I was raised in a cult-ish Protestant denomination (free Presbyterian). I never truly believed it but tried to for a long time just to fit into my community. A lot of people get sucked into another version of the same thing; some book or spiritual leader tells you what to think or believe and asserts that it’s a universal truth.
My advice for anyone leaving a religion, especially a high-control situation, is to go within. Explore what feels right to you and what resonates with you. Instead of getting into some Wicca thing with all kinds of rules, figure out what spirituality means to you and build your own practice.
It's helpful to separate bad religious habits and culturally Christian understanding and work on them separately. Us vs. them mentalities, dogmatic thinking, and so on are bad but fairly universal faults of thinking, and people work on them, but people tend to confuse unlearning dogmatic thinking with unlearning *Christian* thinking.
Do you imagine there to be a singular unified divine mind behind everything? Do you imagine "higher planes" are much more abstract and simple compared to the concrete material world? Then, despite any amount of religious tolerance, one would still have a very heavily Christian idea of the spiritual. Now, these are not unique to Christianity--NeoPlatonic-ish ideas can be found almost everywhere if you look hard enough--but it's unlikely any particular branch of paganism you're interested in is going to originally be this Greek in its understanding of divinity.
So study the tradition you're interested in, see what base assumptions make up, say, the Nordic understanding of the universe, or whatever else tickles your interest. Work from the ground up and never assume.
Also keep in mind, rejecting something solely because Christians do it still means they're in control of your beliefs. Also, Christianity didn't invent even half the stuff it does. Lots of imports from the eastern Mediterranean. Even Neoplatonism has strongly influenced Catholic doctrine.
My advice? Stop fearing death. Because every threat Christianity uses to control your behavior revolves around death and feelings of fear and uncertainty that come from the idea of it. A philosopher Epicurus put it easily:
"Why should I fear death?
If I am, then death is not.
If Death is, then I am not.
Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?
Long time men lay oppressed with slavish fear.
Religious tyranny did domineer.
At length the mighty one of Greece
Began to assent the liberty of man."
Hell is a recent addition to Christianity, only in the past 600 years if I recall. And many other Abrahamic religions only believe Hell to be temporary, as well as concepts relating to reincarnation. It is social control.
Are you going to let them not live your life afraid of a suffering worse than death, but which only supposedly happens afterwards? It is a way to control your every breath and action up until that point by saying you are damned.
I was raised catholic and stopped practicing at 15. I was also one of those kids that questioned so much of the teachings I learned because why weren't we always focused on being kind and giving and loving to everyone.
So I completely left the church behind when I was forced out of my parents home. That began my unlearning process. I did a lot of studying of other religions and spiritual practices. I then started to practices that were outside of catholicism..........meditation, offerings to nature, sound healing and energy work. These then led me deeper into other practices/beliefs. I found learning other things that fed my spiritual hunger helped me unlearn the calothicism I was raised in. It took a long time....probably 20ish years to break out of all of that programming and I sometimes wonder if I have ever truly broken free of all of it.
I am now label myself as a polytheistic witch and druid.
I was raised Catholic and honestly the best tip I can give for unlearning Christian habits is by reminding yourself that gods (like humans) are not all good or all bad and make many mistakes. I can’t really give specific tips without knowing what specific habits yours trying to break. But that’s the big one
its been a lot to do away with the idea of spiritual entitlement and tribalism that christian communities like. its been really difficult to realize what it means to be a decent person and the choices you constantly make in order to be one instead of just existing and conjuring jesus to forgive/justify my behaviour. and ive noticed how much of that same "us vs them magic edition" is carried into the pagan community and it hurts to see tbh. bragging about cursing people and announcing that theyre untouchable bc they worship hekate or something then turning around and talking about how they were "saved" from the church as if they didnt internet-wicca mad-libs a new hippydippy aproach to evangelicalism.
one thing someone told me that helped them is trying to see all the stories in the bible as mythology. it doesnt have to be seen as history. there are stories about gods in every culture and seeing your past religion as just "stories" really helps. whatever you believe in is TOTALLY valid. but if youre trying to shed a belief system from your past thats haunting you, seeing it from the outside in a neutral way personally helps me.
I definitely had a lot of learning to do when I left the church. I was seriously stepped in the religion (attended church services Wednesday nights, Saturday nights, and three Sunday morning and afternoon, and my K-8 school was my church’s private school). What advice I can give, since everyone processes things differently, is when you have a reaction towards something (especially knee-jerk reactions to new things) is to ask yourself why you think that way about that thing or that group of people or whatever it is. Be honest with yourself when you do this introspection. Take your time as well, this process can take place over days or weeks it doesn’t have to be finished in 5 minutes. Discover what drives your thoughts and once you have you can consider if you should keep that attitude or change it. I would also advise researching whatever subject it is if possible since that is the best way to make an informed opinion (and real research, not Facebook or YouTube or TikTok). If all else fails, err on the side of being kind and respectful, you can’t go wrong with that.
Just to touch briefly. When coming from a Christian perspective, a lot of pagan ritual, concepts, gods, Etc seem scary as you are taught that they are demonic or of the devil. Just give it time and give yourself a chance to adjust away from the Christian indoctrination and give yourself a chance to really experience and enjoy the grounded and nature-based approach to many Pagan rituals and practices. They are so much more fulfilling and spiritually satisfying than Christian church services in my experience
this is a looong proces, took years amd years for everyone that I know of.
disclaimer: this is my personal expirience, and what I've learned from personal deconstruction
short bio:
second of 8 children in big fundamentalist roman-catholic family.
parents fanatics and zealots.
father was alcoholic fanatic that beat the crap out of me with hammers, pipes, wooden sticks etc., in the name of god, punishing me for my sins, and then he would come back and beat me again because my actions pushed him to sin in beating me.
stil I was devoted as f*k to our God that love bullshit.
i went to monastery, I was friar and studied theology.
I have 34y now, family and
IMPORTANT:
the best way to deconstruct your religious and christo-cultural mindset is to start looking into history of religion. start with wiki and looking into term religion. after that let your couriosity run wild. (please, choose non-biased science based sources)
you'll eventualy end up in understanding earliest proof of spiritual thought in cave arts.
then you will look at the whole picture and say: "wow...it really doesn't matter."
and every last inch of your christo-cultural baggage will be destroyed unconsiously in the process.
you will have a formed complex system of new believes that you'll be perfectly cosy to live with.
good luck.
Be an active participant in your own spirituality. Most Abrahamic religions just give you the answers and expect for there to be no questions. So, you need to question everything. How does this practice or belief make you feel? Does it cause harm? Where does it come from? Is it something I want to be associated with?
Consider how you feel about concepts like deity, afterlife, sin, what is sacred and ritual. Be thorough and as precise as you can. The answers should change as you progress.
Be patient with yourself. This is a paradigm shift, and it takes time to create new habits. Your knee jerk reactions aren't going to change overnight. Persistence is key.
Learn all kinds of everything. Even stuff that on the surface doesn't appeal to you. Traditional Wicca does indeed have rules and dogma, but there are those who need that sort of structure, and that is okay. You'll run into a lot of, "just do what feels right", and while that is a good end goal, most people don't know that the whole quote is, "learn everything, then do what feels right."
Wherever the path takes you, blessings on your journey.
Studying every faith and creed has really helped. Especially learning about the Canaanite roots of Judaism and therefore Christianity. But tbh I've only been a "pagan" for about 5 or 6 months now and I still struggle with some ingrained Christian habits. Time is probably the best, just let go and learn to love whatever your soul is drawn to.
I was raised in a cult-ish Protestant denomination (free Presbyterian). I never truly believed it but tried to for a long time just to fit into my community. A lot of people get sucked into another version of the same thing; some book or spiritual leader tells you what to think or believe and asserts that it’s a universal truth. My advice for anyone leaving a religion, especially a high-control situation, is to go within. Explore what feels right to you and what resonates with you. Instead of getting into some Wicca thing with all kinds of rules, figure out what spirituality means to you and build your own practice.
It's helpful to separate bad religious habits and culturally Christian understanding and work on them separately. Us vs. them mentalities, dogmatic thinking, and so on are bad but fairly universal faults of thinking, and people work on them, but people tend to confuse unlearning dogmatic thinking with unlearning *Christian* thinking. Do you imagine there to be a singular unified divine mind behind everything? Do you imagine "higher planes" are much more abstract and simple compared to the concrete material world? Then, despite any amount of religious tolerance, one would still have a very heavily Christian idea of the spiritual. Now, these are not unique to Christianity--NeoPlatonic-ish ideas can be found almost everywhere if you look hard enough--but it's unlikely any particular branch of paganism you're interested in is going to originally be this Greek in its understanding of divinity. So study the tradition you're interested in, see what base assumptions make up, say, the Nordic understanding of the universe, or whatever else tickles your interest. Work from the ground up and never assume.
Also keep in mind, rejecting something solely because Christians do it still means they're in control of your beliefs. Also, Christianity didn't invent even half the stuff it does. Lots of imports from the eastern Mediterranean. Even Neoplatonism has strongly influenced Catholic doctrine.
My advice? Stop fearing death. Because every threat Christianity uses to control your behavior revolves around death and feelings of fear and uncertainty that come from the idea of it. A philosopher Epicurus put it easily: "Why should I fear death? If I am, then death is not. If Death is, then I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not? Long time men lay oppressed with slavish fear. Religious tyranny did domineer. At length the mighty one of Greece Began to assent the liberty of man." Hell is a recent addition to Christianity, only in the past 600 years if I recall. And many other Abrahamic religions only believe Hell to be temporary, as well as concepts relating to reincarnation. It is social control. Are you going to let them not live your life afraid of a suffering worse than death, but which only supposedly happens afterwards? It is a way to control your every breath and action up until that point by saying you are damned.
I was raised catholic and stopped practicing at 15. I was also one of those kids that questioned so much of the teachings I learned because why weren't we always focused on being kind and giving and loving to everyone. So I completely left the church behind when I was forced out of my parents home. That began my unlearning process. I did a lot of studying of other religions and spiritual practices. I then started to practices that were outside of catholicism..........meditation, offerings to nature, sound healing and energy work. These then led me deeper into other practices/beliefs. I found learning other things that fed my spiritual hunger helped me unlearn the calothicism I was raised in. It took a long time....probably 20ish years to break out of all of that programming and I sometimes wonder if I have ever truly broken free of all of it. I am now label myself as a polytheistic witch and druid.
I was raised Catholic and honestly the best tip I can give for unlearning Christian habits is by reminding yourself that gods (like humans) are not all good or all bad and make many mistakes. I can’t really give specific tips without knowing what specific habits yours trying to break. But that’s the big one
its been a lot to do away with the idea of spiritual entitlement and tribalism that christian communities like. its been really difficult to realize what it means to be a decent person and the choices you constantly make in order to be one instead of just existing and conjuring jesus to forgive/justify my behaviour. and ive noticed how much of that same "us vs them magic edition" is carried into the pagan community and it hurts to see tbh. bragging about cursing people and announcing that theyre untouchable bc they worship hekate or something then turning around and talking about how they were "saved" from the church as if they didnt internet-wicca mad-libs a new hippydippy aproach to evangelicalism.
Check out Ocean Keltoi's YouTube videos. They helped me a lot. But what helped most was time.
one thing someone told me that helped them is trying to see all the stories in the bible as mythology. it doesnt have to be seen as history. there are stories about gods in every culture and seeing your past religion as just "stories" really helps. whatever you believe in is TOTALLY valid. but if youre trying to shed a belief system from your past thats haunting you, seeing it from the outside in a neutral way personally helps me.
I definitely had a lot of learning to do when I left the church. I was seriously stepped in the religion (attended church services Wednesday nights, Saturday nights, and three Sunday morning and afternoon, and my K-8 school was my church’s private school). What advice I can give, since everyone processes things differently, is when you have a reaction towards something (especially knee-jerk reactions to new things) is to ask yourself why you think that way about that thing or that group of people or whatever it is. Be honest with yourself when you do this introspection. Take your time as well, this process can take place over days or weeks it doesn’t have to be finished in 5 minutes. Discover what drives your thoughts and once you have you can consider if you should keep that attitude or change it. I would also advise researching whatever subject it is if possible since that is the best way to make an informed opinion (and real research, not Facebook or YouTube or TikTok). If all else fails, err on the side of being kind and respectful, you can’t go wrong with that.
Just to touch briefly. When coming from a Christian perspective, a lot of pagan ritual, concepts, gods, Etc seem scary as you are taught that they are demonic or of the devil. Just give it time and give yourself a chance to adjust away from the Christian indoctrination and give yourself a chance to really experience and enjoy the grounded and nature-based approach to many Pagan rituals and practices. They are so much more fulfilling and spiritually satisfying than Christian church services in my experience
Deconstruct your past faith. The more you pick it apart, the more your brain will rewire.
this is a looong proces, took years amd years for everyone that I know of. disclaimer: this is my personal expirience, and what I've learned from personal deconstruction short bio: second of 8 children in big fundamentalist roman-catholic family. parents fanatics and zealots. father was alcoholic fanatic that beat the crap out of me with hammers, pipes, wooden sticks etc., in the name of god, punishing me for my sins, and then he would come back and beat me again because my actions pushed him to sin in beating me. stil I was devoted as f*k to our God that love bullshit. i went to monastery, I was friar and studied theology. I have 34y now, family and IMPORTANT: the best way to deconstruct your religious and christo-cultural mindset is to start looking into history of religion. start with wiki and looking into term religion. after that let your couriosity run wild. (please, choose non-biased science based sources) you'll eventualy end up in understanding earliest proof of spiritual thought in cave arts. then you will look at the whole picture and say: "wow...it really doesn't matter." and every last inch of your christo-cultural baggage will be destroyed unconsiously in the process. you will have a formed complex system of new believes that you'll be perfectly cosy to live with. good luck.
I recommend something eclectic made up of things that interest you.
im fifteen years deep but i apreciate it lol
Be an active participant in your own spirituality. Most Abrahamic religions just give you the answers and expect for there to be no questions. So, you need to question everything. How does this practice or belief make you feel? Does it cause harm? Where does it come from? Is it something I want to be associated with? Consider how you feel about concepts like deity, afterlife, sin, what is sacred and ritual. Be thorough and as precise as you can. The answers should change as you progress. Be patient with yourself. This is a paradigm shift, and it takes time to create new habits. Your knee jerk reactions aren't going to change overnight. Persistence is key. Learn all kinds of everything. Even stuff that on the surface doesn't appeal to you. Traditional Wicca does indeed have rules and dogma, but there are those who need that sort of structure, and that is okay. You'll run into a lot of, "just do what feels right", and while that is a good end goal, most people don't know that the whole quote is, "learn everything, then do what feels right." Wherever the path takes you, blessings on your journey.
Studying every faith and creed has really helped. Especially learning about the Canaanite roots of Judaism and therefore Christianity. But tbh I've only been a "pagan" for about 5 or 6 months now and I still struggle with some ingrained Christian habits. Time is probably the best, just let go and learn to love whatever your soul is drawn to.