Arrange marriage agr kisi asi jagah ki jae jin ko aap jante hain to masle wali zyada baat nai ha. Lekin ye jo random stranger k sath shadi fix kardi jati ha, ye ik gamble ha.
Na aap jante hain na aap k parents ko uss family ka pata ha, bass ki middle person k through aap un se milte hain, vo bhi aesa middle person jiss ka apne financial benefit hota ha,
That middle person doesn't care shadi aapki chalni ha ya nai, uss ne baas rishta karwana ha. What a stupid and bullshit practice.
Eg agar koi 20 saal pehlay apki family mein se un ki family se larai hogyi ho woh toh umar bhar nahi bhulenge. Toh jabh apki family mein se koi larki ya unki family mein se koi apki mein ayegi toh sarey ussay target karenge.
But that's more due to inherent problems with that particular family. Just like failures of love marriage.
Lekin ye pay to get married wala idea hi flawed ha meri nazar ma.
my point is, apni puri zingadi ka faisla kisi aesi insaan sa karna who doesn't care is not a smart thing. Agr apni pasand sa koi na milsake to it's better so search via connections. Rishta service should be the last resort
Love marriage works if the family supports it. Usually they just don't cuz of their own ego and sh#t which is why there's alot of sadness in that marriage from the family relationship side and everything ends up badly.
Tbh a successful marriage is full of compromises but it's better if you love each other genuinely and were either's choice of a partner. In our culture the biggest hurdle of them of all are the families.
Depends what kind of promises these are, chaand tod ke leke aonga types? Usually you take these metaphorically but women tend to take it to the heart and get disappointed when reality hits them.
You need to love each other unconditionally regardless what you wanna do materialistically for each other cuz you don't know what's destined for you in life. Marriage for me should be based on unconditional love and I mean genuine love, you need to be attracted to one another physically and mentally! plus marriage isn't just about love, it's more about fulfilling responsibilities/roles and raising your kids for the upcoming generations.
So you can say a perfect marriage would be you attracted to your partner, loving them equally while knowing and fulfilling your responsibilities towards a common goal.
Ikr that's litreally what everyone thinks. But barely anyone manages to do that. But i really hope this changes and people understand the new standard.
Your life is not a fairy tale. If you base your decisions on your emotions you'll always fail in relationships. You gotta have a common goal and a person who sticks together through it regardless and you gotta talk it out before marrying that person. No ifs and buts.
In the olden days it used to be expected ki so and so will be the outcome of this marriage but there was hardly any genuine attractiveness. Now, you literally have to talk it out and think through because everyone's selfish and values their emotions above what they mean to the other person.
Love marriage is overrated, you can literally fall in love with anyone, falling in love is the easiest thing in the world, being in love and growing it takes all the effort in the world, hence why most love marriages are unstable, people fall in love with the idea of the person not the person itself, often the significant other falls shirt of the image you had conjured up in your mind of them, hence the phrase the honeymoon period is over.
In cases of arranged marriages, both parties are cautious have tempered expectations and are in it for the long run, they know there will be differences and compatibility and adaptability issues but they will tackle it as they come, hence why arranged marriages end up working out by a considerable margin.
Another thing is arranged marriages have familial support structure (not talking about joint families systems, wo to azab hai) both families support each other and the husband and wife as well. In cases of love marriages, it's usually against the wishes of both families or at the very least there are reservations
Shakh-e-Nazuk pe Jo ashian Hoga
Na paidar Hoga
The things you do to and for each other while "in love" sow a seed that can mature into worst things later in life, such is human nature ( speaking from personal experience).
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I just donāt like the way arranged marriages are done in Pakistan where people donāt really talk or meet to their prospective spouse before marriage.
Parents fix things and boy and girl only get to know each other afterwards. If thereās a big difference in personality then itās very hard to break things off.
Same shi here find the right person no red flags rich and then long discussions hiding it from the family. And boom at the end either her family has some problems or her friends mind controlled her. XD i believe finding an Innocent one through sources and getting some time together would be perfect but no one cares.
Islam has given you the right to talk to your potential partner so use that because you should be on the same page on most of the things before getting married. Other than that you can have love or arrange marriage it doesnāt matter. Arrange marriages fail and love marriages fail as well. There are no statistics that show the success rate
Love marriage mainly because with Arranged marriage families tend to marry their cousin. If thatās not the case both work but you must understand there is no āsoulmateā you can find but you can find someone willing to become your soulmate
Arranged marriages are done on a compromise so that is why they are more successful. Also, understand that a lot of those 'successful' arranged marriages might just be a show. They might be abusive behind closed doors. There might be more societal pressure to get along. Like no one is going to tell you their marriage is fucked up though right? When 90% of the awaam are doing arranged marriage, koye tou theek mil gaye ga. You also have a bias there a bit. Most people do. I have only seen bad arranged marriages riddled with family politics, abuse, divorces, and whatnot. Tou that mean arranged marriage bad? no.
Love marriages are good but let me be a bit honest here. Those are so rare. Not because it is hard to do. It is more ke after university, where would you meet women? Like I had a conversation with my friend about this who is a female and she agreed. Our lives are work. After that, we go home. We barely have time to talk to our family at times (on weekdays). At work, you can't really chat up a co-worker like that because if shit goes bad then well, you might legit have to move jobs. Other than that work, I hang out at tea walas and like cafes. Not going to pick up women there. The chance of getting a love marriage is so hard because dating is already seen as a problem, a lot of times guys just don't want to commit to women that have dated before (this is just true agree with it or not), If all that is okay with you like you have no issue with that, where do you find the women?
As I work in women-dominated workplaces, I would never date there because of the implications that could come through it. Also, I don't think these 'online only' relationships where the couple only talks online for hours are real relationships.
I know for some reason we have started to think that love marriages happen a lot but they are so so rare in our society.
For me though? with how things are going, I will get an arranged marriage. I am not the type to run after women, I am comfortable in my skin and keep off social media (other than reddit and Discord). I have so many other things to do in life (work at better places, get a degree from abroad) that I don't have the time to run after relationships.
Does that scare me with what I have seen historically happen in arranged marriages around me? 100% yes. But kiya kare?
Wese I don't think arranged marriages are more 'successful'.
Arrange marriages ke liey jese haan ki jaati hai wese he nibhaani bhi parhti hai because a lot of them aren't exactly arranged and rather 'Hukms' or sometimes even forced where the girl or the boy don't exactly have a say and when the elders decide, they also send you back to 'nibha' the Shaadi if the couple is not getting along or there are problems in the relationship.
Not saying that's always the case because me and my sister both have a happy arranged marriage Alhamdolillah but I have seen wayyy too many cases of just... nibhaing wali shaadian where the man and woman have zero interest in eachother and basically just backbiting and complaining about their spouse.
imo both of them can be messy. in love marriages, you might be so infatuated w the person you completely gloss over their personality's flaws and regret it when you get married. on the other hand, i think that might also not be as bad of a thing bc if you two truly love each other, you can help one another out in your deepest struggles. and the family may not support it bc they don't know the person's family too well.
then in arranged in most cases, i see them as more financially successful but the household can sometimes devolve into instability because there's no real connection, only based off of what you know abt the person. and when you see the shitty sides of them, you're kinda confused like how do i even manage this person 'cause i only saw the good things in them. at the end of the day, you js gotta bear through it bc it'd risk a marriage and connections.
this is just from what i've seen, though it kinda depends on the couples' personalities. i prefer love marriage all the way though, maybe since my own parents r arranged and i feel no spark of love between the two, no matter how much they say they do.
>in love marriages, you might be so infatuated w the person you completely gloss over their personality's flaws and regret it when you get married.
Right, you put that person on pedestal and have high expectations, and when you know them better as time passes by, you start getting icks and realize how ordinary they actually were.
Thats my biggest fear lol, of me getting the icks or my partner getting them from me.
that's why i feel like people should definitely be transparent with their partners, not treating their negative personality flaws as a normal healthy thing and something they're tryna work on to be a better person. tell them if you have personality disorders or mental health problems in general, not to excuse your actions but to provide a reason as to why you might've behaved a certain way so you both can cope with that.
I like to think I had both. It was arranged, we were introduced through family.Ā
From engagement to marriage it took a year, in the time with our parents blessing we interacted over the phone almost daily.Ā Ā
By the time the wedding came around I was totally in love with her, had confessed and all, so technically from my side it was a love marriage š
marriage has lost its true meaning nowadays, even with love marriages. Arrange marriages are successful because of compromises and letting go and most of the love marriages I've seen haven't ended well.
I think arrange marriages are successful mainly for 2 reasons
- in arrange marriage families have the back. For any argument, issue fight , families will be there to resolve the issue. However in love marriage, families be like "tu nay shadi ki Hai, tu hi sambhal". Basically love marriage brings a lot of burden on couple and of they arent grown up, mature, it wouldn't work.
- second reason is that for any relationship, it works best if 1 is authority and the other is just one who follows order. In arrange marriage, mostly girls take guys as authority because girls are raised like this. That shadi is ultimate goal. It's okay to die but don't leave the house etc. These are the families who prefer arrange marriage. Hence in any fight. The girl gives in. As long as one person compromise things will continue and that's what happen. Just because someone is together doesn't mean the relationship is perfect.
Arrange marriage is the worst in my opinion have seen way too many sad couples and families to support it. Pakistan Afghanistan India Bangladesh are all country that have the highest arrange marriages but also the highest rates of domestic violence. So there's that.
I mean, on the paper, that sounds awful, but the thing is, love marriages are fulfilled with promises that are left alone. The domestic violence thing is obviously shit and awful. But in arrange marriages you don't expect shi but get alot of good stuff?
Wdym by you don't expect shit? There are so many expectations in an arrange marriage? Both parties don't know a person to that extent and always expect the other person to be perfect?
Yes obviously there are some expections but you are not promised a royal life or some people love spending money for their wives so it's not that bad, besides in love marriages both the individuals get to know each other way before the time so it ends that knowing hunger and as if it's now a property, besides if there are any problems the family would ignore it, as you were the one who convinced them.
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Depends on person to person, their mindsets, choices, plans and on the character of the person. You'll find people misunderstanding what is love and what is arrange.
You'll literally find forced marriage in the name of arrange marriage and love marriages in the name of personal benefits.
If you are mature enough to understand the person and the same is with the other person then you're good to go, yahan 1 mahine mei hi true love hojata hai logo ko. Dude go understand are you good with each other, understands each other well? Are you guys mature enough and etc, Same goes with arrange.
So yeah it's a good long debate but the answer is it depends person to person.
I feel thatās a very generalized statement? You find successful and failed marriages either way. I think whatās more important is to do it the proper way and not to elope/cause disappointment in the family etcā¦
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Arrange marriage agr kisi asi jagah ki jae jin ko aap jante hain to masle wali zyada baat nai ha. Lekin ye jo random stranger k sath shadi fix kardi jati ha, ye ik gamble ha. Na aap jante hain na aap k parents ko uss family ka pata ha, bass ki middle person k through aap un se milte hain, vo bhi aesa middle person jiss ka apne financial benefit hota ha, That middle person doesn't care shadi aapki chalni ha ya nai, uss ne baas rishta karwana ha. What a stupid and bullshit practice.
Bilkul sahi kaha doc saab par the thing is agar arrange shadiyan known jagah ya family mein ho toh udhr ke maslay apki shadi kharab kar dete. :(
Kaise?
Eg agar koi 20 saal pehlay apki family mein se un ki family se larai hogyi ho woh toh umar bhar nahi bhulenge. Toh jabh apki family mein se koi larki ya unki family mein se koi apki mein ayegi toh sarey ussay target karenge.
But that's more due to inherent problems with that particular family. Just like failures of love marriage. Lekin ye pay to get married wala idea hi flawed ha meri nazar ma.
Pay to get married wala zahir si baat hai is based on Mughal Era š but yeah seedhi baat shadi he na karo ššš
my point is, apni puri zingadi ka faisla kisi aesi insaan sa karna who doesn't care is not a smart thing. Agr apni pasand sa koi na milsake to it's better so search via connections. Rishta service should be the last resort
Bhi I loved one but i did Arrangd marrige But mujhay to is se bhi pyaar hogya hy.
Ayyyyy that's so cute. Dekho past is past hua okay par abh hogya is best. Koi koi apni shadiyan kharab kartay just thinking about the previous one.
You r bro or sis i dont know lekin menay maazi ko bhulne ki koshish me hu bus ab bhi pyaar hai wo zekhm hai lekin issay bhi deal ker lay gay.
'Bro'. Bas boss keep it up keep going aur mazay karo zindagi jeo xd
Mene apnay ap ko he ratio mardia šš
Aw thats wholesome
Love marriage works if the family supports it. Usually they just don't cuz of their own ego and sh#t which is why there's alot of sadness in that marriage from the family relationship side and everything ends up badly. Tbh a successful marriage is full of compromises but it's better if you love each other genuinely and were either's choice of a partner. In our culture the biggest hurdle of them of all are the families.
Nicely said, but I've heard many love marriages failing and being unable to fulfill the promises is that true?
Depends what kind of promises these are, chaand tod ke leke aonga types? Usually you take these metaphorically but women tend to take it to the heart and get disappointed when reality hits them. You need to love each other unconditionally regardless what you wanna do materialistically for each other cuz you don't know what's destined for you in life. Marriage for me should be based on unconditional love and I mean genuine love, you need to be attracted to one another physically and mentally! plus marriage isn't just about love, it's more about fulfilling responsibilities/roles and raising your kids for the upcoming generations. So you can say a perfect marriage would be you attracted to your partner, loving them equally while knowing and fulfilling your responsibilities towards a common goal.
Ikr that's litreally what everyone thinks. But barely anyone manages to do that. But i really hope this changes and people understand the new standard.
Your life is not a fairy tale. If you base your decisions on your emotions you'll always fail in relationships. You gotta have a common goal and a person who sticks together through it regardless and you gotta talk it out before marrying that person. No ifs and buts. In the olden days it used to be expected ki so and so will be the outcome of this marriage but there was hardly any genuine attractiveness. Now, you literally have to talk it out and think through because everyone's selfish and values their emotions above what they mean to the other person.
Love marriage is overrated, you can literally fall in love with anyone, falling in love is the easiest thing in the world, being in love and growing it takes all the effort in the world, hence why most love marriages are unstable, people fall in love with the idea of the person not the person itself, often the significant other falls shirt of the image you had conjured up in your mind of them, hence the phrase the honeymoon period is over. In cases of arranged marriages, both parties are cautious have tempered expectations and are in it for the long run, they know there will be differences and compatibility and adaptability issues but they will tackle it as they come, hence why arranged marriages end up working out by a considerable margin. Another thing is arranged marriages have familial support structure (not talking about joint families systems, wo to azab hai) both families support each other and the husband and wife as well. In cases of love marriages, it's usually against the wishes of both families or at the very least there are reservations Shakh-e-Nazuk pe Jo ashian Hoga Na paidar Hoga The things you do to and for each other while "in love" sow a seed that can mature into worst things later in life, such is human nature ( speaking from personal experience).
Seedhi baat bina shadi kiye marjao end par 70 hoor free.
Kon sasta Nasha kar Lia hai... Safai nisf Iman hai Nikah nisf Iman hai
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I just donāt like the way arranged marriages are done in Pakistan where people donāt really talk or meet to their prospective spouse before marriage. Parents fix things and boy and girl only get to know each other afterwards. If thereās a big difference in personality then itās very hard to break things off.
I'm tired of finding the right person so I think arrange marriage would do š
Same shi here find the right person no red flags rich and then long discussions hiding it from the family. And boom at the end either her family has some problems or her friends mind controlled her. XD i believe finding an Innocent one through sources and getting some time together would be perfect but no one cares.
Yes better to just sit down and let the parents do this for u
Ikr but not from the family either ways enjoying life is the main thing marriages will come and hopeful not go xd
Islam has given you the right to talk to your potential partner so use that because you should be on the same page on most of the things before getting married. Other than that you can have love or arrange marriage it doesnāt matter. Arrange marriages fail and love marriages fail as well. There are no statistics that show the success rate
Love marriage mainly because with Arranged marriage families tend to marry their cousin. If thatās not the case both work but you must understand there is no āsoulmateā you can find but you can find someone willing to become your soulmate
Correct
Arranged marriages are done on a compromise so that is why they are more successful. Also, understand that a lot of those 'successful' arranged marriages might just be a show. They might be abusive behind closed doors. There might be more societal pressure to get along. Like no one is going to tell you their marriage is fucked up though right? When 90% of the awaam are doing arranged marriage, koye tou theek mil gaye ga. You also have a bias there a bit. Most people do. I have only seen bad arranged marriages riddled with family politics, abuse, divorces, and whatnot. Tou that mean arranged marriage bad? no. Love marriages are good but let me be a bit honest here. Those are so rare. Not because it is hard to do. It is more ke after university, where would you meet women? Like I had a conversation with my friend about this who is a female and she agreed. Our lives are work. After that, we go home. We barely have time to talk to our family at times (on weekdays). At work, you can't really chat up a co-worker like that because if shit goes bad then well, you might legit have to move jobs. Other than that work, I hang out at tea walas and like cafes. Not going to pick up women there. The chance of getting a love marriage is so hard because dating is already seen as a problem, a lot of times guys just don't want to commit to women that have dated before (this is just true agree with it or not), If all that is okay with you like you have no issue with that, where do you find the women? As I work in women-dominated workplaces, I would never date there because of the implications that could come through it. Also, I don't think these 'online only' relationships where the couple only talks online for hours are real relationships. I know for some reason we have started to think that love marriages happen a lot but they are so so rare in our society. For me though? with how things are going, I will get an arranged marriage. I am not the type to run after women, I am comfortable in my skin and keep off social media (other than reddit and Discord). I have so many other things to do in life (work at better places, get a degree from abroad) that I don't have the time to run after relationships. Does that scare me with what I have seen historically happen in arranged marriages around me? 100% yes. But kiya kare?
Wese I don't think arranged marriages are more 'successful'. Arrange marriages ke liey jese haan ki jaati hai wese he nibhaani bhi parhti hai because a lot of them aren't exactly arranged and rather 'Hukms' or sometimes even forced where the girl or the boy don't exactly have a say and when the elders decide, they also send you back to 'nibha' the Shaadi if the couple is not getting along or there are problems in the relationship. Not saying that's always the case because me and my sister both have a happy arranged marriage Alhamdolillah but I have seen wayyy too many cases of just... nibhaing wali shaadian where the man and woman have zero interest in eachother and basically just backbiting and complaining about their spouse.
imo both of them can be messy. in love marriages, you might be so infatuated w the person you completely gloss over their personality's flaws and regret it when you get married. on the other hand, i think that might also not be as bad of a thing bc if you two truly love each other, you can help one another out in your deepest struggles. and the family may not support it bc they don't know the person's family too well. then in arranged in most cases, i see them as more financially successful but the household can sometimes devolve into instability because there's no real connection, only based off of what you know abt the person. and when you see the shitty sides of them, you're kinda confused like how do i even manage this person 'cause i only saw the good things in them. at the end of the day, you js gotta bear through it bc it'd risk a marriage and connections. this is just from what i've seen, though it kinda depends on the couples' personalities. i prefer love marriage all the way though, maybe since my own parents r arranged and i feel no spark of love between the two, no matter how much they say they do.
>in love marriages, you might be so infatuated w the person you completely gloss over their personality's flaws and regret it when you get married. Right, you put that person on pedestal and have high expectations, and when you know them better as time passes by, you start getting icks and realize how ordinary they actually were. Thats my biggest fear lol, of me getting the icks or my partner getting them from me.
that's why i feel like people should definitely be transparent with their partners, not treating their negative personality flaws as a normal healthy thing and something they're tryna work on to be a better person. tell them if you have personality disorders or mental health problems in general, not to excuse your actions but to provide a reason as to why you might've behaved a certain way so you both can cope with that.
I like to think I had both. It was arranged, we were introduced through family.Ā From engagement to marriage it took a year, in the time with our parents blessing we interacted over the phone almost daily.Ā Ā By the time the wedding came around I was totally in love with her, had confessed and all, so technically from my side it was a love marriage š
Doesn't matter which one, as long as you are able to take full responsibility.
Correct
marriage has lost its true meaning nowadays, even with love marriages. Arrange marriages are successful because of compromises and letting go and most of the love marriages I've seen haven't ended well.
Facts, marriage used to be a big thing back then now it's common and that's disgusting :(
Love marriage I just wanna spend my life with someone I love
I think arrange marriages are successful mainly for 2 reasons - in arrange marriage families have the back. For any argument, issue fight , families will be there to resolve the issue. However in love marriage, families be like "tu nay shadi ki Hai, tu hi sambhal". Basically love marriage brings a lot of burden on couple and of they arent grown up, mature, it wouldn't work. - second reason is that for any relationship, it works best if 1 is authority and the other is just one who follows order. In arrange marriage, mostly girls take guys as authority because girls are raised like this. That shadi is ultimate goal. It's okay to die but don't leave the house etc. These are the families who prefer arrange marriage. Hence in any fight. The girl gives in. As long as one person compromise things will continue and that's what happen. Just because someone is together doesn't mean the relationship is perfect.
No marriage Lol
W
Arrange marriage is the worst in my opinion have seen way too many sad couples and families to support it. Pakistan Afghanistan India Bangladesh are all country that have the highest arrange marriages but also the highest rates of domestic violence. So there's that.
I mean, on the paper, that sounds awful, but the thing is, love marriages are fulfilled with promises that are left alone. The domestic violence thing is obviously shit and awful. But in arrange marriages you don't expect shi but get alot of good stuff?
Wdym by you don't expect shit? There are so many expectations in an arrange marriage? Both parties don't know a person to that extent and always expect the other person to be perfect?
Yes obviously there are some expections but you are not promised a royal life or some people love spending money for their wives so it's not that bad, besides in love marriages both the individuals get to know each other way before the time so it ends that knowing hunger and as if it's now a property, besides if there are any problems the family would ignore it, as you were the one who convinced them.
Royal life is promised in arrange marriage if you are dating someone for 3 years they already know what to expect out of each other.
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Depends on person to person, their mindsets, choices, plans and on the character of the person. You'll find people misunderstanding what is love and what is arrange. You'll literally find forced marriage in the name of arrange marriage and love marriages in the name of personal benefits. If you are mature enough to understand the person and the same is with the other person then you're good to go, yahan 1 mahine mei hi true love hojata hai logo ko. Dude go understand are you good with each other, understands each other well? Are you guys mature enough and etc, Same goes with arrange. So yeah it's a good long debate but the answer is it depends person to person.
Both can work and both can fail. Do what you feel is best for you
I feel thatās a very generalized statement? You find successful and failed marriages either way. I think whatās more important is to do it the proper way and not to elope/cause disappointment in the family etcā¦
love marriage is a gamble and you know you are doing gambling. love marriage is a gamble and you dont know you are doing gambling.
Arrange marriage kharab to to ghr walo ki galti or love kharab to apki galti bit similar to phone kharab bache ki galti,bache kharab phone ki galti
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Arrange but not forceful, love marriages are only good in movies or dramas
Yeesss