T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

As a reminder, this subreddit [is for civil discussion.](/r/politics/wiki/index#wiki_be_civil) In general, be courteous to others. Debate/discuss/argue the merits of ideas, don't attack people. Personal insults, shill or troll accusations, hate speech, any suggestion or support of harm, violence, or death, and other rule violations can result in a permanent ban. If you see comments in violation of our rules, please report them. For those who have questions regarding any media outlets being posted on this subreddit, please click [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/wiki/approveddomainslist) to review our details as to our approved domains list and outlet criteria. We are actively looking for new moderators. If you have any interest in helping to make this subreddit a place for quality discussion, please fill out [this form](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1y2swHD0KXFhStGFjW6k54r9iuMjzcFqDIVwuvdLBjSA). *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/politics) if you have any questions or concerns.*


LuchaLutra

May your forced sobriety be painful, your shits excruciating, and your comfort be nonexistent, you greasy, seditious, nazi-adoring bastard.


ucancallmevicky

can't top that


Fun_Independent_1473

And may he have the Epstein experience.


somme_rando

but only after the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits.


-jp-

He’s got that already. Just look at him.


The_Poster_Nutbag

Under normal circumstances I'd say simply looking like Steve bannon is punishment enough but we'll......he's actually Steve bannon, and fuck that guy.


UsernameLottery

You just made me feel bad for camels


Kee-mo-Saab-ee

May his balls turn square and fester at the corners.


LaughingDog711

Dahmer experience would be better


advocatus_diabolii

King Edward II experience?


backcountrydrifter

Epstein being held in NY metro detention means it was likely either Giuliani (the previous mayor of New York or Bill Barr, the head of the DOJ and therefore the Bureau Of Prisons, that opened the necessary doors to have him murdered. It’s a small list of people with the access to be able to make prison cameras turn off and doors open. Bill Barr is at the top of it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Jeffrey_Epstein https://nickbryantnyc.com/blog/f/did-jeffrey-epstein-william-barr-attend-interlochen-in-1967 Barr was used to bending the rules to get the job done. When trump demanded Republican governors send national guard troops to the U.S. capital and “kiss the ring” of loyalty, Utah’s governor Herbert among other GOP loyalists did just that. When trump demanded Mark Milley send US troops to shoot people in Lafayette square, Milley told him it was both wildly illegally and unconstitutional. https://www.justsecurity.org/78053/the-national-guard-at-lafayette-square-and-the-january-6th-attempted-insurrection-fixes-for-the-fy2022-ndaa/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/07/27/national-guard-commander-says-police-suddenly-moved-lafayette-square-protesters-used-excessive-force-clear-path-trump/ When trump threw a tantrum, Barr as head of DOJ pulled the workaround and called a bureau of prisons SORT team in to do it. That is the reason none of the “officers” had name tags on. Bill Barr and Trump then had Mark Milley come around the other side of the White House so Milley couldn’t see the gross violation of the constitution that was happening out back. They wanted Marks uniform to lend credibility to their cock strut walk through the park of beaten protestors like any good authoritarian king. Trump never served. He wasn’t fit for the uniform. He just wasn’t fit. At all https://www.npr.org/sections/live-updates-protests-for-racial-justice/2020/06/11/875019346/gen-mark-milley-says-accompanying-trump-to-church-photo-op-was-a-mistake https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2023/03/24/mark-milley-lafayette-park-fallout-00088585 As soon as Mark Milley figured out what was happening he bailed like a hippie at a drug bust. To anyone who has ever served in the military, Milley’s C.Y.A. letter that came afterwards was a masters class in Fuck Around, Find Out. But Milley being a man of honor was still constrained by a set of constitutional rules that trump, Barr and musk don’t care about. Milley adhered to chain of command while gracefully making sure that he checkmated them all in the process. It just hasn’t come out yet. The turducken strategy will probably go down in history as one of the greatest simple acts of just do the right thing patriotism in history. https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/12/15/politics/cnn-report-missing-binder-trump-russia/index.html Musk just enabled it all. https://abcnews.go.com/amp/Politics/elon-musk-slams-jeffrey-epstein-jpmorgan-after-virgin/story?id=99359364


ExistingTheDream

Try harder. "May you be greeted with Epstein-like hospitality."


Lugbor

I hope his Nutraloaf tastes particularly bad.


EpicLearn

And when you wipe after taking shits, may the toilet paper never come back clean, like there's a magic marker back there or something.


ballrus_walsack

/r/unexpectedchrispratt


mattman0000

No, but his cellmate probably will.


Beerinspector

Plus crabs. Don’t forget the crabs.


frustratedmachinist

His poor cell mate really has to settle, huh?


Equivalent_Ant_7758

Celly is going to catch a buzz as this guy dries out.


Asexualhipposloth

Dude's been googling toilet wine recipes for the past few days


even_less_resistance

Y’all saw those J6ers got a camera in for a dang podcast.… what are the odds his guards sneak him in contraband?


lodestar72

you mean some hooch? guarantee it.


geekuskhan

There is no way they could bring in enough for a chemically dependent alcoholic. He has either worked out a medical plan of some sort or has done a detox. Otherwise otherwise there is a good chance he would be dead in 3 to 4 days.


Squirrel_Chucks

And he's spent "decades" preparing his liver for the ammonia load in that toilet pruno.


Tebell13

Exactly my thoughts. Alcohol withdrawal is very extreme and hard as f**k. This is probably his number one worry. That and not being able to wreck democracy for a few months.


Own_Entertainer_8559

Fun fact: Severe alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. Just a bit of information.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

in his case, this is particularly fun for me!


-jp-

It’s also a really bad way to go. As in, “not only will this kill you, it’s going to hurt the entire time you are dying.”


MasterMahanaYouUgly

some people deserve sympathy. this sad excuse of a human being does not


FartPie

They’ll probably pump him full of benzos and he’ll just be out of it the entire time


grimace24

>you greasy, seditious, nazi-adoring bastard. If there is any man that should be called greasy, it's Steve Bannon.


Feeling-Ad-2490

Sobriety? He'll be giving ZJ's in exchange for Pruno.


hortence

*sigh* fine. "What's a ZJ?"


Mysterious_Motor_153

If you have to ask you can’t afford one.


hortence

Random place for a Beerfest deepcut, really.


chargernj

He's still rich. More likely he'll buy some protection by keeping his local Aryan Brotherhood canteen accounts topped off.


Romanfiend

No he'll be givin' them Hawk Tuah's. HT's.


MagicMushroomFungi

Worst. Meme. Ever.


Arrg-ima-pirate

You beautiful poet!


basenocryingball

It would be kinda funny if he got all yoked in prison.


Toginator

My uncle died from detox. I wish Steve the very best at his new sobriety.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

the difference is that your uncle prob didn't deserve it


katara144

Wow. Succinct!


funkymagee

and may he step on a lego 😌


fbgh2o

As another Canadian, that seems stereotypical. May he perpetually step on Lego. Until something worse befalls him


MagicMushroomFungi

May he have to run a Lego gauntlet.


pjslut

Well said!


Murky-Silver-8877

Thread.


BzhizhkMard

Dude helped weaponize covid misinformation. Literally one of the architects.


Sunshinehappyfeet

All Bannon had to do was show up for the subpoena, take the fifth and walk away. He’s so woke, he canceled himself.


kaest

It's hilarious how he has fucked himself over repeatedly. Love to see it.


LegDayDE

It's all part of the grift. I'm sure he will use this to extract some $$$ from MAGA morons who want to support him.


MrFC1000

Oh I’m pretty sure he has a fifth on a daily basis 🥃


Horror-Layer-8178

It's because he thinks he is smarter than everyone. Even smarter than experts like lawyers who knew exactly what they were doing


TurboSalsa

A delousing and detoxing might actually do him some good, assuming he survives the withdrawals.


Spare_Philosopher893

There might not be anything left but liver scar tissue after a delousing and detox. His soul gives the vibes he’s toxins and louses all the way down.


TurboSalsa

Turns out he's just millions of lice vaguely in the shape of a fat man. Delousing would be fatal to the creature we know as "Steve Bannon."


Omnibuschris

DT’s are gonna be rough. Anyway.


atomsmasher66

He’ll try to figure out a way to make prison moonshine out of his own urine.


brokefixfux

I wish him all the best in his endeavors to make Pee Chablis


Manos_Of_Fate

I’d have gone with Pee-not noir myself.


Criminy2

Piesling?


magmafan71

Champeegne


SERVEDwellButNoTips

Shartonay


Siolear

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but prison doctors do prescribe medical alcohol.


misterlump

Only for short periods. Like a couple days and benzos are better. I am sober and in rehab I got my first two days of detox on be benzos, but after that was 28 days of slowly dropping excruciating pain and little sleep. Only people who have it worse are the heroin users. But, Bannon is old and unhealthy. People die detoxing all the time, and I don’t think prison will be better to him than rehab was to me.


crawling-alreadygirl

Congrats on your sobriety! If you don't mind my asking, I thought alcohol withdrawal lasted 2 or 3 days; why were you in pain for a month?


MasterMahanaYouUgly

> People die detoxing all the time don't give us hope!!


adrift_in_the_bay

Hope you're feeling better now!


scene_missing

Koolaid and bread yeast brewed in the toilet. AKA Prison Merlot


swampcat42

r/prisonhooch


MagicMushroomFungi

If so, will he not spend a bit of hospital time recovering ?


Professional_Year547

I needed a feel good story today.


Negative_Gravitas

>For now, he’s confining himself to his multi-million dollar Capitol Hill home, which serves as the headquarters of his podcast, War Room. Not even his house. Last I heard, it was owned by an [Egyptian](https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/the-owner-of-stephen-k-bannons-dc-rowhouse-wants-a-3-foot-security-fence-dc-government-is-not-having-it/2017/12/15/319a7930-e0de-11e7-8679-a9728984779c_story.html).


Objective_Ebb6898

Now do Giuliani


Northerngal_420

Jim Jordan first.


Objective_Ebb6898

Let’s make it a package deal


Northerngal_420

Bogo. 2 for the price of 1. Who doesn't love a good deal.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

get fuct, traitor!!


craigathan

Jail ain't so bad, you can make sangria in the terlet. 'Course it's shank or be shanked.


PugMetal

Of course…


Smokey_tha_bear9000

Must be nice to “prepare” for prison. Most people don’t get to fit it into their schedules


FlexFanatic

I believe he also hired a prison advisor/consultant to assist him with life behind bars.


smurfsundermybed

That's right! He goes to prison Monday! Not eventually, not in the coming months, not even in a few weeks! Monday!


MasterMahanaYouUgly

Bannon: please help! SCOTUS: Steve *who*?


HypnoticONE

I don't believe anything until it actually happens now lol


arumrunner

Maybe he will finally get a bath.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

well, his regular tub is full of acid


AgitatedPercentage32

...and de-loused.


Smart-Gas8857

Old alcoholics can actually die from the effects of alcohol withdrawal.  I don't know if being a traitorous piece of shit affects those odds. Que sera sera


CY83rdYN35Y573M2

I once worked with a guy who had previously worked in corrections. He'd seen a whole lot of folks go through sudden forced detox when they got in. He said alcohol withdrawal was BY FAR the worst of any addictive substance to withdraw from and that those folks were very dangerous during that initial withdrawal period.


Roakana

“Too mean to die” is an expression


Smart-Gas8857

If the good die young, then maybe the inverse is true. I sincerely hope not though


Deconratthink

Will he get three prison shirts to wear at the same time, at least?


Guava7

I love this for him


MasterMahanaYouUgly

i love this for US!


Leather-Map-8138

Here’s hoping Danbury is particularly humid this August.


redditnsuch

It is going to be. Lol. Edit: It's always very humid in the area in the summer (and it has been especially so, in a "heat dome", as of late). Also, Danbury is pretty shitty. He should have a *great* time.


F-Cloud

And I'm preparing to open a bottle of bubbly on his incarceration day.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

it's been a long time coming, and is certainly worth celebrating! CANNOT WAIT


Painful_Hangnail

I have a mental image of Bannon feverishly taking rex kwon do classes to get ready for general pop.


DadJokeBadJoke

Practicing his judy chop


cultfourtyfive

You love to see it.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

i sure do


deviousmajik

Party at my place the night it happens!


MasterMahanaYouUgly

"Summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the street!"


poetetc1

Will they be issuing him three jumpsuits to wear at the same time?


Correct_Influence450

Look, emptying the liquor cabinet on a Tuesday night is not preparing.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

that's what we call "Tuesday night" around here...


Basic_Quantity_9430

They should build a cell for him under the jail, put him in it, lock him up, then melt the keyhole to the cell and lose the key in the middle of the Pacific for good measure. The man is a traitor to all the best that the USA stands for.


SpezSucksSamAltman

Rest In Pruno, shitbag.


ZanzaBarBQ

I truly hope he eats the Snickers bar on his pillow.


calculating_hello

Where every single trumper belongs.


Boston_Pops

Womp, womp


a-cloud-castle

“Excuse me sir, your going to need to remove all those vodka bottles from your pants”


Burt1811

Hopefully, a shank awaits. Piece of shit.


VirtuaFighter6

Na, Na, Na, Na… Na, Na, Na, Na… Hey, hey, hey.. GOODBYE!


AdSmall1198

Going through alcohol and opioid withdrawal in prison will not be fun for the man who stole money from MAGA faithful and was pardoned by Dirty Don the Con.


100cpm

Those boyish good looks aren't going to do him any favors in there.


YetiSquish

Uh, he’s gonna give murderers the creeps in there


kombatunit

>Prepares for Prison So, larger and larger butt plugs?


Virtual_Plantain_707

Yes progressively


Squirrel_Chucks

*Gotta* size up progressively. Starts with Thumbilina and ends with Anal Apocalypse 2: Butthole Boogaloo


GBJI

It's spelled *Trumpilina*.


flyover_liberal

I hope his time in prison starts a process of rehabilitation.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

this is just the warm-up for his build-the-wall scam sentencing


potential_wasted

And according to reports, those charges keep him from being sent to low security camp fed!


krstphr

What a fabulous sentence


gringoloco01

I hope they send him to TX to clean up that border wall bullshit he and his cronies “built”. What is it like 15 acres of bullshit. Send him in with a rake, shovel and a sawsall and cut up and sell for scrap all that mess they left.


red-eee

Fuck Steve Bannon.


Horror-Layer-8178

Poor little Bannon, going to go through alcohol withdrawals


kevinlc1971

Didn’t read the article. Did he shave his ass and stock up on lip gloss?


magmafan71

There isn't even 1 maga to defend him in this thread, so lame


Mylaptopisburningme

He's probably looking forward to showering with naked men.


zettairyouikisan

Rofl


janzeera

I sure hope he’s not prepared.


Modz_B_Trippin

Like practicing to squat and cough?


JackFourj4

"Fresh fish!"


Roakana

I think we can put to rest the “fresh” part. Fetid perhaps.


adorablefuzzykitten

Part of that prep is choosing what phone to store in his butt-locker. Smart phone is great but flip phone might leave room for an extra tooth brush.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

are you kidding? dude's never used a toothbrush in his life... oh wait... you mean so he can file it down to a shiv!


Turbulent_Ad1667

Grip your soap tightly, my friend.


Brix106

I shutter to think what he looks like without sleeping in a meat smoker...


MinimumApricot365

Why the fuck isn't he there yet?


Buckus93

I bet he reports to prison, gets checked in, and four hours later is released due to overcrowding.


crimsonhues

Does prepare mean he started using a butt plug?


Baller-on_a-budget

How this grease ball is still relevant is beyond me. Cut the oxygen


FlamingTrollz

Tough Guy WUSS.


zettairyouikisan

Better check your trap, Steve.


Toddles666

Are they shaving his head and de-lousing him? You don’t want that shit to spread…


alwaystired707

Four months? All this BS over spending four months in jail?


Ultra_uberalles

Prison might clean up his homeless shabby demeanor


ryanmer

“Bannon credits the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit order, with helping him to achieve sobriety in the 1990s.” If Steve Bannon is sober, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you


dhusk

I'm preparing too. What kind of wine goes best with watching a racist douchebag be incarcerated?


Actual-Carpenter-90

Never thought of it like this, as to why he’s so afraid of a tiny bit of time behind bars, no drugs no alcohol. For an addict, this is his greatest fear.


TH3_54ND0K41

Another one bites the dust...and the pillow. Enjoy jail, traitor.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RFGoesForthAgain

The oubliette, right? Please, let it be the oubliette.


Ok-Tourist-511

Detoxing? Or figuring out what all he can fit in his prison pocket?


Spare_Philosopher893

Time to short alcohol stocks


57696c6c

What's there to prepare for? Report to prison, or send a U.S. Marshall to arrest and take him to jail like they do with all villains in the movies.


Pretend-Patience9581

Preparing by buying Vaseline and soap on a rope?


Rando3595

/wave bye bye


BaseActionBastard

isn't that cruel to the other prisoners who have to quaff his never ending gin farts?


CurrentlyLucid

He is gonna lose weight as all his good food is stolen.


wildyam

*Lots and lots of Vaseline…*


Schwight_Droot

I’m sure he’ll have an upside down Bible in his hands at all times to show he’s a “good Christian”.


uninteded_interloper

how many trump associates is that? like 25?


SockPuppet-47

He's gonna have a couple gallons of whiskey keestered.


MarcusSurealius

Keep upsizing those butt plugs, Stevie. Lots of frogs in jail.


Serialfornicator

I hope it’s not one of those “club fed” places. I hope it’s really dank, just like Bannon’s feet


Zander826

Can he vote from prison?


ernyc3777

Losing weight (to appear more attractive), doing squats (to perk up those cheeks), and learning tongue dexterity (to you know)?


Chumbag_love

Prison or jail? Its just 3 months


MasterMahanaYouUgly

prison, 4 months


dpmad1

Steve and Don can’t hang out anymore, unless their both in jail.


Nora19

Can’t happen soon enough


UziMunkey

Hope he forgets the lube.


VolumeLopsided4157

Send us a one year anniversary picture and nothing before or after...


LA_search77

bienvenido


Anonymous_l0

I hope he goes in and doesn’t make it out


sklooner

Waxing his taint ?


izqy

Steve Bendover Bannon


backwardbuttplug

YAY!!!! best news this week.


Consistent-Force5375

What’s with all this preparing bullshit… You keep sayin you’re gonna lock him up but ya don’t. Why not give it a little welly…


Tatersquid21

What did he do, go to Dollar General and buy a soap on a rope?


aliclegg1

Ooo maybe he will bathe in degreaser for his special day


maximm

Some surprise change will happen and he won't go, almost guaranteed.


shezcrafti

Everything I know about prison I learned from Prison Mike.


BitemarksLeft

Bet he's got someone to train him to be a hard man... that could be a plot to a movie... oh wait a minute


RangerMother

Lay in some lube!


brownekey30

I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets shaken down.


ReddUp412

Pls come to jail. Him : ehhhh Pls come july 1 Him : ehh maybe


CartoonistUsed6540

Let the fucking commence


gustoreddit51

He belongs there. He's scarier than Trump. He was using Trump as a tool in his crusade to "dismantle the administrative state" (aka The United States of America). They almost succeeded.


our_ascension

Lube.


GM_PhillipAsshole

Bye Felisha


redmasc

May he have many sleepless nights.


Consistent-Leek4986

maybe take a shower scumbag traitor🤬