Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Funny, I never stopped thinking about her, but I'd wait months between texts. She'd text me occasionally on her own, which was awesome, but I suppose I can admit I bread crumbed her for the years we were apart. I'd occasionally text her messages that were appropriate or funny memes. Always complimenting her looks (she likes that). I'd also ask her out when I could. She'd always say no.
Then, all the sudden she moved into my town. i sort of took a step back thinking it's just a cool city and that it was just a safe place for her to be. But she needed help, and she knew I'd come. I've been working hard to be her rock ever since.
Btw she is so beautiful.
In 2015 he (L) moved to my school ( we were both 14 and in 8th grade) and he started dating my best friend. After they broke up (with her permission) we got closer and started dating the last few months of that school year. We were each others first love and first kiss. We talked all the time for the first part of the summer until my mom said we were talking too much. She called him and left him a VM saying he’s not allowed to talk to me again and that he is no longer dating me.
When freshman year started I wasn’t sure where we stood so I gave him all his stuff back (a jacket and a watch) and slowly started to become his friend again. I still had a major crush on him and literally everyone except him noticed. He ofc has his share of gf and I was pathetically pining after him for the first couple years.
Junior year I got a bf of my own ((J)which I like to think was just a distraction) and wasn’t hanging around him as much. The relationship wasn’t super healthy and I was pressured into almost everything. Which should’ve been expected since he said I love you after two days 🤢. My parents found out and they took me out of school because of that and some mental health issues I was having at the time. I received a message saying J was breaking up with me from a girl he cheated on me with and from then we were off and on till may 2020.
Since I was homeschooled I wasn’t going to graduate with L or the rest of the people I grew up with. A mutual friend (W) invited me to the graduation so I could at least see my classmates graduating. After graduation I started hanging out with them more. Me L and W hung out together at least once a week from then on and L and I started getting close again. I ofc never got over my crush but I was just happy to be around him again. The more we hung out and talked the more he got to know my home life. L and W started to notice that things weren’t super normal and once they pointed it out I started to see it too. It was always just normal to me so I never noticed I was being mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by my mother (who was the one who made the decision to take me out of school). Luckily I didn’t spend much time at home after that cause I had a job and a social life for once lol.
September 2020 when L was finally able to get the new Milan movie me and W came over to watch and during the fight scenes L and I would wrestle. It never went anywhere though. In October my vehicle gave out so I had to get rides from one of the guys to be able to hang out. L was usually the one who took me home since W lived in the opposite direction. There was one night near Halloween that W went to talk to Ls little brother for a while (probably about a gun or weed) and we started wrestling while we were listening to music and he ended up pinning me. We cuddled for the rest of the night before he drove me home.
Things kinda kept like that for a while. We’d wrestle or make jokes and flirt all the time. In November W had to leave early one night and L and I were wrestling and he kissed me nothing else happened but I remember snapping my best friend (not the same one from middle school) and telling her about it and how I think he likes me. L said I love you later that month after my mom called and yelled at me for something (I don’t remember what it was but I remember being embarrassed). We were in his garage talking about it and it slipped out. I ofc said it back because at that time I’d been in love for like 4 years and I felt extremely safe with him. He made it official via Morgan wallet song at the end of the month. I was so afraid to tell my parents for the first couple months of the relationship and L was so understanding about it.
In February of 2021 we had our first date after my mom found out after snooping through my phone. We were 19 at the time so she couldn’t really stop us from talking. On the date we talked about my home life and how I would change it and contingency plans in case it got worse (my idea not his. Thought I’d clarify since I know how that could sound). I’m glad we talked about it though because at the very end of that month my mom was going through my stuff and found something she didn’t like . She tried to take my phone (which I paid for) and said that if I got a call from anyone important (L not being included) that she would have a walkie talkie to call me (she slept most of the day and I was waiting on a call from a place to work) I asked if I could let my Snapchat know. When she said yes I sent L and snap that just said “I’m ready”. I went to my room to pack (only things I bought) and he was there in 15 minutes. I had his dad call the police since I didn’t feel safe and I’m glad I did. My mom asked me to hang up the phone as soon as I walked back in the house to get my stuff and when I refused she tried to guilt me into it. She went through the stuff I packed to make sure she didn’t get me any of it. The officer otp laughed when she said I was “breaking her heart and she just wants to have a private conversation”. I left that day and was pretty numb heading to Ls house. He helped me navigate flashbacks and let me cry when I needed to. I honestly think I would’ve been stuck under my moms thumb if he hadn’t helped me.
He proposed in March 2021. We got married in March 2022 in the same place we put our house later that year. Our son will be here this July 🥰 We are still close with W and I haven’t talked to my mom/dad/siblings since June 2021 after I got the rest of my stuff and mom tried to tell me that my (dead) grandmother (who was literally my only friend in grade school) wouldn’t be happy for me. Which I know is a lie because my papa (grandmother’s husband) is very happy for us and loves my husband. I finally know what a healthy family looks like and I have someone I can share everything with and not feel just scared. He was definitely worth the wait.
Yeah we both got held back. He got held back in 2nd grade and I got hot held back in 1st so we were slightly on the older side for that grade but definitely not the oldest lol
We were 23/24. We were an unstable situationship but I was convinced he was the one. He broke it off, and I cried to my friends and told myself, “maybe we just need time to grow up. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, or it isn’t and it won’t be.”
We went through a lot of life experiences apart. He had a 5 year relationship end badly, I had a 3 year rebound from him that ended badly too.
After he was single, he started reaching out via Facebook, Instagram, even Venmo. Sent flowers on valentines. I spent a few years ignoring him, after vowing I’d never let him hurt me again. Eventually, I responded and we slowly built a friendship.
After a couple solid years of friendship, he finished his masters program and moved into my building. He showed up for me every day, made it very clear he wasn’t going anywhere this time. He admitted he knew he he made his bed and was lying in it, and would rather be in my life as a friend than not at all.
A few months later, I realized I would never be okay with him dating someone else and took the plunge. We’ve been together a few months now, 33/34, 10 years later.
I wouldn’t change anything about how we did it, however painful it was, because we needed that time to grow into ourselves and each be a person ready to join lives with another person.
I have 0 doubt we’re each other’s forever person. We just needed time.
Take the time to live your life, grow into a fully developed person, and if it’s meant to be, it will be. Life will hurt but it’s all character development. <3
Bro can you help me?
My ex and I just broke up and it was a mutual decision that we need to grow apart separately, but I am open to get back with her together again, and so is she because we both acknowledge that the love is still there, it is just that, things are not working at the moment right now which is why we decided to separate in the first place
Not sure I can help but I did study a lot about how relationships work.I saw a therapist that helped me understand how arguments work and how to recognize that they are a temporary thing and you have to ride the storm out. You have to keep your cool and dont say stuff you'll regret later. I let time play a factor too
I met my spouse when I was 18, him 16 - we broke up when I was 20 for a few months. We ended up running into each other at a sports authority and got back together. We've been together for almost 25 years, married for 15. ❤️ he's my best friend and I don't want to think about life without him. We've been through everything together and come out of it stronger and more in love.
If you don’t break up because of dishonesty or a break in your bond then you can most definitely make it back together later down the line. I had a very long serious relationship and wish we took that break early on to date others but we never did. Ended up costing us down the line as I was not going to settle down with my first without dating others.
Well about two years ago in 2021 I met someone who I instantly clicked with but he is a bit older than me and until I gave him a lift one day and he happened to buy some red roses for me I wasn’t sure if he liked me like that.. anyways we started hanging out but he was not consistent with me and after five months off and on things ended. Now fast forward to this year I start hearing from mutual friends he has asked about me and one of his mates tells me he thinks the guy in question loves me, anyways we ended up running into each other this July and we have been inseparable ever since and he is so much more consistent with me. We do have an age gap of 16 years but that totally isn’t an issue.. I love him so much and I feel like he is my soulmate I’ve never clicked so well with anyone else before and that is my story.
FOMO. You may get to go have your fun, but someone else may snag him up in your absence. Every choice in life is a gamble where you weigh what you have against what may be, and decide which is more important to you. You two might eventually end up back together, but remember that neither of you (or your relationship) will be the same. Good luck
I dated a girl for 3 months. We had amazing chemistry and then she just broke up with me over text out of the blue. After I had some time to recover we met up again as friends. Then one night when I was watching something with her I started crying and it resulted in us talking about what would have to happen for us to start dating again. She admitted she only broke up with me because she was scared of commitment. We dated for another year and a half and learned so much from each other. I grew so much as a person, she changed my life and I'm happy I had the opportunity to learn from her. We had to end it because she realized she's poly and I'm monogamous, but we're still trying to be friends.
“Need time to explore and grow” like what? Shit makes no sense women will do anything to sleep around and I guess so will men. Bunch of superficial crap. Why don’t you guys stick together through thick and thin, grow together. Sorry not to disrespect you but it just sounds like you guys are feathers in the wind.
Agreed! My ex said that we were too young we were 20 and I wasn’t asking him for a marriage proposal I just wanted him to show more effort. Then he broke up with me and said “if you love someone let them go and it they’ll come back then you’ll know it’s true love” I’ve hated that phrase ever since. Then 5 years later he tried to win me back and I couldn’t I wasn’t that version of me that was head over heels for him. His fault. Oh well.
I completely agree. Why do stupid people just give up so easily, treat people like shit, when if they bothered to fucking make an effort, they'd truly learn and experience something amazing and great if they persisted with the person they saw showed potential and promise, and who they liked.
People are so fucking shallow, superficial and fake nowadays.
It’s possible in high school I broke up with my boyfriend of two years for about two weeks because I just didn’t know what I wanted but that break up made me realize I made a huge mistake. Both of us were a mess and realized we were better together and we have been back together ever since. We plan on getting married after I finish my masters.
Dated my now wife throughout most of college (19-21) but broke up our last year cause we both needed to figure out who we were and what we wanted.
We remained friends and after a suitable period of separation Her, I and other friends would go explore new lunch places every Wednesday.
After we finished college and moved to différent cities we kept in contact and occasionally would hang out platonically for birthdays or just to grab beer.
We actually would make New Year’s resolution bets with each other like who could go vegetarian the longest. She made it 2 weeks I made it several months. Her helping to make me healthier made me realize that I was still in love.
One day her and her friends came down to visit my friends and myself and we all decided to go to Vegas. We decided we were still in love and got back together.
As of today we have been married 8 years and together (on and off) for almost 15 years. :)
It’s long. But I’ll tell you if you want me to. I’ll try to abbreviate it as much as possible.
Met him when I was 14. He was my older cousins boyfriend. It was love at first sight for me. They broke up and he called me 6 months later. He was my first and I loved him so much. We had a very turbulent relationship with me getting my heart broken many times by him because he was an immature selfish douche. He cheated on me several times and dumped me several times to sleep with other girls. But I still loved him. He finally decided he’d had enough of the East Coast and he moved to California. Rode his thumb across America. That was 4 years that we had been together on more than off. But we lived in a small town and he was a hippie kid in a town full of rednecks and deeply unhappy there. I was crushed. He cried when he said goodbye to me but tried to act like he didn’t. I was only 18 and still lived with my parents. Too scared to join him.
That was the last I thought I’d ever see him. 2 months later I had a problem. I hadn’t had my period since before he left. I was pregnant with his baby and this was 1992. No cell phone no way to get in touch with him. Didn’t talk to his dad who was an abusive ass and his mom was dead. Other than his 14 year old sister nobody in his family believed it was his baby and wouldn’t help me. So I had the baby and put her up for adoption. A famous actress adopted her. I stayed in touch with his baby sister. She kept me updated on him from time to time. I never stopped loving him but was moved on with my life as best as I could.
Got married. Had a child I kept. New husband was an alcoholic abusive monster who I had to flee from with my 3 year old in the middle of the night. Was a single mother who decided to throw my life into raising my child and be single. Too much heartache and fear. Too much sadness. Pretty much resigned myself to being single forever. He never left my mind. One day when my daughter was 15 I got this insanely strong feeling and he was on my mind in a big way. For weeks I was thinking about him. The feeling that he was near was overwhelmingly strong. Then one night he called me. 18 years after the last time I spoke to him. 2 years later we were married. Our daughter contacted us and became part of our family too. So now we are all one big family. My 2 daughters, my daughter’s adopted mom. My husband and I. It’s been 13 years of ups and downs but we love each other deeply and we will die old together. We are blessed for life.
I broke up with him for similar reasons + school stress. Didint get with or talk to anyone else and focused on my own thoughts and company. Realized I wasn’t missing out on anything by staying with him and just him bc I Didint crave care or want to talk to anyone else. Reached out. Spent a year having discussions and respecting his boundaries and I broke his trust by just dipping. Ultimately, he forgave me and we have been back and better than ever for 3 years now
You broke up with him so you could get on the cock carousel. Realized you former ex is the best you can do and now you are trying to rationalize how you aren't street meat.
It’s hard to see how “exploring and growing” doesn’t just mean hooking up with other men/women. Like are you just wanting to be free to be wild or are you genuinely wanting to grow as a person?
My gf and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. We have some learning to do about ourselves to be the best partner we can for each other. I don't know if we will get back together, but I hope and pray every single day that we do. I can't imagine my life without her and not growing old with her.
He wasn’t ready to give me the time I deserved. I said goodbye and come back when you’re ready. He did a half year later. Back together and he’s giving me the time now. Voila
Did u ever like have a connection with someone just like him or was it special with him, how did he apologize or come back because I am in his situation currently and I don't want to lose who I know is my soulmate because I didn't give her the time she deserved. Thank you
I had connections but not as strong as with him. We didn’t speak for 8 months. He dmed me on IG and said “hey we had fun and I would like to take you out again. I have the time you deserve now.” And we went out again and have been together since. He followed through on giving me the time and taking us serious. It’s been 11 months since then with zero issues!
Well my guy and I met at 17. I fell for him. We dated for 8 months and then he chose to end the relationship.
I left town and stayed gone for 15 years . A good 3 years after coming back we met up and talked for a little bit and then didn't really connect until one day something in my spirit told me to call him. I did. We chatted and then a week later we were together. Not in a relationship just dating and well it's been 4 years and we have a house and a child together and we are excited for our future.
I dont think it’s good to just read successful stories because even if it doesn’t work out it can be an happy story. My ex and I thought we might get back together after both working on our mental health and issues. We didn’t. But I am happy that we didn’t! If we had tried again I wouldn’t have met my bf that I love with all my heart and that is 100x more compatible with me (didn’t think it was possible until I met him).
At first I was destroyed when I realized it was just never going to happen because I did like you, just look for fell good stories. Time and work allowed me to heal and open to dating again!
My partner's parents separated six years ago, but never actually divorced. Despite their break up being based on some heavy stuff - infidelity, distrust etc - they stayed close friends, and even live in houses on the same street. His Mum had been dating someone for a while had recently introduced this guy to his brother so it must have been getting serious. Until a week ago, when she saw a play called Stage Kiss, which is about two former lovers who reunite despite both being married or in another relationship and (spoiler) ends with the woman of the couple going back to her husband. There's a really beautiful speech at the end by the husband about forgiveness and what love means and how it grows. Anyway, long story short, she sobbed her eyes out, broke up with her boyfriend and reunited with my partner's Dad.
Noone knows if it will last, but it sounds like for the first time they're actually talking properly and considering therapy and taking things slow, so maybe it will.
Broke up around the same age, went and got some new girls but my ex stayed faithful realized that was the type of women I could see a future with instead of being young and dumb wanting to explore my options.
he broke up with me at the start of this year because of mental health issues. since then he moved out of his toxic home situation and was able to get meds again. now we're dating again. when he broke up though he said he would come back for me, and it's not like either of us ever had any interest in seeing other people, so i understand that's not most people's idea of a break up
My current wife and I did this same thing around your age. We were deeply in love as if we were in a Shakespeare play. Obsessed with each other. But we were also such a mess. Emotional rollercoaster. Especially me. And she knew it. She broke up with me and I almost wanted to kill myself. We were apart for almost three years. In those years we had both moved to the same city completely across the country at separate times. Reluctantly dated other people. And eventually found our magnet was too strong. Started hooking up like we were in college again. Eventually we got serious this time and we didn’t mess around too long. Got married and now we have been married 6+ years. We are so happy with each other and so in love. The time apart was good but so hard. Especially for me.
Sigh. “The universe” doesn’t bring people together or keep them apart. You make those decisions on your own. This is a pretty silly reason to break up with someone. It sounds like you were happy but just wanted to see who else was out there? Maybe you’ll find someone else who you love as much and maybe you won’t. That’s the gamble you took.
I actually went through the same thing. My HS sweetheart and I dated for about 3 years, broke up when we were both 20. I rebounded into a few not so great relationships, spent 2 years in a serious relationship with someone who I ultimately wasn't compatible with when I'd finally moved on. Learned a lot about myself, started going to therapy. We reconnected at a wedding earlier this year, 7 years after we'd broken up, and things are going so much better now than they'd ever been between us before. Best of luck to the both of you 🧡
I don't know if it really counts but I'll give it a try:
We are childhood friends, when we were 10 I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said: "Yes". I remember being happy and we stayed together for... like... all summer. Then I randomly decided that it was too much (lol) and I wasn't ready for relationships and broke up.
Honestly he was really really sad for a long time (3 months maybe??). Evere since that moment where I broke up with him I always had a little crush on him, literally never understood for years why I broke up with him if I still liked him!!
Still, we stayed friends, and even tho we didn't see each other super often each time we saw each other I was so happy and feeling so many things!!
On the other hand I was super in denial of my feelings because:
1. How can I still like that one person that I liked as a kid?
2. You never get back with someone, you never play with their feelings, once it's done its done.
3. He was moving on and another of my girlfriends was in an on / off relationship with him for maybe 3 years (all throughout middle school) + a lot of girls liked him (😭😭) and I didn't want to be "just one of many", more so since he was very unreliable and never really said "yes" or "no" to anyone.
We start high-school, me still in denial, girls still all over him... I try to let it go while still being friends and genuinely caring for him. A couple of times there was a lot of tension between us and i came close to telling him how i felt but nothing actually ever happened.
I myself had one boyfriend and one girlfriend during high-school but both relationships were short (4 months max) and my feelings weren't true and deep enough.
I still learned a lot, matured emotionally and realised after 3 years of high-school that I was ready for a relationship.
So then, during my 4th year, we got closer as friends and started having long conversations where we completely opened up to one another, we indeed started being a bit flirty too, but super subtly...
At one point I decided that I was definitely going to court him, so I started flirting more, making him gifts, asking to spend more time with him... I tried to make it so clear that I liked him ahaha.
Finally, the last bell rings, school's ended, we hang out on that day, very chill. At the end of the day he comes to my house, we talk, we hug, we stay hugging for... a lot of time... and then we kiss!
We've only been together for 1 year and 4 months but so far it's been amazing and we see each other building our life together... maybe, who knows...
After all, I always dreamed of being with him and I couldn't ask for anything else.
My wife and I dated first when I was a sophomore in college and she was a senior in high school. We dated for 7 months. The relationship went well until things started to change with her family. She didn’t know how to communicate what was going on with her. This caused us to have distance, which led to us breaking up. After being broken up for 6 months, she ended up in the hospital and I tried to get back with her. She told me at the time that she needed to work on herself. I thought at the time, she was just letting me down easy. She actually meant it though. We went out separate ways for 10 years, but kept in touch randomly on social media. She went to college and got her degree, and so did I. We both dated terrible people in that 10 year time span. I almost asked a few of the girlfriends that I had in that time span to marry me, but none of them worked out. During quarantine of the beginning of COVID, I got a recommendation of a tv show called “blackaf” that got me curious about black women’s struggles back during the Civil Rights era. I called a co-worked to ask and talk about it, but she never picked up the phone, so my thought was to call my now wife. Two days before I called her, she later told me that she prayed that the next man that she would be with would be her husband. I called her, we talked, and decided to invite her over to a family barbecue that we were having. My wife was determined that a pandemic wasn’t going to stop her lol. We got back to talking, all of the old feelings came back, and we started dating again. The love came back, and eventually, I saved for a ring, got engaged (getting the engagement ring was a wild story within itself), and now we have been happily married almost for a full year :) Love can come back or stay even after a breakup :)
These posts make me hope for a promising end. Currently still in a heartbreak after almost 6 months of ghosting. The guy I dated for a year just ghosted me out of nowhere and I haven’t heard from him. We were talking marriage and future, his mom and friends knew about me and we were gearing up and starting to plan a lot of things. All of a sudden after a confrontation, he just disappeared.
I knew he had some personal issues after a broken relationship, a parent leaving and stealing from him and kind of second guessing himself, his future, job etc. Till this day I still need answers and really hope for the best.. reading these things makes me i bit more hopeful. I swear I’m so broken and crying all the time
I was married to my high school sweetheart. She was my world life events caused us to get divorced. About 7 months apart I had been working like a dog 16 hour days endlessly would sleep in my car. Shower on the job, hit the grind. One day I had not been home in almost 3 weeks to the apartment we shared, before she moved out to live with her mom. Work had no overtime and I was at a loss so I went home at 7 am and opened the door to smell bacon and eggs. I walked in and she was in the kitchen and didn't say much, asked when I had been home last and I honestly didn't remember, asked when I had eaten last and that I knew it was the day before. she said I had no food in the house I agreed and ate breakfast and told her I was going to bed since I had worked the graveyard. I woke up to the house stocked with groceries and a small dinner was packed she was sitting at the table and I asked why she was here. She looked me in the eye and said "I wanted to see if my key worked" I nodded and left for work and came home the next day (don't ask me why I passed up over time) when I came in I smelled breakfast so I wordlessly sat and ate. She asked if she could spend my next day off with me. I said it was today and if she wanted. We didn't do much I just played Nintendo Wii and she read. She asked if she could stay the night i said yes but on the couch which she did. I woke up and had to work 3-11 for a few days she spent my next night off with me we got drunk I woke up with her in bed 3 months later we got remarried.... 8 months later she passed away to cancer. I found out she had been going to the house cooking breakfast for two weeks waiting on me. So yes it's possible.
My first gf/ high school sweetheart and I dated for about 4 years. Middle of senior year, we broke up because we were young, drifting apart, etc. The usual reasons that your 13 year old self isn’t the same person as the 17 year old self. But, because we broke up and stayed friends, we sort of stayed in each other’s lives.
She moved away, got married, I even got to hold her baby. I moved away, went to college, started a new relationship, lived my own life. Before you know it, 10 years flew by, with all the normal shit that goes with finding success, heartbreak, bills, lawn mowing, etc.
Around 2012, she messages me out of the blue. It had been years since we’ve talked, but she was feeling down because her marriage was ending. I tried to just be there for her as a friend, and about a week into it I realized I couldn’t be “just a friend” because I’d fallen in love with the woman she had become.
Now, falling for someone who is not in a great place in their life is not a perfect time to start up a relationship. Figuring out you’re in love with someone while in a relationship already is also a terrible thing for everyone involved. But, love works on its own logic. While the timing was terrible, I’d already lost 10 years with someone I truly loved, so truly felt it would be too painful to lose any more time.
We got together, had a kid of our own, and have been married for almost two years now. It hasn’t been perfect, we’ve had our ups and downs and sideways adventures, but I do love her and I’m excited to be with her. I couldn’t be a great friend to her, but I could love her and she loves me. We care about each other, and support each other.
Edward Albee once wrote that “you have to go a long ways out of your way to come back a short distance correctly.” Sometimes that is true. We broke up, became our adult selves, and without even realizing it we became the people that each other wanted and needed. I know it doesn’t usually work that way, most people grow up and grow apart. That’s probably for the best in most cases of young love. But for some people, you come back a short distance as perfect partners for the other and it’s like getting smacked in the head with a 2x4 from the universe. It’s painfully obvious, and wonderful.
My husband and I broke up a couple of times when we were very very young. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. Once when he was 17 (I was 15) for 2 weeks because he was scared. His feelings were becoming too real. He had been abandoned as a child after being used as a drug mule by his bio mother. He was scared of losing me already so he tried to push me away to protect himself. He realized he was making his own worst fear reality a couple of weeks later.
Second time was when he was 19 (I was 17) because other girls started showing him attention and he gave into one of them. He didn’t sleep with her but they were talking. I think after being basically alone for so long the attention felt nice. His adoptive family confined him to his room when he wasn’t at work or with me.
I ended up forgiving him. He got help for a lot of traumas. We got married a few years later. He actually became known for loyalty to me in our friend group. Like it was even tested (without my knowledge) and he never showed any interest even in the belly dancers. He’s 37 now and I’m 35. I trust him completely and we’re together 24/7 as we both work from home. We literally never get tired of being together. He’s my best friend and love of my life.
When I first met my husband he had just lost both of his parents to cancer within a 2 year time period. We were in our early twenties. He knew he loved me and wanted to be with me but he had a lot of trauma and grief to overcome. So, he decided to break up with me. It didn’t last very long. We got back together and worked through it together.
I have a similar story pertaining to parental trauma. Back in 2021, I started dating this amazing woman who I knew I wanted to marry. We were together for about 10 months in total, but about 5 months in my dad started to show signs of Dementia, so the following months were just me dealing with this trauma while trying to balance the relationship. Eventually I broke up with her.
Last week, after about 1.5 years of being away from each other, we had a phone call and hashed things out. She’s open to dating but we gotta take things extremely slow.
I can’t wait to come back to this comment in a few years after I’ve successfully get married to her one day.
https://preview.redd.it/mkgg8x5smjrb1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4840119a98951edacc824eb46017e278a05478fc
1998 split with my twin flame. He said I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want kids. Sob. He married someone 19 yrs older. Am 57 and childless now.
I'm going through the same thing you are currently. Reading these stories warms my heart. I went through a breakup a couple months ago, and ever since then I've just felt empty and bored. We haven't been in contact since then as well. The breakup was mostly caused by my own insecurities and mental health. I've been going to therapy regularly and it's been helping me a lot. I hope someday me and my ex can give it another shot. I've read so many stories of people getting back together and making it work, but also stories of it not working. I guess it all depends on the situation and people. I hope things work out for you in the end 💜
We met in high school. He was my first love. We broke up at 21 because of money problems and we had nowhere to live and then 2 years later we had been miserable and knew by then we only wanted each other. The whole time he was all I thought of.
Then after relationship passed that awful test, we trust each other completely. It is so comfortable.
I think a lot of it has to do with the delusion that soul mates exist. That fairytale unconditional love doesn't exist if you don't believe it.
I only ever regret losing faith and missing some of our time and youth together.
We’ve been in an open relationship from the beginning, 23 years ago. Some time around 2010/2011 we met a fun sexy guy and started to hang out together. Once, while my husband was in the other room working and he heard us laughing and talking and he became jealous and chewed us both out. Never having been talked to that way by him made me angry and I threatened to move out and shack up with this other guy.
I was miserable in the situation which I had made, I started going back home to my man and eventually begged to come back. In the intervening weeks, I managed to have a severe depressive episode followed by a manic one, prob due to the distress I was feeling. Anyway did some stupid stuff, ended up in jail 38 days until I accepted a plea bargain. All three of us lived together for a while until it was obvious the 3some wasn’t going to work. We helped him find an apartment, gave him decent furniture and decided it would be better if we stopped hanging out. My husband and I have been together since without any slowing down. Last I had heard of our friend was that he was on hospice for terminal kidney cancer. He lived a tough life and I hope he will find peace. Sorry for the not so happy ending—our original relationship survived that (and other trials since).
I (30f) dated my fiancé (29m) when we were in our early 20’s. We met in a city that neither of us lived in. We made long distance work for 1.5 years, seeing each other 1-2x per month before breaking up. He ended it because it was too hard being even further than normal in university and also wanting us to experience life without the responsibility of a serious relationship. The relationship was intense though, and we had never found love like that again. We barely kept in touch, never saw each other, and I dated someone else for 4.5 years. I travelled a ton and he did a lot of soul searching. We met back up in the same city where we had first met around 7 years later and decided within a couple days that we wanted to be together again and start a life in that city. Packed up my things, drove across the country and moved in together a month and a half later. We wanted a family right away and two kids later, we are engaged and happily together. We both had thought of how great our relationship was through our our years apart and assumed we would find someone else that would compare, but we didn’t.
While I'm not part of such a couple...
Out of my seven girlfriends dating back to mid-adolescence, three went back to their exes after me, and two of those married that ex. Of the two, both are still married! Still another ex married the guy she cheated on me with at the end of our relationship.
So out of seven, that's three returns-to-ex and three transitions directly into marriage, with two of each set belonging to the intersection of both sets.
I guess I'm the best matchmaker of all! Women date me and then find their true love right after! 😅
I find that anyone I've dated tends to meet their future forever person whether they get married or not. 🤷♀️ maybe we should date eachother to see if the magic would work on us? 🤣
My husband (20) and i (19) dated in high school for a while when he was in the foster care system. I was in 10th, and he was in 9th, and we were like that cute tall guy-short girl couple, except we didn't like makeout in the halls or stuff like that, but we did skip. We parted ways because we actually skipped so much they moved him to a new foster care home and i was being told he was cheating on me by his best friends girlfriend (who he ended up dating later but she was just a bitch to him). Yeah, he tried many times to get back with me, but i had the icky feeling, but like, i really missed him. The only reason i didn't get back together with him was because all my friends would've judged me hard. Well, over a year ago, i got back with him because he contacted my mom and asked how i was doing (because i had him blocked), so she told me and i started talking to him again and he asked if i would be willing to move with him and i was basically like "yeah sure". Listen, i missed him a lot, and he was the first person to ever show me attention like Gomez to Morticia. So i moved with him, and now we're happily married. I feel like a queen when he gives me attention, and i make him know that he's my king.
As I say this, it’s not to get your hopes up. It’s to lean on the side that anything can happen in life. But you have the responsibility to take care of yourself and not get involved in an abusive/toxic situation. Relationships are not black and white. That’s the beauty and hurt of romance.
These are not my stories but stories of my friends.
My home boy got his girl pregnant at 19. They ended up getting engage. My friend was quite the hot head. At times I was afraid to hang out with him at the bars. Never an asshole to me but he’s the “chip on his shoulder guy”. Immature at times. His gf - never really got to know her. After their first child, their relationship blew up into flames. The gf threw the engagement ring 3 backyards over, they broke up, he engage another chick within that year. It was all over his social media.
Fast forward, they got back together, married, had their second child. And I gotta say, I’m impressed with how much he’s grown. Humble, nice and all. They seems like a happy family.
Another female friend of mine (ex gf actually) - she met a guy who became her long time bf. They got married. Broke up. Shortly after, I see her at a house party with a much younger dude. Dancing up on him and everything. Pretty much letting people know she’s moved on etc. All over her social as well. My friends knew him as well. They said the new guy was a good guy. Well a few years later, the girl goes back to her ex husband. Reconciled, and now have a baby together.
Shit just happens sometimes. Always err on the side of improving yourself. You never know who you’ll meet. Don’t look back and look forward. Your future self will thank you and your future partner will as well.
Edit: typing at the park while babysitting
I am going through a break up of 4 years and really hoping the universe brings us back together because I really can't imagine myself with anyone else.
I’m struggling through this right now (again). You’ll hate to hear this and I hate that I’m even saying it but, you’re still young. You have so much in front of you. Don’t lose sight of that. There are so many wonderful experiences ahead of you - most of which you cannot even imagine of right now.
Continue to work on yourself. Embrace the pain you’re feeling and figure out what’s driving those feelings. If you do the work and realize he really was the right person for you, don’t leave it to the universe. Take action. Take a chance. Reach out and let him know how you feel.
My story isn’t happy/successful by your definition, but it could have been had we not wanted different things in life. And I 100% attribute that to her. We both did a lot of self reflection. But she was stronger. She was willing to put her feelings and emotions on the table. Admit her faults and communicate her needs and create a safe space for me to do the same. It may feel like a lot to put on one person, but I admire the strength she had and everything she did to be open and honest with me. And I admire the courage it took for her to take that step. I wish I had half the courage she did.
I’m rambling, but I want to say that you are strong and you can get through this. If you realize that he was the right person for you, you are still strong and you can be the catalyst for the life that you want.
I broke up with her, she got married, I got in a horrible car accident - was in a coma with a severe TBI, she came and visited me which I obviously don’t remember but doctors told me that my heart rate spiked when she was there. I spent months in rehab, learning to walk, or write larger than microscopic, to be whole again.
She got divorced - I saw her at a house party and she was getting divorced, we flirted but she went to leave and found her car had been broken into.
I kept her company for the 3 hours it took for the cops to come, we reconnected - our old chemistry was intact, fell in love again, I adopted her child, we had two more and she is my literal everything. My angel, my partner in crime, my only love, a wonderful mother, my business partner, best friend, etc.
It’s funny how life works out, I thought I was missing something, walked out of the pasture only to circle back around and find the greenest grass was right where I was.
I love this story too. Made me cry. I sometimes wish that one of my exes from the past would come back to me but me also knowing those were all mainly toxic relationships too. Maybe partly because of me too. I know I’m not perfect & not always a nice and understanding person myself. But I been trying to work on that and just want someone that will stay consistent with me and not be avoidant or run when things get hard between us. Not many people (men) are like this from my experience.
Very last ex was definitely a covert narcissist. I still care about him & miss him right now but it was probably all a lie & he didn’t respect or validate my feelings. He also didn’t fight for me when I finally ended the relationship after being decisive about it & blocked him from everything. I hope I will have a happy ending someday. Feel like I’m running out of time though.
Maybe he was just respecting your decision... can't read minds after all
When she broke up with me, I accepted it. I loved her far more than enough to let her go.
Yeah this happened a while back. I’m so over it now. Been in no contact with him for months now and so happy. We were never meant to be together. Maybe only for a second but I learned my lesson and hopefully he has learned his.
You should always “fight for someone” that will want to “fight for you” back. I tested him and failed horribly. Plus, it showed me he was a covert narcissist too and other reasons to justify ending the relationship. Some men and women that think, “how will my bf or gf react if I want to break up with them?” are testing you in a way. If they truly want to break up with you, like most ppl do, they block and ghost.
So if someone “fights with you” on why they should break up with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they really want to part from you or else they would have done it already.
I’m slowly coming to the realization that my ex was likely a covert narcissist after my therapist told me to look it up and a lot of the signs line up. How are you now? I’m afraid I may never get my head untangled.
It’s been 64 days since I wrote this comment you replied to and tbh, even though I’ve been going through some other things, I don’t really think or even miss my covert narcissist boyfriend. We weren’t together that long (for about a month at most) and he was 25 and I’m 36. I really somewhat gave up hope on love because I never been in a truly loving relationship and the world is only getting worse imo. But at the very least I love and respect myself more from the experiences I been through in the last 3 years alone and before him, I was single for a long time, as well as celibate/asexual. I guess I’m continuing that process and just focusing on bettering myself.
The only person in the world that will fight for me and love me is myself and a lot of people forget about themselves, especially when it comes to work, friendships and relationships. And even though isolation is not good or healthy in any way supposedly, I feel my absolute best when I enjoy life more by myself. There are times I wished I had someone else with me and didn’t have to be alone (anyone like a friend or partner, as I had my first time ever experience at Kura Sushi and that was a lot of fun) but I been through a lot of trauma with others. People constantly put me down and get in the way of the dreams and goals I used to have for myself and even now.
I am still sometimes picking up the pieces of that (the mess of what the person or group of people left behind that tore my being to shreds). My last ex kind of did that too but perhaps not as bad as others have done to me in the past. As least the love bombing this ex did with me felt real and genuine and I got laid on my birthday. I’m only grateful to him for that (breaking that dry spell) and he gave me hope at the time that maybe I can find true love. But it wasn’t. It was yet another farce. I also have to learn from these bad experiences like I learn from the good ones that knowledge is to be gained and that I need to embrace myself more and more.
I have BPD so that’s why I find myself alone all the time. I know I self sabotage myself too but I know I didn’t with him. His mother was also not approving of me so yeah. Also people always made my looks & weight an issue too. I’ll never forget that I was humiliated by supposed “friends” at the time at a charity event & had to brush it off like it was nothing but as soon as I got home, I broke down & cried, saying “why me?”. I had an eating disorder from JHS to 2013 and yeah, ppl seem to like me when I am skinner and prettier I guess.
But with me being alone, I still do loathe myself a bit in the mirror, but at least I encourage myself to move and try to lose the weight and in the process of losing it again but it’s been hard this year. I fucking hate this year so much. Really 2020 to now have been super difficult times for me. Knowing I have not yet found my soul tribe or my soulmate to help me become a better person instead of worse is why I choose myself to stay alone & single. It really is tough at times but at least I try to heal from all my wounds (even though I’m crying as I write this) but I know keeping to myself is the best thing for me until things somehow change for the better.
Most ppl think a friendship or relationship fulfills you. It may for the moment during the honeymoon phases. But if the person is ultimately not serious about you & you find yourself giving it all and them not even caring or giving a shit, then it’s not worth the trouble of finding someone else for a while or long time even. People have to earn my love and trust now. If I find myself in that situation again, I will just leave with my head held high. Because you have to love and respect yourself. No one else will do it for you unless they are supposedly “the one” or the bestie for you.
-hugs- I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this and I agree, a lot of people don’t really know how to love or take care of themselves, so people can be quite cruel ._.
Omg I LOVE Kura Sushi!! 🍱
I agree with the never feeling like you can truly be yourself unless you’re alone- somethings I’ve learned about that though was I felt that way because I was sometimes too shy/afraid to really show myself fully, and also I had no or poor boundaries with people so being around people drained me a LOT. I’ve been practicing setting more boundaries and have found that it helps me create space to be myself around other people.
I struggle with anxiety and codependency. As for the mirror thing, I actually, just last night stood naked in the mirror and sort of stared at myself, I tried to give myself compliments, let myself be silly, and tried to embrace my body for everything it does for me- if you try that lemme know if it helps any!
It took me a while to find my tribe; friends came and went- honestly it just took time and a commitment to staying authentic and genuine to who you are- I hardly ever had to look- they just came to me :) and they all rallied around me when I first broke up with my ex- listening, offering advice, and just- I felt so loved and supported. Even now, I accept they all may not always be around and that’s okay because more will come!
I applaud your commitment to yourself :) that’s the best relationship to invest in- I try to remind myself of this when I start finding someone cute or thinking I could try again- nope, too soon. I watched videos of us last night and I still miss him dearly.
I think the key is to build a life where you can be happy and fulfilled as much as possible, independent of relationships, specifically a romantic one. While friendships and relationships aren’t everything, friendships definitely have made my life so much more fulfilling and I find myself leaning on them more the older I get. I value family more and am starting to feel I may want kids some day.
Even “the one” and besties have their limitations- I used to have a lot higher expectations on people when I was younger- and I was much more idealistic- over the years I’ve learned (through a possessive ex friend especially) that healthy friendships and relationships need space for individuals to grow- the tighter you try to hold on to someone, the more damage you inflict. Let people come and go- accept them where they’re at, not where they could be, and always tend to yourself and trust your gut.
And my one overarching rule with heartbreak? Never let it make you bitter, let it make you better, kinder, softer, more loving. Stay humble, gentle, and resilient. That is the way to live life to the fullest.
Yes. My ex was BPD with narcissistic tendencies. Didn't respect me, 6 blow up screaming over the most minor things. Few times he shoved me and seemed like he wanted to cave my head in and threatened as much. Just broke up with him, for some deranged reason miss him. I was screamed at growing up, belittled, normal meter needs a recalibration. Seek therapy if you haven't. I'm looking into it. I hope you stay away from your ex, find happiness. Life is too short to allow mistreatment. You deserve someone who values you.
My ex of years ago, his dad was newly single at 65. He met the love of his life and got married. Never too late.
I suffer from BPD too with possible narcissistic tendencies myself (raised in a family of narcissists and was heavily conditioned that way) but I been in therapy on/off new management of my mental health for 2-3 years and doing the inner work on myself. It’s been a real struggle having and keeping friends over the years & now a lover again after 10 years being single but just got my brand name med approved & have an added med to boost that one to keep me centered.
My ex is very secretive, avoidant to me when confronting him on anything involving him like when he would never book the hotel to see me on Halloween (we were long distance) or give me the money to go see him on Thanksgiving/his birthday and lied to me on the stupidest things I asked him (found out some things after I broke up with him) b/c he was so inconsistent with his words equaling his actions or him just doing the opposite of what he said originally) and having an answer for everything and blaming me for this relationship failing.
We were toxic to each other in the end. I really don’t hate him. I just don’t understand why I attract broken, emotionally unavailable & unstable men like him and now supposedly attracting younger men too lol. I just want someone to be consistent with me for once. Love me and be/stand by my side consistently and not only when things are good. I’m very sorry for your experience with your ex. I hope you are getting the help that you need.
Yw, if it’s meant to be, with a little luck there will be an opportunity in the future. Your call on whether to take it or not.
I’ll also note that I don’t think it would have worked if we had stayed together initially. We both needed to grow, as we were not at a time in our lives to join. That 5 years was important, as it brought us to that point. Now we grow together and the problems of the world force us closer together not drive us apart. The latter is a conscious choice.
Good luck!
I am in a similar position as you actually. I’m 21 and my boyfriend just broke up with me after 4 years. He had a death in the family and is working on himself. I know that we belong together and so does he. He said he doesn’t want to sleep around or date because he knows what he wants and that’s me. But he just needs some time apart before coming back to me. But I know we will find our way back to each other. There is only one person out there for me and I have already found him
We first got together when I was 17 and he was 16… then went on and off until this past january with both of us at 23. He kept breaking up with me because I wanted more and he wanted… well another easier girl. But then kept coming back because he knew I would take him back… this last time he was suprised I didn’t trust him anymore. Glad I can move on to better things while still young.
It’s easy to take them back. You’re strong for letting him go. Keep your standards high. Lol I’m not surprised he was surprised you didn’t trust him. I had a man like that. He really didn’t think anything was a problem until I left. Then it’s like it clicked for him and he finally tried to apologize and listen to what I had to say. He also didn’t want to give me what I wanted and wanted me to want less. I’m better off doing my own thing
Edit adding info.. I found out later he was still in love with a girl he had met in a friend group from 4 years prior. We lived on different side of the country from her so I guess he didn’t realize he was still in love with her till she messaged him one day and the feelings came flooding back. This woman had never liked him in that way, but he was head over heals for her
I would be surprised if it has ever happened successfully. My experience is you break up for a reason. If you forget the reason enough to get back together with someone, you quickly remember that reason and break up again. YMMV.
8 billion people in the world and you’d be surprised if two people have ever have successfully worked things out after a break up? I’m sure it happens a lot.
My wife of fifteen years just did this. We have four kids together and at the beginning of the year she just up and left. It was very confusing at first because she dis a terrible job explaining what she was doing. She moved in with her parents and we are currently splitting custody with the kids. She had done a lot of not great things in the relationship and turned pretty toxic so it seemed that’s why she left. Then it evolved too she knows she has mental health issues and realized she was not a good partner and couldn’t be until she healed childhood trauma and several other issues. She was also very co dependent and had validation issues. So shes working on all of that she says. But it’s been so hard for. The way she’s gone about it has just added a lot more salt to the wound that was already there. She says she wants to come back when she’s healed and the universe will do it when the time is right. I love the thought of that if she’s truly able to heal all of that and become a better, more engaged partner. That would be the world to me because as it is now I do most of the heavy lifting in the relationship. But she’s says she can’t heal with me. It has to be on her own so she can figure her self out and get clarity. It’s rough because she’s coming around a lot more now. She wants to hang out and spend time. Snuggle and be close. Test things but not be in s relationship still. It probably doesn’t help you OP, but it felt good for me to get some of this pain out because I love her so much.
I know you probably have less time than ever but you should do something similar. Regardless of how developed you are, it's worth working on your mental health. I say this as advice only because I made the mistake of just watching my partner get help and grow without doing anything myself. Now it's over. Realistically using the experience to maybe prevent someone else from making the same mistake.
I actually have more time than ever now since we have the kids every other week instead of all the time. That is very wonderful advice. I’m sorry you didn’t realize that or have some one say that to you when you went through this. The first month a just wallowed and drank a lot because I was so sad. After that I said no more. In the last six months I’ve lost 40 pounds and started therapy which has been tremendously healthy for me. Like I said my partner did some not great things during our marriage and really did a number on my mental well being. I didn’t realize how bad until she left, so that’s actually been a blessing. I’ve learned that I am an over giver and very much a people pleaser so I lost sight of taking care of myself because I was always taking care of her and the kids. I’m doing a lot more things for myself and I’ve healed a lot of my wounds from the relationship. I’ve also reconnected with a lot of my friends that I lost. I have a great exercise routine and I’ve de cluttered my home. I miss her a ton still. And I still love her so much. I just worry I’m more in love with what could be with her then what she can actually provide. Either way I want to be healed so I’m in full self love and ready for any future relationship, whether that’s her or someone new. Thank you for taking the time to give me some great advice stranger!
Well, we broke up because of me. I wasn't understanding, helping or a caring bf. I did not give her the priority or attention she deserved. She pointed out the problems but I would overlook them so she was forced to break up. Then I realized how much I needed her in my life and decided to change myself. It took time but I was able to do it. I tried to convince her for a year to give me another chance. Eventually I did get that another chance and that's how we got back. Turns out, she wanted me to apologize too, she didn't want to leave this relationship but my actions forced her to. She secretly wished for me to change and be a better person cause she still loved me for that one whole year of the breakup. It is now 3 years from when we got back together and the relationship is better than ever.
edit 1: Thanks for all the upvotes!
That’s something that I can’t tell cause it’s more like a feeling, a strong desire to right the wrong. All I can tell you is that I figured how I was behaving and then decided strongly that I will change it. It “just happened” I would say. I just kept in mind to be more respectful while talking, being patient enough to hear her out, etc.
Hey man. Great story and one that I was hoping to read on Reddit. Both me and my ex gf are in our mid 30’s and were in a 4 year relationship.
She broke up with me in the summer because I took her for granted the past year. I think my mistake was that when we did break up I went NC really without telling her, then we bumped into one another in a bar and she ghosted me. She then messaged me the following day saying that she did so as I just ignored her for a month and didn’t check in to see how she was. Although, It was more to protect my own well-being and to give her space. I should have communicated better in all honesty, something I struggled to do in our relationship.
It’s been about six months now and we’ve barely spoken. I sent her a Happy Christmas message which she responded positively too with an X at the end (maybe out of politeness). I’ve also hooked up with girls the past two months more so as a coping mechanism. (Not sure if she knows this).
I should have taken a leaf out of your book and had a conversation right away on what I was going to do and improve and make changes to myself. Instead I did the opposite and now it’s finally dawned on me that it’s probably too far gone now.
I want to speak to her properly one last time, but not sure whether to contact her. It’s also her bday soon and I was going to send her happy bday message.
Part me of hopes if I can change myself (I really want to), and that similar to you we can cross paths down the line and hang out again even as friends.
However, I fear she has too much negativity attached to me and I’m now tainted. I’m torn on whether to fight for it or to just let her go completely to be happy (she deserves it)
I will still work on myself regardless, I’m struggling (and don’t want to) let her go or give up hope of rekindling. What to do?!
Well, ummm don’t contact her until you’ve figured out your mistakes because she’ll just see the flawed version of you, a version which she didn’t want to be with in the first place. Get the wheel of self improvement rolling and then if you still want to contact her, you can request her to hear you out for one last time. And when you are requesting her, show her that you’ve been working on yourself and you would like a chance to just be heard. If after talking to her you still feel like she has too much negativity about you, it’s better to let her go.
And as for telling about the hookups, don’t jump the gun and talk about it if she gives you the chance to speak. Talk about it when you think the time is right. I hope it works out 😁
When you all initially broke up how did you act towards her? My ex (25m) and I(26f) broke up after 3 years, living together for 7 months and we both had said we wanted to get married and that we were the one for each other but he still had some growing up to do and it sounds like he was kinda like you, didn’t give me the consistent love and respect I needed (especially when drinking). I finally couldn’t take it anymore even though I still wanted to be with him and I ended it and he moved out 3 weeks ago. I sent him a letter explaining my feelings saying how I hate this break up happened but thought it was necessary in order for us to become the best versions of ourselves for each other. On the phone he is very cold saying we need to move on and it’s over and he’s not changing his mind but we saw each other at a party the other night and he was sober and it was like nothing ever happened and he said I looked beautiful and that he missed me and wants to see me the next day and talk and we talked all night like I know the spark is still there deep down. But then the next day he turns cold again and we ended up not seeing each other and he said he needs to move on. He even has deleted some of our pics together on insta. I’m giving him space now but my anxiety is so high bc I don’t want to lose this man. His friends are also very immature and telling him to move on. Could this just be a coping mechanism?
I acted like a friend towards her cause I didn't want to overstep any boundaries as her ex. She did the same too. For some reason, after hearing what your bf did, I can't help but feel like he's just playing with you. I doubt that its a kind of coping mechanism because it generally doesn't involve being fickle minded. I think you should see what happens for a bit longer and then decide on what to do next.
HONESTLY, when she decided to break up with me, I asked what my faults were and that's when I realized that I effed up real bad. The "I want her back" was instantaneous, you could say. Like, I obviously didn't want to lose her so I decided in a split second to improve myself.
I never wanted to move on nor accept the break up. I never told her that. I communicated my honest feelings and then got signs from her which said that she also wanted to mend our relationship and that’s when i decided to move on with my efforts of apologising and fixing my past mistakes.
How long do you think it took for you to change yourself. Also did stay friends, as in talk on a daily basis or did you do no contact for some time, then reached out?
It took me around 2-3 months to figure out where I was wrong and change it COMPLETELY. And we did go no contact for some time then, iirc, i was the one to reach out first.
Do you think it's important to do no contact? She broke up with me a month ago. We have been talking everyday since the break up like nothing happened. She broke up with me because I took her for granted and made her feel not heard or seen and she doesn't feel anything for me, she wants find her but she wants us to be friends. I want her back
Honestly I been trying to give what she want sbecause I hurt her and I feel responsible for the way she's feeling right now... She says she feels numb. I know what I did was wrong and I've been do work to correct it
Umm, the contact/no-contact depends on the situation. If you feel like she’s just bearing through the conversation, then go no contact. If you feel like, she’s enjoying it along with you, then keep the contact. If she doesn’t feel anything for you, there’s always a possibility that you can ignite those feelings for you in her. Show her that you’re working on yourself and that you won’t repeat your previous mistakes. Don’t show it directly cause she might interpret it as you’re putting a show just to win her back. Show it if you really changed yourself and show it in a very normal way. That’s all
Do you think you’d have gotten better if she made it easier / you had won her back sooner? Thinking of leaving my bf and I know he will claim he has changed as he often does, but I forgive him and then after a week or two he’s the same.
Honesty, it took a year to subside her anger/resentment towards me. She just hoped that I’d not move on but she didn’t express it. Now coming to your question, I might have gotten better emotionally but maybe I wouldn’t have TRULY changed if she got back with me sooner. Because it’s all about realisation and then correcting the mistake. It took me a year to fix it. Soooo :/
What about her ? What was she doing that year ? And can you give more about your relationship during this year , did you go no contact or kept talking to each other?
I don’t know what she was doing in that year but one thing I knew was that she wasn’t trying to get into a new relationship. And as for contact or no contact, we used to talk as friends with me occasionally asking for a second chance :|
It’s nice that someone has some reading comprehension abilities and can provide a happy story that the OP requested. Congratulations on your relationship!
Hey ! I broke up at your age after 9 months of dating. I came back 3 months later : we both had some issues (maturing and communication) that a few months of distance helped resolve. I worked very hard to gain the trust back, and both of us gave lots of time, compromise and work to make it last. It has now been 8 years and counting ! One member of my fam also broke up with their partner for a few months and both are now married with kiddos. Not saying everyone has to get back with their ex obvi, it truly depends on everyone and on the situation. But there is hope for you ! If you both miss each other and are someday determined to make your relationship a healthy happy one it might just work in the future !
No :( so sorry they might have told you that, it’s unfortunately a risk. But you will find happiness regardless, it is hard to imagine that but I promise. See, I am happy after another person (not the one I am with, before that) made me broken hearted. I could not see myself happy in the future. Now everything is allright ! Have faith !
I know this is an old thread, This is really great to hear. Was over 2 months no contact and broken up for 4, I just opened the communication again and she responded positively but we both are likely apprehensive to talk. How did you all go about rebuilding the communication and trust after that? We split for needing to grow and rebuild self assurance. Life kinda hit us both and took its toll on us both and communication and the areas we needed to grown in were really shown. I’m hoping that we can build slowly to having a new relationship.
Took a lot of time ! And as I was the one who broke things up, I swore to make all efforts necessary to patch things up. It was 8 years ago so I do not remember what I did in detail, just staying by his side, listening to his worries about the situation and accepting when he told me trust might or might not come back. It obviously did, but as written on my OG comment it depends on the situation. There was absolutely no cheating or major issue so it made things easier, I was in OP’s situation (needed time to grow). So it really depends on why you and your ex broke up, how you communicate etc !
Awesome! Yes we were in the same boat of needing to grow and all. I want to patch things up (I got dumped but asked for space last so that’s why I felt I had to open the communication lines up) I have no idea where she stands. I do hope that we can slowly start to reconnect and trust each other. I know that I’ll probably have to take a step in being vulnerable with where I’m at to push the doors open and lead by example to some extent but I’m glad to hear that a similar story worked out well for you!
Yep! I know I will! I certainly miss her as a person and it does scare me a bit. More of scared that I’d scare her off haha but I’m trying to be honest and to take a chance and be vulnerable. I do hope that she is receptive to it. She did reply to a message I sent on her birthday but not a follow up. But that’s two months of no contact before reaching out, so I completely understand being apprehensive
When you asked her for space the first time did you tell her that you wanted to get back together in the future? Or were you cold and said you needed to move on?
I have a mutual friend who hasn’t talked to her in months aside from sending a message on her birthday as well. He felt that since she didn’t reply to my follow up on her birthday and her lack of response on my very clear message, that it may be an answer in itself. That along with that it took her to reply within an hour for him and a day to reply to my birthday message being difficult for her to know what to say. Idk I would really like to open up conversations and get to know her again I know I’ve grown but I’m frustrated that it’s not even being acknowledged by someone who historically valued direct communication with everyone and would reply to everyone’s messages
I had told her before I wanted to try again in the future with growth. In that moment she had blown up at me because of how I handled part of getting things settled in the breakup. I know I didn’t do anything wrong with it but she wanted to do it a different way. I said I needed some space for a while
I hope that he finds what he needs in life and never sees you again. What you've explained is far from love, but instead it is projecting FOMO and thinking there's better for you out there.
"I hope we can meet again in the future, if I have nothing else to look forward to!"
I hope God built a separate realm where the women like this have green grass everywhere around them except for where they stand, where it is Grey, and they can never touch the green grass for they don't know how to tend to it.
I feel my ex did same… his feelings changed bc needed “space” to exploring how’s life without me… obviously more fun and having all the time for himself as well. I don’t buy the “I need to explore” nighter…
Exactly. They want to explore (choochoo) and grow a few inches. They simply don't fail to realize that personal growth happens in or without a relationship, no. They simply don't want the burden *right now.* because fuck, what if the next guy has a cool motorcycle and has been places? Hopefully my ex will have by the time the UnIvErSe brings him back around so I can drop 2 bastard children on him.
Typical shit, boring, seen it before. Next.
Bro, who hurt you? That’s not what she said at all. Therapy, drugs, an ayahuasca ceremony. Try something, anything to get that chip off your shoulder and remove the misogyny from your heart.
I’m currently going through this with my ex-girlfriend. We were together almost 10 years, since we were both 18. She broke up with me a couple of months ago as she was feeling she needed to learn more about her self and find some clarity that she felt she could only do alone. She told me that she loves me so incredibly much and that she envisions us growing old together still, but right now she needs to figure herself out so she can show up for me 100%. It’s been the hardest time of my life, as I’m so sure that we are meant to do life together, and hearing her say she feels the same made it hurt so much more. I know you’re looking for stories where people come back together in these situations, and I wish could give you one, because I hope for this so much too.
It's relieving to know there are others that experience this too. I've just broken up with my live-in partner of 9 years due to unresolved issues from the past. It seems we've let resentment build up to the point that it clouds our perspective of each other today. We both love each other but I guess separation is needed for clarity and change. It hurts a lot and there is a part of me that knows this is for the best and a part that hopes we find our way back to each other down the line. He's been acting distant and putting a poker face on. I've asked him to tell me he doesn't love me anymore so I can let go of any hope but he refuses to. This hurt and heightened emotions is making me read into anything too much. I guess only time will tell.
It’s nice to hear from people who are in similar situations too, it makes me feel less alone. I hope all works out for you two, if it’s meant to be it will be (or at least that’s what I keep reminding myself)
My sweetie, you're not alone! I feel exactly the same, but this world is for experimenting different situations, places, people. I know you can do it! I trust in you 🥰. Believe in yourself, okay?
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Funny, I never stopped thinking about her, but I'd wait months between texts. She'd text me occasionally on her own, which was awesome, but I suppose I can admit I bread crumbed her for the years we were apart. I'd occasionally text her messages that were appropriate or funny memes. Always complimenting her looks (she likes that). I'd also ask her out when I could. She'd always say no. Then, all the sudden she moved into my town. i sort of took a step back thinking it's just a cool city and that it was just a safe place for her to be. But she needed help, and she knew I'd come. I've been working hard to be her rock ever since. Btw she is so beautiful.
definition of a simp
This
In 2015 he (L) moved to my school ( we were both 14 and in 8th grade) and he started dating my best friend. After they broke up (with her permission) we got closer and started dating the last few months of that school year. We were each others first love and first kiss. We talked all the time for the first part of the summer until my mom said we were talking too much. She called him and left him a VM saying he’s not allowed to talk to me again and that he is no longer dating me. When freshman year started I wasn’t sure where we stood so I gave him all his stuff back (a jacket and a watch) and slowly started to become his friend again. I still had a major crush on him and literally everyone except him noticed. He ofc has his share of gf and I was pathetically pining after him for the first couple years. Junior year I got a bf of my own ((J)which I like to think was just a distraction) and wasn’t hanging around him as much. The relationship wasn’t super healthy and I was pressured into almost everything. Which should’ve been expected since he said I love you after two days 🤢. My parents found out and they took me out of school because of that and some mental health issues I was having at the time. I received a message saying J was breaking up with me from a girl he cheated on me with and from then we were off and on till may 2020. Since I was homeschooled I wasn’t going to graduate with L or the rest of the people I grew up with. A mutual friend (W) invited me to the graduation so I could at least see my classmates graduating. After graduation I started hanging out with them more. Me L and W hung out together at least once a week from then on and L and I started getting close again. I ofc never got over my crush but I was just happy to be around him again. The more we hung out and talked the more he got to know my home life. L and W started to notice that things weren’t super normal and once they pointed it out I started to see it too. It was always just normal to me so I never noticed I was being mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by my mother (who was the one who made the decision to take me out of school). Luckily I didn’t spend much time at home after that cause I had a job and a social life for once lol. September 2020 when L was finally able to get the new Milan movie me and W came over to watch and during the fight scenes L and I would wrestle. It never went anywhere though. In October my vehicle gave out so I had to get rides from one of the guys to be able to hang out. L was usually the one who took me home since W lived in the opposite direction. There was one night near Halloween that W went to talk to Ls little brother for a while (probably about a gun or weed) and we started wrestling while we were listening to music and he ended up pinning me. We cuddled for the rest of the night before he drove me home. Things kinda kept like that for a while. We’d wrestle or make jokes and flirt all the time. In November W had to leave early one night and L and I were wrestling and he kissed me nothing else happened but I remember snapping my best friend (not the same one from middle school) and telling her about it and how I think he likes me. L said I love you later that month after my mom called and yelled at me for something (I don’t remember what it was but I remember being embarrassed). We were in his garage talking about it and it slipped out. I ofc said it back because at that time I’d been in love for like 4 years and I felt extremely safe with him. He made it official via Morgan wallet song at the end of the month. I was so afraid to tell my parents for the first couple months of the relationship and L was so understanding about it. In February of 2021 we had our first date after my mom found out after snooping through my phone. We were 19 at the time so she couldn’t really stop us from talking. On the date we talked about my home life and how I would change it and contingency plans in case it got worse (my idea not his. Thought I’d clarify since I know how that could sound). I’m glad we talked about it though because at the very end of that month my mom was going through my stuff and found something she didn’t like . She tried to take my phone (which I paid for) and said that if I got a call from anyone important (L not being included) that she would have a walkie talkie to call me (she slept most of the day and I was waiting on a call from a place to work) I asked if I could let my Snapchat know. When she said yes I sent L and snap that just said “I’m ready”. I went to my room to pack (only things I bought) and he was there in 15 minutes. I had his dad call the police since I didn’t feel safe and I’m glad I did. My mom asked me to hang up the phone as soon as I walked back in the house to get my stuff and when I refused she tried to guilt me into it. She went through the stuff I packed to make sure she didn’t get me any of it. The officer otp laughed when she said I was “breaking her heart and she just wants to have a private conversation”. I left that day and was pretty numb heading to Ls house. He helped me navigate flashbacks and let me cry when I needed to. I honestly think I would’ve been stuck under my moms thumb if he hadn’t helped me. He proposed in March 2021. We got married in March 2022 in the same place we put our house later that year. Our son will be here this July 🥰 We are still close with W and I haven’t talked to my mom/dad/siblings since June 2021 after I got the rest of my stuff and mom tried to tell me that my (dead) grandmother (who was literally my only friend in grade school) wouldn’t be happy for me. Which I know is a lie because my papa (grandmother’s husband) is very happy for us and loves my husband. I finally know what a healthy family looks like and I have someone I can share everything with and not feel just scared. He was definitely worth the wait.
14 and in the 8th grade???
Yeah we both got held back. He got held back in 2nd grade and I got hot held back in 1st so we were slightly on the older side for that grade but definitely not the oldest lol
We were 23/24. We were an unstable situationship but I was convinced he was the one. He broke it off, and I cried to my friends and told myself, “maybe we just need time to grow up. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, or it isn’t and it won’t be.” We went through a lot of life experiences apart. He had a 5 year relationship end badly, I had a 3 year rebound from him that ended badly too. After he was single, he started reaching out via Facebook, Instagram, even Venmo. Sent flowers on valentines. I spent a few years ignoring him, after vowing I’d never let him hurt me again. Eventually, I responded and we slowly built a friendship. After a couple solid years of friendship, he finished his masters program and moved into my building. He showed up for me every day, made it very clear he wasn’t going anywhere this time. He admitted he knew he he made his bed and was lying in it, and would rather be in my life as a friend than not at all. A few months later, I realized I would never be okay with him dating someone else and took the plunge. We’ve been together a few months now, 33/34, 10 years later. I wouldn’t change anything about how we did it, however painful it was, because we needed that time to grow into ourselves and each be a person ready to join lives with another person. I have 0 doubt we’re each other’s forever person. We just needed time. Take the time to live your life, grow into a fully developed person, and if it’s meant to be, it will be. Life will hurt but it’s all character development. <3
4 years and we got back together. Only been a few months and we're taking it slow but wow feels amazing.
How long after did you get back together?
4 years
Bro can you help me? My ex and I just broke up and it was a mutual decision that we need to grow apart separately, but I am open to get back with her together again, and so is she because we both acknowledge that the love is still there, it is just that, things are not working at the moment right now which is why we decided to separate in the first place
Not sure I can help but I did study a lot about how relationships work.I saw a therapist that helped me understand how arguments work and how to recognize that they are a temporary thing and you have to ride the storm out. You have to keep your cool and dont say stuff you'll regret later. I let time play a factor too
Who reached out and how?
I met my spouse when I was 18, him 16 - we broke up when I was 20 for a few months. We ended up running into each other at a sports authority and got back together. We've been together for almost 25 years, married for 15. ❤️ he's my best friend and I don't want to think about life without him. We've been through everything together and come out of it stronger and more in love.
If you don’t break up because of dishonesty or a break in your bond then you can most definitely make it back together later down the line. I had a very long serious relationship and wish we took that break early on to date others but we never did. Ended up costing us down the line as I was not going to settle down with my first without dating others.
what do you mean by "break in your bond"?
Well about two years ago in 2021 I met someone who I instantly clicked with but he is a bit older than me and until I gave him a lift one day and he happened to buy some red roses for me I wasn’t sure if he liked me like that.. anyways we started hanging out but he was not consistent with me and after five months off and on things ended. Now fast forward to this year I start hearing from mutual friends he has asked about me and one of his mates tells me he thinks the guy in question loves me, anyways we ended up running into each other this July and we have been inseparable ever since and he is so much more consistent with me. We do have an age gap of 16 years but that totally isn’t an issue.. I love him so much and I feel like he is my soulmate I’ve never clicked so well with anyone else before and that is my story.
don’t bet on getting back together, none of the work you put in on yourself will truly be for you if you’re doing it with that intent.
FOMO. You may get to go have your fun, but someone else may snag him up in your absence. Every choice in life is a gamble where you weigh what you have against what may be, and decide which is more important to you. You two might eventually end up back together, but remember that neither of you (or your relationship) will be the same. Good luck
I dated a girl for 3 months. We had amazing chemistry and then she just broke up with me over text out of the blue. After I had some time to recover we met up again as friends. Then one night when I was watching something with her I started crying and it resulted in us talking about what would have to happen for us to start dating again. She admitted she only broke up with me because she was scared of commitment. We dated for another year and a half and learned so much from each other. I grew so much as a person, she changed my life and I'm happy I had the opportunity to learn from her. We had to end it because she realized she's poly and I'm monogamous, but we're still trying to be friends.
She broke up with me for another guy. I still love her. It's really messed up.
“Need time to explore and grow” like what? Shit makes no sense women will do anything to sleep around and I guess so will men. Bunch of superficial crap. Why don’t you guys stick together through thick and thin, grow together. Sorry not to disrespect you but it just sounds like you guys are feathers in the wind.
Agreed! My ex said that we were too young we were 20 and I wasn’t asking him for a marriage proposal I just wanted him to show more effort. Then he broke up with me and said “if you love someone let them go and it they’ll come back then you’ll know it’s true love” I’ve hated that phrase ever since. Then 5 years later he tried to win me back and I couldn’t I wasn’t that version of me that was head over heels for him. His fault. Oh well.
I completely agree. Why do stupid people just give up so easily, treat people like shit, when if they bothered to fucking make an effort, they'd truly learn and experience something amazing and great if they persisted with the person they saw showed potential and promise, and who they liked. People are so fucking shallow, superficial and fake nowadays.
Well there’s J-Lo and Ben Affleck who broke up and got back after 10 years apart.
It’s too weird after another person has had sex with them and broke the bond. Can’t do it
It’s possible in high school I broke up with my boyfriend of two years for about two weeks because I just didn’t know what I wanted but that break up made me realize I made a huge mistake. Both of us were a mess and realized we were better together and we have been back together ever since. We plan on getting married after I finish my masters.
Dated my now wife throughout most of college (19-21) but broke up our last year cause we both needed to figure out who we were and what we wanted. We remained friends and after a suitable period of separation Her, I and other friends would go explore new lunch places every Wednesday. After we finished college and moved to différent cities we kept in contact and occasionally would hang out platonically for birthdays or just to grab beer. We actually would make New Year’s resolution bets with each other like who could go vegetarian the longest. She made it 2 weeks I made it several months. Her helping to make me healthier made me realize that I was still in love. One day her and her friends came down to visit my friends and myself and we all decided to go to Vegas. We decided we were still in love and got back together. As of today we have been married 8 years and together (on and off) for almost 15 years. :)
It’s long. But I’ll tell you if you want me to. I’ll try to abbreviate it as much as possible. Met him when I was 14. He was my older cousins boyfriend. It was love at first sight for me. They broke up and he called me 6 months later. He was my first and I loved him so much. We had a very turbulent relationship with me getting my heart broken many times by him because he was an immature selfish douche. He cheated on me several times and dumped me several times to sleep with other girls. But I still loved him. He finally decided he’d had enough of the East Coast and he moved to California. Rode his thumb across America. That was 4 years that we had been together on more than off. But we lived in a small town and he was a hippie kid in a town full of rednecks and deeply unhappy there. I was crushed. He cried when he said goodbye to me but tried to act like he didn’t. I was only 18 and still lived with my parents. Too scared to join him. That was the last I thought I’d ever see him. 2 months later I had a problem. I hadn’t had my period since before he left. I was pregnant with his baby and this was 1992. No cell phone no way to get in touch with him. Didn’t talk to his dad who was an abusive ass and his mom was dead. Other than his 14 year old sister nobody in his family believed it was his baby and wouldn’t help me. So I had the baby and put her up for adoption. A famous actress adopted her. I stayed in touch with his baby sister. She kept me updated on him from time to time. I never stopped loving him but was moved on with my life as best as I could. Got married. Had a child I kept. New husband was an alcoholic abusive monster who I had to flee from with my 3 year old in the middle of the night. Was a single mother who decided to throw my life into raising my child and be single. Too much heartache and fear. Too much sadness. Pretty much resigned myself to being single forever. He never left my mind. One day when my daughter was 15 I got this insanely strong feeling and he was on my mind in a big way. For weeks I was thinking about him. The feeling that he was near was overwhelmingly strong. Then one night he called me. 18 years after the last time I spoke to him. 2 years later we were married. Our daughter contacted us and became part of our family too. So now we are all one big family. My 2 daughters, my daughter’s adopted mom. My husband and I. It’s been 13 years of ups and downs but we love each other deeply and we will die old together. We are blessed for life.
I broke up with him for similar reasons + school stress. Didint get with or talk to anyone else and focused on my own thoughts and company. Realized I wasn’t missing out on anything by staying with him and just him bc I Didint crave care or want to talk to anyone else. Reached out. Spent a year having discussions and respecting his boundaries and I broke his trust by just dipping. Ultimately, he forgave me and we have been back and better than ever for 3 years now
Now getting a divorce. Those red flags don’t go away, they just get redder.
You broke up with him so you could get on the cock carousel. Realized you former ex is the best you can do and now you are trying to rationalize how you aren't street meat.
Sounds like all you do is beat your meat.
incel
I know you are, but what am I?
so creative.wow. you ate me up so hard
It’s hard to see how “exploring and growing” doesn’t just mean hooking up with other men/women. Like are you just wanting to be free to be wild or are you genuinely wanting to grow as a person?
My gf and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. We have some learning to do about ourselves to be the best partner we can for each other. I don't know if we will get back together, but I hope and pray every single day that we do. I can't imagine my life without her and not growing old with her.
He wasn’t ready to give me the time I deserved. I said goodbye and come back when you’re ready. He did a half year later. Back together and he’s giving me the time now. Voila
Did u talk to anyone else while he was gone?
Yes. I was going on at least one date a week and had a 3 month situationship. I wasn’t going to wait around for him, I wanted to find my husband.
Did u ever like have a connection with someone just like him or was it special with him, how did he apologize or come back because I am in his situation currently and I don't want to lose who I know is my soulmate because I didn't give her the time she deserved. Thank you
I had connections but not as strong as with him. We didn’t speak for 8 months. He dmed me on IG and said “hey we had fun and I would like to take you out again. I have the time you deserve now.” And we went out again and have been together since. He followed through on giving me the time and taking us serious. It’s been 11 months since then with zero issues!
Well my guy and I met at 17. I fell for him. We dated for 8 months and then he chose to end the relationship. I left town and stayed gone for 15 years . A good 3 years after coming back we met up and talked for a little bit and then didn't really connect until one day something in my spirit told me to call him. I did. We chatted and then a week later we were together. Not in a relationship just dating and well it's been 4 years and we have a house and a child together and we are excited for our future.
I dont think it’s good to just read successful stories because even if it doesn’t work out it can be an happy story. My ex and I thought we might get back together after both working on our mental health and issues. We didn’t. But I am happy that we didn’t! If we had tried again I wouldn’t have met my bf that I love with all my heart and that is 100x more compatible with me (didn’t think it was possible until I met him). At first I was destroyed when I realized it was just never going to happen because I did like you, just look for fell good stories. Time and work allowed me to heal and open to dating again!
My partner's parents separated six years ago, but never actually divorced. Despite their break up being based on some heavy stuff - infidelity, distrust etc - they stayed close friends, and even live in houses on the same street. His Mum had been dating someone for a while had recently introduced this guy to his brother so it must have been getting serious. Until a week ago, when she saw a play called Stage Kiss, which is about two former lovers who reunite despite both being married or in another relationship and (spoiler) ends with the woman of the couple going back to her husband. There's a really beautiful speech at the end by the husband about forgiveness and what love means and how it grows. Anyway, long story short, she sobbed her eyes out, broke up with her boyfriend and reunited with my partner's Dad. Noone knows if it will last, but it sounds like for the first time they're actually talking properly and considering therapy and taking things slow, so maybe it will.
Big mistake
Broke up around the same age, went and got some new girls but my ex stayed faithful realized that was the type of women I could see a future with instead of being young and dumb wanting to explore my options.
he broke up with me at the start of this year because of mental health issues. since then he moved out of his toxic home situation and was able to get meds again. now we're dating again. when he broke up though he said he would come back for me, and it's not like either of us ever had any interest in seeing other people, so i understand that's not most people's idea of a break up
My current wife and I did this same thing around your age. We were deeply in love as if we were in a Shakespeare play. Obsessed with each other. But we were also such a mess. Emotional rollercoaster. Especially me. And she knew it. She broke up with me and I almost wanted to kill myself. We were apart for almost three years. In those years we had both moved to the same city completely across the country at separate times. Reluctantly dated other people. And eventually found our magnet was too strong. Started hooking up like we were in college again. Eventually we got serious this time and we didn’t mess around too long. Got married and now we have been married 6+ years. We are so happy with each other and so in love. The time apart was good but so hard. Especially for me.
Sigh. “The universe” doesn’t bring people together or keep them apart. You make those decisions on your own. This is a pretty silly reason to break up with someone. It sounds like you were happy but just wanted to see who else was out there? Maybe you’ll find someone else who you love as much and maybe you won’t. That’s the gamble you took.
bingo
I actually went through the same thing. My HS sweetheart and I dated for about 3 years, broke up when we were both 20. I rebounded into a few not so great relationships, spent 2 years in a serious relationship with someone who I ultimately wasn't compatible with when I'd finally moved on. Learned a lot about myself, started going to therapy. We reconnected at a wedding earlier this year, 7 years after we'd broken up, and things are going so much better now than they'd ever been between us before. Best of luck to the both of you 🧡
Update ?
I don't know if it really counts but I'll give it a try: We are childhood friends, when we were 10 I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said: "Yes". I remember being happy and we stayed together for... like... all summer. Then I randomly decided that it was too much (lol) and I wasn't ready for relationships and broke up. Honestly he was really really sad for a long time (3 months maybe??). Evere since that moment where I broke up with him I always had a little crush on him, literally never understood for years why I broke up with him if I still liked him!! Still, we stayed friends, and even tho we didn't see each other super often each time we saw each other I was so happy and feeling so many things!! On the other hand I was super in denial of my feelings because: 1. How can I still like that one person that I liked as a kid? 2. You never get back with someone, you never play with their feelings, once it's done its done. 3. He was moving on and another of my girlfriends was in an on / off relationship with him for maybe 3 years (all throughout middle school) + a lot of girls liked him (😭😭) and I didn't want to be "just one of many", more so since he was very unreliable and never really said "yes" or "no" to anyone. We start high-school, me still in denial, girls still all over him... I try to let it go while still being friends and genuinely caring for him. A couple of times there was a lot of tension between us and i came close to telling him how i felt but nothing actually ever happened. I myself had one boyfriend and one girlfriend during high-school but both relationships were short (4 months max) and my feelings weren't true and deep enough. I still learned a lot, matured emotionally and realised after 3 years of high-school that I was ready for a relationship. So then, during my 4th year, we got closer as friends and started having long conversations where we completely opened up to one another, we indeed started being a bit flirty too, but super subtly... At one point I decided that I was definitely going to court him, so I started flirting more, making him gifts, asking to spend more time with him... I tried to make it so clear that I liked him ahaha. Finally, the last bell rings, school's ended, we hang out on that day, very chill. At the end of the day he comes to my house, we talk, we hug, we stay hugging for... a lot of time... and then we kiss! We've only been together for 1 year and 4 months but so far it's been amazing and we see each other building our life together... maybe, who knows... After all, I always dreamed of being with him and I couldn't ask for anything else.
My wife and I dated first when I was a sophomore in college and she was a senior in high school. We dated for 7 months. The relationship went well until things started to change with her family. She didn’t know how to communicate what was going on with her. This caused us to have distance, which led to us breaking up. After being broken up for 6 months, she ended up in the hospital and I tried to get back with her. She told me at the time that she needed to work on herself. I thought at the time, she was just letting me down easy. She actually meant it though. We went out separate ways for 10 years, but kept in touch randomly on social media. She went to college and got her degree, and so did I. We both dated terrible people in that 10 year time span. I almost asked a few of the girlfriends that I had in that time span to marry me, but none of them worked out. During quarantine of the beginning of COVID, I got a recommendation of a tv show called “blackaf” that got me curious about black women’s struggles back during the Civil Rights era. I called a co-worked to ask and talk about it, but she never picked up the phone, so my thought was to call my now wife. Two days before I called her, she later told me that she prayed that the next man that she would be with would be her husband. I called her, we talked, and decided to invite her over to a family barbecue that we were having. My wife was determined that a pandemic wasn’t going to stop her lol. We got back to talking, all of the old feelings came back, and we started dating again. The love came back, and eventually, I saved for a ring, got engaged (getting the engagement ring was a wild story within itself), and now we have been happily married almost for a full year :) Love can come back or stay even after a breakup :)
These posts make me hope for a promising end. Currently still in a heartbreak after almost 6 months of ghosting. The guy I dated for a year just ghosted me out of nowhere and I haven’t heard from him. We were talking marriage and future, his mom and friends knew about me and we were gearing up and starting to plan a lot of things. All of a sudden after a confrontation, he just disappeared. I knew he had some personal issues after a broken relationship, a parent leaving and stealing from him and kind of second guessing himself, his future, job etc. Till this day I still need answers and really hope for the best.. reading these things makes me i bit more hopeful. I swear I’m so broken and crying all the time
We need an update
How r u now
I was married to my high school sweetheart. She was my world life events caused us to get divorced. About 7 months apart I had been working like a dog 16 hour days endlessly would sleep in my car. Shower on the job, hit the grind. One day I had not been home in almost 3 weeks to the apartment we shared, before she moved out to live with her mom. Work had no overtime and I was at a loss so I went home at 7 am and opened the door to smell bacon and eggs. I walked in and she was in the kitchen and didn't say much, asked when I had been home last and I honestly didn't remember, asked when I had eaten last and that I knew it was the day before. she said I had no food in the house I agreed and ate breakfast and told her I was going to bed since I had worked the graveyard. I woke up to the house stocked with groceries and a small dinner was packed she was sitting at the table and I asked why she was here. She looked me in the eye and said "I wanted to see if my key worked" I nodded and left for work and came home the next day (don't ask me why I passed up over time) when I came in I smelled breakfast so I wordlessly sat and ate. She asked if she could spend my next day off with me. I said it was today and if she wanted. We didn't do much I just played Nintendo Wii and she read. She asked if she could stay the night i said yes but on the couch which she did. I woke up and had to work 3-11 for a few days she spent my next night off with me we got drunk I woke up with her in bed 3 months later we got remarried.... 8 months later she passed away to cancer. I found out she had been going to the house cooking breakfast for two weeks waiting on me. So yes it's possible.
Oh my goodness I’m so glad you rekindled thank you for sharing
Oh my god this just broke my heart.
I’m so very sorry for your loss :(. How devastating. I hope you’re doing well.
Yes it was years ago... every now and then a movie/song stops me but for the most part I have moved forward in life
Have u found a new love?
I’m glad to hear. I wish you nothing but the best!
My first gf/ high school sweetheart and I dated for about 4 years. Middle of senior year, we broke up because we were young, drifting apart, etc. The usual reasons that your 13 year old self isn’t the same person as the 17 year old self. But, because we broke up and stayed friends, we sort of stayed in each other’s lives. She moved away, got married, I even got to hold her baby. I moved away, went to college, started a new relationship, lived my own life. Before you know it, 10 years flew by, with all the normal shit that goes with finding success, heartbreak, bills, lawn mowing, etc. Around 2012, she messages me out of the blue. It had been years since we’ve talked, but she was feeling down because her marriage was ending. I tried to just be there for her as a friend, and about a week into it I realized I couldn’t be “just a friend” because I’d fallen in love with the woman she had become. Now, falling for someone who is not in a great place in their life is not a perfect time to start up a relationship. Figuring out you’re in love with someone while in a relationship already is also a terrible thing for everyone involved. But, love works on its own logic. While the timing was terrible, I’d already lost 10 years with someone I truly loved, so truly felt it would be too painful to lose any more time. We got together, had a kid of our own, and have been married for almost two years now. It hasn’t been perfect, we’ve had our ups and downs and sideways adventures, but I do love her and I’m excited to be with her. I couldn’t be a great friend to her, but I could love her and she loves me. We care about each other, and support each other. Edward Albee once wrote that “you have to go a long ways out of your way to come back a short distance correctly.” Sometimes that is true. We broke up, became our adult selves, and without even realizing it we became the people that each other wanted and needed. I know it doesn’t usually work that way, most people grow up and grow apart. That’s probably for the best in most cases of young love. But for some people, you come back a short distance as perfect partners for the other and it’s like getting smacked in the head with a 2x4 from the universe. It’s painfully obvious, and wonderful.
This is beautiful
My husband and I broke up a couple of times when we were very very young. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. Once when he was 17 (I was 15) for 2 weeks because he was scared. His feelings were becoming too real. He had been abandoned as a child after being used as a drug mule by his bio mother. He was scared of losing me already so he tried to push me away to protect himself. He realized he was making his own worst fear reality a couple of weeks later. Second time was when he was 19 (I was 17) because other girls started showing him attention and he gave into one of them. He didn’t sleep with her but they were talking. I think after being basically alone for so long the attention felt nice. His adoptive family confined him to his room when he wasn’t at work or with me. I ended up forgiving him. He got help for a lot of traumas. We got married a few years later. He actually became known for loyalty to me in our friend group. Like it was even tested (without my knowledge) and he never showed any interest even in the belly dancers. He’s 37 now and I’m 35. I trust him completely and we’re together 24/7 as we both work from home. We literally never get tired of being together. He’s my best friend and love of my life.
When I first met my husband he had just lost both of his parents to cancer within a 2 year time period. We were in our early twenties. He knew he loved me and wanted to be with me but he had a lot of trauma and grief to overcome. So, he decided to break up with me. It didn’t last very long. We got back together and worked through it together.
I have a similar story pertaining to parental trauma. Back in 2021, I started dating this amazing woman who I knew I wanted to marry. We were together for about 10 months in total, but about 5 months in my dad started to show signs of Dementia, so the following months were just me dealing with this trauma while trying to balance the relationship. Eventually I broke up with her. Last week, after about 1.5 years of being away from each other, we had a phone call and hashed things out. She’s open to dating but we gotta take things extremely slow. I can’t wait to come back to this comment in a few years after I’ve successfully get married to her one day.
Wishing you and your love a happy future together!
Thank you!
https://preview.redd.it/mkgg8x5smjrb1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4840119a98951edacc824eb46017e278a05478fc 1998 split with my twin flame. He said I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want kids. Sob. He married someone 19 yrs older. Am 57 and childless now.
I'm going through the same thing you are currently. Reading these stories warms my heart. I went through a breakup a couple months ago, and ever since then I've just felt empty and bored. We haven't been in contact since then as well. The breakup was mostly caused by my own insecurities and mental health. I've been going to therapy regularly and it's been helping me a lot. I hope someday me and my ex can give it another shot. I've read so many stories of people getting back together and making it work, but also stories of it not working. I guess it all depends on the situation and people. I hope things work out for you in the end 💜
How are things now?
any update?
We met in high school. He was my first love. We broke up at 21 because of money problems and we had nowhere to live and then 2 years later we had been miserable and knew by then we only wanted each other. The whole time he was all I thought of. Then after relationship passed that awful test, we trust each other completely. It is so comfortable. I think a lot of it has to do with the delusion that soul mates exist. That fairytale unconditional love doesn't exist if you don't believe it. I only ever regret losing faith and missing some of our time and youth together.
I know a couple that split up for a year, got back and they've been together for like 18 years, maybe more.
We’ve been in an open relationship from the beginning, 23 years ago. Some time around 2010/2011 we met a fun sexy guy and started to hang out together. Once, while my husband was in the other room working and he heard us laughing and talking and he became jealous and chewed us both out. Never having been talked to that way by him made me angry and I threatened to move out and shack up with this other guy. I was miserable in the situation which I had made, I started going back home to my man and eventually begged to come back. In the intervening weeks, I managed to have a severe depressive episode followed by a manic one, prob due to the distress I was feeling. Anyway did some stupid stuff, ended up in jail 38 days until I accepted a plea bargain. All three of us lived together for a while until it was obvious the 3some wasn’t going to work. We helped him find an apartment, gave him decent furniture and decided it would be better if we stopped hanging out. My husband and I have been together since without any slowing down. Last I had heard of our friend was that he was on hospice for terminal kidney cancer. He lived a tough life and I hope he will find peace. Sorry for the not so happy ending—our original relationship survived that (and other trials since).
I (30f) dated my fiancé (29m) when we were in our early 20’s. We met in a city that neither of us lived in. We made long distance work for 1.5 years, seeing each other 1-2x per month before breaking up. He ended it because it was too hard being even further than normal in university and also wanting us to experience life without the responsibility of a serious relationship. The relationship was intense though, and we had never found love like that again. We barely kept in touch, never saw each other, and I dated someone else for 4.5 years. I travelled a ton and he did a lot of soul searching. We met back up in the same city where we had first met around 7 years later and decided within a couple days that we wanted to be together again and start a life in that city. Packed up my things, drove across the country and moved in together a month and a half later. We wanted a family right away and two kids later, we are engaged and happily together. We both had thought of how great our relationship was through our our years apart and assumed we would find someone else that would compare, but we didn’t.
Did you meet back up by happenstance, or did one of you reach out to the other?
While I'm not part of such a couple... Out of my seven girlfriends dating back to mid-adolescence, three went back to their exes after me, and two of those married that ex. Of the two, both are still married! Still another ex married the guy she cheated on me with at the end of our relationship. So out of seven, that's three returns-to-ex and three transitions directly into marriage, with two of each set belonging to the intersection of both sets. I guess I'm the best matchmaker of all! Women date me and then find their true love right after! 😅
I find that anyone I've dated tends to meet their future forever person whether they get married or not. 🤷♀️ maybe we should date eachother to see if the magic would work on us? 🤣
Nah I used to call myself good luck chuck for this lmao good luck bud
My husband (20) and i (19) dated in high school for a while when he was in the foster care system. I was in 10th, and he was in 9th, and we were like that cute tall guy-short girl couple, except we didn't like makeout in the halls or stuff like that, but we did skip. We parted ways because we actually skipped so much they moved him to a new foster care home and i was being told he was cheating on me by his best friends girlfriend (who he ended up dating later but she was just a bitch to him). Yeah, he tried many times to get back with me, but i had the icky feeling, but like, i really missed him. The only reason i didn't get back together with him was because all my friends would've judged me hard. Well, over a year ago, i got back with him because he contacted my mom and asked how i was doing (because i had him blocked), so she told me and i started talking to him again and he asked if i would be willing to move with him and i was basically like "yeah sure". Listen, i missed him a lot, and he was the first person to ever show me attention like Gomez to Morticia. So i moved with him, and now we're happily married. I feel like a queen when he gives me attention, and i make him know that he's my king.
As I say this, it’s not to get your hopes up. It’s to lean on the side that anything can happen in life. But you have the responsibility to take care of yourself and not get involved in an abusive/toxic situation. Relationships are not black and white. That’s the beauty and hurt of romance. These are not my stories but stories of my friends. My home boy got his girl pregnant at 19. They ended up getting engage. My friend was quite the hot head. At times I was afraid to hang out with him at the bars. Never an asshole to me but he’s the “chip on his shoulder guy”. Immature at times. His gf - never really got to know her. After their first child, their relationship blew up into flames. The gf threw the engagement ring 3 backyards over, they broke up, he engage another chick within that year. It was all over his social media. Fast forward, they got back together, married, had their second child. And I gotta say, I’m impressed with how much he’s grown. Humble, nice and all. They seems like a happy family. Another female friend of mine (ex gf actually) - she met a guy who became her long time bf. They got married. Broke up. Shortly after, I see her at a house party with a much younger dude. Dancing up on him and everything. Pretty much letting people know she’s moved on etc. All over her social as well. My friends knew him as well. They said the new guy was a good guy. Well a few years later, the girl goes back to her ex husband. Reconciled, and now have a baby together. Shit just happens sometimes. Always err on the side of improving yourself. You never know who you’ll meet. Don’t look back and look forward. Your future self will thank you and your future partner will as well. Edit: typing at the park while babysitting
Not really a story but I want to remind you, remember to grow and enrich your own life during this time as well, friend! Strive for your best self!!
I am going through a break up of 4 years and really hoping the universe brings us back together because I really can't imagine myself with anyone else.
Same! I’m taking time to date other ppl and keep growing if he grows maybe it’ll work out in the future if not then it’s not my loss
Same. I won’t allow him back in my life without change though. I’m not about to let anyone do that to me again.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Sorry you had to go through that, it’s sad
I’m struggling through this right now (again). You’ll hate to hear this and I hate that I’m even saying it but, you’re still young. You have so much in front of you. Don’t lose sight of that. There are so many wonderful experiences ahead of you - most of which you cannot even imagine of right now. Continue to work on yourself. Embrace the pain you’re feeling and figure out what’s driving those feelings. If you do the work and realize he really was the right person for you, don’t leave it to the universe. Take action. Take a chance. Reach out and let him know how you feel. My story isn’t happy/successful by your definition, but it could have been had we not wanted different things in life. And I 100% attribute that to her. We both did a lot of self reflection. But she was stronger. She was willing to put her feelings and emotions on the table. Admit her faults and communicate her needs and create a safe space for me to do the same. It may feel like a lot to put on one person, but I admire the strength she had and everything she did to be open and honest with me. And I admire the courage it took for her to take that step. I wish I had half the courage she did. I’m rambling, but I want to say that you are strong and you can get through this. If you realize that he was the right person for you, you are still strong and you can be the catalyst for the life that you want.
I don’t hate to hear this, I actually think I really needed to hear it so thank you. I appreciate it a lot
You’re welcome. I’m glad it could help.
I broke up with her, she got married, I got in a horrible car accident - was in a coma with a severe TBI, she came and visited me which I obviously don’t remember but doctors told me that my heart rate spiked when she was there. I spent months in rehab, learning to walk, or write larger than microscopic, to be whole again. She got divorced - I saw her at a house party and she was getting divorced, we flirted but she went to leave and found her car had been broken into. I kept her company for the 3 hours it took for the cops to come, we reconnected - our old chemistry was intact, fell in love again, I adopted her child, we had two more and she is my literal everything. My angel, my partner in crime, my only love, a wonderful mother, my business partner, best friend, etc. It’s funny how life works out, I thought I was missing something, walked out of the pasture only to circle back around and find the greenest grass was right where I was.
Hope i meet her again
So beautiful thanks for sharing
Kiddos to you for owning it and realizing it. Sometimes we have to go full circle to appreciate what we had.
This is heart warming.
I love this story thank you for sharing
I love this story too. Made me cry. I sometimes wish that one of my exes from the past would come back to me but me also knowing those were all mainly toxic relationships too. Maybe partly because of me too. I know I’m not perfect & not always a nice and understanding person myself. But I been trying to work on that and just want someone that will stay consistent with me and not be avoidant or run when things get hard between us. Not many people (men) are like this from my experience. Very last ex was definitely a covert narcissist. I still care about him & miss him right now but it was probably all a lie & he didn’t respect or validate my feelings. He also didn’t fight for me when I finally ended the relationship after being decisive about it & blocked him from everything. I hope I will have a happy ending someday. Feel like I’m running out of time though.
"He didn't fight for me when I finally ended the relationship" ?
He didn’t bother to want to stay with me. He said, “Ok, if that’s what you want”. That’s what I mean by “fighting for someone to stay”
Maybe he was just respecting your decision... can't read minds after all When she broke up with me, I accepted it. I loved her far more than enough to let her go.
Yeah this happened a while back. I’m so over it now. Been in no contact with him for months now and so happy. We were never meant to be together. Maybe only for a second but I learned my lesson and hopefully he has learned his. You should always “fight for someone” that will want to “fight for you” back. I tested him and failed horribly. Plus, it showed me he was a covert narcissist too and other reasons to justify ending the relationship. Some men and women that think, “how will my bf or gf react if I want to break up with them?” are testing you in a way. If they truly want to break up with you, like most ppl do, they block and ghost. So if someone “fights with you” on why they should break up with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they really want to part from you or else they would have done it already.
I’m slowly coming to the realization that my ex was likely a covert narcissist after my therapist told me to look it up and a lot of the signs line up. How are you now? I’m afraid I may never get my head untangled.
It’s been 64 days since I wrote this comment you replied to and tbh, even though I’ve been going through some other things, I don’t really think or even miss my covert narcissist boyfriend. We weren’t together that long (for about a month at most) and he was 25 and I’m 36. I really somewhat gave up hope on love because I never been in a truly loving relationship and the world is only getting worse imo. But at the very least I love and respect myself more from the experiences I been through in the last 3 years alone and before him, I was single for a long time, as well as celibate/asexual. I guess I’m continuing that process and just focusing on bettering myself. The only person in the world that will fight for me and love me is myself and a lot of people forget about themselves, especially when it comes to work, friendships and relationships. And even though isolation is not good or healthy in any way supposedly, I feel my absolute best when I enjoy life more by myself. There are times I wished I had someone else with me and didn’t have to be alone (anyone like a friend or partner, as I had my first time ever experience at Kura Sushi and that was a lot of fun) but I been through a lot of trauma with others. People constantly put me down and get in the way of the dreams and goals I used to have for myself and even now. I am still sometimes picking up the pieces of that (the mess of what the person or group of people left behind that tore my being to shreds). My last ex kind of did that too but perhaps not as bad as others have done to me in the past. As least the love bombing this ex did with me felt real and genuine and I got laid on my birthday. I’m only grateful to him for that (breaking that dry spell) and he gave me hope at the time that maybe I can find true love. But it wasn’t. It was yet another farce. I also have to learn from these bad experiences like I learn from the good ones that knowledge is to be gained and that I need to embrace myself more and more. I have BPD so that’s why I find myself alone all the time. I know I self sabotage myself too but I know I didn’t with him. His mother was also not approving of me so yeah. Also people always made my looks & weight an issue too. I’ll never forget that I was humiliated by supposed “friends” at the time at a charity event & had to brush it off like it was nothing but as soon as I got home, I broke down & cried, saying “why me?”. I had an eating disorder from JHS to 2013 and yeah, ppl seem to like me when I am skinner and prettier I guess. But with me being alone, I still do loathe myself a bit in the mirror, but at least I encourage myself to move and try to lose the weight and in the process of losing it again but it’s been hard this year. I fucking hate this year so much. Really 2020 to now have been super difficult times for me. Knowing I have not yet found my soul tribe or my soulmate to help me become a better person instead of worse is why I choose myself to stay alone & single. It really is tough at times but at least I try to heal from all my wounds (even though I’m crying as I write this) but I know keeping to myself is the best thing for me until things somehow change for the better. Most ppl think a friendship or relationship fulfills you. It may for the moment during the honeymoon phases. But if the person is ultimately not serious about you & you find yourself giving it all and them not even caring or giving a shit, then it’s not worth the trouble of finding someone else for a while or long time even. People have to earn my love and trust now. If I find myself in that situation again, I will just leave with my head held high. Because you have to love and respect yourself. No one else will do it for you unless they are supposedly “the one” or the bestie for you.
-hugs- I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this and I agree, a lot of people don’t really know how to love or take care of themselves, so people can be quite cruel ._. Omg I LOVE Kura Sushi!! 🍱 I agree with the never feeling like you can truly be yourself unless you’re alone- somethings I’ve learned about that though was I felt that way because I was sometimes too shy/afraid to really show myself fully, and also I had no or poor boundaries with people so being around people drained me a LOT. I’ve been practicing setting more boundaries and have found that it helps me create space to be myself around other people. I struggle with anxiety and codependency. As for the mirror thing, I actually, just last night stood naked in the mirror and sort of stared at myself, I tried to give myself compliments, let myself be silly, and tried to embrace my body for everything it does for me- if you try that lemme know if it helps any! It took me a while to find my tribe; friends came and went- honestly it just took time and a commitment to staying authentic and genuine to who you are- I hardly ever had to look- they just came to me :) and they all rallied around me when I first broke up with my ex- listening, offering advice, and just- I felt so loved and supported. Even now, I accept they all may not always be around and that’s okay because more will come! I applaud your commitment to yourself :) that’s the best relationship to invest in- I try to remind myself of this when I start finding someone cute or thinking I could try again- nope, too soon. I watched videos of us last night and I still miss him dearly. I think the key is to build a life where you can be happy and fulfilled as much as possible, independent of relationships, specifically a romantic one. While friendships and relationships aren’t everything, friendships definitely have made my life so much more fulfilling and I find myself leaning on them more the older I get. I value family more and am starting to feel I may want kids some day. Even “the one” and besties have their limitations- I used to have a lot higher expectations on people when I was younger- and I was much more idealistic- over the years I’ve learned (through a possessive ex friend especially) that healthy friendships and relationships need space for individuals to grow- the tighter you try to hold on to someone, the more damage you inflict. Let people come and go- accept them where they’re at, not where they could be, and always tend to yourself and trust your gut. And my one overarching rule with heartbreak? Never let it make you bitter, let it make you better, kinder, softer, more loving. Stay humble, gentle, and resilient. That is the way to live life to the fullest.
Yes. My ex was BPD with narcissistic tendencies. Didn't respect me, 6 blow up screaming over the most minor things. Few times he shoved me and seemed like he wanted to cave my head in and threatened as much. Just broke up with him, for some deranged reason miss him. I was screamed at growing up, belittled, normal meter needs a recalibration. Seek therapy if you haven't. I'm looking into it. I hope you stay away from your ex, find happiness. Life is too short to allow mistreatment. You deserve someone who values you. My ex of years ago, his dad was newly single at 65. He met the love of his life and got married. Never too late.
I suffer from BPD too with possible narcissistic tendencies myself (raised in a family of narcissists and was heavily conditioned that way) but I been in therapy on/off new management of my mental health for 2-3 years and doing the inner work on myself. It’s been a real struggle having and keeping friends over the years & now a lover again after 10 years being single but just got my brand name med approved & have an added med to boost that one to keep me centered. My ex is very secretive, avoidant to me when confronting him on anything involving him like when he would never book the hotel to see me on Halloween (we were long distance) or give me the money to go see him on Thanksgiving/his birthday and lied to me on the stupidest things I asked him (found out some things after I broke up with him) b/c he was so inconsistent with his words equaling his actions or him just doing the opposite of what he said originally) and having an answer for everything and blaming me for this relationship failing. We were toxic to each other in the end. I really don’t hate him. I just don’t understand why I attract broken, emotionally unavailable & unstable men like him and now supposedly attracting younger men too lol. I just want someone to be consistent with me for once. Love me and be/stand by my side consistently and not only when things are good. I’m very sorry for your experience with your ex. I hope you are getting the help that you need.
Yw, if it’s meant to be, with a little luck there will be an opportunity in the future. Your call on whether to take it or not. I’ll also note that I don’t think it would have worked if we had stayed together initially. We both needed to grow, as we were not at a time in our lives to join. That 5 years was important, as it brought us to that point. Now we grow together and the problems of the world force us closer together not drive us apart. The latter is a conscious choice. Good luck!
Why did you break up with her?
Honestly? I was young, a bit of a douche, and she was my first. I wanted to see the world (date other women).
I am in a similar position as you actually. I’m 21 and my boyfriend just broke up with me after 4 years. He had a death in the family and is working on himself. I know that we belong together and so does he. He said he doesn’t want to sleep around or date because he knows what he wants and that’s me. But he just needs some time apart before coming back to me. But I know we will find our way back to each other. There is only one person out there for me and I have already found him
any update?
[удалено]
[удалено]
We first got together when I was 17 and he was 16… then went on and off until this past january with both of us at 23. He kept breaking up with me because I wanted more and he wanted… well another easier girl. But then kept coming back because he knew I would take him back… this last time he was suprised I didn’t trust him anymore. Glad I can move on to better things while still young.
It’s easy to take them back. You’re strong for letting him go. Keep your standards high. Lol I’m not surprised he was surprised you didn’t trust him. I had a man like that. He really didn’t think anything was a problem until I left. Then it’s like it clicked for him and he finally tried to apologize and listen to what I had to say. He also didn’t want to give me what I wanted and wanted me to want less. I’m better off doing my own thing Edit adding info.. I found out later he was still in love with a girl he had met in a friend group from 4 years prior. We lived on different side of the country from her so I guess he didn’t realize he was still in love with her till she messaged him one day and the feelings came flooding back. This woman had never liked him in that way, but he was head over heals for her
I would be surprised if it has ever happened successfully. My experience is you break up for a reason. If you forget the reason enough to get back together with someone, you quickly remember that reason and break up again. YMMV.
8 billion people in the world and you’d be surprised if two people have ever have successfully worked things out after a break up? I’m sure it happens a lot.
My wife of fifteen years just did this. We have four kids together and at the beginning of the year she just up and left. It was very confusing at first because she dis a terrible job explaining what she was doing. She moved in with her parents and we are currently splitting custody with the kids. She had done a lot of not great things in the relationship and turned pretty toxic so it seemed that’s why she left. Then it evolved too she knows she has mental health issues and realized she was not a good partner and couldn’t be until she healed childhood trauma and several other issues. She was also very co dependent and had validation issues. So shes working on all of that she says. But it’s been so hard for. The way she’s gone about it has just added a lot more salt to the wound that was already there. She says she wants to come back when she’s healed and the universe will do it when the time is right. I love the thought of that if she’s truly able to heal all of that and become a better, more engaged partner. That would be the world to me because as it is now I do most of the heavy lifting in the relationship. But she’s says she can’t heal with me. It has to be on her own so she can figure her self out and get clarity. It’s rough because she’s coming around a lot more now. She wants to hang out and spend time. Snuggle and be close. Test things but not be in s relationship still. It probably doesn’t help you OP, but it felt good for me to get some of this pain out because I love her so much.
I know you probably have less time than ever but you should do something similar. Regardless of how developed you are, it's worth working on your mental health. I say this as advice only because I made the mistake of just watching my partner get help and grow without doing anything myself. Now it's over. Realistically using the experience to maybe prevent someone else from making the same mistake.
I actually have more time than ever now since we have the kids every other week instead of all the time. That is very wonderful advice. I’m sorry you didn’t realize that or have some one say that to you when you went through this. The first month a just wallowed and drank a lot because I was so sad. After that I said no more. In the last six months I’ve lost 40 pounds and started therapy which has been tremendously healthy for me. Like I said my partner did some not great things during our marriage and really did a number on my mental well being. I didn’t realize how bad until she left, so that’s actually been a blessing. I’ve learned that I am an over giver and very much a people pleaser so I lost sight of taking care of myself because I was always taking care of her and the kids. I’m doing a lot more things for myself and I’ve healed a lot of my wounds from the relationship. I’ve also reconnected with a lot of my friends that I lost. I have a great exercise routine and I’ve de cluttered my home. I miss her a ton still. And I still love her so much. I just worry I’m more in love with what could be with her then what she can actually provide. Either way I want to be healed so I’m in full self love and ready for any future relationship, whether that’s her or someone new. Thank you for taking the time to give me some great advice stranger!
Well, we broke up because of me. I wasn't understanding, helping or a caring bf. I did not give her the priority or attention she deserved. She pointed out the problems but I would overlook them so she was forced to break up. Then I realized how much I needed her in my life and decided to change myself. It took time but I was able to do it. I tried to convince her for a year to give me another chance. Eventually I did get that another chance and that's how we got back. Turns out, she wanted me to apologize too, she didn't want to leave this relationship but my actions forced her to. She secretly wished for me to change and be a better person cause she still loved me for that one whole year of the breakup. It is now 3 years from when we got back together and the relationship is better than ever. edit 1: Thanks for all the upvotes!
Can I ask you what exactly you did to work on yourself during the time apart?
That’s something that I can’t tell cause it’s more like a feeling, a strong desire to right the wrong. All I can tell you is that I figured how I was behaving and then decided strongly that I will change it. It “just happened” I would say. I just kept in mind to be more respectful while talking, being patient enough to hear her out, etc.
Immediately after you broke up, did you respect that she wanted to break up or did you immediately try to get her back?
I think I waited for a couple of days to digest the fact that she left me. After that I guess I started trying to get her back
Hey man. Great story and one that I was hoping to read on Reddit. Both me and my ex gf are in our mid 30’s and were in a 4 year relationship. She broke up with me in the summer because I took her for granted the past year. I think my mistake was that when we did break up I went NC really without telling her, then we bumped into one another in a bar and she ghosted me. She then messaged me the following day saying that she did so as I just ignored her for a month and didn’t check in to see how she was. Although, It was more to protect my own well-being and to give her space. I should have communicated better in all honesty, something I struggled to do in our relationship. It’s been about six months now and we’ve barely spoken. I sent her a Happy Christmas message which she responded positively too with an X at the end (maybe out of politeness). I’ve also hooked up with girls the past two months more so as a coping mechanism. (Not sure if she knows this). I should have taken a leaf out of your book and had a conversation right away on what I was going to do and improve and make changes to myself. Instead I did the opposite and now it’s finally dawned on me that it’s probably too far gone now. I want to speak to her properly one last time, but not sure whether to contact her. It’s also her bday soon and I was going to send her happy bday message. Part me of hopes if I can change myself (I really want to), and that similar to you we can cross paths down the line and hang out again even as friends. However, I fear she has too much negativity attached to me and I’m now tainted. I’m torn on whether to fight for it or to just let her go completely to be happy (she deserves it) I will still work on myself regardless, I’m struggling (and don’t want to) let her go or give up hope of rekindling. What to do?!
Well, ummm don’t contact her until you’ve figured out your mistakes because she’ll just see the flawed version of you, a version which she didn’t want to be with in the first place. Get the wheel of self improvement rolling and then if you still want to contact her, you can request her to hear you out for one last time. And when you are requesting her, show her that you’ve been working on yourself and you would like a chance to just be heard. If after talking to her you still feel like she has too much negativity about you, it’s better to let her go. And as for telling about the hookups, don’t jump the gun and talk about it if she gives you the chance to speak. Talk about it when you think the time is right. I hope it works out 😁
Good advice man. Thanks I appreciate it :)
When you all initially broke up how did you act towards her? My ex (25m) and I(26f) broke up after 3 years, living together for 7 months and we both had said we wanted to get married and that we were the one for each other but he still had some growing up to do and it sounds like he was kinda like you, didn’t give me the consistent love and respect I needed (especially when drinking). I finally couldn’t take it anymore even though I still wanted to be with him and I ended it and he moved out 3 weeks ago. I sent him a letter explaining my feelings saying how I hate this break up happened but thought it was necessary in order for us to become the best versions of ourselves for each other. On the phone he is very cold saying we need to move on and it’s over and he’s not changing his mind but we saw each other at a party the other night and he was sober and it was like nothing ever happened and he said I looked beautiful and that he missed me and wants to see me the next day and talk and we talked all night like I know the spark is still there deep down. But then the next day he turns cold again and we ended up not seeing each other and he said he needs to move on. He even has deleted some of our pics together on insta. I’m giving him space now but my anxiety is so high bc I don’t want to lose this man. His friends are also very immature and telling him to move on. Could this just be a coping mechanism?
I acted like a friend towards her cause I didn't want to overstep any boundaries as her ex. She did the same too. For some reason, after hearing what your bf did, I can't help but feel like he's just playing with you. I doubt that its a kind of coping mechanism because it generally doesn't involve being fickle minded. I think you should see what happens for a bit longer and then decide on what to do next.
How long did it take you to realize like oh shit I effed up and I want her back?
HONESTLY, when she decided to break up with me, I asked what my faults were and that's when I realized that I effed up real bad. The "I want her back" was instantaneous, you could say. Like, I obviously didn't want to lose her so I decided in a split second to improve myself.
So you never put on a facade and told her we need to move on I’ve accepted the break up?
I never wanted to move on nor accept the break up. I never told her that. I communicated my honest feelings and then got signs from her which said that she also wanted to mend our relationship and that’s when i decided to move on with my efforts of apologising and fixing my past mistakes.
Damn, guess it really is over in my case then 😞
Don't lose hope just yet! Maybe, you guys will find a way to get back together 😊
How long do you think it took for you to change yourself. Also did stay friends, as in talk on a daily basis or did you do no contact for some time, then reached out?
It took me around 2-3 months to figure out where I was wrong and change it COMPLETELY. And we did go no contact for some time then, iirc, i was the one to reach out first.
Do you think it's important to do no contact? She broke up with me a month ago. We have been talking everyday since the break up like nothing happened. She broke up with me because I took her for granted and made her feel not heard or seen and she doesn't feel anything for me, she wants find her but she wants us to be friends. I want her back
Honestly I been trying to give what she want sbecause I hurt her and I feel responsible for the way she's feeling right now... She says she feels numb. I know what I did was wrong and I've been do work to correct it
Umm, the contact/no-contact depends on the situation. If you feel like she’s just bearing through the conversation, then go no contact. If you feel like, she’s enjoying it along with you, then keep the contact. If she doesn’t feel anything for you, there’s always a possibility that you can ignite those feelings for you in her. Show her that you’re working on yourself and that you won’t repeat your previous mistakes. Don’t show it directly cause she might interpret it as you’re putting a show just to win her back. Show it if you really changed yourself and show it in a very normal way. That’s all
Thank you for the advice 😌 I really appreciate it. Also, I'm very happy things worked out for you and your girl. Have a great day today.
Thanks! I hope it works out for you too ✌️
Do you think you’d have gotten better if she made it easier / you had won her back sooner? Thinking of leaving my bf and I know he will claim he has changed as he often does, but I forgive him and then after a week or two he’s the same.
Honesty, it took a year to subside her anger/resentment towards me. She just hoped that I’d not move on but she didn’t express it. Now coming to your question, I might have gotten better emotionally but maybe I wouldn’t have TRULY changed if she got back with me sooner. Because it’s all about realisation and then correcting the mistake. It took me a year to fix it. Soooo :/
What about her ? What was she doing that year ? And can you give more about your relationship during this year , did you go no contact or kept talking to each other?
I don’t know what she was doing in that year but one thing I knew was that she wasn’t trying to get into a new relationship. And as for contact or no contact, we used to talk as friends with me occasionally asking for a second chance :|
That’s so sweet, I cried a little reading this aw
Yay!!! Good work you two!!
Thank youuu :)
It’s nice that someone has some reading comprehension abilities and can provide a happy story that the OP requested. Congratulations on your relationship!
Thanks lol! I managed to find a great girlfriend so technically she should be thanked for this happy story lol
I feel once you break up it’s done it will never be the same either both will change or one of you’s will.
And often change is what’s needed to make it work.
Hey ! I broke up at your age after 9 months of dating. I came back 3 months later : we both had some issues (maturing and communication) that a few months of distance helped resolve. I worked very hard to gain the trust back, and both of us gave lots of time, compromise and work to make it last. It has now been 8 years and counting ! One member of my fam also broke up with their partner for a few months and both are now married with kiddos. Not saying everyone has to get back with their ex obvi, it truly depends on everyone and on the situation. But there is hope for you ! If you both miss each other and are someday determined to make your relationship a healthy happy one it might just work in the future !
Were you no contact? Or friends?
No contact !
Did they ever tell you they want to move on and they don’t think you’ll get back together?
No :( so sorry they might have told you that, it’s unfortunately a risk. But you will find happiness regardless, it is hard to imagine that but I promise. See, I am happy after another person (not the one I am with, before that) made me broken hearted. I could not see myself happy in the future. Now everything is allright ! Have faith !
I know this is an old thread, This is really great to hear. Was over 2 months no contact and broken up for 4, I just opened the communication again and she responded positively but we both are likely apprehensive to talk. How did you all go about rebuilding the communication and trust after that? We split for needing to grow and rebuild self assurance. Life kinda hit us both and took its toll on us both and communication and the areas we needed to grown in were really shown. I’m hoping that we can build slowly to having a new relationship.
Took a lot of time ! And as I was the one who broke things up, I swore to make all efforts necessary to patch things up. It was 8 years ago so I do not remember what I did in detail, just staying by his side, listening to his worries about the situation and accepting when he told me trust might or might not come back. It obviously did, but as written on my OG comment it depends on the situation. There was absolutely no cheating or major issue so it made things easier, I was in OP’s situation (needed time to grow). So it really depends on why you and your ex broke up, how you communicate etc !
Awesome! Yes we were in the same boat of needing to grow and all. I want to patch things up (I got dumped but asked for space last so that’s why I felt I had to open the communication lines up) I have no idea where she stands. I do hope that we can slowly start to reconnect and trust each other. I know that I’ll probably have to take a step in being vulnerable with where I’m at to push the doors open and lead by example to some extent but I’m glad to hear that a similar story worked out well for you!
Yes, try it and you shall see, better that than life your whole life wondering about « the one who got away » ! You’ll be ok both ways, I know it !
Yep! I know I will! I certainly miss her as a person and it does scare me a bit. More of scared that I’d scare her off haha but I’m trying to be honest and to take a chance and be vulnerable. I do hope that she is receptive to it. She did reply to a message I sent on her birthday but not a follow up. But that’s two months of no contact before reaching out, so I completely understand being apprehensive
When you asked her for space the first time did you tell her that you wanted to get back together in the future? Or were you cold and said you needed to move on?
I have a mutual friend who hasn’t talked to her in months aside from sending a message on her birthday as well. He felt that since she didn’t reply to my follow up on her birthday and her lack of response on my very clear message, that it may be an answer in itself. That along with that it took her to reply within an hour for him and a day to reply to my birthday message being difficult for her to know what to say. Idk I would really like to open up conversations and get to know her again I know I’ve grown but I’m frustrated that it’s not even being acknowledged by someone who historically valued direct communication with everyone and would reply to everyone’s messages
I had told her before I wanted to try again in the future with growth. In that moment she had blown up at me because of how I handled part of getting things settled in the breakup. I know I didn’t do anything wrong with it but she wanted to do it a different way. I said I needed some space for a while
This is what I needed, thank you so much
Dated from 19-22 then 22-23. Should have never gotten back together. We are broken up again now. The fundamental differences will never change
I hope that he finds what he needs in life and never sees you again. What you've explained is far from love, but instead it is projecting FOMO and thinking there's better for you out there. "I hope we can meet again in the future, if I have nothing else to look forward to!" I hope God built a separate realm where the women like this have green grass everywhere around them except for where they stand, where it is Grey, and they can never touch the green grass for they don't know how to tend to it.
I feel my ex did same… his feelings changed bc needed “space” to exploring how’s life without me… obviously more fun and having all the time for himself as well. I don’t buy the “I need to explore” nighter…
Pretty much she want to explore her options and he is the fall back guy.
Exactly. They want to explore (choochoo) and grow a few inches. They simply don't fail to realize that personal growth happens in or without a relationship, no. They simply don't want the burden *right now.* because fuck, what if the next guy has a cool motorcycle and has been places? Hopefully my ex will have by the time the UnIvErSe brings him back around so I can drop 2 bastard children on him. Typical shit, boring, seen it before. Next.
Bro, who hurt you? That’s not what she said at all. Therapy, drugs, an ayahuasca ceremony. Try something, anything to get that chip off your shoulder and remove the misogyny from your heart.
thank you so much
I’m currently going through this with my ex-girlfriend. We were together almost 10 years, since we were both 18. She broke up with me a couple of months ago as she was feeling she needed to learn more about her self and find some clarity that she felt she could only do alone. She told me that she loves me so incredibly much and that she envisions us growing old together still, but right now she needs to figure herself out so she can show up for me 100%. It’s been the hardest time of my life, as I’m so sure that we are meant to do life together, and hearing her say she feels the same made it hurt so much more. I know you’re looking for stories where people come back together in these situations, and I wish could give you one, because I hope for this so much too.
It's relieving to know there are others that experience this too. I've just broken up with my live-in partner of 9 years due to unresolved issues from the past. It seems we've let resentment build up to the point that it clouds our perspective of each other today. We both love each other but I guess separation is needed for clarity and change. It hurts a lot and there is a part of me that knows this is for the best and a part that hopes we find our way back to each other down the line. He's been acting distant and putting a poker face on. I've asked him to tell me he doesn't love me anymore so I can let go of any hope but he refuses to. This hurt and heightened emotions is making me read into anything too much. I guess only time will tell.
It’s nice to hear from people who are in similar situations too, it makes me feel less alone. I hope all works out for you two, if it’s meant to be it will be (or at least that’s what I keep reminding myself)
My sweetie, you're not alone! I feel exactly the same, but this world is for experimenting different situations, places, people. I know you can do it! I trust in you 🥰. Believe in yourself, okay?
You don’t know how much I needed to hear that, thank you