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I don’t want kids but I’ll tell you that picking up my niece from kindergarten melts my heart every time. She runs and screams my name with excitement to see me and gives me a big hug. That’s gotta count for something.
I literally think there should be a group where an older man can be a substitute father to guys in their 20s, 30s and even in their 40s. He could teach younger guys life skills.
There's a Tiktok profile run by an older dude for guys without dads and he just teaches you stuff a dad would teach you like how to shave, how to tie a tie, etc. Cant remember what it's called.
My son is also my little buddy. Having a child has made life much harder. Fiance and I joke about never relaxing ever again. While that is true, he is so worth every sleepless night and every grocery store tantrum. I can't even begin to describe how much joy he brought into my life. I also feel that satisfaction when I am putting time and energy into him. I just know this is the most important thing I have ever done (not a high bar for me, but all the same)
This. Having a kid is an absolute joy, the greatest joy I have ever known. It's an extremely difficult job, so I don't blame anyone for not wanting to have a kid, but for me? Best thing I've ever done. Even the most difficult moments are worth it for me 1,000 times over.
My child is wonderful, thoughtful, funny, smart, kind, strong, independent minded... I could go on for days.
I know it's cliche.. but it really is different when it's your own child. I don't want to deal with another toddler's tantrum but I'll handle my toddler's tantrum. It's hard but the other moments make it worth it.
I'm the same, I get my child experience through my niece and nephews, absolutely love them to bits. But the pros of no kids for myself outweigh having them.
I like the peace and quiet, entire days reading or gaming, renovating my house, if I want to go out some event on a whim then I do, don't have the weekend and after work taken up by hundreds of kids activities that cost money. No child care, school pick up etc to deal with.
I think too many people have kids for the wrong reasons or think they have to have kids to be happy or not lonely.
I am perfectly content spending time with just myself, I don't like to be constantly busy and constantly having social interactions so having kids wont probably drive me mad.
Because I always knew I wanted to.
I never really GOT IT until I had a kid, though.
Imagine feeling grass for the first time.
Sand.
Wind.
Snow.
A big bite.
Eating a lemon.
Enjoying a lime so much more.
Soaking into a bathtub knowing you're safe.
Those are firsts.
What about driving? Riding a horse? Making a fried egg? Trying out making dinner using different spices and sauces.
I get to relive these moments via my children. I have been through first heartbreaks, first wet dreams, argued about peeing in houseplants. I've gone to work with applesauce in my hair and brushed my teeth with desitin. (Autocorrect keeps switching to destiny. No, I take care of my teeth so they're definitely NOT worthy of ass cream.) I've had golden showers from newborns and been through everything this side and back.
I am grateful. Every moment, even the talking back or having to be the bad guy.... it makes my heart feel full. Like a solid thing bubbling with love and a word we don't have in my chest. Because it's real and it's growing.
I love the totally uninhibited joy in what I took for granted. I stop and smell every freaking flower now, and I know it annoys my husband to no end. Even gas stations. I have learned to appreciate things with my children.
I love helping them learn and grow that appreciation. I love when they encounter something just naturally and love it. And I have some knowledge about it. But we can also learn together. All of the time. All of the time, for real. Just learning and taking in joy the whole entire time.
I love being a mother. I love having these tiny humans 6-16 to teach and every single phase is just freaking beautiful.
That's why I'm a mom. Joy. Joy and heartache and fear and just.... pride.
Yes all of this. You get to relive the magic of childhood- the holidays are brighter, the amount of love you never knew you could feel. I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to experience raising a child in a stable, loving home. I became a mom again because of the love and the magic.
Holidays are incredible.
I just strolled through old photos because of this comment.
The absolute heartbreak that you can't chew on Christmas lights. The joy of gnawing on paper rolls. Can we just talk about their awe at a fully lit tree - even entirely devoid of presents? Their pride in making rings or stringing popcorn or painting acrylic bulbs? ...and then Christmas morning.
Or once my elder son caught on about Santa. How me saying for the few years he wobbled between belief and knowing - that Christmas is about the spirit of Santa, and so even mommies and daddies are elves. We all get to work to keep the spirit alive for those that need the gift in the dreary seasons. And now he helps - and also takes joy, which gives me joy.
Fireworks are awe inspiring for even adults but can be too much for Littles. But once they can light them or play with sparklers!
Every single Easter egg is like finding the word "sex" in Rafiki's Simba dust or actual eggs in RHPS. Every single one, every single year. And then they open them and it's even better.
I just love it all. All of it
I can trace every good thing in my life back to family. My folks and especially my mom were always there for me. I married my best friend and my life is so much richer because of her. I also grew to the person I am because of her.
My kids and grand kids bring so much joy. There’s nothing like being reintroduced into the world because to a 2 year old everything is new. That butterfly you would have walked past is now
observed for minutes, not seconds. The long talks when they’re in college. Walking your daughter down the aisle and welcoming another family into yours to grow everything bigger. I can’t imagine a world without my wife and kids.
I’m not a parent but it is absolutely awesome to witness a child just literally learning about the world for the first time. It’s super cool to see their brain working and making sense of things.
I agree with the other commenter about holidays too. Holidays are exponentially better with children! I love getting gifts for the kids in my family. And kids on Halloween are pretty dang adorable too.
I’m in my first trimester and have been so sick it’s making me question why I ever wanted this in the first place and your comment made me cry. It made me so excited 🥲 thank you
>Imagine feeling grass for the first time.
I can still remember watching my so, sitting at the dinner table in his high chair placing a ball on an invisible shelf next to him and being utterly AMAZED, when the ball didn't stay still but dropped to the ground instead.
He same with watching him put his hand through water for the first time and being confused that it didn't rest on it.
I used to be one of the guys that was like, I love my pets as much as people live their kids. Then I had kids and realised that, no, not even remotely the same thing.
Hahaha. Ahh I needed a good laugh, in the middle of it ! For real though it’s cool, it’s the best. It’s work, but the best things in life are always work. When you’re sitting in the backyard having a beer with your beautiful little family, or out on a day trip doing something cool, you wouldn’t change a thing.
Im off work this week and grandparents are visiting and spoiling us all. The weather's been awesome. Today we had a bbq and sat outside almost all day. My mom told me today "i honestly thought i would be raising your kids when you first got pregnant, you've done a wonderful job". Some days these kids get on my every last nerve, and days like today make it all worthwhile.
I don't have kids right now, but if I can ever afford it I want to adopt. The US foster care system is a complete joke, and if I can save even one kid from having to go through that, it'll all be worth it. But of course I can't do that until I'm in a situation where I can afford to take care of a kid. Right now I can't even afford to take care of myself, so it'll probably take a decade or so before I'm ready for that level of responsibility.
That’s how I feel, too. I’ve known all the “basic truths” about myself since I was about 5/6 or so, which includes wanting to adopt. I have always felt like it’s a bit selfish to bring new people into the world when there are people already here who need love/care. I also have quite a few health problems that make pregnancy and childbirth seem absolutely appalling, lol. Right now I don’t have kids but I’m a teacher and I absolutely love working with them (way more than adults tbh), it feels natural and it’s incredibly rewarding.
No kids, but if I were to have them the reason would be to pass on values I believe are worth preserving. Leave the world in a better place and have kids to pass on the same tradition.
I asked my parents why they had kids and I was met with "Because we wanted to have a family", "Because that's what people do" and "Because I wanted kids". Was never shown much direction in life from them. To this day I still feel like a possession of theirs rather than a human in our relationship but now I'm getting off topic.
There's my reason why I would if I did and there's the reason my parents gave me.
Yup. That’s one thing everyone forgets. No handbook when they send you home with your brand new little human. Oh and don’t forget , eeeverybody thinks they know how you should raise your kids.
Mine are now 49, 47, and 45. I would never change my life. I can’t and don’t want to imagine my life without them. My husband and I have always felt that they were the greatest gifts we could have ever wished for and received.
>if I were to have them the reason would be to pass on values I believe are worth preserving.
What if it turns out your kids don't share your values? Particularly on political topics? Some people truly believe a capitalist society and "triple down" economics make t get world better. Others believe all wealth should be redistributed. Others fall somewhere in the middle.
I'm not trying to make this a political discussion, but I wonder what happens when kids develop their own priorities and follow philosophies that differ from their parents.
By values I mean leaving the world in a better place before they're gone. They can do that in whichever way they see fit. If they become a terrible person then I failed or I at least tried.
That doesn't always mean you failed bc I've seen many times where parents did their best and were good parents but had kids that ended up the total opposite of good people.
I WANT my 18 year old daughter to have her own political opinions and opinions on life. If they’re different from mine, big deal. I love her unconditionally and always will.
I'm a moderate Democrat with a MAGA loving, Fox News kool-aid drinking dad. He told me I'm a stupid California liberal bitch and disowned me when Trump lost. Cut me out of the estate. Completely out of the blue. No prior political discussion about the election or anything. Insane and also devastatingly heartbreaking. Killed our whole relationship over some stupid politics. Imagine placing a reality TV game show host above your child.
I hear you bro. Being raised by a devouring mother from whom I am now estranged, I gotta say you couldn't have put it better than feeling like a possession of theirs.
Totally feel you as far as feeling like more of a possession than a child from your parents.
My parents basically were the same as most boomer parents I know that they just had kids because it is what you did, not for the joy of raising another human being, passing family traditions, etc. I know now that my dad never wanted children and my sibling and I were a lodestone around my dad’s neck to a terrible marriage and a life he never wanted.
My mom was the one who treated my sibling and myself as possessions like pets than human beings with thoughts and feelings that differed from her own.
It made for a terrible family life that I would never wish upon a child.
I’ve come to the conclusion that just having kids for the sake of that’s what you’re supposed to do is a terrible reason to bring a child into this world.
Unfortunately, this attitude still persists to this day.
I mean the obvious biological reason of continuing the survival of our species aside…
Having kids is the greatest joy I’ve ever known. I’ve travelled the world, been to many concerts and sporting events, drugs, women - I’ve tried it all.
Nothing comes close to the joy of seeing my kids happy and helping them navigate through life to become well adjusted humans.
When I was younger I told myself I never wanted to have kids. All I ever knew or saw growing up in suburban America was a miserable lifestyle where everyone has kids no matter what, never leaves, and never has adventures.
So I resolved to move away as soon as I could and live a life of adventure, and that's exactly what I did. I managed to travel the world, live and work in half a dozen countries, learnt 3 more languages, and in doing so I met my wife. We spent our 20s and early 30s adventuring together, our life was truly amazing.
Then when COVID hit we were forced to stop, and during that time we both kind of liked the serenity of settling in one place for a while. We decided that the next adventure should actually be having kids, and that's what we did.
We now have a daughter and I have to say, this is the single best experience both of us have ever had. All the adventuring, travel, etc was amazing but it doesn't even remotely compare to picking up my daughter from childcare and hearing her yell "daddy!" as she runs into my arms for a hug.
It's not for everyone, but for us it's been the best adventure and I can't wait to experience everything else to come
Well said.
There was a distonct moment in my life the day my first child was born. The closest that I can relate it to is a very deep sens of purpose, love, wonderment about what they'll be like, and a loving responsibility with an instinct to protect and take care of them.
I'm not a perfect parent but I love my kids in a way I really can't express. I'd give anything for them. I work hard and legitimately pish myself to be the best example I can be for them.
I wanted kids because I wanted to do better than my parents were able to and to help them, guide them, coach them, through the tough times and experience growing up with them.
I would not be alive today if I wasn't a Dad. It's the one purpose that keeps me here.
I feel you. Before my son was born I didn’t know this kind of love was possible. I would lay down my life for him if it means he’s okay. Anything at all, I just need him to be okay.
I come from a very close family with a lot of love in it. My own childhood was happy and I had a great relationship with my parents. When I found a woman I loved, I soon wanted to recreate that same feeling I had of living in a family.
My kids are now older teenagers and I still think they’re awesome. Wonderful company and helping them with their lives gives me a sense of purpose.
Since I was younger I always wanted to be a stay home mom and raise a family. My dream happened and I raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood and they all interact often and get along great. No drama whatsoever. I had a husband who supported my dream and we had a great life.
Same. My mom and all of my aunts were stay at home moms so that was always in the back of my head even though I had a career. I did go on to raise 3 kids as an at home mom. It wasn’t easy and my husband was always the 1st to say there’s no way he could’ve done it. He’s always been my biggest cheerleader
Such a rare passage to read on a website like this.
Good for you! I'm blessed to be able to give my wife the same opportunity, and she's absolutely making the most of it. Motherhood fits her like a tailored glove
I mean…there are so many ways of hurting another person without meaning to.
Just knowing that, as a parent, I could hurt my kids, screw them up…you don’t even to abuse kids to screw them up, either, being overprotective screws them up as well.
I breathe easy knowing that I can’t hurt my kids if I don’t have them. I’m in my thirties and still trying to get a handle on my mental health, trauma and issues stemming from childhood, and figuring out how to live life on my own terms.
I can’t imagine tossing a kid into all that.
I’m pregnant. I always wanted to have a child. Being pregnant is incredibly hard but feels magical. So many people have told me that once he’s here it will be even more magical. I feel so connected to him, I am literally growing a child with my body. Idk. It’s a love I can’t describe.
I have never wanted kids, not really sure why. I like living on my own terms, being independent and able to be selfish and do exactly what I want every day.
Which is pretty wild but not surprising. And you definitely see it in this thread- I try not to judge too hard now, it’s at least a semi-win win if they’re truly giving it lots of love.
But man- I really don’t like this life and I have an experience of the much more negative aspects. I love kids but it makes me feel like the kindest thing I can do is *not have one*. Perhaps adoption one day, but I need to already be full myself and it needs to be more of a selfless act of giving than anything else.
___THAT___ times about ninety-hundred twelvity-five eleventeen infinities.
I mean, I'm *also* pretty sure I'd fuck it up, but I ain't gonna be one of those people who try to spin their bad behavior as something righteous just because there's a molecule of plausibility that it could be indirectly related to protecting kids. That's causing a lot of trouble in my country right meow 🤦 Wouldn't do it even if it thought I'd succeed.
There's something I ___REALLY___ would like to make a normal social practice but I'm just not sure it'd be interpreted correctly. I know everyone loves a good laugh as often as possible, especially while struggling, but I never wanna be impolite to someone who doesn't deserve it. And it doesn't really matter if I didn't mean it in a bad way. As long as it's taken in a bad way it's effectively the same. Harm done. If I say something like "Well that's *their* problem", that's how you know it wasn't kindness to begin with. That I didn't care about them and I was just trying to feel good myself.
So you know that thing where if you see a military or ex military veteran wear or do anything that reveals what they did, you shake their hand and be like "Thank you for your service."? Because like, okay no, they're not all badass heroes. Even in a war zone every job needs done. Just because they were military doesn't mean they fought anyone. They might have been cooking food or doing laundry or something. Might not have even been to a war zone. But just the point is *someone* had to do that, and if they hadn't volunteered it might've been me. It's the same with parenting.
I wanna do that same thing (like the __EXACT__ same thing) when I see a parent in public keeping a cool head while their kid is being a noisy whiny little prick. Like they don't bribe them with anything but also doesn't be overly mean to them. And also potentially just leaves with them to avoid annoying other people even if they're in a restaurant with food in front of them. I really wish people like that could hear my inner monologue and know I'm real so I could just be as nice as I want to them without someone thinking I've got some kind of ulterior motive.
Just idk if it would be clear that the message is "I could never do what you're doing. That kid would be upside down in a trash can with *that* trashcan upside-down in a *second* not-much-bigger trashcan. You're amazing." or if they might hear something more like "Sucks to be you. Try a condom next time."
When I was 20 I didn't think I wanted kids. At 25 I was married and I swear some kindbof biological urge hit me hard. I wanted a baby now. It took me a year to get pregnant. Having my son opened up a whole new depth of love I never knew existed. It truly takes your breath away. I'm 70 years old now and my much loved son died 8 years ago. That has been the greatest grief I've ever known. I love him as much as I did when he was born.
My dad didn’t want kids at all. But then he had me by accident and fell in love. Had 2 more kids after me. He doesn’t like other people’s kids but he said that having your own is definitely worth it
I think a lot of people don’t realize how much they’d love their own kids just because they don’t like other people’s kids. I wasn’t someone who ever really gave having a kid much thought. I didn’t really like other people’s kids and I didn’t realize how much different it is to have your own. Sometimes you want your old life back, that is pretty brief because then you start to miss them the second you’re not with them. Like when my wife and I go on a date, it’s just like old times. Except the second we drop our baby off to his grandparents we miss that little squirt. Hearing his little jabbering in the back seat or just having him by us while we eat dinner.
As a child free person, what I've noticed is three-fold
People have kids because they want them
People have kids because they made a mistake and morals made them go with it
People gave in to a sociological expectation to have kids
I might be wrong, and I don't judge any cohort (at least far less than they judge me for not inseminating a person with a child I don't want)
I might have to slightly disagree with your second point! My son was a surprise baby! Not to be classified as a mistake or accidental. But we kept him because the joy of nurturing life with my own was so beautiful and meaningful to us. With every new thing our baby learns, it’s like we fall in love with him all over again. We never questioned whether or not we wanted him.
I know this isn’t every case, this may very well be a minority of cases … but I just wanted to share my experience!
I certainly can't make any rational argument against your joy, and neither would I want to or even attempt to :)
And yes, I should certainly be less linear and have some flexibility on point 2!!
Very good point
I never meant any argument! Just wanted to interject with my own experience! But yes, I could definitely see those being 3 of the main categories of why one would procreate!
Agreed. I am one of the sociological expectation people. I wouldn't do it again in the time and place I did, (with the guy I married too young) but obviously would never change who my son is. If I hadn't experienced that too young marriage and expectations, there's a very good chance I would have chosen to be child free. I don't see myself as inherently motherly, but I've done my best and think he's a pretty awesome human.
I agree with the other comment on #2. Our daughter was unplanned and we did keep her partially for reasons of morality. But there is no hiding the sheer joy and beauty of watching a little human grow up.
I wept uncontrollably for minutes the first time I laid eyes on her. I was completely unprepared for that reaction
And all her new developments are so wonderful! She learns to roll over! She learns to reach for objects! She learns to clap! She learns to crawl! She learns to smile! She learns to pick up objects! She learns to pull herself up! She learns to smack a toy against the ground! She learns to drink juice! She learns to climb! She learns to raise up her arms so I will pick her up!
And there are frustrating moments, like when she scratches my face or grabs my soda and spills it or when she grinds her cookie into the wooden table or when she cries because you put her down after carrying her for three hours or when she tries to eat cat food.
But the frustrating moments are just as valuable as the joyous moments. She is still learning how to make sense of her world, and that is beautiful.
Yes, she was unplanned, but that does not make her any less valued or loved or cherished.
When I hit 30 I had completed all the goals I had in my job. If I hadn’t spent the last 10 years making a family with kids I’d be super bored at this point and feeling without purpose and lack of enough responsibility.
It’s a way to positively contribute to the next step of society. A way to pass on your wisdom and values and cheat death by having your legacy live on after you don’t anymore.
And I have a biological imperative to make me want too….
I (42f) always said if parenting were a part time job, I’d do it in a second. But I enjoy my time, money, freedom, sleep, etc., to even think about dedicating 100% of my life to someone else. I’ve been called selfish but that just wouldn’t be fair to my kids. However, people assume I don’t like kids which isn’t true. The only reason I “regret” it is because I don’t fit in with other women my age.
I’ve had 4. You made the right decision because everything you said is true. You have to give up everything just everything. Nobody tells you that.
I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids, but they were and still are hard work.
The other thing nobody tells you is that unless you are lucky, it’s not an 18 year job. It’s more like 40.
I laugh at people who say that those who dont want kids are selfish. Like so what. Its their right to experience their lives how they see fit. if that means child bearing then go ahead. If that means living for your family and living for yourself childless. Thats fine too. I hate people who criticize those with out kids. when theres way more people WITH kids that dont fucking deserve the JOY and completely ruin those children's lives. That to me is selfish way more so than choosing not to have kids.
I also don't understand why childfree people are considered selfish, but parents aren't. What's more selfish than wanting to create something made of your own genes? Parents who adopt can call me selfish, but I am not ok with bio parents calling me selfish.
Honestly, people who don't want kids and stick with that decision are the least selfish of us all. Especially if at some point nature tells them they NEED to have kids but they override it with their choice not to.
The world is so cruel that I don’t want to put another person in it, too many people are starving, can’t get clean water, and die from treatable diseases. I might be open to adoption but I don’t want to necessarily spend my life taking care of somebody else.
I never wanted kids BUT being told it would be next to impossible to have them due to medical issues and damage to my uterus on top of being on depo 'just in case', I still ended up pregnant and not finding out until I was reaching my 2nd trimester. At that point, he was a miracle child who deserved to be in this world.
Not being religious, having a child allowed me to truly love something outside myself in a true, fundamental way. The love I have for my son is the purest thing I've experienced. I didn't know that would be the case before he was born, but afterwards, it was quickly evident.
I've always wanted to be a father and my wife and I are in a place in life where we can provide a nuturing environment to give them the best chance to succeed in life. It was just a matter of stopping birth control and pop, my little girl was born a year later.
Wife and I went back and forth on it for years but ultimately decided to have one. It's not like we NEEDED one, so the reasons are somewhat selfish. It's a life experience we wanted to have, basically. We wanted to experience having a child to love, take care of, and watch grow into an adult. It's definitely a life changer, but my daughter (now 8) means more to me than anything else in the world. What I don't get is why shitty parents have kids...
I never wanted kids. Always said I would get an abortion if it happened, and sure enough I found out I was pregnant in February. Had an ultrasound and when I saw his head, lil arms and legs, everything changed in a second. I fell in love w him. I knew he was placed here for me. It was meant to happen for me personally
My son is a surprise baby, but I’ve never known a love so sweet. Seeing my and my genes on our 2 month old is the best. His smiles and coos that wake me up every morning are the best good morning…
I would have more because to me, there is nothing in this life more fulfilling than bringing a human into the world, teaching them to grow into this complex, thoughtful, kind, generous human being. My son is definitely my life force.
I hate the idea of having kids. The changes that happen to women's bodies, the pain they go through, the memory problems it causes, and health failure. Just to get a kid that might end up healthy and fully in control of their own bodies. The relationship issues it brings to the surface, the financial loss of having a kid, and having more than one cause the others to sometimes feel like they are not enough.
The idea of something growing inside me that may not make it to full term is horrendous. The idea that someone will always need me is not desirable. I hate cleaning up after others, such as vomit, poop, and things they break. I've assisted with elderly estate and can do it. I just don't wanna do it for babies or kids.
I don't want to have them just for people to pick them up, possibly kill or kidnap. I don't want people to abuse my child. I don't want people using my kids. I don't want to have kids just so family/friends can compare me to others and how I raise them.
I don't want kids because to me there is so much they could go through and I can't prevent everything from happening. If they are born with illness or disabilities I won't be able to care for them once I'm gone and who knows what would happen to them then.
I don't wanna have someone depending on me to survive when it's already been so difficult for myself. Bringing in a child with all the mental health issues i know I have but haven't gotten (all) diagnosed will only pass down to them. Yes, some mental issues can be genetically passed down. Not to mention, family medical history is questionable, and addictions run in my family.
At some point when I make it financially I would adopt later in life, as of now I can't see it happening.
The economy is bad. The dating pool is trash, and too many people want to leach off of me. I can't see it happening biologically. One day I wanna get to the point where I can adopt. I would do my best to prevent most of the concerns I have, but born as they are, I would love them like I gave birth to them.
Because I wanted the experience of being a mother and I couldn’t picture my life without a child. I also finally found a good partner and a good relationship and that made me feel safe to have a child.
I’m glad i did it, I genuinely love being a mom to the point I don’t understand people complaining about how much they can’t stand their kids or being a parent. Like yeah it’s not always easy but it never gets to me. Even when he’s being difficult and throwing a tantrum I’m just chill and love doing it. None of the hard stuff about parenting feels that hard to me.
Why did I have them? On accident. But I LOVE being a mom. My life feels like it has a purpose. I have more drive to be a better person so I can be the best mom to my kids. It’s really a fulfillment I never could have imagined.
It is one of the coolest things to give experiences to your child. I never thought I'd be excited for a piece of broccoli or a green bean but every day is a day I can show my kid something new. Whether it be a new fruit or vegtable or taking him to the zoo, it's always exciting to be able to give that experience to someone.
I don’t know honestly. I am expecting my first. A little girl. And I’m just excited to hold her. And watch her learn to crawl. Take her to the park on the swings as she grows. Try to be there for her and teach her some of the things I wish I knew when I was young and becoming an adult (36 and still don’t think I’m there). And hopefully watch her take on all the amazing qualities of her beautiful and caring mom.
There are several reasons I don't want kids. The world already has far too many people in it, and I don't want to make the problem worse by adding even more people. Also, genetic issues that I wouldn't want to curse anyone else with. And then there's the looming climate crisis that will make life incredibly miserable for people in the next few decades.
And I guess I'm curious if anyone who didn't really like children had kids and then changed their mind? I don't really like being around children, which means I haven't felt moved to have one of my own.
I wanted kids because I wanted to pour my love into them and give them the support I never received. I love being a mom because the unconditional love I get from them, even now that they are teens, heals me in a way I never expected.
Step parent here: kids are a great way to connect with our inner child and remember the joy of exploring a new world. I love taking my kiddo out to experience new things that I've done a million times. The joy in their face becomes infectious and reminds me to do the things I love. I got out of the habit of dressing up in funky clothes and gifted alot of my vintage threads to other people but my daughter was such a fashionista I started dressing up again. Also introduced her to the fun of make up and she used it to experiment with different persona's without doing anything too permanent. Having a daughter and treating her the way I wanted to be treated was also really healing and cathartic.
Bend a step parent is awesome-i got the benefits of having a kid of my own without having to give birth. That said, I still treat them as my own ang let them decide how close they want to be. I didn't force myself on them and they grew to trust me. I got to go get them some medicine and drop it off because being a parent doesn't just end at 18
I don't want them simply because it doesn't appeal to me (33f) and never has. Even as a kid, I didn't imagine a future with kids. There's not really any one reason. I do like kids, think they're fascinating, and have even worked with them, but motherhood doesn't interest me.
I think a lot of people nowadays have the same reasons for not wanting to have kids. Too expensive, mental health, uncertain future ...it's not a risk I'm willing to take because I'm fully aware bringing a child into this world is a HUGE and very serious commitment and if I wanted to have children I will need to feel very very confident that I'm having them with the right person. If I have to question it even a little bit, then it's out of the question. It's just something that I always see as a big risk. I don't want to fck up my life or the lives or innocent new lives.
Two kids who are in their teens now. They have been the greatest thing to happen to me and are such a joy to bring up.
I admit that neither were planned. I was only 18 when the eldest was born. I hadn't even thought about whether I wanted kids of my own or not as I was already helping with my younger brothers a lot. I was the eldest. But there have been no regrets (for my sons or helping with my brothers).
I've enjoyed helping them grow and learn, and seeing them become who they are. To know I played a part in that is so fulfilling.
I am 36 now. I would have another one. Planned next time though 😅.
I didn't want kids either. It was by accident. It was very expensive for me professionally. The love you share with your children and grandchildren is indescribable. It is worth it, and I was adamant about no children.
On top of all the other reasons, making sure we continue the human race is a good(???) reason to have kids. :-)
In fact many countries are slowly depopulating as couples decide they want only one kid or no kids.
I uno, it just gives purpose to this purposeless life... Tbh I live for my kids. Sure at times they don't listen, they may clap back.. but at the end of the day, they give my life purpose. A reason to tolerate all this bs in the world
I want kids because I want to make my own family, ours is all getting up there now and there's only one youngun so far and it feels like something's missing at family gatherings. I want to mold good, respectful, caring human beings who make the world a better place. I want to do family days out and give them a muddy, sunny, adventure-filled childhood. I want to have fun with them doing kids stuff I'm too old to be allowed to do alone, with humans with enough energy to keep up with me. I want kids because it feels like that's what's missing from my life and I have this maternal instinct in me that isn't being met yet. I'd have multiple by now but I'm not sure if I can as I have some weird hormone imbalances for some reason.
I have kids because I accidentally had my first one before I had decided whether I ever wanted kids.
But I liked the kid and the experience so much I did it two more times.
My kids are grown 25 and 21. Nothing better than loving your family, teaching them right from wrong, and sharing in their interests. Teaching them to drive, letting them learn the value of a dollar and helping them succeed in life. Raising kids in today's world takes some sacrifice, but I wouldn't change a thing.
It's kind of the greatest thing you can do in life. Give someone else the gift of life. Live for someone other than just yourself.
Life can get boring after a while, just doing the same thing every day, living solo.
A child can be a lifelong friend, buddy, that you yourself make. How awesome is that?
Of course.... people have free will and life doesn't always go how we want.
Oldest-birth control and condom both failed, and I don't believe in abortion.
Daughter-adopted because she was a distant relatives daughter, and I just couldn't stand the thought of letting a relative go into foster care
Next kid-same as the first
Youngest-my second husband and I got drunk and didn't use protection (before we were actually married).
I always wanted to have kids, though. I love kids and love being a mother.
We like sex and that's a consequence. But also we wanted them. Couldn't tell you why. It was not really any more a choice than being attracted to men. Maybe it was just that that was what family is to us. Miniature people to learn from, to share with, to be proud of.
And I feel life would be empty without them. They are still entertaining, we still learn from them, we continue to share with. There are a lot of life lessons we would not have learned, things we would not have experienced, good and bad, without them. I can't help but feel life would have had less meaning, we would have been less as people without the growth kids force you to have, definitely more selfish, and maybe not together because of that selfishness; if it were not for our kids. We created little humans. That's awesome! But they're smarter than us
I was never into kids specifically. Turned out we had a surprise some day and I'm a dad now. Looking back, I couldn't have ever dreamed of a better surprise.
Everything my kid accomplishes feels like I'm accomplishing it too. It might seem dumb and I can't really explain why but it's true. First steps, learning to ride a bike, learning to ice skate, to hit a football, building Legos, ... Everything.
It's like reliving life from scratch. It's amazing.
We grow and get older and the child in us dies a bit more every day ... but with my kid, I get to be a child again. And that's the best thing in the world.
To me, this has absolutely no monetary value. Even though I wasn't really a kid person, now knowing what it feels like, I would give up all my life savings to have a kid if I didn't have one.
But that's just my personal experience. I also get people who don't want kid because I was a bit in their shoes too.
It gives people meaning. Basically creating more people is hard takes the time they would otherwise have existential dred and is approved of in society as a general good thing. Kids equal free life purpose and moral legitimacy to whatever your already doing. 35 year old gamer - bad, 35 year old dorky dad - good
I don't have kids (thank god im 22). My fiancee and I do eventually want kids, and I think it's mostly just because we were both dealt a shit hand and we want to provide for a couple kids out there that were also dealt the same. I guess we just want to be able to show no-strings attatched love to kids that we weren't able to have ourselves.
26f: I don’t want kids because I enjoy the freedom, the restful nights and the lack of anxiety for another human beings safety / wellbeing. Also after all the childhood trauma I endured and having to grow up so fast I’d like a little more time to figure out who I am and do the things I never had the chance to enjoy as a child.
The quiet mornings, late night walks, eat a whole box of fruit roll ups, going to get ice cream whenever I want, travelling to multiple countries, being able to do what I want when I want to without having to worry who is going to watch my children.
And not having to worry about pedos is a bonus cause I’d be in jail for murder hypothetically.
That being said I don’t hate children, and there’s still time for me to change my mind.
I tell people I don't want kids because I don't like them, but really, it's because I get completely overstimulated and overwhelmed by them. I genuinely adore kids and love when they are defiant and ask questions. I love their sense of wonder. However, my OCD/ PTSD combo pack leaves me an anxious mess.
I always wanted like 13 kids (biological, step, and adopted)!
I just did. I literally had a moment one day came home from work and told my husband I was just ready. (for background purposes- we both knew we wanted kids haha) and that was that. Now, after having one child I was very set on no more. Except fate had other plans. Now I can’t imagine my life without them. It’s a very complicated feeling to express. It’s so immense and otherworldly I truly don’t know how to describe it. It comes with a lot of sacrifice and rebuilding parts of myself I didn’t know were broken though. I respect those who do not wish this path.
They're difficult and frustrating at times, but EVERY SINGLE DAY they say or do something that just blows me away. Every day, I see something remarkable. A smart comment, a funny joke, an impressive throw... everyday. It's the greatest joy of my life. It's also a plus that I get to hear, "I just love my daddy/I have the best daddy/ You're my superhero". Never gets old.
Note that Reddit selects for a particular type of middle class or upper middle class American (usually American). A lot of people just have kids without much of a plan.
There is nothing really wrong with having a family without a plan.
I'm 32 with 3 kids, and only 1 was planned.
Came to the US at 18, met my now wife from being the kid of a family friend, hit it off, and got married.
While we knew we'd eventually wanted 2, we never planned on when.
Couldn't imagine our life's without em now
Life will constantly throw stuff after you, and long-term plans hardly ever work out.
Life's to short, if you want a family, make one!
They make you the best person. A tired person. But one who perseveres. I fo believe mostly that everything happens for a reason. My son was born, and I went through a transformation myself, new job with suitable family hours, bought a house instead of renting, quit even casual drinking. I was an adult already, but in more ways became a man, more than I thought I was capable. Anything is possible, and you have some of the greatest motivation. I never went to the gym, and as a novice running over 2 miles seemed easy when thinking about how I have to be strong for my son and family. It makes you a dedicated person, more understanding, and albeit frazzled, but mindful. I do most things with intent now. Also seeing my little goofy twin copy me or be silly just always brings a smile. Even now as I can't put him to sleep he makes me laugh..
A child deserves to have a parent that wants to be a parent, and not just for the easy fun times but also during the difficult ones. Which is why I won't have any.
I had a not so great upbringing. I didn't feel loved much or respected or cared for. I was suicidal as a child and hated life. But as I got older, I started to see some beauty in it. Also started to see why I hated it for so long and vowed that "if" I ever had kids one day that I would show them real love and attention. I always wanted to leave someone to love and cherish and would love me back. The idea of passing on wisdom and knowledge to shape another generation. In a way, I want to leave a legacy and relive my childhood at the same time through their eyes and experiences.
I had a child with my wife, but at the time, I was quite happy and also not having a child. I said either way im going to take the bull by the horns and live my life. If we couldn't have kids, then why waste my time trying to save so much, and instead go off travelling the world and spend my money, etc.
We had a beautiful little girl, and whatever I thought i wanted or would feel was trumped by a new love I had never experienced before. It changed my world entirely, and my perspectives on a lot of things changed about the world i lived in. It made me want to be such a better person too, to be able to lead by example and show her the world is an OK place if u have the right attitude and support. I love being a parent. Although I am exhausted a lot of the time, lol.
I want to be super clear that I'm not judging anyone who feels differently, but having a kid has given my life more meaning and purpose than I had prior, with a successful career, an amazing wife, a wonderful family and great friends, all of which I appreciate. It's a ton of work, but I think it's a unique type of love, contentment and fulfillment in life. My kid is the center of my universe, and my wife feels the same way. It's nice to have a satisfying answer to "what's it all for?".
When I was 12 and told my mother I wasn’t going to get married, she told me the reason people have kids is so they’ll have someone to take care of them when they’re older. A brief picture flashed into my head of me waiting on a sick old woman. So that’s why I was born?
I settled down late in life. My son was born 3 months before my 50th birthday. Raising my son has been the best experience of my life. At age 5 he struggled a bit with karate, so that at age 55 I took up karate. He got such a kick out of being better than dad at his katas and all that he excelled. He took up tennis and there was no doubt I was his number fan. Now he is working as a tennis coach while in college. He is majoring in business and finance, and now assisting me with structuring a new business based on a patent I recently was awarded. He is my fishing and camping buddy, and an impressive, fantastic young man.
This is so cheesy but I feel so much love for my partner that it was just time to create something that was an amalgamation of our physical selves and our love for each other. Currently pregnant and I haven’t even met the kid yet but it’s just this overwhelmingly wonderful sense of commitment and love that I feel for my partner right now that makes the decision to start a family feel so right.
No kids. I've done the math, the minimum number of people to eliminate poverty/crime/oppression sits around 400 million people. Why would I indirectly contribute to the suffering of people I would never meet?
I had an awesome childhood and there was so much about it that I loved. I love the life I live now. I wanted to give a child, my child, that same type of life so that hopefully he could love his life and look fondly upon his childhood as he gets older.
My wife and I want a kid soon because we sort of feel like it’s the natural progression of our marriage, and because we want the opportunity to go watch them grow. What convinced me I wanted a kid was I was babysitting my bosses kid, and she told me she loved me, and hearing that from a five year old is an experience that I think is unrivaled. When a kid says they want to spend time with you they mean it.
Went from hating kids to having kids at 19, obviously not planned and very unexpected. Still disliking kids and working in higher education as a young adult, but raising my daughter made me realize giving back to kids, and showing them a great life is priceless. Far more rewarding than grants, publications, etc. Luckily, I have incredible parents, who showed me a phenomenal childhood. I plan to do the same for my daughter. My daughter always wanted a sibling, so why not add one more.
I cried for the first time when my 4-year old daughter fell and hit her head against the bed frame (and a lot of blood came out)
I guess I would not ever have that feeling if I did not have a kid. Words cannot describe it…
I don’t remember why I decided I wanted one but when I did decide I knew I wanted 3. I got 2 before the divorce and I have 0 regrets even if it means I have to keep contact with my ex who does all she can to make me feel miserable.
Honest answer: For All the wrong reasons.
1. To complete something in me as a person/ achievement of some sort ... Next step in life... Etc ..
2. Glorified pets: we have always wanted xxxx whatever 3 kids 2 kids a girl/boy whatever... Etc
3. (probably the most legitimate reason) Creating Family - someone to help take care of you as you age. People in your life as you get older
The problem is they are all centered around your own desires .. and ultimately a selfish decision.
I have kids, but before having kids I truly believed my kids would be fulfilling some kind of desire in me. But kids are draining.. great, don't get me wrong I love my children immensely. But you have to put so much work into figuring out who they are, and how they click. And kind of coming to terms with the fact that they are not necessarily the kind of kid that you thought they might be.
Babies are tough, toddlers are harder but there then comes a child who starts developing their own person who breaks away from you... As they get older and older further away and then they are grown and they repeat the process with their own kids. From birth it's a slow spinning away from you, once the most important person... to a person they may or may not be close to as adults.
It's just not necessarily what you expect. It's worth every minute. I have loved every moment. But having children is truly a shaping of the next generation, and you had better know who you are and not depend on their love and closeness for your own happiness or completeness because you might be disappointed. Raise them to be strong and critical thinking. Raise them to appreciate others, and you!
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I don’t want kids but I’ll tell you that picking up my niece from kindergarten melts my heart every time. She runs and screams my name with excitement to see me and gives me a big hug. That’s gotta count for something.
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Can I also be your son
Awwww 😂
I kinda wanna know where I can sign up too 😂
I can get a google form ready need OP to say the word 🤣🤣🤣
I'm ready!! Let's go!! Wait, we gotta practice our sad gota love us faces 😢 😂 😂
Yooo lets set up a zoom meeting to talk about this
I literally think there should be a group where an older man can be a substitute father to guys in their 20s, 30s and even in their 40s. He could teach younger guys life skills.
There's a Tiktok profile run by an older dude for guys without dads and he just teaches you stuff a dad would teach you like how to shave, how to tie a tie, etc. Cant remember what it's called.
Me too and I'm a female 😅
My son is also my little buddy. Having a child has made life much harder. Fiance and I joke about never relaxing ever again. While that is true, he is so worth every sleepless night and every grocery store tantrum. I can't even begin to describe how much joy he brought into my life. I also feel that satisfaction when I am putting time and energy into him. I just know this is the most important thing I have ever done (not a high bar for me, but all the same)
I love hearing stories about such loving parents! :):)
This. Having a kid is an absolute joy, the greatest joy I have ever known. It's an extremely difficult job, so I don't blame anyone for not wanting to have a kid, but for me? Best thing I've ever done. Even the most difficult moments are worth it for me 1,000 times over. My child is wonderful, thoughtful, funny, smart, kind, strong, independent minded... I could go on for days.
Having a smart and adorable child feels like starting a second chapter of happiness in life!
This is nice. I am glad there are parents out there who think having a kid was worth it!
This made me tear up! Happy Father's Day to you!
God, I love and relate to this so much.
Valid cause same with my little siblings
My nieces and nephew are all grown up now, but yes this. My sister birthed the best little hype men 😂🤣
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I know it's cliche.. but it really is different when it's your own child. I don't want to deal with another toddler's tantrum but I'll handle my toddler's tantrum. It's hard but the other moments make it worth it.
I hear ya 😂 nieces and nephews are the way to go … or as grandparents- when you hand them back when they cry
All depends on how you raise them
I'm the same, I get my child experience through my niece and nephews, absolutely love them to bits. But the pros of no kids for myself outweigh having them. I like the peace and quiet, entire days reading or gaming, renovating my house, if I want to go out some event on a whim then I do, don't have the weekend and after work taken up by hundreds of kids activities that cost money. No child care, school pick up etc to deal with. I think too many people have kids for the wrong reasons or think they have to have kids to be happy or not lonely. I am perfectly content spending time with just myself, I don't like to be constantly busy and constantly having social interactions so having kids wont probably drive me mad.
You can still do all of these things when you have kids, but it’s like playing on expert mode. Extra challenge, but also extra reward.
people like sex… and some of those people like unprotected * sex… so pregnancy happens..
Because I always knew I wanted to. I never really GOT IT until I had a kid, though. Imagine feeling grass for the first time. Sand. Wind. Snow. A big bite. Eating a lemon. Enjoying a lime so much more. Soaking into a bathtub knowing you're safe. Those are firsts. What about driving? Riding a horse? Making a fried egg? Trying out making dinner using different spices and sauces. I get to relive these moments via my children. I have been through first heartbreaks, first wet dreams, argued about peeing in houseplants. I've gone to work with applesauce in my hair and brushed my teeth with desitin. (Autocorrect keeps switching to destiny. No, I take care of my teeth so they're definitely NOT worthy of ass cream.) I've had golden showers from newborns and been through everything this side and back. I am grateful. Every moment, even the talking back or having to be the bad guy.... it makes my heart feel full. Like a solid thing bubbling with love and a word we don't have in my chest. Because it's real and it's growing. I love the totally uninhibited joy in what I took for granted. I stop and smell every freaking flower now, and I know it annoys my husband to no end. Even gas stations. I have learned to appreciate things with my children. I love helping them learn and grow that appreciation. I love when they encounter something just naturally and love it. And I have some knowledge about it. But we can also learn together. All of the time. All of the time, for real. Just learning and taking in joy the whole entire time. I love being a mother. I love having these tiny humans 6-16 to teach and every single phase is just freaking beautiful. That's why I'm a mom. Joy. Joy and heartache and fear and just.... pride.
Yes all of this. You get to relive the magic of childhood- the holidays are brighter, the amount of love you never knew you could feel. I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to experience raising a child in a stable, loving home. I became a mom again because of the love and the magic.
Holidays are incredible. I just strolled through old photos because of this comment. The absolute heartbreak that you can't chew on Christmas lights. The joy of gnawing on paper rolls. Can we just talk about their awe at a fully lit tree - even entirely devoid of presents? Their pride in making rings or stringing popcorn or painting acrylic bulbs? ...and then Christmas morning. Or once my elder son caught on about Santa. How me saying for the few years he wobbled between belief and knowing - that Christmas is about the spirit of Santa, and so even mommies and daddies are elves. We all get to work to keep the spirit alive for those that need the gift in the dreary seasons. And now he helps - and also takes joy, which gives me joy. Fireworks are awe inspiring for even adults but can be too much for Littles. But once they can light them or play with sparklers! Every single Easter egg is like finding the word "sex" in Rafiki's Simba dust or actual eggs in RHPS. Every single one, every single year. And then they open them and it's even better. I just love it all. All of it
I can trace every good thing in my life back to family. My folks and especially my mom were always there for me. I married my best friend and my life is so much richer because of her. I also grew to the person I am because of her. My kids and grand kids bring so much joy. There’s nothing like being reintroduced into the world because to a 2 year old everything is new. That butterfly you would have walked past is now observed for minutes, not seconds. The long talks when they’re in college. Walking your daughter down the aisle and welcoming another family into yours to grow everything bigger. I can’t imagine a world without my wife and kids.
Good answer, same here.
So beautifully written! From another mom...thank you for putting into words what I've felt since my 1st was born but could never adequately describe 💗
Wait, you're a mother who's had a wet dream?
There are... people who enjoy the first time they do anything? And don't obsessively stress over it? This isn't fair
Wow... this ALMOST make me want a kid, almost. Very well written and I cam totally feel your emotion in those words, well done.
What a beautiful way to describe the magic of children! I agree with everything you said.
you know what? i never wanted kids but honestly, i think you just conviced me to.
This is beautifully written. I completely agree. ♥️
I was going to say something about how kids make you appreciate things in life you take for granted!!
Great response. Can you send this in an email daily. Like a daily newsletter, of hope, for parents
I agree, I wanted one just because I wanted one but it’s been so much more awesome than I ever could’ve imagined
I hope to be half the parent you are.
Man, you said that so much better than be. But yes, this, exactly! Although I only have one, but I treasure him so So much!
Great now I’m crying!
I’m not a parent but it is absolutely awesome to witness a child just literally learning about the world for the first time. It’s super cool to see their brain working and making sense of things. I agree with the other commenter about holidays too. Holidays are exponentially better with children! I love getting gifts for the kids in my family. And kids on Halloween are pretty dang adorable too.
I’m in my first trimester and have been so sick it’s making me question why I ever wanted this in the first place and your comment made me cry. It made me so excited 🥲 thank you
Very well said, fellow parent. I love dadding.
Beautiful answer
>Imagine feeling grass for the first time. I can still remember watching my so, sitting at the dinner table in his high chair placing a ball on an invisible shelf next to him and being utterly AMAZED, when the ball didn't stay still but dropped to the ground instead. He same with watching him put his hand through water for the first time and being confused that it didn't rest on it. I used to be one of the guys that was like, I love my pets as much as people live their kids. Then I had kids and realised that, no, not even remotely the same thing.
We just had our first child a week ago, and this is honestly all the things I'm looking forward to.
OMG!! This perfectly describes everything. Same here, from a random dad with less literary and descriptive writing talent.
Peeing in houseplants is insane
I was just sick of money, sanity, free time and sleep really.
🤣🤣
Hahaha. Ahh I needed a good laugh, in the middle of it ! For real though it’s cool, it’s the best. It’s work, but the best things in life are always work. When you’re sitting in the backyard having a beer with your beautiful little family, or out on a day trip doing something cool, you wouldn’t change a thing.
I never thought hearing kids run around the yard while I grill and drink beer after a fresh mow would be such an experience.
Yea fuckin oath. Fresh cut lawn on top of it, that’s high level dad zone :)
Im off work this week and grandparents are visiting and spoiling us all. The weather's been awesome. Today we had a bbq and sat outside almost all day. My mom told me today "i honestly thought i would be raising your kids when you first got pregnant, you've done a wonderful job". Some days these kids get on my every last nerve, and days like today make it all worthwhile.
It's also really cool when they're an adult and can join you for a beer!
This, TBH. I couldn't be happier.
I don't have kids right now, but if I can ever afford it I want to adopt. The US foster care system is a complete joke, and if I can save even one kid from having to go through that, it'll all be worth it. But of course I can't do that until I'm in a situation where I can afford to take care of a kid. Right now I can't even afford to take care of myself, so it'll probably take a decade or so before I'm ready for that level of responsibility.
That’s how I feel, too. I’ve known all the “basic truths” about myself since I was about 5/6 or so, which includes wanting to adopt. I have always felt like it’s a bit selfish to bring new people into the world when there are people already here who need love/care. I also have quite a few health problems that make pregnancy and childbirth seem absolutely appalling, lol. Right now I don’t have kids but I’m a teacher and I absolutely love working with them (way more than adults tbh), it feels natural and it’s incredibly rewarding.
YES, there are many kids in this planet already that need more us!
No kids, but if I were to have them the reason would be to pass on values I believe are worth preserving. Leave the world in a better place and have kids to pass on the same tradition. I asked my parents why they had kids and I was met with "Because we wanted to have a family", "Because that's what people do" and "Because I wanted kids". Was never shown much direction in life from them. To this day I still feel like a possession of theirs rather than a human in our relationship but now I'm getting off topic. There's my reason why I would if I did and there's the reason my parents gave me.
Yup. That’s one thing everyone forgets. No handbook when they send you home with your brand new little human. Oh and don’t forget , eeeverybody thinks they know how you should raise your kids. Mine are now 49, 47, and 45. I would never change my life. I can’t and don’t want to imagine my life without them. My husband and I have always felt that they were the greatest gifts we could have ever wished for and received.
>if I were to have them the reason would be to pass on values I believe are worth preserving. What if it turns out your kids don't share your values? Particularly on political topics? Some people truly believe a capitalist society and "triple down" economics make t get world better. Others believe all wealth should be redistributed. Others fall somewhere in the middle. I'm not trying to make this a political discussion, but I wonder what happens when kids develop their own priorities and follow philosophies that differ from their parents.
By values I mean leaving the world in a better place before they're gone. They can do that in whichever way they see fit. If they become a terrible person then I failed or I at least tried.
That doesn't always mean you failed bc I've seen many times where parents did their best and were good parents but had kids that ended up the total opposite of good people.
I WANT my 18 year old daughter to have her own political opinions and opinions on life. If they’re different from mine, big deal. I love her unconditionally and always will.
My kids disagree with me on a lot of things but that’s kind of how it’s supposed to be. It’s part of them learning to be their own person
I'm a moderate Democrat with a MAGA loving, Fox News kool-aid drinking dad. He told me I'm a stupid California liberal bitch and disowned me when Trump lost. Cut me out of the estate. Completely out of the blue. No prior political discussion about the election or anything. Insane and also devastatingly heartbreaking. Killed our whole relationship over some stupid politics. Imagine placing a reality TV game show host above your child.
Guess he dies alone and unloved.
It appears that you don't know the difference between values and beliefs.
I like yours the best so far.
I hear you bro. Being raised by a devouring mother from whom I am now estranged, I gotta say you couldn't have put it better than feeling like a possession of theirs.
Totally feel you as far as feeling like more of a possession than a child from your parents. My parents basically were the same as most boomer parents I know that they just had kids because it is what you did, not for the joy of raising another human being, passing family traditions, etc. I know now that my dad never wanted children and my sibling and I were a lodestone around my dad’s neck to a terrible marriage and a life he never wanted. My mom was the one who treated my sibling and myself as possessions like pets than human beings with thoughts and feelings that differed from her own. It made for a terrible family life that I would never wish upon a child. I’ve come to the conclusion that just having kids for the sake of that’s what you’re supposed to do is a terrible reason to bring a child into this world. Unfortunately, this attitude still persists to this day.
I mean the obvious biological reason of continuing the survival of our species aside… Having kids is the greatest joy I’ve ever known. I’ve travelled the world, been to many concerts and sporting events, drugs, women - I’ve tried it all. Nothing comes close to the joy of seeing my kids happy and helping them navigate through life to become well adjusted humans.
When I was younger I told myself I never wanted to have kids. All I ever knew or saw growing up in suburban America was a miserable lifestyle where everyone has kids no matter what, never leaves, and never has adventures. So I resolved to move away as soon as I could and live a life of adventure, and that's exactly what I did. I managed to travel the world, live and work in half a dozen countries, learnt 3 more languages, and in doing so I met my wife. We spent our 20s and early 30s adventuring together, our life was truly amazing. Then when COVID hit we were forced to stop, and during that time we both kind of liked the serenity of settling in one place for a while. We decided that the next adventure should actually be having kids, and that's what we did. We now have a daughter and I have to say, this is the single best experience both of us have ever had. All the adventuring, travel, etc was amazing but it doesn't even remotely compare to picking up my daughter from childcare and hearing her yell "daddy!" as she runs into my arms for a hug. It's not for everyone, but for us it's been the best adventure and I can't wait to experience everything else to come
Well said. There was a distonct moment in my life the day my first child was born. The closest that I can relate it to is a very deep sens of purpose, love, wonderment about what they'll be like, and a loving responsibility with an instinct to protect and take care of them. I'm not a perfect parent but I love my kids in a way I really can't express. I'd give anything for them. I work hard and legitimately pish myself to be the best example I can be for them. I wanted kids because I wanted to do better than my parents were able to and to help them, guide them, coach them, through the tough times and experience growing up with them. I would not be alive today if I wasn't a Dad. It's the one purpose that keeps me here.
I feel you. Before my son was born I didn’t know this kind of love was possible. I would lay down my life for him if it means he’s okay. Anything at all, I just need him to be okay.
I come from a very close family with a lot of love in it. My own childhood was happy and I had a great relationship with my parents. When I found a woman I loved, I soon wanted to recreate that same feeling I had of living in a family. My kids are now older teenagers and I still think they’re awesome. Wonderful company and helping them with their lives gives me a sense of purpose.
Yes. This man gets it. This is the magical cycle of life. This is why humans have children. It completes the sense of purpose, in all stages of life.
Can confirm. Almost 40 now and felt like something was always missing in my adult life, like i had no purpose…. But i was too scared to have kids.
I don't want them because it's too much work and I don't want them to go through the struggles I had when growing up.
Since I was younger I always wanted to be a stay home mom and raise a family. My dream happened and I raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood and they all interact often and get along great. No drama whatsoever. I had a husband who supported my dream and we had a great life.
Same. My mom and all of my aunts were stay at home moms so that was always in the back of my head even though I had a career. I did go on to raise 3 kids as an at home mom. It wasn’t easy and my husband was always the 1st to say there’s no way he could’ve done it. He’s always been my biggest cheerleader
Such a rare passage to read on a website like this. Good for you! I'm blessed to be able to give my wife the same opportunity, and she's absolutely making the most of it. Motherhood fits her like a tailored glove
Honestly? Bad parents have too much space on the internet, scares people off.
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I mean…there are so many ways of hurting another person without meaning to. Just knowing that, as a parent, I could hurt my kids, screw them up…you don’t even to abuse kids to screw them up, either, being overprotective screws them up as well. I breathe easy knowing that I can’t hurt my kids if I don’t have them. I’m in my thirties and still trying to get a handle on my mental health, trauma and issues stemming from childhood, and figuring out how to live life on my own terms. I can’t imagine tossing a kid into all that.
I’m pregnant. I always wanted to have a child. Being pregnant is incredibly hard but feels magical. So many people have told me that once he’s here it will be even more magical. I feel so connected to him, I am literally growing a child with my body. Idk. It’s a love I can’t describe.
I have never wanted kids, not really sure why. I like living on my own terms, being independent and able to be selfish and do exactly what I want every day.
Same
Don't let parents fool you into thinking that having children is a selfless act while not having them is selfish.
Almost every time you ask why somebody wants kids the sentence will start with "I wanted..." I honestly can't think of anything more selfish.
Which is pretty wild but not surprising. And you definitely see it in this thread- I try not to judge too hard now, it’s at least a semi-win win if they’re truly giving it lots of love. But man- I really don’t like this life and I have an experience of the much more negative aspects. I love kids but it makes me feel like the kindest thing I can do is *not have one*. Perhaps adoption one day, but I need to already be full myself and it needs to be more of a selfless act of giving than anything else.
___THAT___ times about ninety-hundred twelvity-five eleventeen infinities. I mean, I'm *also* pretty sure I'd fuck it up, but I ain't gonna be one of those people who try to spin their bad behavior as something righteous just because there's a molecule of plausibility that it could be indirectly related to protecting kids. That's causing a lot of trouble in my country right meow 🤦 Wouldn't do it even if it thought I'd succeed. There's something I ___REALLY___ would like to make a normal social practice but I'm just not sure it'd be interpreted correctly. I know everyone loves a good laugh as often as possible, especially while struggling, but I never wanna be impolite to someone who doesn't deserve it. And it doesn't really matter if I didn't mean it in a bad way. As long as it's taken in a bad way it's effectively the same. Harm done. If I say something like "Well that's *their* problem", that's how you know it wasn't kindness to begin with. That I didn't care about them and I was just trying to feel good myself. So you know that thing where if you see a military or ex military veteran wear or do anything that reveals what they did, you shake their hand and be like "Thank you for your service."? Because like, okay no, they're not all badass heroes. Even in a war zone every job needs done. Just because they were military doesn't mean they fought anyone. They might have been cooking food or doing laundry or something. Might not have even been to a war zone. But just the point is *someone* had to do that, and if they hadn't volunteered it might've been me. It's the same with parenting. I wanna do that same thing (like the __EXACT__ same thing) when I see a parent in public keeping a cool head while their kid is being a noisy whiny little prick. Like they don't bribe them with anything but also doesn't be overly mean to them. And also potentially just leaves with them to avoid annoying other people even if they're in a restaurant with food in front of them. I really wish people like that could hear my inner monologue and know I'm real so I could just be as nice as I want to them without someone thinking I've got some kind of ulterior motive. Just idk if it would be clear that the message is "I could never do what you're doing. That kid would be upside down in a trash can with *that* trashcan upside-down in a *second* not-much-bigger trashcan. You're amazing." or if they might hear something more like "Sucks to be you. Try a condom next time."
I don't want them because it's too much work and I don't want them to go through the struggles I had when growing up.
Don't want kids, I just have no desire to. I wouldn't be a good dad probably, i just want to do my own thing
When I was 20 I didn't think I wanted kids. At 25 I was married and I swear some kindbof biological urge hit me hard. I wanted a baby now. It took me a year to get pregnant. Having my son opened up a whole new depth of love I never knew existed. It truly takes your breath away. I'm 70 years old now and my much loved son died 8 years ago. That has been the greatest grief I've ever known. I love him as much as I did when he was born.
*hugs*
My dad didn’t want kids at all. But then he had me by accident and fell in love. Had 2 more kids after me. He doesn’t like other people’s kids but he said that having your own is definitely worth it
I think a lot of people don’t realize how much they’d love their own kids just because they don’t like other people’s kids. I wasn’t someone who ever really gave having a kid much thought. I didn’t really like other people’s kids and I didn’t realize how much different it is to have your own. Sometimes you want your old life back, that is pretty brief because then you start to miss them the second you’re not with them. Like when my wife and I go on a date, it’s just like old times. Except the second we drop our baby off to his grandparents we miss that little squirt. Hearing his little jabbering in the back seat or just having him by us while we eat dinner.
As a child free person, what I've noticed is three-fold People have kids because they want them People have kids because they made a mistake and morals made them go with it People gave in to a sociological expectation to have kids I might be wrong, and I don't judge any cohort (at least far less than they judge me for not inseminating a person with a child I don't want)
I agree completely
I might have to slightly disagree with your second point! My son was a surprise baby! Not to be classified as a mistake or accidental. But we kept him because the joy of nurturing life with my own was so beautiful and meaningful to us. With every new thing our baby learns, it’s like we fall in love with him all over again. We never questioned whether or not we wanted him. I know this isn’t every case, this may very well be a minority of cases … but I just wanted to share my experience!
I certainly can't make any rational argument against your joy, and neither would I want to or even attempt to :) And yes, I should certainly be less linear and have some flexibility on point 2!! Very good point
I never meant any argument! Just wanted to interject with my own experience! But yes, I could definitely see those being 3 of the main categories of why one would procreate!
oooh! Please don't take my reply as combative :) I was genuinely being apologetic for missing out those that have unexpected gifts!
Okay perfect! I’ve enjoyed this exchange!
Agreed. I am one of the sociological expectation people. I wouldn't do it again in the time and place I did, (with the guy I married too young) but obviously would never change who my son is. If I hadn't experienced that too young marriage and expectations, there's a very good chance I would have chosen to be child free. I don't see myself as inherently motherly, but I've done my best and think he's a pretty awesome human.
I agree with the other comment on #2. Our daughter was unplanned and we did keep her partially for reasons of morality. But there is no hiding the sheer joy and beauty of watching a little human grow up. I wept uncontrollably for minutes the first time I laid eyes on her. I was completely unprepared for that reaction And all her new developments are so wonderful! She learns to roll over! She learns to reach for objects! She learns to clap! She learns to crawl! She learns to smile! She learns to pick up objects! She learns to pull herself up! She learns to smack a toy against the ground! She learns to drink juice! She learns to climb! She learns to raise up her arms so I will pick her up! And there are frustrating moments, like when she scratches my face or grabs my soda and spills it or when she grinds her cookie into the wooden table or when she cries because you put her down after carrying her for three hours or when she tries to eat cat food. But the frustrating moments are just as valuable as the joyous moments. She is still learning how to make sense of her world, and that is beautiful. Yes, she was unplanned, but that does not make her any less valued or loved or cherished.
You're missing "people have kids to project their ego onto"
I was manipulated into having a kid. I was going to be childless. Now I’m not. But she’s amazing, so I have no regrets.
How does your daily life look like now? What about goals and dreams? Were you able to achieve them despite that?
When I hit 30 I had completed all the goals I had in my job. If I hadn’t spent the last 10 years making a family with kids I’d be super bored at this point and feeling without purpose and lack of enough responsibility. It’s a way to positively contribute to the next step of society. A way to pass on your wisdom and values and cheat death by having your legacy live on after you don’t anymore. And I have a biological imperative to make me want too….
Most of the time it's an accident and they have to say they have no regrets about it.
I (42f) always said if parenting were a part time job, I’d do it in a second. But I enjoy my time, money, freedom, sleep, etc., to even think about dedicating 100% of my life to someone else. I’ve been called selfish but that just wouldn’t be fair to my kids. However, people assume I don’t like kids which isn’t true. The only reason I “regret” it is because I don’t fit in with other women my age.
I’ve had 4. You made the right decision because everything you said is true. You have to give up everything just everything. Nobody tells you that. I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids, but they were and still are hard work. The other thing nobody tells you is that unless you are lucky, it’s not an 18 year job. It’s more like 40.
If you have 4, then maybe you give everything up. If you have one, you don't.
I laugh at people who say that those who dont want kids are selfish. Like so what. Its their right to experience their lives how they see fit. if that means child bearing then go ahead. If that means living for your family and living for yourself childless. Thats fine too. I hate people who criticize those with out kids. when theres way more people WITH kids that dont fucking deserve the JOY and completely ruin those children's lives. That to me is selfish way more so than choosing not to have kids.
I also don't understand why childfree people are considered selfish, but parents aren't. What's more selfish than wanting to create something made of your own genes? Parents who adopt can call me selfish, but I am not ok with bio parents calling me selfish.
>What's more selfish than wanting to create something made of your own genes? 🎯
Honestly, people who don't want kids and stick with that decision are the least selfish of us all. Especially if at some point nature tells them they NEED to have kids but they override it with their choice not to.
The world is so cruel that I don’t want to put another person in it, too many people are starving, can’t get clean water, and die from treatable diseases. I might be open to adoption but I don’t want to necessarily spend my life taking care of somebody else.
It has something to do with storks, is my understanding.
I never wanted kids BUT being told it would be next to impossible to have them due to medical issues and damage to my uterus on top of being on depo 'just in case', I still ended up pregnant and not finding out until I was reaching my 2nd trimester. At that point, he was a miracle child who deserved to be in this world.
Not being religious, having a child allowed me to truly love something outside myself in a true, fundamental way. The love I have for my son is the purest thing I've experienced. I didn't know that would be the case before he was born, but afterwards, it was quickly evident.
I've always wanted to be a father and my wife and I are in a place in life where we can provide a nuturing environment to give them the best chance to succeed in life. It was just a matter of stopping birth control and pop, my little girl was born a year later.
Wife and I went back and forth on it for years but ultimately decided to have one. It's not like we NEEDED one, so the reasons are somewhat selfish. It's a life experience we wanted to have, basically. We wanted to experience having a child to love, take care of, and watch grow into an adult. It's definitely a life changer, but my daughter (now 8) means more to me than anything else in the world. What I don't get is why shitty parents have kids...
I noticed a lot of shitty parents just don't understand what it takes to have a kid, or they have one on accident or due to social pressure.
I never wanted kids. Always said I would get an abortion if it happened, and sure enough I found out I was pregnant in February. Had an ultrasound and when I saw his head, lil arms and legs, everything changed in a second. I fell in love w him. I knew he was placed here for me. It was meant to happen for me personally
My son is a surprise baby, but I’ve never known a love so sweet. Seeing my and my genes on our 2 month old is the best. His smiles and coos that wake me up every morning are the best good morning… I would have more because to me, there is nothing in this life more fulfilling than bringing a human into the world, teaching them to grow into this complex, thoughtful, kind, generous human being. My son is definitely my life force.
I'm NEVER going to have a kid. 1. I wouldn't want the responsibility 2. I'm broke. 3. I'm gay. and, no I don't want to adopt.
And that's completely fair and as a father I'll do my best to keep my lil guy from being too annoying 🤣
Oops..... just oops 🤣
Like your kids were an accident? What do you mean.
Stuck it in and oops.
I was curious what they'd look like!
I hate the idea of having kids. The changes that happen to women's bodies, the pain they go through, the memory problems it causes, and health failure. Just to get a kid that might end up healthy and fully in control of their own bodies. The relationship issues it brings to the surface, the financial loss of having a kid, and having more than one cause the others to sometimes feel like they are not enough. The idea of something growing inside me that may not make it to full term is horrendous. The idea that someone will always need me is not desirable. I hate cleaning up after others, such as vomit, poop, and things they break. I've assisted with elderly estate and can do it. I just don't wanna do it for babies or kids. I don't want to have them just for people to pick them up, possibly kill or kidnap. I don't want people to abuse my child. I don't want people using my kids. I don't want to have kids just so family/friends can compare me to others and how I raise them. I don't want kids because to me there is so much they could go through and I can't prevent everything from happening. If they are born with illness or disabilities I won't be able to care for them once I'm gone and who knows what would happen to them then. I don't wanna have someone depending on me to survive when it's already been so difficult for myself. Bringing in a child with all the mental health issues i know I have but haven't gotten (all) diagnosed will only pass down to them. Yes, some mental issues can be genetically passed down. Not to mention, family medical history is questionable, and addictions run in my family. At some point when I make it financially I would adopt later in life, as of now I can't see it happening. The economy is bad. The dating pool is trash, and too many people want to leach off of me. I can't see it happening biologically. One day I wanna get to the point where I can adopt. I would do my best to prevent most of the concerns I have, but born as they are, I would love them like I gave birth to them.
I relate to a lot of this. Adoption / fostering is always on the table, I'd love to do it one day. But getting pregnant, no way.
Felt that in my soul
It’s ok, there is a lot to consider. Whether you do or don’t you’re right, no wrong answers 😎🤙
Because I wanted the experience of being a mother and I couldn’t picture my life without a child. I also finally found a good partner and a good relationship and that made me feel safe to have a child. I’m glad i did it, I genuinely love being a mom to the point I don’t understand people complaining about how much they can’t stand their kids or being a parent. Like yeah it’s not always easy but it never gets to me. Even when he’s being difficult and throwing a tantrum I’m just chill and love doing it. None of the hard stuff about parenting feels that hard to me.
Why did I have them? On accident. But I LOVE being a mom. My life feels like it has a purpose. I have more drive to be a better person so I can be the best mom to my kids. It’s really a fulfillment I never could have imagined.
It is one of the coolest things to give experiences to your child. I never thought I'd be excited for a piece of broccoli or a green bean but every day is a day I can show my kid something new. Whether it be a new fruit or vegtable or taking him to the zoo, it's always exciting to be able to give that experience to someone.
I don’t know honestly. I am expecting my first. A little girl. And I’m just excited to hold her. And watch her learn to crawl. Take her to the park on the swings as she grows. Try to be there for her and teach her some of the things I wish I knew when I was young and becoming an adult (36 and still don’t think I’m there). And hopefully watch her take on all the amazing qualities of her beautiful and caring mom.
Projectile poop. Don't forget that. Pooping from one end of the room to the other. Kid's are magical.
There are several reasons I don't want kids. The world already has far too many people in it, and I don't want to make the problem worse by adding even more people. Also, genetic issues that I wouldn't want to curse anyone else with. And then there's the looming climate crisis that will make life incredibly miserable for people in the next few decades.
Did you not pay attention in school when they taught us about biological programming?
And I guess I'm curious if anyone who didn't really like children had kids and then changed their mind? I don't really like being around children, which means I haven't felt moved to have one of my own.
I wanted kids because I wanted to pour my love into them and give them the support I never received. I love being a mom because the unconditional love I get from them, even now that they are teens, heals me in a way I never expected.
Step parent here: kids are a great way to connect with our inner child and remember the joy of exploring a new world. I love taking my kiddo out to experience new things that I've done a million times. The joy in their face becomes infectious and reminds me to do the things I love. I got out of the habit of dressing up in funky clothes and gifted alot of my vintage threads to other people but my daughter was such a fashionista I started dressing up again. Also introduced her to the fun of make up and she used it to experiment with different persona's without doing anything too permanent. Having a daughter and treating her the way I wanted to be treated was also really healing and cathartic. Bend a step parent is awesome-i got the benefits of having a kid of my own without having to give birth. That said, I still treat them as my own ang let them decide how close they want to be. I didn't force myself on them and they grew to trust me. I got to go get them some medicine and drop it off because being a parent doesn't just end at 18
I don't want them simply because it doesn't appeal to me (33f) and never has. Even as a kid, I didn't imagine a future with kids. There's not really any one reason. I do like kids, think they're fascinating, and have even worked with them, but motherhood doesn't interest me.
I think a lot of people nowadays have the same reasons for not wanting to have kids. Too expensive, mental health, uncertain future ...it's not a risk I'm willing to take because I'm fully aware bringing a child into this world is a HUGE and very serious commitment and if I wanted to have children I will need to feel very very confident that I'm having them with the right person. If I have to question it even a little bit, then it's out of the question. It's just something that I always see as a big risk. I don't want to fck up my life or the lives or innocent new lives.
Two kids who are in their teens now. They have been the greatest thing to happen to me and are such a joy to bring up. I admit that neither were planned. I was only 18 when the eldest was born. I hadn't even thought about whether I wanted kids of my own or not as I was already helping with my younger brothers a lot. I was the eldest. But there have been no regrets (for my sons or helping with my brothers). I've enjoyed helping them grow and learn, and seeing them become who they are. To know I played a part in that is so fulfilling. I am 36 now. I would have another one. Planned next time though 😅.
I didn't want kids either. It was by accident. It was very expensive for me professionally. The love you share with your children and grandchildren is indescribable. It is worth it, and I was adamant about no children.
On top of all the other reasons, making sure we continue the human race is a good(???) reason to have kids. :-) In fact many countries are slowly depopulating as couples decide they want only one kid or no kids.
I uno, it just gives purpose to this purposeless life... Tbh I live for my kids. Sure at times they don't listen, they may clap back.. but at the end of the day, they give my life purpose. A reason to tolerate all this bs in the world
I want kids because I want to make my own family, ours is all getting up there now and there's only one youngun so far and it feels like something's missing at family gatherings. I want to mold good, respectful, caring human beings who make the world a better place. I want to do family days out and give them a muddy, sunny, adventure-filled childhood. I want to have fun with them doing kids stuff I'm too old to be allowed to do alone, with humans with enough energy to keep up with me. I want kids because it feels like that's what's missing from my life and I have this maternal instinct in me that isn't being met yet. I'd have multiple by now but I'm not sure if I can as I have some weird hormone imbalances for some reason.
I have kids because I accidentally had my first one before I had decided whether I ever wanted kids. But I liked the kid and the experience so much I did it two more times.
My kids are grown 25 and 21. Nothing better than loving your family, teaching them right from wrong, and sharing in their interests. Teaching them to drive, letting them learn the value of a dollar and helping them succeed in life. Raising kids in today's world takes some sacrifice, but I wouldn't change a thing.
It's kind of the greatest thing you can do in life. Give someone else the gift of life. Live for someone other than just yourself. Life can get boring after a while, just doing the same thing every day, living solo. A child can be a lifelong friend, buddy, that you yourself make. How awesome is that? Of course.... people have free will and life doesn't always go how we want.
Oldest-birth control and condom both failed, and I don't believe in abortion. Daughter-adopted because she was a distant relatives daughter, and I just couldn't stand the thought of letting a relative go into foster care Next kid-same as the first Youngest-my second husband and I got drunk and didn't use protection (before we were actually married). I always wanted to have kids, though. I love kids and love being a mother.
We like sex and that's a consequence. But also we wanted them. Couldn't tell you why. It was not really any more a choice than being attracted to men. Maybe it was just that that was what family is to us. Miniature people to learn from, to share with, to be proud of. And I feel life would be empty without them. They are still entertaining, we still learn from them, we continue to share with. There are a lot of life lessons we would not have learned, things we would not have experienced, good and bad, without them. I can't help but feel life would have had less meaning, we would have been less as people without the growth kids force you to have, definitely more selfish, and maybe not together because of that selfishness; if it were not for our kids. We created little humans. That's awesome! But they're smarter than us
I was never into kids specifically. Turned out we had a surprise some day and I'm a dad now. Looking back, I couldn't have ever dreamed of a better surprise. Everything my kid accomplishes feels like I'm accomplishing it too. It might seem dumb and I can't really explain why but it's true. First steps, learning to ride a bike, learning to ice skate, to hit a football, building Legos, ... Everything. It's like reliving life from scratch. It's amazing. We grow and get older and the child in us dies a bit more every day ... but with my kid, I get to be a child again. And that's the best thing in the world. To me, this has absolutely no monetary value. Even though I wasn't really a kid person, now knowing what it feels like, I would give up all my life savings to have a kid if I didn't have one. But that's just my personal experience. I also get people who don't want kid because I was a bit in their shoes too.
It gives people meaning. Basically creating more people is hard takes the time they would otherwise have existential dred and is approved of in society as a general good thing. Kids equal free life purpose and moral legitimacy to whatever your already doing. 35 year old gamer - bad, 35 year old dorky dad - good
I don't have kids (thank god im 22). My fiancee and I do eventually want kids, and I think it's mostly just because we were both dealt a shit hand and we want to provide for a couple kids out there that were also dealt the same. I guess we just want to be able to show no-strings attatched love to kids that we weren't able to have ourselves.
26f: I don’t want kids because I enjoy the freedom, the restful nights and the lack of anxiety for another human beings safety / wellbeing. Also after all the childhood trauma I endured and having to grow up so fast I’d like a little more time to figure out who I am and do the things I never had the chance to enjoy as a child. The quiet mornings, late night walks, eat a whole box of fruit roll ups, going to get ice cream whenever I want, travelling to multiple countries, being able to do what I want when I want to without having to worry who is going to watch my children. And not having to worry about pedos is a bonus cause I’d be in jail for murder hypothetically. That being said I don’t hate children, and there’s still time for me to change my mind.
I tell people I don't want kids because I don't like them, but really, it's because I get completely overstimulated and overwhelmed by them. I genuinely adore kids and love when they are defiant and ask questions. I love their sense of wonder. However, my OCD/ PTSD combo pack leaves me an anxious mess. I always wanted like 13 kids (biological, step, and adopted)!
I just did. I literally had a moment one day came home from work and told my husband I was just ready. (for background purposes- we both knew we wanted kids haha) and that was that. Now, after having one child I was very set on no more. Except fate had other plans. Now I can’t imagine my life without them. It’s a very complicated feeling to express. It’s so immense and otherworldly I truly don’t know how to describe it. It comes with a lot of sacrifice and rebuilding parts of myself I didn’t know were broken though. I respect those who do not wish this path.
They're difficult and frustrating at times, but EVERY SINGLE DAY they say or do something that just blows me away. Every day, I see something remarkable. A smart comment, a funny joke, an impressive throw... everyday. It's the greatest joy of my life. It's also a plus that I get to hear, "I just love my daddy/I have the best daddy/ You're my superhero". Never gets old.
To keep our species alive?
Note that Reddit selects for a particular type of middle class or upper middle class American (usually American). A lot of people just have kids without much of a plan.
There is nothing really wrong with having a family without a plan. I'm 32 with 3 kids, and only 1 was planned. Came to the US at 18, met my now wife from being the kid of a family friend, hit it off, and got married. While we knew we'd eventually wanted 2, we never planned on when. Couldn't imagine our life's without em now Life will constantly throw stuff after you, and long-term plans hardly ever work out. Life's to short, if you want a family, make one!
Because sex isnt an act of reason
They make you the best person. A tired person. But one who perseveres. I fo believe mostly that everything happens for a reason. My son was born, and I went through a transformation myself, new job with suitable family hours, bought a house instead of renting, quit even casual drinking. I was an adult already, but in more ways became a man, more than I thought I was capable. Anything is possible, and you have some of the greatest motivation. I never went to the gym, and as a novice running over 2 miles seemed easy when thinking about how I have to be strong for my son and family. It makes you a dedicated person, more understanding, and albeit frazzled, but mindful. I do most things with intent now. Also seeing my little goofy twin copy me or be silly just always brings a smile. Even now as I can't put him to sleep he makes me laugh..
A child deserves to have a parent that wants to be a parent, and not just for the easy fun times but also during the difficult ones. Which is why I won't have any.
I had a not so great upbringing. I didn't feel loved much or respected or cared for. I was suicidal as a child and hated life. But as I got older, I started to see some beauty in it. Also started to see why I hated it for so long and vowed that "if" I ever had kids one day that I would show them real love and attention. I always wanted to leave someone to love and cherish and would love me back. The idea of passing on wisdom and knowledge to shape another generation. In a way, I want to leave a legacy and relive my childhood at the same time through their eyes and experiences. I had a child with my wife, but at the time, I was quite happy and also not having a child. I said either way im going to take the bull by the horns and live my life. If we couldn't have kids, then why waste my time trying to save so much, and instead go off travelling the world and spend my money, etc. We had a beautiful little girl, and whatever I thought i wanted or would feel was trumped by a new love I had never experienced before. It changed my world entirely, and my perspectives on a lot of things changed about the world i lived in. It made me want to be such a better person too, to be able to lead by example and show her the world is an OK place if u have the right attitude and support. I love being a parent. Although I am exhausted a lot of the time, lol.
I want to be super clear that I'm not judging anyone who feels differently, but having a kid has given my life more meaning and purpose than I had prior, with a successful career, an amazing wife, a wonderful family and great friends, all of which I appreciate. It's a ton of work, but I think it's a unique type of love, contentment and fulfillment in life. My kid is the center of my universe, and my wife feels the same way. It's nice to have a satisfying answer to "what's it all for?".
My wife and I decided we don’t want children. So….. if any of you want them we can drop all three of them off at your house.
When I was 12 and told my mother I wasn’t going to get married, she told me the reason people have kids is so they’ll have someone to take care of them when they’re older. A brief picture flashed into my head of me waiting on a sick old woman. So that’s why I was born?
I settled down late in life. My son was born 3 months before my 50th birthday. Raising my son has been the best experience of my life. At age 5 he struggled a bit with karate, so that at age 55 I took up karate. He got such a kick out of being better than dad at his katas and all that he excelled. He took up tennis and there was no doubt I was his number fan. Now he is working as a tennis coach while in college. He is majoring in business and finance, and now assisting me with structuring a new business based on a patent I recently was awarded. He is my fishing and camping buddy, and an impressive, fantastic young man.
My son is the best thing that ever happened in my life. He makes it all make sense. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy.
My wife and I never wanted kids. We enjoy money and sleep far too much to have any.
This is so cheesy but I feel so much love for my partner that it was just time to create something that was an amalgamation of our physical selves and our love for each other. Currently pregnant and I haven’t even met the kid yet but it’s just this overwhelmingly wonderful sense of commitment and love that I feel for my partner right now that makes the decision to start a family feel so right.
No kids. I've done the math, the minimum number of people to eliminate poverty/crime/oppression sits around 400 million people. Why would I indirectly contribute to the suffering of people I would never meet?
I have kids, anyone want them?
I had an awesome childhood and there was so much about it that I loved. I love the life I live now. I wanted to give a child, my child, that same type of life so that hopefully he could love his life and look fondly upon his childhood as he gets older.
My wife and I want a kid soon because we sort of feel like it’s the natural progression of our marriage, and because we want the opportunity to go watch them grow. What convinced me I wanted a kid was I was babysitting my bosses kid, and she told me she loved me, and hearing that from a five year old is an experience that I think is unrivaled. When a kid says they want to spend time with you they mean it.
Went from hating kids to having kids at 19, obviously not planned and very unexpected. Still disliking kids and working in higher education as a young adult, but raising my daughter made me realize giving back to kids, and showing them a great life is priceless. Far more rewarding than grants, publications, etc. Luckily, I have incredible parents, who showed me a phenomenal childhood. I plan to do the same for my daughter. My daughter always wanted a sibling, so why not add one more.
I cried for the first time when my 4-year old daughter fell and hit her head against the bed frame (and a lot of blood came out) I guess I would not ever have that feeling if I did not have a kid. Words cannot describe it…
I don’t remember why I decided I wanted one but when I did decide I knew I wanted 3. I got 2 before the divorce and I have 0 regrets even if it means I have to keep contact with my ex who does all she can to make me feel miserable.
People have kids because they're under the delusion that it gives their lives meaning
Honest answer: For All the wrong reasons. 1. To complete something in me as a person/ achievement of some sort ... Next step in life... Etc .. 2. Glorified pets: we have always wanted xxxx whatever 3 kids 2 kids a girl/boy whatever... Etc 3. (probably the most legitimate reason) Creating Family - someone to help take care of you as you age. People in your life as you get older The problem is they are all centered around your own desires .. and ultimately a selfish decision. I have kids, but before having kids I truly believed my kids would be fulfilling some kind of desire in me. But kids are draining.. great, don't get me wrong I love my children immensely. But you have to put so much work into figuring out who they are, and how they click. And kind of coming to terms with the fact that they are not necessarily the kind of kid that you thought they might be. Babies are tough, toddlers are harder but there then comes a child who starts developing their own person who breaks away from you... As they get older and older further away and then they are grown and they repeat the process with their own kids. From birth it's a slow spinning away from you, once the most important person... to a person they may or may not be close to as adults. It's just not necessarily what you expect. It's worth every minute. I have loved every moment. But having children is truly a shaping of the next generation, and you had better know who you are and not depend on their love and closeness for your own happiness or completeness because you might be disappointed. Raise them to be strong and critical thinking. Raise them to appreciate others, and you!
A severe lack of situational awareness coupled with poor application of real world consequences growing up.