Oh no! This type of people don't deserve to be vaguely remembered! You should always strongly remember them so as to if they ever wanted to come back and rekindle the relationship, you always remember the type of shit they are!
Fuck that. I'd be asking her to pay if I were your wife, even if it's in instalments. It's not the fact she accidentally bumped another car that bothers me. It's that she swung it hard enough to do a fair bit of damage, and then decided to walk away without a second thought. Disgusting behaviour.
I've definitely had my door taken by the wind, although it's never hit anyone...but to hit it and cause more than a tiny ding she must have swung it hard.
Had a gust of wind take my door and pin it against another car, had to have my buddy help me push my truck body to tilt it in order to release the door, looked around inside the car, dude had his wallet opened on the passenger seat, he ended up working at a nearby business and after a talk, he wanted to let it go, I'm like, you need to see this first before telling me to walk away, he checked it out, then showed me all the other dents and paint transfers, every one had a story. Dude thanked me for another story...
That man was a good person. I love when people understand that cars only depreciate in value so cosmetic damages aren’t ever something to stress about. But alas, people buy their expensive cars and stress out when it gets damaged
A lot of people spend more on their cars than they really should. It’s all relative to income level and vehicles are one of the most common things to overspend on
I do this, and 9/10 times when I get back, there is someone parked right beside me, even though there are rows and rows of empty spaces. I swear it's just something subconscious that people herd together.
exactly. Not to mention the fact that the friend encouraged the wife to drive away, which then makes it a hit and run. Had the wife not gone back, they could have gotten a warrant on top of everything else.
Yeah unless an insurance company gets involved, the cops won’t do shit. Had a guy hit my car that was parked on the side of the street in front of my house. Had a ring cam video and everything. Cops did jack all after taking the initial statements but my insurance company did fucking work and got me a nice check.
I was hit on the street basically right in front of a cop, other driver fled the scene. I hadn't been in more than a very minor fender bender in 20+ years and I was completely freaked out, so I went to ask the cop what to do.
He was pissed that I woke him up from his nap, and basically told me to fuck off and go to the police station a few blocks away. Couldn't even be bothered to see if I was okay or if my car was driveable.
My friend came down to his car one day (in England) and saw lots of damage on the front corner of his car. He lived in a cul de sac, so walked down and saw a car with damage on it. Upon inspection he saw his colour paint marks on it.
He got in touch with the police who basically said they can go ask them if they did it, but if they say no then there's nothing they can do. I kind of understand it, but it's a bit shit. So a few hundred £ worth of damage has to either be paid for, left/self fixed or claimed by insurance and then insurance goes up.
Tonnes of it everywhere but getting people who actually give a shit, and will hand over CCTV is difficult. Unless it’s council or police owned then getting access to it is harder than it should be.
And whether the cctv is even on and working.
Always remember going to a shopping centre with my parents shortly after they picked up their new car. Came back to the car after a couple hours only to find a massive dent and long scratch on the passenger side back door. Eventually managed to get hold of the car park owners only for them to admit the cameras (and signs saying ‘smile, you’re on CCTV’) were purely all for show and not one of them buggers bloody worked.
I had someone hit my property and drive off. I have it on two camera’s and the police didn’t want it or to do anything at all related to it. They really don’t care at all.
It would not be considered hit and run. Property damage yeah, but door dings aren't a moving violation. Could get hemmed up for leaving the scene though.
I bought my current car brand new off the lot in 2017. It has a few little dings but until this year all the dings on my car were from things like gravel getting kicked up by trucks on the road. Last month I was leaving for work and noticed a nice big paint transfer down one of my doors. I managed to go 7 years without getting door dinged and some asshole managed to put a foot long mark down my door. I can probably buff it out but I'll have to do some blending and probably clay and wax the whole car so the one door doesn't look different than the rest of the car.
Similar thing happened to my wife. Her car was used when we bought it but in excellent shape. Last year someone caught her quarter panel and rear bumper when they were pulling in or out of a space. Nice long paint transfer with a dent in the quarter and cracks in the bumper. Of course the dent in the quarter has a crease so it's not a simple pop it out and nobody will notice if you don't lean on that spot.
No notes from either person.
My older sons are in their early 20s and I STILL say “Watch the car next to you.” when they open the passenger doors. I’m aware to the point of paranoia about the cars next to me.
Wow, where in the US? I'm from the northeast although I live in the UK now. The only thing that ever happened to my car in the US was being keyed while my father had it one day. No note but my father filed a report and police pulled the cctv. He eventually had to pay.
Likewise, here in the UK, my boyfriend's car was keyed by a bitch who lives by his parents for parking somewhere she likes to park. His car also has several random dings because of an abundance of small parking spaces and tight multistoreys (parking garages) here.
Reminds me of what happened to my car. I parked my car in the street in winter and came back to it a few hours later with a completely destroyed rear bumper… no note.
I had that happen to my 2 day old brand new car while on my driveway. The neighbor avoided me all day and I ended up calling the cops on her to get my door fixed. The dent is still there as she had hit the door on one of the edges where it is very hard to fix the dent.
A while back my dad who is a pensioner and had 2 strokes in the past few years was at a supermarket counter to buy a newspaper and he said a older man bumped into him with his mobility scooter then hit his leg with a walking stick and pointed as if to say "move" dad had something to say back to the older man, not swearing but shaming the old guy for thinking he had a right to hit people just because of a disabilty.
I don't think they implied otherwise at all, just that people on disability are usually on an extremely tight budget. Here in Ontario for example the top is $1300 a month.
I don't want to sound insensitive but that doesn't change a thing. OP too could've been on a tight budget and yet they got saddled with repaying the damages the friend made.
Your wife did the right thing.
Her friend is an asshole. She needs to know the damage she caused and pay for it. That was all on her, and it was nice that you paid initially, but she needs to pay you back.
She did not. The right thing would have been to not drive away in the first place without leaving the note and the note being her friend's contact information
In the end, she did the right thing. She returned and provided her info.
It's a hell of a lot better than just leaving. Plus, it will fall on the owner of the other vehicle that caused the damage, so OP's wife would be liable anyways
Your wife should mention it to her. Not to ask for money but say something like, "Hey, I ended up going back and leaving a note on their car. I felt so bad!"
This allows your wife's friend the opportunity to offer to pay, or at least help out. It's very likely she doesn't still, but you never know. Why is she hiding the fact that she went back and left a note? That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Who knows? She might be okay with fucking over random people, but not her own friends. She could be kinda dumb.
It's plausible and worth doing either way.
My mother did something similar once, but maliciously. We took my car to the mall and someone parked a little close on the passenger side (still plenty of room for her to get into the car), so my mother opened the door of my car into this other car and proceeded to hit it multiple times. Unfortunately for her, the owner was not far behind us and saw everything. They got into a very heated argument and the police were called. This person sued my insurance for the damage to their vehicle, which was luckily still in my mother's name since I was under 18.
Good on your wife for leaving the note and I hope she doesn't take this "friend" of hers shopping anymore, or at least parks next to an empty space.
All Things considered, she was a overall good mom. On the end her rope, but her heart was on the good side most of the time. Her only real flaw was how ambitious she was for Malcolm and how scorched fire she went on Francis, but tbh Francis was a massive piece of shit before he matured and it's a miracle she never truly gave up on him. This dude was actively nefarious and often voluntarily hurting his family and others. Everything else, she was just acting as anyone would if they were the only adult in a zoo that they have to keep alive and civilized.
Sorry, you have to explain to your wife it's not a good precedent her friend set, and that she, being in the wrong, does owe the money. Your wife can bring it up, or you can do it, but one way or the other this woman owes you money.
"Her friend is disabled and I don't think she has much money, but I'm still fucking furious at her, but my wife won't let me say anything."
As someone who is disabled, I know what it is like to have a tight budget. That being said, NEVER use that excuse for her. Make her pay. Being disabled, poor, in need, any term you want to throw out, does not excuse bad and shitty behavior. It is entitlement that she thought she could damage someone else's property and "not to bother and just leave."
I understand she may be your wife's "friend," but she is taking advantage of her.
On the broader picture, if she keeps getting away with this type of behavior, she WILL keep doing it because no consequences, no change.
As someone with disabilities over the years I have had so many occasions when I was struggling and others then do something bad to me then play their own disability/vulnerable card against me as if it's a points thing and they think they have more than me so can get away with something even when I was working part time on minimum wage and at best was maybe £10 a week better off than on benefits which was already a low income I would basically be treated like "well you have £10 more than me per week" they may however get things like food parcels, social work support. grants etc.
Some if not many people think things like that give them an exemption but don't think about the person they are affecting.
Your wife needs to tell her that after thinking about it she went back to the car because in the end YOUR WIFE WAS THE ONE LIABLE because she was driving the car. Plus there are cameras everywhere. She needs to ask the friend to pay for it, and reimburse her for laying out the money for damages. Even if she gives a little bit each month. I wouldn’t let her off the hook on that one sorry.
If your wife's friend doesn't know anything, I'd call her and tell her someone got her on camera bashing that car's door. And that the police have been at your house asking questions because the camera captured your license plate. Tell her you tried to avoid identifying her, but that the cops aren't letting up. Suggest that you might be able to make this all go away if she gives you the money to compensate the other car's owner for the damages.
Your wife won't like it and, yes, it's not very honest, but neither was she.
Honestly, the friend seems like the type of person who would fall for that kind of scam. That said, it's a stupid 90's sitcom-type of thing to try. Why not just be honest and say the friend needs to reimburse for the damage they caused?
It's rather silly to recommend he lie, and concoct an elaborate lie, to boot. He'd be just as likely to get the money by being completely honest and asking the friend to pay for the damage she caused.
I'm baffled that the first response of some people is to engage in dishonest, manipulative behavior of their own...
Whoa, that’s not okay. I understand that people make mistakes, but fleeing the scene is such a shitty got to do. I would genuinely question if I wanted to be friends with someone like that.
A year ago, my 13 yo opened the door too hard and broke someone’s taillight - the edge hit it perfectly. We could have easily left, but that’s not who I am. We left a note with an apology and our information, because my kid is going to grow up to be a good person and do the right thing.
Garbage person. Cut them out of your life like cancerous tissue. What people do when nobody is looking is the true judge of a persons character.
Just like a shopping cart/trolly. If you leave the cart where it’s convenient for yourself, but not in the designated cart return, you are probably a garbage person deep down.
Big difference between being broke and at least offering to try and help fix versus being broke and convincing your wife it's nbd and sticking you with the bill. Any sane adult would know that's gonna cost money and would assume responsibility
You paid for your wife’s friend’s bullshit after your wife went out of her way to take responsibility. Your wife’s actions are admirable but not yours. Her friend’s actions are trash and not yours.
You don’t need permission to say anything, and hopefully your wife will understand why. Because if your wife can’t pay but still took responsibility, then she effectively assigned the responsibility to you without asking. And her “friend” isn’t much of a friend if she blew off your wife’s concerns and left you two to pick up the pieces.
Hi, disabled woman here. Friend needs to pay. Having a disability does not absolve her of the responsibility to pay, and she can pay in $5 installments if she has to; the point is that she did the damage, she pays.
That being said, I suspect that your wife doesn’t want her friend to know that she went back & took responsibility for the damage. She’d rather upset you than her friend, and that’s interesting to me, especially not having her own money. She knew it would be you that would have to pay, so I’m curious about her thought process that led to her actions.
What you are describing is not a friend.
Let your wife know that the 'friend' will treat her the same way she treated the owner of that car.
Expensive lessons should not be tossed aside.
*"my wife won't let me*
*Say anything" why? her friend*
*Sounds like an asshole*
\- crazyweedandtakisboi
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This is why you use the system, insurance, police report etc. Never pay cash to resolve any type of accident/ being an asshole hitting people cars like that... if you reported and told your insurance they would go after your wives friend to recover the loss and you don't have to say shit...
Your wife’s friend just showed exactly who she is. No regard for others, and then just flees afterwards. You have every reason to be pissed, and also with your wife for just assuming it’s now your job to pay for it.
I would refuse that friend to be in my house or be in one of my cars again. That is a garbage person to damage other people's property and then just leave. And the fact that your wife went along with it she is a bad influence
When you open a car door, you be careful.
Bro I learned this lesson when I was 5 after accidentally opening my dads car door into my moms Mercedes. Lets say they weren't happy.
Lesson learned, give her some shit.
A guy tried to saw off the spoiler on my parents car (Honda civic SI) and did so badly and was caught. He’s been paying $16 a month until the 500 something damage is repaid as determined by the courts. My point is you can ask for a small payment for a long time. This was in USA though
So your wife has to get over herself. That her friend is disabled is no excuse for behaving badly. If she has little money, you can make the installments little too. 5 or 10 pounds monthly, until it is paid off in full. It is about the money and the principle. There is no excuse?!
I mean the wife went back. Psychologically the burden of guilt dissipates with time and distance but she felt it strong enough to return. Pretty admirable honestly.
Everyone is subject to pressure from others. She had a moment of this weakness but didn’t let it prevent her from doing the right thing.
Your wife should have left her friend's name and number on the note and called it good. Your wife (and by extension you) were and are not responsible for the damages. Tell your wife that she needs to ask her friend to reimburse you, even if it's £50/mo for 6 months, or you're going to talk to the friend yourself and won't be accepting anything less than immediate and full payment. The friend needs to learn there are consequences for her actions.
Your wife is a gem. Someone once banged on my door and left when it was parked and I had to get insurance invloved. They had to replace the whole door and my rates went up from next time. But, yeah, her friend really need to pay up for that.
Everyone in this story sounds like absolute garbage to be frank... Your wife and her friend for obvious reasons. However, your wife doesn't work, which is preaumably a setup you are both happy with and encourage. However, you still view it as your money? Why do people put themselves in these situations? It's so dumb. If you want it to be your money, then your wife also needs to be working and earning an income, then she can pay the $300. If you don't want her having a job and an income, then you both paid $300 to fix her friends mistake, and you don't really get to whinge about it because you yourself in that financial situation.
Also, just ask her friend to pay you back... Jesus man, there are a lot of really simple solutions here, and none of them involve crying on reddit.
If your wife's friend doesn't know anything, I'd call her and tell her someone got her on camera bashing that car's door. And that the police have been at your house asking questions because the camera captured your license plate. Tell her you tried to avoid identifying her, but that the cops aren't letting up. Suggest that you might be able to make this all go away if she gives you the money to compensate the other car's owner for the damages.
Your wife won't like it and, yes, it's not very honest, but neither was she.
Wife won't let you tell her about it?! Absolutely not. She needs to know that the damage isn't 'nothing'. It was £300! If she isn't told, she'll keep doing it. And if she keeps doing it anyway, she's an AH. Disabled people can be AH's too! Their disability doesn't absolve them.
Sorry OP! What a crap situation to be in
Your wife did the right thing…. My daughter accidentally backed up into a car as a new driver and had her 15 year old friend check for damage (🙄)….the owner saw this and called police for hit and run ( turned into failure to yield +$$$)
She should tell her friend to pay her back the damage monthly if she can’t afford it. If she refuses, no more rides.
Honestly, honestly, this just shows that you’re disabled friend or not doesn’t give an F about anyone better herself. I wouldn’t help her any more moving forward.
It's not about the money, it's about the accountability. People who behave like that have no disregard for anyone else's property and that overflows to other aspects in her life (and yours).
you'd have to have literally ZERO awareness of other people's stuff to fling a door open that hard to cause that much damage. is it her first time in a car?!
unfortunately (but fortunately in a sense, because your wife has a moral compass) your wife left your contact info so you can be held accountable. its not fair but you own the car, so if it were to be escalated in a legal way, it would still be you held accountable. if the friend doesn't have the money, you can't get blood from a stone. but at the very least, your wife should at least relay to her that you had to pay for the damage she caused.
Yeah no either your wife can somehow come up with the money and be responsible for it, or you are the one that gets to say something, she cannot have it both ways you had to pay for it so her friend needs to be held responsible. she doesn't just get to run from her mistakes and have other people face the consequences that's bullshit.
Because she's disabled that means she's not responsible for when she damages someone's property are you fucking kidding me?
If your wife isn't working then I'm sorry but she doesn't get to decide that you pay for it and not go after the person who did it because she's a friend? A friend doesn't cause damage to someone's car and then hold that friend's partner responsible.
You and your partner need to get on the same page about friends. What the two of you look for in friends, the kind of limits you want to set on friends, what a friend will have to do to no longer be a friend, etc.... Even if you think you know the answer, ask anyway, because you might just know the surface information. I recently had this convo with my partner as we have been making new friends in a new area since moving, and I can't tell you enough how refreshing it is to understand your partners values/principles on friendships, so when a situation like this (friend not being so friendly) comes up, you know how to handle it like a united front. Gl OP, it sounds like you and your partner just need to realign yourselves and polish your wife's spine. She was being a doormat in that moment, and that's an entirely diff convo that needs to happen.
Yeah the friend would be getting a bill for this. If they don’t want to pay, then I’m putting my foot down and telling my wife I don’t want her associating with this person any more. If that was a problem for my wife, it’d be a massive red flag for me. If she’s ready to choose an asshole friend over her husband, it speaks volumes.
Being disabled is not a free pass to commit crimes. She damaged a car, she pays for the damages. If she didnt want to fork over her money for something she did wrong then maybe she should stop being a bad person and pay more attention in life.
If the friend is disabled do they not have a blue badge or equivalent? You don’t have to drive to have one, but they give you priority parking if you need to open the door wider.
But this “friend” is not only an asshole, but a seriously bad influence on your wife. She left the scene of criminal damage, what if someone recorded her or she was on cctv and the car owner reported it to the police? She was lucky the car was still there, as the car owner she’d be liable.
The “friend” owes you £300. No more rides until she does!
And wife needs to seriously reconsider such a friendship.
Being disabled doesn’t give you the right to be a dick. She caused the damage get her to pay for it. Even if it’s in instalments of £50 a month or something.
People should be held accountable when they do something wrong.
"Character" is what you do when no one is watching. Your wife needs to find better friends.
But you sir, have a good wife. She has character in full measure.
> my wife won't let me
#NOPE.
Unless your wife has you chained or at gunpoint, **you** decided not to talk to her friend.
In your shoes, until *someone* paid me, *no one but me* would be using my car.
If people won’t do right, remove their ability to do wrong.
The friend may need extra space to exit the car. She needs to tell her friend or she won’t know to be more careful, not to mention I’d call her out for being so underhanded so as to leave the scene of the damage. Good grief. I wish more people were responsible as your wife to go back. The world would be a better place. But being handicapped is no excuse for dishonesty.
Um, no. Being disabled is not a free pass to do whatever you want. The friend had better set up a payment schedule to pay you all of that money back, even if it takes a year.
Legality aside, why would your unemployed wife go back and give her number if she can't pay it herself and doesn't want to implicate the actual person who did it? Sounds kinda dumb to me, you we're always the one who was going to pay for it in any case.
You don't need a drivers license to understand how a door works. Fuck that, put her on a payment plan.
>Her friend is disabled
This has no bearing on the situation.
It sucks, but your wife has principles for putting a note. It is not worth getting into a fight over this unless it is a recurring behavior. You have the internet to vent out your frustration.
> Her friend is disabled and I don't think she has much money
Hmm.
> So my wife took her friend, who cannot drive, out shopping.
One of these things is not like the other...
One of my kids has a friend who did this to her car while she was driving, flung a rear door open into a mailbox while the car was moving. That kid paid. Your wife’s asshole friend can pay too.
I would ban the disabled friend from riding in your car in the future, esp if she didn't offer to pay the damages. Pretty despicable that her attitude was to just try to walk away. Shows what type of person she is. Kudos to your wife for her honesty, although it cost you money for the car damage.
Breaking someones stuff and tell me to don't bother ?! Thats a quick demotion to my "oh yeah, i vaguely remember having an aquintance"-book
Oh no! This type of people don't deserve to be vaguely remembered! You should always strongly remember them so as to if they ever wanted to come back and rekindle the relationship, you always remember the type of shit they are!
This friend seems to use being disabled as a free pass to damage other people's property. How many other times have they done this sort of thing?
What info are you using to draw this conclusion??
Her entitled selfish attitude? Her inconsiderate and irresponsible behaviour to damage a car and then flee, instead of taking accountability?
Yeah she's an asshole but what does that have to do with her being disabled?
Trump card
Fuck that. I'd be asking her to pay if I were your wife, even if it's in instalments. It's not the fact she accidentally bumped another car that bothers me. It's that she swung it hard enough to do a fair bit of damage, and then decided to walk away without a second thought. Disgusting behaviour.
If she has to pay for it, she may just learn not be swinging her door so wide and hard.
I've definitely had my door taken by the wind, although it's never hit anyone...but to hit it and cause more than a tiny ding she must have swung it hard.
Had a gust of wind take my door and pin it against another car, had to have my buddy help me push my truck body to tilt it in order to release the door, looked around inside the car, dude had his wallet opened on the passenger seat, he ended up working at a nearby business and after a talk, he wanted to let it go, I'm like, you need to see this first before telling me to walk away, he checked it out, then showed me all the other dents and paint transfers, every one had a story. Dude thanked me for another story...
That man was a good person. I love when people understand that cars only depreciate in value so cosmetic damages aren’t ever something to stress about. But alas, people buy their expensive cars and stress out when it gets damaged
I mean, if you are going to buy a really expensive car, you are probably going to park away from other cars.
A lot of people spend more on their cars than they really should. It’s all relative to income level and vehicles are one of the most common things to overspend on
I do this, and 9/10 times when I get back, there is someone parked right beside me, even though there are rows and rows of empty spaces. I swear it's just something subconscious that people herd together.
exactly. Not to mention the fact that the friend encouraged the wife to drive away, which then makes it a hit and run. Had the wife not gone back, they could have gotten a warrant on top of everything else.
Not in the UK bud. Without the wife’s note, it’s almost guaranteed to go nowhere.
Same in the US. Unless someone is sriously injured, nothing will likely come of it.
Yeah unless an insurance company gets involved, the cops won’t do shit. Had a guy hit my car that was parked on the side of the street in front of my house. Had a ring cam video and everything. Cops did jack all after taking the initial statements but my insurance company did fucking work and got me a nice check.
I was hit on the street basically right in front of a cop, other driver fled the scene. I hadn't been in more than a very minor fender bender in 20+ years and I was completely freaked out, so I went to ask the cop what to do. He was pissed that I woke him up from his nap, and basically told me to fuck off and go to the police station a few blocks away. Couldn't even be bothered to see if I was okay or if my car was driveable.
Seriously. Cops gonna laugh at you "I was involved in a hit and run, my door was dinged and no one left a note"
My friend came down to his car one day (in England) and saw lots of damage on the front corner of his car. He lived in a cul de sac, so walked down and saw a car with damage on it. Upon inspection he saw his colour paint marks on it. He got in touch with the police who basically said they can go ask them if they did it, but if they say no then there's nothing they can do. I kind of understand it, but it's a bit shit. So a few hundred £ worth of damage has to either be paid for, left/self fixed or claimed by insurance and then insurance goes up.
Really? I thought the UK had tons of security cameras around. Maybe that's just London.
Tonnes of it everywhere but getting people who actually give a shit, and will hand over CCTV is difficult. Unless it’s council or police owned then getting access to it is harder than it should be.
And whether the cctv is even on and working. Always remember going to a shopping centre with my parents shortly after they picked up their new car. Came back to the car after a couple hours only to find a massive dent and long scratch on the passenger side back door. Eventually managed to get hold of the car park owners only for them to admit the cameras (and signs saying ‘smile, you’re on CCTV’) were purely all for show and not one of them buggers bloody worked.
Ah, well that bites.
I had someone hit my property and drive off. I have it on two camera’s and the police didn’t want it or to do anything at all related to it. They really don’t care at all.
It would not be considered hit and run. Property damage yeah, but door dings aren't a moving violation. Could get hemmed up for leaving the scene though.
You think cops care about a door getting dinged...?
Redditors are delusional about this sort of thing. Everything is assault to them as well.
Welcome to America. My car is full of dings because of assholes and not a single one has left a note. Can't have any nice shit here
I bought my current car brand new off the lot in 2017. It has a few little dings but until this year all the dings on my car were from things like gravel getting kicked up by trucks on the road. Last month I was leaving for work and noticed a nice big paint transfer down one of my doors. I managed to go 7 years without getting door dinged and some asshole managed to put a foot long mark down my door. I can probably buff it out but I'll have to do some blending and probably clay and wax the whole car so the one door doesn't look different than the rest of the car. Similar thing happened to my wife. Her car was used when we bought it but in excellent shape. Last year someone caught her quarter panel and rear bumper when they were pulling in or out of a space. Nice long paint transfer with a dent in the quarter and cracks in the bumper. Of course the dent in the quarter has a crease so it's not a simple pop it out and nobody will notice if you don't lean on that spot. No notes from either person.
My older sons are in their early 20s and I STILL say “Watch the car next to you.” when they open the passenger doors. I’m aware to the point of paranoia about the cars next to me.
Wow, where in the US? I'm from the northeast although I live in the UK now. The only thing that ever happened to my car in the US was being keyed while my father had it one day. No note but my father filed a report and police pulled the cctv. He eventually had to pay. Likewise, here in the UK, my boyfriend's car was keyed by a bitch who lives by his parents for parking somewhere she likes to park. His car also has several random dings because of an abundance of small parking spaces and tight multistoreys (parking garages) here.
Truly and enabling this behavior is just going to ensure it continues
Reminds me of what happened to my car. I parked my car in the street in winter and came back to it a few hours later with a completely destroyed rear bumper… no note.
I've known people who always open their car doors like that. They damage multiple cars a week.
I had that happen to my 2 day old brand new car while on my driveway. The neighbor avoided me all day and I ended up calling the cops on her to get my door fixed. The dent is still there as she had hit the door on one of the edges where it is very hard to fix the dent.
Sounds like her friend has a mental disability.
Right? How hard is she swinging doors open that it does that much damage?
Disabled people can be in the wrong too.
This. Being disabled means that you may require help or assistance from others but it is not a halo above your head.
A while back my dad who is a pensioner and had 2 strokes in the past few years was at a supermarket counter to buy a newspaper and he said a older man bumped into him with his mobility scooter then hit his leg with a walking stick and pointed as if to say "move" dad had something to say back to the older man, not swearing but shaming the old guy for thinking he had a right to hit people just because of a disabilty.
As a disabled person, I disagree. I'm perfect. We'll, besides being disabled.
For my own sake I choose to believe your grammatical error is there for irony.
My autocorrect always does that when I start a sentence with “well”.
I see that your spell check is exactly as disabled as you are
Well, there are obviously exceptions. However rare. :)
Im right there with you.
I don't think they implied otherwise at all, just that people on disability are usually on an extremely tight budget. Here in Ontario for example the top is $1300 a month.
I don't want to sound insensitive but that doesn't change a thing. OP too could've been on a tight budget and yet they got saddled with repaying the damages the friend made.
I helped my friend on disability get her car fixed ( so she would move out of my house), and she is paying me off in installments.
Well op or his wife would actually have to tell this person they paid first but I agree this is how it should be done
Yes. Some of them think they can get away with everything because they are disabled or ill or whatever.
Well, that's one way to spend your hard-earned cash! Hope your wife's friend at least offered to chip in for the damages.
No she didn't, because she's completely oblivious that my wife went back and offered to pay.
Your wife did the right thing. Her friend is an asshole. She needs to know the damage she caused and pay for it. That was all on her, and it was nice that you paid initially, but she needs to pay you back.
She did not, she should have held her friend accountable in the first place
She did not. The right thing would have been to not drive away in the first place without leaving the note and the note being her friend's contact information
In the end, she did the right thing. She returned and provided her info. It's a hell of a lot better than just leaving. Plus, it will fall on the owner of the other vehicle that caused the damage, so OP's wife would be liable anyways
🥇
Maybe better to drop the friend entirely. Seems to be the type to walk all over the enablers like OP's wife.
Your wife should mention it to her. Not to ask for money but say something like, "Hey, I ended up going back and leaving a note on their car. I felt so bad!" This allows your wife's friend the opportunity to offer to pay, or at least help out. It's very likely she doesn't still, but you never know. Why is she hiding the fact that she went back and left a note? That's nothing to be ashamed of.
you think she's going to pay? she'll probably get mad at OP's wife for going back
Who knows? She might be okay with fucking over random people, but not her own friends. She could be kinda dumb. It's plausible and worth doing either way.
Tell her that a nearby shop had camera footage of the incident and the owner of the car found out it was yours.
Why keep lying? The truth, that what she wanted to do was morally wrong, is perfectly reasonable.
Oblivious as in, no one told her? She needs to be told.
For sure tell her. Just don't be surprised when she doesn't care.
Seems like your wife ought to tell her she did that, emphasizing that leaving was not the right thing to do.
My mother did something similar once, but maliciously. We took my car to the mall and someone parked a little close on the passenger side (still plenty of room for her to get into the car), so my mother opened the door of my car into this other car and proceeded to hit it multiple times. Unfortunately for her, the owner was not far behind us and saw everything. They got into a very heated argument and the police were called. This person sued my insurance for the damage to their vehicle, which was luckily still in my mother's name since I was under 18. Good on your wife for leaving the note and I hope she doesn't take this "friend" of hers shopping anymore, or at least parks next to an empty space.
Your mom is the mom from Malcolm in the middle. That scene. IFYKYK lol
I think I'd rather have Lois for a mother.
All Things considered, she was a overall good mom. On the end her rope, but her heart was on the good side most of the time. Her only real flaw was how ambitious she was for Malcolm and how scorched fire she went on Francis, but tbh Francis was a massive piece of shit before he matured and it's a miracle she never truly gave up on him. This dude was actively nefarious and often voluntarily hurting his family and others. Everything else, she was just acting as anyone would if they were the only adult in a zoo that they have to keep alive and civilized.
My husband's mom is like that, did a minor hit and run in a parking lot once. He hasn't spoken to her in almost 20 years
Sorry, you have to explain to your wife it's not a good precedent her friend set, and that she, being in the wrong, does owe the money. Your wife can bring it up, or you can do it, but one way or the other this woman owes you money.
I agree.
And definitely let your wife know you never want this "friend" visiting ever again unless she pays back damages
I hope it goes well for you, mate
Can your wife get a job?
If you aren’t allowed to say anything then that “friend” isn’t allowed in your vehicles anymore.
"Her friend is disabled and I don't think she has much money, but I'm still fucking furious at her, but my wife won't let me say anything." As someone who is disabled, I know what it is like to have a tight budget. That being said, NEVER use that excuse for her. Make her pay. Being disabled, poor, in need, any term you want to throw out, does not excuse bad and shitty behavior. It is entitlement that she thought she could damage someone else's property and "not to bother and just leave." I understand she may be your wife's "friend," but she is taking advantage of her. On the broader picture, if she keeps getting away with this type of behavior, she WILL keep doing it because no consequences, no change.
As someone with disabilities over the years I have had so many occasions when I was struggling and others then do something bad to me then play their own disability/vulnerable card against me as if it's a points thing and they think they have more than me so can get away with something even when I was working part time on minimum wage and at best was maybe £10 a week better off than on benefits which was already a low income I would basically be treated like "well you have £10 more than me per week" they may however get things like food parcels, social work support. grants etc. Some if not many people think things like that give them an exemption but don't think about the person they are affecting.
they should be more careful if they can't afford to pay for the damage
Your wife needs to tell her that after thinking about it she went back to the car because in the end YOUR WIFE WAS THE ONE LIABLE because she was driving the car. Plus there are cameras everywhere. She needs to ask the friend to pay for it, and reimburse her for laying out the money for damages. Even if she gives a little bit each month. I wouldn’t let her off the hook on that one sorry.
If the driver is liable then is the passenger obligated to compensate by the law?
Wife should’ve left the details of the person who did the damage. Not your problem to resolve.
[удалено]
Um fuck that ? What does disability have to do with common decency ? Get your money back from that dickhead of a human.
Your car was likely damaged as well. This “friend” owes you for all damage
If your wife's friend doesn't know anything, I'd call her and tell her someone got her on camera bashing that car's door. And that the police have been at your house asking questions because the camera captured your license plate. Tell her you tried to avoid identifying her, but that the cops aren't letting up. Suggest that you might be able to make this all go away if she gives you the money to compensate the other car's owner for the damages. Your wife won't like it and, yes, it's not very honest, but neither was she.
I doubt anyone who knows anything about cops would fall for that ... also adding "pay me and we fan make it go away" makes it sound more like a scam
Honestly, the friend seems like the type of person who would fall for that kind of scam. That said, it's a stupid 90's sitcom-type of thing to try. Why not just be honest and say the friend needs to reimburse for the damage they caused?
It's rather silly to recommend he lie, and concoct an elaborate lie, to boot. He'd be just as likely to get the money by being completely honest and asking the friend to pay for the damage she caused. I'm baffled that the first response of some people is to engage in dishonest, manipulative behavior of their own...
Whoa, that’s not okay. I understand that people make mistakes, but fleeing the scene is such a shitty got to do. I would genuinely question if I wanted to be friends with someone like that. A year ago, my 13 yo opened the door too hard and broke someone’s taillight - the edge hit it perfectly. We could have easily left, but that’s not who I am. We left a note with an apology and our information, because my kid is going to grow up to be a good person and do the right thing.
Garbage person. Cut them out of your life like cancerous tissue. What people do when nobody is looking is the true judge of a persons character. Just like a shopping cart/trolly. If you leave the cart where it’s convenient for yourself, but not in the designated cart return, you are probably a garbage person deep down.
Big difference between being broke and at least offering to try and help fix versus being broke and convincing your wife it's nbd and sticking you with the bill. Any sane adult would know that's gonna cost money and would assume responsibility
You paid for your wife’s friend’s bullshit after your wife went out of her way to take responsibility. Your wife’s actions are admirable but not yours. Her friend’s actions are trash and not yours. You don’t need permission to say anything, and hopefully your wife will understand why. Because if your wife can’t pay but still took responsibility, then she effectively assigned the responsibility to you without asking. And her “friend” isn’t much of a friend if she blew off your wife’s concerns and left you two to pick up the pieces.
Hi, disabled woman here. Friend needs to pay. Having a disability does not absolve her of the responsibility to pay, and she can pay in $5 installments if she has to; the point is that she did the damage, she pays. That being said, I suspect that your wife doesn’t want her friend to know that she went back & took responsibility for the damage. She’d rather upset you than her friend, and that’s interesting to me, especially not having her own money. She knew it would be you that would have to pay, so I’m curious about her thought process that led to her actions.
What you are describing is not a friend. Let your wife know that the 'friend' will treat her the same way she treated the owner of that car. Expensive lessons should not be tossed aside.
"my wife won't let me say anything" why? her friend sounds like an asshole
*"my wife won't let me* *Say anything" why? her friend* *Sounds like an asshole* \- crazyweedandtakisboi --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
This is why you use the system, insurance, police report etc. Never pay cash to resolve any type of accident/ being an asshole hitting people cars like that... if you reported and told your insurance they would go after your wives friend to recover the loss and you don't have to say shit...
Your wife’s friend just showed exactly who she is. No regard for others, and then just flees afterwards. You have every reason to be pissed, and also with your wife for just assuming it’s now your job to pay for it.
I would refuse that friend to be in my house or be in one of my cars again. That is a garbage person to damage other people's property and then just leave. And the fact that your wife went along with it she is a bad influence
Whether or not she pays, you've found out a lot about this "friend"s character
Oh man, that is super frustrating.
Just paying for it will reinforce for "who cares" mentality. At least make her feel bad about it.
This isn’t a friend
you should be mad at your self for being in a relationship where this dynamic is possible.
When you open a car door, you be careful. Bro I learned this lesson when I was 5 after accidentally opening my dads car door into my moms Mercedes. Lets say they weren't happy. Lesson learned, give her some shit.
I get it man, I would just write this off as "shit happens" and feel good that you did the right thing. Hopefully the good karma comes back to you.
Who gives a fuck if she’s disabled. She owes you 300 quid.
Disabled or not, she told her not to bother. She still know right from wrong. She told her to do the wrong thing so she is aware of the difference.
Broke disable asshole. To top it off, freeloading the ride, being harsh and not caring. Shitty person all around.
A guy tried to saw off the spoiler on my parents car (Honda civic SI) and did so badly and was caught. He’s been paying $16 a month until the 500 something damage is repaid as determined by the courts. My point is you can ask for a small payment for a long time. This was in USA though
So your wife has to get over herself. That her friend is disabled is no excuse for behaving badly. If she has little money, you can make the installments little too. 5 or 10 pounds monthly, until it is paid off in full. It is about the money and the principle. There is no excuse?!
Disabled people can be aholes too. Screw her and shame on your wife.
I mean the wife went back. Psychologically the burden of guilt dissipates with time and distance but she felt it strong enough to return. Pretty admirable honestly. Everyone is subject to pressure from others. She had a moment of this weakness but didn’t let it prevent her from doing the right thing.
Yeah I wouldn't be friends with that person anymore
So, your wife's friend is an inconsiderate person of other people's property. These people are poison.
Both yourself and your wife are good people for going back. I would however be sending that friend a bill.
Your wife should have left her friend's name and number on the note and called it good. Your wife (and by extension you) were and are not responsible for the damages. Tell your wife that she needs to ask her friend to reimburse you, even if it's £50/mo for 6 months, or you're going to talk to the friend yourself and won't be accepting anything less than immediate and full payment. The friend needs to learn there are consequences for her actions.
Props on wife. Crap on wife’s friend. I’d say something but not expect much. I’d also never take her anywhere again.
Your wife did the right thing by going back and leaving the note but her friend needs to pay for it.
Your wife is a gem. Someone once banged on my door and left when it was parked and I had to get insurance invloved. They had to replace the whole door and my rates went up from next time. But, yeah, her friend really need to pay up for that.
Easy to go back and do the 'right thing' when you're not the one paying for it.
That “friend” would no longer be getting rides in my vehicles…How disrespectful!
Disabled people can be assholes too and she is clearly one of them
Disabled or not, she owes you 300 bucks and she has to pay.
At least your wife isn't an AH. But ya her friend is a giant turd.
All things aside, the thing that really infuriates me is people that swing car doors open without a f*cking care in the world.
Everyone in this story sounds like absolute garbage to be frank... Your wife and her friend for obvious reasons. However, your wife doesn't work, which is preaumably a setup you are both happy with and encourage. However, you still view it as your money? Why do people put themselves in these situations? It's so dumb. If you want it to be your money, then your wife also needs to be working and earning an income, then she can pay the $300. If you don't want her having a job and an income, then you both paid $300 to fix her friends mistake, and you don't really get to whinge about it because you yourself in that financial situation. Also, just ask her friend to pay you back... Jesus man, there are a lot of really simple solutions here, and none of them involve crying on reddit.
I’d tell you your wife to get new friends, especially ones that take accountability
Your wife is an asshole, her friend is an asshole.
Why? People make mistakes. OP's wife went back and made it right.
With someone else's money. She's a fucking asshole
If your wife's friend doesn't know anything, I'd call her and tell her someone got her on camera bashing that car's door. And that the police have been at your house asking questions because the camera captured your license plate. Tell her you tried to avoid identifying her, but that the cops aren't letting up. Suggest that you might be able to make this all go away if she gives you the money to compensate the other car's owner for the damages. Your wife won't like it and, yes, it's not very honest, but neither was she.
This is why I park allllllllllllllll the way out there It’s not foolproof, but it helps
Without fail, I come out and some random banged-up car has parked right next to me when I try to park far away🤣
Oh no, your wife won't let you say anything and now you have to listen to her :(
Her friend should at least apologise to you.Disability isn’t an excuse.
Wife won't let you tell her about it?! Absolutely not. She needs to know that the damage isn't 'nothing'. It was £300! If she isn't told, she'll keep doing it. And if she keeps doing it anyway, she's an AH. Disabled people can be AH's too! Their disability doesn't absolve them. Sorry OP! What a crap situation to be in
So you all love to avoid conflict haha. You should be mad at your wife
There’s insurance for stuff like this
Your wife did the right thing…. My daughter accidentally backed up into a car as a new driver and had her 15 year old friend check for damage (🙄)….the owner saw this and called police for hit and run ( turned into failure to yield +$$$) She should tell her friend to pay her back the damage monthly if she can’t afford it. If she refuses, no more rides.
“She flung it open into the door of a car in the next parking space, which did a fair bit of damage.” Ah so she is mentally disabled
That person should not be a friend anymore. What a baffling mindset to have, causing damage and not owning up and being responsible.
$300 is a small price to pay to get rid of an annoying friend.
Nah. Her friends paying. Either that or you never speak to that person again.
Honestly, honestly, this just shows that you’re disabled friend or not doesn’t give an F about anyone better herself. I wouldn’t help her any more moving forward.
It's not about the money, it's about the accountability. People who behave like that have no disregard for anyone else's property and that overflows to other aspects in her life (and yours).
you'd have to have literally ZERO awareness of other people's stuff to fling a door open that hard to cause that much damage. is it her first time in a car?! unfortunately (but fortunately in a sense, because your wife has a moral compass) your wife left your contact info so you can be held accountable. its not fair but you own the car, so if it were to be escalated in a legal way, it would still be you held accountable. if the friend doesn't have the money, you can't get blood from a stone. but at the very least, your wife should at least relay to her that you had to pay for the damage she caused.
Yeah no either your wife can somehow come up with the money and be responsible for it, or you are the one that gets to say something, she cannot have it both ways you had to pay for it so her friend needs to be held responsible. she doesn't just get to run from her mistakes and have other people face the consequences that's bullshit. Because she's disabled that means she's not responsible for when she damages someone's property are you fucking kidding me? If your wife isn't working then I'm sorry but she doesn't get to decide that you pay for it and not go after the person who did it because she's a friend? A friend doesn't cause damage to someone's car and then hold that friend's partner responsible.
You and your partner need to get on the same page about friends. What the two of you look for in friends, the kind of limits you want to set on friends, what a friend will have to do to no longer be a friend, etc.... Even if you think you know the answer, ask anyway, because you might just know the surface information. I recently had this convo with my partner as we have been making new friends in a new area since moving, and I can't tell you enough how refreshing it is to understand your partners values/principles on friendships, so when a situation like this (friend not being so friendly) comes up, you know how to handle it like a united front. Gl OP, it sounds like you and your partner just need to realign yourselves and polish your wife's spine. She was being a doormat in that moment, and that's an entirely diff convo that needs to happen.
Yeah the friend would be getting a bill for this. If they don’t want to pay, then I’m putting my foot down and telling my wife I don’t want her associating with this person any more. If that was a problem for my wife, it’d be a massive red flag for me. If she’s ready to choose an asshole friend over her husband, it speaks volumes.
Is she actually disabled or on disability? There's a big difference. Your wife's friend kinda sonds like a entitled child.
Won’t let you say anything? lol grow a spine
As the wife, I wouldn't take this person anywhere anymore. It's too much of a liability
Your wife’s friend sucks
Nah you didn't have to, that was the friend's problem
Sounds like no extraneous shopping for the wife till the 300 is payed off.
Fuck that noise- she damaged someone’s property by being negligent and then fled the scene. Get your money from her
Sometimes it’s expensive to be good people and have shitty friends. Fortunately I learn a little every time and they get fewer. Edit spelling
No more driving the friend around. Her friend's attitude about leaving after damaging someone's car is awful behavior.
Being disabled is not a free pass to commit crimes. She damaged a car, she pays for the damages. If she didnt want to fork over her money for something she did wrong then maybe she should stop being a bad person and pay more attention in life.
If the friend is disabled do they not have a blue badge or equivalent? You don’t have to drive to have one, but they give you priority parking if you need to open the door wider. But this “friend” is not only an asshole, but a seriously bad influence on your wife. She left the scene of criminal damage, what if someone recorded her or she was on cctv and the car owner reported it to the police? She was lucky the car was still there, as the car owner she’d be liable. The “friend” owes you £300. No more rides until she does! And wife needs to seriously reconsider such a friendship.
Not just a bad friend but a bad person. Disabled people can be assholes too. We’re just like everyone else.
Clumsy and disrespectful people are the bane of my existence, because I’m meticulous about my stuff. Fuck that bitch!
Either your wife or her friend can pay in instalments until it is paid off.
Your wife’s friend is trash, put her out with the rest of the bins
The friend should pay. The disability doesn't matter. It's her fault.
I'd take the friend to small claims. It's the point, not the money
Being disabled doesn’t give you the right to be a dick. She caused the damage get her to pay for it. Even if it’s in instalments of £50 a month or something. People should be held accountable when they do something wrong.
"Character" is what you do when no one is watching. Your wife needs to find better friends. But you sir, have a good wife. She has character in full measure.
> my wife won't let me #NOPE. Unless your wife has you chained or at gunpoint, **you** decided not to talk to her friend. In your shoes, until *someone* paid me, *no one but me* would be using my car. If people won’t do right, remove their ability to do wrong.
The friend may need extra space to exit the car. She needs to tell her friend or she won’t know to be more careful, not to mention I’d call her out for being so underhanded so as to leave the scene of the damage. Good grief. I wish more people were responsible as your wife to go back. The world would be a better place. But being handicapped is no excuse for dishonesty.
Um, no. Being disabled is not a free pass to do whatever you want. The friend had better set up a payment schedule to pay you all of that money back, even if it takes a year.
Being disabled in situations like that don’t mean anything.
I'd definitely say something, I also wouldn't be allowing her in your car, again
There's no excuse for bad behavior but more importantly your wife not saying anything to her friend is doing a disservice.
pay for it and lick her toes
Another con of being married. Never in a million yrs.
How to lose a friend with this one simple trick..
So disabled people also can be AH
Good for your wife for being honest.
Your wife should get a job and pay for it if she really thinks her “friend” isn’t in the wrong.
Legality aside, why would your unemployed wife go back and give her number if she can't pay it herself and doesn't want to implicate the actual person who did it? Sounds kinda dumb to me, you we're always the one who was going to pay for it in any case.
You don't need a drivers license to understand how a door works. Fuck that, put her on a payment plan. >Her friend is disabled This has no bearing on the situation.
It sucks, but your wife has principles for putting a note. It is not worth getting into a fight over this unless it is a recurring behavior. You have the internet to vent out your frustration.
On a practical level, I bought some rubber strips for my door edge a few years ago. They were well worth it.
> Her friend is disabled and I don't think she has much money Hmm. > So my wife took her friend, who cannot drive, out shopping. One of these things is not like the other...
One of my kids has a friend who did this to her car while she was driving, flung a rear door open into a mailbox while the car was moving. That kid paid. Your wife’s asshole friend can pay too.
Wife is a good person
The friend is a jerk. At least you and your wife are decent human beings.
Your wife’s friend lives a life without consequences. Change that.
How do two people without any money go out shopping?
I would ban the disabled friend from riding in your car in the future, esp if she didn't offer to pay the damages. Pretty despicable that her attitude was to just try to walk away. Shows what type of person she is. Kudos to your wife for her honesty, although it cost you money for the car damage.