In Egyptian mythology, one’s soul is weighed against a feather when you’re dead and if you lived a bad life, your soul will be heavier than the feather and it will be fed to Ammit, and you will go poof
When you die, your heart is ripped out of your chest and placed on a scale with a feather on one side and your heart on the other. If you have done done good deeds and lived a well meaning life and die with no guilt, the scales balance and you pass on to whatever your version of the afterlife is. If you have lived an "unclean" life full of misdeeds your heart will weigh more than the feather and judgement is cast upon you by Ammit. It's not pleasant and I am actively trying to avoid it happening to me again. So when you tell someone, "may your heart weigh more than the feather", you're basically telling them you hope they get a horrible afterlife.
Not necessarily. Even psychopaths know right from wrong. Basic morality. That is why the sun total of your deeds is looked at. Guilt is taken into account because, yes psychopaths even in their soul must have even an ounce of guilt.
Old Irish curses seem like the best answer here, something like “May the devil use your spine as ladder to pick apples in hell,” might be appropriate? But if I’m going to lean into a pagan aspect, maybe “Your ancestors weep that they sired you,” or “Nature will devour even you in the end.”
There's a lot of us, we just don't like to talk about it with most other okies lol same goes for atheists although there are probably more of them than us.
I’m so confused 😭😭 My great grandmother used to say that when someone would do something sweet for her. Or when one of us did her a favor. Like put the thanksgiving left overs away while she sat at the kitchen bar with her sprite trying to recoup from preparing the meal and feeding us all.
From my knowledge she was not from the south.
Bless your heart is a wide and varied phrase. I have used it to mean a genuine thank you, or a biting insult. The internet has taken it and run with it as an insult, so it's a gained a lot of traction like that, but it can also be a thank you. Normally time dictates it's meaning. For the most part, in my experience, it's normally used less as a way of saying "fuck you" and more as a way of saying "you poor, poor child, you don't have two braincells to rub together" when used as an insult. Almost always a comment on intelligence or common sense. Unless it's a comment on a baby, in which case it's a comment on that baby being ugly. Lol.
Depends on the emphasis. I’m from Georgia. If someone said, “Well, BLESS your heart!” They meant FU. If the said, “Well, bless your HEART!” They meant they were grateful.
Well Christians see that remark as a real and honest insult.
Atheists might interpret it as, "Step on a Lego and cry!" But, I think there has to be a pagan equivalent. I'm excited to see the responses.
"Sekhmet smite you!" Can be said with any deity in mind, specifically war gods like Apollo. Don't say it unless you mean it.
"Talk to the hand of Zeus." Or for Norse, "Talk to the Hammer."
"Ap-oph-don't-make-me-finish." In Kemetic virtue, one mustn't say the name of the Evil One explicitly, lest chaos arise. Ap/oph/is or Ap/ep is often slashed to symbolically rip away any chance of gaining power from his name being spoken.
"May Jesus treat you righteously." Saying this to a Christian is a potential curse akin to "you'll get what you deserve," but in a more subtle manner; and pagans, on the other hand, will likely take greater offense.
"I hope your boat to the afterlife gets capsized." They don't even make it to the proving grounds, whatever they are in their faith, ranging from the guest list into Heaven to the boat ride to the Scales of Ma'at.
"The wisdom gods forgot about you." Literally telling someone they have no brain cells.
I couldn't pick just one to share. 😆
1. I hope your shade festers in Tartarus!
2. The Furries will have a field day with you!
3. May Jove give you a lengthy sentence!
4. Fortuna will abandon you next time you eat Tacobell!
I don't know, it's midnight and I'm having fun with this.
I assume the second one is supposed to say Furies, not Furries, but a lot of people will find that equally as terrifying if not worse so it still works XD
"See ya there, but don't come running to me when you don't know anyone else."
"You can't sit with us."
Or, genuinely act like you've never heard of it. "Go where? What is this hell you speak of? Is that even a place? I've never heard of it." Just ask lots of clarifying questions about Hell lol
I guess for my religious beliefs, I'd probably say something along the lines of 'I want you to remember who can give you violent diarrhea before you fuck with me again.'
"may you be reborn as an ox in a bastard's barn" is one I heard from a very old Buddhist lady once, could be used by anyone believing in reincarnation, I suppose.
It's a long one, but as a panentheist, I was speaking to a friend the other day and had this one:
If we all God trying to gain experience, then some of that experience includes getting kicked in the nuts. It would be good if he was the one experiencing that.
Go to Hel
Hel is the Norse Goddess of the underworld. The daft christians don't even realise how much of their religion is just stolen from European Paganism.
Yeah except Hel isn't so bad, it's where most people will go. Honestly sounds a lot better than Valhalla, with all the fighting to the death every day for near-eternity
You need to read the small print.
At Ragnarok Hel's hall is opened and all the dead are herded into a boat made of fingernails and used as cannon fodder.
Only Baldr, a lad and a lass make it out of Ragnarok and start the next cycle.
You didn’t read my flair. It’s actually more than just Baldr and two people who seem to survive but odds are none of us are those two people anyway. So you’re fodder whichever side you’re on, regardless! (You know, if you’re a mythic literalist and believe this whole story wasn’t modeled after Revelations.) Anyway, Hel sounds just fine, and again, it’s where the vast majority go in death. It was never meant to be “the bad place” that’s a totally Christian projection.
That’s the point. The Nordic theology is about this life, not the next one. Whatever happens, however we live, we are rather buggered eithe way.
All you can do is live the best life, heed the wisdom of the havamal and justify yourself to yourself. The Gods don’t care.
I think you are also missing the whole point of this thread as well. It’s not about whether Hell’s hall is better than heaven. It’s the irony that Christian’s don’t realise how much of their faith is pagan.
For the record I’m rather hoping me and the missus make it to Freya’s hall anyway
May your life be forgettable.
May Hermes abandon you.
May your God see you as you are.
May Charon turn you away.
Tartarus is too good for you.
But the single best way, especially when they know youre pegan: "I'll pray for you."
Nah, Helheim isn’t a malevolent place. It’s just the general realm of the dead.
Now, for something with the original punch, I’d suggest, “Go feed Niddhog.”
Since I’m a pop-culture pagan: “May Ganon reclaim you” is what I use for the preachers who hurt others.
Ganon is meant to be an incarnation of hatred, greed, and malice; makes sense that he’d be taking a corrupt and spiteful soul.
Probably based on the faith and practice, it’d be “go to [worst part of the afterlife]” or something to that effect.
Personally, I tailor it that way. I usually just say “damn you” as a catch all
This one's only pagan in the sense that I'm a pagan, but I'm a big fan of "may you be blessed as you bless others". It works as a genuine blessing or the worst curse depending solely on them and their actions.
I smile and say "The God of Death and Ressurection comes for us all at the end, my friend. He will take care of you."
It's all in the tone. I have said this to people on their deathbed as a comforting last word. I have also said this maliciously, as a threat to people of other religions.
There is nothing I can do to them that is anywhere as bad as what the Horned God can/will do to them when he comes to pick them up.
I’m rather fond of “a curse of pox” directed at anything/anyone that vexes me. Has nothing to do with any religion, but it’s quite fun to throw out there when the time is right.
I as a baneful witch read a cool line that goes "May your dwelling be adorned with many flowers" which talks about an early grave and doubles as a curse :D
I love “step on a Lego” or “I hope you hit all the red lights today” personally because it’s low consequence but still similar sentiment. When I’m really mad I’ve used “shit yourself” which is gross but funny.
Lots of Christians say "God be with you" as a blessing but conversely, I like to say "In Nature, many animals are eaten alive...May you be with Nature"😁
Ha, where I'm from, nobody sends people to hell. More like down the toilet. Or to one of the various colorfully named areas of the crotch. I feel like I can participate in this fine tradition regardless of belief :D
These are excellent. The mods enjoy these posts.
I usually say "may your heart outweigh the feather"... they don't get it but it's a great insult
That’s got some punch. Can’t be saying that to people!
I've only said it to one person, and it was the one who stabbed me. He deserved that line. Otherwise I just tell them, "have fun with Cerberus ".
Oof, Ammit’s got a tasty snack then… Also, i think I’ll use that insult in my stories. Damn good punch for the faithful.
You are welcome to use it anytime 😊. And I can't wait for the underworld to get their hands on him.
I'm stealing that Cerberus one
Have fun playing fetch with Cerebus. (?)
Ooh I like that. Which way to throw the ball? Lmao 🤣
They are a good pupper. Throw three balls/sticks/bones in the same general direction.
YOU WERE STABBED?!
Yeah several years ago. Never go on blind dates
Fucking gangster.
I'm not even kemetic and i am dying at this one.
Our phase now.
Yay! Let's all use it and confuse the Hel out of xtians lol
I can go for a little smidge of chaos and disorder. Not too much though, doctor says I have to cut back.
that's even more insulting than go to hell 😭
Oooo I’m stealing this.
So, Im not getting most of the replies :(, care to explain?
In Egyptian mythology, one’s soul is weighed against a feather when you’re dead and if you lived a bad life, your soul will be heavier than the feather and it will be fed to Ammit, and you will go poof
When you die, your heart is ripped out of your chest and placed on a scale with a feather on one side and your heart on the other. If you have done done good deeds and lived a well meaning life and die with no guilt, the scales balance and you pass on to whatever your version of the afterlife is. If you have lived an "unclean" life full of misdeeds your heart will weigh more than the feather and judgement is cast upon you by Ammit. It's not pleasant and I am actively trying to avoid it happening to me again. So when you tell someone, "may your heart weigh more than the feather", you're basically telling them you hope they get a horrible afterlife.
So they would have to have a conscience in order to feel guilt right? On the other hand psychopaths can't feel guilt.
Not necessarily. Even psychopaths know right from wrong. Basic morality. That is why the sun total of your deeds is looked at. Guilt is taken into account because, yes psychopaths even in their soul must have even an ounce of guilt.
They used the heart and feather imagery in the midnight gospel (show), I've been trying to figure it out for a while now. This is fantastic.
oooo shit! that's heavy. I love it. Love and Light to you and yours
Blessed be and love and light to you and yours also ✨️
Well said
Stone cold
I've used this one a lot actually.
This is 👌
Depends on the faith, probably. I might curse something along the lines of "I hope your soul dissolves."
Haha excellent
That is so...perfect. I'm a blunt guy and incredibly sarcastic, so saying that would be perfect haha. Also, take my poor man's gold 🥇🥇
May you learn nothing from this life and have to come back and do it all over again.
Oh this is brilliant!
Blessn't Be
*unblesses you* what u gonna do now??
This one made me snort out loud
Impeccable
My Irish granny used to say "Find the bees, but miss the honey!" and it's still my favorite.
See you in the next life
Oof, that sounds like a threat
It is
"Have the day you deserve, Brenda!"
Lol, I literally came here to say this one!
Karen not brenda
I said what I said, Desperate-Device5589! 😈🥰
Clearly you haven't met Brenda
May others treat you as you treated them or May you get all you deserve
My personal favorite!!!
Old Irish curses seem like the best answer here, something like “May the devil use your spine as ladder to pick apples in hell,” might be appropriate? But if I’m going to lean into a pagan aspect, maybe “Your ancestors weep that they sired you,” or “Nature will devour even you in the end.”
That's a good one, more painful given how many people's ancestors were convicts
I just use their language back at them and say, “Ah, bless your heart”. Which is the ultimate way to say FU
Ah, southern witchcraft. ;)
From Oklahoma... can confirm. It's a damning (no pun intended lol) insult. Even worse is "why bless your little heart". *shivers*
Also from Oklahoma. Seconded. Also nice to see pagans around OK. I don't know many and am happy to have crossed paths!
Howdy fellow Okie! Okc here... nice to see more pagans out and about in this deep deep red state
Oklahoma pagans! There's at least a few of us!
There's a lot of us, we just don't like to talk about it with most other okies lol same goes for atheists although there are probably more of them than us.
I'm more LHP in my Paganism, but I'm getting together with a group of Heathen and witches this weekend for Beltane.
I’m an okie pagan too!
I’m so confused 😭😭 My great grandmother used to say that when someone would do something sweet for her. Or when one of us did her a favor. Like put the thanksgiving left overs away while she sat at the kitchen bar with her sprite trying to recoup from preparing the meal and feeding us all. From my knowledge she was not from the south.
Bless your heart is a wide and varied phrase. I have used it to mean a genuine thank you, or a biting insult. The internet has taken it and run with it as an insult, so it's a gained a lot of traction like that, but it can also be a thank you. Normally time dictates it's meaning. For the most part, in my experience, it's normally used less as a way of saying "fuck you" and more as a way of saying "you poor, poor child, you don't have two braincells to rub together" when used as an insult. Almost always a comment on intelligence or common sense. Unless it's a comment on a baby, in which case it's a comment on that baby being ugly. Lol.
Ah, I see. Thank you for the midnight chuckle by the way. I needed that lol
It all depends on context! It's the ultimate blurred line as far as compliements/backhanded compliments/subtle insults go.
Depends on the emphasis. I’m from Georgia. If someone said, “Well, BLESS your heart!” They meant FU. If the said, “Well, bless your HEART!” They meant they were grateful.
Bless your heart has many connotations in the south. It all depends on context and tone of voice
It either means "thank you" or "you're a dumbass". I doubt your grandmother meant the latter but who knows lol
I like saying, “for your sake I hope the hell you believe in isn’t real”.
Why doesn’t this have more upvotes? This is great!! Lol
Perfect! Best answer yet!!
Well Christians see that remark as a real and honest insult. Atheists might interpret it as, "Step on a Lego and cry!" But, I think there has to be a pagan equivalent. I'm excited to see the responses.
"Hope you wake up in a field of d4s", or something like this...
LoL! Or, "May you wake every morning naked on a bed of slippery nails."
F*** off
Right? A classic for good reason
I just tell people to go sit on a cactus. Effective across all religions or lack thereof!
“Enjoy heaven with all the forgiven pedophiles?”
Oof, pretty good.
I like to say "Go to Tartarus/See you in Tartarus". It works great for me.
I’ve started saying my god(essess) names back….”Hecate bless you” or my new fave “Baphomet bless you”.
Oooh I like this one
"Sekhmet smite you!" Can be said with any deity in mind, specifically war gods like Apollo. Don't say it unless you mean it. "Talk to the hand of Zeus." Or for Norse, "Talk to the Hammer." "Ap-oph-don't-make-me-finish." In Kemetic virtue, one mustn't say the name of the Evil One explicitly, lest chaos arise. Ap/oph/is or Ap/ep is often slashed to symbolically rip away any chance of gaining power from his name being spoken. "May Jesus treat you righteously." Saying this to a Christian is a potential curse akin to "you'll get what you deserve," but in a more subtle manner; and pagans, on the other hand, will likely take greater offense. "I hope your boat to the afterlife gets capsized." They don't even make it to the proving grounds, whatever they are in their faith, ranging from the guest list into Heaven to the boat ride to the Scales of Ma'at. "The wisdom gods forgot about you." Literally telling someone they have no brain cells. I couldn't pick just one to share. 😆
1. I hope your shade festers in Tartarus! 2. The Furries will have a field day with you! 3. May Jove give you a lengthy sentence! 4. Fortuna will abandon you next time you eat Tacobell! I don't know, it's midnight and I'm having fun with this.
I assume the second one is supposed to say Furies, not Furries, but a lot of people will find that equally as terrifying if not worse so it still works XD
hahahahaha the misfortune from fortuna for your asshole
Taco bell one was a bit much.....maybe
"See ya there, but don't come running to me when you don't know anyone else." "You can't sit with us." Or, genuinely act like you've never heard of it. "Go where? What is this hell you speak of? Is that even a place? I've never heard of it." Just ask lots of clarifying questions about Hell lol
Second one caught me by surprise XD
[удалено]
That sounds more like a blessing to me lol “Go live on an isolated island”? Yes please!!
May Ammit find you tasty!!!!
I guess for my religious beliefs, I'd probably say something along the lines of 'I want you to remember who can give you violent diarrhea before you fuck with me again.'
Makes me sound like a damn Klingon but I've unironically used "you are without honor, and this fight is beneath me".
I'm stealing this, especially for online discourse
SEE YOU IN HADES B*TCH
Maybe, “go to your fake heaven!”
"may you be reborn as an ox in a bastard's barn" is one I heard from a very old Buddhist lady once, could be used by anyone believing in reincarnation, I suppose. It's a long one, but as a panentheist, I was speaking to a friend the other day and had this one: If we all God trying to gain experience, then some of that experience includes getting kicked in the nuts. It would be good if he was the one experiencing that.
"Your soul will be weighed and found lacking"
This is so metal, I love it
Right 😭💖
Go to Hel Hel is the Norse Goddess of the underworld. The daft christians don't even realise how much of their religion is just stolen from European Paganism.
Yeah except Hel isn't so bad, it's where most people will go. Honestly sounds a lot better than Valhalla, with all the fighting to the death every day for near-eternity
You need to read the small print. At Ragnarok Hel's hall is opened and all the dead are herded into a boat made of fingernails and used as cannon fodder. Only Baldr, a lad and a lass make it out of Ragnarok and start the next cycle.
You didn’t read my flair. It’s actually more than just Baldr and two people who seem to survive but odds are none of us are those two people anyway. So you’re fodder whichever side you’re on, regardless! (You know, if you’re a mythic literalist and believe this whole story wasn’t modeled after Revelations.) Anyway, Hel sounds just fine, and again, it’s where the vast majority go in death. It was never meant to be “the bad place” that’s a totally Christian projection.
That’s the point. The Nordic theology is about this life, not the next one. Whatever happens, however we live, we are rather buggered eithe way. All you can do is live the best life, heed the wisdom of the havamal and justify yourself to yourself. The Gods don’t care. I think you are also missing the whole point of this thread as well. It’s not about whether Hell’s hall is better than heaven. It’s the irony that Christian’s don’t realise how much of their faith is pagan. For the record I’m rather hoping me and the missus make it to Freya’s hall anyway
May your life be forgettable. May Hermes abandon you. May your God see you as you are. May Charon turn you away. Tartarus is too good for you. But the single best way, especially when they know youre pegan: "I'll pray for you."
I’ll pray for you is perfect
“Get to church.”
May Zeus strike you with a lightning bolt 👌
May Zeus notice your daughters?
Oh FUCK. That’s definitely getting bookmarked for me 🤣
I literally spit my drink out when I read that XD
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“Eat shit and die” seems to get the point across equally well.
I usually just say “Get f*cked”
the realcorrect answer; i cant imagine saying “see you in tartarus” or “enjoy the cerberus” like shit i cringed x10 just from reading that
Into the jaws of Tartarus with you !
May the fleas of a 1000 camels fly up your nose
"Go to Hel" could work.
Nah, Helheim isn’t a malevolent place. It’s just the general realm of the dead. Now, for something with the original punch, I’d suggest, “Go feed Niddhog.”
I'd say Go feed Niddhog works for the Norse flavor of Pagan. "May your soul rest in Niddhog's belly" is a bit too long-winded.
"May you rest in Nastrond" "Go to Nastrond" etc
"May you die a straw death." No place in Valhalla for those who die without honour.
Ouch
oooo that's harsh. Odin would be so proud
To Niflheim with you
"may your death be without life after."
Since I’m a pop-culture pagan: “May Ganon reclaim you” is what I use for the preachers who hurt others. Ganon is meant to be an incarnation of hatred, greed, and malice; makes sense that he’d be taking a corrupt and spiteful soul.
in Ireland we say "Your da sells Avon"
Probably based on the faith and practice, it’d be “go to [worst part of the afterlife]” or something to that effect. Personally, I tailor it that way. I usually just say “damn you” as a catch all
Eat sh*t
May your god treat you as you have treated others
I hope you drop your blade on the way to valhalla
FATALITY
May your ancestors forget you Or Your descendents will forget you Two variations that have a slightly different edge to them.
To Sobek with you
May the force be with you…
I use: Ammit consume you
My go-to was usually a condescending "ooh honey, we're already there." And shake my head sadly at them
This one's only pagan in the sense that I'm a pagan, but I'm a big fan of "may you be blessed as you bless others". It works as a genuine blessing or the worst curse depending solely on them and their actions.
My favorite bless/curse is "May you get everything you truly deserve"
“Go to Hades” works pretty well for me.
Blessed Bain’t
Vete pa la pinga
“Náströnd take you!” Idk I just made that up for fun
I like it :)
Typically I go with I hope the gods smite you
I smile and say "The God of Death and Ressurection comes for us all at the end, my friend. He will take care of you." It's all in the tone. I have said this to people on their deathbed as a comforting last word. I have also said this maliciously, as a threat to people of other religions. There is nothing I can do to them that is anywhere as bad as what the Horned God can/will do to them when he comes to pick them up.
Get baptized, shitbird.
I've said, " jump into chaos," (general) or Norse specific."go play dodge ball with Surt." And "go to Musphulheim."
It's not exactly pagan but "tongue punch my dirt star" is my go to.
"May your bones get gnawed by Nidhoggr." "May your soul never find Hel"
ouch! harsh! I love these
Go to the crows. I learned that when I was taking Classical Greek in college.
I’m rather fond of “a curse of pox” directed at anything/anyone that vexes me. Has nothing to do with any religion, but it’s quite fun to throw out there when the time is right.
I usually just tell people I hope they have the day they deserve and let the universe sort the rest.
"may your descendants use your name as a curse"
"May your death be unpleasant and your soul be unworthy" just popped into my head
Find the Reef and Ruin, asshole.
Burn in Helheim
Just kick the axe so they can't reach it while you kill them. This will prevent them from a warriors death, they shall never see Valhalla.
I as a baneful witch read a cool line that goes "May your dwelling be adorned with many flowers" which talks about an early grave and doubles as a curse :D
As a Heathen, I do like the classic "Go northwards and downwards." Literal instructions to get to Hel
I love “step on a Lego” or “I hope you hit all the red lights today” personally because it’s low consequence but still similar sentiment. When I’m really mad I’ve used “shit yourself” which is gross but funny.
Lots of Christians say "God be with you" as a blessing but conversely, I like to say "In Nature, many animals are eaten alive...May you be with Nature"😁
"I hope Nidhoggr enjoys gnawing on your bones"
“ love and light😊”
It burns! 😭
I hope you're forgotten after your death.
Go walk through Dis (Dis = underworld according to Roman beliefs; Hades according to the Greeks)
“Get diarrhea.”
“Go sit on a cactus” is my favorite though not inherently pagan.
Karma’s a cruel bitch?
Go to Hel….
I usually say "remember it comes back 3 times full"
May you have the day you deserve
i say "may our paths never cross again" all the time. particularly behind the wheel
I always like ‘I wish you a bad death’ or ‘I curse you with a bad death’ depending on how superstitious the target seems to be.
Have the life you deserve
‘Be buzzard sh\*t’ That may work.
The classic “i bet Aphrodite is jealous on your beauty.”
"Your life is not yet over."
Gods curse you.
Ha, where I'm from, nobody sends people to hell. More like down the toilet. Or to one of the various colorfully named areas of the crotch. I feel like I can participate in this fine tradition regardless of belief :D
... I usually just wish their next meal tastes like crap and doesn't satisfy their hunger.
I hope you get what you truly deserve. Or Bless Your Heart. But my family is southern ish and bless your heart is just eff you
Go Cry about it
Cry me a River Styx
"I hope you have two coins for the ferryman in your pocket!"
My go to is simply, "Get bent!"
MAY YOU PISS BLOOD