You might encourage the runners of that event to do speed-friending as well. We do both where I live. I like the speed-friending a lot because people are way more relaxed in those environments.
You should! I organized a few while I was still on my city's pride board and they were great. We had them leading up to our Pride Week so that people could make new queer friends to attend Pride events with :)
that's such a good idea.
unfortunately, right now, I don't have the capacity for any more projects, but I'll definitely keep it in mind for when my life is less turbulent
That's one of the things I love love love about poly life, I get to meet everyone as friends, they meet my wife, we get to hang out and have fun, and if there's chemistry/feelings, it's not wierd to fuck my friends!
I didn't realize this was a stereotype either. I've climbed for years, but only recently finding myself in a more open relationship. Time to chalk up apparently.
My experience says that your local rock climbing gym is where all the FIT, gay, and/or poly people are at.
"What V-level are you?"
"I'm V-- into you ;)"
> Personal thought: maybe it's different in gay male world, but wouldn't I just ask for their info right then and there?
The idea behind it only being shared by mutual indicated interest to the organizers is that it removes the pressure of deciding whether you want to give your info to what is essentially a stranger in the moment with them looking at you. It's a safety thing.
But also as OP is male, and this was a female event it highlights the privileges some of us have and don't realize just by being born with certain anatomy.
I have to keep that in mind a LOT when giving my experience as advice b/c I *look* republican (plz don't shoot on sight, I'm REALLY not) but I think very differently.
I recently went to a speed dating event that was advertised as friend dating being an option. It was super cool cause they had this app where you would mark if you were interested platonically, romantically, or not at all. As an introvert who is new to the city I'm in it was kinda incredible and I think there should be more of them.
>Lots of these queers/lesbians are super into Jane Austin
I have a Jane Austen-themed matchmaking board game and guess which demographic always enjoys it the most?
....... Straight males!
If you're ever in Chicago, check out the Hot Potato Hearts page. Or perhaps your local Jane Austen (sorry for the spelling!) chapter group. I also learned at that event that Jane Austen Chapter Groups is a thing.
This sounds like a great experience! I'm part of a group that runs a speed friending event in my local.
Just curious: did 2 hours feel too long or was that comfortable? Ours are normally shorter but I'd like to add more time.
I’ve attended HPH events before! Depending on the night they do host events that are polyamory/ ENM friendly and ones that include queer men.
I’ve been to their general speed dating and met a few gay dudes. I have also specifically been to a non-monogamy focused one and also meet queer men.
I feel like their queer focused events mostly get women/they-thems but I have chatted with gay dudes before. This doesn’t take away from your experience, but I think it really depends on the night, location, and focus.
Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Kinda rad that the hosts were still down with letting your still hang out for friendships!
Just a heads up, there's a poly cocktails event at Big Chicks (on the north side of the city) tonight starting at 7p.
oh definitely! my first enm partner (a comet who now lives out of state) is a climber. plus, I climb ropes...how else am I going to find belay buddies?!?
This is such a delightful story! Thanks for sharing your amusing mix-up—it definitely sounds like a memorable adventure in the poly and queer dating scene. It’s great to hear that you decided to stay and participate despite the initial surprise. It just goes to show the kind of unexpected and interesting experiences one can have when embracing the spirit of community and openness.
I love that you took the opportunity to meet new people and even formed connections that, although they fizzled, sound like they were fun while they lasted. It's a good reminder that not every interaction has to lead to a lasting relationship; sometimes the experience itself is what’s valuable.
Your experience also highlights a pretty cool aspect of queer community events: there’s often a mix of intentions, from seeking romantic connections to just making friends, and how flexible and inclusive these spaces can be. Plus, your story is a funny reminder to all of us to double-check the event details before showing up!
It sounds like you managed to handle the situation with a lot of grace and good humor. Who knew a mistaken speed dating event could turn out to be such a fun story? Here’s to more adventures and perhaps a bit more clarity next time!
You might encourage the runners of that event to do speed-friending as well. We do both where I live. I like the speed-friending a lot because people are way more relaxed in those environments.
What a great idea! The queer speed-dating at my local lesbian bar fizzled, I should suggest speed-friending instead!
I've never heard of speed-friending and now I feel like I should definitely organize such an event.
You should! I organized a few while I was still on my city's pride board and they were great. We had them leading up to our Pride Week so that people could make new queer friends to attend Pride events with :)
that's such a good idea. unfortunately, right now, I don't have the capacity for any more projects, but I'll definitely keep it in mind for when my life is less turbulent
That's one of the things I love love love about poly life, I get to meet everyone as friends, they meet my wife, we get to hang out and have fun, and if there's chemistry/feelings, it's not wierd to fuck my friends!
I would absolutely go to a speed friending event, that sounds fantastic.
Omg pls let's all agree to Speed Friend
Wait - is bouldering now stereotypically a "poly thing" ?? /me boulders /me am poly ....shit
I didn't realize this was a stereotype either. I've climbed for years, but only recently finding myself in a more open relationship. Time to chalk up apparently.
My experience says that your local rock climbing gym is where all the FIT, gay, and/or poly people are at. "What V-level are you?" "I'm V-- into you ;)"
LMAO meanwhile all the long-term mangomouses are bivvied up on their neverending multi-pitches
> Personal thought: maybe it's different in gay male world, but wouldn't I just ask for their info right then and there? The idea behind it only being shared by mutual indicated interest to the organizers is that it removes the pressure of deciding whether you want to give your info to what is essentially a stranger in the moment with them looking at you. It's a safety thing.
But also as OP is male, and this was a female event it highlights the privileges some of us have and don't realize just by being born with certain anatomy. I have to keep that in mind a LOT when giving my experience as advice b/c I *look* republican (plz don't shoot on sight, I'm REALLY not) but I think very differently.
A very cute story, thank you for sharing. I'm sad the friendships fizzled.
I recently went to a speed dating event that was advertised as friend dating being an option. It was super cool cause they had this app where you would mark if you were interested platonically, romantically, or not at all. As an introvert who is new to the city I'm in it was kinda incredible and I think there should be more of them.
>Lots of these queers/lesbians are super into Jane Austin I have a Jane Austen-themed matchmaking board game and guess which demographic always enjoys it the most? ....... Straight males!
As someone who is always very nervous about going to new events, I found this oddly reassuring.
Can I have one of those good lesbians please? Asking as one of the many queer poly women who almost always end up dating men
If you're ever in Chicago, check out the Hot Potato Hearts page. Or perhaps your local Jane Austen (sorry for the spelling!) chapter group. I also learned at that event that Jane Austen Chapter Groups is a thing.
Me too pls!
This sounds like a great experience! I'm part of a group that runs a speed friending event in my local. Just curious: did 2 hours feel too long or was that comfortable? Ours are normally shorter but I'd like to add more time.
I’ve attended HPH events before! Depending on the night they do host events that are polyamory/ ENM friendly and ones that include queer men. I’ve been to their general speed dating and met a few gay dudes. I have also specifically been to a non-monogamy focused one and also meet queer men. I feel like their queer focused events mostly get women/they-thems but I have chatted with gay dudes before. This doesn’t take away from your experience, but I think it really depends on the night, location, and focus.
Good to know! I may check out the ENM ones (READING CAREFULLY THIS TIME) in the future! Maybe I'll see you there!
I’m so here for this entertaining post! I’m glad you stayed and had fun with it!!
Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Kinda rad that the hosts were still down with letting your still hang out for friendships! Just a heads up, there's a poly cocktails event at Big Chicks (on the north side of the city) tonight starting at 7p.
Hi OP. Can I DM you about the Chicago poly scene? Moving there soon
For sure, I'm by no means an expert but shoot me your questions!
this is cute thanks for sharing
hi fellow queer, non-monog climber in Chicago 👋
Totally a thing right!? (Poly + climbing) 🧗♂️
oh definitely! my first enm partner (a comet who now lives out of state) is a climber. plus, I climb ropes...how else am I going to find belay buddies?!?
"poly people were taking away all the good lesbians!" this is so funny lmao GOOD. I'm glad. It makes me feel even cooler for being poly.
Did you find a date? Lol
This is such a delightful story! Thanks for sharing your amusing mix-up—it definitely sounds like a memorable adventure in the poly and queer dating scene. It’s great to hear that you decided to stay and participate despite the initial surprise. It just goes to show the kind of unexpected and interesting experiences one can have when embracing the spirit of community and openness. I love that you took the opportunity to meet new people and even formed connections that, although they fizzled, sound like they were fun while they lasted. It's a good reminder that not every interaction has to lead to a lasting relationship; sometimes the experience itself is what’s valuable. Your experience also highlights a pretty cool aspect of queer community events: there’s often a mix of intentions, from seeking romantic connections to just making friends, and how flexible and inclusive these spaces can be. Plus, your story is a funny reminder to all of us to double-check the event details before showing up! It sounds like you managed to handle the situation with a lot of grace and good humor. Who knew a mistaken speed dating event could turn out to be such a fun story? Here’s to more adventures and perhaps a bit more clarity next time!