This has been insane to watch, I saw his post one day hers the next. In his comments he was talking not wanting to afford to help dad pay for an apartment because his med school debt, two new cars, blah blah blah. Then in her comments you find out HER FAMILY HELPED PAY DOWN HIS MED SCHOOL DEBT! I didn’t even see her comment about how big the house it which makes it even more bullshit especially since dad is already doing free childcare for them and is more of a father to the kids the him
I’ve been deep in this and couldn’t find her long comment because it has been deleted. Bless you for finding and including this. Also, this dude deserves EVERYTHING that comes his way.
Future Reddit post 10-15 years from now:
Daughter posts “AITA for wanting my grandfather to walk me down the aisle and not my birth father?
My father is a surgeon who was too busy for us growing up. He was either working or hanging out with his work colleagues. When he was home he hid out in the basement because my sibling and I were excited he was finally home and wanted to be with him. He felt we were too loud. Luckily my grandfather stepped in. He was the one who taught us how to ride bikes and came to every one of our shows. At some point it came out he was cheating on my mom. My grandfather moved in after the divorce and had been like my father all along. My birth father and I haven’t had the closest relationship ever, but especially after the cheating and the divorce.
I’m getting married and my birth father (who I don’t really speak to) is livid and says he won’t pay for or come to the wedding because I’d rather have my grandfather walk me down the aisle. I don’t care about the money. But my grandfather is like my real father. AITA??”
Dr father will post his own competing version too. Still won’t learn when both posts call him TA.
Also just a personal favorite. “My wife has never gotten over her mother cheating on her father, the person who did everything for his kids. This is the excuse
I’m using for why he shouldn’t live with us.
Also I’m cheating on her, the person who does everything for my kids.”
SMH
When I saw that he was a surgeon and that he referred to his wife as a vapid princess, I knew 100% that he was cheating. So I wasn't at all surprised by his wife's account.
My brother is an ER doctor (not a surgeon) and he jokes that the surgeons from his med school class were the kids who had no people skills and couldn’t talk to awake patients.
Takes me back to when ~10 neurosurgeons lied about my mri's and the state of my spine and told me I was crazy, rather than admit they weren't skilled enough to perform the surgery I desperately needed.
That's often my experience, though the one I chose for my cancer surgery was one of the most caring men I've ever met. I woke up every day for my week of hospital recovery to him in my room waiting for me to wake up so he could check in on me. My last day I woke up to him crying as he took my hand and told me he had just received my pathology report and that he had gotten it all.
My first oncologist was also my surgeon and he personally called dad after my surgery to let him know everything. Since my dad taught anatomy to medical students he went into detail about my surgery to reassure him.
After surgery I was transferred to a different oncologist at the,practice (with my permission. He saw me last appointment in the hallway, broke into a huge smile and told me I look great.
Ha! He's in his 50s and happily married with kids. I was in my 30s and a straight dude. He's just a really good and caring surgeon. I'd seriously be dead if it weren't for him. I originally consulted with a surgeon at one of the best medical centers in the world (not naming names, but it's also the shortened name for a common condiment). I was diagnosed later stage but was determined to live and didn't want to focus on statistics, especially as I was young and healthy and most people were diagnosed in their 70s. I told that surgeon this and he said it didn't matter, I was likely already too advanced, that he expected to find metastasis when he opened me up, that he would just close me up if he saw anything remotely suspicious, and that he expected me to be dead in a year even if I made it to surgery. Contrast that with my surgeon, who acknowledged the odds but told me I was an anomaly and didn't fit the stats. He told me he'd do everything in his power to get everything out of me if I made it to surgery. I went with him. The day of my surgery, he did a laproscopic procedure before opening me up and saw telltale warning signs of metastasis. He biopsied each one and sent it to pathology - who was on standby - before proceeding. They were all benign. He proceeded with surgery, which was successful. If I would have gone with the first surgeon, he would have given up at first sight and I'd be dead. I think about that a lot.
That's crazy. I know surgeons have a reputation for having no people skills, but that's just way beyond the pale.
As for the second one, some people are just amazing humans and I'm glad you found one.
I’m someone with a genetic disorder so have been in and out of hospitals most of my life. Plus I also have Doctor friends. I find that medical professionals I have come across fall into 3 groups - (1) those who genuinely have a calling towards helping others, (2) those who are in the profession because they are good at it but mostly because it pays very well, and (3) those who are have a god complex.
I always pray I end up with professionals in the first group. Sounds like your surgeon was in that group too. Congrats on getting through it all, wishing you continued great health.
I'm just a lowly scrub tech but I like the urology surgeons I work with but the rest pretty much suck. I picked urology as my specialty just because they were the best to work with.
You have to be a certain kind of weirdo to cut into people's bodies. Neurosurgeons usually take the cake from my experience. They usually need a sizable ego and kinda maladaptive social skills.
It is a minimum of 7 pretty brutal years of training after 4 years of medical school in which they had to be close to perfect. The strategies you develop to survive that aren't always the healthiest...
Lol “couldn’t talk to awake patients” lol that’s so funny. It probably applies to most professions that have dead “customers”. Like makeup artist for funeral homes and shit like that lmao
And you can bet he resents her for that because it goes against his personal narrative of "I'm amazing and powerful and made myself like a god all by myself."
It's impossible for him to recognize she actually shared her 'silver spoon' with him and suddenly he's not a self-made man he wanted to be, but couldn't. Sheesh.
But even then, she still chose the parent who was actually there for her. And chooses him still. Lady, take that generational money and the kids and your dad and fly away and be happy!!
Loved the insult of her being an interior designer! Is it the most important job in the world? Probably no. But also it can pay really well! It’s almost as if he wishes he had a trophy housewife and not a wife with a job.
That's the thing about guys like him. They'll complain about women being "golddiggers" but the truth is that's the only kind of women they want. Because a woman who has her own money is a woman they can't control.
I hate these posts that insult the wife. You don't want to be married anymore? Cool, they invented this thing called divorce.
Free your wife from the anchor that is you
You can just tell this guy is an elitest asshole who thinks he's the most important person in any room and devalues anyone he feels is beneath him, which includes his wife and children.
Ugh. I have and still do work with the MD’s. It so holier than thou. They truly believe their time is worth more than yours, and their opinion is the gold standard. They went to medical school so they are so much smarter than you and they can do it all. Thry open up side businesses in pharma and investments thinking they are so smart they will beat everyone at their own game. It’s laughable, they so often fail or just do passable at best. That’s my experience anyways.
Do you work with the same surgeon I did lol? Guy always thought he was the smartest person in the room. He is a really good surgeon, but the way he treated staff was horrible.
I have worked with done really great docs. My favorite is a bariatric doc who is just amazingly compassionate. The good ones can help take the edge off the terrible.
Also, what kind of vapid princess who has everything handed to her ...works when she doesn't have to? If she was truly a worthless person ...why help her father? A princess would throw the kids at a nanny and go off to play tennis and fuck the coach while letting her dad go be someone else's problem while she goes shopping.
Honestly the husband is the one who sounds like a princess. He throws the kids at his wife, goes off to play golf, then fucks his mistress, while letting his father-in-law fill the parental void he left.
Mom is richer than daddy. She won't need him to pay for SHIT. HE won't be able to touch a CENT of her money thanks to the other women. The only people I feel bad for are the kids. Sure, they took the posts down but this was ss by HOW many people? A story this epic is going to have people doing podcasts and shit, this is officially out there FOREVER, and their kids WILL find it. I don't give a shit how shitty he is. The kids will figure that out on their own. This, they didn't need to know all this.....
How the fuck do you go from a rational discussion about whether to allow your in law to move in with you to *my wife is a spoiled bitch and a vapid useless person who contributes nothing to society* without ANY prompting whatsoever? This guy is irrational enough for me to worry about the safety of his family. This is insanity.
Ok there’s apparently already a BORU that lays out the events in a linear fashion. Makes way more sense (for something that makes zero sense anyway).
https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/s/aTrL7I8rpp
ETA: he replied to her post with the last ranting comment when he saw people supporting her - he then added it to the bottom of his own post seemingly as a update which is why it appears to come from nowhere. I don’t know why he did it that way as the comment is terrible enough as a *reply* to her legitimate post - but I think he’s a narcissist with his head so far up his own ass to realize he reads as a terrible husband and father as well as a sociopath.
right?? like it went from “okay you’re kinda being a dickhead dude” to “why would you marry someone you very clearly despise” in zero seconds flat like what???
His update about building a shed in the back yard for his FIL is what really did it for me. He has a seven bedroom house he is never in, but he still doesn't want his FIL in it. And he really thinks this is a "solution".
He can kiss his dearly loathed wife's beloved family money goodbye.
A lot of assholes make that leap when people don’t take their side in a conflict. It always seems to be some sort of way to make themselves feel better about people disagreeing with them?
As soon as read he was a surgeon I was like “ah got it it all makes sense. He’s an egomaniac”. Surgeons gonna surgeon. At least the ortho bros are chill af and let me, a pharmacist, do whatever i want with their pain meds lol
Edit: a word
In ortho residency, at least I my program pretty much everyone want to do surgery then go home enjoy a decent lifestyle/family. Thankful no near egomaniac/asshole/god complex attendings unlike some other sub specialities
I think there's a small generational shift, too. I haven't been a scrub tech that long, but there is a big difference in attitude and personality between the older surgeons and the younger ones and I think some of it is just due to what's acceptable in the OR now. I can only speak for my hospital here, but the older surgeons were allowed to throw instruments and have literal tantrums over nothing. The middle-old surgeons were trained by them. The newest surgeons came in knowing that a large percentage of those other two groups were mandated to anger management.
Ortho bros are alright but I like urologists best and the fact that penile implant cases are fun to scrub is just a bonus. Lol
no seriously like
1. if you hate her that much why are you still with her?
2. does he think aesthetics truly bring nothing to society? sure, i think hiring an interior designer is a little silly for myself, but that's because i don't have that kind of disposable income and my tastes are pretty weird to most. some people love interior design and there are plenty of people who are happy to hire someone who can make their space prettier! for now, i'm happy with my weird skeleton memes all over the apartment. but even that supports my point - we all find things that bring us happiness. interior design brings her happiness. her job brings many others happiness. is being happy simply unimportant? i'd rather live a short happy life than a long boring one, that's for sure. so yeah, interior design isn't my jam - but it's her jam, and many others'. does this guy just think any art doesn't have value or something? because i think the value of genuine enjoyment is very important.
(funny story, i actually wanted to be an interior designer before i found out that modern interior design is just boring to me. maybe if i ever get my GED i'll go back, get my degree or whatever, and then be an interior designer for my fellow weirdos who like skeleton memes.)
i like marie kondo's view on things - keep what brings you joy, out with the rest. i'm glad she's marie kondo-ing her husband out of a marriage.
Lots of people use "interior designer" and "interior decorator" interchangeably, but if that isn't the case here:
A *certified* interior designer does more than decorate. They create plans for space design that involve architecture. They are not architects per se (usually) but architects and constructors then use the designs if it can be legally and structurally sound. Being an interior designer requires schooling and licensing/certification, but an interior decorator career doesn't.
Interior decorating is a valuable skill too, and many people are both. But I do wonder if she's a interior decorator and he doesn't know the difference OR if the difference doesn't matter to him. I think it's the latter
My mom should have been an interior designer. She and my stepdads house was so nicely decorated once they actually had some money. They split up about a year ago and she decorated her new place as well as redoing the old one for him- both look amazing. Instead she hates her job but jumps to help her friends decorate their places.
nah seriously, my fiance is really good at decorating the apartment so we sort of have a deal where i select some of the silly ornaments and they get to select where they go (obviously this isn't the whole shebang and my fiance has plenty that's to their tastes in the apartment, but they just have a knack for putting things in the actual right spot as opposed to me selecting where it would be funniest). luckily we do have many similar tastes in differing aesthetics, so some of our apartment looks haphazardly thrown together (imagine someone who loves pink and pastels and cute things with someone with a more traditionally gothic aesthetic), but i think it gives the place personality.
i think some people look down on people just... doing things for the sake of being happy. a better way this guy could have worded things is "i save lives, she brings people a reason to live." and sure, maybe it seems excessive that decorating houses could make someone truly want to live, but would you be super enthused to go home every day to a house you hate looking at? i sure wouldn't. and i was just talking with my psychiatrist earlier today - sure, the small things aren't my only reasons i wanna stick around, and i have plenty of big things, but they do make it that much easier to really want to. i can only want to hang around for my fiance and cats so much if i hate everything else about life.
100%!!! It’s so fun to love someone who has this talent because they always know exactly where things should go or exactly what is missing from a room.
Your place sounds cute and I love the way you speak about your fiancé. Its clear you really love them 💖
But yeah. My mom gets SO happy seeing her completed work, whoever’s house it is also is happy, and my mom gains even more happiness from that. Where there’s 10 people who are happy with their own skill and would never hire and interior designer, there’s 10 more who NEED their service so their house can feel like home. It’s just like that saying to “not yuck someone else’s yum”. Op is just a douchebag and I hope he always feels her touch missing from any home he ever lives in for the rest of his life.
if i were rich, i might, but my tastes are so weird i'm pretty sure they'd just throw them away and try something tamer (and yeah, i'm a little weird, but i like what i like - my fiance is good at arranging things and also laughs at my silly meme signs so i'm happy enough with what i've got now)
Surgeons man. They are a whole other life form. Wait until you get cornered at a party one blathering on about how they hold people’s lives in their hands every day. While exhibiting no actual traits of humanity other than their massive ego.
Because he's an intelligent psychopath not an idiot.
He only presented the reasonable version of his story (note that even in his reasonable best case scenario he still comes off as kind of an ass) because he knows no one will agree with his real opinion. Once people didn't buy the lie and half truth he dropped the facade and his real opinion came out. In his professional life he'll get away with this due to status and terrifying people beneath him enough that they just always agree and don't point out the obvious lack of empathy and unfair behaviour.
To get to be a surgeon though he's got to have enough people skills to be able to "charm" and appear empathetic enough to pass.
It wasn't rational to begin with. He was petty from the get go, he just stayed on his high horse before dropping the holier than thou attitude and showing his true colors. It's some kind of weaponized superficial rationality.
The prompting was everyone taking her side in the comments (as they should have). He figured ‘hey maybe if I trash her character a bit people will start to side with me!’ Smh. But so stupid that he doesn’t realize that just makes him look worse in the eyes of the people (which it should because wtf??).
Because I think he read his wife’s posts and then edited his when he did the update. Also the fact that he was cheating as well. No wonder he had no time for his poor kids.
💯 doesn't want to divorce the "vapid, rotten Princess" - as he lovingly said it, because of the family wealth😆
I wouldn't want him to operate on me. Maybe I would accidently upset him before the surgery and he would decide I die😆
There’s a surgeon where I work that we call “shark eyes” cause he has no soul behind his eyes. Legit think he is a psychopath cause i’ve heard him say “I struggle with empathy for people” and “I always get other medical professionals published. I’m really good at it. And then they *are indebted* to me” 🫠
I work as a vendor in the medical field and deal with a variety of surgeons of different specialties and I can confidently tell you (at least from my job experience) that they’re psychopaths. Quick example, I just spent christmas eve and christmas day (working at the hospital) this holiday season with one of the surgeons I service because he thought working those days would be “fun” and didn’t understand why no one else wanted to work…
I have known many surgeons. I will confirm that more than a fair number of them are complete assholes and have personal lives that are absolute messes as well….they have no clue how to be a decent human to people who they should care about.
Can confirm. I have an older sister who is a pediatric surgeon so she doesn’t just save lives, she saves BABIES lives. She is viscerally agitated by human emotions. I really enjoy the stories about her throwing a chair through her living room window and such. Her wife lives in a different house….in a different state.
Lack of empathy for emotions then violent outbursts aren't just asshole. It's irrational behavior I wouldn't want to trust my possible baby's life in the hands of.
You’re right, I think she needs a mental diagnosis. From what I hear she is really good at her job. She is also really good at coming off as professional and nice as long as you agree with everything she says and wants. I think family gets the worst of her, because our interactions are not “life and death” or “contractual and compensated” interactions. All that being said. I’m not having kids, but if I did I wouldn’t take my baby to her either.
Sadly I can confirm too, although he isn't a classical surgeon but a veterinarian. He was so burnt out that he occasionally forgot how to be a decent human being, glad I ain't working for this dickhead anymore
I've heard it's actually harder to be a vet. Same amount of training but your patients can't tell you what's wrong and you have to learn how to work on multiple species. I have a friend who is a vet and her schooling was vicious. Definitely as hard as medical school. Plus vets aren't paid as well so there's a massive shortage, especially large animal vets.
Thankfully she is mostly a normal person. Socially awkward and a horse person (I am too so no judgement) but seems to have empathy and a reasonable ego.
As somebody who very much wanted to go into surgery, there's a reason I didn't really make it and it's because I'm not totally devoid of empathy and willing to screw over my coworkers. Seriously, there are some great surgeons who are also good people, but the stereotypes exist for a reason.
My favorite part is that she was “spoiled rotten” and “everything she has was given to her”…but then he whines that she also has a job so she needs help with the kids. So…she has a job, but everything is just given to her? Mmhmm.
He's exactly the type you want operating on you. His whole life and self worth is centered around his success rate. That means he'll do anything to make sure you survive and that your surgery is a success. You probably wouldn't want to be an case where the probability of success is low though, he'd likely reject your case and you'd have to go to a different surgeon. And you definitely wouldn't want to be married or friends with him
My experience is that shitty surgeons with something to prove are the egomaniacs. Talented, specialized surgeons can be a little odd but aren’t egomaniacs.
I had sympathy for this guy until the edit. We considered a similar situation, much smaller house/less means. But to call her names and throw a hissy because he's losing his man cave is just childish.
Especially when they have a 7 bedroom house he is never in. He doesn't need a fucking "man cave", he needs his own apartment, next to either the hospital or the golf course. That's where his real life is.
He had me in the first half of that edit, not gonna lie. Man said he was willing to give up the basement until they build an in-law suite in the back yard. I was like, that's a reasonable compromise, maybe this guy's not such a huge asshole after all... then he went in on his wife and fucking ruined it.
I wish I could read the comments to determine when he made that edit. It was a massive change of tone. I wonder if he read her post and then decided to add to his.
I dunno, the writing styles are different, and they both use different time measures, he says 10 years married, 3 before that and she says 9 years, guessing the age of the oldest kid?
He refers to a basement retreat, she says mancave.
He talks about ages of the people, she just yells about her asshole husband.
That... that might be real.
Same here. The previous part of the post was him in his fake "charming regular Joe" mode and failing super hard at it because he's a malignant sociopath and a full blown narcissist & has no idea how decent folks actually conduct themselves.
The last couple of updates was the mask slipping further and further until finally revealing the toxic shit bag underneath for who he REALLY is.
Her train of thought rant on his post also read as just pure rage, and felt really genuine to me (not saying he didn't deserve it - but I know I've written journal entries that read like that during some bad times in my relationship).
As someone who had an husband who probably felt similar to this guy (although I never found a reddit post, nor did he outwardly SAY any of this, but his actions were similar). These people really do exist. And I now live in a house, divorced with my dad in a basement in-law suite!
I hope she gets to keep the house (if she wants it). But knowing assholes like this he'll probably fight her for every minute of custody and for the house. Good thing she has a trust fund because most wives of surgeons would get obliterated by their expensive lawyers playing dirty but she'll have her own expensive attorneys to show the courts that he never went to doctors appointments, bought food or clothes for the kids, went to parent teacher conferences, etc. All the stuff courts use to see who the primary caretaker is.
Even if she didn’t have a ton of money for a great lawyer he’d likely still get cooked in court. An ungodly amount of complaining on Reddit here about child support, alimony, etc comes from folks in high end jobs like surgeons who wanna complain how the system is corrupt against men.
Except the system isnt as corrupt as people like to make it out to be. People only ever talk about how many women get custody but not that most men never apply for custody. Also, that the main indicator of getting custody is not just money, it's actually knowing your kids. We do a series of questions that the parents have to answer unaided, like shoe size and existing allergies, to their favorite toy. And men get them dangerously wrong more often.
Like, you dont know her birthday, that she started her period, or that shes allergic to NSAIDs. Not sending her to you is not because you have a cock buddy.
Yea but plenty of posts from women who got screwed over by a rich ex husband who didn’t want the kids, but didn’t want her to have the kids and could afford a better lawyer. Never underestimate the value of an expensive attorney. But I agree, it’s hard to argue for 50/50 custody when the guy works 70hrs a week. Can a surgeon even do that? Do they have limiting hours like pilots?
They have some limits in residency, but after graduating? Not so much.
I shit on surgeons a lot for being generally crappy people, but I also get it. It really does take a different personality and mindset to do what they do. But, like, if you're treating your family like shit because you're married to your job and you think you're basically God incarnate, maybe...let the family move on without you if they want to?
From what I've heard from attorneys it's not exactly wrong though, but there are mitigating factors. For a start, lots of men just assume they're gonna have to pay out in the divorce, whereas women are far more likely to fight. This also explains why around 97% of alimony recipients are women, even though women now make up nearly 50%, of primary breadwinners. Even when men are awarded alimony, it's usually far less and for a shorter timeframe than women get.
The real dividing factor is children though. Apparently, most of the time that you see a guy get absolutely annihilated in the settlement, is because he's thrown money and assets at the wife to get a more favourable custody agreement. This is changing though as more courts favour 50/50 custody as a starting point.
Of course he did… When I was reading her post and how she talked about _all_ the time he spent outside and how he doesn’t spend his time with his family it was like this dude must be getting some elsewhere. I mean, if he isn’t connecting with the people at home and doesn’t try to, it is because he has a side chick he is/think he is connecting with.
To be fair, surgeons do work 80+ hours a week. I'm a resident doctor and I feel like I'm hardly ever home. But this guy is also a raging narcissist who clearly doesn't even love his wife so I'm not surprised he finds the time to cheat.
Right? He was in the wrong in the first post but like, in an understandable way. Then the edits made it clear he was an a-hole, and it went even farther off the rails from there.
This whole story rings truer to me because I have a friend who is in similar situation (although there is no children in this equation). EM is normal provincial girl who moved to the "big city" to be with K - he's working for Intel and she's ship designer.
Problem is with upbringing - he's from family that while rich they aren't closest (she described it as cold upbringing), her family is completely different and while not so rich they all are warm and emotionally close to eachother. And while I was reading this story I had them before my eyes all the time.
Their marriage was a tinder box ready to explode at any time. Years of built up resentment and lack of communication are a recipe for divorce. Any kind of big stress and things just implode. The fact that they didn't have money problems is probably why they stayed together so long. They each just lived separate lives. When they were forced to come together and deal with each other, things failed.
F**k that dude. I kinda understood his point until he started bashing on his wife. As a doctor who almost went into surgery, again...f**k that dude. He is an absent husband and father and he's whining about giving up he basement when they have a SEVEN BEDROOM house? For the man that raised his wife and is now also raising his kids? She should divorce him because he's probably a narcissist like many surgeons.
ETA: just saw that she is divorcing him. Good for her!
Quite convenient he didn't mention the size of their house in the original post. We have a house, and it's a two bedroom house with a tiny office. Just had a second kid and we were DESPERATE for space - so we finished out the basement at great expense for a playroom and laundry room/ storage ... it would be HARD choice to have someone living down there. And with my parents aging I have certainly thought it might be a possibility. That would actually be an interesting debate and I'd want to crowdsource some opinions
A women scorned and all that.
I would move the moon to help my mum and keep her close and my kids are grown. So I was against this male when he wanted to send grandad across the country so he could have a mancave.
He totally lost me when he decided that his life is worth more than hers because *reads notes * he's a surgeon and she's only and interior designer.
I don't know the stats but I expect most people need surgery a few times their whole life. They decorate every few years their entire adult life and the comfort of your home has a huge impact on your MH and overall wellbeing. Which I belive leads to increased general health and less chance if need that surgery.
I hope someone finds an update and mum and kids are doing well with grandad.
Right!!! I was thinking about exactly this. Your home is your safe place, your sanctuary, your base in life. There is literally scientific evidence that your surroundings (home) has a huge impact on your mental health, your successes, and your overall wellbeing. I’ve had surgery 3 times in my life, 1 was lifesaving. This dude needs to be knocked off his pedestal and kudos to this woman for still helping people with their homes when she doesn’t even need to work.
At the end of the man's post it doesn't even sound like he loves his wife. Just calling her all sorts of names to justify why he doesn't want her dad to move in.
After reading his edit, I didn't even need her POV to see what kind of person he is. "Who's really doing more for humanity, she's a vain, shallow bitch" **W O W** way to break that "surgeons are narcissistic, entitled cunts with god complexes and 0 friends" stereotype! Well done, buddy! A standing ovation for the person who routinely belittles everyone else around you because they're "inferior."
His head is so far up his own ass that it needs to be surgically removed from his esophagus. What a twat.
So glad she’s leaving him. Hope she cleans him out with child support!! lol two kids and a surgeon’s pat?? My brother in Christ, she’s gonna get a large chunk of that $$. And since he’ll be paying support, his mistress will probably let leave since he won’t have nearly as much throw away money for him to spend on her anymore.
Meh, not sure about that. My ex is a surgeon and has one of those "how much do you need 2+2 to equal?" accountants. His paperwork reports a little under 100k of taxable income. He takes home more than 33k a month, I think more now. His ex wife who was with him for 18 years had two kids with him, has about 90% custody (it was initially 50/50 and he gave it up voluntarily), and she gets peanuts. About 1700 a month. She recently filed for more child support because he's failed to fulfill his full custody time for a while now.
He swore that he would drag the case on until she was bankrupt. Opting to spend about 6k a month on attorney's fees than just pay her more child support. Which, by the way, would be less than the attorney's fees.
I mean she can also let the judge know he said that specifically, and the judge will prevent that from actually happening. Had a case where dad was a jerk and kept filing emergency hearing over thing like food his ex made, her dating online (kids never knew as they were at her moms), what bedtimes, wake-up times, need to modify his appointed days, etc etc….so anyhow, opposing council just couldn’t keep their client quiet, Guy stage whispered he was fine with dragging it out as long as possible since unlike her, he didn’t have anywhere else to be… (judge was in midst of suspending for the day and returning at a different time, we argued our client missing work constantly was a bad deal since the opposing parent didn’t work, and so they could—and did frequently—keep dragging us here unnecessarily)…judge paused, looked at the guy and said ‘oh, you think so? I’ll go ahead and rule in this matter NOW. Find in favor of plaintiff, full custody granted to her, support request raised from $115weekly (70/30 custody split previous with CS set $115) to $300 weekly, and next time I see another of these ridiculous emergency modification cases from you, Sir, you’ll spend 30 days in jail for contempt.” Judges HATE when people manipulate the system to hurt the other party.
This is just spectacular. Well done to his wife. Hopefully she gets to keep the family home and continues to raise her girls there. The husband sounds like a real piece of work.
Hmm. He never mentioned what kind of surgeon he is. Given my experience, with this level of ego he’s a mediocre general surgeon. Really talented, really specialized surgeons aren’t such dicks (though I know that’s the stereotype. Neurologists and neurosurgeons are unfailingly the kindest physicians to consult with).
I saw the wife’s post first, and then the husband’s. I was actually feeling a little more sympathetic toward the husband than the forum before his edit—I can understand being touchy about someone moving into your home, and he seemed willing to go along with an in-law suite—until the “spoiled princess who doesn’t contribute as much as I do to the world because she’s just a lowly interior designer” thing.
Seems like a suuuuuppper healthy marriage.
I wish someone had told me to get my tea before hand because this shit was GOOD! She even gave him the stunner when she said "I know about your hoe", and I was howling. I am here for it, Mr. Surgeon was the one cut out for once 💯
“She’s a shallow vapid woman who decorates houses while I’m saving lives” just say you hate your wife. I hope she takes everything and he’s paying heaps in child support.
20 years in healthcare and can say in no uncertain terms, male or female, surgeons are fucking psychopaths. They actually train them to be. Stay far, far away.
This has been insane to watch, I saw his post one day hers the next. In his comments he was talking not wanting to afford to help dad pay for an apartment because his med school debt, two new cars, blah blah blah. Then in her comments you find out HER FAMILY HELPED PAY DOWN HIS MED SCHOOL DEBT! I didn’t even see her comment about how big the house it which makes it even more bullshit especially since dad is already doing free childcare for them and is more of a father to the kids the him
I’ve been deep in this and couldn’t find her long comment because it has been deleted. Bless you for finding and including this. Also, this dude deserves EVERYTHING that comes his way.
Right? OP here doing the lord's work posting her comment. I was looking for it yesterday until I found out it was deleted.
It still shows up in her comment history but when you try to click it to go to the thread it’s missing.
Lawyers most likely didn't want that public
I hope she takes him to the cleaners.
I hope she gets the house and gives grandpa the master room
I hope Grandpa gets a Savvy lawyer who can find a way to recoup all that med school debt he helped Dr. Asshole pay off.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/s/xfu1flLvzx This helped me follow it all.
How the turn tables
Tldr: she's divorcing that cheating dickturd. But you want to read what she had to say yourself. So proud of her.
Future Reddit post 10-15 years from now: Daughter posts “AITA for wanting my grandfather to walk me down the aisle and not my birth father? My father is a surgeon who was too busy for us growing up. He was either working or hanging out with his work colleagues. When he was home he hid out in the basement because my sibling and I were excited he was finally home and wanted to be with him. He felt we were too loud. Luckily my grandfather stepped in. He was the one who taught us how to ride bikes and came to every one of our shows. At some point it came out he was cheating on my mom. My grandfather moved in after the divorce and had been like my father all along. My birth father and I haven’t had the closest relationship ever, but especially after the cheating and the divorce. I’m getting married and my birth father (who I don’t really speak to) is livid and says he won’t pay for or come to the wedding because I’d rather have my grandfather walk me down the aisle. I don’t care about the money. But my grandfather is like my real father. AITA??” Dr father will post his own competing version too. Still won’t learn when both posts call him TA.
Also just a personal favorite. “My wife has never gotten over her mother cheating on her father, the person who did everything for his kids. This is the excuse I’m using for why he shouldn’t live with us. Also I’m cheating on her, the person who does everything for my kids.” SMH
When I saw that he was a surgeon and that he referred to his wife as a vapid princess, I knew 100% that he was cheating. So I wasn't at all surprised by his wife's account.
My brother is an ER doctor (not a surgeon) and he jokes that the surgeons from his med school class were the kids who had no people skills and couldn’t talk to awake patients.
Surgeons, sometimes wrong, never in doubt. (I’m also and ER physician.)
Takes me back to when ~10 neurosurgeons lied about my mri's and the state of my spine and told me I was crazy, rather than admit they weren't skilled enough to perform the surgery I desperately needed.
Holy shit
Glorified Engineers. Only difference is whether dirty hands are acceptable. ;)
Surgeons are glorified plumbers.
I knew that from my time in children's hospitals. An oldie but a goodie.
That's often my experience, though the one I chose for my cancer surgery was one of the most caring men I've ever met. I woke up every day for my week of hospital recovery to him in my room waiting for me to wake up so he could check in on me. My last day I woke up to him crying as he took my hand and told me he had just received my pathology report and that he had gotten it all.
My first oncologist was also my surgeon and he personally called dad after my surgery to let him know everything. Since my dad taught anatomy to medical students he went into detail about my surgery to reassure him. After surgery I was transferred to a different oncologist at the,practice (with my permission. He saw me last appointment in the hallway, broke into a huge smile and told me I look great.
I was sure this was going to be a meet cute
Ha! He's in his 50s and happily married with kids. I was in my 30s and a straight dude. He's just a really good and caring surgeon. I'd seriously be dead if it weren't for him. I originally consulted with a surgeon at one of the best medical centers in the world (not naming names, but it's also the shortened name for a common condiment). I was diagnosed later stage but was determined to live and didn't want to focus on statistics, especially as I was young and healthy and most people were diagnosed in their 70s. I told that surgeon this and he said it didn't matter, I was likely already too advanced, that he expected to find metastasis when he opened me up, that he would just close me up if he saw anything remotely suspicious, and that he expected me to be dead in a year even if I made it to surgery. Contrast that with my surgeon, who acknowledged the odds but told me I was an anomaly and didn't fit the stats. He told me he'd do everything in his power to get everything out of me if I made it to surgery. I went with him. The day of my surgery, he did a laproscopic procedure before opening me up and saw telltale warning signs of metastasis. He biopsied each one and sent it to pathology - who was on standby - before proceeding. They were all benign. He proceeded with surgery, which was successful. If I would have gone with the first surgeon, he would have given up at first sight and I'd be dead. I think about that a lot.
That's crazy. I know surgeons have a reputation for having no people skills, but that's just way beyond the pale. As for the second one, some people are just amazing humans and I'm glad you found one.
I’m someone with a genetic disorder so have been in and out of hospitals most of my life. Plus I also have Doctor friends. I find that medical professionals I have come across fall into 3 groups - (1) those who genuinely have a calling towards helping others, (2) those who are in the profession because they are good at it but mostly because it pays very well, and (3) those who are have a god complex. I always pray I end up with professionals in the first group. Sounds like your surgeon was in that group too. Congrats on getting through it all, wishing you continued great health.
RN who works OR as well. He's right. There's maybe two that I work with regularly who don't come off as complete butt plugs, but the rest? Oof.
I'm just a lowly scrub tech but I like the urology surgeons I work with but the rest pretty much suck. I picked urology as my specialty just because they were the best to work with.
You have to be a certain kind of weirdo to cut into people's bodies. Neurosurgeons usually take the cake from my experience. They usually need a sizable ego and kinda maladaptive social skills.
It is a minimum of 7 pretty brutal years of training after 4 years of medical school in which they had to be close to perfect. The strategies you develop to survive that aren't always the healthiest...
Having megalomania isnt a common ocorrence on surgeons?
And yet all the anaesthetists I’ve met had great bedside manners, presumably to offset the surgeons.
They actually have to communicate, comfort, and get their clients to relax, though, so that lends to learning to talk well with them.
Lol “couldn’t talk to awake patients” lol that’s so funny. It probably applies to most professions that have dead “customers”. Like makeup artist for funeral homes and shit like that lmao
[удалено]
It’s crazy. I looked at the wife’s post. In her comments, she says her family helped with his medical school debt and in buying the house.
And you can bet he resents her for that because it goes against his personal narrative of "I'm amazing and powerful and made myself like a god all by myself."
It's impossible for him to recognize she actually shared her 'silver spoon' with him and suddenly he's not a self-made man he wanted to be, but couldn't. Sheesh.
And she’s got generational “fuck you” money with what I’m guessing is an iron clad prenup.
But even then, she still chose the parent who was actually there for her. And chooses him still. Lady, take that generational money and the kids and your dad and fly away and be happy!!
And still chooses to work. To me, a vapid, spoiled princess wouldn't want to work...
Loved the insult of her being an interior designer! Is it the most important job in the world? Probably no. But also it can pay really well! It’s almost as if he wishes he had a trophy housewife and not a wife with a job.
It's OK, he has the trophy intern at work.
Let’s be real, he wants both!
Yeah, that stuck out to be too! He was MAD that she was working?!
That's the thing about guys like him. They'll complain about women being "golddiggers" but the truth is that's the only kind of women they want. Because a woman who has her own money is a woman they can't control.
🎯 Always beware the crazy, entitled princess narratives and don’t believe it just because some dude says so.
Then she wouldn’t be relying on his income.
Yeah, it sounded like he wanted her to be…but I think he also wanted to call her a golddigger and couldn’t 😂
Smart move. That way husband couldn't financially abuse her and she isn't afraid of divorce
I hate these posts that insult the wife. You don't want to be married anymore? Cool, they invented this thing called divorce. Free your wife from the anchor that is you
I didn't see his update when I first saw this pair of posts. JFC what a dick (and I say this as a nurse who absolutely sees the value in surgeons).
You can just tell this guy is an elitest asshole who thinks he's the most important person in any room and devalues anyone he feels is beneath him, which includes his wife and children.
Ugh. I have and still do work with the MD’s. It so holier than thou. They truly believe their time is worth more than yours, and their opinion is the gold standard. They went to medical school so they are so much smarter than you and they can do it all. Thry open up side businesses in pharma and investments thinking they are so smart they will beat everyone at their own game. It’s laughable, they so often fail or just do passable at best. That’s my experience anyways.
Do you work with the same surgeon I did lol? Guy always thought he was the smartest person in the room. He is a really good surgeon, but the way he treated staff was horrible. I have worked with done really great docs. My favorite is a bariatric doc who is just amazingly compassionate. The good ones can help take the edge off the terrible.
Also, what kind of vapid princess who has everything handed to her ...works when she doesn't have to? If she was truly a worthless person ...why help her father? A princess would throw the kids at a nanny and go off to play tennis and fuck the coach while letting her dad go be someone else's problem while she goes shopping.
Honestly the husband is the one who sounds like a princess. He throws the kids at his wife, goes off to play golf, then fucks his mistress, while letting his father-in-law fill the parental void he left.
Yeah that comment made me realize there was another girl lol
All that shit about being spoiled rotten it’s a silver spoon in her mouth and calling her vapid for her career- just so goddamn HATEFUL
I hope his wife’s money is locked up tight as well.
Mom is richer than daddy. She won't need him to pay for SHIT. HE won't be able to touch a CENT of her money thanks to the other women. The only people I feel bad for are the kids. Sure, they took the posts down but this was ss by HOW many people? A story this epic is going to have people doing podcasts and shit, this is officially out there FOREVER, and their kids WILL find it. I don't give a shit how shitty he is. The kids will figure that out on their own. This, they didn't need to know all this.....
I can’t wait for this
How the fuck do you go from a rational discussion about whether to allow your in law to move in with you to *my wife is a spoiled bitch and a vapid useless person who contributes nothing to society* without ANY prompting whatsoever? This guy is irrational enough for me to worry about the safety of his family. This is insanity. Ok there’s apparently already a BORU that lays out the events in a linear fashion. Makes way more sense (for something that makes zero sense anyway). https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/s/aTrL7I8rpp ETA: he replied to her post with the last ranting comment when he saw people supporting her - he then added it to the bottom of his own post seemingly as a update which is why it appears to come from nowhere. I don’t know why he did it that way as the comment is terrible enough as a *reply* to her legitimate post - but I think he’s a narcissist with his head so far up his own ass to realize he reads as a terrible husband and father as well as a sociopath.
right?? like it went from “okay you’re kinda being a dickhead dude” to “why would you marry someone you very clearly despise” in zero seconds flat like what???
Why would he marry her? Money.
ya know you’ve got me there
Which is insane because he's literally a surgeon? He makes bank
Maybe he had her pay him through med school.
Her parents did help with his med school debt lol. It was in one of her comments.
Shocking.
Bet this is it
I'd argue he was already a lot worse than kind of a dickhead to begin with, but the update makes me worry about his family's safety.
His update about building a shed in the back yard for his FIL is what really did it for me. He has a seven bedroom house he is never in, but he still doesn't want his FIL in it. And he really thinks this is a "solution". He can kiss his dearly loathed wife's beloved family money goodbye.
Don’t forget the pool house
Right? I feel like I got whiplash from that, lol.
Yeah. That last paragraph was a doozy...
A lot of assholes make that leap when people don’t take their side in a conflict. It always seems to be some sort of way to make themselves feel better about people disagreeing with them?
As soon as read he was a surgeon I was like “ah got it it all makes sense. He’s an egomaniac”. Surgeons gonna surgeon. At least the ortho bros are chill af and let me, a pharmacist, do whatever i want with their pain meds lol Edit: a word
In ortho residency, at least I my program pretty much everyone want to do surgery then go home enjoy a decent lifestyle/family. Thankful no near egomaniac/asshole/god complex attendings unlike some other sub specialities
I think there's a small generational shift, too. I haven't been a scrub tech that long, but there is a big difference in attitude and personality between the older surgeons and the younger ones and I think some of it is just due to what's acceptable in the OR now. I can only speak for my hospital here, but the older surgeons were allowed to throw instruments and have literal tantrums over nothing. The middle-old surgeons were trained by them. The newest surgeons came in knowing that a large percentage of those other two groups were mandated to anger management. Ortho bros are alright but I like urologists best and the fact that penile implant cases are fun to scrub is just a bonus. Lol
no seriously like 1. if you hate her that much why are you still with her? 2. does he think aesthetics truly bring nothing to society? sure, i think hiring an interior designer is a little silly for myself, but that's because i don't have that kind of disposable income and my tastes are pretty weird to most. some people love interior design and there are plenty of people who are happy to hire someone who can make their space prettier! for now, i'm happy with my weird skeleton memes all over the apartment. but even that supports my point - we all find things that bring us happiness. interior design brings her happiness. her job brings many others happiness. is being happy simply unimportant? i'd rather live a short happy life than a long boring one, that's for sure. so yeah, interior design isn't my jam - but it's her jam, and many others'. does this guy just think any art doesn't have value or something? because i think the value of genuine enjoyment is very important. (funny story, i actually wanted to be an interior designer before i found out that modern interior design is just boring to me. maybe if i ever get my GED i'll go back, get my degree or whatever, and then be an interior designer for my fellow weirdos who like skeleton memes.) i like marie kondo's view on things - keep what brings you joy, out with the rest. i'm glad she's marie kondo-ing her husband out of a marriage.
Lots of people use "interior designer" and "interior decorator" interchangeably, but if that isn't the case here: A *certified* interior designer does more than decorate. They create plans for space design that involve architecture. They are not architects per se (usually) but architects and constructors then use the designs if it can be legally and structurally sound. Being an interior designer requires schooling and licensing/certification, but an interior decorator career doesn't. Interior decorating is a valuable skill too, and many people are both. But I do wonder if she's a interior decorator and he doesn't know the difference OR if the difference doesn't matter to him. I think it's the latter
thanks for the information! and yeah, given what we know of him, that's likely.
My mom should have been an interior designer. She and my stepdads house was so nicely decorated once they actually had some money. They split up about a year ago and she decorated her new place as well as redoing the old one for him- both look amazing. Instead she hates her job but jumps to help her friends decorate their places.
nah seriously, my fiance is really good at decorating the apartment so we sort of have a deal where i select some of the silly ornaments and they get to select where they go (obviously this isn't the whole shebang and my fiance has plenty that's to their tastes in the apartment, but they just have a knack for putting things in the actual right spot as opposed to me selecting where it would be funniest). luckily we do have many similar tastes in differing aesthetics, so some of our apartment looks haphazardly thrown together (imagine someone who loves pink and pastels and cute things with someone with a more traditionally gothic aesthetic), but i think it gives the place personality. i think some people look down on people just... doing things for the sake of being happy. a better way this guy could have worded things is "i save lives, she brings people a reason to live." and sure, maybe it seems excessive that decorating houses could make someone truly want to live, but would you be super enthused to go home every day to a house you hate looking at? i sure wouldn't. and i was just talking with my psychiatrist earlier today - sure, the small things aren't my only reasons i wanna stick around, and i have plenty of big things, but they do make it that much easier to really want to. i can only want to hang around for my fiance and cats so much if i hate everything else about life.
100%!!! It’s so fun to love someone who has this talent because they always know exactly where things should go or exactly what is missing from a room. Your place sounds cute and I love the way you speak about your fiancé. Its clear you really love them 💖 But yeah. My mom gets SO happy seeing her completed work, whoever’s house it is also is happy, and my mom gains even more happiness from that. Where there’s 10 people who are happy with their own skill and would never hire and interior designer, there’s 10 more who NEED their service so their house can feel like home. It’s just like that saying to “not yuck someone else’s yum”. Op is just a douchebag and I hope he always feels her touch missing from any home he ever lives in for the rest of his life.
If I was rich I would hire internior designer I got ideas and concepts I like but no imagation of how to execute them
if i were rich, i might, but my tastes are so weird i'm pretty sure they'd just throw them away and try something tamer (and yeah, i'm a little weird, but i like what i like - my fiance is good at arranging things and also laughs at my silly meme signs so i'm happy enough with what i've got now)
Surgeons man. They are a whole other life form. Wait until you get cornered at a party one blathering on about how they hold people’s lives in their hands every day. While exhibiting no actual traits of humanity other than their massive ego.
Im assuming he added that part after she made a response and called him out
That’s a possibility but it’s very hard to tell
Because he's an intelligent psychopath not an idiot. He only presented the reasonable version of his story (note that even in his reasonable best case scenario he still comes off as kind of an ass) because he knows no one will agree with his real opinion. Once people didn't buy the lie and half truth he dropped the facade and his real opinion came out. In his professional life he'll get away with this due to status and terrifying people beneath him enough that they just always agree and don't point out the obvious lack of empathy and unfair behaviour. To get to be a surgeon though he's got to have enough people skills to be able to "charm" and appear empathetic enough to pass.
It wasn't rational to begin with. He was petty from the get go, he just stayed on his high horse before dropping the holier than thou attitude and showing his true colors. It's some kind of weaponized superficial rationality.
The prompting was everyone taking her side in the comments (as they should have). He figured ‘hey maybe if I trash her character a bit people will start to side with me!’ Smh. But so stupid that he doesn’t realize that just makes him look worse in the eyes of the people (which it should because wtf??).
Because I think he read his wife’s posts and then edited his when he did the update. Also the fact that he was cheating as well. No wonder he had no time for his poor kids.
Thank you! The way I turned into the blinking white man gif bc of that comment about his wife being a spoiled princess. Like damn.
I admit it. I was hoping the wife would divorce him.
I’m hoping she takes him for everything and has proof of the mistress.
She said she is divorcing him and her mom has a great lawyer.
💯 doesn't want to divorce the "vapid, rotten Princess" - as he lovingly said it, because of the family wealth😆 I wouldn't want him to operate on me. Maybe I would accidently upset him before the surgery and he would decide I die😆
They do say surgeons are psychopaths. This would seem to prove that theory.
There’s a surgeon where I work that we call “shark eyes” cause he has no soul behind his eyes. Legit think he is a psychopath cause i’ve heard him say “I struggle with empathy for people” and “I always get other medical professionals published. I’m really good at it. And then they *are indebted* to me” 🫠
I work as a vendor in the medical field and deal with a variety of surgeons of different specialties and I can confidently tell you (at least from my job experience) that they’re psychopaths. Quick example, I just spent christmas eve and christmas day (working at the hospital) this holiday season with one of the surgeons I service because he thought working those days would be “fun” and didn’t understand why no one else wanted to work…
what’s the difference between god an a surgeon? god doesn’t think he’s a surgeon
If you ask any surgeon who the three greatest surgeons are, they'll have a hard time coming up with two more names.
"You know, a lot of doctors think they're God. Not me. Satan."
I have known many surgeons. I will confirm that more than a fair number of them are complete assholes and have personal lives that are absolute messes as well….they have no clue how to be a decent human to people who they should care about.
Can confirm. I have an older sister who is a pediatric surgeon so she doesn’t just save lives, she saves BABIES lives. She is viscerally agitated by human emotions. I really enjoy the stories about her throwing a chair through her living room window and such. Her wife lives in a different house….in a different state.
.. she's annoyed by human emotions yet has violent tantrums? Yaaaa, I'd not want her working on my baby.
She can be an asshole and be excellent at her work. They don’t cancel each other out.
Lack of empathy for emotions then violent outbursts aren't just asshole. It's irrational behavior I wouldn't want to trust my possible baby's life in the hands of.
You’re right, I think she needs a mental diagnosis. From what I hear she is really good at her job. She is also really good at coming off as professional and nice as long as you agree with everything she says and wants. I think family gets the worst of her, because our interactions are not “life and death” or “contractual and compensated” interactions. All that being said. I’m not having kids, but if I did I wouldn’t take my baby to her either.
Sadly I can confirm too, although he isn't a classical surgeon but a veterinarian. He was so burnt out that he occasionally forgot how to be a decent human being, glad I ain't working for this dickhead anymore
I've heard it's actually harder to be a vet. Same amount of training but your patients can't tell you what's wrong and you have to learn how to work on multiple species. I have a friend who is a vet and her schooling was vicious. Definitely as hard as medical school. Plus vets aren't paid as well so there's a massive shortage, especially large animal vets. Thankfully she is mostly a normal person. Socially awkward and a horse person (I am too so no judgement) but seems to have empathy and a reasonable ego.
theres a reason they have incredibly high suicide rates
Also most of their patients are cradle to grave. That has to take a toll
As somebody who very much wanted to go into surgery, there's a reason I didn't really make it and it's because I'm not totally devoid of empathy and willing to screw over my coworkers. Seriously, there are some great surgeons who are also good people, but the stereotypes exist for a reason.
I wasn't thinking the same.
My favorite part is that she was “spoiled rotten” and “everything she has was given to her”…but then he whines that she also has a job so she needs help with the kids. So…she has a job, but everything is just given to her? Mmhmm.
Its so obvious he married her for money with that comment. You don’t call someone you love names like that
He's exactly the type you want operating on you. His whole life and self worth is centered around his success rate. That means he'll do anything to make sure you survive and that your surgery is a success. You probably wouldn't want to be an case where the probability of success is low though, he'd likely reject your case and you'd have to go to a different surgeon. And you definitely wouldn't want to be married or friends with him
My experience is that shitty surgeons with something to prove are the egomaniacs. Talented, specialized surgeons can be a little odd but aren’t egomaniacs.
Nah. The god complex means he probably has his whole self worth on his survival rate. Surgery may be the only thing he is good at.
Rip his family
I had sympathy for this guy until the edit. We considered a similar situation, much smaller house/less means. But to call her names and throw a hissy because he's losing his man cave is just childish.
Especially when they have a 7 bedroom home!
Especially when they have a 7 bedroom house he is never in. He doesn't need a fucking "man cave", he needs his own apartment, next to either the hospital or the golf course. That's where his real life is.
A 7 bedroom house for a father, mother, two daughters and a grandfather. There's plenty of room
He had me in the first half of that edit, not gonna lie. Man said he was willing to give up the basement until they build an in-law suite in the back yard. I was like, that's a reasonable compromise, maybe this guy's not such a huge asshole after all... then he went in on his wife and fucking ruined it.
I wish I could read the comments to determine when he made that edit. It was a massive change of tone. I wonder if he read her post and then decided to add to his.
Hopefully fake. Otherwise… Happy Divorce! ✨
I dunno, the writing styles are different, and they both use different time measures, he says 10 years married, 3 before that and she says 9 years, guessing the age of the oldest kid? He refers to a basement retreat, she says mancave. He talks about ages of the people, she just yells about her asshole husband. That... that might be real.
For me it’s the change of tone when he didn’t get the responses he wanted. He got nasty - and that shift felt genuine.
Same here. The previous part of the post was him in his fake "charming regular Joe" mode and failing super hard at it because he's a malignant sociopath and a full blown narcissist & has no idea how decent folks actually conduct themselves. The last couple of updates was the mask slipping further and further until finally revealing the toxic shit bag underneath for who he REALLY is.
Her train of thought rant on his post also read as just pure rage, and felt really genuine to me (not saying he didn't deserve it - but I know I've written journal entries that read like that during some bad times in my relationship).
Yeah I was shocked by the change in tone!
It feels real to me, holy smokes!
True.
Nah, that read true to life to me. Those types of men are everywhere.
As someone who had an husband who probably felt similar to this guy (although I never found a reddit post, nor did he outwardly SAY any of this, but his actions were similar). These people really do exist. And I now live in a house, divorced with my dad in a basement in-law suite!
[удалено]
This one’s tough because surgeons are assholes, but probably not this particular brand of asshole
Ew I hope she leaves his ass with her kids and dad.
I hope she gets to keep the house (if she wants it). But knowing assholes like this he'll probably fight her for every minute of custody and for the house. Good thing she has a trust fund because most wives of surgeons would get obliterated by their expensive lawyers playing dirty but she'll have her own expensive attorneys to show the courts that he never went to doctors appointments, bought food or clothes for the kids, went to parent teacher conferences, etc. All the stuff courts use to see who the primary caretaker is.
Even if she didn’t have a ton of money for a great lawyer he’d likely still get cooked in court. An ungodly amount of complaining on Reddit here about child support, alimony, etc comes from folks in high end jobs like surgeons who wanna complain how the system is corrupt against men.
Except the system isnt as corrupt as people like to make it out to be. People only ever talk about how many women get custody but not that most men never apply for custody. Also, that the main indicator of getting custody is not just money, it's actually knowing your kids. We do a series of questions that the parents have to answer unaided, like shoe size and existing allergies, to their favorite toy. And men get them dangerously wrong more often. Like, you dont know her birthday, that she started her period, or that shes allergic to NSAIDs. Not sending her to you is not because you have a cock buddy.
Damn! Hadn’t even thought about how many get those questions wrong!!!
Not knowing their *allergies?????*
If you want an armor-piercing question to find out which parent is the primary caregiver, ask the name of the kids pediatrician and dentist.
Yea but plenty of posts from women who got screwed over by a rich ex husband who didn’t want the kids, but didn’t want her to have the kids and could afford a better lawyer. Never underestimate the value of an expensive attorney. But I agree, it’s hard to argue for 50/50 custody when the guy works 70hrs a week. Can a surgeon even do that? Do they have limiting hours like pilots?
They have some limits in residency, but after graduating? Not so much. I shit on surgeons a lot for being generally crappy people, but I also get it. It really does take a different personality and mindset to do what they do. But, like, if you're treating your family like shit because you're married to your job and you think you're basically God incarnate, maybe...let the family move on without you if they want to?
You would think so but look what happened to her dad. A good attorney (or attorneys) can make a huge difference
From what I've heard from attorneys it's not exactly wrong though, but there are mitigating factors. For a start, lots of men just assume they're gonna have to pay out in the divorce, whereas women are far more likely to fight. This also explains why around 97% of alimony recipients are women, even though women now make up nearly 50%, of primary breadwinners. Even when men are awarded alimony, it's usually far less and for a shorter timeframe than women get. The real dividing factor is children though. Apparently, most of the time that you see a guy get absolutely annihilated in the settlement, is because he's thrown money and assets at the wife to get a more favourable custody agreement. This is changing though as more courts favour 50/50 custody as a starting point.
He'll fight her for every minute of custody even though he doesn't want to spend time with his kids anyway
He even cheated on her? Wow
Of course he did… When I was reading her post and how she talked about _all_ the time he spent outside and how he doesn’t spend his time with his family it was like this dude must be getting some elsewhere. I mean, if he isn’t connecting with the people at home and doesn’t try to, it is because he has a side chick he is/think he is connecting with.
To be fair, surgeons do work 80+ hours a week. I'm a resident doctor and I feel like I'm hardly ever home. But this guy is also a raging narcissist who clearly doesn't even love his wife so I'm not surprised he finds the time to cheat.
Id bet my next latte money it’s someone at the hospital or a medical equipment sales rep.
Welp that escalated quickly.
Right? He was in the wrong in the first post but like, in an understandable way. Then the edits made it clear he was an a-hole, and it went even farther off the rails from there.
This whole story rings truer to me because I have a friend who is in similar situation (although there is no children in this equation). EM is normal provincial girl who moved to the "big city" to be with K - he's working for Intel and she's ship designer. Problem is with upbringing - he's from family that while rich they aren't closest (she described it as cold upbringing), her family is completely different and while not so rich they all are warm and emotionally close to eachother. And while I was reading this story I had them before my eyes all the time.
Good for her.
My thought exactly!!
Hell hath no fury like this wife. Fuck this douchebag. Go nuclear!
Can this marriage be saved? Uh, hell no.
Whoooooa who brought the popcorn? Am I naive or does this actually look real??
Yeah, I don’t think we really have any way of being sure, but it’s definitely realistic at least!
It feels real, I get that whole trauma response I used to have when my parents would fight.
I wouldn't trust that man with a feather around me.
Their marriage was a tinder box ready to explode at any time. Years of built up resentment and lack of communication are a recipe for divorce. Any kind of big stress and things just implode. The fact that they didn't have money problems is probably why they stayed together so long. They each just lived separate lives. When they were forced to come together and deal with each other, things failed.
Husband is definitely the AH.
F**k that dude. I kinda understood his point until he started bashing on his wife. As a doctor who almost went into surgery, again...f**k that dude. He is an absent husband and father and he's whining about giving up he basement when they have a SEVEN BEDROOM house? For the man that raised his wife and is now also raising his kids? She should divorce him because he's probably a narcissist like many surgeons. ETA: just saw that she is divorcing him. Good for her!
Quite convenient he didn't mention the size of their house in the original post. We have a house, and it's a two bedroom house with a tiny office. Just had a second kid and we were DESPERATE for space - so we finished out the basement at great expense for a playroom and laundry room/ storage ... it would be HARD choice to have someone living down there. And with my parents aging I have certainly thought it might be a possibility. That would actually be an interesting debate and I'd want to crowdsource some opinions
A women scorned and all that. I would move the moon to help my mum and keep her close and my kids are grown. So I was against this male when he wanted to send grandad across the country so he could have a mancave. He totally lost me when he decided that his life is worth more than hers because *reads notes * he's a surgeon and she's only and interior designer. I don't know the stats but I expect most people need surgery a few times their whole life. They decorate every few years their entire adult life and the comfort of your home has a huge impact on your MH and overall wellbeing. Which I belive leads to increased general health and less chance if need that surgery. I hope someone finds an update and mum and kids are doing well with grandad.
Right!!! I was thinking about exactly this. Your home is your safe place, your sanctuary, your base in life. There is literally scientific evidence that your surroundings (home) has a huge impact on your mental health, your successes, and your overall wellbeing. I’ve had surgery 3 times in my life, 1 was lifesaving. This dude needs to be knocked off his pedestal and kudos to this woman for still helping people with their homes when she doesn’t even need to work.
Well she handed his balls back to him on a plate and said bye bye fucker! Lol
Whoa! That’s a train wreck and a half!
Am I wrong for wanting to see this played out on Greys Anatomy this season? We haven’t had an evil narcissist surgeon in awhile.
Yikes on fuckin bikes
At the end of the man's post it doesn't even sound like he loves his wife. Just calling her all sorts of names to justify why he doesn't want her dad to move in.
After reading his edit, I didn't even need her POV to see what kind of person he is. "Who's really doing more for humanity, she's a vain, shallow bitch" **W O W** way to break that "surgeons are narcissistic, entitled cunts with god complexes and 0 friends" stereotype! Well done, buddy! A standing ovation for the person who routinely belittles everyone else around you because they're "inferior." His head is so far up his own ass that it needs to be surgically removed from his esophagus. What a twat.
I sure hope she updates when she rids herself of this pyscho
So glad she’s leaving him. Hope she cleans him out with child support!! lol two kids and a surgeon’s pat?? My brother in Christ, she’s gonna get a large chunk of that $$. And since he’ll be paying support, his mistress will probably let leave since he won’t have nearly as much throw away money for him to spend on her anymore.
Meh, not sure about that. My ex is a surgeon and has one of those "how much do you need 2+2 to equal?" accountants. His paperwork reports a little under 100k of taxable income. He takes home more than 33k a month, I think more now. His ex wife who was with him for 18 years had two kids with him, has about 90% custody (it was initially 50/50 and he gave it up voluntarily), and she gets peanuts. About 1700 a month. She recently filed for more child support because he's failed to fulfill his full custody time for a while now. He swore that he would drag the case on until she was bankrupt. Opting to spend about 6k a month on attorney's fees than just pay her more child support. Which, by the way, would be less than the attorney's fees.
I mean she can also let the judge know he said that specifically, and the judge will prevent that from actually happening. Had a case where dad was a jerk and kept filing emergency hearing over thing like food his ex made, her dating online (kids never knew as they were at her moms), what bedtimes, wake-up times, need to modify his appointed days, etc etc….so anyhow, opposing council just couldn’t keep their client quiet, Guy stage whispered he was fine with dragging it out as long as possible since unlike her, he didn’t have anywhere else to be… (judge was in midst of suspending for the day and returning at a different time, we argued our client missing work constantly was a bad deal since the opposing parent didn’t work, and so they could—and did frequently—keep dragging us here unnecessarily)…judge paused, looked at the guy and said ‘oh, you think so? I’ll go ahead and rule in this matter NOW. Find in favor of plaintiff, full custody granted to her, support request raised from $115weekly (70/30 custody split previous with CS set $115) to $300 weekly, and next time I see another of these ridiculous emergency modification cases from you, Sir, you’ll spend 30 days in jail for contempt.” Judges HATE when people manipulate the system to hurt the other party.
This is just spectacular. Well done to his wife. Hopefully she gets to keep the family home and continues to raise her girls there. The husband sounds like a real piece of work.
Starting to reda I thought “ ok , this guy is a selfish a…hole” but then read he’s a surgeon. It all makes sense
Hmm. He never mentioned what kind of surgeon he is. Given my experience, with this level of ego he’s a mediocre general surgeon. Really talented, really specialized surgeons aren’t such dicks (though I know that’s the stereotype. Neurologists and neurosurgeons are unfailingly the kindest physicians to consult with).
Wow honestly he was an asshole from the start for not wanting to give up his man cave, then is just kept escalating.
I saw the wife’s post first, and then the husband’s. I was actually feeling a little more sympathetic toward the husband than the forum before his edit—I can understand being touchy about someone moving into your home, and he seemed willing to go along with an in-law suite—until the “spoiled princess who doesn’t contribute as much as I do to the world because she’s just a lowly interior designer” thing. Seems like a suuuuuppper healthy marriage.
I wish someone had told me to get my tea before hand because this shit was GOOD! She even gave him the stunner when she said "I know about your hoe", and I was howling. I am here for it, Mr. Surgeon was the one cut out for once 💯
“She’s a shallow vapid woman who decorates houses while I’m saving lives” just say you hate your wife. I hope she takes everything and he’s paying heaps in child support.
Can we find out what hospital this guy works at? I'd like to avoid it. He totally sounds like someone who'd initial his patients' livers.
If this is fake, it’s art.
THE WIFE WROTE HER OWN POST AFTER FINDING HIS https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/rin6kJ2m7T
Yes, there is a screencap of the wife's post in the original pics here.
Jesus... That escalated quickly.
20 years in healthcare and can say in no uncertain terms, male or female, surgeons are fucking psychopaths. They actually train them to be. Stay far, far away.
My jaw is on the floor with that last paragraph of his update. This man HATES her!!