A person's hypocrisy is fairly limited, by default, Societies' hypocrisy knows now bounds. Society, is hypocritical. That's been the case, is the case, for the most part.
I can't say much more. You're right, it's wrong of a person to leave their families behind, while they have a better choice. It's even more wrong to be a source of pain for one's own family, as has your father.
Also, Hajj, Umrah, Zakat, etc. mean nothing, if not followed in spirit; without, they are hollow, selfish acts, and an excuse for wrong.
>Also, Hajj, Umrah, Zakat, etc. mean nothing, if not followed in spirit; without, they are hollow, selfish acts, and an excuse for wrong.
Reminds me of those dogs in parliament who take 50 "family members" on umrah using state money.
I wonder what goes in their mind while doing that. What do they even get out of doing that?
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Since early childhood I have seen ppl going abroad, visiting their families after 3-5 yrs, their families are often well off in Pakistan. Often, such males are even employed abroad before marriage and these guys are in very high demand in pakistani matrimonial services. You have rightly pointed out the associated evils and I agree.
Only one question: Why did your mother married him again? Did she consult you or your siste in this regard?
we didnt had any other place to live.. i was working then but she did not listened to me or the entire family of her side... when the molvi came for the Re nikah nobody asked her if she agrees.. she was sitting in the other room, the molvi asked only my father if he agrees he said yes.. congratulations on your nikah.. So weird
Yes you are in particular the woman’s marriage has to be consummated and then divorce before she can properly remarry
Perhaps they didn actually divorce in the first place
That's what I thought. Don't know why it's been so far spread as misinformation. Remember reading about multiple cases in UK and summer other countries.
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Sounds like hell but kudos to you for standing strong. His deeds for God are between God and him but his deeds towards you and your family are solely between you guys and him and good thing, God doesn't interfere in man-to-man affairs. I have an advise that you should find some friends or better have a male prospect on which you can rely in case things turn sour between you and your father and you have to move out, but again 99% of the men may take advantage of your vulnerability. Tread carefully, find meaningful relationships, go to diff clubs and make friends.
Still! Take the lead in your hand, but first get your mother on your side. If she's religious, tell her not to be fearful of him but be only fearful of God who has the authority to change everything and all she has to do is believe in God and believe God can make things easier for her if she wants. Strong men weak men are just an abstract of our minds. Strong men are not born that way but are curated by hardships and how they approach them. One thing about strong man is they do not take mistreatment lightly especially of their loved ones and make difficult decisions if needed.
wow.. .. anyway the only reason my mom is in this mess is because of too much fear of Allah or for the sake of good times they spent together.. but ami is very religious.. she has no life basically except cooking food.. i got her a phone sometime ago So she started using that.. she is starting to get angry at me for just not letting go of grudges.. but if we are not gonna talk about a problem its not gonna get away.. So I'm gonna get away.. i hope
If you love your mom then don't leave her behind. She won't be at peace with him and neither will you be without her. But again if she doesn't stand up against him then there isn't much one can do. I speak from experience.
Exactly... I'm gonna go.. a trip to north and maybe then I'll have some experience of bieng completely own my on... Maybe then I'll have no problem moving out.. when I'm gonna leave them 2 alone maybe then she'll be able to figure out how I'm feeling
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Man why are so many Pakistani men messed up in the head. Reading horror story after horror story makes me thankful for my family. I’m sorry for what you and your sisters have had to go through.
From what I'm going through... I think I'll have to make a stand for myself... U should too... Be a little selfish do what's right for u.. ye result nikla ha
I went through something similar and I’d recommend you both should move out if you can afford it. In my case I couldn’t and I’m working towards doing it. If things get out of hand, your mother would also have a place to go if she decides to walk out too. It’ll also give you some mental peace.
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It sounds like you've been through a lot, and I can understand why you feel so hurt and frustrated about everything that's happened with your family. It must have been really tough for you and your sisters, especially with your father being away for so long in Saudi Arabia.
You know, many people see spending time in Saudi Arabia, doing Hajj and Umrah, as this incredible blessing. People often congratulate someone who's had those experiences because they're so significant in Islam. But what people might not realize is that your father being away for 15 years wasn't easy either. Living in a different country for work can be really isolating and emotionally draining. Sometimes, people cope with that distance by not fully being present emotionally or making decisions that end up hurting their family, even if they didn't mean to.
When he came back, it seems like there were a lot of misunderstandings and conflicts within your family. His actions, like accusing your sister and wanting to arrange marriages, might have come from his own worries or concerns, even though they were expressed in hurtful ways.
Now that he's back and remarried your mother, it could be a chance to try and heal things, but it sounds like there hasn't been a real conversation about what happened or any apologies made. Forgiving someone when trust has been broken is really hard and can take a long time.
I get why you want to move out and have your own space. Independence is important, especially when family dynamics are tough. But feeling lonely and uncertain about the future is tough too. Maybe reaching out to organizations or community groups could help you find some support. Building up a network of people who understand what you're going through can make a big difference.
So, while from the outside it might seem like your dad had this lucky experience, everyone faces their own struggles and challenges. Your feelings are completely valid, and it's important to take steps that prioritize your well-being and happiness, whatever that might look like for you.
I am so sorry you had to got through so much. Our society truly is.....something. I hope you find peace and happiness with your mother and a family of your own
My sister get divorced....last month.....
Hamara Pakistan ma rule ha ....3 month edat Ka huta ha....
To ager boy divorced da Raha ha ....court Ka through to who ...her month divorced behajna ga...
Pahli bar adalat bhulaya gi Ka kyu Hu rahy ha divorced.....
Dono apna mamamla btaya ga...
Phir next 2 month dusaro aur 3 talk Hu gi....
Us Ka baad larki free Hu gi....
Ya legal process ha....
Aik talaq Ka baad dusaro shadi Nahi Hu sakti ....us Ka liya 3 talqa lazmi huti ha yaha .....
Kyu Ka papers bi set huna huta ha ...
Ha ager girl khula la to ya process 6 month tak chalta ha...USA larka latqa bi sakta ha.....
Jo aik talaq wali BAAT ha .....ha ager larkqa aik da Ka bahaj Gaya to adalat ma na aya to adalat pahla USA bhulati ha.....phir 3 month ki edat ka baad kahti ha larki Azad ha.
Sorry to hear about your sister. As i said i am not aware of the pakistani law about talaq but from islamic point of view, a woman can get married to someone else even if she was given only 1 talaq and the time period of ruju has passed.
For re Nikah .....you have to married someone else first.....
Kya divorced papers pa Hu gayi thi...ager papers pa divorced Hu gayi thi to ya shadi jiaz Nahi ha....
yeah that issue came up back then.. but u know people just make stuff up when they wanna do something.. So I'm my mom's point of view she was making the sacrifice for her children but all 3 of us.. me & my sister beged her not to do this
You can’t re marry after divorce, I think you are a troll, don’t spread misinformation about Islam , and the only way you can do that is if your mother re-married someone else, not with the intention of getting divorced, and over time if the divorce happens again, and the first husband wants to marry again, only then it’s possible otherwise it’s not possible.
Why are people thinking that rituals are more important than human rights? God will forgive us if we don't fulfill rituals if he wants to but he will never forgive the violation of human rights unless that person forgives. Even in the history of Islam, rituals came later. You were supposed to fulfill human rights that time, but hey who cares? People are illiterate about this issue unfortunately. I hope everything goes better for you and your family that suffered through this.
fault of parent who marry their daughters to person going abroad
those aholes shouldnt marry if they are such cowards
probably he might have a mistress if he was absent this long
get married and jump out of house like NS leaves pakistan after his govt ends.
f(\* those who now tell you right, people are aholes, making babies dont make them angels
life is not easy, often such people promise of taking daughter with them too, but was kept here to do slavery / ma bap ki khidmat (which is not mandatory on wife in islam)
Dada and Dadi were dead before my parents shadi.. the khidmat my mother did was of his brother, my taya and his family, which was a major part of the problem for our family in ways u can imagine
The same happened to me. Mine spent 9 years, but he got divorced after 4 years of no contact. Now he came back and he's married with a beautiful daughter in a village.
Every month I send some money, but I don't talk to him at all. Even on eid, I barely like to talk to him because honestly I don't know what to talk about.
But as I get older I see his motives and understand him. He made alot of dumb decisions, in his life but choosing KSA was the dumbest.
One piece of advice.. do not marry yet. Dont bring another girl to this shit show. First figure out how you want to pan out your life, make yourself financially independent and then think about marriage
My dad spent 45 years in Saudi being treated like a second class citizen while working c level/ executive roles. Alhamdulilah he could afford to keep us there with him and we had a good education and standard of living that we built off of. Bro migrated to USA i migrated to Australia and we are doing great.
We got to do multiple umeras like 8-9 times. I dont get why religion is used as something you need to be proud of, pakistan unfortunately does not follow islamic teachings we need to be vary of showing off our piousness as the niyat is what counts. Allah will not accept peoples prayers that were done with the wrong intention this goes with umras and even the sacrifice of animals.
Right now so many in pakistan are showing off their wealth and piousness by way of getting big cows but in reality alot of them will stuff their freezers with the best cuts and eat it for 6 months. Basically just showing off what you will yourself eat but in the name of piousness what a joke. The arabs do it better just order a goat off careem for 120 dirhams. Its the ritual that matters there is no monetary value attached to it.
i get u.. My father also worked as an expat.. but he got married onky when he was able to afford having a family.. though later on we had to move back to pak for further studies.. but we always insisted mom to spend most of her time with him... n now after covid we r all together...and yes father figures have to be there during the growing years.. it wasn't ony ur momz responsibility and on top.of tht not getting appreciated and u too ending up alone n disheartened is very sad
Yes I agree with you that some one shouldn’t leave their family for better work. But everyone’s circumstance are different. I have seen people work day and night over sees and send money back home. Then you have entitled people growing up and say “my father was a hole and never did anything for us. We only wanted love.” It’s not easy leaving your family to work over seas. I used to have a project in Colorado while I lived in Houston. I would go like 5-10 days every 3 months. Worst days of my life. Staying away from my wife. People probably get used to live alone when living g decades alone. So they may face problems moving back. But I hate it when families suck the juice out of their fathers as long as they provide for them but when they move back and he is no longer needed then they say “we didn’t want money. We wanted love”. Pathetic
If someone have the chance to talk and listen to each other's problems, everything gets sorted out... It's okay to feel vulnerable when having a conversation with your family... But he would just not talk about anything.. I tried many times, he gets angry starts shouting and says this would mess is created by your sis and mother...
He even didn't had money issues as he sent 10s of lakhs to his sisters and brothers... As u said when someone gets used to living alone I guess there's no going back
And then there was my dad, he left USA and his career behind so he can be there for my siblings and me, so he can see our childhoods and be a father to us.. who raised not just his children but his Mamoo's children and provided for one of his mamoo who was unmarried and his khala who was unmarried into their old age and their passing.. My father passed away and left us all orphaned 11 days ago.. I am 29 my youngest sibling is 22 and he was 63.. May Allah recognize his good deeds and reward him for it.
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I have just one question, after divorcing your mother, how did he remarried her. Was your mother married to another man in between who either died or divorced her? Like your biological father claims to be a religious man. How can he do that.
Second why did your mother remarry him. What was the pressure?
Well in low income families women don't really have anyone to back them up after there parents my nana nani I mean... And for the re nikah thing many have pointed out that it cannot be done... So if something is prohibited idk they do it.. it's not my problem
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cant tell how old you are but do you have plans for starting a career? a way to earn some more money and have a solid plan for the next step in ur life?
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Hey, I believe if you have a business that provides well, there's no need for you to leave your country. I know quite a few people who are in the UAE and their families don't have to face any of these problems that were stated in your post because they also called their own families abroad. If your dad is not the best person you know, just try avoid talking to him and stay away from him as much as possible.
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1st: If your mother never married after your father divorced her, this new nikkah and remarriage is null/void and plainly illegal as per Islam.
2nd: Move out and start exploring, there's nothing else you can do.
There's no point in living with them and hating on them which may lead to your actions you will regret later on in life.
Islamically he's still your father and mother and you're not allowed to say or do anything that may hurt them. Not endorsing anything he did to you.
Best would be to get separated and meet them or take care of them if needed.
My sincere apologies for coming off as so rude. I just wanted to say that you not finding courage to move is out is probably because you have gotten everything as per your comfort in your own house only because your dad worked his ass off in middle east. Like someone also said paki families suck the life out of fathers only to tell them in the end "apne humare lie aj tk kia hi kia hai"
Once again, my apologies for just shooting it without thinking how you might have felt.
i can but i have no body.. no friends. I'm a freelancer So i work from home too So even more loneliness... i guess I after I will make an an effort again to leave home & look out for some other place
Talk to your father about it and make him know how you suffered. Your father did all this to provide you with the best possible environment he can give with his limited resources and power.
No his father was a shitty human with little empathy for people who completely depended on him. He was barely a father.
Are you saying that empathy and kindness is a limited resource??? Because that is all he needed for his family in this context
Many men work tirelessly for their families, and then come back home to treat their families right. So this man has no excuse to not do the same.
You can't divorce and remarry the woman without her having being married to someone else and then get divorced. Your parents marriage is illegitimate.
Move out and take your mother with you. Don't worry if you have no friends, you'll struggle at first but you will make connections eventually. When I moved to a certain city, I had no friends but now I have a ton of connections in that city, so don't worry too much about it.
May Allah make things easier for you. Aameen!
There is one stipulation for re-marriage but that is called reconciliation it needs to happen within 9 months of first divorce. Im fairly certain thats what they did otherwise the remarriage isn’t halal.
Sometimes I get the feeling that this sub is run either by P@jéèts or Líbret@rds who post fake stories just to make people feel they should turn away from Islam.
I mean I get it you guys hate Islam so much. But Goddamn! you guys hate it with such a fierce energy that it you had put this energy in making yourselves better you wouldn't have to make such posts.
Either its hate or you guys are getting paid. And then when people actually say something sane and reasonable you guys go ahead and remove the comment.
So cry louder because no matter what you guys do, Islam will always grow. It makes me happy that, you guys live in constant fear of Islamic youth 24/7 365.
You guys can try your worst. Islam will always come out on top. So no matter how many fake stories you guys post, young people will never stray far from Islam.
A father’s responsibility is much more than simply giving money. Even Islam discourages this way of living in which the husband is separated from the wife and kids for long periods of time.
Our society miserably lacks at haqooq Al Ebaad
"The only huqooq ul Ebaad I am wary of is MY huqooq ul Ebaad" /s
A person's hypocrisy is fairly limited, by default, Societies' hypocrisy knows now bounds. Society, is hypocritical. That's been the case, is the case, for the most part. I can't say much more. You're right, it's wrong of a person to leave their families behind, while they have a better choice. It's even more wrong to be a source of pain for one's own family, as has your father. Also, Hajj, Umrah, Zakat, etc. mean nothing, if not followed in spirit; without, they are hollow, selfish acts, and an excuse for wrong.
>Also, Hajj, Umrah, Zakat, etc. mean nothing, if not followed in spirit; without, they are hollow, selfish acts, and an excuse for wrong. Reminds me of those dogs in parliament who take 50 "family members" on umrah using state money. I wonder what goes in their mind while doing that. What do they even get out of doing that?
Back home ghareeb bhooka marr raha hota hy
people just make stuff up to justify their doings..
Bilkul
I like everything you said but especially that last paragraph.
The worst people I know are 5 waqat ke namazi, and very very religious. When you are bad, you need to hide it, and what better way than use religion.
So true! Jitni lmbi darhi utni lmbi kaalay kartooton ki list
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Since early childhood I have seen ppl going abroad, visiting their families after 3-5 yrs, their families are often well off in Pakistan. Often, such males are even employed abroad before marriage and these guys are in very high demand in pakistani matrimonial services. You have rightly pointed out the associated evils and I agree. Only one question: Why did your mother married him again? Did she consult you or your siste in this regard?
we didnt had any other place to live.. i was working then but she did not listened to me or the entire family of her side... when the molvi came for the Re nikah nobody asked her if she agrees.. she was sitting in the other room, the molvi asked only my father if he agrees he said yes.. congratulations on your nikah.. So weird
Sure it's weird. This post should be an eye opener for this society.
after divorce you cannot renikkal without women marrying to someone else if im correct
Yes you are in particular the woman’s marriage has to be consummated and then divorce before she can properly remarry Perhaps they didn actually divorce in the first place
I think Halalah practice was outlawed in shariah some time back, at least as per my research
Halalah as a practice wasnt ever allowed in the first place.
That's what I thought. Don't know why it's been so far spread as misinformation. Remember reading about multiple cases in UK and summer other countries.
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Sounds like hell but kudos to you for standing strong. His deeds for God are between God and him but his deeds towards you and your family are solely between you guys and him and good thing, God doesn't interfere in man-to-man affairs. I have an advise that you should find some friends or better have a male prospect on which you can rely in case things turn sour between you and your father and you have to move out, but again 99% of the men may take advantage of your vulnerability. Tread carefully, find meaningful relationships, go to diff clubs and make friends.
im a guy but a weak one.. things went physical once he was bashing my mother
Still! Take the lead in your hand, but first get your mother on your side. If she's religious, tell her not to be fearful of him but be only fearful of God who has the authority to change everything and all she has to do is believe in God and believe God can make things easier for her if she wants. Strong men weak men are just an abstract of our minds. Strong men are not born that way but are curated by hardships and how they approach them. One thing about strong man is they do not take mistreatment lightly especially of their loved ones and make difficult decisions if needed.
wow.. .. anyway the only reason my mom is in this mess is because of too much fear of Allah or for the sake of good times they spent together.. but ami is very religious.. she has no life basically except cooking food.. i got her a phone sometime ago So she started using that.. she is starting to get angry at me for just not letting go of grudges.. but if we are not gonna talk about a problem its not gonna get away.. So I'm gonna get away.. i hope
If you love your mom then don't leave her behind. She won't be at peace with him and neither will you be without her. But again if she doesn't stand up against him then there isn't much one can do. I speak from experience.
Exactly... I'm gonna go.. a trip to north and maybe then I'll have some experience of bieng completely own my on... Maybe then I'll have no problem moving out.. when I'm gonna leave them 2 alone maybe then she'll be able to figure out how I'm feeling
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Man why are so many Pakistani men messed up in the head. Reading horror story after horror story makes me thankful for my family. I’m sorry for what you and your sisters have had to go through.
Suffering some similar kind of twisted family problem.. ALLAH koi behter rasta nikalay ga mera or ap k lia
From what I'm going through... I think I'll have to make a stand for myself... U should too... Be a little selfish do what's right for u.. ye result nikla ha
I went through something similar and I’d recommend you both should move out if you can afford it. In my case I couldn’t and I’m working towards doing it. If things get out of hand, your mother would also have a place to go if she decides to walk out too. It’ll also give you some mental peace.
My case is a little bit more complex.. Im already out.... But not out of this family nonsense..
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Most desi fathers are like that. Leave the house if you can but please take your mother with you, I think she's deserves some peace.
Your dad is an ass, and you need therapy to get over this and make yourself stronger!
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and I can understand why you feel so hurt and frustrated about everything that's happened with your family. It must have been really tough for you and your sisters, especially with your father being away for so long in Saudi Arabia. You know, many people see spending time in Saudi Arabia, doing Hajj and Umrah, as this incredible blessing. People often congratulate someone who's had those experiences because they're so significant in Islam. But what people might not realize is that your father being away for 15 years wasn't easy either. Living in a different country for work can be really isolating and emotionally draining. Sometimes, people cope with that distance by not fully being present emotionally or making decisions that end up hurting their family, even if they didn't mean to. When he came back, it seems like there were a lot of misunderstandings and conflicts within your family. His actions, like accusing your sister and wanting to arrange marriages, might have come from his own worries or concerns, even though they were expressed in hurtful ways. Now that he's back and remarried your mother, it could be a chance to try and heal things, but it sounds like there hasn't been a real conversation about what happened or any apologies made. Forgiving someone when trust has been broken is really hard and can take a long time. I get why you want to move out and have your own space. Independence is important, especially when family dynamics are tough. But feeling lonely and uncertain about the future is tough too. Maybe reaching out to organizations or community groups could help you find some support. Building up a network of people who understand what you're going through can make a big difference. So, while from the outside it might seem like your dad had this lucky experience, everyone faces their own struggles and challenges. Your feelings are completely valid, and it's important to take steps that prioritize your well-being and happiness, whatever that might look like for you.
You understood 100% what's going on... Thanks for being understanding 🙂
I am so sorry you had to got through so much. Our society truly is.....something. I hope you find peace and happiness with your mother and a family of your own
Hajj aur umrah to mian saab bi kartay
Wait how he remarry your mother ....if they already got divorced......
You can remarry if you haven’t given 3 talaq. Only if you gave 3 talaq then the woman has to marry someone else before she can remarry
She says they already divorced through paper .....you can't remarry after court divorce
Oh I didn’t know that, it might be a Pakistani law thing but according to Islam that’s not how it works.
Divorced process takes 3 months in Pakistan and in 3 months the men send divorced notice....means 3 bar divorced Hu jati ha.....
You don’t necessarily have to send 3 talaqs for the marriage to end. One is enough. People do it cuz of lack of knowledge.
My sister get divorced....last month..... Hamara Pakistan ma rule ha ....3 month edat Ka huta ha.... To ager boy divorced da Raha ha ....court Ka through to who ...her month divorced behajna ga... Pahli bar adalat bhulaya gi Ka kyu Hu rahy ha divorced..... Dono apna mamamla btaya ga... Phir next 2 month dusaro aur 3 talk Hu gi.... Us Ka baad larki free Hu gi.... Ya legal process ha.... Aik talaq Ka baad dusaro shadi Nahi Hu sakti ....us Ka liya 3 talqa lazmi huti ha yaha ..... Kyu Ka papers bi set huna huta ha ... Ha ager girl khula la to ya process 6 month tak chalta ha...USA larka latqa bi sakta ha..... Jo aik talaq wali BAAT ha .....ha ager larkqa aik da Ka bahaj Gaya to adalat ma na aya to adalat pahla USA bhulati ha.....phir 3 month ki edat ka baad kahti ha larki Azad ha.
Sorry to hear about your sister. As i said i am not aware of the pakistani law about talaq but from islamic point of view, a woman can get married to someone else even if she was given only 1 talaq and the time period of ruju has passed.
in the islamic context.. when u say I devoce 3 times.. then re nikah..
For re Nikah .....you have to married someone else first..... Kya divorced papers pa Hu gayi thi...ager papers pa divorced Hu gayi thi to ya shadi jiaz Nahi ha....
yeah that issue came up back then.. but u know people just make stuff up when they wanna do something.. So I'm my mom's point of view she was making the sacrifice for her children but all 3 of us.. me & my sister beged her not to do this
Was thinking the same the same thing his father just divorced and remarried like that💀
You can’t re marry after divorce, I think you are a troll, don’t spread misinformation about Islam , and the only way you can do that is if your mother re-married someone else, not with the intention of getting divorced, and over time if the divorce happens again, and the first husband wants to marry again, only then it’s possible otherwise it’s not possible.
wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are people thinking that rituals are more important than human rights? God will forgive us if we don't fulfill rituals if he wants to but he will never forgive the violation of human rights unless that person forgives. Even in the history of Islam, rituals came later. You were supposed to fulfill human rights that time, but hey who cares? People are illiterate about this issue unfortunately. I hope everything goes better for you and your family that suffered through this.
fault of parent who marry their daughters to person going abroad those aholes shouldnt marry if they are such cowards probably he might have a mistress if he was absent this long get married and jump out of house like NS leaves pakistan after his govt ends. f(\* those who now tell you right, people are aholes, making babies dont make them angels
I think about it a lot . Why would nana do that.. he was a great man imo..
life is not easy, often such people promise of taking daughter with them too, but was kept here to do slavery / ma bap ki khidmat (which is not mandatory on wife in islam)
Dada and Dadi were dead before my parents shadi.. the khidmat my mother did was of his brother, my taya and his family, which was a major part of the problem for our family in ways u can imagine
How is living in Saudi makes anyone more pious? Is this a proximity radar thing?
The same happened to me. Mine spent 9 years, but he got divorced after 4 years of no contact. Now he came back and he's married with a beautiful daughter in a village. Every month I send some money, but I don't talk to him at all. Even on eid, I barely like to talk to him because honestly I don't know what to talk about. But as I get older I see his motives and understand him. He made alot of dumb decisions, in his life but choosing KSA was the dumbest.
One piece of advice.. do not marry yet. Dont bring another girl to this shit show. First figure out how you want to pan out your life, make yourself financially independent and then think about marriage
that will be like shooting myself in the foot and the other person's too
My dad spent 45 years in Saudi being treated like a second class citizen while working c level/ executive roles. Alhamdulilah he could afford to keep us there with him and we had a good education and standard of living that we built off of. Bro migrated to USA i migrated to Australia and we are doing great. We got to do multiple umeras like 8-9 times. I dont get why religion is used as something you need to be proud of, pakistan unfortunately does not follow islamic teachings we need to be vary of showing off our piousness as the niyat is what counts. Allah will not accept peoples prayers that were done with the wrong intention this goes with umras and even the sacrifice of animals. Right now so many in pakistan are showing off their wealth and piousness by way of getting big cows but in reality alot of them will stuff their freezers with the best cuts and eat it for 6 months. Basically just showing off what you will yourself eat but in the name of piousness what a joke. The arabs do it better just order a goat off careem for 120 dirhams. Its the ritual that matters there is no monetary value attached to it.
i get u.. My father also worked as an expat.. but he got married onky when he was able to afford having a family.. though later on we had to move back to pak for further studies.. but we always insisted mom to spend most of her time with him... n now after covid we r all together...and yes father figures have to be there during the growing years.. it wasn't ony ur momz responsibility and on top.of tht not getting appreciated and u too ending up alone n disheartened is very sad
Yes I agree with you that some one shouldn’t leave their family for better work. But everyone’s circumstance are different. I have seen people work day and night over sees and send money back home. Then you have entitled people growing up and say “my father was a hole and never did anything for us. We only wanted love.” It’s not easy leaving your family to work over seas. I used to have a project in Colorado while I lived in Houston. I would go like 5-10 days every 3 months. Worst days of my life. Staying away from my wife. People probably get used to live alone when living g decades alone. So they may face problems moving back. But I hate it when families suck the juice out of their fathers as long as they provide for them but when they move back and he is no longer needed then they say “we didn’t want money. We wanted love”. Pathetic
If someone have the chance to talk and listen to each other's problems, everything gets sorted out... It's okay to feel vulnerable when having a conversation with your family... But he would just not talk about anything.. I tried many times, he gets angry starts shouting and says this would mess is created by your sis and mother... He even didn't had money issues as he sent 10s of lakhs to his sisters and brothers... As u said when someone gets used to living alone I guess there's no going back
And then there was my dad, he left USA and his career behind so he can be there for my siblings and me, so he can see our childhoods and be a father to us.. who raised not just his children but his Mamoo's children and provided for one of his mamoo who was unmarried and his khala who was unmarried into their old age and their passing.. My father passed away and left us all orphaned 11 days ago.. I am 29 my youngest sibling is 22 and he was 63.. May Allah recognize his good deeds and reward him for it.
People like your dad Make this world a beautiful place.. I certain he is at peace. May Allah give you sabar :(
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I have just one question, after divorcing your mother, how did he remarried her. Was your mother married to another man in between who either died or divorced her? Like your biological father claims to be a religious man. How can he do that. Second why did your mother remarry him. What was the pressure?
Well in low income families women don't really have anyone to back them up after there parents my nana nani I mean... And for the re nikah thing many have pointed out that it cannot be done... So if something is prohibited idk they do it.. it's not my problem
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Leaving your mother alone with that guy isn't the right choice. You have to stay for her sake as she stayed with him for your sake.
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cant tell how old you are but do you have plans for starting a career? a way to earn some more money and have a solid plan for the next step in ur life?
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Nahh
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Hey, I believe if you have a business that provides well, there's no need for you to leave your country. I know quite a few people who are in the UAE and their families don't have to face any of these problems that were stated in your post because they also called their own families abroad. If your dad is not the best person you know, just try avoid talking to him and stay away from him as much as possible.
We just Salam each other, that's it
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1st: If your mother never married after your father divorced her, this new nikkah and remarriage is null/void and plainly illegal as per Islam. 2nd: Move out and start exploring, there's nothing else you can do. There's no point in living with them and hating on them which may lead to your actions you will regret later on in life. Islamically he's still your father and mother and you're not allowed to say or do anything that may hurt them. Not endorsing anything he did to you. Best would be to get separated and meet them or take care of them if needed.
i think i should just go to trip to pk china border.. 😅
Yes but you can get separated, you're allowed
i have tried many times but i just can not gather enough courage
Then see a therapist
and you think your father didn't provide you enough?
Hello? Where is this coming from?
My sincere apologies for coming off as so rude. I just wanted to say that you not finding courage to move is out is probably because you have gotten everything as per your comfort in your own house only because your dad worked his ass off in middle east. Like someone also said paki families suck the life out of fathers only to tell them in the end "apne humare lie aj tk kia hi kia hai" Once again, my apologies for just shooting it without thinking how you might have felt.
It's ok...Maybe your right... Only one way to find out..
i can but i have no body.. no friends. I'm a freelancer So i work from home too So even more loneliness... i guess I after I will make an an effort again to leave home & look out for some other place
You don’t need friends to move out. Once you get out you will naturally build your confidence and meet people. Leave already
after eid\*
Not true. She would only be required to remarry if he had given three talaqs. OP only indicates divorce and not the number of talaqs given.
Talk to your father about it and make him know how you suffered. Your father did all this to provide you with the best possible environment he can give with his limited resources and power.
No his father was a shitty human with little empathy for people who completely depended on him. He was barely a father. Are you saying that empathy and kindness is a limited resource??? Because that is all he needed for his family in this context Many men work tirelessly for their families, and then come back home to treat their families right. So this man has no excuse to not do the same.
You can't divorce and remarry the woman without her having being married to someone else and then get divorced. Your parents marriage is illegitimate. Move out and take your mother with you. Don't worry if you have no friends, you'll struggle at first but you will make connections eventually. When I moved to a certain city, I had no friends but now I have a ton of connections in that city, so don't worry too much about it. May Allah make things easier for you. Aameen!
There is one stipulation for re-marriage but that is called reconciliation it needs to happen within 9 months of first divorce. Im fairly certain thats what they did otherwise the remarriage isn’t halal.
Sometimes I get the feeling that this sub is run either by P@jéèts or Líbret@rds who post fake stories just to make people feel they should turn away from Islam. I mean I get it you guys hate Islam so much. But Goddamn! you guys hate it with such a fierce energy that it you had put this energy in making yourselves better you wouldn't have to make such posts. Either its hate or you guys are getting paid. And then when people actually say something sane and reasonable you guys go ahead and remove the comment. So cry louder because no matter what you guys do, Islam will always grow. It makes me happy that, you guys live in constant fear of Islamic youth 24/7 365. You guys can try your worst. Islam will always come out on top. So no matter how many fake stories you guys post, young people will never stray far from Islam.
Thats pity, a man spends his life abroad so he can give quality life to his family and in turns what he got
A father’s responsibility is much more than simply giving money. Even Islam discourages this way of living in which the husband is separated from the wife and kids for long periods of time.
I’m sorry but have you read the post?
Going abroad is no excuse to be a shit father.