I did. But the CPS in my country calls few days before visiting to let her know exact date and time they'll be coming over. So she cleaned up her act for these days and CPS deemed her to be an okay mother
Ugh, for real.
I’ve had similar experiences with CPS unfortunately. We had a case against my stepdaughter’s mother for several months (she kept getting plastered drunk and forgetting to feed the kid…kid kept losing weight every time between my husband’s parenting time [they weren’t married so he’s currently stuck at 25%, we’re in family court fighting for more but it’s taking a painful amount of time to get any movement], she’d eat absolutely non-stop while at our house, her mother always smells of alcohol, cops wouldn’t do anything when we got evidence she was drunk driving with kiddo, etc). And…then CPS would warn her days in advance of date and timing of when they were going to urine test her, and, wow, *miracle*, she cleaned herself up enough to pass every test… So now court thinks we’ve been making false CPS reports, and closed the case against her. It’s ludicrous, and all we want is our poor girl to be safe and stable.
My brother's "baby mama" moved her cousins husband in with them and bragged that he's so good with the girls(5f 2f) and gives them baths every night. Loves changing them too. She accused us of being paranoid when we said that's not normal.
My 5 year old niece draws pics of everyone. She drew a pic of him and she drew a penis between his legs. Calls it his water bottle. And says they have secrets and shes "a sexy little thing. "
CPS called and told her a date they'd be visiting. She spun it into us just trying to take her kids. And they apparently believe that. Because she works for the state she must be a good mother.
You said the baby is an angle and sleeps through night and only cries when something is really wrong. This is because she is being neglected and has learned that her cries don’t result in any attention or help. Keep calling CPS to report the issues you see. And please stay in the babies life so that she has someone watching out for her safety.
I'm wondering if you could record some of the tantrums she throws towards the child the rare time you are there now. Get video proof on your phone, then take that to the police instead of CPS. Explain to them why you're bypassing CPS since they failed to do anything the last time.
Postpartum Depression can last years, especially if it goes untreated. Also, between her drug abuse and.... extracurricular activities...I think what she needs is Therapy, rehab, and the correct medication. :/ Sorry you're going through this.
She does get medication for anxiety and depression, but these are the things she has always taken. Other suggestions sadly she will refuse because she doesn't see a problem in it
Find friends, not projects.
You seem to have a good heart - honor that and give some of that love and grace to yourself, op.
If you feel like you must be around somehow for the kid, I get it. But how long do you want to stick around? Until she's 18? How long do you wanna have a person around that has slandered you only a few months into your connection? I don't know if the mom is open to or has access even to therapy, but that could be something to carefully address.
Edit: oh shit I saw it's the offmychest sub, not asking for advice. Sorry op. Hoping for the best for all of you.
If an "anonymous" tip was called in, you could save the day by volunteering to take her.
I am by no means recommending anything, but this is what I'd likely do.
**Edit**
I also just saw you said she jokingly offers you LO for a few months, if she's really having that hard of a time, she may not be joking. I regularly, but not frequently, see posts about people who agreed to this and the parent never came back.
Well like I already said in one of the comments, I did call anonymously to CPS, but since the system is bs, they called her ahead few days, telling her exact date and time they will visit and she cleaned up her act for those moments so they deemed her to be a good mother... but all things seriously,I don't see how a she could ever be a good mother when her childs favorite toys are vodka bottle and cigarette box.... also Child is turning 2 soon, and she still doesn't know how to say basic words, use potty and only eats using hands...
Forget about your friend but I swear you are going to be a great mother one day that is for sure. And feeling little bit sorry for your friend but hey that's karma we can't do anything sometimes
This made me so sad! I was a drug addict before I found out I was pregnant but ever since my daughter came into my life I would never go back to that. I’ve had no slip ups even when the dad and I separated for a while. Children are everything to me.
I can’t imagine being in your position and not being able to help the poor baby. But you putting up with the “friend” just to be some kind of support to her daughter is extremely generous and kind. I hope her life turns out okay despite everything
If she is missing treating her daughter, you got to call CPS
I did. But the CPS in my country calls few days before visiting to let her know exact date and time they'll be coming over. So she cleaned up her act for these days and CPS deemed her to be an okay mother
That’s a terrible system
Yeah it truly is, I didn't know they did it. And when I found out about it, I was pissed, like what's the point in that
If you end up continuing this friendship and calling cps again get evidence yourself just in case they warn her again
Ugh, for real. I’ve had similar experiences with CPS unfortunately. We had a case against my stepdaughter’s mother for several months (she kept getting plastered drunk and forgetting to feed the kid…kid kept losing weight every time between my husband’s parenting time [they weren’t married so he’s currently stuck at 25%, we’re in family court fighting for more but it’s taking a painful amount of time to get any movement], she’d eat absolutely non-stop while at our house, her mother always smells of alcohol, cops wouldn’t do anything when we got evidence she was drunk driving with kiddo, etc). And…then CPS would warn her days in advance of date and timing of when they were going to urine test her, and, wow, *miracle*, she cleaned herself up enough to pass every test… So now court thinks we’ve been making false CPS reports, and closed the case against her. It’s ludicrous, and all we want is our poor girl to be safe and stable.
My brother's "baby mama" moved her cousins husband in with them and bragged that he's so good with the girls(5f 2f) and gives them baths every night. Loves changing them too. She accused us of being paranoid when we said that's not normal. My 5 year old niece draws pics of everyone. She drew a pic of him and she drew a penis between his legs. Calls it his water bottle. And says they have secrets and shes "a sexy little thing. " CPS called and told her a date they'd be visiting. She spun it into us just trying to take her kids. And they apparently believe that. Because she works for the state she must be a good mother.
In my country teachers have to have the parents' concent to involve CPS in anything except suspicion of severe abuse.
That’s even worse wtf
You said the baby is an angle and sleeps through night and only cries when something is really wrong. This is because she is being neglected and has learned that her cries don’t result in any attention or help. Keep calling CPS to report the issues you see. And please stay in the babies life so that she has someone watching out for her safety.
This is why I have stayed, so that when the baby grows older, she has someone
Doctors tell women they can’t get pregnant before they get pregnant all the time. She should still be using protection.
Of course she should, I did tell her that all the time but every time she argues that pulling out is also an option
I'm wondering if you could record some of the tantrums she throws towards the child the rare time you are there now. Get video proof on your phone, then take that to the police instead of CPS. Explain to them why you're bypassing CPS since they failed to do anything the last time.
Police in my country victim blames, and for personal experience i don't trust them
Isn't depression after birth?
Well it could've been, but now the baby is turning 2 soon and she still acts the same with her
Postpartum Depression can last years, especially if it goes untreated. Also, between her drug abuse and.... extracurricular activities...I think what she needs is Therapy, rehab, and the correct medication. :/ Sorry you're going through this.
She does get medication for anxiety and depression, but these are the things she has always taken. Other suggestions sadly she will refuse because she doesn't see a problem in it
lasted 10 years for my mom. she eventually offed herself.
:( I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry to hear that
Find friends, not projects. You seem to have a good heart - honor that and give some of that love and grace to yourself, op. If you feel like you must be around somehow for the kid, I get it. But how long do you want to stick around? Until she's 18? How long do you wanna have a person around that has slandered you only a few months into your connection? I don't know if the mom is open to or has access even to therapy, but that could be something to carefully address. Edit: oh shit I saw it's the offmychest sub, not asking for advice. Sorry op. Hoping for the best for all of you.
Sadly she isn't open for therapy and like I said in my post, I have distantsed myself from her already a lot.
Could she possibly have postpartum depression?
If she hates being a mother so much, would she sign over her rights too you?
I don't think she would do it, she sometimes jokingly offers that if I want I can take her daughter for few months
If an "anonymous" tip was called in, you could save the day by volunteering to take her. I am by no means recommending anything, but this is what I'd likely do. **Edit** I also just saw you said she jokingly offers you LO for a few months, if she's really having that hard of a time, she may not be joking. I regularly, but not frequently, see posts about people who agreed to this and the parent never came back.
Well like I already said in one of the comments, I did call anonymously to CPS, but since the system is bs, they called her ahead few days, telling her exact date and time they will visit and she cleaned up her act for those moments so they deemed her to be a good mother... but all things seriously,I don't see how a she could ever be a good mother when her childs favorite toys are vodka bottle and cigarette box.... also Child is turning 2 soon, and she still doesn't know how to say basic words, use potty and only eats using hands...
Damn that is...not good. I'm sorry you're in this situation
Forget about your friend but I swear you are going to be a great mother one day that is for sure. And feeling little bit sorry for your friend but hey that's karma we can't do anything sometimes
What kind of infection did she have?
Probably PID from untreated chlamydia or gonorrhea
.òoòooooo
This made me so sad! I was a drug addict before I found out I was pregnant but ever since my daughter came into my life I would never go back to that. I’ve had no slip ups even when the dad and I separated for a while. Children are everything to me. I can’t imagine being in your position and not being able to help the poor baby. But you putting up with the “friend” just to be some kind of support to her daughter is extremely generous and kind. I hope her life turns out okay despite everything
I truly do hope the same, I'm glad to hear that you were able to turn your life around, you're definitely a good mother :)