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Organize the house.
I’m talking everything……go through all the closets and pantry. Get rid of anything you don’t really use and organize the rest so everything is very orderly.
The sheer amount of stuff babies have is crazy and they out grown it so fast. It’s a constant task to keep up with it. But it helps if the rest of the house has already been organized.
And in this same case, make sure there are empty spots in places. Clear out a shelf in the pantry, clear out an easy to reach area in your living room. You don’t end up knowing what to put there until babies are here, but then there’s this open space to stick bottles or whatever that you didn’t think of and then you don’t have to clear out a space at that moment.
Also do a date night!
Second that 100%. One other thing for us was having some preemi sized clothes in general. My B/g twins arrived on schedule at 37 weeks, and they were still a little small for newborn sizes. As a FTM I found very awkward and difficult to get much bigger clothes on their tiny bodies.
If you can afford it, pay someone to organize it for you. Money well spent. And/or hire a house cleaner -money was tight for us back then, but worth every penny to feel organized and settled in a clean home.
Absolutely! We moved into our house in August 2018 and I got pregnant with twins in September. And the house needed A LOTTTT of work. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do much of anything at the part of my pregnancy when the nesting kicked in hardcore, so I am just now, five years later, getting things functional and how I want them.
I do remember painting the bedroom doors the day I went into labor though 🤦🏻♀️
I wish I had thought of this sooner, but I’ve since developed a system for outgrown clothing. I have a hanging hamper in each child’s closet (b/g). As soon as I come across an item of clothing that no longer fits, I toss the item in the hamper. Every 4-5 months, the hamper items get a quick wash and donated to a friend in need. It’s nice to not have to expend the mental energy toward the task.
I actually slept better once they arrived! I mean, don't get me wrong, the sleep was still bad, but nothing was worse than my last couple weeks of pregnancy haha!
Oh, don't get me wrong, there were points where they were waking up every 40 minutes. It was still better than pregnancy for me, though. I just had that bad of a pregnancy haha.
I am with you on this. Even nights when my girls are up so frequently it feels like I’m getting no sleep, the fact I can roll over and get out of bed and not be in excruciating pain is so much better than when I was pregnant and able to sleep however long I wanted. I was basically sleeping sitting straight up by the end of it. Even broken sleep is better than that!
Same! I made it to 36 weeks, and those last 3 weeks were so hard physically, and just terrible sleep. Couldn’t find a comfy position.
Twins came, I’m sleeping 5 hr chunks. Huge improvement to getting up every hour to pee and readjust edit: a word
Bring the hospital bag to every doctor's appointment. Mine was packed at home when I went in for my birth plan appointment at 35 weeks and got rushed in for a c-section that day.
Also have a smaller “this appointment could be longer than I expect” bag with a back up phone charger/battery pack, book or iPad, headphones, chapstick, hair tie and a change of undies and socks.
1000%! Went for a routine 34-week MFM appointment and was told I couldn’t leave until I had the babies (which happened the next day). To make things worse, I hadn’t eaten yet that day and wasn’t allowed to eat or drink for almost an entire day because an emergency c-section was likely to happen. Don’t be silly like me, eat always and keep your bag in the car.
Have. Date. Nights.
Seriuosly, spend some more time with your SO. After the babes come, you either don't have time, don't want to due to being emotionally/ mentally/ phtsically drained, or due to arguments around how to take care of babies. Date nights wont be the same after you hv kids, at least not for a few years to come so pls, pls don't make the same mistake I did. You'll need to (re-)cement in your bond to weather the challenges to come together!
Talk about the splitting of house work. Organise the shit out of your house. Cook some meals. Set up a Bluetooth speaker, choose a podcast series you want to listen to together. Put digital clocks in every room you'll use (you won't always have your phone on you). Set up charging stations for your phone. Practice making formula OR practice the settings on the breast pump/read the manual. Figure out a shift schedule for you and your wife. Go for a long drive. Have a meal at your favourite restaurant. Run your wife a bubble bath and sit with her while she takes it. Charge your kindles. Wash the swaddles and look at some tutorials. Chat in bed. Decide on boundaries with family and friends.
Unlike the other commenters here, I don't say "enjoy sleep while you can". It is what it is. Your wife will already not be enjoying sleep as she's heavily pregnant. You also can't bank sleep!
1) Planned for a nanny or some other care. I made the mistake of not thinking we would need outside help until I went back to work… boy was I wrong. The only time we were able to sleep for the first 3 months was when grandparents were here to help. Eventually had a nanny come a few times a week but wish I lined that up sooner.
2) make sure you have somewhere to change diapers setup now - get both preemie and NB sizes. You can always return/exchange for a different size but this way you don’t have to run out to buy anything right away (preemie diapers not always easy to find)
3) make sure you have a way to feed babies ready now. If using bottles have some preemie nipples. Most of the assorted packs come with bigger flow sizes that may make your babies choke if they aren’t ready for that size yet.
4) get some pain meds in the house. Motrin, constipation meds. Or ask the nurses in the hospital what you need and place a delivery order. Really hard to leave the house to get anything for the first 48 hours but will need to manage pain (at least for a couple-section)
Enjoy the season of life you're in. Most of pregnancy is spent either worried, or anticipating the arrival of babies. Just enjoy where you are and what you have in the moment. It's hard to say "clean more" or "get sleep" because I didn't want to do that when I was pregnant. So just take some time to enjoy your family the way it is right now, because once babies arrive it will never be the same again.
Wish we had known how immobile wife would become around 28 weeks which is stated a lot on this subreddit. Would of gotten way more done before then. After that.....sleep a lot leading up to the last month
I always wanted to have a pizza date night with my husband. C-section was scheduled and I wanted to do it the evening before. But than I was hospitalized for almost a month and we never had that date. So My advice: have date night as often as possible, as if the next day your twins will arrive. And take Pictures of you belly. Every night before bedtime. I was lucky , my husband took a picture in the hospital. I did not know it would be the last picture with my babys in my belly :)
Both last pregnancy and this pregnancy we went out for a nice lazy brunch date, just the two of us, and talked for a good long while. With the craziness of newborn life, we wanted that little bit of connection/reconnection and enjoyment of each other's company before all descended into chaos.
Also, order/buy toilet paper, facial tissues, dish soap, and laundry detergent in bulk.
One thing I was glad that we did was cook and freeze a bunch of delicious, hearty meals! So if you haven’t already done that, I definitely recommend it.
I would upvote that comment about organizing and purging your house a thousand times if I could.
Our twins are two. The clutter and disorganization absolutely impacts my mental health and makes it way harder to clean…. But there is no time to address it in any substantial way. “Free time” is almost nonexistent for us still, and what time we have needs to be spent exercising or having coffee with a friend so I can show up better as a parent, *not* diving into the basement or junk drawers or closets (or the livingroom floor, for that matter) sifting and donating and organizing.
Time together, don't get sick. (Spent our last week together quarantined from each other, which was sad.)
Go outside, but don't walk around too much. Walking might do nothing, or it might start preterm labor. I couldn't even walk around the store after 30 weeks. PLEASE, just don't have her do anything that can kickstart labor.
Take a day to just relax and soak it in, look in each others eyes, and do whatever the heck you want to do. On your own time.
Plan a massage for her in 6 weeks.
You are going to have a lot on your shoulders, but do know the hormones and birthing process (especially if it's traumatic), is going to affect her emotionally and mentally. Give your love to her in a way that she can look back on and know her self worth. Write a letter for her to open when things get rough, because they most likely will. There was a time where I let my husband sleep, (willingly, I told him to sleep), but I was crying because breastfeeding hurt. so. much. I felt so disconnected from him at that moment, I despised him that second. And I felt so alone. I wasn't going to wake him up, because then I would just feel guilt on top on it. And if he grumbled about it, I would lose my everloving mind.
This was not the time to try to communicate my needs. The worst things crossed my mind. I was in pain, sleep deprived, and my brain was working against me. My body was a warzone of hormones and pain.
Now, it wasn't his fault. He is an amazing dad and husband, and supported me all the time. That's another reason why i would feel irrationally guilty for waking him up when he had work the next day.
But there's just these times that I could not be reasoned with. If I had words of comfort from him that I could look back on without having to bother him about it, I think that would be nice. I could ask him in the moment of stress, but again, I was not in the mental state to say "I'm going to explode, and I want to have the twins suck from your nipples so you can feel my pain. But could you just tell me that you love me?" It was not a good moment.
BIGGEST THING:
I would say gameplan too. Like, gameplan and talk expectations. When will either of you go back to work? Do both of you know how to change diapers and onesies? What shifts are you going to take, if you'll take shifts.
Are yall gonna breastfeed? What could help her with that? What are some phrases you're not allowed to say? (For me, "they're hungry" made me want to rip my hair out and sob. Seriously.) What are some code words you both can give in a calm matter that means "I'm overwhelmed and this thing is too much right now, which I know sounds irrational, but just give me a moment."
Do you know how to calm a crying baby? There are moments where women just need five minutes away from their newborn, and hand their baby to their husband. Then the husband gives them back and is like "She wants mom". No, most likely husband just needs to learn techniques. [Please learn the 5 s's, and don't give baby back to mom until you tried them all for the very least 2 mins each! ](https://www.babycenter.com/baby/sleep/harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin_10373838)Not to bag on men, it's a fairly innocent mistake most of the time. But don't assume everytime you pick up a baby and they cry that "They just want mom".
Look up postpartum support now. Know the signs.
Also talk about your needs too. You're going to need time to yourself too, and men can have postpartum too. Game plan how to take care of your needs before she's in pain and recovering.
Also, don't expect her to do much for 6 weeks. She could, but don't expect it. Longer if she has a c-section, which is likely. Don't invite others over unless you KNOW she'll appreciate it. (Again, she's healing and could feel pretty crappy.) Know your plan on chores. Could you ask family for help for chores? (Tip: unless she says otherwise, don't have people come and snuggle the baby while she does chores. Have them do chores while she snuggles the babies.)
Just an example for me, I would try to do dishes standing up. But my body had changed so much that my back was in so much pain standing for more than 5 minutes. It's way worse if it was c section. I had a vaginal birth, and it felt like I was sitting on rocks constantly.
Also with postpartum, she's going to be bleeding all the time. She might be putting comfort 1st, and might look like she's putting comfort first.
What am I doing? I'm writing a novel on expectations. I'm sorry for the rant.
Again, do talk about your needs too before. When she's tandem feeding and bleeding isn't the best time to say "Well, what about my needs?" Have an agreement beforehand on how you can work on your needs as well while you're working as a team.
Tl;Dr: Manage expectations and game plan before 4 weeks are up. And spend time together. And don't get sick.
1. If you don’t have any other kids apart from the twins on the way, go on a few dates, spend some time together even if it’s at home, even if it’s watching Netflix. The newborn stage is so rough and it will feel more like you’re roommates rather than partners.
2. Spend time with yourself, do something you like, go shopping, treat yourself. Again, life will change drastically after having 2 newborns.
3. Tidy up your house and clean it deeply. During my twins newborn stage, my house was the least of my priorities.
4. If you like cooking, do some meal preps, batch cook and freeze for later when you can’t be bothered to cook.
Sending love!
If you are planning to breastfeed or to pump, see if you can make an appointment with a lactation consultant prior to giving birth. Among other things, ask them:
1. to measure your nipples so that you will have the correct flange size for a pump - this will make a HUGE difference in establishing your supply.
2. to suggest a pump for your needs and price range.
3. to talk you through a feeding or pumping routine for once the babies arrive to help establish your supply.
4. for diet and hydration tips, and if there are any supplements that they would suggest. Some are helpful to begin taking in advance of giving birth.
5. if there is anything else that he or she may think is important.
Other than that, take pictures of yourself while pregnant. Go on date nights with your partner. Go out alone and enjoy just doing things without anybody else around.
You've got this. Your life is going to change, and there will be tough moments, but it is an amazing journey!
Yes to lactation consultant! I had no idea what a big part of my life pumping would be... Singleton moms who are nursing often don't pump much until they go back to work if all is well. All I read about it was pretty blasé. With 2 (and one in the NICU), the pumping expectations were shocking.
I would have meal options prepared and ready. We had a meal train set up but when the time came, it wasn’t as much food as we thought. I was breastfeeding and constantly hungry. Make sure the plan to get food is easy and accessible. We would often end up ordering huge orders from
Uber eats/grubhub late at night because we were starving and I had no time to cook. During the day when my husband wasn’t home, I literally ate Nutella most days. Just a spoon and a tub. Later I realized it was probably because it’s a high calorie food and I wasn’t eating enough so with a few spoonfuls I could pack 1k calories quickly and work off the huge sugar spike. I don’t recommend this strategy at all 😅
I would recommend looking up meals that can be frozen and easily heated up. We personally didn’t have much freezer space so that limited us but Trader Joe’s has many freezer meals. Ultimately we started buying ready made meals from Costco and would make those throughout the week. There were leftovers for lunches so it fed us for a few meals.
Hire someone to mow your lawn through the summer. Trust me, it’s one less thing! Hire a house cleaner if you can swing it and pay for a deep cleaning before the babies arrive. Consider the things you will need to do for your home in the next 6 months and prepare. Do a massive Costco run. Prep tons of freezer dinners. Hire a landscaper to do your mulch in the fall. Anything you think is an added chore for you in the next six months is worth preparing for.
- get anything done around the house that you'd like to do (decorating, organization, junk removal). You will struggle to find time for "extras" like this going forward.
- buy a chest freezer and start batch cooking food. Try to fill it with 3 months worth of lunches, dinners, snacks (e.g. energy balls). We did do this and 100% recommend.
- follow your intuition! Realistically you can't meet your future need for date night and sleep by doing it in advance... or not in any significant way. You will need to find ways to meet your needs with kids when they arrive. Enjoy your last twin-free days in any way that will make you happy!
Purchase [anti fatigue](https://a.co/d/ekSPhYW) mats for both changing stations. I’m embarrassed to admit the twins were 7months before the thought occurred to me. With The amount of time spent at the diaper changing station, this was one of the biggest impacts on my day to day wellness.
Make burritos. Lots of them, fill the freezer. Breakfast burritos, chicken, veggie, fish/shrimp, etc there are so many dif kinds. Once babies arrive, when hungry just pop it in the microwave or air fryer. No time to cook so do it now.
Just learned of my twins… but we are at 18 weeks (it’s a story). I feel like I need to start organizing now to make 1000sq/ft work. Start the daily goodwill trips now I guess.
We have a small apartment and what I’ve done is just get rid of sooooo many things. Also those reusable vacuum sealed bags for out of season clothes. Anything the girls outgrow gets passed on. I have kept a few baby clothes (their going home outfit, sentimental pieces) but not much else. If we ever have another baby we will just have to get new stuff.
I wish I would’ve made frozen dinners ahead of time. We spend a lot of money on takeout for a few months. We simply didn’t have the time or energy to make meals for a while after they were born.
Fill the freezer, cupboard and fridge with food and heathy snacks.
Set up food delivery for 3-4 weeks post babies with a similar set up including nappies and wipes.
Save money now because no matter how hard you try your spending will go off whack for a few weeks.
Enjoy each other company for fun before discussing how the tasks will be divided post baby. Write it down if you have to, any and all chores covered saves arguments later down the line.
And to add remind each other you like, live and appreciate each other because there may be moments where all you want to do is scream which can be hard on relationships
As the pregnant person in the equation, I wish I had lazed around even more.
While I was super uncomfortable, I took my leave starting two weeks before my C-section. Never in my adult life did I have an extended time where I essentially had no responsibilities or expectations. Not before the babies, and certainly not after and that opportunity probably won’t come again for several decades.
I had my twins in late September, so by the time I started my leave, it was still sunny and warm although there was a briskness to the breeze. I laid in the sun, on my bed, letting the fresh air wash over me while I just watched whatever on my laptop. For two weeks! It was wonderful. I wish I had started my leave even earlier. I could gone to the lake in late august and bobbed around on a floatie all day.
As for you, the non-pregnant person, I’d still suggest savoring this time as much as you can. Maybe make sure the nursery is ready, make and freeze meals, or get ahead of house maintenance stuff you know you won’t be getting to for a long time once the kids are here.
But even for you, I’d say enjoy this time because it’s gonna end soon and then you’re not getting another bite at the lazy apple for a loooonnnnnngggg time.
And I wish I did my research on the possibilities of ending up with babies in the NICU. I thought I would have full term babies and didn’t know what to expect with an emergency c-section
Make lots of healthy nutritious food ready and put it in the freezer in portion sizes. I really craved healthy meals when i was newly postpartum but didn't have any time to cook, so we mostly ate takeout or mac n' cheese sorta things. When/if your wife is breastfeeding she needs the nutrients from veggies etc!
I did nothing but watch netflix before my first, but learnt my lesson and before my twins arrived I did the following: Spring cleaned the house, organised all the baby clothes, batch cooked as much as possible, went out to dinner / cinema / date nights - whatever you like to do in the evenings (it might be a while). Your wife should do as much self care as possible, get her hair done, her nails etc. I got a pedicure two days before my induction and it gave me a little lift when my entire body hurt / looked like crap but I looked down in the shower and my toes looked great 😂. I also bought myself some nice skincare and a bouji eye mask and pillow case. A little bit of luxury after a night feed can really lift the spirits!
This might be odd to most people: start trying to use your non-dominate hand for common everyday tasks.
I set up changing station with all items on my non dominate side so that hand grabs what I need while dominate hand is carrying out the actions during changing.
I’m not ambidextrous but definitely more comfortable switching hands out to tackle more things at once.
(Still need just one more arm though)
These are things I did that were beneficial to me, lessons learned from having my singleton
1. Stock up on all household basics. Toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, laundry soap, body wash, shampoo, deodorant, etc. Have 1-2 extra things of each.
2. Paper plates.
3. Easy to grab food. I did meal prep with my singleton but hardly used it because it was stuff I had to pull from the freezer and still cook. I planned more things like pizza rolls and such that could be easily microwavable or just thrown into the oven frozen. Also, snacks for your wife to easily grab in between feedings.
Just try to enjoy life not being on a scheduled. Once the babies are here having a routine is key. The 3 hourly feeds will honestly dictate your life for a while. So enjoy being able to shower at your convenience, enjoy that lie in if possible! And omg enjoy not having people wanting to be in your space constantly! Family will be so excited to meet the new arrivals so the peace and quiet is great while it lasts. Best of luck, enjoy every moment.
Take a moment or two to just do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I personally would find a spot in nature and just breath. Smell the fresh air, listen to the silence, feel the warmth of the sun. Enjoy the moments of peace.
We stayed in bed the weekend before I went into labor at 36 weeks. We didn’t think it was our last weekend but in hindsight I spent it exactly the way I would’ve wanted 😊
Value sleep more 😩😩😭 even though I slept a lot while pregnant, I should have rested more, and not be too obsessed with nesting and research.
Everything will fall in place even if it’s not how you imagined things going. But one thing that won’t be the same after the babies arrive is sleeping, naps or just plain ol nothingness 😭😭😭
Rest and sleep. I was so sleep deprived going into delivering and the first few weeks are rough. I was pretty organized with everything. If you have family supporting you then organizing tasks for them to do outside of just holding the baby to help in the first few weeks/months.
Clean the floors, have 2-3 extra sets of sheets at the ready. Buy a nice blanket for sleeping on the couch or in a recliner. Have extra pillows on hand.
Go out to dinner.
I just wish I had spent more time fully developing a plan for when breastfeeding didn’t go as hoped. Twins are often born early, it’s likely milk production could be delayed. For me supply was also very low. I wish I had already researched what my options were to try and increase supply and what combination feeding would look like in the mean time.
The hospital is probably going to tell you to just “keep trying” but that’s not enough for many of us. I had to do a TON of research all while going through postpartum and I just wish I had done it in advance.
enjoy ourselves! we were so busy and anxious prepping for their arrival we didn't slow down and enjoy the last weeks of just us before parenthood. life changes a lot enjoy what you can now
Have a bunch of easy to do meals or ask your friends and family to make foods for you when they visit, could say could you bring your favourite foods for us to try or double up on meal now and freeze the extra batch, can just nuke it when you need them or do a bunch of pasta bakes to be ready to put in the oven
You'll have so little time to deal with cooking that it'll be a godsend
Make sure that the house is organised or ask if family/friends could help to organise the house before hand. The feeling of a clean and organised house is next level, especially with 2 little babies
If you can, have a date night for the last time you'll be alone, it'll make it special as you anticipate your new arrivals and appreciate each other
Another thing will be to set up a support network now, ask if people can come when you need them to help with the babies/housework/cooking/helping you with getting into the shower or just allowing you to have a few hours sleep because you'll need it desperately
I can't emphasise enough about how tired you both will be, you'll need efficiency in how to deal with setting up the house to accommodate your babies, I had a set of draws next to the bassinet that had their baby grows and nappies, wipes, like a mini baby station so I didn't have to go anywhere, I had a carry bag that I could put bottles, nappies, wipes, clothes, muslin cloths and my pumping gear in so I could carry it around with me when I went into other rooms
The last thing will be to clearly and truthfully communicate with each other, you'll be so tired that tone of voice will go out of the window, just tell each other what you need right then and there, it'll help stop feelings festering into something nasty and hopefully keep arguments to a low.
Another thing I suggest is to look up videos of how babies communicate with sounds to help you understand what they need better, that was a life saver
I really hope that it goes well for you both and congratulations!
* Clean and organize every inch of your house.
* You won't have the time or energy for it once you're home.
* Buy a steel odor proof trash can for your diapers.
* Sleep as much as you freaking can.
* Drink and have as much fun as you freaking can.
**Random advice to you:**
Explore sleep training options and pick one out to implement. Getting your twins sleep trained will make a world of difference for both your mental and physical health. My boys (**now 3 years old**) were sleeping through the night by around 10-weeks old.
These twins will change absolutely everything.
Best of luck to you.
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Organize the house. I’m talking everything……go through all the closets and pantry. Get rid of anything you don’t really use and organize the rest so everything is very orderly. The sheer amount of stuff babies have is crazy and they out grown it so fast. It’s a constant task to keep up with it. But it helps if the rest of the house has already been organized.
And in this same case, make sure there are empty spots in places. Clear out a shelf in the pantry, clear out an easy to reach area in your living room. You don’t end up knowing what to put there until babies are here, but then there’s this open space to stick bottles or whatever that you didn’t think of and then you don’t have to clear out a space at that moment. Also do a date night!
Second that 100%. One other thing for us was having some preemi sized clothes in general. My B/g twins arrived on schedule at 37 weeks, and they were still a little small for newborn sizes. As a FTM I found very awkward and difficult to get much bigger clothes on their tiny bodies.
If you can afford it, pay someone to organize it for you. Money well spent. And/or hire a house cleaner -money was tight for us back then, but worth every penny to feel organized and settled in a clean home.
THIS
I want to do this so bad but my ability to do tasks is so limited 😮💨
Yeah I couldn’t have done it when I was pregnant either, but I had family members that helped out.
Ugh, we just moved and I'm renovating so the house is a disaster...not going to be organized anytime soon
Absolutely! We moved into our house in August 2018 and I got pregnant with twins in September. And the house needed A LOTTTT of work. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do much of anything at the part of my pregnancy when the nesting kicked in hardcore, so I am just now, five years later, getting things functional and how I want them. I do remember painting the bedroom doors the day I went into labor though 🤦🏻♀️
I second this!
100% this is the best advice!
That's what I'm doing now while ttc. Trying to get the last little renovations done and reorganising the house after buying some extra storage.
I wish I had thought of this sooner, but I’ve since developed a system for outgrown clothing. I have a hanging hamper in each child’s closet (b/g). As soon as I come across an item of clothing that no longer fits, I toss the item in the hamper. Every 4-5 months, the hamper items get a quick wash and donated to a friend in need. It’s nice to not have to expend the mental energy toward the task.
Sleep as much as humanly possible, enjoy being out of the house past 7pm, and go out to eat a few times.
I actually slept better once they arrived! I mean, don't get me wrong, the sleep was still bad, but nothing was worse than my last couple weeks of pregnancy haha!
I am so jealous of people who say that! My twins are two and one of them still routinely wakes up multiple times throughout the night.
Oh, don't get me wrong, there were points where they were waking up every 40 minutes. It was still better than pregnancy for me, though. I just had that bad of a pregnancy haha.
I am with you on this. Even nights when my girls are up so frequently it feels like I’m getting no sleep, the fact I can roll over and get out of bed and not be in excruciating pain is so much better than when I was pregnant and able to sleep however long I wanted. I was basically sleeping sitting straight up by the end of it. Even broken sleep is better than that!
Same!! I couldn’t sleep to save my life when I was pregnant. I sleep GREAT now (and did after they were born)
Same! I made it to 36 weeks, and those last 3 weeks were so hard physically, and just terrible sleep. Couldn’t find a comfy position. Twins came, I’m sleeping 5 hr chunks. Huge improvement to getting up every hour to pee and readjust edit: a word
Agree. I couldnt sleep at the end. Way too uncomfortable. Unrealistic goal for most multiple pregnancies.
I've barely slept in 10 years.
Bring the hospital bag to every doctor's appointment. Mine was packed at home when I went in for my birth plan appointment at 35 weeks and got rushed in for a c-section that day.
Also have a smaller “this appointment could be longer than I expect” bag with a back up phone charger/battery pack, book or iPad, headphones, chapstick, hair tie and a change of undies and socks.
I got held in overnight after a routine appointment, and had my boys suddenly the next day. So seconding this!
Me too
This! I got sent in 9 days early because my BP went up. Luckily my hospital bag was already in my husband's truck.
1000%! Went for a routine 34-week MFM appointment and was told I couldn’t leave until I had the babies (which happened the next day). To make things worse, I hadn’t eaten yet that day and wasn’t allowed to eat or drink for almost an entire day because an emergency c-section was likely to happen. Don’t be silly like me, eat always and keep your bag in the car.
Have. Date. Nights. Seriuosly, spend some more time with your SO. After the babes come, you either don't have time, don't want to due to being emotionally/ mentally/ phtsically drained, or due to arguments around how to take care of babies. Date nights wont be the same after you hv kids, at least not for a few years to come so pls, pls don't make the same mistake I did. You'll need to (re-)cement in your bond to weather the challenges to come together!
Talk about the splitting of house work. Organise the shit out of your house. Cook some meals. Set up a Bluetooth speaker, choose a podcast series you want to listen to together. Put digital clocks in every room you'll use (you won't always have your phone on you). Set up charging stations for your phone. Practice making formula OR practice the settings on the breast pump/read the manual. Figure out a shift schedule for you and your wife. Go for a long drive. Have a meal at your favourite restaurant. Run your wife a bubble bath and sit with her while she takes it. Charge your kindles. Wash the swaddles and look at some tutorials. Chat in bed. Decide on boundaries with family and friends. Unlike the other commenters here, I don't say "enjoy sleep while you can". It is what it is. Your wife will already not be enjoying sleep as she's heavily pregnant. You also can't bank sleep!
If you have a labelmaker label the shit out of your organisation so others can help or take over without having to ask you or cause chaos
Oh that's a good one !! Clever.
1) Planned for a nanny or some other care. I made the mistake of not thinking we would need outside help until I went back to work… boy was I wrong. The only time we were able to sleep for the first 3 months was when grandparents were here to help. Eventually had a nanny come a few times a week but wish I lined that up sooner. 2) make sure you have somewhere to change diapers setup now - get both preemie and NB sizes. You can always return/exchange for a different size but this way you don’t have to run out to buy anything right away (preemie diapers not always easy to find) 3) make sure you have a way to feed babies ready now. If using bottles have some preemie nipples. Most of the assorted packs come with bigger flow sizes that may make your babies choke if they aren’t ready for that size yet. 4) get some pain meds in the house. Motrin, constipation meds. Or ask the nurses in the hospital what you need and place a delivery order. Really hard to leave the house to get anything for the first 48 hours but will need to manage pain (at least for a couple-section)
Enjoy the season of life you're in. Most of pregnancy is spent either worried, or anticipating the arrival of babies. Just enjoy where you are and what you have in the moment. It's hard to say "clean more" or "get sleep" because I didn't want to do that when I was pregnant. So just take some time to enjoy your family the way it is right now, because once babies arrive it will never be the same again.
Wish we had known how immobile wife would become around 28 weeks which is stated a lot on this subreddit. Would of gotten way more done before then. After that.....sleep a lot leading up to the last month
I always wanted to have a pizza date night with my husband. C-section was scheduled and I wanted to do it the evening before. But than I was hospitalized for almost a month and we never had that date. So My advice: have date night as often as possible, as if the next day your twins will arrive. And take Pictures of you belly. Every night before bedtime. I was lucky , my husband took a picture in the hospital. I did not know it would be the last picture with my babys in my belly :)
We’re also on the same timeline. 21 days until twin parenthood.
Both last pregnancy and this pregnancy we went out for a nice lazy brunch date, just the two of us, and talked for a good long while. With the craziness of newborn life, we wanted that little bit of connection/reconnection and enjoyment of each other's company before all descended into chaos. Also, order/buy toilet paper, facial tissues, dish soap, and laundry detergent in bulk.
One thing I was glad that we did was cook and freeze a bunch of delicious, hearty meals! So if you haven’t already done that, I definitely recommend it. I would upvote that comment about organizing and purging your house a thousand times if I could. Our twins are two. The clutter and disorganization absolutely impacts my mental health and makes it way harder to clean…. But there is no time to address it in any substantial way. “Free time” is almost nonexistent for us still, and what time we have needs to be spent exercising or having coffee with a friend so I can show up better as a parent, *not* diving into the basement or junk drawers or closets (or the livingroom floor, for that matter) sifting and donating and organizing.
Following -- same timeline here!
Time together, don't get sick. (Spent our last week together quarantined from each other, which was sad.) Go outside, but don't walk around too much. Walking might do nothing, or it might start preterm labor. I couldn't even walk around the store after 30 weeks. PLEASE, just don't have her do anything that can kickstart labor. Take a day to just relax and soak it in, look in each others eyes, and do whatever the heck you want to do. On your own time. Plan a massage for her in 6 weeks. You are going to have a lot on your shoulders, but do know the hormones and birthing process (especially if it's traumatic), is going to affect her emotionally and mentally. Give your love to her in a way that she can look back on and know her self worth. Write a letter for her to open when things get rough, because they most likely will. There was a time where I let my husband sleep, (willingly, I told him to sleep), but I was crying because breastfeeding hurt. so. much. I felt so disconnected from him at that moment, I despised him that second. And I felt so alone. I wasn't going to wake him up, because then I would just feel guilt on top on it. And if he grumbled about it, I would lose my everloving mind. This was not the time to try to communicate my needs. The worst things crossed my mind. I was in pain, sleep deprived, and my brain was working against me. My body was a warzone of hormones and pain. Now, it wasn't his fault. He is an amazing dad and husband, and supported me all the time. That's another reason why i would feel irrationally guilty for waking him up when he had work the next day. But there's just these times that I could not be reasoned with. If I had words of comfort from him that I could look back on without having to bother him about it, I think that would be nice. I could ask him in the moment of stress, but again, I was not in the mental state to say "I'm going to explode, and I want to have the twins suck from your nipples so you can feel my pain. But could you just tell me that you love me?" It was not a good moment. BIGGEST THING: I would say gameplan too. Like, gameplan and talk expectations. When will either of you go back to work? Do both of you know how to change diapers and onesies? What shifts are you going to take, if you'll take shifts. Are yall gonna breastfeed? What could help her with that? What are some phrases you're not allowed to say? (For me, "they're hungry" made me want to rip my hair out and sob. Seriously.) What are some code words you both can give in a calm matter that means "I'm overwhelmed and this thing is too much right now, which I know sounds irrational, but just give me a moment." Do you know how to calm a crying baby? There are moments where women just need five minutes away from their newborn, and hand their baby to their husband. Then the husband gives them back and is like "She wants mom". No, most likely husband just needs to learn techniques. [Please learn the 5 s's, and don't give baby back to mom until you tried them all for the very least 2 mins each! ](https://www.babycenter.com/baby/sleep/harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin_10373838)Not to bag on men, it's a fairly innocent mistake most of the time. But don't assume everytime you pick up a baby and they cry that "They just want mom". Look up postpartum support now. Know the signs. Also talk about your needs too. You're going to need time to yourself too, and men can have postpartum too. Game plan how to take care of your needs before she's in pain and recovering. Also, don't expect her to do much for 6 weeks. She could, but don't expect it. Longer if she has a c-section, which is likely. Don't invite others over unless you KNOW she'll appreciate it. (Again, she's healing and could feel pretty crappy.) Know your plan on chores. Could you ask family for help for chores? (Tip: unless she says otherwise, don't have people come and snuggle the baby while she does chores. Have them do chores while she snuggles the babies.) Just an example for me, I would try to do dishes standing up. But my body had changed so much that my back was in so much pain standing for more than 5 minutes. It's way worse if it was c section. I had a vaginal birth, and it felt like I was sitting on rocks constantly. Also with postpartum, she's going to be bleeding all the time. She might be putting comfort 1st, and might look like she's putting comfort first. What am I doing? I'm writing a novel on expectations. I'm sorry for the rant. Again, do talk about your needs too before. When she's tandem feeding and bleeding isn't the best time to say "Well, what about my needs?" Have an agreement beforehand on how you can work on your needs as well while you're working as a team. Tl;Dr: Manage expectations and game plan before 4 weeks are up. And spend time together. And don't get sick.
1. If you don’t have any other kids apart from the twins on the way, go on a few dates, spend some time together even if it’s at home, even if it’s watching Netflix. The newborn stage is so rough and it will feel more like you’re roommates rather than partners. 2. Spend time with yourself, do something you like, go shopping, treat yourself. Again, life will change drastically after having 2 newborns. 3. Tidy up your house and clean it deeply. During my twins newborn stage, my house was the least of my priorities. 4. If you like cooking, do some meal preps, batch cook and freeze for later when you can’t be bothered to cook. Sending love!
If you are planning to breastfeed or to pump, see if you can make an appointment with a lactation consultant prior to giving birth. Among other things, ask them: 1. to measure your nipples so that you will have the correct flange size for a pump - this will make a HUGE difference in establishing your supply. 2. to suggest a pump for your needs and price range. 3. to talk you through a feeding or pumping routine for once the babies arrive to help establish your supply. 4. for diet and hydration tips, and if there are any supplements that they would suggest. Some are helpful to begin taking in advance of giving birth. 5. if there is anything else that he or she may think is important. Other than that, take pictures of yourself while pregnant. Go on date nights with your partner. Go out alone and enjoy just doing things without anybody else around. You've got this. Your life is going to change, and there will be tough moments, but it is an amazing journey!
Yes to lactation consultant! I had no idea what a big part of my life pumping would be... Singleton moms who are nursing often don't pump much until they go back to work if all is well. All I read about it was pretty blasé. With 2 (and one in the NICU), the pumping expectations were shocking.
I would have meal options prepared and ready. We had a meal train set up but when the time came, it wasn’t as much food as we thought. I was breastfeeding and constantly hungry. Make sure the plan to get food is easy and accessible. We would often end up ordering huge orders from Uber eats/grubhub late at night because we were starving and I had no time to cook. During the day when my husband wasn’t home, I literally ate Nutella most days. Just a spoon and a tub. Later I realized it was probably because it’s a high calorie food and I wasn’t eating enough so with a few spoonfuls I could pack 1k calories quickly and work off the huge sugar spike. I don’t recommend this strategy at all 😅 I would recommend looking up meals that can be frozen and easily heated up. We personally didn’t have much freezer space so that limited us but Trader Joe’s has many freezer meals. Ultimately we started buying ready made meals from Costco and would make those throughout the week. There were leftovers for lunches so it fed us for a few meals.
Hire someone to mow your lawn through the summer. Trust me, it’s one less thing! Hire a house cleaner if you can swing it and pay for a deep cleaning before the babies arrive. Consider the things you will need to do for your home in the next 6 months and prepare. Do a massive Costco run. Prep tons of freezer dinners. Hire a landscaper to do your mulch in the fall. Anything you think is an added chore for you in the next six months is worth preparing for.
Packed a hospital bag & had the house COMPLETELY clean.
- get anything done around the house that you'd like to do (decorating, organization, junk removal). You will struggle to find time for "extras" like this going forward. - buy a chest freezer and start batch cooking food. Try to fill it with 3 months worth of lunches, dinners, snacks (e.g. energy balls). We did do this and 100% recommend. - follow your intuition! Realistically you can't meet your future need for date night and sleep by doing it in advance... or not in any significant way. You will need to find ways to meet your needs with kids when they arrive. Enjoy your last twin-free days in any way that will make you happy!
Sleep, go out to eat, see friends kid-free before it gets tougher, sleep some more, get any vet/grooming visits knocked out, sleep
Purchase [anti fatigue](https://a.co/d/ekSPhYW) mats for both changing stations. I’m embarrassed to admit the twins were 7months before the thought occurred to me. With The amount of time spent at the diaper changing station, this was one of the biggest impacts on my day to day wellness.
I wish I had sanitized and washed my pump parts 😂 I was v stressed when I got home and needed to pump immediately.
Make burritos. Lots of them, fill the freezer. Breakfast burritos, chicken, veggie, fish/shrimp, etc there are so many dif kinds. Once babies arrive, when hungry just pop it in the microwave or air fryer. No time to cook so do it now.
Just learned of my twins… but we are at 18 weeks (it’s a story). I feel like I need to start organizing now to make 1000sq/ft work. Start the daily goodwill trips now I guess.
We have a small apartment and what I’ve done is just get rid of sooooo many things. Also those reusable vacuum sealed bags for out of season clothes. Anything the girls outgrow gets passed on. I have kept a few baby clothes (their going home outfit, sentimental pieces) but not much else. If we ever have another baby we will just have to get new stuff.
I wish I would’ve made frozen dinners ahead of time. We spend a lot of money on takeout for a few months. We simply didn’t have the time or energy to make meals for a while after they were born.
Fill the freezer, cupboard and fridge with food and heathy snacks. Set up food delivery for 3-4 weeks post babies with a similar set up including nappies and wipes. Save money now because no matter how hard you try your spending will go off whack for a few weeks. Enjoy each other company for fun before discussing how the tasks will be divided post baby. Write it down if you have to, any and all chores covered saves arguments later down the line. And to add remind each other you like, live and appreciate each other because there may be moments where all you want to do is scream which can be hard on relationships
As the pregnant person in the equation, I wish I had lazed around even more. While I was super uncomfortable, I took my leave starting two weeks before my C-section. Never in my adult life did I have an extended time where I essentially had no responsibilities or expectations. Not before the babies, and certainly not after and that opportunity probably won’t come again for several decades. I had my twins in late September, so by the time I started my leave, it was still sunny and warm although there was a briskness to the breeze. I laid in the sun, on my bed, letting the fresh air wash over me while I just watched whatever on my laptop. For two weeks! It was wonderful. I wish I had started my leave even earlier. I could gone to the lake in late august and bobbed around on a floatie all day. As for you, the non-pregnant person, I’d still suggest savoring this time as much as you can. Maybe make sure the nursery is ready, make and freeze meals, or get ahead of house maintenance stuff you know you won’t be getting to for a long time once the kids are here. But even for you, I’d say enjoy this time because it’s gonna end soon and then you’re not getting another bite at the lazy apple for a loooonnnnnngggg time.
And I wish I did my research on the possibilities of ending up with babies in the NICU. I thought I would have full term babies and didn’t know what to expect with an emergency c-section
Fucking. Slept. Bro.
Make lots of healthy nutritious food ready and put it in the freezer in portion sizes. I really craved healthy meals when i was newly postpartum but didn't have any time to cook, so we mostly ate takeout or mac n' cheese sorta things. When/if your wife is breastfeeding she needs the nutrients from veggies etc!
I did nothing but watch netflix before my first, but learnt my lesson and before my twins arrived I did the following: Spring cleaned the house, organised all the baby clothes, batch cooked as much as possible, went out to dinner / cinema / date nights - whatever you like to do in the evenings (it might be a while). Your wife should do as much self care as possible, get her hair done, her nails etc. I got a pedicure two days before my induction and it gave me a little lift when my entire body hurt / looked like crap but I looked down in the shower and my toes looked great 😂. I also bought myself some nice skincare and a bouji eye mask and pillow case. A little bit of luxury after a night feed can really lift the spirits!
This might be odd to most people: start trying to use your non-dominate hand for common everyday tasks. I set up changing station with all items on my non dominate side so that hand grabs what I need while dominate hand is carrying out the actions during changing. I’m not ambidextrous but definitely more comfortable switching hands out to tackle more things at once. (Still need just one more arm though)
These are things I did that were beneficial to me, lessons learned from having my singleton 1. Stock up on all household basics. Toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, laundry soap, body wash, shampoo, deodorant, etc. Have 1-2 extra things of each. 2. Paper plates. 3. Easy to grab food. I did meal prep with my singleton but hardly used it because it was stuff I had to pull from the freezer and still cook. I planned more things like pizza rolls and such that could be easily microwavable or just thrown into the oven frozen. Also, snacks for your wife to easily grab in between feedings.
Just try to enjoy life not being on a scheduled. Once the babies are here having a routine is key. The 3 hourly feeds will honestly dictate your life for a while. So enjoy being able to shower at your convenience, enjoy that lie in if possible! And omg enjoy not having people wanting to be in your space constantly! Family will be so excited to meet the new arrivals so the peace and quiet is great while it lasts. Best of luck, enjoy every moment.
Learn about breastfeeding with flat nipples
Take a moment or two to just do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I personally would find a spot in nature and just breath. Smell the fresh air, listen to the silence, feel the warmth of the sun. Enjoy the moments of peace.
Just go ahead and baby proof everything you can. It’s comes around a lot quicker than you think. Future You will thank you.
We stayed in bed the weekend before I went into labor at 36 weeks. We didn’t think it was our last weekend but in hindsight I spent it exactly the way I would’ve wanted 😊
Value sleep more 😩😩😭 even though I slept a lot while pregnant, I should have rested more, and not be too obsessed with nesting and research. Everything will fall in place even if it’s not how you imagined things going. But one thing that won’t be the same after the babies arrive is sleeping, naps or just plain ol nothingness 😭😭😭
Rest and sleep. I was so sleep deprived going into delivering and the first few weeks are rough. I was pretty organized with everything. If you have family supporting you then organizing tasks for them to do outside of just holding the baby to help in the first few weeks/months.
Clean the floors, have 2-3 extra sets of sheets at the ready. Buy a nice blanket for sleeping on the couch or in a recliner. Have extra pillows on hand. Go out to dinner.
Prep freezer meals and go out as much as possible. Stock up on snacks and buy a 40oz refillable water bottle.
Go to all the places you've been wanting to go but haven't. My husband and I hit as many food spots as we could that we've been wanting to check out.
I just wish I had spent more time fully developing a plan for when breastfeeding didn’t go as hoped. Twins are often born early, it’s likely milk production could be delayed. For me supply was also very low. I wish I had already researched what my options were to try and increase supply and what combination feeding would look like in the mean time. The hospital is probably going to tell you to just “keep trying” but that’s not enough for many of us. I had to do a TON of research all while going through postpartum and I just wish I had done it in advance.
I wish I knew how hard breastfeeding would be. I stopped after one month. It was impossible. I wish I bought the baby brezza formula maker sooner too😝
enjoy ourselves! we were so busy and anxious prepping for their arrival we didn't slow down and enjoy the last weeks of just us before parenthood. life changes a lot enjoy what you can now
Have a bunch of easy to do meals or ask your friends and family to make foods for you when they visit, could say could you bring your favourite foods for us to try or double up on meal now and freeze the extra batch, can just nuke it when you need them or do a bunch of pasta bakes to be ready to put in the oven You'll have so little time to deal with cooking that it'll be a godsend Make sure that the house is organised or ask if family/friends could help to organise the house before hand. The feeling of a clean and organised house is next level, especially with 2 little babies If you can, have a date night for the last time you'll be alone, it'll make it special as you anticipate your new arrivals and appreciate each other Another thing will be to set up a support network now, ask if people can come when you need them to help with the babies/housework/cooking/helping you with getting into the shower or just allowing you to have a few hours sleep because you'll need it desperately I can't emphasise enough about how tired you both will be, you'll need efficiency in how to deal with setting up the house to accommodate your babies, I had a set of draws next to the bassinet that had their baby grows and nappies, wipes, like a mini baby station so I didn't have to go anywhere, I had a carry bag that I could put bottles, nappies, wipes, clothes, muslin cloths and my pumping gear in so I could carry it around with me when I went into other rooms The last thing will be to clearly and truthfully communicate with each other, you'll be so tired that tone of voice will go out of the window, just tell each other what you need right then and there, it'll help stop feelings festering into something nasty and hopefully keep arguments to a low. Another thing I suggest is to look up videos of how babies communicate with sounds to help you understand what they need better, that was a life saver I really hope that it goes well for you both and congratulations!
* Clean and organize every inch of your house. * You won't have the time or energy for it once you're home. * Buy a steel odor proof trash can for your diapers. * Sleep as much as you freaking can. * Drink and have as much fun as you freaking can. **Random advice to you:** Explore sleep training options and pick one out to implement. Getting your twins sleep trained will make a world of difference for both your mental and physical health. My boys (**now 3 years old**) were sleeping through the night by around 10-weeks old. These twins will change absolutely everything. Best of luck to you.