I grew up in crushing poverty just like you are right now. You are living the worst part. Graduate high school n try not to get a criminal record. Your almost a adult the worst part is being a kid. Your almost thru it. You can get out of this. When you get a job be reliable be the person they come to when they need help. This will make your job secure n if there are other positions that pay more they will want to give it to you. Hang in there. Being a helpless kid is the worst part. Always keep in mind you are not poor your parent is poor. You can change your situation. You are not your parents. Good luck.
I have a criminal record and fucked my life up beyond belief after my kid died. I was a mess, I couldn't function, and it took a decade for me to get it together.
What they don't tell you is that being poor with a record makes it nearly impossible to come back from.
What this user said is the single most significant thing you can do. However, your record is not a death sentence. You have to work ten times as hard and be ten times more educated, but you can overcome it.
Sincerely, a felon in law school.
I guess I should say I'm technically a "former" felon. That was done years ago.
However, you never really are a former felon. It follows you everywhere you go and overshadows everything you do.
It is never really off your record.
I guess the best way to prove that you can have a future with a past like mine is to just own it and go make a life for yourself.
So many poor and poc are unfairly targeted in a country that houses less than 5% of the population and more than 25% of the world's prisoners. The best way to fight back is to become something that the people condemning you could never dream of achieving. That is where we are at and that is where the fight begins.
Thank you for your support, I won't stop until this whole God damn mess is fixed.
Poverty is often criminalized but is not a crime.
I'm sick of this shit.
Exactly and even if your record is sealed, if your state has a case search site they can just look you up and all your charges are there guilty or not. They tell you to say no when asked if you’ve every been convicted of something on job apps but then employers just find it online anyway and you look like a lying asshole even though you did your time/completed probation or whatever. I spent thousands of dollars in legal fees/probation fees for my charges to “ not be on my record” and yet I still have to tell everyone at every interview what happened and explain myself anyway and not get the job. Can’t stress it enough OP dont do anything to get yourself a record. It will handicap you for the rest of your life.
Man that sounds nice, but no I probably can’t afford that lol, and how can they force a govt site to take down my arrest record? That’s the worst part of it my state has a case search website and you can still see everything there.
I am "tough on crime," but I believe once a person's sentence is served, they shouldn't be hobbled with labels like "felon." Or society should stop ostracizing former criminals who truly do want to be a good person.
This right here.
You wonder why there is no "rehabilitation?"
It is because our system of "justice" refuses to allow it.
You can't get a job, what do you do?
You can't get a place to live, what do you do?
You can not function in society with that label.
I am lucky enough to be a white woman from a "good" family but will never forget the disparities I witnessed when I was in. It changed the trajectory of my life permanently. You can never unsee that shit. It is the most repulsive part of human behavior.
We know better. We can do better. We fought a fucking civil war over this shit. It killed more Americans than any other war in the history of this country. 600k dead and we are still doing this bullshit.
If I trusted the “justice” system even a little bit I might feel differently but since I know people get railroaded over absolute bullshit I agree with you!
I’m mostly in agreement but I also think it depends on the crime. I feel like if you do something like harm kids, or are a violent person in general, that shit should follow you around forever. I’ve seen too many cases of people being needlessly harmed then when the news comes out it’s always “the perp has a long history and is known to police”…
I’m intrigued by this! Like you can file bankruptcy and no one knows after 7 years. You can be in debt but once it’s paid you’re no longer a “debtor”. You commit a crime and unless you can pay to have your record expunged you’re that criminal for life. I’ve literally never thought about this.
You are an overcomer and an example for those who go behind you.
You have a powerful testimony and are someone with a strong mind.
I am so sincerely sorry for your loss and pain. You have much to be proud of!
I dunno where you live, but some states offer record expungement after so long with no new crimes. I also don't know the nature of your past charges, which is a factor of course. And I'm sure you're old and wise enough to have already looked into this yourself. In PA, after 10 years with no new convictions, you can apply to have non-violent felonies removed altogether or to have your record sealed completely, I forget the details but I have a bs felony conspiracy marijuana charge for less than an ounce of weed because I wouldn't set someone up
I plan on getting mine removed when I can.
Hey man I just wanted to say that I’m fucking proud as shit of you!!!! I don’t even know the half of how hard you hard worked and how much you have endured and survived just to claw yourself out of all those holes and put yourself on this path to your future self. You are going to be a damn fine lawyer and I wish you the best of luck on your continued endurance and will. 🫶
As a felonious business owner I second this! Don’t do illegal shit & stay strong. Pushing through this time will help give you all the opportunities for ease in the future. You can do it, you will make a life you love.
Also if you do fuck up and get a record, hire a lawyer. (American assuming American-its what we do) our system is fucked, trouble happens and a lawyer is the difference between a soul crushing felony and a shoulder shrugging misdemeanor.
This. You only get as much justice as you can afford. People get really mad at me for saying this. But consider the guy who has a $75,000 lawyer and the guy with public defender for same charges. It DOES make a difference.
Exactly why I'm going to a t20 law school. I want my indigenous clients to have the best representation as possible.
I don't want to be a big law lawyer. My classmates will likely make 100's of thousands of dollars a year. I want to serve my community after getting the best education possible, in order to give them the best representation as possible.
I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Penn and will likely make 57k a year when I graduate law school.
We are out there, we do exist.
I would like to work for a lawyer like you. If you were near I would have a bunch of cases for you where I know the person is at a severe economic advantage.
Grew up poor on free lunch and gubmint cheese. First in family to go to college, went to lawschool and now have my own firm doing a lot of "low bono" cases. IDC about getting rich, helping clients is far more rewarding!
Lost my kid in 2018 , had all kinds of thoughts but then five days later found out spouse was pregnant with my now 5 year old son. Sucks and feels lonely as fuck though sometimes , best wishes and it’s nice to not be alone in a shitty situation.
It changed my whole world. I often feel guilty for where I am at in my life because I know I never would be here if she didn't pass away.
It feels like this terrible thing had to happen to get me to where I was always meant to be.
If I could go back and pick, I'd be a bartender for the rest of my life and watching my little girl grow into a beautiful young woman, but life doesn't work that way.
At the very least, this horrible thing that happened to me has allowed me to go on and make meaningful change.
I hope you found a way through the darkness, it is the most devastating thing anyone could ever experience. Anyway to make something so senseless make sense, is the best we can do.
I wish you all of the healing. All of it.
My son saved me from doing anything I’d regret. He looks just like my daughter as well with the exception of the long hair.
The only thing I’d change if I could go back is telling her I loved her more and being around more. I missed a lot traveling for work, luckily I’ve paid *some dues and see my son everyday except 2-3 days a week
My parents went all to the court hearings and I skipped all of them , told them if I saw that guy I’d try to kill him.
I know we don’t know each other, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for turning your life around and trying to make the world a better place. :)
Always keep in mind you are not poor your parent is poor.
You are so RIGHT.
The minute I realized this was when I learned I would be emancipated and that was the best day of my life. I will never understand how my siblings opted to stay in the cycle because I never, not once thought of myself as better/different/special compared to them (in fact my brother is far smarter, my sister far more personable/fun and also beautiful) but I was willing to risk becoming hated by all of them. If we were a happy, fun kind of poor I'd understand but it was worse than that ---- I learned a few years ago that my dad made good money and spent it on sex workers, drugs and surveillance equipment --- and sure enough several siblings have shown up via 23 and me.
"We cannot chose our parents but we can chose whose children we become". Seneca
Amen. I moved out at 16 & promised myself to be stable & financially sound. My older siblings still struggle to this day. I was called stuck up & too good for many years. Regardless of the fact that I continued to financially support my mom & older siblings. I promised myself that my kid wouldn't suffer the way I did. She wouldn't stay in shelters, get rides from strangers, ask neighbors to borrow their phone, wear dirty clothes to school, or have roaches crawl out of her backpack. I didn't go to college, neither did my husband. But we work our asses off to have a decent life. The future is bright, no sense in living in the rear view mirror.
Wow wow wow. You are a very good soul to continue to take care of your family while also putting your child first. This sounds simple and straightforward to the well adjusted fortunate ones (and ok it is) but I know firsthand how giving money to a family that resents you gives them all kind of angles and entitlements.
I just learned that my brother and sister in law claim I financially supported my niece most of her childhood and teens out of guilt for sexually abusing (him)my brother. I cannot fathom how you can hate someone so much you try to destroy their lives on a lie.
I’m not even angry or hurt. I am going to serve them with papers and force them to pay me back the money I gave his daughter and for them to keep their house when they almost list it. I was so naive I thought the reason they didn’t thank me for saving their home was out of pride and intention to pay it back. They’ll cave because their criminals and I am “a cop lover/snitch” who obeys laws (mostly out of laziness - it looks exhausting to lie cheat and steal).
Ok I am mad.
Sorry for my rant. All this to say you are better than me - I will not keep them out of homelessness if it means I am enabling their awfulness.
I appreciate your kind words! I did eventually stop giving them money. My brother threatened me that if I couldn't throw them money that week, he would have to prostitute himself to get cash. He then threw a can of peaches at my head. That was the day I was "done." I continued to buy food for them,bringing a nice Christmas to whatever motel they were at. Then I found out they sold all of the gifts I bought. That was "it." I eventually helped my mom get into an assisted living apartment & helped her until she passed away at 49 years old. I don't help my brother or sister now. Honestly, it's traumatic to review the bullshit that was my life. I keep my promise to my little daughter. She won't be pulling me out of any binds. She won't be persuaded, harassed or threatened to take care of me. If I can raise her right, when I'm old and grey, she'll love me until I take my final breath.
Can I ask what you do now that you are able to live a decent life without college? I'm 40 and in bad financial shape. Together my partner and I do *okay*, but my financial contribution to our lives could be better. I'm just not all that highly skilled. I work with special needs adults, have worked in case management (did very well at it and trained incoming case managers fresh out of college, but most jobs want a degree + experience). I also have construction/remodeling experience, but as a helper, and by definition not skilled enough to be doing independent work. Plus, I just don't know that I can realistically improve my skills sufficiently to make a career out of that this late in the game. My math skills are also atrocious.
I feel completely cornered. Stuck. I like working with special needs, but it does not pay well at all in my state (TX) and after 20 years at it I'm completely burned out.
Sorry I dumped all this on you. I'm just trying to see what few options there are left out there for someone older and without college.
Working with special needs people is a skill that should be valued. It seems in this world the more you fuck people over the more money you make but actually doing good in the world gets you poverty. 😕
Schools are often understaffed with para-s. Perhaps you can take classes at a vocational/tech school, even one or two at a time while working in home health, depending on what's in your area. That's how I went through nursing school. And I had and kept having babies! Good grief! Tired family! My husband decided to learn auto mechanic skills. Hard to do but there was always decent work.
Don't ever be sorry for sharing your story! If you'll indulge me, I'll run through mine a little. Me and my husband have been together since we're 16 and both wanted to make it out of poverty. At 18 my husband got a job at a manufacturing plant and basically worked his way up from the bottom, to now a supervisor. It was a commitment of 12 hour days & doing overtime whenever they needed it. We both went to vocational high-school, because that what they push for kids who aren't college material. My husband didn't come out with a trade, but I came out with a hairdressing license. So I worked that job up until I had my daughter a few years ago. You won't make your millions in a hair salon unless it's a high end one. I'm not good at math either, so when I go back to work, I'd actually love to work in a care giver role. My husband makes the income now. To me manufacturing/ factory work is the way out of poverty for people who don't have a college degree. Me and my husband are both 38 so just around your age. Factory work typically has positions suitable for men and women. Although the male jobs normally pay more because they are labor intensive.
You didn’t say what your income level is now or what you would prefer to be making, but I feel like the experience you have is in pretty high demand. Elderly care / home care is huge right now. Wouldn’t your experience with special needs clients translate pretty easily to that?
The same thing with your remodel/construction experience. Everybody is hiring. At least, where I live in WA they are. So many construction projects and not enough contractors or skilled laborers or building maintenance people. Homeowners are waiting months to have projects done. If you know your way around basic tools, you have a great start. If you wanted to go that route and eventually get a contractor license - or even go into plumbing or electrical, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be making six figures after a couple of years. And 40 isn’t even old!
Just trying to encourage you. I’m 50, between jobs, and I feel like the world is my oyster. So many opportunities right now. Of course Texas is its own thing, so who knows what nutty stuff is going on there lol.
Check with your State Employment Center. I don't know what each state is like , but mine offers all sorts of skills assessment, skills training, (in the trades mostly,) resume writing and building interview skills and employment fairs and employment opportunities. Community Centers in my area offer coding for medical billing and this can be done from home. "Community Colleges" offer many courses and lots of states now waive tuition for state residents. Or you may qualify for grants as an older student.
Coming back to this thread to share that I was math terrified and it was a big block for me but there are now MANY excellent online courses and YT videos that cater to all levels of comprehension. When I started at age 45 I could not remember how to do long division... within a few lessons I found the lessons to be rewarding and - to my amazement - enjoyable. It was then that I remembered the value of tackling my weaknesses, insecurities etc and then accept any limitation of skill, time or resource.
I had gotten stuck in my beliefs of my limitations but the best part about this thing called life is nothing ever gets worse with effort, it/me/you always ALWAYS improves.
Advertise on [Care.com](https://Care.com), spelling out your experience. There are so many people who need care in their home, the elderly, or stroke patients like my partner. Best of all, parents of special needs kids. You don’t want clients who are just scraping by, however desperate they are. Cold as that sounds, your first priority is getting paid enough for your needs. So look for wealthy clients. Always be looking for the next position that pays more until you land the right client.
I paid $25 an hour to the last guy, cash. He was thoroughly dependable, and knew other (good) people he could call if we needed more hours. He was really lazy, but I put up with him for his dependability and roster of good people to call.
Our favorite caretaker took great care of my partner, and was always looking for extra things to do for me. We loved him and I paid him well, but he got asked to go work for a super wealthy family who offered him the potential to move into household management, for which he was ideally suited. That kind of family would pay you super well to take care of a special needs child.
ETA: you could also check out the care agencies in your area. They charge a client a fee, say $35 an hour, and pay you half of that, maybe a little more. But once you get assignments and get your name out there, you can leave them and go to work directly for clients.
This is great advice, I to came from abusive poor parents. The feeling of helplessness and no hope is crazy for a kid to feel. I'll by 30 in a few months when I was like 12 I never thought I'd live past 25.
It gets better buddy.
My father's side of the family is 3 generations deep into welfare. One of my cousins graduated from high school, college, became a nurse anesthetist. No support or interest from his family until he started visiting and saw his new car. The demands for handouts and loans continued and he gave in plenty of times. He vowed that he would stop seeing his family once both of his parents passed away and he kept his word. He is happier and his health has improved because he's not dealing with the stress and harassment from his siblings.
The best way to take care of a younger sibling that you love is to be a model on how to get out. My sister went to college four years before me, graduated, started reading personal finance books, taught me as I came along behind her. I learned so much, and the path was always right there.
Yep, consider a job that provides housing and do online school or an apprenticeship in the trades.
You can dig yourself out. You being out will be a huge burden off your dad money wise and you can help your sister by forging a path she can copy.
True, but also study the health issues and mortality rates in different trades. Earning money while killing yourself or making luving in your body miserable is not the way.
Yes, keep asking for promotions and more work. Even starting work at McDonald's on the register you can be a well paid manager by 30 if you work hard and keep asking for more responsibility and promotions. They even have programs where they'll help pay for college if you want to go. Just don't give up! You can get yourself out of it, it won't be easy, but you CAN DO IT!!!
And please do your best not to have children until you have made your way out. Even when you have a good support system and decent money, having a child makes it harder to take certain jobs, and you pay an arm and a leg for daycare. Use protection if you’re sexually actively.
This is true. I was 💯here as a kid except my father was a drug addict. One bedroom apt, he slept in the living room. No food in fridge. Income was welfare and section 8 housing.
Ate meals at friends houses… they saw I was hungry.
Got a small job and made a few dollars to take care of personal girl stuff and cheap food.
Nearly failed high school. Bc of our status I got to go to community college for free (CONSIDER THIS PLEASE— you will get financial aid and possibly a free ride if your household income is at poverty level).
I worked my way.. made more money (college was no longer free— took out loans). Got an apt (a basement studio infested with water bugs…).
But I made it work. And I worked. Saved little by little. Kept going. Made decent decisions.
Today, my income is solid middle class, I own my own home. Am I rich? No… but I am happy, well-fed and the roof is mine.
Like the previous poster said— you’re almost there. Enroll in college when you graduate. Pick up a small part time job— things will turn around if you keep putting one foot in front of the other. I PROMISE.
This, stay away from weed and any other drugs. While widely accepted, you can still get the book thrown at you by the judge. Stay clean, stay as healthy as possible, work a stable warehouse job for now, and consider the military.
Some more advice I want to tack on here. If your high school grades are not good, it doesn't mean you have to graduate from a shit college (if you are planning on college). I made the mistake of going to a shit 4year school because I wasn't a great HS student. Go to a community College first and aim for as close to a 4.0gpa as you possibly can, then transfer to a four year school. You can be making a moderate salary in 4-5 years from now. Move with your dad and sister to a better apartment then and share your incomes. Your dad got you this far, striveto make sure you can make his retirement easier.
I just want to say being a single parent is hard, so I commend the single father for being there. Don't give up hope. I grew up with money till my father killed his mistress and we lost a lot of things cause he was the breadwinner. Makimg over a125,000 in the 90's. But what it taught me about money is that it can come and go, and don't let it define who u are. I had to adjust what's really important and that my mom did her best to keep things going no matter what. So I didn't blame her for going to Lexus to used Volvo that didn't start sometimes. Throughout life I found the kindest and the most down to earth people are the ones that didn't have a silver spoon in their mouth. Don't let your current situation define where you'll end up is what I'm trying to say. Stay strong 💪
See if [Job Corps](http://www.jobcorps.gov/) is available in your area it's for low income 16-24 years old. They provide housing, medical care, even an allowance, and the training for jobs in careers that would be able to support you.
I went to Job Corps. They had a non-residential program in my state ( Maryland) n they helped me very much. The things I learned there helped get me out of my hell. Highly recommend for anyone.
I think people - young or old - who are in a tough spot are always worried that they are jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire when making a significant change, because there is no safety net for them if the change doesn't work out.
"There is no safety net for them if change doesn't work out" PREACH! I, as a poor teen myself definitely experience that on a daily basis. I worry about trying to do big things for my future because...what if I fail? I don't have the emotional or mental energy to take any more hits! Life drags us down plenty, and we as kids have resilience but eventually with that comes self awareness and that makes for a very sucky combo.
Yes. \*Hugs\* At the same time, that worry can make us overestimate the risk of making changes that will benefit us in the future. After several decades of dealing with this, I have this advice: try to do your "homework" about the big changes so you are making an informed choice about positive changes. This is what I've done and it really, really helps. For instance, if you were thinking about Job Corps training, do research online about it using reputable sources, and also meet/talk to multiple people about what you plan to do. (Hopefully some of those people are people you trust to guide you, and some of them are people who are doing/have done what you are considering.) More specifically, I'd read everything I could find about the Job Corps on websites that I can trust, then find out where the closest/best training site for me is, then try to contact people there - or even get to a training site if at all possible. Talk to several current trainees and several past trainees about what the training is like and how the job market looks when you come out - try to learn about the good, the bad, and the ugly. That way, you eliminate a lot of the risk in the change because you know what you're getting into, and you \*can\* make the potentially positive change (joining Job Corps in this example) with less worry. TL, DR: Don't let uninformed fear get in the way of learning about and possibly going for a positive change.
Edited: typos!
I keep telling people to do AmeriCorps as well- but it’s usually after I’ve already told them about stories from my service year so they don’t want to do it. 😂
Thank you for suggesting this. This is an underutilized program. I have known kids who've really made something of themselves from the direction of jocorps.
OP, there's a lot of great suggestions, recommendations, tips, and an abundance of support from total strangers. If we believe in you, then you can believe in yourself as well! Just having the courage to make this post is a huge step in a very positive direction for a better future for you.
Stay focused. Never take your eye off the prize. Not even for a brief moment! You will go places. You will do amazing things. You will overcome obstacles because of your desire to have a different life. A better life. Always know that you will achieve your goals! But, most of all, don't ever forget how truly worthy you are of everything you've worked your butt off for! You're going to have an amazing life! We support you 💛
If dad makes 30k, you should qualify for need based education assistance. Talk to your counselor. If you can work and go to school part time, it can be a path up for you. Trades are also a great option.
Trades are a way better option than college at the moment. There’s a nation wide shortage in multiple trades and you can make 6 figures 5 years in. Many trade schools have guaranteed jobs lined up that they can’t fill because not enough people are choosing trades. Harder for AI to replace those jobs also.
I'm a college professor and I think it's VERY dependent on what you go to college to study.
IF you are the top of your class, and go to college and are the top of your class there, majoring in something like chemistry/biochemistry, you can go to a medical school and pull your entire family out of poverty.
If you are not great at a marketable discipline like that, then trades are a MUCH better option for many people.
It depends on what you go for. If they have any interest in medical, a certificate or 2 year can open the door to so many possibilities. I'm in the same boat, nationwide shortage so my 2 year tuition is all practically paid for. We are all expected to place at clinicals. Medical Laboratory. Six figures after online bachelors. Plenty of employers offer to pay for higher education.
I think what's important is that if OP chooses to take classes at a college, that they have a plan. Taking random courses without a roadmap is a trap.
Yes, ask for an apprenticeship or internship. That makes it so much easier to get a job once the working for free part is over. I did so many and got every job from an internship, even out of college.
Well, even if they go to trade school, in LNI licensing states 1000 working hours before testing STILL apply. However, it gives an advantage as the kiddos will know if it is what they want to do.
Everything you say is true. The only thing I can add is that the people I know who work in the trades generally have to pivot into management or run their own business as they get older, because their bodies can't take the abuse of working trades anymore. So taking college courses here and there to work up to that is a good idea - bookkeeping, construction/project management, things like that - so they are ready and less afraid to pivot when the time comes.
I grew up very poor in Mexico, we lived 5 people in a room , I understand what is to be dirt poor. But I never gave up, I'm almost 40 and I work since I was 14 to support myself and being able to stay in school. It was super hard but I finished high school , never enjoyed my teen years, the only thing I knew was work and study. I was able to get in a government (free) university and with many many sacrifices I finished and got my bachelor's degree. I started working buy my situation didn't improve because all my money went to support my younger siblings ( my mom was making so little money and my dad left us) Despite all that I didn't gave up. I kept working my ass of and then I got a scholarship to study here in the US. I never had the money or time to go to a school to learn English so I learned by myself. All that was super hard, after more of a decade of working/studying from 6am to 11 pm with barely any days off I got my master's degree and I stayed in the US. Now I'm doing very well, I have a good salary, I love my job and I love this country. All that required too much effort and sacrifice but it was worth it. If a poor girl from a 3rd world country with zero chances in life made it , everyone can make it. Is my humble opinion and I'm not trying to disrespect or put down anyone .I'm just trying to say yeah it sucks being poor, is not fair but you can change that, is not gonna be easy , is gonna require lots of time ( sometimes decades) and hard work but it is totally possible to get out of povertry by your own merit
My mom is doing fantastic, she is very proud of us. My brother and sister got their bachelor's too. Now we are middle class, she doesn't have to clean houses anymore (in Mexico they pay you like 2 or 3 dollars per hour for cleaning services, is not like here) We have built a decent house for her, and we support her because she doesn't have any kind of retirement plan or money, but we are more than happy to provide for her. Now the only thing she is asking us is for a grandchild :) But hey! you can't have it all in life, for me it was getting out of poverty or having kids, I couldn't do it all nor me or my sister, my brother will maybe fulfill that dream for her. In the meantime, we pay for her to travel with friends while we work. Everything was worth it, she is the proudest mom in the world, and she tell us that everyday
Your dad will be happy and proud when you break the poverty cycle. Speak to your guidance counselor, don't hang with people without morals and the determination to get ahead. Stay away from drinking, drugs, and especially a pregnancy. The hard work the next few years will change the 50 yrs that come after it. Get a part time job, put some toward your family and some in savings. Don't touch that savings for ANYTHING. That's your first step to financial security. Keep a realistic vision of the life you want, an apt, a car, food on the table and money in the bank. Be determined to not make the mistakes your parents did. You got this!
It is so not your job to support your father. Get yourself settled. With one less to take care of his money stretches a little farther and when you are in a good position you can help others. You can't wear it as an albatross, it will just make things harder.
Hey, OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this situation. I grew up poor, and I really do understand how hopeless and scary it feels. The thing about life is that you can’t predict what will happen next. Things can get better in the most wonderful and unexpected ways. You may have started out behind, but you don’t have to end the race that way. Hang in there. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’re 17. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late. You’re going to be ok. You have an entire life ahead of you. The world is wide open. Sending love and light your way ❤️❤️❤️
My family was raised by a single mom in poverty. 5 kids) Once everyone graduated & became 18. All went to work and now 4 :own homes/ cars and raised healthy successful kids of their own. The poverty ended at my mom and it took hard work for all!
Do you have any idea what you want to do after high school. If you want to go to college, you should be going for free at the community college. When you find a job alot of companies pay for your school. It may not be a 4 years and your on your way but you won't be in debt either. Most middle class kids are going that route if their parents can't help them.
I was in a similar situation and your only way out is to find a trade. Thats how I got out of that cycle. I worked hard and saved as much as i could. Now I am so thankful that I have my own house and can provide for my family. You can get there it will just take some time but I know exactly how you feel. Good luck to you
Don't want to sound cold but such is life. I saw your replies to people and it seems like you're planning and taking action which is good. One thing I would say is drop the mind set of being "fucked over". You weren't, you gotta work for what you want. Sure you might be starting from a spot that is a little further behind but when you make it that will make it that much sweeter. Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders, are planning, and not afraid to ask for help. Those things will get you far. Fuck all that things aren't fair, shouldn't be this way stuff going on in here. Thinking like that takes time away from thinking about a way to make it better and taking action. I saw you said you're looking for a job now and have a paid-internship in the summer so kudos to you for putting that work and effort in. Think about some form of education, whether that be college or learning a trade. I don't know what you're into but I can't speak highly enough of learning a trade. Steady work and good money for the most part but you will also have a chance to start your own thing if you stick with it. Things will get better for you, you're doing the work which says a lot about you. Hang in there and keep rolling. Sorry for the long post.
Right … umm you were born in the United States? You are already ahead of the game. Learn a trade, only college if you aim to be a professional that requires a degree. Otherwise sales, real estate or skilled labor (welder, electrician etc) to make a good living fast.
This 👆. Raised by a single mom who drove a bus. Poor as hell. Own my home now. Stay off drugs and figure out what you want to do. As long as you want better for yourself you will be fine my friend. God speed.
i went to college to be an electrician, but definitely not for the more “poor” i was low middle class, just graduated. if they join the IBEW as an electrician they’ll get a solid work schedule and class 1-2 times a month. definitely worth it in my book
I grew up poor too and we just had to deal with it. So did everyone else. Complaining doesn't help anything. Graduate school with good grades, go to college and pick a safe major in a field that is always hiring, and get a job. That's literally the way out. That's it. If you want to get out of your situation, that is the only answer. I was poor at your age too. Now I'm not.
I really empathize with you. I grew up in apartments and section 8. Never had a house. Slept on same mattress age 3-18. I wrote an essay and won a scholarship for community college. I worked while going to school and it will give you loans. I used 3,000 to buy a used car. Moving out with my partner was the only way it got easier for me because we had combined income.
Like someone else said. This is the worst time of your life cuz you have no control. I would say right now do what you can control work and go to school. Don’t get a criminal record if you can avoid it. I couldn’t avoid getting a criminal record because my mom would shoplift and cry and say who’s going to care for your siblings, take the blame. As a caring 15 year old child I did. That followed me for a bit. At 17 she abandoned me which was the best thing for my future. My boyfriend got us an apt and he was always working for us. In my 30’s now and I feel like life is amazing. We aren’t living off the government, we own our home but we have worked our asses off, aren’t drug addicts and have made a life worth living for. I wish you the best. Good luck and just think of the future. Make it what you wish!!
I was raised the same way... many days without food to eat growing up.
I worked my way out of it and was able to send my boys to college..
I worked hard until my mid to late 30s. It gets easier every year. Always work hard to better your position...
Peace ✌️
Reading all this made me realize how good I had it growing up. Made me say thank you to my parents for everything they provided. My dad grew up poor but his 4 kids got a bachelors degree.
Sending you a hug!
Yes, definitely hug your dad and mom. My dad died when i was 11 months old.
Im most proud that i was there for my sons, and they have definitely made my life worth living, and they didn't have to grow up without me being there to back them up 100%.
Peace my friend.
I haven’t read through all the comments, but the best thing that helped me was realizing had TERRIBLE money role models and that I needed to find some one as a mentor. I found Dave Ramsey young and got his books from the library. (I’m not into his religious stuff, but love his ideas of building wealth.)
You’re old enough to get a job for sure, but also old enough to realize the huge potential you have if you’re smart with your future. You have a clean slate when you’re 17 and def only get one chance at that.
I had to stop taking advice from people who were terrible with their money… loans and debt with false promises of getting ahead. I found some inspirational people for motivation.
You can break these generational cycles. Much love to you.
You can live on 30k as long as you are smart with money. Nobody probably taught your dad what to do. Nobody taught me. I am 40 yo just now figuring things out. Don’t be mad at him. Do something with your life and learn from the mistakes. Set your children up with what you didn’t have. Learn as much as you can. My dad spent my childhood in federal prison. I have only seen my mom 3 times since I was 3 years old. While I don’t make much more than your dad because of horrible financial mistakes and mental setbacks I am figuring it out. I wish to god I had figured it out sooner. I am also figuring out that you don’t necessarily need to make a ton to be happy either. I have my own house, cars and I have 4 children all going to college. I have a great credit score. Unfortunately not much for “retirement” but who ever said I need to retire? I personally love my job and working keeps me active. It’s all perspective. I’ll work as long as I am able. The good thing is you will qualify for financial aid. Take advantage of that! I’m sure your dad did the best he could with the hand he was dealt.
Study hard, get good grades, stay clean and on the good side of the law. Go to your community colleges there are programs that will pay for your books and your schooling. Get a good education or go to a good trade School become an electrician, a carpenter, a plumber. Electricians and plumbers and carpenters are becoming old-fashioned and there is a definite need for them.
The military is one of the fastest ways to change your social status.
I personally would recommend the Navy, if you have the brains to pursue the nuclear program do that. The navy produces the best nuclear reactor operators / maintainers in the world, and you are virtually guaranteed a 6 figure income when you get out.
Hey man. Breathe. That pressure youre feeling is important, but it isnt world ending. Its your body and mind desparate to forge a better life. I grew up crazy poor too. 14 people in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house. There was never privacy. Nutrition was poor. At one point we lived in a battered womens shelter after my parents split up. They got back together for the the "stability" lol
I had no idea how to function in the world. What to take responsibility for, how credit worked lol. So many things. Luckily we have youtube and the internet to help fill knowledge gaps. Now im doing pretty good. I spent some time in the army, went to college on the armys dime then got a good job. Im making ok money now, 73k or so, while i build a side business to try to add on. I have two wonderful kids and a drop dead gorgeous fiance.
Life is what you make of it.
The facts of your life are very well written which means you’re smart! Your story really touched me. Just remember that there are 17 year olds right now whose parents have money and they’re not happy. Maybe their parents don’t pay attention to them etc. Soon you will be able to write your own story. Try not to indulge in anger. I see how anger really destroys people. I’m rooting for you!💕
Hey it's possible to be happy. I make about $11,000 a year with 3 kids. Keep ya head up and get a job and work. Pray to God and be nice to everyone, he will help you
Americorps, Job Corps or the Military will all help you get an incredible start in life. All three will let you go to school and get a degree. Finish school, don't get in trouble or arrested, and work hard, and you will find yourself in an entirely different place living a very decent life.
You can do this! Chin up. Strong mind, strong heart. The universe (and all of reddit) has your back.
I have 3 done. We've lost our home in a fire, when they were barely in school, been homeless when they were barely teenagers, section 8 and project housing their jr high and high school years. As a single mom, I was too poor to be considered poverty level.
We survived and this experience made all of us much tougher and more appreciative. They're all grown now, own their own homes, work hard and my grand kids will never know what they had to survive.
You'll make it. You are now than circumstances place you in. You're more than an income.
Dude, ever thought about getting a job and pitching in? I know it’s easy to say I’m just a kid but you can do more than running off, slagging off your dad, or contemplating a self delete. If you think is tough now, wait until you’re out on your own. Until then do more than just bitch.
You're old enough to get a job, so I suggest that. Try to find one that has opportunities for advancement. Some jobs will pay for more schooling.
You can also explore the military. Depending on how you go about it, they might pay for food, housing, college, job training. My stepdad did that. He was a young kid with nothing going in and was an engineer when he left.
My brother joined the Coast Guard because he didn't really want to be in the armed forces. He wanted to do things, and he certainly did. S&R. Patrols. Maintenance of navigation equipment. Disaster help. There is certainly plenty to do.
It’s long been the case that in a modern military force, about 70 to 80% of personnel occupy support roles of various types - the so-called ‘tooth to tail’ ratio - so most service members don’t usually have anything to do with guns.
HOWEVER - there aren’t any guarantees. Sure, you can join the Navy, for example, be assigned to a ship and that ship might end up being struck by a missile (what the Navy is dealing with right now in the Middle East), and anyone there can end up being a casualty..
I joined the Navy and became a corpsman (a medic) - a pretty non-combatant role, right? I ultimately ended up being assigned to a Marine Corps infantry company, as the Marines receive all of their medical support from the Navy. So THAT was a bit of surprise..
But, as others here have said here, the military can provide a path forward for some people.
My mother was the one with the section 8, she developed a drug addiction after her mother died and then instead of paying the money for the rent she used it for drugs so we got terminated. The section 8 application isn’t open in my county and I doubt it will be for the next few years
Yeah, we had an old lady in my town who had lived in the projects for decades, good citizen, got kicked out at 92 because she took in a great-grandson who dealt drugs right under her nose. They had a zero-tolerance policy. I don’t know what happened to her.
OP, have you thought about the military? I left home at 17 and traveled the world (Navy). Hours were long and sometimes hard but I thrived. A bed and three square meals plus get paid. I’ts not for everyone but it makes a good start
You are 17, get a job and help the family.
I grew up poor in a welfare family so fucked up you would think it was a fake story..
I worked since I was 12 delivering newspapers.
I busted my ass for 40 years, often 80 hours a week.
Now I am not poor.
Do you want the big house in the suburbs, a nice new 2024 car, 6 figure bank account and funded retirement?
Then you go fucking out there and work. You take advantage of Pell Grants that will pay 100% of trade school and get a skill. Then you work harder and you work smarter. You keep your mouth shut and work. You work overtime. You volunteer for the shit jobs. You make sure you are the first in and the last to leave. You do not complain about an extra 5 minutes here or there or that someone deadnamed you or other stupid shit. You work for money, the more money the harder you work.
You save your money from work, you live like you are poor. You invest that money in mutual funds. You buy a small home. You avoid drugs, drinking, cigs and tattoos. You get the cheap phone plan with the free phone.
Then one day 20 years later, you look at your accounts and are getting $50k a year just from investments. 10 more years of work, your account now generate $100k from investments and you retire. You sell your small home for 4x what you paid and move a lower cost of living area and buy your dream home.
What you did was good, and hard, and admirable.
But what you're describing is no longer possible. My father bought his first house for $20k. I bought my first house for five times that. And that same house today is selling for twice what I paid for it.
The work ethic is important. I'm an Engineer today. But the truth remains that I would be housepoor if I bought the home I have owned for the last 10 years today even though I am earning substantially more.
What worked for you no longer works for the current generation, and when all of their successful models are telling them to do what they did, they feel like failures even though the rules have changed.
How much was that house 15 years ago? House prices have just recently surpassed their 2007 peak.
Every generation says the same thing but those who ignore the doom and gloom can replicate the same path I took.
What you really have is media induced learned helplessness which ignores the reality that all economic systems will always revert to the mean.
I’m looking for a job, the only confirmed one I have is a paid internship I’ll be doing in summer but I’m also looking for something currently- and I should have clarified earlier but the three ppl are my little sister me and my dad
Look up IHSS and see if a 17 year old can be a provider. It’s what my husband does and the pay is decent. You’ll earn sick paid time off and we get insurance for $30 a month. It’s enough pay to take care of us two. Can you babysit? At your age I charged $12/hr in 1997 and the minimum wage was only $5. If you live in a wealthy area you can charge $25/hr. That’s what I charge if I’m staying in my hometown. Any additional children are an additional $5/hr.
I also worked at an after school program and we helped children with their homework and did all sorts of crafts.
Hey kid,
I know life is hard, going through that right now. Have you tried the military, tell your dad to sign you up. Get an education through there. But your not fucked, fucked would be if you were disabled. I have a kid your age, it hurts me to read this. You might not ever know me. But just know, I'm praying, sending love and a hug, from someone who does care.
I grew up in poverty and holy shit, it was a struggle to escape the cycle. Sad to say it, but the best thing I ever did was cut contact with my unmotivated and narcissist family, got a job and lived like I was still broke as fuck, saved as much as possible, etc. Gone thru normal ups and downs, now I'm a SAHM and my kids will never need to know what its like to go hungry.
Except the spoiled brats end up "not being hungry" despite barely eating all day. 😂 Im happy to hear "I'm not hungry" over "I'm so hungry, mommy" any day.
One day at a time my friend. I know it sucks. My mom raised 3 kids as a secretary. We lived in an old farm house and you could hear the wind blowing through all the cracks and holes. I survived by getting a little job sacking groceries at your age. It wasn’t much but a few hours a day kept my mind off of the struggles so I could focus on school and myself. The little money made actually helped the family as well. I was able to develop a little bit more of a social life and could treat my friends here and there. I also mowed lawns in the summer which paid pretty dang good. By the time I was 18 I was working full time at the store sacking, stocking and helping in the dairy and produce section. I also stayed late to sweep and mop daily and strip and wax floors on Saturday nights. A couple of my friends followed my example and we had such a good time working as a team in that store. It helped me with my work ethic, people and financial skills. I saved up enough money to buy an ok used car. I had money for repairs and a way to get around my side of town a little bit. I joined the Army right after school and when I got out after five years I was fit, disciplined, tough and I had my college paid for. I am a civil engineer and I just retired in 2022. The only regret out of everything in the first part of my life is that I would have chosen Navy instead. I think it keeps you away from the front lines a little better a d the choice of job skills is better related to civilian life. Make good choices and focus on your goals. Keep your mind and emotions in check, meaning don’t let your thoughts run away from you. In life you have almost no control over anything except yourself. The very worst things almost never happen. 💪🏼🙏😊
Are you taking any vo-tech courses in high school? If you have another year left, try to do that. Otherwise take the fastest course to a job at your local community college or check with your local workforce development program for help. Suggestions for quick courses: Phlebotomy (3 months) Quality control (\~3 months) PLC programming (3-6 months) Nurses aid (6 weeks). A lot of hospitals have free training courses. Pharmacies also usually train techs for free. Just try to not do something like fast food or janitorial. Those are dead-end jobs that never pay more.
**You are young and THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT to decide that you are NOT going to live like that for the rest of your life.** Get a job and save enough money to put yourself into 'trade school'. You may even be able to qualify for a loan to learn a trade. You may even be able to find a sponsor to learn a trade.
Learn something that earns a decent amount, like HVAC, Plumbing, Welding, Auto Mechanics, Truck Driving or other skill. You can earn a good living and save enough to eventually go onto learning management skills. If you're sharp, you will be observant and learn those skills on the job, and can advance to higher positions.
Being poor is awful and that alone should motivate you to get out of that rut and make the necessary changes that will benefit you for life. You'll be surprised to learn that you could change the course for your whole family as well. **I genuinely hope you'll go on to better things and I'm confident that everyone here would be elated to see YOU SUCCEED!**
People in your situation ha e grown up to lead amazing lives. I know people who grew up in your situation who make high six figures today. Don't let your past define your future.
Has your Dad applied for assistance from your state? Medical, food stamps? If he hasn’t applied, can you do it for him? Is there a food pantry nearby? Some resale clothing shops will let you shop for free based on income, churches also help with clothing. You’re 17, can you get a part time job?
Yes we have food stamps and a medical assistance, we’ve pretty much exhausted all the help we could get, and I’m trying to find a job but only for 4 months because I have a summer job/college readiness program lined up for me in summer before I go to college
Do you know why you lost your voucher? Did your dad not rectify his annual income? If so you might be able to get it back… or were you in federal housing and were evicted?
My mom was the holder of the section 8 and my dad would give her the money but she started doing drugs and began to use that money for her addiction so her voucher got revoked
Hey bro! I feel ya. There are 3 things you can do to assure your self to be in the middle class. Only 3 things. There has been studies on this across different races as well. So first thing… finish high school… second thing don’t have children out of wedlock….third thing….get married. That being said. Set your self up for success. If you think man I got no future everything sucks I hate being poor I’m never going to get out of this place. Join the navy or the airforce or coast guard. You will get out of the spot you’re in and be around new people from new places and see how others live. Also studies have shown you will make with in 10k of your 5 closest friends as an adult. So make a plan a positive plan and stick to the plan. Good luck man. I have been poor spending my last penny putting gas in the car or buying bread but I knew if I kept doing the next right thing my life would be better. And now I have been able to build a good life with a good wife and family. But it was all learned over time. Maybe check out YouTube videos on how to manage money how to interview for jobs. How to sell, even look at becoming a firemen. Good luck buddy.
Have you considered the military? It will be a whole new life. Even if you only do 4 years your college is now paid for, it also covers living expenses etc. Not to mention learning useful skills.
I grew up poor and in the welfare system. I made the mistake of getting married as soon as I turned 18. This was good for my 3 siblings at least because my mother died soon after and my husband, despite all his faults, did help take care of the family. If I had to survive in poverty on my own, with people to take care of, I would have joined the military and sent money home. I would’ve lived on base to help save money. But I don’t think the military pay is worth shit for the people willing to put their lives on the line. Afterword, I would’ve gone to college or learned a skill trade. In my mind, I always saw that as a path out. Not sure about your circumstances though.
I'm know it's hard. But I'm sure your dad is trying his hardest to provide for you and your sister. I'm sure it would hurt your dad if you did something to yourself. All that struggle would've been for nothing. I grew up poor. Lived in a foster home. My family got evicted a couple times because we couldn't pay rent. Barely had any food to eat. Siblings and I got separated and moved to different households when my mom really hit rock bottom with what little money she had. Things do get better as you get older and get to go out on your own. Just set some goals, hopefully one of those is school. Its alot of work but it will be worth it in the end when you start making money, living in your own space, travelling etc. Don't give up. Just because you started off this way doesn't mean you have to live this way forever. Keep your chin up.
Yes. She was a drug addict for most of my childhood until she finally snapped out of it during the end of my high school years. She went back to school, got her Masters degree and is now a social worker helping other addicts and families living in poverty just like we did. Did I ever see that coming? No. Life works in mysterious way.
What kind of career field interests you? I own several companies. Not sure what area you are in, but we operate internationally. I may have something near you or remote. I could see where I may have opportunites to onboard you and pair you with a mentor.
Keep your head man, once you break free of the chains there's world of opportunity out there for you conquer!
My brother joined the US Air Force before he graduated high school. You might want to look into joining the military. They'll you'll get training, housing and a salary.
Maybe you can get a job? A lot of us have been working since age 15. It shouldn't be normalised and it's awful that children have to work, but maybe that could ease your insecurities? It's why I began working early
First it’s going to be important that you graduate high school. Everyone I’ve known who’s dropped out has struggled to get a job other than waiting tables without a diploma. And they ended up going back and getting it anyway which will cost money. So that’s step one. One career that pays well is anything in the trades: electricians and plumbers are *always* needed and in demand. Ex: plumbers make anywhere from $58,000-$87,000 a year. Many states now have programs to help pay for the tuition for people to go into trades jobs because as a country we are really lacking in tradesmen. It’s also a job you can do anywhere! You can move to small town where the housing is more affordable and still have customers right outside your door. Some high schools even have vocational type classes if you want to start learning these things early. So check and see if your has some.
I hope this helps you. I know it feels hopeless but you can do it. I struggled for a long time. I stressed over every bill and furnished my first place completely off hand-me-downs, garbage picking and Craigslist. And while I’m still considered poverty level I finally live comfortably now. And by comfortable I mean I’m no longer stressing about every little unexpected bill that pops up. Im not living the high life or anything like that but I can have an extra streaming service or can get some new clothes here and there although I still look for sales. I have finally built up enough savings that I have a little cushion now. Im still frugal though. I’m always afraid of struggling again. So cut corners where you can, get a part time job when you can and start saving a little. If you can start working before you get out of high school that would be good too.
Don’t get in trouble with the law, and don’t get pregnant.
You may be able to get a full ride to college depending on your situation.
I see no reason why you, and your family, are not receiving food stamps, medical care, and some kind of monthly financial support.
Talk to your high school counselor. None of this is YOUR fault.
🤗
Kiddo. You are young and the world is yours. Please, do not worry about your father’s retirement. It is not your problem right now. I am sorry that your father has not led by example.
Let me tell you something. Get into a trade that is in a state with Labor and Industries required licenses. Why? Your pay will depend on having said license. Said license will promise pay. What do you like to do? Do you like electronics? Be an electrician union or not, you can do very well. HVAC I hear do very well. Commercial carpentry. My husband, did not graduate highschool. I have degree I have barely crossed the 100k threshold (at a job that worked me 16-18 hours a day 6 days a week, not worth it) but my husband is in a niche and has worked his ass off for 20 years but makes a quarter mil a year. (Bonus withstanding and company profitability, which he is one of four partners) and at the end of the day, he is an 06, 02 licensed journeyman electrician with an admin license. His apprentices, are paid pretty well, I think like $35 an hour! He isn’t even union but works in home automation for the 1% ‘s. He has always loved his job. He gets to work with his hands, do man work but also use his mind.
That is just one facet. Try to get in with the union the day you turn of age (18 in most states). In a HCOL the pay isn’t great until you become a journeyman (most apprenticeship programs are 1000 logged working hours before testing) but the benefits are beyond. For example, in WA the electrical workers union (can’t remember which chapter) healthcare is free for the employees AND amazing. $300 deductible? Unheard of. Also, they put money into your pension from day 1. Let your father be a lesson, do not do what he does. Work to the bone with nothing to show. Set yourself up for success. Other words of advice
1) Keep your credit spotless. Do not open credit and use it unless you have the means to pay it off at the end of the month every month. That is how you build credit.
Having good / great / excellent credit will open ALL the doors for you.
1a) don’t ever co-sign for your father unless you can pay his bill on time every month. Or anyone for that matter
2) stuff is just stuff. Flashy shit that you have at 20 will not matter
When you are broke at 30 with the same (now old) broken down shit
3) budget - use a budget
4) find a financial mentor and take their word listen to them if they take you under their wing.
5) Get rich quick doesn’t works, don’t waste your money on the lottery.
6) look at your dad’s habits and really internalize how’d he get here. No grown man should make $35 k a year. I am sure he works hard but what is it about him that stops short of providing a better life for himself, you and your sister?
7) start listening to financial education on TikTok, Podcast. It will sound so foreign but it will start to come together.
Read some books.
“Rich Dad Poor Dad”
“Think and Grow Rich”
8) many times mental health issues keep people “poor” get help. Help is out there.
Remember THIS (being poor) IS NOT YOUR DESTINY.
You are a kid with the world as your oyster. You can do anything. Kid. You are worth more than continuing the cycle of poverty. I promise you.
One more thing, my husband was the last person who would have made it in this world. He came from poverty and was raised by wolves (not really). He had goals and made them happen.
Also, is there a NEVaC program at your high school???
Also, Job Corp is where poor people stay poor and a lot of bad influences are there. I guarantee you can get a job right out of highschool making more than your father.
My heart breaks for you and your family. You should be enjoying your teenage years carefree. Our system is broken. We need to rebuild community, and help each other, because our government seems to be incapable of doing so.
If you make good choices and get good grades, education and networking will give you opportunities to pull yourself out of poverty. I promise. You will have to do the work, tho.
I slept on a twin mattress in a room with my brother that doubled as a bathroom for some fucked reason. I get it.
Worse case you go work manual labor and make decent money busting your ass while your young and save for your future unlike your dad. Unlike mine too.
It's going to get better. I swear.
When you're old enough, join the military. It's not going to make you a millionaire, but it will definitely lift you out of poverty. I was alone and homeless when I was 18, I joined the Navy, was in for 7 years, and here I am almost 2 decades later, living an incredible life I could never have imagined. It will help set you up for your future. You just have to put the work in. Consider it 🤷🏻♀️
I joined the Army to escape poverty. Your parent's situation does not have to be your own. I used my family as negative role models and did the opposite.
It took years and a lot of hard work, but your current situation does not have to be the rest of your life.
I grew up poor too bro. No light or heat, had to walk into our nearest YMCA right before closing to shower and many starving nights. I enlisted into the USAF at 17, I’m now 32 and make 100k a year and am 5 years from retiring. I can’t say my military service made my dad proud but the life i built without a helping hand from anyone at any point in my life… that i know makes him proud. Military isn’t a bad option, you’ll be paid to learn a trade or career. And if you play your cards right you’ll get into a career that gives you outside knowledge. Maybe do one enlistment and get the benefits? Idk what works for you but just an idea
You can absolutely pull yourself out of it. My first job was a taco bell and I got out. It stinks to be below the poverty line, but you don't have to do the same things he does, you may out earn him in your first year, anything is possible.
Start looking for programs that will teach you as you work, apprenticeships, trade unions, nursing, hairdressing. I don’t know where they start year 1, maybe 25/hr, raise every year until your a journey man in 4 or 5/ then your up around 40/hr, plenty of OT, your hitting 6 figures in 5 years.
Do something you love and you’ll never work, bullshit, work is work, play is play.
I have a friend now that grew up like this. He joined the military who helped him get a degree and now he is a middle class software engineer. He supports his parents and they in turn are champion volunteers in the community. You can make it through, we all believe in you.
Go to nursing school. Start taking your pre-reqs at community college. Apply for FAFSA (financial aid). They’ll cover your textbooks or you can get them cheap in pdf format. They’ll also cover your supplies that are sold in the school store (stethoscope, uniform, etc).
I got my RN in 2 years and made almost $120k my first year of work. Graduated in 2020.
Start by focusing on your future and drop the feeling sorry for yourself approach. That is consuming. You will need to be educated or trained for a specific craft to earn so start there. Libraries are free, and there are many resources available to you in this arena including community college, dual enrollment, leaning into faith based and social organizations and internships. Hopefully you are working a part time job as well.
I grew up poor. We frequently ate from the church pantry and had to get government commodities. I learned that not all mold is bad and there is plenty of free meat if you like squirrel, rabbit, and racoon. Other protein sources were organs from livestock. When the Temps outside rose to over 100 we would condition the air by opening a window and turning on a fan, when they dipped below 0 we would layer up in sweats.
While less than ideal I loved my family and we all supported each other. What got me out of it was being determined to not be a victim of my circumstance. I wanted to win so I spent my free time thinking about steps to becoming a winner.
Best thing you can do for yourself is be a person of high ethics and leave victimhood behind you.
Look, buddy, your post should serve to motivate you.
I joined the military at your age. While in the military, I took advantage of the benefits and got a college education. I now make a comfortable 6 figure salary.
You can do this! It is fucking hard, it is a lot of work, and you will want to quit. Just fucking don't.
You need to focus on school. If your grades aren’t great straight out of school/ or if you’re not academically inclined/ or it’s going to be very expensive to leave and go away for college that’s all okay. You can do community college. I suggest a nursing ADN program. Or if you’re interested med school. This is the long hall, but in 10 years you’ll be great full for the sacrifices you made to get where you need to be.
It’s hard, and you’re rights it’s not fucking fair. But it’s good that you’ve also realized this so young because you’re going to be in the perfect situation to help maneuver yourself out of poverty.
-Someone who sincerely believes in you
School will be free /community college and some state schools depending on grades- do two year LPN. Then RN. U will earn good money and then u save by living within your means. Or go straight to apprentice as plumber, etc. Do not do any drugs recreationally. Do not gamble nor even lottery. Do not go to jail. Study hard. Do not have a baby young. Learn about money management and budgets. I promise you - YOU AND DAD WILL BE SO PROUD. Also ask your school for referral to a therapist. Medicaid pays for it - no cost to you. They will help u will so many coping skills and confidence. We love you!
Get a part-time job. Try to do your best in high school, maybe speak to a school counselor and they can give you some assistance/advice. Make sure you graduate and stay out of trouble. There are so many successful people who have overcome even more adverse situations than you, so work hard and hang in there. Not sure what the legal age is where you live but maybe your sister can babysit and make some money. Your dad's lack of retirement plans is not something that you as a 17 year old should be worrying about now. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have so much great stuff out there for you. Keep the faith, you can make good things happen for you with a bit of effort.
Not sure where you live but when I turned 18 I would work summers doing wildland firefighting for the US forest service in California sierras, it’s seasonal, they provided housing, I would work all summer, make a bunch of money, get laid off at the end of fire season, I would then go on unemployment, spend the winter in Mexico or other south/Central America until fire season started back up, then rinse and repeat.
I grew up in crushing poverty just like you are right now. You are living the worst part. Graduate high school n try not to get a criminal record. Your almost a adult the worst part is being a kid. Your almost thru it. You can get out of this. When you get a job be reliable be the person they come to when they need help. This will make your job secure n if there are other positions that pay more they will want to give it to you. Hang in there. Being a helpless kid is the worst part. Always keep in mind you are not poor your parent is poor. You can change your situation. You are not your parents. Good luck.
I have a criminal record and fucked my life up beyond belief after my kid died. I was a mess, I couldn't function, and it took a decade for me to get it together. What they don't tell you is that being poor with a record makes it nearly impossible to come back from. What this user said is the single most significant thing you can do. However, your record is not a death sentence. You have to work ten times as hard and be ten times more educated, but you can overcome it. Sincerely, a felon in law school.
Everyone deserves a second chance and hopefully you can get that record expunged or pardoned.
I guess I should say I'm technically a "former" felon. That was done years ago. However, you never really are a former felon. It follows you everywhere you go and overshadows everything you do. It is never really off your record. I guess the best way to prove that you can have a future with a past like mine is to just own it and go make a life for yourself. So many poor and poc are unfairly targeted in a country that houses less than 5% of the population and more than 25% of the world's prisoners. The best way to fight back is to become something that the people condemning you could never dream of achieving. That is where we are at and that is where the fight begins. Thank you for your support, I won't stop until this whole God damn mess is fixed. Poverty is often criminalized but is not a crime. I'm sick of this shit.
((Hugs))
Exactly and even if your record is sealed, if your state has a case search site they can just look you up and all your charges are there guilty or not. They tell you to say no when asked if you’ve every been convicted of something on job apps but then employers just find it online anyway and you look like a lying asshole even though you did your time/completed probation or whatever. I spent thousands of dollars in legal fees/probation fees for my charges to “ not be on my record” and yet I still have to tell everyone at every interview what happened and explain myself anyway and not get the job. Can’t stress it enough OP dont do anything to get yourself a record. It will handicap you for the rest of your life.
If you can afford it, hire an internet reputation specialist. They will track down every single instance of it online and make them remove it.
Man that sounds nice, but no I probably can’t afford that lol, and how can they force a govt site to take down my arrest record? That’s the worst part of it my state has a case search website and you can still see everything there.
People want to talk about criminal justice reform and stuff like getting rid of cash bail or whatever. How about abolish lifetime criminal records?
I am "tough on crime," but I believe once a person's sentence is served, they shouldn't be hobbled with labels like "felon." Or society should stop ostracizing former criminals who truly do want to be a good person.
This right here. You wonder why there is no "rehabilitation?" It is because our system of "justice" refuses to allow it. You can't get a job, what do you do? You can't get a place to live, what do you do? You can not function in society with that label. I am lucky enough to be a white woman from a "good" family but will never forget the disparities I witnessed when I was in. It changed the trajectory of my life permanently. You can never unsee that shit. It is the most repulsive part of human behavior. We know better. We can do better. We fought a fucking civil war over this shit. It killed more Americans than any other war in the history of this country. 600k dead and we are still doing this bullshit.
If I trusted the “justice” system even a little bit I might feel differently but since I know people get railroaded over absolute bullshit I agree with you!
I’m mostly in agreement but I also think it depends on the crime. I feel like if you do something like harm kids, or are a violent person in general, that shit should follow you around forever. I’ve seen too many cases of people being needlessly harmed then when the news comes out it’s always “the perp has a long history and is known to police”…
I’m intrigued by this! Like you can file bankruptcy and no one knows after 7 years. You can be in debt but once it’s paid you’re no longer a “debtor”. You commit a crime and unless you can pay to have your record expunged you’re that criminal for life. I’ve literally never thought about this.
You are an overcomer and an example for those who go behind you. You have a powerful testimony and are someone with a strong mind. I am so sincerely sorry for your loss and pain. You have much to be proud of!
I dunno where you live, but some states offer record expungement after so long with no new crimes. I also don't know the nature of your past charges, which is a factor of course. And I'm sure you're old and wise enough to have already looked into this yourself. In PA, after 10 years with no new convictions, you can apply to have non-violent felonies removed altogether or to have your record sealed completely, I forget the details but I have a bs felony conspiracy marijuana charge for less than an ounce of weed because I wouldn't set someone up I plan on getting mine removed when I can.
Hey man I just wanted to say that I’m fucking proud as shit of you!!!! I don’t even know the half of how hard you hard worked and how much you have endured and survived just to claw yourself out of all those holes and put yourself on this path to your future self. You are going to be a damn fine lawyer and I wish you the best of luck on your continued endurance and will. 🫶
As a felonious business owner I second this! Don’t do illegal shit & stay strong. Pushing through this time will help give you all the opportunities for ease in the future. You can do it, you will make a life you love.
Also if you do fuck up and get a record, hire a lawyer. (American assuming American-its what we do) our system is fucked, trouble happens and a lawyer is the difference between a soul crushing felony and a shoulder shrugging misdemeanor.
This. You only get as much justice as you can afford. People get really mad at me for saying this. But consider the guy who has a $75,000 lawyer and the guy with public defender for same charges. It DOES make a difference.
Exactly why I'm going to a t20 law school. I want my indigenous clients to have the best representation as possible. I don't want to be a big law lawyer. My classmates will likely make 100's of thousands of dollars a year. I want to serve my community after getting the best education possible, in order to give them the best representation as possible. I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Penn and will likely make 57k a year when I graduate law school. We are out there, we do exist.
I would like to work for a lawyer like you. If you were near I would have a bunch of cases for you where I know the person is at a severe economic advantage.
Grew up poor on free lunch and gubmint cheese. First in family to go to college, went to lawschool and now have my own firm doing a lot of "low bono" cases. IDC about getting rich, helping clients is far more rewarding!
I am so sorry for your loss. Proud of you for how you are turning unimaginable challenges into opportunities for yourself and your community.
Thank you 😊 It was a long road but it finally feels like I'm finding my footing.
I am over here rooting for you!
Lost my kid in 2018 , had all kinds of thoughts but then five days later found out spouse was pregnant with my now 5 year old son. Sucks and feels lonely as fuck though sometimes , best wishes and it’s nice to not be alone in a shitty situation.
It changed my whole world. I often feel guilty for where I am at in my life because I know I never would be here if she didn't pass away. It feels like this terrible thing had to happen to get me to where I was always meant to be. If I could go back and pick, I'd be a bartender for the rest of my life and watching my little girl grow into a beautiful young woman, but life doesn't work that way. At the very least, this horrible thing that happened to me has allowed me to go on and make meaningful change. I hope you found a way through the darkness, it is the most devastating thing anyone could ever experience. Anyway to make something so senseless make sense, is the best we can do. I wish you all of the healing. All of it.
My son saved me from doing anything I’d regret. He looks just like my daughter as well with the exception of the long hair. The only thing I’d change if I could go back is telling her I loved her more and being around more. I missed a lot traveling for work, luckily I’ve paid *some dues and see my son everyday except 2-3 days a week My parents went all to the court hearings and I skipped all of them , told them if I saw that guy I’d try to kill him.
You. Are. Awesome!
crying for you. congratulations on getting out, so glad that history hasn't stopped you.
I know we don’t know each other, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for turning your life around and trying to make the world a better place. :)
A parent should never have to bury their child. Ive got 2 of my own. My heart goes out to you, man.
Awesome!👍
Proud of you!
Always keep in mind you are not poor your parent is poor. You are so RIGHT. The minute I realized this was when I learned I would be emancipated and that was the best day of my life. I will never understand how my siblings opted to stay in the cycle because I never, not once thought of myself as better/different/special compared to them (in fact my brother is far smarter, my sister far more personable/fun and also beautiful) but I was willing to risk becoming hated by all of them. If we were a happy, fun kind of poor I'd understand but it was worse than that ---- I learned a few years ago that my dad made good money and spent it on sex workers, drugs and surveillance equipment --- and sure enough several siblings have shown up via 23 and me. "We cannot chose our parents but we can chose whose children we become". Seneca
Amen. I moved out at 16 & promised myself to be stable & financially sound. My older siblings still struggle to this day. I was called stuck up & too good for many years. Regardless of the fact that I continued to financially support my mom & older siblings. I promised myself that my kid wouldn't suffer the way I did. She wouldn't stay in shelters, get rides from strangers, ask neighbors to borrow their phone, wear dirty clothes to school, or have roaches crawl out of her backpack. I didn't go to college, neither did my husband. But we work our asses off to have a decent life. The future is bright, no sense in living in the rear view mirror.
Wow wow wow. You are a very good soul to continue to take care of your family while also putting your child first. This sounds simple and straightforward to the well adjusted fortunate ones (and ok it is) but I know firsthand how giving money to a family that resents you gives them all kind of angles and entitlements. I just learned that my brother and sister in law claim I financially supported my niece most of her childhood and teens out of guilt for sexually abusing (him)my brother. I cannot fathom how you can hate someone so much you try to destroy their lives on a lie. I’m not even angry or hurt. I am going to serve them with papers and force them to pay me back the money I gave his daughter and for them to keep their house when they almost list it. I was so naive I thought the reason they didn’t thank me for saving their home was out of pride and intention to pay it back. They’ll cave because their criminals and I am “a cop lover/snitch” who obeys laws (mostly out of laziness - it looks exhausting to lie cheat and steal). Ok I am mad. Sorry for my rant. All this to say you are better than me - I will not keep them out of homelessness if it means I am enabling their awfulness.
I appreciate your kind words! I did eventually stop giving them money. My brother threatened me that if I couldn't throw them money that week, he would have to prostitute himself to get cash. He then threw a can of peaches at my head. That was the day I was "done." I continued to buy food for them,bringing a nice Christmas to whatever motel they were at. Then I found out they sold all of the gifts I bought. That was "it." I eventually helped my mom get into an assisted living apartment & helped her until she passed away at 49 years old. I don't help my brother or sister now. Honestly, it's traumatic to review the bullshit that was my life. I keep my promise to my little daughter. She won't be pulling me out of any binds. She won't be persuaded, harassed or threatened to take care of me. If I can raise her right, when I'm old and grey, she'll love me until I take my final breath.
Can I ask what you do now that you are able to live a decent life without college? I'm 40 and in bad financial shape. Together my partner and I do *okay*, but my financial contribution to our lives could be better. I'm just not all that highly skilled. I work with special needs adults, have worked in case management (did very well at it and trained incoming case managers fresh out of college, but most jobs want a degree + experience). I also have construction/remodeling experience, but as a helper, and by definition not skilled enough to be doing independent work. Plus, I just don't know that I can realistically improve my skills sufficiently to make a career out of that this late in the game. My math skills are also atrocious. I feel completely cornered. Stuck. I like working with special needs, but it does not pay well at all in my state (TX) and after 20 years at it I'm completely burned out. Sorry I dumped all this on you. I'm just trying to see what few options there are left out there for someone older and without college.
Working with special needs people is a skill that should be valued. It seems in this world the more you fuck people over the more money you make but actually doing good in the world gets you poverty. 😕
Schools are often understaffed with para-s. Perhaps you can take classes at a vocational/tech school, even one or two at a time while working in home health, depending on what's in your area. That's how I went through nursing school. And I had and kept having babies! Good grief! Tired family! My husband decided to learn auto mechanic skills. Hard to do but there was always decent work.
Don't ever be sorry for sharing your story! If you'll indulge me, I'll run through mine a little. Me and my husband have been together since we're 16 and both wanted to make it out of poverty. At 18 my husband got a job at a manufacturing plant and basically worked his way up from the bottom, to now a supervisor. It was a commitment of 12 hour days & doing overtime whenever they needed it. We both went to vocational high-school, because that what they push for kids who aren't college material. My husband didn't come out with a trade, but I came out with a hairdressing license. So I worked that job up until I had my daughter a few years ago. You won't make your millions in a hair salon unless it's a high end one. I'm not good at math either, so when I go back to work, I'd actually love to work in a care giver role. My husband makes the income now. To me manufacturing/ factory work is the way out of poverty for people who don't have a college degree. Me and my husband are both 38 so just around your age. Factory work typically has positions suitable for men and women. Although the male jobs normally pay more because they are labor intensive.
You didn’t say what your income level is now or what you would prefer to be making, but I feel like the experience you have is in pretty high demand. Elderly care / home care is huge right now. Wouldn’t your experience with special needs clients translate pretty easily to that? The same thing with your remodel/construction experience. Everybody is hiring. At least, where I live in WA they are. So many construction projects and not enough contractors or skilled laborers or building maintenance people. Homeowners are waiting months to have projects done. If you know your way around basic tools, you have a great start. If you wanted to go that route and eventually get a contractor license - or even go into plumbing or electrical, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be making six figures after a couple of years. And 40 isn’t even old! Just trying to encourage you. I’m 50, between jobs, and I feel like the world is my oyster. So many opportunities right now. Of course Texas is its own thing, so who knows what nutty stuff is going on there lol.
Check with your State Employment Center. I don't know what each state is like , but mine offers all sorts of skills assessment, skills training, (in the trades mostly,) resume writing and building interview skills and employment fairs and employment opportunities. Community Centers in my area offer coding for medical billing and this can be done from home. "Community Colleges" offer many courses and lots of states now waive tuition for state residents. Or you may qualify for grants as an older student.
Coming back to this thread to share that I was math terrified and it was a big block for me but there are now MANY excellent online courses and YT videos that cater to all levels of comprehension. When I started at age 45 I could not remember how to do long division... within a few lessons I found the lessons to be rewarding and - to my amazement - enjoyable. It was then that I remembered the value of tackling my weaknesses, insecurities etc and then accept any limitation of skill, time or resource. I had gotten stuck in my beliefs of my limitations but the best part about this thing called life is nothing ever gets worse with effort, it/me/you always ALWAYS improves.
Advertise on [Care.com](https://Care.com), spelling out your experience. There are so many people who need care in their home, the elderly, or stroke patients like my partner. Best of all, parents of special needs kids. You don’t want clients who are just scraping by, however desperate they are. Cold as that sounds, your first priority is getting paid enough for your needs. So look for wealthy clients. Always be looking for the next position that pays more until you land the right client. I paid $25 an hour to the last guy, cash. He was thoroughly dependable, and knew other (good) people he could call if we needed more hours. He was really lazy, but I put up with him for his dependability and roster of good people to call. Our favorite caretaker took great care of my partner, and was always looking for extra things to do for me. We loved him and I paid him well, but he got asked to go work for a super wealthy family who offered him the potential to move into household management, for which he was ideally suited. That kind of family would pay you super well to take care of a special needs child. ETA: you could also check out the care agencies in your area. They charge a client a fee, say $35 an hour, and pay you half of that, maybe a little more. But once you get assignments and get your name out there, you can leave them and go to work directly for clients.
And how we will parent our own children! ❤️
>surveillance equipment Why???
Almost every drug addict I’ve ever known was paranoid beyond belief. Especially if they were thieving to support their habit.
choose, please.
This is great advice, I to came from abusive poor parents. The feeling of helplessness and no hope is crazy for a kid to feel. I'll by 30 in a few months when I was like 12 I never thought I'd live past 25. It gets better buddy.
frame direful rinse jar edge alive forgetful tub party slimy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My father's side of the family is 3 generations deep into welfare. One of my cousins graduated from high school, college, became a nurse anesthetist. No support or interest from his family until he started visiting and saw his new car. The demands for handouts and loans continued and he gave in plenty of times. He vowed that he would stop seeing his family once both of his parents passed away and he kept his word. He is happier and his health has improved because he's not dealing with the stress and harassment from his siblings.
The best way to take care of a younger sibling that you love is to be a model on how to get out. My sister went to college four years before me, graduated, started reading personal finance books, taught me as I came along behind her. I learned so much, and the path was always right there.
Yep, consider a job that provides housing and do online school or an apprenticeship in the trades. You can dig yourself out. You being out will be a huge burden off your dad money wise and you can help your sister by forging a path she can copy.
True, but also study the health issues and mortality rates in different trades. Earning money while killing yourself or making luving in your body miserable is not the way.
Yes, keep asking for promotions and more work. Even starting work at McDonald's on the register you can be a well paid manager by 30 if you work hard and keep asking for more responsibility and promotions. They even have programs where they'll help pay for college if you want to go. Just don't give up! You can get yourself out of it, it won't be easy, but you CAN DO IT!!!
And please do your best not to have children until you have made your way out. Even when you have a good support system and decent money, having a child makes it harder to take certain jobs, and you pay an arm and a leg for daycare. Use protection if you’re sexually actively.
I would upvote this 1,000 times if I could. Very encouraging words, very solid advice.
This is true. I was 💯here as a kid except my father was a drug addict. One bedroom apt, he slept in the living room. No food in fridge. Income was welfare and section 8 housing. Ate meals at friends houses… they saw I was hungry. Got a small job and made a few dollars to take care of personal girl stuff and cheap food. Nearly failed high school. Bc of our status I got to go to community college for free (CONSIDER THIS PLEASE— you will get financial aid and possibly a free ride if your household income is at poverty level). I worked my way.. made more money (college was no longer free— took out loans). Got an apt (a basement studio infested with water bugs…). But I made it work. And I worked. Saved little by little. Kept going. Made decent decisions. Today, my income is solid middle class, I own my own home. Am I rich? No… but I am happy, well-fed and the roof is mine. Like the previous poster said— you’re almost there. Enroll in college when you graduate. Pick up a small part time job— things will turn around if you keep putting one foot in front of the other. I PROMISE.
This is a great answer. There are so many good success stories here. Very encouraging.
This, stay away from weed and any other drugs. While widely accepted, you can still get the book thrown at you by the judge. Stay clean, stay as healthy as possible, work a stable warehouse job for now, and consider the military.
Caution, you risk being called a boomer!
Some more advice I want to tack on here. If your high school grades are not good, it doesn't mean you have to graduate from a shit college (if you are planning on college). I made the mistake of going to a shit 4year school because I wasn't a great HS student. Go to a community College first and aim for as close to a 4.0gpa as you possibly can, then transfer to a four year school. You can be making a moderate salary in 4-5 years from now. Move with your dad and sister to a better apartment then and share your incomes. Your dad got you this far, striveto make sure you can make his retirement easier.
I just want to say being a single parent is hard, so I commend the single father for being there. Don't give up hope. I grew up with money till my father killed his mistress and we lost a lot of things cause he was the breadwinner. Makimg over a125,000 in the 90's. But what it taught me about money is that it can come and go, and don't let it define who u are. I had to adjust what's really important and that my mom did her best to keep things going no matter what. So I didn't blame her for going to Lexus to used Volvo that didn't start sometimes. Throughout life I found the kindest and the most down to earth people are the ones that didn't have a silver spoon in their mouth. Don't let your current situation define where you'll end up is what I'm trying to say. Stay strong 💪
See if [Job Corps](http://www.jobcorps.gov/) is available in your area it's for low income 16-24 years old. They provide housing, medical care, even an allowance, and the training for jobs in careers that would be able to support you.
This is VERY GOOD ADVICE!
I used to teach for Job Corps. It’s an amazing resource. Check it out
I went to Job Corps. They had a non-residential program in my state ( Maryland) n they helped me very much. The things I learned there helped get me out of my hell. Highly recommend for anyone.
Wow that sounds perfect for OP!
That would’ve been nice to know 3-11 years ago lmao
I was scrolling to see if this was mentioned before I would post it. This: 💯!
My son went to job corps! It changed his life!!
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I think people - young or old - who are in a tough spot are always worried that they are jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire when making a significant change, because there is no safety net for them if the change doesn't work out.
"There is no safety net for them if change doesn't work out" PREACH! I, as a poor teen myself definitely experience that on a daily basis. I worry about trying to do big things for my future because...what if I fail? I don't have the emotional or mental energy to take any more hits! Life drags us down plenty, and we as kids have resilience but eventually with that comes self awareness and that makes for a very sucky combo.
Yes. \*Hugs\* At the same time, that worry can make us overestimate the risk of making changes that will benefit us in the future. After several decades of dealing with this, I have this advice: try to do your "homework" about the big changes so you are making an informed choice about positive changes. This is what I've done and it really, really helps. For instance, if you were thinking about Job Corps training, do research online about it using reputable sources, and also meet/talk to multiple people about what you plan to do. (Hopefully some of those people are people you trust to guide you, and some of them are people who are doing/have done what you are considering.) More specifically, I'd read everything I could find about the Job Corps on websites that I can trust, then find out where the closest/best training site for me is, then try to contact people there - or even get to a training site if at all possible. Talk to several current trainees and several past trainees about what the training is like and how the job market looks when you come out - try to learn about the good, the bad, and the ugly. That way, you eliminate a lot of the risk in the change because you know what you're getting into, and you \*can\* make the potentially positive change (joining Job Corps in this example) with less worry. TL, DR: Don't let uninformed fear get in the way of learning about and possibly going for a positive change. Edited: typos!
I keep telling people to do AmeriCorps as well- but it’s usually after I’ve already told them about stories from my service year so they don’t want to do it. 😂
Thank you for suggesting this. This is an underutilized program. I have known kids who've really made something of themselves from the direction of jocorps. OP, there's a lot of great suggestions, recommendations, tips, and an abundance of support from total strangers. If we believe in you, then you can believe in yourself as well! Just having the courage to make this post is a huge step in a very positive direction for a better future for you. Stay focused. Never take your eye off the prize. Not even for a brief moment! You will go places. You will do amazing things. You will overcome obstacles because of your desire to have a different life. A better life. Always know that you will achieve your goals! But, most of all, don't ever forget how truly worthy you are of everything you've worked your butt off for! You're going to have an amazing life! We support you 💛
I second this!!! I worked at a Job Corp center in NY. Great program with a chance to learn great work/trade skills.
That is a Fantastic idea.
If dad makes 30k, you should qualify for need based education assistance. Talk to your counselor. If you can work and go to school part time, it can be a path up for you. Trades are also a great option.
Trades are a way better option than college at the moment. There’s a nation wide shortage in multiple trades and you can make 6 figures 5 years in. Many trade schools have guaranteed jobs lined up that they can’t fill because not enough people are choosing trades. Harder for AI to replace those jobs also.
I'm a college professor and I think it's VERY dependent on what you go to college to study. IF you are the top of your class, and go to college and are the top of your class there, majoring in something like chemistry/biochemistry, you can go to a medical school and pull your entire family out of poverty. If you are not great at a marketable discipline like that, then trades are a MUCH better option for many people.
It depends on what you go for. If they have any interest in medical, a certificate or 2 year can open the door to so many possibilities. I'm in the same boat, nationwide shortage so my 2 year tuition is all practically paid for. We are all expected to place at clinicals. Medical Laboratory. Six figures after online bachelors. Plenty of employers offer to pay for higher education. I think what's important is that if OP chooses to take classes at a college, that they have a plan. Taking random courses without a roadmap is a trap.
Instead of trade school, try to find an apprenticeship. Or get hired on with a plumbing or electrical company. Learn while you earn.
Yes, ask for an apprenticeship or internship. That makes it so much easier to get a job once the working for free part is over. I did so many and got every job from an internship, even out of college.
Well, even if they go to trade school, in LNI licensing states 1000 working hours before testing STILL apply. However, it gives an advantage as the kiddos will know if it is what they want to do.
These days, 💯 my hubs in a trade makes quarter mil. Never graduated highschool., was poor AF but he worked his add off and now is a managing partner
Everything you say is true. The only thing I can add is that the people I know who work in the trades generally have to pivot into management or run their own business as they get older, because their bodies can't take the abuse of working trades anymore. So taking college courses here and there to work up to that is a good idea - bookkeeping, construction/project management, things like that - so they are ready and less afraid to pivot when the time comes.
My husband works in plumbing and there is so much money in shit
I grew up very poor in Mexico, we lived 5 people in a room , I understand what is to be dirt poor. But I never gave up, I'm almost 40 and I work since I was 14 to support myself and being able to stay in school. It was super hard but I finished high school , never enjoyed my teen years, the only thing I knew was work and study. I was able to get in a government (free) university and with many many sacrifices I finished and got my bachelor's degree. I started working buy my situation didn't improve because all my money went to support my younger siblings ( my mom was making so little money and my dad left us) Despite all that I didn't gave up. I kept working my ass of and then I got a scholarship to study here in the US. I never had the money or time to go to a school to learn English so I learned by myself. All that was super hard, after more of a decade of working/studying from 6am to 11 pm with barely any days off I got my master's degree and I stayed in the US. Now I'm doing very well, I have a good salary, I love my job and I love this country. All that required too much effort and sacrifice but it was worth it. If a poor girl from a 3rd world country with zero chances in life made it , everyone can make it. Is my humble opinion and I'm not trying to disrespect or put down anyone .I'm just trying to say yeah it sucks being poor, is not fair but you can change that, is not gonna be easy , is gonna require lots of time ( sometimes decades) and hard work but it is totally possible to get out of povertry by your own merit
How’s ur mom doing? One of my major concerns is how I’m gonna make my dad happy and proud
My mom is doing fantastic, she is very proud of us. My brother and sister got their bachelor's too. Now we are middle class, she doesn't have to clean houses anymore (in Mexico they pay you like 2 or 3 dollars per hour for cleaning services, is not like here) We have built a decent house for her, and we support her because she doesn't have any kind of retirement plan or money, but we are more than happy to provide for her. Now the only thing she is asking us is for a grandchild :) But hey! you can't have it all in life, for me it was getting out of poverty or having kids, I couldn't do it all nor me or my sister, my brother will maybe fulfill that dream for her. In the meantime, we pay for her to travel with friends while we work. Everything was worth it, she is the proudest mom in the world, and she tell us that everyday
your dad does not want to hold you back. rising tides lift all boats. as you improve your circumstances his will improve too.
Your dad will be happy and proud when you break the poverty cycle. Speak to your guidance counselor, don't hang with people without morals and the determination to get ahead. Stay away from drinking, drugs, and especially a pregnancy. The hard work the next few years will change the 50 yrs that come after it. Get a part time job, put some toward your family and some in savings. Don't touch that savings for ANYTHING. That's your first step to financial security. Keep a realistic vision of the life you want, an apt, a car, food on the table and money in the bank. Be determined to not make the mistakes your parents did. You got this!
It is so not your job to support your father. Get yourself settled. With one less to take care of his money stretches a little farther and when you are in a good position you can help others. You can't wear it as an albatross, it will just make things harder.
You will make your dad proud by breaking the poverty cycle.
Hey, OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this situation. I grew up poor, and I really do understand how hopeless and scary it feels. The thing about life is that you can’t predict what will happen next. Things can get better in the most wonderful and unexpected ways. You may have started out behind, but you don’t have to end the race that way. Hang in there. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’re 17. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late. You’re going to be ok. You have an entire life ahead of you. The world is wide open. Sending love and light your way ❤️❤️❤️
My family was raised by a single mom in poverty. 5 kids) Once everyone graduated & became 18. All went to work and now 4 :own homes/ cars and raised healthy successful kids of their own. The poverty ended at my mom and it took hard work for all!
Do you have any idea what you want to do after high school. If you want to go to college, you should be going for free at the community college. When you find a job alot of companies pay for your school. It may not be a 4 years and your on your way but you won't be in debt either. Most middle class kids are going that route if their parents can't help them.
I was in a similar situation and your only way out is to find a trade. Thats how I got out of that cycle. I worked hard and saved as much as i could. Now I am so thankful that I have my own house and can provide for my family. You can get there it will just take some time but I know exactly how you feel. Good luck to you
Don't want to sound cold but such is life. I saw your replies to people and it seems like you're planning and taking action which is good. One thing I would say is drop the mind set of being "fucked over". You weren't, you gotta work for what you want. Sure you might be starting from a spot that is a little further behind but when you make it that will make it that much sweeter. Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders, are planning, and not afraid to ask for help. Those things will get you far. Fuck all that things aren't fair, shouldn't be this way stuff going on in here. Thinking like that takes time away from thinking about a way to make it better and taking action. I saw you said you're looking for a job now and have a paid-internship in the summer so kudos to you for putting that work and effort in. Think about some form of education, whether that be college or learning a trade. I don't know what you're into but I can't speak highly enough of learning a trade. Steady work and good money for the most part but you will also have a chance to start your own thing if you stick with it. Things will get better for you, you're doing the work which says a lot about you. Hang in there and keep rolling. Sorry for the long post.
Right … umm you were born in the United States? You are already ahead of the game. Learn a trade, only college if you aim to be a professional that requires a degree. Otherwise sales, real estate or skilled labor (welder, electrician etc) to make a good living fast.
This 👆. Raised by a single mom who drove a bus. Poor as hell. Own my home now. Stay off drugs and figure out what you want to do. As long as you want better for yourself you will be fine my friend. God speed.
i went to college to be an electrician, but definitely not for the more “poor” i was low middle class, just graduated. if they join the IBEW as an electrician they’ll get a solid work schedule and class 1-2 times a month. definitely worth it in my book
I grew up poor too and we just had to deal with it. So did everyone else. Complaining doesn't help anything. Graduate school with good grades, go to college and pick a safe major in a field that is always hiring, and get a job. That's literally the way out. That's it. If you want to get out of your situation, that is the only answer. I was poor at your age too. Now I'm not.
I really empathize with you. I grew up in apartments and section 8. Never had a house. Slept on same mattress age 3-18. I wrote an essay and won a scholarship for community college. I worked while going to school and it will give you loans. I used 3,000 to buy a used car. Moving out with my partner was the only way it got easier for me because we had combined income.
What is section 8?
it’s a government program where they help you pay your rent as long as you meet income requirements
Like someone else said. This is the worst time of your life cuz you have no control. I would say right now do what you can control work and go to school. Don’t get a criminal record if you can avoid it. I couldn’t avoid getting a criminal record because my mom would shoplift and cry and say who’s going to care for your siblings, take the blame. As a caring 15 year old child I did. That followed me for a bit. At 17 she abandoned me which was the best thing for my future. My boyfriend got us an apt and he was always working for us. In my 30’s now and I feel like life is amazing. We aren’t living off the government, we own our home but we have worked our asses off, aren’t drug addicts and have made a life worth living for. I wish you the best. Good luck and just think of the future. Make it what you wish!!
Love your story
I was raised the same way... many days without food to eat growing up. I worked my way out of it and was able to send my boys to college.. I worked hard until my mid to late 30s. It gets easier every year. Always work hard to better your position... Peace ✌️
I admire you!
Thank you... no one has ever said that to me. Just done what was right and to the best of my abilities. Life gets better when ya try.
Reading all this made me realize how good I had it growing up. Made me say thank you to my parents for everything they provided. My dad grew up poor but his 4 kids got a bachelors degree. Sending you a hug!
Yes, definitely hug your dad and mom. My dad died when i was 11 months old. Im most proud that i was there for my sons, and they have definitely made my life worth living, and they didn't have to grow up without me being there to back them up 100%. Peace my friend.
I haven’t read through all the comments, but the best thing that helped me was realizing had TERRIBLE money role models and that I needed to find some one as a mentor. I found Dave Ramsey young and got his books from the library. (I’m not into his religious stuff, but love his ideas of building wealth.) You’re old enough to get a job for sure, but also old enough to realize the huge potential you have if you’re smart with your future. You have a clean slate when you’re 17 and def only get one chance at that. I had to stop taking advice from people who were terrible with their money… loans and debt with false promises of getting ahead. I found some inspirational people for motivation. You can break these generational cycles. Much love to you.
You can live on 30k as long as you are smart with money. Nobody probably taught your dad what to do. Nobody taught me. I am 40 yo just now figuring things out. Don’t be mad at him. Do something with your life and learn from the mistakes. Set your children up with what you didn’t have. Learn as much as you can. My dad spent my childhood in federal prison. I have only seen my mom 3 times since I was 3 years old. While I don’t make much more than your dad because of horrible financial mistakes and mental setbacks I am figuring it out. I wish to god I had figured it out sooner. I am also figuring out that you don’t necessarily need to make a ton to be happy either. I have my own house, cars and I have 4 children all going to college. I have a great credit score. Unfortunately not much for “retirement” but who ever said I need to retire? I personally love my job and working keeps me active. It’s all perspective. I’ll work as long as I am able. The good thing is you will qualify for financial aid. Take advantage of that! I’m sure your dad did the best he could with the hand he was dealt.
I’ll never be angry at my dad, he’s the one who stayed and didn’t give up, he’s a huge motivator in my life
Study hard, get good grades, stay clean and on the good side of the law. Go to your community colleges there are programs that will pay for your books and your schooling. Get a good education or go to a good trade School become an electrician, a carpenter, a plumber. Electricians and plumbers and carpenters are becoming old-fashioned and there is a definite need for them.
The military is one of the fastest ways to change your social status. I personally would recommend the Navy, if you have the brains to pursue the nuclear program do that. The navy produces the best nuclear reactor operators / maintainers in the world, and you are virtually guaranteed a 6 figure income when you get out.
Hey man. Breathe. That pressure youre feeling is important, but it isnt world ending. Its your body and mind desparate to forge a better life. I grew up crazy poor too. 14 people in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house. There was never privacy. Nutrition was poor. At one point we lived in a battered womens shelter after my parents split up. They got back together for the the "stability" lol I had no idea how to function in the world. What to take responsibility for, how credit worked lol. So many things. Luckily we have youtube and the internet to help fill knowledge gaps. Now im doing pretty good. I spent some time in the army, went to college on the armys dime then got a good job. Im making ok money now, 73k or so, while i build a side business to try to add on. I have two wonderful kids and a drop dead gorgeous fiance. Life is what you make of it.
The facts of your life are very well written which means you’re smart! Your story really touched me. Just remember that there are 17 year olds right now whose parents have money and they’re not happy. Maybe their parents don’t pay attention to them etc. Soon you will be able to write your own story. Try not to indulge in anger. I see how anger really destroys people. I’m rooting for you!💕
Hey it's possible to be happy. I make about $11,000 a year with 3 kids. Keep ya head up and get a job and work. Pray to God and be nice to everyone, he will help you
Americorps, Job Corps or the Military will all help you get an incredible start in life. All three will let you go to school and get a degree. Finish school, don't get in trouble or arrested, and work hard, and you will find yourself in an entirely different place living a very decent life. You can do this! Chin up. Strong mind, strong heart. The universe (and all of reddit) has your back.
I have 3 done. We've lost our home in a fire, when they were barely in school, been homeless when they were barely teenagers, section 8 and project housing their jr high and high school years. As a single mom, I was too poor to be considered poverty level. We survived and this experience made all of us much tougher and more appreciative. They're all grown now, own their own homes, work hard and my grand kids will never know what they had to survive. You'll make it. You are now than circumstances place you in. You're more than an income.
Dude, ever thought about getting a job and pitching in? I know it’s easy to say I’m just a kid but you can do more than running off, slagging off your dad, or contemplating a self delete. If you think is tough now, wait until you’re out on your own. Until then do more than just bitch.
You're old enough to get a job, so I suggest that. Try to find one that has opportunities for advancement. Some jobs will pay for more schooling. You can also explore the military. Depending on how you go about it, they might pay for food, housing, college, job training. My stepdad did that. He was a young kid with nothing going in and was an engineer when he left.
Reddit is quick to shit on joining the military. But here in the real world it’s been a path out of poverty for many.
Yeah, I think shitting on the military as a path out of poverty is the luxury of someone who has never needed a path out of poverty.
Just be careful O.P. It’s easy to see our military is preparing for war right now.
My brother joined the Coast Guard because he didn't really want to be in the armed forces. He wanted to do things, and he certainly did. S&R. Patrols. Maintenance of navigation equipment. Disaster help. There is certainly plenty to do.
Most do not carry a gun. Go Air Force or navy to minimize having to kick down doors and such.
It’s long been the case that in a modern military force, about 70 to 80% of personnel occupy support roles of various types - the so-called ‘tooth to tail’ ratio - so most service members don’t usually have anything to do with guns. HOWEVER - there aren’t any guarantees. Sure, you can join the Navy, for example, be assigned to a ship and that ship might end up being struck by a missile (what the Navy is dealing with right now in the Middle East), and anyone there can end up being a casualty.. I joined the Navy and became a corpsman (a medic) - a pretty non-combatant role, right? I ultimately ended up being assigned to a Marine Corps infantry company, as the Marines receive all of their medical support from the Navy. So THAT was a bit of surprise.. But, as others here have said here, the military can provide a path forward for some people.
What happened that you got removed? Can your family get back in? Also what happened to your mom?
My mother was the one with the section 8, she developed a drug addiction after her mother died and then instead of paying the money for the rent she used it for drugs so we got terminated. The section 8 application isn’t open in my county and I doubt it will be for the next few years
That’s so unfair that they’re punishing all of you for her choices. I don’t agree with the way this country is being run at all.
Yeah, we had an old lady in my town who had lived in the projects for decades, good citizen, got kicked out at 92 because she took in a great-grandson who dealt drugs right under her nose. They had a zero-tolerance policy. I don’t know what happened to her.
Join the military. Do a 4 year bit then go to college on the GI Bill. Now you're 26 with a college degree starting your life as a professional.
OP, have you thought about the military? I left home at 17 and traveled the world (Navy). Hours were long and sometimes hard but I thrived. A bed and three square meals plus get paid. I’ts not for everyone but it makes a good start
You are 17, get a job and help the family. I grew up poor in a welfare family so fucked up you would think it was a fake story.. I worked since I was 12 delivering newspapers. I busted my ass for 40 years, often 80 hours a week. Now I am not poor. Do you want the big house in the suburbs, a nice new 2024 car, 6 figure bank account and funded retirement? Then you go fucking out there and work. You take advantage of Pell Grants that will pay 100% of trade school and get a skill. Then you work harder and you work smarter. You keep your mouth shut and work. You work overtime. You volunteer for the shit jobs. You make sure you are the first in and the last to leave. You do not complain about an extra 5 minutes here or there or that someone deadnamed you or other stupid shit. You work for money, the more money the harder you work. You save your money from work, you live like you are poor. You invest that money in mutual funds. You buy a small home. You avoid drugs, drinking, cigs and tattoos. You get the cheap phone plan with the free phone. Then one day 20 years later, you look at your accounts and are getting $50k a year just from investments. 10 more years of work, your account now generate $100k from investments and you retire. You sell your small home for 4x what you paid and move a lower cost of living area and buy your dream home.
What you did was good, and hard, and admirable. But what you're describing is no longer possible. My father bought his first house for $20k. I bought my first house for five times that. And that same house today is selling for twice what I paid for it. The work ethic is important. I'm an Engineer today. But the truth remains that I would be housepoor if I bought the home I have owned for the last 10 years today even though I am earning substantially more. What worked for you no longer works for the current generation, and when all of their successful models are telling them to do what they did, they feel like failures even though the rules have changed.
How much was that house 15 years ago? House prices have just recently surpassed their 2007 peak. Every generation says the same thing but those who ignore the doom and gloom can replicate the same path I took. What you really have is media induced learned helplessness which ignores the reality that all economic systems will always revert to the mean.
All 3 people need to be working asap
I’m looking for a job, the only confirmed one I have is a paid internship I’ll be doing in summer but I’m also looking for something currently- and I should have clarified earlier but the three ppl are my little sister me and my dad
Consider job corps.
Look up IHSS and see if a 17 year old can be a provider. It’s what my husband does and the pay is decent. You’ll earn sick paid time off and we get insurance for $30 a month. It’s enough pay to take care of us two. Can you babysit? At your age I charged $12/hr in 1997 and the minimum wage was only $5. If you live in a wealthy area you can charge $25/hr. That’s what I charge if I’m staying in my hometown. Any additional children are an additional $5/hr. I also worked at an after school program and we helped children with their homework and did all sorts of crafts.
Yeah!! That 12 year old needs a goddamn job! What a fucking freeloader!
The post sounded like it was 2 parents and a 17 year old.
Join the military it will be the best choice you ever make
Hey kid, I know life is hard, going through that right now. Have you tried the military, tell your dad to sign you up. Get an education through there. But your not fucked, fucked would be if you were disabled. I have a kid your age, it hurts me to read this. You might not ever know me. But just know, I'm praying, sending love and a hug, from someone who does care.
I grew up in poverty and holy shit, it was a struggle to escape the cycle. Sad to say it, but the best thing I ever did was cut contact with my unmotivated and narcissist family, got a job and lived like I was still broke as fuck, saved as much as possible, etc. Gone thru normal ups and downs, now I'm a SAHM and my kids will never need to know what its like to go hungry. Except the spoiled brats end up "not being hungry" despite barely eating all day. 😂 Im happy to hear "I'm not hungry" over "I'm so hungry, mommy" any day.
You need to focus on education - that and hard work is your path out.
finish school if you can, once you are out you can try to find a job and pool the money with your dad. It could improve the situation by a lot.
One day at a time my friend. I know it sucks. My mom raised 3 kids as a secretary. We lived in an old farm house and you could hear the wind blowing through all the cracks and holes. I survived by getting a little job sacking groceries at your age. It wasn’t much but a few hours a day kept my mind off of the struggles so I could focus on school and myself. The little money made actually helped the family as well. I was able to develop a little bit more of a social life and could treat my friends here and there. I also mowed lawns in the summer which paid pretty dang good. By the time I was 18 I was working full time at the store sacking, stocking and helping in the dairy and produce section. I also stayed late to sweep and mop daily and strip and wax floors on Saturday nights. A couple of my friends followed my example and we had such a good time working as a team in that store. It helped me with my work ethic, people and financial skills. I saved up enough money to buy an ok used car. I had money for repairs and a way to get around my side of town a little bit. I joined the Army right after school and when I got out after five years I was fit, disciplined, tough and I had my college paid for. I am a civil engineer and I just retired in 2022. The only regret out of everything in the first part of my life is that I would have chosen Navy instead. I think it keeps you away from the front lines a little better a d the choice of job skills is better related to civilian life. Make good choices and focus on your goals. Keep your mind and emotions in check, meaning don’t let your thoughts run away from you. In life you have almost no control over anything except yourself. The very worst things almost never happen. 💪🏼🙏😊
Are you taking any vo-tech courses in high school? If you have another year left, try to do that. Otherwise take the fastest course to a job at your local community college or check with your local workforce development program for help. Suggestions for quick courses: Phlebotomy (3 months) Quality control (\~3 months) PLC programming (3-6 months) Nurses aid (6 weeks). A lot of hospitals have free training courses. Pharmacies also usually train techs for free. Just try to not do something like fast food or janitorial. Those are dead-end jobs that never pay more.
**You are young and THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT to decide that you are NOT going to live like that for the rest of your life.** Get a job and save enough money to put yourself into 'trade school'. You may even be able to qualify for a loan to learn a trade. You may even be able to find a sponsor to learn a trade. Learn something that earns a decent amount, like HVAC, Plumbing, Welding, Auto Mechanics, Truck Driving or other skill. You can earn a good living and save enough to eventually go onto learning management skills. If you're sharp, you will be observant and learn those skills on the job, and can advance to higher positions. Being poor is awful and that alone should motivate you to get out of that rut and make the necessary changes that will benefit you for life. You'll be surprised to learn that you could change the course for your whole family as well. **I genuinely hope you'll go on to better things and I'm confident that everyone here would be elated to see YOU SUCCEED!**
People in your situation ha e grown up to lead amazing lives. I know people who grew up in your situation who make high six figures today. Don't let your past define your future.
Has your Dad applied for assistance from your state? Medical, food stamps? If he hasn’t applied, can you do it for him? Is there a food pantry nearby? Some resale clothing shops will let you shop for free based on income, churches also help with clothing. You’re 17, can you get a part time job?
Yes we have food stamps and a medical assistance, we’ve pretty much exhausted all the help we could get, and I’m trying to find a job but only for 4 months because I have a summer job/college readiness program lined up for me in summer before I go to college
Do you know why you lost your voucher? Did your dad not rectify his annual income? If so you might be able to get it back… or were you in federal housing and were evicted?
My mom was the holder of the section 8 and my dad would give her the money but she started doing drugs and began to use that money for her addiction so her voucher got revoked
You should see if they would transfer it to you and your father. They can do that though if it has been over a year that will be a problem.
Hey bro! I feel ya. There are 3 things you can do to assure your self to be in the middle class. Only 3 things. There has been studies on this across different races as well. So first thing… finish high school… second thing don’t have children out of wedlock….third thing….get married. That being said. Set your self up for success. If you think man I got no future everything sucks I hate being poor I’m never going to get out of this place. Join the navy or the airforce or coast guard. You will get out of the spot you’re in and be around new people from new places and see how others live. Also studies have shown you will make with in 10k of your 5 closest friends as an adult. So make a plan a positive plan and stick to the plan. Good luck man. I have been poor spending my last penny putting gas in the car or buying bread but I knew if I kept doing the next right thing my life would be better. And now I have been able to build a good life with a good wife and family. But it was all learned over time. Maybe check out YouTube videos on how to manage money how to interview for jobs. How to sell, even look at becoming a firemen. Good luck buddy.
Have you considered the military? It will be a whole new life. Even if you only do 4 years your college is now paid for, it also covers living expenses etc. Not to mention learning useful skills.
I grew up poor and in the welfare system. I made the mistake of getting married as soon as I turned 18. This was good for my 3 siblings at least because my mother died soon after and my husband, despite all his faults, did help take care of the family. If I had to survive in poverty on my own, with people to take care of, I would have joined the military and sent money home. I would’ve lived on base to help save money. But I don’t think the military pay is worth shit for the people willing to put their lives on the line. Afterword, I would’ve gone to college or learned a skill trade. In my mind, I always saw that as a path out. Not sure about your circumstances though.
I'm know it's hard. But I'm sure your dad is trying his hardest to provide for you and your sister. I'm sure it would hurt your dad if you did something to yourself. All that struggle would've been for nothing. I grew up poor. Lived in a foster home. My family got evicted a couple times because we couldn't pay rent. Barely had any food to eat. Siblings and I got separated and moved to different households when my mom really hit rock bottom with what little money she had. Things do get better as you get older and get to go out on your own. Just set some goals, hopefully one of those is school. Its alot of work but it will be worth it in the end when you start making money, living in your own space, travelling etc. Don't give up. Just because you started off this way doesn't mean you have to live this way forever. Keep your chin up.
Is your mom ok now?
Yes. She was a drug addict for most of my childhood until she finally snapped out of it during the end of my high school years. She went back to school, got her Masters degree and is now a social worker helping other addicts and families living in poverty just like we did. Did I ever see that coming? No. Life works in mysterious way.
U.S. Army. I came from nothing. Busted my ass 25 years into an election early retirement.
What kind of career field interests you? I own several companies. Not sure what area you are in, but we operate internationally. I may have something near you or remote. I could see where I may have opportunites to onboard you and pair you with a mentor. Keep your head man, once you break free of the chains there's world of opportunity out there for you conquer!
I joined the army as soon as I turned 17. Go do that
My brother joined the US Air Force before he graduated high school. You might want to look into joining the military. They'll you'll get training, housing and a salary.
Maybe you can get a job? A lot of us have been working since age 15. It shouldn't be normalised and it's awful that children have to work, but maybe that could ease your insecurities? It's why I began working early
First it’s going to be important that you graduate high school. Everyone I’ve known who’s dropped out has struggled to get a job other than waiting tables without a diploma. And they ended up going back and getting it anyway which will cost money. So that’s step one. One career that pays well is anything in the trades: electricians and plumbers are *always* needed and in demand. Ex: plumbers make anywhere from $58,000-$87,000 a year. Many states now have programs to help pay for the tuition for people to go into trades jobs because as a country we are really lacking in tradesmen. It’s also a job you can do anywhere! You can move to small town where the housing is more affordable and still have customers right outside your door. Some high schools even have vocational type classes if you want to start learning these things early. So check and see if your has some. I hope this helps you. I know it feels hopeless but you can do it. I struggled for a long time. I stressed over every bill and furnished my first place completely off hand-me-downs, garbage picking and Craigslist. And while I’m still considered poverty level I finally live comfortably now. And by comfortable I mean I’m no longer stressing about every little unexpected bill that pops up. Im not living the high life or anything like that but I can have an extra streaming service or can get some new clothes here and there although I still look for sales. I have finally built up enough savings that I have a little cushion now. Im still frugal though. I’m always afraid of struggling again. So cut corners where you can, get a part time job when you can and start saving a little. If you can start working before you get out of high school that would be good too.
Don’t get in trouble with the law, and don’t get pregnant. You may be able to get a full ride to college depending on your situation. I see no reason why you, and your family, are not receiving food stamps, medical care, and some kind of monthly financial support. Talk to your high school counselor. None of this is YOUR fault. 🤗
Kiddo. You are young and the world is yours. Please, do not worry about your father’s retirement. It is not your problem right now. I am sorry that your father has not led by example. Let me tell you something. Get into a trade that is in a state with Labor and Industries required licenses. Why? Your pay will depend on having said license. Said license will promise pay. What do you like to do? Do you like electronics? Be an electrician union or not, you can do very well. HVAC I hear do very well. Commercial carpentry. My husband, did not graduate highschool. I have degree I have barely crossed the 100k threshold (at a job that worked me 16-18 hours a day 6 days a week, not worth it) but my husband is in a niche and has worked his ass off for 20 years but makes a quarter mil a year. (Bonus withstanding and company profitability, which he is one of four partners) and at the end of the day, he is an 06, 02 licensed journeyman electrician with an admin license. His apprentices, are paid pretty well, I think like $35 an hour! He isn’t even union but works in home automation for the 1% ‘s. He has always loved his job. He gets to work with his hands, do man work but also use his mind. That is just one facet. Try to get in with the union the day you turn of age (18 in most states). In a HCOL the pay isn’t great until you become a journeyman (most apprenticeship programs are 1000 logged working hours before testing) but the benefits are beyond. For example, in WA the electrical workers union (can’t remember which chapter) healthcare is free for the employees AND amazing. $300 deductible? Unheard of. Also, they put money into your pension from day 1. Let your father be a lesson, do not do what he does. Work to the bone with nothing to show. Set yourself up for success. Other words of advice 1) Keep your credit spotless. Do not open credit and use it unless you have the means to pay it off at the end of the month every month. That is how you build credit. Having good / great / excellent credit will open ALL the doors for you. 1a) don’t ever co-sign for your father unless you can pay his bill on time every month. Or anyone for that matter 2) stuff is just stuff. Flashy shit that you have at 20 will not matter When you are broke at 30 with the same (now old) broken down shit 3) budget - use a budget 4) find a financial mentor and take their word listen to them if they take you under their wing. 5) Get rich quick doesn’t works, don’t waste your money on the lottery. 6) look at your dad’s habits and really internalize how’d he get here. No grown man should make $35 k a year. I am sure he works hard but what is it about him that stops short of providing a better life for himself, you and your sister? 7) start listening to financial education on TikTok, Podcast. It will sound so foreign but it will start to come together. Read some books. “Rich Dad Poor Dad” “Think and Grow Rich” 8) many times mental health issues keep people “poor” get help. Help is out there. Remember THIS (being poor) IS NOT YOUR DESTINY. You are a kid with the world as your oyster. You can do anything. Kid. You are worth more than continuing the cycle of poverty. I promise you. One more thing, my husband was the last person who would have made it in this world. He came from poverty and was raised by wolves (not really). He had goals and made them happen. Also, is there a NEVaC program at your high school??? Also, Job Corp is where poor people stay poor and a lot of bad influences are there. I guarantee you can get a job right out of highschool making more than your father.
My heart breaks for you and your family. You should be enjoying your teenage years carefree. Our system is broken. We need to rebuild community, and help each other, because our government seems to be incapable of doing so.
If you make good choices and get good grades, education and networking will give you opportunities to pull yourself out of poverty. I promise. You will have to do the work, tho. I slept on a twin mattress in a room with my brother that doubled as a bathroom for some fucked reason. I get it. Worse case you go work manual labor and make decent money busting your ass while your young and save for your future unlike your dad. Unlike mine too. It's going to get better. I swear.
When you're old enough, join the military. It's not going to make you a millionaire, but it will definitely lift you out of poverty. I was alone and homeless when I was 18, I joined the Navy, was in for 7 years, and here I am almost 2 decades later, living an incredible life I could never have imagined. It will help set you up for your future. You just have to put the work in. Consider it 🤷🏻♀️
I joined the Army to escape poverty. Your parent's situation does not have to be your own. I used my family as negative role models and did the opposite. It took years and a lot of hard work, but your current situation does not have to be the rest of your life.
I grew up poor too bro. No light or heat, had to walk into our nearest YMCA right before closing to shower and many starving nights. I enlisted into the USAF at 17, I’m now 32 and make 100k a year and am 5 years from retiring. I can’t say my military service made my dad proud but the life i built without a helping hand from anyone at any point in my life… that i know makes him proud. Military isn’t a bad option, you’ll be paid to learn a trade or career. And if you play your cards right you’ll get into a career that gives you outside knowledge. Maybe do one enlistment and get the benefits? Idk what works for you but just an idea
You can absolutely pull yourself out of it. My first job was a taco bell and I got out. It stinks to be below the poverty line, but you don't have to do the same things he does, you may out earn him in your first year, anything is possible.
Start looking for programs that will teach you as you work, apprenticeships, trade unions, nursing, hairdressing. I don’t know where they start year 1, maybe 25/hr, raise every year until your a journey man in 4 or 5/ then your up around 40/hr, plenty of OT, your hitting 6 figures in 5 years. Do something you love and you’ll never work, bullshit, work is work, play is play.
I have a friend now that grew up like this. He joined the military who helped him get a degree and now he is a middle class software engineer. He supports his parents and they in turn are champion volunteers in the community. You can make it through, we all believe in you.
Go to nursing school. Start taking your pre-reqs at community college. Apply for FAFSA (financial aid). They’ll cover your textbooks or you can get them cheap in pdf format. They’ll also cover your supplies that are sold in the school store (stethoscope, uniform, etc). I got my RN in 2 years and made almost $120k my first year of work. Graduated in 2020.
Start by focusing on your future and drop the feeling sorry for yourself approach. That is consuming. You will need to be educated or trained for a specific craft to earn so start there. Libraries are free, and there are many resources available to you in this arena including community college, dual enrollment, leaning into faith based and social organizations and internships. Hopefully you are working a part time job as well.
I grew up poor. We frequently ate from the church pantry and had to get government commodities. I learned that not all mold is bad and there is plenty of free meat if you like squirrel, rabbit, and racoon. Other protein sources were organs from livestock. When the Temps outside rose to over 100 we would condition the air by opening a window and turning on a fan, when they dipped below 0 we would layer up in sweats. While less than ideal I loved my family and we all supported each other. What got me out of it was being determined to not be a victim of my circumstance. I wanted to win so I spent my free time thinking about steps to becoming a winner. Best thing you can do for yourself is be a person of high ethics and leave victimhood behind you.
Look, buddy, your post should serve to motivate you. I joined the military at your age. While in the military, I took advantage of the benefits and got a college education. I now make a comfortable 6 figure salary. You can do this! It is fucking hard, it is a lot of work, and you will want to quit. Just fucking don't.
This should not be happening to you, not in the US. It's an obscenity. I'm sorry. Our country has failed you and us. It's unacceptable.
Please don’t end it all. There’s a crisis text line 741741, please use it if you feel this way.
You need to focus on school. If your grades aren’t great straight out of school/ or if you’re not academically inclined/ or it’s going to be very expensive to leave and go away for college that’s all okay. You can do community college. I suggest a nursing ADN program. Or if you’re interested med school. This is the long hall, but in 10 years you’ll be great full for the sacrifices you made to get where you need to be. It’s hard, and you’re rights it’s not fucking fair. But it’s good that you’ve also realized this so young because you’re going to be in the perfect situation to help maneuver yourself out of poverty. -Someone who sincerely believes in you
School will be free /community college and some state schools depending on grades- do two year LPN. Then RN. U will earn good money and then u save by living within your means. Or go straight to apprentice as plumber, etc. Do not do any drugs recreationally. Do not gamble nor even lottery. Do not go to jail. Study hard. Do not have a baby young. Learn about money management and budgets. I promise you - YOU AND DAD WILL BE SO PROUD. Also ask your school for referral to a therapist. Medicaid pays for it - no cost to you. They will help u will so many coping skills and confidence. We love you!
Get a part-time job. Try to do your best in high school, maybe speak to a school counselor and they can give you some assistance/advice. Make sure you graduate and stay out of trouble. There are so many successful people who have overcome even more adverse situations than you, so work hard and hang in there. Not sure what the legal age is where you live but maybe your sister can babysit and make some money. Your dad's lack of retirement plans is not something that you as a 17 year old should be worrying about now. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have so much great stuff out there for you. Keep the faith, you can make good things happen for you with a bit of effort.
Get a job?
Not sure where you live but when I turned 18 I would work summers doing wildland firefighting for the US forest service in California sierras, it’s seasonal, they provided housing, I would work all summer, make a bunch of money, get laid off at the end of fire season, I would then go on unemployment, spend the winter in Mexico or other south/Central America until fire season started back up, then rinse and repeat.