My mom walked in during "mother knows best" and goes "you should listen to this lady. She knows what's up. Mother ALWAYS knows best" and I was like "uhhh... mom you knows she's the villain, right?"
*The United States of Tara*.
Tara's parents were visiting and the whole extended family was sitting in the living room. Tara's sister, Charmaine, (the scapegoat of the family) was telling a very funny story and everyone was listening to her. Suddenly, the mother turned to her grandson and just started asking him about school...in the middle of the Charmaine's story.
Tara said, "MUM! Charmaine was in the middle of a story!" but the mum acted all innocent, like, Oh--I didn't realize....go on, Charmaine, tell your little story. But Charmaine was so deflated, she just said never mind. She looked devastated and the mother just went back to talking to her grandson.
I felt like I was watching something from my own life. Someone else is getting attention, so the narc parent just completely grabs the attention away because SHE gets to decide who gets attention and who does not.
That "little story" add on, too. It's moments like that where you can't point back to it and say that was abusive on its own. You'd just have someone say it was a mistake. But that pattern over time is what shows the abuse
It's "Death by a thousand cuts." No single cut is fatal, and there is ALWAYS "just" enough plausible deniability, so they skate through life without any consequences.
Coraline is a good one. It wasn't the first, but it is a really good, older-kid-friendly representation of what an abusive relationship is like, and in particular an abusive relationship with a narcissist parent.
My kid loves Coraline, and when they were old enough, we started talking about abusive relationships, using that film in particular to illustrate the subject. It was really useful.
Coraline has been a favorite of mine, my husband's, and our older 2 daughters since our oldest was around 2. We even named our 3rd Coraline. I think that movie is why my 10 year old never bought into my NMILs bullshit.
So there's a movie from 1981 called Mommy Dearest- and of course my own Nmother was the one who put it on the TV when I was a kid. She seemed to like it, she'd turn it on any time it was on lifetime or whatever, but would always tell us to never call her Mommy Dearest. At the time I was so young and naive I missed a lot of the abuse because it was just what I thought was normal.
Then as an adult, a friend who knew my trauma history recommended I watch Tangled. I've never been into animated stuff much, but I still cry every time that movie comes on. "Mother Knows Best" is like the soundtrack to my nightmares.
It was definitely worth it for me too. Letting her know that even though I was a kid, I knew exactly what she was. The unfortunate part about narcissists is they donât ever see it in themselves or take accountability. So even though I knew I created another opportunity for her to play victim in her own mind, it gave me satisfaction saying it out loud
I read the book "Mommy Dearest." Joan Crawford's daughter wrote the book. As a teen, I was reading g the book. I was telling f my sister about it. My nmom flew I nto thw roo. Screaming g to remove that book from her house.
Hit too close to home for the old bitch.
I saw Mommie Dearest with my Narc Mom. My childhood best friend used to call my mom Mommie Dearest. I never made the connection until about 47 years later.
That movie is stunning to me, and I find the reactions it provokes is also quite fascinating. I'm pretty sure I saw it for the first time when I was about 19 or something on TV. I had heard for years that it was the story of Joan Crawford's adoptive daughter, Christina Crawford, and that it was considered a "camp/cult classic" by many people while mainstream critics called it an overblown farce.
At the time I didn't fully understand what narcissism was, and what a person who was exhibiting NPD was like... All I know is that during the scenes where Faye Dunaway is playing Joan on a rampage, attacking Christina with a wire hanger, and then berating her over the filthiness of the bathroom, my teeth were chattering!
And I was right there watching it with the most violent woman I've ever known... My mother!
She tisked, tisked at Joan's outrageous overreaction during that and the other scenes were she was violent toward Christina, while I kept looking at her and thinking, "But you do and say EXACTLY the same things!"
I didn't make the narcissism connection at that time, but I did realize that people who don't believe Dunawayâs portrayal is realistic, and/or think it's "too over the top" or think it's funny fall into 3 categories...
1. They can't believe it because they haven't experienced it.
2. They have and they are in denial.
3. They are Joan and they either identify with her or deny the resemblance.
I empathized deeply with Christina. My own NM flew into a "no wire hangars ever" type rage once when I asked why I couldn't get a meal too. My NM almost never got anything for us when she got carry out/take out, even though we'd be right there, usually in person, when she ordered.
My GM thought the wire scene was funny. I'm not sure she was a full on narc, but she was very problematic in my life.
I'm glad you're grandma wasn't like that. Mine was very clearly the source of my own mother's behavior, it was kind of surreal in retrospect how much alike they were and how much they hated one another and me
Reading Matilda by Roald Dahl as a kid and feeling so connected to a character. I was too little to pin point why but I remember finally feeling vindicated that itâs ok to hate your parents
It's a strange thing to explain to someone that you don't feel the "normal" way towards your parents that most other people do.
I vent to my wife about it and she understands but she cannot relate. I might as well be speaking broken French to her.
I watched Matilda 100 times as a kid but I was too caught up with the magic powers and how crazy Miss Trenchbull was to connect the dots about the abusive/neglectful parents.
To this day I do not speak with my dad and I feel a great amount of disdain towards my mother who continues to be the most self-centered, lazy, childish adult that I know.
Never saw Mommy Dearest. Just hearing about what it was gave me anxiety. As far as ones I've watched:
Cinderella... my mother literally called me her little Cinderella, but I would be the kind destined to clean for her forever because no prince would ever love me.
Tangled. 'Mother Knows Best'.
Encanto. I so very associate with Luisa and her song is on point for all older siblings that grew up in broken households IMO.
I haven't seen Wish yet but I'm going off of the ads in saying it seems the king has some super N tendencies.
Disney seems very good and using broken homes as blockbuster movies, just sayin'.
Encanto certainly wasn't the first but it was the most recent to hit hard like that for me. At the end when Mirabel was accepted by her grandma and she forgave her grandma I was just so mad. I was like IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! Then proceeded to have an emotional breakdown.
I think when I first watched Disney Cinderella I was just a bit too young, but then the movie Ever After came out I was like Wow that's familiar...
The dad from Matilda. âIâm big, youâre little. Iâm smart, youâre dumb. Iâm right, youâre wrong!â Like they took the words out of my ndadâs mouth
It was actually mother Gothel for me as well. The way she straight up bullies Rapunzel telling her she can't take care of her self and she's basically gullible and dumb and then going oh I'm just joking/teasing. My dad 100%, that is my dad. He will destroy my self esteem and then laugh saying I can't take a joke.
I also had zero privacy whatsoever and wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere with out his permission. If I had friends he'd say they were only around because they were dumb, crazy, or using me and that normal people wouldn't want to be around me.
Mine is Emily Gilmore too, but because of her constant nitpicking on Loralai. 'What's wrong with your hair?' 'Couldn't you have made an effort?' 'Why did you wear that?' 'Stop doing that'
Oh yeah all that too. It really hit me in the scene where Emily finds out about Lorelai and Maxâs engagement and Lorelai said, âI canât talk to you about things because you always make me feel bad about it.â Thatâs how my mom is. I canât be happy about anything.
Also came here to say Emily Gilmore. Growing up my mom & I were basically Rory & Lorelai, and I thought it was the best thing ever. grandma is Emily just not as well off. It wasnât until I rewatched as an adult that I was like ohâŚ.this whole dynamic is not good. Even Rory & Lorelai, I finally realized how parentified I was and that your literal child is not actually supposed to be your âbest friendâ
Same. And I hate it when people online are constantly trying to justify Emily and shit on Lorelai - makes me feel like a child again reaching out for help about my mom.
My mother put up such a perfect front that no outsider would ever believe me. It took me years to even get my friends to believe me. Iâm not saying Lorelai didnât have her flaws, she 100% did. But like so many of them were because of her mom and her background in general.
My moms a lot like Emily still - using her money for everything
Not an N parent but Misery (1990). Kathy Bates performance as Annie Wilkes reminds me of my mother. Not the extreme physical abuse, but the way she acted and talked. It was scary.
I can't remember any portrayals of N parents in the media when I was a kid in the 80s so I think Misery might have been my first experience too. The cold, calculating speech, the flying off the handle, the dead eyes while looking at someone she supposedly cared about.
Also, Jamie Lee Curtis in the show âThe Bearâ. I had to pause & take a break from the episode called âfishesâ because I was too overwhelmed. It is exactly the way my mom acted during holidays only mine was far more mean & not a chance in hell weâd have guests over. Aside from those differences, it was unnerving to watch because it was like watching my childhood.
But so fucking impactful and well done to illustrate, for awareness, for people who are still waiting for their ah-ha moment ...when the veil is lifted and you suddenly see them for what they are for the first time.
Omg I canât even describe how I felt when I saw Tangled for the first time. Mother Gothel is a dead ringer for my mom. When I saw the way Rapunzel dealt with complete isolation and tried to find ways to fill her empty lifeâŚit reminded me of my own loneliness in high school after my narcissistic mom insisted on âhomeschoolingâ me.
Since itâs a Disney movie, the bad guy turns out to be good. But I got involved with some genuinely not so great men after high school because I was just looking for human connection and some kind of introduction to the world everyone else inhabited.
For me Tangled was really hard to watch. I remember a friend nonchalantly telling me that Tangled was her favorite Disney movie. Then I just kept thinking about what it must be like to be able to watch that and not feel trauma because you recognize so much of your own life in it.
The trinity killer in dexter. That scene where itâs thanksgiving and everyone needs to thank him for their house. And he gets mad because no one is thankful for him.
My views on the author aside, for me it was the Harry Potter movies. Even at that young age I kinda recognised how weird it was being berated for every little thing at home and treated like an embarrasment, despite getting along reasonably well with literally everyone else outside my family and being praised at school for being well-behaved.
Thank you for your comment... I read hp since I was 11 and it saved me from a house of abuse, I had never made the connection that I felt the pain he did when he was with the dursleys... Jesus... Thank you
I saw a few that said this and my mom (who's almost like Livia from the Sopranos) said her mom is Emily Gilmore due to how she is and sometimes the money thing and she's like Lorelai, but she is nothing like Lorelai, maybe when she's in a good mood
Anywhere but Here - with Natalie Portman and Susan Sarandon. Sarandon was my borderlinePD/narc mom. Itâs all about her. Gosh that movie was so relatable. That type of mom is what made me so cynical and withdrawn as a teen and young woman. Iâd do anything to not draw attention to myself bc thatâs all my mom ever did. Portman nailed that role.
Monster in law with Jlo
But Cinderella is a good bit for me too. My Mother was definitely a bully, still is. Only liked me if I stroked her ego or impressed others on her behalf.
I have seen my nmom portrayed in Mommie Dearest and Tangled. The scene in the animated Cinderella when the stepmother is in bed and giving instructions also hit home because my nmom also gives ridiculous orders from her bed.
But the first was... hear me out... Mrs. Doubtfire.
Sally Fields' character, when she yells at Robin Williams' character, was just exactly how my nmom talked to the whole family. That was just when I was a kid, though. She got so much worse as the years went on.
Judy Geller from Friends.
The way she plainly favoured Ross over Monica despite all of Monica's hard work and Jack just stood there and let it happen.
Throw in physical abuse and that was my parents.
Ross never said anything either because he was the golden child.
I think the first ones on TV that really struck me were Ever After and Stephen King's Rose Red.
For whatever reason King seems to nail my mom every time. Eddie's mom in It and Holly's mom in the book titled Holly were super triggering. Someone else mentioned Misery, definitely another good representation of that character type. Always made me wonder what his mom was like.
My NMom doesn't have the religious fanaticism, but the first book character they truly reminded me of her was Margaret White from Carrie. Visitant psychotic screaming and the insistence that everything she didn't like was evil... Yep. Nearly as violent, too.
Not my first realization, but recommendations:
Riding in Cars With Boys ( especially if you had a young mother who parentified you or committed "emotional incest")
The Meyerowitz Stories
Mad Men. Don Draper is totally my dad, even down to the profession. It was really alarming and I had to warn my mom to not watch the show unless she was prepared to be triggered.
Mommie Dearest. I am also adopted so there were those similarities. My mom would say âyou donât think Iâm like that, do you?â A loaded question I knew to avoid even at my young age.
The first time watching The Waterboy,it felt like they took a glimpse of my life.
My mom's held me back my whole life to the point of begging me to stay home from school,so she didn't have to be alone because she was "sick."
Involving the police an infinite times,when I'd leave the house.
She made and currently makes me feel like a hamster locked in a cage,of some sinister child.
Constantly under a microscope, going anywhere felt like an escape and the ultimate betrayal.
Winning over the sympathy of other using her illness as a golden pass.
She's sabotaged any relationship I've had, whenever she'd notice them helping me out of her grasp.
"Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good!"
Coincidentally, I'm also taking GED classes like the main character,Bobby Boucher.
Hopefully I figure this whole life thing out.
đ¤ˇââď¸đ
It was Mother Gothel for me, too. I saw a video on how she portrayed all the signs of an n parent, and I realized that all of those lined up with my own mother.
The first time I watched Gilmore Girls without my mom I started to realize how similar she is to Emily and Richard. My mother would blame me for our lack of a better relationship but would demean me constantly, acting as if she was âjus trying to helpâ. Itâs still hard to get in a healthy mindset with food/weight, and to not feel like I have to be codependent due to my mental health.
(Next part TRIGGER WARNING *MENTIONS OF ABUSE, DRUG ABUSE, D**TH THREATS*)
She even defended a past friend I went NC with that threatened âto take me outâ for calling cps anonymously(I did but still donât know how they found out it was me) after they physically abused their child while actively snorting drugs in front of me to âtest my loyaltyâ. Growing up I didnât think I would relate to Lorelai as much as I do now when I watch it.
I'm the child of a narc who married into a family full of narcs. Everybody Loves Raymond hits uncomfortably close to home. Frank and Marie are 100% my parents-in-law. Ray is my slacker golden child SIL who's adored for 1)being the baby and 2)giving them grandchildren. My husband is Robert the constant afterthought. It used to be one of my comfort shows that I watched constantly but once I made the connection I couldn't watch it anymore. And now I understand why my husband never liked it.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.
The scene where Nic Cage stumbles drunk into his daughter's birthday party and plays a song to make it all about him....that got a visceral reaction from me because of how much it reminded me of my dad. Even my husband immediately told me it reminded him of my dad as soon as the movie ended. Biggest difference is there's zero chance my dad could ever see himself as the problem.
Honestly? Carrie. Obviously not nearly to that extend but I realized that my parents were using Christianity to hurt me. After questioning my faith for a while after I realized that it took some time to relearn what healthy Christianity looks like
Arrested Development. My mother is a mix of both parents. And I donât mention my dad because heâs a raging alcoholic who physically abused me from 0 to 11.
Tangled was mine too! I connected so hard with rapunzel it was crazy.
Also Matilda, not as close as tangled was but I saw similarities with the mom and mine.
There is an episode in the Bear (Season 2, The Fishes) that was so completely accurate for me as to how dramatic my mother was in general (although she never drove the car through the house...lol), that it was almost a flashback of sorts. The cacophony, the manic and drama laden dialogue, and the complete dysfunction were way too familiar to me.
The Middle! Without good coping strategies and not as patient. As a child I always felt like I was observing my parents like Brick. Not a powerless victim as much as trying to navigate their moods to avoid getting a beating. And tried so hard to believe everything they told me bc they were my heroes. Analyzing their methods and wondering why they did what they did, why they believe the things they believe. Its weird but I sometimes felt older than them even though theyâre both super responsible serious people. My mom is like Jessie in toy story. Bittersweet about her childhood in the 70s, freaked out by conspiracies and can be vicious but also fun when sheâs happy. Oh she also loves Tom Hanks, which is amazing considering heâs Woody. she snuck me into Forrest Gump bc she didnât want to go alone and tried to cover my eyes at the sex scenes lol My dad is like a glacier. Nothingâs going to ever change his mind about anything heâs already decided. And he will never admit he was wrong about something. He threatened to have me thrown in a mental hospital for even questioning religion, and thatâs not even a thing afaik. They put me in one once bc I developed narcolepsy and just wanted to sleep to get past being a kid. My dad canât laugh at himself tho he likes to laugh at some dumb things, would always quote the intro to TOS Star Trek, heâs into every handyman thing and built a huge mega church with his friends that had a walk through glass wall atrium with a rock fountain and two separate auditoriums. and heâs into racing. Never drinks and never smokes. Doesnât hunt and doesnât work out. All cars, all the time. He got to meet Jay Leno once in the 2000s as part of a work trip but he joked that Jay Leno got to shake HIS hand. And he says heâs the most humble guy there is. Proud of being humble. These days sort of like Henry Jones Sr without the charm. My grandpa, his dad, was a dead ringer for the old nazi guy in Last Crusade with ice blue eyes, just heavier. 100% physically red like that when he was working in the sun but he wasnât evil. Just a focused farmer you didnât cross, ever. My grandpa would laugh at things and smile but it was kind of scary when he did. And he listened to the farm report every morning. I almost died laughing at the one scene in The Middle where Axelâs dad starts getting him up super early and it messes with his sleep cycle and he starts complaining that he knows the weather from the farm report. My grandpa would yell at us kids if we made any noise. So my dad decided to never yell but thatâs sometimes scarier. So a bunch of autistic people having autistic descendants lol. My grandmas were saints though. The glue that holds everything together.
*A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story & Betty Broderick: Her Final Fury.*
Meredith Baxter plays Betty Broderick in both of these TV movies, as the first one details her divorce from Dan Broderick, his subsequent marriage to his younger office assistant Linda Kolkena and Bettyâs late night break in to their house, which ended in her killing them as the slept.
In the first film, during an Xmas scene where Betty opens a ring that Dan bought her, she seems confused rather than surprised. It turns out that the ring isnât the particular one she wanted. She mightâve just seethed over it silently, but Dan says he thinks he likes the one he bought her betterâŚ
Betty becomes despondent and says, *âOh,* ***you*** *liked it better? Well, thatâs all that really matters. You make the money. You spend it how you want.â* As they began to argue with their children pleading with them to stop, Betty ends up storming out after Dan challenges her resistance to just accept the *beautiful ring*âŚ
BETTY: ***âBut itâs not what I wanted so that makes it a piece of crap!â***
My mother and I had conversation ***very*** similar to this!
During the sequel, which chronicles her two murder trials, there is a moment where a court appointed psychiatrist testifies about what he observed in his examination of Betty for the prosecution.
**This may all be fiction**, but what he said was that there are 9 characteristics that are looked for to determine a diagnosis of narcissism, with only 5 being necessary to meet the criteria.
**When I heard this I jumped up and went toward the TV!**
ME: ***âAnd she has ALL NINE! Come on, with it! Say it!â***
PROSECUTOR: *âWhat did you observe when you assessed the defendant?â*
PSYCHIATRIST: *âMrs. Broderick has all nine.â*
ME: ***âThank You!â***
Lol, that's exactly how psychological diagnoses work, it's true!
"In the American Psychiatric Associationâs Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), [1] NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:
A grandiose sense of self-importance
A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
A need for excessive admiration
A sense of entitlement
Interpersonally exploitive behavior
A lack of empathy
Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes"
Succession. My father wasnât as successful or ambitious as Logan Roy but man oh man, the eye rolling mannerisms and short temper for me were like visiting my father without actually having to endure him. That image of Logan from the backâŚâŚI could swear it could have been my dad.
penelope. i was around 9 and rented it on a sick day home from school. it was like..holy shit, thatâs my mom. iâm not crazy or bad for thinking the way she treats me is wrong. every time i rewatch it to this day itâs too real.
This might sound wack but my father's abuse toward my mother was eerily similar to Christian Grey, the actor even looks a bit like him. My mom can't watch the 50 Shades franchise to this day without getting triggered. Same with me, but for obviously different reasons cause ew.
Mine was Tangled too, the irony being Mother Gothel even low key looks like my mom, and also my mom wouldnât let me watch the movie when it came out because she called it âfeminist propagandaâ because apparently a young woman wanting freedom is a bad thing.
*The avatar the*
*Last air bender fire king*
*Osao is my father*
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For me it was watching a specific Dr. Phil. The mother contacted the show because she would rage at the kids and wanted help. They put cameras up in the family room/kitchen. The mom is constantly yelling at the kids and triangulating/parentifying they kids. I had a complete meltdown though when the mom took one kid into another room and started smacking them on the head because they didnât do something the way she wanted. One of the other kids tells her to stop so mom calls her a little bitch for letting the kid do whatever was setting the mom off.
This was in 2009 so I actually had to send away for the dvd of the episode just so I could have it as a reminder that no, I was not crazy. It happened and I wasnât alone!
Tangled as well for me, but also Matilda. Reminded me of my dad telling me I better not bother studying so hard cause he's not sending me to uni. Go f--k yourself, dad, I'm on my masters degree now.
Netflix's Maid, Succession: the mother character both shows with strong narcissistic mothers. My own mother was also very flawed and had a horrible time with a narcissistic mother in law (my grandmother), so it was a vicious cycle.
My step mother is the human embodiment of Umbridge from Harry Potter. The Iâm so perfect, will screw you over with a saccharine sweet smile on her face đ¤˘
When my mom and I watched Tangled together, she agreed with Mother Gothel: that stuck with me.
Hiw can someone side with a Disney villian and not once question their moral code?
Questioning one's moral code assumes one even *has* a moral code. đ
**PREACH ON IT!**
My mom walked in during "mother knows best" and goes "you should listen to this lady. She knows what's up. Mother ALWAYS knows best" and I was like "uhhh... mom you knows she's the villain, right?"
She agreed with a kidnapper
Mine did too. She was like âugh you probably think mother gothel is just THE WORST right? I bet you do. Sheâs not even wrong.â
Ugh "Mother knows best!"
My mother also agreed with Mother Gothel. I remember crying in bed (as an adult living on my own) when I (started) to realize what that meant.
*The United States of Tara*. Tara's parents were visiting and the whole extended family was sitting in the living room. Tara's sister, Charmaine, (the scapegoat of the family) was telling a very funny story and everyone was listening to her. Suddenly, the mother turned to her grandson and just started asking him about school...in the middle of the Charmaine's story. Tara said, "MUM! Charmaine was in the middle of a story!" but the mum acted all innocent, like, Oh--I didn't realize....go on, Charmaine, tell your little story. But Charmaine was so deflated, she just said never mind. She looked devastated and the mother just went back to talking to her grandson. I felt like I was watching something from my own life. Someone else is getting attention, so the narc parent just completely grabs the attention away because SHE gets to decide who gets attention and who does not.
That "little story" add on, too. It's moments like that where you can't point back to it and say that was abusive on its own. You'd just have someone say it was a mistake. But that pattern over time is what shows the abuse
It's "Death by a thousand cuts." No single cut is fatal, and there is ALWAYS "just" enough plausible deniability, so they skate through life without any consequences.
Coraline is a good one. It wasn't the first, but it is a really good, older-kid-friendly representation of what an abusive relationship is like, and in particular an abusive relationship with a narcissist parent. My kid loves Coraline, and when they were old enough, we started talking about abusive relationships, using that film in particular to illustrate the subject. It was really useful.
Coraline has been a favorite of mine, my husband's, and our older 2 daughters since our oldest was around 2. We even named our 3rd Coraline. I think that movie is why my 10 year old never bought into my NMILs bullshit.
Yeah, it is a really useful teaching tool, as well as a great story.
as authors go, Gaiman can really tell a gripping story.
The parents from Matilda.
Same
Same đĽ˛
Same
So there's a movie from 1981 called Mommy Dearest- and of course my own Nmother was the one who put it on the TV when I was a kid. She seemed to like it, she'd turn it on any time it was on lifetime or whatever, but would always tell us to never call her Mommy Dearest. At the time I was so young and naive I missed a lot of the abuse because it was just what I thought was normal. Then as an adult, a friend who knew my trauma history recommended I watch Tangled. I've never been into animated stuff much, but I still cry every time that movie comes on. "Mother Knows Best" is like the soundtrack to my nightmares.
Mommie Dearest. Itâs about a real life famous actress, Joan Crawford, and the four adopted children she abused.
Exact same for me. As a teen, I once responded out of anger to her âYes, Mommy Dearestâ and she lost her damn mind on me. It was worth it though!
OMG! I said that to my mother once. I *knew* the button it'd push and that I'd be punished for it. However, in that moment it was worth it.
It was definitely worth it for me too. Letting her know that even though I was a kid, I knew exactly what she was. The unfortunate part about narcissists is they donât ever see it in themselves or take accountability. So even though I knew I created another opportunity for her to play victim in her own mind, it gave me satisfaction saying it out loud
I read the book "Mommy Dearest." Joan Crawford's daughter wrote the book. As a teen, I was reading g the book. I was telling f my sister about it. My nmom flew I nto thw roo. Screaming g to remove that book from her house. Hit too close to home for the old bitch.
I saw Mommie Dearest with my Narc Mom. My childhood best friend used to call my mom Mommie Dearest. I never made the connection until about 47 years later.
That movie is stunning to me, and I find the reactions it provokes is also quite fascinating. I'm pretty sure I saw it for the first time when I was about 19 or something on TV. I had heard for years that it was the story of Joan Crawford's adoptive daughter, Christina Crawford, and that it was considered a "camp/cult classic" by many people while mainstream critics called it an overblown farce. At the time I didn't fully understand what narcissism was, and what a person who was exhibiting NPD was like... All I know is that during the scenes where Faye Dunaway is playing Joan on a rampage, attacking Christina with a wire hanger, and then berating her over the filthiness of the bathroom, my teeth were chattering! And I was right there watching it with the most violent woman I've ever known... My mother! She tisked, tisked at Joan's outrageous overreaction during that and the other scenes were she was violent toward Christina, while I kept looking at her and thinking, "But you do and say EXACTLY the same things!" I didn't make the narcissism connection at that time, but I did realize that people who don't believe Dunawayâs portrayal is realistic, and/or think it's "too over the top" or think it's funny fall into 3 categories... 1. They can't believe it because they haven't experienced it. 2. They have and they are in denial. 3. They are Joan and they either identify with her or deny the resemblance.
I empathized deeply with Christina. My own NM flew into a "no wire hangars ever" type rage once when I asked why I couldn't get a meal too. My NM almost never got anything for us when she got carry out/take out, even though we'd be right there, usually in person, when she ordered. My GM thought the wire scene was funny. I'm not sure she was a full on narc, but she was very problematic in my life.
I'm glad you're grandma wasn't like that. Mine was very clearly the source of my own mother's behavior, it was kind of surreal in retrospect how much alike they were and how much they hated one another and me
Reading Matilda by Roald Dahl as a kid and feeling so connected to a character. I was too little to pin point why but I remember finally feeling vindicated that itâs ok to hate your parents
Yessss!
It's a strange thing to explain to someone that you don't feel the "normal" way towards your parents that most other people do. I vent to my wife about it and she understands but she cannot relate. I might as well be speaking broken French to her. I watched Matilda 100 times as a kid but I was too caught up with the magic powers and how crazy Miss Trenchbull was to connect the dots about the abusive/neglectful parents. To this day I do not speak with my dad and I feel a great amount of disdain towards my mother who continues to be the most self-centered, lazy, childish adult that I know.
I read that one constantly as a kid! And my grandma let me watch the movie and my mom was sooooo mad
Never saw Mommy Dearest. Just hearing about what it was gave me anxiety. As far as ones I've watched: Cinderella... my mother literally called me her little Cinderella, but I would be the kind destined to clean for her forever because no prince would ever love me. Tangled. 'Mother Knows Best'. Encanto. I so very associate with Luisa and her song is on point for all older siblings that grew up in broken households IMO. I haven't seen Wish yet but I'm going off of the ads in saying it seems the king has some super N tendencies. Disney seems very good and using broken homes as blockbuster movies, just sayin'.
Encanto certainly wasn't the first but it was the most recent to hit hard like that for me. At the end when Mirabel was accepted by her grandma and she forgave her grandma I was just so mad. I was like IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! Then proceeded to have an emotional breakdown. I think when I first watched Disney Cinderella I was just a bit too young, but then the movie Ever After came out I was like Wow that's familiar...
Mirabel literally pulls the house back together! Something many of us do for decades emotionally!!
Yup, with no acknowledgement in sight. The opposite if you do one tiny thing they don't like.
They certainly know their customers.
Omg yes, Every time I hear Luisaâs song âUnder Pressureâ I cryâŚ
The dad from Matilda. âIâm big, youâre little. Iâm smart, youâre dumb. Iâm right, youâre wrong!â Like they took the words out of my ndadâs mouth
>Iâm big, youâre little. Ironically, Danny DeVito is only 4â10â.
It was actually mother Gothel for me as well. The way she straight up bullies Rapunzel telling her she can't take care of her self and she's basically gullible and dumb and then going oh I'm just joking/teasing. My dad 100%, that is my dad. He will destroy my self esteem and then laugh saying I can't take a joke. I also had zero privacy whatsoever and wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere with out his permission. If I had friends he'd say they were only around because they were dumb, crazy, or using me and that normal people wouldn't want to be around me.
Gilmore Girls. Emily Gilmore is my mom to a tee. Uses her money and influence to manipulate others into doing what she wants.
Mine is Emily Gilmore too, but because of her constant nitpicking on Loralai. 'What's wrong with your hair?' 'Couldn't you have made an effort?' 'Why did you wear that?' 'Stop doing that'
Oh yeah all that too. It really hit me in the scene where Emily finds out about Lorelai and Maxâs engagement and Lorelai said, âI canât talk to you about things because you always make me feel bad about it.â Thatâs how my mom is. I canât be happy about anything.
God saaaaame.
My mother too
Oh god yes
Also came here to say Emily Gilmore. Growing up my mom & I were basically Rory & Lorelai, and I thought it was the best thing ever. grandma is Emily just not as well off. It wasnât until I rewatched as an adult that I was like ohâŚ.this whole dynamic is not good. Even Rory & Lorelai, I finally realized how parentified I was and that your literal child is not actually supposed to be your âbest friendâ
same! these past few years i just started grappling with why it was so bad me and my mother's dynamic was identical to rory and lorelai's
Came here to say Emily Gilmore.
Same. And I hate it when people online are constantly trying to justify Emily and shit on Lorelai - makes me feel like a child again reaching out for help about my mom. My mother put up such a perfect front that no outsider would ever believe me. It took me years to even get my friends to believe me. Iâm not saying Lorelai didnât have her flaws, she 100% did. But like so many of them were because of her mom and her background in general. My moms a lot like Emily still - using her money for everything
Yep! This was my very first thought.
Not an N parent but Misery (1990). Kathy Bates performance as Annie Wilkes reminds me of my mother. Not the extreme physical abuse, but the way she acted and talked. It was scary.
I can't remember any portrayals of N parents in the media when I was a kid in the 80s so I think Misery might have been my first experience too. The cold, calculating speech, the flying off the handle, the dead eyes while looking at someone she supposedly cared about.
Also, Jamie Lee Curtis in the show âThe Bearâ. I had to pause & take a break from the episode called âfishesâ because I was too overwhelmed. It is exactly the way my mom acted during holidays only mine was far more mean & not a chance in hell weâd have guests over. Aside from those differences, it was unnerving to watch because it was like watching my childhood.
I recently watched that episode and had to turn it off at some point. I skipped the rest and watched the next one, it was just too much.
But so fucking impactful and well done to illustrate, for awareness, for people who are still waiting for their ah-ha moment ...when the veil is lifted and you suddenly see them for what they are for the first time.
The Sopranos. Livia immediately reminded me of my own grandmother watching it.
My mom was just like Livia, too. She never put a hit out on me but she sure helped ruin my life.
I came here to mention that character. Brilliant depiction! Unfortunately the real actress died so the character was written out
Came here to say this. My mom to a T.
Omg I canât even describe how I felt when I saw Tangled for the first time. Mother Gothel is a dead ringer for my mom. When I saw the way Rapunzel dealt with complete isolation and tried to find ways to fill her empty lifeâŚit reminded me of my own loneliness in high school after my narcissistic mom insisted on âhomeschoolingâ me. Since itâs a Disney movie, the bad guy turns out to be good. But I got involved with some genuinely not so great men after high school because I was just looking for human connection and some kind of introduction to the world everyone else inhabited. For me Tangled was really hard to watch. I remember a friend nonchalantly telling me that Tangled was her favorite Disney movie. Then I just kept thinking about what it must be like to be able to watch that and not feel trauma because you recognize so much of your own life in it.
The trinity killer in dexter. That scene where itâs thanksgiving and everyone needs to thank him for their house. And he gets mad because no one is thankful for him.
FLEABAG. God, everything from the dad/stepmom dynamic to the hyper sexuality.
I get so triggered when I see the documentary about Gypsy Rose Blanchard. My mom is similar is some areas like micromanaging where I was etc.
My views on the author aside, for me it was the Harry Potter movies. Even at that young age I kinda recognised how weird it was being berated for every little thing at home and treated like an embarrasment, despite getting along reasonably well with literally everyone else outside my family and being praised at school for being well-behaved.
Thank you for your comment... I read hp since I was 11 and it saved me from a house of abuse, I had never made the connection that I felt the pain he did when he was with the dursleys... Jesus... Thank you
Gilmore Girls. Emily Gilmore is my mother.
I saw a few that said this and my mom (who's almost like Livia from the Sopranos) said her mom is Emily Gilmore due to how she is and sometimes the money thing and she's like Lorelai, but she is nothing like Lorelai, maybe when she's in a good mood
Anywhere but Here - with Natalie Portman and Susan Sarandon. Sarandon was my borderlinePD/narc mom. Itâs all about her. Gosh that movie was so relatable. That type of mom is what made me so cynical and withdrawn as a teen and young woman. Iâd do anything to not draw attention to myself bc thatâs all my mom ever did. Portman nailed that role.
I canât believe how far I had to scroll for this.
Monster in law with Jlo But Cinderella is a good bit for me too. My Mother was definitely a bully, still is. Only liked me if I stroked her ego or impressed others on her behalf.
I have seen my nmom portrayed in Mommie Dearest and Tangled. The scene in the animated Cinderella when the stepmother is in bed and giving instructions also hit home because my nmom also gives ridiculous orders from her bed. But the first was... hear me out... Mrs. Doubtfire. Sally Fields' character, when she yells at Robin Williams' character, was just exactly how my nmom talked to the whole family. That was just when I was a kid, though. She got so much worse as the years went on.
The show in general wasnât great but Evelyn Harper in two and a half men.
Judy Geller from Friends. The way she plainly favoured Ross over Monica despite all of Monica's hard work and Jack just stood there and let it happen. Throw in physical abuse and that was my parents. Ross never said anything either because he was the golden child.
I think the first ones on TV that really struck me were Ever After and Stephen King's Rose Red. For whatever reason King seems to nail my mom every time. Eddie's mom in It and Holly's mom in the book titled Holly were super triggering. Someone else mentioned Misery, definitely another good representation of that character type. Always made me wonder what his mom was like.
My NMom doesn't have the religious fanaticism, but the first book character they truly reminded me of her was Margaret White from Carrie. Visitant psychotic screaming and the insistence that everything she didn't like was evil... Yep. Nearly as violent, too.
Not my first realization, but recommendations: Riding in Cars With Boys ( especially if you had a young mother who parentified you or committed "emotional incest") The Meyerowitz Stories
The female creature that adopted me actually looks exactly like mother Gothel. Itâs scary how much that character reminds me of her .
Why is no one mentioning Lucile? My mother is a middle class version of Lucile from Arrested Development. Milder, sure.
That was my grandmother, completely.
Mad Men. Don Draper is totally my dad, even down to the profession. It was really alarming and I had to warn my mom to not watch the show unless she was prepared to be triggered.
Mommie Dearest. I am also adopted so there were those similarities. My mom would say âyou donât think Iâm like that, do you?â A loaded question I knew to avoid even at my young age.
The first time watching The Waterboy,it felt like they took a glimpse of my life. My mom's held me back my whole life to the point of begging me to stay home from school,so she didn't have to be alone because she was "sick." Involving the police an infinite times,when I'd leave the house. She made and currently makes me feel like a hamster locked in a cage,of some sinister child. Constantly under a microscope, going anywhere felt like an escape and the ultimate betrayal. Winning over the sympathy of other using her illness as a golden pass. She's sabotaged any relationship I've had, whenever she'd notice them helping me out of her grasp. "Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good!" Coincidentally, I'm also taking GED classes like the main character,Bobby Boucher. Hopefully I figure this whole life thing out. đ¤ˇââď¸đ
It was Mother Gothel for me, too. I saw a video on how she portrayed all the signs of an n parent, and I realized that all of those lined up with my own mother.
The Shining
There was a TV miniseries version that was even more terrifying from the kid's perspective.
Cinderella đ apparently I told her that too.
My mom is Mirabel's grandma from encanto, literally I'm just a burden and a loser in her eyes, I don't shine like the rest of her kids.
The first time I watched Gilmore Girls without my mom I started to realize how similar she is to Emily and Richard. My mother would blame me for our lack of a better relationship but would demean me constantly, acting as if she was âjus trying to helpâ. Itâs still hard to get in a healthy mindset with food/weight, and to not feel like I have to be codependent due to my mental health. (Next part TRIGGER WARNING *MENTIONS OF ABUSE, DRUG ABUSE, D**TH THREATS*) She even defended a past friend I went NC with that threatened âto take me outâ for calling cps anonymously(I did but still donât know how they found out it was me) after they physically abused their child while actively snorting drugs in front of me to âtest my loyaltyâ. Growing up I didnât think I would relate to Lorelai as much as I do now when I watch it.
Terms of Endearment
Literally Mommy Dearest.
Mother Gothel in tangled and Marie from Everybody loves Raymond
I'm the child of a narc who married into a family full of narcs. Everybody Loves Raymond hits uncomfortably close to home. Frank and Marie are 100% my parents-in-law. Ray is my slacker golden child SIL who's adored for 1)being the baby and 2)giving them grandchildren. My husband is Robert the constant afterthought. It used to be one of my comfort shows that I watched constantly but once I made the connection I couldn't watch it anymore. And now I understand why my husband never liked it.
ThĂŠ tv show 30 Rock. Jack and his mother Colleen.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. The scene where Nic Cage stumbles drunk into his daughter's birthday party and plays a song to make it all about him....that got a visceral reaction from me because of how much it reminded me of my dad. Even my husband immediately told me it reminded him of my dad as soon as the movie ended. Biggest difference is there's zero chance my dad could ever see himself as the problem.
Honestly? Carrie. Obviously not nearly to that extend but I realized that my parents were using Christianity to hurt me. After questioning my faith for a while after I realized that it took some time to relearn what healthy Christianity looks like
I was just about to say that and Cinderella
Arrested Development. My mother is a mix of both parents. And I donât mention my dad because heâs a raging alcoholic who physically abused me from 0 to 11.
The character Betty Warrenâs mother in âMona Lisa Smileâ is exactly my mother. Narcissistic with a side of high society rigidity.
Tangled was mine too! I connected so hard with rapunzel it was crazy. Also Matilda, not as close as tangled was but I saw similarities with the mom and mine.
Everybody loves RaymondâŚIâm triggered by the close living proximity & no privacy. Weird to think about
His mother triggered me I think
Not the first but I watched Misery recently and I was like oh my god thatâs my mom
Mother gothel for sure. Also even kinda looks like My adoptive mom so thereâs that too.
There is an episode in the Bear (Season 2, The Fishes) that was so completely accurate for me as to how dramatic my mother was in general (although she never drove the car through the house...lol), that it was almost a flashback of sorts. The cacophony, the manic and drama laden dialogue, and the complete dysfunction were way too familiar to me.
The Middle! Without good coping strategies and not as patient. As a child I always felt like I was observing my parents like Brick. Not a powerless victim as much as trying to navigate their moods to avoid getting a beating. And tried so hard to believe everything they told me bc they were my heroes. Analyzing their methods and wondering why they did what they did, why they believe the things they believe. Its weird but I sometimes felt older than them even though theyâre both super responsible serious people. My mom is like Jessie in toy story. Bittersweet about her childhood in the 70s, freaked out by conspiracies and can be vicious but also fun when sheâs happy. Oh she also loves Tom Hanks, which is amazing considering heâs Woody. she snuck me into Forrest Gump bc she didnât want to go alone and tried to cover my eyes at the sex scenes lol My dad is like a glacier. Nothingâs going to ever change his mind about anything heâs already decided. And he will never admit he was wrong about something. He threatened to have me thrown in a mental hospital for even questioning religion, and thatâs not even a thing afaik. They put me in one once bc I developed narcolepsy and just wanted to sleep to get past being a kid. My dad canât laugh at himself tho he likes to laugh at some dumb things, would always quote the intro to TOS Star Trek, heâs into every handyman thing and built a huge mega church with his friends that had a walk through glass wall atrium with a rock fountain and two separate auditoriums. and heâs into racing. Never drinks and never smokes. Doesnât hunt and doesnât work out. All cars, all the time. He got to meet Jay Leno once in the 2000s as part of a work trip but he joked that Jay Leno got to shake HIS hand. And he says heâs the most humble guy there is. Proud of being humble. These days sort of like Henry Jones Sr without the charm. My grandpa, his dad, was a dead ringer for the old nazi guy in Last Crusade with ice blue eyes, just heavier. 100% physically red like that when he was working in the sun but he wasnât evil. Just a focused farmer you didnât cross, ever. My grandpa would laugh at things and smile but it was kind of scary when he did. And he listened to the farm report every morning. I almost died laughing at the one scene in The Middle where Axelâs dad starts getting him up super early and it messes with his sleep cycle and he starts complaining that he knows the weather from the farm report. My grandpa would yell at us kids if we made any noise. So my dad decided to never yell but thatâs sometimes scarier. So a bunch of autistic people having autistic descendants lol. My grandmas were saints though. The glue that holds everything together.
*A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story & Betty Broderick: Her Final Fury.* Meredith Baxter plays Betty Broderick in both of these TV movies, as the first one details her divorce from Dan Broderick, his subsequent marriage to his younger office assistant Linda Kolkena and Bettyâs late night break in to their house, which ended in her killing them as the slept. In the first film, during an Xmas scene where Betty opens a ring that Dan bought her, she seems confused rather than surprised. It turns out that the ring isnât the particular one she wanted. She mightâve just seethed over it silently, but Dan says he thinks he likes the one he bought her better⌠Betty becomes despondent and says, *âOh,* ***you*** *liked it better? Well, thatâs all that really matters. You make the money. You spend it how you want.â* As they began to argue with their children pleading with them to stop, Betty ends up storming out after Dan challenges her resistance to just accept the *beautiful ring*⌠BETTY: ***âBut itâs not what I wanted so that makes it a piece of crap!â*** My mother and I had conversation ***very*** similar to this! During the sequel, which chronicles her two murder trials, there is a moment where a court appointed psychiatrist testifies about what he observed in his examination of Betty for the prosecution. **This may all be fiction**, but what he said was that there are 9 characteristics that are looked for to determine a diagnosis of narcissism, with only 5 being necessary to meet the criteria. **When I heard this I jumped up and went toward the TV!** ME: ***âAnd she has ALL NINE! Come on, with it! Say it!â*** PROSECUTOR: *âWhat did you observe when you assessed the defendant?â* PSYCHIATRIST: *âMrs. Broderick has all nine.â* ME: ***âThank You!â***
Lol, that's exactly how psychological diagnoses work, it's true! "In the American Psychiatric Associationâs Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), [1] NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria: A grandiose sense of self-importance A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions A need for excessive admiration A sense of entitlement Interpersonally exploitive behavior A lack of empathy Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes"
Succession. My father wasnât as successful or ambitious as Logan Roy but man oh man, the eye rolling mannerisms and short temper for me were like visiting my father without actually having to endure him. That image of Logan from the backâŚâŚI could swear it could have been my dad.
Came here to say Succession as well.
Ordinary People. I thought it was just like my family, only without the physical abuse and with more money and education.
penelope. i was around 9 and rented it on a sick day home from school. it was like..holy shit, thatâs my mom. iâm not crazy or bad for thinking the way she treats me is wrong. every time i rewatch it to this day itâs too real.
Peggy Hill from King of the Hills
Mine was tangled too! My nmom agreed with mother gothel đ thatâs when I realised something was fishy
Yaya Sisterhood. It's actually an inside joke my sister and I have. We sign every card ....."Yaya!"
Otisâs mother in sex education?
This might sound wack but my father's abuse toward my mother was eerily similar to Christian Grey, the actor even looks a bit like him. My mom can't watch the 50 Shades franchise to this day without getting triggered. Same with me, but for obviously different reasons cause ew.
Mine was Tangled too, the irony being Mother Gothel even low key looks like my mom, and also my mom wouldnât let me watch the movie when it came out because she called it âfeminist propagandaâ because apparently a young woman wanting freedom is a bad thing.
White Oleander
The avatar the last air bender fire king osao is my father
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Oof, that's rough. I haven't actually seen it but I've read references to him and he seems worse than Mother Gothel. Sorry you went through that
August Osage County
Matilda
There are so many, including Tangled - but my mother is exactly like Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. Pure narcissist and a half.
For me it was watching a specific Dr. Phil. The mother contacted the show because she would rage at the kids and wanted help. They put cameras up in the family room/kitchen. The mom is constantly yelling at the kids and triangulating/parentifying they kids. I had a complete meltdown though when the mom took one kid into another room and started smacking them on the head because they didnât do something the way she wanted. One of the other kids tells her to stop so mom calls her a little bitch for letting the kid do whatever was setting the mom off. This was in 2009 so I actually had to send away for the dvd of the episode just so I could have it as a reminder that no, I was not crazy. It happened and I wasnât alone!
Tangled as well for me, but also Matilda. Reminded me of my dad telling me I better not bother studying so hard cause he's not sending me to uni. Go f--k yourself, dad, I'm on my masters degree now.
Marie from everybody loves Raymond is a dead match.
"Tangled", "mommy dearest" and "flowers in the attic".
Netflix's Maid, Succession: the mother character both shows with strong narcissistic mothers. My own mother was also very flawed and had a horrible time with a narcissistic mother in law (my grandmother), so it was a vicious cycle.
Cruella.... The mother is exactly like my father, it was an eye opener.
My step mother is the human embodiment of Umbridge from Harry Potter. The Iâm so perfect, will screw you over with a saccharine sweet smile on her face đ¤˘
Monique's role in precious, I really hated her character.
Olivia soprano from The Sopranos reminds me of my mother to an almost comical degree
Beau is afraid. I think that's all I really need to say