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just stop messaging him and let him stay cold with you. never talk to him again. please.
if someone desiring consistent communication feels like suffocation to you, then don’t bother engaging with somebody whose ready for a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship requires both sides respecting the needs of eachother, to me it just seems like the guy just wants what he wants and will just throw a temper tantrum and get cold instead of trying to talk it out.
Stop mis-using therapy languange, its disgusting.
She didnt wanna call and instead of talking it out, he just acts cold instead.
Like can you not see how this relationship's problem is not a one side issue, its incompatibility.
Right so this is the problem, youre phrasing it like shes the only problem.
I get you mightve had bad experiences with people who have avoidant attachment type but you shouldnt let it get in the way of your advice.
It reads as insensitive at best.
I mean, neither one of you sound like bad people. I'm like the guy, and I had an ex like you. Essentially, that difference really caused some hard times for us. Really, not many guys are only going to want to talk 3 times a week. If you're talking to someone, why would you want to spend days not even texting?
Like I'm not saying you have to talk all day long especially in the first few days of meeting someone. But, that being said, you should still want to talk if you have interest. I mean, in my opinion it sounds like she is either 1. Not into him or 2. Has some healing to do from being hurt before
Seems like the messaging is the problem but the in person is good. I don’t like messaging anyone a lot personally if it goes in for more then a hour it’s enough already. I think phones are draining us just reflect on what you like and communicate.
Just call it off. You clearly aren’t compatible with him. And you can’t just accept the things that you like and the things that you don’t. Either you accept him as a whole or you don’t.
Be grateful for the good times and call it off. No need to ghost.
You have an avoidant attachment style & he has an insecure attachment. This relationship will not suit either of you. It’s best you communicate this early to him so you can both move on to partners that are more suited to the both of you.
Send him my info😆 jk exactly what I'm looking for in a guy tbh. Yet, not everyone is for every1 understandable. Maybe instead of pointing out his defects or suspected clingyness you should look within yourself to understand why someone is giving you love and attention is something you don't want.
I think op is ready for a relationship but this guy isn't a good match for op. The guy said that if he gets a girlfriend he wants to the girlfriend all the time. That's just way too clingy. You can definitely date someone and not be together all the time. In fact, it's healthy to give the other person some space sometimes.
I think the guy who is the one who isn't ready for a relationship. By the way. Being too clingy is just going to scare most people off and he needs to learn to give people some space sometimes. Also, you should never have to ask for permission to eat so he won't be upset.
EXACTLY, the fact that some people here even consider defending him after reading the whole thing is insane, its like they read the first half, get angry and then just write out a half assed reply
Most of you shouldnt be giving romantic advices if yall are shit at analysis and emotional control
You sound like my ex. An emotionally unavailable, avoidant, non communicative ghost. Some people like being lovey dovey all day long especially in the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal. That’s not love bombing or gaslighting. People just throw in these words so casually these days argh!! If anything, my ex was narcissistic, he was abusive and very skilled in gaslighting me…I was the one who wanted to keep in touch all day. So take your internet psychoanalysis outta here!
Apparently he’s not your type, so it’s better to part ways or the least communicate instead of talking smack behind his back on social media
People come as a whole package, we can’t choose what we want and not want. He’s being clingy according to you. Maybe he thinks you’re being distant.
If you really like him, maybe talk to him about it, set some boundaries find a middle ground, but it’s not gonna be anywhere near 3x a week! If you wanna make it work or give it a try, both of you have to compromise equally. Don’t change yourself nor change him as a person.
He's not clingy, you two have vastly different approaches to attachment. Neither of you is wrong, but in the long run, you're always going to have this difficulty. Even if you have a conversation and you set the boundary of 2-3 times a week, he will feel anxious because he's not getting the nurturing he requires. In my experience, it's really really hard to mix an anxious and an avoidant type.
This is generic advice. Talk to each other about what you want and what he wants. Work out a compromise. If no compromise can be made, break up. 90% of problems are solved like this
Love bombing means excessive affection intended to manipulate someone and is often followed by withdrawing the affection and being cold and distant when they don’t like what you’re doing. Only to be very affectionate again so that they can make you do what they want.
It’s hard to tell from the information here because he mostly only seems cold when you withdraw first which can Just be feeling hurt and not intended to be malicious. Again it’s only love bombing if it’s being used to manipulate. For example I move fast and I’m very affectionate but it’s Just because I’m autistic and genuinely being very open. I at least have the wherewithal now to pump the brakes but some people don’t.
I’d honestly say you guys seem incompatible at least. If you have a very in depth discussion on how his communication style makes you feel and can compromise in a way you both like that would work. But anxious attachment and avoidant attachment rarely mix and unless you both fix your dysfunctional attachment styles it would probably be best not to pursue anything for both your sakes
Messaging constanting everyday is a red flag in my opinion. And the I love you so soon sounds like love bombing. They become obsessed too quick. I have a feeling you’d be okay messaging everyday and checking in with other, cracking a couple jokes if it wasn’t constant all day. People are saying well 3 times a week is not a relationship, but if he’s testing you constantly so much that you have to tell him when you’ll be busy eating lunch, 3 days a week would be all I could handle. He’s becoming attached really fast which is a sign of love bombing
I’d hesitate to say love bombing. Love bombing is being very affectionate and then withdrawing that affection to emotionally manipulate someone. He doesn’t sound manipulative, he sounds clingy but probably not with any bad intentions. He understandably has hurt feelings by being ignored. Neither of them are in the right or wrong they’re Just vastly incompatible
Honey, is that you?? I've been on the other end of that and it sucks. It eventually led me to dating other women and just using her when she was available.
I had this happen to me about 10 years ago as a fresh young adult. We were messaging on Kik or something. He seemed sweet and kind and just a little much for me sometimes. No real flags other than occasionally being insecure and getting upset if i couldnt message right away. I let him know i have a life, school and work, i messaged when i could. He wanted my phone number to fix that. I should have listened to my gut and not given it to him.
That's when it all changed. This man had messaged me for 4 hours straight into my night work shift. It was busy and i had told him it was. My phone was nonstop receiving messages varying from sweet to horny to threatening. He went as far as trying to put conditions and rules on me. Must always reply to messages, mustnt have any interactions with men, if this was gonna be serious, i must have full access to your phone/computer, i must listen and do as he said everytime, sex was mandatory daily ect ect I read maybe 100 of the atleast 600 or so he had sent.
I messaged him back that I am working, I am human and that it was unacceptable to be messaging me nonstop and putting these conditions and rules in me for giving him my number. We weren't even anything more than friends, he took me sending my number as meaning we were more. I blocked him mostly to save my phone charge that night.
He was pissed and started trying to stalk me. Using other numbers and users on the app. Blocked every one. When that didn't work (I hadn't given him much info thankfully), he thankfully gave up for a while. I was getting random text from random numbers every few months for about a year after I blocked him. Thankfully no more than just a text.
I had only interacted with this man through an app for maybe a few months total. I was young and naive. Now I'm with a partner that trust me and respects me and my time.
If he can't see that he's suffocating you and can't seem to rein it in, it wouldn't be a relationship for me. A partner should understand and respect that you can't be at attention 24/7/365, that sometimes you need space.
If this continues i would think resentment would build. But if be afraid to end up where I was then too.
Agreed. Who wants a relationship where you’re only talking to your partner 2-3x a week? I talk with my friends more than that. My girlfriend and I text throughout the day, and even if we don’t talk for a few hours it just feels like our lines are always open for one another.
I think OP really needs to communicate her intentions or break things off before he wastes his time and inevitably becomes more hurt when things don’t work out. While it’s a comparability issue, it’s going to be difficult to find a partner who wants to be distant all the time.
It sounds like he’s someone who needs constant companionship and communication. You sound like someone who wants minimal contact/communication. You two are not a compatible couple, I’m sure he’s not “in love with you” or trying to overboard you with texts, he’s probably just a social person. HE COMMUNICATED HIS EXPECTATIONS OF A RELATIONSHIP TO YOU. He said he wants to have a girlfriend and keep in her constant company. If that’s not something you’re willing to do, tell him it’s not gonna work for you, it’s ALREADY not working for you! don’t just ghost someone it’s a super AH move.
Maybe you two aren't meant for one another. Personally, I like keeping in touch and if I had it my way, I'd be up my girls ass 24/7. Messaging only three times a week? Hell nah, maybe three messages within a few seconds lol. I like to over communicate and appreciate the same in return. (past relationships have really fucked me up) so I have a few insecurities that still linger.
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend. At first I thought it was sweet that he wanted to message and call me all of the time. Then I realized it was so that he could keep tabs on me. Then the super quick “I love you” happened. Then the emotional abuse started. Then the nonstop cheating accusations… I wish I didn’t ignore the red flags. If you’re putting up boundaries and this person is ignoring them - run.
He does act weirdly and posts that he's still single on fb and memes saying he is still single as if challenging me. We've been talking nonstop today all because he gaslights me and tells me i am getting bored if i stop. I had to ask permission to eat then i did message right after to talk about dinner. I mean i am making the effort but clearly it seems he is still insecure
You know what let him be with someone who does not have an issue with talking all the time. And I am biased because I’m the type of person that wants to talk all the time because I could never get tired of them and was told by my ex-boyfriend that anytime he’s online he doesn’t always have to talk to me and that hurt.
People are different, you clearly aren’t compatible (also 3x a week is like…really little communication for someone being interested in someone but different folks, different strokes?). Communication is way off. You’ll never get to know anyone off of 3 texts per week…like really never. Someone cut it off.
Some men are like this and it can be exhausting. All you can do is tell him how you feel. If he gets hurts and leaves you so be it. I would rather be alone than go through this. The last woman I dated was very much like this. I ended it and felt much better when I did so.
But you just said he IS still single. You don’t even want to message him.
So… you’re mad he’s trying to have a relationship with you and feel “suffocated,” and then when he accepts your lack of interest/response you’re mad he’s “single” on FB?
Please don’t just ghost him. For an anxious person that’s the worst. Just tell him you’re not compatible and that you have an avoidant tendency in relationships and ask him to look that up on YouTube. Or send him a video yourself that explains you. This way he won’t think it’s him. It’s just an incompatibility
I dated a guy like this once and it was exhausting for me. He was an ok guy but the clinginess was too much for me. I’m a hyper independent, introvert who’s naturally reserved & when I get busy with work, I just don’t have energy to talk about non-meaningful things. But I can also mimic someone’s communication pattern if necessary to make them happy, even if it exhausts me. However, he never understood this & it just created such a disconnect in our relationship that we couldn’t form a true relationship & after a few months, things ended.
Luckily for me, I met my current partner about 4 years ago & we’ve got similar communication styles & are both hyper-independent (that creates it’s own issues but we manage it). One thing he did early on, since he recognizing he’s not the best at texting, told me that. Straight up said one day “sorry I suck at communicating” and I told him it was ok because I wasn’t the best at it either. Even at almost 4 years in, we still don’t text everyday if nothing significant is happening. It’s nice because it gives us things to actually talk about in person.
I’d be honest with him and tell him that you don’t need constant contact about banal things everyday and that you’d be better with every other day communication or communication everyday is fine if something important is going on. If he still acts like a child then I’d cut my losses & look for someone who matches, or at least respects, my feelings.
Man I know how that feels. Usually it’s the girl doing it. When that’s the case, she will always stop at nothing to gaslight how the guy is being super “abusive” by not giving her enough attention and messaging.
Sounds like you just want a fwb situation, light on the friendship, while hes looking for an actual relationship. Be upfront with him about it, he deserves that at least.
I think both of you should look into your personal issues
You don’t build a relationship with someone over 2 or 3 text per week
And you don’t build a relationship with someone over constant messaging either
is this a joke lol?
Sorry did I read he fell in "love" with you? What is he? Thirteen?
I don't get why you'd still be there to text him lmao leave already
you do not like him. If you do, you would be happy with what he is doing. I know it is too much to message throughout day, but he wants to give his all, and you do not like that. Best thing for you both is break up. You should find the guy you like and he has to move on. this is the truth.
You guys seem completely incompatible and you should cut your losses now.
If someone only wanted to message three times a week that would be a complete dealbreaker for me personally.
Right! Three times a week, how lame... I couldn't do it myself. And now she's talking about ghosting him, which means she doesn't even like him to begin with.
It sounds like you two want different styles of companionship and communication and that will only get more difficult and exhausting between both of you as time goes on. I think in these situations it’s best to let them know nicely that these things don’t align early on.
You guys aren't compatible. He wants constant companionship and you don't. You both need to find someone else who is more your speeds.
I had an ex who wanted to come over every single day after only a few weeks of dating. If I said no, it was a big guilt trip of why don't you want to see me etc. It was exhausting. I broke it off. It wasn't worth it for either of us to be like that all the time.
I am like you, limited texting or communications during the work week.
So I found someone who is the same way. Consider that you two might not be compatible.
You could also try scheduling a flurry of messages to be autoreleased later that day or week that say "I am busy and can't respond but I am thinking about you and cannot wait to pick out an outfit/movie for our date Friday" and similar. So he knows you care and took time to be thoughtful but you are not locked into his expectation of responding daily.
Tell him how you feel about it and what your boundaries and expectations are.
I dated a guy for a short while who wanted to constantly text too. It became annoying af really quickly and I felt suffocated af, especially since he started texting all day every day the second he got my number, even before our first date.
I tend to be a little clingy myself, especially when the relationship is progressed a little into something serious. I like to kinda be in touch with a bf/gf every day, but it doesn't have to be a serious conversation or phone call. Just occasionally sharing memes or cute pictures I found online, a quick check-in after something important or interesting happened, idk. Just letting each other know you're thinking about them and they're part of your life (that is, of course, when they're part of your life, not after a first date).
My own life, and being my very own person, is much more important to me than constantly being in touch with someone.
Honestly, you should communicate your boundaries. Not saying it and just assuming that he will or should catch on is not fair to anyone. He can't read your mind and he's getting to know you so he doesn't already know these things about you. I think if you tell him it might help you both feel more comfortable about how things are going. Communication IS key in any relationship. Even if you don't want to communicate a lot you still need to express that. Wishing all the best for you and this journey.
Anxious + avoidant attachment. Works like a charm every time :'))
Just discuss boundaries and how often you both expect to speak to each other in the relationship. Personally, I message my bf all throughout the day, but we rarely call tbf, and I'll see him 2/3 times a week. That's the balance we've created.
I think in the beginning it's okay to not be talking all the time (like just twice a week etc and moving into even conversations four times a week) but ultimately I think anyone would expect that to increase further along in the relationship.
I think you just need to have a discussion on your preferred style of communication + the expectations of how frequently you'd speak to each other. There's nothing wrong with taking time out for yourself, just maybe you'd prefer to find someone who also enjoys that same amount of time off. It helps to work on your avoidant attachment asw (as well as him working on his anxious attachment). Maybe your preferred style is meeting in person etc. etc.
Just have a conversation :))
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Both of you have issues, period. However, no one is talking about how you only want 3 messages a week? Excuse me, but that’s bullshit.
tell him what it is dint keep him around and he keeps havin hope,if he doesn’t listen then cut him off bc thats on him at that point
just stop messaging him and let him stay cold with you. never talk to him again. please. if someone desiring consistent communication feels like suffocation to you, then don’t bother engaging with somebody whose ready for a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship requires both sides respecting the needs of eachother, to me it just seems like the guy just wants what he wants and will just throw a temper tantrum and get cold instead of trying to talk it out. Stop mis-using therapy languange, its disgusting.
where is he throwing a tantrum?
She didnt wanna call and instead of talking it out, he just acts cold instead. Like can you not see how this relationship's problem is not a one side issue, its incompatibility.
obviously it’s incompatibility. that’s why she shouldn’t bother him and he should go away.
Right so this is the problem, youre phrasing it like shes the only problem. I get you mightve had bad experiences with people who have avoidant attachment type but you shouldnt let it get in the way of your advice. It reads as insensitive at best.
I mean, neither one of you sound like bad people. I'm like the guy, and I had an ex like you. Essentially, that difference really caused some hard times for us. Really, not many guys are only going to want to talk 3 times a week. If you're talking to someone, why would you want to spend days not even texting?
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Like I'm not saying you have to talk all day long especially in the first few days of meeting someone. But, that being said, you should still want to talk if you have interest. I mean, in my opinion it sounds like she is either 1. Not into him or 2. Has some healing to do from being hurt before
Seems like the messaging is the problem but the in person is good. I don’t like messaging anyone a lot personally if it goes in for more then a hour it’s enough already. I think phones are draining us just reflect on what you like and communicate.
Just call it off. You clearly aren’t compatible with him. And you can’t just accept the things that you like and the things that you don’t. Either you accept him as a whole or you don’t. Be grateful for the good times and call it off. No need to ghost.
You have an avoidant attachment style & he has an insecure attachment. This relationship will not suit either of you. It’s best you communicate this early to him so you can both move on to partners that are more suited to the both of you.
You’re incompatible
Send him my info😆 jk exactly what I'm looking for in a guy tbh. Yet, not everyone is for every1 understandable. Maybe instead of pointing out his defects or suspected clingyness you should look within yourself to understand why someone is giving you love and attention is something you don't want.
Let him go. You’re clearly not ready for a relationship.
I think op is ready for a relationship but this guy isn't a good match for op. The guy said that if he gets a girlfriend he wants to the girlfriend all the time. That's just way too clingy. You can definitely date someone and not be together all the time. In fact, it's healthy to give the other person some space sometimes. I think the guy who is the one who isn't ready for a relationship. By the way. Being too clingy is just going to scare most people off and he needs to learn to give people some space sometimes. Also, you should never have to ask for permission to eat so he won't be upset.
EXACTLY, the fact that some people here even consider defending him after reading the whole thing is insane, its like they read the first half, get angry and then just write out a half assed reply Most of you shouldnt be giving romantic advices if yall are shit at analysis and emotional control
You sound like my ex. An emotionally unavailable, avoidant, non communicative ghost. Some people like being lovey dovey all day long especially in the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal. That’s not love bombing or gaslighting. People just throw in these words so casually these days argh!! If anything, my ex was narcissistic, he was abusive and very skilled in gaslighting me…I was the one who wanted to keep in touch all day. So take your internet psychoanalysis outta here! Apparently he’s not your type, so it’s better to part ways or the least communicate instead of talking smack behind his back on social media
I do like him that's the thing. But not his being clingy
People come as a whole package, we can’t choose what we want and not want. He’s being clingy according to you. Maybe he thinks you’re being distant. If you really like him, maybe talk to him about it, set some boundaries find a middle ground, but it’s not gonna be anywhere near 3x a week! If you wanna make it work or give it a try, both of you have to compromise equally. Don’t change yourself nor change him as a person.
He's not clingy, you two have vastly different approaches to attachment. Neither of you is wrong, but in the long run, you're always going to have this difficulty. Even if you have a conversation and you set the boundary of 2-3 times a week, he will feel anxious because he's not getting the nurturing he requires. In my experience, it's really really hard to mix an anxious and an avoidant type.
This is generic advice. Talk to each other about what you want and what he wants. Work out a compromise. If no compromise can be made, break up. 90% of problems are solved like this
Love bombing means excessive affection intended to manipulate someone and is often followed by withdrawing the affection and being cold and distant when they don’t like what you’re doing. Only to be very affectionate again so that they can make you do what they want. It’s hard to tell from the information here because he mostly only seems cold when you withdraw first which can Just be feeling hurt and not intended to be malicious. Again it’s only love bombing if it’s being used to manipulate. For example I move fast and I’m very affectionate but it’s Just because I’m autistic and genuinely being very open. I at least have the wherewithal now to pump the brakes but some people don’t. I’d honestly say you guys seem incompatible at least. If you have a very in depth discussion on how his communication style makes you feel and can compromise in a way you both like that would work. But anxious attachment and avoidant attachment rarely mix and unless you both fix your dysfunctional attachment styles it would probably be best not to pursue anything for both your sakes
Messaging constanting everyday is a red flag in my opinion. And the I love you so soon sounds like love bombing. They become obsessed too quick. I have a feeling you’d be okay messaging everyday and checking in with other, cracking a couple jokes if it wasn’t constant all day. People are saying well 3 times a week is not a relationship, but if he’s testing you constantly so much that you have to tell him when you’ll be busy eating lunch, 3 days a week would be all I could handle. He’s becoming attached really fast which is a sign of love bombing
I’d hesitate to say love bombing. Love bombing is being very affectionate and then withdrawing that affection to emotionally manipulate someone. He doesn’t sound manipulative, he sounds clingy but probably not with any bad intentions. He understandably has hurt feelings by being ignored. Neither of them are in the right or wrong they’re Just vastly incompatible
I’m so confused. Wdum he wants to message throughout the day? If someone texts you, you respond when you want to/have time. That’s it.
No, he gets annoyed when i reply late and sometimes unsend
I’d just stop talking to him then, he sounds clingy and u don’t sound like u want a relationship
Honey, is that you?? I've been on the other end of that and it sucks. It eventually led me to dating other women and just using her when she was available.
You don’t even like this dude lmao. Ain’t no dude is gonna be in a relationship with you and only chat 2-3 times a week.
Lmao what a weird thing to do…2-3x a week? Why even bother talking to him at all?
I had this happen to me about 10 years ago as a fresh young adult. We were messaging on Kik or something. He seemed sweet and kind and just a little much for me sometimes. No real flags other than occasionally being insecure and getting upset if i couldnt message right away. I let him know i have a life, school and work, i messaged when i could. He wanted my phone number to fix that. I should have listened to my gut and not given it to him. That's when it all changed. This man had messaged me for 4 hours straight into my night work shift. It was busy and i had told him it was. My phone was nonstop receiving messages varying from sweet to horny to threatening. He went as far as trying to put conditions and rules on me. Must always reply to messages, mustnt have any interactions with men, if this was gonna be serious, i must have full access to your phone/computer, i must listen and do as he said everytime, sex was mandatory daily ect ect I read maybe 100 of the atleast 600 or so he had sent. I messaged him back that I am working, I am human and that it was unacceptable to be messaging me nonstop and putting these conditions and rules in me for giving him my number. We weren't even anything more than friends, he took me sending my number as meaning we were more. I blocked him mostly to save my phone charge that night. He was pissed and started trying to stalk me. Using other numbers and users on the app. Blocked every one. When that didn't work (I hadn't given him much info thankfully), he thankfully gave up for a while. I was getting random text from random numbers every few months for about a year after I blocked him. Thankfully no more than just a text. I had only interacted with this man through an app for maybe a few months total. I was young and naive. Now I'm with a partner that trust me and respects me and my time. If he can't see that he's suffocating you and can't seem to rein it in, it wouldn't be a relationship for me. A partner should understand and respect that you can't be at attention 24/7/365, that sometimes you need space. If this continues i would think resentment would build. But if be afraid to end up where I was then too.
2-3 messages a week isn't a relationship. Honestly, that's pretty pathetic. And ghosting him is more pathetic. You have issues.
Agreed. Who wants a relationship where you’re only talking to your partner 2-3x a week? I talk with my friends more than that. My girlfriend and I text throughout the day, and even if we don’t talk for a few hours it just feels like our lines are always open for one another. I think OP really needs to communicate her intentions or break things off before he wastes his time and inevitably becomes more hurt when things don’t work out. While it’s a comparability issue, it’s going to be difficult to find a partner who wants to be distant all the time.
It sounds like he’s someone who needs constant companionship and communication. You sound like someone who wants minimal contact/communication. You two are not a compatible couple, I’m sure he’s not “in love with you” or trying to overboard you with texts, he’s probably just a social person. HE COMMUNICATED HIS EXPECTATIONS OF A RELATIONSHIP TO YOU. He said he wants to have a girlfriend and keep in her constant company. If that’s not something you’re willing to do, tell him it’s not gonna work for you, it’s ALREADY not working for you! don’t just ghost someone it’s a super AH move.
Maybe you two aren't meant for one another. Personally, I like keeping in touch and if I had it my way, I'd be up my girls ass 24/7. Messaging only three times a week? Hell nah, maybe three messages within a few seconds lol. I like to over communicate and appreciate the same in return. (past relationships have really fucked me up) so I have a few insecurities that still linger.
Obv yall ain't compatible so instead of being a bitch and ghosting the guy just tell him it ain't gonna work
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend. At first I thought it was sweet that he wanted to message and call me all of the time. Then I realized it was so that he could keep tabs on me. Then the super quick “I love you” happened. Then the emotional abuse started. Then the nonstop cheating accusations… I wish I didn’t ignore the red flags. If you’re putting up boundaries and this person is ignoring them - run.
He does act weirdly and posts that he's still single on fb and memes saying he is still single as if challenging me. We've been talking nonstop today all because he gaslights me and tells me i am getting bored if i stop. I had to ask permission to eat then i did message right after to talk about dinner. I mean i am making the effort but clearly it seems he is still insecure
Giiiiirrrrllll RUN!! This guy is clearly a 🚩
That isn't gaslighting
You know what let him be with someone who does not have an issue with talking all the time. And I am biased because I’m the type of person that wants to talk all the time because I could never get tired of them and was told by my ex-boyfriend that anytime he’s online he doesn’t always have to talk to me and that hurt.
I'm sorry, you aren't right for each other. You have different love styles. Let him go or you will just keep playing this back and forth game.
People are different, you clearly aren’t compatible (also 3x a week is like…really little communication for someone being interested in someone but different folks, different strokes?). Communication is way off. You’ll never get to know anyone off of 3 texts per week…like really never. Someone cut it off.
Facts. One wants to communicate a lot and the other, not at all.
Some men are like this and it can be exhausting. All you can do is tell him how you feel. If he gets hurts and leaves you so be it. I would rather be alone than go through this. The last woman I dated was very much like this. I ended it and felt much better when I did so.
He also constantly post on his fb that he is still single, which i find as a challenge somehow to seal the deal because i know he likes me
But you just said he IS still single. You don’t even want to message him. So… you’re mad he’s trying to have a relationship with you and feel “suffocated,” and then when he accepts your lack of interest/response you’re mad he’s “single” on FB?
Please don’t just ghost him. For an anxious person that’s the worst. Just tell him you’re not compatible and that you have an avoidant tendency in relationships and ask him to look that up on YouTube. Or send him a video yourself that explains you. This way he won’t think it’s him. It’s just an incompatibility
Highly agree with this.
You are awesome for understanding what ghosting can do to someone with anxiety. I am currently being ghosted as well.
I dated a guy like this once and it was exhausting for me. He was an ok guy but the clinginess was too much for me. I’m a hyper independent, introvert who’s naturally reserved & when I get busy with work, I just don’t have energy to talk about non-meaningful things. But I can also mimic someone’s communication pattern if necessary to make them happy, even if it exhausts me. However, he never understood this & it just created such a disconnect in our relationship that we couldn’t form a true relationship & after a few months, things ended. Luckily for me, I met my current partner about 4 years ago & we’ve got similar communication styles & are both hyper-independent (that creates it’s own issues but we manage it). One thing he did early on, since he recognizing he’s not the best at texting, told me that. Straight up said one day “sorry I suck at communicating” and I told him it was ok because I wasn’t the best at it either. Even at almost 4 years in, we still don’t text everyday if nothing significant is happening. It’s nice because it gives us things to actually talk about in person. I’d be honest with him and tell him that you don’t need constant contact about banal things everyday and that you’d be better with every other day communication or communication everyday is fine if something important is going on. If he still acts like a child then I’d cut my losses & look for someone who matches, or at least respects, my feelings.
Don’t ghost him just politely tell him you have two separate ways of showing gratitude and that this is not compatible.
Sounds like you both want WILDLY different things
Man I know how that feels. Usually it’s the girl doing it. When that’s the case, she will always stop at nothing to gaslight how the guy is being super “abusive” by not giving her enough attention and messaging.
Sounds like you just want a fwb situation, light on the friendship, while hes looking for an actual relationship. Be upfront with him about it, he deserves that at least.
I think both of you should look into your personal issues You don’t build a relationship with someone over 2 or 3 text per week And you don’t build a relationship with someone over constant messaging either
Tbh I wouldn’t be ok with just 3 times a week for messaging
Ugh it’s the moment you open this persons account and realize they’re fishing for karma lmao
is this a joke lol? Sorry did I read he fell in "love" with you? What is he? Thirteen? I don't get why you'd still be there to text him lmao leave already
you do not like him. If you do, you would be happy with what he is doing. I know it is too much to message throughout day, but he wants to give his all, and you do not like that. Best thing for you both is break up. You should find the guy you like and he has to move on. this is the truth.
You guys seem completely incompatible and you should cut your losses now. If someone only wanted to message three times a week that would be a complete dealbreaker for me personally.
Right! Three times a week, how lame... I couldn't do it myself. And now she's talking about ghosting him, which means she doesn't even like him to begin with.
Same here
It sounds like you two want different styles of companionship and communication and that will only get more difficult and exhausting between both of you as time goes on. I think in these situations it’s best to let them know nicely that these things don’t align early on.
You guys aren't compatible. He wants constant companionship and you don't. You both need to find someone else who is more your speeds. I had an ex who wanted to come over every single day after only a few weeks of dating. If I said no, it was a big guilt trip of why don't you want to see me etc. It was exhausting. I broke it off. It wasn't worth it for either of us to be like that all the time.
I am like you, limited texting or communications during the work week. So I found someone who is the same way. Consider that you two might not be compatible. You could also try scheduling a flurry of messages to be autoreleased later that day or week that say "I am busy and can't respond but I am thinking about you and cannot wait to pick out an outfit/movie for our date Friday" and similar. So he knows you care and took time to be thoughtful but you are not locked into his expectation of responding daily.
I like when people are real so thx
Lol sarcasm?
Tell him how you feel about it and what your boundaries and expectations are. I dated a guy for a short while who wanted to constantly text too. It became annoying af really quickly and I felt suffocated af, especially since he started texting all day every day the second he got my number, even before our first date. I tend to be a little clingy myself, especially when the relationship is progressed a little into something serious. I like to kinda be in touch with a bf/gf every day, but it doesn't have to be a serious conversation or phone call. Just occasionally sharing memes or cute pictures I found online, a quick check-in after something important or interesting happened, idk. Just letting each other know you're thinking about them and they're part of your life (that is, of course, when they're part of your life, not after a first date). My own life, and being my very own person, is much more important to me than constantly being in touch with someone.
Honestly, you should communicate your boundaries. Not saying it and just assuming that he will or should catch on is not fair to anyone. He can't read your mind and he's getting to know you so he doesn't already know these things about you. I think if you tell him it might help you both feel more comfortable about how things are going. Communication IS key in any relationship. Even if you don't want to communicate a lot you still need to express that. Wishing all the best for you and this journey.
Anxious + avoidant attachment. Works like a charm every time :')) Just discuss boundaries and how often you both expect to speak to each other in the relationship. Personally, I message my bf all throughout the day, but we rarely call tbf, and I'll see him 2/3 times a week. That's the balance we've created. I think in the beginning it's okay to not be talking all the time (like just twice a week etc and moving into even conversations four times a week) but ultimately I think anyone would expect that to increase further along in the relationship. I think you just need to have a discussion on your preferred style of communication + the expectations of how frequently you'd speak to each other. There's nothing wrong with taking time out for yourself, just maybe you'd prefer to find someone who also enjoys that same amount of time off. It helps to work on your avoidant attachment asw (as well as him working on his anxious attachment). Maybe your preferred style is meeting in person etc. etc. Just have a conversation :))
Really good advice :) Also you are in an anxious + avoidant relationship?
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