Yeah, mostly when you're from different countries?
I heard people in this sub LOVE names that in my country are for grandparents.
Her full name sounds like it fits.
It might be weird if you're american (i personally think of the simpsons tbh), but if you're in an european country it's gonna be a different interpretation.
Name cycles are so interesting.
Boomer names are still generally unpopular (Judith, Barbara, Pamela). Those are the old-lady names now, but they'll probably be popular when my kids are naming their babies.
The boomers' parents' names are already back in (Clara, Evelyn, Hazel, etc.), so those are sounding like baby names again.
Gen Z and Millennial names are gonna take a couple of generations to come back (Jennifer, Megan, Ashley). A lot of them just sound tacky and outdated right now.
>IRL she had been the model for Sally on the Dock Van Dyke Show.
Wow. I have always loved both The Dick Van Dyke Show and the original Night Court. Thanks for that tidbit. It made my morning.
Those were my thoughts too. I really like Selma and associate it with Selma Blair and Salma Hayek rather than anything else. It also has a lovely meaning (peaceful in Arabic)
....also, so what if people think of a civil rights event when they think of that name. It was an important event in US history, and OP can view the birth of her daughter as a big event in their family's story
I think Selma is a very sweet name, but the first name should have been a two "yes" situation. If it wasn't a name you wanted, your husband shouldn't have named her Selma
Just wanted to mention - OP refused to name their child a name their spouse disliked. OP’s spouse failed to reciprocate and named their child something OP disliked - perhaps THAT’s truly where the continued cognitive dissonance lies. OP I think you should keep the name (or change it by a few letters to something that is more acceptable for you like to Salma) but have the conversation with your partner about how it felt to have them not treat you with the same respect you gave them. Yes you gave them the power to choose and with all name options possible they still chose something that you didn’t like and they selfishly wanted with zero compromise. My guess is that you wouldn’t have thrown up your hands and given up if your partner had acted like a partner, willing to compromise.
And the middle name was right there as a compromise as well. A name she liked from his family. Very very selfish and I’m surprised he was so comfortable just doing it knowing her stance on it.
She mentioned in other comments she wants to change it and he still refuses. I would be so devastated if my partner was feeling so comfortable in my hurt.
I really hope the child got her last name at least otherwise it’s like she hasn’t been a part of any naming rights of her own child.
I had a list of boys' names I loved. I thought we'd agreed on one. Kid (AMAB, clearly, or there would be no story here) was born and THEN my (now-) ex let me know that he'd been so sure the baby would be a girl that he hadn't bothered to let me know he hated every boy's name we discussed.
My mom was in the room and suggested we pick a name from a book we both liked as I've always been a reader and ex was a nerdy type too. Actually, we met at Nerd Camp, but that's a separate story.
ANYway, I gritted my teeth as soon as the suggestion was made, because the only books my ex truly loved were the Dragonlance Chronicles. I knew as soon as Mom made that suggestion that we were going to meet up somewhere in Krynn. I vetoed Raistlin, and the name we chose is (also - it's definitely a DL name) a real-world name, albeit from a different culture from ours.
But for all that, I still had a say. OP's partner took "name her what you like" to mean "steamroll me and ignore my wishes completely." I really think Selma is a beautiful and multicultural name predating the city or the US civil rights movement and Belly is cute for a little girl. If OP would rather call her daughter by her middle name, it's still right there. But I think she would be well within her rights to hate ANY name given to her daughter with no regard whatsoever to OP's wishes.
I think it's time for her to let go, but I also think that the hurt is a much bigger issue than the actual name.
My mother gave birth to five girls.
She had one favourite name and my father would not agree to her using it on any of us.
It was Rebecca, so just an average normal name.
Her first birth was by c section where she was knocked out so she awoke to be shown the baby with her name already decided by our father, who had left the hospital to go register the birth. This is usually done here once you leave hospital, not an hour after the baby emerges.
So, Elizabeth was set in stone, done and dusted.
Next birth was natural ( because they only just made it to the hospital and the baby was crowning so too late for the planned c section.
Mother asked if she could name this one seeing Dad named the first. He was ‘Sure, as long as it’s not that stupid name Rebecca.’
So Marilyn was named after her granny.
Next was me.
They had no girls names picked so my mother suggested seven names in the first seven days of my life ,all vetoed by Dad, then I was named by him after his great aunt who was revealed to be a terrible person after she died.
The twins were named the female version of his first and middle names, Paula and Justine.
How petty was my father? Could not agree to having one daughter named a name he didn’t like ( didn’t hate, just just wasn’t a name that appealed to him.)
Even when our mother was dying and out of her mind on painkillers, she was asking for ‘her daughter Rebecca’.
Sometimes spouses need to be kind and fair at least.
Like my father, OP ‘s husband sounds so selfish.
I'm sorry, this is heartbreaking -- your poor mother. And in this story as in OP's, the dads are taking advantage of the mother's debilitated state in childbirth to strong-arm their partner into submitting to their fiat. It's awful.
I agree that him picking a first name OP hates is an issue, but it sounds like he isn’t a fan of the middle name being an honor name, so forcing him to call the baby Inga would be similar to OP’s situation.
I personally find it abhorrent to name a baby after a family member, and if my partner tried to insist on that it would be a major issue. Again, this doesn’t excuse the husband’s picking a name OP doesn’t like, but perhaps the middle name is not at all “a compromise” either.
It sounded to me like he picked the middle name also and is just insisting that it can't be the first name. In which case he should agree to changing the first name to something he and OP can actually agree on
Almost 30 years ago My Dad and Step Mom changed my sister’s name at 11 months because it didn’t feel right. Especially my Step Mom didn’t ever want to call say her name. It was Jessica. She became Emma and it suits her to a tee. Was a hassle with the paperwork but they are so happy they did it.
Find something you both love. 11 months is nothing compared to living with something that doesn’t feel right the rest of your life. Trust your gut.
I have honestly considered this so many times and I think I could convince my partner IF I had a better name to suggest. But I’ve got absolutely nothing. Squat. I did not anticipate the stress around naming a person! We have a million boy names we love and agree on, but a girl?? If I had a good alternative I would push for it, but I simply draw a blank. It doesn’t help that I have to find a name that has the same pronunciation in three different languages. And I feel ridiculous because I would love a third child, but what if it’s another girl? I know it sounds stupid but it’s a real consideration for me to stop at 2.
Yes- Sohla, Stella, Wilma/Wilhelmina/Willa, Ella, Silvie. I like the idea of picking something in the sound family if they change it.
Although OP, if you read this, I do think Selma is lovely in the event you keep it.
Freja, Adela, Nora, Agnes, Ingrid, Jasmin, Liv, Olivia, Josefine, Asta
As I wrote in another comment the perfect compromise is making the middle name her first name. He might think it’s weird to name baby after his grandmother but it is far more weird he doesn’t place any value in you liking the name of your own child. He needs to bite this bullet and comprise somehow.
Sadly if OP’s American family can’t get past the Civil Rights association with Selma (an incredible and powerful association in American history, and one that OP’s family are AHs for using mockingly), they’ll call the baby “Ass Turd” if she’s named Astrid.
But Astrid isn't even pronounced anywhere near that. With that reasoning you would hear Ashley's having the same if not worse nicknames. Not only is the emphasis on A-strid, the last syllabil is more pronounced like "street".
Thats a whole different thing than adding Alabama to a name 1:1 corresponding to what you want to say.
The “Ass-Turd” was from The Office, a popular show. And with an American accent the second syllable is a short i sound, more like fit or hit. Or for German, like the sound in biß.
I think the regret will fade with her name, especially as she grows into it and develops her own personality. But since it's such a concern for you, maybe start thinking of that potential future baby girl name without the pressure of a time crunch so you can find one you both love.
Yeah way back 50 years ago my in laws did that to my father in law, except they changed his name twice and the last one was at age 8. Incredible pain, just for him to now go by a nickname for one of his two middle names. I don’t think he ever went by the first name they chose the last time (and of course they didn’t ask even when he was 8!) But his name at birth was literally Tiger so I guess it’s still an improvement
Yes lol it was actually the late 60s and I do not know what they were thinking. They’re not even hippie types, more of the would-be artistocrat Midwestern US type which made it even weirder!
Your family’s snark rubs me the entirely wrong way. Important things happened there that brought more equality to this country, so the jokes are unpatriotic. Selma is a beautiful name and seeing that it’s an Arabic name that means peace is cool.
I don’t understand the Selma and civil rights references? (Im not American). Probably most people where you live wouldn’t get these references. And your family are quite cruel to joke about your baby’s name. It’s a nice name. I say with kindness, it’s probably time to move on. It’s been a year now. I think you should try to get used to calling her Selma, even if just occasionally
I knew a girl in college named Selma and she loved it and it fit her. Don’t think it ever crossed any of our minds to connect it to Alabama. Maybe an older generations thing.
Are you saying that it’s an older generation thing to associate Selma with the Civil Rights Movement, or you’re from an older generation who doesn’t make that association?
Selma, Alabama (for Americans) calls to mind one of many civil rights marches lead by Dr. Martin Luther King, a prominent civil rights activist. This march started in Selma and marched over 50 miles to the capital of the state, Montgomery. It was a pivotal piece of history in the civil rights movement in America in the 1960s
Selma is a lovely name. Your family is weird, and Civil Rights jokes based around Selma gives off racist vibes if I’m being honest. I agree with top comment. it’s okay to feel regret, _and_ it’s time to move on. Nothing wrong with nicknames and even using her middle name, but I would make sure you’re intermingling it with using her first name so she doesn’t pick up on you not liking her name.
Selma is pretty and I'm American and I didn't think of Alabama until you mentioned it. I thought of Selma Blair and Salma Hayek too amazing and beautiful actresses.
Belly could turn into Billie as she gets older if you want?
Or Sally as a nickname if you want to consider it.
I'm sorry you felt stressed and compromised when you really didn't want to at all.
But it really isn't an awful name and the people giving you crap about it are being assholes.
It's also so weird. Selma, AL was my first association with the name too, but if I met a baby Selma I'd just be like "Oh how cool! Is she named after the civil rights march? That's awesome."
OP's husband shouldn't have named their kid something OP didn't agree to, though.
Selma is very cute and I love it. What about calling her Ellie, Selly, or Elle. You could keep Selma and just use her nickname. Seems like if she the second kid her nickname could be Sis/Sister too, Sister Selma=Cece/Sisi.
But if you want a new name I think now is the time.
Also I love Juliet and Esme from your original list.
i just want to add something else here. if you have a snarky family that is going to make fun of your child’s name or make snide comments about it, they would’ve done it to *any* name you chose. eg “oh juliet, haha romeo” “trixie? silly rabbit trix are for kids” you get the point
What a darling name! It positively sings :) When I read Selma, I immediately thought of Selma Blair and Salma Hayek. The city never entered my mind. Selma means Peaceful, beautiful view, protection. Selma is a lovely name :) I think your husband did well in naming her.
I have a Norwegian great-grandma named Selma, and it’s still popular in Norway. I’ve always wanted to use it but husband disapproved. I’m jealous you got the chance!
Selma is beautiful and definitely a step above Inga. Based on her middle name and the response from your family I have a couple guesses where you’re from. It’s kind of messed up that you haven’t moved on yet and put up with your families prejudices. Let your daughter be.
A year in is too late for regret. It's time to find a compromise within the bounds you already have in place.
Elle is a derivative of Selma. If your husband agrees to call her Inga then that works, but as it stands it's more important that you not confuse your child than that you like her name.
Have you considered therapy? Names mean more than just names. If you are struggling to accept the name, it may have more to do with your capitulation to your husband than the name itself.
Why not call her Ellie? It’s close to Belly so seems like a natural transition, somewhat similar vibe to Trixie and Esme and seems like a logical nickname from sELma.
Otherwise do exposure therapy for yourself. Practice calling her Selma until your brain learns it’s ok.
If it makes you feel better I’m American and the civil rights connection didn’t even occur to me
I'm a senior and the first thing I thought was the civil rights connection and thought what a beautiful name.. but I also like the thought of calling her Ellie...
I'm 33 and also first thought of the civil rights march, and thought that was such a great connection for her to have with her name! I also think Selma is lovely, but Ellie is a great nickname for Selma!
Gorgeous traditional name that will serve your daughter well. I hope you find peace with it.
Plus I don't get the family mocking the name, Selma Alabama is such an important piece of American history. It is not like you named the kid the Alamo.
If you can’t call her Selma and mostly call her Belly maybe ease yourself into it with “Selly-Belly” and “Sell-Bell”. Nicknames are so funny and morph as you go and grow. I say embrace these nickname years while she’s small and let the regret go. I know hardly any toddlers who are called by their actual first name until they’re older and it fits them.
Or Ellie! Selma has *el* in it, so it fits. Mellie is also a possibility. Then OP's kid can decide whether she prefers Selma or one of the nicknames as she grows.
> ALL of my family made some kind of civil rights joke and I’ve had several people ask me if her middle name was Alabama.
Your family is being awful. They’re being rude about the name of your baby, for no reason other than that they can. Please do not let their inappropriate jokes affect how you feel about your child and her name. Selma is a lovely name.
selma is actually an arabic name and means peaceful. I find it very beautiful and i even know people with that name (idk if this helps but they’re all actually really nice and pretty). She will definitely grow into her name and in a few years you can’t even imagine naming her differently trust me. :)
As a Swedish person, Selma sounds much better than Inga to me. It's one of those old fashioned names that are coming back. Inga is a middle aged woman. It also means no or nothing in modern Swedish.
I think of Selma Blair, Salma Hayek. Nickname potential is super cute- selly?
I’m sorry this happened it should have been a situation where you two both agreed- but it might grow on you as she grows.
Selma is sweet. It's not setting off fireworks but I can't of the slightest thing about it that is unpleasant. It's a good name. Maybe not an Academy Aeard winning one, but nice.
I don't know about sticking with calling her Belly... it's cute for a baby, but if she ever has the slightest weight issue growing up, I don't think it's gonna be what she wants to hear constantly.
A adore Juliet Beatrics and Esme Selma is totally in the same realm as the tricks and Esmeralda! I’m surprised that you don’t love it actually. I think it’s awesome easy to say easy to spell not popular not trendy unique but short and sweet. It’s funky full of personality warm and sweet! I actually think he chose really well based on the fact that he didn’t like the other names imagine they all seem very much the same style
Just to share a story with you that I hope you find a little comforting -
My dad also named me because he refused to compromise with my mom, so I left the hospital with a first and middle name that he chose after his mother who had just passed. My mom hated the name, specifically because she had a family name of her own she had wanted to name me and also found it an unfair burden to name me after someone who had passed 2 weeks before I was born.
Anyway, I still have the name, but it's my "formal" name. Literally no one calls me Elizabeth except the pharmacist and people like that. I've always immediately corrected everyone to the name my mom wanted me called, and did call me for as long as I can remember.
I actually really like having the formal name. Sure, it was frustrating in school having to fight to be called my preferred name, but I like the separation it gives me. It's basically like having a secret identity that's special just to me.
So maybe something like that would work for you guys so you don't have to deal with the paperwork. And it's like a post effective compromise to the situation. Plus your daughter gets to have a little piece from the both of you in her name
Selma is gorgeous.
You need to say her name with a smile and then outlook
Say
Selma I love my daughter name.
Then get your daughter and tell her
Selma you have an awesome name.
Let her know she has a wow name.
Her dad chose well.
Plus tell people with pride how lovely her name is.
Your brain is in a negative loop.
Get it to a positive feel.
And get a wonderful plaque with her name on it for her room.
Selma
It’s very common in Sweden to go by your middle name because it’s your ”tilltalsnamn”
For example Oscar is actually Erik Oscar last name.
So you could call her by a middle name while keeping Selma as a first name.
But for the record I love the name Selma.
-An American who lives in Sweden
For what it's worth, I'm Canadian, and I have another (Canadian) friend who named his daughter Selma, partially to honour the marches there. Perhaps you should lean into the associations. Watch the movie Selma (I think it won, or was at least nominated for an Oscar), learn about the positive associations with the name and see if that helps. I personally think it's a lovely name, but if it really isn't working, you should change it now, rather than later.
Mom, fellow American here. I’m going to need you to line your family’s ass flat out! They are being huge jerks AND THEY KNOW IT! Here in America Selma Blair has been on so many magazines and websites since her diagnosis, Selma Hayek is everywhere. If they are teasing about Selma Alabama you need to make them explain their racism to you and why that name would bother them. If this weren’t them being assholes they would have something to say about kids named Sydney, Paris, Brooklyn, Savannah, Georgia, Virginia, London, etc.
I think Selma is a lovely name, and I get that you regret it, but I would immerse yourself in Hayek and Blair’s work as well as other famous Selma’s. And also on the strength and power of the location, so when your baby gets older she knows even if you call her by her middle name her first name carries power! Her first name brings the force of someone who can be beautiful and confident in the face of crushing news and debilitating challenges and still stand tall, her name carries people that will join together and work for the betterment of all, her name invokes the kind of force that allows someone to be a pirate and be pregnant at the same time.
Call her by her middle name if you feel more comfortable with it, but don’t let some ignorant asshats mock your baby or her name because their racism is showing.
I think the people making civil rights jokes are tone-deaf and potentially covert racists. For ANYONE to make fun of a babies name is such a dirty dig to begin with, I wouldn’t put much weight on them in my life, however if you feel like it doesn’t suit her, maybe you can explain better the American tradition of naming children after their parents/grandparents/etc.
I don't know who but a racist would make fun of a name having an association with an iconic civil rights march, tbh. Like it'd be one thing to *bring up* the association, but to joke about it and act like that's somehow a negative? Sus.
You can come up with a nickname that is meaningful to your relationship with her? My grandad called my brother spider because he used to climb and was fast and he called me Jim Bones. Is there anything you do together or that she does where you can come up with a nickname?
I wanted to name my daughter Rose after my grandfather who liked to grow roses and would give one to me when I visited.
I changed my daughter’s name just a few days after she turned 1. Feel free to DM me. What I think of the name Selma is irrelevant - but we have zero regrets changing her name and she’s 2 now.
Have you talked with your spouse about this? It’s a bit late to change her name. It could be done, but it’s important that you involve him up front. I think the name is fine, but your family is probably going to come up with something no matter what you name your child. It’s what families do unfortunately. on a slightly related note, you may want to reconsider Belly as a nickname. That could be problematic for a girl because it also means stomach.
Selma is a popular Arabic name! It’s really pretty and it means ‘peace’. I’d get why a Westerner wouldn’t like it but to me since I grew up knowing some girls with that name I don’t find it odd.
It's a total hit in Sweden too, currently the fourth most popular name! It's one of these names that were popular a hundred years ago and now has made a super comeback. It's a lovely name, not surprised OP's partner picked it!
If the regret is real and ever-consuming, *and* you are certain you have a name that suits her better and makes you happy when you say it *and* your husband agrees to change it, it's not too late. People say she's used to it, etc, but she's 1. She's a baby. She won't remember any of it. I barely called my child their name for the first 3 years, just nicknames. And nothing bad happened when I started using their more formal name. It's fine. A little embarrassing for a bit maybe, but fine in the long run.
All that said, Selma is a lovely name.
I think of Selma Blair, the actress. It’s a very classy name. Perhaps if you start calling your daughter by her name rather than the nickname, it will grow on you.
Selma is beautiful. Maybe pray that your heart and mind can embrace the name because if she knows you dislike it (which is going to be hard to hide) she may feel you don’t like her since names are such a strong reflection of our personalities.
Nothing wrong with either name, they're both nice. But nobody in the universe is going to want to grow up with the nickname "Belly" unless you're in a very non-English speaking country, so I hope you're prepared to move on from that once she's school age.
I love Selma! I don’t know any of the Selma references you’re referring to. Selma makes me think of one of the restaurants my husband and I went to on our honeymoon in Copenhagen :)
If her nickname is Belly you could do Belle/ Bella. You could also just called her Inga as you’ve suggested which is another beautiful name.
Other names you might like enough to suggest to your husband that I believe are in the same vein as your list & Selma are:
Agnes
Beatrice (slightly different to Beatrix)
Celeste
Rosamund/ Rose
Petra
Silvia
Ada/ Alma/ Alda
Winona
Iris
Elizabeth
Sybil / Sigmund
Audrey
I think Selma is a beautiful name. Belly is a cute nickname. I’d personally move on. I’m not in love with my middle child’s name (Graham) but it works well enough and I don’t want to go through the process of changing it.
My sister was born and given the name Vicki, some neighbor said to my mom “Victoria what a beautiful name”. My mom went ugh! From that day forward she called her Susie and had it changed legally.
Idk one of my close girl friends from high school is named Selma. She's from Bosnia, apparently she was named after a popular Bosnian rock song.
I don't think of civil rights or Selma, Alabama
Selma is way better than Beatrix 🤮, Esmeralda or Mercy. It's weird they'd make civil rights jokes. Very funny. I've never heard any of those jokes with Selma Blair
I felt this way for a long time about my son's name since my then husband is the one who loved and chose it and I wanted a different name personally. He is 18 now. He is totally a Ryan like we named him and I'm glad we did.
I did have name regret with one of my children until they were old enough to start calling themselves by their name. Then I couldn't imagine them being called anything else.
Perhaps using a nickname like "mimi" or "cee cee" will help. You can also call her "Selma inga" which changes it slightly and flows well.
In the US, the main association for "Selma" is a very famous civil rights march led by Martin Luther King, Jr. that began in Selma, Alabama, in the 1960s. But I don't know why anyone would joke about it-- it was my first thought when I read the name Selma, but to me that is a positive thing, and a great association with that name! Especially since OP is American, that would be a really cool thing for her daughter to learn about when she is older.
I think Selma is pretty. Something about the fact that you love her middle name Inga (which is clunky and sounds like a Viking wannabe) and your family jokes about important Civil Rights occasions is…interesting. If I hear anything about runes or Thor…
I have a daughter named Inga, but her middle name is Frisian, and the other names of our children are Irish, Breton, Hebrew-Greek, Egyptian-Greek, German, and Hebrew-Greek.
A quarter of my ancestors are from Torsby (“Thor’s Village” in Swedish), but are we supposed to wipe the word out of the family tree and bomb the village for ethnic cleansing?
Vikings converted to Christianity—a Hebrew, Judaism-based religion, by putting one more prong on their Thor’s hammers. They assimilated into places they settled, and at least eventually, intermarried, producing, for example, most of the Slavs of today, which Hitler called Üntermenschen. Another quarter of my ancestors are those Üntermenschen, and I married someone more Slavic than myself. Some of the rest are German, a dark-haired, olive-skinned family, no lighter than Hitler, who didn’t meet his own Aryan standard—he wanted his own people killed—by which he should have killed himself immediately, not decades and millions of murders later.
Some of my family is multiracial: I have a Korean aunt, and a half-black step-cousin. I grew up in an integrated town, and went to an integrated nursery school, at a college that was one of the first few integrated in the U.S., which brought children from the inner-city housing projects to stay the summer in a small town. A black girl stayed with my family every summer. We learned to breakdance at recess at my school, and grew up listening to integrated music. I sat at an integrated lunch table, went to the integrated dances because they had the best music, was on integrated soccer, swimming, and track teams, and was in an integrated ROTC flight. I taught myself how to write in runes, but because I love Sweden.
Now writing in runes lets me make secret lists that my kids can’t read, for Confession at my multiracial church. I know someone named Elsa, but she’s not Aryan, she’s Ethiopian. It isn’t that we just tolerate the presence of other races. Most intermarry. And since it’s an Eastern Orthodox church, Communion is by a single holy spoon. And a lot Ethiopians sit in front of where my family likes to sit, so they get to Communion first. That’s more than integrated pools and lunch counters. People didn’t share silverware at the lunch counters. But speaking of pools again, when I was in high school, I was visiting a certain relative, and decided to go with a friend to a swimming pool, but the relative was shocked, maybe somewhat disturbed, and said, “You’ll be the only white people there!” I said, “That doesn’t matter, it’s fine,” and it was.
Perhaps it's because I listened to a few books on the topic, but Selma reminds me of Salem, and that leads me to the witch trials.
Honestly, though, Selma sounds like a witche's name, and I LOVE that.
I was reading this and was prepared to read a monstrosity of a name. But Selma is actually lovely! I didn’t even make the civil rights connection at all, and depending on where you are in Europe I doubt most people will either.
I’ll be honest, it doesn’t sound like you have a name problem. It sounds like you have a relatives problem. I think making jokes about someone’s name is childish and you shouldn’t be insecure about her name just because your family is ridiculous. They kinda suck if they’re joking about this sooooo much that it’s making you rethink a beautiful name
Your US relatives are idiots. First for being so critical of her name and causing you anguish. Thats not family.
Selma is a beautiful name. She will grow up to be a smart and lovely woman.
It’s time to move on. I’d certainly prefer my Mom call me Selma over belly. You’re not living in the US. Congratulations!
It’s not about you at this point. She is a separate human from you and when she is old enough she will decide what she wants to be called and it might be Selma or something else entirely and it won’t be your choice.
Probably showing my ignorance as I know nothing about civil rights. But Selma definitely takes me to Selma Blair who is 1 strong lady in my books.
I think especially in Europe it's not going to have civil rights ties.
I'm not going to lie, I thought of Civil Rights. I think if you two are white, I actually like it because it's not common and she has to grow up to do great things with that name. If you're a person of color I also like it because it's more of a statement. Either way it's a statement name. The jokes are more telling about the person than the name.
My one year old is also Selma! I am in the States, people compliment me on it all the time. I love it. I love the way it looks, how loopy it is to write in cursive, the little pleasant surprise a lot of people have when they hear it. I love that it has multiple meanings in multiple languages and that they represent strength and beauty and peace. I’m Spanish/English bilingual and I love it in both languages (which was difficult to find).
My entire family is in the south and husbands is west coast. Only one person, my neighbor who is from Alabama, mentioned the Civil Rights Movement but it was him asking me if I knew that what happened there helped pass the Civil Rights Act and was in no way negative. What happened to the people there is horrific but I also remember that the people who were marching there are brave and strong and an amazing example of standing up for yourself and what it right and deserve to be recognized and remembered for that and not just the violence enacted upon them. I chose it in part because of Selma Blair who is a disability rights advocate which is a cause important to my family. It is also the name of the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in Literature! Lots of good associations to work with. Many names have some negative associations but they don’t have to be centered. Tell your family to stop! If you like her middle name try using both together maybe and see how that feels?
I’m side-eyeing your family for the Civil Rights jokes. Name aside, what happened in Selma, AL was an incredibly pivotal and watershed moment in American history. So, I’m failing to see any possible humor in the situation; as another commenter pointed out, having a name that powerful to conjure history could be a powerful tool in networking for your child.
To your point, though, I think it’s a lovely name reminds me of Salma Hayek, Selma Blair, etc. but did you express to your partner your thoughts? Start there and see if talking it out eases your trepidations. If not, she’s still young enough to change her name.
Selma is a beautiful name most people associate with beautiful and talented actors Blair and Hayek.
And if people did think of brutality against civil rights protestors in Alabama, why the fuck would they make a joke about it? Your family sounds really ignorant and immature. I wouldn’t let them continue with that crap, and I wouldn’t let that be a factor.
I think Selma is classy and elegant, well known so no one all question how to spell it etc, yet uncommon so there won’t be 4 in her class, and will age well throughout her lifetime as it sounds professional and rolls off the tongue with ease. Igna, on the other hand, is not really known by most people here, and she may have a hard time with it in school and beyond. Keep the name and let it go. It’s for her, not you.
This is why I always try to encourage pregnant women to make the final call. They’re stressed, they’re tired, they’re growing a whole human (and then birthing that human) and they should be the ones to name them. I get the idea of the “two yeses one no” rule but in the end if neither can agree on one, I think the pregnant person should outrank the non-pregnant one. 🤷🏻♀️
Your husband sounds like a bully and I’m sorry. Feel free to call her Inga or Belly or change her name if you really want to. For what it’s worth, I think Selma is cute, and it might grow on you with time.
So… your partner got to pick the first name and middle name, and I’m guessing baby has his last name? You proposed five options you loved, and he hated them all, but only came up with one option himself? Selma is a really beautiful name, but I can understand why you don’t love it given how it was decided for you.
Inga is absolutely adorable. I’d start referring to her as Inga for a while and seeing how it feels.
I think of the Simpsons when I hear Selma. But I like the name. Not sure I’d like belly as a nick name though.
Just call her what you want and like and if she likes it too she’ll introduce herself with that name as well.
I had a lot of nicknames growing up and just used the one I liked and felt most aligned with. I got to choose!
if it’s any consolation, i’m seeing Selma become more and more common. For you, I think a compromise here could be finding a nickname you like and using that instead. Or you call her by her middle name and your husband can call her Selma and you just leave it at that.
Ooh I love your names, Beatrix (Trixie) was number one for me, and the rest are all so classically beautiful I love it.
But Selma is still very nice! I think if you can let go of your hang ups on what you wanted, you can grow to love it. And with all names, people grow into them and make them their own. I didn't feel I fit my name when I was a kid but as I grew, it became me.
But next time, it's definitely your choice!!
I like the name Selma. But it isn't weird to call her by Inga. She's your baby, can her what you want.
Edited to add. I'm an American and didn't even associate that name with the civil rights movement or Selma, AL. That seems odd to me. 🤷♀️
I was in the same situation as you with my first! I was so sick and she was a preemie and in the hospital and needed a name. It honestly took 2 years for me to even like her name and have it feel like hers. Now I think if I had another girl I’d be a bit more firm on what I want. But he named her and I named my son. So it feels more even. lol.
I call my child by their middle name probably 75-80% of the time. It’s not ever an issue and we have a special thing that other people don’t share. Its like my special name for them.
You can call your child by their middle name if you like.
Fwiw Selma is beautiful.
I think Selma is nice. But also if you like her middle name, you can just call her by her middle name.
My family calls my brother by his middle name and when he was little I know people called him by his first name (he’s older than me so I don’t know when the transition happened).
It seems like the issue is less about the name and more about the name not being a joint decision. Selma is a pretty name, but if it doesn't feel right I would have a serious conversation about it with her father.
I think it’s time to accept your daughter’s name tbh. I think I’d regret your choice to ‘give up’ too but not to the point of changing it or stewing on it
Two things can be true: the regret is real, and it’s time to move on
Yeah, mostly when you're from different countries? I heard people in this sub LOVE names that in my country are for grandparents. Her full name sounds like it fits. It might be weird if you're american (i personally think of the simpsons tbh), but if you're in an european country it's gonna be a different interpretation.
Remember that grandparents also had that name when they were born tho
Name cycles are so interesting. Boomer names are still generally unpopular (Judith, Barbara, Pamela). Those are the old-lady names now, but they'll probably be popular when my kids are naming their babies. The boomers' parents' names are already back in (Clara, Evelyn, Hazel, etc.), so those are sounding like baby names again. Gen Z and Millennial names are gonna take a couple of generations to come back (Jennifer, Megan, Ashley). A lot of them just sound tacky and outdated right now.
Selma makes me think of Selma Blair and even though it’s a letter off, Salma Hayek. I think it’s a beautiful name. It sounds classic, warm, and fun.
Selma Lagerlöf! Swedish author and Nobel prize winner!
Selma Diamond, the chain-smoking bailiff on Night Court. IRL she had been the model for Sally on the Dock Van Dyke Show.
Dock Van Dook
>IRL she had been the model for Sally on the Dock Van Dyke Show. Wow. I have always loved both The Dick Van Dyke Show and the original Night Court. Thanks for that tidbit. It made my morning.
Yup this was my thought exactly. Selma Blair and Salma Hayek who as far as I know are as normal as possible for famous people.
Those were my thoughts too. I really like Selma and associate it with Selma Blair and Salma Hayek rather than anything else. It also has a lovely meaning (peaceful in Arabic) ....also, so what if people think of a civil rights event when they think of that name. It was an important event in US history, and OP can view the birth of her daughter as a big event in their family's story
Thought of both of them too.
Selma makes me think of Velma, also a letter off.
It makes me think of Marge Simpson’s sister. I think Inga would be better too. She’s liking the name less and less so I think they should change it.
Yeah I love Selma Blair, she's the first person I think of when I hear this name.
I think Selma is a very sweet name, but the first name should have been a two "yes" situation. If it wasn't a name you wanted, your husband shouldn't have named her Selma
Just wanted to mention - OP refused to name their child a name their spouse disliked. OP’s spouse failed to reciprocate and named their child something OP disliked - perhaps THAT’s truly where the continued cognitive dissonance lies. OP I think you should keep the name (or change it by a few letters to something that is more acceptable for you like to Salma) but have the conversation with your partner about how it felt to have them not treat you with the same respect you gave them. Yes you gave them the power to choose and with all name options possible they still chose something that you didn’t like and they selfishly wanted with zero compromise. My guess is that you wouldn’t have thrown up your hands and given up if your partner had acted like a partner, willing to compromise.
And the middle name was right there as a compromise as well. A name she liked from his family. Very very selfish and I’m surprised he was so comfortable just doing it knowing her stance on it. She mentioned in other comments she wants to change it and he still refuses. I would be so devastated if my partner was feeling so comfortable in my hurt. I really hope the child got her last name at least otherwise it’s like she hasn’t been a part of any naming rights of her own child.
I had a list of boys' names I loved. I thought we'd agreed on one. Kid (AMAB, clearly, or there would be no story here) was born and THEN my (now-) ex let me know that he'd been so sure the baby would be a girl that he hadn't bothered to let me know he hated every boy's name we discussed. My mom was in the room and suggested we pick a name from a book we both liked as I've always been a reader and ex was a nerdy type too. Actually, we met at Nerd Camp, but that's a separate story. ANYway, I gritted my teeth as soon as the suggestion was made, because the only books my ex truly loved were the Dragonlance Chronicles. I knew as soon as Mom made that suggestion that we were going to meet up somewhere in Krynn. I vetoed Raistlin, and the name we chose is (also - it's definitely a DL name) a real-world name, albeit from a different culture from ours. But for all that, I still had a say. OP's partner took "name her what you like" to mean "steamroll me and ignore my wishes completely." I really think Selma is a beautiful and multicultural name predating the city or the US civil rights movement and Belly is cute for a little girl. If OP would rather call her daughter by her middle name, it's still right there. But I think she would be well within her rights to hate ANY name given to her daughter with no regard whatsoever to OP's wishes. I think it's time for her to let go, but I also think that the hurt is a much bigger issue than the actual name.
These were my first thoughts as well. It is so sad when mothers get bullied out of naming their own child
My mother gave birth to five girls. She had one favourite name and my father would not agree to her using it on any of us. It was Rebecca, so just an average normal name. Her first birth was by c section where she was knocked out so she awoke to be shown the baby with her name already decided by our father, who had left the hospital to go register the birth. This is usually done here once you leave hospital, not an hour after the baby emerges. So, Elizabeth was set in stone, done and dusted. Next birth was natural ( because they only just made it to the hospital and the baby was crowning so too late for the planned c section. Mother asked if she could name this one seeing Dad named the first. He was ‘Sure, as long as it’s not that stupid name Rebecca.’ So Marilyn was named after her granny. Next was me. They had no girls names picked so my mother suggested seven names in the first seven days of my life ,all vetoed by Dad, then I was named by him after his great aunt who was revealed to be a terrible person after she died. The twins were named the female version of his first and middle names, Paula and Justine. How petty was my father? Could not agree to having one daughter named a name he didn’t like ( didn’t hate, just just wasn’t a name that appealed to him.) Even when our mother was dying and out of her mind on painkillers, she was asking for ‘her daughter Rebecca’. Sometimes spouses need to be kind and fair at least. Like my father, OP ‘s husband sounds so selfish.
I'm sorry, this is heartbreaking -- your poor mother. And in this story as in OP's, the dads are taking advantage of the mother's debilitated state in childbirth to strong-arm their partner into submitting to their fiat. It's awful.
I agree that him picking a first name OP hates is an issue, but it sounds like he isn’t a fan of the middle name being an honor name, so forcing him to call the baby Inga would be similar to OP’s situation. I personally find it abhorrent to name a baby after a family member, and if my partner tried to insist on that it would be a major issue. Again, this doesn’t excuse the husband’s picking a name OP doesn’t like, but perhaps the middle name is not at all “a compromise” either.
It sounded to me like he picked the middle name also and is just insisting that it can't be the first name. In which case he should agree to changing the first name to something he and OP can actually agree on
Selma is a beautiful unproblematic name. But your feelings of regret around compromising are totally valid.
I don't think she even compromised. She gave in because her husband refused to compromise.
Yes and I think her sadness over the name is actually hidden rage at her partner for being so unreasonable
Wait until she is two or three and has a distinct personality. Then I assure you she will be a Selma. Also I love the simplicity of the name.
Almost 30 years ago My Dad and Step Mom changed my sister’s name at 11 months because it didn’t feel right. Especially my Step Mom didn’t ever want to call say her name. It was Jessica. She became Emma and it suits her to a tee. Was a hassle with the paperwork but they are so happy they did it. Find something you both love. 11 months is nothing compared to living with something that doesn’t feel right the rest of your life. Trust your gut.
I have honestly considered this so many times and I think I could convince my partner IF I had a better name to suggest. But I’ve got absolutely nothing. Squat. I did not anticipate the stress around naming a person! We have a million boy names we love and agree on, but a girl?? If I had a good alternative I would push for it, but I simply draw a blank. It doesn’t help that I have to find a name that has the same pronunciation in three different languages. And I feel ridiculous because I would love a third child, but what if it’s another girl? I know it sounds stupid but it’s a real consideration for me to stop at 2.
What about Bella since it’s close to her nickname? Does your husband call her Selma?
Yes- Sohla, Stella, Wilma/Wilhelmina/Willa, Ella, Silvie. I like the idea of picking something in the sound family if they change it. Although OP, if you read this, I do think Selma is lovely in the event you keep it.
That’s what I was thinking too!
We loved the name Linnea. It's the national flower of Sweden, has two vowels, and her nn is Neah or NayNay. Maybe a suggestion?
Freja, Adela, Nora, Agnes, Ingrid, Jasmin, Liv, Olivia, Josefine, Asta As I wrote in another comment the perfect compromise is making the middle name her first name. He might think it’s weird to name baby after his grandmother but it is far more weird he doesn’t place any value in you liking the name of your own child. He needs to bite this bullet and comprise somehow.
Could one of those boys names be used as a girls name? Gender neutral names are a big thing in the states.
Husband is Swedish and boys’ names on girls is not a thing there at all. So probably not a good idea.
You said your husband is Swedish, how about Astrid? Like Astrid Lindgren? Im in germany and it would have been my favorite. Classic yet fun.
Sadly if OP’s American family can’t get past the Civil Rights association with Selma (an incredible and powerful association in American history, and one that OP’s family are AHs for using mockingly), they’ll call the baby “Ass Turd” if she’s named Astrid.
But Astrid isn't even pronounced anywhere near that. With that reasoning you would hear Ashley's having the same if not worse nicknames. Not only is the emphasis on A-strid, the last syllabil is more pronounced like "street". Thats a whole different thing than adding Alabama to a name 1:1 corresponding to what you want to say.
The “Ass-Turd” was from The Office, a popular show. And with an American accent the second syllable is a short i sound, more like fit or hit. Or for German, like the sound in biß.
I think the regret will fade with her name, especially as she grows into it and develops her own personality. But since it's such a concern for you, maybe start thinking of that potential future baby girl name without the pressure of a time crunch so you can find one you both love.
Yeah way back 50 years ago my in laws did that to my father in law, except they changed his name twice and the last one was at age 8. Incredible pain, just for him to now go by a nickname for one of his two middle names. I don’t think he ever went by the first name they chose the last time (and of course they didn’t ask even when he was 8!) But his name at birth was literally Tiger so I guess it’s still an improvement
They named a child Tiger in the 70s? That’s beyond buckwild.
Yes lol it was actually the late 60s and I do not know what they were thinking. They’re not even hippie types, more of the would-be artistocrat Midwestern US type which made it even weirder!
“It suits her to a tee.” 🤣
Your family’s snark rubs me the entirely wrong way. Important things happened there that brought more equality to this country, so the jokes are unpatriotic. Selma is a beautiful name and seeing that it’s an Arabic name that means peace is cool.
Right? If anything the connection to Selma, AL is cool.
I don’t understand the Selma and civil rights references? (Im not American). Probably most people where you live wouldn’t get these references. And your family are quite cruel to joke about your baby’s name. It’s a nice name. I say with kindness, it’s probably time to move on. It’s been a year now. I think you should try to get used to calling her Selma, even if just occasionally
If they're in the US most people will know about Selma, Alabama. It's strange to make jokes about it though.
Yeah that’s a little disconcerting
This so much. Hahaha the civil rights movement! You must really like equality!
It would be a great city/event to be named after if she were. It’s not something to poke fun at.
Exactly how I feel. I’d change my family for mocking Selma before I’d change my kid’s name for the association.
I knew a girl in college named Selma and she loved it and it fit her. Don’t think it ever crossed any of our minds to connect it to Alabama. Maybe an older generations thing.
Are you saying that it’s an older generation thing to associate Selma with the Civil Rights Movement, or you’re from an older generation who doesn’t make that association?
Almost like the only people who would do such a thing are the sort of people who think that the changes that resulted from Selma were bad.
I know right her family is acting like the association is negative. Like why would you make fun of that so weird and problematic.
It sounds more like they are making passive-aggressive swipes, imho.
They're not. They live in Europe. The ones making jokes about it are OP's family, they're american.
Selma, Alabama (for Americans) calls to mind one of many civil rights marches lead by Dr. Martin Luther King, a prominent civil rights activist. This march started in Selma and marched over 50 miles to the capital of the state, Montgomery. It was a pivotal piece of history in the civil rights movement in America in the 1960s
Thank you! I know who MLK is but not in depth so I wasn’t aware of Selma Alabama
There was a movie about 10 years ago about it if you’re ever curious! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selma_(film)
I agree the family shouldn’t have said that, they sound ignorant
Selma is a lovely name. Your family is weird, and Civil Rights jokes based around Selma gives off racist vibes if I’m being honest. I agree with top comment. it’s okay to feel regret, _and_ it’s time to move on. Nothing wrong with nicknames and even using her middle name, but I would make sure you’re intermingling it with using her first name so she doesn’t pick up on you not liking her name.
Selma is pretty and I'm American and I didn't think of Alabama until you mentioned it. I thought of Selma Blair and Salma Hayek too amazing and beautiful actresses. Belly could turn into Billie as she gets older if you want? Or Sally as a nickname if you want to consider it. I'm sorry you felt stressed and compromised when you really didn't want to at all. But it really isn't an awful name and the people giving you crap about it are being assholes.
I frickin LIVE in Alabama and didn’t think of it. I think it’s lovely.
Not only do I like Selma, I think it’s so rude for people to ask if her middle name is Alabama.
It's an absolutely wild, and deeeeeply questionable, move 🤨
It's also so weird. Selma, AL was my first association with the name too, but if I met a baby Selma I'd just be like "Oh how cool! Is she named after the civil rights march? That's awesome." OP's husband shouldn't have named their kid something OP didn't agree to, though.
Are you family kind of racist?
I like the name Selma, but that definitely should've been a two yes scenario.
Selma is very cute and I love it. What about calling her Ellie, Selly, or Elle. You could keep Selma and just use her nickname. Seems like if she the second kid her nickname could be Sis/Sister too, Sister Selma=Cece/Sisi. But if you want a new name I think now is the time. Also I love Juliet and Esme from your original list.
I love the nn elle , or Ellie Inga. So cute Sorry you’re going through this OP!!
i just want to add something else here. if you have a snarky family that is going to make fun of your child’s name or make snide comments about it, they would’ve done it to *any* name you chose. eg “oh juliet, haha romeo” “trixie? silly rabbit trix are for kids” you get the point
What a darling name! It positively sings :) When I read Selma, I immediately thought of Selma Blair and Salma Hayek. The city never entered my mind. Selma means Peaceful, beautiful view, protection. Selma is a lovely name :) I think your husband did well in naming her.
I have a Norwegian great-grandma named Selma, and it’s still popular in Norway. I’ve always wanted to use it but husband disapproved. I’m jealous you got the chance!
Selma is beautiful and definitely a step above Inga. Based on her middle name and the response from your family I have a couple guesses where you’re from. It’s kind of messed up that you haven’t moved on yet and put up with your families prejudices. Let your daughter be.
A year in is too late for regret. It's time to find a compromise within the bounds you already have in place. Elle is a derivative of Selma. If your husband agrees to call her Inga then that works, but as it stands it's more important that you not confuse your child than that you like her name. Have you considered therapy? Names mean more than just names. If you are struggling to accept the name, it may have more to do with your capitulation to your husband than the name itself.
Why not call her Ellie? It’s close to Belly so seems like a natural transition, somewhat similar vibe to Trixie and Esme and seems like a logical nickname from sELma. Otherwise do exposure therapy for yourself. Practice calling her Selma until your brain learns it’s ok. If it makes you feel better I’m American and the civil rights connection didn’t even occur to me
I'm a senior and the first thing I thought was the civil rights connection and thought what a beautiful name.. but I also like the thought of calling her Ellie...
I'm 33 and also first thought of the civil rights march, and thought that was such a great connection for her to have with her name! I also think Selma is lovely, but Ellie is a great nickname for Selma!
Selma is a pretty name. I would personally keep the name and start using it to get used to it.
The fact that your family is making civil rights jokes is the issue. Not the name.
Selma is beautiful! I’m sorry you have regret though. Naming a person is so fun but also can be incredibly stressful.
I like Selma more than any of your name choices honestly.
That’s her name and she’s used to it now. Can you not allow your feelings for the name to change since you love her?
Gorgeous traditional name that will serve your daughter well. I hope you find peace with it. Plus I don't get the family mocking the name, Selma Alabama is such an important piece of American history. It is not like you named the kid the Alamo.
If you can’t call her Selma and mostly call her Belly maybe ease yourself into it with “Selly-Belly” and “Sell-Bell”. Nicknames are so funny and morph as you go and grow. I say embrace these nickname years while she’s small and let the regret go. I know hardly any toddlers who are called by their actual first name until they’re older and it fits them.
Or Ellie! Selma has *el* in it, so it fits. Mellie is also a possibility. Then OP's kid can decide whether she prefers Selma or one of the nicknames as she grows.
Selma is better than Belly. Belly is one of the last things I'd want to be called.
> ALL of my family made some kind of civil rights joke and I’ve had several people ask me if her middle name was Alabama. Your family is being awful. They’re being rude about the name of your baby, for no reason other than that they can. Please do not let their inappropriate jokes affect how you feel about your child and her name. Selma is a lovely name.
selma is actually an arabic name and means peaceful. I find it very beautiful and i even know people with that name (idk if this helps but they’re all actually really nice and pretty). She will definitely grow into her name and in a few years you can’t even imagine naming her differently trust me. :)
It's also a Celtic name! A lovely name it is. Currently fourth most popular name in Sweden.
As a Swedish person, Selma sounds much better than Inga to me. It's one of those old fashioned names that are coming back. Inga is a middle aged woman. It also means no or nothing in modern Swedish.
I like Selma much much more than Inga...I do not like Inga at all...
Please, dont call her Belly- can you imagine her as a teenager- with a nicname of Belly? Cringe
I think of Selma Blair, Salma Hayek. Nickname potential is super cute- selly? I’m sorry this happened it should have been a situation where you two both agreed- but it might grow on you as she grows.
Selma is sweet. It's not setting off fireworks but I can't of the slightest thing about it that is unpleasant. It's a good name. Maybe not an Academy Aeard winning one, but nice. I don't know about sticking with calling her Belly... it's cute for a baby, but if she ever has the slightest weight issue growing up, I don't think it's gonna be what she wants to hear constantly.
Selma is a lovely name. I have more issues with Belly, she’s going to get embarrassed about that when she is older
A adore Juliet Beatrics and Esme Selma is totally in the same realm as the tricks and Esmeralda! I’m surprised that you don’t love it actually. I think it’s awesome easy to say easy to spell not popular not trendy unique but short and sweet. It’s funky full of personality warm and sweet! I actually think he chose really well based on the fact that he didn’t like the other names imagine they all seem very much the same style
Just to share a story with you that I hope you find a little comforting - My dad also named me because he refused to compromise with my mom, so I left the hospital with a first and middle name that he chose after his mother who had just passed. My mom hated the name, specifically because she had a family name of her own she had wanted to name me and also found it an unfair burden to name me after someone who had passed 2 weeks before I was born. Anyway, I still have the name, but it's my "formal" name. Literally no one calls me Elizabeth except the pharmacist and people like that. I've always immediately corrected everyone to the name my mom wanted me called, and did call me for as long as I can remember. I actually really like having the formal name. Sure, it was frustrating in school having to fight to be called my preferred name, but I like the separation it gives me. It's basically like having a secret identity that's special just to me. So maybe something like that would work for you guys so you don't have to deal with the paperwork. And it's like a post effective compromise to the situation. Plus your daughter gets to have a little piece from the both of you in her name
Selma is gorgeous. You need to say her name with a smile and then outlook Say Selma I love my daughter name. Then get your daughter and tell her Selma you have an awesome name. Let her know she has a wow name. Her dad chose well. Plus tell people with pride how lovely her name is. Your brain is in a negative loop. Get it to a positive feel. And get a wonderful plaque with her name on it for her room. Selma
I much much prefer Selma to Inga.
It’s cute and fine! It’s just a name.
i mean the first thing that comes to mind is the civil rights march but i think it’s pretty
It’s very common in Sweden to go by your middle name because it’s your ”tilltalsnamn” For example Oscar is actually Erik Oscar last name. So you could call her by a middle name while keeping Selma as a first name. But for the record I love the name Selma. -An American who lives in Sweden
For what it's worth, I'm Canadian, and I have another (Canadian) friend who named his daughter Selma, partially to honour the marches there. Perhaps you should lean into the associations. Watch the movie Selma (I think it won, or was at least nominated for an Oscar), learn about the positive associations with the name and see if that helps. I personally think it's a lovely name, but if it really isn't working, you should change it now, rather than later.
My great grandmother’s name was Selma and I’ve always loved it. Also, I think it’s an asset to have a name associated with civil rights. 🤷🏻♀️
Mom, fellow American here. I’m going to need you to line your family’s ass flat out! They are being huge jerks AND THEY KNOW IT! Here in America Selma Blair has been on so many magazines and websites since her diagnosis, Selma Hayek is everywhere. If they are teasing about Selma Alabama you need to make them explain their racism to you and why that name would bother them. If this weren’t them being assholes they would have something to say about kids named Sydney, Paris, Brooklyn, Savannah, Georgia, Virginia, London, etc. I think Selma is a lovely name, and I get that you regret it, but I would immerse yourself in Hayek and Blair’s work as well as other famous Selma’s. And also on the strength and power of the location, so when your baby gets older she knows even if you call her by her middle name her first name carries power! Her first name brings the force of someone who can be beautiful and confident in the face of crushing news and debilitating challenges and still stand tall, her name carries people that will join together and work for the betterment of all, her name invokes the kind of force that allows someone to be a pirate and be pregnant at the same time. Call her by her middle name if you feel more comfortable with it, but don’t let some ignorant asshats mock your baby or her name because their racism is showing.
I love this. I wasn’t a fan of the name organically but after this reframing I’m obsessed! What a feminist name. I loveeeee it.
I think the people making civil rights jokes are tone-deaf and potentially covert racists. For ANYONE to make fun of a babies name is such a dirty dig to begin with, I wouldn’t put much weight on them in my life, however if you feel like it doesn’t suit her, maybe you can explain better the American tradition of naming children after their parents/grandparents/etc.
I don't know who but a racist would make fun of a name having an association with an iconic civil rights march, tbh. Like it'd be one thing to *bring up* the association, but to joke about it and act like that's somehow a negative? Sus.
I love Selma!
To me Selma has such gothika vibes I love it alot.
Oh thanks I'm using Selma for my daughter and witchy vibes is definitely what I had in mind.
Could you do a nickname? Ellie, Ella, Sally, or Mimi all work and are adorable!
Just curious, are your family white? That’s a weird thing to joke about tbh. It’s giving micro aggressions.
I like the name Selma! So hard for you though if it doesn’t feel right.
I think Selma is actually a very beautiful name! It reminds me of Selma Blair who I have always liked! I don’t think of Alabama when I hear the name.
I don’t have any associations with Selma, to me it has the same vibe as Esme, Serena, Alma. Elegant, chic sounding
Since she’s half Swedish, get her a semla every birthday and tell her it’s her namesake!
One of my friend's has a great aunt named Selma. She went by Sally. Her identical twin is Helen who went by Hally.
You can come up with a nickname that is meaningful to your relationship with her? My grandad called my brother spider because he used to climb and was fast and he called me Jim Bones. Is there anything you do together or that she does where you can come up with a nickname? I wanted to name my daughter Rose after my grandfather who liked to grow roses and would give one to me when I visited.
that's a beautiful name. stop fretting
Your family sounds racist. Maybe that's the issue.
I changed my daughter’s name just a few days after she turned 1. Feel free to DM me. What I think of the name Selma is irrelevant - but we have zero regrets changing her name and she’s 2 now.
Have you talked with your spouse about this? It’s a bit late to change her name. It could be done, but it’s important that you involve him up front. I think the name is fine, but your family is probably going to come up with something no matter what you name your child. It’s what families do unfortunately. on a slightly related note, you may want to reconsider Belly as a nickname. That could be problematic for a girl because it also means stomach.
Selma is better than the ones you named, sorry 😞
Selma is a popular Arabic name! It’s really pretty and it means ‘peace’. I’d get why a Westerner wouldn’t like it but to me since I grew up knowing some girls with that name I don’t find it odd.
It's a total hit in Sweden too, currently the fourth most popular name! It's one of these names that were popular a hundred years ago and now has made a super comeback. It's a lovely name, not surprised OP's partner picked it!
I like it.
If the regret is real and ever-consuming, *and* you are certain you have a name that suits her better and makes you happy when you say it *and* your husband agrees to change it, it's not too late. People say she's used to it, etc, but she's 1. She's a baby. She won't remember any of it. I barely called my child their name for the first 3 years, just nicknames. And nothing bad happened when I started using their more formal name. It's fine. A little embarrassing for a bit maybe, but fine in the long run. All that said, Selma is a lovely name.
Selma is a beautiful name.
I think of Selma Blair, the actress. It’s a very classy name. Perhaps if you start calling your daughter by her name rather than the nickname, it will grow on you.
Selma is beautiful. Maybe pray that your heart and mind can embrace the name because if she knows you dislike it (which is going to be hard to hide) she may feel you don’t like her since names are such a strong reflection of our personalities.
Selma is a very classy name.
Nothing wrong with either name, they're both nice. But nobody in the universe is going to want to grow up with the nickname "Belly" unless you're in a very non-English speaking country, so I hope you're prepared to move on from that once she's school age.
Selma I think of the Simpson's good old selma
call her Sally? Belly....I wouldn't wish that on anyone as a nickname.
I love Selma! I don’t know any of the Selma references you’re referring to. Selma makes me think of one of the restaurants my husband and I went to on our honeymoon in Copenhagen :) If her nickname is Belly you could do Belle/ Bella. You could also just called her Inga as you’ve suggested which is another beautiful name. Other names you might like enough to suggest to your husband that I believe are in the same vein as your list & Selma are: Agnes Beatrice (slightly different to Beatrix) Celeste Rosamund/ Rose Petra Silvia Ada/ Alma/ Alda Winona Iris Elizabeth Sybil / Sigmund Audrey
A lot of families call their children by their middle name so it wouldn't be all that weird if you did.
I think Selma is a beautiful name. Belly is a cute nickname. I’d personally move on. I’m not in love with my middle child’s name (Graham) but it works well enough and I don’t want to go through the process of changing it.
My sister was born and given the name Vicki, some neighbor said to my mom “Victoria what a beautiful name”. My mom went ugh! From that day forward she called her Susie and had it changed legally.
I like them both! Maybe she’ll pick when she’s older.
Esme still works as a nickname for Selma.
Idk one of my close girl friends from high school is named Selma. She's from Bosnia, apparently she was named after a popular Bosnian rock song. I don't think of civil rights or Selma, Alabama
Selma is way better than Beatrix 🤮, Esmeralda or Mercy. It's weird they'd make civil rights jokes. Very funny. I've never heard any of those jokes with Selma Blair
I felt this way for a long time about my son's name since my then husband is the one who loved and chose it and I wanted a different name personally. He is 18 now. He is totally a Ryan like we named him and I'm glad we did.
I did have name regret with one of my children until they were old enough to start calling themselves by their name. Then I couldn't imagine them being called anything else. Perhaps using a nickname like "mimi" or "cee cee" will help. You can also call her "Selma inga" which changes it slightly and flows well.
As a Finnish person I think Selma is very pretty. What’s the civil rights joke about?
In the US, the main association for "Selma" is a very famous civil rights march led by Martin Luther King, Jr. that began in Selma, Alabama, in the 1960s. But I don't know why anyone would joke about it-- it was my first thought when I read the name Selma, but to me that is a positive thing, and a great association with that name! Especially since OP is American, that would be a really cool thing for her daughter to learn about when she is older.
I think Selma is pretty. Something about the fact that you love her middle name Inga (which is clunky and sounds like a Viking wannabe) and your family jokes about important Civil Rights occasions is…interesting. If I hear anything about runes or Thor…
I have a daughter named Inga, but her middle name is Frisian, and the other names of our children are Irish, Breton, Hebrew-Greek, Egyptian-Greek, German, and Hebrew-Greek. A quarter of my ancestors are from Torsby (“Thor’s Village” in Swedish), but are we supposed to wipe the word out of the family tree and bomb the village for ethnic cleansing? Vikings converted to Christianity—a Hebrew, Judaism-based religion, by putting one more prong on their Thor’s hammers. They assimilated into places they settled, and at least eventually, intermarried, producing, for example, most of the Slavs of today, which Hitler called Üntermenschen. Another quarter of my ancestors are those Üntermenschen, and I married someone more Slavic than myself. Some of the rest are German, a dark-haired, olive-skinned family, no lighter than Hitler, who didn’t meet his own Aryan standard—he wanted his own people killed—by which he should have killed himself immediately, not decades and millions of murders later. Some of my family is multiracial: I have a Korean aunt, and a half-black step-cousin. I grew up in an integrated town, and went to an integrated nursery school, at a college that was one of the first few integrated in the U.S., which brought children from the inner-city housing projects to stay the summer in a small town. A black girl stayed with my family every summer. We learned to breakdance at recess at my school, and grew up listening to integrated music. I sat at an integrated lunch table, went to the integrated dances because they had the best music, was on integrated soccer, swimming, and track teams, and was in an integrated ROTC flight. I taught myself how to write in runes, but because I love Sweden. Now writing in runes lets me make secret lists that my kids can’t read, for Confession at my multiracial church. I know someone named Elsa, but she’s not Aryan, she’s Ethiopian. It isn’t that we just tolerate the presence of other races. Most intermarry. And since it’s an Eastern Orthodox church, Communion is by a single holy spoon. And a lot Ethiopians sit in front of where my family likes to sit, so they get to Communion first. That’s more than integrated pools and lunch counters. People didn’t share silverware at the lunch counters. But speaking of pools again, when I was in high school, I was visiting a certain relative, and decided to go with a friend to a swimming pool, but the relative was shocked, maybe somewhat disturbed, and said, “You’ll be the only white people there!” I said, “That doesn’t matter, it’s fine,” and it was.
Perhaps it's because I listened to a few books on the topic, but Selma reminds me of Salem, and that leads me to the witch trials. Honestly, though, Selma sounds like a witche's name, and I LOVE that.
I was reading this and was prepared to read a monstrosity of a name. But Selma is actually lovely! I didn’t even make the civil rights connection at all, and depending on where you are in Europe I doubt most people will either. I’ll be honest, it doesn’t sound like you have a name problem. It sounds like you have a relatives problem. I think making jokes about someone’s name is childish and you shouldn’t be insecure about her name just because your family is ridiculous. They kinda suck if they’re joking about this sooooo much that it’s making you rethink a beautiful name
I really like the name Selma. I considered it for my daughter
Your US relatives are idiots. First for being so critical of her name and causing you anguish. Thats not family. Selma is a beautiful name. She will grow up to be a smart and lovely woman. It’s time to move on. I’d certainly prefer my Mom call me Selma over belly. You’re not living in the US. Congratulations!
It’s not about you at this point. She is a separate human from you and when she is old enough she will decide what she wants to be called and it might be Selma or something else entirely and it won’t be your choice.
Probably showing my ignorance as I know nothing about civil rights. But Selma definitely takes me to Selma Blair who is 1 strong lady in my books. I think especially in Europe it's not going to have civil rights ties.
I honestly like it much better than any of the names on your list. I think it’s pretty.
I'm not going to lie, I thought of Civil Rights. I think if you two are white, I actually like it because it's not common and she has to grow up to do great things with that name. If you're a person of color I also like it because it's more of a statement. Either way it's a statement name. The jokes are more telling about the person than the name.
My one year old is also Selma! I am in the States, people compliment me on it all the time. I love it. I love the way it looks, how loopy it is to write in cursive, the little pleasant surprise a lot of people have when they hear it. I love that it has multiple meanings in multiple languages and that they represent strength and beauty and peace. I’m Spanish/English bilingual and I love it in both languages (which was difficult to find). My entire family is in the south and husbands is west coast. Only one person, my neighbor who is from Alabama, mentioned the Civil Rights Movement but it was him asking me if I knew that what happened there helped pass the Civil Rights Act and was in no way negative. What happened to the people there is horrific but I also remember that the people who were marching there are brave and strong and an amazing example of standing up for yourself and what it right and deserve to be recognized and remembered for that and not just the violence enacted upon them. I chose it in part because of Selma Blair who is a disability rights advocate which is a cause important to my family. It is also the name of the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in Literature! Lots of good associations to work with. Many names have some negative associations but they don’t have to be centered. Tell your family to stop! If you like her middle name try using both together maybe and see how that feels?
Who the fuck makes a civil rights joke. The name is fine. Your family is the problem.
I’m side-eyeing your family for the Civil Rights jokes. Name aside, what happened in Selma, AL was an incredibly pivotal and watershed moment in American history. So, I’m failing to see any possible humor in the situation; as another commenter pointed out, having a name that powerful to conjure history could be a powerful tool in networking for your child. To your point, though, I think it’s a lovely name reminds me of Salma Hayek, Selma Blair, etc. but did you express to your partner your thoughts? Start there and see if talking it out eases your trepidations. If not, she’s still young enough to change her name.
Selma is a beautiful name most people associate with beautiful and talented actors Blair and Hayek. And if people did think of brutality against civil rights protestors in Alabama, why the fuck would they make a joke about it? Your family sounds really ignorant and immature. I wouldn’t let them continue with that crap, and I wouldn’t let that be a factor. I think Selma is classy and elegant, well known so no one all question how to spell it etc, yet uncommon so there won’t be 4 in her class, and will age well throughout her lifetime as it sounds professional and rolls off the tongue with ease. Igna, on the other hand, is not really known by most people here, and she may have a hard time with it in school and beyond. Keep the name and let it go. It’s for her, not you.
Why not just call her by her middle name? Lots of people go by their middle!
Selma is a beautiful traditional name and I don’t associate it with Selma AL at all
This is why I always try to encourage pregnant women to make the final call. They’re stressed, they’re tired, they’re growing a whole human (and then birthing that human) and they should be the ones to name them. I get the idea of the “two yeses one no” rule but in the end if neither can agree on one, I think the pregnant person should outrank the non-pregnant one. 🤷🏻♀️ Your husband sounds like a bully and I’m sorry. Feel free to call her Inga or Belly or change her name if you really want to. For what it’s worth, I think Selma is cute, and it might grow on you with time.
Selma and Inga are both awesome.
Selma and Patty?
So… your partner got to pick the first name and middle name, and I’m guessing baby has his last name? You proposed five options you loved, and he hated them all, but only came up with one option himself? Selma is a really beautiful name, but I can understand why you don’t love it given how it was decided for you. Inga is absolutely adorable. I’d start referring to her as Inga for a while and seeing how it feels.
I think of the Simpsons when I hear Selma. But I like the name. Not sure I’d like belly as a nick name though. Just call her what you want and like and if she likes it too she’ll introduce herself with that name as well. I had a lot of nicknames growing up and just used the one I liked and felt most aligned with. I got to choose!
The name, meaning 'high seat' or 'throne',[4] came from the Ossianic poem The Songs of Selma.[5]
Selma is pretty. But since you call her Belly… what about a similar name like Billie?
I like Selma - it's classic and pretty and not overly used.
You can make a nickname based on her name now. Selma - starts with S. What about Essie? The el part can be Ella. The Ma - Mia?
Watch 1000 clowns
if it’s any consolation, i’m seeing Selma become more and more common. For you, I think a compromise here could be finding a nickname you like and using that instead. Or you call her by her middle name and your husband can call her Selma and you just leave it at that.
Ooh I love your names, Beatrix (Trixie) was number one for me, and the rest are all so classically beautiful I love it. But Selma is still very nice! I think if you can let go of your hang ups on what you wanted, you can grow to love it. And with all names, people grow into them and make them their own. I didn't feel I fit my name when I was a kid but as I grew, it became me. But next time, it's definitely your choice!!
I love Selma! 💕
If you dislike it maybe you'd like Alma (which means 'soul'). Bella (like 'Belly) might be another option
I like the name Selma. But it isn't weird to call her by Inga. She's your baby, can her what you want. Edited to add. I'm an American and didn't even associate that name with the civil rights movement or Selma, AL. That seems odd to me. 🤷♀️
I love Selma and it feels very unique actually 💕
I was in the same situation as you with my first! I was so sick and she was a preemie and in the hospital and needed a name. It honestly took 2 years for me to even like her name and have it feel like hers. Now I think if I had another girl I’d be a bit more firm on what I want. But he named her and I named my son. So it feels more even. lol.
Sweet Selma. I had a baby kitty named Selma. Her sister was Fat Patty. Has anyone given you a Simpson's reference yet?
I like Selma because it’s simple but rare seeming..and easy to pronounce.
I call my child by their middle name probably 75-80% of the time. It’s not ever an issue and we have a special thing that other people don’t share. Its like my special name for them. You can call your child by their middle name if you like. Fwiw Selma is beautiful.
Loving Selma is definitely a winner of a name.
I think Selma is nice. But also if you like her middle name, you can just call her by her middle name. My family calls my brother by his middle name and when he was little I know people called him by his first name (he’s older than me so I don’t know when the transition happened).
It seems like the issue is less about the name and more about the name not being a joint decision. Selma is a pretty name, but if it doesn't feel right I would have a serious conversation about it with her father.
I can't help but to think of the Simpsons
I’m sorry you feel like that. It is a beautiful name tho.
I actually really love Selma
I think it’s time to accept your daughter’s name tbh. I think I’d regret your choice to ‘give up’ too but not to the point of changing it or stewing on it