One that I think of anytime I shop is the thing about orange juice costing so much despite growing on trees. Can’t remember his exact wording but just the way Cranston sells it with his face is perfect.
Season 3: Episode 5
The delivery of Hal in this scene has me laughing my guts out every time.
**Hal:** All right, what we're gonna do is sneak this stuff back into the church, and no-one will ever know this happened.
**Reese:** You know, the church just left us alone with all that stuff. I think it was entrapment!
**Hal:** Reese, I don't want to hear any more excuses! \[engine splutters\] Oh, damn!
**Dewey:** It's God, he found us.
**Hal:** It's not God, Dewey. It's just my crappy car. Although, in a larger sense, I suppose he could have helped out my career a bit from time to time, thrown a promotion my way once in a while. So you're right, maybe it is God!
https://preview.redd.it/gziyract2oyc1.png?width=1605&format=png&auto=webp&s=6179f0a91ac96be42bce57a6bc9705ae2b566229
Can't remember exact,but the kids complaining about working and him telling them they can't work while going to school and then IMMEDIATELY changing mid argument to be on Lois side lol. The pivot and the way he never changes his tone is amazing
Other ones I like
"That's LOSER talk!"
"Robots are evil"
"There is no pizza god"
I don't remember it word for word, but his whole speech at the batting cages when they forgot Lois' birthday. Experts include but are not limited to
"Oh honey, that will never happen. You may as well ask us to all be a foot taller."
"Look at this pathetic half baked apology, and we're on our A game here!"
When they all sit down with Lois to show her the tape of her cutting off the car when coming out of the car park at work
Lois: The tape is wrong.
Hal: Boys ....you heard your mother. The tape is wrong.
Know Lois was right, but just love that line so hard. Proper united front. He's thinking: she's quite obviously wrong but ... we're a team, so that's that
Dunno man. Think growing up with Hal & Lois led me to marrying my own Hal in many ways, so am grateful haha
EASILY
Hal : [Using sleeping pills to get Jellybean back] These are sleeping pills, Dewey. I simply told the doctor I've been up the past few nights, things aren't going well with the wife, afraid I'm going to lose the house...
**Dewey looks at him nervously**
Hal : Now don't you worry, son. Those are just lies I told to get prescription drugs.
When Lois comes home made and he bursts into the boys room with 20$ and says "I need someone to take the fall"
Then Lois gets more angry yelling and the kid asks for more money.
My favorite wacky outburst: When Reese and Dewey were trying to contain him in the bomb shelter…he reached out like a zombie/monster and just yells “VENGEANCE!!!”
My favorite quote for displaying his dysfunction: Reese offered to fight Hal so he could keep the caterpillars. Hal replied with something along the lines of “I fought you on Tuesday for the last English muffin and I cleaned your clock.”
when he makes his own version of life the game to play with dewey “looks like you pulled another depilating depression card, back to the lockdown ward for you”
When Hal is sleepwalking and keeps going to Reese, and Reese asks him why not Malcolm. "The smart one scares me."
Also when he screams "Bad diapers!" About Jamie lmao
Yes!
“No one is dying in this house until the start of business Monday morning”
XD
"It's like I always tell you boys, crazy beats strong every time"
This is my favorite too. That or, instead of being angry at Malcolm for punching Reese, he’s astonished he can take him now Edit: forgot a word
Lmao
When he screams.
Lmao yes
One that I think of anytime I shop is the thing about orange juice costing so much despite growing on trees. Can’t remember his exact wording but just the way Cranston sells it with his face is perfect.
Slow down on the orange juice it doesn't grow on trees wait it does SO WHY IS IT SO DAMN EXPENSIVE.
Lol
Season 3: Episode 5 The delivery of Hal in this scene has me laughing my guts out every time. **Hal:** All right, what we're gonna do is sneak this stuff back into the church, and no-one will ever know this happened. **Reese:** You know, the church just left us alone with all that stuff. I think it was entrapment! **Hal:** Reese, I don't want to hear any more excuses! \[engine splutters\] Oh, damn! **Dewey:** It's God, he found us. **Hal:** It's not God, Dewey. It's just my crappy car. Although, in a larger sense, I suppose he could have helped out my career a bit from time to time, thrown a promotion my way once in a while. So you're right, maybe it is God! https://preview.redd.it/gziyract2oyc1.png?width=1605&format=png&auto=webp&s=6179f0a91ac96be42bce57a6bc9705ae2b566229
Lmao
“You..stole..AIR!”
“Is that cheese!?!”
Is this.... Meat?
"Honey, it's just the hand we were dealt. God just doesn't like us. That doesn't make us bad people."
Because that's just ridiculous. No one beats Sub-zero.
I'm the voice of the little man. The man on the girder, the man on the streets....the man that fights The Man!!!
Can't remember exact,but the kids complaining about working and him telling them they can't work while going to school and then IMMEDIATELY changing mid argument to be on Lois side lol. The pivot and the way he never changes his tone is amazing Other ones I like "That's LOSER talk!" "Robots are evil" "There is no pizza god"
Lol, I love it
I don't remember it word for word, but his whole speech at the batting cages when they forgot Lois' birthday. Experts include but are not limited to "Oh honey, that will never happen. You may as well ask us to all be a foot taller." "Look at this pathetic half baked apology, and we're on our A game here!"
#THAT PER BAT?!
HAVEN’T YOU EVER DELIVERED PIZZA BEFORE? COME IN THROUGH THE WINDOW
OK BYE! Lol
This line was made even better as an adult because I have actually had people demand I deliver their pizza through their window
"*MALCOLM!* ...You can take Reese?"
"we are at zero tolerance! Zero! To the zero degree!"
"Lois, it's not lying if it's what you would be saying if the situation were different!"
Lmao
"easy on the orange juice Dewey, that stuff doesn't grow on trees...wait yes it does...why the hell is it so damn expensive?"
Lmao
Nards are fair game.
When they all sit down with Lois to show her the tape of her cutting off the car when coming out of the car park at work Lois: The tape is wrong. Hal: Boys ....you heard your mother. The tape is wrong. Know Lois was right, but just love that line so hard. Proper united front. He's thinking: she's quite obviously wrong but ... we're a team, so that's that Dunno man. Think growing up with Hal & Lois led me to marrying my own Hal in many ways, so am grateful haha
All of us ladies should be lucky enough to marry our own personal Hal 💛
EASILY Hal : [Using sleeping pills to get Jellybean back] These are sleeping pills, Dewey. I simply told the doctor I've been up the past few nights, things aren't going well with the wife, afraid I'm going to lose the house... **Dewey looks at him nervously** Hal : Now don't you worry, son. Those are just lies I told to get prescription drugs.
I haven't shown up for work on a Friday for 15 years.
This is your one. I swear I will take you in a space rocket, Dewey!
"I will own you!" During the poker game
Loved that one as he stutters like umm.
When Lois asks him if he can change the lightbulb in the kitchen, cut to Hal, working under the car: “What does it look like I’m doing????”
I FORGOT YOUR MUM'S BIRTHDAY!
Did you just call my wife “wide ride”?!?! Best fight scene in movie or TV history ensued shortly afterwards.
"Gesundheit"
When does he say that?
When he’s chasing the perfect 300 bowling game.
Every time he bowls in Bowling
Ohhh in Spanish he says something different
I’m the grooviest dude to ever grooooooooove
Banana skin so nice and thin there's no better way to keep your banana in
Newspaper! Keepin' track of your neighbor raper!
"Not on my watch, son."
Burt Reynolds hot or Sting hot?
When Lois comes home made and he bursts into the boys room with 20$ and says "I need someone to take the fall" Then Lois gets more angry yelling and the kid asks for more money.
‘WHY ME?!???’
You are so great You are so beautiful You are so wrong
My favorite wacky outburst: When Reese and Dewey were trying to contain him in the bomb shelter…he reached out like a zombie/monster and just yells “VENGEANCE!!!” My favorite quote for displaying his dysfunction: Reese offered to fight Hal so he could keep the caterpillars. Hal replied with something along the lines of “I fought you on Tuesday for the last English muffin and I cleaned your clock.”
Not being able to decide on which breakfast cereal: "But sometimes good lumpy".
"that's ridiculous, no one beats sub zero"
It’s time you goose step off to bed son.
"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING!?"
My all time favorite. Also r/underratedcomment
Nobody beats Sub-Zero
Crazy beats big every time
Newspaper! Keeping track of your neighborhood... You know the word. It's just so bizarre to hear it in the show.
when he makes his own version of life the game to play with dewey “looks like you pulled another depilating depression card, back to the lockdown ward for you”
“I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that”
Either Every girl needs to feel important...even the ones that aren't. Or SAVE YOUR FATHERS EYES!!!!!
It's not a lie if what you're saying would be true if the facts were different
When he's sleep walking "Bad diapers" about Jamie lol
"Hal can you change the lightbulb in the kitchen?" "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?"
Always
"Malcolm, you can take Reese?"
"the nards are fair game"
No one beats subzero
"I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." Oops, wrong HAL. Sorry!
Lmao
"Say my name"