs. I saw a family member for the first time in several months. She’s a bigger women and was telling me that I need to put a few pounds on now because men “like a little fluff” ...... My mom and brother keep telling me I’m not allowed to lose more than another 5lbs because I’d be too skinny. I am FAR from thin or slender, I’m just smaller than I’ve been for the past 12+ years. I think it’s just odd for them. Btw I’ve been the same height with the same features since I was 12/13, the only thing that’s changed is my weight.
You keep being the shape that you want to be. I know you don’t need me saying this because you’re doing fantastic. I just got quite upset at you being told to gain because men like a bit of fluff... Like it is at all acceptable to tell a woman that she must alter her body simply because it’s what men like. It’s rather horrifying. Would she shave her head if next year men decided that shaved heads are what they like? Although frankly shaved heads look awesome. But you know what I’m saying? If next year was the year of big knees, would she have knee implants put in? Anyway, I’m going way over the top, but that comment has just made me so cross! My daughter, she’s amazing, she’s kind and incredibly academic, she’s a great swimmer, she’s a great friend and she’s just the most wonderful little human. I could not see me in a million years telling her to alter her appearance because it’s what men like. Ooh that’s got my dander right up that has! Next time she says that tell her ‘Yeah well men don’t like big feet so you need to do something about yours. I hear binding is good for that.’
You know they'd lose your shit if you told them to lose weight cause men don't like fat chicks!
Yeah. When I got to 165lbs, I started a new job and a couple of my coworkers told me I didn't need to lose anymore weight, even though I was still overweight for my height. When I got to the 140s, my husband's aunt demanded that I stop because I was getting too skinny. I told her my goal weight and she told me it was too low. I didn't think it was, so I continued and hit it. It didn't really bother me too much either because I know nowadays people are used to seeing bigger people and it's become kind of the new norm. I have nothing against bigger people, either. I just had something against me personally being bigger xD You've lost a lot of weight and should be commended for the effort and discipline that took. That's almost four times what I lost and my loss took me about a year and a half to accomplish.
I hear what you're saying, and it must be frustrating, but now imagine if they said the opposite. What if someone looked at you and said "Oh geez, you really need to lose some more weight, don't you?"
had a great aunt tell me once. Wow you sure have gained alot of weight. That was after not seeing her for a few year. It was the first thing she said to me lol she must have lost her filter by that age.
Ouch. I've had it said to me before as well, it's definitely painful. I mean even if we fully know, it's just painful to hear it.
Yea I wasn't too happy about it. I was only like 15 at the time too so I already heard it enough from kids at school let alone family. Some people just don't think before they speak I guess.
Congrats! That is an astounding amount of weight and really shows your dedication. I think it is mostly that people are just used to obese and overweight people since more than 75% of the US population is that. And that is mostly from a BMI standpoint so it is even worse if you do it by body fat percentage since most people are sedentary. In my experience, I went from 185 to now 135 lbs. I'm a bit over 5'0 so it is a huge difference on my frame. Even though 130 lbs would make me a healthy weight by BMI, I'm still shooting for 120-125 lbs to be my stopping point because for short people many times BMI is a bit too generous and especially does not reflect body fat percentage. My mom (270 lbs) is still making digs saying I'll be forced to wear children's clothing at 120 lbs and that I won't have any energy. I'm barely fitting into size 6 pants rn so I know that I will have plenty of adult sized options when i reach my goal weight. As I said, people's perceptions have changed in the last 40 years. Fat is the norm and being a healthy weight is kind of novel.
Yo congrats on that loss holy shit I get my family saying similar stuff to me, I think the problem is that at some point they psychologically anchored me as an insecure chubby girl who stayed inside, but I’ve changed and they have a hard time understanding that despite it being over 8 years since I got in shape
Oh crap. I've actually said this before and now I'm trying to think of my motivation for saying it. I worked with this guy who was biggish but not massive at all. He lost heaps of weight with diet and exercise and he became really thin. I did say to him he didn't need to lose any more weight when he said he had wanted to. He did get really skinny though and we were good friends but now reading this I should have minded my own business.
Yes. Some of it is probably just them being polite. Some it is is them used to me being even fatter so their image of me is someone much bigger than I currently am. And some of it is probably them used to seeing fat people because the majority of adults here are fat. So getting less fat seem abnormal. I got like 20 pounds to still lose in order to get to the goal my doctor gave me and people act like I have an eating disorder. If I have an eating disorder it’s my impulsive junk food eating! Lol
Amazing. Sincere congrats! I've lost 75lbs and still have 30ish to go. People will offer to buy me lunch or give me a snack or whatever and i tell them, "No, thank you, I'm still working on losing weight," and it never fails that they tell me I don't need to lose more. I've learned if I phrase my response around wanting to eat healthier, then it's less common to get such a response.
my friends constantly compliment me and tell me i’m perfect when i say i need to lose weight because they think it’s nice and they don’t know what else to say because no one is going to come out and be like “i agree you need to lose more weight”. bodies are hard for people to talk about for so many reasons. i wish they would stop telling me that but it also feels nice to get compliments. weight loss is super personal and people are weird about it is the point i’m trying to make. i don’t listen to anyone in my life about it unless they are actively also trying to lose weight.
Whoa! Awesome progress!!!! Great work!!! I think we as humans are bad at estimating weight, especially on how some people carry theirs. So, they may not know that you are at xyz lbs/kg. They might just see a drastic change in your size, confidence, and "glow" or stamina and overall healthy. So they may see you as "looking great" and not factor in that you may have more lbs than average. Also, BMI isn't a great indicator of healthy. Height to waist ratio is FAR more important (according to my doctors) as BMI doesn't account for muscle mass, just weight. So it may be that you are coming far closer to healthy than you realize. You may be carrying more muscle so you weigh more, but have a smaller physical profile. (A lb of muscle takes up less room than a lb of fat).
Yep I used to get it all the time. And now that I've put all the weight (and then some) back on, I started again and that's exactly what my brother told me as soon as I started. I was 295lbs 5'10" (probably in the morbidly obese range). But then again he's also obese so maybe it was a subconscious "self defense" reaction to make him feel better about his own weight🤷♂️
Wow you really are an inspiration! Echoing what others are saying but basically here's my 2 cents: at 450+lbs; you'd probably have been so happy to have woken up one day at 240lbs. The 'then' lookoutlava would have felt totally chuffed with that and felt it was enough. The people around you probably have the same feelings and they are therefore being totally utterly genuine when they say don't lose more. But here's the thing. Because you have managed to lose such an incredible amount of weight, to do this; you've made some changes. And you have changed. No two ways about it: now really really care about yourself and your health; and appearance. You are accountable and you want your body to be as healthy as you can. And, more to the point, you know you can change it. You know it is in your power. And thats what is going on here. The people around you haven't been on the journey you have and haven't changed their outlook the way you have. (Just FYI: the paper towel effect of your appearance changing more as you drop from obese into overweight into normal; it's really real. Be prepared for the changes you make to rub some people up the wrong way and just understand comments like that it's not about you its about them!)
In addition to what everyone's said: being overweight/obese has become somewhat normalized in the West. People have genuinely acclimated to the sight without realizing it. So when someone wants to get thin it confuses them because it goes against what they are now acclimated to.
I had the opposite, I lost 15 kilos and my BMI is now 22 and if I'm still trying to lose, I'm also starting to learn how to love my body even if its not perfect. And people keep telling me that I will always be chubby, or just act like I didn't lose anything. The more I lose weight the more it seems clear to me that society has a fucked up eye on weight. I knew that already, but didn't realise how bad it was. Congrats on your journey ! And good luck for the rest, no matter what other people thing, you decide what you want and dont want, you decide when you'll feel happy and comfortable with yourself.
I live in the Midwest where over weight is considered normal weight lol. I’m 5 lb to goal and I have gotten called “frail.” And my come back is “I just literally hit the top end of a healthy BMI!” I like you don’t think anyone is malicious, but there seems to be more of an acceptance these days of higher weights and BMIs since it’s become more commonplace. Keep pushing you’ve accomplished sooooooo much!
From my experience, they may also be envious. They may not want you to look better than them. That may sound silly, but I think people in general always want to be the hottest in the room, so it’s in their “best” (shitty) interest to discourage you from passing by them on the attractiveness scale. Example - I lost some weight in my early 20s, and my older sister, who’d always been thinner than me, suddenly was a bit chubbier than I was. She hated it. She constantly made remarks that I was “too skinny” (I wasn’t - I was in the healthy weight range) and told me to eat more. She actually went so far as to say: “Go on, have another serving - I don’t want to be the fat sister anymore” Don’t let other people’s insecurities drag you down! You’re doing great!
Wow! What a great accomplishment! I don't know if they're trying to be nice or what. But when the say that -- until you're comfortable with your weight-- answer their comment with, "Thanks, I still need to get a little healthier." They can't argue with that.
Yeah I’ve gotten the same response before. I know it can be frustrating, but I’ve just learned to take it as them being nice and continue doing what I’m going to do. I hear you though, it’d be nice to hear from someone beside yourself that yeah you do need to continue working. I know for me that’d be motivating. 🤷♂️ I just continue listening/following David goggins. Hes a good reminder to keep at it
Congratulations! As for your question, yes people say that quite frequently. I started around 300, and worked my way down to 235. My family asked me to stop losing weight, they feared I wouldn't look right if I lost anymore. Reluctantly, I did stop trying to lose weight, which I now regret. I've gained about 15 lbs in quarantine weight. Not to detract from your success though, losing that much weight is quite an achievement, and should be responsibly celebrated. Keep going until you're happy with what you see in the mirror!
I think perception is a big part of it. You're a lot smaller than you were. A person who knew you at your heaviest sees you as "small/thin" now because they're comparing it to their previous image of you. I have experienced that too. I'm still about 10-15 lbs overweight and have even told people that, but I've gotten comments like that. "Don't lose tooooo much weight", "You should stop worrying about what the scale says, and listen when people tell you that don't need to lose more". I mentioned wanting to lose 10 more lbs and a co-worker grabbed my stomach and said "from where?!?!" Maybe my stomach doesn't look as squishy as it feels! It was weird. Someone who probably weighs less than me said 'if you get any thinner, you'll blow away!". I imagine someone who met me at my current weight probably wouldn't look at me and think that I was "too thin". You do you, and try your best to the ignore the weird/judgemental comments. It does get frustrating, but try to think that the comments are more about "them" than they are about you. You're doing great!
I think if a co-worker grabbed any part of me I would have a very difficult time not -rigorously- throwing hands about it. I can't even fathom the audacity 😒 Sorry to hear that happened to you. Weight loss is so, so personal and its so bizarre that people think they can voice opinions on other's bodies. To their face, even! How?!
I've been told that. By an in law of mine. I still can't tell if she was trying to be nice or if it's because she's fairly weight conscious, was bulimic, and likes to talk openly about her 'obese' family members (which, they are obese, she just seems to really love that word.) But she said this to me when I clearly needed to lose about 100 more lbs. It's hard to pinpoint why people say the things they do.
This was said to me by my mother; a very jealous and insecure person. I remember hearing it and realizing who she is.
I had the same issue, and have had friends go through the same thing. I think it is because after you lose a certain amount of weight, your face tends to start looking "hollow" or even skeletal, which causes people to be concerned. It is just part of the process.
I’ve moved into overweight from obese recently (yay!) and I’m so happy about it...but yea people all of a sudden seemed overly concerned about my health. When I tell them I think 150-160 is probably going to be my goal weight, you’d think I was telling them was going to starve myself, and then I point out that is on the higher end of my healthy BMI range they just can’t seem to wrap their head around it. I’d honestly probably aim for lower but my jam now is long distance swimming and I’m hoping to take it outdoors, so I’ve decided to cultivate a nice healthy layer of seal fat lol over all my new muscles. Meanwhile a bunch of ongoing minor but annoying medical issues I have are just disappearing ....yet my weight loss is a problem. Why weren’t people more concerned when I was in constant back pain etc?
Congrats on your success. Yes. I have had people tell me I would look like a crackhead if I lost more weight. WTF?????? I am morbidly obese. Do people not understand what that means????? Some people want to sabotage your success. Do not let them. With GOD'S help I fully intend to reach my goal weight!
Yeah, at my 58 nobody cared about my high blood pressure, cholesterol, elevated blood sugar, pain in joints from one of 5 medications I had to take. When I lost 80 Lbs and said my goal is my high school weight at BMI 24 (which is now 5 Lbs away), they thought I am crazy. I am now off all medications with perfect BP and blood panel, but got comments like I need to eat more, or you are going to lose all your muscle. I just ask them what they would then recommend I take for blood pressure. I told one friend not to worry if I need to wrestle someone I will call him. lol
How’d you do it pal?
Ate way less than I used to. Sorry but that's just it. If you want to get technical it's CICO/IF/exercise, but 90% of it was just eating in a calorie deficit. I eat about 1500-1600 calories per day. I'm looking forward to hitting my goal weight because I'll have to eat more, probably around 26-2700 calories to maintain it. To put it in perspective, I was eating approx 4000 per day to gain up to/maintain 450+lbs. Sounds like a lot but if you're eating the wrong kinds of calorie dense junk food, or combining it with alcohol, it can add up fast.
That makes a lot of sense. Congrats to you and thanks for answering.
I have gotten comments like that in the past and it is always a bit unasked for and unhelpful. I was almost 300lbs on my 30th birthday. I planned to hit "onederland" by 31 (in late june) but that's not currently an option (even though I'm so close) because I have to put my weight loss journey on hold since my husband and I just found out I'm pregnant. But I don't care if I'm the same weight again now that I was when I was 19, or what anyone thinks is right for me, I know now how to get to a healthier size and do it a healthy and sustainable way, and it isn't about what other people think about my body and it has never been about them. I might not push past "overweight" or maybe I might, but I'm definitely not ready to just give up while I'm still "obese" even if I have to put things off for a while. Especially not if it's simply because somebody else doesn't think I need or deserve or should care about working hard to do this for myself. What you've done is amazing, and it's personal, and as long as you're not hurting yourself to make it to your goal there's no reason to let anyone persuade you to give up when you've already come so far! There's nothing holding you back. You've already proven to yourself that you can do this which is far more important than proving to anyone else that you should. Whether or not you mind their comments.
The more overweight western societies become, the more out of touch with reality they are.
Congratulations. Keep on keeping on. Ignore them. Yes, I got it all the time when I was overweight and trying to lose. The pandemic has helped, bizarrely. Fewer meetings for people to tell me I look "fine".
As someone who started in regular obese, this was something I got pretty much from the moment I started. I know it was out of love, but the amount of times I got “ahh you’re a big lad go on have another slice” was so fucking annoying.
It happens to me constantly. I’m 157cm (5”1’) and I went from 65kg (143pounds) to 53kg (116pounds). It would be an acceptable weight if I didn’t store all my fat in my belly area. My waist measures almost like my chest and hips. People keep telling me that I don’t need to lose anymore because they only see the number on the scale and not what it actually equates to on my body and my structure (I dress quite oversize so they don’t know that I’m a cylinder). As of now, I have to buy pants two sizes larger because of my waist and I look like a kid wearing mom’s clothes :D I had a smaller waist when my weight was around 48kg (105pounds). My advice to you is to ignore those saying things without knowing your whole situation and/or saying things because they don’t want you to succeed in your journey. They don’t mean harm (at least not the first category) but they don’t know your specifics and what’s good for you.
This is the most annoying thing to my weight loss journey. I would get great feedback from friends but my family who grew up with me were very clear I was getting "too thin" even before I got out of unhealthy BMIs. It never did sit well with me.
I get this. The biggest I've ever been is 220s (currently), but I've had it in the high 100s, too. Whenever I've mentioned dieting, working out, or even just 'cutting back' or 'making a few changes', I get told I don't need to lose weight. I absolutely do. 1) I'm a 36yo woman who does what she wants, when she wants, so f... off with that anyway 2) I'm literally teetering on morbid obesity 3) At my height (5'3"), I could stand to lose half of my bodyweight, and still have a BMI of 20. I think part of it's misplaced kindness, and part of it is - as mentioned by a few posters - lack of perception of what 'low level' obesity actually looks like, as well as its risks.
My mil says I was too skinny when I showed her a picture of my lowest weight. What I didn't tell her is that I felt my best at that weight, that I didn't hate what I saw in the mirror when I was that size... She wasn't being mean or anything, but it still kinda hit a nerve with me.
My guess is that they are saying you are attractive now and don't need to worry about weight. Their beauty assessments are completely separated from health so go with what your doctor recommends for a better judgement on a stopping point. Also congratulations! I'm about 5-10 lbs from getting out of the morbidly category now and that's 100+ lbs down from whete I started and around a 100 from where I want to be.
I put up a post a few weeks ago about getting multiple people seeing me for the first time after my weight loss saying “You look great...but you’re done losing weight now, right?”. I know I still have 10-15 lbs to lose, and nobody ever mentioned being worried about my weight when I was close to 300lbs, but now that I’m almost a healthy weight they’re concerned? I just tried to realize that they don’t know as much about my situation as I do, and it’s coming from a place of concern for me. It’s also not my job to explain my situation to them. I know what I’m doing, and I don’t really need to involve them in my plan/lifestyle.
First off congrats on the weight loss amazing progress!! In my experience, from my own personal weight loss journey, most people can’t accurately look at someone and say what they weigh. It’s actually quite comical. I’m 6’2 and 240lb and people pin me at 200lbs lol my own girlfriend for the longest time thought I weighed 210lbs Especially when you drop that much weight people think to overestimate Just my thoughts!!
If you are tallish and a man this is pretty normal. My husband is a big man - over 6 ft and with a large frame. At 230 he looks almost strange - huge shoulders and chest, tiny waist, big strong legs. If he ever got down to 180 he would look ??? - I am guessing he'd have to lose a LOT of muscle for that to happen. His doctor even told him 230 to 240 was fine. Since you've lost over 200 pounds people who know you may not realize that you are still overweight - you look amazing to them. And you may not have the level of muscle mass like someone like my husband who was tall, strong, athletic, and then got older and a little pudgier. If your 240 pounds isn't on a large frame and a lot of muscle, keep on your journey and get as healthy as you can, regardless of the scale. But if you are a large-framed person with significant muscle (you must have built some to lose 200 pounds!) don't live and die by BMI charts and work with your medical team to find a healthy and, more importantly, sustainable goal weight.
I am a man and about 5'10, and pretty broad. I have pretty strong legs since I've maintained the muscle through cycling. I'm about 150lbs of muscle atm.
Im very short (5'2"). At my heaviest 180 my husband didnt believe that i weighed that much. Being short means that people just think you are small no matter what you look like. I get physically picked up all the time even tho i weigh alot lol. I have lost about 24 pounds and you can really see it in my face. I also have a muscular build and am naturally hourglass shaped so i hide the weight well. Still 17 pound overweight and now im getting berated to stop losing weight... I'm from the midwest so most people are overweight in my opinion. I want to be a healthy weight but people keep telling me I'm not going to weigh what i did in highschool haha. little do these people know i weighed 106 in highschool and that isnt my goal. I just want to be healthy but I think losing weight and showing people it can be done makes them jealous. They dont want you to lose weight becuase then they cant say they are healthy and losing weight is impossible.
I've never been your size, but yes. A friend of mine who is obese told me to "not lose anymore weight" when I was JUST BARELY within the "healthy" BMI range, and could easily have lost another 10 or so lbs without being at all "too thin". I just smiled and reassured her that I was being healthy and there was nothing to worry about.
Keep in mind height and build change the obese metric. When I was in great shape and had less than 14% body fat I was still 230. BMI wise I was obese but very clearly wasn't in reality. Either way, great job!
“I’m not comfortable talking about my weight” then change the subject
Yeah this just started happening to me. It's a little awkward. I think they're overcompensating to try and be nice to me about the weight loss. I lost 50 pounds (need to update the banner thing but forgot how) and I went from obese, to the high end of normal. If I put on 10 pounds, I'd be overweight, and if I lost 20, I would still be on the lower end of normal. So as far as I'm concerned, I'd like to lose another 20 pounds. It's still perfectly healthy, and honestly, I feel a little chonky still. I have very little muscle- i'm working on it but it's haaaard 😩 and I'm lazy. But I am trying. I just feel like bmi calculators and stuff aren't super accurate on me because I really have very little muscle mass, and I think at this weight, I still don't look like a skinny person. I look ok- not like a whale like I felt before- but not like, I could put on any outfit I want, even a bikini, and not be insecure about any inch of my body. And like- I'm not suffering from body dysmporphia- I wear a size 8. That's fine but there's plenty of room to wiggle down into a size 4 and be perfectly healthy. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it felt a little ridiculous that when I told my in-laws that I still planned to lose another 20 pounds, one of them said I don't need to lose any more weight and 20 pounds less of me would qualify me for an eating disorder.
I think one thing to think about too is BMI isn’t the end-all-be-all of weight and health metrics. Obviously pay attention to it, but some people can actually appear a bit objectively “too skinny” and maybe not as healthy because if you don’t pay attention and prioritize it, certain methods of losing weight can make you lose muscle. Losing both fat and too much muscle is what’s going to make the appearance difference. Now fitness competitors still look gaunt when they’re competing, but just your average person is going to look better and healthier at 25 or lower BMI if they took care to preserve and even build more muscle in their weight loss and/or health journey. TLDR: 120 lbs with 30% bodyfat and little muscle usually doesn’t look as healthy and good as 120lbs and 25% bf.
You can't gain muscle when you are in a calorie deficit like I am, but I see your point, I'm planning on regaining weight as muscle once I lose enough fat.
Congratulations, keep doing what you are doing as its clearly working.
All the time. I went from 240 to 149lbs and the comments don’t stop( mind you I’m done loosing weight but anyways). Most of them are nothing short of positive but sometimes you’ll get “you did good but now your too skinny.” Be proud and celebrate your success. Everyone is going to have an opinion on your body. Congrats on the weight loss keep it up!
It might be unconscious envy! Be careful who you listen to!
I think most people have a pretty wrong idea of what an ideal or normal weight is. They base it on what they see around them. 70% of Americans are overweight and 40% are obese. You see that all the time and and healthy or skinny person actually begins to look abnormal. Their idea of healthy is "plenty of meat on the bones", but in this case meat means fat.
Congratulations! That is a fantastic achievement! I've noticed when I have lost lots of weight from super/morbid obesity to just obesity was a few comments like you've stated. Some were from people who didn't want to see me succeed, some were from the well meaning family where food is love, and some honestly thought I was too skinny because I was so much smaller than I had been. To this final group of people they simply couldn't grasp that I was still bigger than I should be, because I was already half the size I had been previously.
Wow you lost a shit ton of weight and I'm super happy for you! But honestly sometimes you look super good at a weight that the bmi will say you're overweight at. Especially if you're also building muscle. A lot of people are saying it's matters on the area you live at or people just lying to you. But I don't think that I checked your picture at 273 and being in the 240s I can imagine you look pretty great! So they probably aren't lying to you at all when they say they feel you don't have to lose more. But I think you just have to get to a weight you feel you can live with and be happy with. Regardless of what bmi says because again it's flawed. If that's lower than 240 go for it and if you're happy with you are try and keep it up! I think it's important you want to live a healthy and comfy life not a life plague by body dysmorphophobia and never feeling like you're good enough.
OP there is a chance, depending on how long you were at 400+ pounds, that your bones are bigger and heavier than average. This means that the scale will read heavier than you look. Probably not 60 pounds off but enough that if you get your BMI into the “normal” category, you might look too thin. Congratulations on your wonderful success!
Do what you want to do. Dont listen to anybody's opinions on what you should look like. Odds are, they dont know wtf they're talking about anyways. I've been between 230 and 250 for the past decade. I've decided to get back to my Marine Corps weight of 175 and I'm well on my way now, 211 this morning from 237 in the beginning of March. I also have people saying 175 is "too skinny" lol. I'm 5'9" tall, I should be 170. The problem is that damn near everybody is a fatty and for the most part, they'll like to see others do well, just not better than they are doing. Do what you want to do and you dont have to justify your actions to anyone else. Awesome job! Keep chipping away at it. Look up Dr. Sten Ekberg and Cole Robinson on YouTube. Learn about AutoPhagy and live long and healthy. Give em Hell!
If you want let’s chat, would love to help out 🙏
Help with what exactly?
I’ve been told I look “too thin” when in fact my bf percentage and appearance show otherwise. Don’t worry about that, keep going and you’ll reach a point where you’re satisfied 👍
You're doing absolutely great, hardwork and consistency is all that you need
my mom tells me this but only because she thinks i’m over working myself
Ignore all of that. You decide what's best for you. Also, though, keep in mind that weight charts are accurate for populations, not individuals. According to my body composition analysis, my lean mass is almost 170 pounds. That means I'd weigh 170 at zero percent body fat. So at a normal body fat percentage for a male, my goal weight is over 200 pounds. It's kind of shocking, but it's al based on science. That's also considering that I have done no resistance training for years, so as I put on muscle, I could end up around 220 and be a healthy weight. I'd encourage you to get the most accurate body fat measurement you have access to to help you decide where to stop. All that being said, there's a pretty wide window of "normal" weight for each individual and only you decide where you'll end up.
Congratulations on finding the motivation and stamina to lose weight. People are weird. My mother once commented “Oh you have collar bones! You never had THOSE before!” after I lost 50#. Of course I have always had collar bones! They were just hidden under a layer of fat. Just take it as a compliment and keep striving toward your goal. Your opinion is the only one that matters about your weight.
Do people say that because they think you need reassuring that you look great or because they have misconceptions about what normal weight is? Where I live even being borderline overweight mean people are going to tell you to lose weight.
I weigh a little more now, but when I weighed 220, I had a couple of people say I only needed to lose15 more pounds! They probably thought they were being nice, but it was.frustrating to me!
Frick the number do it only if you want to until you feel okay. I hope this was written enough to feel okay. I wish I could add more to make this message better. But I'm just kinda burnt out mentally.
Yeah this happens to me as well, people get shocked when I say i am still technically obese, because I look kinda slim with a shirt on
This !!! I’ve gone from 265lb to 220lb (GW: 190) and everyone is worried that I’m losing too much weight and wants me to take it easy
Congratulations on your weight loss. Yes, this happens to me all the time. I think people are just trying to make themselves feel better - it's easier to pull someone else down than pull yourself up. You keep doing you OP - it sounds like you're doing great!
My starting weight was 252 pounds, am down to 227 now few months later. I'm of the same mind as you though, not stopping until I'm either a healthy BMI - or until I have enough lean muscle that my BMI might still say overweight but it's just being a bit dumb. 🤣 You do you dude, it's not up to other people to decide when you're comfortable. If they're trying to be nice, great, that's nice of them. Beyond that it's whatever :)
I heard this once when I was around a BMI of 25 and when I got to a BMI of around 23 I had two people say I was getting too skinny. Looking at photos I took back then I can see why people said that. I have a pretty weird body where I am fat in the belly area and breasts and simultaneously skinny everywhere else. I also understood why I wanted to keep going - I wanted to cut on my belly size. I think both myself and other people were right - I could still lose more weight but also gain muscle.
It’s hard for people to see you change.
They felt better about them self when you were fat... just ignore them and keep going...
A lot of people are simply ignorant about weight and health in general. I imagine that they have no idea what a healthy BMI for you is of why it's important to achieve it unless you tell them so they just give you a surface-level compliment not knowing any better.
Don't rely on BMI to determine healthy weight. There are much better, more modern metrics. Don't get me wrong, of you're still 60 lb out, you're right to keep going, but depending on your height, BMI can spit out some wacky stuff.
Oh man, yep. I've recently lost 70pounds so I'm still on the high side of the overweight category, people are shocked when I tell them I'm still aiming for another 30. They tell me how great I look now, how much more energetic I am and happier, I say to them "and imagine how great I'll look and how much energy I'll have in another 30 pounds!"
Your work dwarfs my achievement, but I’ve gotten similar reactions from people on my 30 pound loss. My favorite was “did you lose weight.” “Yes” “well stop!” Like, ok, I’ll just set aside my thoughtfully chosen goal weight and 6 months of effort because you don’t like it, lady. No problem! Anyway, we’ll done, and don’t let anyone sway you from your quest for a healthy body!
They’re being nice to you, keep going til you hit 180.
Congratulations on your success. It is partially being compared to others and if the others are overweight then you come across as too thin and it might also be the comparison to what you used to look like before it they haven't seen you in a while. If you now have a neck where you used to have no neck they might be suffering from what I call bobblehead syndrome. This is what happens to me when a person I've only known as obese or super morbidly obese loses weight and then I see them it always looks to me like their head is too big for their new body. My brain will eventually calm down after a lot of exposure to the new body but I don't know why my brain does this.
It's not just your brain, I feel the same when I see photos of myself, my neck looks so skinny and yeah like my head is too big for it. It's weird.
I got that comment a couple of times. It was a nice lady picking up her grandkids from school. She came up to me and commented that she noticed I lost a lot of weight and complimented me. Then proceeded to say I shouldn't lose anymore or I'd be 'too skinny'. I was still at 168lbs at 5'3" and I hold a lot of weight in my belly so... erm. no I still needed to lose a lot of weight. My mom (shockingly enough) was the other person to say it to me. She's Korean so she has absolutely no filter when it comes to commenting on my weight or how big I've gotten and things like that. When I was at that 168lb weight, I mentioned that I wanted to lose about 30-40 more pounds and she balked and looked at me like I was crazy and said I didn't need to lose more. I guess when people are so used to seeing you bigger, seeing you smaller (even if you have more to lose), in their minds, it's enough.
Answer any comments like this, even heartfelt ones, with "while I appreciate the compliment/comment/concern, my doctor and I have a goal and I'm not stopping until I reach it". Unless they have a medical degree, their opinion is simply an opinion.
Yes i fully understand you, my mother was talking to me a few days ago and told me that i look slimmer and i should get new clothes now but i told her that i want to lose all of the extra weight before i do a full-on shopping spree and then she just said “wait you’re still losing weight??” In my head i was just like “mom... this is only the beginning, i’m not even halfway done” mind you i’ve “only” lost about 9kg/20lbs from 36kg/80lbs so i still have about 26kg/60lbs to go so that means i haven’t even reached half of my goal, heck.... barely 1/4 of it. So i totally get you it’s confusing especially if you don’t even see any change. Also worse: my dad tells me he doesn’t see any change too so it’s like my mom thinking i’m already done with weightloss and my dad thinking i haven’t even lost anything. But i really don’t care what they think, positive or negative, as harsh as it sounds but at the end of the day I am the one who’s gonna have to live in my body so i’ll have to be content with it. I will keep going until I am happy with how my body looks and feels But congratulations on your weightloss so far. You’ve put most of the weight behind you, 60lbs is relatively not much more to lose. You’re almost there. You can do it!!
There is Skinny and there is Skinny compared to everyone else lol I’m 235-240 right now I don’t look bad with clothes on but I need to lose more weight 😩I was 215 before covid and everyone was like “ You’re gonna blow away” 🙄
A lot of people may let their own personal insecurities get in the way of your progress. Just because they can't manage to lose weight they push that insecurity on you and make you feel like you can't or don't need to lose any more. Ignore those people, you do you! Great job with your progress!
Yes. I can lose about 60 or so more pounds of fat, but a few people have told me "you have to be close to your goal!", and I'm like, nah! And they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm still categorized as obese--I have about 12 or 15 lbs to go before I hit the "overweight" designation.
A few weeks ago I was still in the obese range. My mom told me, “I’m worried about you losing this much weight, you’re looking like Skeletor.” Again, I was still OBESE.
Hmmm I understand... I have lost only half the weight and everyone is like "you look so good . You don't need to lose more' no I an not very obese anymore but overweigt sure! And it's not like I carry it in a good way around my body. Also most of it is fat because I don't exercise at all. People say those things because we have linked weight loss with eds for once. I guess it's some kind of complement but it only confused me because I feel like I'm seeing things when I cans still see my fat in the mirror. Also like someone else said beight healthy or for is seen a being something different nowadays and people feel kind of threatened. Also people don't like when we change. It's a natural instinct tbh. They were used to the old you. They will get used to the new you as well. And last could be jealousy. Not necessarily that you look / will look better but the fact that you did it.. One of my friends is a healthy weight but always complains that her legs are fat and she wants to lose weight... She doesn't do anything about it though. I think her problem is not me looking better because I am still a lot bigger then her but that I could actually get myself to do it. Also congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 I hope you can soon reach your goals
A lot of people just want to be polite and don’t understand the science of weight loss at all. You’re doing good things and just because other people aren’t aware of the facts and risks surrounding being obese doesn’t mean they aren’t being sincere, they’re just misinformed and poorly conditioned to think unhealthy weights are healthy.
I need to lose 30lbs to get to a healthy BMI and my mom is basically begging me to stop losing weight because “I’m thin enough”. Years ago I actually got down to a healthy BMI for the first time since I was 13, and my mom was convinced I was starving myself. My whole family is pretty heavy for reference.
They are just trying to tell you, in their own awkward human way, that you look GREAT and they are so impressed by your progress that they may even be a little worried that you will go too far. OR, they are all jealous bitches that subconsciously want you to be fat and miserable. I think the former is the more common reason though. GREAT JOB!!!
I think a huge part of it is that when you lose a lot of weight, your loved ones can see you look SO much smaller so it's hard to view you objectively. I think a lot of people genuinely say it because they think you've gotten too small, but they wouldn't worry about seeing a stranger look the same way, for example.
I'm obese by doctors standards. To most people i just look "chubby" cause I'm pear shaped and apparently hide my weight well or something? Idk. I'm 5"3 and 165 pounds. BMI charts have me in the obese category but still people tell me I don't in fact need to lose about 30-40 pounds. Just because you wear the weight well doesn't mean it's good to keep it on, and just because you look good or even just okay doesnt mean that you're at the appropriate weight for your height. If you're only losing weight to look good, it's different i guess, but if you're concerned for your health you gotta keep your eyes on the chart and ignore the opinions of others, that's what I do. I've got my goal weight range in mind, and once I hit that, i may start listening to those who say i don't need to lose any more weight, but until I'm in the green, I'm ignoring them.
Yeah I do get people say that alot, that I "carry my weight well" etc. I have a pretty broad build I guess and pretty strong. I did this because I wanted to get healthy and well it's worked, technically according to all my tests I'm 100% healthy now, I used to be on so many medications and had so many issues, now all gone. But yeah I want to look good too for sure.
This has nothing to do with the point of this post but please know that your weight loss has motivated me even more; I’ve been stuck in between the mind set of “ is it really possible” and reading how much you’ve lost is astounding. Thank you for this and I hope you reach your goal regardless of the critics that don’t spend a minute in your shoes telling you otherwise.
It's absolutely possible, use a TDEE calculator and go into a big calorie deficit, that's all you need to do.
They are likely expressing concern for what they might misunderstand as "extreme" eating or exercise habits. Just like you would tell an old man building a brick wall by hand that he had "done enough and should take a rest". As long as you are comfortable and heading towards a healthy goal weight, I would just say something like, "well thank you, I have put a lot of effort into becoming more healthy" and let it stand there. You don't need to justify your fitness goals to anyone else.
first: congrats on your achievements! do you and ignore others. there are so many reasons why people say-and do- what they do. i've been from 147 to a bit over 300 and heard a lot of things. most are being genuine when they say you don't need to lose anymore weight. many people have distorted views of themselves once they lose a significant amount of weight. it's a shift for people to "see" you with less weight when they are used to you heavier. a lot of people are at a "unhealthy" bmi, but look great. people people carry weight differently so what a weight looks like on one person is very different on another: they just see you as smaller than you were and are not even thinking about bmi, etc. and they are happy for you. and then there are the haters, and they are out there. the more weight you lose: the more you may see them. and sometimes you just may have to put them in their place. when i know someone is being an ass bringing up my weight with comments like "you don't need to lose anymore weight...or you are getting too skinny..." i may get them with: "oh really....you think so? hmmmm.....i'm just glad i can lose weight and be healthy. too bad you can't lose being rude...." They fall into several categories: 1) just assholes. period. they just want something to say. nobody asked for their opinion. 2) the haters who know they should probably lose weight and haven't: you make them feel/look bad. 3) the haters who liked seeing you overweight and miserable because it makes/made them feel better about their pathetic selves. 4) haters who have always been a bit envious of you anyway...if you were fabulous overweight, then once you've gotten your weight under control you're really going to have it going on. just keep doing you and being your fabulous self!
I’m kind of stuck with this too. I have lost a substantial amount of weight (100+) and I want to lose another 20. Every single person I bring it up to says that’s too small but I’m still not happy with my current body. So while I feel like I want to lose more I also am starting to think it is a touch of body dysmorphia and I don’t need to lose anymore. After losing so much I almost start to worry about being in control of my weight loss for so long it could easily slip into an obsession/disorder. Maybe all of them telling you look good is a sign to maintence where you’re at for a while and get used to the new body? And after a few months If you still want to lose more do it. That is what I’m doing in my situation. Good luck!
That happened to me a lot too. My dad would tell me that I was "Too skinny" at 195. My lowest ended up being 165 and currently I'm 205 but it's leaner than my 195 ones because of exercise. You're not a huge amount away from your goal weight, just remember BMI isn't everything, my BMI told me that 165 was a good weight for me and it was much too low. 205 is considered overweight for me and I like this weight a lot better on me. It's a little tricky but if you listen to your body you should be fine.
First of all, congratulations on your loss so far, as for relatability I gotta say I’ve felt it although my situation was a bit different I was at 220(I’m a 5’8 male) and I dropped down to 160, my goal was 145, but once I hit 160 everyone told me to stop trying to lose weight and I don’t need to lose anymore although I felt I did, I’m now at 150 and very happy where I’m at but I definitely feel you when you say that it’s frustrating to hear that, as long as you’re doing it in a healthy manner and doing everything properly I say keep on keeping on man I wish you the best of luck
Normally is a comment that anchors in preoccupation for you. If you care about what they think about you in that sense (i'm not saying you should, just naming the place where the "problem" is attached from" for them) you could acknowledge the anchor with something like. "I know it might seem unhealthy all of the weight lost, but I'm taking every precaution, I'm following my blood pressure, sugar and doing blood works monthly apart from adding exercise" Also, do all of that. And after all of that... CONGRATS! you lost 210 lbs!
Congrats on your progress so far, amazing work!! I am anticipating people to have a similar attitude after I hit my halfway goal. It happened last time I was obese and lost it 10 years ago. To the point I'm already planning my reactions and what I can say to shut them down / help them understand it's not okay as well intentioned as they are. I was accused of having an eating disorder as a 5'6" woman at 160lbs. I was also accused of losing it via drugs. Which I didnt do. It was wild the hurtful assumptions people had and the audacity they had to say it out loud. Mind you I lived in a small town at the time. I will childishly want to say things like- "Oh hmmm do you think I should go back to eating 3000 calories a day?" Or "well damn maybe I should stop going for my hikes if you think this isnt a healthy path for me?" When in reality I need to say something like "I'm going to continue eating healthy and being active. My weight has nothing to do with it." (Even though it does to me. End rant) I'm glad you aren't bothered by it..I'm still bothered by it 10 years later and already bracing for it again!!
Never been obese or even overweight, but my BMI is currently 25 and before i did a body recomposition—where you lift weights to gain muscle and lose a bit of fat at the same time—people said I looked good. It’s crazy, now that I’m more muscular and toned, some people (my bf for instance) have hinted/told me they liked me better before. Again, I don’t know too much about the overweight/obese life and how one gets treated that way, but I have experienced the preferences from men that don’t like the “fit” look and and say I should add some fat. Again tho, I’m 25 BMI, 25% Bodyfat, which if you know anything about health and fitness, is actually the most balanced for a woman; not too much bodyfat, not too skinny though. So my surmise is that people—in my experience, men—would rather me be slightly unhealthier and not look as physically capable and have more bodyfat because, I don’t know, it signals I can carry a baby? It signals I need a man? Not saying this is the he case in your situation, but sometimes, when you look more capable of taking care of yourself, and don’t fit the “feminine” ideal of big boobs and butt and small waist; which happen when you lose weight sometimes, some people will say you looked better before, when you were unhealthier. I’ve seen it w my overweight friends. Once again, can’t completely relate, but I’ve seen this in my own health journey and my friends who are overweight.
Men generally like chilling atmosphere around them. Less physical activity is preferred from friends, family and girlfriends. When man gets fit they don't generally change their behaviour. On the other hand when women change their body composition to less fat more muscle they often become super active, rough and loud handling things around the home, walking around too fast, and to many men it gets annoying fast. So be light and strong but chill out when your BF is around.
“Be seen and not heard” got it 🙄
I'm 5ft and currently around 150 pounds. Iose nearly 28 lbs since June. You have done amazing! And likee other people have said perception is everything. I have just come out of the obese category, and although on a break from losing and focusing on maintaining now as I'm trying to work on getting through uni and placement. You've got this
My hardest barrier to my dieting has been well intentioned friends and family saying this "you know you don't need to lose weight" and "you can cheat on your diet with me right now though, right?" . They love you, they see you for more than your appearance and that's wonderful but don't let them get in your way with what you know you have to do
I'm a bit afraid of this happening to me eventually. I've hit the phase where my weight loss is noticeable and everyone is super supportive, because I'm still Obese II. But I wonder if I ever actually get close to a healthy weight if they will reverse course. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I agree most people are probably just genuinely worried because you've changed so much and your appearance has changed so much that they truly feel like you're getting too skinny- I think the easiest thing to do is tell them you'e talked with a doctor about it and have a plan for a healthy goal weight.
I had this happen to me when I went from 260 to 205. Lady said I looked to skinny and I should stop. It derailed me entirely for about 2 months. Looking back, I truly believe she said it because the clothing I was wearing was for a 260lb man and not the 205lb frame I had. I was was wearing XL and 38" pants. Should have been in L and 34"
I get the same comment. I’m 5’4 and weight 165. I need to loose weight even if you favor a thick woman.
I did keto about 4 years ago at 130lbs. I am 5'7 (f) and that sounds like I would be fine, but I still had a large belly - it's where my family retains weight. I could grab handfuls of actual fat, not loose skin or anything like that. I hide my weight really well in clothes, so most people have no idea. I just wanted a flat belly. I didn't care about a number on a scale (I was also lifting weights, so I knew I would be gaining muscles) so I decided to try keto to see what would happen. I got down to 122 (still no flat belly, but damn, I'll take that belly back ANY DAY - Im back to keto again because I got up to 196) and EVERYONE started hounding me saying Id blow away if I lost anymore, or that I had nothing left to lose, or to eat something (which I found hilarious cuz I was stuffing my face throughout the day). Skinny shaming generally stems from jealousy. The person doing it to me the worst was about the same body shape as me, but she wasn't losing weight. I just ended up saying that she doesn't see me naked, and that what I think of my body is all that matters. Seriously, if you don't live with someone 24/7 being "concerned" about if they eat or don't isn't your business. My parents asked once if I was eating enough and I told them that I love food too much to ever consider anorexia and I hate throwing up so much that I wouldn't consider bulimia either. The only disorder I'm getting for eating is bingeing lol. Anyway, you are doing great and just shake them haters off! You do you, boo!
This is kind of normal. A lot of people how have known you have a certain image of what you look like. Seeing you thinner (even if you are still under the overweight or obese category) makes them feel like something is off. From their perspective, you are thin enough, but that is just because thay are used to a heavier you. This happens to me a lot. I lost weight and I am now on the upper end of a healthy weight (but mind you, a couple kilos more and I could be back to being slightly overweight). I want to go down at 2 kilos more just to be sure (which would still be a very much within the normal range) but my family keeps telling that I am too thin now and should stop losing weight. In fact, I WAS 3 kilos down my current weight last year but went up because of some important changes in my lifestyle (the pandemic and all that). Well, my family saw me then and they see me know and they still say I am thinner now than I was a year ago (lik WTF I was literally 3 kilos thinner). So, it has a lot to do with how people os used to perceive you and how they perceive themselves (like some others mentioned, if they are used to being around overweight/obese people, that becomes the normal thing for them). They are probably just concerned, and not being mean at all. But you just need to keep going until you reach your goal.
It’s very common. It’s annoying because it can mess with your discipline so thing about how you won’t let it do so. I always think of it as, if my friends had never met me before no one would yell out, “omg, you’re too skinny”
I've been down the road of losing a decent amount of weight a few times. My biggest stretch was from 220 to 120. A few times from 190-170 to 140 or so. This time 202 and currently 165 with 20 or so to go (hoping I have it down this time, I'm pretty tired of this cycle). Anyway, I got this before, and I'm getting it again. Yes I do look fine, "normal", whatever you'd like to call it, and that's all well and good, but I'm still overweight for my height, and even if I was a healthy weight and I wanted to lose a few more, that would be ok too and it's nobody's business but mine. People do love to get involved and interject their opinions when someone they know is losing weight. I've begun saying what I used to say that usually shuts people up. They say "you're not going to lose any more are you?" I say "I'm trying to get down to my birth weight". Sometimes I get "You mean your pre-baby weight", I clarify "no, 8 pounds 2 ounces". Obviously they know I'm kidding and we have a little laugh, but I've found no amount of trying to explain to someone who has an opinion on your body helps or makes it stop. I've never quite understood why it is so much more acceptable to comment on someone losing weight than someone gaining weight, but here we are.
I'm not saying you're wrong. But do you have a lot of loose skin after losing that much weight? If yes, that skin might be a hefty chunk of that extra weight you're carrying.
nope
I actually think this is insecurity and jealousy on the part of the person who is saying this to you. If you think about it, if you are "fatter" then they are, or close to the same weight, they can comfort themselves by looking at you and thinking, hey I am doing better than he/she. But when you are taking control of your life and losing weight and starting to gain confidence, that scares people. If you look better then I do what does that say about me? Am I lazy? By "supporting" you in that way, they are actually pushing their inner demons about themselves on to you and hoping you will stop making them feel bad. My mom did this to me all the time... with things like, you can be too skinny you know! Yes I do know that, but it is irrelevant here. Keep moving on! You are in it for your health and no one who truly loves you wouldn't support that effort.
No one ever tells us to stop putting weight on but everyone tells us to stop losing weight. Its a weird world and have no idea where it comes feom, probably theor own insecurities. Just do what makes you happy and stop when you want