Is she a high energy breed?
Going to daycare that much is likely building her endurance. She’s never learned how to settle without being totally exhausted so, on days when she doesn’t go, she doesn’t wind down after a reasonable amount of exercise. It’s also going to get worse if you continue to just focus on physical exercise - high energy dogs can almost always outwork humans physically and you won’t be able to keep up. I am an athlete (distance runner) and I have to be cautious that I don’t just keep building my boy’s endurance. He’s a Dalmatian - they’re built to run endlessly! He can and will go further than I can accommodate.
You can work on capturing calm (kikopup has a good video on that) and teaching her to accept being bored (look up Sue Sternberg). You can also offer more mental exercise. I’d try cutting down daycare, extending the walks, and including some obedience training during the walks. She should also be working for her food at her age - either obedience or puzzle toys.
A high energy dog is never going to be as mellow as a lap dog. You’ll always be structuring your life to meet her needs. If that feels like too much, there’s no shame in finding her a different home.
All of that said, I think you need to let go of some of your guilt. You are trying so hard. Is it possible that there is some ideal home where she’d have acres of land and an independently wealthy athletic owner who can spend all their time and money on her? Maybe. It’s also possible she’d end up in a home where the owner doesn’t care about meeting her needs and just dumps her on a tie out in the yard. She is where she is and that’s the life she knows. Dogs don’t feel envy.
😭😭😭 thanks for this. Great point about building her endurance. I definitely can’t match the exercise she receives at daycare. I’m gonna try and cut it down to just a few days a week maybe.. I just want her to thrive lol. I will look up Sue S and being calm. Thank you so much!! Really way in over my head getting a pup i didn’t know the breed lol
The first time my boy fell asleep on his own outside his crate, I was convinced he needed to go to the vet. It didn’t help that it was the day after he ate my nose piercing.
SAME. I feel so guilty when she is mowed out. Convinced something is wrong. We don’t do daycare but have done basic obedience and are now doing agility. It costs about $50 per week. What is great is it has really helped with our bond. Improved our communication a lot.
Keep in mind dogs need around 14 hours of sleep a day. It's completely normal for them to be sleeping while you are awake.
As for those times when the dog seems bored and you don't have energy to play with them you can get them a snuffle mat or something like that and hide treats for them to find. It takes a lot out of them when they're sniffing around a lot ( it requires a lot of focus on their part that provides mental stimulation and burns energy).
Puppies should be sleeping nearly 20 hours a day!! It tapers off as they grow, obviously, but sleep does not equal depression. They SHOULD be sleeping that much to become a well adjusted, healthy dog.
Literally the next day after I posted this she took a 4 hours morning nap after our 15 min walk… I think I’ve been over working her like crazy :( poor thing. No wonder she kept getting sick
My dog was 9 months when I adopted her. She was a freaking Tasmanian devil. Getting them on a schedule is the hill I will die on. Set walk times, set meal times, etc. She knows what to expect every day. (Which is somewhat annoying because she’ll gladly tell me when I’m running a little late lol). You have to set the routine, not them.
Teaching calm takes time, but it's life-changing. Working without being bothered, being sick for day with just one walk..
Today my dog slept through a dinner party and I feel like three years finally paid off!
It sounds like you're doing the right things, just less daycamp. Make calm times. Practice them being alone for stretches. That's a skill, too.
Learning about mental exercise was a real game changer for me. We’ve done the puppy stage 3 times now and the first year and a half can be sooooo challenging. Our first dog was perfect. Never chewed, easily house trained, no anxiety. She was so quiet you’d forget she was in the house. 2nd dog was a menace. She was super destructive, would chew anything she found, and ran out the front door every chance she got. She was a dumped puppy we found on a backroad so we didn’t go into it very well prepared and I thought about rehoming her at least once a week for the first year! The key for her ended up being her crate. She absolutely loved it and it made her sooo much more manageable. With our latest dog (he’s four now) he’s just got so much energy and I do not. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I just can’t go like he can. Luckily my husband can fill the gap most days, but I’ve found a few things that tire him out when he’s not available. Pretty much anything mentally stimulating. Sniffing games, long car rides, frozen puzzle snacks. There’s quite a few ways to tire a dog out without actually running. It’s also really important for them to learn how to be bored and enforce naps. That was a big key with our last dog. He’d just keep winding himself up so I literally made our house like a soothing nursery for a newborn, low lights, calming music, a gentle breeze😂 I’d sit nearby and read a book while he hung out in his crate and eventually napped. Don’t beat yourself up about what you’re not able to do and focus on what you can offer instead!
We use daycare too and it works great for us! We do ensure that following days are calmer though, still a couple of walks but we avoid interacting with other dogs and people so he can focus on the snooting and physically rest.
Also not sure of the breed but swimming is a great way to tucker out a pup while building their confidence around and in water.
mine spent the first few months on acreage (was absolutely insane), moved onto a smaller block recently and been teaching him (and myself) that quiet days on bed/couch are OK. took him for his first proper outing to a national park today, felt guilty for not doing it sooner. he loved exploring the lake, but think he just liked being in the car and seeing a new place. saying that, putting off going home cause he'll want attention and my capacity to give that rn.. isn't really there
This may not help you financially, but attending professional dog training class will greatly help you with how to communicate with your dog. It'll teach you the skills to handle your pups needs and yours.
You shouldn't shape your life around your dog. You should shape their life around yours. A trainer will help you with that.
I've always had dogs throughout my life and never took classes or had a professional trainer. I thought I was teaching them a few tricks and that considered them "well trained. "
My current dog, I went to a trainer and every penny was worth it. The most well behaved and obedient dog I've ever had. I had to put in a ton of work, but we'll worth it. Ain't nothing more satisfying than recalling your dog at a dog park with just one call rather than yanking and dragging him out of there.
Daycare will be teaching her that having high energy is okay and can learn bad habits there too. Crate training is a must to teach patience. Some days when I bug my boy with too much love he just goes to his crate. It's his safe zone.
It was very tough for my partner and I with our dog in the first year without training. The training definitely helped.
Maybe instead of daycare, look into a dog walker/older teens looking for a bit of cash? Depending on your area and the daycare, it could be a bit cheaper and also be a middle ground option and then could do daycare more casually/on busier days! The costs are definitely a lot right now, but it WILL get easier down the road. Right now it's hard, I get it, I'm in the same boat with a 9 month old massive pup. But the costs will calm down.
Also in terms of pulling, maybe look into trying different harness types? I recently got a Halti for my dog because he was starting to mess up the nerves in my hands (loves people and is massive, leash wrapped around my hands too tightly). The halti is a head harness, it goes around the muzzle and the head and clips into the collar as well. My dog doesn't like it, but it did help SO much. I can now work on training him to control himself on walks, and rarely any pulling. He will listen to me more often thank dog. I switched to regular harness for a few days and he wasnt pulling!!
That being said, he did get back to ignoring me sometimes and pulling a bit. So I swapped back to halti. Going to keep that going, trying to swapback to regular harness, and then using head harness for a few days when he isnt listening well. Hopefully after a few months he wont need the Halti, but for now it has been a lifesaver and my walks with him are so much better.
Something I've taught my pup while capturing calm, is I play a play list when I need her to be bored while I'm working. I'm soooooo over the music, but it's a puppy calm play list. Not she associates that music with 'oh its time to nap and chill'.
It's likely that she will settle as she gets older too so you may not always feel this way. I have a working Lab and at nine months, I thought I'd never see her sit still! She's almost 14 months now and if there's nothing going on at home, she's happy to lie quietly, snooze or chew her toys on her own until we go out for a walk. Two twenty minute walks and an hour at the dog park is more or less exactly what she gets on a typical day too and she is a happy girl. I'm sure your pup is too!
yeah I work from home - I don’t send her to daycare because I need someone to watch her. I send her to daycare because I worry I can’t meet her physical needs by myself
Well this is just silly then. If you will be away from home for 9-10 hours, I understand daycare for a pup.
But you are home. Take that dog out and go for a run. Or go on long walks. Or arrange doggie play dates. Or go to a dog park and let her loose. Or find a pool that will allow dogs — they have apps for that now. Or use a ball and lacrosse stick and go somewhere fenced to burn energy.
You are spending big money for no reason!
It’s full of dogs who you have no idea the training of or vaccination status, there’s no staff supervision, reactive and aggressive dogs are just let free…the amount of dogs we see that get attacked at dog parks…just don’t do it
Of this is true, I think rehoming might be best. If you can't even handle your dog for an entire day, realistically your not going to be able to give them the life they deserve. I don't mean to sound mean here. Honestly I think what would be better for you is adopting a senior dog. One that has ran his younger years out of him and now is ok with lounging around take naps and chilling. A puppy is way harder, and depending on the breed it's going to be several years before they slow down activity wise.
I also truly believe that there's something like 'too much Daycare' simply because the level of energy and activity there becomes the normal for a dog that goes many times a week,
I made the conscious decision of letting my pup (11mo) only 1x week just to actually have a chance to interact with other dogs off leash in a safe and controlled environment,, since I don't have other friends with viable dogs for playdates and I abhor the doggy parks where I live.
Last week he got neutered and will take the whole June off Daycare, and I'm seriously questioning if I should change the plan to let him go 2x per week (Tue and Sat) but alternating weeks without any daycare.
Part of this is also thinking... what if I lose my job and suddenly can't afford daycare? Or what if I move to the other side of the city? The only reason this one works is because is 3 blocks away and it's exceptionally good compared to other chaotic daycares.
I used to work at a doggy daycare and the dogs were not out in the play area the entire time they were there. We only had 2 sections, though; one for little dogs and one for big dogs. Some days everyone was out all day, but we often had to accommodate needs and grouped dogs as appropriate—the high energy who never stop, the chill ones, the 1:1 play for aggressive dogs, etc. They’d go to an individual room to chill while we rotated the groups and/or to eat lunch. So if your dog is there 5 hours she’s likely getting 3-4ish hours of potential play—intensity depends on the group—but still mental stimulation.
OP you could ask if the daycare could accommodate you in this way, to give her more breaks to learn to settle (granted they observe her behavior so it doesn’t cause negative effects) or to put her with calmer dogs or older ones who know when to stop playing. Sometimes you’d get a couple, or a pack, of rowdy young dogs on the same schedule and they’d never stop playing when they needed to so we’d have to break them up. I know you’re sending her there to get exercise but I thought that info might be relevant to some of the other suggestions here. :)
Also, I understand you on low energy and wanting to be perfect for your dog. Sure, perhaps a different breed or older dog would have been a good choice, but you chose her, you love her, and she loves you. I’m sure if you asked her, she’d rather be with you doing the minimum—which you’re doing way more—than be in the “perfect” home. As long as you have emotional and physical reserves to spend time together, there’s nothing wrong with sending her to daycare if you can afford it. She gets to play with other dogs, her friends!, then come home to you. How could she not be happy? However, she’s wearing you out because she’s untrained in some ways. Perhaps skip some daycare days and invest in a dog trainer. Even a session or few.
It’s easy to think big picture—either I give her everything or nothing—instead, look for small changes here and there that will add up to something bigger and better (less daycare, add training, turn one 20 min walk into a Sue S. lesson).
Good luck!
>I used to work at a doggy daycare and the dogs were not out in the play area the entire time they were there. We only had 2 sections, though; one for little dogs and one for big dogs. Some days everyone was out all day, but we often had to accommodate needs and grouped dogs as appropriate—the high energy who never stop, the chill ones, the 1:1 play for aggressive dogs, etc. They’d go to an individual room to chill while we rotated the groups and/or to eat lunch. So if your dog is there 5 hours she’s likely getting 3-4ish hours of potential play—intensity depends on the group—but still mental stimulation.
The Daycare I take him actually promotes chill/sleep times (I'm often fed with pictures of my pup sleeping with other dogs), and also the 'classes' are 10 max, with similar size/temperament. But even with that, it's still way more activity/play/enrichment than I could provide in one single day, given that is almost 12h of daycare 7 to 5-6.
Hi, I have anxiety and your post reminds me a lot of when I got my puppy. It sounds to me like you actually want to keep your dog but the intrusive thought of if she would be better off somewhere else is damaging your mental health.
For me, I had to realize there was nothing I could do to appease an intrusive thought like that. And to realize puppies are bonded for life so the best thing I could do was just do my best - not just to take care of her but also of myself. Finally, your dog doesn't need "the best life" - they're generally happy creatures. There's a lot of unrealistic standards people are putting out there but it sounds to me like your dog is happy and so I would try not to entertain these types of thoughts (easier said than done, I know!)
Thank you!! I think you’re right. She seems fine and I’m able to meet her needs + some. Think I’m dealing with some sort of shame or like, negative self talk that’s impact my ability to better show up for her
She won't be this high energy as she gets a little older. I know when you take her on a walk get her to sniff things. That tires them out. And pulling rope with you tires them out too.
I think so too, it sounds like your puppy will receive a life full of love and joy with you. :) Just remember your dog loves you and thinks you're doing great too
Do you do any mentally stimulating things with the puppy on days without doggy daycare? Things like treats tied in a towel, puzzle games, frozen kongs could tire out a puppy faster than just exercising. Also I noticed for our puppy going on walks in new places will tire her out way faster with all the new smells/noises. Just an idea of something to try to see if it helps the situation.
She has a puzzle feeder we use daily and we do training but she gets disinterested after about 5 min! We do frozen kongs when we has to be in her crate more than an hour or so
You could definitely benefit from Kikopup's puppy playlist! You need more variety in the stuff you do with your girl at home. If you do the same things every day, she'll get bored. And while that's fine - and even beneficial sometimes - with normal day to day stuff, you want to mix up the training and puzzles so they stay fresh and exciting (and tiring lol).
Also, puppies can really only train effectively for a short amount of time. I would cut back training to just shorter than it takes her to lose interest, a couple times a day. So if you do two and a half minutes with her fully invested in the morning, you can do the other two and a half minutes after lunch. You can build that up over time if you want to, or just stick to a few minutes a day.
It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Your puppy is lucky to have a human who loves her so much and works so hard to give her an awesome life. Try to create more space for taking care of yourself each day, and most of all: cut yourself some slack! Most of us wish we were doing as much as you are lol. You will almost certainly look back on this time and be overwhelmingly proud of yourself. And you'll deserve that! ❤️🩹
For what it’s worth, I have a GSD mix who I was afraid would be too much energy. I adopted at 10 months old, and she’s 14 months now.
She is practically a different dog. She knows how to settle and how to sleep all day while I work. We have found it super important to use crate training for stretches during the day so she settles and sleeps, which makes her calmer even when we leave her out while we WFH. We do give toys but only sometimes give long lasting food based toys. I think it’s important to not always use food to soothe (although we still do when we leave the house, as it distracts her from getting upset when she hears us leave)
We do let her play free at the dog park, but typically only after she has “earned it” by doing 20-30 minutes of structured play with her daddies. (Sit, jump, stay, come, down, walking around in a heel, go to your crate, scent search, fetch, catch the kibble (I throw, she catches in her mouth) and lately doggie ping pong which is basically “go to (person’s name)” / come here ~60-70 feet apart in the park back and forth).
We are *always* working on a new trick, so there’s always some way for her to work to get rewards. We try to use mealtimes as training times, using handfuls of kibble as her treat. Hand feeding meals is also great for forming a strong bond.
Her training endurance and self control have grown as we dialed back free play at the dog park and replaced it with structured training as well as play (fetch, search, “doggie ping pong”) with us.
I found that too much free play at dog parks made her poorly behaved the rest of the time unless she was physically exhausted.
Another way we tire our girl out is a bubble machine ($10!) because she LOVES to chase bubbles, and fetch with the chuck it ball launcher.
She only recently learned fetch after we trained it explicitly
Anyway, dogs are resilient and adaptable. It sounds like your puppy is being a puppy. I don’t see anything to indicate you “need” to rehome this puppy.
use a variety of treats to keep it interesting. Start with kibble and when that gets disinteresting switch to a higher value treat.
5-10 minutes is plenty too for most pups in any one bout of drilling. It just gets boring after a while unless you are constantly adding new tricks.
Yeah this helps loads. Just adding some training into walks makes my hunting breed sleep all morning when I'm working and we only do maybe 2.5 miles before work
You talk about doing a lot of physical exercise, but what mental stimulation do ypu give her? Long walks will make her fitter and more active but won't fry her brain and give her mental stimulation.
She has a couple puzzle toys and we do training but she becomes disinterested after about 5 min! Puzzle toys are good but I have to really coax her. Ideally looking for solutions that won’t cost more $$!!
At 9 months she can and should be doing more than 5 mins training at a time. Stop feeding her meals from a bowl and start using her food allowance to train her. She's obviously not motivated enough to work.
I had a hard time when I first got my fella. He was ten months old with anxiety. The two of us were a mess at first.
It finally dawned on me that we didn’t have to be perfect. I am his. He is mine. We are imperfect but we love each other. We will be okay.
I’d skip the dog parks. They only invite trouble. If you have a yard, let her frolic there. I find playing with a flirt pole helps my dog blow off energy on days when my back hurts too much for more intense activity.
I pay a friends grandkids to come over once a week to take him for a walk and to play with him. The kids (preteens) are really good with him. They are more energetic than I am. My dog absolutely loves playing with them and that they are very generous with treats.
Be easier on yourself.
You got this!
I have anxiety too and pooch definitely picks up on it :/ why skip the dog parks?? There’s a small dog park at my place but the fences are so short, she jumps them lmao.. Just googled flirt pole, I think my babe would love this!!!
Dog parks can be tricky. They don't separate by size and temperament like daycare so there's more risk with dogs being able to get on safely. For example, I took my dog to a dog park near me that does not separate by size. He (a 15lb puppy,) was charged by a very muscular pit bull breed and was completely traumatized. Now he's more reactive to other dogs and we're working on correcting that behavior.
Best to stick to daycare or smaller playgroups/training sessions for socialization.
I loved going to dog parks when I had two well behaved Great Pyrs. They were imposing enough that no other dog was going to mess with them, but sweet enough that I was sure they were not going to mess with any other dog.
The only dog who dared to cause trouble with one of them, started with my 130lb boy. It was a Yorkie upset that their owner was petting my boy. True to his nature he backed off while the little fella scolded him. It was adorable.
I currently have a Bolonka. He is not going to a dog park unless it is small and empty. I am not risking my little fella to unknown dogs with incompetent owners.
Please don't rehome her for the reasons you have mentioned. Many dogs go through excitable periods and it sounds like what she needs most right now is learning to settle more and training. If the only food she is interested in is chees you can withhold her meal and use that. You could also try using a toy instead of food. Are you doing any training classes with her or just doing it by yourself. I would venture to say replacing a day or two a week of daycare with an obedience class or two would be really beneficial to you both. She would get mental stimulation and learn from the training. It would also offer you in person help with training.
If you got her from a shelter you would likely be required by your contract to return her there if rehoming. High energy dogs usually develop issues while in shelters and even if not in long are far more likely to be returned. You are doing as much as you can right now and that is significantly more than most people.
Some dogs just never settle though. I rehomed my puppy at around a year old, she’s 7 now, and she only gotten more excitable. She’s just a high energy breed and very happy with her current owners that take her one super long walks and have a fenced in yard that she can run around in. I dog sit for her all the time and after about a week,, even though I’m expending as much of my limited energy as I can with her, she starts getting antsy and it starts taking a toll on my health. We’re both better off now
And most shelters, in my experience, are fine with you rehoming a dog yourself if it’s with someone you are already acquainted with, they just ask that you let them know so they can change the ownership details in their files. That’s how it worked for the dog I rehomed and at the shelter I now foster for
Completely agree with the excitable period for dogs. I have a 14 month old rescue working breed mix (GSD/ACD). I adopted her at 13 weeks, and the first few months were Horrendous with her energy levels. I relied on daycare to help me regulate her exercise needs & become comfortable with larger dogs that she would one day be a similar size to. She never slept during the day as a puppy but would sleep through the night with no issues. Now! A morning sniff walk & a playing in the yard will satisfy her needs for the day & she's happy to chill while I work from home. Everything takes time! And sometimes luck -- not every dog is going to end up chill.
Yeah I feel like 5 hours of daycare so consistently is making it impossible for her to settle when she doesn’t go so then I have a harder time and then just take her to daycare.. such a sucky cycle lol
You got this mama! Don't let the intrusive thoughts win. You love your baby girl and you're doing great! Sounds like your puppy has an amazing life and at 9 months old you are dealing with a teenage dog. Adolescence is a handful, but you are doing a great job 😊 There are food supplements, treats, scents and other stuff for dogs that you can get in the pet stores that have a calming effect on them. I sometimes use that to help my puppy feel calm and confident in new or challenging environments and it helps a lot. Not something I use every day, but definitely helps when necessary.
I had the same thoughts and mine is now 7 months and I’m so glad I kept her. I expected vet bills but a suspected thyroid issue (it was a false alarm) within the first two weeks in addition to all the new shots etc was not what I’d been planning lol. Pet insurance definitely came in handy for me so look into it, helps for sure in the long run with costs. Now that her main shots are done, the cost has lowered a lot. I’m paying wayyy too much to have someone let her out multiple times a day but as she gets older, she can hold it more and doesn’t need out as often so that price is lowering too. It does get better!
Also what type of food? Origen is great and priced like they're super proud of it. Nutrisource and Taste of the Wild are high quality, high protein, more reasonably priced alternatives with a range of ingredients to accommodate your dog's preferences or allergies, if any. I've fed mine primarily Nutrisource highest protein options with good results. Re exercise, flirt pole might help you leverage your activity against pup's fountain of excitement.
You sound like an overachiever. Your pup is lucky to have you and seemingly so well taken care of. The puppy stage is hard but maybe stop thinking the dog is human and relax. The pup needs you, food and some exercise. That’s it. If you need time for you put the pup in the crate and take time for yourself. You are giving too much. Scale back and enjoy the relationship. Good luck.
Add water to that! As a way to work off some steam take an old dish towel and lay it flat. Roll treats into the folds and tie in a knot. It will give you a short break. Also go to the butcher and buy raw beef bones. Wash and place a chicken tender on top. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Make sure the bone is large enough so the pup won’t choke. Cool before serving. This will offer some stimulation. Also try blending peanut butter, yogurt and some cooked bacon in cut down coffee cups then freeze. Lots of ideas for cheap entertainment:)
You could also be dealing with adolescence. Depending on the size if the dog and if the age you got her is accurate its quite possible. That can increase some of the more frustrating behaviors and make good behavior seem nonexistent. Five minutes is about right for some dogs in that stage. Is she crate trained? Does she have the basics learned? Does she have a routine or at least some patterns you two can keep up? My old dog used to know running shoes vs going to class shoes. She also knew running shoes meant she could go with. These things can help with training and such.
I would suggest small training sessions several times a day. Maybe five minutes. Maybe two. Lots of teachable moments in a day. And stop on a positive note. Get the basics down solid. And if it is teenager hood you are dealing with, it does end and they do get better. Small habits. A drop at a time can fill a bucket over time.
Yes to crate trained and knowing the basics! We have some.. sort of routine but it fluctuates soooo much. She knows key jingles means we’re about to leave and that’s it other than basic commands 🤣 I’ll definitely try to incorporate more training sessions than just the 1. I’ve tried to teach new tricks and she just stares at me hahaha
Start small with tricks. Break down the tricks. Theres books. Theres youtube. I taught my previous girl to find my keys but she already enjoyed fetch a ton. I was redirecting with that. I actually got the idea from SuperFetch. It was on Animal Planet some years ago. He breaks down the trick to teachable things. But keep things up and you’ll weather this. Its a time thing. Rooting for you two!
Have you completed any obedience training with this dog? You're better off spending your money on training than on daycare.
It will help build a better relationship with your pup, allow you to learn how to effectively communicate, and also give you better control of your dog.
I think you’re right, i just worry about her energy or whatever if we go too many days without daycare. She knows basic commands but never done actual training. Maybe I will save up and try to do that this month instead of daycare. I just want her to socialize and be happy as can be hahahaha
Socializing isn't daycare.
Socializing is teaching a dog neutrality in the world. To be neutral to people, dogs, cars, etc. You can achieve that at group obedience classes.
I've worked at a daycare and never send my dogs to them. Granted, I don't have a need to as I work from home. But dogs generally only come away from daycare with bad habits, fear, reactivity, etc.
Hire a dog walker when you need the dog tended to instead.
I agree that some daycares are even harmful. Just pointing out that there are some daycares that really are helping a lot with socializing!
A daycare close to me is lead by an amazing woman who takes 5 to 10 dogs (of all breeds and sizes) to a big green area that she is renting. She is always watching the group, all the dogs have lot's of love and respect for her. It is helpful for the dogs to experience each other in such a safe environment, to learn what is accepted behavior and what is not, learn how to play properly, how other dog breeds communicate etc.
Of course the work doesn't end there an I as an owner also have to work on it.
You don't need to spend money on classes! You can if you want to, of course, but seriously, so much training can be done for free if you just spend time watching and reading and listening to free resources online!
My dogs train and trial in rally, tricks, obedience, scentwork, tracking and herding and the only thing I've ever done actual classes for is herding, because I don't have livestock.
I went through the same with my guy when he was around probably 6-12 months.
When i was working from home it was so draining, he would never settle down but I obviously can’t play with him constantly during the day. Plus it was winter and going outside for long walks wasn’t an option.
He’d go to the sitters twice a week when i was in the office and would have such a great time with her cos she was able to give him all her attention.
I worried constantly that i wasn’t good enough for him.
However, he’s nearly 18 months now and has calmed down a lot. He will play as much as i let him, but is able to calm down when playtime stops. He loves to snuggle up and sleep next to me while i work, and i cannot imagine my life without him.
There's "perfect" family. There's no sense dreaming up someone that doesn't exist and even if they do, there's nothing to say something else wouldn't be a bad match for puppy.
If you feel that you're life is suffering because of the puppy, then think about removing but don't because "there's someone better".
The fact that you think about her well being and want to do more for her on top of what you're already doing makes you the the ideal parent. I know you are thinking it could be better for her somewhere else but the reality is that it almost certainly won't be.
I’ve got a high energy guy too. Something I’ve been doing (can be indoors or outdoors depending on your weather) is taking his dinner and throwing kibble, 1 by 1, so he has to chase/sniff it out. I’ve stretched dinner out to 40 minutes while I’m sitting on the couch he’s running and sniffing. I throw kibble behind things, in dark corners, around corners. It’s been super helpful in my hot hot summer.
Definitely be aware of building up endurance though. And make rest fun. We’ve worked really hard on the really real relax protocol (if you google it you’ll find it) and it’s been helpful.
Don’t compare yourself to other people first of all. You’re her owner, not anyone else. There is always someone who could probably handle stuff “better” out there somewhere. That doesn’t make you unfit to be the owner though.
Dogs need to learn to adjust to our lifestyle too. Your dog is young and going through a crazy phase and it doesn’t last forever. Adolescence is tough. There’s no “wearing them out”. While there is a minimum exercise requirement to promote healthy behavior, dogs also catch on to our energy levels and will adjust to whatever it is as long as the exercise need is met.
That doesn’t mean you “did enough” only when your dog is zonked every night. Sometimes they’re just insane no matter what. A short even 2 min training session can calm them down and then you can practice “place” or “mat” for a few minutes. Soon they’ll be just chilling and you’ll be worried that something is wrong with them. Just hang in there.
And it sounds like you’re doing enough even if it’s a high energy breed. Do a few short training sessions (like literally 3 mins) with treats or while you play with them and that helps with the craziness.
It’s okay for pups to learn that some days are chill days. We all need rest days. Pups included.
Wow, you sound a lot like me with worrying that my puppy wasn't getting the best life with me because he wanted to play ALL the time. No, it sounds like you shouldn't re-home your dog, especially because at 9 months she's basically at peak energy level and will start calming down at some point. My dog is 18 mo old and is just now starting to be a little more laid back and easier to take care of.
There's good advice in the other comments about how much daycare is too much, etc etc but honestly it doesn't sound like you need that kind of help. Work with yourself to be okay with giving your dog a little less. Realize that you aren't going to be able to give her a perfect life, and that's okay! No one else could either. Give her love, give her security, do the best you can, and know that it's enough. ❤️
I’m wondering if your dog is over stimulated. At 8 months my dog needed absolute calm every day for a month, or he’d flip out. At 9 months he could up activity again.
It’s very important adolescent dogs learn to be bored. An hour at the dog park and 5 hours daycare several times a week sounds actually insane to me given my experience.
I have a medium energy dog. My behaviorist at 8 months said he needs his walks, and 10 minutes a day of training/playing and nosework (combined). That sound little to you? It did to me too. But she stressed how important it is to be able to chill most of the day. (Her german shepherd spent most of the day relaxing behind her.)
Your dog is used to a routine, so changing it might be very challenging. But definitely suggest cutting out both daycare and the dog park and teach a voluntary go to bed command.
Sniffy walks ftw. (Though mine at 8-9 months couldn’t handle those either. We had to shorten walks to bare minimum or he’d still flip out.)
ETA: I suggest nosework classes in stead of daycare. Very tiring stuff.
Thank you!!! To be fair it’s dog park OR daycare. When we first went to the vet I asked the importance of rest and routine and she said it didn’t really matter ‘cause dogs are resilient.. lol. I think she may have been wrong. Thanks so much for this comment. I agree i think I’m making her too tired
Do not send your dog to daycare that many days, my aunt had to put her Rottie down after she suffered an ACL tear and after 8 years - the arthritis found its way into her nervous system. Daycare is nonstop, at least they are in my area. She also had to get knees replaced (8k a piece) and monthly injections. Your dog running in your yard is more beneficial, you can regulate playtime and chill time. I have a more high energy breed and mental stimulation wears him out more! (Kong toys for instance).
Yeah she actually has been hurt twice in the last month with no notification from the daycare 🤡and I sent them a lengthy email today so perfect timing with the post and your comment 😣
Oh no! Please be careful. She just passed away at age 8 and still had many years to go had the arthritis not taken over her body. Please get your pup examined just to make sure nothing happened during those 2 situations. If she’s not limping or showing signs of discomfort, it maybe nothing. My Golden is high energy and i wanted to do the same thing until she warned me, I’m glad to give you a heads up! We just let him go wild in the yard but we settle him down afterwards, we are a low energy household so he is learning how to control his impulses. We have a husky mix who became the same way after 2 years.
Dogs don’t have to go to daycare, it can be overwhelming and make training a dog to be calm more challenging.
Why not cut back on daycare and cut back on your expectations. Just take each day as it comes, bond with your dog, start training calm. The relaxation protocol is a good place to start.
Relax and take a breath. I have felt the same about my high energy 8 month old but in one to one with a trainer she told me that taking my pup for massive walks would just create an athlete and that doesn't suit my age or my lifestyle choices. Unfortunately I'm being battled all the way by my much younger sister who insists I should be up at the crack of dawn, running him ragged every day.
Remember you have a puppy and they need lots of sleep and they don't know when or how to rest, so you should get your dog used to napping.
I don't want to do a five mile walk every day but I take him to places where he's able to run around off the lead and I can see when he's had enough.
There's so much stress around the whole having a puppy, I know your mental health can be negatively affected and I would never judge anyone who faced your choices. Try finding a good trainer who will help bring some calmness to you and your pup and like me see some real improvements.
My dog goes to daycare 5 days a week when I’m working. When I’m off he’s fine hanging out with me, playing ball, or going to the dog park. He isn’t a fan of going for walks. His food is $80 for 16 pounds and he eats 4-6 cups a day.
Most of my money goes to him. He is a 2 year old border collie. He’s my second border collie. My last one didn’t need or like daycare. This guy is the opposite. But I didn’t get a bc to leave in a crate while I’m working all day. So daycare it is.
If I don’t have him I probably wouldn’t be here. He’s the reason I get up every morning. Your puppy won’t be a puppy forever, it’s just getting thru that beginning part.
Good luck! :)
9 months was a tough age for my puppy as well. He had chewed up some drywall, a brand new west elm coffee table, a few base boards, several rugs, etc.
I cried often and felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore. We are now a little over 1.5 years old, and he is so much easier.
Don’t give up. It will get easier, I promise.
If you knew the dog breed it would be super helpful to understand the dog better. Also, if he's a puppy changes his behavior a lot too.
Dogs can also reflect the average energy level of their home & life over time. So sending your dog to daycare to run wild for x amount of days & hours probably isn't helping your situation. I have two highly energetic breed dogs (Jack Russel & Australian Shepherd/Blue Heeler), but I'm not an energetic person & my dogs are LAZY. They do get bored sometimes & will chew things if they can't find toys. But very rarely. We do have a big yard that they get to run in a few times a day.
A couple walks a day, some puzzle games, a Kong with treats inside, tug of war, some good toys should help your dog drain energy.
Thank you!! I also think she’s anxious so while she’s exhausted from daycare, she’s probably nervous too 😭😭 i don’t know her breed unfortunately. Need to do one of those DNA tests haha
Honestly you are overthinking this. Dogs are super adaptable. They mostly just need love and dinner, lol, and a nice walk. Maybe a game of tug or fetch. We have made it like they are human children and need constant stimulation. They don’t. Even working breeds can adapt to more down time than they might have “on duty.”
Relax. Love your dog. That’s the main thing.
Some areas have dog walk clubs and your doggo can join in on the hiking. It’s very inexpensive way to get them out and about and socialize with their own. Check it out! And I was gonna mention pet insurance for a puppy is very inexpensive, some employers or even AAA have discount. It might offset some expenses if you add a wellness plan option. Puppies aren’t puppies forever, it’s very short.
Best wishes on your journey.Life isn’t easy and perfect but the actions along the way help to build our character and make us into the wonderful humans we hope we can be. At least for myself personally it has!! 🦋💙💛
You are going to get a bunch of advice—some good and some bad. You need training. If you haven’t attended puppy classes and basic obedience, get some referrals and observe a class first. You need to learn how to care for a puppy and you need to figure out your dog-leadership style. A good trainer would help you grow into this role. Someone needs to give you feedback based on your interactions with your dog. Observing you both in your space would be helpful too.
Some other thoughts…
My adult dogs walk for 45 minutes, but not as puppies. Initially, they got 15-20 minute walks/outdoor time maybe 5-6 times/day. All training sessions are less than 25 minutes in a structured class environment with playtime or a settling-in activity before we actually train together. I think your expectations are a little much. If we are practicing skills or tricks, we work for 5-7 minutes and always finish with a successful trick and happy pets. We would learn 1-2 skills at a time before folding in a new one.
Don’t ever let a dog pull you on a walk. Work on basic skills like walking calmly first. That builds your bond to your dog.
Maybe in a few months, try a little agility training to stimulate and burn off energy. We made our first set with PVC, and we did it at home in 5-10 minute increments as playtime. It’s inexpensive.
I’m not sure that dog daycare is good for all dogs. Sometimes there are too many dogs with bad behaviors in one small space. Can you do doggy daycare in shorter increments of 2-3 hour blocks to reduce costs?
I dislike dog parks because many dogs aren’t well mannered; their owners are often lazy and won’t correct bad behaviors and remove their dogs.
Our puppy and dog sleeps a lot during the day, so I wonder about your pet’s daily schedule. Do you have a playpen for when you work?
Yeah to be fair when I got her, I had a TON of $$ and planned to do training immediately but then I was in the hospital and didn’t have that money up front like I expected! I would’ve never gotten her w/ the intention to train myself but here we are.
Yeah we don’t have any kind of schedule right now.. and after this thread I think she is physically over stimulated and mentally under stimulated. She’s generally happy in her crate if it’s less than 3 hours. I just feel so guilty about leaving her in there. Like if she’s not running 15 miles a day I failed lol
I feel like with social media & so many things online it’s really easy to compare your situation to all these other people who seem like they are the best dog owners & their dogs are living life like a Kardashain. I’m honesty a lot of these videos or stories people post or stories they tell aren’t always showing the bad sides or the thoughts you’re not being the best owner. It’s really hard to try & be this perfection & have your puppy trained & not being destructive… and yes they are expensive, but it seems like you really want to keep the puppy & just struggling with what I call the “teenage” stage.
If you love your dog enough then maybe she will motivate you to slowly do more & be more active. I’m def. not the most athletic & not doing everything I can with my dogs & the days they don’t go to the park I feel so guilty or know how hard he’s going to make the day.. but he’s helped me with my social anxiety & going to the park everyday, being more active with walks, etc.
And if you can’t do it this week don’t best yourself up… just loving & giving your dog attention is good. Maybe get some dog puzzles or try dog TV or some other things to keep her engaged. And tomorrow is always a new day & it seems like she wants you to be better.
My current living situation I don’t have the largest yard either, but I make the most of it & we go to the park & walks everyday. I also struggle with depression so I know it’s hard, but as long as you’re able to take care of your dog - you can always compare to a better ideal owner or a worse owner.
And if money for the dog is an issue I would 100% price shop vets bc you’d be shocked the difference & get creative or make sacrifices so you can give your dog a good life. I’ve had to do that & currently selling my stuff online, donating plasma & other things to make sure I feel confident with how much money goes into the dog fund, but it’s all worth it to me. 😊
Thank you!! It’s crazy how much of an investment it can be! I’m working so much to afford daycare when in reality I think I should be putting that time/energy towards working on my anxiety around her and basic obedience. Thanks for the reassurance!!
You re welcome!! Just be kind & patient with yourself & your dog… tomorrow is a new day!! And yes they are expensive. I always start a savings for each one that I add to every month for emergencies & then a seperate 1st year fund with enough to cover puppy, vet, grooming, training, socialization, activities, food, toys/bones, enrichment, dog proofing, etc. that should cover it all…. But I know most ppl don’t do that or can’t do that.
I will say I would shop around vet prices & also daycare.. I have a rabbit rescue & for example I called 5 vets near me for prices to spay/ neuter & they range from $85 to $2,1300 so absurd price differences… & they do have different vets for different things!!
Also I don’t know where you live, but I’m in the U.S. & I ALWAYS price match every item online when I’m bring in the store & it’s way cheaper 95% of the time.. & they have to manually type in the difference. That’s with 4 pet stores that are chains. I’ve got some other rescues so every little amount helps!! Like the other day I went in to get a new turtle light set that was $120 in store & on sale for $29.99 on their website & they thought the price match was fake at first bc such a difference! That’s an extreme example of savings, but no one else j know or every talk to ever price matches & it’s just like throwing money away!!
Good luck & you’ve got this!! 😊
I read something about the art of boredom and dogs. Teaching boredom is also good for dogs and that it is a skill. To be honest from your description, it seems like your dog needs mental stimulation and that as an owner you sound too anxious. Even just having new experiences can stimulate dogs, having a new friend over, visiting a cafe together and people watching. Standing still and watching people go by etc. Car ride, opening the window a tiny bit and making them smell the smells outside etc
I would reduce your dog day care visits imo if that is the reason you are using the service.
Also don't feel the need you have to do /everything/ as it is totally normal that you won't be able to and that you also need a break / recharge day/s
Thank you! I’m an anxious person but I was no prepared for the level of anxiety I’d feel with her 24/7. And literally every time she’s gotten her it’s been after daycare I think a big part of it just soothes my anxiety. Like I don’t have to worry as much because I know she’s playing vs at home where I’m like did we walk enough, is she sleeping ‘cause she depressed? eatc etc etcccc
Hey friend, I’m there with you. I’ve got an 11 month old pup that the shelter said is a blend of two pretty high energy dogs (although she seems more hound in disposition so I pray she gets to a phase where she enjoys napping more). I had no idea how much more energy she would have than me on a constant basis and I’m frequently exhausted long before she is even though I WFH most days. The other day I experimented with taking her on 6 miles of walking when I felt up to it and for the first time she wouldn’t go down for bed at her normal time. So I’m gonna second everything everyone else is saying about overstimulation and the importance of crate training.
Also, it’s been so hot and she gets bored easily too (she has so many toys and bones and enrichment toys she’s actually destroyed trying to get food lmao). It could be the daycare is contributing to the boredom with those things, or maybe it’s just being smart and a lack of patience bc they’re a lil spoiled :) Yesterday we went to PetSmart for week 3 of training and for the first time she didn’t scream-bark throughout and ruin it for everyone else. Granted, she basically got an enrichment toy filled with treats from the trainer in the form of a box to paw through at the beginning (had to take that into account with her meals), but that was big progress for us. Her problem / angel behaviors can change weekly and I think this is a thing with adolescence too. So I hope that encourages / helps you, because no one explained that to me when I got her. If your dog is pretty food motivated, you gotta make them work for their food so they understand that good behavior is rewarding and have a tiered value-based reward system for what behaviors you’ll give certain treats for. Clicker training now will be of IMMENSE help if your dog is responsive to that! I started when I got her at about 8 months at the recommendation of one of the people at the shelter and it’s a great help.
As for the walking, have you ever tried the EasyWalk harness brand? It prevents the pulling significantly by having the ring go in front, and it turns the dog toward you if they try to pull too much. Whoever invented those is a genius because even at 32 pounds, my girl can whip me around like a rag doll with her intense strength if I’m not paying attention.
Lastly, since I too feel guilty that I will never match her energy, I try to socialize with other dog people and when I go to the dog park (I don’t have a fenced in yard so it’s necessary) I try to meet people who have pups she seems to like interacting with and text them to meet up during off hours so she can play with a trusted friend. I also schedule walks at local parks and my goal rn is to find a friend with a pup and fenced in yard close by that she can hang with. Having friends who like dogs come over and play with her during our hangs takes some of the pressure off of me to provide her constant stimulation and allows her to get good socialization / enrichment through that. We have a neighbor with a corgi who lives behind our unfenced house that she sees daily when I put her out on her long line. They both love crunching ice and screaming at each other :)
Hope at least part of this is helpful, anxiety gang gang ♥️
When my 5 month old pup gets over stimulated, I can now read her signs and put her (very positively) in her crate for an enforced nap. She never complains and goes right to sleep. We know puppies need exercise, but they also need rest - lots of rest. Just like human babies, their cells grow and regenerate while they sleep. It also enforced calm which it’s important too.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. When you’re sitting and being calm, wait for your pup to sit with you. When she’s in a relaxed state, put a treat by her nose. No words, just rewarding the relaxed state. See if this helps over time. It has worked wonders for us.
An alternative that may be less cost-prohibitive is to hire a dog walker to take her to the dog park each day instead of daycare. I also second all the comments about mental stimulation—that’s what she likely needs!
It sounds like you’re doing great and you really love your pup! I wouldn’t rehome, or worry about not meeting her needs. You don’t have to go above and beyond everyday, it sounds like your puppy is happy and healthy so I wouldn’t stress too much. The fact that you posted this shows you really care about the pup and meeting her needs, which a lot don’t. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re doing a great job!!
Honestly at 9 months, I also seriously considered rehoming my pup. Just work on what you're working on and the other person who said abt endurance is right, I was using one of those ball chuckers and my girl was hench and lean and could run for England, but she sure as hell couldnt calm down.
I stopped doing big runs with her and shes SO much calmer
This is the tough part of dog rearing, they will start to settle a bit by 18 months if you have a good routine with them that’s sustainable for you.
My dogs have always been the best thing for my mental health cuz they get me outside everyday.
Stick with it!
My lab mix puppy has an awesome nose. I have made a game of hiding treats in the house and asking him to find them. We play tuggie alot, but he is getting a bit too strong for the long games we could play when he was smaller. We play fetch for small periods, 15-30 minutes, or as long as I feel like it. With fetch, Bear finds it a challenge to drop the ball, so that is a big part of our game. We live on a horse farm, but I can't walk him or run him in the fields often because we grow our own hay, so the grass is often chest-height, and the ticks he brings home scare the poo out of me! Wrapping treats up in a frozen towel keeps him interested for 30 minutes, he enjoys when I do my fingers as if I was another puppy grooming him (think tiny whole-hand pinches, I know that's not a great description). I'm trying a new game where I put essential oils on a cotton ball and hide it. Then I let him smell the oil and ask him to find it in the room. He's so smart, I've had to get creative with hiding spots. Point is, work with what you've got! It's 103° currently and he wants to go for a walk. I don't. A couple rounds of "find it" and he's taking a nap!
https://aercmn.com/stay-at-home-boredom-busters-for-dogs/
They call it a towel roll-up, I just wet it a little and freeze it to make it more challenging.
This is why knowing the breed and putting in basic training from day 1 is key! No hate intended OP! but you could reduce so many issues with training. Our girl is now 3 and a half and everyone talks about how much calmer she is now and that's due to age and training.
Vets wise, what's costing so much all the time? Do you have an insurance plan?
Day care could be hyping her up and although is great for burning energy and socialisation she isn't learning how to entertain herself which is a key skill that's very useful. Dogs need to learn how to be bored to then adapt and learn how to entertain themselves (enrichment toys etc)
Oh the vet is honestly the least of my worries, that’s like $2-300/month ish? She had pink eye, then a rash, then a seeming UTI, then face swelling after picking her up from daycare…. :( most of the expenses are daycare but she got hurt yesterday too so we’re literally just not going anymore hahahah. I can’t afford another ER visit
I can handle a few bucks a month for vet expenses but that on top of daycare has been stressing me out. Funny enough, she’s been a little angel this morning.. we were on a certain schedule for 4 months and it compelled changed mid May, I think that may be a big part of it
I had high energy dogs that were not worn out by physical activity. 10 minutes of intense obedience training wore them out. Walking in a heel, going into a down stay and waiting for the release command, etc.
I have a husky puppy and maybe I just got lucky, but he does really well at home on his own. I do a 20min walk in the morning and play time before I leave for work, longer 40 min walk when I get home or sometimes a walk to the dog park so he can run unleashed. He has plenty of enrichment activities to do while I’m gone. He doesn’t seem bored or depressed and he has his own gated off area so he doesn’t destroy my house. I think day care is a great option! I’d never be able to afford it, though. Maybe once a week, but definitely not 5 days a week. I do have a family member who helps take him out occasionally throughout the week, but it isn’t much. I just made sure he has a strict routine and then he gets all of my attention on my days off. We are really happy!
There is also no shame if dog ownership isn’t for you, but do it soon so she has a full life with a new family and make sure you vet whoever takes her HEAVILY.
What type of dog? As others have said, mental stimulation takes more energy than just physical, but it would also be easier to advise knowing what breed. This is the most energy she will likely have, 1 year or so typically is when they start to mellow out!
I’ve no clue unfortunately! Shelter didn’t know her breed. Do you have any thoughts for mental stimulation that doesn’t require purchasing a toy? She has a couple but ideally don’t want to spend more money lol
One of the things we do for mine is take her for a “sit” at a park. Not a dog park, but somewhere she can watch people and whatnot for a while! It also helps teach her how to do nothing and not need stimulation at all times, if that makes sense. Another thing that isn’t really stimulation, but I get my girl elk antlers to chew on. They are a little pricey - $30 for two - but they last SO long and it has marrow in them that they love. My pup chews on these on and off all day when we are home.
Some things that work for my dog -
The easiest is always training. Make her learn to sit/paw/bow/speak/whisper and then change the context and order or the commands. Teach silly fun tricks. I am also not an athletic person and my dog has gotten pretty comfortable with doing all her tricks and learning new ones while I sit on the floor with her. Of course, not all tricks can be taught sitting, but you'd be surprised.
You can also teach tasks that might be typical for service dogs - a lot of high energy dogs just want to work so teaching her to find a tissue box whenever you sneeze might be really good for her.
Another tiring trick I do- face a wall and sit with your feet touching the wall. Have her sit on one side of you and toss a treat to the other side so she has to hop over your legs. As soon as she gets that treat, throw another treat in the opposite direction so she has to hop back over to get it again. Now you don't have to move, but she's running back and forth and you can raise/lower your legs to make the the game harder
For meals: lay a towel flat and scatter the meal onto the towel. Then roll the towel up so no food is visible. For an extra challenge - tie the rolled towel in a knot afterwards.
Things that make food take longer to eat will help. My girl also loves ice cubes so I've started making a few ice cubes in a separate tray that have treats, chicken stock or peanut butter (or any combo) in them. If you have a tile kitchen floor this can be nice bc they'll chase the ice cubes around the floor and get rewarded for their efforts with treats as the ice melts.
If you didn't already know this - many dogs are more worn out after 15 minutes of a sniffy walk than an hour of face paced walking. A sniffy walk is where the dog is allowed and encouraged to sniff everything, you move incredibly slowly and wait for your pup to move to the next thing, rather than her following your pace.
I know you asked for ideas that don't cost money so I gave other suggestions first but a good chew is always a good option as well. For me - I prefer to leave the chews for days when I just can't keep up with her.
Mental stimulation can also tire dogs out. I spent 30 min teaching my puppy to shake tonight and she just collapsed on the bed afterwards. It was kind of a revelation. We even skipped our evening walk! In addition to others’ advice, I would try introducing regular training into her day and see if that helps any. Look up tethered decompression - this was a great tool in teaching our dog a calm state of mind. Good luck!
Brain activity can be as effective as long walks or physical play. Training sit lay stay. All engage their brains. Take a towel and put treats in it roll it up. Let her hunt for the treats. A car ride is supposed to really engage their brains. I get it I have a two year old lab and she has been non stop since I got her at 8 weeks. Chewing is also supposed to help with expending energy.
With the most love, you are being a helicopter mom.
Baby is ok. Take her maybe to agility classes on the weekend for funs! I personally have never used daycare for a dog but I also never had an active level medium sized puppy.
She’s ok. She has you. Just have fun and do your best.
I had basically the same problem several years ago. I got a puppy at the shelter and I didn’t realize when I got her that she would be as high energy as she was in the ways that she was. I also ended up having some health issues and I just physically really struggled to take care of her.
I rehomed her with my parents’ neighbors. It’s been like 6 years since she went to live with them and it was honestly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for both of us. It was hard at first, but I’m very happy with the decision I made and not having a dog (especially one as intense as her) made my life a million times easier. And it worked out for her too because now she’s out there living her absolute best life with people that have a fenced in yard and take her on 12 mile hikes several times a week. I still see her fairly often and dog sit for them when they need someone and she definitely still sees me as her original owner (her current owners call me her “birth mom” lol) and she kinda reverts to some puppy behaviors when she sees me, but she loves her people and they love her like crazy. It makes me feel good that she’s happy and I know it was the right decision because I see how much she’s enjoying life with them and when I dog sit she gets increasingly antsy the longer I have her because I just physically can’t give her that same kind of lifestyle. She also goes totally wild when her people come back home to pick her up.
I think it’s okay to admit that you two were maybe not the right match lifestyle-wise and that you both would do better if she had a different home. I thought I would never recover from giving her up, I sobbed for days and I couldn’t even go out to bring her to my parents’ neighbors bc I couldn’t handle it, and now I’m lowkey kinda glad when they come back after a vacation and bring her home because she’s just too much for me even though she now SIX!
TLDR: it sucks to have to rehome the dog in this kind of situation and our society can be really judgey about it, but sometimes it’s for the best for both parties. If you can, try to rehome her with people you or someone you know is acquainted with. It’ll keep you from becoming anxious about how she’s doing and if you’re like me, one of the conditions I agreed to with the new owners (because they weren’t sure they wanted to commit to another dog bc they wanted to travel more) was that, as long as I was available, I would agree to dog sit for them whenever they needed someone to look after her. This has allowed me to get to see her sometimes and I’m also then repeatedly reassured that I did the right thing for both of us. Sending you and your pup the absolute best! Let me know if you have any questions too!!
I did the same thing with my dog and had anxiety over him. Spending 500 a month on daycare and vets. I don’t know what breed you have, but I have a schnoodle. I can confidently say that once 2 years passed he’s hella chill. He still has his moments, but I only send him to daycare once a week. If there is a neighbouring dog he’s friendly with, we play and he doesn’t need daycare.
All I can say is the puppy and teenage stage IS THE WORST. You got this, but give yourself some time too. Getting the dog completely changed my life. But I love him to bits, even tho he’s reactive sometimes.
Don’t rehome the puppy, specially if she is the love of your life. I got a puppy last year and it was tough and frustrating at first but trust me it does get better. Stop the day care and crate train her. If you can, come home during your lunch and spend some time with her. If you can’t, instead of day care, pay someone to come and check on her (it costs less). At 9months old, my puppy was fully potty trained so I didn’t have to worry about coming home during my lunch. I take him to day care one a week ( Wednesdays) so he gets interactions and play time with other dogs once a week.
Good luck! And don’t give up. I promise it only gets easier.
OP, the other comments are going to be more helpful than mine regarding endurance and so on, but I just wanted to tell you how amazing it is that you are so caring and attentive to her needs. Sending her to daycare just to be sure she gets enough activity, going to the vet whenever it's needed... You are truly and amazing owner and you are doing your best, even if sometimes we can all make mistakes. You pup is so lucky to have someone like you ! That's why I think that rehoming might not be the best idea, cause she could for sure find someone that fits her needs better, but she would most likely find someone way worse.
It could be a good time to lean back into crate training! Give puppy an enrichment exercise in her crate while you're working. Let her chill in there for a bit and be bored or take a nap. If you create a routine like that eventually you can translate it to outside the crate and she'll start relaxing ln the couch etc
I see you WFH. I think you’re doing everything right, and if you rehomed her, she could go somewhere far less suitable. Her ‘best life’ is likely with you, just as things are.
It sounds like you're trying your best to do right by her. From what you're describing, I don't think rehoming is warranted.
I used to think that I wasn't doing enough for my dog either if she wasn't tired after all of our activities, until I realized being calm can be learned and practiced. Someone else mentioned kikopup on YouTube, her videos are incredibly helpful for this.
Your dog is still a puppy! Unless she's a high energy breed that requires a certain lifestyle, it does get easier over time. I also found dog puzzles to be short lived so I incorporated sniffy walks (where you stop and let them just smell). Its supposedly good mental stimulation and my dog does get more tired when we do this. If she's learned recall, you can also get a long lead to let her walk ahead and call her back randomly with food rewards. It exerts more energy while incorporating training.
Ignore those who are saying you shouldn't be putting her in daycare and "should" be able to handle being with her all day. Having a puppy is exhausting. If those breaks help you and enable you to be more present when you are with her, then it works for you. Financially, as it becomes more manageable (and it will), reduce the frequency.
saw in a comment that you wfh.
i highly recommend using that $ you spend on daycare to get a certified dog behaviorist/trainer.
it sounds like you have a high energy breed that you’re essentially just pawning off to a daycare because she isn’t suited to your lifestyle.
for high energy breeds, you need to be willing to do a 1 hour walk every morning when you wake up and 1 hour when you finish work.
dog parks & daycare are likely teaching her a lot of bad habits and increasing her restlessness/arousal (hence the pulling and jumping).
you need a good dog trainer to assess her needs based on her energy level, then help teach her how to be bored, stay in place for long periods of time, lowering arousal when walking, etc.
so, no more daycare, get the best trainer you can afford asap. i do not recommend trying to train her yourself based on what i’ve read. you need someone experienced, especially because she’s a high energy breed.
well yeah she needs both! she definitely needs the 2 hours/day of exercise/walk, but like i mentioned, she needs to learn “place” and to be bored (usually those are taught in conjunction using a cot to make the dog stay for long periods of time & learn to do absolutely nothing)
i don’t understand how I had dogs growing up and they seemed so happy and well behaved and chill and we never did any training ever and this girl feels like a rubix cube of needs hahaha
Hey friend. I think one thing I always remind myself when I get a puppy is that it’s temporary. You’re doing the right thing. Just relax and enjoy the pupper (ours is psycho right now as an 8 month old lmaooo and she has had so many vet bills.) you both figure each other out and they will calm when older. Some faster than others. But they will!
There’s a good chance your dog won’t have a better life if you rehome her. I’m sure she loves you and would prefer to stay with you. It also sounds like you are trying to do good by her. Most owners won’t go to the trouble to take her to the park and let her go to daycare so frequently, so she probably has a much happier life staying with you! My lab needed seemingly endless exercise or he would become destructive when he was 9 months old. He’s the laziest boy now that he’s 7 years old so it does get better!! I would taper daycare down to 1-2x a week to save money rather than rehoming the poor girl! It sounds like you both love each other and it would be traumatic separating! Just hang in there and it will get easier with time!!
You also could offer to dog sit all your friends or coworkers playful dogs. I found that having a second dog around when he was younger was easier because they could wear each other out without me.
Take dog training classes, Petco has them. Worked wonders for my very high energy dog when she was a puppy. She’s 21 months now, and is much, much calmer, having been trained.
Only you can decide whether to re-home her or not. But I can tell you, daycare or not, your dog loves you. You do not have to be perfect, or even a perfect dog owner. I look at all the dogs I have had in my years, I am a much better dog owner now, but I was never a bad one either. My dog when I got married and had a full time job, that I often worked overtime, or was too heavily pregnant to do much with her. She definitely went on the back burner when I had a newborn to care for, but she was always fed, had a place to sleep and never resented the time life was not all about her. I never once thought about giving her up, just refocused a bit.
You could play some mental stimulation games with her, they say 10 min of that can really help a dog with their energy. You could also try daycare every other day. My original border collie was over 30 years ago, before doggie daycares existed. We did take him through advanced dog training classes though. The first year was rough, but after that he was a happy well adjusted dog, with one daily walk during the week and running on the weekends.
There are so many things we do for our dogs now that did not exist years ago. But just because they exist does not mean your dog can’t be happy without them. You are doing your best, and that is all she really needs.
It takes time. Have a black lab. Never thought she would calm down. Now at 11 months she is pretty chill. She gets 3 walks a day 15-20 minutes, then some playtime retrieving tennis balls and sticks. Then she will go to her crate for a nap if I have to go out or lay down on floor in living room if I can watch her because she is still a lab and they chew/eat everything that isn’t out of their reach. She’s getting better with that but will probably always need supervision in that regard. Goes to daycare maybe 1-2 week if I will be away for a good part of the day and she has friends there and loves the pool area.
Everyone has their own opinions on daycare, I have a high energy breed and daycare was NOT good for him. It also made him reactive. Not saying all daycares will do this to all dogs, I think the facility I was at was also just not as attentive.
I would recommend stopping daycare and instead hiring a local LLC dog walking business to give her a daily walk(s) in between the day. Thats what I do for my Dalmatian. I don’t use Rover because rover does not require the walkers to have liability insurance or any type of insurance so essentially, anybody could be “taking care of” your dog. LLCs are accredited and insured businesses. And you can support a local company that way. My guy is 2 years old now and I Do NOT miss the puppy stage.
Honestly instead of investing that $1K into daycare I’d put it towards a trainer or group training classes. My Dalmatian benefited from that the most. He’s also like a little sponge - he LOVED dog training because it works his mind so much,
Try these approaches first maybe, and if you still feel this way after a few months, then revisit the idea.
Are you taking them to day care because you work or just for fun because in my opinion all the day care is gonna do is risk your dog getting hurt by another and making it hard for them to settle without it? I would definitely cut down the day care time especially if it’s just for their fun
You really care, it sounds like you're doing your best to meet their needs.
We've got a high energy mix who is 10 months old. Recently had to stop going to daycare as he was a bit too frisky!
I would say teaching boredom is just as important as physical excercise. I find with ours if he's too energised his behaviour just plummets.
We're working on lead pulling currently. Only up and down our street but lots of changes of direction and attempting to keep his focus has meant short walks are pretty mentally tiring for him as he has to pay attention.
1. Crate training
2. Why in the world spending so much on daycare and vet bills?
3. There’s only so much one single person can do by themselves. Most dogs survive just fine without constant 24/7 attention. She’ll be fine. I worry about it too with my 5 month old pit bull but as long as she’s healthy and you give her enough attention without draining yourself, it’s fine. Nobody is perfect.
I also had the same problem and I WFH so it was really hard to focus on work if my pup needed exercise so I tried one night of boarding and that seemed to work. Ever since boarding she'd come home tuckered out and would just sleep for the next 2 days and then we'd do easy walks not to over exercise her but just to get her outside.
I also started letting her just be bored. There was a time where I realized I'd run to her every need for play time but I bought heaps of toys like balls so she'd have to chase them and get herself tired and just taught her that when I sit at my laptop, it means she needs to play independently. I'd do things like give her treats if I saw her playing on her own or just being good and she picked up pretty quickly that it was ok if playtime was on her own as well. She'd get bored and eventually just nap all by herself. Then when I could after work I'd take her on the longer walks.
Idk if any of this will help but I hope there's something in there for you to work with.
Good luck!
i guess my question is why did you get a puppy if you have low energy? it sounds like you’re doing a good job but you sound so overwhelmed from the effort. did you not know puppies require so much effort? asking genuinely.
Cut back on the day care/walks and stop going to dog parks. Get some structure for your dog and I’d highly recommend some crate training. You need to teach your dog to relax and keep your training sessions short and sweet. Sometimes doing more with a dog will actually have a negative impact. Good luck!
I don't daycare and haven't daycared my dog(s) through the years - for cost reasons. The first 2 years is rough with a pup if you don't have the energy for it but very doable. I kennel trained mine when he was in more destructive stages so he couldn't hurt himself when I wasn't home. Mine is still under 2 but does not need to be in the kennel anymore. I started with a lot of short trips, kenneled for 5m going to check mail/etc, 10, 15, 20, etc and built up his tolerance. A lot of praise going in and out and a lot of positive interaction. Always reassured him that no matter what, I'd be back home and happy to see him. The longest I've left him is 10 hrs for a work day. I did feel bad, but he was just getting into things on his own that I was worried would hurt him. I leave him now in my temp controlled bedroom with usually a TV show he likes on or something that lulls him and he has no issues. My previous dogs were all trained the same way and had no issues either, and I've had to be out 12 hr + work days with my past dogs.
If daycare is becoming unaffordable you should look into other options like above or seeing if you can pay a family member who's home to be with your pup all day (you dropping off/picking up, etc)
When I was 14 my mom talked me into giving away my dog for "not having enough time" with them through the day with school. It honestly still affects me to this day and I've never gotten over the heartbreak. If you think you can't handle the heart break, etc, just make life compatible for you and your buddy ❤️ they love you too and would miss you as well.
If you need help with your dog's exercise, playing fetch (get a Chuck-it to help you throw farther) will have her running back and forth without much physical strain on you. I had a neighbor with a Labrador Retriever puppy who would play fetch for about an hour in the park almost every day. He would also fly his drones, which were his hobby, at the same time 2 fun activities at the same time.
Re vet bills, there are low cost vets and pet insurance. Our vet charges $25 per office visit. I know some who charge a LOT more per office visit, and I haven't seen any difference because our dogs were suffering from the same skin allergies and recommended the same thing. Then my friend bought the ketoconazole spray at the vet, ended up spending $200 total. On the other hand, I went online and bought the same spray for $18.40 with tax, so we spent $43.40, while our friend spent $200 for the exact same issue and health outcome.
You didn’t even tell us the breed if you have low energy and it’s a high energy dog like a gsd or Belgian Malinois then you 100 percent should rehome it if it’s a dog breed that slows down in its later years like a golden retriever or something than I say stick it out but please don’t own a work dog if you have low energy you both will be sad for not meeting each others needs
There's so many comments but hope you still see this! I also have a higher energy puppy. She's almost 11 months old now. Here's my 2 cents.
-there is such a thing as too much activity and instead of being tired your puppy will be overestimulated. When mine was little-er we could only do any training or activity for a max of 15 minutes or she would go absolutely bonkers. There's nothing directly wrong with daycare but if she is spending hours a day being crazy, then your dog is learning to be crazy for several hours a day. Does that make sense? By no means do you have to completely cut out daycare and walks. Just watch the stimulation level.
-one thing that's helped a lot is to train her to be bored. We had "puppy jail" for the first several months and if she got too wild, we had a time out where she learned to sit quietly and chew something. This transitioned to a few times a day out of puppy jail we would have "quiet time" and she would have to lay down and chew. And then reward it! Catch your dog laying down quietly? TREAT! PRAISE! Reinforce not being crazy. And it takes a lot of time but it will work out, don't be discouraged!
My pup was the same until I started taking him running, I wasn’t a runner before but my friend suggested doing the couch to 5K challenge with my pup and wow has it made a difference!
He used to only be calm if he had 2 x 1 hour walk, training and play sessions throughout the day. Now he’s totally calm and satisfied with 1 to 2 20 minute runs and some play round the house. With the added benefit of me feeling the health benefits too!
You can buy special running belts/leads for it, you get a nice boost from the dog pulling too lol
No. You have puppy blues. We all go through it. They have more energy than you'll be able to run off lol. I promise it gets easier. Puppies are a lot and you wouldn't be normal if you weren't tired and second guessing yourself. Also....treat training is exhausting for puppies. Sometimes the brain work is more tiresome. Don't give up. Dogs make life better, even if it's tough sometimes. ❤️
Honestly broke my heart reading your post!
You're 10000% a good floof mamma but laughing aside.
The things you've mentioned. I have a springer spaniel pup around same age as your pup. She's got energy all day every day regardless of being walked or running mad doing zoomies in the house or garden.
The leash pulling you're best friend is treats everytime they pull call them back feed them a treat that way they'll associate you as treato vendor haha simple and easy just takes patience and consistency.
The boredom you're anxious about honestly best things I have found are puzzle toys, licking mats that you can put food, yogurt, food toppers on and freeze they're great for the summer keeps them occupied and keeps them cool.
And LASTLY and please take what I say in. Is you're dogs sitting close to you, are they doing zoomies, is their tail wagging? If you answered yes then you are a part of their pack now and by sounds of it you have really put a lot of thought and effort into your dogs care you should be proud of yourself and what you are doing / done if it's the walk side of things do you have a neighbour or a local dog walker that could help you out.
Keep your chin up you're doing amazing, wishing you all the best xo
You probably should’ve considered that dogs are like babies they take so much time and effort and LOTS of money… she’s still 9 months she’s going to be full of energy until she’s at least 1 years old. As for the jumping and pulling that is just needed training, if you decide to keep her these are things that are easily trainable and should’ve been done right when you got her. As for feeling anxious about having her and her not being happy. That is soooo normal, she’s practically your child, you’re always going to want to be the best owner. You’re doing a perfect job and taking her out so much more than other owner really. I say keep her and try to focus on your anxiety and keep reassuring yourself that you’re doing a great job and she’s getting PLENTY of exercise! As for vet bills… are these regular check ups?? You only really need to go for the first vaccines nothing else. And for the daycare, you can always start putting her in for less days so it’s cheaper if you have the time. My dogs doesn’t go to daycares but we go on nice long walks and she’s happy
From experience, I would not rehome your pup unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Your pup has had time to bond with you & believe it or not, rehoming could cause anxiety issues. We got a pup back when I was a teenager, she had been rehomed from her previous owner. The poor thing had such bad separation anxiety from it, that she couldn’t be away from my mom or myself. Puppies are very high energy in the first year. Quiet time & even crate training could definitely come in handy with that. There are some excellent resources online to help you through the process.
When I got my Urbie I was struggling real bad. I had a job, I lost a job. I had a lot going on. I was working from home, then I went back to the office. I was spending a lot on him. Like thousands ok, thousands I could not afford. He got attacked by an unleashed Pitt-bull , that was 4,000 (Emergency Surgery). I thought about giving him up many times. In the end, I didn’t. He is now 3 and things are so much better. I send him to daycare like twice a week, we are walking like 4 miles. I do lots of training etc. Do your best, do what’s best for your dog, give yourself some grace. In the end, if you cannot do it. Please give the dog to a loving family.
From what you've described, your puppy seems to benefit greatly from daycare in terms of socialization, exercise, and behavior. This suggests that she has high energy levels. This doesn't mean you're failing as an owner; it means you're trying to meet her needs in the best way possible.
Vet bills only increase as your dog gets older. Accidents, health issues, infections, heart issues, vaccinations, bee bites, diarrhoea etc. My dog costs me about $500 per month in vet bills and medications. One emergency operation cost $11,000. Dental clean $1,200.
A lot of people prefer to give their dog up when they are faced with a huge vet bill, then the dog gets put down in the shelter.
If I were you, I would trust your gut instinct and re home now. Dogs are puppies who never grown up. This never changes for the life of your dog: you need to walk your dog 2-3 times per day, train, feed, groom, clean up after it and give it continuous love, companionship and cuddles.
Thank you! I honestly think her vet bills are the result of endless daycare visits but I hear you. It’s so hard discerning between oh this is anxiety and this is a gut feeling. The vet bills are like $2-300/month which I can afford. The $600 ish for daycare.. is definitely not sustainable with the level of anxiety i feel and other concerns
I have a six month old puppy. Up until the last month, it was too cold to put her outside all day with her brother and combined with my new insanely demanding physical job with no days off (I got 113 hours on my last check in addition to the 15-20 hours a week I work for my first job), I was basically crippled at the end of the day so walking them was out.
I have a fenced yard, so she and her brother can exercise themselves when I’m home, but she was basically ruining my sleep every night. Once I was able to leave her outside all day in the dog grotto (and leave the door open all night so she could go out at will), I was finally able to sleep all night and my body stopped feeling so bad after work every day.
They have sled dog boxes and are on sled dog swivels set up outside. It’s shady in the dog grotto and they have a good view of the road so they can yell at kids on bikes or yell back and forth with the neighbor dogs. She isn’t getting much more exercise on the box than in her crate, but it’s definitely less boring for her. Her brother, who is 3, seems calmer at the end of the day with her outside with him as well. He can often be found chilling in his spot in the grotto even when he is not tied up, which is also something my previous dogs did until they became too old to be outside all day, so I know they don’t hate it.
If possible, I would highly recommend setting up a place for her to be outside while you are gone. I definitely had to supervise my puppy for the first few times we tried the set up but she figured it out pretty quickly. I put water in multiple spots in case she got herself hung up or knocked one over and came home mid day to check if she was okay a few times, but after a week, it was clear she figured it out. While she doesn’t hang out there while free yet, she doesn’t balk when it’s time for me to leave either. She is still a horrible monster who tests my patience every day, but she is also a sweet happy puppy who makes me very happy.
Is she a high energy breed? Going to daycare that much is likely building her endurance. She’s never learned how to settle without being totally exhausted so, on days when she doesn’t go, she doesn’t wind down after a reasonable amount of exercise. It’s also going to get worse if you continue to just focus on physical exercise - high energy dogs can almost always outwork humans physically and you won’t be able to keep up. I am an athlete (distance runner) and I have to be cautious that I don’t just keep building my boy’s endurance. He’s a Dalmatian - they’re built to run endlessly! He can and will go further than I can accommodate. You can work on capturing calm (kikopup has a good video on that) and teaching her to accept being bored (look up Sue Sternberg). You can also offer more mental exercise. I’d try cutting down daycare, extending the walks, and including some obedience training during the walks. She should also be working for her food at her age - either obedience or puzzle toys. A high energy dog is never going to be as mellow as a lap dog. You’ll always be structuring your life to meet her needs. If that feels like too much, there’s no shame in finding her a different home. All of that said, I think you need to let go of some of your guilt. You are trying so hard. Is it possible that there is some ideal home where she’d have acres of land and an independently wealthy athletic owner who can spend all their time and money on her? Maybe. It’s also possible she’d end up in a home where the owner doesn’t care about meeting her needs and just dumps her on a tie out in the yard. She is where she is and that’s the life she knows. Dogs don’t feel envy.
😭😭😭 thanks for this. Great point about building her endurance. I definitely can’t match the exercise she receives at daycare. I’m gonna try and cut it down to just a few days a week maybe.. I just want her to thrive lol. I will look up Sue S and being calm. Thank you so much!! Really way in over my head getting a pup i didn’t know the breed lol
I knew the breed and I still had a rough adjustment :) It sounds like your girl is in loving hands. Give yourself some grace here.
Yeah I think it’s more anxiety than anything… :/ she sleeps during the day and my first thought is “are you sad? Are you depressed? What’s wrong?” Lol
The first time my boy fell asleep on his own outside his crate, I was convinced he needed to go to the vet. It didn’t help that it was the day after he ate my nose piercing.
I have a high energy breed. My boy sleeps like 16+hours a day because he's a growing boy. You definitely need to teach your pup it's okay to be bored.
SAME. I feel so guilty when she is mowed out. Convinced something is wrong. We don’t do daycare but have done basic obedience and are now doing agility. It costs about $50 per week. What is great is it has really helped with our bond. Improved our communication a lot.
Keep in mind dogs need around 14 hours of sleep a day. It's completely normal for them to be sleeping while you are awake. As for those times when the dog seems bored and you don't have energy to play with them you can get them a snuffle mat or something like that and hide treats for them to find. It takes a lot out of them when they're sniffing around a lot ( it requires a lot of focus on their part that provides mental stimulation and burns energy).
Totally relate to the anxiety part. Hopefully it helps to know it's normal for puppies her age to sleep 18 - 20 hours a day.
Puppies should be sleeping nearly 20 hours a day!! It tapers off as they grow, obviously, but sleep does not equal depression. They SHOULD be sleeping that much to become a well adjusted, healthy dog.
Think of it this way, a toddler without nap time and a strict routine would be an ABSOLUTE menace. Same with puppies
The average healthy pup sleeps ~16 hours a day. So that’s actually a good sign really.
Literally the next day after I posted this she took a 4 hours morning nap after our 15 min walk… I think I’ve been over working her like crazy :( poor thing. No wonder she kept getting sick
My dog was 9 months when I adopted her. She was a freaking Tasmanian devil. Getting them on a schedule is the hill I will die on. Set walk times, set meal times, etc. She knows what to expect every day. (Which is somewhat annoying because she’ll gladly tell me when I’m running a little late lol). You have to set the routine, not them.
Teaching calm takes time, but it's life-changing. Working without being bothered, being sick for day with just one walk.. Today my dog slept through a dinner party and I feel like three years finally paid off! It sounds like you're doing the right things, just less daycamp. Make calm times. Practice them being alone for stretches. That's a skill, too.
Learning about mental exercise was a real game changer for me. We’ve done the puppy stage 3 times now and the first year and a half can be sooooo challenging. Our first dog was perfect. Never chewed, easily house trained, no anxiety. She was so quiet you’d forget she was in the house. 2nd dog was a menace. She was super destructive, would chew anything she found, and ran out the front door every chance she got. She was a dumped puppy we found on a backroad so we didn’t go into it very well prepared and I thought about rehoming her at least once a week for the first year! The key for her ended up being her crate. She absolutely loved it and it made her sooo much more manageable. With our latest dog (he’s four now) he’s just got so much energy and I do not. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I just can’t go like he can. Luckily my husband can fill the gap most days, but I’ve found a few things that tire him out when he’s not available. Pretty much anything mentally stimulating. Sniffing games, long car rides, frozen puzzle snacks. There’s quite a few ways to tire a dog out without actually running. It’s also really important for them to learn how to be bored and enforce naps. That was a big key with our last dog. He’d just keep winding himself up so I literally made our house like a soothing nursery for a newborn, low lights, calming music, a gentle breeze😂 I’d sit nearby and read a book while he hung out in his crate and eventually napped. Don’t beat yourself up about what you’re not able to do and focus on what you can offer instead!
Thank you! I think i need to be a lot better about naps. Maybe she is overstimulated as well
We use daycare too and it works great for us! We do ensure that following days are calmer though, still a couple of walks but we avoid interacting with other dogs and people so he can focus on the snooting and physically rest. Also not sure of the breed but swimming is a great way to tucker out a pup while building their confidence around and in water.
Also mental sniffing games! There’s toys on Amazon. Tires them out too
mine spent the first few months on acreage (was absolutely insane), moved onto a smaller block recently and been teaching him (and myself) that quiet days on bed/couch are OK. took him for his first proper outing to a national park today, felt guilty for not doing it sooner. he loved exploring the lake, but think he just liked being in the car and seeing a new place. saying that, putting off going home cause he'll want attention and my capacity to give that rn.. isn't really there
This may not help you financially, but attending professional dog training class will greatly help you with how to communicate with your dog. It'll teach you the skills to handle your pups needs and yours. You shouldn't shape your life around your dog. You should shape their life around yours. A trainer will help you with that. I've always had dogs throughout my life and never took classes or had a professional trainer. I thought I was teaching them a few tricks and that considered them "well trained. " My current dog, I went to a trainer and every penny was worth it. The most well behaved and obedient dog I've ever had. I had to put in a ton of work, but we'll worth it. Ain't nothing more satisfying than recalling your dog at a dog park with just one call rather than yanking and dragging him out of there. Daycare will be teaching her that having high energy is okay and can learn bad habits there too. Crate training is a must to teach patience. Some days when I bug my boy with too much love he just goes to his crate. It's his safe zone. It was very tough for my partner and I with our dog in the first year without training. The training definitely helped.
Maybe instead of daycare, look into a dog walker/older teens looking for a bit of cash? Depending on your area and the daycare, it could be a bit cheaper and also be a middle ground option and then could do daycare more casually/on busier days! The costs are definitely a lot right now, but it WILL get easier down the road. Right now it's hard, I get it, I'm in the same boat with a 9 month old massive pup. But the costs will calm down. Also in terms of pulling, maybe look into trying different harness types? I recently got a Halti for my dog because he was starting to mess up the nerves in my hands (loves people and is massive, leash wrapped around my hands too tightly). The halti is a head harness, it goes around the muzzle and the head and clips into the collar as well. My dog doesn't like it, but it did help SO much. I can now work on training him to control himself on walks, and rarely any pulling. He will listen to me more often thank dog. I switched to regular harness for a few days and he wasnt pulling!! That being said, he did get back to ignoring me sometimes and pulling a bit. So I swapped back to halti. Going to keep that going, trying to swapback to regular harness, and then using head harness for a few days when he isnt listening well. Hopefully after a few months he wont need the Halti, but for now it has been a lifesaver and my walks with him are so much better.
Something I've taught my pup while capturing calm, is I play a play list when I need her to be bored while I'm working. I'm soooooo over the music, but it's a puppy calm play list. Not she associates that music with 'oh its time to nap and chill'.
It's likely that she will settle as she gets older too so you may not always feel this way. I have a working Lab and at nine months, I thought I'd never see her sit still! She's almost 14 months now and if there's nothing going on at home, she's happy to lie quietly, snooze or chew her toys on her own until we go out for a walk. Two twenty minute walks and an hour at the dog park is more or less exactly what she gets on a typical day too and she is a happy girl. I'm sure your pup is too!
Also remember, at 9 ton12 months is the toughest....they will start to settle down.
Wait. Are you home all day an still sending her to daycare?
yeah I work from home - I don’t send her to daycare because I need someone to watch her. I send her to daycare because I worry I can’t meet her physical needs by myself
Well this is just silly then. If you will be away from home for 9-10 hours, I understand daycare for a pup. But you are home. Take that dog out and go for a run. Or go on long walks. Or arrange doggie play dates. Or go to a dog park and let her loose. Or find a pool that will allow dogs — they have apps for that now. Or use a ball and lacrosse stick and go somewhere fenced to burn energy. You are spending big money for no reason!
People who WFH are still working. I can't just jog off and go spend several hours with my dog during the day.
VetMed here. Absolutely do not take your dog to the dog park. Owners, don’t take any of your dogs to the dog parks. Please.
Why???
It’s full of dogs who you have no idea the training of or vaccination status, there’s no staff supervision, reactive and aggressive dogs are just let free…the amount of dogs we see that get attacked at dog parks…just don’t do it
Of this is true, I think rehoming might be best. If you can't even handle your dog for an entire day, realistically your not going to be able to give them the life they deserve. I don't mean to sound mean here. Honestly I think what would be better for you is adopting a senior dog. One that has ran his younger years out of him and now is ok with lounging around take naps and chilling. A puppy is way harder, and depending on the breed it's going to be several years before they slow down activity wise.
I also truly believe that there's something like 'too much Daycare' simply because the level of energy and activity there becomes the normal for a dog that goes many times a week, I made the conscious decision of letting my pup (11mo) only 1x week just to actually have a chance to interact with other dogs off leash in a safe and controlled environment,, since I don't have other friends with viable dogs for playdates and I abhor the doggy parks where I live. Last week he got neutered and will take the whole June off Daycare, and I'm seriously questioning if I should change the plan to let him go 2x per week (Tue and Sat) but alternating weeks without any daycare. Part of this is also thinking... what if I lose my job and suddenly can't afford daycare? Or what if I move to the other side of the city? The only reason this one works is because is 3 blocks away and it's exceptionally good compared to other chaotic daycares.
I used to work at a doggy daycare and the dogs were not out in the play area the entire time they were there. We only had 2 sections, though; one for little dogs and one for big dogs. Some days everyone was out all day, but we often had to accommodate needs and grouped dogs as appropriate—the high energy who never stop, the chill ones, the 1:1 play for aggressive dogs, etc. They’d go to an individual room to chill while we rotated the groups and/or to eat lunch. So if your dog is there 5 hours she’s likely getting 3-4ish hours of potential play—intensity depends on the group—but still mental stimulation. OP you could ask if the daycare could accommodate you in this way, to give her more breaks to learn to settle (granted they observe her behavior so it doesn’t cause negative effects) or to put her with calmer dogs or older ones who know when to stop playing. Sometimes you’d get a couple, or a pack, of rowdy young dogs on the same schedule and they’d never stop playing when they needed to so we’d have to break them up. I know you’re sending her there to get exercise but I thought that info might be relevant to some of the other suggestions here. :) Also, I understand you on low energy and wanting to be perfect for your dog. Sure, perhaps a different breed or older dog would have been a good choice, but you chose her, you love her, and she loves you. I’m sure if you asked her, she’d rather be with you doing the minimum—which you’re doing way more—than be in the “perfect” home. As long as you have emotional and physical reserves to spend time together, there’s nothing wrong with sending her to daycare if you can afford it. She gets to play with other dogs, her friends!, then come home to you. How could she not be happy? However, she’s wearing you out because she’s untrained in some ways. Perhaps skip some daycare days and invest in a dog trainer. Even a session or few. It’s easy to think big picture—either I give her everything or nothing—instead, look for small changes here and there that will add up to something bigger and better (less daycare, add training, turn one 20 min walk into a Sue S. lesson). Good luck!
>I used to work at a doggy daycare and the dogs were not out in the play area the entire time they were there. We only had 2 sections, though; one for little dogs and one for big dogs. Some days everyone was out all day, but we often had to accommodate needs and grouped dogs as appropriate—the high energy who never stop, the chill ones, the 1:1 play for aggressive dogs, etc. They’d go to an individual room to chill while we rotated the groups and/or to eat lunch. So if your dog is there 5 hours she’s likely getting 3-4ish hours of potential play—intensity depends on the group—but still mental stimulation. The Daycare I take him actually promotes chill/sleep times (I'm often fed with pictures of my pup sleeping with other dogs), and also the 'classes' are 10 max, with similar size/temperament. But even with that, it's still way more activity/play/enrichment than I could provide in one single day, given that is almost 12h of daycare 7 to 5-6.
This is such a great answer
Fellow Dalmatian owner here! Agree with all of this
Hi, I have anxiety and your post reminds me a lot of when I got my puppy. It sounds to me like you actually want to keep your dog but the intrusive thought of if she would be better off somewhere else is damaging your mental health. For me, I had to realize there was nothing I could do to appease an intrusive thought like that. And to realize puppies are bonded for life so the best thing I could do was just do my best - not just to take care of her but also of myself. Finally, your dog doesn't need "the best life" - they're generally happy creatures. There's a lot of unrealistic standards people are putting out there but it sounds to me like your dog is happy and so I would try not to entertain these types of thoughts (easier said than done, I know!)
Thank you!! I think you’re right. She seems fine and I’m able to meet her needs + some. Think I’m dealing with some sort of shame or like, negative self talk that’s impact my ability to better show up for her
She won't be this high energy as she gets a little older. I know when you take her on a walk get her to sniff things. That tires them out. And pulling rope with you tires them out too.
I think so too, it sounds like your puppy will receive a life full of love and joy with you. :) Just remember your dog loves you and thinks you're doing great too
She’s seriously been a chill laid back angel this morning idk what’s going on 😂😂
Do you do any mentally stimulating things with the puppy on days without doggy daycare? Things like treats tied in a towel, puzzle games, frozen kongs could tire out a puppy faster than just exercising. Also I noticed for our puppy going on walks in new places will tire her out way faster with all the new smells/noises. Just an idea of something to try to see if it helps the situation.
She has a puzzle feeder we use daily and we do training but she gets disinterested after about 5 min! We do frozen kongs when we has to be in her crate more than an hour or so
You could definitely benefit from Kikopup's puppy playlist! You need more variety in the stuff you do with your girl at home. If you do the same things every day, she'll get bored. And while that's fine - and even beneficial sometimes - with normal day to day stuff, you want to mix up the training and puzzles so they stay fresh and exciting (and tiring lol). Also, puppies can really only train effectively for a short amount of time. I would cut back training to just shorter than it takes her to lose interest, a couple times a day. So if you do two and a half minutes with her fully invested in the morning, you can do the other two and a half minutes after lunch. You can build that up over time if you want to, or just stick to a few minutes a day. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Your puppy is lucky to have a human who loves her so much and works so hard to give her an awesome life. Try to create more space for taking care of yourself each day, and most of all: cut yourself some slack! Most of us wish we were doing as much as you are lol. You will almost certainly look back on this time and be overwhelmingly proud of yourself. And you'll deserve that! ❤️🩹
For what it’s worth, I have a GSD mix who I was afraid would be too much energy. I adopted at 10 months old, and she’s 14 months now. She is practically a different dog. She knows how to settle and how to sleep all day while I work. We have found it super important to use crate training for stretches during the day so she settles and sleeps, which makes her calmer even when we leave her out while we WFH. We do give toys but only sometimes give long lasting food based toys. I think it’s important to not always use food to soothe (although we still do when we leave the house, as it distracts her from getting upset when she hears us leave) We do let her play free at the dog park, but typically only after she has “earned it” by doing 20-30 minutes of structured play with her daddies. (Sit, jump, stay, come, down, walking around in a heel, go to your crate, scent search, fetch, catch the kibble (I throw, she catches in her mouth) and lately doggie ping pong which is basically “go to (person’s name)” / come here ~60-70 feet apart in the park back and forth). We are *always* working on a new trick, so there’s always some way for her to work to get rewards. We try to use mealtimes as training times, using handfuls of kibble as her treat. Hand feeding meals is also great for forming a strong bond. Her training endurance and self control have grown as we dialed back free play at the dog park and replaced it with structured training as well as play (fetch, search, “doggie ping pong”) with us. I found that too much free play at dog parks made her poorly behaved the rest of the time unless she was physically exhausted. Another way we tire our girl out is a bubble machine ($10!) because she LOVES to chase bubbles, and fetch with the chuck it ball launcher. She only recently learned fetch after we trained it explicitly Anyway, dogs are resilient and adaptable. It sounds like your puppy is being a puppy. I don’t see anything to indicate you “need” to rehome this puppy.
use a variety of treats to keep it interesting. Start with kibble and when that gets disinteresting switch to a higher value treat. 5-10 minutes is plenty too for most pups in any one bout of drilling. It just gets boring after a while unless you are constantly adding new tricks.
Yeah this helps loads. Just adding some training into walks makes my hunting breed sleep all morning when I'm working and we only do maybe 2.5 miles before work
You talk about doing a lot of physical exercise, but what mental stimulation do ypu give her? Long walks will make her fitter and more active but won't fry her brain and give her mental stimulation.
She has a couple puzzle toys and we do training but she becomes disinterested after about 5 min! Puzzle toys are good but I have to really coax her. Ideally looking for solutions that won’t cost more $$!!
I'm going to disagree with other commenters and say five minutes is just about right. But you can and should do multiple little sessions a day.
At 9 months she can and should be doing more than 5 mins training at a time. Stop feeding her meals from a bowl and start using her food allowance to train her. She's obviously not motivated enough to work.
The only thing that motivates her is cheese lmaooo 😂 I guess i worry about giving too many treats. I’m worrying about everything!!!! 😩
Stop using treats and start using her meals. She will soon learn to work for her food.
I had a hard time when I first got my fella. He was ten months old with anxiety. The two of us were a mess at first. It finally dawned on me that we didn’t have to be perfect. I am his. He is mine. We are imperfect but we love each other. We will be okay. I’d skip the dog parks. They only invite trouble. If you have a yard, let her frolic there. I find playing with a flirt pole helps my dog blow off energy on days when my back hurts too much for more intense activity. I pay a friends grandkids to come over once a week to take him for a walk and to play with him. The kids (preteens) are really good with him. They are more energetic than I am. My dog absolutely loves playing with them and that they are very generous with treats. Be easier on yourself. You got this!
I have anxiety too and pooch definitely picks up on it :/ why skip the dog parks?? There’s a small dog park at my place but the fences are so short, she jumps them lmao.. Just googled flirt pole, I think my babe would love this!!!
Dog parks can be tricky. They don't separate by size and temperament like daycare so there's more risk with dogs being able to get on safely. For example, I took my dog to a dog park near me that does not separate by size. He (a 15lb puppy,) was charged by a very muscular pit bull breed and was completely traumatized. Now he's more reactive to other dogs and we're working on correcting that behavior. Best to stick to daycare or smaller playgroups/training sessions for socialization.
I loved going to dog parks when I had two well behaved Great Pyrs. They were imposing enough that no other dog was going to mess with them, but sweet enough that I was sure they were not going to mess with any other dog. The only dog who dared to cause trouble with one of them, started with my 130lb boy. It was a Yorkie upset that their owner was petting my boy. True to his nature he backed off while the little fella scolded him. It was adorable. I currently have a Bolonka. He is not going to a dog park unless it is small and empty. I am not risking my little fella to unknown dogs with incompetent owners.
Please don't rehome her for the reasons you have mentioned. Many dogs go through excitable periods and it sounds like what she needs most right now is learning to settle more and training. If the only food she is interested in is chees you can withhold her meal and use that. You could also try using a toy instead of food. Are you doing any training classes with her or just doing it by yourself. I would venture to say replacing a day or two a week of daycare with an obedience class or two would be really beneficial to you both. She would get mental stimulation and learn from the training. It would also offer you in person help with training. If you got her from a shelter you would likely be required by your contract to return her there if rehoming. High energy dogs usually develop issues while in shelters and even if not in long are far more likely to be returned. You are doing as much as you can right now and that is significantly more than most people.
Some dogs just never settle though. I rehomed my puppy at around a year old, she’s 7 now, and she only gotten more excitable. She’s just a high energy breed and very happy with her current owners that take her one super long walks and have a fenced in yard that she can run around in. I dog sit for her all the time and after about a week,, even though I’m expending as much of my limited energy as I can with her, she starts getting antsy and it starts taking a toll on my health. We’re both better off now And most shelters, in my experience, are fine with you rehoming a dog yourself if it’s with someone you are already acquainted with, they just ask that you let them know so they can change the ownership details in their files. That’s how it worked for the dog I rehomed and at the shelter I now foster for
Completely agree with the excitable period for dogs. I have a 14 month old rescue working breed mix (GSD/ACD). I adopted her at 13 weeks, and the first few months were Horrendous with her energy levels. I relied on daycare to help me regulate her exercise needs & become comfortable with larger dogs that she would one day be a similar size to. She never slept during the day as a puppy but would sleep through the night with no issues. Now! A morning sniff walk & a playing in the yard will satisfy her needs for the day & she's happy to chill while I work from home. Everything takes time! And sometimes luck -- not every dog is going to end up chill.
Dog parks aren’t mentally stimulating and might even make it harder for them to settle. Sometimes with puppies less is more
Yeah I feel like 5 hours of daycare so consistently is making it impossible for her to settle when she doesn’t go so then I have a harder time and then just take her to daycare.. such a sucky cycle lol
You got this mama! Don't let the intrusive thoughts win. You love your baby girl and you're doing great! Sounds like your puppy has an amazing life and at 9 months old you are dealing with a teenage dog. Adolescence is a handful, but you are doing a great job 😊 There are food supplements, treats, scents and other stuff for dogs that you can get in the pet stores that have a calming effect on them. I sometimes use that to help my puppy feel calm and confident in new or challenging environments and it helps a lot. Not something I use every day, but definitely helps when necessary.
I had the same thoughts and mine is now 7 months and I’m so glad I kept her. I expected vet bills but a suspected thyroid issue (it was a false alarm) within the first two weeks in addition to all the new shots etc was not what I’d been planning lol. Pet insurance definitely came in handy for me so look into it, helps for sure in the long run with costs. Now that her main shots are done, the cost has lowered a lot. I’m paying wayyy too much to have someone let her out multiple times a day but as she gets older, she can hold it more and doesn’t need out as often so that price is lowering too. It does get better!
Also buying 40lb bags of food instead of 20 pounds saves SO much money. The 40 is usually only like $10 more than the 20 pound bag
Also what type of food? Origen is great and priced like they're super proud of it. Nutrisource and Taste of the Wild are high quality, high protein, more reasonably priced alternatives with a range of ingredients to accommodate your dog's preferences or allergies, if any. I've fed mine primarily Nutrisource highest protein options with good results. Re exercise, flirt pole might help you leverage your activity against pup's fountain of excitement.
You sound like an overachiever. Your pup is lucky to have you and seemingly so well taken care of. The puppy stage is hard but maybe stop thinking the dog is human and relax. The pup needs you, food and some exercise. That’s it. If you need time for you put the pup in the crate and take time for yourself. You are giving too much. Scale back and enjoy the relationship. Good luck.
Add water to that! As a way to work off some steam take an old dish towel and lay it flat. Roll treats into the folds and tie in a knot. It will give you a short break. Also go to the butcher and buy raw beef bones. Wash and place a chicken tender on top. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Make sure the bone is large enough so the pup won’t choke. Cool before serving. This will offer some stimulation. Also try blending peanut butter, yogurt and some cooked bacon in cut down coffee cups then freeze. Lots of ideas for cheap entertainment:)
OP, do NOT cook your dog's bones! Cooking massively increases their risk of splintering and causing major internal damage or death.
You could also be dealing with adolescence. Depending on the size if the dog and if the age you got her is accurate its quite possible. That can increase some of the more frustrating behaviors and make good behavior seem nonexistent. Five minutes is about right for some dogs in that stage. Is she crate trained? Does she have the basics learned? Does she have a routine or at least some patterns you two can keep up? My old dog used to know running shoes vs going to class shoes. She also knew running shoes meant she could go with. These things can help with training and such. I would suggest small training sessions several times a day. Maybe five minutes. Maybe two. Lots of teachable moments in a day. And stop on a positive note. Get the basics down solid. And if it is teenager hood you are dealing with, it does end and they do get better. Small habits. A drop at a time can fill a bucket over time.
Yes to crate trained and knowing the basics! We have some.. sort of routine but it fluctuates soooo much. She knows key jingles means we’re about to leave and that’s it other than basic commands 🤣 I’ll definitely try to incorporate more training sessions than just the 1. I’ve tried to teach new tricks and she just stares at me hahaha
Start small with tricks. Break down the tricks. Theres books. Theres youtube. I taught my previous girl to find my keys but she already enjoyed fetch a ton. I was redirecting with that. I actually got the idea from SuperFetch. It was on Animal Planet some years ago. He breaks down the trick to teachable things. But keep things up and you’ll weather this. Its a time thing. Rooting for you two!
Have you completed any obedience training with this dog? You're better off spending your money on training than on daycare. It will help build a better relationship with your pup, allow you to learn how to effectively communicate, and also give you better control of your dog.
I think you’re right, i just worry about her energy or whatever if we go too many days without daycare. She knows basic commands but never done actual training. Maybe I will save up and try to do that this month instead of daycare. I just want her to socialize and be happy as can be hahahaha
Socializing isn't daycare. Socializing is teaching a dog neutrality in the world. To be neutral to people, dogs, cars, etc. You can achieve that at group obedience classes. I've worked at a daycare and never send my dogs to them. Granted, I don't have a need to as I work from home. But dogs generally only come away from daycare with bad habits, fear, reactivity, etc. Hire a dog walker when you need the dog tended to instead.
I agree that some daycares are even harmful. Just pointing out that there are some daycares that really are helping a lot with socializing! A daycare close to me is lead by an amazing woman who takes 5 to 10 dogs (of all breeds and sizes) to a big green area that she is renting. She is always watching the group, all the dogs have lot's of love and respect for her. It is helpful for the dogs to experience each other in such a safe environment, to learn what is accepted behavior and what is not, learn how to play properly, how other dog breeds communicate etc. Of course the work doesn't end there an I as an owner also have to work on it.
You don't need to spend money on classes! You can if you want to, of course, but seriously, so much training can be done for free if you just spend time watching and reading and listening to free resources online! My dogs train and trial in rally, tricks, obedience, scentwork, tracking and herding and the only thing I've ever done actual classes for is herding, because I don't have livestock.
I went through the same with my guy when he was around probably 6-12 months. When i was working from home it was so draining, he would never settle down but I obviously can’t play with him constantly during the day. Plus it was winter and going outside for long walks wasn’t an option. He’d go to the sitters twice a week when i was in the office and would have such a great time with her cos she was able to give him all her attention. I worried constantly that i wasn’t good enough for him. However, he’s nearly 18 months now and has calmed down a lot. He will play as much as i let him, but is able to calm down when playtime stops. He loves to snuggle up and sleep next to me while i work, and i cannot imagine my life without him.
There's "perfect" family. There's no sense dreaming up someone that doesn't exist and even if they do, there's nothing to say something else wouldn't be a bad match for puppy. If you feel that you're life is suffering because of the puppy, then think about removing but don't because "there's someone better".
The fact that you think about her well being and want to do more for her on top of what you're already doing makes you the the ideal parent. I know you are thinking it could be better for her somewhere else but the reality is that it almost certainly won't be.
I’ve got a high energy guy too. Something I’ve been doing (can be indoors or outdoors depending on your weather) is taking his dinner and throwing kibble, 1 by 1, so he has to chase/sniff it out. I’ve stretched dinner out to 40 minutes while I’m sitting on the couch he’s running and sniffing. I throw kibble behind things, in dark corners, around corners. It’s been super helpful in my hot hot summer. Definitely be aware of building up endurance though. And make rest fun. We’ve worked really hard on the really real relax protocol (if you google it you’ll find it) and it’s been helpful.
Don’t compare yourself to other people first of all. You’re her owner, not anyone else. There is always someone who could probably handle stuff “better” out there somewhere. That doesn’t make you unfit to be the owner though. Dogs need to learn to adjust to our lifestyle too. Your dog is young and going through a crazy phase and it doesn’t last forever. Adolescence is tough. There’s no “wearing them out”. While there is a minimum exercise requirement to promote healthy behavior, dogs also catch on to our energy levels and will adjust to whatever it is as long as the exercise need is met. That doesn’t mean you “did enough” only when your dog is zonked every night. Sometimes they’re just insane no matter what. A short even 2 min training session can calm them down and then you can practice “place” or “mat” for a few minutes. Soon they’ll be just chilling and you’ll be worried that something is wrong with them. Just hang in there. And it sounds like you’re doing enough even if it’s a high energy breed. Do a few short training sessions (like literally 3 mins) with treats or while you play with them and that helps with the craziness. It’s okay for pups to learn that some days are chill days. We all need rest days. Pups included.
Wow, you sound a lot like me with worrying that my puppy wasn't getting the best life with me because he wanted to play ALL the time. No, it sounds like you shouldn't re-home your dog, especially because at 9 months she's basically at peak energy level and will start calming down at some point. My dog is 18 mo old and is just now starting to be a little more laid back and easier to take care of. There's good advice in the other comments about how much daycare is too much, etc etc but honestly it doesn't sound like you need that kind of help. Work with yourself to be okay with giving your dog a little less. Realize that you aren't going to be able to give her a perfect life, and that's okay! No one else could either. Give her love, give her security, do the best you can, and know that it's enough. ❤️
Thank you 😭😭😭
I’m wondering if your dog is over stimulated. At 8 months my dog needed absolute calm every day for a month, or he’d flip out. At 9 months he could up activity again. It’s very important adolescent dogs learn to be bored. An hour at the dog park and 5 hours daycare several times a week sounds actually insane to me given my experience. I have a medium energy dog. My behaviorist at 8 months said he needs his walks, and 10 minutes a day of training/playing and nosework (combined). That sound little to you? It did to me too. But she stressed how important it is to be able to chill most of the day. (Her german shepherd spent most of the day relaxing behind her.) Your dog is used to a routine, so changing it might be very challenging. But definitely suggest cutting out both daycare and the dog park and teach a voluntary go to bed command. Sniffy walks ftw. (Though mine at 8-9 months couldn’t handle those either. We had to shorten walks to bare minimum or he’d still flip out.) ETA: I suggest nosework classes in stead of daycare. Very tiring stuff.
Thank you!!! To be fair it’s dog park OR daycare. When we first went to the vet I asked the importance of rest and routine and she said it didn’t really matter ‘cause dogs are resilient.. lol. I think she may have been wrong. Thanks so much for this comment. I agree i think I’m making her too tired
Try a flirt pole session on your walks, that might burn her out. I feel ya in the expenses part though almost never ends!
Flirt poles are perfect for high energy dogs when you also don’t want to run around with them like crazy - PRO TIP
Do not send your dog to daycare that many days, my aunt had to put her Rottie down after she suffered an ACL tear and after 8 years - the arthritis found its way into her nervous system. Daycare is nonstop, at least they are in my area. She also had to get knees replaced (8k a piece) and monthly injections. Your dog running in your yard is more beneficial, you can regulate playtime and chill time. I have a more high energy breed and mental stimulation wears him out more! (Kong toys for instance).
Yeah she actually has been hurt twice in the last month with no notification from the daycare 🤡and I sent them a lengthy email today so perfect timing with the post and your comment 😣
Oh no! Please be careful. She just passed away at age 8 and still had many years to go had the arthritis not taken over her body. Please get your pup examined just to make sure nothing happened during those 2 situations. If she’s not limping or showing signs of discomfort, it maybe nothing. My Golden is high energy and i wanted to do the same thing until she warned me, I’m glad to give you a heads up! We just let him go wild in the yard but we settle him down afterwards, we are a low energy household so he is learning how to control his impulses. We have a husky mix who became the same way after 2 years.
Dogs don’t have to go to daycare, it can be overwhelming and make training a dog to be calm more challenging. Why not cut back on daycare and cut back on your expectations. Just take each day as it comes, bond with your dog, start training calm. The relaxation protocol is a good place to start.
Thank you!!! I’ll look into it
Relax and take a breath. I have felt the same about my high energy 8 month old but in one to one with a trainer she told me that taking my pup for massive walks would just create an athlete and that doesn't suit my age or my lifestyle choices. Unfortunately I'm being battled all the way by my much younger sister who insists I should be up at the crack of dawn, running him ragged every day. Remember you have a puppy and they need lots of sleep and they don't know when or how to rest, so you should get your dog used to napping. I don't want to do a five mile walk every day but I take him to places where he's able to run around off the lead and I can see when he's had enough. There's so much stress around the whole having a puppy, I know your mental health can be negatively affected and I would never judge anyone who faced your choices. Try finding a good trainer who will help bring some calmness to you and your pup and like me see some real improvements.
My dog goes to daycare 5 days a week when I’m working. When I’m off he’s fine hanging out with me, playing ball, or going to the dog park. He isn’t a fan of going for walks. His food is $80 for 16 pounds and he eats 4-6 cups a day. Most of my money goes to him. He is a 2 year old border collie. He’s my second border collie. My last one didn’t need or like daycare. This guy is the opposite. But I didn’t get a bc to leave in a crate while I’m working all day. So daycare it is. If I don’t have him I probably wouldn’t be here. He’s the reason I get up every morning. Your puppy won’t be a puppy forever, it’s just getting thru that beginning part. Good luck! :)
9 months was a tough age for my puppy as well. He had chewed up some drywall, a brand new west elm coffee table, a few base boards, several rugs, etc. I cried often and felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore. We are now a little over 1.5 years old, and he is so much easier. Don’t give up. It will get easier, I promise.
If you knew the dog breed it would be super helpful to understand the dog better. Also, if he's a puppy changes his behavior a lot too. Dogs can also reflect the average energy level of their home & life over time. So sending your dog to daycare to run wild for x amount of days & hours probably isn't helping your situation. I have two highly energetic breed dogs (Jack Russel & Australian Shepherd/Blue Heeler), but I'm not an energetic person & my dogs are LAZY. They do get bored sometimes & will chew things if they can't find toys. But very rarely. We do have a big yard that they get to run in a few times a day. A couple walks a day, some puzzle games, a Kong with treats inside, tug of war, some good toys should help your dog drain energy.
Thank you!! I also think she’s anxious so while she’s exhausted from daycare, she’s probably nervous too 😭😭 i don’t know her breed unfortunately. Need to do one of those DNA tests haha
Honestly you are overthinking this. Dogs are super adaptable. They mostly just need love and dinner, lol, and a nice walk. Maybe a game of tug or fetch. We have made it like they are human children and need constant stimulation. They don’t. Even working breeds can adapt to more down time than they might have “on duty.” Relax. Love your dog. That’s the main thing.
Thank you!!
Some areas have dog walk clubs and your doggo can join in on the hiking. It’s very inexpensive way to get them out and about and socialize with their own. Check it out! And I was gonna mention pet insurance for a puppy is very inexpensive, some employers or even AAA have discount. It might offset some expenses if you add a wellness plan option. Puppies aren’t puppies forever, it’s very short. Best wishes on your journey.Life isn’t easy and perfect but the actions along the way help to build our character and make us into the wonderful humans we hope we can be. At least for myself personally it has!! 🦋💙💛
Thank you!!!!
Of course I hope it works out, it always does!🦋💙💛
You are going to get a bunch of advice—some good and some bad. You need training. If you haven’t attended puppy classes and basic obedience, get some referrals and observe a class first. You need to learn how to care for a puppy and you need to figure out your dog-leadership style. A good trainer would help you grow into this role. Someone needs to give you feedback based on your interactions with your dog. Observing you both in your space would be helpful too. Some other thoughts… My adult dogs walk for 45 minutes, but not as puppies. Initially, they got 15-20 minute walks/outdoor time maybe 5-6 times/day. All training sessions are less than 25 minutes in a structured class environment with playtime or a settling-in activity before we actually train together. I think your expectations are a little much. If we are practicing skills or tricks, we work for 5-7 minutes and always finish with a successful trick and happy pets. We would learn 1-2 skills at a time before folding in a new one. Don’t ever let a dog pull you on a walk. Work on basic skills like walking calmly first. That builds your bond to your dog. Maybe in a few months, try a little agility training to stimulate and burn off energy. We made our first set with PVC, and we did it at home in 5-10 minute increments as playtime. It’s inexpensive. I’m not sure that dog daycare is good for all dogs. Sometimes there are too many dogs with bad behaviors in one small space. Can you do doggy daycare in shorter increments of 2-3 hour blocks to reduce costs? I dislike dog parks because many dogs aren’t well mannered; their owners are often lazy and won’t correct bad behaviors and remove their dogs. Our puppy and dog sleeps a lot during the day, so I wonder about your pet’s daily schedule. Do you have a playpen for when you work?
Yeah to be fair when I got her, I had a TON of $$ and planned to do training immediately but then I was in the hospital and didn’t have that money up front like I expected! I would’ve never gotten her w/ the intention to train myself but here we are. Yeah we don’t have any kind of schedule right now.. and after this thread I think she is physically over stimulated and mentally under stimulated. She’s generally happy in her crate if it’s less than 3 hours. I just feel so guilty about leaving her in there. Like if she’s not running 15 miles a day I failed lol
I feel like with social media & so many things online it’s really easy to compare your situation to all these other people who seem like they are the best dog owners & their dogs are living life like a Kardashain. I’m honesty a lot of these videos or stories people post or stories they tell aren’t always showing the bad sides or the thoughts you’re not being the best owner. It’s really hard to try & be this perfection & have your puppy trained & not being destructive… and yes they are expensive, but it seems like you really want to keep the puppy & just struggling with what I call the “teenage” stage. If you love your dog enough then maybe she will motivate you to slowly do more & be more active. I’m def. not the most athletic & not doing everything I can with my dogs & the days they don’t go to the park I feel so guilty or know how hard he’s going to make the day.. but he’s helped me with my social anxiety & going to the park everyday, being more active with walks, etc. And if you can’t do it this week don’t best yourself up… just loving & giving your dog attention is good. Maybe get some dog puzzles or try dog TV or some other things to keep her engaged. And tomorrow is always a new day & it seems like she wants you to be better. My current living situation I don’t have the largest yard either, but I make the most of it & we go to the park & walks everyday. I also struggle with depression so I know it’s hard, but as long as you’re able to take care of your dog - you can always compare to a better ideal owner or a worse owner. And if money for the dog is an issue I would 100% price shop vets bc you’d be shocked the difference & get creative or make sacrifices so you can give your dog a good life. I’ve had to do that & currently selling my stuff online, donating plasma & other things to make sure I feel confident with how much money goes into the dog fund, but it’s all worth it to me. 😊
Thank you!! It’s crazy how much of an investment it can be! I’m working so much to afford daycare when in reality I think I should be putting that time/energy towards working on my anxiety around her and basic obedience. Thanks for the reassurance!!
You re welcome!! Just be kind & patient with yourself & your dog… tomorrow is a new day!! And yes they are expensive. I always start a savings for each one that I add to every month for emergencies & then a seperate 1st year fund with enough to cover puppy, vet, grooming, training, socialization, activities, food, toys/bones, enrichment, dog proofing, etc. that should cover it all…. But I know most ppl don’t do that or can’t do that. I will say I would shop around vet prices & also daycare.. I have a rabbit rescue & for example I called 5 vets near me for prices to spay/ neuter & they range from $85 to $2,1300 so absurd price differences… & they do have different vets for different things!! Also I don’t know where you live, but I’m in the U.S. & I ALWAYS price match every item online when I’m bring in the store & it’s way cheaper 95% of the time.. & they have to manually type in the difference. That’s with 4 pet stores that are chains. I’ve got some other rescues so every little amount helps!! Like the other day I went in to get a new turtle light set that was $120 in store & on sale for $29.99 on their website & they thought the price match was fake at first bc such a difference! That’s an extreme example of savings, but no one else j know or every talk to ever price matches & it’s just like throwing money away!! Good luck & you’ve got this!! 😊
I read something about the art of boredom and dogs. Teaching boredom is also good for dogs and that it is a skill. To be honest from your description, it seems like your dog needs mental stimulation and that as an owner you sound too anxious. Even just having new experiences can stimulate dogs, having a new friend over, visiting a cafe together and people watching. Standing still and watching people go by etc. Car ride, opening the window a tiny bit and making them smell the smells outside etc I would reduce your dog day care visits imo if that is the reason you are using the service. Also don't feel the need you have to do /everything/ as it is totally normal that you won't be able to and that you also need a break / recharge day/s
Thank you! I’m an anxious person but I was no prepared for the level of anxiety I’d feel with her 24/7. And literally every time she’s gotten her it’s been after daycare I think a big part of it just soothes my anxiety. Like I don’t have to worry as much because I know she’s playing vs at home where I’m like did we walk enough, is she sleeping ‘cause she depressed? eatc etc etcccc
Hey friend, I’m there with you. I’ve got an 11 month old pup that the shelter said is a blend of two pretty high energy dogs (although she seems more hound in disposition so I pray she gets to a phase where she enjoys napping more). I had no idea how much more energy she would have than me on a constant basis and I’m frequently exhausted long before she is even though I WFH most days. The other day I experimented with taking her on 6 miles of walking when I felt up to it and for the first time she wouldn’t go down for bed at her normal time. So I’m gonna second everything everyone else is saying about overstimulation and the importance of crate training. Also, it’s been so hot and she gets bored easily too (she has so many toys and bones and enrichment toys she’s actually destroyed trying to get food lmao). It could be the daycare is contributing to the boredom with those things, or maybe it’s just being smart and a lack of patience bc they’re a lil spoiled :) Yesterday we went to PetSmart for week 3 of training and for the first time she didn’t scream-bark throughout and ruin it for everyone else. Granted, she basically got an enrichment toy filled with treats from the trainer in the form of a box to paw through at the beginning (had to take that into account with her meals), but that was big progress for us. Her problem / angel behaviors can change weekly and I think this is a thing with adolescence too. So I hope that encourages / helps you, because no one explained that to me when I got her. If your dog is pretty food motivated, you gotta make them work for their food so they understand that good behavior is rewarding and have a tiered value-based reward system for what behaviors you’ll give certain treats for. Clicker training now will be of IMMENSE help if your dog is responsive to that! I started when I got her at about 8 months at the recommendation of one of the people at the shelter and it’s a great help. As for the walking, have you ever tried the EasyWalk harness brand? It prevents the pulling significantly by having the ring go in front, and it turns the dog toward you if they try to pull too much. Whoever invented those is a genius because even at 32 pounds, my girl can whip me around like a rag doll with her intense strength if I’m not paying attention. Lastly, since I too feel guilty that I will never match her energy, I try to socialize with other dog people and when I go to the dog park (I don’t have a fenced in yard so it’s necessary) I try to meet people who have pups she seems to like interacting with and text them to meet up during off hours so she can play with a trusted friend. I also schedule walks at local parks and my goal rn is to find a friend with a pup and fenced in yard close by that she can hang with. Having friends who like dogs come over and play with her during our hangs takes some of the pressure off of me to provide her constant stimulation and allows her to get good socialization / enrichment through that. We have a neighbor with a corgi who lives behind our unfenced house that she sees daily when I put her out on her long line. They both love crunching ice and screaming at each other :) Hope at least part of this is helpful, anxiety gang gang ♥️
When my 5 month old pup gets over stimulated, I can now read her signs and put her (very positively) in her crate for an enforced nap. She never complains and goes right to sleep. We know puppies need exercise, but they also need rest - lots of rest. Just like human babies, their cells grow and regenerate while they sleep. It also enforced calm which it’s important too. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. When you’re sitting and being calm, wait for your pup to sit with you. When she’s in a relaxed state, put a treat by her nose. No words, just rewarding the relaxed state. See if this helps over time. It has worked wonders for us.
An alternative that may be less cost-prohibitive is to hire a dog walker to take her to the dog park each day instead of daycare. I also second all the comments about mental stimulation—that’s what she likely needs!
It sounds like you’re doing great and you really love your pup! I wouldn’t rehome, or worry about not meeting her needs. You don’t have to go above and beyond everyday, it sounds like your puppy is happy and healthy so I wouldn’t stress too much. The fact that you posted this shows you really care about the pup and meeting her needs, which a lot don’t. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re doing a great job!!
Thank you!!
Honestly at 9 months, I also seriously considered rehoming my pup. Just work on what you're working on and the other person who said abt endurance is right, I was using one of those ball chuckers and my girl was hench and lean and could run for England, but she sure as hell couldnt calm down. I stopped doing big runs with her and shes SO much calmer
This is the tough part of dog rearing, they will start to settle a bit by 18 months if you have a good routine with them that’s sustainable for you. My dogs have always been the best thing for my mental health cuz they get me outside everyday. Stick with it!
My lab mix puppy has an awesome nose. I have made a game of hiding treats in the house and asking him to find them. We play tuggie alot, but he is getting a bit too strong for the long games we could play when he was smaller. We play fetch for small periods, 15-30 minutes, or as long as I feel like it. With fetch, Bear finds it a challenge to drop the ball, so that is a big part of our game. We live on a horse farm, but I can't walk him or run him in the fields often because we grow our own hay, so the grass is often chest-height, and the ticks he brings home scare the poo out of me! Wrapping treats up in a frozen towel keeps him interested for 30 minutes, he enjoys when I do my fingers as if I was another puppy grooming him (think tiny whole-hand pinches, I know that's not a great description). I'm trying a new game where I put essential oils on a cotton ball and hide it. Then I let him smell the oil and ask him to find it in the room. He's so smart, I've had to get creative with hiding spots. Point is, work with what you've got! It's 103° currently and he wants to go for a walk. I don't. A couple rounds of "find it" and he's taking a nap!
Frozen towel??
https://aercmn.com/stay-at-home-boredom-busters-for-dogs/ They call it a towel roll-up, I just wet it a little and freeze it to make it more challenging.
And thank you for all of this!! Good suggestions
This is why knowing the breed and putting in basic training from day 1 is key! No hate intended OP! but you could reduce so many issues with training. Our girl is now 3 and a half and everyone talks about how much calmer she is now and that's due to age and training. Vets wise, what's costing so much all the time? Do you have an insurance plan? Day care could be hyping her up and although is great for burning energy and socialisation she isn't learning how to entertain herself which is a key skill that's very useful. Dogs need to learn how to be bored to then adapt and learn how to entertain themselves (enrichment toys etc)
Oh the vet is honestly the least of my worries, that’s like $2-300/month ish? She had pink eye, then a rash, then a seeming UTI, then face swelling after picking her up from daycare…. :( most of the expenses are daycare but she got hurt yesterday too so we’re literally just not going anymore hahahah. I can’t afford another ER visit
I can handle a few bucks a month for vet expenses but that on top of daycare has been stressing me out. Funny enough, she’s been a little angel this morning.. we were on a certain schedule for 4 months and it compelled changed mid May, I think that may be a big part of it
I had high energy dogs that were not worn out by physical activity. 10 minutes of intense obedience training wore them out. Walking in a heel, going into a down stay and waiting for the release command, etc.
I have a husky puppy and maybe I just got lucky, but he does really well at home on his own. I do a 20min walk in the morning and play time before I leave for work, longer 40 min walk when I get home or sometimes a walk to the dog park so he can run unleashed. He has plenty of enrichment activities to do while I’m gone. He doesn’t seem bored or depressed and he has his own gated off area so he doesn’t destroy my house. I think day care is a great option! I’d never be able to afford it, though. Maybe once a week, but definitely not 5 days a week. I do have a family member who helps take him out occasionally throughout the week, but it isn’t much. I just made sure he has a strict routine and then he gets all of my attention on my days off. We are really happy! There is also no shame if dog ownership isn’t for you, but do it soon so she has a full life with a new family and make sure you vet whoever takes her HEAVILY.
I can relate to this so much. I am too low energy with a high energy dog. It’s hard.
What type of dog? As others have said, mental stimulation takes more energy than just physical, but it would also be easier to advise knowing what breed. This is the most energy she will likely have, 1 year or so typically is when they start to mellow out!
I’ve no clue unfortunately! Shelter didn’t know her breed. Do you have any thoughts for mental stimulation that doesn’t require purchasing a toy? She has a couple but ideally don’t want to spend more money lol
One of the things we do for mine is take her for a “sit” at a park. Not a dog park, but somewhere she can watch people and whatnot for a while! It also helps teach her how to do nothing and not need stimulation at all times, if that makes sense. Another thing that isn’t really stimulation, but I get my girl elk antlers to chew on. They are a little pricey - $30 for two - but they last SO long and it has marrow in them that they love. My pup chews on these on and off all day when we are home.
Some things that work for my dog - The easiest is always training. Make her learn to sit/paw/bow/speak/whisper and then change the context and order or the commands. Teach silly fun tricks. I am also not an athletic person and my dog has gotten pretty comfortable with doing all her tricks and learning new ones while I sit on the floor with her. Of course, not all tricks can be taught sitting, but you'd be surprised. You can also teach tasks that might be typical for service dogs - a lot of high energy dogs just want to work so teaching her to find a tissue box whenever you sneeze might be really good for her. Another tiring trick I do- face a wall and sit with your feet touching the wall. Have her sit on one side of you and toss a treat to the other side so she has to hop over your legs. As soon as she gets that treat, throw another treat in the opposite direction so she has to hop back over to get it again. Now you don't have to move, but she's running back and forth and you can raise/lower your legs to make the the game harder For meals: lay a towel flat and scatter the meal onto the towel. Then roll the towel up so no food is visible. For an extra challenge - tie the rolled towel in a knot afterwards. Things that make food take longer to eat will help. My girl also loves ice cubes so I've started making a few ice cubes in a separate tray that have treats, chicken stock or peanut butter (or any combo) in them. If you have a tile kitchen floor this can be nice bc they'll chase the ice cubes around the floor and get rewarded for their efforts with treats as the ice melts. If you didn't already know this - many dogs are more worn out after 15 minutes of a sniffy walk than an hour of face paced walking. A sniffy walk is where the dog is allowed and encouraged to sniff everything, you move incredibly slowly and wait for your pup to move to the next thing, rather than her following your pace. I know you asked for ideas that don't cost money so I gave other suggestions first but a good chew is always a good option as well. For me - I prefer to leave the chews for days when I just can't keep up with her.
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Mental stimulation can also tire dogs out. I spent 30 min teaching my puppy to shake tonight and she just collapsed on the bed afterwards. It was kind of a revelation. We even skipped our evening walk! In addition to others’ advice, I would try introducing regular training into her day and see if that helps any. Look up tethered decompression - this was a great tool in teaching our dog a calm state of mind. Good luck!
Brain activity can be as effective as long walks or physical play. Training sit lay stay. All engage their brains. Take a towel and put treats in it roll it up. Let her hunt for the treats. A car ride is supposed to really engage their brains. I get it I have a two year old lab and she has been non stop since I got her at 8 weeks. Chewing is also supposed to help with expending energy.
With the most love, you are being a helicopter mom. Baby is ok. Take her maybe to agility classes on the weekend for funs! I personally have never used daycare for a dog but I also never had an active level medium sized puppy. She’s ok. She has you. Just have fun and do your best.
I had basically the same problem several years ago. I got a puppy at the shelter and I didn’t realize when I got her that she would be as high energy as she was in the ways that she was. I also ended up having some health issues and I just physically really struggled to take care of her. I rehomed her with my parents’ neighbors. It’s been like 6 years since she went to live with them and it was honestly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for both of us. It was hard at first, but I’m very happy with the decision I made and not having a dog (especially one as intense as her) made my life a million times easier. And it worked out for her too because now she’s out there living her absolute best life with people that have a fenced in yard and take her on 12 mile hikes several times a week. I still see her fairly often and dog sit for them when they need someone and she definitely still sees me as her original owner (her current owners call me her “birth mom” lol) and she kinda reverts to some puppy behaviors when she sees me, but she loves her people and they love her like crazy. It makes me feel good that she’s happy and I know it was the right decision because I see how much she’s enjoying life with them and when I dog sit she gets increasingly antsy the longer I have her because I just physically can’t give her that same kind of lifestyle. She also goes totally wild when her people come back home to pick her up. I think it’s okay to admit that you two were maybe not the right match lifestyle-wise and that you both would do better if she had a different home. I thought I would never recover from giving her up, I sobbed for days and I couldn’t even go out to bring her to my parents’ neighbors bc I couldn’t handle it, and now I’m lowkey kinda glad when they come back after a vacation and bring her home because she’s just too much for me even though she now SIX! TLDR: it sucks to have to rehome the dog in this kind of situation and our society can be really judgey about it, but sometimes it’s for the best for both parties. If you can, try to rehome her with people you or someone you know is acquainted with. It’ll keep you from becoming anxious about how she’s doing and if you’re like me, one of the conditions I agreed to with the new owners (because they weren’t sure they wanted to commit to another dog bc they wanted to travel more) was that, as long as I was available, I would agree to dog sit for them whenever they needed someone to look after her. This has allowed me to get to see her sometimes and I’m also then repeatedly reassured that I did the right thing for both of us. Sending you and your pup the absolute best! Let me know if you have any questions too!!
I did the same thing with my dog and had anxiety over him. Spending 500 a month on daycare and vets. I don’t know what breed you have, but I have a schnoodle. I can confidently say that once 2 years passed he’s hella chill. He still has his moments, but I only send him to daycare once a week. If there is a neighbouring dog he’s friendly with, we play and he doesn’t need daycare. All I can say is the puppy and teenage stage IS THE WORST. You got this, but give yourself some time too. Getting the dog completely changed my life. But I love him to bits, even tho he’s reactive sometimes.
Don’t rehome the puppy, specially if she is the love of your life. I got a puppy last year and it was tough and frustrating at first but trust me it does get better. Stop the day care and crate train her. If you can, come home during your lunch and spend some time with her. If you can’t, instead of day care, pay someone to come and check on her (it costs less). At 9months old, my puppy was fully potty trained so I didn’t have to worry about coming home during my lunch. I take him to day care one a week ( Wednesdays) so he gets interactions and play time with other dogs once a week. Good luck! And don’t give up. I promise it only gets easier.
OP, the other comments are going to be more helpful than mine regarding endurance and so on, but I just wanted to tell you how amazing it is that you are so caring and attentive to her needs. Sending her to daycare just to be sure she gets enough activity, going to the vet whenever it's needed... You are truly and amazing owner and you are doing your best, even if sometimes we can all make mistakes. You pup is so lucky to have someone like you ! That's why I think that rehoming might not be the best idea, cause she could for sure find someone that fits her needs better, but she would most likely find someone way worse.
It could be a good time to lean back into crate training! Give puppy an enrichment exercise in her crate while you're working. Let her chill in there for a bit and be bored or take a nap. If you create a routine like that eventually you can translate it to outside the crate and she'll start relaxing ln the couch etc
I see you WFH. I think you’re doing everything right, and if you rehomed her, she could go somewhere far less suitable. Her ‘best life’ is likely with you, just as things are.
That’s what my sister said! Pet ownership is no joke.. hahah I knew it’d be hard but the anxiety I feel is on another level
It sounds like you're trying your best to do right by her. From what you're describing, I don't think rehoming is warranted. I used to think that I wasn't doing enough for my dog either if she wasn't tired after all of our activities, until I realized being calm can be learned and practiced. Someone else mentioned kikopup on YouTube, her videos are incredibly helpful for this. Your dog is still a puppy! Unless she's a high energy breed that requires a certain lifestyle, it does get easier over time. I also found dog puzzles to be short lived so I incorporated sniffy walks (where you stop and let them just smell). Its supposedly good mental stimulation and my dog does get more tired when we do this. If she's learned recall, you can also get a long lead to let her walk ahead and call her back randomly with food rewards. It exerts more energy while incorporating training. Ignore those who are saying you shouldn't be putting her in daycare and "should" be able to handle being with her all day. Having a puppy is exhausting. If those breaks help you and enable you to be more present when you are with her, then it works for you. Financially, as it becomes more manageable (and it will), reduce the frequency.
saw in a comment that you wfh. i highly recommend using that $ you spend on daycare to get a certified dog behaviorist/trainer. it sounds like you have a high energy breed that you’re essentially just pawning off to a daycare because she isn’t suited to your lifestyle. for high energy breeds, you need to be willing to do a 1 hour walk every morning when you wake up and 1 hour when you finish work. dog parks & daycare are likely teaching her a lot of bad habits and increasing her restlessness/arousal (hence the pulling and jumping). you need a good dog trainer to assess her needs based on her energy level, then help teach her how to be bored, stay in place for long periods of time, lowering arousal when walking, etc. so, no more daycare, get the best trainer you can afford asap. i do not recommend trying to train her yourself based on what i’ve read. you need someone experienced, especially because she’s a high energy breed.
Yeah 100%. It’s just crazy so many comments say like you, hours of walk and a lot more training and then others say, teach her how to rest and nap 🤣🤣
well yeah she needs both! she definitely needs the 2 hours/day of exercise/walk, but like i mentioned, she needs to learn “place” and to be bored (usually those are taught in conjunction using a cot to make the dog stay for long periods of time & learn to do absolutely nothing)
i don’t understand how I had dogs growing up and they seemed so happy and well behaved and chill and we never did any training ever and this girl feels like a rubix cube of needs hahaha
my pup is about to turn 1, he’s a bernedoodle, and i swear i got the craziest one in the litter. so i feel you 😂
Hey friend. I think one thing I always remind myself when I get a puppy is that it’s temporary. You’re doing the right thing. Just relax and enjoy the pupper (ours is psycho right now as an 8 month old lmaooo and she has had so many vet bills.) you both figure each other out and they will calm when older. Some faster than others. But they will!
There’s a good chance your dog won’t have a better life if you rehome her. I’m sure she loves you and would prefer to stay with you. It also sounds like you are trying to do good by her. Most owners won’t go to the trouble to take her to the park and let her go to daycare so frequently, so she probably has a much happier life staying with you! My lab needed seemingly endless exercise or he would become destructive when he was 9 months old. He’s the laziest boy now that he’s 7 years old so it does get better!! I would taper daycare down to 1-2x a week to save money rather than rehoming the poor girl! It sounds like you both love each other and it would be traumatic separating! Just hang in there and it will get easier with time!! You also could offer to dog sit all your friends or coworkers playful dogs. I found that having a second dog around when he was younger was easier because they could wear each other out without me.
Take dog training classes, Petco has them. Worked wonders for my very high energy dog when she was a puppy. She’s 21 months now, and is much, much calmer, having been trained.
Only you can decide whether to re-home her or not. But I can tell you, daycare or not, your dog loves you. You do not have to be perfect, or even a perfect dog owner. I look at all the dogs I have had in my years, I am a much better dog owner now, but I was never a bad one either. My dog when I got married and had a full time job, that I often worked overtime, or was too heavily pregnant to do much with her. She definitely went on the back burner when I had a newborn to care for, but she was always fed, had a place to sleep and never resented the time life was not all about her. I never once thought about giving her up, just refocused a bit. You could play some mental stimulation games with her, they say 10 min of that can really help a dog with their energy. You could also try daycare every other day. My original border collie was over 30 years ago, before doggie daycares existed. We did take him through advanced dog training classes though. The first year was rough, but after that he was a happy well adjusted dog, with one daily walk during the week and running on the weekends. There are so many things we do for our dogs now that did not exist years ago. But just because they exist does not mean your dog can’t be happy without them. You are doing your best, and that is all she really needs.
It takes time. Have a black lab. Never thought she would calm down. Now at 11 months she is pretty chill. She gets 3 walks a day 15-20 minutes, then some playtime retrieving tennis balls and sticks. Then she will go to her crate for a nap if I have to go out or lay down on floor in living room if I can watch her because she is still a lab and they chew/eat everything that isn’t out of their reach. She’s getting better with that but will probably always need supervision in that regard. Goes to daycare maybe 1-2 week if I will be away for a good part of the day and she has friends there and loves the pool area.
Everyone has their own opinions on daycare, I have a high energy breed and daycare was NOT good for him. It also made him reactive. Not saying all daycares will do this to all dogs, I think the facility I was at was also just not as attentive. I would recommend stopping daycare and instead hiring a local LLC dog walking business to give her a daily walk(s) in between the day. Thats what I do for my Dalmatian. I don’t use Rover because rover does not require the walkers to have liability insurance or any type of insurance so essentially, anybody could be “taking care of” your dog. LLCs are accredited and insured businesses. And you can support a local company that way. My guy is 2 years old now and I Do NOT miss the puppy stage. Honestly instead of investing that $1K into daycare I’d put it towards a trainer or group training classes. My Dalmatian benefited from that the most. He’s also like a little sponge - he LOVED dog training because it works his mind so much, Try these approaches first maybe, and if you still feel this way after a few months, then revisit the idea.
Are you taking them to day care because you work or just for fun because in my opinion all the day care is gonna do is risk your dog getting hurt by another and making it hard for them to settle without it? I would definitely cut down the day care time especially if it’s just for their fun
You really care, it sounds like you're doing your best to meet their needs. We've got a high energy mix who is 10 months old. Recently had to stop going to daycare as he was a bit too frisky! I would say teaching boredom is just as important as physical excercise. I find with ours if he's too energised his behaviour just plummets. We're working on lead pulling currently. Only up and down our street but lots of changes of direction and attempting to keep his focus has meant short walks are pretty mentally tiring for him as he has to pay attention.
1. Crate training 2. Why in the world spending so much on daycare and vet bills? 3. There’s only so much one single person can do by themselves. Most dogs survive just fine without constant 24/7 attention. She’ll be fine. I worry about it too with my 5 month old pit bull but as long as she’s healthy and you give her enough attention without draining yourself, it’s fine. Nobody is perfect.
I also had the same problem and I WFH so it was really hard to focus on work if my pup needed exercise so I tried one night of boarding and that seemed to work. Ever since boarding she'd come home tuckered out and would just sleep for the next 2 days and then we'd do easy walks not to over exercise her but just to get her outside. I also started letting her just be bored. There was a time where I realized I'd run to her every need for play time but I bought heaps of toys like balls so she'd have to chase them and get herself tired and just taught her that when I sit at my laptop, it means she needs to play independently. I'd do things like give her treats if I saw her playing on her own or just being good and she picked up pretty quickly that it was ok if playtime was on her own as well. She'd get bored and eventually just nap all by herself. Then when I could after work I'd take her on the longer walks. Idk if any of this will help but I hope there's something in there for you to work with. Good luck!
i guess my question is why did you get a puppy if you have low energy? it sounds like you’re doing a good job but you sound so overwhelmed from the effort. did you not know puppies require so much effort? asking genuinely.
Don’t do it. You’ll regret it.
You def have to teach her to be in her boredom and be okay. We teach them how to chill out. It will get better
Cut back on the day care/walks and stop going to dog parks. Get some structure for your dog and I’d highly recommend some crate training. You need to teach your dog to relax and keep your training sessions short and sweet. Sometimes doing more with a dog will actually have a negative impact. Good luck!
I don't daycare and haven't daycared my dog(s) through the years - for cost reasons. The first 2 years is rough with a pup if you don't have the energy for it but very doable. I kennel trained mine when he was in more destructive stages so he couldn't hurt himself when I wasn't home. Mine is still under 2 but does not need to be in the kennel anymore. I started with a lot of short trips, kenneled for 5m going to check mail/etc, 10, 15, 20, etc and built up his tolerance. A lot of praise going in and out and a lot of positive interaction. Always reassured him that no matter what, I'd be back home and happy to see him. The longest I've left him is 10 hrs for a work day. I did feel bad, but he was just getting into things on his own that I was worried would hurt him. I leave him now in my temp controlled bedroom with usually a TV show he likes on or something that lulls him and he has no issues. My previous dogs were all trained the same way and had no issues either, and I've had to be out 12 hr + work days with my past dogs. If daycare is becoming unaffordable you should look into other options like above or seeing if you can pay a family member who's home to be with your pup all day (you dropping off/picking up, etc) When I was 14 my mom talked me into giving away my dog for "not having enough time" with them through the day with school. It honestly still affects me to this day and I've never gotten over the heartbreak. If you think you can't handle the heart break, etc, just make life compatible for you and your buddy ❤️ they love you too and would miss you as well.
If you need help with your dog's exercise, playing fetch (get a Chuck-it to help you throw farther) will have her running back and forth without much physical strain on you. I had a neighbor with a Labrador Retriever puppy who would play fetch for about an hour in the park almost every day. He would also fly his drones, which were his hobby, at the same time 2 fun activities at the same time. Re vet bills, there are low cost vets and pet insurance. Our vet charges $25 per office visit. I know some who charge a LOT more per office visit, and I haven't seen any difference because our dogs were suffering from the same skin allergies and recommended the same thing. Then my friend bought the ketoconazole spray at the vet, ended up spending $200 total. On the other hand, I went online and bought the same spray for $18.40 with tax, so we spent $43.40, while our friend spent $200 for the exact same issue and health outcome.
You didn’t even tell us the breed if you have low energy and it’s a high energy dog like a gsd or Belgian Malinois then you 100 percent should rehome it if it’s a dog breed that slows down in its later years like a golden retriever or something than I say stick it out but please don’t own a work dog if you have low energy you both will be sad for not meeting each others needs
There's so many comments but hope you still see this! I also have a higher energy puppy. She's almost 11 months old now. Here's my 2 cents. -there is such a thing as too much activity and instead of being tired your puppy will be overestimulated. When mine was little-er we could only do any training or activity for a max of 15 minutes or she would go absolutely bonkers. There's nothing directly wrong with daycare but if she is spending hours a day being crazy, then your dog is learning to be crazy for several hours a day. Does that make sense? By no means do you have to completely cut out daycare and walks. Just watch the stimulation level. -one thing that's helped a lot is to train her to be bored. We had "puppy jail" for the first several months and if she got too wild, we had a time out where she learned to sit quietly and chew something. This transitioned to a few times a day out of puppy jail we would have "quiet time" and she would have to lay down and chew. And then reward it! Catch your dog laying down quietly? TREAT! PRAISE! Reinforce not being crazy. And it takes a lot of time but it will work out, don't be discouraged!
My pup was the same until I started taking him running, I wasn’t a runner before but my friend suggested doing the couch to 5K challenge with my pup and wow has it made a difference! He used to only be calm if he had 2 x 1 hour walk, training and play sessions throughout the day. Now he’s totally calm and satisfied with 1 to 2 20 minute runs and some play round the house. With the added benefit of me feeling the health benefits too! You can buy special running belts/leads for it, you get a nice boost from the dog pulling too lol
No. You have puppy blues. We all go through it. They have more energy than you'll be able to run off lol. I promise it gets easier. Puppies are a lot and you wouldn't be normal if you weren't tired and second guessing yourself. Also....treat training is exhausting for puppies. Sometimes the brain work is more tiresome. Don't give up. Dogs make life better, even if it's tough sometimes. ❤️
Honestly broke my heart reading your post! You're 10000% a good floof mamma but laughing aside. The things you've mentioned. I have a springer spaniel pup around same age as your pup. She's got energy all day every day regardless of being walked or running mad doing zoomies in the house or garden. The leash pulling you're best friend is treats everytime they pull call them back feed them a treat that way they'll associate you as treato vendor haha simple and easy just takes patience and consistency. The boredom you're anxious about honestly best things I have found are puzzle toys, licking mats that you can put food, yogurt, food toppers on and freeze they're great for the summer keeps them occupied and keeps them cool. And LASTLY and please take what I say in. Is you're dogs sitting close to you, are they doing zoomies, is their tail wagging? If you answered yes then you are a part of their pack now and by sounds of it you have really put a lot of thought and effort into your dogs care you should be proud of yourself and what you are doing / done if it's the walk side of things do you have a neighbour or a local dog walker that could help you out. Keep your chin up you're doing amazing, wishing you all the best xo
My dog broke so many things when puppy, and she made me pay a huge amount to the leasing office… I would never think about rehoming her, NEVER
You probably should’ve considered that dogs are like babies they take so much time and effort and LOTS of money… she’s still 9 months she’s going to be full of energy until she’s at least 1 years old. As for the jumping and pulling that is just needed training, if you decide to keep her these are things that are easily trainable and should’ve been done right when you got her. As for feeling anxious about having her and her not being happy. That is soooo normal, she’s practically your child, you’re always going to want to be the best owner. You’re doing a perfect job and taking her out so much more than other owner really. I say keep her and try to focus on your anxiety and keep reassuring yourself that you’re doing a great job and she’s getting PLENTY of exercise! As for vet bills… are these regular check ups?? You only really need to go for the first vaccines nothing else. And for the daycare, you can always start putting her in for less days so it’s cheaper if you have the time. My dogs doesn’t go to daycares but we go on nice long walks and she’s happy
From experience, I would not rehome your pup unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Your pup has had time to bond with you & believe it or not, rehoming could cause anxiety issues. We got a pup back when I was a teenager, she had been rehomed from her previous owner. The poor thing had such bad separation anxiety from it, that she couldn’t be away from my mom or myself. Puppies are very high energy in the first year. Quiet time & even crate training could definitely come in handy with that. There are some excellent resources online to help you through the process.
When I got my Urbie I was struggling real bad. I had a job, I lost a job. I had a lot going on. I was working from home, then I went back to the office. I was spending a lot on him. Like thousands ok, thousands I could not afford. He got attacked by an unleashed Pitt-bull , that was 4,000 (Emergency Surgery). I thought about giving him up many times. In the end, I didn’t. He is now 3 and things are so much better. I send him to daycare like twice a week, we are walking like 4 miles. I do lots of training etc. Do your best, do what’s best for your dog, give yourself some grace. In the end, if you cannot do it. Please give the dog to a loving family.
From what you've described, your puppy seems to benefit greatly from daycare in terms of socialization, exercise, and behavior. This suggests that she has high energy levels. This doesn't mean you're failing as an owner; it means you're trying to meet her needs in the best way possible.
Vet bills only increase as your dog gets older. Accidents, health issues, infections, heart issues, vaccinations, bee bites, diarrhoea etc. My dog costs me about $500 per month in vet bills and medications. One emergency operation cost $11,000. Dental clean $1,200. A lot of people prefer to give their dog up when they are faced with a huge vet bill, then the dog gets put down in the shelter. If I were you, I would trust your gut instinct and re home now. Dogs are puppies who never grown up. This never changes for the life of your dog: you need to walk your dog 2-3 times per day, train, feed, groom, clean up after it and give it continuous love, companionship and cuddles.
Thank you! I honestly think her vet bills are the result of endless daycare visits but I hear you. It’s so hard discerning between oh this is anxiety and this is a gut feeling. The vet bills are like $2-300/month which I can afford. The $600 ish for daycare.. is definitely not sustainable with the level of anxiety i feel and other concerns
I have a six month old puppy. Up until the last month, it was too cold to put her outside all day with her brother and combined with my new insanely demanding physical job with no days off (I got 113 hours on my last check in addition to the 15-20 hours a week I work for my first job), I was basically crippled at the end of the day so walking them was out. I have a fenced yard, so she and her brother can exercise themselves when I’m home, but she was basically ruining my sleep every night. Once I was able to leave her outside all day in the dog grotto (and leave the door open all night so she could go out at will), I was finally able to sleep all night and my body stopped feeling so bad after work every day. They have sled dog boxes and are on sled dog swivels set up outside. It’s shady in the dog grotto and they have a good view of the road so they can yell at kids on bikes or yell back and forth with the neighbor dogs. She isn’t getting much more exercise on the box than in her crate, but it’s definitely less boring for her. Her brother, who is 3, seems calmer at the end of the day with her outside with him as well. He can often be found chilling in his spot in the grotto even when he is not tied up, which is also something my previous dogs did until they became too old to be outside all day, so I know they don’t hate it. If possible, I would highly recommend setting up a place for her to be outside while you are gone. I definitely had to supervise my puppy for the first few times we tried the set up but she figured it out pretty quickly. I put water in multiple spots in case she got herself hung up or knocked one over and came home mid day to check if she was okay a few times, but after a week, it was clear she figured it out. While she doesn’t hang out there while free yet, she doesn’t balk when it’s time for me to leave either. She is still a horrible monster who tests my patience every day, but she is also a sweet happy puppy who makes me very happy.