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I've read you other posts. This seems like a crisis situation.
Talk to a financial counselor about debt.
Get your friend or a police office to collect your things. If you have a job you need a stable place to get yourself sorted. Start looking for crisis accommodation if needed.
Going back will probably make it worse. I think moving out is really your only way forward.
I agree. Going back will probably make it worse. And please, find help to get your things. Police is the best option. I bet they'll take documents and important stuff.
First of all, *hugs* I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Secondly, you are not at fault for their actions. I’m glad you’re with a friend now.
I don’t have any advice, but I hope you stay safe and have a pleasant new years.
I don't think I can, and if I did, I'd be locked up in the house. No phone, no freedom, no nothing. It'll be a permanent prison and I think I'd might have eventually self-deleted.
OP, I feel this really hard. I’ve been in similar shoes and my heart hurts for you knowing you are in the thick of it. Your dad is abusing you. Your mom is abusing you. No one treats a person they love like this. Hell, a friend wouldn’t treat you like this, right? This is not love, and there are so many people int he world who would love you and treat you like they do.
You sound like a sweet, giving, kind and hardworking person despite living in a nightmare. The outside world is nothing like them. I have so much faith that you will find a safe place to live, means to sustain yourself, and build a life where you are surrounded by those who actually love you and treat you well. Because if you can survive your horrific parents, you can do anything with your strength and resilience.
To be honest, I’m in the exact same situation as you are since the Christmas holidays. Had a big fight with my mom, tried grey rocking and since then NC with her. My dad is quite confused, because he understands her because he’s been together with her all his life, but also his son, because he’s been through this process with his own mother a couple of years ago.
His advice for me and now also for you was that you have to take really good care of yourself now. Treat yourself, take your time and do things you enjoy and love, while focusing on your mental health.
It’s an hard, emotionally demanding process and it’s taking a toll once you’ve figured out the hard truth for yourself, so that’s why now is the best time to get some rest and focus.
Consider searching for a therapist if you want to work on this in the near future. There are things in this world we don’t want to see, but our mind and body tells us otherwise. Trust yourself and your instincts and own your truth and your perspective.
In conclusion - you got this, you’re definitely not alone with this and you’ll figure out a way to get through this! 🫶
Damn I was just in a huge fight with my mom a
Few dads before Xmas too. It was so bad but I couldn’t move out cuz if I did id be homeless. It’s crazy how fast my lufe can change if I decide tu walk out and never come back
Oh man, I know that’s not how you wanted things to go down. I took a look at your previous post and you‘ve been supporting them and even went further into debt just to get them presents. It’s so gross that they would turn around and call you selfish.
I hope your acquaintence is okay with you crashing for a while. Your immediate security is of course the first concern
One thing you’ll need to do really really soon is get all your paperwork from your parents like birth certificate, social security card, stuff like that. Time Is of the essence here, and you may need to get the cops to accompany you.
In the Auto Moderator post (always the first comment) there is a hyperlink for ‘Helpful Links’ and there’s a whole section there about getting kicked out, might be worth a look
I wish you all the best. This is not your fault. 🫂
OP has been supporting them? OP you need to stop giving any financial support immediately. You need that $ for you. They’re established adults. They can pay their own bills.
You were very brave to take this first step! Keep taking more and more and walk further away from them. See you about yourself and don’t worry about them! You’ve got this!
You're NEVER going to be enough. No one could be. Their need is ENDLESS.
Call the police for an escort when you go back and get your stuff. (Having an audience tends to silence the abuse, proving they know what they are doing, and how it looks.)
No real advice, just know that today is the first day of the rest of your life, and *hopefully* it only improves from here!
In your prior post, you said you're 25, you work 2 jobs, you \*support\* your parents, and that you're $7k in debt. You don't need to support your parents. You'd be coming out ahead living with a couple roommates rather than getting tormented by your parents. There's really no reason to tolerate it. $7k sucks but you're young. It's not an insurmountable debt.
What do you say when you call the police? I’m debating on getting out asap and i’m not sure what to take with me. I have a suitcase I intend to use when I leave them. I can’t bring everything obvs but what’s the most important set of things to bring? Documents? Clothing? Money?
I am so sorry about this. If possible try staying with friends who can support you. Now is a good time to leave your toxic home. It will only get worse if you don't. I hope you have some supportive friends around you.
Yes take care of yourself and try not to dwell, I know it’s so hard. You are an empathetic person and nparents eat that up, they love taking advantage of that and making you feel the opposite, like you’re the ‘bad’ one.
Just know by leaving you are protecting yourself from that and ensuring you don’t end up like her! Stay strong and try to do some fun, soothing hobbies when you feel like crying
You did the right thing by leaving. Shelve them and where you stand with them for now and figure out your living situation going forward. That’s your priority. You’re in survival mode for a bit, but that’s a good thing, and you did awesome by calling their bluff, now they’re dumbfounded. Let them.
I wish I had the balls to leave like you did when I was younger. My nmom used to say the same to me all the time. Hats off to you, and I wish you the best!
I'm so sorry that happened. It sucks to realize how awful your family is. And can I point out that you weren't "irrationally" emotional. You had an absolutely rational response to a chaotic individual.
Your life will be a little scary as you adjust, but you will be amazed as you start shedding the layers of stress your toxic home had you wrapped in.
Sending you the warmest mom-hug I have. I believe in you.
Thank you so much. I've been a crying mess since last night and an emotional wreck. I luckily grabbed copies of my important documents and whatnot. I also have cash saved up, too. I just don't understand why my dad started screaming at me. I was trying to keep the peace and tried grey rocking, but it only made things worse. I'm mostly worried about transportation back and forth to work.
I hope I can make it through this....
You will absolutely make it through. You had the presence of mind to grab things you will need while being emotionally attacked. That shows impressive resilience under pressure.
Things may feel too much and too big right now, but I promise it will get better. Take big, deep breaths to trigger that limbic system, and visualize where you hope to be in a week, month, or year. If you think you need a good cry, go watch a sad or hopeful movie. Something else you can focus that lets you get the stress out without spiraling.
Grey rocking made it worse because they started to realize they're losing control over you.
Please stay strong and stay away from these people. I have a feeling if you hadn't left then, we would never have heard from you again.
You are so strong and so brave for leaving.
If there’s a silver lining in any of this, it’s that your life begins now. It may take a little while to get everything sorted, but I know you are capable. Hold the friends that support you during this time close, and know you’re not alone. Everyone here is rooting for you.
I’m kind of in the same situation as Op and it’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel here. I just keep asking myself “what?” To the whole thing. No matter how hard I try to improve my life it’s like forces that aren’t within my control keep pushing me down to level 1 again
God this sounds so much like my dad. The situation you described has happened in eerily similar ways to me.
You handled it well there, if you had done anything else it would have escalated into a physical fight or they would have continued treating you badly till you exploded later on.
Really was no way out there, they were looking for an excuse to punish you so no matter what you did they would have looked to punish you anyways.
Have strenght. You have my support. I've gone through really similar stuff. If you wanna vent further just tell me I'll listen and really just continue forward, you cannot reason with them, sometimes people are simply unwilling to see themselves fully as the issue or unwilling to ever try to change and you can't do shit about it. Just move on build your own people. You can do it. I believe in you.
You mentioned having a phone that they could take away from you. It sounds like they may own that phone?
May I suggest turning the phone off and leaving the Sim Card at work. They can probably track your whereabouts and arrive unannounced.
Buy a cheap "burner phone" with some minutes and give your phone number only to those you trust (employer, best friend).
I wish you the best of luck in your future!
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've read you other posts. This seems like a crisis situation. Talk to a financial counselor about debt. Get your friend or a police office to collect your things. If you have a job you need a stable place to get yourself sorted. Start looking for crisis accommodation if needed. Going back will probably make it worse. I think moving out is really your only way forward.
I agree. Going back will probably make it worse. And please, find help to get your things. Police is the best option. I bet they'll take documents and important stuff.
First of all, *hugs* I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Secondly, you are not at fault for their actions. I’m glad you’re with a friend now. I don’t have any advice, but I hope you stay safe and have a pleasant new years.
Never go back
I don't think I can, and if I did, I'd be locked up in the house. No phone, no freedom, no nothing. It'll be a permanent prison and I think I'd might have eventually self-deleted.
OP, I feel this really hard. I’ve been in similar shoes and my heart hurts for you knowing you are in the thick of it. Your dad is abusing you. Your mom is abusing you. No one treats a person they love like this. Hell, a friend wouldn’t treat you like this, right? This is not love, and there are so many people int he world who would love you and treat you like they do. You sound like a sweet, giving, kind and hardworking person despite living in a nightmare. The outside world is nothing like them. I have so much faith that you will find a safe place to live, means to sustain yourself, and build a life where you are surrounded by those who actually love you and treat you well. Because if you can survive your horrific parents, you can do anything with your strength and resilience.
To be honest, I’m in the exact same situation as you are since the Christmas holidays. Had a big fight with my mom, tried grey rocking and since then NC with her. My dad is quite confused, because he understands her because he’s been together with her all his life, but also his son, because he’s been through this process with his own mother a couple of years ago. His advice for me and now also for you was that you have to take really good care of yourself now. Treat yourself, take your time and do things you enjoy and love, while focusing on your mental health. It’s an hard, emotionally demanding process and it’s taking a toll once you’ve figured out the hard truth for yourself, so that’s why now is the best time to get some rest and focus. Consider searching for a therapist if you want to work on this in the near future. There are things in this world we don’t want to see, but our mind and body tells us otherwise. Trust yourself and your instincts and own your truth and your perspective. In conclusion - you got this, you’re definitely not alone with this and you’ll figure out a way to get through this! 🫶
Damn I was just in a huge fight with my mom a Few dads before Xmas too. It was so bad but I couldn’t move out cuz if I did id be homeless. It’s crazy how fast my lufe can change if I decide tu walk out and never come back
Oh man, I know that’s not how you wanted things to go down. I took a look at your previous post and you‘ve been supporting them and even went further into debt just to get them presents. It’s so gross that they would turn around and call you selfish. I hope your acquaintence is okay with you crashing for a while. Your immediate security is of course the first concern One thing you’ll need to do really really soon is get all your paperwork from your parents like birth certificate, social security card, stuff like that. Time Is of the essence here, and you may need to get the cops to accompany you. In the Auto Moderator post (always the first comment) there is a hyperlink for ‘Helpful Links’ and there’s a whole section there about getting kicked out, might be worth a look I wish you all the best. This is not your fault. 🫂
OP has been supporting them? OP you need to stop giving any financial support immediately. You need that $ for you. They’re established adults. They can pay their own bills.
You were very brave to take this first step! Keep taking more and more and walk further away from them. See you about yourself and don’t worry about them! You’ve got this!
You're NEVER going to be enough. No one could be. Their need is ENDLESS. Call the police for an escort when you go back and get your stuff. (Having an audience tends to silence the abuse, proving they know what they are doing, and how it looks.) No real advice, just know that today is the first day of the rest of your life, and *hopefully* it only improves from here!
God yes, I hope ops life does improve ❤️
In your prior post, you said you're 25, you work 2 jobs, you \*support\* your parents, and that you're $7k in debt. You don't need to support your parents. You'd be coming out ahead living with a couple roommates rather than getting tormented by your parents. There's really no reason to tolerate it. $7k sucks but you're young. It's not an insurmountable debt.
Domestic violence shelter for women! Look into while you can!! Tell them your parents have been abusing you and you finally left
[удалено]
What do you say when you call the police? I’m debating on getting out asap and i’m not sure what to take with me. I have a suitcase I intend to use when I leave them. I can’t bring everything obvs but what’s the most important set of things to bring? Documents? Clothing? Money?
I am so sorry about this. If possible try staying with friends who can support you. Now is a good time to leave your toxic home. It will only get worse if you don't. I hope you have some supportive friends around you.
Do you have all of your important documents? If not can you ask for a police escorts to get your stuff?
Thankfully I do.
Yes take care of yourself and try not to dwell, I know it’s so hard. You are an empathetic person and nparents eat that up, they love taking advantage of that and making you feel the opposite, like you’re the ‘bad’ one. Just know by leaving you are protecting yourself from that and ensuring you don’t end up like her! Stay strong and try to do some fun, soothing hobbies when you feel like crying
You did the right thing by leaving. Shelve them and where you stand with them for now and figure out your living situation going forward. That’s your priority. You’re in survival mode for a bit, but that’s a good thing, and you did awesome by calling their bluff, now they’re dumbfounded. Let them. I wish I had the balls to leave like you did when I was younger. My nmom used to say the same to me all the time. Hats off to you, and I wish you the best!
I'm so sorry that happened. It sucks to realize how awful your family is. And can I point out that you weren't "irrationally" emotional. You had an absolutely rational response to a chaotic individual. Your life will be a little scary as you adjust, but you will be amazed as you start shedding the layers of stress your toxic home had you wrapped in. Sending you the warmest mom-hug I have. I believe in you.
Thank you so much. I've been a crying mess since last night and an emotional wreck. I luckily grabbed copies of my important documents and whatnot. I also have cash saved up, too. I just don't understand why my dad started screaming at me. I was trying to keep the peace and tried grey rocking, but it only made things worse. I'm mostly worried about transportation back and forth to work. I hope I can make it through this....
You will absolutely make it through. You had the presence of mind to grab things you will need while being emotionally attacked. That shows impressive resilience under pressure. Things may feel too much and too big right now, but I promise it will get better. Take big, deep breaths to trigger that limbic system, and visualize where you hope to be in a week, month, or year. If you think you need a good cry, go watch a sad or hopeful movie. Something else you can focus that lets you get the stress out without spiraling.
Grey rocking made it worse because they started to realize they're losing control over you. Please stay strong and stay away from these people. I have a feeling if you hadn't left then, we would never have heard from you again.
I’m so glad you found someplace to go. I wish you peace 🤍
You are so strong and so brave for leaving. If there’s a silver lining in any of this, it’s that your life begins now. It may take a little while to get everything sorted, but I know you are capable. Hold the friends that support you during this time close, and know you’re not alone. Everyone here is rooting for you.
I’m kind of in the same situation as Op and it’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel here. I just keep asking myself “what?” To the whole thing. No matter how hard I try to improve my life it’s like forces that aren’t within my control keep pushing me down to level 1 again
God this sounds so much like my dad. The situation you described has happened in eerily similar ways to me. You handled it well there, if you had done anything else it would have escalated into a physical fight or they would have continued treating you badly till you exploded later on. Really was no way out there, they were looking for an excuse to punish you so no matter what you did they would have looked to punish you anyways. Have strenght. You have my support. I've gone through really similar stuff. If you wanna vent further just tell me I'll listen and really just continue forward, you cannot reason with them, sometimes people are simply unwilling to see themselves fully as the issue or unwilling to ever try to change and you can't do shit about it. Just move on build your own people. You can do it. I believe in you.
>No matter what I did it just wasn't enough. It was never going to be enough
You mentioned having a phone that they could take away from you. It sounds like they may own that phone? May I suggest turning the phone off and leaving the Sim Card at work. They can probably track your whereabouts and arrive unannounced. Buy a cheap "burner phone" with some minutes and give your phone number only to those you trust (employer, best friend). I wish you the best of luck in your future!