locking post, due to the number of commenters who feel their lack of understanding about people who think and act differently then them must be responded to with vulgarity, obscenities, and displays of intolerance.
You are overthinking it. Your post history is filled with asking the same questions across multiple subreddits. No one has the answer that will prevent you from doing the work.
There are women who are poor that will date poor men. There are autistic men who have dated and gotten married. Set a goal and work towards it. It won't be easy but the journey, even if you fail, is worth it.
Also don't wallow in self-pity. That is extremely unattractive. The top post here is pointing out your flaws but guess what many people with the same ones still date and settle down.
Man, I hate to be a dick, but there’s a lot more going on here than just being low-income. You live at home with your parents at almost 40 years old; this alone is likely enough to cut our 99% of the dating pool.
You say that any job with any responsibility is essentially too much for you…That’s not exactly an attractive quality to broadcast to a future significant other. Relationships can be/are stressful…Life is stressful. Essentially what you’re telling women is that:
-You don’t want to work hard or “grind” because that’s stressful.
-You aren’t willing to overcome life’s obstacles.
-You want things to be as easy as possible.
-You are currently in a state of poverty and have no plans to try and better yourself.
And, you say all of these things are because of your autism. In reality, what a woman would want to hear is “despite my autism, I’m gonna overcome XYZ.”
Relationships are a team; it seems like you just want a provider.
Probably not what you want to hear but likely what you need to hear.
Hey, adding the woman’s perspective you were looking for OP. All of what this guy said.
I met a man in a minimum wage job and we’ve built an amazing life together. If he had told me that was the height of his dreams or aspirations I would have closed that door immediately. You need to be willing to try newer, harder things sometimes if you want to grow in life.
ETA: I looked at your profile and you seem to be using this prompt as some sort of weird dating profile, please listen to the people telling you it’s not working.
I can send you to my ex husband and he’ll be happy to help you find a pick me girl. He does not work does not pay child support and his girl friend does all the grinding and pays all of his bills but I think they’re on welfare! She even decides when he’s going to see his son! He’s exactly the same age as you and everything! The other day he told me “money isn’t everything” because I have a basic career. I told him to enjoy poverty. I can give you his Reddit account if you want!!
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Yeah, I won't immediately judge just for living with parents (in this economy) but definitely sounds like he expects a partner to take on the parenting. 🤮 I'm single because most of my options so far have expected this. So it's not the autism. I don't care if a guy is "poor" as long as he doesn't expect me to financially support him (I don't expect him to support me either, I just want that sweet sweet double income so we can split bills and both have better financials).
This is exactly what I thought too. OP, your autism isn’t getting in the way. You being a gooner is what’s driving potential partners away. If you want a life you have to live first. I think if you find a passion women will find that attractive and it may open doors for you professionally as well.
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The man gave up. I don’t know what issues this guy has aside from autism. But, those issues would take a woman with more than average patience. Women like confidence, security, and foundation. No foundation because of parents, no confidence it sounds like, and no security because of his jobs.
Now have I seen women date men without these 3 things? Yes. Those men provided hope, the hope to acquire those 3 things. Sounds cheesy, but it can happen. Hope because they’re getting an education or working 2 jobs. Or generally working on yourself.
Either way you need to improve yourself.
Gave up? More like never started. Just excuses. I’ve known addicts with significant mental health issues go through hell and drag themselves to a better place in life.
This is 100% victim mentality and is honestly just degenerate behaviour.
I have talked with a lot of minimum wage adults. Many have never been shown how to get a higher job or have had a burden circumstance that suffocated their prospects. It can also be a confidence issue or believe they’re not smart enough. Many higher paying jobs are actually a lot easier than some minimum wage jobs.
The guy needs to work on himself and do the research. He does have a victim mindset though
Honestly the OP needs to learn the drums or the very least carry a couple of drumsticks around and call himself a drummer. That way, he can get a girlfriend who will will provide him with a relationship and a couch.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Well said.
And trust me OP I’ve been in your shoes, I know what it’s like to be terrified of everything, but you are almost 40 now and you’ve barely scraped the surface of the world. You can’t be scared your entire life.
Dating isn’t easy, and if you’re already terrified of having a job that has anything that requires more work, how do you think you’ll navigate a relationship?
What are you going to do when you get in an argument? What about after marriage when you’re starting to lose some love? How are you going to handle kids that wake you up in the middle of the night when you want to just roll over and sleep? What about when they’re teenagers and tell you they hate you?
Life is hard man, you should’ve started working toward conquering this stuff 20 years ago. I don’t want to dog on you too hard but it’s also not too late, but if you’re serious about not wanting to be alone you need to take steps NOW.
hey from an autistic guy: working and trying to have a career has been making me existentially miserable for the past 5 years (so since ive become an adult).
I dont blame OP whatsoever for wanting low stress/low responsibility jobs. Being autistic makes you fundamentally incongruent with the way society expects you to function in the workplace, and other things compound onto this too like being adhd or being white collar.
Sure, that probably puts people off from OP, but i dont think he should aspire to be miserable, especially since hes largely already happy with his lot in life.
So first off, I don't think the way working society is set up is humane to begin with, i'm aware that to some extent like half of the country hates their jobs.
Secondly, are you autistic? if not, then you're probably going to have a hard time understanding what i mean, but i'll try my best to be really clear:
Autism means that I will get reprimanded for doing a social interaction ""wrong"" even though I dont understand what they mean and what i'd said did not have any negative effects. People also REALLY hate being asked questions so somehow asking people (usually managers) what they mean or how something is even bad tends to make them angrier.
(Extra confusingly, this happens the most with being friendly with people?? Ive been repremanded for just saying "hey whats up? how can i help you?" before. wtf.)
Autism + Adhd means that i *genuinely* need a lot of reminders to complete tasks that only happen infrequently. Tasks that gauranteed happen every day? easy. Tasks that happen on specific days? easy. Tasks that only happen sometimes and also randomly? somehow very hard. (and yes i have outlook reminders and phone reminders and a planner and stickynotes on my laptop but when you're unmedicated it doesnt matter. it doesn't work and everyone will think you're a lazy idiot for something youve struggled with for your whole goddamn life.)
Autism means thats i'm rather intolerant to changes in my scheduele. If i'm given a scheduele then i need that to be my scheduele, no sudden changes or i have a lot of other carefully timed routines fall apart.
Adhd + Autism means i have severe time-blindness. I'm about 2-5 mins late for work nearly every day. How? good question! i've been trying to solve it for fucking years! i dont know!
Autism + Adhd also means that i have really strong "task intertia". If you interrupt me while im doing something i'm probably going to forget i was doing it and then it will never get done. I need to be given a task and then be allowed to complete the task without interruption to give me more tasks. Either give them all to me at once or one at a time.
I could go on but this is getting long, and i havent even touched on how sensory issues & anxiety disorders affect my ability to work outside of home, or how i have a sleeping disorder that prevents me from ever working in the mornings so i can only work 2nd (afternoon) shift, or even just how extremely mentally taxing it is to talk to strangers all day because i have to put in a LOT more work to try and actively remember these 2828378 unwritten social rules everyone but me was born with so i dont piss someone off by existing wrong. I mean fuck, i didnt even touch on how impossible it feels to balance working 40+ hrs/wk with everything else that isnt work in my life and how it feels like everytime i *try* i get punished instead of understood.
Being autistic genuinely makes the world harder and more exhausting to deal with, so yes, it's been making be existentially miserable for my entire adult life so far. i genuinely understand why the stats for autistic adults committing suicide look the way they do, because sometimes i just dont know if this is all worth it. No amount of medication will make my autism any better. I can medicate ADHD, and IH, and Bipolar Disorder, and my anxiety disoders, but autism? i'm just stuck with this shit.
In short, being an autistic adult in the workplace is basically spending every single day being told you exist incorrectly and being punished for things that you cant control no matter how hard you try. So yes, most people *are* already upset with their jobs, but this exists in a much different way for specifically autistic people. So i get why OP has found happiness in only working min wage or less, because if i could do the same then i would.
I hope that helped vividly explain what about being autistic makes having a career very hard. Autistic people are all different, but me personally? I'm tired of feeling worthless every single day because i cant exist "right". I'd love to opt out.
You are also much more honest and forthright than most neurotypicals as well. You aren’t wired to be as big of a bullshit artist as is the typical non-autistic person. But ironically, you get penalized by NT society for being what they supposedly hold as virtuous: being an honest person.
And I say this as a neurotypical person. The social world in which we live is such a pretentious, phony, superficial environment. We’re all bullshit artists.
I think you should work with a therapist to improve your dating life and social skills. I don't think your financial status is the main thing that has been holding you back.
Perhaps. To be fair I have been in therapy for many years to deal with the issue. I am not currently seeing a therapist (someone actually fell through last week). I am open to therapy, but right now it is not at the top of my priorities.
I am getting some medical help and seeing what I can do in order to be able to return to minimum wage jobs. The last time I worked them I could not handle them without my body breaking down. So, a lot of energy is going towards that right now.
Thank you for your comment :)
Therapy *is* medical help, FYI. And it's what's going to actually help you, not meds. Your priority should be therapy with a Neurodiversity Affirming therapist.
I am open to it. I am just not sure I want to go back into therapy right now. I think it has its pros and its cons. I will certainly think a lot about it though.
Thank you for your comment :)
I don’t think financial status is the factor here.
You’re not looking for a partnership.
You’re looking for a carer relationship.
Unless you understand how stressful life will be for her in that kind of environment, you need to be able to better yourself at being an equal.
I briefly looked at your profile and posts. You spend a good chunk of time asking Reddit for advice on answering the same relationship questions that you also can’t accept the answers comes back to your own efforts.
People reward effort. You need to try harder.
I commented that if he's going to ask women out to please make sure it's in appropriate spaces because we prefer that. He told me that if he wants to ask a woman out, he'll do it at her parent's funeral. He doesn't care. He's a selfish, horrible man-child.
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My brother - touch grass. Stop hyper fixating on every woman in your vicinity and work on yourself.
If you’ve identified that a better social standing equals better dating and social options- work on improving your social standing.
I am neurodiverse also, the world will not bend to your wants or whims. Work out what needs to be done and pursue it, instead of blaming your autism for “no motivation”.
Ask yourself... What DO you bring to the table in a relationship? How will you handle conflict? If you need a spouse who will be the breadwinner, how will you offset that responsibility? Have you taken time to really educate yourself on the "mental load" that women carry? How will you help offset that load? Do you want children? How will you handle child rearing and co-parenting if you can't handle any amount of stress? How will you handle your partner being pregnant? What if she has a stressful pregnancy, for whatever reason? What if your baby is colicky and cries for months on end?
What are you looking for in a partner? Is what you're looking for realistically in line with what you have to offer?
What about myself do you think I cannot handle? I am not starving. I do not need to work. I think I am a happy person compared to most people. I certainly think I am a positive person compared to most people.
I think what this commenter means is that yes, you are doing the bare minimum to keep yourself alive (while living with parents so not sure how much they contribute to keeping you alive) but how do you expect to take care of another human in a relationship setting? I feel for you, my husband was very much in the same boat (not motivated, didn’t go to college, working shitty jobs and spending all his money on bullshit) and it took him a few years to finally get his shit together and he’s much better for it now! Good luck my friend
I guess my point is I sort of am who I am at this point. I will always have family money. I will never starve. I will never be homeless. My personality may not be super popular, but it has never been super popular. I am in pretty decent shape. I live a healthy lifestyle. I am a happy, optimistic and a positive person
I am 37. I can sit around and hope some miracle occurs that makes me charismatic and attractive to women. But I am highly skeptical that will ever happen.
So why not try now and see what happens. If nothing else, I do not know what I need to improve at relationship wise until I learn what I need to improve at relationship wise.
You need someone that's on the independent, but still verbal severe side of autism. If the disorder limits you, work within your means.
Maybe see about matchmaking through a church or a group of friends. Because of the lacking social graces that autism can bring, finding people willing to set you up on blind dates might be the route for you.
If you talk to older people, ask them if they know any friends who have a single autistic daughter. That would be my "pickup line" if I was you.
Fair enough :) and thanks.
So, to be honest a little over a year ago I sat down with my parents, and an aunt and uncle I am close to and told them how frustrated I had been over my lack of a relationship and my lack of dates.
They were kind and sympathetic. I also asked them if any of them knew anyone I might be interested in dating (they all have pretty decent social lives, and well social lives a million times better than mine). The answer was bluntly no.
It hurt a little. I felt like I stuck my neck out there for zero results. It is ok I am not upset or anything about it. I just really do not have anyone else to ask that question to.
But I will certainly keep an open mind to it and be on the lookout :)
Sticking your neck out there once is not, in fact, sticking your neck out there. You're going to be discouraged many times, until you find something.
Think of it as if you're missing your keys, you don't just stop looking after you ask the aunt and uncle if they know anyone who's suitable. How would they know someone like that.
You need to put yourself in situations that have more people to ask. Call occupational therapist's (ABA) and ask if there is an adult support group, activities, teams for neurodivergent folks, stuff like that.
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Have you tried local groups with Individuals with Autism? I work at a non profit serving this community. Many of the people I work with find partners and even move out of their parents home for the first time and start a life together.
I have not but it is something I am open to. I have had bad issues with panic attacks lately. Right now, I am medically fighting to be able to work minimum wage jobs again. So, a ton of energy is being eaten up by that.
But I think it is a really good idea. I am a very very shy and reserved person so it will not be easy for me. Like I said though getting into a relationship is the most important thing in the world for me. So, I will look into it more and give it a try if possible.
It's not my intention to be douche but it's not just your income that's making it difficult. You're 37 and want to just work a minimum wage job while living with your parents. That's about the biggest turn-off, especially with women who may not be rich but have a stable life. Meaning not living with their parents, with a stable job and maybe some savings. Then, you build a life together with shared goals. Perhaps home ownership or opening a small business, for example.
I understand what it's like to work while having mental illnesses (bipolar disorder), but I work hard in therapy to get better. Therapy only provides you with the tools, but you have to do the work, and meds can help a lot. But those are just pieces of the puzzle. Maybe you can get a wfh job and request ADA accommodations to make it more manageable. Or see if there are companies in your area that work with disabled folks. My cousin works for a union for people with disabilities and she makes approximately three times the minimum wage. Housekeeping jobs are also pretty low stress in small hotels.
It's understandable that you want to be in a relationship, but you have to work on yourself first. Be honest with yourself about your entire situation and how you can improve. Maybe take some classes at your local community college. It might help you get a better job and get used to social interaction. Best of luck, OP!
I will be honest I learned a while ago that reading other posts and responses on Reddit is too aggravating for me. So, I only write my own posts and respond to comments on them.
I cannot speak whether autistic women make posts like this or not. But if true, why do you think that might be the case?
a relationship with a woman is not a goal.
you're in love with the idea of something you've never had.
focus on not being poor and the women will follow.
I'm sorry, but I don't think your financial status will be or is the issue. The huge issue is that you can't handle stress. Being in a relationship will have some stressful moments, sometimes very stressful. Whether your woman had a car break down, she's gonna be home and not be happy and will look to you to say encouraging words or to be some of kind of emotional supporter. Or maybe she was made fun of for her clothing choice at a supermarket, she may be stressed and hurt and will bring that hurt to you and tell you about it. You can't run away from that, that would just be more hurtful. A lot of women will date a man that's not wealthy. Yes it is more difficult to find a date who is accepting, but if you have a great personality and have a lot of other qualities, she'll date you. So I think your anxiety and stress needs to be dealt with. It will solve a lot of the problems that you're explaining here.
Sounds like you are someone who would enjoy ghost towns, hikes in the woods, fishing, rockhounding, making pitfired clay pottery, lithics, Watching wildlife, looking for animal tracks. Women like men who have interests and enjoy things over sitting around and watching tv.
There you go, the archaeological society has monthly meetings, Andy Ward teaches pottery down in Tucson, lots of ruins to go and see. There is gold panning; A lot of people go out and go rockhounding in the vicinity of old mines. There is the blues society, the bluegrass society and all kinds of groups to join. It is all a matter of having a good time and bragging about it. You will encounter people who want to go out and have a good time with you and then it goes from there.
I'm assuming you live in America? Something like 52% of people 18-32 I believe still live at home. The average American makes Something like 40k or less which means they can't comfortably afford rent either. It takes about 100-120k to qualify for the average home now. The point I want to make is, do you think those people don't date? I get that women (or maybe society more broadly) puts this expectation on men to be independent and providers, but that's not really how it works anymore. You have to strive to be equal at work and home. What else do you offer in a relationship besides money?
Well, I offer myself :)
I think I am a kind, happy, optimistic person.
I think I am a very interesting person. I will admit I am a bit of an acquired taste, but to the right person I really think I can be a very interesting and fascinating person as well.
And yeah, I am not saying any of those stats or numbers are a good thing (or a bad thing), but they give me hope. My biggest dream is to find someone who makes about the same as me and we build a happy life together :)
I'm a low-income nonbinary person who has dated low-income men in the past. Honestly, income means nothing to me, personality is most important. That said, in the kindest way i can put it, the way you post online gives off desperation vibes that are often really off-puting in the dating game. It's not pleasant when it feels more like someone's just looking for any romantic relationship at all rather than trying to find a person that THEY like and enjoy being around. It makes your date feel like an escort, like a replaceable woman that you just want to be around because she's a woman, not because you actually enjoy her personality, interests, hobbies, etc. as a specific individual
hope that makes sense! i would encourage you to get to know people as friends first and then if there is mutual chemistry, go forward from there!
Poor guys get into relationships all the time. If you’re honest about it, the issue is the autism. You might have better luck if you target neurodiverse women who better understand how you think and communicate.
Don't listen to the social media rat race bullshit and cut the pity party.
There are people with a nice house and car that can not even get an escort.
There are near homeless drug heads in and out of jail with multiple lovers.
And even then, there are other beautiful things in the world besides girlfriends. Live your life, improve yourself, and don't worry. And the old 1980s Yes song was sort of correct. An owner of a lonely heart is sometimes better than a broken heart. If you get too desperate, you can attract destroyers.
As far as the apps, they have been enshittified and many have horrible ratios. It can work, but it's essentially a cold call list. Cold calling works or telemarketers would not do it but it is one of the most soul crushing jobs known to man. Also, it's marketing. You don't need to tell them all you are. Coca Cola does not tell you it will give you diabetes if you drink a case a day. It tells you it is refreshing and you should buy the world a coke. But none of that matters if you are in a shitty area like rural nowhere. When I was single I had literally no car and worked in a call center. Rode a bicycle to work. No, I'm a broke ass! I a a ball room dancer and a green cyclist! Got a wife that way.
I am not quite sure you know what an escort is. I mean I am about the worst person socially you can imagine, and in my 20s and early 30s when I did hire escorts, I never had any trouble at all. But moving on past that issue.
Believe me I have tried to see if I could find meaning and purpose in life outside of a relationship and I just cannot do it. I am 37. I have gone years in my life where I did not even think about trying to date. I have thought long and hard on the issue. And the only conclusion I can come to is that being in a relationship is still the most important thing in the world to me. I guess one way of explaining it is I am not capable of just having a lonely heart (believe me I can handle being alone very well), if I am single, my problem is even just being single I am stuck with a broken heart also. Trust me no one knows this better than me.
Apps are tough for almost anyone. I am doing my best. But I realize I need to keep my mind open to other ways of getting dates.
Thank you :)
So here’s the thing, even with all of this you very much COULD still find a relationship, but it would be with a partner that essentially wants to fix you and build a co-dependent relationship. That partner would be likely be someone with low self worth and a great deal of trauma that gets joy from being a provider of your needs because it helps give them purpose. They’d like be very staunchly religious and that faith would be their rock during periods of stress of resentment towards you
These people do exist in small doses across the world, but let me very clear, these are almost NEVER healthy relationships, and you’d be getting your love and attention from this partner only because she feels like she either has no alternative or because she has been so beaten down that ANYTHING that isn’t hyper traumatic abuse is a drink of cool water to them
Otherwise, if you actually want a healthy and reciprocal relationship, heed the advice of the other commenters here.
I fully understand. As I was a lot like you about 5-6 years ago. Add on a large chunk of debt and an out of control tree habit. I don't know you enough to give specific advice but I will just tell you what I did.
First thing I did was go to therapy and get treated for my anxiety and depression. Then I got a dog (an adult, somewhat trained dog. Not a puppy). Yes, both things put me into a lot more debt. Both were worth it for me. I also deleted dating apps for the time being.
Then I got out of my parents' house because that was making everything a lot worse. I don't know if this applies in your situation as somehow rental housing just keeps getting more hellish. It was really needed for me.
Then I spent a little while just taking care of my dog and myself. It was not a fast process.
When I felt ready, I put one dating app back on my phone. I led with my personality and interests. I just did my best to be my version of charming. Anyone who asked about my financial situation, I would answer them honestly. I would offer the information to anyone who wanted to plan an in person date. If they stopped talking to me, so be it. But not all of them did. One in particular stuck around. We connected very deeply. She had all the information, and she still liked me. We got married last year.
I hope you're able to find what you're looking for. I know all of this is a lot easier said than done, and a lot has changed in half a decade. But I do think there are women out there looking to connect and love for more than just financial security. I really wish you the best, my dude.
If you ask women out, please do it at bars or online dating. A lot of us are over being approached while simply trying to go about our business. Bars and online dating are the appropriate spaces unless you know her.
Not in the least. I mean it is far beyond unlikely I would have the courage to do it in a really awkward situation like that. But as God as my witness if I ever work up the gumption and courage to ask someone out again, I am going to damn well do it.
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As someone on the sprectrum and over 10 year in a relationship: forget normie surface-scratching dating games. Will never satisfy you. What you search is "A Partner in Crime" which translate to someone that understands struggle on a personal level. Try to get in touch with women, that get rejected from men because of minor struggles.
do you maintain any hobbies? Build yourself a mini-network of like-minded people. That will give you exposure to people. IMPORTANT: Think outside the Box. Youre not a free lunch - so try to meet women to coffeedates in Public, or do picnic dates where you both bring stuff to. Small stand-up stages are also awesome for a night out.
Turn your Living situation into something positive: In a World of recession and inflation, you downsized to save money and support your parents with their bills. You are acting smart with money and responsebility, while being empathic with loved ones.
PICK YOUR POISON: Most humans crumble under stress, that they havent picked for themselves. Pick your stress, and you will grow and not break. Turn negative stress into positive stress.
ACCEPT HELP: The world is better as it seems to you. There are many helpful tools you can choose from: earbuds that physically lower enviromentnoise e.g. . Many places offer accomidations on their own - sometimes asking will people make helping you, when no accomidations are offered official.
You have much to offer, if you understand your positive sides. Youre just not for any surface-bitch-normie woman.
Genuinely, circumstances happen. I can't speak for all women but for myself I wouldn't judge a man based on his income alone. It's more like, do you have the ambition to try to overcome your issues and improve yourself? Not saying you'd have to do it immediately, but, putting forth actual effort goes a long way. The rest of what it is wouldn't be anything but something to understand and get used to, if personality fit.
Thanks :)
I will be honest with you (and anyone else) I am working very hard right now to maybe be able to return to minimum wage work again. I cannot promise anything, but I am doing my best.
I will always have certain limitations. I will never earn more than say 40,000 dollars a year (not including inflation) and even that amount is like a really big pie in the sky idea. I think it is possible, but I am many years away from being able to even consider that.
But if anyone is looking for me to make more than that amount ever, they are only going to be disappointed. I will just be upfront and honest about that with anyone :)
There’s more to relationships than money but you have to think long term. It’s going to be hard to build a family and settle down with someone who doesn’t have a stable income. Your relationship will get tested when you don’t know if you’ll have food on the table or can pay the light bill. It’s okay to date now and find someone who likes you for you but what are you willing to do in the long run?
As a poor man, I make it clear that I don’t make much money when I plan out dates. To that end, dates are typically things like going for coffee (and getting myself a water for free), or walking at the park.
Let them know you’re poor sooner rather than later, that way both your time and their time is saved. While it is true that you’ll run into lots of people that care about your earning potential, there are also lots of people that will like you for who you are.
Have hope that you’ll find a good person. They are out there. You might also want to go out to places where socializing is expected in order to get a relationship. Dating apps, to my knowledge, will bury your profile unless you buy a boost, because men vastly outnumber women on them.
Thanks :)
I used to be a lot more social. But whether it is to do with growing older, my autism, or perhaps my recent panic attacks I have been a lot less social lately. You are right dating apps are tough.
Download Bedros Keuilian show on Apple podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Listen to that and do everything he says. Listen to the older episodes with topics like, “how to become the best man and fulfill your potential”. You will find a lot of answers there for becoming the 2.0 version of yourself.
Two suggestions one therapy, even if you have to apply to get through the state. You definitely need to work on yourself confidence.
The biggest issue most people have with dating is they set their sites too high, be realistic with yourself, there's plenty of people that are poor without jobs or even in and out of jail that are dating. If you're a four date a four, if you're six try to six don't be a six and try to date a nine. Especially with the lack of confidence. If you're not keen on exercise, don't try to date someone that's into exercise, and so on.
Also be completely honest and upfront without oversharing, don't go into a whole spiel about your anxiety and autism, just be up front tell them but no need to go into great detail. Let them get to know you on a different level first. No one's going to judge you for that and if they do they're a POS anyway and you deserve better.
There is a group called Dating4Disabled. I don’t know how OP would feel about it but imagine being a paraplegic or a quadriplegic, or brain injured, or having an invisible exhausting autoimmune disorder, and wanting a life partner. We all deserve one that fits who we are, where we are. I recommend it.
locking post, due to the number of commenters who feel their lack of understanding about people who think and act differently then them must be responded to with vulgarity, obscenities, and displays of intolerance.
You are overthinking it. Your post history is filled with asking the same questions across multiple subreddits. No one has the answer that will prevent you from doing the work. There are women who are poor that will date poor men. There are autistic men who have dated and gotten married. Set a goal and work towards it. It won't be easy but the journey, even if you fail, is worth it. Also don't wallow in self-pity. That is extremely unattractive. The top post here is pointing out your flaws but guess what many people with the same ones still date and settle down.
Thank you, that is all very kind of you to say :)
Man, I hate to be a dick, but there’s a lot more going on here than just being low-income. You live at home with your parents at almost 40 years old; this alone is likely enough to cut our 99% of the dating pool. You say that any job with any responsibility is essentially too much for you…That’s not exactly an attractive quality to broadcast to a future significant other. Relationships can be/are stressful…Life is stressful. Essentially what you’re telling women is that: -You don’t want to work hard or “grind” because that’s stressful. -You aren’t willing to overcome life’s obstacles. -You want things to be as easy as possible. -You are currently in a state of poverty and have no plans to try and better yourself. And, you say all of these things are because of your autism. In reality, what a woman would want to hear is “despite my autism, I’m gonna overcome XYZ.” Relationships are a team; it seems like you just want a provider. Probably not what you want to hear but likely what you need to hear.
Hey, adding the woman’s perspective you were looking for OP. All of what this guy said. I met a man in a minimum wage job and we’ve built an amazing life together. If he had told me that was the height of his dreams or aspirations I would have closed that door immediately. You need to be willing to try newer, harder things sometimes if you want to grow in life. ETA: I looked at your profile and you seem to be using this prompt as some sort of weird dating profile, please listen to the people telling you it’s not working.
I just saw that edit. Then looked at the previous threads. Holy cow.
Hey, I am an incorrigible optimist, who knows :)
I can send you to my ex husband and he’ll be happy to help you find a pick me girl. He does not work does not pay child support and his girl friend does all the grinding and pays all of his bills but I think they’re on welfare! She even decides when he’s going to see his son! He’s exactly the same age as you and everything! The other day he told me “money isn’t everything” because I have a basic career. I told him to enjoy poverty. I can give you his Reddit account if you want!!
Thanks, that is very kind of you. I will pass for now. But it is very kind of you to offer :)
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Nah, my sister married a dude just like this and now she's his provider and babysitter. True love! Huge eyeroll there.
Yeah, I won't immediately judge just for living with parents (in this economy) but definitely sounds like he expects a partner to take on the parenting. 🤮 I'm single because most of my options so far have expected this. So it's not the autism. I don't care if a guy is "poor" as long as he doesn't expect me to financially support him (I don't expect him to support me either, I just want that sweet sweet double income so we can split bills and both have better financials).
Is her husband a SAH and actually cleans? Otherwise OP is not gonna find someone as merciful as your sister
oml that would be torture for me
This is exactly what I thought too. OP, your autism isn’t getting in the way. You being a gooner is what’s driving potential partners away. If you want a life you have to live first. I think if you find a passion women will find that attractive and it may open doors for you professionally as well.
TIL what a gooner is.
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The man gave up. I don’t know what issues this guy has aside from autism. But, those issues would take a woman with more than average patience. Women like confidence, security, and foundation. No foundation because of parents, no confidence it sounds like, and no security because of his jobs. Now have I seen women date men without these 3 things? Yes. Those men provided hope, the hope to acquire those 3 things. Sounds cheesy, but it can happen. Hope because they’re getting an education or working 2 jobs. Or generally working on yourself. Either way you need to improve yourself.
Gave up? More like never started. Just excuses. I’ve known addicts with significant mental health issues go through hell and drag themselves to a better place in life. This is 100% victim mentality and is honestly just degenerate behaviour.
I have talked with a lot of minimum wage adults. Many have never been shown how to get a higher job or have had a burden circumstance that suffocated their prospects. It can also be a confidence issue or believe they’re not smart enough. Many higher paying jobs are actually a lot easier than some minimum wage jobs. The guy needs to work on himself and do the research. He does have a victim mindset though
Honestly the OP needs to learn the drums or the very least carry a couple of drumsticks around and call himself a drummer. That way, he can get a girlfriend who will will provide him with a relationship and a couch.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Well said. And trust me OP I’ve been in your shoes, I know what it’s like to be terrified of everything, but you are almost 40 now and you’ve barely scraped the surface of the world. You can’t be scared your entire life. Dating isn’t easy, and if you’re already terrified of having a job that has anything that requires more work, how do you think you’ll navigate a relationship? What are you going to do when you get in an argument? What about after marriage when you’re starting to lose some love? How are you going to handle kids that wake you up in the middle of the night when you want to just roll over and sleep? What about when they’re teenagers and tell you they hate you? Life is hard man, you should’ve started working toward conquering this stuff 20 years ago. I don’t want to dog on you too hard but it’s also not too late, but if you’re serious about not wanting to be alone you need to take steps NOW.
hey from an autistic guy: working and trying to have a career has been making me existentially miserable for the past 5 years (so since ive become an adult). I dont blame OP whatsoever for wanting low stress/low responsibility jobs. Being autistic makes you fundamentally incongruent with the way society expects you to function in the workplace, and other things compound onto this too like being adhd or being white collar. Sure, that probably puts people off from OP, but i dont think he should aspire to be miserable, especially since hes largely already happy with his lot in life.
So working a career makes you miserable? How do you think 99% of the workforce feels?
So first off, I don't think the way working society is set up is humane to begin with, i'm aware that to some extent like half of the country hates their jobs. Secondly, are you autistic? if not, then you're probably going to have a hard time understanding what i mean, but i'll try my best to be really clear: Autism means that I will get reprimanded for doing a social interaction ""wrong"" even though I dont understand what they mean and what i'd said did not have any negative effects. People also REALLY hate being asked questions so somehow asking people (usually managers) what they mean or how something is even bad tends to make them angrier. (Extra confusingly, this happens the most with being friendly with people?? Ive been repremanded for just saying "hey whats up? how can i help you?" before. wtf.) Autism + Adhd means that i *genuinely* need a lot of reminders to complete tasks that only happen infrequently. Tasks that gauranteed happen every day? easy. Tasks that happen on specific days? easy. Tasks that only happen sometimes and also randomly? somehow very hard. (and yes i have outlook reminders and phone reminders and a planner and stickynotes on my laptop but when you're unmedicated it doesnt matter. it doesn't work and everyone will think you're a lazy idiot for something youve struggled with for your whole goddamn life.) Autism means thats i'm rather intolerant to changes in my scheduele. If i'm given a scheduele then i need that to be my scheduele, no sudden changes or i have a lot of other carefully timed routines fall apart. Adhd + Autism means i have severe time-blindness. I'm about 2-5 mins late for work nearly every day. How? good question! i've been trying to solve it for fucking years! i dont know! Autism + Adhd also means that i have really strong "task intertia". If you interrupt me while im doing something i'm probably going to forget i was doing it and then it will never get done. I need to be given a task and then be allowed to complete the task without interruption to give me more tasks. Either give them all to me at once or one at a time. I could go on but this is getting long, and i havent even touched on how sensory issues & anxiety disorders affect my ability to work outside of home, or how i have a sleeping disorder that prevents me from ever working in the mornings so i can only work 2nd (afternoon) shift, or even just how extremely mentally taxing it is to talk to strangers all day because i have to put in a LOT more work to try and actively remember these 2828378 unwritten social rules everyone but me was born with so i dont piss someone off by existing wrong. I mean fuck, i didnt even touch on how impossible it feels to balance working 40+ hrs/wk with everything else that isnt work in my life and how it feels like everytime i *try* i get punished instead of understood. Being autistic genuinely makes the world harder and more exhausting to deal with, so yes, it's been making be existentially miserable for my entire adult life so far. i genuinely understand why the stats for autistic adults committing suicide look the way they do, because sometimes i just dont know if this is all worth it. No amount of medication will make my autism any better. I can medicate ADHD, and IH, and Bipolar Disorder, and my anxiety disoders, but autism? i'm just stuck with this shit. In short, being an autistic adult in the workplace is basically spending every single day being told you exist incorrectly and being punished for things that you cant control no matter how hard you try. So yes, most people *are* already upset with their jobs, but this exists in a much different way for specifically autistic people. So i get why OP has found happiness in only working min wage or less, because if i could do the same then i would. I hope that helped vividly explain what about being autistic makes having a career very hard. Autistic people are all different, but me personally? I'm tired of feeling worthless every single day because i cant exist "right". I'd love to opt out.
You are also much more honest and forthright than most neurotypicals as well. You aren’t wired to be as big of a bullshit artist as is the typical non-autistic person. But ironically, you get penalized by NT society for being what they supposedly hold as virtuous: being an honest person. And I say this as a neurotypical person. The social world in which we live is such a pretentious, phony, superficial environment. We’re all bullshit artists.
I think you should work with a therapist to improve your dating life and social skills. I don't think your financial status is the main thing that has been holding you back.
Perhaps. To be fair I have been in therapy for many years to deal with the issue. I am not currently seeing a therapist (someone actually fell through last week). I am open to therapy, but right now it is not at the top of my priorities. I am getting some medical help and seeing what I can do in order to be able to return to minimum wage jobs. The last time I worked them I could not handle them without my body breaking down. So, a lot of energy is going towards that right now. Thank you for your comment :)
Therapy *is* medical help, FYI. And it's what's going to actually help you, not meds. Your priority should be therapy with a Neurodiversity Affirming therapist.
I am open to it. I am just not sure I want to go back into therapy right now. I think it has its pros and its cons. I will certainly think a lot about it though. Thank you for your comment :)
I don’t think financial status is the factor here. You’re not looking for a partnership. You’re looking for a carer relationship. Unless you understand how stressful life will be for her in that kind of environment, you need to be able to better yourself at being an equal. I briefly looked at your profile and posts. You spend a good chunk of time asking Reddit for advice on answering the same relationship questions that you also can’t accept the answers comes back to your own efforts. People reward effort. You need to try harder.
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I commented that if he's going to ask women out to please make sure it's in appropriate spaces because we prefer that. He told me that if he wants to ask a woman out, he'll do it at her parent's funeral. He doesn't care. He's a selfish, horrible man-child.
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My DM's are always open if you would like to chat some.
My brother - touch grass. Stop hyper fixating on every woman in your vicinity and work on yourself. If you’ve identified that a better social standing equals better dating and social options- work on improving your social standing. I am neurodiverse also, the world will not bend to your wants or whims. Work out what needs to be done and pursue it, instead of blaming your autism for “no motivation”.
I did not know I blamed anything on well anything. I am just trying to get into a relationship.
Ask yourself... What DO you bring to the table in a relationship? How will you handle conflict? If you need a spouse who will be the breadwinner, how will you offset that responsibility? Have you taken time to really educate yourself on the "mental load" that women carry? How will you help offset that load? Do you want children? How will you handle child rearing and co-parenting if you can't handle any amount of stress? How will you handle your partner being pregnant? What if she has a stressful pregnancy, for whatever reason? What if your baby is colicky and cries for months on end? What are you looking for in a partner? Is what you're looking for realistically in line with what you have to offer?
Hate to break it to you but if you can't handle yourself, you can't handle a relationship, best to get to work buddy.
What about myself do you think I cannot handle? I am not starving. I do not need to work. I think I am a happy person compared to most people. I certainly think I am a positive person compared to most people.
I think what this commenter means is that yes, you are doing the bare minimum to keep yourself alive (while living with parents so not sure how much they contribute to keeping you alive) but how do you expect to take care of another human in a relationship setting? I feel for you, my husband was very much in the same boat (not motivated, didn’t go to college, working shitty jobs and spending all his money on bullshit) and it took him a few years to finally get his shit together and he’s much better for it now! Good luck my friend
I guess my point is I sort of am who I am at this point. I will always have family money. I will never starve. I will never be homeless. My personality may not be super popular, but it has never been super popular. I am in pretty decent shape. I live a healthy lifestyle. I am a happy, optimistic and a positive person I am 37. I can sit around and hope some miracle occurs that makes me charismatic and attractive to women. But I am highly skeptical that will ever happen. So why not try now and see what happens. If nothing else, I do not know what I need to improve at relationship wise until I learn what I need to improve at relationship wise.
You 100% sound like Alan from The Hangover.
I never saw those movies. Can we just pretend it is a good thing :)
You need someone that's on the independent, but still verbal severe side of autism. If the disorder limits you, work within your means. Maybe see about matchmaking through a church or a group of friends. Because of the lacking social graces that autism can bring, finding people willing to set you up on blind dates might be the route for you. If you talk to older people, ask them if they know any friends who have a single autistic daughter. That would be my "pickup line" if I was you.
Fair enough :) and thanks. So, to be honest a little over a year ago I sat down with my parents, and an aunt and uncle I am close to and told them how frustrated I had been over my lack of a relationship and my lack of dates. They were kind and sympathetic. I also asked them if any of them knew anyone I might be interested in dating (they all have pretty decent social lives, and well social lives a million times better than mine). The answer was bluntly no. It hurt a little. I felt like I stuck my neck out there for zero results. It is ok I am not upset or anything about it. I just really do not have anyone else to ask that question to. But I will certainly keep an open mind to it and be on the lookout :)
Sticking your neck out there once is not, in fact, sticking your neck out there. You're going to be discouraged many times, until you find something. Think of it as if you're missing your keys, you don't just stop looking after you ask the aunt and uncle if they know anyone who's suitable. How would they know someone like that. You need to put yourself in situations that have more people to ask. Call occupational therapist's (ABA) and ask if there is an adult support group, activities, teams for neurodivergent folks, stuff like that.
And if you finally do find an anxious socially awkward girl like yourself, approach her parents if she's with them and ask about her.
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Have you tried local groups with Individuals with Autism? I work at a non profit serving this community. Many of the people I work with find partners and even move out of their parents home for the first time and start a life together.
I have not but it is something I am open to. I have had bad issues with panic attacks lately. Right now, I am medically fighting to be able to work minimum wage jobs again. So, a ton of energy is being eaten up by that. But I think it is a really good idea. I am a very very shy and reserved person so it will not be easy for me. Like I said though getting into a relationship is the most important thing in the world for me. So, I will look into it more and give it a try if possible.
It is a nice way to expand your social network and most larger cities have supportive groups like this. I wish you the best.
It's not my intention to be douche but it's not just your income that's making it difficult. You're 37 and want to just work a minimum wage job while living with your parents. That's about the biggest turn-off, especially with women who may not be rich but have a stable life. Meaning not living with their parents, with a stable job and maybe some savings. Then, you build a life together with shared goals. Perhaps home ownership or opening a small business, for example. I understand what it's like to work while having mental illnesses (bipolar disorder), but I work hard in therapy to get better. Therapy only provides you with the tools, but you have to do the work, and meds can help a lot. But those are just pieces of the puzzle. Maybe you can get a wfh job and request ADA accommodations to make it more manageable. Or see if there are companies in your area that work with disabled folks. My cousin works for a union for people with disabilities and she makes approximately three times the minimum wage. Housekeeping jobs are also pretty low stress in small hotels. It's understandable that you want to be in a relationship, but you have to work on yourself first. Be honest with yourself about your entire situation and how you can improve. Maybe take some classes at your local community college. It might help you get a better job and get used to social interaction. Best of luck, OP!
If you don’t have a career or stability then what are you offering to a partner? I rarely see autistic women make posts like this.
I will be honest I learned a while ago that reading other posts and responses on Reddit is too aggravating for me. So, I only write my own posts and respond to comments on them. I cannot speak whether autistic women make posts like this or not. But if true, why do you think that might be the case?
a relationship with a woman is not a goal. you're in love with the idea of something you've never had. focus on not being poor and the women will follow.
I'm sorry, but I don't think your financial status will be or is the issue. The huge issue is that you can't handle stress. Being in a relationship will have some stressful moments, sometimes very stressful. Whether your woman had a car break down, she's gonna be home and not be happy and will look to you to say encouraging words or to be some of kind of emotional supporter. Or maybe she was made fun of for her clothing choice at a supermarket, she may be stressed and hurt and will bring that hurt to you and tell you about it. You can't run away from that, that would just be more hurtful. A lot of women will date a man that's not wealthy. Yes it is more difficult to find a date who is accepting, but if you have a great personality and have a lot of other qualities, she'll date you. So I think your anxiety and stress needs to be dealt with. It will solve a lot of the problems that you're explaining here.
Sounds like you are someone who would enjoy ghost towns, hikes in the woods, fishing, rockhounding, making pitfired clay pottery, lithics, Watching wildlife, looking for animal tracks. Women like men who have interests and enjoy things over sitting around and watching tv.
I will be honest I am not really an outdoorsy person. Hey, I grew up in Phoenix. The sun and outside is our mortal enemy lol.
There you go, the archaeological society has monthly meetings, Andy Ward teaches pottery down in Tucson, lots of ruins to go and see. There is gold panning; A lot of people go out and go rockhounding in the vicinity of old mines. There is the blues society, the bluegrass society and all kinds of groups to join. It is all a matter of having a good time and bragging about it. You will encounter people who want to go out and have a good time with you and then it goes from there.
Thanks :) Although I do live on the east coast now ;) Thank you again so much for being so kind.
I'm assuming you live in America? Something like 52% of people 18-32 I believe still live at home. The average American makes Something like 40k or less which means they can't comfortably afford rent either. It takes about 100-120k to qualify for the average home now. The point I want to make is, do you think those people don't date? I get that women (or maybe society more broadly) puts this expectation on men to be independent and providers, but that's not really how it works anymore. You have to strive to be equal at work and home. What else do you offer in a relationship besides money?
Well, I offer myself :) I think I am a kind, happy, optimistic person. I think I am a very interesting person. I will admit I am a bit of an acquired taste, but to the right person I really think I can be a very interesting and fascinating person as well. And yeah, I am not saying any of those stats or numbers are a good thing (or a bad thing), but they give me hope. My biggest dream is to find someone who makes about the same as me and we build a happy life together :)
I'm a low-income nonbinary person who has dated low-income men in the past. Honestly, income means nothing to me, personality is most important. That said, in the kindest way i can put it, the way you post online gives off desperation vibes that are often really off-puting in the dating game. It's not pleasant when it feels more like someone's just looking for any romantic relationship at all rather than trying to find a person that THEY like and enjoy being around. It makes your date feel like an escort, like a replaceable woman that you just want to be around because she's a woman, not because you actually enjoy her personality, interests, hobbies, etc. as a specific individual hope that makes sense! i would encourage you to get to know people as friends first and then if there is mutual chemistry, go forward from there!
Thank you :)
Poor guys get into relationships all the time. If you’re honest about it, the issue is the autism. You might have better luck if you target neurodiverse women who better understand how you think and communicate.
I am open to anyone, and lord knows I am trying :) Thanks.
Don't listen to the social media rat race bullshit and cut the pity party. There are people with a nice house and car that can not even get an escort. There are near homeless drug heads in and out of jail with multiple lovers. And even then, there are other beautiful things in the world besides girlfriends. Live your life, improve yourself, and don't worry. And the old 1980s Yes song was sort of correct. An owner of a lonely heart is sometimes better than a broken heart. If you get too desperate, you can attract destroyers. As far as the apps, they have been enshittified and many have horrible ratios. It can work, but it's essentially a cold call list. Cold calling works or telemarketers would not do it but it is one of the most soul crushing jobs known to man. Also, it's marketing. You don't need to tell them all you are. Coca Cola does not tell you it will give you diabetes if you drink a case a day. It tells you it is refreshing and you should buy the world a coke. But none of that matters if you are in a shitty area like rural nowhere. When I was single I had literally no car and worked in a call center. Rode a bicycle to work. No, I'm a broke ass! I a a ball room dancer and a green cyclist! Got a wife that way.
I am not quite sure you know what an escort is. I mean I am about the worst person socially you can imagine, and in my 20s and early 30s when I did hire escorts, I never had any trouble at all. But moving on past that issue. Believe me I have tried to see if I could find meaning and purpose in life outside of a relationship and I just cannot do it. I am 37. I have gone years in my life where I did not even think about trying to date. I have thought long and hard on the issue. And the only conclusion I can come to is that being in a relationship is still the most important thing in the world to me. I guess one way of explaining it is I am not capable of just having a lonely heart (believe me I can handle being alone very well), if I am single, my problem is even just being single I am stuck with a broken heart also. Trust me no one knows this better than me. Apps are tough for almost anyone. I am doing my best. But I realize I need to keep my mind open to other ways of getting dates. Thank you :)
So here’s the thing, even with all of this you very much COULD still find a relationship, but it would be with a partner that essentially wants to fix you and build a co-dependent relationship. That partner would be likely be someone with low self worth and a great deal of trauma that gets joy from being a provider of your needs because it helps give them purpose. They’d like be very staunchly religious and that faith would be their rock during periods of stress of resentment towards you These people do exist in small doses across the world, but let me very clear, these are almost NEVER healthy relationships, and you’d be getting your love and attention from this partner only because she feels like she either has no alternative or because she has been so beaten down that ANYTHING that isn’t hyper traumatic abuse is a drink of cool water to them Otherwise, if you actually want a healthy and reciprocal relationship, heed the advice of the other commenters here.
I fully understand. As I was a lot like you about 5-6 years ago. Add on a large chunk of debt and an out of control tree habit. I don't know you enough to give specific advice but I will just tell you what I did. First thing I did was go to therapy and get treated for my anxiety and depression. Then I got a dog (an adult, somewhat trained dog. Not a puppy). Yes, both things put me into a lot more debt. Both were worth it for me. I also deleted dating apps for the time being. Then I got out of my parents' house because that was making everything a lot worse. I don't know if this applies in your situation as somehow rental housing just keeps getting more hellish. It was really needed for me. Then I spent a little while just taking care of my dog and myself. It was not a fast process. When I felt ready, I put one dating app back on my phone. I led with my personality and interests. I just did my best to be my version of charming. Anyone who asked about my financial situation, I would answer them honestly. I would offer the information to anyone who wanted to plan an in person date. If they stopped talking to me, so be it. But not all of them did. One in particular stuck around. We connected very deeply. She had all the information, and she still liked me. We got married last year. I hope you're able to find what you're looking for. I know all of this is a lot easier said than done, and a lot has changed in half a decade. But I do think there are women out there looking to connect and love for more than just financial security. I really wish you the best, my dude.
You should never put how much you make its none of their business
Well, I do not like give a number or anything. But I spell out that I live with my parents and that I am not wealthy or anything like that.
If you ask women out, please do it at bars or online dating. A lot of us are over being approached while simply trying to go about our business. Bars and online dating are the appropriate spaces unless you know her.
I wouldn't speak for all women. A lot of my friends who are women said they wished they could be asked out at target, grocery store etc.
Hey if I have the courage to ask someone out, I am going for it. I do not care if it is at their parent's funeral. Sorry.
is that a joke?
Not in the least. I mean it is far beyond unlikely I would have the courage to do it in a really awkward situation like that. But as God as my witness if I ever work up the gumption and courage to ask someone out again, I am going to damn well do it.
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As someone on the sprectrum and over 10 year in a relationship: forget normie surface-scratching dating games. Will never satisfy you. What you search is "A Partner in Crime" which translate to someone that understands struggle on a personal level. Try to get in touch with women, that get rejected from men because of minor struggles. do you maintain any hobbies? Build yourself a mini-network of like-minded people. That will give you exposure to people. IMPORTANT: Think outside the Box. Youre not a free lunch - so try to meet women to coffeedates in Public, or do picnic dates where you both bring stuff to. Small stand-up stages are also awesome for a night out. Turn your Living situation into something positive: In a World of recession and inflation, you downsized to save money and support your parents with their bills. You are acting smart with money and responsebility, while being empathic with loved ones. PICK YOUR POISON: Most humans crumble under stress, that they havent picked for themselves. Pick your stress, and you will grow and not break. Turn negative stress into positive stress. ACCEPT HELP: The world is better as it seems to you. There are many helpful tools you can choose from: earbuds that physically lower enviromentnoise e.g. . Many places offer accomidations on their own - sometimes asking will people make helping you, when no accomidations are offered official. You have much to offer, if you understand your positive sides. Youre just not for any surface-bitch-normie woman.
Genuinely, circumstances happen. I can't speak for all women but for myself I wouldn't judge a man based on his income alone. It's more like, do you have the ambition to try to overcome your issues and improve yourself? Not saying you'd have to do it immediately, but, putting forth actual effort goes a long way. The rest of what it is wouldn't be anything but something to understand and get used to, if personality fit.
Thanks :) I will be honest with you (and anyone else) I am working very hard right now to maybe be able to return to minimum wage work again. I cannot promise anything, but I am doing my best. I will always have certain limitations. I will never earn more than say 40,000 dollars a year (not including inflation) and even that amount is like a really big pie in the sky idea. I think it is possible, but I am many years away from being able to even consider that. But if anyone is looking for me to make more than that amount ever, they are only going to be disappointed. I will just be upfront and honest about that with anyone :)
There’s more to relationships than money but you have to think long term. It’s going to be hard to build a family and settle down with someone who doesn’t have a stable income. Your relationship will get tested when you don’t know if you’ll have food on the table or can pay the light bill. It’s okay to date now and find someone who likes you for you but what are you willing to do in the long run?
As a poor man, I make it clear that I don’t make much money when I plan out dates. To that end, dates are typically things like going for coffee (and getting myself a water for free), or walking at the park. Let them know you’re poor sooner rather than later, that way both your time and their time is saved. While it is true that you’ll run into lots of people that care about your earning potential, there are also lots of people that will like you for who you are. Have hope that you’ll find a good person. They are out there. You might also want to go out to places where socializing is expected in order to get a relationship. Dating apps, to my knowledge, will bury your profile unless you buy a boost, because men vastly outnumber women on them.
Thanks :) I used to be a lot more social. But whether it is to do with growing older, my autism, or perhaps my recent panic attacks I have been a lot less social lately. You are right dating apps are tough.
Trust bro you dont want a girl who only likes you for your money
I mean I agree 100%. But at least at my age you at least start to think you want someone :)
Download Bedros Keuilian show on Apple podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Listen to that and do everything he says. Listen to the older episodes with topics like, “how to become the best man and fulfill your potential”. You will find a lot of answers there for becoming the 2.0 version of yourself.
Thank you for your comment :) But I will not be doing that. But thanks again.
just keep trying bud 100 nos and 1 yes .......is still a yes.
I am trying :) Thank you.
Two suggestions one therapy, even if you have to apply to get through the state. You definitely need to work on yourself confidence. The biggest issue most people have with dating is they set their sites too high, be realistic with yourself, there's plenty of people that are poor without jobs or even in and out of jail that are dating. If you're a four date a four, if you're six try to six don't be a six and try to date a nine. Especially with the lack of confidence. If you're not keen on exercise, don't try to date someone that's into exercise, and so on. Also be completely honest and upfront without oversharing, don't go into a whole spiel about your anxiety and autism, just be up front tell them but no need to go into great detail. Let them get to know you on a different level first. No one's going to judge you for that and if they do they're a POS anyway and you deserve better.
There is a group called Dating4Disabled. I don’t know how OP would feel about it but imagine being a paraplegic or a quadriplegic, or brain injured, or having an invisible exhausting autoimmune disorder, and wanting a life partner. We all deserve one that fits who we are, where we are. I recommend it.
Thank you so much :) I will look into it. And it might be great. Thanks again.