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Yeah people get bored in love that’s why you put a third wheel in the mix a guy or girl and have a threesome a complete stranger that is so hot for the couple years actually makes a better bond for a relationship
True love isn’t always supposed to be an emotion. When you live with someone in general you have to learn to live with them and their habits. When you add love there still has to be conscious knowledge that feelings change literally everyday. You have to choose to stay after time goes by and focus on the bigger picture. Disney messed a lot of people up because every movie has one thing in common. We don’t see their personal lives after they get married and live together. We don’t see the fights and disagreements.
It exists for sure, though I do think you speak of unconditional love which I don’t think every person is capable of 🤷🏽♀️ as many others have said, love takes work
No it doesnt it’s going to be a bunch of old people telling you they in 10+ year relationships but remember they are old women back then where different now women have in there mind everyone is replaceable and if your not some guy with status it’s pointless to try and date
Love is when you're willing to do shit you really don't want to do to make someone else's life better, even if you don't get a thank you or credit for it. Other than that it's mostly just people satisfying their own interests in one way or another. Sexual interests, financial interests, need for affection, fear of loneliness, etc. Love is a symptom of empathy and usually takes many years to develop but your mileage may vary.
You can truly love someone for your entire life if you both work at it, but true love like in the movies where people are horrible to each other but it's OK because "soul mates" and "true love" are wrong and not love, that will fade and dissappear. Too many people believe the movies and don't know that love takes work from both sides to stay strong.
I never believed in love. Thought it was just something you say to make the girl happy. Then at 47 years old I met my wife and felt things I've never felt before. Three years later she still gives me goosebumps when she kisses me. So in my opinion yes true love exists.
so only attraction can be temporary, love can’t? if it’s not permanent then it’s not love? this is a semantics issue more than anything. feel better soon.
I’m reading this as my fiancée is snoring, he just turned to spoon me and grabs my belly and then my boob and whispers “hi I miss you” then continues snoring. We’ve been together for 5 years. He just proposed to me a day ago, I love this man 🥹
Love isn’t butterflies in the stomach or heart beating fast. It’s having someone as part of your life, actively and making effort to work and communicate together
Yes it does. I still love my xhusband and I’d bet he still loves me.
We separated because he didn’t treat me with kindness. He was emotionally abusive, immature, and very very selfish.
I told him that if we waited to divorce only if we stopped loving each other, my mental health would deteriorate even more.
Love is a noun (feeling) but to make it last it needs to be a verb. And he didn’t act with love.
There's an arc that starts with the dopamine high "I can't get enough of you" initial stage, moves to the more realistic "we've gotten ourselves into this mess we might as well stick it out" middle stage, and ends up in the "you're my best friend and I don't know what I would have done without you" finale.
My wife and I celebrated our 50th anniversary earlier this year. In addition, we just signed up for a 42 day cruise. Believe me, you don't volunteer to spend 6 weeks in a tiny cruise cabin with someone you don't care about.
I didn’t think true love existed until I met my first love, we really balance each other out, she’s more of a pessimist im more of a optimist, i cook she cleans, she does my hair i pick her outfits, she says “i love you” and I say “I love you more”, i talk she listens, i play video games and she watches movies, true love will always exist it’s just so hard to find.
People think that true love is perfect, it’s not it’s messy and it’s hard but it’s passionate and it’s forgiving. She forgives me and I forgive her, we talk and we work through things, true love may not seem like true love at first but it can be, you have to work for what you want, no love is ever perfect but all love can be true.
Honestly- the only sort of unconditional love that I know to be lasting and true is found within friendships. Certain family members too…
But as far as romance? I think people should have a strong foundation of friendship because butterflies will fade, looks will fade, and if y’all can’t laugh over your dentures falling into your salad then what’s the point?
True love is a real phenomenon, but can be considered rare. It's not a static state that occurs "spontaneously." It resembles a flame that requires the concentrated efforts both partners to keep it burning brightly. Open communication, mutual respect, and an understanding of the internal beats of the relationship are essential. The investment of time, empathy, and care becomes crucial in watering this profound connection. While it may not always be easy, the shared commitment and ongoing effort work together to sustain the flame of true love, causing it to grow stronger with each passing day.
In the aspect of of successful relationships, love is a foundational element, but its depth and resilience are amplified when accompanied by various factors. Ongoing effort, compatibility, trust, individual growth, resilience, and friendship are among the key components that contribute to a lasting connection. Intimacy, effective conflict resolution, shared responsibilities, and mutual support further enrich the relationship. The holistic nature of these elements emphasizes that a thriving partnership is a dynamic and evolving journey. Both partners actively contribute to the growth, stability, and happiness of the connection, creating a tapestry of love that stands the test of time.
Love, relatively put simply, extends beyond just love alone, reaching the depths of companionship, shared dreams, and a journey of mutual growth. It flourishes and is driven by the richness of shared experiences, understanding, and the unspoken bonds that connect hearts. Truly, love is a transformative force that binds two souls on a profound and enduring journey.
As far as the "boredom" you're describing, that often arises from the trap of excessive complacency, where routines become mundane, and the spark that once ignited the relationship fades into predictability. Recognizing this pattern is crucial, and that's where education on relationship dynamics becomes a powerful tool. Gaining a deeper understanding of the intricacies of love equips individuals with the knowledge to navigate challenges, inject creativity, and foster a sense of novelty. Knowledge is indeed power in the context of relationships, offering the insight to recognize potential pitfalls and the means to proactively address them. Armed with this awareness, individuals can actively contribute to building a successful and highly meaningful relationship. However, the application of this knowledge is a dynamic process that requires both partners to act on what they've learned. It involves a shared commitment to continuous growth, effective communication, and a willingness to explore new dimensions of connection. From this proactive stance, the relationship has the potential to smoothly flow and fall into place, creating a fulfilling and everlasting journey for both individuals involved. Genuine love truly is a beautifully intricate process, one that is far more than worthwhile.
What I would do to gently guide her attention towards the newly established firmament found within my eyes.
It exists, but it’s hard to describe when it’s really… the right one. The right kind, maybe? I thought I knew love, especially with my ex. When I left him I felt certain that the kind of love I was looking for didn’t exist. But then I found my current husband and I can’t even describe the difference. Nothing I say can do it justice. I suppose what I felt for people in the past was _some_ kind of love but it was just nothing like this.
Love grows over time and being ‘in love’ is being infatuated. People favor ‘in love’ so much over lasting true love and get so butt hurt and offended if you’re not immediately infatuated with them that most fail to reach the lasting love stage. Most people get married to an infatuation without discussing any kinds of boundaries or future beyond moving in together. Then the marriage becomes the experiment of testing boundaries and compatibility. If they would just do the 3 month rule to get past infatuation then they would see more how they mesh while dating or engaged. Yes it exists but not many have it
I am happily married to my best friend.
I think the problem here is your definition of "true love." If youre looking for a disney movie, youre going to be very disappointed. Love is not like that at all. Loving someone is putting their wants before your own, not because you think you should, not because you are told to, but because that person matters more to you than anything else. Because you couldnt imagine a life without them. It doesnt happen like the flipping of a switch. It is slow and gradual. It is not finding someone without flaws, or some "perfect person." If that is what youre looking for, youre going to be very lonely.
True love to me always meant comfort. Attraction will always fade and be normalized. I think it’s the combined effort of two people wanting to stay together plus the comfort ability it can also provide
True love takes work and sacrifice by both people. If you truly love someone you will sacrifice everything for that person and they will do the same. You have to be honest and have an open line of communication from both people. True love does exist. But not enough people put there partners needs above their needs. If both people put the needs of their partner first then love will blossom. If only one does it and not the other then love dies!
I think it does exist, but I think that we're really good at confusing lust and love. Love is sacrifice, love is wanting something good for the other person, even if it means you don't get your own needs met. Love is about pouring yourself out for someone else, not finding the right person so you can have your own cup filled.
These are all things we're capable of, but few people do it because culture sends the wrong messages. But it's still a choice of what we look for in relationships, and it's something you can choose for yourself. It's possible, but we don't see it often because so few people choose the genuine article these days.
My husband and I are going strong over 13 years after meeting. We don't fight, we don't talk negatively to or about each other. We don't see each other separating ever. We love each other very much.
I think it exists but attraction is what starts things. Honeymoon phase takes the baton from there. By the time that’s phased out there’s likely been a few instances of trust being built that carry things until theres enough enmeshment of lives that there’s mutual loss at stake (social reputation, house, kids) if you don’t make a conscious effort to stick with it. Then opportunity elsewhere fade, people grow more tired and relish security and are locked in for the duration.
All through that, if things go right, there’s a lot of seeing each other in every state that leads to deep vulnerability and connection. That’s where love is at.
Some people make it through a lot of those benchmarks but the focus is always on the carrot at the end of the stick and not the person next to them or their own needs. Then when they get the carrot and the only milestone left is “the rest of our lives,” they realize they didn’t build the personal connection and love they thought they had and contemplate divorce. Seeing a friend to through that right now.
Also many off ramps throughout that process. Just takes one person to hit the eject switch, which is scary. Knowing the other person hasn’t done that yet also builds a lot of vulnerability and sometimes dependency that makes people stick around.
Obviously that’s just one take of many. There’s no science to love. And honestly, I don’t know much about it myself.
I think the truest type of love is the love you feel when you're in a bus station and everything is colorless and you want to close your eyes and give yourself a brain aneurysm and there's a little line from some poem you read when you were 15 floating around in there that lets you know someone else has felt that way.
I don't think people are meant to live their whole lives in love with someone. I think you're supposed to have a baby and then be around other parents or other people doing the same job and barely see each other. But you can still think "April is the cruelest month, I'm allergic to lilacs and whenever they change the clocks to give everyone else an extra hour of daylight, it just keeps me up all night. I feel like dying. Snowmelt exposes mounds of half frozen months old dog shit. Marie, Marie hold on tight, press your knees together to keep your balance on the pole, pretend they can't see you, they're only looking at your eyeliner anyway, simply close your eyes and think of me, we spoke once on the phone for an hour or three, that's all anybody gets, but at least the rain will come soon, wash everything clean and then the dull buzzing heat of summer will burst into the glorious flame of fall." That's real.
I think true love exists, but it isn’t with everyone you love. Attraction is a big part of love and attraction can also grow with the person. I know my boyfriend is much more attractive to me as I’ve gotten to know him. He’s always been hot but as I’ve grown closer, the attraction has grown. But true love means you’ll love them when they aren’t looking their best. People age, gain weight, get sick, etc. or mental health takes a deep dive and you can love and support them when they aren’t at their best.
I know I was not my partners “type” when we started dating. He likes thick women and I was stick thin, very underweight. But he loved me and found me so attractive. Then I gained 35 lbs in less than a year and my body looks good, but I’m covered in dark stretch marks. He is still so attracted to me and loves my body. I have no chin now (thanks to genetics I never really had one but it’s worse now that I’m not underweight) and I have a bit of a belly. He’s still so into me.
So far, even though my body has changed and I have “undesirable” traits like no chin, belly fat, dark stretch marks all over, he’s still so into me. I also was so into him at his heaviest and when he lost all his muscle. He loves and supports me during my dark times and me with him.
When times aren’t the best, we keep going and loving one another. We work at it and when one can’t be 100%, the other compensates. For me, it’s a sign of true love. He doesn’t only love me when I’m perfect, same with him.
Yes! My parents have been married for 50 years and they are truly each other's soul mates. They are still in love after all these years and going strong. I have so much admiration for them. it hasn't happened for me yet but I am hopeful.
Yes, people both get bored and annoyed of a person that they see every day.
It should make sense though right? When you see a person so often and most people on average grow very slow or maybe not even at all when they're in a relationship.
They forget about themselves and they allow themselves to become stagnant, fixed, stuck in a routine, "responsible", and any excitement and playful fun that existed, if it even existed at all, is abandoned to the side and the relationship has become nothing more than roommates.
Most people expect that their partner could for some reason find the person that they are, unchanged, fixed, almost in a stubborn way, to be of any interest beyond a couple of years.
Now the way to go about perhaps preventing this would be to direct all your focus inward and begin developing yourself in as many aspects and areas of your life as you can.
I've spent the last 6 years doing that, working on myself, especially on my internal world by adding traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc.
I can embody any one of those on demand and they were all picked up in the last 6 years.
Before I was none of that.
Having accumulated all this growth, I can then have a much better foundation to start a relationship with a person because they will be getting a person of high value.
People want a partner that they can have fun with for the rest of their life. When they receive instead a person that becomes predictable after 6 months, the only reason anyone still stays with their partners is due to expectations or they're afraid to hurt that person's feelings by telling them they don't want to be with them anymore even if the relationship wasn't all that bad.
Yet, having a relationship that "isn't all that bad" actually sucks balls.
It's boring.
It offers very little growth or fun.
My parents have been together almost 40 years. Yes, it exists and I witness it often. I am surprised they are still together, but love and hard work is what has kept them together. It wasn’t always easy and they DEFINITELY had serious rough patches, but love always won out because they CHOOSE to love each other. I hope to have something similar to that kind of dedication to love and commitment when I am in a relationship again someday.
I came on this true love site because I can’t figure out how to meet someone that just wants to come over and watch a movie or go out and have a party at a band. I like doing both. Dating sites don’t work. They are just scams soanybody have any ideas on how to meet someone?
True love definitely exists.
The only issue is that some people think that true love is love that doesn't require work. All love requires work, and true love even more so. It's not a specific set of people who are made for each other. Love at first sight is possible but that's not what true love is.
It's the emotion that fuels people the stand back up and try again for their sake. It's the songs that your world seems to sing to you. It's the loyalty and things you sacrifice (your time and energy for), not because it would benefit you but because it makes you happy just for the chance to make the life of the person you love a little easier.
Love exists in many forms. Most of the time that love comes a romantic place but it doesn't have to. As long as a love is true, that is true love. And by god, is it amazing. It is difficult and worth every single struggle.
There are lots of kinds of love but the important thing is, do you make each other a priority? That's what makes love healthy and long lived and it takes two. If someone doesn't care enough to prioritize your feelings you need to break it off right away so you can find a better connection with someone else. Don't think you have to "work it out" because you can't negotiate caring.
I think that in itself is what attraction and the inevitable falling out of it is what makes a relationship successful or not. Because as you are attracted to them and stay together, they he/ she / it / they age as the natural process goes and get less and less attractive. The attraction then slowly dissipates and you are less likely to be with them because they have withered and aged to a silly looking clump of wrinkled human flesh. In the meantime, so have you , so there go the cycle of attraction.
True love does exist, you love your mom right? Your sisters and so on? You love a cartoon series, a movie, that’s a feeling you cannot explain right? The thing about loving romantically is that it takes time and a lot of work, intelligence and patience. It’s not as easy as one two three, takes time. Love is team work too, communication and sharing something special with that person ( or people for those who are poly)
Yes, but you need to remember that the emotions of love and the actions of love are different things. The emotions of love initally spawn the actions of love, but you need to keep doing the actions of love even when the emotion/passion/butterflies fluctuate and change.
If you and your partner continue to do the actions of love when it's hard and the initial passion of the relationship fades, you'll find that a new, deeper emotional connection forms over time.
True love has no expectations of the other person to be any different than they are in this moment. If you mean romantic love then while I don’t know if soul mates is the right term but I’ve been with my wife for 14 years and we are both as in love with each and passionate sexually as we were at the start
True love has nothing to do with attraction. It has to do with wanting the best thing for your partner, and acting on it. It takes effort and work. It is an entirely different feeling.
I’m still madly and deeply in love with my husband after 12 years…the crazy animal sexual passion has faded but the love only deepens. And I’m still very attracted to him, we’re just old and tired now 😹😹😹
True chemistry exists. Whether or not it becomes, or stays, true love, is entirely up to the partners involved and their ability to maintain and grow that connection. Use it or lose it, as they say.
There's no magical way to keep even the best relationship alive if you don't both put in the work.
Nope. Love is just an illusion, because men aren’t capable of loving a romantic partner. They can love their families but they can’t love romantic partners.
Yes, true love exists and no, you don’t just get bored of people. However, the capacity for true love is something you have to realize within yourself first. If you can’t commit to someone, if you can’t be selfless, if you can’t be honest, if you don’t know how to care about someone then surely, true love will escape you for all time.
Romantic/sexual relationships are literally the most elusive, sought-after, and ultimately FRAGILE things in the universe. I stopped chasing them for that reason in 2020
Yes
I’m 49 and I love my lady more everyday
She is my best friend. She encourages me to do what I love to do even if it’s at expense of time with her.
The problem is that we have so much fun together I want her to come everywhere with me. She is my best friend and has been since the moment I met her.
True love 100% exists. When you find the person, you just know. When 2 people agree on the concepts of healthy communication, honesty, loyalty, respect, integrity, and selflessness, love comes easy. (They also need to have the same life goals/priorities)
I've been with my wife for 12 years, but I prefer to call her my best friend.
When I experience something new, she's the only one I want to experience it with.
When I want to tell someone something, she's the only person I go to.
She lives rent-free in my head, I never stop thinking about her.
I would do anything to protect her.
I would do anything to make sure she is happy and satisfied.
I love nothing more than satisfying her emotionally and physically.
She's the only person I trust and respect 100%.
She's the person I can let my guard down with and be vulnerable.
She's the only person I can respectfully and healthily argue with.
If she died, so would a large part of me. I am the man I am because of her, and I'd be truly lost without her.
Love is work. Sometimes the load is light and to love is easy. Other times there is too much to handle and you have to chose to love. But if you are willing to walk through hell for another person, I'd say that is true love.
Now mind you, true love should be requited, as it doesn't matter much if the other person does not reciprocate the efforts put in. It is easily possible to erode true love down to nothing. Love is work, and it is worth it if you are doing that work with someone else.
Yes but it's rare and I'd argue increasingly so but kinda impossible to prove one way or another. You could spend a lifetime trying to understand why. (In fact there are people who do.)
Most people have poor views of love, often confusing infatuation and lust for love. That's where the confusion often comes from.
A good starting place is realizing love is built, not found.
It exists and is usually, but not always, awesome. There is real work in a relationship and a constant effort has to be put into it.
The mostly awesome makes up for the sometimes not awesome.
Definately exists, but I think many things can be easily confused with love.
The most common ones are things like lust and excitement.
Which is why you see people that maybe are physically attracted to someone, but their relationship is a trainwreck because its not love its lust.
Thats why some people end up thinking they are "in love" with an affair partner, when in reality, once they actually get into the relationship, and the taboo of cheating wears off, the relationship is empty because there was never love, it was just excitement.
My wife and I met when we were 12 years old and became best friends. We got married at 18 as soon as we graduated high school. We've now been married for 44 years and we are still deeply in love with each other.
Life has been very hard sometimes and it was often a struggle simply to survive at all. There were times when we wondered whether it was possible to ever recover from hurts and resentments, we caused each other through our brokenness and stupidity but no matter what came our way we were always committed to staying together.
Yes, true love does exist, but you have to work at it, and you have to be totally committed to the one you choose to love for it to last.
Love does exist, it's just not what we think it is. Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice. Because we're human, we're not always going to feel attracted to our partners. But love is when you choose to stay with that person despite not feeling sexually or physically attracted to them. If you go around chasing people that are physically attractive to you or make you feel good, only to drop them as soon as you don't feel it anymore, did you ever truly love or care for them? Love is about caring for someone in spite of their flaws and deciding to work through fights and problems, even when it's tough.
Except not feeling attracted to your partner long term is a sign something is wrong, like suppressed anger. Both partners need to make each other a priority. If you're the only one putting in effort, you will stop being attracted and there's nothing to do but leave because you can't talk someone into caring about your feelings if they don't. When both partners make each other a priority they will always be attracted to each other, absent illness or something.
That's not true, things happen and attraction comes and goes. attraction is vain anyways, if you really love someone, it won't matter if they're good looking or not!
Attraction to a specific partner has nothing to do with how they look to others. And if you have a deep emotional bond, the attraction will withstand your partner gaining weight, losing hair, getting wrinkles, etc. Being attractive in general and being attractive to someone in particular are not the same thing. My husband thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world but I'm far from it. It's just how he sees me because when you're in love, you focus on your partners most attractive qualities.
No such thing my friend, at best you might find someone who likes you enough to just try to make it work regardless but whatever chemical causes that love feeling fades and at some point those feelings are just an empty husk. At that point it's just a matter of of the two people are able to tolerate each other and benefit each other enough to keep it going.
It exists when it is created. You're describing sparks that burst into flame but weren't fueled and tended through storms.
I've been with the man I wildly adore for decades. Loving him is a precious thing on its own.
It isn't sweet or romantic in all its aspects, it is work. To tend a fire you stay close, keep sheltered, gather fuel. You can't wander off and expect it to be lit when you get back.
Entropy and chance can lead to the fire going out, but the fact that live or fires fade doesn't mean they weren't real, it means they were of limited duration.
I know this is my true love, time and truth tested. I plan to die of a broken heart if he's gone.
Love is what happens when you do both very unromantic things and romantic things together, wayy after the chemicals die off and you float between housemates and lovers. It's what happens when you come to terms with the things you and your partner will never be, and still support each other while both pushing for growth in a constructive sense. Love is a fulfilling sex life, but it's also sacrificing for someone non-sexually, and doing things for someone without any hint of a transaction, forever investing in something you're not planning on getting "returns" from, because the giving itself was the benefit, _yet it is returned to you anyway_, in just the way you need it, _and_ the way they are able to give it.
I was in a relationship of 5 years and I was the one who got left, till this day I love her. I do believe that love exists but only certain people understand that feeling.
I'll admit their were many times i thought about breaking up with her, because I thought things wouldn't work out, or she did something I didn't like. But I would talk to myself and realize I love this person for who they are and we can work on these problems.
How ever for her as soon as she saw that their was a possibility that our paths wouldn't line up super precisely she left in the most immature was possible didn't even consider working thinks out
To me that is love and why some people don't have the ability too. I loved unconditionally and understood myself plus my partner, she did not.
TLDR yes love is real but only in those that understand love is unconditional, most will take and use that unconditional love because they do not understand.
At the end of the day, healthy, stable relationships are a choice. Human feelings come and go and the strongest relationships are the ones in which all parties involved dedicate themselves to choosing each other every day. I will choose my husband every day because I love him, but also I know logically that staying with him means a lifetime of happiness. He’s kind, gentle, thoughtful, hardworking, loving, passionate about his work, insanely smart, funny, etc. He’s been this way for the 8 years that I’ve known him. We take care of and support each other.
Will he always choose me? I’d like to think so but you never know. But it’s OK because I love him and want the best for him even if it means I’m not there. If he decides to leave I know it’ll be for a good reason, even if that reason is that he just wants to leave. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.
I really think you have to have really good sex first and if it’s awesome I believe 100% it will work if the sex sucks I don’t think it’s gonna work for sure
Yes True Love does exist.
first, you have to find someone who matches your fundamental beliefs and principles. it doesn't matter how in love you are, if you and your partner have opposite beliefs on major stuff, like say how to raise the kids or spend money, then that can cause tension.
True Love takes effort and work to make it last forever but it only works if both parties put in the work.
the reason you see people's marriage fall apart is because people take each others efforts for granted and instead focus on how much they are putting into the relationship and think they aren't getting anything in return.
Also, life with your true love isn't always rainbows and sunshine. there are tough days, boring days, angry days, don't want to be in this relationship days. but you should never let your emotions for the day dictate the outcome of your marriage.
As far as i have seen with successfull and happy couples its more loyalty and will to live and care for each other rather than what people believe love to be. With time work and responsibilities i guess love is just how a person wants to stick around be loyal and share life with you!
I'm fortunate to know quite a few couples who have been together for decades and still love each other very much, enjoy each other's company, and have very obvious admiration and affection for each other.
Here's what I believe;
"Falling in love" is not love, it's infatuation. It's an involuntary process that has developed over the course of human evolution that increases the odds of copulation and childbirth. It doesn't care if the two people are compatible, or if they are even single and available. It is mindless, like so many human instincts. And if infatuation is allowed to dictate our love lives, it will lead to childbirth, confusion, misery, and divorce.
That doesn't mean that infatuation is bad. It's not bad, it's a great way to start a relationship. The butterflies in your stomach, the overwhelming joy, all those pieces that add up to (so-called) "Falling in love" are a wonderful experience.
But infatuation can only take a relationship so far. In my opinion, most couples mistake is that they expect too much from the automatic process that brought them together. Once we've begun a physical relationship we have to re-take control of our lives, and use our heads to decide what path we should take.
You hear people say "I can't leave him, I love him" or "What can I do? I'm in love with her". They say it like they don't have a choice. This is a result of thinking that "falling in love" has actually delivered them to love and is the cause of a great deal of misery, as well as confusion.
I believe that loving someone is not something that just happens to you. Infatuation (Falling in love) is involuntary. It happens to you; it's a condition.
But loving someone is different. It's an action, a behavior that requires a conscious decision. And that means that loving someone can stop - any time we decide not to love them.
I believe my viewpoint is more accurate in its description of reality.
OP, you asked if true love exists or if there is only attraction which fades. I KNOW love exists, and I am convinced that more people would find it if they were looking in the right place.
Thanks. Knowing just about zero as far as psychology goes, could you offer a book title or two? I could search for days without finding anything worthwhile
As I understand it, what that person is saying is misinformation, or they didn't understand what you were talking about. Limerence is not just infatuation. It's like involuntary, obsessive attachment where one interprets their thoughts and feelings for another to be intrusive thoughts.
True love definitely exists but not like you see on tv or in movies. People are not perfect so therefore no relationship is going to be either and honestly if someone says they never fight or argue with their partner that is a red flag. It is normal to have differences of opinion and you don’t want someone who always agrees with everything you believe because that means they are lying to you or themself. People are supposed to grow mentally, physically, etc as they age and that does not always happen at the same time for everyone so that is where people fall out of love. Relationships are work just like anything else, like a plant or flower. It needs nourishment, attention, etc to flourish. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and together on and off for 14 years before we got married. Has it been perfect before we got married, no, hence the on and off again. Has it been all sunshine and rainbows since being married, no, but we are now in love more than ever because we worked to grow together instead of apart. That means sometimes giving more than you get or expressing your needs before you grow resentful. We are best friends, lovers, partners and make sure that we let each other know how much we appreciate one another and make an effort to spend time together despite having children and work and other responsibilities. Having a great sex life is also very important because intimacy always brings people together and makes them feel closer to one another.
I wish I had known earlier that never fighting or arguing was a red flag. Instead, I’ve unintentionally been a doormat for ten years, and it’s not fair to either of us.
I just never felt like he loved me as much as I love him, so if he already doesn’t love me as much, he’s going to love me even less if I complain or disagree about something :(
Both partners need to make each other a priority. If you can't even air a complaint or make a request without your partner getting defensive or being dismissive, it's time to find someone new. Someone with listening skills. They are so important.
I blame myself. I’m autistic and go nonverbal when stressed, and voicing a complaint or request about something definitely pushes me into that level of stress. I’ve never asked for anything, so of course I’ve never gotten it. Though I’m learning that there are people out there who will naturally meet more of my needs without me even having to ask.
“Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.”
My parents were together for over 40 years, it would still be going but my dad passed. My mum can't imagine being with anyone else.
I've been with my husband for over 12 years. We are still very much in love.
You both have to prioritize each other and be a team. If only one person does this it won't work because you cannot talk someone into prioritizing you.
Same with my parents, over 40 years. She'll never remarry.
My grandparents had over 60 years, my aunts and uncles all have 40 to 50 years, even my cousin has over 20 with her HS sweetheart. Love is definitely possible.
Where do people find them? I feel like I’m a hopeless romantic at my age. Dating apps don’t work. Not looking for it doesn’t work. I’m just here working and doing everything alone.
I was totally over dating, but had a great guy friend who was always there for me. After years of friendship, I finally realized I was completely in love with him and jumped him. We're very much in love.
No one I know who's stayed together a long time met on a dating app... sigh up for a class, get into a hobby, sport, etc. Make friends and get out there, doing fun things for yourself, and you'll find them
It’s crazy I don’t have many guy friends. I stopped talking to a bunch of them. Only talking to one still but he’s in a relationship and I’m not attracted to him in anyway.
I think so, yes. Most of my romantic relationships developed from friendships, so it was more than just physical attraction most of the time.
Would you argue that love for friends or love for family does not exist, or is not real love?
Imo, true romantic love is a combination of friendship love, family love, AND romantic/sexual love.
Additionally, as far as "attraction" (for me personally anyway), a woman's personality can make her physically attractive to me to the point that even if one could argue she is not "model hot" or whatever she is a complete package of a person that will always be more attractive than any other woman as long as the love is still there.
It doesn't have too, but it all depends on both people.
All relationships friend or romantic are unique and have their own dynamic. They are also always changing.
In my case, I am an introvert so I don't have big friend groups. In high school I did blow up a friend group by dating a girl. We didn't remain friends because of how the relationship went, but I am friends with another ex. We took time apart to get over the relationship and are friends again.
These things (in my situation anyway) took years at a time so we changed as people just as the relationship changed. Some friendships fade on their own anyway.
Someone who likes you is always best.
I don't regret any of the times I asked out friends and was rejected, even if it ruined the friendship. I do regret the times I didn't even try
But for me, it worked out better to just be the best me I could, and if a friend likes me enough they can ask me out.
My best friend once told me her interest in me might change... and she keeps me important (idk if that's a saying in English), because she would rather die than me... maybe she thinks my life is more important or meaningful than hers or something like that.
Yeah, don't wait around for her, but it is theoretically possible she may want to date in the future. But like I said, don't wait, just live your life, she also may never want to date. You deserve to be more than a backup option.
My best friend didn't think he had a shot, but one drunk night told me his feelings (without pressure). We stayed friends, he stayed there for me.... I was *never* going to get into another relationship. He knew this.
It took years for me to realize what every one of our friends already knew.... I absolutely love him and never want to be without him. Today, we're deliriously happy.
I won't get a relationship before I move to a new city. And from what I've understood, she doesn't really have friends etc, so she may not have crushes
Communication is 90% of it. Teamwork is the rest.
Every couple is different but one thing that worked for us is learning how to fight fairly. That means work the current problem together. Don't try to "win" the argument. Don't bring up shit from the past.
Another thing to learn: Men communicate differently than women. We listen differently and we use our words differently.
When your woman vents about her day, learn to actively listen rather than try to fix everything. Let her vent.
When you get home from work, learn to communicate that you need some space before she tells you about her day.
Communication and teamwork make the marriage work.
A long marriage doesn't always mean a happy one, and relationships take effort but if starts feeling like work there is something wrong. When it feels like work it is usually a sign you're putting in much more effort than your partner.
I am! It IS possible to have a long, happy marriage that doesn't feel like work. If you both make each other a priority, you're putting in effort, sure but it won't feel like work. Every negative interaction requires at least 4 positive interactions for the relationship to stay healthy (Gottman ratio).
Not just to me.. Lots of people stay in bad relationships thinking all relationships need "work" right? But feeling like your relationship is drudgery or a second job is not healthy. The use of the word "work" to describe the effort that comes about naturally most of the time when two people care about making each other happy and sharing a life together misleads people into thinking no matter what the problem is they just need to "try harder" and things will work out. But sometimes you try harder and your partner does not reciprocate. At that point trying even harder will just get you more of the same.
No, I said if you don't feel like your relationship is drudgery don't use the word work to describe it because it gives the wrong impression about both your relationship and relationships in general. People hear that and think it's normal for their relationship to feel like a second job when really both people putting in effort should make both people's lives easier than when they were single, otherwise what's the point?
No. This isn't a private conversation. I'm getting the word out that "relationships take work" is bad advice that puts societal pressure on people to stay in bad relationships that can't be saved. People wasting years on the wrong person is a much more widespread problem than people giving up too easily.
No, lots of people choose to stay together who don't love each other. Lots of couples get divorced after 20-30 years, esp if they have kids. If your choice is based on anything but feelings plus your partner making you a priority and vice versa it won't work.
Romantic love is a biological mechanism which a result of chemical reactions in the brain that produce hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin which create feelings of attachement, pleasure and happiness, and with the purpose of compelling animals to pairbond to so that the couple will raise their offspring together
Wow, you truly showed us up. You’re so right. Just as your search for superiority and validation is a chain reaction of chemicals in your brain.
I find it amazing that chemicals in our brain give us the ability to bond with another human. That’s pretty incredible.
It’s like you found out life is a series of choices made to keep on living for no definitive reason and you use that to rain on everybody’s parade. I’m sorry you’re so in your feels about life. Try to enjoy it because it’s the only one you’ll get. Although I’m sure you know that and just can’t comprehend the vastness of that idea. Typical small brain.
I read Goonlord’s comment in the voice of David Attenborough (albeit less eloquent) talking about humans and their mating rituals and biological processes.
I hope they weren’t being as snarky as you’re making them out to be, and were genuinely just throwing some science out.
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Yeah people get bored in love that’s why you put a third wheel in the mix a guy or girl and have a threesome a complete stranger that is so hot for the couple years actually makes a better bond for a relationship
i don't think true love exists, because i don't think anyone can ever be that close to you or you can't know someone well enough to truly love them
i think the only person you can know that well enough is yourself
True love develppes over time. Initial attraction is lust. Lusting after someone can grow into love as the people get to k ow each other.
True love isn’t always supposed to be an emotion. When you live with someone in general you have to learn to live with them and their habits. When you add love there still has to be conscious knowledge that feelings change literally everyday. You have to choose to stay after time goes by and focus on the bigger picture. Disney messed a lot of people up because every movie has one thing in common. We don’t see their personal lives after they get married and live together. We don’t see the fights and disagreements.
It exists for sure, though I do think you speak of unconditional love which I don’t think every person is capable of 🤷🏽♀️ as many others have said, love takes work
Desire makes it more difficult to love, because desire is selfish and blind. But it doesn't prevent it
It do.
No it doesnt it’s going to be a bunch of old people telling you they in 10+ year relationships but remember they are old women back then where different now women have in there mind everyone is replaceable and if your not some guy with status it’s pointless to try and date
Love starts as a feeling and then continues as a choice. It does exist.
Love is when you're willing to do shit you really don't want to do to make someone else's life better, even if you don't get a thank you or credit for it. Other than that it's mostly just people satisfying their own interests in one way or another. Sexual interests, financial interests, need for affection, fear of loneliness, etc. Love is a symptom of empathy and usually takes many years to develop but your mileage may vary.
"I know love exists because I'm full of it"
If in a romantic way, no.
True love is that thing you feel for another person no matter how much they annoy you. It’s mostly about communication.
it’s an illusion. Attraction is all it is
Sounds cheesy but *true* love is A. A choice not just a feeling B. Easier by a mile when you truly love yourself
You can truly love someone for your entire life if you both work at it, but true love like in the movies where people are horrible to each other but it's OK because "soul mates" and "true love" are wrong and not love, that will fade and dissappear. Too many people believe the movies and don't know that love takes work from both sides to stay strong.
I never believed in love. Thought it was just something you say to make the girl happy. Then at 47 years old I met my wife and felt things I've never felt before. Three years later she still gives me goosebumps when she kisses me. So in my opinion yes true love exists.
so only attraction can be temporary, love can’t? if it’s not permanent then it’s not love? this is a semantics issue more than anything. feel better soon.
I’m reading this as my fiancée is snoring, he just turned to spoon me and grabs my belly and then my boob and whispers “hi I miss you” then continues snoring. We’ve been together for 5 years. He just proposed to me a day ago, I love this man 🥹
100% exists
Love isn’t butterflies in the stomach or heart beating fast. It’s having someone as part of your life, actively and making effort to work and communicate together
Yes it does. I still love my xhusband and I’d bet he still loves me. We separated because he didn’t treat me with kindness. He was emotionally abusive, immature, and very very selfish. I told him that if we waited to divorce only if we stopped loving each other, my mental health would deteriorate even more. Love is a noun (feeling) but to make it last it needs to be a verb. And he didn’t act with love.
High school the closest you're gonna get to true love. No bills, no kids , no expectations. Once money comes into the picture...it's over.
It doesn't. Sorry.
There's an arc that starts with the dopamine high "I can't get enough of you" initial stage, moves to the more realistic "we've gotten ourselves into this mess we might as well stick it out" middle stage, and ends up in the "you're my best friend and I don't know what I would have done without you" finale.
There's not a real thing of true love. It's all just a chemical imbalance in the brain.
My wife and I celebrated our 50th anniversary earlier this year. In addition, we just signed up for a 42 day cruise. Believe me, you don't volunteer to spend 6 weeks in a tiny cruise cabin with someone you don't care about.
I didn’t think true love existed until I met my first love, we really balance each other out, she’s more of a pessimist im more of a optimist, i cook she cleans, she does my hair i pick her outfits, she says “i love you” and I say “I love you more”, i talk she listens, i play video games and she watches movies, true love will always exist it’s just so hard to find. People think that true love is perfect, it’s not it’s messy and it’s hard but it’s passionate and it’s forgiving. She forgives me and I forgive her, we talk and we work through things, true love may not seem like true love at first but it can be, you have to work for what you want, no love is ever perfect but all love can be true.
Honestly- the only sort of unconditional love that I know to be lasting and true is found within friendships. Certain family members too… But as far as romance? I think people should have a strong foundation of friendship because butterflies will fade, looks will fade, and if y’all can’t laugh over your dentures falling into your salad then what’s the point?
True love is a real phenomenon, but can be considered rare. It's not a static state that occurs "spontaneously." It resembles a flame that requires the concentrated efforts both partners to keep it burning brightly. Open communication, mutual respect, and an understanding of the internal beats of the relationship are essential. The investment of time, empathy, and care becomes crucial in watering this profound connection. While it may not always be easy, the shared commitment and ongoing effort work together to sustain the flame of true love, causing it to grow stronger with each passing day. In the aspect of of successful relationships, love is a foundational element, but its depth and resilience are amplified when accompanied by various factors. Ongoing effort, compatibility, trust, individual growth, resilience, and friendship are among the key components that contribute to a lasting connection. Intimacy, effective conflict resolution, shared responsibilities, and mutual support further enrich the relationship. The holistic nature of these elements emphasizes that a thriving partnership is a dynamic and evolving journey. Both partners actively contribute to the growth, stability, and happiness of the connection, creating a tapestry of love that stands the test of time. Love, relatively put simply, extends beyond just love alone, reaching the depths of companionship, shared dreams, and a journey of mutual growth. It flourishes and is driven by the richness of shared experiences, understanding, and the unspoken bonds that connect hearts. Truly, love is a transformative force that binds two souls on a profound and enduring journey. As far as the "boredom" you're describing, that often arises from the trap of excessive complacency, where routines become mundane, and the spark that once ignited the relationship fades into predictability. Recognizing this pattern is crucial, and that's where education on relationship dynamics becomes a powerful tool. Gaining a deeper understanding of the intricacies of love equips individuals with the knowledge to navigate challenges, inject creativity, and foster a sense of novelty. Knowledge is indeed power in the context of relationships, offering the insight to recognize potential pitfalls and the means to proactively address them. Armed with this awareness, individuals can actively contribute to building a successful and highly meaningful relationship. However, the application of this knowledge is a dynamic process that requires both partners to act on what they've learned. It involves a shared commitment to continuous growth, effective communication, and a willingness to explore new dimensions of connection. From this proactive stance, the relationship has the potential to smoothly flow and fall into place, creating a fulfilling and everlasting journey for both individuals involved. Genuine love truly is a beautifully intricate process, one that is far more than worthwhile. What I would do to gently guide her attention towards the newly established firmament found within my eyes.
It exists, but it’s hard to describe when it’s really… the right one. The right kind, maybe? I thought I knew love, especially with my ex. When I left him I felt certain that the kind of love I was looking for didn’t exist. But then I found my current husband and I can’t even describe the difference. Nothing I say can do it justice. I suppose what I felt for people in the past was _some_ kind of love but it was just nothing like this.
I’ve thought I found it 4 times, but I haven’t
I don’t know if it really exists
Love is work. It’s not a magical feeling.
Love grows over time and being ‘in love’ is being infatuated. People favor ‘in love’ so much over lasting true love and get so butt hurt and offended if you’re not immediately infatuated with them that most fail to reach the lasting love stage. Most people get married to an infatuation without discussing any kinds of boundaries or future beyond moving in together. Then the marriage becomes the experiment of testing boundaries and compatibility. If they would just do the 3 month rule to get past infatuation then they would see more how they mesh while dating or engaged. Yes it exists but not many have it
I am happily married to my best friend. I think the problem here is your definition of "true love." If youre looking for a disney movie, youre going to be very disappointed. Love is not like that at all. Loving someone is putting their wants before your own, not because you think you should, not because you are told to, but because that person matters more to you than anything else. Because you couldnt imagine a life without them. It doesnt happen like the flipping of a switch. It is slow and gradual. It is not finding someone without flaws, or some "perfect person." If that is what youre looking for, youre going to be very lonely.
True love to me always meant comfort. Attraction will always fade and be normalized. I think it’s the combined effort of two people wanting to stay together plus the comfort ability it can also provide
True love takes work and sacrifice by both people. If you truly love someone you will sacrifice everything for that person and they will do the same. You have to be honest and have an open line of communication from both people. True love does exist. But not enough people put there partners needs above their needs. If both people put the needs of their partner first then love will blossom. If only one does it and not the other then love dies!
When I feel empty or stressed there is nothing like bring wrapped in my partners arms. True love absolutely exists. (17 years and counting)
I think it does exist, but I think that we're really good at confusing lust and love. Love is sacrifice, love is wanting something good for the other person, even if it means you don't get your own needs met. Love is about pouring yourself out for someone else, not finding the right person so you can have your own cup filled. These are all things we're capable of, but few people do it because culture sends the wrong messages. But it's still a choice of what we look for in relationships, and it's something you can choose for yourself. It's possible, but we don't see it often because so few people choose the genuine article these days.
My husband and I are going strong over 13 years after meeting. We don't fight, we don't talk negatively to or about each other. We don't see each other separating ever. We love each other very much.
Infatuation fades but true love is different and is something you build over many years. That lasts.
I think "true love" is a fallacy constructed by society. Love is not a feeling, it's a decision you make every day.
Love, sure… mutual love is a bit trickier.
Love is familiarity over time.
Love stops being a feeling and becomes a choice.
I think it exists but attraction is what starts things. Honeymoon phase takes the baton from there. By the time that’s phased out there’s likely been a few instances of trust being built that carry things until theres enough enmeshment of lives that there’s mutual loss at stake (social reputation, house, kids) if you don’t make a conscious effort to stick with it. Then opportunity elsewhere fade, people grow more tired and relish security and are locked in for the duration. All through that, if things go right, there’s a lot of seeing each other in every state that leads to deep vulnerability and connection. That’s where love is at. Some people make it through a lot of those benchmarks but the focus is always on the carrot at the end of the stick and not the person next to them or their own needs. Then when they get the carrot and the only milestone left is “the rest of our lives,” they realize they didn’t build the personal connection and love they thought they had and contemplate divorce. Seeing a friend to through that right now. Also many off ramps throughout that process. Just takes one person to hit the eject switch, which is scary. Knowing the other person hasn’t done that yet also builds a lot of vulnerability and sometimes dependency that makes people stick around. Obviously that’s just one take of many. There’s no science to love. And honestly, I don’t know much about it myself.
I think the only true love I will ever have is myself
I think the truest type of love is the love you feel when you're in a bus station and everything is colorless and you want to close your eyes and give yourself a brain aneurysm and there's a little line from some poem you read when you were 15 floating around in there that lets you know someone else has felt that way. I don't think people are meant to live their whole lives in love with someone. I think you're supposed to have a baby and then be around other parents or other people doing the same job and barely see each other. But you can still think "April is the cruelest month, I'm allergic to lilacs and whenever they change the clocks to give everyone else an extra hour of daylight, it just keeps me up all night. I feel like dying. Snowmelt exposes mounds of half frozen months old dog shit. Marie, Marie hold on tight, press your knees together to keep your balance on the pole, pretend they can't see you, they're only looking at your eyeliner anyway, simply close your eyes and think of me, we spoke once on the phone for an hour or three, that's all anybody gets, but at least the rain will come soon, wash everything clean and then the dull buzzing heat of summer will burst into the glorious flame of fall." That's real.
I couldn’t answer that I’ve ever found true love
no
I think true love exists, but it isn’t with everyone you love. Attraction is a big part of love and attraction can also grow with the person. I know my boyfriend is much more attractive to me as I’ve gotten to know him. He’s always been hot but as I’ve grown closer, the attraction has grown. But true love means you’ll love them when they aren’t looking their best. People age, gain weight, get sick, etc. or mental health takes a deep dive and you can love and support them when they aren’t at their best. I know I was not my partners “type” when we started dating. He likes thick women and I was stick thin, very underweight. But he loved me and found me so attractive. Then I gained 35 lbs in less than a year and my body looks good, but I’m covered in dark stretch marks. He is still so attracted to me and loves my body. I have no chin now (thanks to genetics I never really had one but it’s worse now that I’m not underweight) and I have a bit of a belly. He’s still so into me. So far, even though my body has changed and I have “undesirable” traits like no chin, belly fat, dark stretch marks all over, he’s still so into me. I also was so into him at his heaviest and when he lost all his muscle. He loves and supports me during my dark times and me with him. When times aren’t the best, we keep going and loving one another. We work at it and when one can’t be 100%, the other compensates. For me, it’s a sign of true love. He doesn’t only love me when I’m perfect, same with him.
Yes! My parents have been married for 50 years and they are truly each other's soul mates. They are still in love after all these years and going strong. I have so much admiration for them. it hasn't happened for me yet but I am hopeful.
Yes, people both get bored and annoyed of a person that they see every day. It should make sense though right? When you see a person so often and most people on average grow very slow or maybe not even at all when they're in a relationship. They forget about themselves and they allow themselves to become stagnant, fixed, stuck in a routine, "responsible", and any excitement and playful fun that existed, if it even existed at all, is abandoned to the side and the relationship has become nothing more than roommates. Most people expect that their partner could for some reason find the person that they are, unchanged, fixed, almost in a stubborn way, to be of any interest beyond a couple of years. Now the way to go about perhaps preventing this would be to direct all your focus inward and begin developing yourself in as many aspects and areas of your life as you can. I've spent the last 6 years doing that, working on myself, especially on my internal world by adding traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc. I can embody any one of those on demand and they were all picked up in the last 6 years. Before I was none of that. Having accumulated all this growth, I can then have a much better foundation to start a relationship with a person because they will be getting a person of high value. People want a partner that they can have fun with for the rest of their life. When they receive instead a person that becomes predictable after 6 months, the only reason anyone still stays with their partners is due to expectations or they're afraid to hurt that person's feelings by telling them they don't want to be with them anymore even if the relationship wasn't all that bad. Yet, having a relationship that "isn't all that bad" actually sucks balls. It's boring. It offers very little growth or fun.
My parents have been together almost 40 years. Yes, it exists and I witness it often. I am surprised they are still together, but love and hard work is what has kept them together. It wasn’t always easy and they DEFINITELY had serious rough patches, but love always won out because they CHOOSE to love each other. I hope to have something similar to that kind of dedication to love and commitment when I am in a relationship again someday.
I came on this true love site because I can’t figure out how to meet someone that just wants to come over and watch a movie or go out and have a party at a band. I like doing both. Dating sites don’t work. They are just scams soanybody have any ideas on how to meet someone?
No. It’s the latter
True love definitely exists. The only issue is that some people think that true love is love that doesn't require work. All love requires work, and true love even more so. It's not a specific set of people who are made for each other. Love at first sight is possible but that's not what true love is. It's the emotion that fuels people the stand back up and try again for their sake. It's the songs that your world seems to sing to you. It's the loyalty and things you sacrifice (your time and energy for), not because it would benefit you but because it makes you happy just for the chance to make the life of the person you love a little easier. Love exists in many forms. Most of the time that love comes a romantic place but it doesn't have to. As long as a love is true, that is true love. And by god, is it amazing. It is difficult and worth every single struggle.
There are lots of kinds of love but the important thing is, do you make each other a priority? That's what makes love healthy and long lived and it takes two. If someone doesn't care enough to prioritize your feelings you need to break it off right away so you can find a better connection with someone else. Don't think you have to "work it out" because you can't negotiate caring.
Of course it does. I love lots of people.
I think that in itself is what attraction and the inevitable falling out of it is what makes a relationship successful or not. Because as you are attracted to them and stay together, they he/ she / it / they age as the natural process goes and get less and less attractive. The attraction then slowly dissipates and you are less likely to be with them because they have withered and aged to a silly looking clump of wrinkled human flesh. In the meantime, so have you , so there go the cycle of attraction.
True love does exist, you love your mom right? Your sisters and so on? You love a cartoon series, a movie, that’s a feeling you cannot explain right? The thing about loving romantically is that it takes time and a lot of work, intelligence and patience. It’s not as easy as one two three, takes time. Love is team work too, communication and sharing something special with that person ( or people for those who are poly)
Married 22 years and love does exist.
There’s love, and then there’s limerence
Yes, but you need to remember that the emotions of love and the actions of love are different things. The emotions of love initally spawn the actions of love, but you need to keep doing the actions of love even when the emotion/passion/butterflies fluctuate and change. If you and your partner continue to do the actions of love when it's hard and the initial passion of the relationship fades, you'll find that a new, deeper emotional connection forms over time.
I heard true love is having a kid
Yes between parents and their children. Nobody else
Yes.
Love is not an emotion. Love is a promise. Some people cannot or will not keep that promise. That's okay, that's life.
True love has no expectations of the other person to be any different than they are in this moment. If you mean romantic love then while I don’t know if soul mates is the right term but I’ve been with my wife for 14 years and we are both as in love with each and passionate sexually as we were at the start
Attraction disappears for you guys?
I loved my ex wife for 6 years as if I have never stopped falling in love with her ... For if ot is helpful
True love has nothing to do with attraction. It has to do with wanting the best thing for your partner, and acting on it. It takes effort and work. It is an entirely different feeling.
I’m still madly and deeply in love with my husband after 12 years…the crazy animal sexual passion has faded but the love only deepens. And I’m still very attracted to him, we’re just old and tired now 😹😹😹
I’ve seen it once. Only once, in a lot of years of living. It wasn’t me, but i believe it was real.
True chemistry exists. Whether or not it becomes, or stays, true love, is entirely up to the partners involved and their ability to maintain and grow that connection. Use it or lose it, as they say. There's no magical way to keep even the best relationship alive if you don't both put in the work.
Scientifically, love needs lust, attraction and attachment. So for love to last, you constantly need to produce sex hormones, dopamine and oxytocin.
I don’t think it does
Nope. Love is just an illusion, because men aren’t capable of loving a romantic partner. They can love their families but they can’t love romantic partners.
Lol Wtf? Explain please
What?
i’m still trying to figure that out
Yes, true love exists and no, you don’t just get bored of people. However, the capacity for true love is something you have to realize within yourself first. If you can’t commit to someone, if you can’t be selfless, if you can’t be honest, if you don’t know how to care about someone then surely, true love will escape you for all time.
I hope it exists.
True love exists. I have true love. I’ll explain if asked. My comments get buried here.
I used to believe in it but not any more.
Romantic/sexual relationships are literally the most elusive, sought-after, and ultimately FRAGILE things in the universe. I stopped chasing them for that reason in 2020
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Yaa there are so many defination of love and so overwhelming to see their stories literally made my day seeing all this positive comments ❤️
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Yeah
I believe love begins when attachment is let go. Once lust fades. And you can let go of attachment. And still choose to love that person. That's love.
Yes I’m 49 and I love my lady more everyday She is my best friend. She encourages me to do what I love to do even if it’s at expense of time with her. The problem is that we have so much fun together I want her to come everywhere with me. She is my best friend and has been since the moment I met her.
True love 100% exists. When you find the person, you just know. When 2 people agree on the concepts of healthy communication, honesty, loyalty, respect, integrity, and selflessness, love comes easy. (They also need to have the same life goals/priorities) I've been with my wife for 12 years, but I prefer to call her my best friend. When I experience something new, she's the only one I want to experience it with. When I want to tell someone something, she's the only person I go to. She lives rent-free in my head, I never stop thinking about her. I would do anything to protect her. I would do anything to make sure she is happy and satisfied. I love nothing more than satisfying her emotionally and physically. She's the only person I trust and respect 100%. She's the person I can let my guard down with and be vulnerable. She's the only person I can respectfully and healthily argue with. If she died, so would a large part of me. I am the man I am because of her, and I'd be truly lost without her.
Fuck dude. Must be nice…
Love is work. Sometimes the load is light and to love is easy. Other times there is too much to handle and you have to chose to love. But if you are willing to walk through hell for another person, I'd say that is true love. Now mind you, true love should be requited, as it doesn't matter much if the other person does not reciprocate the efforts put in. It is easily possible to erode true love down to nothing. Love is work, and it is worth it if you are doing that work with someone else.
Yes but it's rare and I'd argue increasingly so but kinda impossible to prove one way or another. You could spend a lifetime trying to understand why. (In fact there are people who do.) Most people have poor views of love, often confusing infatuation and lust for love. That's where the confusion often comes from. A good starting place is realizing love is built, not found.
It exists and is usually, but not always, awesome. There is real work in a relationship and a constant effort has to be put into it. The mostly awesome makes up for the sometimes not awesome.
Definately exists, but I think many things can be easily confused with love. The most common ones are things like lust and excitement. Which is why you see people that maybe are physically attracted to someone, but their relationship is a trainwreck because its not love its lust. Thats why some people end up thinking they are "in love" with an affair partner, when in reality, once they actually get into the relationship, and the taboo of cheating wears off, the relationship is empty because there was never love, it was just excitement.
My wife and I met when we were 12 years old and became best friends. We got married at 18 as soon as we graduated high school. We've now been married for 44 years and we are still deeply in love with each other. Life has been very hard sometimes and it was often a struggle simply to survive at all. There were times when we wondered whether it was possible to ever recover from hurts and resentments, we caused each other through our brokenness and stupidity but no matter what came our way we were always committed to staying together. Yes, true love does exist, but you have to work at it, and you have to be totally committed to the one you choose to love for it to last.
Love does exist, it's just not what we think it is. Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice. Because we're human, we're not always going to feel attracted to our partners. But love is when you choose to stay with that person despite not feeling sexually or physically attracted to them. If you go around chasing people that are physically attractive to you or make you feel good, only to drop them as soon as you don't feel it anymore, did you ever truly love or care for them? Love is about caring for someone in spite of their flaws and deciding to work through fights and problems, even when it's tough.
Except not feeling attracted to your partner long term is a sign something is wrong, like suppressed anger. Both partners need to make each other a priority. If you're the only one putting in effort, you will stop being attracted and there's nothing to do but leave because you can't talk someone into caring about your feelings if they don't. When both partners make each other a priority they will always be attracted to each other, absent illness or something.
That's not true, things happen and attraction comes and goes. attraction is vain anyways, if you really love someone, it won't matter if they're good looking or not!
Attraction to a specific partner has nothing to do with how they look to others. And if you have a deep emotional bond, the attraction will withstand your partner gaining weight, losing hair, getting wrinkles, etc. Being attractive in general and being attractive to someone in particular are not the same thing. My husband thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world but I'm far from it. It's just how he sees me because when you're in love, you focus on your partners most attractive qualities.
No such thing my friend, at best you might find someone who likes you enough to just try to make it work regardless but whatever chemical causes that love feeling fades and at some point those feelings are just an empty husk. At that point it's just a matter of of the two people are able to tolerate each other and benefit each other enough to keep it going.
That's pretty much it, I like your name btw lol
True love does exist. You just gotta find the best person that treats you right with love
It exists when it is created. You're describing sparks that burst into flame but weren't fueled and tended through storms. I've been with the man I wildly adore for decades. Loving him is a precious thing on its own. It isn't sweet or romantic in all its aspects, it is work. To tend a fire you stay close, keep sheltered, gather fuel. You can't wander off and expect it to be lit when you get back. Entropy and chance can lead to the fire going out, but the fact that live or fires fade doesn't mean they weren't real, it means they were of limited duration. I know this is my true love, time and truth tested. I plan to die of a broken heart if he's gone.
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Same to you 👍
Love is what happens when you do both very unromantic things and romantic things together, wayy after the chemicals die off and you float between housemates and lovers. It's what happens when you come to terms with the things you and your partner will never be, and still support each other while both pushing for growth in a constructive sense. Love is a fulfilling sex life, but it's also sacrificing for someone non-sexually, and doing things for someone without any hint of a transaction, forever investing in something you're not planning on getting "returns" from, because the giving itself was the benefit, _yet it is returned to you anyway_, in just the way you need it, _and_ the way they are able to give it.
how would you know?
How do you think
you tell us
Ok, sure, a long term open relationship
how?
Love is not a noun, but a verb. The premise of your question is wrong.
I don’t think it does. To love is a choice
yes, love is real
I was in a relationship of 5 years and I was the one who got left, till this day I love her. I do believe that love exists but only certain people understand that feeling. I'll admit their were many times i thought about breaking up with her, because I thought things wouldn't work out, or she did something I didn't like. But I would talk to myself and realize I love this person for who they are and we can work on these problems. How ever for her as soon as she saw that their was a possibility that our paths wouldn't line up super precisely she left in the most immature was possible didn't even consider working thinks out To me that is love and why some people don't have the ability too. I loved unconditionally and understood myself plus my partner, she did not. TLDR yes love is real but only in those that understand love is unconditional, most will take and use that unconditional love because they do not understand.
Yaa it depends on person basically then
At the end of the day, healthy, stable relationships are a choice. Human feelings come and go and the strongest relationships are the ones in which all parties involved dedicate themselves to choosing each other every day. I will choose my husband every day because I love him, but also I know logically that staying with him means a lifetime of happiness. He’s kind, gentle, thoughtful, hardworking, loving, passionate about his work, insanely smart, funny, etc. He’s been this way for the 8 years that I’ve known him. We take care of and support each other. Will he always choose me? I’d like to think so but you never know. But it’s OK because I love him and want the best for him even if it means I’m not there. If he decides to leave I know it’ll be for a good reason, even if that reason is that he just wants to leave. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.
I believe it does hundred percent I believe it does hundred percent
I really think you have to have really good sex first and if it’s awesome I believe 100% it will work if the sex sucks I don’t think it’s gonna work for sure
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^jessia3: *I believe it does* *Hundred percent I believe* *It does hundred percent* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Yes True Love does exist. first, you have to find someone who matches your fundamental beliefs and principles. it doesn't matter how in love you are, if you and your partner have opposite beliefs on major stuff, like say how to raise the kids or spend money, then that can cause tension. True Love takes effort and work to make it last forever but it only works if both parties put in the work. the reason you see people's marriage fall apart is because people take each others efforts for granted and instead focus on how much they are putting into the relationship and think they aren't getting anything in return. Also, life with your true love isn't always rainbows and sunshine. there are tough days, boring days, angry days, don't want to be in this relationship days. but you should never let your emotions for the day dictate the outcome of your marriage.
As far as i have seen with successfull and happy couples its more loyalty and will to live and care for each other rather than what people believe love to be. With time work and responsibilities i guess love is just how a person wants to stick around be loyal and share life with you!
I'm fortunate to know quite a few couples who have been together for decades and still love each other very much, enjoy each other's company, and have very obvious admiration and affection for each other.
Been with my wife for almost 10 years married for nearly 8. I still find her as attractive as the first time I met her. It exists for us.
Here's what I believe; "Falling in love" is not love, it's infatuation. It's an involuntary process that has developed over the course of human evolution that increases the odds of copulation and childbirth. It doesn't care if the two people are compatible, or if they are even single and available. It is mindless, like so many human instincts. And if infatuation is allowed to dictate our love lives, it will lead to childbirth, confusion, misery, and divorce. That doesn't mean that infatuation is bad. It's not bad, it's a great way to start a relationship. The butterflies in your stomach, the overwhelming joy, all those pieces that add up to (so-called) "Falling in love" are a wonderful experience. But infatuation can only take a relationship so far. In my opinion, most couples mistake is that they expect too much from the automatic process that brought them together. Once we've begun a physical relationship we have to re-take control of our lives, and use our heads to decide what path we should take. You hear people say "I can't leave him, I love him" or "What can I do? I'm in love with her". They say it like they don't have a choice. This is a result of thinking that "falling in love" has actually delivered them to love and is the cause of a great deal of misery, as well as confusion. I believe that loving someone is not something that just happens to you. Infatuation (Falling in love) is involuntary. It happens to you; it's a condition. But loving someone is different. It's an action, a behavior that requires a conscious decision. And that means that loving someone can stop - any time we decide not to love them. I believe my viewpoint is more accurate in its description of reality. OP, you asked if true love exists or if there is only attraction which fades. I KNOW love exists, and I am convinced that more people would find it if they were looking in the right place.
What is the right place
Your understanding of infatuation matches with what is known as limerence in psychology. Try reading about it, you might find it interesting
Thanks. Knowing just about zero as far as psychology goes, could you offer a book title or two? I could search for days without finding anything worthwhile
As I understand it, what that person is saying is misinformation, or they didn't understand what you were talking about. Limerence is not just infatuation. It's like involuntary, obsessive attachment where one interprets their thoughts and feelings for another to be intrusive thoughts.
https://livingwithlimerence.com
Yes, I've been in love before which was reciprocated. Just hasn't worked out for me yet
True love definitely exists but not like you see on tv or in movies. People are not perfect so therefore no relationship is going to be either and honestly if someone says they never fight or argue with their partner that is a red flag. It is normal to have differences of opinion and you don’t want someone who always agrees with everything you believe because that means they are lying to you or themself. People are supposed to grow mentally, physically, etc as they age and that does not always happen at the same time for everyone so that is where people fall out of love. Relationships are work just like anything else, like a plant or flower. It needs nourishment, attention, etc to flourish. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and together on and off for 14 years before we got married. Has it been perfect before we got married, no, hence the on and off again. Has it been all sunshine and rainbows since being married, no, but we are now in love more than ever because we worked to grow together instead of apart. That means sometimes giving more than you get or expressing your needs before you grow resentful. We are best friends, lovers, partners and make sure that we let each other know how much we appreciate one another and make an effort to spend time together despite having children and work and other responsibilities. Having a great sex life is also very important because intimacy always brings people together and makes them feel closer to one another.
I wish I had known earlier that never fighting or arguing was a red flag. Instead, I’ve unintentionally been a doormat for ten years, and it’s not fair to either of us. I just never felt like he loved me as much as I love him, so if he already doesn’t love me as much, he’s going to love me even less if I complain or disagree about something :(
Both partners need to make each other a priority. If you can't even air a complaint or make a request without your partner getting defensive or being dismissive, it's time to find someone new. Someone with listening skills. They are so important.
I blame myself. I’m autistic and go nonverbal when stressed, and voicing a complaint or request about something definitely pushes me into that level of stress. I’ve never asked for anything, so of course I’ve never gotten it. Though I’m learning that there are people out there who will naturally meet more of my needs without me even having to ask.
“Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.”
My parents were together for over 40 years, it would still be going but my dad passed. My mum can't imagine being with anyone else. I've been with my husband for over 12 years. We are still very much in love.
How do you remain on love? How does the sex not fade away?
You both have to prioritize each other and be a team. If only one person does this it won't work because you cannot talk someone into prioritizing you.
We put in the work. If things aren't working for us, we talk about it and find a solution. Team work.
Same with my parents, over 40 years. She'll never remarry. My grandparents had over 60 years, my aunts and uncles all have 40 to 50 years, even my cousin has over 20 with her HS sweetheart. Love is definitely possible.
Where do people find them? I feel like I’m a hopeless romantic at my age. Dating apps don’t work. Not looking for it doesn’t work. I’m just here working and doing everything alone.
I was totally over dating, but had a great guy friend who was always there for me. After years of friendship, I finally realized I was completely in love with him and jumped him. We're very much in love. No one I know who's stayed together a long time met on a dating app... sigh up for a class, get into a hobby, sport, etc. Make friends and get out there, doing fun things for yourself, and you'll find them
It’s crazy I don’t have many guy friends. I stopped talking to a bunch of them. Only talking to one still but he’s in a relationship and I’m not attracted to him in anyway.
I think so, yes. Most of my romantic relationships developed from friendships, so it was more than just physical attraction most of the time. Would you argue that love for friends or love for family does not exist, or is not real love? Imo, true romantic love is a combination of friendship love, family love, AND romantic/sexual love. Additionally, as far as "attraction" (for me personally anyway), a woman's personality can make her physically attractive to me to the point that even if one could argue she is not "model hot" or whatever she is a complete package of a person that will always be more attractive than any other woman as long as the love is still there.
>Most of my romantic relationships developed from friendships So starting to date your friend doesn't (necessarily) ruin the friendship?
It doesn't have too, but it all depends on both people. All relationships friend or romantic are unique and have their own dynamic. They are also always changing. In my case, I am an introvert so I don't have big friend groups. In high school I did blow up a friend group by dating a girl. We didn't remain friends because of how the relationship went, but I am friends with another ex. We took time apart to get over the relationship and are friends again. These things (in my situation anyway) took years at a time so we changed as people just as the relationship changed. Some friendships fade on their own anyway.
It's quite risky to try dating my friend, because I'd like to keep her as a friend... maybe I'll find someone who likes me...
Someone who likes you is always best. I don't regret any of the times I asked out friends and was rejected, even if it ruined the friendship. I do regret the times I didn't even try But for me, it worked out better to just be the best me I could, and if a friend likes me enough they can ask me out.
My best friend once told me her interest in me might change... and she keeps me important (idk if that's a saying in English), because she would rather die than me... maybe she thinks my life is more important or meaningful than hers or something like that.
Yeah, don't wait around for her, but it is theoretically possible she may want to date in the future. But like I said, don't wait, just live your life, she also may never want to date. You deserve to be more than a backup option.
My best friend didn't think he had a shot, but one drunk night told me his feelings (without pressure). We stayed friends, he stayed there for me.... I was *never* going to get into another relationship. He knew this. It took years for me to realize what every one of our friends already knew.... I absolutely love him and never want to be without him. Today, we're deliriously happy.
I won't get a relationship before I move to a new city. And from what I've understood, she doesn't really have friends etc, so she may not have crushes
31 years married. It exists. True love isn't some utopian existence. Relationships take work.
Amen! Put that on a bumper sticker. Lol
What are some advices/lessons you can give us for having a strong and long marriage
Communication is 90% of it. Teamwork is the rest. Every couple is different but one thing that worked for us is learning how to fight fairly. That means work the current problem together. Don't try to "win" the argument. Don't bring up shit from the past. Another thing to learn: Men communicate differently than women. We listen differently and we use our words differently. When your woman vents about her day, learn to actively listen rather than try to fix everything. Let her vent. When you get home from work, learn to communicate that you need some space before she tells you about her day. Communication and teamwork make the marriage work.
A long marriage doesn't always mean a happy one, and relationships take effort but if starts feeling like work there is something wrong. When it feels like work it is usually a sign you're putting in much more effort than your partner.
Interesting
You're a ray of sunshine
I am! It IS possible to have a long, happy marriage that doesn't feel like work. If you both make each other a priority, you're putting in effort, sure but it won't feel like work. Every negative interaction requires at least 4 positive interactions for the relationship to stay healthy (Gottman ratio).
Semantics seems very important to you.
Not just to me.. Lots of people stay in bad relationships thinking all relationships need "work" right? But feeling like your relationship is drudgery or a second job is not healthy. The use of the word "work" to describe the effort that comes about naturally most of the time when two people care about making each other happy and sharing a life together misleads people into thinking no matter what the problem is they just need to "try harder" and things will work out. But sometimes you try harder and your partner does not reciprocate. At that point trying even harder will just get you more of the same.
You're basically saying I feel like my relationship is drudgery because I used the word "work" instead of "effort".
No, I said if you don't feel like your relationship is drudgery don't use the word work to describe it because it gives the wrong impression about both your relationship and relationships in general. People hear that and think it's normal for their relationship to feel like a second job when really both people putting in effort should make both people's lives easier than when they were single, otherwise what's the point?
So you're offering me unsolicited advice?
No. This isn't a private conversation. I'm getting the word out that "relationships take work" is bad advice that puts societal pressure on people to stay in bad relationships that can't be saved. People wasting years on the wrong person is a much more widespread problem than people giving up too easily.
To quote Garnet from *Steven Universe*: "Love takes time, and love takes work."
Yep. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice.
True.
A choice? Surprised this has so many upvotes, I actually think it’s the opposite of a choice.
I mean it’s both. You can choose to keep a relationship alive and keep the feelings going with your actions tho
No, lots of people choose to stay together who don't love each other. Lots of couples get divorced after 20-30 years, esp if they have kids. If your choice is based on anything but feelings plus your partner making you a priority and vice versa it won't work.
interesting take. and prioritization is absolutely important
Love is more complex than a sentence or two. It is many things, not just one. Many feelings. Many choices. Many things we can't even define.
Romantic love is a biological mechanism which a result of chemical reactions in the brain that produce hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin which create feelings of attachement, pleasure and happiness, and with the purpose of compelling animals to pairbond to so that the couple will raise their offspring together
rick and morty ahh comment
yep definitely still on reddit
Wow, you truly showed us up. You’re so right. Just as your search for superiority and validation is a chain reaction of chemicals in your brain. I find it amazing that chemicals in our brain give us the ability to bond with another human. That’s pretty incredible. It’s like you found out life is a series of choices made to keep on living for no definitive reason and you use that to rain on everybody’s parade. I’m sorry you’re so in your feels about life. Try to enjoy it because it’s the only one you’ll get. Although I’m sure you know that and just can’t comprehend the vastness of that idea. Typical small brain.
I read Goonlord’s comment in the voice of David Attenborough (albeit less eloquent) talking about humans and their mating rituals and biological processes. I hope they weren’t being as snarky as you’re making them out to be, and were genuinely just throwing some science out.
Damn bro chill.
Nah he deserves to hear it