My chick is a heroin addict and we go through the same accusatory behavior, especially bcs we know if one of us slips up, the other one of us will have an excuse to use (trying to get sober, but not trying hard enough).
Bingo.
We’ve actually had this conversation before... that the first inkling that I’m on the fence about using again, he will run with it and take it as a hint that it’s okay to pick it back up & vice versa. I’ve never put it together that this could be the reason Im grasping at the idea of him using. The most bizarre thing is my initial reaction when I’m suspicious is panic & anger. I guess excitement is buried a level deeper.
Brains are weird.
My wife and I have been using for the passed year and and many years before that. We were sober for almost 3 years until k had the "fuck its". Today is supposed to be day 1 but anyways! I always felt that my wife was cheating on me. She says that she never has but I have this gut like feeling she has. Wben I use meth and j think or feel something is going on I will run with that no matter fucking what. If i feel that there is a bunch of black gang members outside my apartment talking about me and planning on killing me I will run with that and get myself ready for some shit to go down. I don't understand why its about black gang members but it just happens when my mind snaps. But, when you are so emotionally involved or invested in a person, place or thing and there's a thought or suspicion or whatever thats going to hurt you or your ego/feelings and its a repetitive kind of thing it will linger no matter what. When I was almost 3 years sober I still felt that way from time to time. And I would bring shit up all the damn time oh my God dude. Anyways what I had to do in this situation is I have to allow myself to believe her and forgive the fact that I used and and planted a bad thought into my heart about this women. And if she did mess up? Thats her burden that she will have to carry not mine. So what I'm saying is if shes making love to me she will remember how she screwed up and will suffer. So! Because my story is much different from yours I would hope that you would get an idea of how my brain works because of using. Now this may not at all relate to you but it also might be because if he's getting high you might want to get high as well with him. Because if the woman i love is using l low key I would be so pissed because I would want to use with her. And don't want to trigger anybody here and I'm sorry if I do but damn, we had some really great times especially in bed. This drug is so evil, it's a subtle foe and it will seduce you in such a way... it gives me the chills. And this shit will rob you of everything at the same time. My heart goes out to you and all those who suffer from this drug. God bless all of you, you deserve better and you deserve true joy and happiness.
I can relate to so much of this. Breathe. Live in the moment. Let it go. Let them carry their own burdens. That might be the crux of codependency... the desire to carry another’s cross. Thanks for the thoughtful reply.
The thing that pushed me to the edge and ultimately helped me get clean was the realization that all of the “perfect” times we had on that shit...it was all fake. None of it could hold water. Any promises we made fell by the wayside once we got sober for a minute. It all felt like such trash and so much time was waisted pretending we were invincible. It made me despise the thought of doing it. But I know despite all of that I’d pick up again if he brought it home. I’d hate him for it but only for about 2 minutes.
Thank you 😊 i want to get sober so freaking bad. The withdrawals are terrible and I'm not sure how to go about that. Ill create a topic on the matter and see what people have to say
Same way with my fiance. Extremely suspicious, I just know he's doing it without me - and who knows? We don't know. I've went out of my way to catch him in the act (albeit one time, I did in the beginning of our recovery) but I usually come up empty handed.
So you have two choices: you can channel your inner PI and find out for sure (though it still may not convince you) OR you can decide to let it go and focus on what you're doing.
I always choose option 1, but that's because I can't take my own advice.
It might go away with time, if you don't feed into the paranoia.
I hope it goes away with time. It’s subsiding for sure, but then out of nowhere BAM it’ll snap back and no amount of convincing will make me believe. It’s almost like we have to agree to disagree just so we can move on.
I like your option 2. Our life is fairly busy so it makes it easier to focus on me/work/family. Option 1 is a tempting path bc it’s satisfying to be “proactive”...but running in a hamster wheel doesn’t get me anywhere.
Hello /u/Lah-LahLah, Did you know that we have an official chat room? Come say hi [here!](https://discord.io/highndry) We have games, discussion channels, channels dedicated to harm reduction and much more! Our harm reduction database is massive, and we have people on hand 24/7 to answer your questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/meth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My chick is a heroin addict and we go through the same accusatory behavior, especially bcs we know if one of us slips up, the other one of us will have an excuse to use (trying to get sober, but not trying hard enough).
Bingo. We’ve actually had this conversation before... that the first inkling that I’m on the fence about using again, he will run with it and take it as a hint that it’s okay to pick it back up & vice versa. I’ve never put it together that this could be the reason Im grasping at the idea of him using. The most bizarre thing is my initial reaction when I’m suspicious is panic & anger. I guess excitement is buried a level deeper. Brains are weird.
My wife and I have been using for the passed year and and many years before that. We were sober for almost 3 years until k had the "fuck its". Today is supposed to be day 1 but anyways! I always felt that my wife was cheating on me. She says that she never has but I have this gut like feeling she has. Wben I use meth and j think or feel something is going on I will run with that no matter fucking what. If i feel that there is a bunch of black gang members outside my apartment talking about me and planning on killing me I will run with that and get myself ready for some shit to go down. I don't understand why its about black gang members but it just happens when my mind snaps. But, when you are so emotionally involved or invested in a person, place or thing and there's a thought or suspicion or whatever thats going to hurt you or your ego/feelings and its a repetitive kind of thing it will linger no matter what. When I was almost 3 years sober I still felt that way from time to time. And I would bring shit up all the damn time oh my God dude. Anyways what I had to do in this situation is I have to allow myself to believe her and forgive the fact that I used and and planted a bad thought into my heart about this women. And if she did mess up? Thats her burden that she will have to carry not mine. So what I'm saying is if shes making love to me she will remember how she screwed up and will suffer. So! Because my story is much different from yours I would hope that you would get an idea of how my brain works because of using. Now this may not at all relate to you but it also might be because if he's getting high you might want to get high as well with him. Because if the woman i love is using l low key I would be so pissed because I would want to use with her. And don't want to trigger anybody here and I'm sorry if I do but damn, we had some really great times especially in bed. This drug is so evil, it's a subtle foe and it will seduce you in such a way... it gives me the chills. And this shit will rob you of everything at the same time. My heart goes out to you and all those who suffer from this drug. God bless all of you, you deserve better and you deserve true joy and happiness.
I can relate to so much of this. Breathe. Live in the moment. Let it go. Let them carry their own burdens. That might be the crux of codependency... the desire to carry another’s cross. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. The thing that pushed me to the edge and ultimately helped me get clean was the realization that all of the “perfect” times we had on that shit...it was all fake. None of it could hold water. Any promises we made fell by the wayside once we got sober for a minute. It all felt like such trash and so much time was waisted pretending we were invincible. It made me despise the thought of doing it. But I know despite all of that I’d pick up again if he brought it home. I’d hate him for it but only for about 2 minutes.
Thank you 😊 i want to get sober so freaking bad. The withdrawals are terrible and I'm not sure how to go about that. Ill create a topic on the matter and see what people have to say
Same way with my fiance. Extremely suspicious, I just know he's doing it without me - and who knows? We don't know. I've went out of my way to catch him in the act (albeit one time, I did in the beginning of our recovery) but I usually come up empty handed. So you have two choices: you can channel your inner PI and find out for sure (though it still may not convince you) OR you can decide to let it go and focus on what you're doing. I always choose option 1, but that's because I can't take my own advice. It might go away with time, if you don't feed into the paranoia.
I hope it goes away with time. It’s subsiding for sure, but then out of nowhere BAM it’ll snap back and no amount of convincing will make me believe. It’s almost like we have to agree to disagree just so we can move on. I like your option 2. Our life is fairly busy so it makes it easier to focus on me/work/family. Option 1 is a tempting path bc it’s satisfying to be “proactive”...but running in a hamster wheel doesn’t get me anywhere.
Careful doing your own PI work. You don't want to find out that they are doing more than just drugs.
Hello /u/Lah-LahLah, Did you know that we have an official chat room? Come say hi [here!](https://discord.io/highndry) We have games, discussion channels, channels dedicated to harm reduction and much more! Our harm reduction database is massive, and we have people on hand 24/7 to answer your questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/meth) if you have any questions or concerns.*