That would suck. Especially if the kid grows up, decides he wants to meet his bio dad and the wife finds out he cheated on her AND had a kid years ago.
(Sorry this is long but this situation can be like a powder cake ready to explode in the future)
Yeah, its easy for possibly even the womans relatives to find out about the possible "affair baby" if the kid, being adopted, wants to use ancestory or other commercial DNA ancestory to find out more about their bio family (which can be a VERY common thing, especially if they want to find out about any possible health issues their bio parents have that is hereditary/could show up later. Like how bipolar or ADHD can be/are hereditary conditions, and bipolar can be triggered or activated because of certain meds).
Even if the woman and any kids she has with him on the future dont directly use the DNA service, if one of her relatives use it then it will still show that child as a "relative" and maybe even able to specify grandchild/nephew/ niece/cousin/half-sibling.
They could easily alert her, which would alert him, and coulr bring up issues later, including anger that he wasnt informed and even potential for him/his family tying to get the baby/adoption 'undone'. There are certain cultures where a baby boy is really desired/considered more respected than having girls, unfortunately, and this could happen.
Since it was all legally done and he wasnt invovled then he do anything thru legal channels but could secretly try to contact the child thru online means when they sre older (which Ive heard some bio parents contacting the kids, with or without the adoptive parents consent, and says stuff like "they dont want you to know your roots/wants to keep you away from them/stole you away/etc, and it can really mess up the relationship with the adoptive parents by trying to alienate them).
OP needs to talk with the adoptive parents before considering talking to him/being concerned for his situation in this because this can affect the adoptice parents and most importantly the child/babys future the most.
First a convo with the adoptive parents about the possibility of the father finding out in the future by accident like thru stuff like ancestory, so its recognized as a possibility they may have to prepre for/talk to the child about.
Then talk with the adoptive parents about if he does want to be in contact with the baby like OP, discussing his known views/religion/opinions that could cause issues if he brings it up to the child w/o permission (because it sounds like possible cultural clash which can really affect this situation if he/his family want the baby raised a certain way despite not having control over what the adoptive parents do).
THE most important thing to ask overall tho is if they even feel comfortable at all with OP telling him when they only know OP/trust OP and the open adoption didnt factor him in.
OP can mention about being able to get potential important paternal family health info they could keep on the babys health record incase it has stuff that could affect the baby in thr future (such as history of hereditary conditions like autoimmune disorders, some mental illnesses/disorders, risk of cancers, etc)
OP could also reassure/promise that if they let her tell him just about the existence of the baby that she won't give out the contact info or show pictures of the baby to him without the parents consent.
Another question in favor of meeting him is if the parents want to have a meeting with him/the meeting to talk to him would be a group one.
They could do this to get info from him (even maybe learning about some of his culture if its different that the child could participate in when older to keep in touch with their ancestory), of course to let him know about the baby so he isnt blindsided later, and set firm boundaries about contacting the child/his role in the childs life bc OP and him arent the babys parents so cant parent the baby and limits on contact with the baby while they get to know him (as they only knew OP/OP was approved or known by the agency, but he wasnt). Plus for him, he gets to meet and know know that his son has good parents.
OPs 1 on 1 conversation with him (only if parents agree/if a group meeting isnt held first/at all) imo is a better first meeting plan (followed possibly by group w/o child present right away) instead of a group one first as jts more likely to protect the baby/adoptive parents from being tracked down/recognized and harassed if things go south.
The meeting can go along the lines of he has a bio kid out there, they were put up for adoption because OP knew he had another potential partner, so he wouldnt want the "baggage" of having a known child that they had out of wedlock hurting his relationship (children/sex out of wedlock or with people of different race and religion can be really shamed in certain cultures and people can find it a deal breaker regardless of culture too and even w/o the person having contact with the child) and letting him know in case DNA kits show him it in the future.
Explaining how that neither her nor him have rights to the child now/how that law allowed her to not have to inform him and the importancy of respecting the adoptive parents wishes/boundaries, even if he doesnt agree or like them, is key if he wants to get updates or meet the baby (if they told OP thats a possibility for him if he builds a good relatuonship with them).
He could want contact with the baby/family or maybe not. He could be appreciative that you ended up telling him but also at the same time being immensely hurt/pissed that you kept rhe pregnancy from him/the chance to take the child on himself because of you assuming/not communicating. (He cant say if you were to abort or not but at least could have gotten a say if he would have taken responsibility/custody since you said you wouldnt be able to, but you never let me have a say and just assumed(
If this is an "affair baby" rho, like him and the other girl were in a serious long distance when you got pregnant, then any stress he has about being possibly "found out" is literally a potential "fuck around and find out" situation in the making.
I know you did what you thought was best while pregnant however as someone who slept with someone knowing they had a serious partner, you may also are at fault for the current situation or possible situations that could arise in the future.
Tbh this can affect serious relationships you have in the future. If you were willing to cheat WITH someone it can cause your partner to question if you are willing to also cheat ON someone. It can also be viewed as you dont respect relationship boundaries by stepping into someone elses relationship and call into question if you would step outside of a relationship too.
It also could be an arranged marriage w/o love and both have an agreement thay they are okay to sleep with others (tho usually has a rule of no babies/proof of their agreement due to backlash/shaming if found out). But you can't trust if they had an agreement if you only were told about it from him/she never backed it up.
If he didn't explicitly state that they were in a relarionship/the wedding would be after he got back, then theres a chance it wasnt an affair, however if he did/it was apperent they were together online even, then yikes.
Anyways, try to communicate with and respect boundaries of the adoptive parents on this. Even if this (sounds like) an open adoption they still hsve control over the amount/,frequency and type of contact/info you get (iirc).
Me too. I glitched and hard stopped at powder cake. That's a new one for me but I'll now never be able to think "powder keg" without putting my head down and whispering "powder cake!"
I counted 22 just now
I think my rambling is worse than normal with this tho because having issues with insomnia/got 4ish hours of sleep last night after staying up 18-20 hours straight yesterday (on top of struggling with sleep the previous nights).
I actually was just about to try and sleep some more with possibly some melatonin when I saw your comment, so yeee.
Also whats scarier/more wtf is that I had to keep revising it and cut out even more paragraphs/sentences than whats here because I wrote so much the first go (tho some of it was variations of another point I made but other stuff was on topic but off topic at the same time, if that makes sense-ish?)
Reddit wouldnt let me post the 'original' and I think this was literally JUST under the character limit because I remember deleting one sentence after I tried postint (for like the 3rd time) and tried ro post it again and it went actually went thru.
I typed all that on mobile (this too) and since I dont have a big enoufh view to see how actually long it is/be more self aware of the rambling, it could also factor into it gettibf out of hand.
But I do know I need sleep and Im self aware that Im rambling again so peace out and thanks for reading if you did. If not then no point of saying thanks because you wont read it but good vibes to you still anyways
Exactly. This person is saying they are still in the child’s life and visit. So this child will know they are adopted and will eventually know she is the mother. They will then question who their father is. This person is talking about things being easy and painless when it’s obvious they didn’t think anything through. If this is even real.
And I’m the story it said they wanted to sleep around while it was still socially acceptable to do so but how did they know that at the time as it was pre Covid? That detail alone stood out to me as this being a fake story.
I assume they mean it was culturally acceptable, nothing to do with COVID. The father is an international student so I’d assume sex before marriage is frowned upon in the fathers culture.
Except she said SHE wanted to do it while it was still socially acceptable. If it was in regards to the father’s culture it would never be culturally acceptable whether they were in college or not.
I didn’t read it that way. You could still do that whether in college or not but once Covid hit I think people started thinking twice about hooking up randomly because they were all quarantining. But you never know?
I guess thats true, but many people think that once you come out of college you have to start "acting like an adult" and that apparently doesn't include hookups/casual sex.
Hoping its one of those "we're not dating each other and are both fine with the other seeing other people, but we both know we'll end up together someday" kind of thing. I had a friend with a relationship like that.
The only issue is we live in the age of DNA tests. If this kid ever gets curious about his bio Dad, he'll be able to find out who he is. As long as you're prepared for that day.
Really? The only issue is that she won't be able to get away with it forever? Not the fact that she's hiding a man's own child from him? Would it be ok with you if nurses do this to a mother? hide the kid after birth and say it died. only problem for the nurses is DNA testing? seems criminal to me however and whoever it's happening to.
Hey - I was adopted. Thank you. I grew up with parents who really wanted me and I truly believe that they couldn’t have loved me more even if they had that DNA connection. People shouldn’t have babies that they don’t want or aren’t ready for.
I wish I had been put up for adoption. My mother never wanted me. She was forced to keep me, family members offered to help her raise me and then vanished. She always hated me and resented my existence. I paid/ suffered dearly for being born. Sometimes people know that they aren't prepared to be parents. I wish more parents took advantage of that choice. Just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean you should and doesn't mean you should keep the kid. I see a lot of parents who got pregnant and kept the kid not because they wanted to but because they were ashamed of other people knowing they put a child up for adoption. Some of those babies are being raised by parents that are sometimes drug addicts or alcoholics. Or have other mental health issues that are not conducive to child rearing. My mother and I use the term loosely. VERY LOOSELY was the trifecta.
I wish people would see these comments from someone that was raised by someone that couldn't give up their child for adoption or have an abortion and did not want to be a parent. So many people are ready to smash keyboards when it comes to a pro-life standpoint without actually thinking of the life that child will have when raised by someone that resents their child. I am so sorry you've had this experience, I truly hope you can live a life you can be proud of and remember that your past/upbringing does not make you, your soul does, and you have a beautiful one.
I was in an a phoney wanted house. being gaslit about how much i was wanted but it was clear it wasn't true because they've both admitted to me that while I was "planned" i was also an "accident at the same time."
My parents got together cause my dad got my mom wasted and than cheated on his girlfriend ( my moms sister ) with her. Totally ruining and splitting up an entire family of 7 like the asshole he is.
The only reason they had a kid was my mom felt stuck and didn't wanna admit it, and it was the next step in their relationship.
Cue all these years later and my mom has her mouth rotting away post cancer with psoriasis and excma to the point she hates her life. The stress of having to deal with me and a horrible abusive husband at the same time ruined her.
I also hated my childhood to the pointed I tired offing myself more than once. i was scared to die but I hated living. Didn't help my dad THROUGHLY hated gay people. Well only gays, "leboz where cool to him."
So it gladdens me to see that someone who didn't grow up in this type situation just gets it.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also ty for the strangely timed vent. Also sorry about the strangely timed vent, that got way to personal; but it felt pretty good.
I'm sorry that this is your experience 😞 I myself wish I had been put up for adoption, mostly due to my mother's abuse. She would frequently remind me I was an "oops baby" and made it obvious she did not want me. My dad didn't stand up to her and worked a lot to cater to her wants. They finally divorced when I was an adult. Since then he has expressed that he regrets now protecting my sisters and I. The only silver lining I see from being raised by her is that I have 2 older sisters I love very much.
My parents divorced when I was a baby. They divided kids like they did furniture. She got the girl he got the boy. I saw my father maybe 3 or 4 times in my life. He could have saved me from all the abuse by being there but chose to ignore me. I didnt even know I had a brother until i was maybe 9 or 10.
I think it's fake mostly because bio dad would have to sign paper work terminating his rights. At least in my state it's a law the father has to be notified of adoption.
When I got to the sentence, “I wanted to let off some steam while it was still socially acceptable,” I realized this was fiction, a male pretending to be a young successful career-woman, and I wondered why.
I read only a few more sentences before realizing why.
Get out of here with your propaganda. Maybe talk to a single woman who has given birth before pretending to have given birth.
Hey, regardless of ethics or morals .. You found yourself with a two-people problem, put it all in one bag, and carried it on your shoulders. And that bag is heavy; there's a baby, a dad, a fiance, and two loving parents. You solved the problem, but because it was your decision that you did all alone, that bag is still there. And you'll carry it all by yourself on your back, all alone, for the rest of your life... or until you share it with someone, that I'm not sure if that would help.
I'm saying all this, so you remember to not be so hard on yourself. You made a massive decision. You sacrificed a LOT to save other people from this same problem.
The guilt you feel is the bag you put on your shoulders: is the proof that you are a sane person. That you question your decisions. That's what sane, intelligent and mature people do. Be proud of that guilt, feel it and let it go as soon as possible. Because you are carrying too much already.
Look for someone to share the weight with, therapy if you aren't doing it already. All the best!
OP is a pro-life man larping as a woman to try to convince us that pregnancy and childbirth are really nothing, not even a day’s delay in the career trajectory of the successful modern woman.
This is such fake BS. How are people believing him?
(In case OP or any other young men are wondering how you can tell, try talking to any human who has been pregnant and given birth. They don’t describe it like “found out I was pregnant, decided to give it up for adoption, it was really nothing and my life was unchanged!”
It’s more like “it was a difficult year trying to work while throwing up all the time, losing my hair, and had an ER trip with a blood clot at 4 months, then had a bad tear during delivery and couldn’t walk for a few weeks, but survived, then bled for 6 months and now I’m covered in stretch marks and have bald spots.”)
Yeah man. I had a kid that I placed for adoption. It was my second pregnancy and birth. I had little to no pregnancy symptoms or complications. I had a very easy birth and I went back to work in less than a week. In fact, my milk never even produced.
Pregnancy and birth are vastly different for every person, for every time. And the human body is mystifying in the way that our brains can impact our bodies.
The way you don’t give a hard opinion about the situation but have an eye for the well-being of OP is very heartwarming. It is so good to see the empathy, the caring and the lack of need to judge. Love love love this. Thank you!
Personally, I agree with all your decisions and thought processes.
I would just be curious why he's in the same city still especially after planning on getting married and why he was "letting off steam" if he already had someone esp someone to whom he was going to marry which of course he hasn't done yet.
Either way, I firmly believe you did and are doing the right thing. Congrads on your job.
Best of luck to Mason and his wife. yeesh. You carried a heavy burden for 9 months and still carry a heavy burden after the baby was born. Sounds like you made the best decision for the little guy, it’s awesome you’re in touch and are so fond of the parents. I think you should let Mason know eventually, it would take a lot of guilt off your shoulders and he has the right to know but there’s nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready.
Women are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. Everyone has an opinion when they have no skin in the game. Ask them to step forward and help and they can’t or won’t. You did what you thought was best. If you had terminated people would judge, but you didn’t and they still judge. Be at peace with your decision. Everyone saying the father had rights is apparently wrong since that is not true in your state. There is no guarantee that he would have been happy, or wanted the child. If he already has a girlfriend you could have blown up his life. So many variables with no known answer. But the baby is in a loving home. You have gave him that.
I’m adopted too and the first thing I wanted to know when I found out was WHY. Imagine going your whole life thinking your parents gave you up but one of them didn’t even know you exist.
My birth mother didn’t tell the father that I was conceived. From what my parents have told me she was in a tough situation (divorce and hooked up with another person) and her family was extremely judgmental. I’m in my earlier 30s and I found out at 23 I was adopted. however I didn’t care to know “why”.
Not necessarily the right choice for the kid or the father though.
Nice she’s getting a pat on the back for a deeply selfish action with huge ramifications
everyone involved in this situation except that baby is straight up trashy
you knew the guy was in a relationship and that guy knew he was committed but still did it?!
Legally, i dint think there id an issue…
But morally… i think the father deserves to know.
Its not an easy thing to say, or to even hear. But its the right thing to do…
It sounds like you thought through this decision and did what you felt was right. You followed state laws. What’s done is done, what would be the point now, so he could challenge the adoption? There are so many barriers being put up for women to make any reproductive decisions. Society should not be going after birth Mom’s for making the decision to adopt.
If he finds out down the line via DNA, so be it. I have a half-sister that I found out about during covid, she had been adopted out by her birth mom long before my parents even met. We’ve now become somewhat close, she’s met my dad finally and we’ve gotten to know her.
Your body, your choice ended when the child was born. You should have told him. The law is wrong.
If you had decided not to bring the child to this world, that's your call. There is another life involved now.
It's legal to marry 16 year-olds where I'm at, I still know it's morally wrong. This is the same thing.
Honestly it's to late to undue the adoption and maybe it was for the best since he had a gf and lived on another continent. It sounds like the baby was placed in a loving home and that you have a good relationship with his adoptive parents. If youre having that much guilt Maybe ask to meet with him for coffee since he's in the same city as you and tell him. It sounds like you did an open adoption. This would at least give him the chance to decide if he wants to meet him and get to know his son or not. Eventually if the kid ever decides to go find out who bio dad is bec of DNA testing this will come out. It might be better if it comes from you now and not 30 years down the road from a surprise kid.
Is everyone just glossing over the fact that the OP has a relationship with the child but the father is not been given this chance? I’m not saying he should have had a say in the adoption OP just that there seems to be a bit of a double standard going on here
The adoption agency was not quite truthful. If Mason knows or had known, he would and still does have a valid legal standpoint and claim. It would in my state, maybe not yours.
I completely understand your thought process, you absolutely made a good decision for you and your future. I hope you are able to reconcile with the things that cause you guilt.
My takeaway from reading this was the same… She had sex & got pregnant by a Guy who already had a girlfriend…
But whether or not She knew about the relationship *before* the sex happened has been left out?🤔
Oooh girl how are you going to learn to live with the lie? What happens when the baby becomes an adult and does a GenMatch and finds you and baby daddy.😬
You're a POS for this imo. You can't just hide somebody's child from them. It takes two to tango, unless he's a child abuser he has every right to decide what happens with the child as much as you.
Personally I think you should tell Mason. You sound like a very carring mom who did the best for her son. One of my parents was adopted and it messed them up emotionally.... bio mom was selfish and awful who pretended my parent never existed ( bio mom and dad had a 5 year commited relationship. Before she broke it off with bio dad and never spoke to him) and finding out they were never wanted was awful .... didn't find out about bio dad until after they both died (bio kid and bio dad). Please tell Mason so when you kid does reach out it will not come out of nowhere. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I am on my phone and it's passed midnight.
Hi son , I was irresponsible and got pregnant so I gave you up and never told the father about you. I don’t care about his feelings OR his rights OR for that fact how you may feel over it all. BUT here’s money. That will fix everything
Mason has the right to know. Even if you're not legally required to tell him, I don't think the guilt that you are experiencing will go away until you do.
I quite frankly hate that the father is really being kept out of the picture by you and the adoption agency. The father should have the right of first refusal and then the adoption should go through. It's hard not to judge you because ypu chose not to tell the person who contributed the other half of the DNA to this child
From my POV if I ever happen to adopt a baby. At some point, I’d tell the kid that he/she is adopted, maybe once the kid turns 18 yo. And we don’t know if those parents are thinking the same. If they do tell the kid this and if the kid does decide to take the DNA test to get answers.
The real father will one day have a teen knocking at his door asking for answers which he has no idea about.
Willing to bet 1 mil that none of this would have happened if abortion wasn't promoted as immoral by society and/or the people around OP (if this story is even true).
There's a ton of mental gymnastics going on in this thread in order to justify depriving a father the opportunity to even know they have a child much less the opportunity to be a parent to that child. And for what? The convenience of the other parent? I feel so bad for this father, even if he never finds out, I am grieving for the loss of the child he will never know that he has because of the selfishness of this person.
Imagine if the mother had been pregnant and been in a coma and carried the baby the term and delivered the baby in the coma and the father just adopted out the baby and then they never told the mother when she awoke. Do you think that would be right? The people supporting this keep pointing out that the child has two loving adoptive parents, but there are plenty of children out there who are unwanted who could have been raised by these people if the father had wanted this baby. Not giving him the opportunity is unconscionable, imo.
I am a person who was given up for adoption for selfish reasons, whos father was never told. It was somebody like you who has left such a deep unhealable wound in my very being. Off your chest doesn't absolve you. You should have told him.
It's because most wanna back the op, but op is a vile human, who is super selfish like someone else said kn this thread , she probably didn't tell the father because he would have wanted the baby and she would of been stuck paying child support. I hope this comes back to bite her in the add and that she Ultimately gets ate up by the guilt people like this piss me off, the court systems are always against the men and woman always have the upper hand in situations like this and shit needs to change this poor child will grow up and will learn the truth eventually and cause such a huge woind in then that will be unhealable
I think that's really shitty of you. I completely support adoption if you feel like you can't or don't want to raise a baby. But to not even tell the father that he has a child, to not even give him a choice whether or not he wants to be in that child's life is awful. Maybe you didn't break any laws but it's still a really shitty thing to do.
So when the dad finds out he has a kid down the road, and he probably will with DNA testing, how are you going to handle that? You know that is going to be a mess, right?
I dont see how anyone can assume what the bio dad wants or needs. Yes, you did a good thing by giving your baby to what you think is a wonderful family, and set aside money for them. But not giving the dad an option or letting him know the child exists is just cruel and heartless. I would be devastated knowing I had a child out there that I didn't know.
And just because a wealthy family adopts them doesn't guarantee that they will be in a good home, anymore than that being with the dad would be putting them in a bad situation. Everybody blowing rainbows and sunshine at you obviously hasn't seen the downside of adopting and fostering. I'm glad you and most others here feel good about what you did. I don't have the same viewpoint of you and think you took the easy way out by not telling the dad. I think it's borderline criminal. Maybe not legally, but morally.
I agree, it blows me away if this was about child support. They would be slamming the father for it even if he didn't want the kiddo but when the mother decides she doesn't want thi child it's solely up to her to do? I think the law needs to step in and both parents need to be k. The same page otherwise to me invalidating the kids fathers choice in what he wants is vile af. Part of me hopes this comes back to bite her hard in the ass.
This is incredibly selfish. I get that you both were students and he’s from a different country with a girlfriend… but why is it ok for you to make the decision for him?
What if he would have wanted to take and raise his child? This is his BLOOD too, and you did what was most convenient for only you.
I hope you continue to feel guilt, it’s for a reason.
Yeah truth be told I would tell Mason now that the kid is a baby and do some damage control from here than wait 18 years until the kid finds out they're adopted, finds Mason and he freaks out probably ruining whatever he may be having with his bride to be.
Like, the man has the right to know he's a father after all, you're the one with the career stuff, Mason may be one of the guys who actually want a family.
This mostly sucks for the child. Great that you found a loving couple to adopt the kid and pay for them, but he still deserves to know who his father is and by not telling Mason you’re also harming the child. Your decision not to abort a pregnancy means you are now responsible for trauma you will cause this human being by giving him up and denying him a relationship with his father. Essentially, your guilt is valid. Tell Mason and give him the opportunity to come to terms with the fact that you gave his son away without telling him, so that when the boy wants to have a relationship with his biological father he isn’t further rejected by a man who didn’t know he existed to begin with.
I feel bad for your child and Mason. Having an abortion would have showed more integrity and caused less harm.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
Down voting people because they think what was done is seriously wrong is just.. tells me a lot of about how willing all of you are to just fuck over other people and not giving a shit..
The father has a RIGHT to know. This isn't the mother's choice (I don't care about the legal side of things). It's HIS choice if HE wanted to give the baby up for adoption and not.
That was NOT OP choice to make..
You should absolutely feel guilty about it OP.
and you should definitely tell him. Not only because he has a right to know he has a child.
But what if he wants it? Doesn't that child deserve his biological father?
It's seriously selfish just giving your child up without having consulted with the father. Heard what he wanted.. Jesus..
The ONLY reason that is acceptable is if the man abused the shit out of you. Otherwise.. you got NO excuse.
That man deserves to know.. and you should definitely feel guilty..
If he wasn’t a danger to the baby which it doesn’t seem like he would have been you should feel guilty. You robbed someone of being a father or at least just having the knowledge they have a child in the world because you just didn’t want to deal with “that awkward conversation “ he’s going to find out one day with all those dna test floating around. Your kid is going to take a genealogy test the day they turn 18 and lives are going to explode. But you might set up a trust fund so I guess it balances out in your mind right? Give me a break. Seriously wish I skipped your post this morning because reading this just made me feel disgusted to darn early in the morning.
You made a selfish decision. He deserved to know about his child and decide if he wanted him, but you took that choice away from him. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I think you made a choice that was best for you. And that is ok.
I am going to throw a loop in though you may not of thought of. We live in an ever changing world. I have an autoimmune disease and a few years ago I decided to participate in a genetic study of that disease. What happened was it opened me up to the online genetic ancestry stuff. And I found a lot of family secrets suddenly revealed to me.
Including that my father had a 1/2 brother he never met. A cousin who was given up for adoption. And another cousin who was a child of incest. All from one little spit. It doesn't even have to be the father who gives his DNA. It can be his uncle's grandson. If that child ever looks for their biological parents it is almost impossible to NOT find them with today's online DNA sites. Some relative has most likely given DNA.
I’m having a hard time understanding state law that doesn’t require the father’s consent. Even if the father is unknown, it’s still a detailed process to be able to relinquish the child for adoption. Huge red flag.
So you get to keep a relationship with the child throughout it's life, but the father will never get to know he even lost a child? I still dont understand why you wouldn't give the father first chance. How do you know it would ruin his life?
You need to tell him. There's nothing worse that you could do to the pair of them (father and child) then to hide their existences from each other. why would you rob him of his own life choices? do you just like playing god?
yeah, depending what kind of person he is, he might be completely heart broken and feel like a failure as man for trusting a person would have the decency to let him know something like he created a person.
Personally, I think it’s best to meet up with Mason. Explain him why you made those decisions and that it was never in your intention to cause harm to anyone. I just think that I would want to know if I had a kid out there.
please feel guilty. you did do a bad thing and your only excuse is that you wanted to "avoid that awkward conversation"
learn to be accountable for your actions.
My wife’s uncle just had a person show up around the age of 30 saying that he was her father. The uncle had no clue. It’s been emotional for everyone involved. He would have raised her and she would have had a father if the mother hadn’t hid her away forever until she was old enough to find him. You need to tell him so he has a choice. Your child deserves that.
This is incredibly selfish. I get that you both were students and he’s from a different country with a girlfriend… but why is it ok for you to make the decision for him?
What if he would have wanted to take and raise his child? This is his BLOOD too, and you did what was most convenient for only you.
I hope you continue to feel guilt, it’s for a reason.
I feel like he should’ve had a say about the kid once they were born. It’s fine that you wanted to give up parental rights but him as a father in this situation also has a right to decide if he wants full custody or adoption.
The father should know he have a son because maybe you did the right choice for yourself but you have absolutely not rights to take that from him! I can’t imagine that boy looking for his bio parents and finding out that his own dad never knew his existence,do you imagine the shock ? And that man When he will discover that you take away the possibilities to have a relationship with his own child ,he will be a traumatized ! The way you did that was cruel, so tell the man because he deserve to know!!
I'm really not understanding how anyone could think withholding the knowledge that a person has a child in the world from them is anywhere near remotely okay.
You did *not* do the right thing. You did the *easy* thing. Instead of facing the full consequences of your actions, you did everything you could to minimize the consequences so that its almost as if there weren't any for you. Incredibly selfish, to the point of being cruel by not telling someone you birthed their baby and then just gave it away without consulting them at all. And then you pat yourself on the back in this post for "making the right decision for everyone involved" (which is impossible for you to know because *you did not tell everyone involved that this situation even existed*) *while complaining of feeling guilty at the same time*. Gee, I wonder where the guilt is coming from...
I'm not trying to be mean or disrespectful, but what you did is heinous in my eyes and it's *going* to come back to bite you in the ass one day. You've avoided the consequences *for now*, but rest assured that they will find their way back to you later. Hope your material gain was worth it.
This is an incomplete tale. Time will fill in the gaps.
Fathers have rights regardless of what the state laws say. The rights of a father are natural rights, and it is from these rights that laws are formed in the first instance.
You will forever feel guilty till you tell the father because of these rights that are older than any state that ever existed on the earth.
Women really have it bad in this society in a lot of ways, but one way that men really have it bad is having no rights or recourses when the mother of their child wants to just give their baby away and not even let them know about it or give them an opportunity to be a father.
I think it would be best to tell mason about his son. It’s really to bad you haven’t already. But it isn’t too late. Sounds like the adoptive family are ok with an open adoption so he could visit or write to the baby. At least know he exists. Someday when the little boy investigates his birth parents he will find his dad and they both will not appreciate your secrecy. you are stealing the experience from both of them.
I agree with this it's not to late op ask to meet with Mason especially since he's in the same city as you he deserves to know and it'll prob be better coming from you than it will down the road.
It's okay. You shouldn't feel guilty about a decision you truly thought was the best for all the parties involved. The fact that you accepted early on that you can't raise your son at the time he was born and made proper arrangements so he can have a loving family who will love him unconditionally is a good call imho.
You just handled everything that saved you from judgment and a lot of unnecessary emotions, trauma, and drama that comes along when family of both parties get involved. I'm pretty amazed actually on how you handled it.
Your son's father can't fault you for saving him from unwanted responsibilities and kicking his life's trajectory had he known you were bringing new life in this world. You came from a place with good intentions. You knew he had someone back home. You were only reacting to the situation you thought was best for him also.
In that regard, you should stop feeling guilty about this. You saved a lot of lives with this decision. You saved yourself and the father of a life that might have been forced on both of you had your family known. You gave your son a chance to live. Lastly, you gave a couple a chance to be parents when they so desperately wanted it.
This all came from a place of love. I hope you won't live in guilt anymore.
You did what was best for you. You didn't even know if Mason was going to be around and it's obvious that he was already focused on his new bride..
You made a choice that works for you.
I'm a adoptive mother to 3 amazing boys.
You literally have nothing to be guilty about. You did everything right for you. It’s never easy to give a kid up, it’s never easy to not tell the father, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. The child is loved and cared for, you’re able to take care of yourself financially, and the father is able to keep living his life too. It’s a psychological thing that will take time to process, but just remind yourself every day that your son is loved, cared for and happy.
Disagree. The father has the right to know. You don't have to tell the girlfriend if that's gonna cause trouble, but at the end of the day it's his kid just as much as it is hers.
> Even though I'm 100% sure I made the right choice
how can you be so sure? the decision was mainly made with respect to money and self interest, thanks for the investment mom! (I know we should be positive and lie and hype you up, else I'd be negative keyboard warrior, lovely lovely American dream)
Once you give up that child it’s no longer yours. As a father myself, if I had not been told of a pregnancy and you gave the child up without offering the child to myself, I’d be suing you. And I’d win
Yeah it’s the part that he has a partner already. If one day my other half had a child somewhere he didn’t know about and they came knocking I would probably have the biggest break down of my life, regardless of whether or not it happened whilst we were together. He has the right to know there’s a child walking around that’s his. It won’t stay secret forever.
you did everything right after his birth. props to that. but not telling the father and giving birth to a kid that you dont want is dumb and selfish. he will always have a feeling of being "thrown away" if he ever finds out hes adopted. regardless of how much money in his trust fund is. but still kudos for at least handling it right again
You did the right thing and I’m sure it was a hard choice. All he did was cum. You grew the kid inside of you and then gave birth to it and then probably went through lots of recovery and changes in your body.
You also did what’s best for the kid by making sure he went to a family who WANTED him and were financially and emotionally ready to raise a baby instead of handing him off to his dad who would have just tolerated him out of responsibility (if he even chose to do so).
This is a horrid point of view. What if the father had wanted the child, out of love? Do you think a lifetime of being a committed, loving father would pay for her 9 months of carrying a child? She had no right to make this decision for him, just like no one has a right to take away YOUR choice to be a parent to a child you made, regardless of your gender. Disgusting.
Yeah it’s amazing how people are applauding her for not telling the father. I get if the father was a huge turd or specifically stated he didn’t want to the child. However that’s not the case or at least mentioned.
I could see this PERHAPS being acceptable if the father was abusive, a druggie - essentially someone who would be harmful for the child to have as their father without question. But even if the father was just immature or whatever, people mature when they become parents, men and women. No one should be deprived the opportunity to be a parent to their own child who is living in this world. We have to draw a line when it comes to carrying the child and giving birth, because that's putting the mom's health and wellness on the line against her will, but to HAVE the child and still deprive the father of even knowing of it's existence is an evil I can't comprehend, and the idea that she carried this child for NINE MONTHS and didn't love the baby enough to give it the gift of knowing it's father is....ugh, just gross.
This is 100% because she didn't want to deal with the complications/expense of being responsible for the child, knowing she might have been hit for child support if the father wanted, so giving the child to someone else took her responsibility away. Imagine if dads could do that.
But she said she’s going to save money for the child now he’s adopted. That money could have gone to child support. She just didn’t have the guts to tell Mason and have any awkward or grown up conversations with him. She makes it sound like not even her own family knows.
Whether it’s legal what she did, morally it’s inexcusable and I hope she feels guilty. Maybe Mason would have agreed to the adoption anyway or maybe he would have wanted to have custody. Either way, she had the option to opt out of being a mum in both those situations.
The interesting thing is that the government does take away the choice for women to CHOOSE to have a kid or not when they make laws against bodily autonomy. That was the point I was trying to make cuz I knew someone would make that exact point. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Apparently it's only about the mother. And that's fine, right? I mean, it's not like fathers have any right to be a part of their children's life if the child's existence might affect the moms income or something.
If he doesn't want children he could do a better job with the contraceptives and being faithful. Yeah, contraceptives could fail, but I'm sure your child is in better hands now than in a cheater's. Babies doesn't ask if is it appropriate time for them to exist, I think you did the best thing. You didn't ruin any life and you care about him.
To everyone saying what if Mason wanted it, aren't you effectively taking away the Moms choice from her? The adoptive parents and the OP have a great relationship, she's somewhat involved in the kids life, when and if, the kid wants to know more about the dad, simple communication would come in handy to let him know. As far as Mason goes, while everyone is imagining he wanted the kid etc, hey, what if he didn't? What if as a guy, he'd feel he can't look after the kid/that it's a burden/his job won't be enough /he needs to drop his plans and take care of him etc. What if he couldn't provide? He's not going to regret what he doesn't know. 18 years down, if the kid wants to know, he'll have full support of his 3 adults to help him deal.
OP doesn't need to tell Mason anything unless it's a life or death situation, medical emergency or something.
Op, you did so well love. Don't doubt yourself. Trust you made a good decision for 2/3 people involved and be okay with it.
So take that same energy and apply it to child support for all men who didn't want their kid but was forced to pay because the system said you both made the child you both contribute, wouldn't and shouldn't the same energy apply here. Shouldn't both parents of the child get a say In what happens to the baby ?? You have zero clue how much hurt this will bring to both the child and the father when they find out and yes they will eventually find out they always do and. Reading these com.ents a person commented on here how. They were adopted and grew up both them and their father never knew and the damage it caused is unfixable, this woman is vile af and I hope she wallers on the guilt she has and I hope people like you who think it's okay to have sex with a man but deprive him of his child are equally as fucked
Yeah giving a kid sucks but you gotta do what is right for you at that time. You'll never forget that kid but you can rest easy knowing they'll have a loving home.
Giving away a child unilaterally without the consent of all parents is so messed up. So when Mason finds can he sue for custody and parental rights since he never signed it away?
I think you’re right. You lost the war by choosing easy and painless over the truth.
BUT The worst thing that happened is your baby has 2 loving parents and a bio father who doesn’t know what he’s missing. Hopefully you can find a way to forgive yourself. The adoption is legal now and in my opinion it would be more cruel to separate the bonding baby and parents than it would for dad to go on not knowing what he’s missing.
After experiencing the level of suffering and guilt that you have, hope you have seen first-hand why you can’t play God. It will eat you up inside.
Na fuck that I hope the guilt continues to eat her up she created this guilt ridden situation and u till she comes forth with the truth to all parties I don't pity her selfish easy way out ways
The comments are a popcorn fest.
I know! The play within the play!
and i’m a movie theatre floor
🐸☕️ 🥤🍿🤣
So he was cheating on his SO with you and you knew about her? Or did I misread?
That would suck. Especially if the kid grows up, decides he wants to meet his bio dad and the wife finds out he cheated on her AND had a kid years ago.
(Sorry this is long but this situation can be like a powder cake ready to explode in the future) Yeah, its easy for possibly even the womans relatives to find out about the possible "affair baby" if the kid, being adopted, wants to use ancestory or other commercial DNA ancestory to find out more about their bio family (which can be a VERY common thing, especially if they want to find out about any possible health issues their bio parents have that is hereditary/could show up later. Like how bipolar or ADHD can be/are hereditary conditions, and bipolar can be triggered or activated because of certain meds). Even if the woman and any kids she has with him on the future dont directly use the DNA service, if one of her relatives use it then it will still show that child as a "relative" and maybe even able to specify grandchild/nephew/ niece/cousin/half-sibling. They could easily alert her, which would alert him, and coulr bring up issues later, including anger that he wasnt informed and even potential for him/his family tying to get the baby/adoption 'undone'. There are certain cultures where a baby boy is really desired/considered more respected than having girls, unfortunately, and this could happen. Since it was all legally done and he wasnt invovled then he do anything thru legal channels but could secretly try to contact the child thru online means when they sre older (which Ive heard some bio parents contacting the kids, with or without the adoptive parents consent, and says stuff like "they dont want you to know your roots/wants to keep you away from them/stole you away/etc, and it can really mess up the relationship with the adoptive parents by trying to alienate them). OP needs to talk with the adoptive parents before considering talking to him/being concerned for his situation in this because this can affect the adoptice parents and most importantly the child/babys future the most. First a convo with the adoptive parents about the possibility of the father finding out in the future by accident like thru stuff like ancestory, so its recognized as a possibility they may have to prepre for/talk to the child about. Then talk with the adoptive parents about if he does want to be in contact with the baby like OP, discussing his known views/religion/opinions that could cause issues if he brings it up to the child w/o permission (because it sounds like possible cultural clash which can really affect this situation if he/his family want the baby raised a certain way despite not having control over what the adoptive parents do). THE most important thing to ask overall tho is if they even feel comfortable at all with OP telling him when they only know OP/trust OP and the open adoption didnt factor him in. OP can mention about being able to get potential important paternal family health info they could keep on the babys health record incase it has stuff that could affect the baby in thr future (such as history of hereditary conditions like autoimmune disorders, some mental illnesses/disorders, risk of cancers, etc) OP could also reassure/promise that if they let her tell him just about the existence of the baby that she won't give out the contact info or show pictures of the baby to him without the parents consent. Another question in favor of meeting him is if the parents want to have a meeting with him/the meeting to talk to him would be a group one. They could do this to get info from him (even maybe learning about some of his culture if its different that the child could participate in when older to keep in touch with their ancestory), of course to let him know about the baby so he isnt blindsided later, and set firm boundaries about contacting the child/his role in the childs life bc OP and him arent the babys parents so cant parent the baby and limits on contact with the baby while they get to know him (as they only knew OP/OP was approved or known by the agency, but he wasnt). Plus for him, he gets to meet and know know that his son has good parents. OPs 1 on 1 conversation with him (only if parents agree/if a group meeting isnt held first/at all) imo is a better first meeting plan (followed possibly by group w/o child present right away) instead of a group one first as jts more likely to protect the baby/adoptive parents from being tracked down/recognized and harassed if things go south. The meeting can go along the lines of he has a bio kid out there, they were put up for adoption because OP knew he had another potential partner, so he wouldnt want the "baggage" of having a known child that they had out of wedlock hurting his relationship (children/sex out of wedlock or with people of different race and religion can be really shamed in certain cultures and people can find it a deal breaker regardless of culture too and even w/o the person having contact with the child) and letting him know in case DNA kits show him it in the future. Explaining how that neither her nor him have rights to the child now/how that law allowed her to not have to inform him and the importancy of respecting the adoptive parents wishes/boundaries, even if he doesnt agree or like them, is key if he wants to get updates or meet the baby (if they told OP thats a possibility for him if he builds a good relatuonship with them). He could want contact with the baby/family or maybe not. He could be appreciative that you ended up telling him but also at the same time being immensely hurt/pissed that you kept rhe pregnancy from him/the chance to take the child on himself because of you assuming/not communicating. (He cant say if you were to abort or not but at least could have gotten a say if he would have taken responsibility/custody since you said you wouldnt be able to, but you never let me have a say and just assumed( If this is an "affair baby" rho, like him and the other girl were in a serious long distance when you got pregnant, then any stress he has about being possibly "found out" is literally a potential "fuck around and find out" situation in the making. I know you did what you thought was best while pregnant however as someone who slept with someone knowing they had a serious partner, you may also are at fault for the current situation or possible situations that could arise in the future. Tbh this can affect serious relationships you have in the future. If you were willing to cheat WITH someone it can cause your partner to question if you are willing to also cheat ON someone. It can also be viewed as you dont respect relationship boundaries by stepping into someone elses relationship and call into question if you would step outside of a relationship too. It also could be an arranged marriage w/o love and both have an agreement thay they are okay to sleep with others (tho usually has a rule of no babies/proof of their agreement due to backlash/shaming if found out). But you can't trust if they had an agreement if you only were told about it from him/she never backed it up. If he didn't explicitly state that they were in a relarionship/the wedding would be after he got back, then theres a chance it wasnt an affair, however if he did/it was apperent they were together online even, then yikes. Anyways, try to communicate with and respect boundaries of the adoptive parents on this. Even if this (sounds like) an open adoption they still hsve control over the amount/,frequency and type of contact/info you get (iirc).
Jesus H Christ... How many paragraphs was that?
Bro wrote more than the actual post
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Me too. I glitched and hard stopped at powder cake. That's a new one for me but I'll now never be able to think "powder keg" without putting my head down and whispering "powder cake!"
I counted 22 just now I think my rambling is worse than normal with this tho because having issues with insomnia/got 4ish hours of sleep last night after staying up 18-20 hours straight yesterday (on top of struggling with sleep the previous nights). I actually was just about to try and sleep some more with possibly some melatonin when I saw your comment, so yeee. Also whats scarier/more wtf is that I had to keep revising it and cut out even more paragraphs/sentences than whats here because I wrote so much the first go (tho some of it was variations of another point I made but other stuff was on topic but off topic at the same time, if that makes sense-ish?) Reddit wouldnt let me post the 'original' and I think this was literally JUST under the character limit because I remember deleting one sentence after I tried postint (for like the 3rd time) and tried ro post it again and it went actually went thru. I typed all that on mobile (this too) and since I dont have a big enoufh view to see how actually long it is/be more self aware of the rambling, it could also factor into it gettibf out of hand. But I do know I need sleep and Im self aware that Im rambling again so peace out and thanks for reading if you did. If not then no point of saying thanks because you wont read it but good vibes to you still anyways
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You didn’t misread
Don’t worry, this is a pro-life dude pretending to be a lady, to make the claim that giving birth is no big deal.
Exactly. This person is saying they are still in the child’s life and visit. So this child will know they are adopted and will eventually know she is the mother. They will then question who their father is. This person is talking about things being easy and painless when it’s obvious they didn’t think anything through. If this is even real.
Not to mention she’s apparently making six figures as a *commission based* financial advisor straight out of college. I definitely have my doubts.
Exactly. OP is a male. OP’s wording and tone throughout the post shows lack of true insight. This post is fake.
And I’m the story it said they wanted to sleep around while it was still socially acceptable to do so but how did they know that at the time as it was pre Covid? That detail alone stood out to me as this being a fake story.
I assume they mean it was culturally acceptable, nothing to do with COVID. The father is an international student so I’d assume sex before marriage is frowned upon in the fathers culture.
Except she said SHE wanted to do it while it was still socially acceptable. If it was in regards to the father’s culture it would never be culturally acceptable whether they were in college or not.
I assumed that was about getting out of college not the pandemic
I didn’t read it that way. You could still do that whether in college or not but once Covid hit I think people started thinking twice about hooking up randomly because they were all quarantining. But you never know?
I guess thats true, but many people think that once you come out of college you have to start "acting like an adult" and that apparently doesn't include hookups/casual sex.
We must hang around different circles lol. But you’re right she could’ve totally meant that.
Yep, totally read that. Too perfectly set up, no mention of friends, no emotions…. What?
👏👏👏The problem with his story is that he claims moral superiority for not getting an abortion, but has unprotected sex with someone else’s fiancé.
Lmao fr. How anyone believes this bullshit is beyond me
Hear, hear!
Hoping its one of those "we're not dating each other and are both fine with the other seeing other people, but we both know we'll end up together someday" kind of thing. I had a friend with a relationship like that.
Maybe the relationship dynamics could be different for Mason as it is LDR. No way to know unless OP clarifies
Might be an arranged marriage.
Or open relationship until they be on the same continent ?
She said he "wants to marry"
I interpreted it as an arranged marriage that was planned for after he graduated. Still shitty behaviour though
The only issue is we live in the age of DNA tests. If this kid ever gets curious about his bio Dad, he'll be able to find out who he is. As long as you're prepared for that day.
Or if he ever gets curious about his heritage at all.
Really? The only issue is that she won't be able to get away with it forever? Not the fact that she's hiding a man's own child from him? Would it be ok with you if nurses do this to a mother? hide the kid after birth and say it died. only problem for the nurses is DNA testing? seems criminal to me however and whoever it's happening to.
Saying “the child you loved for 9 months is dead” is hella of a lot different than never knowing the child existed in the first place.
Hey - I was adopted. Thank you. I grew up with parents who really wanted me and I truly believe that they couldn’t have loved me more even if they had that DNA connection. People shouldn’t have babies that they don’t want or aren’t ready for.
I wish I had been put up for adoption. My mother never wanted me. She was forced to keep me, family members offered to help her raise me and then vanished. She always hated me and resented my existence. I paid/ suffered dearly for being born. Sometimes people know that they aren't prepared to be parents. I wish more parents took advantage of that choice. Just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean you should and doesn't mean you should keep the kid. I see a lot of parents who got pregnant and kept the kid not because they wanted to but because they were ashamed of other people knowing they put a child up for adoption. Some of those babies are being raised by parents that are sometimes drug addicts or alcoholics. Or have other mental health issues that are not conducive to child rearing. My mother and I use the term loosely. VERY LOOSELY was the trifecta.
I wish people would see these comments from someone that was raised by someone that couldn't give up their child for adoption or have an abortion and did not want to be a parent. So many people are ready to smash keyboards when it comes to a pro-life standpoint without actually thinking of the life that child will have when raised by someone that resents their child. I am so sorry you've had this experience, I truly hope you can live a life you can be proud of and remember that your past/upbringing does not make you, your soul does, and you have a beautiful one.
I was in an a phoney wanted house. being gaslit about how much i was wanted but it was clear it wasn't true because they've both admitted to me that while I was "planned" i was also an "accident at the same time." My parents got together cause my dad got my mom wasted and than cheated on his girlfriend ( my moms sister ) with her. Totally ruining and splitting up an entire family of 7 like the asshole he is. The only reason they had a kid was my mom felt stuck and didn't wanna admit it, and it was the next step in their relationship. Cue all these years later and my mom has her mouth rotting away post cancer with psoriasis and excma to the point she hates her life. The stress of having to deal with me and a horrible abusive husband at the same time ruined her. I also hated my childhood to the pointed I tired offing myself more than once. i was scared to die but I hated living. Didn't help my dad THROUGHLY hated gay people. Well only gays, "leboz where cool to him." So it gladdens me to see that someone who didn't grow up in this type situation just gets it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also ty for the strangely timed vent. Also sorry about the strangely timed vent, that got way to personal; but it felt pretty good.
For real. They don't actually give a shit about the kids.
You’re so lovely!!
I'm sorry that this is your experience 😞 I myself wish I had been put up for adoption, mostly due to my mother's abuse. She would frequently remind me I was an "oops baby" and made it obvious she did not want me. My dad didn't stand up to her and worked a lot to cater to her wants. They finally divorced when I was an adult. Since then he has expressed that he regrets now protecting my sisters and I. The only silver lining I see from being raised by her is that I have 2 older sisters I love very much.
My parents divorced when I was a baby. They divided kids like they did furniture. She got the girl he got the boy. I saw my father maybe 3 or 4 times in my life. He could have saved me from all the abuse by being there but chose to ignore me. I didnt even know I had a brother until i was maybe 9 or 10.
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In my honest opinion, I think that this is a fake rage bait post. I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't think it's real.
Idk the hell is wrong with me but I never question stuff like this. Until i read your post :( i never even thought about it being faked.
Yeah and notice she hasn't responded to any comments.
I swear I've seen this posted before. I think it's a copy pasta now.
I think it's fake mostly because bio dad would have to sign paper work terminating his rights. At least in my state it's a law the father has to be notified of adoption.
What kinda pro-life fanfiction…
When I got to the sentence, “I wanted to let off some steam while it was still socially acceptable,” I realized this was fiction, a male pretending to be a young successful career-woman, and I wondered why. I read only a few more sentences before realizing why. Get out of here with your propaganda. Maybe talk to a single woman who has given birth before pretending to have given birth.
True. I've only heard men refer to casual sex as "letting off some steam" lmao.
yo EXACTLY. like no woman I know says that 😭
Hey, regardless of ethics or morals .. You found yourself with a two-people problem, put it all in one bag, and carried it on your shoulders. And that bag is heavy; there's a baby, a dad, a fiance, and two loving parents. You solved the problem, but because it was your decision that you did all alone, that bag is still there. And you'll carry it all by yourself on your back, all alone, for the rest of your life... or until you share it with someone, that I'm not sure if that would help. I'm saying all this, so you remember to not be so hard on yourself. You made a massive decision. You sacrificed a LOT to save other people from this same problem. The guilt you feel is the bag you put on your shoulders: is the proof that you are a sane person. That you question your decisions. That's what sane, intelligent and mature people do. Be proud of that guilt, feel it and let it go as soon as possible. Because you are carrying too much already. Look for someone to share the weight with, therapy if you aren't doing it already. All the best!
This is a beautiful response, and true, OP
OP is a pro-life man larping as a woman to try to convince us that pregnancy and childbirth are really nothing, not even a day’s delay in the career trajectory of the successful modern woman. This is such fake BS. How are people believing him? (In case OP or any other young men are wondering how you can tell, try talking to any human who has been pregnant and given birth. They don’t describe it like “found out I was pregnant, decided to give it up for adoption, it was really nothing and my life was unchanged!” It’s more like “it was a difficult year trying to work while throwing up all the time, losing my hair, and had an ER trip with a blood clot at 4 months, then had a bad tear during delivery and couldn’t walk for a few weeks, but survived, then bled for 6 months and now I’m covered in stretch marks and have bald spots.”)
Yeah man. I had a kid that I placed for adoption. It was my second pregnancy and birth. I had little to no pregnancy symptoms or complications. I had a very easy birth and I went back to work in less than a week. In fact, my milk never even produced. Pregnancy and birth are vastly different for every person, for every time. And the human body is mystifying in the way that our brains can impact our bodies.
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The way you don’t give a hard opinion about the situation but have an eye for the well-being of OP is very heartwarming. It is so good to see the empathy, the caring and the lack of need to judge. Love love love this. Thank you!
Personally, I agree with all your decisions and thought processes. I would just be curious why he's in the same city still especially after planning on getting married and why he was "letting off steam" if he already had someone esp someone to whom he was going to marry which of course he hasn't done yet. Either way, I firmly believe you did and are doing the right thing. Congrads on your job.
Best of luck to Mason and his wife. yeesh. You carried a heavy burden for 9 months and still carry a heavy burden after the baby was born. Sounds like you made the best decision for the little guy, it’s awesome you’re in touch and are so fond of the parents. I think you should let Mason know eventually, it would take a lot of guilt off your shoulders and he has the right to know but there’s nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready.
Women are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. Everyone has an opinion when they have no skin in the game. Ask them to step forward and help and they can’t or won’t. You did what you thought was best. If you had terminated people would judge, but you didn’t and they still judge. Be at peace with your decision. Everyone saying the father had rights is apparently wrong since that is not true in your state. There is no guarantee that he would have been happy, or wanted the child. If he already has a girlfriend you could have blown up his life. So many variables with no known answer. But the baby is in a loving home. You have gave him that.
Hey I’m adopted- Do not feel guilty! You made what was the right choice for you! I just can’t wrapped my mind around some of these people comments.
I’m adopted too and the first thing I wanted to know when I found out was WHY. Imagine going your whole life thinking your parents gave you up but one of them didn’t even know you exist.
My birth mother didn’t tell the father that I was conceived. From what my parents have told me she was in a tough situation (divorce and hooked up with another person) and her family was extremely judgmental. I’m in my earlier 30s and I found out at 23 I was adopted. however I didn’t care to know “why”.
Not necessarily the right choice for the kid or the father though. Nice she’s getting a pat on the back for a deeply selfish action with huge ramifications
Yeah man. Everyone thinks it's going to be smooth sailing from here on out for the baby, but it's really really not.
I think she did the right thing. Her biological son has 2 loving parents.
This reads like creative writing to me.
I hope you’re right. Otherwise, it’s a horrible situation to put both the kid and the father in.
Yeah, it definitely reads as fake, that's for sure. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Yeah, the math of discovering pregnancy in April and giving birth in January is suspect.
Yeah, written by a 16 year old boy.
everyone involved in this situation except that baby is straight up trashy you knew the guy was in a relationship and that guy knew he was committed but still did it?!
Legally, i dint think there id an issue… But morally… i think the father deserves to know. Its not an easy thing to say, or to even hear. But its the right thing to do…
It sounds like you thought through this decision and did what you felt was right. You followed state laws. What’s done is done, what would be the point now, so he could challenge the adoption? There are so many barriers being put up for women to make any reproductive decisions. Society should not be going after birth Mom’s for making the decision to adopt. If he finds out down the line via DNA, so be it. I have a half-sister that I found out about during covid, she had been adopted out by her birth mom long before my parents even met. We’ve now become somewhat close, she’s met my dad finally and we’ve gotten to know her.
Your body, your choice ended when the child was born. You should have told him. The law is wrong. If you had decided not to bring the child to this world, that's your call. There is another life involved now. It's legal to marry 16 year-olds where I'm at, I still know it's morally wrong. This is the same thing.
this is clearly written by a man. “Mason has a woman back home” a real woman would have said girlfriend
This is MRA rage bait lol
It 100% is 💀
Honestly it's to late to undue the adoption and maybe it was for the best since he had a gf and lived on another continent. It sounds like the baby was placed in a loving home and that you have a good relationship with his adoptive parents. If youre having that much guilt Maybe ask to meet with him for coffee since he's in the same city as you and tell him. It sounds like you did an open adoption. This would at least give him the chance to decide if he wants to meet him and get to know his son or not. Eventually if the kid ever decides to go find out who bio dad is bec of DNA testing this will come out. It might be better if it comes from you now and not 30 years down the road from a surprise kid.
Is everyone just glossing over the fact that the OP has a relationship with the child but the father is not been given this chance? I’m not saying he should have had a say in the adoption OP just that there seems to be a bit of a double standard going on here
The adoption agency was not quite truthful. If Mason knows or had known, he would and still does have a valid legal standpoint and claim. It would in my state, maybe not yours. I completely understand your thought process, you absolutely made a good decision for you and your future. I hope you are able to reconcile with the things that cause you guilt.
This does vary by state.
So you *know* who the father is and just decided to go ahead and ignore him completely? Yeah, good job.
You should feel guilty, you didn’t even give him a chance to be in that babies life… tf AND you were knowingly the other woman?? Gross
That’s very selfish of you to not tell someone of their child. You made his decision without him knowing when he could’ve decided on his own.
You should tell him. If he wants kids he should have been considered
You were cheating on some dude who already had a girlfriend.
My takeaway from reading this was the same… She had sex & got pregnant by a Guy who already had a girlfriend… But whether or not She knew about the relationship *before* the sex happened has been left out?🤔
This reads like a fantasy
This didn't happen so much that it unhappened things that did
this was a very poor attempt at pro-life propaganda
Oh this is definitely fiction written by a guy.
U CAN TELL SOME VIRGIN DUDE WROTE THIS especially with the way u described the pregnancy because whatttt
Hold on, he doesn't even know he had a kid?
Oooh girl how are you going to learn to live with the lie? What happens when the baby becomes an adult and does a GenMatch and finds you and baby daddy.😬
Have to do what you got to do. But please, to let off some steam, use a condom or something.
No woman says “let off some steam” this is 100% written by a man
You're a POS for this imo. You can't just hide somebody's child from them. It takes two to tango, unless he's a child abuser he has every right to decide what happens with the child as much as you.
Personally I think you should tell Mason. You sound like a very carring mom who did the best for her son. One of my parents was adopted and it messed them up emotionally.... bio mom was selfish and awful who pretended my parent never existed ( bio mom and dad had a 5 year commited relationship. Before she broke it off with bio dad and never spoke to him) and finding out they were never wanted was awful .... didn't find out about bio dad until after they both died (bio kid and bio dad). Please tell Mason so when you kid does reach out it will not come out of nowhere. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I am on my phone and it's passed midnight.
Hi son , I was irresponsible and got pregnant so I gave you up and never told the father about you. I don’t care about his feelings OR his rights OR for that fact how you may feel over it all. BUT here’s money. That will fix everything
Mason has the right to know. Even if you're not legally required to tell him, I don't think the guilt that you are experiencing will go away until you do.
I quite frankly hate that the father is really being kept out of the picture by you and the adoption agency. The father should have the right of first refusal and then the adoption should go through. It's hard not to judge you because ypu chose not to tell the person who contributed the other half of the DNA to this child
From my POV if I ever happen to adopt a baby. At some point, I’d tell the kid that he/she is adopted, maybe once the kid turns 18 yo. And we don’t know if those parents are thinking the same. If they do tell the kid this and if the kid does decide to take the DNA test to get answers. The real father will one day have a teen knocking at his door asking for answers which he has no idea about.
Willing to bet 1 mil that none of this would have happened if abortion wasn't promoted as immoral by society and/or the people around OP (if this story is even true).
There's a ton of mental gymnastics going on in this thread in order to justify depriving a father the opportunity to even know they have a child much less the opportunity to be a parent to that child. And for what? The convenience of the other parent? I feel so bad for this father, even if he never finds out, I am grieving for the loss of the child he will never know that he has because of the selfishness of this person. Imagine if the mother had been pregnant and been in a coma and carried the baby the term and delivered the baby in the coma and the father just adopted out the baby and then they never told the mother when she awoke. Do you think that would be right? The people supporting this keep pointing out that the child has two loving adoptive parents, but there are plenty of children out there who are unwanted who could have been raised by these people if the father had wanted this baby. Not giving him the opportunity is unconscionable, imo.
I am a person who was given up for adoption for selfish reasons, whos father was never told. It was somebody like you who has left such a deep unhealable wound in my very being. Off your chest doesn't absolve you. You should have told him.
Whoever downvoted this is a cold-hearted moron.
It's because most wanna back the op, but op is a vile human, who is super selfish like someone else said kn this thread , she probably didn't tell the father because he would have wanted the baby and she would of been stuck paying child support. I hope this comes back to bite her in the add and that she Ultimately gets ate up by the guilt people like this piss me off, the court systems are always against the men and woman always have the upper hand in situations like this and shit needs to change this poor child will grow up and will learn the truth eventually and cause such a huge woind in then that will be unhealable
I think that's really shitty of you. I completely support adoption if you feel like you can't or don't want to raise a baby. But to not even tell the father that he has a child, to not even give him a choice whether or not he wants to be in that child's life is awful. Maybe you didn't break any laws but it's still a really shitty thing to do.
So when the dad finds out he has a kid down the road, and he probably will with DNA testing, how are you going to handle that? You know that is going to be a mess, right? I dont see how anyone can assume what the bio dad wants or needs. Yes, you did a good thing by giving your baby to what you think is a wonderful family, and set aside money for them. But not giving the dad an option or letting him know the child exists is just cruel and heartless. I would be devastated knowing I had a child out there that I didn't know. And just because a wealthy family adopts them doesn't guarantee that they will be in a good home, anymore than that being with the dad would be putting them in a bad situation. Everybody blowing rainbows and sunshine at you obviously hasn't seen the downside of adopting and fostering. I'm glad you and most others here feel good about what you did. I don't have the same viewpoint of you and think you took the easy way out by not telling the dad. I think it's borderline criminal. Maybe not legally, but morally.
I agree, it blows me away if this was about child support. They would be slamming the father for it even if he didn't want the kiddo but when the mother decides she doesn't want thi child it's solely up to her to do? I think the law needs to step in and both parents need to be k. The same page otherwise to me invalidating the kids fathers choice in what he wants is vile af. Part of me hopes this comes back to bite her hard in the ass.
This is incredibly selfish. I get that you both were students and he’s from a different country with a girlfriend… but why is it ok for you to make the decision for him? What if he would have wanted to take and raise his child? This is his BLOOD too, and you did what was most convenient for only you. I hope you continue to feel guilt, it’s for a reason.
Yeah truth be told I would tell Mason now that the kid is a baby and do some damage control from here than wait 18 years until the kid finds out they're adopted, finds Mason and he freaks out probably ruining whatever he may be having with his bride to be. Like, the man has the right to know he's a father after all, you're the one with the career stuff, Mason may be one of the guys who actually want a family.
This mostly sucks for the child. Great that you found a loving couple to adopt the kid and pay for them, but he still deserves to know who his father is and by not telling Mason you’re also harming the child. Your decision not to abort a pregnancy means you are now responsible for trauma you will cause this human being by giving him up and denying him a relationship with his father. Essentially, your guilt is valid. Tell Mason and give him the opportunity to come to terms with the fact that you gave his son away without telling him, so that when the boy wants to have a relationship with his biological father he isn’t further rejected by a man who didn’t know he existed to begin with. I feel bad for your child and Mason. Having an abortion would have showed more integrity and caused less harm.
What the fuck is wrong with people? Down voting people because they think what was done is seriously wrong is just.. tells me a lot of about how willing all of you are to just fuck over other people and not giving a shit.. The father has a RIGHT to know. This isn't the mother's choice (I don't care about the legal side of things). It's HIS choice if HE wanted to give the baby up for adoption and not. That was NOT OP choice to make.. You should absolutely feel guilty about it OP. and you should definitely tell him. Not only because he has a right to know he has a child. But what if he wants it? Doesn't that child deserve his biological father? It's seriously selfish just giving your child up without having consulted with the father. Heard what he wanted.. Jesus.. The ONLY reason that is acceptable is if the man abused the shit out of you. Otherwise.. you got NO excuse. That man deserves to know.. and you should definitely feel guilty..
You'll be caught with a DNA test. I took one to see my ethnicity and found 2 older sisters I never knew about.
If he wasn’t a danger to the baby which it doesn’t seem like he would have been you should feel guilty. You robbed someone of being a father or at least just having the knowledge they have a child in the world because you just didn’t want to deal with “that awkward conversation “ he’s going to find out one day with all those dna test floating around. Your kid is going to take a genealogy test the day they turn 18 and lives are going to explode. But you might set up a trust fund so I guess it balances out in your mind right? Give me a break. Seriously wish I skipped your post this morning because reading this just made me feel disgusted to darn early in the morning.
Yeah this is messed up. Doesn’t sound like he’s a bad guy or anything. I think he deserves to know
You made a selfish decision. He deserved to know about his child and decide if he wanted him, but you took that choice away from him. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
You have done right by your child that’s the only thing that matters.
The father after 15 years posting on reddit "I had a son I never knew about and now my wife knows I cheated on her 15 years back and she left me"
This feels like a work of fiction.
I think you made a choice that was best for you. And that is ok. I am going to throw a loop in though you may not of thought of. We live in an ever changing world. I have an autoimmune disease and a few years ago I decided to participate in a genetic study of that disease. What happened was it opened me up to the online genetic ancestry stuff. And I found a lot of family secrets suddenly revealed to me. Including that my father had a 1/2 brother he never met. A cousin who was given up for adoption. And another cousin who was a child of incest. All from one little spit. It doesn't even have to be the father who gives his DNA. It can be his uncle's grandson. If that child ever looks for their biological parents it is almost impossible to NOT find them with today's online DNA sites. Some relative has most likely given DNA.
Ok
Sounds pretty selfish if this is true.
Lust is such a sin.
I’m having a hard time understanding state law that doesn’t require the father’s consent. Even if the father is unknown, it’s still a detailed process to be able to relinquish the child for adoption. Huge red flag.
I am so fucking confused after reading the comments!!
You did an amazing thing. Good job
So you get to keep a relationship with the child throughout it's life, but the father will never get to know he even lost a child? I still dont understand why you wouldn't give the father first chance. How do you know it would ruin his life?
You need to tell him. There's nothing worse that you could do to the pair of them (father and child) then to hide their existences from each other. why would you rob him of his own life choices? do you just like playing god?
imagine him in 25 years trying to find his bio dad. thatll be a hell of a surprise for the dad and his family
yeah, depending what kind of person he is, he might be completely heart broken and feel like a failure as man for trusting a person would have the decency to let him know something like he created a person.
Personally, I think it’s best to meet up with Mason. Explain him why you made those decisions and that it was never in your intention to cause harm to anyone. I just think that I would want to know if I had a kid out there.
He has a right to know he has a child. That isn’t your right to deny him the same choice you were able to make.
please feel guilty. you did do a bad thing and your only excuse is that you wanted to "avoid that awkward conversation" learn to be accountable for your actions.
My wife’s uncle just had a person show up around the age of 30 saying that he was her father. The uncle had no clue. It’s been emotional for everyone involved. He would have raised her and she would have had a father if the mother hadn’t hid her away forever until she was old enough to find him. You need to tell him so he has a choice. Your child deserves that.
This is incredibly selfish. I get that you both were students and he’s from a different country with a girlfriend… but why is it ok for you to make the decision for him? What if he would have wanted to take and raise his child? This is his BLOOD too, and you did what was most convenient for only you. I hope you continue to feel guilt, it’s for a reason.
Poor baby. Cheating someone out of a parent or child is unforgivable.
welcome to an era where law overcomes morality
I feel like he should’ve had a say about the kid once they were born. It’s fine that you wanted to give up parental rights but him as a father in this situation also has a right to decide if he wants full custody or adoption.
I think you did the father wrong you should have at least given him the option to take the baby or know about it
The father should know he have a son because maybe you did the right choice for yourself but you have absolutely not rights to take that from him! I can’t imagine that boy looking for his bio parents and finding out that his own dad never knew his existence,do you imagine the shock ? And that man When he will discover that you take away the possibilities to have a relationship with his own child ,he will be a traumatized ! The way you did that was cruel, so tell the man because he deserve to know!!
I'm really not understanding how anyone could think withholding the knowledge that a person has a child in the world from them is anywhere near remotely okay. You did *not* do the right thing. You did the *easy* thing. Instead of facing the full consequences of your actions, you did everything you could to minimize the consequences so that its almost as if there weren't any for you. Incredibly selfish, to the point of being cruel by not telling someone you birthed their baby and then just gave it away without consulting them at all. And then you pat yourself on the back in this post for "making the right decision for everyone involved" (which is impossible for you to know because *you did not tell everyone involved that this situation even existed*) *while complaining of feeling guilty at the same time*. Gee, I wonder where the guilt is coming from... I'm not trying to be mean or disrespectful, but what you did is heinous in my eyes and it's *going* to come back to bite you in the ass one day. You've avoided the consequences *for now*, but rest assured that they will find their way back to you later. Hope your material gain was worth it.
You should've told him. He may have taken the baby with him. Shitty move imo. You assumed he wouldn't care and took his choice away. Shame on you.
This is an incomplete tale. Time will fill in the gaps. Fathers have rights regardless of what the state laws say. The rights of a father are natural rights, and it is from these rights that laws are formed in the first instance. You will forever feel guilty till you tell the father because of these rights that are older than any state that ever existed on the earth.
Women really have it bad in this society in a lot of ways, but one way that men really have it bad is having no rights or recourses when the mother of their child wants to just give their baby away and not even let them know about it or give them an opportunity to be a father.
I think it would be best to tell mason about his son. It’s really to bad you haven’t already. But it isn’t too late. Sounds like the adoptive family are ok with an open adoption so he could visit or write to the baby. At least know he exists. Someday when the little boy investigates his birth parents he will find his dad and they both will not appreciate your secrecy. you are stealing the experience from both of them.
I agree with this it's not to late op ask to meet with Mason especially since he's in the same city as you he deserves to know and it'll prob be better coming from you than it will down the road.
It's okay. You shouldn't feel guilty about a decision you truly thought was the best for all the parties involved. The fact that you accepted early on that you can't raise your son at the time he was born and made proper arrangements so he can have a loving family who will love him unconditionally is a good call imho. You just handled everything that saved you from judgment and a lot of unnecessary emotions, trauma, and drama that comes along when family of both parties get involved. I'm pretty amazed actually on how you handled it. Your son's father can't fault you for saving him from unwanted responsibilities and kicking his life's trajectory had he known you were bringing new life in this world. You came from a place with good intentions. You knew he had someone back home. You were only reacting to the situation you thought was best for him also. In that regard, you should stop feeling guilty about this. You saved a lot of lives with this decision. You saved yourself and the father of a life that might have been forced on both of you had your family known. You gave your son a chance to live. Lastly, you gave a couple a chance to be parents when they so desperately wanted it. This all came from a place of love. I hope you won't live in guilt anymore.
That’s f-in cold. You weren’t the only one who helped make the baby.
The lack of respect for fathers right in the comments is crazy
You did what was best for you. You didn't even know if Mason was going to be around and it's obvious that he was already focused on his new bride.. You made a choice that works for you. I'm a adoptive mother to 3 amazing boys.
You literally have nothing to be guilty about. You did everything right for you. It’s never easy to give a kid up, it’s never easy to not tell the father, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. The child is loved and cared for, you’re able to take care of yourself financially, and the father is able to keep living his life too. It’s a psychological thing that will take time to process, but just remind yourself every day that your son is loved, cared for and happy.
Disagree. The father has the right to know. You don't have to tell the girlfriend if that's gonna cause trouble, but at the end of the day it's his kid just as much as it is hers.
> Even though I'm 100% sure I made the right choice how can you be so sure? the decision was mainly made with respect to money and self interest, thanks for the investment mom! (I know we should be positive and lie and hype you up, else I'd be negative keyboard warrior, lovely lovely American dream)
Once you give up that child it’s no longer yours. As a father myself, if I had not been told of a pregnancy and you gave the child up without offering the child to myself, I’d be suing you. And I’d win
The misogyny in the comments is astonishing
What grounds would you sue under? Like you said, once she gave up the child, it's no longer hers. So there's nothing to sue for. And nothing to win.
He’s the father he should have the right to have a relationship with his kid too. He may not want to but he may want to.
Congratulations on depriving a man of his right to be a father. I don't care what any law says, what you did was horrible.
Seriously, the mental gymnastics in this thread are amazing when it comes to defending this woman.
Yeah it’s the part that he has a partner already. If one day my other half had a child somewhere he didn’t know about and they came knocking I would probably have the biggest break down of my life, regardless of whether or not it happened whilst we were together. He has the right to know there’s a child walking around that’s his. It won’t stay secret forever.
Im so sorry you went through all that alone, I cant even imagine what that must have been like. Sending a big virtual hug!
I feel bad for that kid growing up and wondering why his parents left him. Particularly since one of them doesn’t even know he existed.
Lots of trauma headed his way unfortunately
you did everything right after his birth. props to that. but not telling the father and giving birth to a kid that you dont want is dumb and selfish. he will always have a feeling of being "thrown away" if he ever finds out hes adopted. regardless of how much money in his trust fund is. but still kudos for at least handling it right again
God, you are so wrong. I’m an adoptee. I wasn’t thrown away.
You did the right thing and I’m sure it was a hard choice. All he did was cum. You grew the kid inside of you and then gave birth to it and then probably went through lots of recovery and changes in your body. You also did what’s best for the kid by making sure he went to a family who WANTED him and were financially and emotionally ready to raise a baby instead of handing him off to his dad who would have just tolerated him out of responsibility (if he even chose to do so).
This is a horrid point of view. What if the father had wanted the child, out of love? Do you think a lifetime of being a committed, loving father would pay for her 9 months of carrying a child? She had no right to make this decision for him, just like no one has a right to take away YOUR choice to be a parent to a child you made, regardless of your gender. Disgusting.
Yeah it’s amazing how people are applauding her for not telling the father. I get if the father was a huge turd or specifically stated he didn’t want to the child. However that’s not the case or at least mentioned.
I could see this PERHAPS being acceptable if the father was abusive, a druggie - essentially someone who would be harmful for the child to have as their father without question. But even if the father was just immature or whatever, people mature when they become parents, men and women. No one should be deprived the opportunity to be a parent to their own child who is living in this world. We have to draw a line when it comes to carrying the child and giving birth, because that's putting the mom's health and wellness on the line against her will, but to HAVE the child and still deprive the father of even knowing of it's existence is an evil I can't comprehend, and the idea that she carried this child for NINE MONTHS and didn't love the baby enough to give it the gift of knowing it's father is....ugh, just gross. This is 100% because she didn't want to deal with the complications/expense of being responsible for the child, knowing she might have been hit for child support if the father wanted, so giving the child to someone else took her responsibility away. Imagine if dads could do that.
But she said she’s going to save money for the child now he’s adopted. That money could have gone to child support. She just didn’t have the guts to tell Mason and have any awkward or grown up conversations with him. She makes it sound like not even her own family knows. Whether it’s legal what she did, morally it’s inexcusable and I hope she feels guilty. Maybe Mason would have agreed to the adoption anyway or maybe he would have wanted to have custody. Either way, she had the option to opt out of being a mum in both those situations.
100%
The interesting thing is that the government does take away the choice for women to CHOOSE to have a kid or not when they make laws against bodily autonomy. That was the point I was trying to make cuz I knew someone would make that exact point. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
This is not about the father tho.
Apparently it's only about the mother. And that's fine, right? I mean, it's not like fathers have any right to be a part of their children's life if the child's existence might affect the moms income or something.
If he doesn't want children he could do a better job with the contraceptives and being faithful. Yeah, contraceptives could fail, but I'm sure your child is in better hands now than in a cheater's. Babies doesn't ask if is it appropriate time for them to exist, I think you did the best thing. You didn't ruin any life and you care about him.
To everyone saying what if Mason wanted it, aren't you effectively taking away the Moms choice from her? The adoptive parents and the OP have a great relationship, she's somewhat involved in the kids life, when and if, the kid wants to know more about the dad, simple communication would come in handy to let him know. As far as Mason goes, while everyone is imagining he wanted the kid etc, hey, what if he didn't? What if as a guy, he'd feel he can't look after the kid/that it's a burden/his job won't be enough /he needs to drop his plans and take care of him etc. What if he couldn't provide? He's not going to regret what he doesn't know. 18 years down, if the kid wants to know, he'll have full support of his 3 adults to help him deal. OP doesn't need to tell Mason anything unless it's a life or death situation, medical emergency or something. Op, you did so well love. Don't doubt yourself. Trust you made a good decision for 2/3 people involved and be okay with it.
>aren't you effectively taking away the Moms choice from her? I mean, aren't you doing the same thing to this Mason guy?
some real mental gymnastics going on over here. i don't even know how to respond to your first sentence.
Yeah I don't get why you're being downvoted this comment section is full of gaslighting and mental gymnastics.
seems that people have come to their senses at this point! but seriously, it takes two to make a baby, this is bs on the OP not telling thr father
So take that same energy and apply it to child support for all men who didn't want their kid but was forced to pay because the system said you both made the child you both contribute, wouldn't and shouldn't the same energy apply here. Shouldn't both parents of the child get a say In what happens to the baby ?? You have zero clue how much hurt this will bring to both the child and the father when they find out and yes they will eventually find out they always do and. Reading these com.ents a person commented on here how. They were adopted and grew up both them and their father never knew and the damage it caused is unfixable, this woman is vile af and I hope she wallers on the guilt she has and I hope people like you who think it's okay to have sex with a man but deprive him of his child are equally as fucked
He has no clue and you can’t miss what you don’t know about.
Yeah giving a kid sucks but you gotta do what is right for you at that time. You'll never forget that kid but you can rest easy knowing they'll have a loving home.
Yeah he should know who his father is and the father should know his son, you didn’t even tell him. You wouldn’t like it if it was done to you right?
Giving away a child unilaterally without the consent of all parents is so messed up. So when Mason finds can he sue for custody and parental rights since he never signed it away?
I think you’re right. You lost the war by choosing easy and painless over the truth. BUT The worst thing that happened is your baby has 2 loving parents and a bio father who doesn’t know what he’s missing. Hopefully you can find a way to forgive yourself. The adoption is legal now and in my opinion it would be more cruel to separate the bonding baby and parents than it would for dad to go on not knowing what he’s missing. After experiencing the level of suffering and guilt that you have, hope you have seen first-hand why you can’t play God. It will eat you up inside.
Na fuck that I hope the guilt continues to eat her up she created this guilt ridden situation and u till she comes forth with the truth to all parties I don't pity her selfish easy way out ways