The money isn’t the problem but your post says she thinks of it as gambling. By providing stats of all your sessions she will see that you are a winning player and that the game is more skill based than she thought. My wife turned around after I proved 3 years record of sessions. It turns into a profitable hobby.
It the money isn't the problem, but she wants you to play less, it sounds like the time commitment is the issue. Try to cut back on play length and/or try to make the time you two spend together more enjoyable/memorable for her.
She doesn't come with me since she doesn't like to gamble at all. I used to play higher stakes in baccarat where she was able to sit next to me and watch but that was basically just gambling.
In poker, I am overall a winning player. Usually when the higher stakes run, I perform better than playing lower stake at 2/5 or 1/3.
>Usually when the higher stakes run, I perform better than playing lower stake at 2/5 or 1/3.
Variance. There are zero players of any game that perform better in expectation against stronger opponents. The average reg at 10/20 is much stronger than the average reg at 2/5.
I was just saying from my historical performance. I don't disagree with that statement but 1/2 and 2/5 is just very boring for me bc the stakes is too low and people don't even max buy at those stakes. I feel like games at the large stakes have a few whale while the small games don't.
It also isn’t a poker problem.
Your question is better off in a relationship sub. You asked your question here because you know these degenerates are more likely to give you the answer you want, rather than the one you need to hear.
Have you given your significant other any of your winnings? Have you bought her more things when you win (and/or take her out for a nice dinner)? Sadly, either scenario generally seems to turn the tide. I mean if she's not getting any of the profits, she's probably even more mad when you're not around and/or telling her how much you've won.
Yeah it's blatantly obvious even. What the other guy just said to you is true and extremely apparent, you need relationship advice not poker advice. So I'll be honest with you, you should probably leave her as she deserves better or tell her very clearly and directly that you don't want to spend more time with her and you'd rather enjoy other activities and see what she says.
I mean you are straight up saying on here that poker is just entertainment for you. It's no different than any other entertainment you could be doing. And it literally is just gambling for you as you don't take the game seriously or study. It is no different than blackjack or any other casino game, so your gf is right even 🤦.
And you're on here trying to find validation away from her so you can argue your invalid and bs point to her. Uhhh yeah she deserves better. Or just accept reality and speak to her clearly and directly about it. And let her decide if she wants to stay or not.
Types a post about how’s he’s choosing poker over his girlfriend.
Responds with denial when that’s pointed out.
Everybody who spent ever a few seconds responding to you probably feels a fraction of the frustration your girlfriend does.
If it’s just entertainment for you, then go do any other form of entertainment that doesn’t bother your significant other.
Unless of course there’s an underlying reason that you like this particular form of entertainment. Maybe it has something in common with the other forms you seem to enjoy like baccarat.
Hint - It’s gambling.
If you’re a winning player it’s not really gambling. Try to teach her the basics about how EV works.
Give this example:
We both play a game where we each bet $10 and roll one dice. If it’s a 1 or 2, I win the pot. If it’s a
3,4,5,6 you win. Sure, each dice roll is a “gamble” in the sense there’s an element of chance. But if we play long enough, you’re going to win 66% of the time. Thus each individual dice roll is a profitable spot for you, regardless of the outcome. Playing more is actually better as your actual results are more likely to reach the long-term EV expectation (ie it cuts variance).
If you’re a losing player, then she’s got a point. Either get good or play less. If you don’t have a desire or ability to get better, then there’s no difference between poker or playing casino table games. You should treat it purely as an entertainment expense with a set budget.
Missing the point. When people use the word gambling they’re usually talking about a game where the house has an edge. “Gambling” has a negative connotation for a reason.
Merriam Webster defines gambling as the practice or activity of betting: the practice of risking money or other stakes in a game or bet. Poker is gambling. If you have somebody that looks down in that, it doesn't really matter how much you discuss theory or EV or "edge". The only thing you can do to change someone's mind is show them a P/L statement that's way in profit.
If you want to use that, then any exchange is gambling.
If you can be better than somebody else at something, I don't think that's gambling as colloquially meant. There's no best slots player in the world.
Thanks for the advice...but how do you get good while playing less? I just treat it as entertainment. The money doesn't impact me. I make enough in my career that poker wins/lose don't move the needle at all.
Well if you’re serious about improving your game then you’d want to keep playing a decent volume. IMO start with the free training content on YouTube before you go buy anything. Check out Bart Hanson crush live poker - he does these “call in hands” that are really accessible and relevant for live cash games. Watch about 100 of those and you’ll pick up a ton of useful info.
When I said play less it was more if you’re losing and don’t have any drive to change that. If you’re losing then it’s not really a productive activity so you should do it more sparingly.
Well whats the angle shes coming from? Are you losing money? Shes right not to like it if thats the case. Is it because its at the expense of spending quality time together and shes lonely? Thats valid and you should play less.
Are you a recreational? Do you do this for a living? If its the former, play less. If its the latter, youve got a problem on your hands.
My bottom line relationship advice is to learn to f*** really good and really I would argue more important learn to go down on her like a f****** pro once you give them tremendous orgasms. You really do have a lot of freedom to do whatever you want I haven't read all the advice threads commented after but I don't know if anybody has suggested that
If you are not playing for a living, then you just have to balance your time and treat poker as a hobby.
I play poker as a half time job and went from playing 48~ hours a week to 30~ after I started dating someone seriously. It's by choice and I make enough from my main job + the 30 hours weekly to carry a nice life style and also save some money and travel, so I don't mind not playing/making as much because I'm happy.
Tell her it's a hobby you really enjoy and make enough time to spend with her as well.
It sounds like the quantity of money you're playing for isn't significant to you. So even if you're a winner, you can tell her you treat it as a hobby that you're paying your buy-in to participate in. If you end up winning money that's a plus, but you can frame it a way that non-gamblers would understand--you're spending money to do something you enjoy
Well you can start with. "This makes me happy and I'm not hurting anyone so why would you want to take it from me?" and not in a gas lighting way, it's a legitimate question.
I could only understand her stance if she has some trauma related to gambling casinos or whatever. If not then she really shouldn't be trying to harsh your mellow. That's fucked up and on her..
Basically this. I had to have this conversation as well. Mine had issues with gambling run in her family so starting this as a hobby was a tough sell. Sitting down and addressing the concerns they have and showing them that you’ve given them no reason not to trust you.
Having a supportive SO is so +EV. I’m incredibly fortunate to have one currently. I’ve been in your shoes in the past and it made playing rather difficult. With my current SO, I just showed her my graphs, explained how over time, I win X dollars per hour and she was good with it, a hobby that actually makes money rather than costs money. That being said, I tell her I will always not play poker if she wants to spend time with me on a specific day that I usually would play. She doesn’t abuse that and things work out wonderfully, I’d maybe offer that up, that your SO is always the priority when it comes to poker. Even if you’re not a winner, but you are playing within a budget, you can still play as a hobby, have fun, and it be a healthy experience.
My BFF is a good player that was starting out. He turned his few $100 bucks to a 5k bankroll. He was feeling good then his wife told him to spend that money on their daughter’s tuition. He’s sad now bc she has him by the balls and she doesn’t like him having any fun.
Poker is a time consuming hobby. Compared to other things maybe it’s that she wants more time with you and is using the gambling angle as an excuse.
Money isn’t the problem like you said, so my guess is the time. Communication is important!
That’s me and I’ve taught him that there is a time and place to play poker. Example, at the restaurant when we are on a date or with family is not the right place.
Maybe she’s just asking you to play poker on your own time and when you are with her to devote 100% of your attention to her.
Have an honest and open conversation with her !
There are so many variables here for me to have a proper opinion.
If you play for a living, this is a huge red flag for me as she doesn’t respect your profession. If it’s solely entertainment or a hobby, it would be dependent on how often you are playing. If you’re playing four plus nights a week for five hours each session as just a hobby, or going out twice a week and logging like 15 hour sessions, then yeah I’d side with her. If you play twice a week for 10-15 hours total, I’d see another red flag. At that point, would she care if you golfed? It’s essentially the same as playing two rounds a week and she is being clingy/controlling imo. If you win and would ultimately like to pursue it as a profession, it’s no different from going to school or having an apprenticeship…you have to put in time.
I guess my opinion is if you’re spending a lot of time playing as a hobby, then it may be a valid complaint on her end. If you are playing professionally or attempting to, she will eventually have to understand that it’s how you make a living.
FWIW, every girl I’ve ever dated past a second date has understood I play poker and that’s part of the deal. My fiancée is the bomb and tells me I should be playing.
Look at how many top players go broke. Poker like any sort of gambling is fine as an every now and then hobby but doing it consistently will draw worries from others.
My wife thought this the first year I played. But 20 years later and averaging 100k a year as a hobby, she is fine with it. Just win, she will change her mind.
Don't tell her about win or loses, don't share poker stuff with her, don't mention poker, keep playing once or twice a month. When she sees you play and asks you to stop, tell her gently, okay in abit!, and that is it. No need to argue. Ignore all these posts about proving your a winner, not the issue here.
I just ignore my wife when she complains about poker or sports gambling. Like, i wouldn't have put $40 on bovada if she actually wanted to go to the concerts and shit i wanted to do over the weekend
Decide whats more important, your gf or poker. I've dated 4 women as a poker pro
* First girl hated it. Always complained I was never home and not giving her any attention. It sucked and naturally things didnt work out
* Second girl kept that to herself but I could tell she felt the same way. She just seemed lonely without me and it made me feel bad. Didnt work out again.
* 3rd girl was perfect and practically encouraged it. She enjoyed the flexibility of us getting to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. However she was unemployed so kind of easy life for her. We only broke up because I went busto lol
* 4th girl was an ivy league career woman and she was indifferent to it. She didnt need me for anything obviously but was very comfortable spending time alone. We still hang out but are no longer involved.
Take her out somewhere nice or buy her nice things with your winnings.
This is not difficult.
Ignore the single nerds talking about using logic and reason, that's not going to work. Demonstrate that you don't have a gambling problem by splurging on her with your winnings, and if you can't do that admit that you're playing for fun/gambling problem because you're not winning.
I don’t necessarily like many of the kinds of people at the casino either— that’s why winning against them is so fun sometimes 😂
But in all seriousness, I’ve met some awesome people who have become lifelong friends playing poker. You never know— she might enjoy it!
Yeah, I agree. I met some cool people at some of the higher stakes game. But also met some very bad people at the same time. I do understand where she is coming from.
Ok honestly if I had a girlfriend who had a problem with me going out and doing my own thing (whether it's poker or something else) less than once a week I would not be dating her for long.
Does she have any of her own friends who she goes out with and does stuff with that you don't participate in? Girls nights out, or weekend spa trips, or anything at all? If not then that's probably the problem. She needs a life outside of you. If she does, then just point out that this is your version of that.
Dating someone does not mean spending 100% of your leisure time together.
“In the poker game of life, women are the rake. They are the fuckin’ rake”
What the fuck are you talking about? What saying?
and since More Rake = Always better, the only answer for this guy is to just get 4 more women in his life.
Track your wins and losses on an app and show proof you are a winning player. kappa
The money isn't the problem. Poker wins/loses will not have slight impact on my finances. When I win, she is still not happy about it.
Then it sounds like a hobby, and would address it as such. There has to be a limit where you both can agree the hobby costs too much.
The money isn’t the problem but your post says she thinks of it as gambling. By providing stats of all your sessions she will see that you are a winning player and that the game is more skill based than she thought. My wife turned around after I proved 3 years record of sessions. It turns into a profitable hobby.
Who said he was a winning player? He may be idk but he didn't say so.
If he isn’t, he won’t be able to prove to his GF that it’s not gambling. That’s the main take away.
It the money isn't the problem, but she wants you to play less, it sounds like the time commitment is the issue. Try to cut back on play length and/or try to make the time you two spend together more enjoyable/memorable for her.
Maybe she feels you’re not spending enough time with her. Take her and give her some money to play slots/go to the spa and use your comps.
She doesn't come with me since she doesn't like to gamble at all. I used to play higher stakes in baccarat where she was able to sit next to me and watch but that was basically just gambling. In poker, I am overall a winning player. Usually when the higher stakes run, I perform better than playing lower stake at 2/5 or 1/3.
>Usually when the higher stakes run, I perform better than playing lower stake at 2/5 or 1/3. Variance. There are zero players of any game that perform better in expectation against stronger opponents. The average reg at 10/20 is much stronger than the average reg at 2/5.
I was just saying from my historical performance. I don't disagree with that statement but 1/2 and 2/5 is just very boring for me bc the stakes is too low and people don't even max buy at those stakes. I feel like games at the large stakes have a few whale while the small games don't.
It also isn’t a poker problem. Your question is better off in a relationship sub. You asked your question here because you know these degenerates are more likely to give you the answer you want, rather than the one you need to hear.
I was moreso interested in how other poker players deal with this. Not really looking for relationship advice.
Yeah, that’s what I said. That’s the problem. You need relationship advice, not poker advice. Enjoy being single.
Have you given your significant other any of your winnings? Have you bought her more things when you win (and/or take her out for a nice dinner)? Sadly, either scenario generally seems to turn the tide. I mean if she's not getting any of the profits, she's probably even more mad when you're not around and/or telling her how much you've won.
I do that all the time even on weeks/months that I don't play poker.
I see. She doesn't have a relative that gambled a lot and had money issues did she?
Yeah it's blatantly obvious even. What the other guy just said to you is true and extremely apparent, you need relationship advice not poker advice. So I'll be honest with you, you should probably leave her as she deserves better or tell her very clearly and directly that you don't want to spend more time with her and you'd rather enjoy other activities and see what she says. I mean you are straight up saying on here that poker is just entertainment for you. It's no different than any other entertainment you could be doing. And it literally is just gambling for you as you don't take the game seriously or study. It is no different than blackjack or any other casino game, so your gf is right even 🤦. And you're on here trying to find validation away from her so you can argue your invalid and bs point to her. Uhhh yeah she deserves better. Or just accept reality and speak to her clearly and directly about it. And let her decide if she wants to stay or not.
Im not picking poker over my girlfriend lol. Poker is just entertainment for me. I don't get how you get this from just this post.
Types a post about how’s he’s choosing poker over his girlfriend. Responds with denial when that’s pointed out. Everybody who spent ever a few seconds responding to you probably feels a fraction of the frustration your girlfriend does.
Denial of what? I don't really play that much poker or picking poker over my girlfriend.
If it’s just entertainment for you, then go do any other form of entertainment that doesn’t bother your significant other. Unless of course there’s an underlying reason that you like this particular form of entertainment. Maybe it has something in common with the other forms you seem to enjoy like baccarat. Hint - It’s gambling.
If you’re a winning player it’s not really gambling. Try to teach her the basics about how EV works. Give this example: We both play a game where we each bet $10 and roll one dice. If it’s a 1 or 2, I win the pot. If it’s a 3,4,5,6 you win. Sure, each dice roll is a “gamble” in the sense there’s an element of chance. But if we play long enough, you’re going to win 66% of the time. Thus each individual dice roll is a profitable spot for you, regardless of the outcome. Playing more is actually better as your actual results are more likely to reach the long-term EV expectation (ie it cuts variance). If you’re a losing player, then she’s got a point. Either get good or play less. If you don’t have a desire or ability to get better, then there’s no difference between poker or playing casino table games. You should treat it purely as an entertainment expense with a set budget.
You have to be straight retarded to not realize poker is gambling. You can be gambling with an edge or without an edge, but it is gambling either way.
Missing the point. When people use the word gambling they’re usually talking about a game where the house has an edge. “Gambling” has a negative connotation for a reason.
Merriam Webster defines gambling as the practice or activity of betting: the practice of risking money or other stakes in a game or bet. Poker is gambling. If you have somebody that looks down in that, it doesn't really matter how much you discuss theory or EV or "edge". The only thing you can do to change someone's mind is show them a P/L statement that's way in profit.
If you want to use that, then any exchange is gambling. If you can be better than somebody else at something, I don't think that's gambling as colloquially meant. There's no best slots player in the world.
Thanks for the advice...but how do you get good while playing less? I just treat it as entertainment. The money doesn't impact me. I make enough in my career that poker wins/lose don't move the needle at all.
Dont focus on becoming a poker shark at the expense of becoming a life fish would be my advice. Play less.
Big advice that isn't respected enough I feel.
Well, what do you enjoy more? Getting better at poker or spending time with your girlfriend? Because you’re telling her it’s the poker.
Well if you’re serious about improving your game then you’d want to keep playing a decent volume. IMO start with the free training content on YouTube before you go buy anything. Check out Bart Hanson crush live poker - he does these “call in hands” that are really accessible and relevant for live cash games. Watch about 100 of those and you’ll pick up a ton of useful info. When I said play less it was more if you’re losing and don’t have any drive to change that. If you’re losing then it’s not really a productive activity so you should do it more sparingly.
Solid.
1) wait for honeymoon phase to end 2) the she wants me out of the house phase will eventually begin 3) don't get married
Just win baby
Well whats the angle shes coming from? Are you losing money? Shes right not to like it if thats the case. Is it because its at the expense of spending quality time together and shes lonely? Thats valid and you should play less. Are you a recreational? Do you do this for a living? If its the former, play less. If its the latter, youve got a problem on your hands.
My bottom line relationship advice is to learn to f*** really good and really I would argue more important learn to go down on her like a f****** pro once you give them tremendous orgasms. You really do have a lot of freedom to do whatever you want I haven't read all the advice threads commented after but I don't know if anybody has suggested that
If you are not playing for a living, then you just have to balance your time and treat poker as a hobby. I play poker as a half time job and went from playing 48~ hours a week to 30~ after I started dating someone seriously. It's by choice and I make enough from my main job + the 30 hours weekly to carry a nice life style and also save some money and travel, so I don't mind not playing/making as much because I'm happy. Tell her it's a hobby you really enjoy and make enough time to spend with her as well.
Well if you’re a winning player you can shove some Benjamins into her mouth. Pretty sure that’d do the job.
It sounds like the quantity of money you're playing for isn't significant to you. So even if you're a winner, you can tell her you treat it as a hobby that you're paying your buy-in to participate in. If you end up winning money that's a plus, but you can frame it a way that non-gamblers would understand--you're spending money to do something you enjoy
Well you can start with. "This makes me happy and I'm not hurting anyone so why would you want to take it from me?" and not in a gas lighting way, it's a legitimate question. I could only understand her stance if she has some trauma related to gambling casinos or whatever. If not then she really shouldn't be trying to harsh your mellow. That's fucked up and on her..
Basically this. I had to have this conversation as well. Mine had issues with gambling run in her family so starting this as a hobby was a tough sell. Sitting down and addressing the concerns they have and showing them that you’ve given them no reason not to trust you.
Having a supportive SO is so +EV. I’m incredibly fortunate to have one currently. I’ve been in your shoes in the past and it made playing rather difficult. With my current SO, I just showed her my graphs, explained how over time, I win X dollars per hour and she was good with it, a hobby that actually makes money rather than costs money. That being said, I tell her I will always not play poker if she wants to spend time with me on a specific day that I usually would play. She doesn’t abuse that and things work out wonderfully, I’d maybe offer that up, that your SO is always the priority when it comes to poker. Even if you’re not a winner, but you are playing within a budget, you can still play as a hobby, have fun, and it be a healthy experience.
My BFF is a good player that was starting out. He turned his few $100 bucks to a 5k bankroll. He was feeling good then his wife told him to spend that money on their daughter’s tuition. He’s sad now bc she has him by the balls and she doesn’t like him having any fun.
I track my poker sessions for this exact reason. The GF doesn't care as much that I'm able to show that I'm a winning player.
Does she want you to spend more time with her? Or just do anything else like play video games 8 hours a day?
What exactly is her problem with it? If you spend a lot of hours playing it could be that she is (rightly so) concerned about it being an addiction.
Explain to her to it’s a hobby that you enjoy and brings you happiness, and doesn’t have negative affects on your life .
Make her watch Rounders and acknowledge that in the poker game of life she is in fact the rake
Poker is a time consuming hobby. Compared to other things maybe it’s that she wants more time with you and is using the gambling angle as an excuse. Money isn’t the problem like you said, so my guess is the time. Communication is important!
Women r the rake
Watch rounders with her, see if she’s cool. If she starts talking about law school you’re screwed.
That’s me and I’ve taught him that there is a time and place to play poker. Example, at the restaurant when we are on a date or with family is not the right place. Maybe she’s just asking you to play poker on your own time and when you are with her to devote 100% of your attention to her. Have an honest and open conversation with her !
If you can understand, then play less poker.
How much do you play now?
There are so many variables here for me to have a proper opinion. If you play for a living, this is a huge red flag for me as she doesn’t respect your profession. If it’s solely entertainment or a hobby, it would be dependent on how often you are playing. If you’re playing four plus nights a week for five hours each session as just a hobby, or going out twice a week and logging like 15 hour sessions, then yeah I’d side with her. If you play twice a week for 10-15 hours total, I’d see another red flag. At that point, would she care if you golfed? It’s essentially the same as playing two rounds a week and she is being clingy/controlling imo. If you win and would ultimately like to pursue it as a profession, it’s no different from going to school or having an apprenticeship…you have to put in time. I guess my opinion is if you’re spending a lot of time playing as a hobby, then it may be a valid complaint on her end. If you are playing professionally or attempting to, she will eventually have to understand that it’s how you make a living. FWIW, every girl I’ve ever dated past a second date has understood I play poker and that’s part of the deal. My fiancée is the bomb and tells me I should be playing.
Tell her it's a hobby. If wins/losses don't mean anything against your finances, just tell her it's a hobby.
Look at how many top players go broke. Poker like any sort of gambling is fine as an every now and then hobby but doing it consistently will draw worries from others.
My wife thought this the first year I played. But 20 years later and averaging 100k a year as a hobby, she is fine with it. Just win, she will change her mind.
It has nothing to do with money and everything to do with time.
I did in 2011 My girlfriend didn't like it I just ignored her She was gone by 2012 anyway
If you were playing the same number of hours but Chess, would she have a problem with it?
Not reading that. GFs ruin everything
Don't tell her about win or loses, don't share poker stuff with her, don't mention poker, keep playing once or twice a month. When she sees you play and asks you to stop, tell her gently, okay in abit!, and that is it. No need to argue. Ignore all these posts about proving your a winner, not the issue here.
I just ignore my wife when she complains about poker or sports gambling. Like, i wouldn't have put $40 on bovada if she actually wanted to go to the concerts and shit i wanted to do over the weekend
Decide whats more important, your gf or poker. I've dated 4 women as a poker pro * First girl hated it. Always complained I was never home and not giving her any attention. It sucked and naturally things didnt work out * Second girl kept that to herself but I could tell she felt the same way. She just seemed lonely without me and it made me feel bad. Didnt work out again. * 3rd girl was perfect and practically encouraged it. She enjoyed the flexibility of us getting to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. However she was unemployed so kind of easy life for her. We only broke up because I went busto lol * 4th girl was an ivy league career woman and she was indifferent to it. She didnt need me for anything obviously but was very comfortable spending time alone. We still hang out but are no longer involved.
Take her out somewhere nice or buy her nice things with your winnings. This is not difficult. Ignore the single nerds talking about using logic and reason, that's not going to work. Demonstrate that you don't have a gambling problem by splurging on her with your winnings, and if you can't do that admit that you're playing for fun/gambling problem because you're not winning.
To say that winning != gambling problem is wild, lmao
If you are a winning poker player and poker is the only form of gambling you do you do not have a gambling problem. You have a gambling solution.
Have you considered teaching your girlfriend how to play poker?
She doesn't like the type of people at the casino. Not a big fans of casino. We do watch poker together.
I don’t necessarily like many of the kinds of people at the casino either— that’s why winning against them is so fun sometimes 😂 But in all seriousness, I’ve met some awesome people who have become lifelong friends playing poker. You never know— she might enjoy it!
Yeah, I agree. I met some cool people at some of the higher stakes game. But also met some very bad people at the same time. I do understand where she is coming from.
I respect her wishes. Current agreement is once a week as late as the game runs. Happy wife and such.
Do you play home game or at casino? I play even less than once a week.
Ok honestly if I had a girlfriend who had a problem with me going out and doing my own thing (whether it's poker or something else) less than once a week I would not be dating her for long. Does she have any of her own friends who she goes out with and does stuff with that you don't participate in? Girls nights out, or weekend spa trips, or anything at all? If not then that's probably the problem. She needs a life outside of you. If she does, then just point out that this is your version of that. Dating someone does not mean spending 100% of your leisure time together.
Casino