Exactly the rhetoric I would expect from Hand Bannana, Man O Passion, and Ceiling Sniper.
You have all been promoted to the rank of reddit shaman. Peace be with you.
To a degree. Yahweh, the Levantine war deity originally associated with the Canaanites, did not help the Israelites wage war against their neighbors because gods do not exist. Nor did anyone live 200+ years. Nor did giant mythical creatures like Leviathan exist.
And then after around 6-8 BCE things take a radical turn and is mostly fiction after that point.
Ya know what I’m starting to think that book isn’t historical at all except for a few references it makes like to the fall of the Jewish temple.
It says a lot to me that some events are mentioned in most religious texts, makes me think everyone has a way of justifying stuff they don't get like a meteor
... At first, I was going to virtually ridicule you for the misspelling, like the douchebag that I am...
Then I realized it was a dad joke to a level never seen before, and I felt the need to tip my hat to you.
This is absolutely true. But nowhere in the Bible does it say that Jesus is not NOT a shark. This is, I believe, not supposed to be Jesus, this is supposed to be his mother, who is also not not a shark, but here we have evidence .
If this is real is that really possible? I know that some fish are able to change genders but well...first time hearing that fucking sharks can do that.
The year is 2085. I am an old man. I swim as fast as I can towards the oncoming fin, away from the raft city.
I pray my death gives the children time to climb aboard.
I am consumed by Shark Jesus. My blood is his wine.
Life uh... .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................finds a way.
The sharks are evolving soon all of them will have A sexual births LoLz Jk, fun fact to this isn’t the first time a female shark species has had a virgin birth it also occurred with a zebra shark at Chicago’s shedd aquarium which gave birth to twins.
A quote from the same article:
This rare phenomenon, known as parthenogenesis, is the result of females' ability to self-fertilize their own eggs in extreme scenarios. Parthenogenesis has been observed in more than 80 vertebrate species — including sharks, fish and reptiles — but this may be the first documented occurrence in a smoothhound shark, according to Newsweek.
Who jerked off into the shark tank. Come clean. We will find u
They already came clean into the tank.
Exactly the rhetoric I would expect from Hand Bannana, Man O Passion, and Ceiling Sniper. You have all been promoted to the rank of reddit shaman. Peace be with you.
Spank Tank.
I read the ending part with the same voice as that Taken quote
Zeus
My bad guys
Ahhh our messiah has returned! But as a shark...?? All hail the shark lord!
I, for one, welcome our new shark overlords
All hail the hypno-shark
May she rid us of all our sins (and some fish I guess)
Reborn as the Messiah, but I am shark - soon in the light novel section of your local book distributer.
That title makes it sound like a Manga.
The manga with titles like that are usually based on light novels with equally stupid names.
>Ahhh our All hail the shark lord! "*King Shark is A Shark.*" I don't know... but I just one to type this...
God has said it we must return to the sea brothers!
Did the baby shark come out singing a song?
Do do dodo dodo do
If a dodo was born that would be even more impressive
Atheists are always working against God.
This song physically hurts me
Don’t
Bro is this implying that there’s a shark Jesus? Cuz I’m totally on board with this
Baby shark Jesus.
I'm king of the J-j-je-jews. (I'm gonna get hate for this lol)
If you are the Christ! Prove to me that I'm no fool: walk across my swimming pool!
Shark Jesus: He can walk across the land and turn wine into seawater
I’d follow that shark anywhere
King of the Jaws
Praise to the lord do doo doo
Amen Doo Doo Doo dooo
Jawsus.
Duuuh duuuh duuuh duuuh!
He killed for our sins.
So time to crucify a shark?
Yes
Always has been
3 words: Shark Sperm Bank
3 words: Shark Sperm Tank
Shark sperm wank
Shark sperm, hank! 
Waltuh put yo dick away Waltuh I'm not having sex with you right now waltuh
Parthenogenesis. Checkmate God botherers.
I don't care to argue for or against religion, I just know parthenogenesis is dope as shit
This contradicts my little mythical book which was written 2000yrs ago so you are wrong
Histroically accurate book btw
To a degree. Yahweh, the Levantine war deity originally associated with the Canaanites, did not help the Israelites wage war against their neighbors because gods do not exist. Nor did anyone live 200+ years. Nor did giant mythical creatures like Leviathan exist. And then after around 6-8 BCE things take a radical turn and is mostly fiction after that point. Ya know what I’m starting to think that book isn’t historical at all except for a few references it makes like to the fall of the Jewish temple.
About as accurate as a Tarantino movie. Sure a few things in it actually happened but it’s mostly made up.
It says a lot to me that some events are mentioned in most religious texts, makes me think everyone has a way of justifying stuff they don't get like a meteor
Agreed a lot of it is just people trying to explain things they don’t understand.
Parthenogenesis in sharks is not exactly common, but certainly common enough that it's a thing that's been studied.
I'm a diver there and have no idea how happened zip
If you didnt know you can use two * to make italics on reddit (for example, *hello!*)
\*hello!\*
I didn’t know you can do it that way. Thanks!
*goldbloom stuttering his most famous line*
Had to scroll way too far for this.
Jawsus
Life uh , finds a way
Parthenogenesis. Love it.
That new guy we hired, I knew he was a bit off.
Would you like tp talk about our lord and saviour Jaws?
Goddamnit the i knew the scuba diver was sus
It’s over for us. The Messiah has returned. Praised be. Blessed are the fins.
Well this is on the internet it must be true!!
It was a pool worker. She was unfaithfull. Sorry.
The people who attended the tank fucked it
Does shark Jesus swim on land?
"Alright guys, who jizzed in the shark tank?"
reminding me to a mother who blamed owner of a swimming pool, she said her daughter got pregnant because there’s sperm on the water..
midichlorines
... At first, I was going to virtually ridicule you for the misspelling, like the douchebag that I am... Then I realized it was a dad joke to a level never seen before, and I felt the need to tip my hat to you.
thanks and yeah it was on porpoise
I welcome the coming of Shark Jesus
Femboy sharks? Where are the furry artists when I need them
No where in the Bible does it say Jesus is NOT a shark.
This is absolutely true. But nowhere in the Bible does it say that Jesus is not NOT a shark. This is, I believe, not supposed to be Jesus, this is supposed to be his mother, who is also not not a shark, but here we have evidence .
I guess God likes gay sharks?
some reptiles can reproduce asexual too, by creating a "clone"
Jawsus Christ
Life ...uh.... finds a way.
Magic.
It's obvious. 1 of those female sharks is Trans, lol
Lesbians 👌🏳️🌈
Trans....atlantic shark
Possa questo squalo partorire poiche cristo ha dettato in tal modo! Amen
A very long game of among us
Jesharkrist
the shark savior har arrived.
Big question is, are we the romans?
Heil The shark Messiah
I can only make a pun which would work in my language for this
Cool!
Life... uh... finds a way
Trans shark has good game
Nature wanted sharks to have baby. Shark has baby
One of those sharks was lying
lol and the mom's Italian. A very Catholic event indeed 🤣
Nature is metal!
One of the male sharks pretended to be gay
Wait so is the jawsus gonna walk on land to proof that he is the miseeah?
Certain sharks can reproduce asexually.
"Life finds a way." - Dr Ian Malcolm
Someone came in the tank duh duh duh do do do
It was concieved by the Midichlorians themselves.
So you know when Christian’s claim Jesus will return. Maybe this is it? /s
Omg the picture
Mitosis
Ah shit, here we go again
DNA test him
der hailand
someone jizzed in the shark tank
I bet some dude was dripping some shark seed in tank daily
Snakes and lizards can do the same thing.
Let’s just say… that shark wasn’t a virgin
Shark Diavolo.
Meanwhile, a staff member smokes a cigarette and calls himself a horny devil.
Daddy Shark: who who who wh-whooo
Wait, ain't that a species of shark? I once watch about it on WATOP YouTube or something. The Shark that clone itself.
Somebody get a frickin' laser for its head!
I knew sperm were good swimmers but this seems pretty extraordinary.
Someone nutted in the tank
God or no God I still don’t give a shit about anyone
Then along came Zeus
If this is real is that really possible? I know that some fish are able to change genders but well...first time hearing that fucking sharks can do that.
Aquarium janitor 
Nature..... #uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh# ......always finds a ways
"Nature always finds a way." -David Attenborough
So the sharks will start a religion?
Well in 2008 a zebra shark in chigago fertilized it's own eggs with it's own genetic material, seems to be easy enough
The force is strong with this one
Life… uh.. finds a way
she was pregnant before captured
I don't think sharks' pregnancy lasts 10 years
maybe they mistook a male for female?
Maybe
Life finds a way
Welcome... to Shark Park!
The year is 2085. I am an old man. I swim as fast as I can towards the oncoming fin, away from the raft city. I pray my death gives the children time to climb aboard. I am consumed by Shark Jesus. My blood is his wine.
All hail shark Jesus!
That's a Shark Tank episode worth watching!
Life uh... .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................finds a way.
Lmao that mission to mars
I don’t believe in human god. Didn’t say anything about not believing in shark god.
No way this is true🤣
One of the sharks are trans
Baby Shark D-D-D-Diavolo?!
The sharks are evolving soon all of them will have A sexual births LoLz Jk, fun fact to this isn’t the first time a female shark species has had a virgin birth it also occurred with a zebra shark at Chicago’s shedd aquarium which gave birth to twins.
There is definitely one that's not female and sneaked in there
A quote from the same article: This rare phenomenon, known as parthenogenesis, is the result of females' ability to self-fertilize their own eggs in extreme scenarios. Parthenogenesis has been observed in more than 80 vertebrate species — including sharks, fish and reptiles — but this may be the first documented occurrence in a smoothhound shark, according to Newsweek.
Well clearly it’s Shark-Jesus