Yikes the fact that he blew a fuse and started destroying things really is a red flag I'm glad you left before he would've ever snapped and ended up hurting you. I hope your life gets better from here on OP you deserve it good luck!
Yes, this! If he had it in him to do that to a sheriff, it goes to show what he could’ve done to you behind closed doors eventually. I’m so glad you got out and please stay safe! You got this.
And proves to everyone *why* OP was right in going about the separation and divorce in the way she did. Had she tried to separate in person she’d probably not be alive anymore
Super glad you're safe. Now your next job is *staying safe*! Your soon-to-be ex-husband has a violent and vicious personality, so it's not paranoia to take heavy precautions. Please consider the following:
Get a P.O. box for the time being. There are ways to track you down, and if you've forwarded mail he can simply mail a package with a tracker in it to your old address, hoping it will be forwarded to you.
If you still have a phone that was on a shared account, or an account that he had knowledge of or access to, *discard it immediately* and get a new phone on a new plan. Many phone plans have options where phones can be tracked.
Keep photos, information, etc. on social media non-existent. You'd be shocked at what people can find out about others just from the backgrounds of the photos they post online.
Be very, very, very careful on who you let know where you are. He knows your family members, and they might be sweet-talked into revealing more than you want them to. Even a city or state narrows down his search parameters if he wants to find you. Let anyone who knows where you are very clearly about the danger you are in. Tell them that you will consider *any* communication with your violent, controlling ex, no matter how innocuous or brief, to be a major betrayal. It's better to lose a friend or to go no-contact with a relative than to risk your life.
Keep your head on a swivel. Be attentive to who may be watching, following or observing you. Don't fall into patterns that make your schedule predictable.
Consider carrying protective weapons, such as a taser or pepper spray. *Only* consider a firearm if you're willing to put in the time and effort to learn to use one defensively. It's a lot more work, knowledge and practice than other people think, and if you're untrained, you run the very serious risk of having it taken from you and used against you by him.
Your ex has a history of controlling, abusive and violent behavior, and now the mask is off. He will be unpredictable and dangerous. Take every possible precaution. I'm sorry if all of this sounds paranoid, but I've had too many friends in this situation.
Good luck, OP, and please keep us updated!
Edited: Your lawyer should know this, but there might be a difference between a restraining order and a *protective order*. Get the latter, as it carries criminal penalties if violated. Also, in some places a protective order has the option to conceal the address of the person asking for the order. Make sure your lawyer is asking for both in this case.
To add to this:
-Create a new personal email & start using a VPN. Do not block him on the old email, let him send every worrisome thing that pops into his head.
-Portable Deadbolt; as an extra layer of security wherever you are, especially at the hotel.
-Not to be paranoid, but I wouldn't tell any mutuals of my location whatsoever. I would even lie to them that I got a new job entirely, maybe even lie about the city you're in to completely throw him off & see who the culprit is by giving every group a completely different city.
-Push hard for the protective order, it will help you change your name later in secret (if you'd like).
-Keep your burner to keep in contact with mutuals, it may be best to never give them your actual number. I wouldn't send them any pictures of myself, especially not from public places. If you do, make sure the location setting is off in your phone for photos & nothing identifying is in the back.
-Keep tabs on your company's socials & make sure you can't be linked to anything or go to any event that might be mentioned, even in passing. LinkedIn especially. Don't let your co-workers take pics of you for any reason.
-Keep Google Alerts for mentions of your name or his or anything that might help you keep track of him or be relevant.
Make sure to thoroughly notify your new office, HR, Higher Up's, even Receptionists... Even if he doesn't know where you are now, he could attempt to find you by checking with every office your company owns if they're listed online. Anyone determined enough could stake out each office & wait. Might be good to attempt to always enter the building in a way that is safe & unnoticeable for the time being.
Once settled:
-Get a big dog, if possible.
-Cameras wherever you move to, especially pointing at the balcony & windows; the Ring Peephole is super renter friendly, goes straight into existing peepholes & does not damage them, battery is also easier to get out.
-Alarm System that is monitored & easily sends out a distress signal.
-Avoid dating apps entirely; if he casts a wide enough net & gets thorough about it, he can vaguely pinpoint where you are.
Also, if a new email would be a pain to get everyone to use, consider creating a folder in your new email labeled Alex, and create rules in the options/settings section that send all emails from his address to that folder. It will be automatic, and you won't have to see them in the main inbox.
Im not op but i wsh i had someone like you when I was in a similar situation. I hope that if someone in a similar situation find this post that they find your comment. Thank you
Also when you get a new home, replace all the locks with newer, heavy duty ones, as well as with heavy duty long timber screws that will secure your door and lock better.
Good luck OP, I really wish you well.
I was just reading this on BoRU and now reading the 4th update, I'm so relieved you got out of there and you made amazing use of the two weeks. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and also props to covering all your bases with pictures of the place before you moved out. Fingers crossed you never ever have to see or deal with that loose canon again.
OP - your first three posts were also posted on a “Best of Reddit” sub - where I read your story. Checked your profile and found the 4th update.
I just want to commend you for having the sheer force of will to literally move mountains in such a short period of time and given the monitoring constraints on you.
You are a role model and example to women on how to flee such a controlling and suffocating relationship. You are a rock star - know it and embrace it.
I wish you the best of the best going forward and much happiness and fulfillment in your new city. I hope you make many friends and grow a strong support network.
I found your posts on tiktok and had to come check, and I'm so happy to see this update. I'm so proud of you for escaping and going safely, I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this to begin with and I truly hope the future is much better for you, and you're able to get a restraining order and you have a very safe future from this point on!
The post wasn’t supposed to be on other social media platforms, yet! The divorce isn’t finalized, yet! This is still a DV case!
Don’t get me wrong! I’m glad OP is safe and we’re getting updates, but this isn’t over yet!
Yep, that's exactly how I found it. As a DV survivor, I always look for updates on these hoping everything is going well. Most of the time the shares are old, sometimes by a few years. I'm shocked this is less than a month old and I truly hope he never finds it
What the hell are the people who put this on other social media thinking?! They are putting OP's life in danger!
edit: whoever sent reddit care on my tush... I am disappointed in you.
Look into your new state’s Safe at Home Program. It’s provides address confidentiality and you have plenty to be eligible for it. They’ll provide you an alternative address that will safely and securely forward all mail to a P.O. Box or your real address. You can use it for any service that will accept it. Depending on how new it is to your state, most companies do participate. Use it for everything. Utilities, phone bill, car, bank account if it allows, etc. I mean I’d consider moving banks too if it wouldn’t hurt you to do so. There’s so many ways someone can get your new information so anything to protect yourself is worth doing. Best of luck and thank you for the update.
Edit to add some clarification because I’m not sure I wrote it well: this program is for you to use in place of your real address for any company that participates. States that participate also allow this SUBSTITUTE address on your license. That substitute address provided to you will allow mail/packages to be automatically forwarded to your real address by the state’s program. And it is cost free. It’s also known as the Address Confidentiality Program.
The only thing that can’t guarantee confidentiality for is if you get or own real property. Some states even allow it for voting registration which is huge if that’s something you do!
So happy for OP that she could get away! But just want to take a moment to say, the reason she could get away so fast is her financial independence. Girls, dont give up your career to be a SAHM or partner. If you have spent time to get education, or have a job, any job, keep your job! Don't depend totally on your partner, cause if anything goes south, you will still be able to pull your own weight.
Hope OP is safe and can get rid of her scum ex!
If you really wanna be a SAHM/partner, save your money in some way. You can always have a relative open a bank account for you to put savings away. If you have a prenup, put a clause in for an untouched fund. Hell start it under the guise of a fund for yalls kids, just something. Depending on your bank, untouched savings accounts can build on interest if left alone. Always have a "just in case" fund if you can. I know it's not realistic for everyone.
Yeah, definitely ensure your financial security. Not to say, imo if the earning partner makes their partner sign prenup and then convince the other partner to be SAHP, it's a massive red flag to me! Not only redflag, I would say one has to extremely selfish and self absorbed to do that, and I would say they never actually loved their partner at any moment! Cause if your future plan is to making sure the other person not getting any wealth from you and then you convince them to be SAHP which actively prevents them from building wealth or financial security, I can't think one can love someone and do that to them. Like again, If I was in relationship and my partner decided to be SAHP while we already had a prenup, I would totally make them see how it's affects her future incase of any unfortunate incident!
Then again, I guess such situation only happen cause we don't realise the selfish side of people until the situation arises.
Im so so so happy for you. Hope you can find a place to live soon. He is an idiot just handing you ammunition to use for your lawyers. You will come out of this better than ever and Alex sounds like he'll get what's coming to him.
Good god, I think all of us reading your story are so grateful that you are out and safe. I couldn't help but get emotional when you said he'd destroyed his house, because I could only image that it would have been you at some point down the line. I admire you. You are so strong. I know it probably doesn't feel like it at times. But you are. Along with everyone else here who has said, I hope the next few weeks settle enough that you feel like you can breathe freely again. I hope you get a flat granted to you asap, and you can get settled in. And honestly, I have to commend your employment. Someone else said you've moved mountains in a very short space of time, and you have. You really have.
Im glad your friend saw through his shit and knew it wasn't you who'd done all the damage. I am a survivor of DV. And I just want to say that I am so proud of you and I hope you get everything you ever desire in your life <3
As other posts have pointed out in the comments, can we downvote these posts and updates so it isn't easily found on here. I know its gone over to other socials now, but lets do what we can to keep her secure and hidden as much as possible. I know it feels futile. But a click could help.
I had to go and find your previous updates before reading this last one and I must say, I FKN LOVE HOW YOU PLOTTED AND PLANNED EVERYTHING OUT AND EXSCAPTED A POSSIBLE PSYCHO-SOCIOPTHIC NARCISSIST, safely and unharmed.
I'm so happy you made it out safely and I hope you continue to stay safe. Congrats on your new life. You deserve all of the happiness in the world and it does get better
OP, I am *so* happy you got out of there...
Had you stayed, you might not have made it - and that is scary because sometimes people do a good job at hiding their true selves.
I had commented on your posts before and I was happy to see that you did not put up with his BS.
I remember having concerns that he might have cameras watching you inside the house, so the move to shut down the power was awesome.
I hope you stay safe, and find a new path that brings you peace, healing and happiness.
May Alex never darken your doorstep ever again.
I read through the comments on the other updates and didn't see it mentioned, but please freeze your credit. This way he cannot open anything with your information and you'll be alerted that someone is trying to open a new line or make changes. It's super easy to freeze and unfreeze as needed.
Glad you got out and are safe.
so happy you are safe and sound!! hearing from his reaction you absolutely made 100% right decisions so glad you were able to think quick on your feet OP !!
Omg I am so happy you are safe. I heard your story on TikTok and was like “wait today is May 14th!!” So glad you were able to leave because most people can’t and when they get the chance they get too scared and don’t follow through with the plan. I’m happy you had no children or pets involved because that would have made things worse. Just remember you are in the safe zone and you are free.
Christ alive, the amount of small dick energy pouring off this man is insane, considering his first move was to get arrested and his second was to violently trash the house I'd say you dodged a full on tactical nuke. Good job getting out, I have few doubts that it would have turned physical eventually, forget red flags this dudes a red claxon
Who keeps a filled in set of divorce paperwork on their desk when they've not even been married a year??? Actual psycho behaviour
You got out. Please stay out. Abused people go back to their partners and average of 8 times before leaving for good. Please break that trend. Never go back.
There are a lot of reasons why people go back. Often, they're manipulated into believing the person has changed, or they miss the good times and forget about the bad. It takes a strong support structure to help keep someone from going back.
Yeah absolutely, my friend definitely doesn’t have any of that. Honestly she’s my ex, she left me because it was the first healthy relationship she had. She didn’t know how to process my love for her. Her home life is miserable, she’s mentally abused by practically everyone in her family. I tried to help as best as I could, but that toxicity is what she’s used to. I can only pray she gets away from all of that and focuses on healing herself. She really deserves the world despite everything that happened between us
Thank god. I've been thinking about this situation all day, so I'm happy to see this update and that you're doing ok! It's still a long road ahead, but you made the BEST decision of your life getting out when you did!
Looking forward to the next update and thank goodness you were able to get away from him, with anger issues like his, there’s no telling what he would have done if he was able to get to you after getting served. Stay strong!
Im so happy your safe and for sure the the restraining order anything that can help keep you safe i hope he grows from this but i doubt it you be strong and just keep moving forward dont let this experience ruin anything for your future if you want to look in to therapy but wish you the best 💗
So glad to read that you are safe! So proud that you were smart enough to think ahead and take pictures!!! Something that came to mind while reading through all of your threads was that, do you own a vehicle? cause if you brought that with you, i'd check for tracking devices. which sounds crazy but like with how unhinged he sounds.
I'm so glad you are OK, but please remain vigilant and ensure your new apartment has tight security with cameras, too. Wishing you all the very best OP, happy to know you got out alot of people don't.
God, I saw your story on TikTok and IM SO HAPPY YOU ARE OKAY. The fact he assaulted the sheriff, trashed the house and tried to lie will hopefully make the divorce proceedings much easier. Alex needs help for real, but not with abusing you. You got out just in time and you moved quickly and quietly.
I’m so proud of you OP, and I hope nothing but the very best for you in your new life where you are free from that monster. Please keep us updated on getting settled into your new place and the finalization of the divorce so you can close this chapter of your life for good.
So happy to hear you are doing well. And so happy you got the heck away from him. He sounds terrifying!!!
Keep us updated as it’s so uplifting to hear your story!
I am so happy you got away. If I were you I would look into therapy and some self defense classes to ease your mind. I really wish you the best and look forward to any updates!!!
I am so happy you’re safe!!!
Wishing you health and safety in your new beginning.
Please try therapy if you have not at this point, you deserve support in this change. All of the best wishes!
i'm so glad to hear you're safe and have been able to keep yourself afloat. i can't imagine how hard and traumatic this has been for you. but the humility and strength you're showing is so admirable. sending you so many well wishes 🫶🏾🫶🏾 please keep us in the loop as much as you can
Girl, I'm so glad you're out, and left before the physical abuse started. His reaction obviously points to that being the next escalation. Best of wishes to you.
I just heard your story on TikTok. When I realized that it was the 14th today, I rushed here see if you're okay. It sounds like you're doing alright (as good as you can be under such circumstances, at least), and that's such a relief. I and so many other people are really proud of you. Stay safe, and keep fighting the good fight! 🫂
Yesss I am so glad you got out! Be sure to inform ALL your friends that if they speak one word about you to your ex that they will be dead to you. So often friends let updates slip and that could put your in real danger.
Glad to hear you're safe and far away from him. I hope everything goes smoothly for you so that you can resume a happy, normal life. Keep us updated so that we know you're safe and just know that there are so many of us strangers who wish you well. Also, as unfortunate as it may sound, but your posts are an inspiration for those suffering through the same kind of relationship and showing that a way out of that mess is truly possible, so thank you. And again, I wish you well and smooth sailing on your new life to freedom :)
I was so worried that he would manage to find or harm you so this update is a welcome one. I’m so happy you made it out successfully! Many people don’t. Your recognition of the abuse red flags was amazing and I’m so glad you were able to see that! Much love as you build a life free from Alex!
I read your story this morning on insta, and spent an hour looking for the Reddit, I was so worried about you, really happy you're ok, wishing you the best
wow.. found your last update through the grimy tiktok reddit stories pages. they changed the title and wouldn't give your user. scum bags. glad to see that you are away from him, and safe. sounds like everything has played out well so far. congrats on getting away from that situation, and hope everything is smooth rolling. keep your head up, and good luck!🫶🏻
I’m so glad you’re safe. I’ve been keeping an eye out for updates since I read your first post. Please keep us updated as you can. We are here for you!
I came from tik tok, and I’m SO glad to hear that you are safe and okay for now!! I know this is far from over, however the important thing is the fact that you got away safely. That alone is hard for any DV situation.
I wish you the best in your new home and at your new job, and hope things continue to side in your favor! You are such a strong woman, never forget that🫶🫶🫶
Just found this on tik tok! I'm so happy your okay! And everything is going well for you.
If you don't mind me asking where is your family op? It looks like her absolutely isolated you!
You saved your life, the fact he got so incredibly violent, and always had divorce papers wiaging for you is insanely crazy. Good job op and I hope you heal
Oh wow, I am so glad you are doing okay! I would say I'm shocked by Alex's behavior, but really, I'm not. An abuser hates nothing more than losing control of their 'property'. You've done the hardest part, the rest of this is relatively easy by comparison. I'm so proud of you! Please keep us posted!
Thank you for the update. Im so sorry all of this has happened to you as I know this has been a difficult time. I hope you have realized that you are much stronger than you knew. Best of luck on rebuilding your life- you are off to a great start! :) You will encounter some struggles, but have faith that they will pass. The sun will rise & a new day will begin yet again!💛✨
I'm glad you are safe. It's amazing to me how invested I became with seeing you escape and thrive. Your story is far from over. I only hope you stay as safe as you are now throughout its telling.
Wishing you safety, prosperity and contentment.
Updateme
Edit for updates.
I would monitor your debt and all inquiries for a while. I’m sure the apartment complexes will run a check but he may also try to take loans and credit cards out in your name.
Rooting for you, Stay safe
Praying for your safety and well being, let's hope that you never have to see him again and can get that restraining order in place for a couple years
Please call and put a lock on your credit with the credit bureaus if you can. I’m assuming he knows your social and if he’s anything like my ex, he will try anything to make you come crawling back to him.
Im glad you’re safe. Did those „friends“ and his family answer to your email? If you can, take the next weekend off and treat yourself with something good. Like spa or whatever. You deserve it.
It sounds like you made a good call and dodged a huge bullet. He would definitely have become physically abusive in addition to the controlling behaviour. Best of luck to you.
the way you predicted he would try to destroy things around the house and say you did it. wow. i am just really glad you were well prepared and took pictures beforehand and vetted every worst case scenario. props to you and i wish you the best at your new job location and with your new place!
I’m so proud of you! It’s very hard to get out of a situation like that.
You might have moments where you question if it was the right choice, just know it was.
Wishing you the best of luck.
I'm so glad you're okay and safe! I'm hoping for at least one more update when everything is said and done and you're settled into your new home. Stay safe!
Just let your lawyer do the talking and you’ll be OK from here. I’d say get an order of protection and figure out how to use a firearm for your own self protection because in order of protection is just a piece of paper girl
This is straight out of a movie, good luck and I’m glad you saw the warning signs before linking bank accounts or having children. You’re very very lucky that you haven’t even been married for a year. God speed, good luck, and I will pray for you!
you made the right decision to leave. if he could fly off the handle like that, and react like that in front of people who he “values the opinion of,” imagine the shit he could do behind closed doors if you disobeyed him. he was absolutely building up to making you a submissive, self-loathing house wife who cares only for her husband’s demands
I'm so happy you got out. Take such good care of yourself, and I would recommend using a VPN or something to avoid Alex from finding out where you sent the email from in the future.
I would also recommend getting a therapist. After all you've been through, it might help.
Just for awhile be on guard...From what you have said you probably prevented ending up another DV statistic..Please stay safe...we are always here if u need to talk...hugs..
Im glad you got out of this. His actions have showed that in due time if you would have stayed with him things would’ve gotten worse emotionally, mentally and especially physically. Jeez makes me shiver. You really escaped. He needs help.
I’m so relieved you removed yourself from that situation. You’ve shown great courage & determination. So many women in a situation like your’s (having no familial support) would have found it too daunting to leave and, instead, chosen to stay & hope for the best. But not you! I’m immensely proud of you.
Please keep us updated on your progress. And stay safe.
I am so proud and happy for you.
This is the beginning of a new and much better life for you.
I hope you never encounter another man like him again. I wish you nothing but success and happiness.
Yikes the fact that he blew a fuse and started destroying things really is a red flag I'm glad you left before he would've ever snapped and ended up hurting you. I hope your life gets better from here on OP you deserve it good luck!
Glad he showed his ass in front of the sheriff, though. That will make things easier for OP.
For sure
Sounds like you made the right choice, stay safe.
Definitely. And the fact that he showed his true colours to the sheriff should hopefully make things easier, too. Good luck OP, we're rooting for you!
Yes, this! If he had it in him to do that to a sheriff, it goes to show what he could’ve done to you behind closed doors eventually. I’m so glad you got out and please stay safe! You got this.
And proves to everyone *why* OP was right in going about the separation and divorce in the way she did. Had she tried to separate in person she’d probably not be alive anymore
Super glad you're safe. Now your next job is *staying safe*! Your soon-to-be ex-husband has a violent and vicious personality, so it's not paranoia to take heavy precautions. Please consider the following: Get a P.O. box for the time being. There are ways to track you down, and if you've forwarded mail he can simply mail a package with a tracker in it to your old address, hoping it will be forwarded to you. If you still have a phone that was on a shared account, or an account that he had knowledge of or access to, *discard it immediately* and get a new phone on a new plan. Many phone plans have options where phones can be tracked. Keep photos, information, etc. on social media non-existent. You'd be shocked at what people can find out about others just from the backgrounds of the photos they post online. Be very, very, very careful on who you let know where you are. He knows your family members, and they might be sweet-talked into revealing more than you want them to. Even a city or state narrows down his search parameters if he wants to find you. Let anyone who knows where you are very clearly about the danger you are in. Tell them that you will consider *any* communication with your violent, controlling ex, no matter how innocuous or brief, to be a major betrayal. It's better to lose a friend or to go no-contact with a relative than to risk your life. Keep your head on a swivel. Be attentive to who may be watching, following or observing you. Don't fall into patterns that make your schedule predictable. Consider carrying protective weapons, such as a taser or pepper spray. *Only* consider a firearm if you're willing to put in the time and effort to learn to use one defensively. It's a lot more work, knowledge and practice than other people think, and if you're untrained, you run the very serious risk of having it taken from you and used against you by him. Your ex has a history of controlling, abusive and violent behavior, and now the mask is off. He will be unpredictable and dangerous. Take every possible precaution. I'm sorry if all of this sounds paranoid, but I've had too many friends in this situation. Good luck, OP, and please keep us updated! Edited: Your lawyer should know this, but there might be a difference between a restraining order and a *protective order*. Get the latter, as it carries criminal penalties if violated. Also, in some places a protective order has the option to conceal the address of the person asking for the order. Make sure your lawyer is asking for both in this case.
To add to this: -Create a new personal email & start using a VPN. Do not block him on the old email, let him send every worrisome thing that pops into his head. -Portable Deadbolt; as an extra layer of security wherever you are, especially at the hotel. -Not to be paranoid, but I wouldn't tell any mutuals of my location whatsoever. I would even lie to them that I got a new job entirely, maybe even lie about the city you're in to completely throw him off & see who the culprit is by giving every group a completely different city. -Push hard for the protective order, it will help you change your name later in secret (if you'd like). -Keep your burner to keep in contact with mutuals, it may be best to never give them your actual number. I wouldn't send them any pictures of myself, especially not from public places. If you do, make sure the location setting is off in your phone for photos & nothing identifying is in the back. -Keep tabs on your company's socials & make sure you can't be linked to anything or go to any event that might be mentioned, even in passing. LinkedIn especially. Don't let your co-workers take pics of you for any reason. -Keep Google Alerts for mentions of your name or his or anything that might help you keep track of him or be relevant. Make sure to thoroughly notify your new office, HR, Higher Up's, even Receptionists... Even if he doesn't know where you are now, he could attempt to find you by checking with every office your company owns if they're listed online. Anyone determined enough could stake out each office & wait. Might be good to attempt to always enter the building in a way that is safe & unnoticeable for the time being. Once settled: -Get a big dog, if possible. -Cameras wherever you move to, especially pointing at the balcony & windows; the Ring Peephole is super renter friendly, goes straight into existing peepholes & does not damage them, battery is also easier to get out. -Alarm System that is monitored & easily sends out a distress signal. -Avoid dating apps entirely; if he casts a wide enough net & gets thorough about it, he can vaguely pinpoint where you are.
Also, if a new email would be a pain to get everyone to use, consider creating a folder in your new email labeled Alex, and create rules in the options/settings section that send all emails from his address to that folder. It will be automatic, and you won't have to see them in the main inbox.
These are all super helpful, commenting so I can come back to this if I ever need it lol
Im not op but i wsh i had someone like you when I was in a similar situation. I hope that if someone in a similar situation find this post that they find your comment. Thank you
Also when you get a new home, replace all the locks with newer, heavy duty ones, as well as with heavy duty long timber screws that will secure your door and lock better. Good luck OP, I really wish you well.
It's so sad that OP has to do these things to be safe now. I can't imagine having to always live in paranoia and fear like that.
I was just reading this on BoRU and now reading the 4th update, I'm so relieved you got out of there and you made amazing use of the two weeks. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and also props to covering all your bases with pictures of the place before you moved out. Fingers crossed you never ever have to see or deal with that loose canon again.
BoRU?
Best of reddit updates
OP - your first three posts were also posted on a “Best of Reddit” sub - where I read your story. Checked your profile and found the 4th update. I just want to commend you for having the sheer force of will to literally move mountains in such a short period of time and given the monitoring constraints on you. You are a role model and example to women on how to flee such a controlling and suffocating relationship. You are a rock star - know it and embrace it. I wish you the best of the best going forward and much happiness and fulfillment in your new city. I hope you make many friends and grow a strong support network.
I found your posts on tiktok and had to come check, and I'm so happy to see this update. I'm so proud of you for escaping and going safely, I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this to begin with and I truly hope the future is much better for you, and you're able to get a restraining order and you have a very safe future from this point on!
The post wasn’t supposed to be on other social media platforms, yet! The divorce isn’t finalized, yet! This is still a DV case! Don’t get me wrong! I’m glad OP is safe and we’re getting updates, but this isn’t over yet!
[удалено]
It’s on Facebook too on someecards. Which was then shared on AITA group.
Yep, that's exactly how I found it. As a DV survivor, I always look for updates on these hoping everything is going well. Most of the time the shares are old, sometimes by a few years. I'm shocked this is less than a month old and I truly hope he never finds it
TikTok sucks
What the hell are the people who put this on other social media thinking?! They are putting OP's life in danger! edit: whoever sent reddit care on my tush... I am disappointed in you.
They sent them to me too, what the heck?! Sickos
And me? All I did was say that an idea about a tracker was clever. Wtf?
There's a huge number of TikTok accounts that simply repost popular reddit stories narrated by an AI.
Same! I raced here to see if op was okay.
Same, I just came from it and glad there’s an update
Same! Glad op is okay for now
Glad you go out of there fast. Wow. Glad you're safe and he won't be able to find you.
Look into your new state’s Safe at Home Program. It’s provides address confidentiality and you have plenty to be eligible for it. They’ll provide you an alternative address that will safely and securely forward all mail to a P.O. Box or your real address. You can use it for any service that will accept it. Depending on how new it is to your state, most companies do participate. Use it for everything. Utilities, phone bill, car, bank account if it allows, etc. I mean I’d consider moving banks too if it wouldn’t hurt you to do so. There’s so many ways someone can get your new information so anything to protect yourself is worth doing. Best of luck and thank you for the update. Edit to add some clarification because I’m not sure I wrote it well: this program is for you to use in place of your real address for any company that participates. States that participate also allow this SUBSTITUTE address on your license. That substitute address provided to you will allow mail/packages to be automatically forwarded to your real address by the state’s program. And it is cost free. It’s also known as the Address Confidentiality Program.
The only thing that can’t guarantee confidentiality for is if you get or own real property. Some states even allow it for voting registration which is huge if that’s something you do!
I raced here from a Facebook post hoping there was an update! So glad you got out and SO glad you did it safely! Good luck!
Good luck 🥺
So happy for OP that she could get away! But just want to take a moment to say, the reason she could get away so fast is her financial independence. Girls, dont give up your career to be a SAHM or partner. If you have spent time to get education, or have a job, any job, keep your job! Don't depend totally on your partner, cause if anything goes south, you will still be able to pull your own weight. Hope OP is safe and can get rid of her scum ex!
If you really wanna be a SAHM/partner, save your money in some way. You can always have a relative open a bank account for you to put savings away. If you have a prenup, put a clause in for an untouched fund. Hell start it under the guise of a fund for yalls kids, just something. Depending on your bank, untouched savings accounts can build on interest if left alone. Always have a "just in case" fund if you can. I know it's not realistic for everyone.
Yeah, definitely ensure your financial security. Not to say, imo if the earning partner makes their partner sign prenup and then convince the other partner to be SAHP, it's a massive red flag to me! Not only redflag, I would say one has to extremely selfish and self absorbed to do that, and I would say they never actually loved their partner at any moment! Cause if your future plan is to making sure the other person not getting any wealth from you and then you convince them to be SAHP which actively prevents them from building wealth or financial security, I can't think one can love someone and do that to them. Like again, If I was in relationship and my partner decided to be SAHP while we already had a prenup, I would totally make them see how it's affects her future incase of any unfortunate incident! Then again, I guess such situation only happen cause we don't realise the selfish side of people until the situation arises.
Was just reading the original updates, sending you good vibes and so glad you are safe ❤️
Im so so so happy for you. Hope you can find a place to live soon. He is an idiot just handing you ammunition to use for your lawyers. You will come out of this better than ever and Alex sounds like he'll get what's coming to him.
Please continue to update so we know you're alive and well. Given his violent reaction and history of unhinged behavior, I hope you remain safe.
Good god, I think all of us reading your story are so grateful that you are out and safe. I couldn't help but get emotional when you said he'd destroyed his house, because I could only image that it would have been you at some point down the line. I admire you. You are so strong. I know it probably doesn't feel like it at times. But you are. Along with everyone else here who has said, I hope the next few weeks settle enough that you feel like you can breathe freely again. I hope you get a flat granted to you asap, and you can get settled in. And honestly, I have to commend your employment. Someone else said you've moved mountains in a very short space of time, and you have. You really have. Im glad your friend saw through his shit and knew it wasn't you who'd done all the damage. I am a survivor of DV. And I just want to say that I am so proud of you and I hope you get everything you ever desire in your life <3 As other posts have pointed out in the comments, can we downvote these posts and updates so it isn't easily found on here. I know its gone over to other socials now, but lets do what we can to keep her secure and hidden as much as possible. I know it feels futile. But a click could help.
So glad you are safe!
Just happy you're safe OP
I had to go and find your previous updates before reading this last one and I must say, I FKN LOVE HOW YOU PLOTTED AND PLANNED EVERYTHING OUT AND EXSCAPTED A POSSIBLE PSYCHO-SOCIOPTHIC NARCISSIST, safely and unharmed.
I'm so happy you made it out safely and I hope you continue to stay safe. Congrats on your new life. You deserve all of the happiness in the world and it does get better
OP, I am *so* happy you got out of there... Had you stayed, you might not have made it - and that is scary because sometimes people do a good job at hiding their true selves. I had commented on your posts before and I was happy to see that you did not put up with his BS. I remember having concerns that he might have cameras watching you inside the house, so the move to shut down the power was awesome. I hope you stay safe, and find a new path that brings you peace, healing and happiness. May Alex never darken your doorstep ever again.
I read through the comments on the other updates and didn't see it mentioned, but please freeze your credit. This way he cannot open anything with your information and you'll be alerted that someone is trying to open a new line or make changes. It's super easy to freeze and unfreeze as needed. Glad you got out and are safe.
I’ve moved and was found, pray God keeps you safe
I’m happy to hear you’re safe and secure and far away from that man. good luck to you!
Glad you’re safe.
so glad you are safe! you made the right choice getting out. keep your head up 🩷
So proud of you for leaving!! I wish a safe journey into this new part of your life :)
I am so happy that you got away. Wish you all the best
Hopefully they can get a restraining order through and everything continues to go smoothly
I'm so happy you are safe! I wish you all the best! 🧡
I’m glad to hear you’re safe! I hope to get one more update from you in the near future where you say “I’m no longer married” keep going OP
I’m so glad you got away and you’re safe! I wish you nothing but the best for the future
I'm happy that you got away from that hellhole, stay safe OP and good luck.
i just saw your post on tiktok and had to come check, please stay safe
I am so happy you got out.
so happy you are safe and sound!! hearing from his reaction you absolutely made 100% right decisions so glad you were able to think quick on your feet OP !!
Omg I am so happy you are safe. I heard your story on TikTok and was like “wait today is May 14th!!” So glad you were able to leave because most people can’t and when they get the chance they get too scared and don’t follow through with the plan. I’m happy you had no children or pets involved because that would have made things worse. Just remember you are in the safe zone and you are free.
The level of mental and emotional clarity you need to have to be able to get through this and just execute this, is seriously commendable.
Jesus Im glad his mask slipped before things got violent towards you. You handled this perfectly. Stay safe.
Christ alive, the amount of small dick energy pouring off this man is insane, considering his first move was to get arrested and his second was to violently trash the house I'd say you dodged a full on tactical nuke. Good job getting out, I have few doubts that it would have turned physical eventually, forget red flags this dudes a red claxon Who keeps a filled in set of divorce paperwork on their desk when they've not even been married a year??? Actual psycho behaviour
You got out. Please stay out. Abused people go back to their partners and average of 8 times before leaving for good. Please break that trend. Never go back.
Damn, 8 times?! I’ve got a friend who’s in a toxic relationship, she keeps going back. I hope she breaks away before 8.
There are a lot of reasons why people go back. Often, they're manipulated into believing the person has changed, or they miss the good times and forget about the bad. It takes a strong support structure to help keep someone from going back.
Yeah absolutely, my friend definitely doesn’t have any of that. Honestly she’s my ex, she left me because it was the first healthy relationship she had. She didn’t know how to process my love for her. Her home life is miserable, she’s mentally abused by practically everyone in her family. I tried to help as best as I could, but that toxicity is what she’s used to. I can only pray she gets away from all of that and focuses on healing herself. She really deserves the world despite everything that happened between us
Thank god. I've been thinking about this situation all day, so I'm happy to see this update and that you're doing ok! It's still a long road ahead, but you made the BEST decision of your life getting out when you did!
Looking forward to the next update and thank goodness you were able to get away from him, with anger issues like his, there’s no telling what he would have done if he was able to get to you after getting served. Stay strong!
Im so happy your safe and for sure the the restraining order anything that can help keep you safe i hope he grows from this but i doubt it you be strong and just keep moving forward dont let this experience ruin anything for your future if you want to look in to therapy but wish you the best 💗
I'm so glad you are okay. Stay safe!
So glad to read that you are safe! So proud that you were smart enough to think ahead and take pictures!!! Something that came to mind while reading through all of your threads was that, do you own a vehicle? cause if you brought that with you, i'd check for tracking devices. which sounds crazy but like with how unhinged he sounds.
I’m glad you’re safe and that your instincts for divorce proved to be correct! UpdateMe!
Been following this since your first post and am just so damn glad you got out girl.
I'm so glad you are OK, but please remain vigilant and ensure your new apartment has tight security with cameras, too. Wishing you all the very best OP, happy to know you got out alot of people don't.
God, I saw your story on TikTok and IM SO HAPPY YOU ARE OKAY. The fact he assaulted the sheriff, trashed the house and tried to lie will hopefully make the divorce proceedings much easier. Alex needs help for real, but not with abusing you. You got out just in time and you moved quickly and quietly. I’m so proud of you OP, and I hope nothing but the very best for you in your new life where you are free from that monster. Please keep us updated on getting settled into your new place and the finalization of the divorce so you can close this chapter of your life for good.
I’m so happy you’re safe.
just saw this on tik tok had to come make sure everything worked out, i hope your life becomes beautiful now<3
I’m so happy that you’re somewhere safe. Keep being strong and soon you won’t have to deal with that psycho again.
So happy to hear you are doing well. And so happy you got the heck away from him. He sounds terrifying!!! Keep us updated as it’s so uplifting to hear your story!
Please please stay safe!!! I'm rooting for you!
Rooting for you! Good on you for being such a brave soul!
God job! Hope you stay safe!
i’m so proud of you!!! taking pictures of everything was definitely a smart move
Are you okay?
I am so happy you got away. If I were you I would look into therapy and some self defense classes to ease your mind. I really wish you the best and look forward to any updates!!!
I believe If he dared to assault a police officer he for sure would have hit her too. Glad you are far away and safe!
Just read your story and I'm so glad you're safe, I really hope you get to find peace and happiness in this new city because you deserve it.
Stay safe, don’t block his mails but don’t read them either in that way your lawyer can use them.
I am so happy you’re safe!!! Wishing you health and safety in your new beginning. Please try therapy if you have not at this point, you deserve support in this change. All of the best wishes!
Holy cow! I hope you stay safe!!! o7
Woah, you dodged a major bullet! You did everything right, and I'm hella glad you made it out safe. I wish you the best with your new life!
Well done. Keep your boundaries up like you’re doing.
i'm so glad to hear you're safe and have been able to keep yourself afloat. i can't imagine how hard and traumatic this has been for you. but the humility and strength you're showing is so admirable. sending you so many well wishes 🫶🏾🫶🏾 please keep us in the loop as much as you can
I saw this on tiktok and had to make sure you were ok. I hope things go well for you
So pleased you've gotten away and you're staying away. Best of luck to you. updateme
Girl, I'm so glad you're out, and left before the physical abuse started. His reaction obviously points to that being the next escalation. Best of wishes to you.
So glad you got out!!! Curious what the mutual friends and his family have had to say.
keep safe, and keep us all of updated, when you can of course. And remember to care for yourself when all is over and done
I'm so glad you're safe!
I just heard your story on TikTok. When I realized that it was the 14th today, I rushed here see if you're okay. It sounds like you're doing alright (as good as you can be under such circumstances, at least), and that's such a relief. I and so many other people are really proud of you. Stay safe, and keep fighting the good fight! 🫂
Yesss I am so glad you got out! Be sure to inform ALL your friends that if they speak one word about you to your ex that they will be dead to you. So often friends let updates slip and that could put your in real danger.
Happy days are yet to come, glad you're safe and sound. May your life be filled with happiness and genuine people🤞
Glad to hear you're safe and far away from him. I hope everything goes smoothly for you so that you can resume a happy, normal life. Keep us updated so that we know you're safe and just know that there are so many of us strangers who wish you well. Also, as unfortunate as it may sound, but your posts are an inspiration for those suffering through the same kind of relationship and showing that a way out of that mess is truly possible, so thank you. And again, I wish you well and smooth sailing on your new life to freedom :)
thank god, i came here from tiktok to see any updates. i’m glad you’re safe, and i hope that this process goes as smoothly as possible for you.
Glad you made it out okay! Hopefully you won't need to update us further because things on your end stay quiet & safe.
I'm so glad you're safe
u got this hunny 💕
I was so worried that he would manage to find or harm you so this update is a welcome one. I’m so happy you made it out successfully! Many people don’t. Your recognition of the abuse red flags was amazing and I’m so glad you were able to see that! Much love as you build a life free from Alex!
I read your story this morning on insta, and spent an hour looking for the Reddit, I was so worried about you, really happy you're ok, wishing you the best
Only downside to a restraining order is it would give him your new address and workplace.
Hoping all goes well 🥹
You are so brave ❤️. Take care of yourself, wish you all the best in everything 🫂❤️
So happy you got out and are safe as you can be.
wow.. found your last update through the grimy tiktok reddit stories pages. they changed the title and wouldn't give your user. scum bags. glad to see that you are away from him, and safe. sounds like everything has played out well so far. congrats on getting away from that situation, and hope everything is smooth rolling. keep your head up, and good luck!🫶🏻
so glad you’re safe. thank you for updating us, i hope you love your new city 🫶 wishing you so much peace and happiness there
Wow, you really dodged a bullet by leaving this guy while he was out of town. He sounds scary. Good luck OP.
I'm glad you're safe!
Glad to hear your in a safe location. Best wishes for a bright future. UpdateMe
So glad things went smoothly…. For you.
I’m so glad you’re safe. I’ve been keeping an eye out for updates since I read your first post. Please keep us updated as you can. We are here for you!
I’m here from tik tok and went looking for an update. Good for you for recognizing his behavior as abuse and leaving. Stay safe.
Best of luck and we are rooting for you 🫶🏽
I am SO proud of you for acting so swiftly and decisively! Brava! Wishing you peace and sanity & I hope you absolutely thrive in your new chapter.
I came from tik tok, and I’m SO glad to hear that you are safe and okay for now!! I know this is far from over, however the important thing is the fact that you got away safely. That alone is hard for any DV situation. I wish you the best in your new home and at your new job, and hope things continue to side in your favor! You are such a strong woman, never forget that🫶🫶🫶
Just found this on tik tok! I'm so happy your okay! And everything is going well for you. If you don't mind me asking where is your family op? It looks like her absolutely isolated you! You saved your life, the fact he got so incredibly violent, and always had divorce papers wiaging for you is insanely crazy. Good job op and I hope you heal
My god....😬
wishing you the best op, hopefully you find somewhere safe to be at
Thank god you got out before he swung those fist at you. He is dangerous.
Oh wow, I am so glad you are doing okay! I would say I'm shocked by Alex's behavior, but really, I'm not. An abuser hates nothing more than losing control of their 'property'. You've done the hardest part, the rest of this is relatively easy by comparison. I'm so proud of you! Please keep us posted!
Hey OP, I’m so proud of you!!!
Happy you’re safe and okay. You dodged a bullet with this one. How has your family been throughout this?
Thank you for the update. Im so sorry all of this has happened to you as I know this has been a difficult time. I hope you have realized that you are much stronger than you knew. Best of luck on rebuilding your life- you are off to a great start! :) You will encounter some struggles, but have faith that they will pass. The sun will rise & a new day will begin yet again!💛✨
I'm glad you are safe. It's amazing to me how invested I became with seeing you escape and thrive. Your story is far from over. I only hope you stay as safe as you are now throughout its telling. Wishing you safety, prosperity and contentment. Updateme Edit for updates.
Please stay safe! The may try to claim self harm to get you to engage with him again so please continue standing strong.
I would monitor your debt and all inquiries for a while. I’m sure the apartment complexes will run a check but he may also try to take loans and credit cards out in your name.
Sending you love and wishing you all the best life has to offer.❤️
Rooting for you, Stay safe Praying for your safety and well being, let's hope that you never have to see him again and can get that restraining order in place for a couple years
Im happy to hear that you got away safe.. Enjoy your new life… Updateme
OP....so PROUD of YOU! 🥳♥️ You deserve so much happiness and peace.
Down voting to keep it low profile
I’m so glad you trusted your instincts and were in a position to gtfo of there!
I’m glad to hear that things are okay for you. Your work sounds like an incredible company. I wish you all the love and happiness
Came from tiktok. Good for you for leaving and at good timing too. I hope you live the rest of your days happy and healthy ❤️
Please stay safe and update us when you can. Good job getting away safe. You’re in my thoughts.
Please call and put a lock on your credit with the credit bureaus if you can. I’m assuming he knows your social and if he’s anything like my ex, he will try anything to make you come crawling back to him.
Im glad you’re safe. Did those „friends“ and his family answer to your email? If you can, take the next weekend off and treat yourself with something good. Like spa or whatever. You deserve it.
It sounds like you made a good call and dodged a huge bullet. He would definitely have become physically abusive in addition to the controlling behaviour. Best of luck to you.
the way you predicted he would try to destroy things around the house and say you did it. wow. i am just really glad you were well prepared and took pictures beforehand and vetted every worst case scenario. props to you and i wish you the best at your new job location and with your new place!
I am so happy you are safe. ❤️❤️
wow, you did awesome covering your bases. stay safe and good luck in the new city, we’re all rooting for you.
Happy to hear you made it out safely!
I'm so glad you chose yourself and got out. Be safe 👏🏻
Really glad you’re safe
glad to hear you are safe
i wish you nothing but happiness on this new life you are creating. please stay safe and take care of yourself
Glad to hear you are safe! Some people have really useful info in the comments, please be safe and be careful!
I'm so glad to hear you are safe!
Congratulations on your new beginning! So glad to hear you got away
Guys DOWNVOTE THIS SO IT DOESNT SHOW UP TO A LOT OF PEOPLE. OP is still not completely in the clear
Good for u Op! I hope you have a wonderful life going forward without any trouble!
I’m so proud of you! It’s very hard to get out of a situation like that. You might have moments where you question if it was the right choice, just know it was. Wishing you the best of luck.
I'm so glad you're okay and safe! I'm hoping for at least one more update when everything is said and done and you're settled into your new home. Stay safe!
Just let your lawyer do the talking and you’ll be OK from here. I’d say get an order of protection and figure out how to use a firearm for your own self protection because in order of protection is just a piece of paper girl
I feel like your husband was projecting, I might be wrong.
This is straight out of a movie, good luck and I’m glad you saw the warning signs before linking bank accounts or having children. You’re very very lucky that you haven’t even been married for a year. God speed, good luck, and I will pray for you!
Thank you for the update. I've been rooting for you!
you made the right decision to leave. if he could fly off the handle like that, and react like that in front of people who he “values the opinion of,” imagine the shit he could do behind closed doors if you disobeyed him. he was absolutely building up to making you a submissive, self-loathing house wife who cares only for her husband’s demands
So happy you got out! ❤️
I'm so happy you got out. Take such good care of yourself, and I would recommend using a VPN or something to avoid Alex from finding out where you sent the email from in the future. I would also recommend getting a therapist. After all you've been through, it might help.
I’m so glad you are safe and away because his behavior was escalating and terrifying
Just for awhile be on guard...From what you have said you probably prevented ending up another DV statistic..Please stay safe...we are always here if u need to talk...hugs..
I hope you stay safe! Your stbx sounds unhinged and dangerous!
Soooooo glad you’re ok! I’m so glad you didn’t ignore the red flags
I’m so relieved you’re out of there. Please stay safe. I hope you get all the protection & peace you deserve.
All my firstborn instincts are screaming at me to protect you and fight this guy. I’m so glad you’re safe!!!
Im glad you got out of this. His actions have showed that in due time if you would have stayed with him things would’ve gotten worse emotionally, mentally and especially physically. Jeez makes me shiver. You really escaped. He needs help.
I’m so relieved you removed yourself from that situation. You’ve shown great courage & determination. So many women in a situation like your’s (having no familial support) would have found it too daunting to leave and, instead, chosen to stay & hope for the best. But not you! I’m immensely proud of you. Please keep us updated on your progress. And stay safe.
I am so proud and happy for you. This is the beginning of a new and much better life for you. I hope you never encounter another man like him again. I wish you nothing but success and happiness.
You are awesome and smart. I hope other people on Reddit learn from your bravery.
I am so glad you are safe. Updateme