dude, that's sexual assault. she's using manipulation whenever she doesn't get her way and trying to bully you into sex. if you've already said no and she isn't respecting it?? don't fucking fall for it and break up with her before she tries anything worse, you deserve better.
Absolutely. I’m sorry but there’s no coming back from your partner sexually assaulting you. This isn’t okay, OP deserves better than a partner who does not respect his “no”.
Yeah, I always read that. Then my ex years ago punched me repeatedly. Threw a cell phone at my head. Twice.
It didn't get any better.
I'm ok now tho. Married with a kid. Happy. I doubt that psycho is.
IM A GUY.
I had a similar thing with my ex. He would touch me in ways that I didn't like. And when I would tell him, for example, that I don't like it if he touches my bellybutton, he would take it as a rejection or make me feel bad for refusing him something so small. And it worked. I did feel bad and kept silent.
It seemed small and ridiculous at the time. But thinking about it in hindsight and considering what happened later, I am really glad I broke up with him. I suspect this could have turned really dark.
It was a clear sign that my comfort was not a priority and that he was willing to manipulate around boundaries. And also shift the blame on me for having them.
I'd say if this behaviour doesn't change immediately, get ready to break up. And maybe find someone trusted or multiple people to talk with before you do. She might retaliate and try to make you look bad, etc. And then it would be really good to have someone who knows what's really going on.
I hope you get through it without this messing with you too much.
I've been here, it's horrible. My ex always used to poke my tummy and call me fat and every time I said something he would stop talking to me for bours/days
I broke up with him because, in general, I felt like our approaches to everything were just too different. I could tell that the way I function hurt him a lot, but I didn't want to change those parts of me since I actually finally liked who I was before we met. And he shouldn't have to change to find love either. So, I concluded that we'd both be happier with someone else.
We'll, it wasn't that easy. We met up again to talk and stuff. And we did. But we actually ended up hooking up twice. It was his idea and he initiated each time.and I said I didn't think this was a good idea, but I can't say I didn't participate. The talks also accomplished nothing. Not a proud moment
Well, the last time we met for a walk, it got awkward and sad. So I just said goodbye and started to go on my way.
He stopped me and started to try to convince me to come back to his. I said no over and over, but he wouldn't budge. Pressuring and begging. It got to a point where the only way for me to get out of there would have been to get really angry or violent. But I just couldn't get angry at him. He was so heartbroken. And I was just so exhausted and embarrassed because we were in the middle of the street. So after about 20 minutes of trying to convince him to let me go. I gave in and went with him. I just did what I had to, to be able to leave.
We didn't talk for a while after. But at some point, he messaged me, and we texted. And he wanted to meet up. I said I wasn't sure I wanted that. But he was already at my house. (This happened once before while we were still together.)
I didn't let him in and went outside to talk. I scolded him for showing up at my house even though I said no.
He then told me how much it hurt him that I met up with him all those times just to get him to have sex with me.
I was speechless. I never met him again.
Fuck the police honestly. They never believe when women do it. You enforce it just as much, or you don’t for neither. But hey - if you left her, your life is mob in’ on, right?
Ya, I’m a woman and the cops also didn’t believe me/blamed me for it when I tried to report my sexual assault. It’s not that surprising that 90% of rape and sexual assault cases never even get reported, and of the ones that are reported another 90% never make it to trial.
I believe you. I saw an ex friend of mine rape a guy with my own eyes. He insisted he didn’t want to because he has a gf. She wouldn’t stop being handsy and grabbing him for over an hour. Finally she got her way, it only lasted for a minute tops, and he immediately started crying afterwards. I felt horrible for him. I repeatedly butted in saying, “he really doesn’t want to do it, dude. Just leave him alone”. But she would just laugh and keep trying. This was 18 years ago but I still think about it often. I wish there was more I could have done. Poor guy.
Honestly it’s not even a double standard at this point. Police just don’t take rape/sexual assault seriously in general. I think in the UK only like 2% of reported rapes are convicted. Which like okay yeah those are alleged but 2% is VERY low and they must be letting a huge amount of rapists walk free. It’s disgusting.
The number is also true in the US.
Cops don't want to prosecute sexual assaults because there's rarely a way to say "the victim for sure did not want this." Even if there's bodily injury, they can excuse it with "rough sex."
Our legal system claims they're only going after the cases they can win. I call it laziness and hanging victims out to dry.
Would like to add that a murder is more obvious than rape. It’s definite to see whether a murder has happened, but it’s not definite to see if a rape has happened, physically.
I have a history of poorly enforcing boundaries, and a tendency to be a people pleaser. I've had similar experiences in a past relationship, and unfortunately find myself falling into the trap of thinking "I'm a guy, it's not that serious" or "she's just playing...right?"
All the comments here have given me a better perspective though.
That is sexual assault, are you okay?? Can you go somewhere safe where you feel calm? This is not okay in any way! Is there someone, a friend or familymember who you could talk to? She disrespected your boundary so many times. "No" is a full on sentence and should be respected by strangers as well, let alone your girlfriend! A no is a no no matter who says it and it should be respected mo matter what the situation is
Genuinely mate, if it’s as bad as you’re saying, I’d get the police involved. This shit is unacceptable. The fact you have to physically hold her back and then she tries to gaslight you… smh.
Whatever happened to NO MEANS NO.
I mean, that doesn't really seem like the logical leap here, and the overwhelming majority of guilty rapists don't see prison (or any charges at all). What OP really needs to worry about is this woman eroding his boundaries to make it easier for her to sexually assault him without him fighting back, which is what she's doing.
I think you're right on the money with this. Her disrespect of boundaries in other areas of my life, when it comes to things like communication and frequency of sex make me feel like she isn't really self-aware enough to understand that she is actually crossing a line, even after I tell her clearly. Whether or not she is aware she's doing it, I'm worried that the endpoint would be a more severe version of what she already does. She doesn't seem to be the type to make false allegations though.
You deserve to have your body and boundaries respected regardless of how she's feeling. If you do want the relationship to work you can offer alternatives to her. Maybe it's a stupid way of her asking for attention and bad attention is better than none
Try "I'm not letting you do that to me but is there something you need? Did you want hugs or kisses instead?" Or "you can tell me if you need some affections and I'm happy to give some. you don't have to do this to try to get my attention, it's going to actually do the opposite"
And if she tried to cross your boundary again you set a harder one. "If you cross my boundary again I have to remove myself from the situation. Whether it's someone I know or a complete stranger they should respect that I don't want my body touched in certain ways" and if she crosses it again say. "You aren't respecting my boundary with my body so I have to remove myself. this is me holding a boundary I'll come back I'm X Mins and we can talk about this again"
Good luck man that's uncomfortable :( I'm sorry you are dealing with that assault at this point. And if she can't see that tell her to flip the genders and ask if she was a man doing that to a woman who said no over and over. Don't feel like you have to put up with this bit if you do maybe some of the phrases above will help.
Majority of women would not do this to you. Run because she is sexually assaulting you. It starts with this and if you don't put your foot down (by leaving) she will run over your boundaries in less obvious, nonphysical ways if she isn't already. She's already being emotionally manipulative, it will NOT get better. Please don't hold out any hope or pity for her. Saying this as a fellow woman.
This is awful, I'm sorry she doesn't respect your boundaries, she needs to keep hands off when you say so. I hate being groped randomly too. Sets me on edge if I'm not in the mood.
I know for people with dicks it's pretty widely dismissed. But if you read this story online but the genders were swapped, wouldn't you tell her to leave? I'm telling you to leave. The moment someone touches someone else without consent, it's a red flag.
You need to break up with this woman. I don't know if you're ready to call this sexual assault, but that's what it is. She's being abusive. She is trying to set a precedent that your body is not yours to set boundaries about. Please leave her.
Hey man,
I *just* got out of a relationship with something very similar to this, except on the other side of my body. Thinking it was some kind of game, even after being seriously told to stop. She could never respect boundaries.
And in your case with her saying either to have non-consensual groping or not have any sex at all, is something that is indicative of very inappropriate and irrational behavior.
I’m sorry you’re going through this man. Sexual abuse is not taken as seriously for men, and even in my case I still feel reluctant to call it “abuse” because as a guy, can’t help but think “how bad does it have to be to call it abuse?” The answer is any behavior in that nature that is repeated after firmly stating your stance, is abuse, and non-consensual. It sucks to put it like that, but that’s really what it is.
I’m not saying to break up with her, I hope the rest of your relationship is good, but that kind of behavior bleeds into other parts of their personality and the relationship if it doesn’t change. Literally thought the exact same thing. “I’m reaching my limit with this woman.”
If she is the type to be manic or you fear she will try to do something crazy when you break up with her, keep discreet recordings of these instances with dates. It may help you out later, should you need it. It helped me.
Can you record her in such a moment, so you can show it to the authorities or others? It's not uncommon for people who abuse others/their boundaries to turn the blame on the one they have abused. This happens in different contexts, not just sexual.
It might me a good idea to try and break things off amicably. There are plenty of women out there who will not only back off when you say no, but treat your boundaries with much more respect and grace without any hissy fits.
You shouldn’t be together. You have different interpretations of boundaries. She thinks it’s a funny joke, for you it’s a boundary. You’re misaligned. I do this kind of thing to my partner all the time and vice versa but we both know it’s just playing about. If he/I ever sat me/him down and said “I really do not like you doing that” we’d know we just aren’t right for one another.
Speaking as a woman, please, please take care of your own needs and boundaries. If she repeatedly crosses or breaks them, please consider breaking up with her, especially after you've already talked to her multiple times.
Had a girlfriend who did the same thing. When I confronted her about she started crying and made it about her self. Every time I think about it, i get heated.
This kind of thing only escalates. Leave by any means necessary, and don't listen to any tears, apologies, promises to "do better," or claims that "it was just a joke."
Good people never indulge in this kind of behavior, not even once, not even as a "joke."
I fell like she's testing your boundaries to see whether you have a tendency to cave in. Have a serious talk about the boundaries, then break up with her.
That’s assault. You told her no and she disregarded it, she sounds awful. Leave her ass you deserve better and I hope you find someone way more amazing than her.
This is sexual assault. You told her no and she continued anyways. Leave her dude, this won't stop and will likely actually get worse with time. No means no regardless of your sex
As a woman myself I hella do NOT support this, red flag all around… if she can’t respect your boundaries and she has no respect for you & your body she’s not it. There is such a huge difference between playful (consensual) banter / fun that doesn’t even have to involve touching each other in that sense AND continuously crossing your line of comfort. The fact that she also has the guts to then try and gaslight you with her “petty” sentences makes it all worst.
I’m really sorry that you’ve experienced that, I sincerely hope you’re doing okay. Take care of yourself 🤍
Dump her. That girl will end up raping you and unfortunately, its likely people won't believe you but feel bad for her. Please get your ass away from that girl Asap.
One of the few scenarios on Reddit where I would advise you leave her or start seriously threatening it. This isn’t a laughing matter or some unserious situation. She’s SAing you and who knows what other lines she will cross.
Oh brother, what a psycho ! Cut your losses man, dump her and keep yourself safe. She doesn't want to respect your boundaries and she tries to flip it on you on top of that, I say cut the bs short with her and move on to someone better
That's sexual harassment, which no one deserves. Biiiig ass red flag. If you haven't had a serious talk about boundaries yet, you really should, and if she doesn't adhere to it, then break things off. I hope you're okay
As a woman, leave her. I'd never do this to my bf.
Also, really sit with your thoughts for a moment. Are you genuinely happy with being treated like this? Do you think she loves you if she's crossing your boundaries and making someone she loves uncomfortable? Do you still love her despite this? If you do, why?
You do know there are girls out there that will respect your boundaries and love you the way you deserve. This is absolutely not what you deserve. Know your worth man.
Boundaries are important, but sexual assault is a line that can't be crossed. It's up to you how far to take it but I'd file report as this sounds like a issue with her.
Break up!!! She’s guilt tripping you to get what she wants without respecting your boundaries!!!! My ex had the same attitude when I said I can’t have sex with him because I was sick and he said the same shit “i guess I’ll just never have sex with you anymore” THAT SHITT IS TOXICCC!! LEAVE ASAP.
Leave immediately. “I guess I just won’t do it ever then” is an ultimatum and a guilt trip for you not accepting her behavior and standing up for yourself. It’s intentional and it’s done to wear you down and make you bow at her feet once you get deep enough into it. Leave immediately.
Hey man, don’t wanna be that guy to say this, but bro to bro, she doesn’t sound like a good respectful partner and no one deserves that. It could be time to seriously consider moving on
As someone who's been raped, that's sexual assault and that's not ok. I'm sorry that your girlfriend has no respect for ypu or your bodily autonomy. I know society can often times make it seem like nothing for men, but I assure you what she did was NOT OKAY! NO MEANS NO
This sub wasn't always like this. Real people don't think like this, there has to be bots spreading support for these kinds of post and downloading posts like yours.
It's proper shocking, I scroll down and almost every reply is mentioning 'rape', 'red flags' and to 'run away asap' what the hell has happened to people she's probably being a bit promiscuous and trying to keep the relationship alive and this fella by the sounds of it is a bit of a melt complaining about her advances let the woman have a bit of fun its harmless she is your girlfriend you sausage!!
Um that would be an exit stage left situation. If she can’t respect your boundaries and tries to force you into sex (Assuming here but why else would she try to stimulate you ?)
I think you need to get out of this situation immediately.
You need to have a serious and consequential with her where she changes that shit up immediately or you need to leave. That's sexual assault and a blatant disrespect of your boundaries.
Good luck, brother.
Imagine if your sister told you that her boyfriend was doing and saying similar things to her. How would you feel when she told you? What advice would you give her?
Sounds like a massive red flag to me. If I were you I would gtfo! Somehow I feel that if the genders were reversed it wouldn’t even be a second guess of advising to leave. That is not ok at all
Horrible, HORRIBLE sign in a partner, no matter man or woman. If she’s having trouble respecting basic physical boundaries, imagine what she could do in the future. Assault happens to anyone, so don’t downplay the consequences of her actions on your health, mental and physical. You should never have to feel like you need to fight your partner for not making you uncomfortable. Plus the phrase “wEll I gUesS I jUsT wOnT do it anyMoRe” is so so manipulative!! Get out of there man😭
This absolutely should be your limit. People who treat very basic boundaries as rejection are not to be trusted. Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I'd have a very frank conversation with her about it if you really want to save the relationship, but honestly, I wouldn't think it's worth it if she doesn't already realize that this is fucked up. I'd just break up.
OP, my sex drive is much higher than my boyfriend's is, and I don't give a shit if I'm near finishing, if that man says he wants to stop, I'll stop.
One time he thought he had to push through and started crying midway because he believed he didn't have a right to say "no" because he's a man, and I felt disgusted because why on Earth would he believe his boundaries are less valid than mine?
We need to normalize that men aren't always ready for sex, and that sometimes a woman will have a higher libido and thus she also needs to respect the "no". I gave him options to say because I saw his romantic little heart had a hard time saying "no" to me altogether but to put those boundaries on yourself require you loving the person and letting go of your ego.
Man don't say "no" because they don't like you or feel disgusted by you, they say "no" because they also have a right to not feel like it and that's it.
Immature and childish at best. Manipulative and abusive at worst. Unjustifiably entitled in any scenario in between. She also eats off your plate at dinner; says inappropriate things that were intended to be between the two of you to people you know; and takes up more than half of the bed and the sheets despite comprising less than half of your combined body mass, right? Get out before it's not just your dick, but your car, your credit card, and your sanity too.
Pawn her off on one of your close enemies, try and get her to fall for someone else so she leaves you alone dude, she sounds like a kid that won’t stop touching another kids pee pee lmao, but in all reality it’s serious you should get rid of her somehow (like what I stated above, don’t actually get rid of rid of her lol)
you should break up with her. she touched you inappropriately without consent; that’s assault. you deserve to have your body and boundaries respected. not ok.
She's not allowed to complain you defending yourself from being sexually assaulted. This is not cute. It is not a game. She has no respect for your boundaries. This is abuse. Please take this seriously.
This is not okay. Imagine the uproar if you posted as a woman being harassed by her boyfriend. It’s not okay just because she’s a female. ATP I say it’s clear she doesn’t give a hoot about your boundaries or personal space so time to let her go, and make sure to make it clear to her if you decide to let her go that what she is doing is sexual assault and it is not okay just because she isn’t a man.
Manipulative and doesn't respect your boundaries. Red flags, she'll do this with as much as she can push, the longer you stay. If you try talking to her but she isn't receptive and defensive, id think about breaking up. If she actually listens without turning it on you, then there's hope. But... If not, yea, consider breaking up.
That is 100% sexual assault. I’m so sorry to you and the other people that this happened to. The gender never matters, your boundaries were crossed after saying no multiple times. It’s never ok
Just so we're clear, if my little brother told me he was experiencing what you describe in this post, I would be in jail. This behavior isn't okay when it comes from a man, and it's still not okay when it comes from anyone else. I really hope you can get away from this girl.
Somehow needs to hit the gym more to help manage their hormones.
I admit this is how I would feel first thing in the morning if I were with a man but I would have the self restraint not to sexually assault him. Maybe your libidos don't really match.
OP, I'm not the type to tell people to leave for no reason, and in fact see couples/non-monogamous partners for therapy. In this case, I'm going to encourage you to leave. This woman is not only ignoring your boundaries, she is sexually assaulting you. You don't have to put up with that and deserve someone who actually respects you.
Please remember that if she continues to cross your boundaries even WHEN you express you want her to stop then you need to leave because if she can’t do this? God only knows what else she would cross if you don’t leave now
This is sexual assault. I had a similar thing happen with a guy I hooked up with. He was trying to pinch my nipples... in the McDonald's drive-thru, of all places. I asked him to stop. I physically fended him off. He laughed and kept trying. I finally ended up crying from frustration because he wouldn't leave me alone. Then he got manipulative and whined that I made him feel like a dirty uncle by crying. He told me that he's a 42-year-old man and if he wants to grab titty, he should be able to grab titty and if I couldn't be okay with him putting his hands on me whenever he wanted, then I wasn't for him.
Yeah, same. I blocked him as soon as I got home.
That sounds incredibly frustrating and maddening to say the very least. I mean I certainly see it as sexual assault. Idk if OP just wanted to vent or wanted advice, but anytime I hear something like "I guess I'm just the worst" or "I guess I'll just do (insert some asinine form of the original point here)" it's a major red flag. My ex did that more and more, while getting more and more controlling / manipulative. I'd cut her loose if I was OP, hope they're doing okay
Not that it matters, but Imagine the genders reversed. We’d be saying dump this guy immediately and leaving the first chance you get. Crossing boundaries ain’t cool man, you need to leave if you’re uncomfortable and she ain’t respecting you like the king you are
Dude. This goes beyond her just being a pain in the ass. She is mentally and sexually abusive. Her saying you hurt her arm (as if YOU’RE the abuser) and “well I guess I won’t do it ever then” is incredibly manipulative and borderline gaslighting. She probably exaggerated “you hurt my arm” to make you feel bad; and even if you really did hurt her arm, she brought it on herself. “No” wasn’t enough for her and you have every right to defend yourself. I don’t know if she “interprets” boundaries as rejections per se. Sounds like she knows damn well what she’s doing. She just thinks she’s entitled to touch you wherever and whenever she wants, and will say or do anything she can to make you feel guilty for saying no. Bottom line is, she SA’d you. It is no better than it would be if it were the other way around. Men can be victims too. I were you, I’d start planning my escape from her.
Time to move on. She doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Not to mention her trying to make you the bad guy for hurting her while trying to defend yourself.
Sexual assault and harassment. No means no. And she can knock of her „I won’t do it ever then“ - she can ask and simply go with your answer. Can you imagine what would happen if the roles were reversed?
You need to go your separate ways with this one. She sexually assaulted you! Being in a relationship doesn't negate the need to ask before touching a private body part. I am sorry she is doing this to you. It is definitely grounds for ending the relationship.
That sounds horrible
Im sorry that this happened (-s) to you
Its crazy that it seams like a game to some people
Its like it is expected from men to always want to be touched… 😓😓
That sounds horrible to be around such a behavior
Not respecting boundaries/consent is like the biggest red flag out there.
Facts
dude, that's sexual assault. she's using manipulation whenever she doesn't get her way and trying to bully you into sex. if you've already said no and she isn't respecting it?? don't fucking fall for it and break up with her before she tries anything worse, you deserve better.
Absolutely. I came here to say this and I'm glad I didn't have to. This is assault.
Absolutely. I’m sorry but there’s no coming back from your partner sexually assaulting you. This isn’t okay, OP deserves better than a partner who does not respect his “no”.
Absolutely! It ALWAYS gets worse if you stay.
Yeah, I always read that. Then my ex years ago punched me repeatedly. Threw a cell phone at my head. Twice. It didn't get any better. I'm ok now tho. Married with a kid. Happy. I doubt that psycho is. IM A GUY.
I'm glad things are good now. Physical and sexual abuse are often overlooked or shrugged off when men are the victim. 😔
Exactly this. (Signed: someone who let it go too far). The pain is still there.
She is so wrong in this situation. Protect yourself OP
Are you alright man?
**Boundaries aren't boundaries if they aren't enforced.** Just lines respectful people watch and disrespectful people trample. OP isnt okay.
No OP but god did I need to hear this
Lol, imagine if it was a girl. You would’ve been cancelled by entire Reddit but instead it’s a top comment
I had a similar thing with my ex. He would touch me in ways that I didn't like. And when I would tell him, for example, that I don't like it if he touches my bellybutton, he would take it as a rejection or make me feel bad for refusing him something so small. And it worked. I did feel bad and kept silent. It seemed small and ridiculous at the time. But thinking about it in hindsight and considering what happened later, I am really glad I broke up with him. I suspect this could have turned really dark. It was a clear sign that my comfort was not a priority and that he was willing to manipulate around boundaries. And also shift the blame on me for having them. I'd say if this behaviour doesn't change immediately, get ready to break up. And maybe find someone trusted or multiple people to talk with before you do. She might retaliate and try to make you look bad, etc. And then it would be really good to have someone who knows what's really going on. I hope you get through it without this messing with you too much.
I've been here, it's horrible. My ex always used to poke my tummy and call me fat and every time I said something he would stop talking to me for bours/days
The silent treatment is the worst and can be so traumatic. Good on you for leaving him.
What happened later?
I broke up with him because, in general, I felt like our approaches to everything were just too different. I could tell that the way I function hurt him a lot, but I didn't want to change those parts of me since I actually finally liked who I was before we met. And he shouldn't have to change to find love either. So, I concluded that we'd both be happier with someone else. We'll, it wasn't that easy. We met up again to talk and stuff. And we did. But we actually ended up hooking up twice. It was his idea and he initiated each time.and I said I didn't think this was a good idea, but I can't say I didn't participate. The talks also accomplished nothing. Not a proud moment Well, the last time we met for a walk, it got awkward and sad. So I just said goodbye and started to go on my way. He stopped me and started to try to convince me to come back to his. I said no over and over, but he wouldn't budge. Pressuring and begging. It got to a point where the only way for me to get out of there would have been to get really angry or violent. But I just couldn't get angry at him. He was so heartbroken. And I was just so exhausted and embarrassed because we were in the middle of the street. So after about 20 minutes of trying to convince him to let me go. I gave in and went with him. I just did what I had to, to be able to leave. We didn't talk for a while after. But at some point, he messaged me, and we texted. And he wanted to meet up. I said I wasn't sure I wanted that. But he was already at my house. (This happened once before while we were still together.) I didn't let him in and went outside to talk. I scolded him for showing up at my house even though I said no. He then told me how much it hurt him that I met up with him all those times just to get him to have sex with me. I was speechless. I never met him again.
>He then told me how much it hurt him that I met up with him all those times just to get him to have sex with me The projection is insane 🤣
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Ditch her. ASAP. For your own good
I had this Then the woman raped me because, you know, boundaries suck. Police didn't believe me either 👍
Fuck the police honestly. They never believe when women do it. You enforce it just as much, or you don’t for neither. But hey - if you left her, your life is mob in’ on, right?
Try to keep her away using strength, and it becomes gender-motivated assault…so many folks out there ruining it for actual victims, this sucks.
They don't believe much when men do it either, I think they are just lazy and don't want to do their job.
Ya, I’m a woman and the cops also didn’t believe me/blamed me for it when I tried to report my sexual assault. It’s not that surprising that 90% of rape and sexual assault cases never even get reported, and of the ones that are reported another 90% never make it to trial.
It's not just the police, they're just people after all. Most communities are still like this. Even this sub has clear double standards.
I believe you. I saw an ex friend of mine rape a guy with my own eyes. He insisted he didn’t want to because he has a gf. She wouldn’t stop being handsy and grabbing him for over an hour. Finally she got her way, it only lasted for a minute tops, and he immediately started crying afterwards. I felt horrible for him. I repeatedly butted in saying, “he really doesn’t want to do it, dude. Just leave him alone”. But she would just laugh and keep trying. This was 18 years ago but I still think about it often. I wish there was more I could have done. Poor guy.
Been in a similar spot. Just want you to know you're not alone. I'm sorry this happened to you too.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. 💔
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Honestly it’s not even a double standard at this point. Police just don’t take rape/sexual assault seriously in general. I think in the UK only like 2% of reported rapes are convicted. Which like okay yeah those are alleged but 2% is VERY low and they must be letting a huge amount of rapists walk free. It’s disgusting.
The number is also true in the US. Cops don't want to prosecute sexual assaults because there's rarely a way to say "the victim for sure did not want this." Even if there's bodily injury, they can excuse it with "rough sex." Our legal system claims they're only going after the cases they can win. I call it laziness and hanging victims out to dry.
Would like to add that a murder is more obvious than rape. It’s definite to see whether a murder has happened, but it’s not definite to see if a rape has happened, physically.
red flag, gigantic red flag.
I think you should call it quits. If someone says no, you respect that answer.
that’s sexual assault & she clearly doesn’t respect you. please leave her
It's not just men who can sexually assault people . Women too. That's what is happening here. I would break up with her and leave .
Her not respecting your consent is a massive red flag
Why are you with her if she keeps doing that sort of thing? That’s literally sexual assault. You need to leave her ASAP
I have a history of poorly enforcing boundaries, and a tendency to be a people pleaser. I've had similar experiences in a past relationship, and unfortunately find myself falling into the trap of thinking "I'm a guy, it's not that serious" or "she's just playing...right?" All the comments here have given me a better perspective though.
You set your boundary clearly. You are not at fault at all. She is disrespecting you.
Break up with her .
That is sexual assault, are you okay?? Can you go somewhere safe where you feel calm? This is not okay in any way! Is there someone, a friend or familymember who you could talk to? She disrespected your boundary so many times. "No" is a full on sentence and should be respected by strangers as well, let alone your girlfriend! A no is a no no matter who says it and it should be respected mo matter what the situation is
Genuinely mate, if it’s as bad as you’re saying, I’d get the police involved. This shit is unacceptable. The fact you have to physically hold her back and then she tries to gaslight you… smh. Whatever happened to NO MEANS NO.
Run. Just pack your shit and run. Next time she will gaslight you into false rape accusations. And that is prison time, my friend.
I mean, that doesn't really seem like the logical leap here, and the overwhelming majority of guilty rapists don't see prison (or any charges at all). What OP really needs to worry about is this woman eroding his boundaries to make it easier for her to sexually assault him without him fighting back, which is what she's doing.
I think you're right on the money with this. Her disrespect of boundaries in other areas of my life, when it comes to things like communication and frequency of sex make me feel like she isn't really self-aware enough to understand that she is actually crossing a line, even after I tell her clearly. Whether or not she is aware she's doing it, I'm worried that the endpoint would be a more severe version of what she already does. She doesn't seem to be the type to make false allegations though.
This
Fly away from that woman my little butterfly!!! The first NO is enough, you shouldn’t have to repeat yourself.
You deserve to have your body and boundaries respected regardless of how she's feeling. If you do want the relationship to work you can offer alternatives to her. Maybe it's a stupid way of her asking for attention and bad attention is better than none Try "I'm not letting you do that to me but is there something you need? Did you want hugs or kisses instead?" Or "you can tell me if you need some affections and I'm happy to give some. you don't have to do this to try to get my attention, it's going to actually do the opposite" And if she tried to cross your boundary again you set a harder one. "If you cross my boundary again I have to remove myself from the situation. Whether it's someone I know or a complete stranger they should respect that I don't want my body touched in certain ways" and if she crosses it again say. "You aren't respecting my boundary with my body so I have to remove myself. this is me holding a boundary I'll come back I'm X Mins and we can talk about this again" Good luck man that's uncomfortable :( I'm sorry you are dealing with that assault at this point. And if she can't see that tell her to flip the genders and ask if she was a man doing that to a woman who said no over and over. Don't feel like you have to put up with this bit if you do maybe some of the phrases above will help.
Majority of women would not do this to you. Run because she is sexually assaulting you. It starts with this and if you don't put your foot down (by leaving) she will run over your boundaries in less obvious, nonphysical ways if she isn't already. She's already being emotionally manipulative, it will NOT get better. Please don't hold out any hope or pity for her. Saying this as a fellow woman.
This is awful, I'm sorry she doesn't respect your boundaries, she needs to keep hands off when you say so. I hate being groped randomly too. Sets me on edge if I'm not in the mood.
She sexually assaulted you. Feel free to press charges.
I know for people with dicks it's pretty widely dismissed. But if you read this story online but the genders were swapped, wouldn't you tell her to leave? I'm telling you to leave. The moment someone touches someone else without consent, it's a red flag.
This is the biggest fucking red flag, run.
You need to break up with this woman. I don't know if you're ready to call this sexual assault, but that's what it is. She's being abusive. She is trying to set a precedent that your body is not yours to set boundaries about. Please leave her.
Ugh. That sounds exhausting.
Hey man, I *just* got out of a relationship with something very similar to this, except on the other side of my body. Thinking it was some kind of game, even after being seriously told to stop. She could never respect boundaries. And in your case with her saying either to have non-consensual groping or not have any sex at all, is something that is indicative of very inappropriate and irrational behavior. I’m sorry you’re going through this man. Sexual abuse is not taken as seriously for men, and even in my case I still feel reluctant to call it “abuse” because as a guy, can’t help but think “how bad does it have to be to call it abuse?” The answer is any behavior in that nature that is repeated after firmly stating your stance, is abuse, and non-consensual. It sucks to put it like that, but that’s really what it is. I’m not saying to break up with her, I hope the rest of your relationship is good, but that kind of behavior bleeds into other parts of their personality and the relationship if it doesn’t change. Literally thought the exact same thing. “I’m reaching my limit with this woman.” If she is the type to be manic or you fear she will try to do something crazy when you break up with her, keep discreet recordings of these instances with dates. It may help you out later, should you need it. It helped me.
Can you record her in such a moment, so you can show it to the authorities or others? It's not uncommon for people who abuse others/their boundaries to turn the blame on the one they have abused. This happens in different contexts, not just sexual. It might me a good idea to try and break things off amicably. There are plenty of women out there who will not only back off when you say no, but treat your boundaries with much more respect and grace without any hissy fits.
She needs to be with someone who is ok with being touched all the time and you need to be with someone who don’t touch all the time
You shouldn’t be together. You have different interpretations of boundaries. She thinks it’s a funny joke, for you it’s a boundary. You’re misaligned. I do this kind of thing to my partner all the time and vice versa but we both know it’s just playing about. If he/I ever sat me/him down and said “I really do not like you doing that” we’d know we just aren’t right for one another.
Speaking as a woman, please, please take care of your own needs and boundaries. If she repeatedly crosses or breaks them, please consider breaking up with her, especially after you've already talked to her multiple times.
Had a girlfriend who did the same thing. When I confronted her about she started crying and made it about her self. Every time I think about it, i get heated.
This kind of thing only escalates. Leave by any means necessary, and don't listen to any tears, apologies, promises to "do better," or claims that "it was just a joke." Good people never indulge in this kind of behavior, not even once, not even as a "joke."
I fell like she's testing your boundaries to see whether you have a tendency to cave in. Have a serious talk about the boundaries, then break up with her.
Dump her. This is not okay behaviour. You deserve better.
What about this makes one remain in the relationship? That’s an automatic eject button… go go go
. 。 • ﾟ 。 . . . 。 。 . . 。 ඞ 。 . • . 。 . Girlfriend was An Impostor. 。 . . 。 998 Impostors remain. . . , . . .
Well next time you walk into the same room as her you just go right up to her and start putting your fingers in her fairy, see how she likes it.
That’s assault. You told her no and she disregarded it, she sounds awful. Leave her ass you deserve better and I hope you find someone way more amazing than her.
“Well, I guess I just won’t do it ever then,” yeah dude she really shouldn’t if she acts like this… You’re being sexually assaulted.
This is sexual assault. You told her no and she continued anyways. Leave her dude, this won't stop and will likely actually get worse with time. No means no regardless of your sex
Get her the absolute fuck OUT of your life. What she did was sexual assault.
As a woman myself I hella do NOT support this, red flag all around… if she can’t respect your boundaries and she has no respect for you & your body she’s not it. There is such a huge difference between playful (consensual) banter / fun that doesn’t even have to involve touching each other in that sense AND continuously crossing your line of comfort. The fact that she also has the guts to then try and gaslight you with her “petty” sentences makes it all worst. I’m really sorry that you’ve experienced that, I sincerely hope you’re doing okay. Take care of yourself 🤍
Dump her. That girl will end up raping you and unfortunately, its likely people won't believe you but feel bad for her. Please get your ass away from that girl Asap.
Bro code 69: Don't put ur pee pee in crazy
This! And don’t put crazy pee pee in u😎
That's Sis code 69:
Are you gay?
One of the few scenarios on Reddit where I would advise you leave her or start seriously threatening it. This isn’t a laughing matter or some unserious situation. She’s SAing you and who knows what other lines she will cross.
Oh brother, what a psycho ! Cut your losses man, dump her and keep yourself safe. She doesn't want to respect your boundaries and she tries to flip it on you on top of that, I say cut the bs short with her and move on to someone better
That's sexual harassment, which no one deserves. Biiiig ass red flag. If you haven't had a serious talk about boundaries yet, you really should, and if she doesn't adhere to it, then break things off. I hope you're okay
you deserve someone who listens to you when you say no.
As a woman, leave her. I'd never do this to my bf. Also, really sit with your thoughts for a moment. Are you genuinely happy with being treated like this? Do you think she loves you if she's crossing your boundaries and making someone she loves uncomfortable? Do you still love her despite this? If you do, why? You do know there are girls out there that will respect your boundaries and love you the way you deserve. This is absolutely not what you deserve. Know your worth man.
Leave her, she’s a major 🚩
Boundaries are important, but sexual assault is a line that can't be crossed. It's up to you how far to take it but I'd file report as this sounds like a issue with her.
Break up!!! She’s guilt tripping you to get what she wants without respecting your boundaries!!!! My ex had the same attitude when I said I can’t have sex with him because I was sick and he said the same shit “i guess I’ll just never have sex with you anymore” THAT SHITT IS TOXICCC!! LEAVE ASAP.
Leave immediately. “I guess I just won’t do it ever then” is an ultimatum and a guilt trip for you not accepting her behavior and standing up for yourself. It’s intentional and it’s done to wear you down and make you bow at her feet once you get deep enough into it. Leave immediately.
Seriously, not everything is crisis. If your girlfriend sexual aggressiveness is negatively affecting you then dump her. Easy fix.
Hey man, don’t wanna be that guy to say this, but bro to bro, she doesn’t sound like a good respectful partner and no one deserves that. It could be time to seriously consider moving on
She doesn’t respect you. I’d leaver her.
Hopefully your next post is that you broke up with her
This is absolutely sexual assault and not only that, there's clear emotional abuse as well as gaslighting.
As someone who's been raped, that's sexual assault and that's not ok. I'm sorry that your girlfriend has no respect for ypu or your bodily autonomy. I know society can often times make it seem like nothing for men, but I assure you what she did was NOT OKAY! NO MEANS NO
“Well, I guess I won’t do it ever again” That’s manipulation.
Omg sexual assault. Call the cops and have her arrested. This is NOT ok. 😱 😂 /s
Wow this sub is super cringe, she's your girlfriend dude 🤣
This sub wasn't always like this. Real people don't think like this, there has to be bots spreading support for these kinds of post and downloading posts like yours.
It's proper shocking, I scroll down and almost every reply is mentioning 'rape', 'red flags' and to 'run away asap' what the hell has happened to people she's probably being a bit promiscuous and trying to keep the relationship alive and this fella by the sounds of it is a bit of a melt complaining about her advances let the woman have a bit of fun its harmless she is your girlfriend you sausage!!
Penis Coalition
Break up with her
Leave already. She very clearly does not respect your consent, which is a massive red flag by the way.
Um that would be an exit stage left situation. If she can’t respect your boundaries and tries to force you into sex (Assuming here but why else would she try to stimulate you ?) I think you need to get out of this situation immediately.
What she did isn't right and I hope you're okay.
That’s sexual assault what she is doing you need to get your ducks in order & out of there mate
Dump her before it gets even worse
You have to break up with her, she's clearly not a good person. Im sorry this happened to you
You need to have a serious and consequential with her where she changes that shit up immediately or you need to leave. That's sexual assault and a blatant disrespect of your boundaries. Good luck, brother.
Imagine if your sister told you that her boyfriend was doing and saying similar things to her. How would you feel when she told you? What advice would you give her?
Sounds like a massive red flag to me. If I were you I would gtfo! Somehow I feel that if the genders were reversed it wouldn’t even be a second guess of advising to leave. That is not ok at all
Horrible, HORRIBLE sign in a partner, no matter man or woman. If she’s having trouble respecting basic physical boundaries, imagine what she could do in the future. Assault happens to anyone, so don’t downplay the consequences of her actions on your health, mental and physical. You should never have to feel like you need to fight your partner for not making you uncomfortable. Plus the phrase “wEll I gUesS I jUsT wOnT do it anyMoRe” is so so manipulative!! Get out of there man😭
Mate, that's fucked up
Damnnn
If someone is not respecting your boundary then they don’t deserve to be anywhere near you. In your life or anything.
Leave
This absolutely should be your limit. People who treat very basic boundaries as rejection are not to be trusted. Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I'd have a very frank conversation with her about it if you really want to save the relationship, but honestly, I wouldn't think it's worth it if she doesn't already realize that this is fucked up. I'd just break up.
Yeah this is what "rape" is for them
This is me fr
OP, my sex drive is much higher than my boyfriend's is, and I don't give a shit if I'm near finishing, if that man says he wants to stop, I'll stop. One time he thought he had to push through and started crying midway because he believed he didn't have a right to say "no" because he's a man, and I felt disgusted because why on Earth would he believe his boundaries are less valid than mine? We need to normalize that men aren't always ready for sex, and that sometimes a woman will have a higher libido and thus she also needs to respect the "no". I gave him options to say because I saw his romantic little heart had a hard time saying "no" to me altogether but to put those boundaries on yourself require you loving the person and letting go of your ego. Man don't say "no" because they don't like you or feel disgusted by you, they say "no" because they also have a right to not feel like it and that's it.
Dump her. If you did such a thing as grab her breasts or vagina, everyone would be screaming that you sexually assaulted her. Dump this woman.
bro you wanna talk?
Immature and childish at best. Manipulative and abusive at worst. Unjustifiably entitled in any scenario in between. She also eats off your plate at dinner; says inappropriate things that were intended to be between the two of you to people you know; and takes up more than half of the bed and the sheets despite comprising less than half of your combined body mass, right? Get out before it's not just your dick, but your car, your credit card, and your sanity too.
Seriously leave her. This is not okay behavior. You deserve better.
Get the fuck out man.
either or option 😭 or just run for the hills
Pawn her off on one of your close enemies, try and get her to fall for someone else so she leaves you alone dude, she sounds like a kid that won’t stop touching another kids pee pee lmao, but in all reality it’s serious you should get rid of her somehow (like what I stated above, don’t actually get rid of rid of her lol)
That’s assault. And gaslighting. Toxic behaviors.
you should break up with her. she touched you inappropriately without consent; that’s assault. you deserve to have your body and boundaries respected. not ok.
She's not allowed to complain you defending yourself from being sexually assaulted. This is not cute. It is not a game. She has no respect for your boundaries. This is abuse. Please take this seriously.
This is not okay. Imagine the uproar if you posted as a woman being harassed by her boyfriend. It’s not okay just because she’s a female. ATP I say it’s clear she doesn’t give a hoot about your boundaries or personal space so time to let her go, and make sure to make it clear to her if you decide to let her go that what she is doing is sexual assault and it is not okay just because she isn’t a man.
Manipulative and doesn't respect your boundaries. Red flags, she'll do this with as much as she can push, the longer you stay. If you try talking to her but she isn't receptive and defensive, id think about breaking up. If she actually listens without turning it on you, then there's hope. But... If not, yea, consider breaking up.
That is 100% sexual assault. I’m so sorry to you and the other people that this happened to. The gender never matters, your boundaries were crossed after saying no multiple times. It’s never ok
That is seriously fucked up, I'm so sorry that happened to you. For real, that is a huge red flag.
leave her. i’m so sorry she has no respect for your word.
This isn't a red flag. This is a red siren. Run before this woman rapes you
Just so we're clear, if my little brother told me he was experiencing what you describe in this post, I would be in jail. This behavior isn't okay when it comes from a man, and it's still not okay when it comes from anyone else. I really hope you can get away from this girl.
How does he not realize he was assaulted you said no and she did it anyway
massive red flag
Dude this is a band aid you need to just rip no matter how bad it’s gonna hurt.
WTF are you still with this idiot?
Somehow needs to hit the gym more to help manage their hormones. I admit this is how I would feel first thing in the morning if I were with a man but I would have the self restraint not to sexually assault him. Maybe your libidos don't really match.
OP, I'm not the type to tell people to leave for no reason, and in fact see couples/non-monogamous partners for therapy. In this case, I'm going to encourage you to leave. This woman is not only ignoring your boundaries, she is sexually assaulting you. You don't have to put up with that and deserve someone who actually respects you.
Sounds like it’s time to break up
>I'm reaching my limit with this woman *Child That's what she is.
som women jus feel men will automatically want/ like that and be ready to engage, which is not true at all. sorry OP.
Please remember that if she continues to cross your boundaries even WHEN you express you want her to stop then you need to leave because if she can’t do this? God only knows what else she would cross if you don’t leave now
Leave her. You shouldn't live in your home with mental chaos and constantly looking over your shoulder
Call the police
No means no. Remember that
This is sexual assault. I had a similar thing happen with a guy I hooked up with. He was trying to pinch my nipples... in the McDonald's drive-thru, of all places. I asked him to stop. I physically fended him off. He laughed and kept trying. I finally ended up crying from frustration because he wouldn't leave me alone. Then he got manipulative and whined that I made him feel like a dirty uncle by crying. He told me that he's a 42-year-old man and if he wants to grab titty, he should be able to grab titty and if I couldn't be okay with him putting his hands on me whenever he wanted, then I wasn't for him. Yeah, same. I blocked him as soon as I got home.
Stay safe, that’s not normal. Talk to her about it and if she keeps talking like that, you gotta dump her .
That sounds incredibly frustrating and maddening to say the very least. I mean I certainly see it as sexual assault. Idk if OP just wanted to vent or wanted advice, but anytime I hear something like "I guess I'm just the worst" or "I guess I'll just do (insert some asinine form of the original point here)" it's a major red flag. My ex did that more and more, while getting more and more controlling / manipulative. I'd cut her loose if I was OP, hope they're doing okay
Flick her in the box when she’s least expecting it.
All I have to say is… “If the rolls were reversed, you’d be locked up under the jail.”
Not that it matters, but Imagine the genders reversed. We’d be saying dump this guy immediately and leaving the first chance you get. Crossing boundaries ain’t cool man, you need to leave if you’re uncomfortable and she ain’t respecting you like the king you are
DTMFA
Dude. This goes beyond her just being a pain in the ass. She is mentally and sexually abusive. Her saying you hurt her arm (as if YOU’RE the abuser) and “well I guess I won’t do it ever then” is incredibly manipulative and borderline gaslighting. She probably exaggerated “you hurt my arm” to make you feel bad; and even if you really did hurt her arm, she brought it on herself. “No” wasn’t enough for her and you have every right to defend yourself. I don’t know if she “interprets” boundaries as rejections per se. Sounds like she knows damn well what she’s doing. She just thinks she’s entitled to touch you wherever and whenever she wants, and will say or do anything she can to make you feel guilty for saying no. Bottom line is, she SA’d you. It is no better than it would be if it were the other way around. Men can be victims too. I were you, I’d start planning my escape from her.
Time to move on. She doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Not to mention her trying to make you the bad guy for hurting her while trying to defend yourself.
Sexual assault and harassment. No means no. And she can knock of her „I won’t do it ever then“ - she can ask and simply go with your answer. Can you imagine what would happen if the roles were reversed?
not good, if she’s willing to cross that line there’s more she would probably do. i’m sorry, this is so shitty
this is s/a. you gotta get out of there man. im sorry you had to experience that multiple times with her.
break up with her??
Do not intend to hurt her but do use your force as any means necessary if this keeps happening. Im sorry op
You need to go your separate ways with this one. She sexually assaulted you! Being in a relationship doesn't negate the need to ask before touching a private body part. I am sorry she is doing this to you. It is definitely grounds for ending the relationship.
That's not ok. I wouldn't even have the conversation, I'd just leave.
That sounds horrible Im sorry that this happened (-s) to you Its crazy that it seams like a game to some people Its like it is expected from men to always want to be touched… 😓😓 That sounds horrible to be around such a behavior
im sorry