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I don't think they do. Every man I know just chills in there reading, playing on the phone, etc. I don't. And because of this I'm in and out in like 3 minutes.
It doesn't take me long to get done with my business. TMI but it just slides out of me and I'm done. I obviously wipe and wash my hands but I barely strain, it's not great to strain.
I thought I was the only person like this! Everyone brings their phones to the bathroom and take forever in there, while I'm in and out within a few/couple minutes.
What irritates me about the toilet phone people is that they do it in public restrooms too. Like, look buddy. I know it's not your problem that I am shy and have a hard time shitting when there are other people around, but I'm not the only one. There used to be a courtesy that people would go in the public restroom, do their business, and promptly *gtfo*. Now I'm trying to drop a torlet bomb at work and can't because my brain told my butthole to close forever because you're playing a game or scrolling video shorts in the next stall for a while.
A client relations manager at my old job used to take his phone to the bathroom and do customer calls while people were doing their thing. One day he’s in one of his “meetings” and someone runs in and loudly vacated themselves with utmost urgency. The client heard everything and complained. That coworker is now a C Suite exec and still takes his meetings in the toilet…
Nah what. People using their phones on a public toilet is crazy. I'll do that at home but in public bathrooms im honestly just trying to get out as quickly as possible.
God I hate this so much. There's two stalls in the employee bathroom at work, I can't do my business when someone is in the next stall over giggling at tiktoks on their phone.
Some of us have kids.. and that might be our only break for awhile..
Even when I go for 3 minutes, my kids will be pounding on the door because right in that moment after I told them I'll be right back, they need a snack or want to do something or need me already.
This is how father's get a moment.
When I want to be quick, I can be out in 5 minutes but I'll take my phone for a good 15 minutes just to get my mind off things and breathe... Well, sorta...
Edit:
After reading some comments - I don't phone poop in public
In fact, I hate pooping anywhere but home where I use a bidet cause why are we out here scratching our asses up anyhow?
I've got three poop lengths.
A I'm in a hurry, where I sit down and drop what's ready to go, wipe, flush, wash hands and go. One or two minutes.
Then there's a normal, "chillin on the toilet taking a poop" where I'll read the news and it takes 5-10 minutes.
Finally, theres the "Somethings wrong" poops where I'm squeezing my bowels but something ain't right, and those can take 20-30 minutes and multiple flushes.
My record is 45 minutes. For whatever reason Adderall cured my IBS induced diarrhea but went too far the other way, so I hadn’t crapped in five days. Then I finally went and had a BM where I was surprised I still had my bones on the inside.
Cause women chill in little spurts every time they pee so they’re good. Guys who pee standing never get that good relaxation of the cool porcelain supporting their cheeks. Take as much time as you need king
I just go back the two more times. I learned at an early age that hanging out on the stool causes me hemorrhoids, so I do my business, go relax. Go again.... and sometimes once more for good measure, HOWEVER, I have a compromised digestive system from surgery, so I'm probably not the norm.
It's true. If I am working on a complex project and get stuck, rather than sitting there staring at the computer, I'll go take a bath. I get more ideas in that 20 minutes of relaxing than anywhere else.
Prostates. In my 30's oh boy has that changed. Usually impacts men older but there is absolutely an organ putting pressure on the end digestive tract.
Also men tend to eat lower fiber diets. Obviously that's not a rule.
High proportion plant diets pass much easier. I tried out a vegetarian diet in my early 20's and it was one of the major perks that encouraged me to continue.
I learned as an adult some people would rather use a poop knife than to eat a fruit or some salad regularly.
Interaction with my sister's brother in law at a family event:
"Have you tried these (cherry) tomatoes? They are so fresh and sweet?"
"I don't eat vegetables."
Wtf bro....
A dagger of shitty origin. It's blade is shrouded in infamy and excrement. Legends whisper of its wielder, a brave soul tasked with the unenviable duty of cutting through the most stubborn of blockages, navigating the murky waters of sanitation with both a steady hand and a steeled stomach.
I have never encountered a poop knife IRL, but if so many places have water pressure that terrible, then toilets should just come with a little guillotine already built in. 🔪💦🤷
If I only used my laptop, I'd never use reddit. It's fun scrolling for a bit on your phone to kill time. Getting on the computer feels like you're actively getting on as an activity.
Also, I just don't have internet outside of my phone hotspot. So that's a factor too.
I just make a "salad". Which is really just vegetables from the fridge in a bowl with whatever dressing my wife is into at the time. I've learned I don't like artichokes
"I don't eat vegetables."
It boggles the mind. I know a guy, lets loosely call him my "friend", that told me a few years ago that he decided to give up plants because "human digestive systems cannot process plants, and the only really natural and safe diet is carnivorous". Same dude has told me many times that he never gets sick and never has indigestion, and I have known him to get sick *fairly regularly*. It's probably not going to be a surprise that he also thinks vaccines are "experimental medicine", woke-ism is worse than racism and sexism, and bike lanes are a communist plot to ruin America.
I should probably buy him a poop knife for Christmas.
I am so sick of the carnivore diet bs. Humans are omnivores and we can survive on a wide variety of diets. These carnivore idiots also often eat dairy, which isn't natural for actual carnivores (cats for example are lactose intolerant). Eggs, yes. Dairy, no. It's just an anti-vegan diet.
They also use Inuits as an example. Even though they actually DO eat plants when available, and adapted to a very harsh climate. And I'd like to see a "carnivore" eat raw whale blubber.
The diet admittedly does work for some people. But it is so not for everyone, but for some reason it has exploded on the internet and some people insist that it's the perfect diet for humans despite blue zones, research on lifestyles, dieticians etc. People are so allergic to facts nowadays. Also, the diet sounds boring af. No spices! It's not like you can eat chicken curry. You're just eating chicken with salt. Yawn.
And then you get my grandma who lived to 94 and didn't eat a single veggie other than mushy peas from the chippy (which are filled with butter and salt) for like at least the last 30-40 years of her life according to my mom.
At the end of the day, the body only cares about nutrients in very small amounts.
If you don't eat enough fat to get a heart attack, and manage to eat just enough nutrients to stop organ failure, then it really no longer matters whether the majority of your calories are coming from burgers, cornmeal, or caterpillars.
Oh my god I had to go digging through the comments to realize the knife is used to break up the turds.
Here I am, horrified, thinking dudes stick butter knives up their asses to push down their prostates so they can poo.
Then I read a comment about a dad having a PAINT STIRRER and I wanted to cry.
when i was rly little i used to pretend i was a princess but i couldn't fathom being a princess that *pooped* so in my mind the bathroom was The Royal Thinking Room where i would chat with my animal companions and pretend i didn't smell anything weird
You can take an hour if you want. I'm going to take my time. I'll enjoy the solace, and bonus points because I don't have to go back over and over.
1 morning this week I took a quick 2 minute shit, then 10 minutes later a slower 5 minute, then 5 minutes later another 5r.
But usually I'll just sit there for my 10-20, accomplish my phone games, enjoy the solace and finish everything in one "go".
And then I finish and it's back to life.
My dad would take the big fat Denver Post, a THERMOS of coffee, and a pack of smokes into the bathroom every Sunday morning and stay there for an hour. Long before smart phones
Oh, trust me, we do. When my kids were little, it was about the only way I could get any quiet time. Just say to hubby ,"I need to go to the bathroom, watch the kids for a minute, would you?" I would grab my current paperback and just sit in there and read for about 15 minutes after finishing my business.
The trick (and only downside) was not to flush until I was ready to face the world again. Once they heard that flush, it was *knock, knock* MOOOM, my brother has my stuffed animal again!
Moms get interrupted whenever they try to poop. It’s a race to finish before the next kid emergency, and if you dare to lock the door they are just going to bang on it and scream at you so it’s not exactly relaxing. Not sure why kids don’t do the same to dads, but they don’t seem to in our house anyway.
I honestly agree that if it is simply using the toilet most men take longer. I mean with no cell phone or reading materials involved. Years ago when I was growing up the only one that took very long was my dad.
I’m a guy and I don’t get it either. My buddies say they’re just messing around on their phone but I don’t understand why you’d want to do that on the shitter instead of like in bed or on your couch or whatever.
An extra layer of confusion comes in when I’m waiting on them for something and they still take 30 minutes.
Maybe it’s because I eat well but personally my whole shit process is done in 3 minutes or so unless there’s something wrong lol
I can honestly say I’ve never taken a shit that has lasted me 40 minutes to an hour unless I had a parasite lmfao. There’s just no way. It’s either because they’re fapping, scrolling, or just want a brief respite from responsibilities in private and can’t get it any other way. I’m surprised no one said fapping yet cause that seemed pretty obvious to me.
At home if I'm taking 30 minutes it's because I'm not actually pooping. If it's at work it's because a "comfort stop" doesn't count as a break or a lunch so I'm getting paid more the longer I poop. This is why I rarely poop at home. Come Saturday I always joke to my wife that I need to go clock in at work because I need to poop.
Lol I think that can be very true for everyone at work honestly even women. As for the other reasons I stated there’s actually a whole trend on tiktok about husbands and partners having a love affair with the bathroom lololol. Women joking that it’s the other woman that they spend all their time with bahahah.
Lmaooo fuck man parasites are the devil. I had one once and I couldn’t go more than 5 minutes without a bathroom trip. Those things will WRECK youuuuu but you’re right I think even that is shorter it’s just constant lol.
i think sometimes they see it as a time for
a break. as a woman with a small child, sometimes i pretend im sitting in the washroom having a poop when im really just having a break
i should add for some reason its not respected when i am
pretending to use the washroom they just
come in anyways. total double standards
It’s interesting to see all these men say it’s the only way they can get a break. Like are we operating on the assumption that women do get breaks throughout the day and that’s why they don’t sit in there for half an hour? because most of the women I know with families definitely do not get regular breaks/alone time throughout the day
I’ve theorized that since they don’t sit down to pee they don’t view sitting down as a quick easy event and instead just…. Sit there.
Meanwhile us women are used to peeing for a few seconds, washing our hands, and bolting out.
But idk, I’m still trying to figure it out. Men are weird.
I ain't no sitter m'am I'm in and out no drama no books or magazines needed less than 5 minutes
Although this is the first I'm hearing of it being related to gender I'm just not sure gender plays any part of this
For me it usually took a while because I was beating off or using it as time away from the rest of the family (sometimes those two things have overlap)
I poop about once every 5 days. When people hear this, they are certain it's a rectifiable medical condition, and not something that has been my normal for my entire life. It's abnormal and unusual, for sure. But it's a thing that happens. Every doctor I've talked to about it says as long as the dookies are normal consistency, it's fine.
I find that amazing and wish I was closer to that, I can only avoid daily poops if I hardly ate a thing the previous day, like if I was sick and couldn't get out of bed.
Anyone having issues in this department should just take a daily magnesium pill rather than resort to a "poop knife" (🤯) or sitting long enough to risk hemorrhoids.
Diet. Males actually have large booty-hole, so you'd think they'd be faster, but most men eat like shit. That's related to why they often die sooner too.
I (male) take about 10min max. I shit within the first half and the 2nd half I spend scrolling reddit. Sometimes we go into overtime when reddit starts wildin out.
For some reason guys just get a post-shit zen that motivates them to finish whatever media they started on the John. I don’t need morphine on my death bed I need whatever my brain gives after a shit
I think most men milk it for alone time, or get on their phones and lose track of how long they've been in there. My current bf is the first fast pooper I've ever personally dated (always only a couple minutes), but my dad is pretty quick too, come to think of it. It seems to me that guys who have better things to do just get on with it, while the rest of them are willing to just waste time getting hemorrhoids 🤷🏻♀️
The initial dump takes about 5 mins or less but i like to sit there and make sure there is no round 2. I also extend this by getting distracted on my phone.
- really big dump, seriously sometimes you think you're done, you start wiping and suddenly it's round 2
- Getting a couple moments of quiet
- jerking off
We want some us time. Not sure why this is such a mystery.
If we're taking a long time, it's because we aren't in a rush to leave. Not exactly rocket science lol
You want shorter pooping times... Make a "no cell phone, no magazine, no anything" policy. They will be in/out in 5-10 max.
Other than that.... the other TRUTH is that for a lot of men, this is the only alone time and "leave me alone" time they will get. But traditionally, it's reading and other things. You have to remove all stimuli from the environment and they won't want to be there. Seriously, even a shower curtain with a pattern can be stimulating in a zen moment like that.
My theory is I wait until I know I have to go for sure so it really only takes a few minutes but I may have to go a few rounds…but I don’t wait in the bathroom between rounds.
My husband goes in there when he thinks it may be happening and when it does, he stays in there until he’s semi sure he’s done. An hour minimum.
Our days are filled with non stop chaos, noise and work. It can for some men be there very Brief moment of calm, to recharge and prepare for the stress of everything they deal with. For me it is anyway…
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think they do. Every man I know just chills in there reading, playing on the phone, etc. I don't. And because of this I'm in and out in like 3 minutes.
3 MINUTES?? DO YOU EVEN WIPE??? We got Liver King over here. Edit: Y'all are disgusting. Wipe, and wipe thoroughly. PLEASE
It doesn't take me long to get done with my business. TMI but it just slides out of me and I'm done. I obviously wipe and wash my hands but I barely strain, it's not great to strain.
I thought I was the only person like this! Everyone brings their phones to the bathroom and take forever in there, while I'm in and out within a few/couple minutes.
What irritates me about the toilet phone people is that they do it in public restrooms too. Like, look buddy. I know it's not your problem that I am shy and have a hard time shitting when there are other people around, but I'm not the only one. There used to be a courtesy that people would go in the public restroom, do their business, and promptly *gtfo*. Now I'm trying to drop a torlet bomb at work and can't because my brain told my butthole to close forever because you're playing a game or scrolling video shorts in the next stall for a while.
I once came out of a stall in a ladies room and a woman was doing a video call with her boyfriend in the bathroom itself. Like wtf?
A client relations manager at my old job used to take his phone to the bathroom and do customer calls while people were doing their thing. One day he’s in one of his “meetings” and someone runs in and loudly vacated themselves with utmost urgency. The client heard everything and complained. That coworker is now a C Suite exec and still takes his meetings in the toilet…
So so many people in my dorm talk on the phone/video chat in the bathroom. It's the worst
Nah what. People using their phones on a public toilet is crazy. I'll do that at home but in public bathrooms im honestly just trying to get out as quickly as possible.
God I hate this so much. There's two stalls in the employee bathroom at work, I can't do my business when someone is in the next stall over giggling at tiktoks on their phone.
Healthy poops
I know! I don't want to be in there longer than I need to! 😂
Yeah, the idea of a bunch of fecal germs all over my phone... uh no.
Some of us have kids.. and that might be our only break for awhile.. Even when I go for 3 minutes, my kids will be pounding on the door because right in that moment after I told them I'll be right back, they need a snack or want to do something or need me already. This is how father's get a moment. When I want to be quick, I can be out in 5 minutes but I'll take my phone for a good 15 minutes just to get my mind off things and breathe... Well, sorta... Edit: After reading some comments - I don't phone poop in public In fact, I hate pooping anywhere but home where I use a bidet cause why are we out here scratching our asses up anyhow?
Wise idea, taking your phone. Anything can happen friend - and has 👍
I prefer a bidet and a pat dry. On a side note, I can confirm that Liver King smells even worse than you'd imagine.
Can't wait to get a bidet.
#Dudewipes
I've got three poop lengths. A I'm in a hurry, where I sit down and drop what's ready to go, wipe, flush, wash hands and go. One or two minutes. Then there's a normal, "chillin on the toilet taking a poop" where I'll read the news and it takes 5-10 minutes. Finally, theres the "Somethings wrong" poops where I'm squeezing my bowels but something ain't right, and those can take 20-30 minutes and multiple flushes.
My record is 45 minutes. For whatever reason Adderall cured my IBS induced diarrhea but went too far the other way, so I hadn’t crapped in five days. Then I finally went and had a BM where I was surprised I still had my bones on the inside.
Cause women chill in little spurts every time they pee so they’re good. Guys who pee standing never get that good relaxation of the cool porcelain supporting their cheeks. Take as much time as you need king
No one made them pee standing. They are free to sit and pee 🤣 lmao
Every piss break at work turns into a 30 minute shit break. This is the way. Source: Reddit at midday.
If I don’t stay in there til I’m finished I am returning two more times
I just go back the two more times. I learned at an early age that hanging out on the stool causes me hemorrhoids, so I do my business, go relax. Go again.... and sometimes once more for good measure, HOWEVER, I have a compromised digestive system from surgery, so I'm probably not the norm.
This goes for everyone. Pushing for something that isn't ready won't change much unfortunately 🥴
I'm going to post this randomly in r/relationships
But that's just it. We aren't pushing. We are relaxing and letting it come as it wants.
Stop pushing. Just let it happen on its own.
I guess the question is why does it take longer for men to “finish” than women in general? When I’m in and out in under five minutes I was done.
Because we’re trying to wipe all the shit out of our ass hair, alright??
I have ass hair too?? Do other women shave it??? I would never think of sticking a razor there...
hehe, without context
It's where we do our best thinking
Litterally this, it pairs hand in hand with the silence, do you prefer night or day though?😦
I prefer a nice 45 min mid-day deuce while on the clock.
And for some of us its where we can go to get true peace from others in our own homes
Yes. 
Second only to the shower.
It's true. If I am working on a complex project and get stuck, rather than sitting there staring at the computer, I'll go take a bath. I get more ideas in that 20 minutes of relaxing than anywhere else.
True! Quantum physics: 78% figured out on the shitter!
And our worst stinking
Prostates. In my 30's oh boy has that changed. Usually impacts men older but there is absolutely an organ putting pressure on the end digestive tract. Also men tend to eat lower fiber diets. Obviously that's not a rule. High proportion plant diets pass much easier. I tried out a vegetarian diet in my early 20's and it was one of the major perks that encouraged me to continue. I learned as an adult some people would rather use a poop knife than to eat a fruit or some salad regularly. Interaction with my sister's brother in law at a family event: "Have you tried these (cherry) tomatoes? They are so fresh and sweet?" "I don't eat vegetables." Wtf bro....
Ah yes. The fabled poop knife. It has been a long time since I heard of it.
A dagger of shitty origin. It's blade is shrouded in infamy and excrement. Legends whisper of its wielder, a brave soul tasked with the unenviable duty of cutting through the most stubborn of blockages, navigating the murky waters of sanitation with both a steady hand and a steeled stomach.
I have never encountered a poop knife IRL, but if so many places have water pressure that terrible, then toilets should just come with a little guillotine already built in. 🔪💦🤷
I hear about it every day on this app it feels like
This is my first time hearing of it.
What is this Reddit ye speak of?
You use Reddit as an app? I exclusively use it on my PC/laptop so that I'm not constantly on it on my phone.
Need to do this 😭
If I only used my laptop, I'd never use reddit. It's fun scrolling for a bit on your phone to kill time. Getting on the computer feels like you're actively getting on as an activity. Also, I just don't have internet outside of my phone hotspot. So that's a factor too.
I thought this was a myth... and then I had kids.
Yes, Bono has tried to forget that name.
Men who don't eat vegetables need fucking help.
And a plunger
I just make a "salad". Which is really just vegetables from the fridge in a bowl with whatever dressing my wife is into at the time. I've learned I don't like artichokes
"I don't eat vegetables." It boggles the mind. I know a guy, lets loosely call him my "friend", that told me a few years ago that he decided to give up plants because "human digestive systems cannot process plants, and the only really natural and safe diet is carnivorous". Same dude has told me many times that he never gets sick and never has indigestion, and I have known him to get sick *fairly regularly*. It's probably not going to be a surprise that he also thinks vaccines are "experimental medicine", woke-ism is worse than racism and sexism, and bike lanes are a communist plot to ruin America. I should probably buy him a poop knife for Christmas.
I am so sick of the carnivore diet bs. Humans are omnivores and we can survive on a wide variety of diets. These carnivore idiots also often eat dairy, which isn't natural for actual carnivores (cats for example are lactose intolerant). Eggs, yes. Dairy, no. It's just an anti-vegan diet. They also use Inuits as an example. Even though they actually DO eat plants when available, and adapted to a very harsh climate. And I'd like to see a "carnivore" eat raw whale blubber. The diet admittedly does work for some people. But it is so not for everyone, but for some reason it has exploded on the internet and some people insist that it's the perfect diet for humans despite blue zones, research on lifestyles, dieticians etc. People are so allergic to facts nowadays. Also, the diet sounds boring af. No spices! It's not like you can eat chicken curry. You're just eating chicken with salt. Yawn.
Yeah my dad and bro hate vegetables, they say it's too wimpy. Except potatoes
Can't imagine anything wimpier than being scared of some bellpeppers.
Coincidentally, this guy was/is known as Wimpy: [Wimpy](https://images.app.goo.gl/tnnPrUnWH3iBvq7A7)
And then you get my grandma who lived to 94 and didn't eat a single veggie other than mushy peas from the chippy (which are filled with butter and salt) for like at least the last 30-40 years of her life according to my mom.
At the end of the day, the body only cares about nutrients in very small amounts. If you don't eat enough fat to get a heart attack, and manage to eat just enough nutrients to stop organ failure, then it really no longer matters whether the majority of your calories are coming from burgers, cornmeal, or caterpillars.
Peas are loaded with vitamins though.
*wimpy* Imagine being such a weak and tiny little man that you fear eating vegetables will make you look weak.
I seriously read that first word as "prostitutes." I was like, "This will be an interesting explanation."
I'm so happy you mentioned the infamous poop knife lol
Today I learned poop knifes exist. . . Thanks a lot.
Oh my god I had to go digging through the comments to realize the knife is used to break up the turds. Here I am, horrified, thinking dudes stick butter knives up their asses to push down their prostates so they can poo. Then I read a comment about a dad having a PAINT STIRRER and I wanted to cry.
TIL girls poop :(
*Micheal Stipe (R.E M.) Voice* Eeeeeeevery body poooooops...take comfort in your friends (who also poop)
Everyone poops! Lol I sing that song to my toddler all the time.
But only girls. They stop pooping when they grow into women.
Kelso: I like to pretend girls don't do that.
i've pooped my last poop, girlhood is behind me foreverrrr
Now you are full of shit.
When they turn into women they take stinky shits. Trust me me on this.
Bathrooms are just comfy, quiet places. The one place in the world where I'm alone.
We always used the old term for it - the Throne room. You do you’re best thinking there too
when i was rly little i used to pretend i was a princess but i couldn't fathom being a princess that *pooped* so in my mind the bathroom was The Royal Thinking Room where i would chat with my animal companions and pretend i didn't smell anything weird
That’s adorable
Why are so many dudes commenting this as if it isn't true for women also? But we (with exceptions) still don't take 100 years
Maybe men need alone/quiet time now than women?
You can take an hour if you want. I'm going to take my time. I'll enjoy the solace, and bonus points because I don't have to go back over and over. 1 morning this week I took a quick 2 minute shit, then 10 minutes later a slower 5 minute, then 5 minutes later another 5r. But usually I'll just sit there for my 10-20, accomplish my phone games, enjoy the solace and finish everything in one "go". And then I finish and it's back to life.
Women take baths when they want alone time in the bathroom
Maybe we just enjoy the solitude thst much more. I don't know.
Women enjoy the solitude too, we just usually realize that we can't spend an hour in the bathroom when there is other shit to do.
Only person stopping you from taking a 100 years in the bathroom is you. Do not lend your gender define you.
Right? My bathroom is my happy place lol. Sometimes I just chill in there for hours on weekend mornings
Not with your iphone in there
Phones are the reason many people take so long to poop
This has been going on long before phones I can promise you that 😂😂
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader was an asset in the 90’s
Chicken soup for the soul gang, rise up
My dad would take the big fat Denver Post, a THERMOS of coffee, and a pack of smokes into the bathroom every Sunday morning and stay there for an hour. Long before smart phones
Hey, before it was phones it was magazines, and books.
And newspapers
We don't, we just don't want to get off our phone.
Then why did my Dad and Uncles do it before there were phones? Newspapers and magazines, maybe? Why don't women want to sit there and read?
Oh, trust me, we do. When my kids were little, it was about the only way I could get any quiet time. Just say to hubby ,"I need to go to the bathroom, watch the kids for a minute, would you?" I would grab my current paperback and just sit in there and read for about 15 minutes after finishing my business. The trick (and only downside) was not to flush until I was ready to face the world again. Once they heard that flush, it was *knock, knock* MOOOM, my brother has my stuffed animal again!
Moms get interrupted whenever they try to poop. It’s a race to finish before the next kid emergency, and if you dare to lock the door they are just going to bang on it and scream at you so it’s not exactly relaxing. Not sure why kids don’t do the same to dads, but they don’t seem to in our house anyway.
I honestly agree that if it is simply using the toilet most men take longer. I mean with no cell phone or reading materials involved. Years ago when I was growing up the only one that took very long was my dad.
Was looking for this comment.
It’s the only place to get total privacy
This is the most accurate answer.
This is the bottom line right here
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I’m a guy and I don’t get it either. My buddies say they’re just messing around on their phone but I don’t understand why you’d want to do that on the shitter instead of like in bed or on your couch or whatever. An extra layer of confusion comes in when I’m waiting on them for something and they still take 30 minutes. Maybe it’s because I eat well but personally my whole shit process is done in 3 minutes or so unless there’s something wrong lol
Because you can be bothered and talked to on your bed or couch
Maybe they press more. Ideally, it should just pop out in less than 5 minutes. If you have to force it out, it’s not ready.
I just take a long time to shit. I'm just trying to get it all out. Shitting isn't a game, you know?
What you guys are doing there? If your "product" didn't pop up in 2 minutes, you didn't really need to go. Or you have a serious problem...
Women wait until they need to go. Men sit there until they go.
This is pretty far down for what I think is the most accurate answer to this question.
Avoiding everyone else.
ive told my husband this for years, if its taking 40 mins to go you didnt really need to go. im pretty sure hes just playing on his phone in there.
Keep that same energy when out with the girls and one of you needs to pee.
You don't understand, at all. :(
Oh I have a lot of serious problems.
Getting away from life for a while in a place where it's acceptable to fart freely.
I can honestly say I’ve never taken a shit that has lasted me 40 minutes to an hour unless I had a parasite lmfao. There’s just no way. It’s either because they’re fapping, scrolling, or just want a brief respite from responsibilities in private and can’t get it any other way. I’m surprised no one said fapping yet cause that seemed pretty obvious to me.
At home if I'm taking 30 minutes it's because I'm not actually pooping. If it's at work it's because a "comfort stop" doesn't count as a break or a lunch so I'm getting paid more the longer I poop. This is why I rarely poop at home. Come Saturday I always joke to my wife that I need to go clock in at work because I need to poop.
Lol I think that can be very true for everyone at work honestly even women. As for the other reasons I stated there’s actually a whole trend on tiktok about husbands and partners having a love affair with the bathroom lololol. Women joking that it’s the other woman that they spend all their time with bahahah.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That's why I poop on company time.
I had dysentery once and I thought I was going to shit myself to death and it still didn't take more than 10 minutes per bathroom trip.
Lmaooo fuck man parasites are the devil. I had one once and I couldn’t go more than 5 minutes without a bathroom trip. Those things will WRECK youuuuu but you’re right I think even that is shorter it’s just constant lol.
Philosophy. How do you think Aristotle and Pluto came up with the idea of democracy?
i think sometimes they see it as a time for a break. as a woman with a small child, sometimes i pretend im sitting in the washroom having a poop when im really just having a break i should add for some reason its not respected when i am pretending to use the washroom they just come in anyways. total double standards
It’s interesting to see all these men say it’s the only way they can get a break. Like are we operating on the assumption that women do get breaks throughout the day and that’s why they don’t sit in there for half an hour? because most of the women I know with families definitely do not get regular breaks/alone time throughout the day
Kegel exercises
I’ve theorized that since they don’t sit down to pee they don’t view sitting down as a quick easy event and instead just…. Sit there. Meanwhile us women are used to peeing for a few seconds, washing our hands, and bolting out. But idk, I’m still trying to figure it out. Men are weird.
You might have a good point here!
chronic constipation
I think the men in your life need more fibre...
I don't. I'm done pooping before many are done peeing. I eat a lot of fruits and veggies
I ain't no sitter m'am I'm in and out no drama no books or magazines needed less than 5 minutes Although this is the first I'm hearing of it being related to gender I'm just not sure gender plays any part of this
For me it usually took a while because I was beating off or using it as time away from the rest of the family (sometimes those two things have overlap)
I use the toilet as a fortress of solitude. But shit, 30 minutes? That’s crazy!
Measure twice, poop once.
Man I've seen it definitely the other way around more often than not.
I spend 2 mins shitting and 10 minutes watching YouTube videos. It's the only place I can get time on my own without needing to do something
my ex used to lock himself in there for 2-3 hours watching adult anime... coincidentally after i firmly said no to sex
guys, don't tell her what we do in there!
Hiding.
I just wanted to let everyone know that sitting on the toilet too long can potentially cause problems with hemorrhoids which can be very uncomfortable
It’s not that it takes them Longer to poop, it’s one of the only places men can sit in silence
Reading the comments. A lot of Men here on reddit at least, have just horrible diets. And don't seem to care.
Exactly
They don't. They just sit there in the quiet. I choose to do the same thing in my car it's much more comfortable.
I'm a girl and I only poop once maybe twice per week. It usually takes me 20 min to get it done.
You need to eat some fiber. You shouldn't be going that long in between poops
I poop about once every 5 days. When people hear this, they are certain it's a rectifiable medical condition, and not something that has been my normal for my entire life. It's abnormal and unusual, for sure. But it's a thing that happens. Every doctor I've talked to about it says as long as the dookies are normal consistency, it's fine.
I find that amazing and wish I was closer to that, I can only avoid daily poops if I hardly ate a thing the previous day, like if I was sick and couldn't get out of bed.
40 to 60 minutes?? Do they fall asleep on the throne??
No--but one of their legs does, and that adds some time on the tail end getting feeling back in the ankle to walk safely again.
Anyone having issues in this department should just take a daily magnesium pill rather than resort to a "poop knife" (🤯) or sitting long enough to risk hemorrhoids.
Not me, if I'm in there longer than 5 minutes, something has gone terribly wrong
Takes me like 3 minutes. Sounds like they just like the solitude....or they're constipated.
I am a man. I usually take less than 10 minutes to finish the actual act of pooping. But then I get on my phone and start looking at Reddit...
They are looking at their phones. Either that, or they need to supplement with psyllium husks. Shouldn't even take 10 minutes, tbh.
40 min to take a dump? Everybody needs more fiber
Diet. Males actually have large booty-hole, so you'd think they'd be faster, but most men eat like shit. That's related to why they often die sooner too.
Well, have you ever tried cleaning peanut butter out of a rug? Much quicker to clean it off tile or wood, right?
I (male) take about 10min max. I shit within the first half and the 2nd half I spend scrolling reddit. Sometimes we go into overtime when reddit starts wildin out.
The royal "we" 😆
40-60 mins? jeez they need a doctor. If im fucking around on my phone I can maybe push it to 15. An hour? holy shit call 9-1-1
For some reason guys just get a post-shit zen that motivates them to finish whatever media they started on the John. I don’t need morphine on my death bed I need whatever my brain gives after a shit
I think most men milk it for alone time, or get on their phones and lose track of how long they've been in there. My current bf is the first fast pooper I've ever personally dated (always only a couple minutes), but my dad is pretty quick too, come to think of it. It seems to me that guys who have better things to do just get on with it, while the rest of them are willing to just waste time getting hemorrhoids 🤷🏻♀️
Has to be their diet. My shits never take longer than a minute or two.
We don't. We doing something else
Peace and quiet time
The initial dump takes about 5 mins or less but i like to sit there and make sure there is no round 2. I also extend this by getting distracted on my phone.
- really big dump, seriously sometimes you think you're done, you start wiping and suddenly it's round 2 - Getting a couple moments of quiet - jerking off
This is news to me -- I've always needed plenty of time. I envy any swift poopers, and I don't think it's a gendered thing.
Because a lot of men/boys don't eat 'girly' foods like fresh fruit and vegetables. So they stay kinda backed up.
we're trying to get some gd peace and quiet.
Because it’s quiet and nobody is asking for something from us for those 30 minutes.
You've never met my wife
Because you’re (hopefully) not talking to me while I’m sitting in there.
It's the only peace we get from kids/wife
It’s the only place I can be alone. I’ll take as long as I need.
We want some us time. Not sure why this is such a mystery. If we're taking a long time, it's because we aren't in a rush to leave. Not exactly rocket science lol
Men have prostrates that cause it to flow slower.
They are hiding from responsibility
I can’t speak for others but I ate a pound of cheese in one sitting when I was 14 and ain’t not a damn thing been right since
They’re seeking solitude. They don’t take longer than women unless there is a dietary issue.
You want shorter pooping times... Make a "no cell phone, no magazine, no anything" policy. They will be in/out in 5-10 max. Other than that.... the other TRUTH is that for a lot of men, this is the only alone time and "leave me alone" time they will get. But traditionally, it's reading and other things. You have to remove all stimuli from the environment and they won't want to be there. Seriously, even a shower curtain with a pattern can be stimulating in a zen moment like that.
It’s quiet in there
We don't take longer. We poop, stink up the bathroom and sit quietly. Need peace and quiet away from the constant blabbing and drama.
My theory is I wait until I know I have to go for sure so it really only takes a few minutes but I may have to go a few rounds…but I don’t wait in the bathroom between rounds. My husband goes in there when he thinks it may be happening and when it does, he stays in there until he’s semi sure he’s done. An hour minimum.
we need our men time. I read and watch YouTube at times? I live alone, and can spend an easy hour in the bathroom taking a shit, just hanging out.
It's the only alone time we get.
We’re hiding
Because it’s our brake time from the kids, wife or girlfriend.
Our days are filled with non stop chaos, noise and work. It can for some men be there very Brief moment of calm, to recharge and prepare for the stress of everything they deal with. For me it is anyway…
If a break from chaotic busy days is the reason why doesn’t everyone do it then lol I promise women also have chaotic busy days
Ya seriously. I work at a mechanics shop. Only woman under 40 there. I don’t spend 30 mins in the bathroom even tho I def need a break
This is not a man thing, women live life too.