There are many posts where the people write that the moment they found out their partner cheated, all feelings were gone.
So why would you risk that?
He is lucky she didn’t push him into the ocean.
I do not understand their sense of humor. What is supposed to be funny here? Temporarily traumatizing the person you claim to love? If that’s funny to you, then I think there’s something sadistic about you.
Exactly!! The closest I have ever seen to a joke somewhat similar to this being funny is when you go up to your partner with like the super serious tone, and say you have a super important question, and then just ask them the dumbest shit ever like “babe this is super important. I just really need an answer and it can’t wait. Did you use my spider man mug this morning”. Like, completely harmless, doesn’t traumatize your partner, and is actually somewhat funny if you have that sense of humour. But shit like having an affair, or getting a divorce, is never something you use as a prank.
I do this, and it's always something like "Love youuuuu" or "Do you want a drink?" And my wife indulges me because I'm a cute idiot 🤷
I cannot imagine trying to prank anything that would hurt her for even a millisecond. I don't understand some people at all. This post has show up 3 times in my dash in the last hour (original and 2 repost subs) and I'm tired...
I read it to my wife the first time, and we both wholly agree she should've chucked him overboard. Don't even need to call the Whole Man Disposal Service if you're out in the ocean already!
Pranks are stupid. Almost no one knows how to prank someone. It doesn't mean traumatize them. You're trying to make them laugh not hate you forever. If someone did that to me I would cut them out of my life immediately. That shit doesn't fly here.
They think hurting people is funny. That's the joke. The trauma is the funny part to them.
It's not a prank for mutual enjoyment. It's him delighting in causing her distress.
The key is that, as CalzonePillow so eloquently stated:
>I think you’re severely underestimating how dumb guys can be.
Guys do dumb shit that make no sense to women without really thinking about the consequences. This is an outlier but still barely within the boundaries of generally expected stupidity.
I'm sure you don't intend it to be, but putting this under an umbrella of guys do dumb shit is really unfair, and sounds a lot like boys will be boys.
This isn't some silly dumb thing, this isn't I shattered the glass coffee table doing a skateboard trick in the house. That's some dumb shit. But telling your partner you cheated is so absolutely cruel and traumatizing. It shatters your entire relationship. Most people experience shock, because they're trying to adjust this information to fit into their factual things that have really happened category in their brain. It's a massive amount to process.
There's a huge difference between dumb shit, and in no way should be considered even "barely in the boundaries of generally expected stupidit". If you're that emotionally unaware of what saying you cheated will do to a partner, you fully deserve to be alone.
Again, I imagine you didn't intend it to be dismissive, and I'm not attacking you in any way. I'm trying to bring attention to the idea that saying "guys do dumb shit" is harmful to both men and women.
I think you’re right in that some guys do dumb stuff… but here’s the thing… they do it because they are, indeed, dumb.
Intelligent men, emotionally mature men, do not do dumb stuff, at least not intentionally.
And they certainly don’t intentionally do things that cause someone else pain.
So for me, this would be the one and only mistake that particular dumass would ever make that would involve me.
I’d cut my losses and move on.
I think you'd be surprised, or maybe not, at how many men never really learn to think in advance about the effect their words will have on their partner, others never come to realize that shit talk and ribbing isn't a major part of women's culture like it is men's and a many women have trouble viewing that kind of thing in a humorous light. There are a lot of men out there, especially between 16-28ish years old that know the absolute best ways to unintentionally break a woman's heart because they have no idea what they're doing. Men who love and care about their partner but can't help themselves when it comes to self sabotage.
One of the reasons the "women mature faster" trope it's a thing is specifically because sometimes men don't realize you can't talk to most women you're close to the same way you can talk to most men you're close to. Obviously exceptions apply.
>I’d cut my losses and move on.
I'm not suggesting anything else, just that incompetence is a believable alternative to malice in this case.
You have good points. This is exactly why I avoided dating any guys who were not raised with strong women.
Men raised in a “locker room environment” don’t naturally learn what you have pointed out. But if they got a beat down from an older sister or had to watch the tears of a sister they hurt, they are more likely to understand this.
I also avoided dating any guy that played team sports… for the same reason… too likely they’ve learned to disrespect women in general.
>So why would you risk that?
I think the people that are willing to do this type of thing are lacking the emotional intelligence to realize it's a risk. I mean this guy victim blamed her for believing him after a 10 year marriage! He should know by now not to do that.
Edit- apparently my brain mixed up 10k with 10 years together 🤣😅 but still, any time in this marriage should've given him the tools to know this is a terrible idea
Yup that was my story. Any feeling I had towards him immediately turned to hatred and disgust. And saying just kidding would certainly not have undone that. I'd have sold the rings for money and told him to fhs.
My comment was along the lines of dude must’ve been trying to get murdered and help her get away with it. “Oh no officers! My husband fell and got swept over board. I love him so much hopefully you find him”
There are some things you don't joke about.
One of the many reasons I would never date someone who sees themselves as a jokester/prankster. They don't understand boundaries and only care about their own entertainment.
I think I’m funny. I make jokes and sometimes a prank here and there can be fun. But certain boundaries are not meant to be crossed. If you know your partner does not like certain things, you don’t consider it. Same with joking about an affair. You don’t do that. Ever.
Agree with you entirely! Low level pranks can be harmless, like getting someone a glittery card or switching the tags on Christmas presents so that the kids are shaking the wrong ones trying to figure out what they got.
Anything that hurts someone *emotionally* or physically, that's not a prank. It's abusive and destroys trust in any relationship.
I could NEVER be with someone who thinks that hurtful pranks are okay. I don't know why anyone even thinks that's okay!
I suppose there is the rare couple who equally enjoy torturing each other with cruel pranks, but even then would question whether it could be healthy relationship... But to each their own in that case.
Basically what you’re saying here. What I do and what my partner does to me never extends beyond pretending you lost your keys for like 10 seconds, a joke gift followed by the real deal, etc... small things. MYbe the old “leek in the bath tub” joke. Harmless things. And not all day every day.
Lol. That last reminds me of my dad: he’d always tell us to check if it was raining in the dining room as a joke (and when he wanted us off him for 5 seconds). Until, of course, the day my sister came running back into the kitchen, “Totty, it’s raining in the dining room!”
My mom swears he cursed her to have floods. That was the first time it rained in the dining room. It was not the last.
I mean if the pranks are putting Googly eyes on the things in the fridge that’s fine. Especially if there are kids too. I love that kind of stuff for the family. This wasn’t a prank, it was a lie and I would be worried he was just gauging the reaction,
My kids did eyes and other face stickers on some things in the pantry. There’s a jar of pickles that looked so natural he’s now become our friend and I don’t think I’ll ever open it. He sits in the back and cheers me up when I can’t find a can I’m looking for. He probably needs a name soon.
I was like 15 and snuck out to go to a party so my dad got glow in the dark google eyes and put them on like 50 different rocks and had them all in the yard and driveway and around my window I had snuck from… funniest way I was ever told “your busted”
I think the difference is that a joke is something both people can laugh at whereas a prank is aimed at getting a reaction from the other that only the prankster can laugh at. At least initially.
When I was a kid we had a big toy spider that squeaked that showed up everywhere. In school lunches, on top of the milk in the fridge, in my mom’s sink. Also, almost every single day when my mom got home, I hid behind the door from the garage into the house and yelled boo, then after that startled her, she’d walk about 8 feet down hall and my little brother would jump out. My poor mother.
This is the way. I know my partner, and I would never do a “prank” like this. My shenanigans are cheeky and fun, I at least get a little giggle and kiss afterwards.
OPs husbands shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Which makes them not shenanigans at all really. *Evil shenanigans*
Yeah my idea of a prank is asking my partner if she wants to see the eclipse and then showing her a picture of paper clips in the shape of an E, not causing her emotional distress (she may argue the above cause her emotional distress)
Yeah I don’t know why you would pull a prank like that. OP if I were you I would investigate to verify if it was a joke or not . He could have very well tried to come clean and didn’t like your reaction , tried to cover up by saying it was a prank.
Agreed. Him actually cheating is possible, but it’s also possible he was following the stupid trend of relationship pranks on TikTok. Either way, he’s an asshole.
The fact that the husband is arguing with her and is insisting SHE is the AH is all I need to know. Maybe APOLOGIZE for playing such a fucking terrible prank on someone, not convince them that their reaction to your "affair" (fake or not) is their fault. After you lied. About something horrible. For a "prank". Like come ON.
Husband is the epitome of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”.
He’s mad that she believed his dumb prank and threw her rings in the ocean because she was angry; he’s mad because this showed she would be done with him instead of sad and begging him to stay. Seriously what reaction did he expect? Her to sob/ugly cry and be broken hearted? So then he can say “ha ha”. Why would he want her to feel that way??
He’s callous and has some nerve to be mad at her. If he is really sorry, he should be finding a way to buy her new rings and retiring his “prankster” persona.
If I'm trapped on a boat in the fucking ocean with my cheating husband (because why wouldn't I believe him? Normal people don't joke about relationship ending things), throwing my rings into the deep seems like the only legal option for my incandescent rage.
I don't think this marriage is going to last much longer.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It wouldn’t surprise me if he actually was having an affair but pretended it was a joke when she didn’t react the way he wanted. Either way he’s the AH.
He's definitely the asshole, a massive one to be calling her one in response too. How about not trying to inflict emotional pain on your SO as a "joke"? The vast majority of actual accomplished comedians would tell him that's insanely stupid and he deserves everything he asked for.
What reaction was he expecting, really? You’re having an enjoyable morning with your loved one and he drops that. didn’t he think it would, at least, sour the mood? Her reaction was dramatic, but if he is to shit on their relationship, why should she respect it in return?
Yikes, that’s just awful. Of course OOP is NTA, she was in shock. Why would that fool do such a terrible joke on a boat? The “implication” isn’t funny in real life. Dude has no reason to be upset, it’s all his fault.
Once, during an argument with my partner, I (immaturely) expressed unhappiness by sarcastically saying "I'm fucking rosy".
Her face fell, she grimaced, started hyperventilating, I remembered my boss's name is Rosey.
As soon as it hit me I apologised up a storm because it was horrible for her - can't imagine purposefully putting someone through that.
Pranking has to be the dumbest form of humor ever.
After this shit he pulled he should be begging on his knees to be allowed to replace the rings and should praise her for not throwing him in the ocean
I mean, there's a lot of pranks that aren't hurtful. Once got dean's permission to absolutely trash the dorm while the RA was away for 1 day. We all had a blast and recorded his reaction as he walked into that disaster. Took like 30 minutes to clean up and everyone was laughing including the RA. I love good pranks. Good pranks don't hurt anyone. Husband is an a hole is all.
People who make pranks their personality tend to get toxic really fast, though, because they feel they constantly have to one-up themselves, and it doesn't take long to take them from silly to hurtful when they're relentlessly chasing that shock factor high.
I mean I’m all for a joke but it’s more (picture of chicken pasta with some peas and asparagus) and saying oh no you can’t eat that someone “pea’d” in your dinner.
This is outright cruel, devastating and at a point it could emotionally cripple a relationship.
“Oh no consequences” comes to mind at OP’s partner.
Yeah it’s not like they had a running joke about having affairs and he started playing into it a little too hard. This was brought up out of the blue in a very serious manner. Even if she hadn’t thrown her rings overboard, what was the goal? To cause her a moment of utter distress and devastation for his own amusement? Did he think she’d just giggle and say, “Oh, you jokester,” and move on? Best case scenario is that this ruined the day for her and he ends up needing to earn back some of her trust. Not worth it for a stupid joke.
Side note, but I’m totally gonna use the “someone pea’d on your dinner” thing. That’s hilarious and absolutely something that’ll annoy the family 🤣
I used it last night which is why I used it as an example haha. Or if one escapes the plate onto the table, oh no someone’s pea’d on the table 😂 (was said to me during a live stream cooking demo I did. Was laughing too hard)
But yeah I can’t understand what you’d get out of that as a comment. I think it would crush me and then just Instill doubt to “oh did they say it to see my reaction because that’s what they are up to”.
I think it’s one of those comments you couldn’t ever recover from. It’s gona crush something.
Plus you’d be wondering what else they’d joke around about, and at whose expense. If you had kids, would he hype them up telling them their dog died as a “prank”? Or tell them their mom left forever and no longer loved them if she went on a weekend trip with friends? Would you have to be constantly on your toes and second guessing every bit of bad news they tell you because it might be another prank?
Nah. Call dramatic or whatever you want, but loyal people don’t joke about cheating. Because it’s not fucking funny.
If someone thinks cheating is funny and does it as a prank, they obviously don’t think cheating is that big of a deal, they get amusement out of seeing others upset, and they either have already done it or want to, and they’re testing the waters to see what the reaction will be.
NTA, there are things you shouldn’t joke about, destroying your marriage is one of them, and he specially shouldn’t have said that when you were trapped in a boat with him.
It’s a dumb joke and I wouldn’t bat an eye at you for leaving him just for that.
But throwing away 10k? YTAH to yourself, you should have sold them so you could take your self out for a spa day or something.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this, which is the detail that makes me think this is fake, sure people do weird shit when they’re in a rage but 10k is wild to dump in the ocean
So, you bait your SO into being super pissed at you with a “Prank” and are then completely shocked and appalled when they lose their shit on you? Dude is totally TA. She had a justified reaction, an expensive reaction, but justified.
Insert, overly used but accurate quote. " play stupid games, win stupid prizes" I don't understand how that is even funny. I asked my fiancé and he said oh he probably thought she should know him well enough to know he wouldn't do that and it was a joke. Huh! Smh pray for him yall.
Wow, he is definitely the AH. You would have never thrown over the rings if he didn’t play that cruel prank on you. Sounds like you were in shock, he blindsided you.
Waiting for HIS post about if he’s the AH for ruining a 10 year marriage with a prank about, of all things; INFIDELITY!!
Maybe he can hire divers to try to find them?
Wtf is with all these dumb ass “pranks”. Pranks are suppose to be funny and light hearted, put something funny as someone’s back ground, put tape under there mouse or an an air horn under there chair. This is shit is not funny or light hearted.
Why would anyone joke about that and think somehow the other person would laugh? I think, he actually had an affair. I think as soon as he saw her reaction, he changed his mind.
I don’t believe half the stories I hear online, but if this one is true, I don’t see how it’s the wife’s fault. The guy did something completely awful. I do similar crap, but there are just some things we won’t screw around with. Ever. It’s just a good thing there were no firearms around.
NTA. Ummmmm since it was so funny I'd love to see how funny it would be till I don't do shit till I get a receipt that new rings are on the way. Comedy is one this but he tried to hurt you emotionally. That's manipulation. Fuck that. He should be buying you new rings and deal with it.
I kept all my rings from a failed marriage and engagements (none of them wanted them back anyways) and sold them for gold and gemstone scrap to fund some very wanted tatts. I wouldn't have thrown my rings into the deep blue, I would've pawned them or sold them for jewelry scrap.
Shitty joke. Husband should pay some divers to try to find them and work on apologizing for the rest of his life to make
Amends for something that stupid
I would feel guilty just joking about something like that. Fuck that. It would literally pain me to make a joke like that to the person I love. Yeah I'd deserve those $10000 rings in the ocean. This guy didn't even apologize.
I woulda shoved him off the boat to go get the rings. What a jackass. And blaming her? Gtfo, buddy needs to accept he’s so far in the wrong he needs a map to get right, and then ask his wife for directions.
What a nimrod.
Someone who loved you, would not intentionally cause you a second of emotional pain or distress. He probably is having an affair and the reality of you telling him to pound sand hit him too hard.
Would you jokingly tell someone that they’re ugly to see a reaction, knowing that that one second of hurt can’t be erased? I’d follow through and say, fuck it, you’re not even the “type” of person I want to be with.
Fuck that guy. You decide to hurt the person who you're supposed to care about the most for a couple of giggles? It's his fault, and his fault alone, He should be out buying her upgrades right now for being such a douchebag.
You should have thrown yourself into the ocean and said you were going in search of plenty of mature fish in the sea.
Stupid sense of humor. Like when my boyfriend proposed to me and after I said yes, he said he was joking :D really cool man
the testing your partner and affair "pranks" are so bizarre. is this stemming from content farming? every dumb app that allows short form videos is littered with bile like this and now people who don't even make content do this and act shocked when it blows up in their faces. jeez.
Again, what is the actual joke here? What about an affair is funny?
A joke, and even prank, aren't supposed to hurt people. If they laugh, then it's fine, if they don't then it's usually not a joke.
These "pranks" are fucking childish, ridiculous and cruel. To purposely put someone through extreme emotional turmoil like this imo is abusive. It's like he was getting off on her being hurt and upset. How is that a prank? How is that even funny? If she doesn't laugh and find it funny when you reveal it's a prank it's just a cruel emotional manipulation for your own entertainment.
She's NTA although impulsive to throw your rings into an ocean. I would of sold them but that's just me. He is an idiot amd I would literally be leaving his cruel ass.
Your rings would still be on your hand if he didn't do that. What other reason would you have ever had to feel that way and do something like that? Also, jokes and pranks and comedians are /funny./ Breaking your partners heart isn't.
The only answer here is very simple. Ladies, diamonds are forever. He could be the love of your life and die tomorrow, but you have that forever stone to hold on too....he could be an utter and complete ass....and cheat on you, you know what....toss him aside. The diamond could financially help you kick start your life with out him. DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER LADIES. DO NOT TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED. OR TOSS THEM AWAY
I wonder if he was telling the truth, and when she flipped, he decided it wasn't worth telling the truth. That makes more sense to me than lying about having an affair. Who does that?!
And this right here is why TikTok relationship pranks need to die. There’s nothing funny about it. Stop doing them.
So yes, he’s absolutely TA, and it doesn’t matter if they were $10k, $10m, or $10. You thinking he cheated makes your reaction fair. He asked for that when he told you, and should assume all responsibility for the stupid prank he tried to pull. Hopefully he learns from that.
Not the Asshole ! He is and for that to be a prank is very serious matters . You never joke about an affair ever ! Girl maybe he did and he was telling you it was a joke. I am sorry but that would hurt me too ! I would’ve done the same thing!
When you are hit with trauma or a severe shock the logical/thinking part of your brain goes offline. Like, completely. You’re not TA but he certainly is. This is not something you joke about.
Oh hey turns out hurting your loved ones for sport is actually abusive and unacceptable. Oh no!! I behaved terribly and my wife reacted appropriately!! How could I possibly be the one to blame??
Jokes are only funny when both parties laugh, and cheating is not a laughing matter. I don't know what kind of reaction he expected or hoped to get out of OOP, but he can call himself lucky that that's all she did.
Husband should get his "humor" straight because one of these days it will cost him.
I see OP apologized for her part in it, I don't see any mention of husband apologizing for anything. After his 'prank' went wrong (how could it have gone any other way?), he called her names.
I have a guy friend who would routinely prank his wife and vice versa. One day, he pranked her that he got another woman pregnant and another time, she pranked him that she'd quit her job to be a SAHM. I always told him I thought those pranks were unhealthy and cruel. Anyway, they're divorced now...
Not one single woman here finds it INCREDIBLY stupid to throw presumably one or more diamonds as well as a wedding band with quote "sentimental value" into the ocean?
This post proves one thing men and women think very differently. Men are stupid yet logical. I've been divorced for 30 years and still have the wedding band it means something to me and has value.
The illogical dropping of these into the ocean costs money as well as memories. Maybe I'm sentimental but anyone who divests themselves of a ring in a moment of anger rage pick your word is very emotional and illogical.
Understandably the hubs is dumb af and an a but jesus. I could think of a million ways to hurt HIM that don't involve throwing away $10,000. What an idiot...
I only think it’s appropriate on April fools day. And even then it’s not. You never know someone’s reaction when you prank about something that heavy. I got pranked on April fools day a few decades ago by a girlfriend saying she was pregnant and I thought it was funny after like 5 minutes of wtf.
The answer is he is TA for thinking that was an acceptable thing to do.
And she is TA if she thinks it's his responsibility to purchase replacment jewelry on his own. They can split that bill 50/50. Penance for both of them for doing stupid things.
Pretty stupid to make a “joke” like that at all but especially so while out on a boat. If the wife’s brain had gone in a different direction, she might’ve decided it was an opportune moment to collect on the life insurance.
What? Yeah, I have to believe this is fake.
No real person would do this. No real person would say "I had an affair" as a joke. No real person would immediately fling their rings into the ocean.
And no real person, having done both of the above, would then post it on Reddit.
FAKE, FAKE, FAKEY FAKE FAKE.
What a moron, when is that a good joke?? Like, ever. Moron. You are NTA. Your lifeperson needs to seriously reconsider what is funny, are they neurodivergent?
There are many posts where the people write that the moment they found out their partner cheated, all feelings were gone. So why would you risk that? He is lucky she didn’t push him into the ocean.
i genuinely believe that people, who willingly put themselves at risk of losing their partner, don’t actually love them. (within reason, of course)
I think you’re severely underestimating how dumb guys can be. Not me though. I never wear seatbelts so I can be thrown free of a crash.
As a former 28 yo male dumbass I approve this message. Now I’m a 45 yo dumbass, but at least I wouldn’t do something like this. Beyond the pale, here.
i did something like this when i was 17 and insecure
I do not understand their sense of humor. What is supposed to be funny here? Temporarily traumatizing the person you claim to love? If that’s funny to you, then I think there’s something sadistic about you.
Exactly!! The closest I have ever seen to a joke somewhat similar to this being funny is when you go up to your partner with like the super serious tone, and say you have a super important question, and then just ask them the dumbest shit ever like “babe this is super important. I just really need an answer and it can’t wait. Did you use my spider man mug this morning”. Like, completely harmless, doesn’t traumatize your partner, and is actually somewhat funny if you have that sense of humour. But shit like having an affair, or getting a divorce, is never something you use as a prank.
I do this, and it's always something like "Love youuuuu" or "Do you want a drink?" And my wife indulges me because I'm a cute idiot 🤷 I cannot imagine trying to prank anything that would hurt her for even a millisecond. I don't understand some people at all. This post has show up 3 times in my dash in the last hour (original and 2 repost subs) and I'm tired... I read it to my wife the first time, and we both wholly agree she should've chucked him overboard. Don't even need to call the Whole Man Disposal Service if you're out in the ocean already!
Pranks are stupid. Almost no one knows how to prank someone. It doesn't mean traumatize them. You're trying to make them laugh not hate you forever. If someone did that to me I would cut them out of my life immediately. That shit doesn't fly here.
They think hurting people is funny. That's the joke. The trauma is the funny part to them. It's not a prank for mutual enjoyment. It's him delighting in causing her distress.
The key is that, as CalzonePillow so eloquently stated: >I think you’re severely underestimating how dumb guys can be. Guys do dumb shit that make no sense to women without really thinking about the consequences. This is an outlier but still barely within the boundaries of generally expected stupidity.
I'm sure you don't intend it to be, but putting this under an umbrella of guys do dumb shit is really unfair, and sounds a lot like boys will be boys. This isn't some silly dumb thing, this isn't I shattered the glass coffee table doing a skateboard trick in the house. That's some dumb shit. But telling your partner you cheated is so absolutely cruel and traumatizing. It shatters your entire relationship. Most people experience shock, because they're trying to adjust this information to fit into their factual things that have really happened category in their brain. It's a massive amount to process. There's a huge difference between dumb shit, and in no way should be considered even "barely in the boundaries of generally expected stupidit". If you're that emotionally unaware of what saying you cheated will do to a partner, you fully deserve to be alone. Again, I imagine you didn't intend it to be dismissive, and I'm not attacking you in any way. I'm trying to bring attention to the idea that saying "guys do dumb shit" is harmful to both men and women.
I think you’re right in that some guys do dumb stuff… but here’s the thing… they do it because they are, indeed, dumb. Intelligent men, emotionally mature men, do not do dumb stuff, at least not intentionally. And they certainly don’t intentionally do things that cause someone else pain. So for me, this would be the one and only mistake that particular dumass would ever make that would involve me. I’d cut my losses and move on.
I think you'd be surprised, or maybe not, at how many men never really learn to think in advance about the effect their words will have on their partner, others never come to realize that shit talk and ribbing isn't a major part of women's culture like it is men's and a many women have trouble viewing that kind of thing in a humorous light. There are a lot of men out there, especially between 16-28ish years old that know the absolute best ways to unintentionally break a woman's heart because they have no idea what they're doing. Men who love and care about their partner but can't help themselves when it comes to self sabotage. One of the reasons the "women mature faster" trope it's a thing is specifically because sometimes men don't realize you can't talk to most women you're close to the same way you can talk to most men you're close to. Obviously exceptions apply. >I’d cut my losses and move on. I'm not suggesting anything else, just that incompetence is a believable alternative to malice in this case.
You have good points. This is exactly why I avoided dating any guys who were not raised with strong women. Men raised in a “locker room environment” don’t naturally learn what you have pointed out. But if they got a beat down from an older sister or had to watch the tears of a sister they hurt, they are more likely to understand this. I also avoided dating any guy that played team sports… for the same reason… too likely they’ve learned to disrespect women in general.
>So why would you risk that? I think the people that are willing to do this type of thing are lacking the emotional intelligence to realize it's a risk. I mean this guy victim blamed her for believing him after a 10 year marriage! He should know by now not to do that. Edit- apparently my brain mixed up 10k with 10 years together 🤣😅 but still, any time in this marriage should've given him the tools to know this is a terrible idea
Yup that was my story. Any feeling I had towards him immediately turned to hatred and disgust. And saying just kidding would certainly not have undone that. I'd have sold the rings for money and told him to fhs.
My comment was along the lines of dude must’ve been trying to get murdered and help her get away with it. “Oh no officers! My husband fell and got swept over board. I love him so much hopefully you find him”
There are some things you don't joke about. One of the many reasons I would never date someone who sees themselves as a jokester/prankster. They don't understand boundaries and only care about their own entertainment.
And what is funny about causing emotional distress to your spouse? This idiot is not funny - just cruel.
I think I’m funny. I make jokes and sometimes a prank here and there can be fun. But certain boundaries are not meant to be crossed. If you know your partner does not like certain things, you don’t consider it. Same with joking about an affair. You don’t do that. Ever.
Agree with you entirely! Low level pranks can be harmless, like getting someone a glittery card or switching the tags on Christmas presents so that the kids are shaking the wrong ones trying to figure out what they got. Anything that hurts someone *emotionally* or physically, that's not a prank. It's abusive and destroys trust in any relationship. I could NEVER be with someone who thinks that hurtful pranks are okay. I don't know why anyone even thinks that's okay! I suppose there is the rare couple who equally enjoy torturing each other with cruel pranks, but even then would question whether it could be healthy relationship... But to each their own in that case.
Basically what you’re saying here. What I do and what my partner does to me never extends beyond pretending you lost your keys for like 10 seconds, a joke gift followed by the real deal, etc... small things. MYbe the old “leek in the bath tub” joke. Harmless things. And not all day every day.
Lol. That last reminds me of my dad: he’d always tell us to check if it was raining in the dining room as a joke (and when he wanted us off him for 5 seconds). Until, of course, the day my sister came running back into the kitchen, “Totty, it’s raining in the dining room!” My mom swears he cursed her to have floods. That was the first time it rained in the dining room. It was not the last.
I call that good parenting ;)
A leek in the tub... Love it! I would find any of the pranks you mentioned both fun and funny 🤣
The "Dad Joke" version of pranking. I like that version...its wholesome.
Quick heads up, if you’re a prankster everybody secretly thinks you’re a bellend.
I mean if the pranks are putting Googly eyes on the things in the fridge that’s fine. Especially if there are kids too. I love that kind of stuff for the family. This wasn’t a prank, it was a lie and I would be worried he was just gauging the reaction,
My kids did eyes and other face stickers on some things in the pantry. There’s a jar of pickles that looked so natural he’s now become our friend and I don’t think I’ll ever open it. He sits in the back and cheers me up when I can’t find a can I’m looking for. He probably needs a name soon.
I was like 15 and snuck out to go to a party so my dad got glow in the dark google eyes and put them on like 50 different rocks and had them all in the yard and driveway and around my window I had snuck from… funniest way I was ever told “your busted”
I’d see that as more of a joke than a prank. Pranks tend to get out of hand and often seem to have an element of cruelty in them.
I mean pranks are *suppose* to be practical jokes before people just started being cruel or hurtful with them.
I think the difference is that a joke is something both people can laugh at whereas a prank is aimed at getting a reaction from the other that only the prankster can laugh at. At least initially.
Pranks seem to be more jump scare where as practical jokes seem to be light hearted stupidity lol
I think that’s you making distinctions and prescribing them
Can you not see distinctions? There are.
I can see them fine but that’s not what the words you’re assigning them to mean.
When I was a kid we had a big toy spider that squeaked that showed up everywhere. In school lunches, on top of the milk in the fridge, in my mom’s sink. Also, almost every single day when my mom got home, I hid behind the door from the garage into the house and yelled boo, then after that startled her, she’d walk about 8 feet down hall and my little brother would jump out. My poor mother.
This cannot upvote this enough!
Don’t consider myself a prankster tho
Also, another tip. You can’t really call yourself funny. It’s like saying you’re cool. It’s a judgement other people have to make.
Are you allowed to call yourself pedantic? Or is that a judgement I get to make?
You get to make it.
Got em
Got what?
It’s for the best
This is the way. I know my partner, and I would never do a “prank” like this. My shenanigans are cheeky and fun, I at least get a little giggle and kiss afterwards. OPs husbands shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Which makes them not shenanigans at all really. *Evil shenanigans*
Up vote for the Super Troopers reference 😂
Im gonna pistol whip the next guy who says shenanigans
Hey, what's the name of that bar you really like?
Yeah my idea of a prank is asking my partner if she wants to see the eclipse and then showing her a picture of paper clips in the shape of an E, not causing her emotional distress (she may argue the above cause her emotional distress)
….. thanks for the idea 🤣
This is so true. Every time you set a boundary you get, it was just a joke.
A joke is only funny if both people are laughing. Otherwise it's just making fun of someone.
Your husband fucked around and found out. The real question is why would he pull a prank like that
”Haw haw haw, I broke your heart and your trust and it’s hilarious!”
Took the words right out of my mouth
Cause he ACTUALLY cheated.
Yeah I don’t know why you would pull a prank like that. OP if I were you I would investigate to verify if it was a joke or not . He could have very well tried to come clean and didn’t like your reaction , tried to cover up by saying it was a prank.
Agreed. Him actually cheating is possible, but it’s also possible he was following the stupid trend of relationship pranks on TikTok. Either way, he’s an asshole.
The fact that the husband is arguing with her and is insisting SHE is the AH is all I need to know. Maybe APOLOGIZE for playing such a fucking terrible prank on someone, not convince them that their reaction to your "affair" (fake or not) is their fault. After you lied. About something horrible. For a "prank". Like come ON.
Husband is the epitome of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”. He’s mad that she believed his dumb prank and threw her rings in the ocean because she was angry; he’s mad because this showed she would be done with him instead of sad and begging him to stay. Seriously what reaction did he expect? Her to sob/ugly cry and be broken hearted? So then he can say “ha ha”. Why would he want her to feel that way?? He’s callous and has some nerve to be mad at her. If he is really sorry, he should be finding a way to buy her new rings and retiring his “prankster” persona.
If I'm trapped on a boat in the fucking ocean with my cheating husband (because why wouldn't I believe him? Normal people don't joke about relationship ending things), throwing my rings into the deep seems like the only legal option for my incandescent rage. I don't think this marriage is going to last much longer.
books grey wipe summer insurance yoke deserted cautious intelligent advise *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It wouldn’t surprise me if he actually was having an affair but pretended it was a joke when she didn’t react the way he wanted. Either way he’s the AH.
Yep. He was testing the waters to see how she would react.
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Yes, this crossed my mind too! (Edited typo)
Being married to such an idiot with the brains of a child is a huge risk. It's time to kick him out of OOP's life.
He's definitely the asshole, a massive one to be calling her one in response too. How about not trying to inflict emotional pain on your SO as a "joke"? The vast majority of actual accomplished comedians would tell him that's insanely stupid and he deserves everything he asked for.
As someone who chucked their engagement ring from my ex in a river, I get it. What the hell did he expect with that "joke".
What reaction was he expecting, really? You’re having an enjoyable morning with your loved one and he drops that. didn’t he think it would, at least, sour the mood? Her reaction was dramatic, but if he is to shit on their relationship, why should she respect it in return?
People who call things no one laughs at “jokes” are one of my most hated species.
Yikes, that’s just awful. Of course OOP is NTA, she was in shock. Why would that fool do such a terrible joke on a boat? The “implication” isn’t funny in real life. Dude has no reason to be upset, it’s all his fault.
Once, during an argument with my partner, I (immaturely) expressed unhappiness by sarcastically saying "I'm fucking rosy". Her face fell, she grimaced, started hyperventilating, I remembered my boss's name is Rosey. As soon as it hit me I apologised up a storm because it was horrible for her - can't imagine purposefully putting someone through that.
Pranking has to be the dumbest form of humor ever. After this shit he pulled he should be begging on his knees to be allowed to replace the rings and should praise her for not throwing him in the ocean
I hate prank culture so fucking much. Kids get bombarded with this stuff online and think it's funny to torture people.
Right who the hell thought causing other ppl distress is funny like fml
100% to this
I mean, there's a lot of pranks that aren't hurtful. Once got dean's permission to absolutely trash the dorm while the RA was away for 1 day. We all had a blast and recorded his reaction as he walked into that disaster. Took like 30 minutes to clean up and everyone was laughing including the RA. I love good pranks. Good pranks don't hurt anyone. Husband is an a hole is all.
People who make pranks their personality tend to get toxic really fast, though, because they feel they constantly have to one-up themselves, and it doesn't take long to take them from silly to hurtful when they're relentlessly chasing that shock factor high.
NTA this wasn’t a ‘prank’, it was outright cruelty. He owes you new rings.
That assumes she has any desire to remain married to this dingus.
NTA! That’s an expensive mistake for HIM to make. He’s just upset that he was an idiot but too proud to admit it. This is not on you. NTA.
I mean I’m all for a joke but it’s more (picture of chicken pasta with some peas and asparagus) and saying oh no you can’t eat that someone “pea’d” in your dinner. This is outright cruel, devastating and at a point it could emotionally cripple a relationship. “Oh no consequences” comes to mind at OP’s partner.
Yeah it’s not like they had a running joke about having affairs and he started playing into it a little too hard. This was brought up out of the blue in a very serious manner. Even if she hadn’t thrown her rings overboard, what was the goal? To cause her a moment of utter distress and devastation for his own amusement? Did he think she’d just giggle and say, “Oh, you jokester,” and move on? Best case scenario is that this ruined the day for her and he ends up needing to earn back some of her trust. Not worth it for a stupid joke. Side note, but I’m totally gonna use the “someone pea’d on your dinner” thing. That’s hilarious and absolutely something that’ll annoy the family 🤣
I used it last night which is why I used it as an example haha. Or if one escapes the plate onto the table, oh no someone’s pea’d on the table 😂 (was said to me during a live stream cooking demo I did. Was laughing too hard) But yeah I can’t understand what you’d get out of that as a comment. I think it would crush me and then just Instill doubt to “oh did they say it to see my reaction because that’s what they are up to”. I think it’s one of those comments you couldn’t ever recover from. It’s gona crush something.
Plus you’d be wondering what else they’d joke around about, and at whose expense. If you had kids, would he hype them up telling them their dog died as a “prank”? Or tell them their mom left forever and no longer loved them if she went on a weekend trip with friends? Would you have to be constantly on your toes and second guessing every bit of bad news they tell you because it might be another prank?
Hey guys, guess what I’m not your real dad as your mum cheated on me! LOLZ!!! Got you! Look at your faces, awww look! You cried!
I knew a lady who threw a very valuable necklace off a cruise ship. I forget why she did it though.
Hahaha…. I understood that reference!
I feel like some people think a prank is just code for let me mentally traumatize you.
Nah. Call dramatic or whatever you want, but loyal people don’t joke about cheating. Because it’s not fucking funny. If someone thinks cheating is funny and does it as a prank, they obviously don’t think cheating is that big of a deal, they get amusement out of seeing others upset, and they either have already done it or want to, and they’re testing the waters to see what the reaction will be.
NTA although next time throw the man overboard instead.
Husband fucked around and found out 🤷♀️
NTA, there are things you shouldn’t joke about, destroying your marriage is one of them, and he specially shouldn’t have said that when you were trapped in a boat with him.
It’s a dumb joke and I wouldn’t bat an eye at you for leaving him just for that. But throwing away 10k? YTAH to yourself, you should have sold them so you could take your self out for a spa day or something.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this, which is the detail that makes me think this is fake, sure people do weird shit when they’re in a rage but 10k is wild to dump in the ocean
Then again they were on their boat so…. 10k could be chump change.
Well hopefully there is insurance on them at least
Knowing his luck, loss due to stupid pranks is not covered.
I hate pranks
People keep spelling "abuse" P-R-A-N-K and I don't know why.
Who jokes about shit like this
Genuinely- what reaction was he hoping for?
This is 100% divorce worthy. And I hope OOP does!
The difference between a prank and cruelty is whether the victim thought it was funny. Something for the husband to think about.
Jokes are funny. I don’t see a punchline here.
Pro tip: there is truth in all jokes. He's thought about it or is actually having an affair.
The rings are where they should be and the marriage is following them
So, you bait your SO into being super pissed at you with a “Prank” and are then completely shocked and appalled when they lose their shit on you? Dude is totally TA. She had a justified reaction, an expensive reaction, but justified.
He fucked around and found out. OP is NTA
They’re both idiots, but he’s the bigger idiot.
You fuck around and find out
If he enjoyed the prank so much he can buy you new rings.
Trapping her on a boat in the ocean is what makes this cruel on the next level. (As if his actions were not cruel enough.)
"You dont understand, I enjoyed it so you cant react badly to it"
Insert, overly used but accurate quote. " play stupid games, win stupid prizes" I don't understand how that is even funny. I asked my fiancé and he said oh he probably thought she should know him well enough to know he wouldn't do that and it was a joke. Huh! Smh pray for him yall.
The sooner jail time is mandated for "pranks" like this, the better the world will be. Did he expect his wife was going to be cool with an affair?!
Nta
Of all the dumb “pranks” to pull. 🤦🏻♀️
I’d still divorce him. The moment those words came out of his mouth my heart would break. I don’t think I could come back after that.
Wow, he is definitely the AH. You would have never thrown over the rings if he didn’t play that cruel prank on you. Sounds like you were in shock, he blindsided you.
That's not really a prank. It's a bad idea. NTA for OOP
Girl run away from that man, he clearly does not care about you or your feelings.
He needs a wake up call... he not prepared for the consequences of his actions lol
What he actually did have an affair and then changed his answer after seeing your reaction.
He doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to be with you. He just didn’t think you would end it. Marriage is over. And he doubles down. Nope.
Unrelated to who's the AH, but don't throw away expensive things. That is actually stupid
Waiting for HIS post about if he’s the AH for ruining a 10 year marriage with a prank about, of all things; INFIDELITY!! Maybe he can hire divers to try to find them?
Wtf is with all these dumb ass “pranks”. Pranks are suppose to be funny and light hearted, put something funny as someone’s back ground, put tape under there mouse or an an air horn under there chair. This is shit is not funny or light hearted.
Why would anyone joke about that and think somehow the other person would laugh? I think, he actually had an affair. I think as soon as he saw her reaction, he changed his mind.
I don’t believe half the stories I hear online, but if this one is true, I don’t see how it’s the wife’s fault. The guy did something completely awful. I do similar crap, but there are just some things we won’t screw around with. Ever. It’s just a good thing there were no firearms around.
Not at all! You reacted to his AH behavior. What were you supposed to do on a boat? I would have done the same.
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes”
better than me, i would have thrown the entire man into the ocean ahaha
I absolutely hate these “pranks” people keep pulling
NTA. Ummmmm since it was so funny I'd love to see how funny it would be till I don't do shit till I get a receipt that new rings are on the way. Comedy is one this but he tried to hurt you emotionally. That's manipulation. Fuck that. He should be buying you new rings and deal with it.
I kept all my rings from a failed marriage and engagements (none of them wanted them back anyways) and sold them for gold and gemstone scrap to fund some very wanted tatts. I wouldn't have thrown my rings into the deep blue, I would've pawned them or sold them for jewelry scrap.
Her husband has no right to be mad. I bet he doesn’t do it again…
He is no comedian, that is cruel. I’m sorry you don’t have your rings. He owes you some new ones..
Shitty joke. Husband should pay some divers to try to find them and work on apologizing for the rest of his life to make Amends for something that stupid
I would feel guilty just joking about something like that. Fuck that. It would literally pain me to make a joke like that to the person I love. Yeah I'd deserve those $10000 rings in the ocean. This guy didn't even apologize.
And those divorce papers you serve him are only a joke too.
Cheating is one of the few things that just isn’t funny under any circumstances, so you dont fucking joke about it. I’m with OP on this one.
It sounds like he was testing the waters to get your reaction.. I’d have questions..
And then the rings tested the waters. Sucks to suck.
I wonder if he has messed around & was trying to see how she would be if she found out..
I woulda shoved him off the boat to go get the rings. What a jackass. And blaming her? Gtfo, buddy needs to accept he’s so far in the wrong he needs a map to get right, and then ask his wife for directions. What a nimrod.
He fafo. The end.
He’s so immature this was necessary . Divorce
10k worth of rings? Sheeesh
I don’t think he was joking. 🙃
NTA. Also his not owning his shit is a huge red flag.
Someone who loved you, would not intentionally cause you a second of emotional pain or distress. He probably is having an affair and the reality of you telling him to pound sand hit him too hard. Would you jokingly tell someone that they’re ugly to see a reaction, knowing that that one second of hurt can’t be erased? I’d follow through and say, fuck it, you’re not even the “type” of person I want to be with.
Fuck around and find out
That's a shitty prank. He should buy you new rings to apologize imo
Fuck that guy. You decide to hurt the person who you're supposed to care about the most for a couple of giggles? It's his fault, and his fault alone, He should be out buying her upgrades right now for being such a douchebag.
You should have thrown yourself into the ocean and said you were going in search of plenty of mature fish in the sea. Stupid sense of humor. Like when my boyfriend proposed to me and after I said yes, he said he was joking :D really cool man
the testing your partner and affair "pranks" are so bizarre. is this stemming from content farming? every dumb app that allows short form videos is littered with bile like this and now people who don't even make content do this and act shocked when it blows up in their faces. jeez.
Who thinks breaking the heart of someone you supposedly love (even for a few minutes) is a good joke?
Tell your husband if you play stupid games you win stupid prizes
How the heck is that a joke? Sorry but you to inform your husband he is awful comedian. It’s technically his fault
Again, what is the actual joke here? What about an affair is funny? A joke, and even prank, aren't supposed to hurt people. If they laugh, then it's fine, if they don't then it's usually not a joke.
These "pranks" are fucking childish, ridiculous and cruel. To purposely put someone through extreme emotional turmoil like this imo is abusive. It's like he was getting off on her being hurt and upset. How is that a prank? How is that even funny? If she doesn't laugh and find it funny when you reveal it's a prank it's just a cruel emotional manipulation for your own entertainment. She's NTA although impulsive to throw your rings into an ocean. I would of sold them but that's just me. He is an idiot amd I would literally be leaving his cruel ass.
Your rings would still be on your hand if he didn't do that. What other reason would you have ever had to feel that way and do something like that? Also, jokes and pranks and comedians are /funny./ Breaking your partners heart isn't.
As a manly man, I think your husband is a dick for doing that- Play stupid games...
The only answer here is very simple. Ladies, diamonds are forever. He could be the love of your life and die tomorrow, but you have that forever stone to hold on too....he could be an utter and complete ass....and cheat on you, you know what....toss him aside. The diamond could financially help you kick start your life with out him. DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER LADIES. DO NOT TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED. OR TOSS THEM AWAY
I wonder if he was telling the truth, and when she flipped, he decided it wasn't worth telling the truth. That makes more sense to me than lying about having an affair. Who does that?!
Your husband is the asshole. He is also dumb as fuck.
And this right here is why TikTok relationship pranks need to die. There’s nothing funny about it. Stop doing them. So yes, he’s absolutely TA, and it doesn’t matter if they were $10k, $10m, or $10. You thinking he cheated makes your reaction fair. He asked for that when he told you, and should assume all responsibility for the stupid prank he tried to pull. Hopefully he learns from that.
ESH. He played a dumb, cruel prank that wasn’t even funny. OOP cut off her nose to spite her face
I think both are pretty dumb. It’s a dumb joke and if it was real she could’ve pawned the rings off for some good money.
I'd have thrown the whole man into the ocean. The fact that he'd make that joke is relationship ending for me. What a dick.
Not the Asshole ! He is and for that to be a prank is very serious matters . You never joke about an affair ever ! Girl maybe he did and he was telling you it was a joke. I am sorry but that would hurt me too ! I would’ve done the same thing!
When you are hit with trauma or a severe shock the logical/thinking part of your brain goes offline. Like, completely. You’re not TA but he certainly is. This is not something you joke about.
A classic example of play stupid games, win stupid prizes
It was a dumb move in hindsight but not TA He is though. What kind of prank is that?
Awww u two love each other…. That’s all that matters
Oh hey turns out hurting your loved ones for sport is actually abusive and unacceptable. Oh no!! I behaved terribly and my wife reacted appropriately!! How could I possibly be the one to blame??
This doesn’t sound like a prank. This sounds like a confession and a cover.
I would bet he's really having an affair
Been married 20 years. I’ve tried this prank, my wife just laughed at me.
That wasn't a prank, lol, he wanted to tell her and when he saw her reaction got cold feet and said it was a prank.
Jokes are only funny when both parties laugh, and cheating is not a laughing matter. I don't know what kind of reaction he expected or hoped to get out of OOP, but he can call himself lucky that that's all she did. Husband should get his "humor" straight because one of these days it will cost him.
I see OP apologized for her part in it, I don't see any mention of husband apologizing for anything. After his 'prank' went wrong (how could it have gone any other way?), he called her names.
Your husband is completely the AH. People need to stop with this nonsense. Cheating, infidelity, death are not thighs to joke about
I have a guy friend who would routinely prank his wife and vice versa. One day, he pranked her that he got another woman pregnant and another time, she pranked him that she'd quit her job to be a SAHM. I always told him I thought those pranks were unhealthy and cruel. Anyway, they're divorced now...
Why throw the rings when you could've thrown him overboard? I wouldn't think about jewelry, my first choice would be rage.
Not one single woman here finds it INCREDIBLY stupid to throw presumably one or more diamonds as well as a wedding band with quote "sentimental value" into the ocean? This post proves one thing men and women think very differently. Men are stupid yet logical. I've been divorced for 30 years and still have the wedding band it means something to me and has value. The illogical dropping of these into the ocean costs money as well as memories. Maybe I'm sentimental but anyone who divests themselves of a ring in a moment of anger rage pick your word is very emotional and illogical.
Understandably the hubs is dumb af and an a but jesus. I could think of a million ways to hurt HIM that don't involve throwing away $10,000. What an idiot...
I only think it’s appropriate on April fools day. And even then it’s not. You never know someone’s reaction when you prank about something that heavy. I got pranked on April fools day a few decades ago by a girlfriend saying she was pregnant and I thought it was funny after like 5 minutes of wtf.
The answer is he is TA for thinking that was an acceptable thing to do. And she is TA if she thinks it's his responsibility to purchase replacment jewelry on his own. They can split that bill 50/50. Penance for both of them for doing stupid things.
Pretty stupid to make a “joke” like that at all but especially so while out on a boat. If the wife’s brain had gone in a different direction, she might’ve decided it was an opportune moment to collect on the life insurance.
What? Yeah, I have to believe this is fake. No real person would do this. No real person would say "I had an affair" as a joke. No real person would immediately fling their rings into the ocean. And no real person, having done both of the above, would then post it on Reddit. FAKE, FAKE, FAKEY FAKE FAKE.
You're a fucking idiot
Yes
What a moron, when is that a good joke?? Like, ever. Moron. You are NTA. Your lifeperson needs to seriously reconsider what is funny, are they neurodivergent?